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Epiphany❗️ And Then It Hit Me 💥
6 Plays1 year ago
Yeah, t's giving bittersweet glow up.
Twitter: @GatherThemPod
IG: @GatherThemPod
Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/weallgatherhere
Email: Gatherthempod@gmail.com
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Transcript
Podcast Introduction & Announcements
00:00:32
Speaker
Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Gather Them Podcast.
00:00:35
Speaker
I'm your host Jerome, and we are back in the middle of July.
Hiatus Due to Life Changes
00:00:43
Speaker
And I have some interesting news.
00:00:46
Speaker
And the news is that...
00:00:51
Speaker
Oh, it pains me.
00:00:52
Speaker
And like, I kind of want to throw up a little bit.
00:00:53
Speaker
Like I'm not even as I kind of it's like not even like really.
00:00:58
Speaker
I mean, it's fine, but not really.
00:00:59
Speaker
But I've been thinking about it.
00:01:04
Speaker
And I think that I'm going to take a bit of a hiatus, but it won't be as long as the other one was that I've taken before.
00:01:14
Speaker
But something I've been just thinking about is just how I've been overwhelmed and stressed with my new life, the way things are going.
00:01:24
Speaker
I am doing well and both things.
00:01:28
Speaker
That's the thing, you know, I'm realizing is that both things seem to as I'm learning and as I'm going, I'm starting to build a rhythm.
00:01:39
Speaker
And I think that that is one of the things that I
00:01:44
Speaker
It's kind of hard when you start a new job.
00:01:46
Speaker
You have to learn new people's names and you have to realize your schedule doesn't work out the way you want it to because you have all of these other trainings or meetings or whatever that you have to do.
City Job Challenges & Advocacy Efforts
00:02:01
Speaker
And that's kind of what I've realized, I think, about my job, like my main job.
00:02:07
Speaker
My therapy job is fine.
00:02:14
Speaker
is more so my main job, but I'm starting to get the hang of things.
00:02:20
Speaker
But I'm still, like, freaked out and paranoid I'm going to, you know, screw something up really bad or get in, you know, I don't know, get in trouble for something and, like, you know, because I just feel like,
00:02:32
Speaker
You know, once you kind of get in with the city, it's kind of, you know, smooth sailing, you know, or any government job.
00:02:41
Speaker
It's like smooth sailing, you know, in the sense of like stability and like.
00:02:45
Speaker
Yeah.
00:02:48
Speaker
not really having to do at least in my job do a lot of like different type of work um where it's just like this is just you know does it match does it not match does it this does it not that you know what i mean and if the papers don't match then like you gotta it's like that game oh my god um
00:03:12
Speaker
And one of y'all probably know what game I'm talking about, but it's got to like, you got to match the paperwork in order for you to get buzzed through.
00:03:18
Speaker
And the people don't be matching the paperwork.
00:03:21
Speaker
I feel like it's on the tip of my tongue and I'll probably think of it when I, we get off.
00:03:25
Speaker
But yeah, so I was just like, it's kind of like that.
00:03:29
Speaker
Like you're, you got to check the paperwork.
00:03:31
Speaker
Everything got to match.
00:03:33
Speaker
If the shit don't match, we got to, you know, ask for, you know, people to send in the right things.
00:03:40
Speaker
And there's a lot of communication and a lot of clients.
00:03:46
Speaker
I didn't expect it to be so much work.
Balancing Two Jobs & Support Systems
00:03:49
Speaker
I honestly did not.
00:03:51
Speaker
Like I, you know, because everyone always says like when you work for the city, you are, you know, you don't really do anything.
00:03:58
Speaker
Like you don't really do.
00:03:58
Speaker
And I'm like, what jobs are those?
00:04:00
Speaker
Because.
00:04:02
Speaker
I got stuff to do.
00:04:03
Speaker
And I don't know if it's just because I do my job well or if I like doing a good job.
00:04:10
Speaker
I think it's also a thing of advocacy where it's like, if I know someone needs this application, I'm going to try to do everything I can to make sure they get it as long as they qualify for it, for a waiver or whatever.
00:04:26
Speaker
You know, it's like a different form of advocacy on my part where I'm like, you know, getting paperwork to go through and for people to get services and stuff.
00:04:35
Speaker
So I feel like in that regard, it's like I'm still doing work that is meaningful.
00:04:42
Speaker
And, you know, I'm also like...
00:04:47
Speaker
just learning different skills or learning, you know, more about myself in this job and the ways in which I've been just kind of navigating and things like that.
00:04:55
Speaker
So it's been a lot, like it's honestly been a lot, but it's not one of those things where I've, you know, most times haven't come home just like completely drained and tired.
