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Breaking Myself Down, Building Myself Up
46 Plays1 year ago
Okay, so let’s take it from the top.
Twitter: @GatherThemPod
IG: @GatherThemPod
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Email: Gatherthempod@gmail.com
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Transcript
Introduction & Pride Month Reflection
00:00:32
Speaker
Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Gather Them Podcast.
00:00:36
Speaker
I'm your host Jerome, and we're back for another week.
00:00:40
Speaker
It's the last week of Pride Month.
00:00:42
Speaker
It went by so quickly, honestly.
00:00:45
Speaker
I feel like it was one of those months where it's just like you blink, and all of a sudden it's the end of the month.
00:00:56
Speaker
Next week is literally July.
00:00:58
Speaker
That's crazy to me.
Fitness & Life Balance
00:01:00
Speaker
Um, but anyway, it's been a really good month for me.
00:01:02
Speaker
Like things have been on the up and up.
00:01:05
Speaker
Um, things have been working out perfectly.
00:01:08
Speaker
Like I went to, um, you know, I went to the gym, um, a couple of times I met my new trainer.
00:01:17
Speaker
I remember I told you guys on my, on the last episode, um, before, um, I hosted with Marcus, um, that I was going to see a trainer and I've had three sessions since then.
00:01:29
Speaker
And, um,
00:01:30
Speaker
I feel like I'm getting stronger.
00:01:33
Speaker
Definitely the muscles are starting to poke out a little bit more.
00:01:38
Speaker
And I'm starting to endure a little bit better.
00:01:41
Speaker
And he's like slowly building me up.
00:01:43
Speaker
So like I'm doing activities that a lot of the other folks aren't doing.
00:01:47
Speaker
And he's just building me up to that, which is great.
00:01:50
Speaker
Like I love...
00:01:51
Speaker
the awareness.
00:01:52
Speaker
I love the mindfulness.
00:01:54
Speaker
I love the, um, you know, just all of it.
00:01:57
Speaker
Um, again, it's like very expensive.
00:01:59
Speaker
Cause like, I did not realize that, um, to use the trainer, like you get a free session, but then you also get, um, you also have to pay the,
00:02:09
Speaker
extra for the training sessions.
00:02:12
Speaker
And I signed up for six months.
00:02:14
Speaker
So I'm going to be in there for every, like two times a week for six months or two times a week for six months.
00:02:21
Speaker
And so we're going to be doing that.
Work & Life Stability
00:02:24
Speaker
And then work is going well.
00:02:27
Speaker
It's kind of scary.
00:02:28
Speaker
Like I feel honestly scared that things are going so well because I'm so used to things not going well.
00:02:35
Speaker
Like y'all don't know, like I've been through some shit and
00:02:40
Speaker
it's so weird to go through a,
00:02:44
Speaker
Like years, like next year would be, have been like 10 years before I finally got to this place where I'm starting to feel like comfortable.
00:02:54
Speaker
Um, or like at least not in survival mode as much.
00:02:59
Speaker
Um, my jobs are really good.
00:03:03
Speaker
Um, I love having that balance between a Mac, like, and this is what I wanted for like the longest time I wanted a job that,
00:03:09
Speaker
That was more macro where I didn't have to talk to clients as much all day.
00:03:13
Speaker
And then I wanted to do therapy because I felt that was more my like wheelhouse to provide long term, you know, mental health services because I've done.
00:03:23
Speaker
you know, the inpatient hospital thing.
00:03:25
Speaker
I've done the social work, you know, being a social worker, you know, working one-to-one and all of that stuff.
00:03:33
Speaker
And it's exhausting.
00:03:34
Speaker
Like it burns you out.
00:03:36
Speaker
And I don't feel super burned out after my jobs.
00:03:40
Speaker
I think that it's going to get interesting when I have to start, you
00:03:48
Speaker
um, seeing like more clients with therapy practice, um, on a weekly basis.
Personal Growth & Intentional Living
00:03:53
Speaker
But honestly, right now things are pretty good.
00:03:55
Speaker
And I feel really balanced for, you know, a lot of the stuff I have going on.
00:04:00
Speaker
I'm still able to like hang out with friends and I'm still able to, um, get my rest in when I can.
00:04:06
Speaker
And, um,
00:04:08
Speaker
It's like, it is so wild how I think about like back in February, how I just felt like, like at wit's end with work and I felt very defeated and I felt like,
00:04:21
Speaker
And not even just then, like I guess six months ago, period, and even going back further to around September when things started to really shift for me in a way in which I didn't like how things were going.
00:04:37
Speaker
And I just was like, I have to get on track.
00:04:39
Speaker
I have to make sure that I am doing everything in my power to stay determined and to get to where I want to be because...
00:04:49
Speaker
the reality of it is, is that no one's coming to save you and you have to learn how to save yourself, unfortunately.
00:04:57
Speaker
And that's scary.
00:04:58
Speaker
Like, especially when you don't have anyone to lean on.
00:05:01
Speaker
You know, I have friends, of course, and family and things like that.
00:05:04
Speaker
But when it comes to actually
00:05:09
Speaker
doing my day to day, it's like, I have to really just depend on me.
00:05:14
Speaker
And so I have to be the best version of myself that I can be.
00:05:18
Speaker
And I just hope that I can inspire other people to do, to do, um, to do it because honestly, like I don't, like I said, it's not
00:05:30
Speaker
It's hard in the sense that it's a lot to balance, I think, but it's not hard when you're actually in the process doing the stuff.
Dietary Changes & Health Goals
00:05:39
Speaker
So for me, it's more of a challenge of, you know, keeping myself busy, making sure that in my downtime, like that I'm being intentional about resting, um,
00:05:51
Speaker
I'm trying to go to bed on time, trying to drink more water, going to the gym, eating better.
00:05:57
Speaker
I'm trying to step away from a lot of the greasy, fatty foods.
00:06:02
Speaker
I had a burger today, but I had hip city veg today.
00:06:08
Speaker
And I've not had hip city veg in a while because I'm going to be so honest with you, but...
00:06:12
Speaker
I don't know the food not really given like that for it to be that expensive um I felt like it was really good before and then something shifted um and they changed a lot of the menu stuff and added new stuff but I used to get the smokehouse burger and that joint was so good and now I'm like the onions aren't even like battered crispy I'd rather have those like smaller crispy onions oops I did not mean to do that I'd rather have them smaller crispy onions um
00:06:42
Speaker
Because I like the crispier onions.
00:06:44
Speaker
I like the way in which the onions... You don't really taste like the onion.
00:06:49
Speaker
I think when I eat an onion, this is so random, but when I eat an onion or something off of a cheesesteak or a burger or something like that, it's the texture for me.
00:07:00
Speaker
I don't like the texture of an onion.
00:07:03
Speaker
It tastes good with the food, but it's a weird texture.
00:07:07
Speaker
And I don't really like the textures of...
00:07:11
Speaker
certain foods so and that's like a very like neurodivergent thing probably but um because of the sensory stuff but it's just something about like onions that i'm not like i'll do without them and people are like oh they have to go and everything and i'm like not really like i i'm good um on some on onions sometimes um
00:07:35
Speaker
But yeah, I've been eating a little bit better, like trying to make better choices, you know, trying to not order out as much because I can't order out if I'm going to be going to the gym.
00:07:46
Speaker
That's really what that comes down to.
00:07:48
Speaker
So I have to be a little bit more disciplined.
00:07:50
Speaker
And I think that that's what this is teaching me.
00:07:53
Speaker
And I'm just looking forward to six months from now where like,
00:07:57
Speaker
It'll be like right before my birthday.
00:08:00
Speaker
I'm trying to get my body together just so that I can kind of go into 33 being snatched and, you know, hopefully having being even more in the space and where I want to be in my life and having better balance.
Podcast Collaboration & Future Plans
00:08:17
Speaker
So, yeah, things are going well.
00:08:20
Speaker
And also, too, just to talk about last week's episode, I
00:08:24
Speaker
I think things went really well.
00:08:26
Speaker
Like, I think that me and Marcus did a really good job, like just talking about Noah's art and then a lot of the themes that resonated with us and the characters that resonated with us.
00:08:39
Speaker
And I just had a really good time recording that episode.
00:08:42
Speaker
And it was funny because he reached out to me and was like, oh my God, I'm listening to our episode and it's so good.
00:08:47
Speaker
And I was just like...
00:08:49
Speaker
I haven't even listened yet.
00:08:50
Speaker
I listened to a little bit at first and then I heard some, you know, Mike stuff that I fucked up at the beginning.
00:08:56
Speaker
But then I was just like, all right, it sounds like it's, you know, good.
00:09:00
Speaker
And then I just posted it.
00:09:02
Speaker
But then I went back and listened after he said that.
00:09:04
Speaker
And I'm like,
00:09:05
Speaker
This was one of my best episodes, I think.
00:09:08
Speaker
And one of our best collabs.
00:09:11
Speaker
Even I do think our X-Men collab was really good.
00:09:14
Speaker
Like, I love doing that one as well.
00:09:16
Speaker
That one was really fun.
00:09:17
Speaker
So hopefully we're going to do more collabs together.
00:09:20
Speaker
I think that we do a great job when we are collabing.
00:09:25
Speaker
Shout out to his podcast, Midnight, Moonshine, Marcus, wherever you get your podcast, wherever you're listening.
Social Media & Identity
00:09:35
Speaker
What else?
00:09:35
Speaker
What else is going on?
00:09:40
Speaker
Oh, I did want to talk about a couple things.
00:09:42
Speaker
So one thing I did want to touch on like really quickly was the thing about, because I remember in the previous episode before last that the editing was weird.
00:09:54
Speaker
And like, I realized I think I cut out too much at the end and didn't like structure it right.
00:10:01
Speaker
So I just wanted to just kind of follow up on that really quickly.
00:10:03
Speaker
And that was just in regards to making friends.
00:10:07
Speaker
But actually, you know what?
00:10:09
Speaker
I might save that for the final thought because I actually have a culmination of things to talk about.
00:10:18
Speaker
So yeah, we'll save that.
00:10:19
Speaker
Like I'll move that on the outline.
00:10:21
Speaker
But something I did want to talk about was the idea around, so people have been talking about this on social media.
00:10:28
Speaker
They've been talking about what it means to be
00:10:35
Speaker
like fat and then going to, you know, dropping the weight and being skinny and what that looks like and this and that.
