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Through Their Eyes: Social Media and Middle Schoolers
97 Plays6 days ago
In this heart-to-heart episode, we sat down with a group of thoughtful and candid 6th graders to explore their personal experiences with social media. These young voices gave us a glimpse into how platforms like TikTok, Instagram, and Snapchat shape their daily lives, relationships, and mental health. From the pressures of likes and followers to the challenges of navigating online drama, their insights are both eye-opening and profound.
We explored topics like:
- The Good: How social media keeps them connected with friends and inspires creativity.
- The Bad: The pressure to compare themselves to others and maintain a "perfect" image.
- The Ugly: Cyberbullying, FOMO (fear of missing out), and the overwhelming feeling of being "always on."
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Transcript
Impact of Social Media on Teens
00:00:10
Speaker
caregivers, we all want what is best for our kids, but in today's world, we are dealing with this crazy challenge of social media. And I am just completely overwhelmed to know that our teens and our pre-teens, just by spending three hours a day on social media, are twice is arts teacher. He was the drama club director for nine years.
00:00:50
Speaker
coaching plenty of sports and so much more.
Be Kind Initiative
00:00:53
Speaker
He's gained well-deserved recognition in recent years for his Be Kind initiative. It's a movement that even ABC did a video on. He launched it during the podcast, during the pandemic, and he encouraged empathy and kindness and authenticity. And I was like, this is my kind of guy.
00:01:12
Speaker
So today, we're lucky enough that he's brought his seventh graders with
Navigating Social Media as Seventh Graders
00:01:16
Speaker
him. And these ladies are ready to get raw and real. They're gonna share their experiences, their struggles, their insight, and more on navigating social media. Jonathan Shanks, hello. Oh my goodness, I should wake up to Krista just announcing me. That would be awesome. Every morning. Oh my gosh, Jonathan Shanks. Welcome. How great would that be? You are one of my favorite all-time beings because years ago you reached out. I have a charity here in the Hudson Valley for those of you in Argentina listening. Which is pretty interesting that we're doing in social media. Do you remember how we met? Social media.
Positive Outcomes of Social Media
00:01:59
Speaker
We met on social media. So there are positives to social media or I wouldn't be here doing the 90s song I just did about Krista announcing me waking up. right Right, which is dating you and I because you and I did not grow up with social media. We did not. Like these kids did. But you asked me to help you. Thank you. You were doing things during the pandemic. Thank you. No, honestly, you're like, I just have this group and they're spreading kindness. And I was like, tell me more, not only about these these students, but tell me more about this teacher, because that's what we need in this life. Right. Because in some cases, all students have
00:02:35
Speaker
for positive influence is a teacher. And man, Jonathan, you're such a good one. Well, I appreciate it. i We do something at school. It's called the Positivity Project. And the kids are like, did you know you wanted to be a teacher when you were younger? And I said, I hated teachers. So no no, no, no, absolutely not. If you told my middle school self I would be standing here with seventh graders talking about social media, I would have laughed in your face. What did you want to do?
00:03:01
Speaker
want to be a sports writer maybe even sportscaster okay and then i realized i didn't want to be somebody that talked negatively about someone because i love sports which is interesting because we're here we're here some often social media they're talking negatively about an athlete an athlete can go you know nine for ten hitting at the plate and they're like that one about was terrible Wow. yeah Did you hear them have a voice in radio? I don't know. I just went to like 1926. But that that that was good. That was good. And so you, you know, are helping these students really find themselves. I mean, the ladies that we have in the room today, um I think they would all attest, ladies, would you attest that Mr.
The Positivity Project
00:03:42
Speaker
Shanks is making a huge difference in your lives? What do you think?
00:03:45
Speaker
Yes, we have got so many ladies here and they they they have a lot to say and you know, I Think that there's the good the bad and the ugly of social media. I agree We've talked on the podcast with a clinical um ah a executive Jennifer Green is amazing and she's kind of gone into all of these positive and negatives of social media and then I'm like wait we really need to hear from our young you know um generation because they're the ones that are experiencing it.
00:04:18
Speaker
And there's definitely some great things. Oh, definitely. That's how we met. Right. And then there's the negative. Definitely some some not great things, but I've got a lot of ladies in the room. I mean, ladies, come on over to my phones and take over, ladies. They want to listen to you, not me. Here we go. We're going to talk about some great things. But before the ladies start talking about that, I want to be transparent here. We actually recorded them a few minutes ago and on this podcast, we said we're never editing. We're never in.
00:04:43
Speaker
They walked in the room this morning and they were so bubbly and they were ready to go and they get on the podcast and they all just clammed up. And halfway through it, I was like, nope, we're not doing this. We are stopping and we are restarting. What is going on? And through all of this, you know, the theme was I'm afraid of how I'm going to sound and what someone from my school is going to hear. And I'm afraid. And I'm like, the struggle is so real.
00:05:12
Speaker
So we are re-recording, this is take two, which we never do here, but we're doing it because, you know, as you guys were listening to this podcast, I want you to think about how you felt when you were in seventh grade and your body is changing, your likes are changing, your friendships are changing, your hormones are crazy. Your hair is not on point no matter what you do. I mean, ladies, you all look good today. They all just gave me the dirtiest of looks.
