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Life and Death in the Funeral World: An Interview with the Hosts of Undertaking the Podcast - Part 1
34 Plays3 years ago
Welcome to Part I of Jennifer’s chat with the hosts of Undertaking the Podcast!
Brian Waters and Ryan Ballard join The Glam Reaper, Jennifer Muldowney in this epic two-part (and maybe more!) episode talking all things funeral. Being podcast hosts themselves, there’s been plenty of role reversals all throughout.
Join in for some fun as Jennifer asks the lads questions and Brian quizzes her back! In this episode, Jennifer and her guests discuss and digress so much that they had to edit this into two episodes. In this episode you will hear them focus mostly on the idea of the celebrant and what it can do for both families and funeral homes. Happy listening!
LITTLE NUGGETS OF GOLD:
- What goes into the process of creating a memorial and being a celebrant?
- How can a celebrant help a funeral home?
- What happened when Brian, a Funeral Director, was asked to offer eulogies for the departed?
- Why is it okay to get emotional during a funeral service?
- Will celebrants replace the clergy?
- How rewarding is it to be a celebrant?
Connect with Brian Waters and Ryan Ballard:
Undertaking the Podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/undertaking-the-podcast/id1436735020
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/undertakingthepodcast
Connect with Jennifer/The Glam Reaper:
Facebook Page - Muldowney Memorials: https://www.facebook.com/MuldowneyMemorials/
Facebook Page - Rainbow Bridge Memorials: https://www.facebook.com/rainbowbridgememorialsdotcom
Instagram - @muldowneymemorials & @jennifermuldowney
Twitter - @TheGlamReaper
Email us here: glamreaperpodcast@gmail.com
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Transcript
Introduction to Guests and Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
Hi and welcome to another episode of the Glam Reaper podcast.
00:00:04
Speaker
I'm your host Jennifer Muldowney aka the Glam Reaper herself.
00:00:08
Speaker
On today's episode we are talking to some fellow podcasters Brian and Ryan.
00:00:13
Speaker
I love that it rhymes and they are from The Undertaking podcast or podcast The Undertaking.
00:00:20
Speaker
I'm not actually quite sure but anyway it is a podcast all about funeral related things and we are getting into it.
00:00:27
Speaker
This is a long one.
00:00:28
Speaker
Take it away.
Celebrating Life vs. Mourning Death
00:00:38
Speaker
Well, you know, it's interesting.
00:00:40
Speaker
I actually literally read about like an hour or so before I got home today that somebody, somebody, I think it was actually even an Irish article where somebody said, you know, everyone's into these celebrations of life nowadays.
00:00:55
Speaker
I actually was a priest and he was like, everyone's into these celebrations of life nowadays.
00:00:59
Speaker
But at the end of the day, there's somebody dead in a casket, in a coffin.
00:01:03
Speaker
There's somebody in there and they're gone.
00:01:05
Speaker
And I actually read that and I thought, that's pretty powerful, actually.
00:01:10
Speaker
Because we are sort of, and don't get me wrong, I mean, I'm a memorial planner.
00:01:15
Speaker
you know, part of what I do is seen, can be seen as frivolous unless they meet me and, you know, we go through it and I educate them and stuff on exactly what it is.
00:01:25
Speaker
But this celebration of life term has been bandied around quite a lot in our community.
00:01:31
Speaker
And yeah, like it's, it's, it is celebrating a life and not mourning a death, but there is still a loss.
00:01:38
Speaker
And that is so important for, I mean, you guys as funeral directors know that more than anybody.
Purpose of Funeral Services
00:01:43
Speaker
Like it's,
00:01:46
Speaker
It's like it's real.
00:01:47
Speaker
There's there is there's a potty in a casket and whatever age that person is, you know, it's a hell of a dichotomy that we work with that you want to celebrate their life because you love them.
00:01:57
Speaker
They're great.
00:01:59
Speaker
I mean, I mean, they're their mom, their dad, their whoever, and you want to uplift.
00:02:04
Speaker
you know, their story, but at the same time they're dead and many people aren't in a celebratory mood because they're dead.
00:02:12
Speaker
So it's this massive dichotomy that we got to balance, um, to help a family mark this death to say, this is what we're doing.
00:02:22
Speaker
We're stopping our lives for a day or two and we're stopping our lives.
00:02:26
Speaker
And this is all we're focusing on.