00:10:42
Speaker
And, you know, it's so funny because I think about that.
00:10:46
Speaker
What is it?
00:10:47
Speaker
You know, the fat to mean girl pipeline or whatever it's called.
00:10:52
Speaker
I think about that sometimes.
00:10:53
Speaker
I think about, you know, the ways in which,
00:10:58
Speaker
people have changed or I've seen people change when they've lost weight.
00:11:04
Speaker
And I think about the ways in which, you know, even I'm like becoming more confident and I'm trying to be, you know, not be as like prideful and still, but it's like, there, there's a balance.
00:11:17
Speaker
Like you have to pat yourself on the back.
00:11:19
Speaker
I want years, honestly.
00:11:21
Speaker
If I want to be real 100%, like, honestly, I feel like I deserve this moment of being, like, prideful as I'm thinking about it.
00:11:28
Speaker
Because I'm just like, there's been years where I've been depressed and hard on myself.
00:11:32
Speaker
And I'm just like...
00:11:34
Speaker
I need to really acknowledge that I'm the shit.
00:11:38
Speaker
But even in that, you don't want to take it too far, not giving narcissism or anything like that.
00:11:44
Speaker
So I really have been thinking about that, but not so much that.
00:11:49
Speaker
So I've been thinking more so, it's been bringing up, as we've kind of been talking about
00:11:54
Speaker
people transitioning from being fat to skinny and their personalities changing and all of this and that.
00:12:03
Speaker
I've been thinking about that, but I've been also thinking about the way people treat you when you get skinny.
Weight Loss & Family Dynamics
00:12:10
Speaker
And that's been, I think, one of the biggest fears I've had about losing weight.
00:12:15
Speaker
Um, or getting fit has been the idea that people do treat you different where you lose weight.
00:12:21
Speaker
And I feel like in some ways I'm starting to sense that.
00:12:27
Speaker
I don't know if it's in my head or not, or if it's just like what it is, but it's almost like people start gravitating towards you and, you know, just wanting to keep talking to you, wanting to like keep engaging with you and things like that.
00:12:42
Speaker
And, um,
00:12:44
Speaker
And that's fine and whatever, cool.
00:12:47
Speaker
But on the other end of the spectrum, it's like, I don't want people to just like me because I look a certain way.
00:12:54
Speaker
That's the thing that bugs me.
00:12:55
Speaker
And that's, I think, part of the reason why I've always struggled with
00:13:00
Speaker
losing weight because of the ways in which it's come up in my family and then the ways in which it's come up in just regular life.
00:13:09
Speaker
Like, I just feel like both of my parents were really hard on me about my weight and being thinner.
00:13:16
Speaker
And, you know, they did all of the things, you know, they did all of the things they did because they were worried about weight.
00:13:23
Speaker
You know, and I get that.
00:13:25
Speaker
They're worried about the fact that they have or they had health ailments and they didn't want me to get those ailments.
00:13:32
Speaker
And, you know, life happens and things happen.
00:13:38
Speaker
And, you know.
00:13:42
Speaker
At the same time, I also wish that I had better support in going through trying to lose weight.
00:13:51
Speaker
I feel like people oftentimes act like you're supposed to just...
00:13:59
Speaker
I mean, you go it alone in life, yes, but even, like, starting out, like, I really didn't have someone, like, teaching me, like, you know, this is what you do, and this is why you do it, and this is... Or, like, really trying to, like...
00:14:14
Speaker
Just do it with me.
00:14:15
Speaker
It was always like older, fat, you know, people being like, oh, you're so big.
00:14:20
Speaker
It's like, girl, you need to go fucking work out too.
00:14:25
Speaker
And eat a fucking vegetable once in a fucking while and stop and put the fucking alcohol down.
00:14:29
Speaker
Like my family is infamous for that with the alcohol bullshit and, you know, eating crazy and stuff.
00:14:38
Speaker
But I just like always felt singled out because of that.
00:14:43
Speaker
And I always felt like,
00:14:46
Speaker
whether it was like jokingly or not, it still impacted me.
00:14:49
Speaker
It still impacted the way I saw myself.
00:14:51
Speaker
Um, it impacted the way I felt about myself.
00:14:54
Speaker
And now that I'm like starting to lose weight and I'm starting to notice the difference in my body and the way my clothes fit and things like that.
00:15:03
Speaker
And just the way in which people have been approaching me more or have been talking to me more.
00:15:09
Speaker
Um, it just feels weird.
00:15:14
Speaker
Um,
00:15:17
Speaker
And I feel uncomfortably morally about it because I feel like I'm the kind of person that's going to talk to anybody.
00:15:27
Speaker
I'm going to just say whatever.
00:15:28
Speaker
Like, I don't really if I if I'm interested, I'm just going to talk.
00:15:32
Speaker
So I'm not the kind of person that's going to just judge someone based on the way they look.
00:15:36
Speaker
Like, I'll just start talking to somebody if they have a shirt on that I like.
00:15:39
Speaker
Or if I like their shoes, I'm like, oh, my God, I really love your shoes.
00:15:42
Speaker
Or, oh, my God, I really love your hair.
00:15:44
Speaker
And I'll just, like, strike up a conversation with people.
00:15:48
Speaker
And I feel like people aren't as willing to do that when you are bigger.
00:15:53
Speaker
And it sucks.
00:15:55
Speaker
Like, I don't, like, it makes me feel gross.
00:15:58
Speaker
Yeah.
00:15:59
Speaker
And I don't know why more people don't feel that.
00:16:01
Speaker
Like, it makes me feel like I don't like the idea that people create this narrative or who you are in their heads.
00:16:12
Speaker
And then almost like expect you to kind of live up to that or they expect you to.
00:16:19
Speaker
I don't know, like.
Audio vs. Video Podcasting
00:16:22
Speaker
be a certain way or, or present a certain way.
00:16:25
Speaker
And like, cause people have been coming up to me and they're like, Oh, you're so quiet.
00:16:28
Speaker
You're so this, you're so that.
00:16:29
Speaker
And I'm like, girl, I don't know y'all.
00:16:31
Speaker
Like, like, I don't fucking know anybody in this bitch.
00:16:34
Speaker
Like I'm new or, you know, I'm just out.
00:16:37
Speaker
Like, I just want to drink or I just want to, you know, just hang outside.
00:16:42
Speaker
It's nice out.
00:16:42
Speaker
Like, you know, it's finally nice out.
00:16:44
Speaker
Um, or at least it'll be for a couple of days, but yeah,
00:16:48
Speaker
I think a lot of times I just feel icky.
00:16:51
Speaker
Like it makes me feel like that's all.
00:16:55
Speaker
Like, and I think it's because I'm such a deep thinker.
00:16:58
Speaker
Like I'm someone that actually is,
00:17:02
Speaker
I'm a critical thinker.
00:17:03
Speaker
I think a lot about the way, like spiritual stuff, and I think about metaphysics, and I think about our reality and the way in which we do things and the way in which we navigate.
00:17:14
Speaker
And I think that's also part of my problem with doing a video podcast, because I'm like, let's be fucking real.
00:17:20
Speaker
Like,
00:17:21
Speaker
Even when I'm watching a video podcast, I'm not really watching it.
00:17:25
Speaker
It's just on.
00:17:26
Speaker
Like, it's just background, whatever.
00:17:28
Speaker
And so I'm like, why can't you just listen to me talk?
00:17:31
Speaker
And that's it.
00:17:33
Speaker
Like, why do you have to see me?
00:17:35
Speaker
But I guess people feel connected that way.
00:17:37
Speaker
But it also is like, well...
00:17:39
Speaker
if I'm a big fat, nasty bitch, then do you really want to, or like, you know, and no, the answer is probably no.
00:17:47
Speaker
Cause I'm not going to, you know, have six, six pack abs or, um, you know, biceps and all of this and that.
00:17:55
Speaker
Now that might change in six months.
00:17:58
Speaker
We'll see.
00:18:00
Speaker
Um, I actually really need to get my protein up and I need to drink more water.
00:18:03
Speaker
Um, now I'm thinking about that out loud, but,
00:18:06
Speaker
um yeah i just kind of feel like it it just almost feels devaluing to me when people are like oh you look good you look you know this that and the other they just start talking to me about random shit like and it's the thing is like people have never like sometimes people do that like it's not like it's coming out of nowhere but it's happening more frequently and i'm starting to wonder what that's about and i'm like it has to be because
00:18:34
Speaker
My body is changing.
00:18:35
Speaker
And I guess the way in which I'm carrying myself is also changing.
00:18:40
Speaker
Because I, you know, talked about this before, but getting like a lot of stares from people and that feels uncomfortable.
00:18:48
Speaker
But it's the when people when you start losing weight and people like, oh, you look good and you look good.
00:18:52
Speaker
blah blah blah and x y z and i'm just like all right okay um yeah i mean congrats but yeah um but yeah so that's how i felt about that um and i just wanted to get that off my chest um
00:19:10
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:10
Speaker
And also too, like one more thing before we move on, but like, I thought about this too, but when I got really sick, um, and had to get, you know, going dialysis and all of that, um, it was like, people were sitting next to me on a bus.
00:19:23
Speaker
Like they were sitting, like there's times there's days now where like the bus will be full and people will not sit next to me.
00:19:31
Speaker
Um, it's starting to change now where people are starting to sit next to me when it's full, but, um,
00:19:36
Speaker
There would be days before where I'd be on a bus and it'd be like, no one was sitting next to me because of, I'd be like, oh, it's my weight.
00:19:43
Speaker
But then it's like, when I would lose weight, people would, or when I did lose that weight because I got sick, people were starting to really like sit next to me more and like be more in my space.
00:19:56
Speaker
And that feels like,
00:20:00
Speaker
As someone that is also like has social anxiety, that also feels like a threat a little bit.
00:20:05
Speaker
Like, why are you?
00:20:07
Speaker
Unless there's reason, like if the bus is like every seat is taken and you need somewhere to sit, like you sit next to me, fine.
00:20:13
Speaker
But if there's like places to sit, like, why are you sitting right next to me?
00:20:17
Speaker
Like, that doesn't make sense.
00:20:19
Speaker
Are people just like asking me random stupid stuff?
00:20:23
Speaker
Like this man, oh my God, this man, I got on the bus.
