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Self Worth ~ Ask For What You Deserve
4.1k Plays10 months ago
Self worth is the foundation to building a happy life. Because to live a happy life is to love, and be loved in return - it’s to be respected and feel worthy of what you desire. If you have low self worth, then none of that is possible.
If you are wanting to manifest love, respect, success, healthy and happy relationships - your level of self worth will determine whether or not you can successfully manifest these good things into your life.
The small decisions we make in our everyday lives can have a far bigger impact than we think. It’s easy to fawn, people please, or not ask for what we want because we don’t want to make a fuss, or we fear embarrassment or judgement - but it's these small moments that make up our overall energy, and it's our energy that attracts the people, circumstances and things we want.
This episode is PACKED with juice! I’m certain it will get you thinking and bring some u-huh moments! I chat about the difference between self worth and confidence and how when we lack both, rejection, outside opinions and obstacles can hit hard.
Below are the questions/journal prompts which can help you identify where you are lacking in self worth
Are you looking for approval?
Are you reluctant to ask for what you want?
Are you scared you’ll make a fuss?
Are you worried what others will think of you?
If you are assertive, are you worried others will think you bossy, greedy or mean?
Do you think that there are better/more deserving/more successful/better looking people for what it is that you want.
Find the article I referenced here Why So Many Women Are Reluctant To Ask For What They Want and Deserve.
Pass Around the Smile's Links below
View my website here! (My very own oracle cards, journals, meditations, courses + more magical stuff!)
Join my Facebook community group here!
Find me on Instagram here! @passaroundthesmile @cleomassey
The Pass Around the Smile podcast is recorded on Bundjalung Country, in South East Queensland, Australia. We acknowledge the Yugambeh people of the Bundjalung Nation, the traditional owners of this land. We pay our respects to Elders past, present and emerging.
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Transcript
Introduction to Pass Around the Smile
00:00:01
Speaker
Pass Around the Smile is like your go-to friend, the one that lifts you up and backs you to the end. She's there to guide and inspire, challenge and teach, and remind you that your best self isn't out of reach. Self-development, manifestation, self-love and more, it's time to trust the process more than ever before. Welcome to Pass Around the Smile, the podcast. I'm your host, Cleo Massey, and I am so glad you're here. Let the magic begin. Hello and welcome to another Pass Around the Smile podcast. I am challenging myself today. Indigo's asleep. I've come to work with her because my mum and dad are in Thailand. I've packed orders this morning. She's still asleep so you might hear some Beyonce in the background if because
00:00:47
Speaker
she falls to sleep to cowboy carter but we've moved on to lemonade now and she's absolutely loving it she's zonked out and i thought oh my gosh i can actually record a podcast right now and i'm so excited about it she might wake up you know you might hear Beyonce in the background you might hear her crying in the background but we are embracing imperfection in this new season of mother motherhood and what I'm also challenging myself to do is just to keep talking if I kind of stuff up I'm just gonna I'm gonna keep going because this is a really good episode that has a lot of juice and a lot of substance an episode that I've been wanting to share for a long time.
Exploring Cleo's E-commerce and Products
00:01:26
Speaker
Before we get into the episode I do want to say I've had a couple of messages lately from people saying
00:01:32
Speaker
oh my gosh I didn't know that you had cards like I didn't know that you had an e-commerce store basically so I think these people had come from my podcast so I thought I might need to I don't know maybe a bit be a bit more unapologetic about selling myself and what I do I love my podcast and I love how I love the feedback I get like the the fact that my words are helping you guys just fills me up to no end but the thing that i'm most proud of i think will always be my cards and my courses oh i can't pick which my car oh i don't know anyway yes i have an e-commerce store so an e-commerce store is just you know
00:02:14
Speaker
I have a website where I sell my stuff and my stuff is all magical and it is it's they're products that have been kind of made over the years I take so long creating my card decks which are like oracle decks so I kind of explain them to be in the middle of affirmation cards and tarot cards so anyone can do readings for themselves or for loved ones it's a beautiful connection kind of activity. The cards can guide you and inspire you. They can answer your questions. They bring me guidance every single... Well, I actually don't do my cards every single day. um I like to probably do them every few days, maybe weekly sometimes. It always depends on what I'm going through. Like if I need guidance, I will turn straight to my cards, get them out, ask really specific questions, get the answer I need, and I can't count the amount of times.