00:02:29
Speaker
It's for the dead.
00:02:31
Speaker
Well, it's about the dead and it's for the living.
00:02:33
Speaker
There we go.
00:02:35
Speaker
Because like nothing that we can do for them will do them any good.
00:02:38
Speaker
Yeah.
00:02:39
Speaker
No, no one has ever proved that.
00:02:41
Speaker
And although we're still here waiting and listening, but, you know, it's, it's for us that, that, that, that
Becoming a Celebrant
00:02:49
Speaker
remains.
00:02:49
Speaker
So talk about your celebrancy and being a celebrant, because I do this myself.
00:02:55
Speaker
I am not trained in being a celebrant.
00:02:57
Speaker
Although I want to do the training.
00:02:59
Speaker
I want to be certified, not for any, like I can hold up the paper and run through town and be like, look at me because it's not going to do me any good, but.
00:03:07
Speaker
I'd love that though.
00:03:11
Speaker
You know, but I know there's something I can learn from that experience.
00:03:14
Speaker
And that's why I want to do it.
00:03:15
Speaker
There'll be one takeaway, at least one takeaway.
00:03:18
Speaker
But talk to me about your thought process on creating a memorial.
00:03:24
Speaker
So the wonderful thing, I guess, about what I do is the celebrant, to me, the celebrancy and the memorial go hand in hand a little bit, actually.
00:03:34
Speaker
As in a celebrant can be such an asset to a funeral home and can almost lead to a memorial happening.
00:03:42
Speaker
So there's a couple of aspects.
00:03:45
Speaker
So from a family point of view, like family,
00:03:50
Speaker
I don't want to say I'm not kind of advertising here, but my literally the tagline sort of on my website is I'm the best friend you never wanted to need because that's essentially what I do.
00:04:01
Speaker
That's essentially what I do is I. Shot her faces.
00:04:04
Speaker
Yeah.
00:04:04
Speaker
Your face.
00:04:05
Speaker
Oh, yeah.
00:04:06
Speaker
It's well, you know, I it was from listening to my families and the testimonials I was getting that I realized that's what I became.
00:04:14
Speaker
Because what we do is we we provide sort of service 24 seven for the short period of time.
Role and Impact of Celebrants
00:04:22
Speaker
And I say short period.
00:04:23
Speaker
I mean, it can be a couple of months, but, you know, usually families are respectful.
00:04:28
Speaker
At the end of the day, you do become part therapist.
00:04:31
Speaker
You do hold their hand through the entire thing.
00:04:33
Speaker
And that's the point.
00:04:35
Speaker
That's the extra to me.
00:04:38
Speaker
added value that I can bring to a funeral home.
00:04:40
Speaker
I'm not a funeral director.
00:04:42
Speaker
I mean, you guys, like you are rock stars and you're like, you know, your family's coming through and it's, you know, it's nonstop.
00:04:50
Speaker
And it's so hard to be there for every family.
00:04:53
Speaker
And you cannot give yourself 24 seven to a family because at the end of the day, you would suffer.
00:04:59
Speaker
And that's just, that's just cruel.
00:05:01
Speaker
It's just not right.
00:05:03
Speaker
Whereas we, we,
00:05:06
Speaker
the way I've designed my company, we can because we are not a funeral home.
00:05:11
Speaker
So we're not getting sort of this constant family.
00:05:15
Speaker
We're not getting it.
00:05:16
Speaker
So I don't want to say we pick and choose, but we can pick and choose families.
00:05:20
Speaker
And so it is very intimate.
00:05:25
Speaker
We take on board families that we feel are right fit for us and we work with them.
00:05:30
Speaker
And yeah, it can start off with just a celebrancy role where, you know,
00:05:34
Speaker
they they're not religious or they are i've done so many services with rabbis and and priests and and you know hybrid services and not i know hybrid nowadays is sort of virtual and in person but i've done the hybrid ones where it's religion but not really religion and we're one a little bit of everything um
00:05:53
Speaker
And those have been wonderful services.
00:05:54
Speaker
I know more about the Jewish religion than I ever dreamed possible.
00:05:59
Speaker
And I love it.
00:06:01
Speaker
But it's really just about giving the family what they want and what they need in that moment.
00:06:05
Speaker
And I think a lot of people, I know a lot of people in Ireland, even back over 10 years ago when I started this idea, and it's come on eons since then, my God.