Return to Office & Pandemic Hiring
00:05:06
Speaker
There's some days where I do and I'm just, you know, again, it's like I'm working two jobs.
00:05:10
Speaker
I'm doing everything about myself, blah, blah, blah.
00:05:12
Speaker
That was also another realization I had this week of just like,
00:05:16
Speaker
stop comparing yourself to other people because the other people you're comparing yourself to have support.
00:05:23
Speaker
Like,
00:05:25
Speaker
You know, and I think about it in a way.
00:05:27
Speaker
It's like I don't really have anyone to fall back on if things, you know, get really crazy.
00:05:36
Speaker
And I think that that's playing a part in this, like, you know, with the way the world is going.
00:05:42
Speaker
I just feel like I need to focus in.
00:05:45
Speaker
And then once I get focused enough to where I'm like, OK, I can kind of do this job in my sleep.
00:05:52
Speaker
I will be able to have some more time and space to do the podcast.
00:05:58
Speaker
And that was kind of the plan all along.
00:06:01
Speaker
I think that, you know, I overextended myself a little bit and these like new adjustments and these new shifts.
00:06:09
Speaker
And, you know, there's things I'm just kind of really realizing now about, you
00:06:16
Speaker
The way, like, the next six months is going to look like.
00:06:19
Speaker
And... Well, not even six months.
00:06:21
Speaker
Because I have, like... Like, four more months left until probation's over.
Podcast Pause & Future Goals
00:06:26
Speaker
I can't wait.
00:06:26
Speaker
Oh, my God.
00:06:27
Speaker
I think about taking off, like, literally every day.
00:06:29
Speaker
Especially since we are going to the office now.
00:06:31
Speaker
Which, sidebar, I really wanted to just say really quickly that it's wild how, like, our internet has been shitty.
00:06:39
Speaker
And I'm like, girl, like, wasn't we all supposed to come back this week?
00:06:44
Speaker
Like, I don't understand...
00:06:47
Speaker
What's happening?
00:06:48
Speaker
Um... Yeah, it's just been weird.
00:06:51
Speaker
Like, I guess it's because they maybe hired more people during the pandemic and, you know, they didn't account for that.
00:06:57
Speaker
You know, when you hire more people, you need more bandwidth.
00:07:00
Speaker
Um... Because shit's just been glitchy and, like, terrible all week.
00:07:05
Speaker
And so, I think it'll, you know, improve over time or whatever.
00:07:08
Speaker
But... Needless to say, I'm just like, we could've waited until, like, September to go back.
00:07:15
Speaker
Um...
00:07:17
Speaker
It's so fucking hot.
00:07:18
Speaker
Like, I'm glad it's, you know, the end of the week is not that hot.
00:07:22
Speaker
It's still a little humid, but I feel like it's not too, too bad.
00:07:28
Speaker
Like, it's all right.
00:07:31
Speaker
Yeah, so I'm, like, sad about it, though, because I'm realizing that, like, well, it's bittersweet because I'm realizing that, you know, the downsides, I guess I'll start with those, are that I won't have a space to really talk about the things that I, you know, care about or the things that I, that interest me.
00:07:53
Speaker
And even the things I get on my nerves or don't interest me, like, I won't have that space.
00:07:57
Speaker
And right now, yeah.
00:08:02
Speaker
I don't know.
00:08:02
Speaker
I feel like it's an outlet for me.
00:08:04
Speaker
It's a way in which I can just let everything out and decompress and, you know, not feel overwhelmed by because it's stuff I'm interested in, like versus, you know, doing things that I'm not interested in.
00:08:18
Speaker
But it's just the time, the energy, like needing to delegate and all of those
Career vs Passion & Burnout Concerns
00:08:26
Speaker
things.
00:08:26
Speaker
And I really want to be, I think, a place where I am able to put more money into the podcast and
00:08:35
Speaker
um, try to like grow it a little bit more, um, and have like a team or, um, I mean, that's the goal, like the goal I'm like manifesting right now and I need to script and write this down, but, um, and I need to light a candle.
00:08:52
Speaker
Um, but that would be doing magic over the air and I can't let y'all into my manifestations.
00:08:59
Speaker
Just in case there's haters out there.
00:09:00
Speaker
Even though I don't think there are.
00:09:05
Speaker
I feel like I'm like someone that... It's not that I get along with everyone.
00:09:10
Speaker
It's just that... I don't know.
00:09:13
Speaker
No one's really... No one's made themselves known.
00:09:17
Speaker
I'll say that.
00:09:18
Speaker
And if they have, they gotta try harder.