00:20:26
Speaker
Yeah.
00:20:28
Speaker
first of all, I got on the bus, but it's hell feasy.
00:20:31
Speaker
Like I finally got me a tell four bag.
00:20:34
Speaker
And this man just starts asking, like, or saying to me, he's like, happy father's day.
00:20:37
Speaker
And I'm like,
00:20:39
Speaker
I'm not a dad.
00:20:41
Speaker
And I'm like, this tell far back probably should tell you that because it's definitely given LGBTQ.
00:20:50
Speaker
So, and I was like, Oh, I'm not a father.
00:20:53
Speaker
And I was like, are you?
00:20:54
Speaker
And he was like, no.
00:20:55
Speaker
Or what do you say?
00:20:55
Speaker
He was like, yes.
00:20:56
Speaker
And I was like, okay, happy father's day.
00:20:58
Speaker
And then I just went to the back of the bus, but like, I just was like in that moment, like he literally, like I swiped my pass, had my headphones in and
00:21:06
Speaker
he started talking to me and I turn around.
00:21:08
Speaker
I'm like, huh?
00:21:09
Speaker
And then he's like, happy father's day.
00:21:10
Speaker
And I'm like, Oh, I'm not a father.
00:21:13
Speaker
Um, yeah.
00:21:17
Speaker
Yeah.
00:21:18
Speaker
So there's, so there's that.
00:21:20
Speaker
Um, and I also realized that even in that, that gives you power.
00:21:27
Speaker
Um, and that's the thing.
00:21:29
Speaker
I can't look at it as like a negative.
00:21:30
Speaker
I can't look at it, look at it as like, Oh, you know,
00:21:36
Speaker
Now people want to like fuck with you because you lose weight.
00:21:42
Speaker
But I also just, I'm like, that at least means then I can be choosy when it comes to who comes to talk to me and who doesn't.
00:21:51
Speaker
And that feels...
00:21:53
Speaker
I like having that power.
00:21:55
Speaker
Um, that is one power I do like having, but then it's like, I still feel like for the guys I want, or like the people that I want to connect with, I have to be the one to open my mouth.
00:22:04
Speaker
A lot of times, a lot of the times the people that try to, um, call me or like, you know, talk to me or any of that, like they generally are the kinds of people that, um,
00:22:22
Speaker
They maybe are interesting.
00:22:23
Speaker
Like, they're, like, on the surface, maybe interesting.
00:22:29
Speaker
you know, you start talking, you're like, okay, well, we're not going to be friends or I'm not going to, you know, whatever.
00:22:35
Speaker
I'm like rambling right now, but like, I just feel like I still have to make effort to talk to the people I want to talk to.
00:22:42
Speaker
I'm just going to say it like that.
00:22:43
Speaker
And it's not like that's just happening.
00:22:47
Speaker
Um, and I don't know what that's about.
00:22:49
Speaker
I could be my aura.
00:22:50
Speaker
It could be the way in which I carry myself.
00:22:52
Speaker
It could be a number of things.
00:22:54
Speaker
Um,
00:22:55
Speaker
It could be the fact that I'm still fat.
00:22:56
Speaker
Like, I don't know.
00:22:59
Speaker
But I'm not also going to let that be the thing that like keeps me from talking to people.
00:23:03
Speaker
So because if you're fat, you're fat.
00:23:06
Speaker
So what?
00:23:08
Speaker
Anywho, moving on into our discussion or our topics for this week.
Philly Joy Bank Support
00:23:19
Speaker
Oh, so quickly, I wanted to talk about, so Philly has a joy.
00:23:24
Speaker
Well, there's a thing called this place called Philly Joy Bank.
00:23:27
Speaker
And basically it's a program, um, that it's a place that launched a program that for Philadelphians, pregnant Philadelphians, um, that will provide $1,000 a month for
00:23:49
Speaker
excuse me, $1,000 a month to pregnant people in the city.
00:23:55
Speaker
So it's, I mean, that's really good.
00:24:00
Speaker
And I was reading about this a little bit.
00:24:02
Speaker
They've done it in other cities too, where they've given, and we know this works.
00:24:07
Speaker
Like, that's the thing.
00:24:07
Speaker
We know it works.
00:24:08
Speaker
We know like, because, you know, what was his name?
00:24:11
Speaker
Andrew Yang had discussed the, doing like a,
00:24:17
Speaker
base income for every one of a thousand dollars and whatever else you make from there.
00:24:24
Speaker
And whatever else you make from there, that's it, that you earn it.
00:24:27
Speaker
But nobody wanted that.
00:24:30
Speaker
I feel like that wasn't really pushed.
00:24:32
Speaker
But we know these programs work.
00:24:34
Speaker
And one of the benefits of it is that it cuts down on the tax dollars that the taxpayers have to pay.
00:24:42
Speaker
So that's really great.
00:24:45
Speaker
It will cover...
00:24:51
Speaker
Residents within their second trimester or between 12 and 24 weeks of gestation and their annual household income must be below $100,000 to qualify, which is a lot of Philadelphians, I should say.
00:25:09
Speaker
Because there's a lot of Philadelphians that are struggling right now.
00:25:15
Speaker
And this money would help a lot.
00:25:17
Speaker
And a total of, that's the only caveat, is a total of 250 people will be chosen for the program.
00:25:25
Speaker
And these applicants will be selected every two weeks on a rolling basis from a lottery pool.
00:25:32
Speaker
So you do have to compete with others.
00:25:35
Speaker
And...
00:25:38
Speaker
Yeah, but it helps you with anything like that you need in support of, you
00:25:45
Speaker
with, you know, with being pregnant and, you know, a newborn, but buying diapers, getting on a bus, getting something to eat, paying a bill, taking a day off and being paid for it.
00:25:57
Speaker
Like there's all of these benefits to it.
00:26:01
Speaker
And I'm hoping that they include trans individuals and non-binary individuals in that.
00:26:06
Speaker
Cause this article talks a lot about women and, um, um,
00:26:10
Speaker
doesn't really make mention of that, but, um, I would imagine they wouldn't disqualify you, um, if you were or are trans.
00:26:22
Speaker
So I'm hoping that that's the case.
00:26:25
Speaker
Oh, wait.
00:26:26
Speaker
Okay.
00:26:26
Speaker
So the Philly joy bank will serve pregnant women and people in Cobbs Creek, strawberry mansion and nice town where the pregnancy where the infant newborn is.
00:26:39
Speaker
Sorry, where the infants born with low birth weights is the highest.
00:26:43
Speaker
Oh, okay.
00:26:45
Speaker
Wow.
00:26:45
Speaker
So if you're in no sections of the city.
00:26:49
Speaker
So, and that's north and west.
00:26:54
Speaker
North.
00:26:54
Speaker
Where's Nicetown?
00:26:55
Speaker
I think that's, is that northeast?
00:26:59
Speaker
I know Tioga.
00:27:01
Speaker
It's like kind of Kensington-ish, but not really.
00:27:06
Speaker
Um...
00:27:07
Speaker
But yeah, shout out to Philly Joy Bank.
Controversy Around Jonathan Majors
00:27:11
Speaker
Also, Jonathan Majors, he is back in action.
00:27:18
Speaker
He got casted for an indie film called Merciless.
00:27:23
Speaker
And it's like his return after being
00:27:31
Speaker
canceled maybe not really that whole thing was just so weird like for me like because i'm like on the one hand it's like okay like you were in these major projects and then you fucked up and on the other hand it's like i'm not surprised so um but anyway he's on he's doing that he's doing like a press run or doing something like whatever he was on
00:28:01
Speaker
Hollywood Unlocked had their fourth annual Impact Awards.
00:28:07
Speaker
And they announced that they were presenting Jonathan Majors with the Preservation Award.
00:28:14
Speaker
And I don't know.
00:28:18
Speaker
I feel very angry about that.
00:28:20
Speaker
That makes me feel like we're living in a dystopia even more now.
00:28:25
Speaker
Because I'm like, he hasn't done anything to...
00:28:31
Speaker
He hasn't done anything to show that he's learned and he's maybe sorry or has, you know, made up with the woman or anything like that.
00:28:44
Speaker
Like, I feel like none of that's happened.
00:28:45
Speaker
So...
00:28:47
Speaker
I feel like it's too soon.
00:28:49
Speaker
And I feel like it's messy.
00:28:50
Speaker
And that's the thing about Jason Lee and, you know, him and those folks is that they're just messy as shit.
00:28:57
Speaker
Like, it's like, why would you do that?
00:28:59
Speaker
Like, that's, that is like the most clownery bullshit to do.
00:29:03
Speaker
And it's an award that doesn't really mean anything.
00:29:07
Speaker
It's like getting an award for perfect attendance or like, that's all it is because he hasn't persevered through anything.
00:29:15
Speaker
Like he messed up.
00:29:18
Speaker
And got, you know, in trouble, got whatever.
00:29:23
Speaker
Hasn't even been in a movie or TV show yet.
00:29:25
Speaker
Like, that's the other part about it.
00:29:27
Speaker
Like, you haven't been in anything.
00:29:29
Speaker
Like, you just got casted in something.
00:29:37
Speaker
he could fuck up again like next week.
00:29:39
Speaker
And what does that award mean?
00:29:41
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:29:42
Speaker
So he hasn't done the work.
00:29:43
Speaker
And that's my issue with Hollywood.
00:29:45
Speaker
Like I hate that Hollywood does this thing where it's very performative.
00:29:50
Speaker
It's very much, you know, if you're likable or attractive or, you know, you have some kind of like thing about you that,
00:30:01
Speaker
even if it's messy, like I feel like, and this is my thing too.
00:30:04
Speaker
This is where I also like, not to sidetrack or whatever, but my thing too is like, I feel like people need to start, uh,
00:30:14
Speaker
holding themselves accountable because I feel like when Jason Lee or whoever reached out to him and was like, Hey, we're going to give you this award.
00:30:22
Speaker
You know, you have to show up and blah, blah, blah, X, Y, and Z. You can also turn it down.
00:30:27
Speaker
And I feel like that says something that says like, well, I haven't earned it yet.
00:30:32
Speaker
I'm still trying to earn my preservation back, blah, blah, blah.
00:30:35
Speaker
And it just, it's like, no, it's like, there's no,
00:30:45
Speaker
type of accountability anymore, like personal or self accountability.