00:05:41
Speaker
You know what I mean? So they have so much going on. I want you guys to remember that when they are talking authentically because it is hard as an adult to be vulnerable. These students are coming out today to be vulnerable.
Opportunities from Social Media
00:05:55
Speaker
But you know, yeah and there's a lot of challenges to social media, but we have to start on some of the great things about social media. Ladies, do like any of you say, there is something on social media that I love. Like what do you love?
00:06:08
Speaker
um I love the opportunities that social media can like provide for people. and Meaning what? Like I know a lot of sports like having a sports account can help like recruiters decide who they want for their college teams and it could just help provide like a lot of resources for the kids when they're older. Sure, that's good. What else? um Like really like the ways like you could connect with people because you can like find new people to talk to you and you can like even find your like closest friend. You can also find some crazy people out there girl. I'm just saying. So you can find people to talk to, you get a lot of information, you are out there for colleges and stuff because they're all doing it. What else? There's got to be more ways than two, more things than two.
00:06:56
Speaker
I like how you could find like a lot of like life hacks on there. like That could have really help you. like I know it sounds like corny. That is so true. I know it sounds like corny, but they like really helped me with a bunch of stuff. All right, so hold on. Can you think of a life hack right now? Can anybody think of a life hack that they saw and they were this many days old and they figured, okay, go ahead. So like I found one. It was like how to make your shirt fit you better?
00:07:24
Speaker
No, no, no, no. I saw a video. No, she's lying. I gave that to her. No, I saw a video. Stop lying. It's like, lie. There's some lying going on, but that's OK. It's not really lying. It's fine. We're fibbing. And so wait. And so how do you make the shirt look better on you? Tell me. OK, so.
00:07:41
Speaker
Yeah, ah okay. You're good. So you get a hair tie. Yeah, basically like tie your shirt in a ponytail and like you like flip it up. It looks weird on some people. It looks good on some people. I think it looks pretty good. Ladies, I know I was doing this when I was six. She's not talking about the hack. Okay, so that's a different one. She told me like last year. Yes, but I found a video. Okay. And what he are you talking about?
00:08:02
Speaker
So I was talking about like, you take like a round bracelet, like a metal one, and then you like stick it in your shirt, and then you tie it there, so that it makes your shirt more tight and fitted, yet in the back it doesn't look stupid, like it looks like it's a part of the design. I gotcha. So it's like a little tail on the back of your shirt, like it's a cute thing, it's like a popular thing. It's not a tail.
00:08:23
Speaker
right let's just get a little it just little good okay when When we're done today, um can you guys text me the life hacks so I can see it? What else is a positive thing for social
Fashion Inspiration and Negatives
00:08:33
Speaker
media? um For me, like I love fashion. I love modeling. I love all of that. So like I get a lot of outfit information and inspiration from there. Yes. All right. And in a little bit, I want to talk about what the negative could be from this fashion stuff, right? But you can, even like on ah on a like if you don't have a great budget,
00:08:53
Speaker
Right? So like if you don't have a good budget, like people will like say, Oh, I got this at Walmart. And you're like, that's, and that's really cute. Like you also can find, right? Like styles for cheap and you can find all this great stuff. What else? Maybe like meeting new people on like social media that you really like connect with and that you can like talk to like maybe people that aren't in your like real life, like world, but people that like you don't know in person, but you can talk to them online and you know, like that they'll just like listen.
00:09:22
Speaker
So sometimes it's great to get to know somebody before you meet somebody, right? Like you can get to know somebody before you meet face to face. You can know a lot about them. What else? yeah What do we got? There's got to be a few more positives before we start getting into your struggles. girls Go ahead, take a microphone. like one Just say move.
00:09:43
Speaker
What do we got? um I think there's like some positives on like how you can find different different recipes for things like baking, cooking. Oh my gosh, I do that all the time. ah yeah Do you have any good recipes because you and I need to talk about that after too.
00:09:58
Speaker
I have like a good brownie recipe. Okay. And can I tell you ladies, I don't know if it's on your feed, but it will be now because I'm going to say the word sourdough bread. I am making my own sourdough bread and my own sourdough cinnamon buns in my feed is covered with it, which also means also means.
00:10:18
Speaker
Right? If you are looking at things, this algorithm normally gives you what you're spending a lot of time on. So if we're in a funk and we're spending our time on some not so positive things, we might be seeing a lot of that. So then I try to change it and it'll be like puppies and rainbows and doggies. And then like, I'll see that. And I'm like, this is fantastic. Positive. Any other positive things that we can talk about.
00:10:45
Speaker
Um, well, this one might just be for me, but like not' fucking people through a screen, like I'm not talking about like in like direct messages. I could just be like normal messages. Yeah. Like if I'm just texting somebody, I feel more comfortable texting somebody more than talking to them in person. If that makes more sense.
00:11:02
Speaker
that can be a great thing and that also can be a tough thing when you don't have the social skills. Then when you're in real life, you're like, my daughter, my daughter ah like dated a boy. I don't even know how this is possible. You guys have to tell me like dated the boy that she hadn't like you know, seeing face-to-face for like three weeks or something. Like, right? Like, and and and you know, then they were face-to-face and then they talked great on text messaging and had nothing to say when they were in my house. I was like, what in the world is happening?