00:03:05
Speaker
that I have sat there crying over my cards especially since becoming a mum I've just really needed that extra kind of support and understanding that my higher powers are there like talking to me and they always talk to me through my cards so yes I have three decks of adult cards I have the positive guidance cards they are a pass around the smile community favorite as they were my first deck my Guided Affirmation cards and my brand new deck. Well, it's not that brand new anymore, but my latest deck is my Positive Guidance Oracle cards. And oh my God, they are so magic. Like I just, I don't think I'll ever get over any of my decks of cards. I'm not saying this to toot my own horn. I'm just obsessed with what I do. Creating them was an absolute joy. It never feels like work. And I just feel so lucky to share these decks with the world.
00:03:51
Speaker
I ship worldwide not only do I have decks I have journals that accompany these decks so you can you know well what I do personally is I kind of do my little self-love manifestation ritual quite a lot where I will get my journal out I will release all my negativity my fears my confusion I will then ask my cards some specific questions I will pull them I'll get answers I will date in my journal the cards and what I got so I can look back to see how those cards kind of came true in the next few weeks or few months and then I'll finish with some gratitude in my journal, maybe writing down some manifestations. I also have the most beautiful positive guidance cards for kids. I just think that there is no better way to start a little one's life than with some positivity, some gratitude, kindness,
00:04:38
Speaker
Just, yeah, ah they're so special. I can't wait until Indigo can use them. And a great gift too, if I do say so myself. I also have journals, I have meditations that you can download. I have my online courses that ah took so long to curate. Very proud of them as well. um I've got jewelry, little magical boho jewels that I personally wear all the time. And I must say they are bloody good quality. for the price that I sell them for and yeah I think that's enough anyway. I basically just wanted to say there are quite a lot of you who don't know the scope of Pass Around Smile. Yes it's a podcast but yeah it's it's also a store and I love everything I sell and I know that my products can bring so much guidance and love and help in the spiritual and self-development world.
Understanding Self-Worth and Deservedness
00:05:25
Speaker
So yeah let's get into this episode.
00:05:28
Speaker
it's called self-worth ask for what you deserve. So if you guys listen to the episode with Olivia Carr, that was a few episodes ago, she mentioned this study that she had read about where women asking for their coffee orders will get the wrong coffee and I can't remember the stats but it was the majority of women will not say that their coffee order was wrong if it was wrong because they don't want to speak up. This seems small, right? It's just like, let's say you go up and you say, can I please have a cappuccino on almond milk? And you get it, and it's a cappuccino on full cream milk. And oh, baby's crying. Hang on. Okay, we are back. She's on my lap, so let's see how this goes.
00:06:15
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So, yes, let's say you order this coffee and it's wrong, right? And it seems really small and you don't want to make a fuss because, you know, the cafe is really busy, the waitresses are, you know, running off their feet, blah, blah, blah. So you just grab it and you go and you think nothing of it, but you really don't enjoy your morning coffee. There is so much more to this small thing than you think and i there There's more to the study. Olivia Carr kind of explained it a little bit, but I think like you could probably find it online somewhere. But I just wanted to bring it up to kind of give us an idea of the small things that we could be doing during our day that we don't really think will have any effect or impact on the whole scope of our day and our self-worth as a whole.
00:07:02
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Because what I've kind of found out is self-worth is the foundation to building a happy life. It really is because to live a happy life is to love and be loved in return. It's to be respected and feel worthy of what you desire. If you have low self-worth or if you have no self-worth, then none of that is possible. I've found my level of self-worth really fluctuates depending on my mood. If I've meditated, if I've journaled, if I've spent time on myself, If I get deep into thinking about, say, the acting industry, for example, and all the rejections I've faced, my self-worth kind of quivers and gets really fragile. But if I'm having a day where I'm feeling really powerful with pass around the smile or being a mum, things like that, my self-worth kind of builds again. But for me, personally, I find it goes really up and down. And I find I have really strong self-worth in some areas.
00:07:57
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and really weak self-worth in other areas and I can tell because in the areas that I manifest effortlessly I have self-worth, really strong self-worth, I feel good enough, i I want to be respected, I feel as though I should be respected, I feel worthy and deserving of good things whereas in other areas I don't feel worthy, I don't feel worthy of being listened to, I don't feel heard, I feel like I have to justify myself. I feel like I'm always looking for external validation. And I find that they are the things that I don't successfully manifest, which is why I think this is such a huge topic because as the Pass Around the Smile podcast and all of you as my community, we love to manifest, right? We are here to better our lives. We are here to step into that magical power we all hold and harness the greatest things in life that we
00:08:49
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very well deserve, but we need to have self-worth to
Manifestation and Self-Worth
00:08:53
Speaker
manifest. It is the foundation of building a happy life. It is the foundation of manifestation. If you do not have self-worth and you're saying mantras like, I am good enough. I'm worthy. I am capable. And you are visualizing your dream job or the good news or, you know, a healthy relationship. You're not going to get it if you don't have the self-worth in the first place. So it's a big topic. And I had a couple of comments and questions in my Facebook group that I'll read out. The first one was Jackie, and she said, I would love an episode on self-worth. I think it can be so easy to say I love and respect myself, but self-worth can be so much more than that and really rears its head.