00:06:16
Speaker
I mean, my first book is going to be 10 years old next year.
00:06:20
Speaker
Oh, that's devastating.
Religion and Funeral Traditions
00:06:22
Speaker
But the, yeah, a lot of people I think now are a reformed version of what their religion is.
00:06:29
Speaker
They're not sort of, I don't go to mass.
00:06:31
Speaker
I am Catholic and I, you know, will tick the box saying I'm Catholic, but I haven't been to mass.
00:06:36
Speaker
Granny, don't kill me.
00:06:37
Speaker
I haven't been to mass in years.
00:06:42
Speaker
The last time I went to confession was probably when she was alive, bless her.
00:06:46
Speaker
You know, I might go to Christmas mass.
00:06:48
Speaker
I might go to Easter mass.
00:06:49
Speaker
And to be honest, I kind of go to church to just be alone with my thoughts.
00:06:53
Speaker
And it's more meditation than it is anything.
00:06:55
Speaker
And I feel like that applies to a lot of people.
00:06:57
Speaker
Some of us are scared to kind of say that, especially when it comes down to the funeral.
00:07:02
Speaker
And I think some of us, again, down to superstition.
00:07:04
Speaker
are afraid not to go to church and not to go to mass in case we send the person to hell or something like that, right?
00:07:10
Speaker
So for me, how like my business sort of came around was I am sitting in a church and one of my friends who passed away was atheist and I was there going, what's happening?
Planning Joyful Funerals
00:07:22
Speaker
Why are we sitting in a church when he was atheist?
00:07:25
Speaker
Like not even just not into anything, just atheist.
00:07:29
Speaker
And so for me, I thought, well, I'm Catholic, sure, but it
00:07:33
Speaker
I'm Jennifer first, I'm Catholic, maybe 10th in line.
00:07:37
Speaker
So to me, I just wanted more song.
00:07:40
Speaker
I wanted like, I'm laughing by the way, I've got to bring it up today.
00:07:44
Speaker
But I was in the gym this morning and doing a core class, and I was dying.
00:07:48
Speaker
And next of all, hallelujah, my song came on, my funeral song came on, it's raining men.
00:07:56
Speaker
Well, did I crush that core class.
00:08:01
Speaker
Well played.
00:08:02
Speaker
But that's what I want.
00:08:03
Speaker
And I think that's what most people want.
00:08:05
Speaker
And even when it comes to pre-need and pre-planning, what would you rather do?
00:08:10
Speaker
Sit down and plan your funeral or sit down and plan your last party, your last memory that people are going to have of you and how that's going to play out.
00:08:20
Speaker
You know?
00:08:20
Speaker
Wow.
00:08:23
Speaker
There's a lot to cover there.
00:08:24
Speaker
I mean, you're so right.
00:08:25
Speaker
Lots to unpack, man.
00:08:27
Speaker
Yeah.
00:08:28
Speaker
I mean, cause I sit with so many families that they, they don't have a church home.
00:08:32
Speaker
They don't, they don't have this religious connection.
00:08:35
Speaker
But as soon as we start talking, we start unpacking this, they want prayers.
00:08:40
Speaker
They want scriptures.
00:08:42
Speaker
They want maybe some songs, maybe some religious songs, but they don't want a minister that has no idea who they are standing in front of them.
00:08:51
Speaker
And they look at me as the funeral director and go, you can do this.
00:08:54
Speaker
Yeah.
00:08:55
Speaker
And they go, you've heard enough.
00:08:57
Speaker
And I'm going, damn, well, you're not wrong.
00:09:00
Speaker
So this is how it started for me is like, I, I told, you know, I was literally, they asked me to do it.
00:09:07
Speaker
And I said, no, well, you know, I was trying to get someone else to do it.
00:09:10
Speaker
And they said, no, no, you're it.
00:09:12
Speaker
And then I did it.
00:09:13
Speaker
And then someone else heard it.
00:09:14
Speaker
And then they asked, and then it's, it's this big snowball effect of like, people would rather have the funeral director, me, the temp,
00:09:23
Speaker
The guy in town, and granted, I am in the smallest of small towns, so they know me.
00:09:29
Speaker
They see me at the post office.
00:09:30
Speaker
If we had a bank, they'd see me there.
00:09:33
Speaker
But they see me out and about, and I know them.
00:09:36
Speaker
So they want me to tell their story.