00:30:54
Speaker
It's like, Oh, I'm just letting anything happen.
00:30:56
Speaker
I'm just, you know, I, I,
00:31:00
Speaker
I'm going to take this, I'm going to accept this fake award that means nothing, but that also does mean something because the idea of a perseverance award is that you've overcome something, that you've gone through something and you've overcome it and you're a better person.
00:31:19
Speaker
But I'm like, I don't know if you're a better person or not, Jonathan Majors.
00:31:24
Speaker
Are you?
00:31:28
Speaker
Hmm.
00:31:32
Speaker
Anywho, also Lasagna, not Lasagna.
00:31:36
Speaker
Oh my God, what's that lady name?
00:31:39
Speaker
Chow Van Zandt.
00:31:43
Speaker
I'm so bad with names, y'all.
00:31:47
Speaker
Unless I know someone or I talk to someone a lot, I'm like, I really don't know your name.
00:31:51
Speaker
Ayanla.
00:31:58
Speaker
Again, messy.
00:31:59
Speaker
And the thing is, I have this love-hate relationship with her because she's great for reality TV, but she's not a real counselor or she's not...
00:32:08
Speaker
she doesn't do like what you're supposed to do and do these types of situations.
00:32:13
Speaker
Like I expect for someone that is like, or acts like a mental health professional or a life coach or whatever.
00:32:19
Speaker
I don't know what her role, her job is really inspirational coach.
00:32:23
Speaker
I don't know.
00:32:23
Speaker
I feel like the idea is that you're supposed to hold people accountable and like you teach people these things and you hold them accountable.
00:32:31
Speaker
Like what's the point in like having a girl with,
00:32:35
Speaker
basically embarrass herself on TV talking about some pop my butt, pop, pop my butt.
00:32:42
Speaker
And you ask like Harriet Tubman what that meant.
00:32:46
Speaker
And you say a whip and you yell a whip.
00:32:50
Speaker
Like, why would you do all of that and then present this man with this award?
00:32:56
Speaker
Like that doesn't, it doesn't make sense.
00:32:59
Speaker
So I just feel like it's,
00:33:04
Speaker
annoying and she um she has you know admitted or has spoken out about being a victim of abuse but like i feel like that sends the wrong message then that like victims because this just happened like at the top of the year like this just happened um six months later like not even six months later it's literally like three months later maybe and you get a preservation award like that does not make sense
00:33:32
Speaker
I don't think that he should never work again because of that, like because of what he did.
00:33:38
Speaker
It wasn't... I'm going to say it.
00:33:40
Speaker
I don't think it was a thing where...
00:33:50
Speaker
I don't know if he should ever have a job in Hollywood, but if someone wants to hire him for an indie film, I feel like, okay, you can do that.
00:33:57
Speaker
Go get your money.
00:33:58
Speaker
That's what you do.
00:33:59
Speaker
You're an actor.
00:34:01
Speaker
But I just feel like the idea of being so forgiving of someone that abused someone is just the thing that doesn't sit for me, is the idea that you get an award...
00:34:18
Speaker
for almost like just showing up, like just to nothing.
00:34:22
Speaker
Like that's the thing.
00:34:22
Speaker
Like also that's, that's what makes it worse than a perfect attendance award is the fact that you've done nothing, like absolutely nothing.
00:34:31
Speaker
nothing.
00:34:31
Speaker
So except take photos of Megan.
00:34:33
Speaker
Good.
00:34:34
Speaker
And then I saw there was a video where he was getting like annoyed with her and I just could not watch it in the moment.
00:34:41
Speaker
And I bookmarked it and went into my bookmarks and it's going now, but it was a video that someone had posted of Megan.
00:34:50
Speaker
Good on the red carpet with him, I guess somewhere or at the awards show or whatever.
00:34:57
Speaker
And yeah,
00:34:59
Speaker
He was like, everyone was like, oh, Megan, Megan, look over here, look over here.
00:35:02
Speaker
And then he was just like standing there and it looked uncomfortable.
00:35:05
Speaker
And then I was like, I can't watch this right now.
00:35:06
Speaker
I'll come back to it.
00:35:07
Speaker
And then when I went back to go look at it, it was gone.
00:35:10
Speaker
So I don't know what that was about, but I would hope that he wouldn't repeat the same thing.
00:35:21
Speaker
And even if he did repeat the same thing, I also feel like...
00:35:30
Speaker
he's going to be like, oh, I learned, you know, from the last time.
00:35:33
Speaker
So now I got to be more careful or something, you know?
00:35:38
Speaker
But I also feel like when, you know, white people screw black people over, we always go back to black people.
00:35:44
Speaker
Or at least when I say we, I mean, you know, people like Jonathan Majors.
00:35:49
Speaker
So, yeah, you know.
00:35:57
Speaker
And also, why does the black man always have to get
00:36:02
Speaker
grace in this way because had he had he been a dark-skinned woman he would not like none of this would none of this would be happening like in the sense of like oh we're you know taking him back and we're taking her back and oh we're gonna you know embrace her and hug her and this any other it's like when you're a woman your reputation is just shit like after
00:36:26
Speaker
You done fucked up.
00:36:28
Speaker
And maybe even made like a little mistake.
00:36:30
Speaker
It's like everyone holds that to your, you know, like a gun to your back for the rest of your life.
00:36:37
Speaker
Yeah.
00:36:38
Speaker
But, um, girl, whatever.
00:36:42
Speaker
Ciao.
00:36:44
Speaker
What else was I talking about?
00:36:45
Speaker
Um, oh, I was going to talk about, um, steam is facing a lawsuit, but I heard that that might be fake.
00:36:53
Speaker
So I didn't even look into it.
Social Worker Safety & Advocacy
00:36:55
Speaker
But the other thing I did want to talk about was there was a social worker that was killed in New York City.
00:37:02
Speaker
And she was beaten basically viciously in her home.
00:37:08
Speaker
Or not her home, but in the client's home when she went to do a visit.
00:37:13
Speaker
And she came to her... Is that a word?
00:37:15
Speaker
So came?
00:37:16
Speaker
So come?
00:37:19
Speaker
She...
00:37:21
Speaker
She died like her injuries ended up being fatal and she died more than a month after she was basically pummeled by.
00:37:31
Speaker
This client and he left her with severe brain swelling and bleeding.
00:37:39
Speaker
He's 31 years old and she's 56, which is so sad because.
00:37:44
Speaker
Both of them are young, but the fact that she just was going to do her job, which is one of my, like has been one of my biggest fears about doing social work in people's homes.
00:37:55
Speaker
I almost had the chance to do it.
00:38:00
Speaker
And then I, I'm so glad it never happened.
00:38:02
Speaker
Like I never wanted to do it, but I almost had an opportunity where it was going to happen because I was doing community TSS work.
00:38:11
Speaker
And the mom wanted me to like see like the client.
00:38:16
Speaker
Um, but she didn't want me to see him in her house because, you know, I guess she had some stuff going on or whatever, but, um,
00:38:25
Speaker
I was so glad I didn't have to do it.
00:38:27
Speaker
And then I found out, you know, some things later on.
00:38:31
Speaker
And I was so grateful.
00:38:33
Speaker
But, you know, needless to say, I think that going to, as a social worker, going to someone's house and having to do an assessment or having to do some kind of a check-in visit or, you know, referrals or coordination or whatever it is, like, it is not...
00:38:55
Speaker
To, you know, just be in someone's house, like be in most people's houses.
00:39:01
Speaker
Like, I think it's fun to be in my house because my house is clean and it's, you know, I have things organized and it looks like, you know, a house...
00:39:12
Speaker
supposed to look, you know, not like just a bunch of clutter or roaches or like, I've heard so many horror stories about people going to do home visits and like seeing a roach or just like the conditions of like the ways in which the family lives.
00:39:35
Speaker
It gives very much like a roof over your head, but it's like not a home.
00:39:39
Speaker
And yeah,
00:39:41
Speaker
That sucks, honestly.
00:39:42
Speaker
And that's nothing to the client if there's nothing that they can do about certain things.
00:39:48
Speaker
Because sometimes it is the landlords and they're just not coming out fixing the things or repairing anything.
00:39:54
Speaker
But sometimes it is the clients, and especially in my neighborhood, because people will come...
00:40:00
Speaker
Like the, you know, rental, um, who are like the maintenance people, they'll come and they will do and, you know, like fix things up or do an inspection or whatever.
00:40:10
Speaker
And they're always like, your house is so nice.
00:40:12
Speaker
It's so, you keep your house so clean, you keep your house so this, you know, and I'm just like, it's because like, I can't live in filth.
00:40:19
Speaker
Like I can't function like that.
00:40:22
Speaker
Like, and I don't know, I feel like if a lot of people really did clean up their houses, um,
00:40:27
Speaker
they might actually feel better about themselves because, or even like clean up their mental health a little bit.
00:40:35
Speaker
Cause that's the thing.
00:40:36
Speaker
Like when you are in a space where everything is just so cluttered or you're going to take a shower and it's like ring around the bathtub or there's like mouse droppings in places, like just nasty stuff.
00:40:53
Speaker
It's just like, if you don't like just clean up,
00:40:56
Speaker
And that's the thing I'm starting to realize and get better at myself is just cleaning up around here a little bit better and being more intentional about doing that.
00:41:06
Speaker
But that's always been just my fear of going to other people's houses as a social worker and why I've never done any kind of work with DHS or...
00:41:19
Speaker
any like really heavy children's work that requires you to be in the home because I'm like, no, I can't do it.
00:41:25
Speaker
I'm not going to do it.
00:41:28
Speaker
Or even with adult clients, like there's been opportunities where like, if I wanted to be a, I'm like,
00:41:35
Speaker
like a social worker that goes to people's homes after like doctor's appointments or after like hospital visits and or hospital discharges and things like that to make sure that they're getting the care that they are supposed to get.
00:41:48
Speaker
I've been in situations where I've been like, I could take this job, but I also know what it could be like.
00:41:53
Speaker
And they also want you to drive your fucking car around most of the time, like in Philly, for whatever reason, you have to have a license where,
00:42:01
Speaker
a car and registration for certain jobs to drive around.
00:42:05
Speaker
And this woman lived in New York.
00:42:07
Speaker
So I imagine she maybe didn't have a car, but, or maybe she did because it was Westchester, not actually New York City.