00:11:40
Speaker
So is it sometimes awkward to talk? Yeah, you ladies are saying yes. But all right, we're going to get into all that too. These are all things you got to think about when we get to the what are the challenges positive. Do we have any more positive? Go ahead. Um, it also helps like they I know younger age kids shouldn't really be on social media But when they are the like they have like a soft spot for younger kids And I'll be scrolling and I'll see like a kid asking for help and all the comments are like trying to help them Well, it honestly depends what they post because sometimes they're just like getting right like it it's so bad But sometimes they actually get the help that they need and they get like a lot of comments So sometimes when people need help, it's a great way to reach out because there's a lot of compassion and people around. All right. All right.
Healthy Social Media Usage
00:12:26
Speaker
This is what I'm going to ask you guys. What do you think is a healthy amount of time to be on social media a day? Just give me some answers. Yeah, I feel like one to like two hours. And do you do that? No, not at all. move on Next, somebody else get over to the microphone. How many hours do you think would be healthy?
00:12:49
Speaker
I think maybe like one hour or like 45 minutes. And how many hours are you on? Maybe seven. Yep, yep, yep. Okay, Eva, what do you got? I think a healthy amount of time is like, yeah, one to two hours. One to two hours, healthy, healthy. Are we all in the greens there? Yeah. All right, let me ask you this. Go ahead. No, no, finish. I spend like one, well, I spend like an hour to 30 minutes, but like my sister, she spends like five hours. And I bet there's like, I bet, are you around the family more? Are you doing things more? See, like you, you have freed yourself up and have more time and you Sophia are not in the norm, which is okay because we like people to live their own authentic, unique life. All right. Here's the question. I need you to be honest. Cause all of you begged for a phone and most of you probably got the phone for middle school. That's what I'm guessing. Do you feel though that you were mature enough to handle it?
Maturity and Early Use of Social Media
00:13:49
Speaker
I think so, yeah. Sophia thinks so because she really is only on for 30 minutes a day. I think so. All right. You can like contact your parents like if you need help. like You could just contact them as soon as you can. OK. I'll take a few more comments on that. Go ahead. Come on over to microphones. Wait, what was the question? she She has Krista, ADD. Do you think that getting a phone in middle school, do you think you were ready for that?
00:14:16
Speaker
um i I think so. But I also feel like there's a lot of people around us who weren't. And there could be like, smart ways to use your phone that can be for the better. Like if there's an emergency at school, like Sophia said, I think it was her. You could contact your parents. But there's some people who use it just to like, embarrass other people. Sure. So they're not mature enough. Yeah, right. I'll take one more answer on that. What do you think?
00:14:43
Speaker
I feel like that like I got a phone when I was like really little when I was like around like four like contact my parents like if there's in case like ever emergency but I feel like um I know why parents usually like wait to give them a phone to make sure like they don't um like ever feel like self-conscious about themselves like from the internet or like social media and stuff yeah to like keep them away from that until like they're a little more mature and older for it but I think it's good that you get a phone like that can't have social media on it that can just like have contacts and stuff on it so then you can like contact your parents and stuff but like social media at a young age isn't like so good it really is and you know what I think
00:15:28
Speaker
I'm going to have you guys back in your high school years again, because I want to re-ask this question. You guys being in middle school, you're all like, yeah, this is smart. I can handle this. But you may in four years feel differently. You may say, gosh, I really wish I didn't have that. You know, I mean, as much as if you guys don't have a phone, you're you're you're you're kind of left out now. ah One more on on that topic. Yes.
00:15:53
Speaker
I wanted to agree with what Julia said, because I had gotten a phone when I was really young, because I i would always like get hand-me-down phones, so I always had one. But I do agree with what she said, because I do feel like I became self-conscious of myself at a really young age, when I shouldn't have been. like I should have just been enjoying my childhood. But I feel like that also caused like me to be as mature as I am like today, and how I act.
00:16:21
Speaker
Okay, so for us as parents, it's important that like we're really thinking this through and monitoring this and then right giving you guys healthy ways to use the phone. right like That's important, um which you know I really didn't do because right the the whole phone thing came about as my children you know we're we're were growing up.
00:16:42
Speaker
And so I definitely as a parent did not navigate that well. And you know, I know that you ladies are chomping at the bits to talk about the challenges of social media in the phone. So I want to go through a few topics because I wrote some things down that I was assuming you guys would want to talk about. And then when we were chatting about this off mic, you were really passionate about so many of these things. So we have a lot of positive. And it's important that we say that. Because if you use the phone in the right way, it can do a lot of great things. It can be a great communication piece. But it can also be negative. So my question to you ladies is, I haven't even asked the question yet. And they're raising their hands, they're like, it is go time, Mrs. Jones. Have you ever seen something on social media that makes you feel bad
Self-Esteem and Comparison
00:17:41
Speaker
about yourself? And and and what is that? And we're gonna start with, who has not gone, really? Who has not gone? You guys have kind of all gone. All right, we're gonna go with we're gonna go with Eva. You come over here too, get over there. And we're gonna, you guys, the two of you, whoever wants to go first, go.