00:09:39
Speaker
And I'm getting, you know, it's still uncomfortable, I guess.
00:09:48
Speaker
But it's an honor to be asked.
00:09:50
Speaker
And it's an honor to help.
00:09:53
Speaker
Well, it's an honor to be asked and it's an honor to just help build this story because everything I do is customized.
00:09:59
Speaker
I write it from scratch.
00:10:01
Speaker
Now there's always some, you know, so the way I do things is we have the eulogy.
00:10:07
Speaker
We tell their story.
00:10:08
Speaker
And then at the end, there's some uplifting things that there may be some stories that I've shared multiple times and it's, it's all universal.
00:10:17
Speaker
It's all very humanistic.
00:10:19
Speaker
But I also have a prayer that I do and I, I have it memorized by heart and it's,
00:10:25
Speaker
And it's, it's very, very Catholic, but it's, but it's so good.
00:10:30
Speaker
I mean, it's, it's so good because it, I mean, the cool thing about the Catholic religion got, I was growing up, I was raised Catholic, Catholic school, all that stuff.
00:10:38
Speaker
And I'm in the same boat as you, Jennifer, that, you know, we haven't done math.
00:10:45
Speaker
I missed Easter this year, but anyway, me too.
00:10:48
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:48
Speaker
But yeah,
00:10:50
Speaker
I'll give them some credit.
00:10:52
Speaker
They have thought over the words that they have used for 2000 years and the, the words that they have chosen in certain aspects are
Emotional Expression in Services
00:11:01
Speaker
so applicable to everybody.
00:11:03
Speaker
And I, well, damn near everybody anyway.
00:11:06
Speaker
And I love it.
00:11:07
Speaker
So, um, you know, we do our best.
00:11:09
Speaker
It's, it's rough though.
00:11:10
Speaker
It's,
00:11:11
Speaker
I don't know.
00:11:11
Speaker
It's, I get a, I get emotional.
00:11:15
Speaker
Ooh.
00:11:16
Speaker
Ooh.
00:11:18
Speaker
Yes.
00:11:19
Speaker
But you know what?
00:11:21
Speaker
I have to say that is one of the things that I, in my training with my, my guys is I'm just like, if you get emotional, that is okay.
00:11:29
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:30
Speaker
I said, you're not to turn into a whaling idiot because that's not okay.
00:11:33
Speaker
Because you, you have, you're not heartbroken.
00:11:35
Speaker
You haven't suffered a loss.
00:11:37
Speaker
You're, you're, you're visiting in this moment, right?
00:11:40
Speaker
You're there to other hand, but you're there to be their best friend temporarily, right?
00:11:45
Speaker
So it's okay.
00:11:46
Speaker
I've gotten super emotional, super emotional, but you know, there's a certain amount you can hold it together.
00:11:52
Speaker
I mean, me being here in New York, you know, especially if there's one for
00:11:57
Speaker
somebody who's close to their mom or close to their dad, like I am with my parents back home, I get emotional because I'm thinking of them.
00:12:04
Speaker
And so to me, I'm just like, it's okay to shed a tear.
00:12:07
Speaker
And to me as well, one of the best things that a family or anybody in the audience can ever say to you when you get down off the podium is, oh my God, how did you know him?
00:12:18
Speaker
And I'm like,
00:12:22
Speaker
And that's just, they're like, what?
00:12:24
Speaker
That's wild.
00:12:25
Speaker
I mean, that's brilliant though.
00:12:26
Speaker
That to me is like, job well done.
00:12:28
Speaker
You know, you've come across authentic and which is what you should do.
00:12:32
Speaker
But at the same time, when I'm sitting down with my families, honestly, I'm like, I didn't know this person.
00:12:39
Speaker
So as much as possible, I encourage my families to speak during the service.
00:12:44
Speaker
I'm like, I will absolutely speak if you need me to.
00:12:46
Speaker
I'm here to read something if you want me to read something you've written because you can't stand up
00:12:53
Speaker
I'm here to be whatever you need to be.
00:12:56
Speaker
But at the end of the day, this isn't my person.
00:13:00
Speaker
It's your person.
00:13:01
Speaker
And so if you've got something that you'd like to share, I think it would be wonderful to share it.
00:13:05
Speaker
So I definitely do encourage them as much as physically possible to participate.
Adding Value to Funeral Services
00:13:11
Speaker
You know, I think what separates all of us funeral directors and what's really great about having you on the show is like, you know, Ryan and I talk about this and we encourage people.
