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My Loneliness Is Killing Me
9 Plays1 year ago
Happy Pride Month!
I decided to do something a little different this month. This month I want to focus on gay things! Check in for Final Thoughts this month!
Go stream Midnight, Moonshine, and Marcus:
Apple Music
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Also:
Why you were wrong to laugh at
viral video of a man driving
with a suspended license
Twitter: @GatherThemPod
IG: @GatherThemPod
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Email: Gatherthempod@gmail.com
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Transcript
Introduction and Awareness Months
00:00:33
Speaker
Welcome back to another episode of Gather Them Podcast.
00:00:36
Speaker
I'm your host, Jerome.
00:00:37
Speaker
And we are here.
00:00:40
Speaker
Pride Month.
00:00:41
Speaker
Happy Pride Month, everyone.
00:00:44
Speaker
And happy, or I guess, Men's Awareness Month.
00:00:49
Speaker
Yeah.
00:00:51
Speaker
Yeah.
00:00:53
Speaker
So I ended up, I didn't know it was like Men's Awareness Month this month until I went to an event at work on Tuesday.
00:01:05
Speaker
And we did like stretching because they had like a wellness day.
00:01:09
Speaker
It was like, well, it's wellness week, but...
00:01:13
Speaker
We did a, it was like a day of just like in-person events and things like that.
00:01:21
Speaker
And the session that I was going to was supposed to be men's health geared, I think, or that he was saying that that had happened yesterday.
00:01:30
Speaker
I was kind of confused, but...
00:01:32
Speaker
He said that mostly women had shown up.
00:01:34
Speaker
And I was like, oh, I didn't even realize it was Men's Health and Mental Health Month.
00:01:39
Speaker
Or Men's Health Month, I think.
00:01:40
Speaker
And I'm just like, he said it was mostly women.
00:01:43
Speaker
So I was just like, okay, so even when guys have things that are for them, they don't go to them.
00:01:48
Speaker
And that's the funny part about it, because everyone's always like, what about a gay pride?
00:01:52
Speaker
Or what about a straight pride, you know, because
Upcoming Events and Community Engagement
00:01:54
Speaker
of gay pride?
00:01:54
Speaker
And it's like, y'all don't even fucking go to the doctor.
00:01:57
Speaker
So it's like, what the fuck are you talking about?
00:02:02
Speaker
Yeah, so that was funny as shit to me when he said that.
00:02:06
Speaker
But he was like, well, you know, women can still learn to and pass it on to a man they know and blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:02:11
Speaker
And I was like, yeah, whatever.
00:02:13
Speaker
But men also don't fucking listen.
00:02:15
Speaker
So there's also that.
00:02:17
Speaker
But anyway, welcome back.
00:02:20
Speaker
I'm feeling exhausted overall.
00:02:23
Speaker
I, it's been a very long week.
00:02:26
Speaker
I am glad that the week is over.
00:02:29
Speaker
I'm annoyed that the weekend is only going to be two days and, but I am glad that it is the weekend and that I do have now some time to relax and have fun at the same time.
00:02:44
Speaker
Um,
00:02:46
Speaker
Yeah, the relaxing is going to come on Sunday.
00:02:48
Speaker
I didn't realize that I planned to do a ball and a concert tomorrow.
00:02:58
Speaker
Or, well, Friday night.
00:02:59
Speaker
And so that to me was just like, when I realized I had a concert this week, I was like, oh, that's right.
00:03:05
Speaker
I forgot about that.
00:03:06
Speaker
And I have to go because it's the Dredsten Dolls.
00:03:09
Speaker
And I think I paid $35.00.
00:03:12
Speaker
So, I mean, if I didn't go or if I sold it, like it wouldn't be a big deal, maybe.
00:03:15
Speaker
But I also like them.
00:03:17
Speaker
And I don't know if I'm ever going to get to see them again.
00:03:20
Speaker
I keep hearing about an album that's supposed to come out, but it keeps getting pushed back.
00:03:25
Speaker
And so I'm just like, I need to do it.
00:03:33
Speaker
Also, the ball was, it was a little more last minute, I think, but I haven't gone to a ball in a while.
00:03:40
Speaker
So I'm looking forward to that.
00:03:43
Speaker
And I'm also looking forward to Queerpalooza this weekend.
00:03:48
Speaker
Yeah.
00:03:49
Speaker
It is, I think, hosted by Philly's Thrift, but they own like Giovanni's Room, which is like a bookstore here in Philly.
00:03:57
Speaker
And it's going to be like around the bookstore area, like 12th and Pine-ish.
00:04:02
Speaker
So I'll be doing that.
00:04:05
Speaker
And then I'll be going to Porch Fest on Saturday as well.
