Transcript
Speaker: Pass Around the Smile is like your go-to friend, the one that lifts you up and backs you to the end. She's there to guide and inspire, challenge and teach, and remind you that your best self isn't out of reach.
Speaker: Self-development, manifestation, self-love and more, it's time to trust the process more than ever before.
Speaker: Welcome to Pass Around the Smile, the podcast. I'm your host, Cleo Massey, and I am so glad you're here. Let the magic begin. Hello, my smileys. Welcome back to the Pass Around the Smile podcast. You're going to roll your eyes because I'm going to say the same thing I say every single episode.
Speaker: I'm so excited about this episode, but I am. am. I just am. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm excited about every single episode that I record for you guys. This one in particular, I'm excited Because I'm really, really clear on what it is that this episode is going to be about. And I think it's a message that's going to resonate with so many of you. And if it does, please let me know.
Speaker: I know I say this all of the time, but like, please get in touch. Like, comment on Spotify. I can comment back on Spotify now. You can join my community on Facebook. Like there's so many good conversations that are happening in the group and in the comments that can really aid your self-development journey and kind of just support you in the wellbeing space.
Speaker: Support your mindset, like enrich your brain with all of this new, exciting woo-woo stuff that I ah feel so grateful that I can give you. So hi, my smileys. I love you guys. I feel like we are all just best friends and I wish we could go away together on all on like a little retreat where there's all of us together and we're sipping hot chocolate with marshmallows and chatting about life. Wow.
Speaker: This is a strong start. This is a really strong start, guys. Do you know what? I feel like usually i would start this podcast again because I'm like, I'm rambling. What am I even talking about? I've already mixed up words and they're not, it's not flowing.
Speaker: And I would start it again, but I'm just a bit over that version of me who is striving for perfection. I know I always say like perfection doesn't exist, but like, let's face it, we still try and achieve it sometimes. Well, I do anyway, but I really do want you guys to feel every podcast episode that we are just sitting down for tea together. I hope that you feel that I am talking to you, directly to you in your earbuds right now, to your soul. I am talking to you. so
Speaker: No, I'm not going to start this podcast again. I know it's a bit here, there and everywhere um right now, but it won't be because I'm so clear, as I said, on what I want this episode to be about. And as you can see from the title, it's called Success Doesn't Have to be Loud.
Speaker: I feel like there's so much pressure these days. to be loud and visible and seen and heard in everything that we do.
Speaker: And what that does is it shows other people that we are happy or successful or doing well in this particular area, or we look really good because we've had a facial or we've been doing an eight week challenge.
Speaker: And a lot of this, of course, comes down to social media. And even if you don't have social media or maybe you do, but it's just for your friends and family, this episode is also it's it's about the ways that we show up, like in in so many different ways, whether it's in like your workplace or how you show up within your family and friendship group circles.
Speaker: Um, social media is a big part of this, but it can also be on like platforms that you have within work. I know lots of people use like Slack, for example, or maybe it's something they, maybe you're at school or you're studying. This episode will resonate in many different ways. And I really want you to promise me something because I have, I have done this, this episode,
Speaker: As always, I'm being quite vulnerable, but I'm going to admit something that I'm actually quite ashamed of. And it's actually pretty embarrassing for me as a podcast host of a wellness podcast like this, where I promote being kind, empathetic, positive, understanding, judgment-free. It's embarrassing for me to admit this, and I'll admit that.
Speaker: But by admitting this, I know that I am helping you And I'm also helping myself because we do nothing in our self-development journey for ourselves if we do not admit when we are wrong or when we are being judgmental or when maybe we took something too far.
Speaker: If we don't admit that and accept the uncomfortable feelings, forgive ourselves and move on, it just sits there stagnant. And we wonder why we're not manifesting successfully. We wonder why we're waking up feeling anxious. We wonder why our skin is breaking out or we're getting headaches, whatever it is.
Speaker: We wonder why. But I, at the moment, am just kind of like coming back to myself. I am like trying to really understand who Cleo is again, because after having my baby girl Indigo, as I've mentioned to you guys, I, it's been a rollercoaster. It is for every single mom.