00:17:59
Speaker
What is something on social media ladies that has made you feel bad about yourself? um Like if someone posted a picture of like how their hair is or like during the summertime how girls post like their tans and everything like that and like so their pictures and in their bathing suits and their tans by the beach, by the pool, their bodies, their physical appearance. Who here wants to add to that? Because I'm telling you right now, ding, ding, ding. If we were on Family Feud, that would have had the most answers. Come on up to the microphone. Come on up. Just start coming up. You guys talk amongst yourself and talk to me about that. Talk to me about your physical appearance and what happens when you see pictures on social media
00:18:48
Speaker
of other women, other other students, other friends your age. Um, I think like since like I have curly hair, like if I see other people with like different hair types, I'll always be like, Oh, I wish I had like hair like them and like try to do like their hairstyles that they're doing, but I can't because I have different, cause I have a different hair type. And it sometimes like makes me still feel self-conscious sometimes because like, I'm not like everybody else. Like nobody has like the same looks or personality or anything.
00:19:19
Speaker
So you're feeling you're left out because you don't have hair like some of these people do that you think look so beautiful. yeah You're struggling and you're having a hard time embracing yourself for how beautiful. And let me tell you for all of you listening, she's beautiful. How beautiful you really are.
00:19:40
Speaker
What else, these pictures, what talk to me about that. It's really sad to say, but like when I see other girls in outfits that I think look really good, really good on like them, I think to myself, like I couldn't like look like that because the way I am, the way I look, I feel like sometimes it could be hard to see myself as pretty.
00:20:03
Speaker
Well, but that's, that's, that's what you guys all struggle with. And you know, what's so interesting, these girls that are on social media, I'm i'm treating you guys right now, like you're my own kids, like I'm about to cry. But these girls that are on social media, they do struggle with that, you don't see that. But they do struggle with that. And, you know, listen, you guys have to You have to face these ah some of these pictures in these outfits that are really showing so much like all of that is is you shouldn't even try to compete with that. You shouldn't even need to compete with that. You're your own unique person with your own unique style. Go ahead.
00:20:47
Speaker
um I feel like seeing like all these girls posting videos of themselves on TikTok and stuff, and then I know a lot of us like post ourselves. We try to do that, and then like the comments they're the comments are always nice. like They're bound to be fake on the internet, because they're scared of the screen between them. But when we like get face to face, they're like talking about us to our friends. And I mean, like i don't I don't think any of us care if it's a guy. like they're bound to be annoying. I don't care. But it hurts more when like, it's a girl doing it. Because just knowing like it's a girl to girl, like we're supposed to have each other's back and knowing that they're gonna talk about someone for them just trying to be themselves and have fun. Like that can really hurt. Absolutely. Because we are females we face
00:21:39
Speaker
so many challenges. We all know because we all face them. So why in the world aren't we building each other up? Why are we knocking each other down? Um, for me, I feel like it might be like jealousy. Like I feel like everybody has some sort of jealousy towards somebody. How often do you guys see filtered pictures? Would you say that most pictures are filtered all? that Yeah.
00:22:06
Speaker
How do you guys feel about helping me start this trend where where we do a lot less filtering? I would love to do that. Do you feel if you did that, that p that would catch on? Do you feel that you really can't do that because, you know, you would do it or you wouldn't do it? I would do it. But I feel like what the people were surrounded by, like just in like the 845 in general, like it's just the girls like they're bound to just like they want validation from people around them. And that means like their filters and being who they're not.
00:22:41
Speaker
Sure. And it's not just here. I mean, this is a worldwide problem. We're here in the Hudson Valley. For those of you that are listening, not to make the ladies in the room nervous, but people download this podcast in Australia, in Argentina. Yeah, it's really cool. So people are going to hear you from other countries and say, girls,
00:23:01
Speaker
We are facing that here too. This podcast is ah kind of an extension of the charity that I have, which is called Sparrow's Nest. And because I have this charity and I'm exhausted, and like I shower every three days sometimes because I'm so tired as a mom, I said, I gotta to do a podcast because we need to live our most unfiltered life. And that is why we're here today. And we're talking to these amazing women that come from Todd Middle School here in the Spackenkill School District.
00:23:29
Speaker
And right now we're dealing with appearance um and how you ladies know right that comparison is the stealer of joy. like Do you know what that means? Comparing yourself to others, it steals your joy because you're also comparing yourself to something that's fake yeah in most cases.
00:23:48
Speaker
So how do these images on social media, you would you guys say it mostly is a physical thing for you that breaks your self-esteem? Yeah, come on up. I want to hear from all of you. I do. I want everybody's opinion on this because you may have different opinions and that's really okay too.
00:24:08
Speaker
I think sometimes it's like, only like if someone posts a video of them like doing like a mental health day, I'll think, oh, I wish I could do that. But like there's always like someone or something that's like holding me back from doing it. And they'll think, oh, you're so weird for um trying like trying to like take care of yourself. But they won't say it in like that way. But they'll like mean it like that.