00:04:09
Speaker
um, just to walk around, you know, Porch Fest is pretty cool, uh, for the most part, you know, you just kind of walk around and you see people and watch people perform and things like that.
00:04:20
Speaker
So, um, there'll be that as well.
00:04:23
Speaker
And then Sunday I'm just resting cause that, that's a pretty full weekend.
00:04:27
Speaker
Um, and so, yeah, Sunday is just going to be me resting and then back to the grind on Monday, unfortunately.
00:04:34
Speaker
So, um,
00:04:36
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, fortunately and unfortunately, I guess.
00:04:38
Speaker
I'm just annoyed because of the way, like, my day ended, I think, with work.
New Job Challenges
00:04:43
Speaker
Because I feel like my job so far has been pretty good overall.
00:04:49
Speaker
Like, I haven't had anything that's been, like, too difficult or too, you know, like, just anything that's been too, like...
00:05:05
Speaker
bad but I just feel like things are confusing and I feel like the things that are confusing are only confusing because I don't know how to do I'm like only two weeks in so like there's also that but there's a lot of work and a lot of paperwork that goes into this job and I didn't really think that was the case like I didn't think it was like what it is like that's like number one I didn't think that it was like what it is um
00:05:34
Speaker
And that's mainly just because I, you know, they give you the description of the job.
00:05:39
Speaker
They kind of tell you what the job is like.
00:05:41
Speaker
And, you know, they don't really you don't really know the ins and outs until you work a job.
00:05:46
Speaker
And this is why I always say I don't care what anyone says.
00:05:50
Speaker
Like you can get hired for basically any job that doesn't require like really hard math or like really complicated science or like deep, profound knowledge or something, because, you
00:06:02
Speaker
the way in which like this job is just pushing paperwork and you, they want you to have a master's, um, prefer to do the job is just like, okay, cool.
00:06:15
Speaker
Um,
00:06:18
Speaker
I could have did this when I like fresh out of high school, honestly, just by like, all you do is just follow the directions.
00:06:24
Speaker
And, you know, that's it.
00:06:25
Speaker
Like, it's not anything that's too hard, but something did go screwy today.
00:06:30
Speaker
And I'm like, well, I'm going to worry about that tomorrow or next week, you know, depending on whatever happened.
00:06:37
Speaker
So there's that.
00:06:40
Speaker
And then therapy, I'm starting to get my caseload picked up some more.
00:06:47
Speaker
Yeah, I'm going to have to realize I need to like advertise a little bit more, too, because I feel like I'm getting clients that are good, but I'm also not accessing, I think, the ones that I really want.
00:06:59
Speaker
And I need to advertise some more.
00:07:04
Speaker
So, yeah, outside of that, things have been pretty good.
00:07:14
Speaker
Not too much else has been
Podcast Appearance on X-Men
00:07:16
Speaker
going.
00:07:16
Speaker
Oh, I also went on Marcus's podcast.
00:07:21
Speaker
So definitely go check that out.
00:07:26
Speaker
Midnight, Moonshine and Marcus.
00:07:29
Speaker
I always feel like I'm going to like fuck that up.
00:07:31
Speaker
And I don't know why.
00:07:32
Speaker
I always felt like I'm going to fuck that up.
00:07:34
Speaker
But Midnight, Moonshine and Marcus, wherever you get your podcast.
00:07:39
Speaker
We talked about the X-Men.
00:07:41
Speaker
And, of course, spoilers.
00:07:45
Speaker
If you have not seen it or you want to see it or you are interested, we don't talk about the series the whole time.
00:07:53
Speaker
We talk about mostly X-Men related things.
00:07:57
Speaker
So it's not...
00:07:58
Speaker
You can probably like listen to half and then like not listen to the last part or, you know, the last like little bits or skip ahead.
00:08:07
Speaker
I honestly I listened to it again today and I was like, whoa, this sounds like a really good discussion that we had.
00:08:13
Speaker
So I highly encourage people to check it out.
00:08:17
Speaker
The link will be in the show notes.
00:08:19
Speaker
And what else?
00:08:20
Speaker
I think that's it.
00:08:22
Speaker
I didn't really have topics.
00:08:23
Speaker
I mean, I didn't really have news this week or, you know, anything, but more so topics or things that I just wanted to kind of get off of my chest more so.
Celebrity Ventures and Industry Impact
00:08:34
Speaker
And it's really only two things.
00:08:39
Speaker
One, like I really... My thing about Rihanna...
00:08:47
Speaker
is... Like, I love her music.
00:08:50
Speaker
I like her.
00:08:50
Speaker
She seems, like, cool.
00:08:53
Speaker
You know, all of that stuff.
00:08:55
Speaker
But I feel like we don't need another Fenty thing from her.