00:13:22
Speaker
There is room for everybody in funeral service.
00:13:25
Speaker
You don't have to be a funeral director.
00:13:26
Speaker
You don't have to be an embalmer.
00:13:28
Speaker
You can do one or the other, or even like you outside of that, there is room for you and you can make a positive impact.
00:13:35
Speaker
But I think what, and this is just me and I could be wrong, but I think what separates us from those who do this as a job is that we give a damn.
00:13:47
Speaker
Yeah.
00:13:48
Speaker
We, we literally just give a damn.
00:13:50
Speaker
Like it is, and I had this conversation and Ryan and I, we put this out on a show just, I don't know, maybe a week ago or so, you know, cause I was having anxiety about this funeral and I do this often.
00:14:04
Speaker
Ryan does it often.
00:14:04
Speaker
His dad does it.
00:14:05
Speaker
My dad does it.
00:14:06
Speaker
We all do it.
00:14:07
Speaker
And we joke about it.
00:14:08
Speaker
We talk about the chapel walk.
00:14:09
Speaker
We're looking for cobwebs and all this silly, this stupid, silly things that we do, but we do it because we give a damn.
00:14:17
Speaker
And although we've done this,
00:14:20
Speaker
500 times, a thousand times, 5,000 times.
00:14:23
Speaker
It doesn't matter.
00:14:25
Speaker
It's the first time you're doing it for Mr. Smith.
00:14:28
Speaker
It's the only time you will do it for that person and their family.
00:14:32
Speaker
And you don't get a do-over.
00:14:34
Speaker
And that's what makes us freak out, Ryan.
00:14:38
Speaker
So here's the thing I'll say about it, though.
00:14:41
Speaker
You know, those moments are heavy moments.
00:14:44
Speaker
So, you know, I think, you know, there's a lot, there's weight in
00:14:48
Speaker
that come with those moments, that's why you have the anxiety.
00:14:52
Speaker
That's why you have to give a shit.
00:14:55
Speaker
Because when that goes wrong, and if it goes wrong, because it does happen, that family always remembers that.
00:15:04
Speaker
And they attribute that moment in time, that painful moment to the bad funeral they had, the bad experience they had.
00:15:10
Speaker
Whether what, and it doesn't matter what it is.
00:15:13
Speaker
It can be any, any experience.
00:15:14
Speaker
I, I'm just saying, whether it's green, whether it's burial, whatever does not matter.
00:15:20
Speaker
The experience is what they remember, you know?
00:15:24
Speaker
And, and that's what, that's why to me,
00:15:26
Speaker
To me, you know, Brian's right.
00:15:27
Speaker
It does matter.
00:15:28
Speaker
You have to care about what you're doing.
00:15:29
Speaker
There's so many moving parts that come into play.
00:15:32
Speaker
So many third parties you're bringing in to the mix.
00:15:36
Speaker
There's a schedule as to how things are supposed to go.
00:15:40
Speaker
The service runs over because the minister tries to, you know, save the entire congregation there in the chapel and you're an hour late.
00:15:47
Speaker
And you've got military services at 4, and you were supposed to be there at 3.30, and, oh, it's 4.30.
00:15:53
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:15:54
Speaker
Things like that.
00:15:55
Speaker
A lot of it, you know, timing is a big thing.
00:15:57
Speaker
So there's a lot of weight that comes with it.
00:16:00
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely.
00:16:01
Speaker
And actually, just because there was a part of when you were asking me about the celebrant stuff, Brian, and you just touched on a little bit, reminded me of it there, Ryan, is one other part that sort of my team of celebrants, I feel do, or I at least train them up to do.
00:16:18
Speaker
But I think every celebrant, outside celebrant, as in an outsource,
00:16:23
Speaker
provides a funeral home is because they're outside of the funeral home, right?
00:16:30
Speaker
They add this extra
00:16:33
Speaker
wave right they're additional they're an extra sales wave they're an extra opportunity to connect with the family from a different level so for example I've sat with families in the arrangement with arrangers and the arranger has done everything perfectly has said every you know given the family all of their options
00:16:55
Speaker
and the family's walked away and, you know, they'll be in touch.
00:16:58
Speaker
And of course, the funeral director gets in touch about the things that they have to get in touch with.