00:09:38
Speaker
in moments that you've mentioned. So I mentioned in the Facebook community that you know self-worth well low self-worth can really rear its head you know when we're facing certain decisions or we have a job interview or we are on social media and the comparison is coming in. oh is that right do you want to speak in the podcast too um and then Magda replied yes please I would love to hear also about the difference between self-worth and confidence so there's so much to chat about on this topic and I'm just really excited how powerful this is it might end up just being a part one and we'll get into more of it in a part two but for now
00:10:19
Speaker
I want to ask you some questions and if you are at home you might want to grab a piece of paper and a pen or if you're not note the time that it's up to at this section so you can come back and write these in your journal later and answer them. So this episode, self-worth. ask for what you deserve. I want to ask you some questions and I want you to answer in your head or in your journal later as honestly as you can. And these questions kind of refer to just you in everyday life, or it could be in certain situations, depending on where you're at, what you're manifesting, what you want, what you need, what you struggle with, what you find effortless, what you find easy. Okay. So first question, are you looking for approval?
00:11:07
Speaker
Second question. Are you reluctant to ask for what you want? Third question. Are you scared you'll make a fuss?
00:11:20
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Fourth question. Are you worried what others will think of you? Next question. If you are assertive, are you worried others will think you are bossy, greedy or mean? Last question. Do you think that there are better people for the job or a more loving person for the relationship or a better looking person for the relationship? So basically, the scope of this question is, do you think there are better people for what you want? Is there a better person, do you believe, to do the job or to be in the relationship or to get the money or to get the good news than you?
00:12:04
Speaker
So they're the questions that I want you to answer honestly, and this will give you a good idea. um as to whether you struggle with self-worth or not and you can kind of break it down a little bit and understand in what areas do you struggle with self-worth because as I said before I struggle with self-worth in some areas and in some areas I don't. So back to the coffee study that can seem like something really really small right you get a coffee you don't want to make a fuss it's not a big deal you don't want to maybe embarrass the waitress that she got the order wrong or
00:12:38
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there's a line behind you or you know you just you just can't be bothered but you tell yourself you can't be bothered but you really want the almond milk when you got the full cream milk. This small decision to walk away and to accept that you didn't get what you asked for actually means so much more in the scheme of things and it really saddened me that the majority of people in this world that did this was women We really, really need to work on these small things to allow everything else to then fall into place and flow. Because if we just think, oh it's just a coffee, it's something small, like I'll let it go, like whatever, I can just have the full cream milk today. It's it's not just that. Indigo's making, she's sucking her hands. ah She's sucking her hands in the background, it's so cute.
00:13:28
Speaker
So we need to work on these little things so that when the big things come up where we really do need to harness our self-worth, whether it's job opportunities or in relationships, friendships, whether it's in an argument, a confrontation, um it might be that you're trying to prove yourself to someone, whether it's career-wise or friendship-wise, whatever. When you need that self-worth, if this morning yeah you know just took this coffee because you didn't want to make a fuss eight's it means that you you didn't ask for what you deserved, basically. We can still be assertive, we can still ask for what we want, while still being a really kind, loving, giving human being. So I guess, and I'm so guilty, I am so guilty of getting my hot chocolate and it's not hot, it's lukewarm, and it doesn't have the marshmallows I asked for. And very often, well, I used to just never say anything, and I would not like it because it was
00:14:27
Speaker
cold and no marshmallows like you got to have marshmallows with a hot chocolate but then I realized that I am allowed to go up and say oh excuse me when you have a quick minute um am I able to just ask you something about my order you know I did ask for marshmallows I can see them in the jar over there do you mind if I just pinch a couple and you know actually to be honest i've never asked for them to warm up my drink but you know maybe i could maybe that's something i need to work on if it's cold i need to ask them to for a hotter hot chocolate but for me at the moment now asking for the marshmallows that they often forget is big for me and i can do that because i am worthy of getting
00:15:07
Speaker
what I ask for and when I am practicing it in little ways like this I'm affirming to the universe that I oh here we go that I deserve good things and I deserve what I ask for this then spills over into what we are asking the universe for our manifestations into bigger things and again in the moment it can be so easy to go oh I won't do it today like you know the cafe's busy or I'm in a rush or whatever making excuses as to why you don't need to you know but yeah put yourself in an uncomfortable situation really and ask for what you want but that is where nothing changes we need to use these little moments to propel us forward we need to use these little moments to teach ourselves that we deserve more even if it's as small as your coffee or hot chocolate order
00:15:56
Speaker
So promise me that you'll, oh, do you want to get it? We'll play on the floor. All right.