00:08:58
Speaker
Like, I don't think we need Fenty hair.
00:09:00
Speaker
Like, and the fact that... I think it's so funny because people kept pointing out the fact that she's actually wearing a wig in the Fenty hair promotion, which I think is kind of funny because...
00:09:15
Speaker
Yeah, it's like, girl, what do you... At first, I was like, I thought it was a line for wigs.
00:09:20
Speaker
And when I read about how it is actually a hair care line, I was like, okay, so...
00:09:26
Speaker
hair care for wigs because what are you talking about?
00:09:30
Speaker
So I'm also kind of just over it.
00:09:32
Speaker
I think just at this point, um, I just feel like it's just very ignorant or something at this point to just keep pushing for billionaires to keep like pushing their products and to keep going into industries, the aesthetics industry, which is already very oversaturated.
00:09:53
Speaker
And there's so much competition, um,
00:09:56
Speaker
And someone made a really good point about how black owned brands then struggle because if someone is like if they get business and then someone's like, well, I want to try out Rihanna's thing and they like Rihanna's thing just because it's Rihanna's thing.
00:10:08
Speaker
They're going to want to buy that.
00:10:09
Speaker
So it ultimately does impact the way in which people work.
00:10:15
Speaker
delegate their money.
00:10:17
Speaker
Now, I would hope that people wouldn't just stop getting whatever hair care that's working for them to try something that's different from a billionaire.
00:10:26
Speaker
But I feel like if you were someone that's like, oh, I tried everything and nothing works, like, let me try this, then okay.
00:10:33
Speaker
And also, again, like it's not up to like Rihanna or Beyonce or whatever to fix, you know, a lot of the problems in the world because they were not caused by black people, you know, and it's not their reason or not there.
00:10:48
Speaker
You know, I don't think they need to fix the things in the world or, you know, I don't know where they're donating their money.
00:10:54
Speaker
I mean, I only know that like of who donates their money when it's when it gets announced.
00:10:59
Speaker
I don't go looking for it.
00:11:02
Speaker
But what I will say is that... How can I put this gingerly?
00:11:10
Speaker
I'm sorry, I can't.
00:11:19
Speaker
I just feel like y'all just need to stop fucking making products and stop trying to monopolize the industry because...
00:11:29
Speaker
you feel like, oh, well, I want a new business venture.
00:11:32
Speaker
Like, I don't know what the fuck is going on with everyone this year.
00:11:34
Speaker
When it comes to everyone's got an album coming out, everyone's got some kind of a product or a line or something.
00:11:41
Speaker
And it feels like we all know it's weird that this is happening, but no one's really saying why they think it's weird.
00:11:48
Speaker
And I think it's weird because...
00:11:51
Speaker
I mean, the world is in peril.
00:11:52
Speaker
Like, everybody is, like, trying to get the last little bit of coins they can get before shit really hits the fan.
00:11:59
Speaker
And I'm just like... I don't know.
00:12:03
Speaker
Like, it's just to me, like, I don't know if money would ever be a thing that, like... I don't know if our currency would change.
00:12:08
Speaker
I'll say that.
00:12:09
Speaker
Like, if our currency changed, that would be crazy.
00:12:12
Speaker
But I don't know if it would go that deep or anything like that.
00:12:16
Speaker
But I just feel like...
00:12:19
Speaker
There's just something going on in the air.
00:12:21
Speaker
It's like people have been way more rude, like, ruder than usual, way more impatient, less willing to, like...
00:12:36
Speaker
try to understand other people.
00:12:37
Speaker
People have been... I get it, pandemic, post-pandemic life or whatever, but it feels like things are just... They suck.
00:12:46
Speaker
Everything sucks.
00:12:47
Speaker
Everything
Media and Health Concerns
00:12:48
Speaker
fucking sucks.
00:12:49
Speaker
And I feel like the only way I've been able to...
00:12:53
Speaker
counteract that is just by either not giving a fuck or deciding to just be more in the moment and go with the flow.
00:13:02
Speaker
Cause I feel like if I think too much about what's going to happen next, I'm like, what the fuck?
00:13:07
Speaker
But it is very strange to me that people aren't as, um,
00:13:14
Speaker
concerned or there's not as much outrage about a lot of the things that are going on.
00:13:19
Speaker
Of course, there's outrage and there's protests and there's things like that that are happening, but a lot more people aren't upset.
00:13:26
Speaker
And I think that it's really going to take something bad to happen before people really, really get frustrated enough because you have to pretty much lose everything to
00:13:40
Speaker
either want to fight or... No, I'll say it like this.
00:13:44
Speaker
You have to have had something, lost it, and then have that desire to want it back in order to even get enraged enough to fight back.
00:13:57
Speaker
And I think that's so... I'll talk about this a little later too, but I think it's interesting how when people are just comfortable, they don't really...
