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When You Wanna Quit {Episode 3}
174 Plays6 years ago
It may sound drastic, but have you ever wanted to quit being a mom and never look back? We have. It's not a fun or popular thing to admit but we want to make sure that any other moms out there who are struggling know they're not alone! Motherhood is a grueling, intense job and sometimes we just need a break. We'll share 5 tried and true tips for renewing yourself when motherhood has you up against the ropes.
Audrey's recommendation: The Live Free Creative Podcast
Bonnie's recommendation: Better Than Happy Podcast
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to the Podcast
00:00:11
Speaker
Hello and welcome to Outnumbered the Podcast. I'm Bonnie. And I'm Audrey. And we're moms to a combined total of 16 kids with two more on the way. Yes, we know that sounds insane, and it usually is. But we're here to share the tips that help us keep our sanity and to share inspiring thoughts that help us get through each crazy day. Uninterrupted conversation is foreign to us, but we'll try. And we invite you to join us on our journey as we find joy in the chaos of motherhood.
Coping with the Desire to Quit Motherhood
00:00:47
Speaker
Hello, everyone, and welcome back. Today's topic is one that's near and dear to our hearts. And so I'm just going to dive in and ask you, Audrey, a very hard question that many of us don't want to admit to. Are you ready? Yeah. Okay. Have you ever wanted to quit being a mom? Like for real? Quit, walk away, and never come back?
00:01:08
Speaker
Oh, yes, absolutely. I have actually quite a few times. How about you? Yes, very sadly. And this is something that honestly, for years, I probably would have never admitted because it sounds like a horrible thing, right? Right. But I honestly think so many of us go through it that I just want to talk about it. Like what do we do on those days where we're completely done and we can't leave our children. We love them. We cannot stand, you know, one more minute of being around them. What do we do, right?
00:01:35
Speaker
Right. Motherhood is not a nine to five job. I know. I know. It's 24 seven, 365, unless you can get a nail date or something in a school.
00:01:45
Speaker
I want to start off by telling a story. Like I said, we've all had probably multiple times where we felt this totally overwhelmed and just wanted to quit. But one time in particular, I can't even remember exactly what happened, but I do remember my husband was out of town. Everyone was screaming. Everyone was freaking out on me. I'm sure some bodily fluids were involved at one point. Because they always are. They always are at the worst possible moment too.
00:02:11
Speaker
And I was so frustrated and no one was listening and I was just beyond done. I just went upstairs in my room and I locked myself in and I just sobbed and banged my head on the door.
00:02:26
Speaker
And I actually had a really sore spot on my head the next day. But I was like, I am going to lose it today. And it's better that I'm in here pounding my head against the door than that I'm pounding a child. But I get to that point and there's no one here to save me. And there's no one here to help me know what to do and how to pull myself out of that moment. But those are some low lows. Yes, absolutely.
Listener Stories: Chaos and Humor in Parenting
00:02:49
Speaker
So that's a perfect introduction to this week's Insane Mom Moment segment.
00:02:54
Speaker
Yes, we got this from a wonderful follower on Instagram named Alexandra and she didn't tell much of a story. She just sent a picture and maybe we'll try to include this in the show notes, but it's a picture of the back of her couch, which she calls her custom made not cheap couch.
00:03:13
Speaker
It is stabbed repeatedly with a knife by as she calls him her wonderful, insane child. Dab repeatedly probably 20 times and then a giant hole cut in the back of this thing. Like 12 by 12 inch hole in the back of her custom made couch. So Alexandra, my heart goes out to you. Thank you for sharing that. I'm so sorry. I hope you can laugh about it now and save that picture for his scrapbook or hers. I don't know.
00:03:40
Speaker
Yeah, or when they have their first child and you're like, oh, your kid dumped Cheerios? Well, did he cut up your couch? I hope we can laugh about these later on in life, right? Yes. So I'm sure we've all had moments like this, whether a child is destroying something or hurting another sibling or everyone's screaming at once.
00:03:59
Speaker
something that resulted in equally unhelpful freakouts like mine. But today we want to talk about how to deal with these moments and a few productive solutions that won't leave you with a bruise on the back of your head. Right. And maybe these things will keep you from getting to that breaking point moment.