Speaker: The rollercoaster is different and takes all different twists and turns for every mom, but In one way, it's all the same because it's messy. It's a messy roller coaster.
Speaker: And I've said to you guys, I'm spiritually frustrated since having Indie. I am also still a little bit unsure of like this new version of me, who I am.
Speaker: i know what I stand for. I know my values. I know my beliefs, but I'm a little bit foggy. as to like where exactly I want to go, how I want to show up in this world and what I actually want.
Speaker: And this realization that I have that I will tell you soon that kind of sparked the idea for this episode ah was amazing. A big part of this, a big part of like acknowledging, like, you know, Cleo, why are you having this thought?
Speaker: Not just having this thought, bearing it and moving it on, moving on, sorry. Having this thought and actually going, ooh, I'm having this thought. because it is a reflection of how I am feeling and I will admit that.
Speaker: So personally, as you guys know, and if you are new to the podcast, welcome. You might want to scroll back to all the way back to episode two if you want like a little bit more of an understanding of who I am where I've come from, because a lot of the stories that I bring up in the Pass Around the Smile podcast ah in relation to my journey kind of growing up in the film and television industry, how I got past around the smile started.
Speaker: There's a lot. Anyway, you can scroll back if you need to, but I know a lot of you here are full blown smileys and I bloody love you for it. But so as you know, or as you might not know, I have been in the public eye, I guess, for a long time. And what I learned through my psychology sessions is that I have become conditioned to crave validation from other people, whether I know them or not, because in the acting industry to survive, to get the roles, you literally need that validation. You need approvals. You need yeses.
Speaker: to make it. And that is just how it is. So from a young age, that is what I knew. And that kind of became a part of my, well, acting became a part of my identity. I was an actor. I was a performer and everything else that I did in not in relation to acting,
Speaker: didn't really matter to me because it wasn't acting. It wasn't that big goal that I had. So you might be able to relate where you have something that you want so bad, right? And there are other good things happening in your life in the meantime, but they don't really mean much to you because it's not the big goal.
Speaker: So back to kind of what I was saying as to being in the public eye. So what that has created for me now is this, uh, ah I don't know what it is, I guess, a pressure to show up online as like the, either the happiest version of me or the funniest version of me or the version of me that's like educating or inspiring.
Speaker: And What i have learned in the last few years is that I only need to show up on social media when it feels aligned and natural and exciting. I've stopped showing up on social media when it feels forced because that is not what I'm about. That's not what I preach. So I can't practice what I preach.
Speaker: But what I've found that also doing is like when I'm not showing up on social media, because I'm like spending time with my family, or maybe I'm feeling anxious, or maybe I just don't feel like it. Or if I'm lazy, I maybe don't have time that day.
Speaker: Or maybe I'm just simply enjoying my life and not feeling the need to prove to everyone that I'm having an incredible day. There's so many reasons, right? But I will admit, I still come back to this feeling or this fear that people will perceive that I am not doing well.
Speaker: I'm not succeeding. I'm not happy. And I realize this. because of this realization that I came to that i definitely feel ashamed about.
Speaker: And I'm going to tell you it now because what I'm saying probably isn't quite hitting the spot yet because I haven't told you the actual realization that I had. So this woman that I used to kind of work, like I worked with her back in the day and um lovely woman, she had this business. It was kind of all over social media. And that's the thing with what I do. It's hard because To be completely honest, I would love to just shut down and be off social media forever because I think that that would be a really peaceful, beautiful life. I wouldn't get stuck in comparison as much as I do. i wouldn't judge myself as harshly as I do.
Speaker: And i wouldn't feel the need to constantly prove what I am doing to other people. However... On the other hand, I am so, so incredibly grateful for social media and the opportunities that it's brought me. I'm so thankful for the way that it has helped me pass around the smile to literally hundreds and thousands of people around the world.
Speaker: One day millions watch this space. um But yeah, I'm so grateful for it, but I also hate it, but I love it. It's a complicated relationship and I'm i'm sure some of you guys feel that too.
Speaker: But for me, for my personal brand, for Cleo Massey, I am on social media because... Being in the acting world, you know, it's actually crazy.