00:17:02
Speaker
And then me and the family will inevitably connect on sort of the service and the things we have to connect with.
00:17:07
Speaker
And then in going through the service, they inevitably,
00:17:12
Speaker
you know, will, oh, flowers.
00:17:15
Speaker
I never even thought of flowers.
00:17:16
Speaker
Yeah, actually, I'd really like some flowers here and there and here and there and whatever.
00:17:21
Speaker
Oh, live music.
00:17:22
Speaker
Yeah, I'd really love some live music.
00:17:25
Speaker
Or catering.
00:17:27
Speaker
I never, yeah, I'd love something afterwards.
00:17:30
Speaker
So I find that a celebrant, especially somebody who's been outsourced,
00:17:35
Speaker
A celebrant can be that added, that extra sales revenue, right?
00:17:41
Speaker
So because I am coming at it from a different angle and I say I, my team, I'm coming at it from a different angle.
00:17:48
Speaker
So you've gone through all of their options.
00:17:51
Speaker
but because they're in the moment, they're not listening or they're choosing to, they're focusing on something else or they're just so distraught because it's too soon or whatever it might be.
00:18:00
Speaker
Whereas then all of a sudden when I'm sitting with them, they're a little bit more relaxed because we're talking about the service.
00:18:06
Speaker
And so it, you know, small parts come and I don't know, Brian, you may have experienced this even not as an outsourcer, but you may have experienced some of it.
00:18:14
Speaker
But I find that that happens.
00:18:16
Speaker
And equally, I also find that because,
00:18:20
Speaker
as I said, you become the best friend that they never wanted to need in that moment when you're going through the service, I actually find that it can be a great time for you to get feedback on the funeral director and the funeral home.
00:18:34
Speaker
Oh yeah.
00:18:35
Speaker
That's been quite a lot for me where I'm able to, this sounds bad, but I'm able to give the funeral director a
Collaborative Dynamics in Funeral Services
00:18:41
Speaker
heads up.
00:18:41
Speaker
Like, listen, such and such feels like you're not following up on everything quick enough.
00:18:46
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:47
Speaker
And that could be just a personality clash or whatever it might be.
00:18:52
Speaker
They might expect things like this.
00:18:54
Speaker
The funeral director might be like, oh, well, I got back to them this morning, but I haven't gotten back to them since this morning, whatever it might be.
00:19:00
Speaker
But giving that extra feedback, I find can help.
00:19:04
Speaker
the entire situation go a lot smoother.
00:19:06
Speaker
Oh, that's huge.
00:19:07
Speaker
I've never even considered that.
00:19:09
Speaker
It's Ryan, we're having a podcast moment here.
00:19:12
Speaker
Like this is huge.
00:19:14
Speaker
Wow.
00:19:15
Speaker
Because we don't have that opportunity too often as a funeral director, we connect with our families as we do, you know, we do our best to set the expectations, but sometimes there's not a connection there that, you know, they need the death certificate yesterday.
00:19:29
Speaker
It may be five days.
00:19:30
Speaker
It may be a month.
00:19:30
Speaker
I don't, we don't know, but we got to set that connection and,
00:19:34
Speaker
or that expectation.
00:19:35
Speaker
And as a celebrant, that is part of your staff.
00:19:39
Speaker
Oh my God, you're a separate person that I, and I'm guessing here, I mean, you can tell me if I'm wrong, but I'm guessing that families are, are very, very open with you that.
00:19:49
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:51
Speaker
A lot more.
00:19:52
Speaker
So I like, I find, as I said, I've experienced it.
00:19:55
Speaker
I've sat in on the arrangements almost like invisible nearly, you know, because it's not the time, but
00:20:01
Speaker
an introduction and then at different levels.
00:20:04
Speaker
And yeah, it's not, I'd like to say it's been once, it's not, it's been many, many times where you get positive and negative feedback.
00:20:12
Speaker
It doesn't matter.
00:20:13
Speaker
And it can be just, as I said, it can be just something so small, like, oh, such and such said they'd ring me today and they never did.
00:20:20
Speaker
And I'll be like, oh, I'm so sorry, Mrs. Such and such.
00:20:23
Speaker
I believe it's his day off or it's her whatever or whatever it can be.
00:20:29
Speaker
It can be something like that's what I'm saying.
00:20:30
Speaker
It's never necessarily anything bad.
00:20:33
Speaker
Touch wood.