00:04:17
Speaker
Okay, so the first thing I always do is remember it's okay not to love motherhood every single minute. Wait, what do you mean? You don't love every minute? Sadly, no. But I'm a human being. I have a full range of emotions, happy, sad, mad, and so on. And it's the job with high expectations. We're supposed to love and nurture and be patient, feel guilty if we're not positive all the time.
00:04:48
Speaker
And it's okay. You're going to experience a full range of emotions.
00:04:53
Speaker
Yeah. I had a thought not long ago about how motherhood really is a job. It's a calling and this role in life, but it's also a job and it's a really intense job, especially emotionally and spiritually. And so for us to remember that you need a break from your job and it's okay to not love your job all the time, even though your job involves these wonderful kids that you may love all the time, but you don't have to like them all the time. You know what I mean?
Parental Vulnerability and Teaching Moments
00:05:21
Speaker
Exactly.
00:05:21
Speaker
And there's a lot of high expectations. You're expected to love your children, to nurture them, to be patient with them, to teach them, to guide them, and then to do it all over again every single day and with every single child. And the interesting thing is, when I think back on my own childhood, sure, I remember times when my mom freaked out or yelled. But for the most part, I just remember my childhood in terms of me. I don't really remember it in terms of her, obviously, because kids are very child-centric.
00:05:50
Speaker
to think that we're really just there to help them when they're in trouble and to teach them these things that will guide them through life, to not focus so much on where we're failing because honestly, our kids are not going to remember.
00:06:03
Speaker
That's very true. And along those lines, I've noticed that I think my kids learn how to handle being overwhelmed and how to be stressed out when we show them our own weaknesses. Does that make sense? Yes, it totally does. I see this especially happen with my teenagers. So life gets more intense for teenagers and then I can share my experience with them and what I do when I get overwhelmed or when I'm
00:06:33
Speaker
reaching that point and share that with them and it helps them. Yeah, that's so great. So you get to see some of that full circle come around. You can talk to them a little bit on a more mature level, right? And say, do you see how I freaked out today? That's going to be you one of these days. And also, I noticed that you lost your temper in XYZ situation. I know what that feels like too, and to really work on it together, right? Sure. Or even the power of apologizing to them.
00:06:58
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, you know, that's really important to me. I think that many of us come from a generation of really authoritarian type parents that were never allowed to show weakness or never
00:07:12
Speaker
allowed to pretend they didn't know what they were doing. And so for some of us, we might not have a perfect example of what it looks like to fail and then to apologize and come back from that. Does that make sense? Yes, exactly. I remember seeing my parents like the start of a disagreement and then they would take it like they would go somewhere else into the bedroom or whatever and they would finish it and they would apologize or whatever.
00:07:35
Speaker
but we never saw anything beyond the start of a disagreement. And so we never saw him like make up or learned how to, you know, so that, so I got married and the first time my husband and I disagreed about something, I was like, well, I guess this is it. It's over. I'm a divorce.
00:07:54
Speaker
Yeah, that's really healthy to see those mistakes being made and then to see them being fixed, right? And learning how to deal with failure and mistakes is just part of life. And pretending that we don't have them or pretending that we don't need to apologize for them is really damaging. It's really unhealthy, I think.
00:08:12
Speaker
Right, it's good to learn how to apologize and make up with people who are safe and people who love you because your boss, he doesn't love you. Yes, exactly, exactly. One of the most fulfilling kinds of moments that I've had so far as a mom has been apologizing to my kids. Honestly, there have been times I've done things that I really regretted and being able to go into my, usually with my older kids because they're the ones that push my buttons now, right? To be able to go in later on and say, you know, what I did was wrong.