00:42:16
Speaker
But, which is not too far from New York City, but needless to say, she did not deserve that.
00:42:25
Speaker
And I also feel like
00:42:28
Speaker
if the risk of it all at the end of the day is that I literally just talked about doing essential work with Marcus and what that was like during a pandemic.
00:42:40
Speaker
And now to be back in a situation where people were having to go into people's houses and again, and having to, um,
00:42:52
Speaker
Whether it's a psycho... It's not really going to be a psychosocial if you're going to someone... It might be for an initial.
00:42:58
Speaker
It might initially be a psychosocial.
00:43:00
Speaker
But nine times out of ten, it's going to be for some kind of follow-up treatment stuff.
00:43:06
Speaker
And that's also... And the thing... I'm actually just going to say this.
00:43:09
Speaker
One last thing.
00:43:09
Speaker
And the thing is, too, if someone also lives alone and they don't have any support or have people that help them, especially after surgery, it's like, well... Then, like, what the...
00:43:21
Speaker
Like, what are you supposed to do if you see a roach crawling across a floor and a person can't get up and do it?
00:43:29
Speaker
Like, I'm not going to offer to get up and start, you know, doing stuff.
00:43:35
Speaker
So and then, you know, the risk of violence, weapons.
00:43:39
Speaker
Like, I always fear, you know, with this, like in this case, this woman was attacked and.
00:43:44
Speaker
But I also fear people getting mad and pulling a gun out.
00:43:48
Speaker
And I just feel like if we're essential workers, then we need to be compensated better for that type of work.
00:43:55
Speaker
Because anything can happen.
00:43:57
Speaker
And obviously, this woman just went, she was doing her job, got attacked, and now she's dead.
00:44:05
Speaker
And he's going to jail, but like... Oh, yeah.
00:44:14
Speaker
Social worker, like a central person, like going to.
00:44:18
Speaker
And I don't think the thing needs to be guns.
00:44:21
Speaker
Like, I don't think that needs to happen.
00:44:24
Speaker
I just think that we need either like.
00:44:28
Speaker
better protection and better pay.
00:44:32
Speaker
We definitely need that.
00:44:35
Speaker
Because a lot of these jobs are still paying $30,000 for a social work position.
00:44:43
Speaker
I saw this one position.
00:44:45
Speaker
Oh, my God.
00:44:45
Speaker
I saw this one position paying, I think it was like 50-something for an LCSW.
00:44:50
Speaker
And I was like, girl, I'd rather...
00:44:52
Speaker
jump out a window than accept a position for $50,000 with an LCSW.
00:44:58
Speaker
Like I'd rather just jump out a window than to do that.
00:45:06
Speaker
At least in this day and age.
00:45:08
Speaker
So yeah, I think we need better respect.
00:45:10
Speaker
And I think that, you know, the client's,
00:45:20
Speaker
you know, also need to be, you know, held accountable, like for this kind of stuff.
00:45:25
Speaker
Like, I feel like the, like when I've been in jobs and they've been like, oh, we have a client that's like, you know, really there's a history of abuse and that has a history of, you know, lashing out and this, any other, and then they still expect you to work with that person by yourself.
00:45:44
Speaker
Like, I'm, I need someone in here with me.
00:45:47
Speaker
Like, I don't understand why,
00:45:51
Speaker
that is a thing or that has happened at jobs.
00:45:54
Speaker
Um, and then they respect, they expect you to do like an incident report and you know, all of this and that.
00:46:00
Speaker
But I'm like, if I get punched in my fucking job, I'm, we going to rumble and I'm, I'm, I'm just going to lose these licenses and stuff.
00:46:08
Speaker
Cause I'm not about to get beat up by someone I'm trying to help, you know?
00:46:18
Speaker
So that's all I wanted to talk about for today in terms of topics.
00:46:24
Speaker
Let's jump into the Media Lab.
Entertainment Anticipations
00:46:30
Speaker
Let's see.
00:46:33
Speaker
Megan's album comes out, um, or will be out today.
00:46:36
Speaker
Um, we're looking forward to that.
00:46:39
Speaker
Um, I might buy it if I really enjoy it.
00:46:42
Speaker
Um, we'll talk about it, uh, next, maybe next week.
00:46:46
Speaker
We'll see.
00:46:47
Speaker
Um,
00:46:49
Speaker
But I'm excited for it because, I mean, I've loved every song that's come out so far, all three.
00:46:55
Speaker
And I feel like Megan has been very consistent in the way in which she's been working.
00:47:04
Speaker
And it shows, and also like she's been breaking off and doing a lot of her own, like the shit she's wanted to do, like anime stuff, video game stuff, stuff.
00:47:15
Speaker
all of the teaming up with all of the other women in rap right now.
00:47:25
Speaker
She's bringing out people on the stage and doing all this, that, and the other.
00:47:29
Speaker
She's really doing her big one right now.
00:47:32
Speaker
And I'm 100% proud of her for that.
00:47:36
Speaker
So that comes out well today.
00:47:39
Speaker
Cupcake's album also comes out today.
00:47:42
Speaker
Don't know what it's going to sound like.
00:47:43
Speaker
I'm not as...
00:47:46
Speaker
I'm excited only because she hasn't put out anything in a while, but I've also, there's this thing about cupcake where I feel like she's not a terrible rep or anything.
00:47:59
Speaker
I just don't really always relate to the topics, you know, or they're too, like, sometimes it's fun to like talk about spoiled milk titties.
00:48:10
Speaker
And then sometimes I'm like, all right, like, I don't really want to talk about that.
00:48:14
Speaker
But I am going to listen.
00:48:15
Speaker
I am still going to listen.
00:48:16
Speaker
I do love Cupcake.
00:48:18
Speaker
And she's been, yeah, she's just still been out here.
00:48:21
Speaker
I thought she, I know she said something about a hiatus.
00:48:24
Speaker
And this is why I never believe artists when they talk about quitting music or going on a hiatus.
00:48:28
Speaker
Because
00:48:30
Speaker
Hiatus is a little bit more believable, but quitting music is whenever someone like that is an artist or that is dedicated to music says they're going to quit music.
00:48:40
Speaker
I'm like, okay, we'll see.
00:48:44
Speaker
But I think she said she was going to quit and I can't remember what the reason why was.
00:48:51
Speaker
I don't know if it was criticism or she felt like, I don't know.
00:48:55
Speaker
Azealia bang said something about, um, that Lizzo was her re the reason why, but I don't think that's true.
00:49:03
Speaker
Um, and I also feel like that can't be true because nevermind.
00:49:09
Speaker
I'm not going to say it.
00:49:12
Speaker
Um, I also been watching an interview with a vampire.
00:49:14
Speaker
I will talk about that.
00:49:16
Speaker
Not this week though.
00:49:18
Speaker
Um,
00:49:20
Speaker
Quantum baby is coming out.
00:49:22
Speaker
Yes, that is today too.
00:49:24
Speaker
I, or not quantum baby, but the next song from quantum baby is coming out today.
00:49:28
Speaker
I cannot wait.
00:49:29
Speaker
Um,
00:49:32
Speaker
I can't wait.
00:49:33
Speaker
Like I've not even listened to the clip because I've been so excited about just the idea of hearing the song for the first time and not, and this is the thing, like I can go through this thing where I can like keep replaying the clip over and over and over again.
00:49:48
Speaker
And I don't want to do that.
00:49:49
Speaker
Like I want to be able to hear it and be able to enjoy it like for the first time.
00:49:59
Speaker
It is called Get No Sleep.
00:50:08
Speaker
Interesting.
00:50:08
Speaker
This hip-hop article says, Tinashe follows up stronger.
00:50:17
Speaker
Tinashe follows up strong on Nasty with new single, Get No Sleep.
00:50:24
Speaker
And then they have a clip.
00:50:30
Speaker
She did like an interview.
00:50:33
Speaker
I don't know why it says like.
00:50:37
Speaker
Oh wait.
00:50:37
Speaker
Hold on.
00:50:39
Speaker
Yeah.
00:50:39
Speaker
It's just a preview.
00:50:42
Speaker
Yep.
00:50:42
Speaker
It's just a preview.
00:50:43
Speaker
And see, I don't want to listen to it until like, I know, like I hear it.
00:50:46
Speaker
I cannot wait to hear this song.
00:50:49
Speaker
I can't wait for quantum baby.
00:50:50
Speaker
I think she said it's coming out.
00:50:52
Speaker
If not, she said one to two months.
00:50:54
Speaker
So that's either next month or August.
00:50:59
Speaker
Which is interesting because that's falling around the same time that Baby Angel came out last year.
00:51:05
Speaker
If anyone has been noticing or keeping tabs on that.
00:51:09
Speaker
Yeah.
00:51:13
Speaker
Yes, I'm excited for that.
00:51:15
Speaker
What else?
00:51:16
Speaker
Oh, Maxine comes out next week.
00:51:17
Speaker
And I did not realize I was coming out this quickly.
00:51:21
Speaker
There's so many horror movies that are coming out.
00:51:22
Speaker
Like, I don't even know where to begin in terms of like horror movies.
00:51:27
Speaker
I think I'm going to just try.
00:51:28
Speaker
I had this whole plan at the beginning of the year of how I was going to do this and then fell off because, you know, shit got real.
00:51:36
Speaker
And I had to kind of, you know, commit to a lot of things and
00:51:40
Speaker
um, shift things around, but like, I really do want to catch up on like the horror I've missed, but like Beetlejuice is coming out.
00:51:47
Speaker
Saw is coming out in the fall.
00:51:49
Speaker
Uh, God, what else is coming out?
00:51:52
Speaker
Maxine, like I said, is coming out.
00:51:54
Speaker
Um,
00:51:56
Speaker
Someone made this meme of like the girl that like she's eating a bunch of pancakes or being force fed pancakes or whatever.
00:52:03
Speaker
And then they put like a bunch of different like horror movies over top of the pancakes.
00:52:08
Speaker
Basically signifying that we're full from, you know, or we're going to be full from all the horror movies.
00:52:14
Speaker
So I can't wait to, you know, get into those.
00:52:18
Speaker
I've not watched a horror movie.
00:52:20
Speaker
Well, I've watched Interview with a Vampire, which is not.
00:52:25
Speaker
And I say the show, but not the movie.
00:52:28
Speaker
I haven't really watched anything horror-horror-related since... It's been a minute.