Speaker: Sometimes, not sometimes, actually a lot of the time now, which I really don't like, they will cast you having your social media following in mind because they know that if you get the role and if you are playing this character, you are going to market that role to a million of your followers versus someone else who might be just as good of an actor, but they don't have social media or they have 200 followers.
Speaker: So for a long time when I was auditioning, they would actually be asking about your social media following. And I was like, hang on a minute. What? Why? What does this have to do with... how good of an actor I am. It actually, it really got to me. But what that did is it created this pressure for me to show up when I didn't want to. And for me to try and gain a following when it's like, this doesn't feel right to me, but I've really kind of honed back on that now for so many different reasons.
Speaker: The biggest one being that acting isn't my be all and end all anymore, which is just like still so refreshing and empowering for me and still quite fresh and exciting as well.
Speaker: Hmm. Interesting. That's another episode. um But yeah, so i on Pass Around the Smile as well, i do need to show up on social media because Pass Around the Smile is my business.
Speaker: At the end of the day, yes, it's a spiritual business. Yes, I never started Pass Around the Smile to make money, but now it is my full-time job and I have a family and I have to be unapologetic about that. So yes, I do have to hop on social media and promote my business to make money.
Speaker: So I have to be loud in some ways to get my message across, to bring people to my business. And I will be like, that's, that's just how it is.
Speaker: Now, this is all, just say the thing clear. I think I'm avoiding saying it because I actually am really ashamed that I had this judgment about someone. Let's just get it. Let's just get into it.
Speaker: The judgment I had about this girl I used to work with, she I realized um that I hadn't seen her in a couple of years on social media. And I was like, oh, I wonder where...
Speaker: that that girl is like she was so lovely and her business was thriving and like I wonder like what where she is like she's you know and I looked her up and she was nowhere she was not on social media her personal page wasn't there her business wasn't there nothing was there and I was like my first reaction i should say my first judgment was she must have failed and I'm I'm embarrassed I'm embarrassed that that was my first judgment why was that my first judgment that she must have failed, that her business must have failed.
Speaker: I think it was my first judgment because often what we judge about others is what we fear and what we judge about ourselves. And I fear that if I'm not on social media or if I'm not loud about my success, about my achievements, then people will think that I have failed.
Speaker: And at the end of the day, it is scary because what other people think about us. We're all human. We've got to admit it's not comfortable if we think people are like talking crap about us or judging us harshly. That's not comfortable.
Speaker: So i realized first of all, that this was more about me than her. And what I then realized was a little pang of jealousy. And I was like, hang on a minute. Whoa, all of these feels are coming up. Why am I now feeling jealous of this girl who I've just perceived as a failure, by the way?
Speaker: Oh, she failed because she deleted her social media. Her business is nowhere. She must... be, so you know, struggling for money, struggling for purpose. She, um, you know, who knows, does she have a family or friends? I don't know. You know, that saying where it's like, if you didn't take a picture, it didn't happen. Or like, if you didn't post it on social media, it didn't happen.
Speaker: Honestly, was having those thoughts about her again. I'm ashamed about it because it's so like what I like, it's not what I believe, but it's obviously what I fear.
Speaker: And then I started to think, she is probably, this jealousy, right? This jealousy that was coming up. I think I was jealous because I was like, oh my gosh, she actually is probably thriving. She's probably living a really peaceful, slow and meaningful life.
Speaker: not being on social media. Again, I'm not shitting all on social media because again, social media, I actually, i love elements. I love how it connects us all.
Speaker: I am so thankful for the opportunities it has brought me. Honestly, I do. i um I love it and I'm so thankful for it. But are we allowed to love it and hate it at the same time? I think we can. I think we can.
Speaker: um So then I realized that my judgment was like, whoa, harsh. And it was a reflection on me. But I also realized that, yeah, um she could have a hugely, hugely, hugely successful business and it doesn't have to be on social media.
Speaker: to, you know, doesn't have to be in people's faces. So let's go through what I kind of, my reflections on this. I am an over explainer.
Speaker: I justify. and sometimes I talk too much because i am trying to prove a point to someone, whether it is people I don't know, whether it's my audience, my customers, my community or family and friends.