00:08:42
Speaker
It's a really humbling but wonderful experience to be able to draw closer to them and say, I screwed up. Do you forgive me? And it puts the power in their hands instead of always feeling like a child that gets yelled at or scolded. They say, oh, mom messed up and she apologized. And I've noticed that with my oldest, he seems to be the one that I've been apologizing to a lot of. Sorry, kid. I'll pay for therapy later. He's getting really good at doing it as well. He'll have these major freakouts and I'm thinking,
00:09:08
Speaker
Oh, what do I do with you? And then 20 minutes later before I've gotten over the freak out, he comes in and says, I'm sorry, mom. I'm like, oh, all right. Well, I guess you're forgiven. So I love it. I think it's great. Yeah. Yeah. And also you can show them model good behaviors like not carrying a grudge or not bringing it up later. You know, just forgive and forget and move on. Yeah, for sure.
Embracing Household Chaos and Self-Care
00:09:31
Speaker
Yeah, and showing them that being weak and having these meltdowns can teach us a lot of things. You can say, I've noticed that my 13-year-old is really sensitive to when I get overwhelmed and stressed out. He can see it, and he'll start saying, all right, everybody. All right, calm down. Oh, yeah. Here, let me help you. And he really pitches in because he sees, I'm about at the end of my rope. I'm going to lose it. And I think that's so great. He's going to be a great husband. Yes. Yes.
00:09:56
Speaker
I have, um, one of my daughters is like that too. She's like, okay, mom, guys, mom needs a break. We need to all, you know, do whatever now so that mom can have a break. Um, yeah, for those of you who just have very small children right now, don't give up on them. They'll get there. Hopefully they'll help you out in another 10 years.
00:10:14
Speaker
Yeah. So learning doesn't stop when you become a parent. Right. Right. And sometimes it becomes more difficult to admit that we've made mistakes, but even more, but the stakes are higher, right? It's even more important to do so. Their memories are better.
00:10:33
Speaker
So when we face one of these crises, one of these terrible times when we feel like we just want to quit this motherhood gig, we need to realize that it's time to change some things up, right? So today we are going to talk about a few of those things to change. We have five practical applications to try when you want to quit or hopefully beforehand so that we can avoid these meltdowns in the future, right?
00:10:56
Speaker
Right. Exactly. So the first one is alone time. Uh, it helps to just put space between yourself and your kid. Um, like, like you did, you know, put a door between you because then you were hurting yourself. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. So what, what are some things that you do, uh, to have alone time to, to really recharge?
00:11:21
Speaker
Right. Okay. So I like to, in my alone time, I like to exercise, like that helps me maybe like, and the kind of exercise depends on what kind of crisis I'm having. If I need to calm down, maybe it would be some yoga type exercise, or if I need to get out some excess anger energy, maybe it's kickboxing or something. Well, I like that you have a productive alone time instead of just like drowning yourself in M&Ms.
00:11:47
Speaker
That's the alone time. I'm going to hide in the pantry and when these chocolate chips are gone, I'll come out. Hey, it sounds good to me. No, I like that though. Exercise is great. Kay, what else? You can take a hot bath or do something soothing. Calm yourself down. Throw some Epsom salts or bath bomb or something in there.
00:12:06
Speaker
You can do something adult or productive or creative, something that is above the level of a child. So you and I both have sewing businesses, sewing things that we do. And sometimes it helps just to get away and do that thing that helps you feel a little bit more adult.
00:12:27
Speaker
Right, right. I think this is especially important for stay-at-home moms that don't have maybe a career outlet that helps them feel fulfilled because most of motherhood or at least the tasks, the everyday household tasks of motherhood are things that get undone like almost immediately.
00:12:43
Speaker
I'm doing these dishes just so that my kids can eat again in 20 minutes or I'm vacuuming up this mess and they're going to make another one in another hour. So it can be really exhausting to think what is the point of what I'm doing. My mom would always encourage that to just say,
00:12:58
Speaker
What can I do today that will stay done? Can I hang a picture? Can I redecorate my bed and put some pillows on there or something? Can't guarantee the pillows will stay on the bed, but home decor is great in that way because it can brighten your mood in general and make you feel happier about being stuck inside with your kids that are driving you crazy.
00:13:22
Speaker
Right. And then as you're going through the day and you've got a toddler hanging off one leg and you've got a baby on your hip, you can kind of connect with your eyes to that thing that you created and look at it and say, I did this. I'm more than just a mom. I may not have a shower in three days, but look at that picture I hung. It is pretty impressive. Yeah.