00:24:31
Speaker
and it's like kind of hard to like because then I don't want people to think that I'm weird for like taking care of myself but then like it's like but I feel like the best thing you can do how old are you 13 the fact that you're 13 years old and you know that you need to take care of yourself before you take care of anybody else is like uh you I think I learned that like two years ago. So like that is an amazing, that's an amazing statement. And that is true. You guys have to take care of your own mental health. And you know, one of you had said, you know, well, it's really hard for us to do unfiltered post and like to to tell our truth online because everybody has it all together.
Pretending on Social Media
00:25:18
Speaker
And I think that if you guys really think about that, you
00:25:24
Speaker
you You have stories in your own school of of of mental health issues with with with friends of yours that you've even said, oh my gosh, I didn't know that. They look like they have it all together. How exhausting is it for you to pretend like everything is fine?
00:25:43
Speaker
Is that what you guys do most of the time? Talk, let me hear. So for me, like this was like last year, this time. like That was like one of the hardest like years, like months, moments of my life. like For me, I was so i was like struggling. like i don't even I can't even be able to explain. like Everything was hard for me. And then like now, I'm doing so much better than I was, and it feels so good to like make progress and be proud of myself.
00:26:10
Speaker
But it's so it's so lonely when you have to fake that you're okay. And that whole time I was speaking like I was okay, like I was laughing at school and nothing was fine. It really wasn't. It wasn't. And I think sometimes too, when you guys see these other posts, you know, and you're thinking, oh, they have their life together.
00:26:31
Speaker
You can remember that you're also faking it and you don't have your life together. And man, I don't have my life together. It is so easy for us to forget that we're all faking it. And maybe if we just said, there's no way we can all have it together, right? Like we got to keep reminding ourselves of that. What did you need to do?
00:26:53
Speaker
What made it change for you but so that this year you feel so much better other than other than the amazing Mr. Shanks and being part of all his cool projects? We know that's part of it.
00:27:05
Speaker
um One thing for me is like being myself and not changing for like other people. Because what happened last year is I changed myself for getting how cool that I am like naturally. yeah Not to flex. But you are cool, and now you're you're you're you're on social media thinking the cool standard is something that really isn't even you. And then you're trying to fight that.
00:27:31
Speaker
That is amazing, come on up, yeah. Yeah. um I feel like throughout my life, I've been through so much which also had caused me to um like mature at a really young age. And I always felt like I had no one to talk about it. I would always try to hide it, except one person didn't always knew when I was hiding it, which was Mr. Shanks.
00:27:57
Speaker
But I feel like even with friends I can know them for my whole life and trust them as much as I can but I feel like I can't ever open up to that because they they just wouldn't understand as much as like Certain people would and that's why last year when we first came to the middle school I didn't really like talking to the teachers Because I just couldn't I didn't like tears. It's hard. It's middle school.
00:28:21
Speaker
but I joined Drama Club and that's when I met Mr. Shanks and then we had him this year for Avid and I feel like this year I opened up so much and he knows so much about me that like a lot of my really close friends don't and it just feels good to like actually know someone won't judge me and I can like open up and talk about what I went through when I was younger Can I ask you something else? When you put things in writing to friends and you text them and stuff too, you guys have this, this whole fear too, that anything you say and write can be screenshotted, right? And then spread around and and used against you. Does that also make you a little afraid to to trust in the social media world?
00:29:14
Speaker
Of course it does. yeah I mean, there's no way I can go like, I can't be myself when I'm talking to people because I'm scared. They're gonna like screenshot it and then the next day the whole school is talking about it. And that's like the worst part of middle school. Everyone has connections with everyone, especially in our school because it's small. So one like slip up the whole school knows and that it really affects people and I really hate how our school does it but But you know, in every school, it's the same in every school because we're dealing we're dealing with, you know, um we're dealing with you guys who have to watch everything you write. And that also must be exhausting. How do you guys feel about that?
00:30:04
Speaker
Right? Like, like everything you're about to say, do you ever notice you start writing something and then you have to backspace and then you have to like how how does how does that affect you? um I mean, it causes us to be a lot more scared. I know you mentioned how we restarted. And the main reason we had to restart is because all of us were scared to talk, knowing what people might think of us. I like I still kind of am, but like I really don't care. But It's just hard knowing when people can hear stuff and just our phones can screen record, they can take screenshots. like It's just hard trying to speak your truth knowing that at least one person's gonna judge you no matter what you do.
00:30:49
Speaker
And you have to get to a place where you don't care if they judge you, right? You have to be the best you can be.
Fear of Missing Out
00:30:55
Speaker
And then whatever anyone else does can't be your problem. But you bring up a good point, screen recordings and all of that. And you know, these ladies, as I said earlier in the podcast, these ladies, we ended up redoing it. And, and and you know, they said, you know, I don't know people that I know are going to hear this. And I said, well, good.
00:31:15
Speaker
Because if anybody, any of your friends, or anybody in your school, or anybody in schools around the world hears this, and if they're honest with themselves, they absolutely feel this. They just may not admit it. So how brave of you to be the one that comes on this program to the 933,000 people that are gonna listen to this. No, ladies, it's not anywhere near that. But if I say it, maybe that would come true. that would be Fantastic. And they're going to hear what you have to say. It like makes me really nervous when I'm like typing or texting to someone or because it's happened to me. I go to CCD, which is like a religious school every Tuesday. So what happened to me, I was on the phone with one of my friends and I just started to open up because I had really bad family problems, especially with my dad because my parents are divorced. They divorced when I was younger.