00:20:33
Speaker
I haven't had anything bad, bad.
00:20:36
Speaker
It's usually just some form of a random disconnect.
00:20:39
Speaker
But by you getting that nugget of information and feeding it back into the funeral home and the funeral director.
00:20:45
Speaker
all of a sudden you've nipped what could potentially become a bigger problem in the bud and you've given, you've excelled in your service really, because you're able to sort that out, you know?
00:20:55
Speaker
Ooh, I like this.
00:20:56
Speaker
This is, this is good stuff, Ryan.
00:20:58
Speaker
I'll say this, a minister doesn't always do it right.
00:21:01
Speaker
I mean, I think we've got to understand that too.
00:21:03
Speaker
Like, you know, I've seen ministers where they've, you know, 10 minutes before the service sat down with the family and then put the service together and, and, and, you know,
00:21:12
Speaker
That's what I'm saying is, you know, and I'll say this, I'll throw Catholic priests under the bus too.
00:21:18
Speaker
They're tough to work with.
00:21:20
Speaker
They are tough to work with and tough to deal with.
00:21:22
Speaker
And because it's so manufactured and how it goes about, sometimes the family just
00:21:29
Speaker
it's, it's tough for them, you know, you know, and then also, you know, some of the things that, you know, just some of the things priests say, you know, to, you know, giving last rites and it's just, you got to be lighthearted a little bit, you know, it can't be all hard.
00:21:46
Speaker
It can't be, it's an emotional moment, friends, you know,
00:21:50
Speaker
It just doesn't – I've just heard stories of priests just saying in, you know, walking in and talking about the idea, you know, I've got a 530 after this.
00:21:57
Speaker
And, you know, it's like, come on.
00:21:59
Speaker
I mean, really.
00:22:02
Speaker
I can't.
00:22:03
Speaker
I couldn't agree with you more, Ryan.
00:22:04
Speaker
No, but we can't say ministers do it right.
00:22:07
Speaker
I mean, that's the thing.
00:22:09
Speaker
You've got to hold –
00:22:11
Speaker
I love listening to the Protestant on the show.
00:22:13
Speaker
Well, I'll just say it, man.
00:22:16
Speaker
No, I'm not about to do that.
00:22:18
Speaker
You battle every time.
00:22:20
Speaker
Ryan, it's the copy and paste.
00:22:23
Speaker
That's what I'm saying.
00:22:24
Speaker
You've got ministers that read it out of a book.
00:22:27
Speaker
They want ministers that have a, like you said, a sequence as to how every funeral goes.
00:22:36
Speaker
To me, it's just, I don't know if that's better.
00:22:38
Speaker
Maybe that works for the family.
00:22:40
Speaker
Maybe that's what they want.
00:22:41
Speaker
That's fine.
00:22:42
Speaker
Whatever.
00:22:43
Speaker
You get what you want.
00:22:44
Speaker
Ask for it.
00:22:45
Speaker
Whatever.
00:22:46
Speaker
But sometimes it doesn't feel quite as personable or just personal in a sense.
00:22:53
Speaker
You're not wrong.
00:22:54
Speaker
As it maybe should be in that moment.
00:22:57
Speaker
Yeah, it's, you know, there's a phrase that I've become a little bit famous for.
00:23:02
Speaker
It's honestly, it doesn't matter who you are, what you do, when it comes to the loss of a person and no matter who you are in the chain of events, it's meeting the person where they're at, not where you're at, not where you're at in that moment, not where you sail you want to get, not anything, not your 5.30 appointment, but where they're at.
00:23:25
Speaker
End of story.
00:23:26
Speaker
That's all that it's about.
00:23:27
Speaker
No, you're absolutely right.
00:23:29
Speaker
And that's what can be difficult for, I think, new funeral directors.
00:23:33
Speaker
It's like you got to check yourself at the door.
00:23:35
Speaker
You may be the greenest funeral director in the world.
00:23:39
Speaker
You may be the most Catholic funeral director in the world.
00:23:42
Speaker
It doesn't matter.
00:23:43
Speaker
You've got to put your set aside and help them plan and design a service that is going to be meaningful for them.
00:24:00
Speaker
That was part one of my chat with Brian and Ryan.
00:24:04
Speaker
So what do you think?
00:24:06
Speaker
Tell us all your thoughts as always in the comments below or shoot us an email at glamouryforpodcast at gmail.com and we'll talk to you soon.