00:13:44
Speaker
Yeah. And then one thing I wanted to add to is to schedule regular dates with your husband and or girls nights out. So I've had different phases where girls nights were really important to me where I needed to get out and kind of just vent about motherhood. Now that my kids are older, I don't feel that way so much and I have business ventures, so I have a lot of work to do at home.
00:14:07
Speaker
date night with my husband is huge. And I kind of feel bad for him because he's gone all day and he comes home Friday night and I'm like, let's go. Don't even get out of the car. Let's go. Let's go. But those are my lifeline. They really, really are just to be able to reconnect with him, feel like an adult, go to a restaurant where nobody's flinging food, even just to go to the store together. Okay. We need groceries. That's the date night. Fine. Nobody's going to bang a grocery cart into the back of my heels. Oh, no. For the fourth time. Yeah.
00:14:36
Speaker
All right, so after a long time, the second thing that I like to remind myself of when we have major meltdowns is just to lower my expectations a little bit. And when I say this, I think a lot of people are like, no.
00:14:52
Speaker
I don't want a messy house. I don't want to try to do less. These are the things that need to happen. But honestly, motherhood is so overwhelming sometimes. Sometimes we just need to give ourselves permission to say, it's OK. It's OK that my kid freaked out for the 47th time about not getting the right cereal. It's OK that I haven't charted in a couple of days. It's OK. We're all OK.
00:15:17
Speaker
Right. I remember saying to my grandma one time, was her house is always beautiful and smells nice and fresh cookies. And I say, grandma, you had four kids. Was your house ever a mess? And she just laughed. She said, oh, Audrey, of course it was. But that's just the season of your life that you're in right now.
00:15:35
Speaker
Yes. My grandma was also a saint and she had seven kids and all my memories of her are this wonderful grandma who baked bread and had this sweet house that we all love to visit and she was just so kind. And so once or twice I asked my dad, was she just always that angelic? And he goes, oh no.
00:15:58
Speaker
Yeah, the phase of life we're in with young kids at home is just chaotic and it's crazy. And we are learning lessons every single minute of every single day. We honestly are. And sometimes we can't see them for a long time, but now I'm in my, I guess, almost 14th year of motherhood and I can really see a difference in how I treat kids and how I deal with psychoses. Today we went out for lunch. I took all eight kids out to lunch and it was kind of crazy.
00:16:25
Speaker
I kind of stepped back and took a look at myself and the kids from a third party perspective and I thought, I am way better than I used to be. Yeah. Three kids dumped their water and somebody had a meltdown about not getting the right kind of chicken and I just thought, that used to really bother me and I'm just good. It's okay. It's okay. So to lower your expectations and that goes for both kids' behaviors and also expectations for yourself, expectations for your home.
00:16:55
Speaker
It's not going to always look Pinterest perfect. It might never for the next 10 years.
Enjoying the Present Phase with Kids
00:17:00
Speaker
And that shouldn't be depressing. That should be freeing. This is the phase of life where we just enjoy each other's company. We don't have perfect couches as Alexandra from our Insane Mom Moment knows. It's not the time when everything is perfectly decorated or always clean.
00:17:15
Speaker
And we have to ask ourselves, like, who are we trying to impress? Or who are we trying to please here? Is it our family? This brings to mind, I used to have this phrase, and I haven't said this for years, but it just popped into my mind. I used to have a phrase, and I would pretend as if I was keeping a list of things I'm going to do when I don't have kids anymore. And one of my kids are grown up. And so I would say,
00:17:42
Speaker
Well, you know what? I'll just add that to my list of things that I'm going to do when my kids are grown up. I love it. I love it. You know, I really do like that. And I think sometimes we waste a lot of time and energy thinking about that. Ugh, if only my kids weren't so naughty. If only I could have this, I could have that. But to just think of it in times of seasons.
00:17:59
Speaker
You know, and phases instead of, I can't have this, I can't do this. You just think, I get this chance to enjoy these sweet little kids every single day and one day they're gonna be gone. And people used to say that to me all the time when all my kids were really, really little and I just thought, that is so unhelpful. You know, do not tell a mom with three screaming toddlers in the checkout, you're gonna miss these days. No, I'm not. But the fact that we're gonna forget most of the bad stuff, whatever we remember, we'll be able to laugh at.