00:32:11
Speaker
um but it like really hurts because um I always look back on photos and videos and when they were together and it like really hurts me to know that just in an in instant it was all gone so like I started to open up to my friend and I was telling her everything and I didn't even know that she took a screenshot of me crying and she like released it to the whole class and it's like a big big school it's eighth grade to like kindergarten all in one school and she just like released it to everybody and I didn't know yet because I don't have snapchat and she put it on her story like hey look at this girl she's crying over nothing
00:32:55
Speaker
And I was like, but you don't know what it feels like because her parents aren't divorced. I was like, you don't know what it feels like because I always just look back on those photos because they're hanging up in my my room. Everywhere I go, I always see a photo and like it really, really hurts to just look at it. And even if you were crying over getting a bad grade, somebody took your sadness and exposed it.
00:33:25
Speaker
And it's happened to me multiple, multiple times. It's happened to me about like 10 times. Is this something that? It's like it's a different person every time because as soon as they do it and I find out I just like stop being friends with them completely because I've noticed that it's.
00:33:42
Speaker
it's bad for me and every time they do it I like get more and more like to myself and I feel like I have to know someone for like a year or two before I can like really start to open up to them because I was really easy to like get into and be friendly too so that's what happened and it just like really hurt me and everybody in class was making fun of me they knew me as the girl who cried and over nothing because she didn't tell them what I was crying over and then another time I was texting um a different person. Same thing, she screenshotted it and put it out to everybody.
00:34:20
Speaker
If it makes you feel any better, I cry every day. And I'm so sorry. Ugh. You know, I think if you're listening right now, I mean, just the struggles that these kids go through, the facts.
00:34:39
Speaker
I am mentally exhausted on social media. I cannot imagine living at a time when you're young and you have to not only watch what you're typing, but now you're screen recorded and things go up and there's videos. And so we deal a lot with all of that in our, so we've talked a little bit about how the physical appearance and your self-esteem. And we all know that a lot of times when people put out their fake Not true, it's filtered. We all want to show the best, right? It's our clip notes. And we also talked about screenshots and our emotions and all of that, but can we talk a little bit about the fear of missing out? It's a thing. Ladies, when I was young and Jenny didn't invite me to her fifth grade birthday party,
00:35:35
Speaker
I didn't know about it so everybody went to the birthday party on Friday night and on Monday they forgot about the birthday so nobody was really talking about it and I just didn't know now you guys know in real time you guys know If you're not invited somewhere, you guys know if you thought somebody's your friend and then you see them with your your love interest. Like, you know, how does that feel? Because one of the good things you said about social media is it's immediate. You can connect immediately. You can communicate immediately. But communicating immediately and seeing some of this stuff immediately isn't good.
00:36:17
Speaker
um i feel like i always had like i was always missing out when i was younger i would either just like not get invited or something like i don't know like if everyone did it but my younger classes like we used to hand out invent invitations and i would either just not get one or i couldn't go because all my family's really busy we didn't grow up like bougie like a lot of spatula kids did so all my family were in general yeah Yeah, we had a bunch like we're they were just trying to get by so I could never go and then as I got older and like this still goes on I still never can get rides anywhere but
00:36:59
Speaker
Oh, OK. Her friend behind her goes, hey, I'll give you a ride. A lot of my friends give me rides because I have to ask. Yes. Yes. Just seeing like when I can't go and then seeing all my friends posting and like having fun with everyone. and I'm like. I mean, I couldn't go like I try as hard as I can to go so I don't miss out. And then I can't. And all my friends are posting, like having fun, laughing with all their friends. And I'm just like sitting at my house like.
00:37:26
Speaker
OK, well, you did that and I was in bed sleeping, so. Right, because you couldn't get out, which is a good point, too, right? We don't know people's circumstances and we should maybe think about that, like these parties and all these things. And, you know, and in other ways that we can offer to bring people places, that's the reason they can't go. But, you know, what if you were just left out like you were just left out?
00:37:54
Speaker
That's awful. That's hurtful. And it's hard to process that in real time, especially as a middle schooler.
00:38:02
Speaker
um when like at least when I get left out, it like it really hurts. And even it's just like having certain stuff. like Other people have that and you don't. like I don't have social media, but I see how it changes people. but I understand what we're talking about, but every other people have it. And like I'm missing out, so like I don't know what the latest trend is or what everybody else is doing. And you know people are like posting videos like of them doing stuff And I'm missing out. Like, what Sarah said, like, I'm home. Like, they didn't even bother to ask or anything.
00:38:38
Speaker
And I know right now it feels for you, right? Frustrating because you aren't on social media, but I can just tell you as a grown adult, it has affected my mental health so much. And I'm stuck on it because I have a charity and I need to feed patients. So I'm kind of stuck here.