Speaker: Over the years, I am learning to be strong in what I know and believe and not feel the need to justify so much. But this was another lesson in a weakness that i personally have.
Speaker: And that weakness is, I believe that our success has to be allowed to be successful, to be noticed, to be heard, to be seen.
Speaker: But it it doesn't. And like, yes, of course, there's an element of business where like, you know, if you do want to be successful, you do need customers. You do need community. You do need to build momentum. I get that. I understand that. But this is not the message that I'm talking about here.
Speaker: The message I'm talking about here is how we show up and whether, again, whether it's on social media or in your workplace or within your friendship circles, How does it feel when you are showing up? Are you trying to prove to other people why you are happy or why you are right or why they shouldn't do this or why they should do that?
Speaker: Or are you just happy being? o having a lot of internal thoughts here and I hope you are too. But what realized was that we can change, we can evolve,
Speaker: We can walk our own paths without explaining it. And this is exactly what this girl did. she just She just went off and she's doing her own thing.
Speaker: And I actually ended up finding out through someone that she knows that she is actually doing freaking fantastic. And do you know how incredibly happy I was to hear that? Like genuinely, I was like, this is such a beautiful story for her and a great realization and lesson for me.
Speaker: She is doing absolutely fantastic. Yet my first judgment, just because she is not loud and in everyone's face about how successful she is, means she's not successful, means she's not happy.
Speaker: And we have been conditioned as a society to praise people with big followings, to praise people who are saying, I earn this much, to praise people who have, you know, the amount of listens or downloads in their bios or they're shouting about how many lives they've changed or ah I don't know how many customers they have or how many, I don't know, gyms they own or how many big buildings they own, whatever it is, we are...
Speaker: conditioned to praise that and to be like, wow, you are so successful. And if you're that successful, you must be so happy. But how do you feel when people are so loud about their success in your face?
Speaker: Whether it's on social media or face-to-face at work or networking events or at school or at uni, how does it make you feel? Because personally for me, it doesn't make me feel inspired.
Speaker: It doesn't make me like idolize them. I will admit sometimes it's a bit of a trap where you where you fall into that trap of believing that their success is something that will make you happy and even if it's not in your goal path you all of a sudden are like changing your ideas of what happiness and what success is because this person is so in your face that this is the right way and society has said that you know you have to
Speaker: have a ah a big following or a big bank account or own 10 million businesses to be, you know, this definition of success. And Brooklyn and I, in our last episode, we talked about redefining success and what success means to us. So I won't go too much into that, but I think you kind of get the gist of where I'm going.
Speaker: But we don't need to justify, we don't need to explain our change or when we are evolving. And I really want you to just reflect in yourself right now, just as I did.
Speaker: Have you had any judgments previously, whether it was ages ago, whether it was today or last week, where you look at others and you think, well, what are they? Like you judge them on either what they are doing or what they're not doing.
Speaker: So I've been doing lots of reflections lately. And one thing that I have realized about myself, which really ties into how I viewed this person and what she kind of did with, you know, jumping off social media, changing careers, blah, blah, blah, was the topic of relevance and how I actually found that. And I found out this through my years of psychology.
Speaker: i really felt for many years that I was irrelevant. I felt irrelevant, which is a really, really awful thing to feel. I felt irrelevant um for many reasons, but the main being, obviously i grew up on H2O Just Had Water, a very popular children's show. It was all the rage.
Speaker: Then all of a sudden, yes, it still it still plays like 20 years later, which is crazy, but it was over, right? It was done. And then i was for years and years and years trying to get all of these acting roles, auditioning, working so hard, being slapped in the face, rejected over and over and over again, right?
Speaker: And as the years went on, I realized that I felt really irrelevant. And then i talked to my mom about it not too long ago. And she was saying how she thinks it's so awful when people are called like has-beens or they were a has-been because they they were successful or they were famous.
Speaker: And it really got me thinking how our past like can really, really stay in the past, not only for our own definition of success for us, but for other people's definition and perception of you as a successful being. If you're not watching the video, I'm doing the little bunny ears here because success means something so different to all of us.