00:52:39
Speaker
Oh, Infinity Pool, I think.
00:52:41
Speaker
That might have been the last horror thing I watched was Infinity Pool.
00:52:46
Speaker
So yeah, it's time to get back into that.
00:52:50
Speaker
But also, I haven't really had time to watch stuff.
00:52:53
Speaker
So I've been, again, intentional about trying to watch things for the podcast first and then watching other things later on.
00:53:05
Speaker
that I want to see or like watching it, like when I'm not really doing anything or I'm resting or something like that.
00:53:12
Speaker
Um, I was going to talk about Brandy, Monica and Ariana's the boys boy is mine.
00:53:16
Speaker
I was going to listen to it, um, and then tell y'all how it was, but I heard a clip of it and it sound good.
00:53:23
Speaker
Um, but I probably maybe just talk about it next week instead.
00:53:28
Speaker
Cause I don't really feel like it right now.
00:53:31
Speaker
I know.
00:53:32
Speaker
I,
00:53:32
Speaker
like I heard a clip of it and I was like, oh, this is pretty good.
00:53:35
Speaker
Like, I feel like it was, you know, it was good.
00:53:39
Speaker
And I like that Ariana is like pulling from older, not older, but like past influences or people that have like inspired us, you know, millennials and
00:53:56
Speaker
that have Gen X's, Gen Xers, like Mariah Carey, Brandi, Monica, those folks that have been around for a minute.
00:54:09
Speaker
I do like that because it feels like she's paying homage in a way.
00:54:14
Speaker
And I like when artists do that.
00:54:16
Speaker
I don't like when artists act like
00:54:20
Speaker
I don't know who this person is or like, cause that was, I thought it was nice when she did the one with Mariah Carey, because I knew there was tension initially between them.
00:54:28
Speaker
But I think that was like fan stuff.
00:54:30
Speaker
Like that was literally just fan.
00:54:31
Speaker
Cause she's just like a girl.
00:54:32
Speaker
Like she was a girl that could sing and people are like, Oh, she's the next Mariah Carey and blah, blah, blah.
00:54:39
Speaker
And that's how the media is.
00:54:40
Speaker
Like the media loves to pin women against each other.
00:54:43
Speaker
So yeah.
00:54:45
Speaker
But that's it for the media lab.
00:54:47
Speaker
That's all I got.
00:54:51
Speaker
um let me just see uh case i was maybe listening to something that no no nothing i feel like i've been listening to a lot of the same things like a lot of like the match my freak uh ep came out and i just been streaming that like crazy like it was an album um and it was literally just a re it's a bunch of remixes um
00:55:16
Speaker
But yeah, I've been like laying low, I think, when it comes to media and trying to be intentional about watching stuff.
00:55:22
Speaker
I just finished watching the, you know, all of the Noah Arx stuff.
00:55:30
Speaker
And I have something coming up in July.
00:55:32
Speaker
lie that's gonna get me back on track a little bit so I'm excited um to get back into uh watching some stuff and and dissecting it uh what else that's it um we're gonna go into the final thought
00:55:46
Speaker
And my final thought was really just going to recap Pride Month.
Forming Relationships & Vulnerability
00:55:51
Speaker
I just wanted to talk about, you know, how it's been for me overall.
00:55:58
Speaker
And, you know, again, kind of follow up with that advice that I was going to give about making friends.
00:56:05
Speaker
And I guess I'll start there is just talking about some of the past topics, reflecting on them.
00:56:12
Speaker
One of the things that I...
00:56:15
Speaker
you know, for sure, 100% wanted to reflect on was the topics regarding relationships and dating and friendship.
00:56:28
Speaker
And, you know, for the friendship one specifically, I would just say like...
00:56:32
Speaker
If you want to make friends in real life, you just got to be vulnerable.
00:56:38
Speaker
Like you got to say something, anything.
00:56:41
Speaker
And, you know, some people do think it's weird when you talk to them or they don't know what to say back or, you know, I'm getting better at keeping a conversation going, but then I'm also recognizing when to stop.
00:56:53
Speaker
So I am getting a little bit better at small talk.
00:56:59
Speaker
And part of that has been through research.
00:57:04
Speaker
If you honestly go on YouTube and you look up how to engage in smart talk or, oh my God, not smart talk, how to engage in small talk, or if you like search it on TikTok or whatever, chat GBT, like honestly, the resources are there.
00:57:20
Speaker
Like you just have to know,
00:57:23
Speaker
to go and to look because algorithms not going to tell you like you have to look for it unfortunately um but if you just start you know forming questions in your mind or figuring out good follow-up questions a lot of it's listening a lot of it's just asking the other person about themselves um you don't want to talk too much about yourself um you really want to kind of get more of like
00:57:50
Speaker
what that person, who that person is, like, you're trying to learn who that person is, like, you want to make sure you try to remember their name, you want to try to make sure that, you know, you are listening when they talk, talk to you about something, whether it's like their job, or, you know, their family, or, you know, what it's like moving to a new city and, you
00:58:11
Speaker
or what it was like at their old city or something like that.
00:58:14
Speaker
You want to make sure that you are engaging with this individual that you are talking to or, you know, group of individuals or whatever.
00:58:24
Speaker
I also think that being charismatic is really good and it's not hard to be charismatic.
00:58:31
Speaker
I can't really describe it.
00:58:32
Speaker
Like it's one of those things where you have to be
00:58:37
Speaker
almost like likable, you know, in a way you know what you can be likable is by being funny or like, it's all, sometimes it's all about timing.
00:58:46
Speaker
Like you can honestly, like if say something wild or interesting came up, like you could probably make a joke and people would just start laughing and they'll be like, okay, like this guy is a little, something's, you know, gone with him.
00:59:00
Speaker
Or if you are encouraging people, like if someone talks to you about, you know,
00:59:06
Speaker
you know, I really want to do this thing, but I don't, you know, really know how to do it.
00:59:09
Speaker
If you give a suggestion or say like, oh yeah, like you could, you know, definitely do that.
00:59:13
Speaker
If you, you know, do this and you do that, you know, and you can totally get there.
00:59:17
Speaker
Like, I think like some level of doing positive, what is that?
00:59:24
Speaker
Like positive, not, I guess positive reinforcement, but it's also like positive, yeah.
00:59:30
Speaker
um like giving compliments or like being able to say like oh well you were able to do this thing so like i'm pretty sure you'd be able to do that like or you know just being able to connect those um
00:59:44
Speaker
The idea of gathering information from the person and then in your brain, like formulating a response that would be favorable to that person.
00:59:54
Speaker
Or like I said, if you made a joke or if you were like smiling does help, like not a creepy smile, right?
01:00:04
Speaker
uh we talking like a regular you know haha like that's funny smile like nothing looking nothing sinister nothing creepy nothing you know nasty um unless that's what they want but you're gonna have that's the thing like people you gotta know what that's not like you have to fill the vibe and I think that's where a lot of people go wrong they don't fill the vibe out
01:00:33
Speaker
And then with relationships, I think, I mean, because I'm still working on that myself, but I think when it comes to, you know, wanting a relationship, I think part of it is the idea of, again, building that relationship.
01:00:54
Speaker
rapport with the person first.
01:00:58
Speaker
I think that people think that, you know, you're immediately supposed to like, like if you like someone, they're immediately supposed to like you, but that's not how things always work.
01:01:07
Speaker
Sometimes things do take work to, you know,
01:01:12
Speaker
play out.
01:01:12
Speaker
You know, you never know what'll happen.
01:01:15
Speaker
Like you might think something will go one way, but it really goes another way.
01:01:19
Speaker
Or you end up having a friend that ends up being a partner.
01:01:23
Speaker
I don't really know how that works.
01:01:24
Speaker
Like y'all would have to go to a different podcast or something for that.
01:01:27
Speaker
But just in the sense of
01:01:32
Speaker
what happens over time starts to shift.
01:01:36
Speaker
So you might be expecting one thing, but actually something else happens, or it just happens later.
01:01:42
Speaker
Like you want the relationship, but it just doesn't happen until they're ready.
01:01:46
Speaker
Like you have to understand that it's not going to be
01:01:52
Speaker
everything's not going to be on your terms.
01:01:54
Speaker
Like it's not going to be, they're ready to date you.
01:01:56
Speaker
They're ready to, they could be going through stuff.
01:01:59
Speaker
I heard this on TikTok from this guy.
01:02:01
Speaker
I forget his name or what his handle was, but he's like, sometimes people just have to kind of go through their own things.
01:02:07
Speaker
Like they might have to see other people to recognize that like, oh, I know what I really want.
01:02:12
Speaker
It's what that person is or what that person has.
01:02:15
Speaker
And that doesn't mean you're the rebound.
01:02:17
Speaker
It just really means that the person is maybe thinking about,
01:02:22
Speaker
Now you could be the rebound if it just, they just broke up, but, or if they, you know, just kind of ended things with that person.
01:02:30
Speaker
But I think that sometimes people do need that, I don't know, like that push or that, what's the word?
01:02:47
Speaker
Always I'm searching for words when I'm by myself, but I feel like it's just like,
01:02:52
Speaker
People need to push themselves to get out there, but also be mindful that things aren't going to always...
01:03:08
Speaker
work out the way you want them to work out.
01:03:10
Speaker
Like you might exchange numbers.
01:03:13
Speaker
You might not, you might, you know, text each other and meet up afterwards.
01:03:18
Speaker
And you might not, you know, you might go on like a bunch of hangouts with this person.
01:03:23
Speaker
And this person still might be showing signs of not being sure of you.
01:03:28
Speaker
And I think it's fair to just kind of
01:03:31
Speaker
relax and feel the vibe.
01:03:33
Speaker
I think that's what I'm starting to learn myself is just to relax.
01:03:38
Speaker
It's not, no one's like rushing to get married or anything like that.
01:03:42
Speaker
Like, I don't even know how that happens when people have these like very instant connections and it's like, I don't know what that's like.
01:03:51
Speaker
You know, relationships take time and they take
01:03:57
Speaker
You know, you can't always be one.
01:03:59
Speaker
It can't be one sided.
01:04:01
Speaker
That's for sure.
01:04:01
Speaker
But it also can't.
01:04:07
Speaker
It shouldn't be draining either.
01:04:09
Speaker
Yeah.