00:39:02
Speaker
But I can tell you that one day, I really hope you look back and go, it was the best thing my parents could do to protect me. And listen, I know parents, you know we have a lot of reasons to give our kids the phones, and and we're doing it, and we're all doing the best that we can. But I'll just tell you a quick story, because the ladies are being very vulnerable, and you know there's there's a lot of um joy, sadness going on. When this was all going on with my own children, we were you know I was trying to figure it all out. and they were in their rooms and I didn't really set parameters at all, I don't know, they were just up there. And my fifth grader at the time, I just kept noticing that she was more and more withdrawn and she was in her room and she didn't have social media, but her sisters did. So her sisters would let her on the phone and they would kind of, I think her sisters were, I don't know, they maybe got phones when they were in sixth grade, seventh grade, I can't remember.
00:39:54
Speaker
And so she would see all these you know things. And what I didn't realize for her is i I wasn't really putting any parental controls on any of it. And she was just taking the phone. She was looking at things and she was doing things. And um one of my children,
00:40:12
Speaker
I ended up with an eating disorder because of it. ah Because, you know, there were pictures of her out there. There were events that happened to her in school. And there was just a bunch of things. And I'm not going to get into her personal life, but I am here to say that it was just she felt so negatively about herself that she could never look at herself for how beautiful she was.
00:40:34
Speaker
So sick she got that we almost hospitalized her. She was very, very thin. And, you know, it was a wake up call to me as a parent. So I want to talk about that, parents, before we wrap it up. What can what do you want us as parents to know? Like, what do you wish we would have done? What do you wish we would do? What do you need from us so that you can feel safe?
00:41:04
Speaker
Go ahead. Whoever wants to talk first. They all want to say something about us. I'm ready. Bring it on. I wish like they like knew or like feel like feel how like much we're struggling and like to like not like get mad about at us when we're trying to explain like our feeling and everything and just like take it like towards them like actually just like You want us to listen more than react and solve the problem, but you want us to listen to you. yeah You want us to take time to listen. That makes sense. What else? Um, I feel like kind of what Rihanna said, just being listened to helps a lot. Cause I know a lot of kids around our age, like try to hide stuff from their parents. I know I do it. Like we try to hide stuff cause we're scared of like getting in trouble. And I just like,
00:42:00
Speaker
I want to be listened to and like understood. and One day, like when I have my own kids, I want them to be able to come to me and like tell me what's going on. I don't want them to be like hidden away from what I can't see. So if we were gentler, if we if we listened with an open heart and didn't make you feel afraid to come to us, that would make things easier. Social media, what do you wish that a parent would do?
00:42:29
Speaker
I wish that, like, my parents would, like, know how much, like, some, like, subtle, like, words, like, hurt sometimes. Okay. There's trigger words. Yeah. And, like, how that, like, when I was younger, like, my parents are divorced, too. And, like, those, like, subtle things that they took me, like, that I, like, seen in my house and stuff, they, like,
00:42:55
Speaker
like Kind of like affect me now because like I know the things that will happen like when I get older and like I feel like Sometimes it's just like too much and like parents like me to like listen to us more and like get us like help and stuff but instead they just like kind of get mad sometimes and Like I wish they more so and I think his parents too and this is not to excuse us right but we We ah were overwhelmed in trying to figure out the best ways to help you. And, you know, situations are different and there's broken homes and there's there's there's so many things to navigate as single parents and as parents of multiple children and and and and working parents, right? Like, I think, too, it would be great
00:43:47
Speaker
For us to put our own phones down I'm gonna say that is somebody that needs to do that because yes, I do play Candy Crush every once in a while ladies I do and I am on social media um Not only for my business, but then I do get in the rabbit
Parental Understanding and Support
00:44:04
Speaker
hole. So I think his parents too, right? We can't just tell you you can't be on social media you need to get outside you need to if like we're always on social media what else can we do as parents what do you wish that we would do i wish parents like knew how different it was um compared to now then like back then when like parents were in high school and yeah of school because they didn't really have cell phones
00:44:28
Speaker
Yeah, but that's why you're doing this right because I I can't imagine it. You're all saying it and I'm watching it unfold. And I am telling you that young Krista Jones would not have survived.
00:44:43
Speaker
Very different. They use phones to come back at people or go towards people yeah instead of like but verbally? Yeah. I was this adorable little chunky monkey child. I was so cute. I was. And you know I was bullied in in in ways that they did back then. But oh my goodness, I could not.
00:45:06
Speaker
handle another layer of that. I cannot imagine the layer that children have to face. So I think we we try to understand it. It's just so tough to understand it. But really, that's why you guys are here today. And this is the service that you're doing just for all of us. You're reiterating what we kind of know, but as uncomfortable it is for us as adults to hear, we have to hear.
00:45:30
Speaker
um so like I like wish my parents, because my dad, he doesn't know what it's like to be like this in middle school. He was in middle school once though. he I know it seems hard to believe. he Like right now my parents, they don't like understand what it's like.
00:45:48
Speaker
my mom kind of does, and she does everything in her power to help me, but I wish she would just like understand more. Because even now, if i I didn't tell her that this kid was making fun of me, because they would call me all sorts of names because of where I'm from, um they called me such rude names and everything like that.