Speaker: I get so many questions, not so much now, but I used to get so many questions from people saying, what have you done since H2O? ah Where have you been? There's actually been articles like on well on so many people, but I found articles on me that it's like, where has she been?
Speaker: and I'm like, I remember reading this headline. It was like, where has she been? And I'm like, I'm right here. Like I'm still relevant just because I haven't done anything in the acting world That is deemed as successful as h two o doesn't mean that I am not a relevant person who is relevant in this world.
Speaker: And that was a really big realization for me. And it really hit home. And then I was even more ashamed with how I viewed this girl and her own personal life, her own personal journey. I viewed her as she'd given up, she'd failed.
Speaker: How dare I? How dare I? I looked at her almost as if she was irrelevant now because she was not on social media. Oh, I actually, again, it's hard for me to admit this guys. I hope you are appreciating that I admit ah that I'm admit admitting this. And I hope you're not judging me and thinking that I'm a B-I-T-C-H because honestly it makes me feel like one.
Speaker: Um, but I'm being honest and that is how I felt. And I realized it was such a reflection on me. So what I then started to think was like the, what have you done since H2O question that I always got in the, where has she been and what does she be doing now?
Speaker: Actually, what I am doing now is so much more meaningful and so much more purposeful than what I have ever done in my life. I don't care what other people think, but it really gets me thinking, why is success measured by how loud we are being or how loud the thing that we are doing is?
Speaker: H2O, for example, was loud. It was a very successful children's show. I'm so grateful for it, whatever. But like, it doesn't make what I'm doing now irrelevant. And just because you have achieved something in your life, let's say you won an incredible award once,
Speaker: And as the years get on, it's just feeling smaller and less exciting and less important. And maybe like you don't want to talk about it anymore because it was five years ago now. It still happened.
Speaker: You still won the award. And maybe you're like, yeah, but every year after that, someone else won it. So like, it's not me anymore. I'm irrelevant. No, you are not. You still won the award. You still did the thing.
Speaker: We can't go through life comparing every single achievement to the biggest thing that we ever did, that we've ever done, that we've ever achieved. Because then we are just setting ourselves up for failure in our own minds.
Speaker: And that is so sad. And that is so awful. So why do we only count an achievement if it's recent? I want you to look back at your CV, at your resume, even scroll back on your social media. Look at all the things that you have done, you've achieved, whether they are big or small in your mind, I don't care.
Speaker: You have done so much. The countries you've traveled to, the friends you've made, the work achievements that you have achieved, you know, You are relevant. You are doing incredible. You have done so much in your life and nothing needs to be measured up or compared to anything, especially other people.
Speaker: I'm kind of talking though in this episode that we're kind of competing with ourselves. Like for years I was competing with the version of me that was on a children's show that was like literally...
Speaker: ranked number one in 120 countries for so long, you know, like that, you can't really measure against that. Yet I am doing something now that's for me is so much more meaningful.
Speaker: I hope this is making sense. I hope this is hitting home. So what I realized was that I really feared being forgotten. I feared feeling irrelevant. So what I did was I judged people who weren't in the spotlight or who stepped out of the spotlight.
Speaker: That is what I did and in the moment, it had me feeling powerful and it had me feeling on top. Yet that version of me that day in particular didn't wanna show up on social media and was so anxious about what I did post on social media.
Speaker: So you know it you really got to look at where your happiness lies, where your perceptions lie. What are you judging about other people? It is a huge reflection on what you are fearing, on the lessons that you have learned in your life that then have become limiting beliefs in your subconscious mind.
Speaker: It can be painful to bring up these things. It can be embarrassing and it can mean work. It can mean self and spiritual development work. But these are the things that create real change. These realizations, these acknowledgements that you will have They are the aha moments, the puzzle pieces that actually allow everything else to make sense and fall into place for you.
Speaker: I think that's what people don't realize. People think it it has to be like the you're you're ticking off your to-do list, you're achieving your goals, you're gaining momentum. The manifestations are starting to materialize that it has to kind of go that way for everything to like build up for you and for you to achieve your goals. But I actually feel like it's so much deeper than that.