00:18:29
Speaker
And we'll miss all the good stuff. And so that perspective can be huge to just say, we're just going to enjoy this face. Right. And that's a good segue into number three. Get down on the floor, play with your kids, use physical touch with them, hold them in your arms, look them in the eyes. Sometimes it seems counterintuitive, like you're in this moment,
00:18:52
Speaker
where you feel like you have to get away, you're overwhelmed, but sometimes just skin to skin contact, touching them, looking them in the eyes. Yeah, for sure. Um, I've noticed that when I get really harried and overwhelmed, it's often because I am approaching my kids like tasks instead of like people. Does that make sense? So, uh, my list of things to do is get this kid dressed and clean up this mess and feed everyone and clean that up. And instead of
00:19:22
Speaker
help my kids get a nutritious breakfast. Instead of looking at them as these people that need to be nurtured and loved, I'm looking at them as this to-do list. And it really makes things a lot harder to get through because they're just chores instead of these people that I really love. So being able to play with them really helps them.
00:19:42
Speaker
Yes. And so sometimes just, um, if you're overwhelmed, they're probably getting to the end of their rope too. So just take a day, take an afternoon, take an hour, throw all your cares and responsibilities to the wind and go do something different or fun. Take them out for ice cream or something. Yeah, agreed. Um, sometimes we'll just, you know, say, you know, we homeschool, so we're supposed to be on track. We're supposed to be on schedule every day.
00:20:09
Speaker
And sometimes I'll just say, you know what? It's okay if we don't do any math today. Let's all go to the park and get our crazy energy out or let's just put on a movie today. Everybody needs a rest day. So then that moves us on to number four, which is self-care. Is self-care easy for you to do, Audrey?
Prioritizing Mother's Health and Well-being
00:20:31
Speaker
Oh, I am the last person in line. Really? Yeah. There's all these kids in front of me that need care and need... Yeah. So myself, I always put myself at the end. It's not an easy thing for me to do. Yeah. Yeah. Same here. And I think that's most moms' temptation is to be last in line, especially because sometimes, I mean, I'm usually the last to eat just because I don't want to shovel my food in my mouth just to give somebody seconds.
00:20:56
Speaker
I want to tell everybody he's done and then I'll say, all right, go out and play and mom's going to have her lunch now and it might include a cookie you're not allowed to have. But self-care is so important. And it's probably number one because it's easy to neglect, right? Most single people don't have a hard time taking care of themselves because that's their number one and only real priority, right? But when it comes to a family, it's hard to say, no, I'm sorry, screaming toddler. I'm going to sit down and eat right now.
00:21:25
Speaker
Right. Because you can look at it the other way too, that you're actually not last in line. You have all these people, all these little people depending on you. And so you have to be in good condition to be able to take care of them. Exactly. Instead of thinking of yourself as
00:21:43
Speaker
that it's selfish to take care of yourself. You have to think of yourself as the tool to care for these children. Thinking about driving your car around, right? You don't really think of your car as a priority of something that needs to be cared for, right? But it really does. You need updated tires, you need your oil changed, you need gas in the tank.
00:22:00
Speaker
And yet you would never try to drive across town with no gas in the tank, right? That would be silly. You would get stranded and feel stupid. But we try to do that all the time. We try to run ourselves ragged with no food in our tank, with no sleep. And our excuse is, well, the kids needed me. They do, but they need a whole you, right? They don't need a frazzled you that hasn't eaten, hasn't slept, and is about two seconds away from having a meltdown.
00:22:26
Speaker
So that just goes to show that probably number, well, I don't know if it's number one. Yeah, probably number one is food, don't you think? Some sort of healthy food in the tank. It's the fuel. A healthy diet is so important for me. For me, I figured out I have to eat a diet that's pretty low in sugar and only a few carbs, good carbs.