00:46:10
Speaker
ah um but like my mom she understands but my dad not really and my mom does everything she can she takes me out to places i want i want to go to but i just wish that we did it more often because at some point she understands but at some point she just does it and she just starts screaming and yelling well you know here's what i think ladies too I think that you guys have to tell us, you have to look us in the face. You have to say, I need 10 minutes. I need you mom for 10 minutes to listen to me. Right? Like if you, if you
00:46:56
Speaker
look at us with this look and you say, stop, I just need you to stop and I need you to listen. I am sad. I am struggling. I am seeing things on social media. I am, whatever it is, I think sometimes you need to say it because sometimes we need to hear it. I'm not making an excuse for all of our busy lives, but sometimes it's what we need to do. So ladies, I want to say thank you guys.
00:47:24
Speaker
for coming here today was amazing. But before we go, I do want to talk about a few things. Mr. Shanks, I just want to say you, you just have some great. Oh, my gosh. Can I talk with a student crying in front of you? i that Yeah. Wow. Like, I want us to talk about.
00:47:49
Speaker
how we can now like move forward because you know you have these conversations and I don't want to leave without us like having having these great tools that that we can use. And I think what we heard from these girls is they need boundaries. We as parents have to set boundaries for them.
00:48:07
Speaker
100% we do whatever that looks like in your house and you may be a jerk for doing it But you have to set boundaries and sometimes that means I mean you you heard them they They're on their phone at 2 a.m. If you leave it in their room, maybe you don't leave it in their room yeah I can't speak to that as a teacher. I have a four-year-old and a yeah three-year-old, but i can I can't talk to this as a middle school teacher. What I know helps kids, and that is we cannot change social media. So that is that's 100%. 100%. And too often we are telling the kids, yes, social media is bad, but we know that. um But we can help them.
00:48:45
Speaker
you know sure You can give them self-love, you can give them the understanding that difficulty is on its way. it is headed It's headed in our direction. We don't know when, we don't know how, we don't know where. But to be tougher than the moment that's headed for you is, I don't know, something that, and I'm not perfect at it, and if there's an ex-middle schooler I've taught and I tried my best, I apologize if it was the maybe the one that didn't work. but Trying to empower them to navigate a world that is difficult Knowing that that difficult world is going to judge them knowing that that difficult world is going to do negativity and having the opportunity to say I love me and I love how smart I am I love how strong I am and the girls today also showed and I wish this podcast was a film that the love that they were showing each other after coming up and Yeah, they were hugging each other. There was some good tears. there was And you know I think too, ah you know helping them to you know follow influencers and helping them you know so that their algorithms or algorithms change, right?
00:49:52
Speaker
helping them to have more of a positive newsfeed, you know, in their Instagrams and and TikToks and in and and all of this, because you're right. we Social media is out there and we are not getting rid of it. And we certainly, even though we can limit it, it would be great if, you know, we can help them fill it with some more positive things.
00:50:14
Speaker
Well, and even if our goal after our mess up for the first part of this, it was not a mess. It was a burning saying the girls I'm saying myself because then I ended up going to that 1920s voice I used. Oh, ah girl that was good. OK, is if we were able to get one person to listen to this, maybe that one person is making the impact that we were looking for. And um my daughter is about to be five. So the girls I told them just to talk to her and they love her.
00:50:41
Speaker
which my wife and I appreciate. But um yeah, it always starts with one. i mean that's the And I guarantee you, it's one of these seven girls that are behind me right now. If you heard their stories, I mean, many times I've cried in this room right now looking at them and telling them how proud I am. ah Getting them to navigate this world as smart, strong, tough, empathetic people, that's, I think, in my opinion, where it comes from. And I've always been a big advocate for seventh graders.
00:51:09
Speaker
So having great girls, too, there is there's something about them. And I don't think the world appreciates them enough. I think that everybody's middle school experience was so difficult that they don't want to come back to it. Yeah, but they need you and you need them. I think that we I learned that today would have just confirmed in my career. And I'm sure you felt the same.
00:51:28
Speaker
Absolutely and I think too that you know if you're listening this is not just the rare opinion of seven girls this is the opinion of every middle school girl whether she is telling you that or she is not telling you that there are struggles and social media can be a positive place if we help them as adults navigate that or it can be a negative place if we as parents and just adults in their lives are not on top of it and you know guiding them the best way that we can to make the best decisions. I agree.
Guiding Children in Social Media Use
00:52:04
Speaker
It's been a good day.
00:52:06
Speaker
Thank you for joining us on Exhausted Sparrows Unites. We heard from some incredible young voices today, and I hope that their stories remind you of the immense power and responsibility that we have to help the next generation in a world where social media shapes so much of our kids' lives. It's really easy to forget that beneath the likes and the shares.
00:52:32
Speaker
We have their self-worth that we really need to be thinking about. So as parents and educators and role models, the messages we send need to really be about kindness and authenticity. The challenge is not just limiting screen time, it's about listening to their voices, understanding their struggles, and supporting them in a way that fosters both connection.
00:52:55
Speaker
and confidence. So let's make this promise to our kids. We're gonna listen, we're gonna guide, we're gonna help them grow into the authentic people they're meant to be. Let's keep the dialogue going for the future. Until next time, take care of yourself and each other.