Consequences of Low Self-Worth
00:16:01
Speaker
BRB. I came across, I'm back, by the way, obviously, I came across a blog the other week and I saved this little part from it and I wanted to read it and I will put the link to the blog in the bio so you can go and read the whole thing if you want. But I think this kind of encapsulates what I was just talking about, how As women we need to feel more worthy and deserving of asking for what we want or for correcting things that were wrong because we deserve that and it will have a flow and effect. So this says, I was too scared to ask for what I truly wanted. I returned to men who had cheated because I didn't feel like I deserved more.
00:16:38
Speaker
I stayed in a job I passionately disliked for two years because I was unable to find the words to ask for a new role. I was paid below market rate because I would agonize for weeks leading up to an annual annual review and on the day fall short of asking for more. I filled my head with all the reasons why I didn't deserve it and created lists of all the things I could do in the coming year to feel more deserving and please my key stakeholders. I would hold my tongue all the time, paralyzed with not feeling good enough, coupled with simply not being able to put the words together. Often, like my mum, I would be left sobbing behind closed doors, frustrated and feeling hurt and disappointed. I became masterful at storytelling internally and externally, continually justifying why the status quo was okay. In my mid-twenties, I was simply on autopilot,
00:17:32
Speaker
disengaged from my core needs and my true self. Instead of pushing limits, trying, failing, and learning, I was too afraid to go after what I wanted, too wedded to what I thought I had to be to please others, not deserving of asking for what I wanted and going after it. I watched friends, careers, and relationships go from strength to strength off the back of their belief in themselves and the courage to be honest in what they needed, while I shuffled forward. I accepted destructive relationships, projected my anger with myself onto others, saw inequality everywhere and I would go to bat for others but never for myself." Isn't that so sad but I bet everyone listening can really feel some truth in that.
00:18:18
Speaker
I can feel truth in that, I can relate to parts of that being my truth, and it makes me really sad knowing that that woman went through that for so many years, but so many of us go through it too. So I really hope this episode is a bit of a realization moment for you, that the small things that seem small are actually quite destructive and big in the scheme of things because it is a flow on effect. So next time you catch yourself, you know, in those patterns that keep happening whether it's in your relationship or with your boss at work or a friend if people are putting you down if you are asking for things and not getting them or if you are too scared to ask for things because you don't want to look silly or you don't want to make a fuss or you are scared of rejection you're fearing failure then please please please what if someone else did it like this woman said she was watching her friends and her family go from strength to strength in their relationships in their work in
00:19:13
Speaker
every area of their life but she would not go into bat for herself and she would constantly be complimenting others going into bat for others which is something I'm sure we can all agree that we do for other people but you don't do it for yourself that why when you are the most important person in your life and if you go into bat for yourself if you are confident if you value who you are your place on this earth not only will it inspire other people around you to do the same you will live a happier life And it's exciting how quickly, externally, things can change when you change this
Self-Worth vs. Confidence
00:19:50
Speaker
internally. So we'll go back to Magda's question, the difference between self-worth and confidence.
00:19:55
Speaker
so I think self worth really relates to the value that you place on yourself as a person. You know, it's about believing that you really deserve the happiness, the respect, the success, the unconditional love. I think self worth is internal. It's how you feel about yourself inside. And self-worth shouldn't be affected by outside opinions and external validation or circumstances outside of yourself. Because even if you fail or if someone says something nasty to you, if you have self-worth, you will know that it's separate to you. You'll know that it's not true. Like sure, you might be sad or down for a bit, but overall, if you have a strong sense of self-worth, internally, outside factors should not affect this.