01:04:11
Speaker
Yeah.
01:04:13
Speaker
So that's what I wanted to say about those things.
01:04:15
Speaker
And then I wanted to just recap my Pride Month overall, which I felt like was really good.
Pride Month & Personal Journey
01:04:21
Speaker
I feel like I had a really good experience.
01:04:23
Speaker
I really enjoyed, I guess, talking about these different topics overall.
01:04:30
Speaker
I really enjoyed...
01:04:33
Speaker
just like navigating them or at least giving you guys tips of like what has worked for me up until this point, because I feel like when I started to really take this whole idea of a quantum leap seriously, things really did start changing for me when I started to,
01:04:58
Speaker
be more disciplined or at least start trying to be more disciplined and when I've been trying to be more um like go-gettery about the things I want or speaking up like sometimes like there's times where I've been I've never really wanted to speak first and I'm at this point now where I'm just like I'll say anything
01:05:20
Speaker
I'll just, you know, like I'll go first, get my, you know, two cents out the way.
01:05:27
Speaker
But I feel like that can be, you have to work to that first.
01:05:31
Speaker
Like that doesn't just happen.
01:05:34
Speaker
You have to take risk.
01:05:35
Speaker
You have to be uncomfortable.
01:05:38
Speaker
And I'm starting to realize that too, when it comes to like,
01:05:43
Speaker
just the idea of being myself all of the time and what that means and not taking crap from people.
01:05:54
Speaker
You know, I think that people like, you know, family members or friends oftentimes find themselves in these situations where they, you know, feel like they have agency over your life and it's,
01:06:08
Speaker
That's not true, especially when you're a grown adult.
01:06:12
Speaker
Like, you know, I had this realization with myself of, you know, what's the worst that could happen if I told, you know, if I came out to, like, my brother, for instance, because I'm pretty sure he doesn't know.
01:06:28
Speaker
But if I came out to him and, you know, told him I was gay or what if I, you know, just...
01:06:36
Speaker
I don't know, presented a different way where I started to, cause I want to do some, like, I really want to do some things.
01:06:41
Speaker
I want to like,
01:06:44
Speaker
I've been thinking about blonding my beard.
01:06:47
Speaker
I'm going to keep thinking about that.
01:06:49
Speaker
But it's just random stuff like that that I will think about of ways in which I want to be more of myself and be more comfortable in my own body.
01:07:02
Speaker
And it comes also, too, with accepting yourself as well.
01:07:08
Speaker
I think I'm starting to get to a point where I am tired of...
01:07:14
Speaker
being bigger because of, I don't like the way I feel when I do certain things.
01:07:23
Speaker
Sometimes I'm realizing and exercising that my body's hurting in like a new way.
01:07:29
Speaker
It's soreness that I've never felt before because I've never worked those muscles.
01:07:35
Speaker
And I wouldn't, you know, know that unless I got a trainer, you know, like, I feel like it has to be some level of, and not saying that like people have to go out and get a trainer or anything like that to do any kind of like a reform of their life.
01:07:51
Speaker
But I took,
01:07:55
Speaker
inventory of the things that I wanted and had to do a little bit of research of like, okay, well, how do I do this?
01:08:04
Speaker
How do I do that?
01:08:06
Speaker
How do I, you know, maybe strike up a conversation or what, you know, do I need to do to
01:08:15
Speaker
I don't know, um, fix up my resume in a, you know, in a better way.
01:08:19
Speaker
Cause like I said, I took that, uh, course, um, that the versatile social worker offered.
01:08:26
Speaker
And like I said, I'm in a job now where I'm like, Oh, I never thought, I mean, I knew I was going to get here, but I didn't realize that this is what I needed to get here.
01:08:35
Speaker
You know, I think it's just taking inventory of what you need, um, what type of, um,
01:08:45
Speaker
things you need to work on, having goals, like writing things out is a big one.
01:08:52
Speaker
Oh my God.
01:08:53
Speaker
If you want anything, I just feel like you have to write it out and look at it.
01:08:58
Speaker
I remember cutting out the, what was it?
01:09:03
Speaker
I found that picture of Mia Goth from X saying, I will not
01:09:12
Speaker
accept a life I do not deserve or something like that.
01:09:16
Speaker
Hold on.
01:09:19
Speaker
Yeah, that's what it was.
01:09:20
Speaker
I will not accept the life that I do not deserve.
01:09:23
Speaker
And I started putting those pictures up like around my house and in my, at my desk at work, in my car.
01:09:31
Speaker
And it's been like a reminder to myself to just be like in the bathroom.
01:09:36
Speaker
Excuse me.
01:09:40
Speaker
it's been like a reminder to myself to just not give up because you actually can make the reality that you want.
01:09:50
Speaker
And that's like the thing that is so great when you actually put in the hard work and you don't give up.
01:09:57
Speaker
And of course you hit roadblocks and you don't put all your eggs in one basket and you, you know, you just have to be adaptable.
01:10:04
Speaker
You have to be able to adapt.
01:10:07
Speaker
And I think that,
01:10:09
Speaker
going through a lot of things does help with that because you have to, especially when you are adapt, having to adapt like very quickly to things.
01:10:19
Speaker
It does help to have experience or have some like resiliency and being able to shift and do things differently.
01:10:28
Speaker
But I also feel like when it comes to, I'm just, you know, being able to juggle more,
01:10:39
Speaker
tasks that you aren't maybe familiar with or be in a space of like uncomfortability that like is a thing that really starts to you start to be like okay I guess I am on the right track like you start to take some like mental inventory of like I guess I am you know learning or maybe I'm doing better than I think I'm doing because I'm being hard on myself which again is a you know
01:11:06
Speaker
signal of trauma, but, um, you know, you get some mental health therapy for that and, you know, you do, you do what you, what you can.
01:11:19
Speaker
Um, yeah, I think that like anybody that wants or has the desire to change their life can do it if they have the resources or if they have the access to
01:11:37
Speaker
And the ability, because I think that also matters too, because everyone's not, doesn't have the same ability to fight and overcome.
01:11:47
Speaker
And some people can't, like it's sometimes as it is like a actual, like mental brain, like,
01:11:58
Speaker
physical, like something is impairing that person and they need extra support just to, you know, get through the day.
01:12:06
Speaker
And so it's not to say that this advice would, you know, work for everyone, but I think that
01:12:13
Speaker
The average person does have some level of control over their life and the way in which they want to navigate and do things.
01:12:25
Speaker
I think that it just matters.
01:12:27
Speaker
It matters in a sense of how bad you want it.
01:12:30
Speaker
And it matters in the sense of like, what are you willing to sacrifice or what are you willing to give up?
01:12:35
Speaker
Because you can't take everything.
01:12:38
Speaker
That's the other thing I'm learning.
01:12:39
Speaker
Like you can't have a solid sleep schedule and be on TikTok all night long.
01:12:46
Speaker
Like you can't do both.
01:12:48
Speaker
Um, you can't eat trash and work out.
01:12:53
Speaker
You're not going to lose weight.
01:12:53
Speaker
Like you can't, like you're going to maintain maybe, but you're not going to, you're not actually going to lose weight.
01:12:58
Speaker
You know, you can't say you want a better job and you're not going to do any training or you're not going to try to get any certifications or you're not going to try to get any further education, um,
01:13:09
Speaker
about anything or any skills.
01:13:12
Speaker
Like you don't have to go back to college.
01:13:14
Speaker
And that was a thing that I realized too, is like, you don't actually have to go back to college to like fix your life.
01:13:19
Speaker
Like you can actually take some classes and do it.
01:13:24
Speaker
There's like so many ways in which I think you can, you know, navigate and like fix your life.
01:13:29
Speaker
And I think for me, it's been, this is all kind of, you know, compounding into like pride month of being this
01:13:39
Speaker
almost like this very big spiritual awakening for myself.
01:13:44
Speaker
And I hope that, you know, other people, you know, either ask some questions, gather them pot at gmail.com or, you know,
01:13:56
Speaker
Even if it's like brainstorming, like I think sometimes if you have a think session or if you have a moment to just think about where you are, where you want to be, and then start planning out like what that looks like, you can get there and start living, you know, the way you want to live.
Overcoming Challenges as a Black Gay Man
01:14:16
Speaker
You don't have to be miserable.
01:14:18
Speaker
You don't have to be, you know, just...
01:14:27
Speaker
going through the motions, you know?
01:14:30
Speaker
And I think that as I kind of think about that too, as a black gay man in the world, it feels, I do, I will admit, like, it feels scary.
01:14:43
Speaker
Like, it feels like I don't,
01:14:48
Speaker
Like it's scary not having control.
01:14:50
Speaker
Like it's scary not knowing what's going to happen.
01:14:53
Speaker
Like that's, I just want to get that right off the table.
01:14:56
Speaker
Like I have gone through so much where I've just planned, planned, planned and things have not worked out.
01:15:02
Speaker
Things have fallen through.
01:15:04
Speaker
I've, you know, I feel like one of the most consistent things I've done is maintain this podcast, which I'm so proud of.
01:15:12
Speaker
I am like so proud of being able to, you know,
01:15:15
Speaker
continue going.
01:15:17
Speaker
And like, we're at a, this is episode 89, like we're close to a hundred.
01:15:22
Speaker
So I, again, like I'm proud of myself for that.
01:15:26
Speaker
Like I'm proud of myself for, you know, being able to pull myself out of a rut more than once, more than on one occasion, you know, I'm not always all the way where I want to be yet.
01:15:38
Speaker
Of course, you know, I still need to work a lot on, you know, my emotional and mental and,
01:15:45
Speaker
My physical and spiritual, all of that, like it's a journey, like you never get to like a stopping point.
01:15:52
Speaker
So it's not like you're perfect, you know, when it's all said and done because you still have to maintain and you still have to continue being perfect.
01:16:02
Speaker
a good person at the end of the day.
01:16:06
Speaker
Um, and again, like, as I said, like as a black gay man, it can be kind of challenging in the world where you are almost like rejected for who you are.
01:16:19
Speaker
You know, um, you have these two identities of being black and gay or, you know, queer by whatever it is.
01:16:30
Speaker
the expectations that society puts on you to be a certain way.
01:16:36
Speaker
I've been observing that, like, even in the ways in which guys have been talking to me or I'm reading profiles as I'm trying to, like, you know, maybe meet people or for hookups or whatever it is.