00:09:22
Speaker
I'm sorry.
00:09:22
Speaker
But yeah, so...
00:09:26
Speaker
Those are kind of the bad sides, but I think the good sides are that it's, you know, it's less pressure on me.
00:09:32
Speaker
During this break, I can just take a, you know, month to just recover and then.
00:09:41
Speaker
start planning again.
00:09:43
Speaker
And I'm already having some ideas and discussions.
00:09:46
Speaker
And I think that it'll be good.
00:09:48
Speaker
It'll be better.
00:09:50
Speaker
And it'll be fresher.
00:09:51
Speaker
Because I also had this, like, it's been a really interesting cancer season.
00:09:56
Speaker
Like, I don't even know how to describe it.
00:09:59
Speaker
But I had an interesting conversation with someone recently just about how
00:10:08
Speaker
you know, it's hard to decide.
00:10:11
Speaker
Well, I've had this conversation with actually more than one person now that I think about it, but how it's hard to decide.
00:10:16
Speaker
And I've made a video about this before where I called it passion or profession or profession or passion or something like that, where I've been conflicted between the two things that I've been
00:10:35
Speaker
trying to do.
00:10:36
Speaker
And I feel like I've been living in the mode of, you know, trying to rely and build up my professional life, my career, my ever really good track record, you know, and that's important to me.
00:10:51
Speaker
And then I'm also like,
00:10:55
Speaker
And I want to do well in that.
00:10:56
Speaker
Like, I don't want to, especially with therapy, like, I don't want to, you know, like, that's like one of my worst fears that someone comes out worse than they came in with.
00:11:04
Speaker
And I think that that's playing with my head a little bit.
00:11:07
Speaker
And so it's like, oh, shit, I need to, like, lock the fuck in a little bit more and do some more, like, reading and, you know, shit like that.
00:11:15
Speaker
And I think that the time that I, you know, spend on that, you know, which would be time that I'd be dedicating to the podcast, is
00:11:23
Speaker
is going to just have to happen for a little bit.
00:11:26
Speaker
And I don't have to explain all of this and this and that, but I think that it's important for people to know, especially other social workers and therapists, that you have to take care of yourself too.
00:11:38
Speaker
You can't burn yourself out, taking into priority the things that are important to you.
00:11:46
Speaker
Because if all else fails, I still have my professional life to fall back on.
Realizing Potential & Podcast Expansion
00:11:52
Speaker
But I'm also like, it's the, you know, part of the conversation I've been having with people recently is that, but if I never do pursue my, the things I actually am interested in, or the things that I'm actually doing.
00:12:06
Speaker
good at or could be good at.
00:12:08
Speaker
If I don't do that, then I'm always just going to have a question mark.
00:12:12
Speaker
Like I won't really know.
00:12:16
Speaker
And I think the saving grace of it all is that either way, you know, no matter which way, whatever happens is that, you know, I'm a
00:12:24
Speaker
good person.
00:12:25
Speaker
Like I'm a decent person.
00:12:26
Speaker
I try, I help people.
00:12:29
Speaker
I, you know, I, you know, I try to be as genuine as I can and, um, or I'm able to, or whatever.
00:12:38
Speaker
you know, like, not lie to people is what I guess I'm trying to say.
00:12:43
Speaker
But, you know, I try to be honest with people, you know, for the most part.
00:12:47
Speaker
It's difficult when it comes to me.
00:12:48
Speaker
And I feel like the podcast has also been a space for me to just get that out, like, you know, just not hold on to a lot of that.
00:13:01
Speaker
And
00:13:03
Speaker
Yeah, it feels like very cathartic.
00:13:05
Speaker
And I think that for me, it's important that people see that you are, you know, you're not a monolith.
00:13:15
Speaker
You're not like, you know, one person just doing one type of thing.
00:13:19
Speaker
There are a lot of people that get really devoted and like caught into really get devoted and caught into a
00:13:31
Speaker
being just the professional or just being the
00:13:37
Speaker
creative, but without any kind of like basis.
00:13:42
Speaker
And I think I'm starting to realize that my basis is overlapping.
00:13:46
Speaker
Like it's starting to, it's like a light bulb or something.
00:13:49
Speaker
Like it's starting to go off in my brain where I'm like, huh?
00:13:53
Speaker
Like if I had more energy to spend on the podcast and I had the energy to record and someone to help with that and, you know, record video or, you know,
00:14:05
Speaker
edit the sound or whatever it is or even at some point like i would love to get in an actual studio like you know and and do that um or have a studio set up in my house or uh something like that like i don't know like there's just stuff that i am interested in and that i care about and um
00:14:25
Speaker
I really want to expand upon that.