00:20:41
Speaker
If we have low self-worth and outside opinions and decisions and rejections, things like that can really hurt and allow us to crumble. Oh my god, I can't deal with her. She's being so good. She's just lying on the floor with her toys smiling up at me. I love you, baby girl. The Pass Around the Smile community loves you for letting me do this too. Thank you! um Okay, so now let's talk about confidence. So, confidence is the belief, I guess, that you hold in your own abilities. or to face challenges, to do things that are hard. Confidence isn't an inner belief like self-worth, I don't think. It's more like a feeling or a mood that can come from self-worth. Oh, is that right? So it can come from self-worth and this is another reason why self-worth is the foundation to everything. it starts with self-worth. So I think self-worth can definitely contribute to building confidence but you can still have confidence in certain areas while struggling with self-worth because you know you hear so many stories where big CEOs or famous people who seem to have it
00:21:45
Speaker
all going for them who seem to just have the most confident personalities in the world, you then find out that they are struggling struggling with low self-worth behind closed doors. like We've all heard those stories. And as Jackie mentioned in her question in the Pass Around the Smile community group, it can be so easy to say, you know I love and respect myself in your mantras, but do you really, do you really believe that to your core? And are you doing things in your everyday life that prove that that is true? Because if you are not, giving time for yourself if you are not treating yourself kindly with your words if you are not asking for the pay rise if you are not valuing your time with say oh is that right if you're not valuing your time for example with say the friend that's always late and you constantly don't say anything but you're sitting in the park waiting for them for 45 minutes these are all examples where your self-worth is so important and if you're not speaking up if you are not valuing your time, who you are, how you feel. Your feelings are a big one. If you are not valuing yourself enough to speak up about, you know, when you said this, it really hurt me, or you have me feeling like this when you do this, then you do not have the self-worth that you need to live a
Personal Challenges with Self-Worth
00:23:00
Speaker
very happy life. And I don't want this to make you feel sad or defeated. I bet every single one of my community listening to this are hearing parts of this in that are in themselves, like a reflection.
00:23:12
Speaker
I absolutely struggle really badly with self-worth and I think a lot of that from me personally has come from the acting industry where I was constantly told no. I had to look for external validation because other people, directors, casting directors, producers saying yes to me meant that yes you get the role, yes you get your dream. So I put all my self-worth on hold to get the yeses but that really wasn't how I should have been living my life which is why I was constantly met with block after block even when I was using the steps of the law of attraction to manifest my dreams of course it wasn't working because I did not have self-worth I had I had no self-worth and I find this kind of creeping into my life now even as a mother sometimes I just feel not good enough and I you know
00:24:05
Speaker
Absolutely put myself second now, of course I do, but ah when that happens time after time, I find myself quite unhappy and unfulfilled in who I am as a person and who I am as an individual separate to a mother because how can I manifest good things when I'm not speaking up about my needs or I'm not giving myself time to reset or I'm not doing little things to honor myself and to say I'm worthy and deserving. I think I'll stop this episode here. It was shorter than usual but I really don't think that matters because it was packed with good information that is really, like I know that this information is going to be really impactful because recently I have really realized that the only reason that my manifestations aren't materializing at the moment is because I have low self-worth in those areas.
Sponsorship and Self-Promotion
00:24:54
Speaker
So I'm really excited to
00:24:56
Speaker
make those small changes like when I'm ordering my hot chocolate, speak up because I deserve the marshmallows and let that kind of flow on and really stand up for myself in all areas of my life because I bloody deserve it. I value myself and I think the reason I gave a little spiel about pass around the smile and my products at the start of this episode was me doing that as well. It's not comfortable selling myself. I'm not a selly person but I knew that oh well I do know that my products are incredible and help so many people so why shouldn't I share that and why shouldn't I do that on my own podcast? I think I previously in the last couple of weeks have been
00:25:37
Speaker
you know looking for sponsors for new episodes and things like that and i'm like why don't i sponsor my own episode by talking about my own products because they are good enough to sponsor a pass around the smile podcast episode of course they are but i have feelings of like people won't want to hear it they just want to get to the good information and that is that's me not honoring myself and then when i'm not honoring myself and what i do my self-worth is is not there backing me up then you know the universe will respond with more of that if we are saying we're not good enough no one will want to listen no one will want to hear then the universe is like okay well you're giving me that energy i'll give it back so self-worth baby let's um let's work on it um spotify has a new thing oh are you okay okay
00:26:26
Speaker
Spotify has a new thing where you can comment and I can actually reply. So in the Q and&A, comment what you thought. If you have any other questions or topics that you would like me to do episodes on, post it in the Facebook community, um please let me know what you thought of this episode. Please follow, subscribe, give it five stars if you're listening on Apple or Spotify.
Engaging with the Audience
00:26:47
Speaker
It really, really helps me keep going like it really, really does. um Being a mum now I am finding it really hard to record episodes fortnightly as you can hear and I'd like to thank you for being
00:26:58
Speaker
A, patient with me and B, just accepting that every now and then I might have an episode like this where you can hear indigo in the background. um But it's like, I either don't do an episode at all or I do one that's imperfect. So that was today. I hope you got a lot out of this episode. um And I'm really excited to hear some, wow. I'm really excited to hear some shifts that come from you guys upping your self-worth. See you next time.
00:27:36
Speaker
go