Speaker: It's the really deep inner work that you do that can just be that aha moment, that switch deep in your subconscious mind that then allows everything else to become clear and unfold.
Speaker: And I tell you what, when I had this judgment about this woman and then I realized why I had it, I now feel so free and proud of myself for actually understanding why I had that judgment.
Speaker: And it's really cleared some things up for me. And I'm really feeling a lot more on purpose. And I really feel that I have nothing to prove to anyone. And i actually find it funny now, almost. I find it light. If someone wants to judge me If someone looks at me and thinks she's irrelevant or she gave up on acting or what she's doing with pass around the smile mustn't be very good anymore because she hasn't posted in a week.
Speaker: I don't care. And do you know how good that feels? It feels really good. And I want you to be able to feel this too. So I've written a few things down. I'm going to read them I'm just, ah just reflect, just listen and just allow the thoughts to come up and don't judge yourself. This is kind of like wraps up the episode, but it will also help you reflect on where you might be struggling, where you might be judging and what you might be feeling.
Speaker: Okay. So what if closing a business, stepping away from anything or going quiet is a sign of clarity, not coll collapse. What if rest, change,
Speaker: or redefinition is a brave and empowered choice. What if your successes don't have to be put on show to actually matter?
Speaker: So I want to remind you guys that you are not falling behind, that your ideas, that what you are doing, that how you show up is enough. And if it matters to you and if it feels good for you, then it is good. It is enough.
Speaker: Keep going. Keep proving yourself right and know that every single thing that you have done that you have considered an achievement or great still matters, still holds its value.
Speaker: Just because the years have gone gone on or just because you haven't achieved something as great in your mind, It doesn't mean a thing. Focus on how good you felt when that thing happened to create more of it, if that's what's going to make you feel better in the moment.
Speaker: We don't have to prove that we are that we are anything, that we are still something or that we're becoming something or that something great is coming. Just being. My goals have changed completely.
Speaker: My goals have changed so much. And I'm feeling so excited about my goals now. My goals are clarity, peace, slowing down, rather than the hustle, the success.
Speaker: I don't want to be in people's faces. I don't want to be loud because ah don't know about you guys, but when I'm loud about something that I achieve, it doesn't feel nice because it's it's that seeking validation.
Speaker: feel like we all, if we're seeking validation, yes, I'm not saying diminish your achievements. When you achieve something, you should be loud about it because you are proud because you are so like excited and you want to share the good vibration. Definitely still do that. Check in though why you are sharing it.
Speaker: If you are sharing it for that reason, it will spread good vibrations. If you are sharing it to put others down or to make yourself feel higher than them or to show people, to prove something to someone, to prove something to society, then it's it's not going to feel good for you.
Speaker: So really check in there. Guys, I think I'll end the episode there. I really hope you liked this episode of the Pass Around the Smile podcast. I have had so many of you download my latest meditation album, by the way, lately, and it's all around the world. It's so exciting. um I'll pop the meditation album in the show notes. I'm so proud of this meditation album. It's got walking meditations. It's got driving meditations. It's got meditations to play while you're working.
Speaker: Um, it's got sleep meditations, manifestation meditations. I'm really proud of it. And yeah, I'm just really loving seeing you guys downloading it and then seeing beautiful reviews just makes me feel so happy and fulfilled.
Speaker: Um, my t-shirts and my 90s are coming. Oh my God, guys, so much has gone wrong with them. It's not even funny. But like, I've just learned it's just a small thing.
Speaker: Like, ah don't get me wrong. I was so uptight and angry about it. And then I just was like, if my family are safe and healthy, nothing else matters. Everything else is a small thing.
Speaker: So they are coming. Thank you for being patient. I love you guys. Join the Facebook community. Please rate this podcast on Apple Podcasts. Please comment on Spotify. It honestly really helps me to keep going.
Speaker: And press the follow button on so Spotify or Apple and then it will have me coming up when I bring out new episodes. And guys, oh my gosh, wait until you see who I have coming on the Pass Around the Smile podcast.
Speaker: Wow. You guys are amazing. I love you. Bye.
Speaker: o