00:14:27
Speaker
Like, and I think that that is what's starting to happen.
00:14:31
Speaker
And I think that I'm starting to almost like understand that, like, I can do anything.
00:14:38
Speaker
Like, that's crazy to me.
00:14:39
Speaker
Like, I can't
Fitness, Plans, & Excitement for Events
00:14:44
Speaker
really do anything.
00:14:44
Speaker
Like, that is insane, like, just to say out loud.
00:14:48
Speaker
And just to have that feeling of
00:14:55
Speaker
OK, I can actually do stuff, but I got to lock in.
00:14:58
Speaker
And I think that's what has been with this job because it's so much stuff.
00:15:01
Speaker
It's like there's just so many things to know.
00:15:04
Speaker
And but the more I'm noticing that I lock in, the better I'm getting at it and the quicker I'm getting things done.
00:15:10
Speaker
And I'm like, OK, this is something I just need to focus on.
00:15:14
Speaker
So, yeah, I'm excited.
00:15:16
Speaker
And it'll be great because I, like I said, I have ideas.
00:15:18
Speaker
I'm working on things now.
00:15:20
Speaker
And yeah, well, we will, you know, see how things go.
00:15:24
Speaker
Otherwise, you know, the trainer still beat my ass.
00:15:28
Speaker
I got to do another Tuesday, Wednesday next week, which is like making me a little nervous because I'm like, damn.
00:15:37
Speaker
I might see that guy again.
00:15:39
Speaker
Pain in the fucking ass.
00:15:40
Speaker
Like, and the fact that like, I have to do the back to back workout because today was hard.
00:15:46
Speaker
Like, I'm not even going to kid you.
00:15:48
Speaker
Like I left limping from the gym and it was just so painful to, to walk, to hold things, to do things.
00:16:01
Speaker
And so, yeah, he kicked my butt today, but.
00:16:04
Speaker
Yeah, you know, we're still going to go.
00:16:06
Speaker
We got to go.
00:16:08
Speaker
No excuses.
00:16:10
Speaker
Especially if we can rest this weekend.
00:16:11
Speaker
That's what I'm praying for.
00:16:12
Speaker
I could rest this weekend.
00:16:14
Speaker
I'm like, please.
00:16:15
Speaker
I'm doing something Saturday, but like Sunday, don't ask me to do shit.
00:16:19
Speaker
Like, I'm not doing nothing.
00:16:21
Speaker
And then also, I'm not doing nothing on...
00:16:26
Speaker
No, actually, no, it's Friday a.m.
00:16:28
Speaker
I'm going to go see Kid Fury.
00:16:29
Speaker
Oh, my God.
00:16:29
Speaker
That's what I'm going to do.
00:16:30
Speaker
I'm going to go see Kid Fury here in Philadelphia.
00:16:34
Speaker
I'm excited about that.
00:16:36
Speaker
And I got some stuff Saturday, but I'm just hoping that it's not like I'm not doing anything, you know, tonight as a Thursday night.
00:16:44
Speaker
I didn't do anything last Thursday night either, but last week was a rough joint for me, like after I recorded or the next day.
00:16:54
Speaker
Rough joint.
00:16:56
Speaker
Yeah, what else?
00:16:59
Speaker
Yeah, I think that's kind of it.
00:17:03
Speaker
Yeah, I think I'm actually also going to just kind of end the show right here.
00:17:09
Speaker
Wow.
00:17:13
Speaker
Nothing else to say.
00:17:14
Speaker
And I'm like, not really, you know, kind of feel like why not start my vacation early, you know?
00:17:22
Speaker
Go listen to that old shit.
00:17:26
Speaker
And then, you know, when this new shit come out, it'll be, you'll appreciate it even more.
00:17:33
Speaker
You know?
00:17:33
Speaker
It's just a thought.
Podcast Closing & Listener Engagement
00:17:39
Speaker
All right.
00:17:40
Speaker
Well, if you have any listener letters or if you, you know, over my hiatus or whatever, my break, my sabbatical, if you have any letters that you want to send to the podcast, send them together, then pod at gmail.com.
00:18:01
Speaker
and what else what else follow me on the socials gather them pod um on x formerly known as twitter and then on instagram and then i'm hoping there's some like i said there's stuff there's stuff so i mean i'll still be like posting and around and uh whatnot on the socials so you know just hit me up
00:18:28
Speaker
Alright, well, I hope everyone has a good one and take care.
00:18:35
Speaker
Enjoy the rest of your summer.
00:18:38
Speaker
Bye.