00:22:50
Speaker
I'm just not in good condition to take care of my kids and I start getting angry and yelling at them. I eat a handful of M&Ms and 30 minutes later, I'm ripping one of their heads off for something. Yeah. I've noticed also that for me, a healthy diet is usually one of the first things to go when life gets stressful. Because it takes time. It takes some time and energy to prep your menu, to get groceries. And if you're overwhelmed, you may
00:23:13
Speaker
It may be two weeks and you're like, when's the last time I went grocery shopping? We have no fresh produce, no wonder we're all cranky and eating refined carbs. So having that healthy diet be a priority is huge. And I think it's important to tell your kids when you're taking care of yourself, right? I know that you need me to come out and swing you right now, but did you realize that everybody ate lunch and ran off before mom could?
00:23:33
Speaker
So right now, while you guys are playing, mom's going to eat her lunch, and as soon as I'm done, I'll come swing you, okay? And then that makes them a little bit more aware of, oh, the world does not center around me. I'll wait till my mom's done eating. And then it can center around me again. Then it can center around me, exactly. And then right up there with the healthy diet is sleep. Oh, I want to talk about.
00:23:58
Speaker
Yeah. Right now, you know, this one is super hard for me right now. I was a good parent at bedtime and until I had my eighth child and then everything's gone out the window. Oh, she is such a night owl. Like she was this way even in the womb. So about 10 o'clock at night, she just starts to light up and she wants to run around and she wants to play and she wants 18 books read to her.
00:24:25
Speaker
I just want to go to bed. Yeah, that is really true. Because I'm more productive in the morning and so I like to go to bed early and get up early and she's totally keeping me from doing that. She doesn't care. She's just going to do that thing, right? Right. Because when I have to stay up till midnight with her and I try to get up at five, it's just not going to be a good day. You're not going to survive. Well, and sleep is a tough one because, I mean, who of us moms is actually getting enough sleep? Like no one, right?
00:24:53
Speaker
Whether it's a newborn or a teenager that's out late, I mean, it's just a real struggle. And I've found that even when my kids are going to bed on time, I often stay up late. I am productive in the morning as well, but it takes me quite a while of going to bed early before I can get up early, if that makes sense, like I'm cleaning myself. And so those seasons have been few and far between when I can actually get up early. And so instead I'll take my evening time
00:25:18
Speaker
put my kids to bed and take several hours to work on my business or do something creative or just zone out. And then I'm a zombie the next day and it's all my fault, but I just felt like I needed a long time. Yes, exactly. So that's a really tricky one. When it comes to sleep also, this is a really important aspect to get your husband involved on. I think that moms tend to be a little bit more sensitive to kids getting up in the night. I know this isn't true for every family, but for my family, it almost always is.
00:25:48
Speaker
I hear a baby and I'm up like a light and I'll go off and take care of the baby and the next morning I'm exhausted and he's like, why are you so exhausted? Well, I was up three times or so. You were? Yes, I was. The way it works at our house is I take care of the baby in the night and my husband takes care of anybody else that gets up in the night and our kids are spread out enough that that works because the teenagers aren't getting up at night or if they are, I don't want to know about it. Exactly.
00:26:18
Speaker
So, but usually what happens is I'll hear, you know, the next older child get up and I'll wake him up, my husband up to go deal with them. But at least then I can go right back to sleep. Yeah. I like that idea. I like that idea. Yeah. Just having him on the same page and say, you know, it's really been a struggle lately. We have this new baby or a regressing toddler or, you know, a six year old who keeps wet in the bed. I really need your support on this. Can we take turns? Can we, you know, alternate responsibilities just to really not feel quite so alone?
00:26:47
Speaker
Get yourself some more sleep. The last aspect of self-care that I wanted to mention that you talked about in your alone time is getting exercise. Also another one that's really difficult for moms just because we're short on time, we're short on energy. Exercise usually goes right out the window when those things aren't getting met, but it's really important.
00:27:08
Speaker
I agree, I totally agree. And I find like, if I think about it, again, if I reframe it and think about it like, okay, if I take half an hour to exercise, the next two hours are going to be twice as productive because I've taken this time to exercise. That's a way to help myself, motivate myself to take that time to exercise.