01:16:47
Speaker
And I just feel like people are very much...
01:16:53
Speaker
set in their ways and what they like and they aren't really open-minded or willing to even imagine stepping out of the box because it's so scary like it's so scary to think like if i do this then what is that going to mean about me and honestly at the end of the day it doesn't really mean anything but that's the thing i think that people don't get is like
01:17:15
Speaker
we are all unique.
01:17:17
Speaker
We all have, you know, something to bring to the table.
01:17:22
Speaker
Whether it's like, you know, good or bad.
01:17:27
Speaker
You know, I think that we all have something to bring to the table.
01:17:33
Speaker
But I think that the idea of fear and being afraid is pointless.
01:17:47
Speaker
I mean, it hinders you from doing what you really want to do.
01:17:51
Speaker
And it also doesn't... You don't get anything from it.
01:17:55
Speaker
You don't benefit in any way from being afraid or by being stuck or being like, oh, my life is never going to fix itself because it won't fix itself if you're not putting any kind of work in there to fix it.
01:18:12
Speaker
And...
01:18:18
Speaker
speaking positively about yourself matters like all of the time like you want to you know not say anything negative about yourself it's hard when you're kind of coming out of it i will admit and i will also say it does take a little bit of delusion at first at least it did for me um to really start to you know when i say delusion i don't mean like you see like a fucking you know
01:18:46
Speaker
Mirage or some bullshit.
01:18:49
Speaker
Nothing like that, but you have to believe that you are...
01:18:58
Speaker
you have to say it like you have to say it first.
01:19:00
Speaker
And the more you start to say it, the more you start to believe it.
01:19:03
Speaker
And that's, you know, having the, whether it's having things around you that remind you, or, you know, I'm doing this thing where I'm writing down a bunch of accomplishments and putting them in a vial and then I'll just, you know, read them off, um, in the new year of all the things I've accomplished this year.
01:19:23
Speaker
It's really about being like pushing yourself to being your better self.
01:19:30
Speaker
And the only ways you can do that are taking account of what you want to do better at or what you could do better at and then just learning how to do it and then applying it like that's.
01:19:45
Speaker
the best I got.
01:19:47
Speaker
Like, that's the main, the crust, the meat, the meat of it all is that you have to believe in yourself.
01:19:56
Speaker
And it can be hard when you are queer to believe in yourself because the world tells you not to.
01:20:05
Speaker
But you can't just succumb and, you know, fall victim to the everything doesn't work out for me.
01:20:13
Speaker
Like, I've
01:20:15
Speaker
going through so much shit.
01:20:17
Speaker
Like there's so much shit that I've gone through that folks, if I, you know, I tell my story and people are like, what?
01:20:23
Speaker
Like, and you're still so calm and you're still here and you're, you're fine and you're this and you're that.
01:20:29
Speaker
And you would never know you were sick and blah, blah, blah.
01:20:31
Speaker
Like I get all of that all the time.
01:20:33
Speaker
And it's really because I just push myself.
01:20:35
Speaker
It's because I just push myself because I know that on the other end of it, I would be miserable.
01:20:41
Speaker
Like I'd be, I remember my uncle said this to me.
01:20:44
Speaker
He was like, when I first got sick, he was saying that I could just collect Social Security and, you know, just kind of I didn't have to give up working completely, but that I could collect Social Security and, you know, wouldn't really have to worry too much about working.
01:21:01
Speaker
But I felt like.
01:21:06
Speaker
What kind of life is that?
01:21:07
Speaker
Like you don't really, you're living, you know, paycheck to paycheck.
01:21:11
Speaker
Things are way more expensive now than they were back when I got sick and when I was 23.
01:21:17
Speaker
And I'm 32 now.
01:21:23
Speaker
So things are way more expensive now than they were then.
01:21:29
Speaker
I don't know.
01:21:29
Speaker
I just, I, in my brain, I was like, I know I want to go traveling.
01:21:32
Speaker
I know I want to do this.
01:21:33
Speaker
I know I want to do that.
01:21:35
Speaker
And if I don't, if I don't,
01:21:39
Speaker
performed, then I might as well have just died at 23.
01:21:44
Speaker
That's what it felt like to me.
01:21:46
Speaker
And that, to me, was the motivation for getting through a lot of the things that I got through, like going to grad school.
01:21:54
Speaker
There'd be days when I was going to dialysis, going to my internship, having class.
01:22:00
Speaker
And I always tell people this, but there'd be days where I leave dialysis and I go to my internship and I'd be
01:22:07
Speaker
in the bathroom, on the bathroom floor, like literally laying on the bathroom floor because I felt so exhausted that I am just so headachy and drained and cramping like from dialysis, like having to one get up at five o'clock to get there by six o'clock and then having to go to an internship at 11, leave there at like five and then maybe have an evening class at like seven or
01:22:38
Speaker
One class I had at like 9 to like, what was I like 9 something to 1030 and just having to keep going and keep doing and keep pushing myself.
01:22:50
Speaker
And it was uncomfortable.
01:22:53
Speaker
Like it has been uncomfortable to keep doing it and having to keep working.
01:22:59
Speaker
going, but in the end, it all works out, you know, if you are consistent.
01:23:05
Speaker
And I hope that other queers hear that.
01:23:09
Speaker
And I think that it's important that we don't give up on ourselves because all we have is ourself.
01:23:16
Speaker
You know, if no one else has us, we have to have us.
01:23:20
Speaker
And
01:23:22
Speaker
I think that that is a powerful thing when you are able to conjure up that, that power from inside because you're, you become unstoppable.
01:23:34
Speaker
Like there's no limit.
01:23:36
Speaker
It's so, and that's the other thing.
01:23:38
Speaker
It's so scary to think that like, I see things going well for my, for me right now, like things seem to be going well and I'm coming out of this like very toxic survival realm.
01:23:51
Speaker
mode that I was in and I'm starting to see things a lot differently and I'm starting to be a little bit more open and more kind of understanding too of like other people and the things that are happening and in the world and things like that and just being more self-aware, you know, more self-aware than I had been before.
01:24:18
Speaker
And some of that has been through meditation, for example, or reading.
01:24:23
Speaker
And I think that, you know, more people did those things and like, you know, the world would be a better place.
01:24:29
Speaker
But, you know, people are allowed to do what they want to do and, you know, whatever.
01:24:34
Speaker
But yeah, that's pretty much all I got for y'all.
01:24:41
Speaker
It's just...
01:24:43
Speaker
It is like, it feels like witchcraft, you know?
01:24:47
Speaker
And I mean, it might be, but it feels like witchcraft when you are able to, you know, see yourself at the lowest point and say like, I'm not going to accept this.
01:25:02
Speaker
I'm going to keep building and keep going because again, you have to just keep going.
01:25:07
Speaker
And that's what it is.
01:25:08
Speaker
You can't stop.
01:25:11
Speaker
You know, you can't limit yourself.
01:25:14
Speaker
I think that some of the things that have benefited me have been like going vegan.
Promoting a Healthier Lifestyle
01:25:22
Speaker
Like I feel way, like my body doesn't feel like weighed down and disgusting when I, you know, and just being more intentional about eating like actual whole foods, excuse me, in general, because a lot of people aren't as like
01:25:40
Speaker
conscious about that, about eating whole foods and not eating junk or drinking more water and things like that.
01:25:46
Speaker
So I think that those things have helped becoming active again, um, has helped.
01:25:51
Speaker
Um, I've been active pretty much, um,
01:25:54
Speaker
for the past six months on an office, I've been doing a lot more walking.
01:26:00
Speaker
I will say that.
01:26:00
Speaker
Like I've been doing way more walking in this past six months than I had been previously.
01:26:07
Speaker
And that's helped a lot just with mental clarity, getting outside, changing my scene, again, cleaning.
01:26:15
Speaker
You know, I hate cleaning.
01:26:18
Speaker
I just love hate relationship with it because I like
01:26:21
Speaker
When I have things on my mind, it helps me.
01:26:24
Speaker
It's like meditative to think through those things while I'm cleaning.
01:26:28
Speaker
It's almost like processing your trauma because you're doing something while you are thinking about the things or you're talking out loud while you're doing the things.
01:26:40
Speaker
And that helps me, for example, with being able to process things and work through things or come up with ideas.
01:26:48
Speaker
And not just for life, but also for the podcast or creative ideas, books, ideas, or writing an article or whatever.
01:26:59
Speaker
Because I have ideas of what I want to do that kind of thing too.
01:27:04
Speaker
And so, again, you just got to...
01:27:08
Speaker
apply some pressure.
01:27:09
Speaker
You know, I think that, that it doesn't hurt to apply some pressure if you can and take it slow.
01:27:16
Speaker
Like, and that, and you don't have to do everything.
01:27:17
Speaker
And that's what I'm learning.
01:27:18
Speaker
I'm learning you don't have to do everything, nothing like you didn't get this way overnight.
01:27:24
Speaker
Like you're not, you know, in a situation because you did one thing and this is where you're at.
01:27:30
Speaker
You're, you know, it's been a series of things, um, nine times out of 10.
01:27:33
Speaker
So yeah,
01:27:34
Speaker
Yeah, that's it for this week.
01:27:36
Speaker
And yeah, if anyone wants to hit me up on the socials, it's GatherThemPod on Instagram and on X, formerly known as Twitter.
01:27:47
Speaker
And GatherThemPod at gmail.com for any questions or advice that you guys want.
01:27:54
Speaker
Again, like I said last week, but once my case will fill up,
01:28:00
Speaker
you might not get many, you know, much advice.
01:28:02
Speaker
So I definitely would say if you need some, if you have a question or whatever, a listener letter, I mean, listener letters, I always got time for those.
01:28:11
Speaker
If you guys want to tell me how great I am and how amazing this podcast is and, you know, how I feel like a friend or any of that stuff.
01:28:18
Speaker
I love that stuff.
01:28:19
Speaker
I will read that.
01:28:20
Speaker
But in terms of like actually breaking apart a situation, like I would need, um,
01:28:28
Speaker
just more insight, you know, or like some more time to create more insight for you guys about what you would want to get,
01:28:39
Speaker
answered in your life so that's it i will talk to everyone again next week i hope that everyone has a good weekend stay safe happy pride mom happy end of pride mom happy pride of new york and i will talk to everyone next week bye