00:27:28
Speaker
Yeah, for sure. My only productive exercise time is in the morning, so when I'm going to bed early and getting up early. And I've noticed that not only is my brain clear, like it helps me wake up and it helps me get more things done in the morning, but then I'm already an hour or two ahead of the kids. My brain is up and functioning. I've gotten ready and ready to roll the minute they get out of bed instead of lagging right behind them. Okay, you guys should get dressed. Are you going to get dressed? Yeah, I'll think about it.
00:27:57
Speaker
to be that example of, okay, let's get up and get moving. And exercise for me is just really good for my brain. I don't think I noticed that for many years until I became this old decrepit mother, but to get that blood and oxygen pumping helps me think clearer, helps me be more patient, more energetic. It just really, really helps. And exercise can be intimidating for a lot of people, especially if you've been out of shape for years, but it does not have to be difficult, do you think?
00:28:27
Speaker
No. It can be a walk. Start with a walk. And the mental clarity is absolutely the number one reason why I exercise too. Yeah. Yeah. It can be a walk. I love going on evening walks with my husband. After dinner, I'll put a couple of kids in charge of taking care of dinner and we'll just go around our dishes and we'll go around the neighborhood. I love going on bike rides. Those can be strenuous or they can be totally calm and just get some fresh air in your face. You talked about yoga or something intense like kickboxing or
00:28:56
Speaker
Weightlifting, you can do tons of videos on YouTube. I love to get together with friends and exercise. So sometimes we'll get together and do some video or go running together. There's just countless opportunities to do it. And one of my favorite ways to exercise also is to get the kids involved. So to go to the park together and say, we're going to run sprints. Ready, set, go. And the kids love it and you get your own muscles pumping. So a great way to be an example too.
00:29:22
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. They also get the same benefits that we do. They don't necessarily need exercise for the physical reasons that we are looking for out of it, but they definitely get the same mental positive benefits that we do out of exercise. Oh yeah, for sure. For sure.
Communicating Parenting Challenges with Partners
00:29:40
Speaker
So the last thing that we can do when you're ready to quit to change things up is to discuss the situation with your spouse. Yeah. Yeah. We kind of touched on that in the self-care aspect, right?
00:29:55
Speaker
Right. But I always feel like, um, what I, so I get to like a breaking point and I bring a topic up with my husband. I always feel like I waited too long to discuss it with him. Like he always has a different point of view. He always has, um, a fresh perspective. He always has ideas. And I was like, wow, why didn't it come to you like, you know, two weeks ago when I was starting. Yeah.
00:30:23
Speaker
Yeah, I agree. And just to make them aware of how you're feeling, I think sometimes we like to internalize things as women, like, it's fine, I can do it. It's fine, you know, until we're at a breaking point. And like you say, and if we would just open up a little bit sooner and say, I'm really having a hard time with this kid, or I'm really having a hard time with how messy the house is at night. It's really stressing me out. What can we do? What's the solution? And to work at it that way, instead of immediately jumping to blame,
00:30:50
Speaker
It says it's a pig's dying. You never help. Or just, you know, one day you just burst into tears and he's like, whoa, what's going on here? Give a little heads up. This is what's happening. And if things don't change, I will have a meltdown. So let's work on this. Yes, exactly. Because, you know, you're not in it alone. You can't create a child by yourself. So you have someone that you can, as long as you're married, somebody that you can
00:31:16
Speaker
discuss the situation with. Yeah. And if you don't have a spouse, I mean, or your spouse isn't as helpful as you'd like him to be, you can always go to a friend, some of my friends and I have had some great motherhood conversations where I've gotten some really great tips.
00:31:30
Speaker
on how to deal with a certain situation. Going to a therapist is also a great idea. It's a little more expensive than talking to a friend, but sometimes infinitely more helpful. Right. And also you need to be able to recognize when you're at the point that that is a safe thing to do. Yes. Yes. It's good to have some healthy relationships like that, right? And where it can be someone that can offer constructive advice and support instead of just a complaining session. I mean, those are fun too.
00:31:59
Speaker
Sometimes you actually need help. Maybe not productive. Right. And then your spouse or your friend or your therapist can help you remember why you choose to become a parent in the first place. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's huge. I think sometimes we get so caught up. You know, there's so much guilt in motherhood. And I think part of that stems from the fact that we know there are people who want to be moms who can't be, right? Or people whose kids are gone and they miss them. And so we think, we should be enjoying these years. And instead, I'm just cranky.
00:32:28
Speaker
That's not helpful at all. Instead to just say, I did want these kids and I love them a lot, but they're driving me crazy today. So how can we fix that? I know that I'm where I want to be and to think in terms of gratitude, I'm so grateful for this family that I have. How can I get through this situation that's really stressing me out because it makes me not be grateful some days.
00:32:50
Speaker
Yes. I also feel like my husband's really good at, he comes in from work and that's a totally different environment than I've been in all day. So he walks in the door and
00:33:01
Speaker
you know, hand him the baby who's probably covered with vomit or needs a diaper change. And, you know, I run out, I just need five minutes and you go for a walk or whatever. But it's not a situation that he's been in all day. And so he's really good at stepping into that and, you know, being really glad to see everybody while mom goes outside and takes a few deep breaths. Exactly. Yay, daddy's home. I'm out. Yes. Yeah. What would we do without them? Yeah.
00:33:28
Speaker
Yeah, I know. He always treats me like, you know, like I look great, even though I probably haven't showered yet in the day or something, you know, it makes me feel better. Yeah, exactly. Okay, so to recap, we first talked about number one, making some alone time for ourselves.
Recap of Key Strategies for Managing Motherhood
00:33:43
Speaker
Yes. It's very important when you have a bunch of kids on you all day.
00:33:48
Speaker
And number two, lower your expectations. You can't do it all, so stop trying. That's right. Figure out what's important and only focus on that, right? Yes. Number three, don't forget to play with your kids. Touch them and look them in the eyes. Yep. Number four, self-care is super important. Put it at the top of your list, not at the bottom. Exactly. And then finally, number five, discuss the situation that's stressing you out with a spouse or a trusted friend.
00:34:15
Speaker
And we hope that some of these tips really helped you guys or come in handy in the future when you feel like it is time to lose it. And now it's time for this week's outnumbered recommendations. So today, each of us is going to share with you guys our favorite podcast because we're a podcast and we figure you're already listening. Here is what we want to share with you guys. Go ahead, Audrey. Okay. I love to listen to the Live Free Creative podcast by Miranda Anderson.
00:34:42
Speaker
I feel like every time I listen to her episodes, it helps me examine a different facet of my personality, of my being, of my business, of whatever. And it just put a different positive perspective on it. I really enjoyed one of her recent episodes that I was listening to about positivity and about gratitude and being a thankful person and just thought,
00:35:07
Speaker
just focusing on being a positive person. And that was a really good podcast. After I listened to that one, I was like, hey, I really should listen to this one again. I love that. I love that. Repeats. Yes. So I like to listen to her podcast because it helps me make myself into a better person. Cool. Good self-improvement one. I like hers too.
00:35:28
Speaker
One of my favorites is the Better Than Happy podcast by Jodi Moore. She is amazing. She's a life coach and there was a time when I thought that title was kind of hokey and I didn't put much stock in it, but she's amazing. And she talks about everything, but largely focused on helping moms. And she had a podcast episode, I believe in December sometime about parenting that I highly recommend to everyone. So go check her out. She's awesome. Oh, cool. I'll have to listen to that one. I haven't listened to her yet.
00:35:58
Speaker
Yeah. So those are our recommendations for the week. Thank you guys so much for tuning in and we hope that next time you feel like you want to quit, you've got some tools in your arsenal to improve your situation. And I think people should feel free to reach out to us too by email and let us know if you're having a hard time and maybe we've been there and can relate. Absolutely. We'd love to chat. Thanks so much for listening. I'll talk to you later. Bye.
00:36:23
Speaker
Thanks so much for listening to Outnumbered the Podcast. You can contact us at outnumberedthepodcastatgmail.com and find us on Instagram at outnumberedthepodcast. We're so grateful for our listeners and would love it if you take the time to leave us an honest review on iTunes, Stitcher, or any other podcast platform. And don't forget to share the podcast with your mom friends. Can't wait to talk next time. Bye.