00:14:11
Speaker
They just think that, oh, like, all this won't impact me.
00:14:13
Speaker
Everything's like blah, blah, blah.
00:14:14
Speaker
And it's like, okay, but things are happening and we're not addressing them.
00:14:24
Speaker
And I think that that is something that we...
00:14:27
Speaker
I don't know.
00:14:27
Speaker
Like, it's nothing.
00:14:28
Speaker
I mean, I feel like I just want to say it out loud, I think, at this point, just because I notice it.
00:14:32
Speaker
But I also don't feel like, you know, anybody's going to change.
00:14:37
Speaker
Like, it's just going to happen.
00:14:38
Speaker
It's going to... Whatever happens, happens at this point.
00:14:44
Speaker
And it will be what it's going to be.
00:14:51
Speaker
Yeah, I just feel like going back to just the Rihanna thing, just to kind of wrap that up, I just kind of feel like that at the end of the day, people, everyone's like gunning to be a household staple in the way that certain brands have become like Kellogg's or...
00:15:06
Speaker
I don't know, Tide or Clorox, like things like that, like people are trying to become brands or like really push their brands in these spaces where it's already very competitive to be like household names and staples.
00:15:22
Speaker
But we're just not there anymore.
00:15:24
Speaker
Like the industry, like everything is just oversaturated, like music, music.
00:15:30
Speaker
Movies, TV, actual, like, consumer products that we buy, like, clothing, jewelry, like, there's, you know, the sweatshops and the fast, you know, fast fashion and all of that stuff.
00:15:44
Speaker
And I just feel like...
00:15:46
Speaker
At some point, it's like, well, you can't ever, you know, you have to try really hard and you have to have already like had the status to even have a chance at getting a brand to be everything you want it to be, I think, because you've got to already have the audience.
00:16:05
Speaker
And if you don't have the audience, unfortunately, which is why I kind of get the influencer thing, because if you want to, you know, sell yourself or you want to sell your brand, you
00:16:15
Speaker
um you have to figure out ways to stand out and a lot of that is going viral um and I feel like that's really where we're at when it comes to stuff but when I saw that I didn't really initially have words to say because I was like okay well she's wearing a wig so whatever but I also just was like and I don't have hair so I was like all right well I'm not gonna buy this anyway but like
00:16:37
Speaker
I saw that comment and it really did like spark something at me as like, that's a really good point.
00:16:42
Speaker
Like there are a lot of people out here that are actually like, this is their bread and butter.
00:16:47
Speaker
And it just feels like these billionaires are just so unserious and just stealing away opportunities from other businesses that have actually been in the game.
00:17:02
Speaker
And it sucks, you know, and it sucks, I think.
00:17:05
Speaker
I mean, and, you know, it's a free world.
00:17:06
Speaker
Like, Rihanna could do whatever she wants to do.
00:17:08
Speaker
But I think that just the ignorance around just wanting to do, like, to do this just because.
00:17:17
Speaker
Like, it feels like it's just because.
00:17:21
Speaker
I've never known...
00:17:24
Speaker
I don't know.
00:17:24
Speaker
Like, it's, again, it's weird.
00:17:25
Speaker
I've never known, like, certain people, because certain people will say stuff like, you know, music is, you know, something I'm doing right now, but I think I want to do other ventures in the future.
00:17:35
Speaker
And I think that, you know, I might get into, like, doing hair care or, like, something like that.
00:17:40
Speaker
Or someone like Tina Knowles, who was a salon, like, she worked in a salon.
00:17:46
Speaker
And, you know, she's pushing her brand because, um...
Rihanna's Business Moves
00:17:50
Speaker
She really believes in it and she's so passionate about it.
00:17:53
Speaker
And I just look at Rihanna just like, oh, smiles.
00:17:56
Speaker
And, you know, I'm wearing my little short Bobby wig, you know.
00:18:04
Speaker
But anyway, the other thing I wanted to just talk about, other topic I want to talk about quickly is just the bird flu.
00:18:11
Speaker
And I feel like with this bird flu thing, I honestly just feel like people are
00:18:18
Speaker
are maybe blowing it out of proportion because...
00:18:24
Speaker
they keep talking about it and the sense of, as if it's another COVID, like I get that we need to get it under control, but every time I hear about bird flu, everyone's like, Oh, you know, here we go.
00:18:36
Speaker
Or, you know, another pandemic.
00:18:38
Speaker
And then I just started doing the research and I'm like, Oh, so, you know, it is bad.
00:18:43
Speaker
Like, it's not like, it's not bad.
00:18:45
Speaker
It's just that, um, it hasn't, um,
00:18:49
Speaker
transmitted to humans and that's not to say it won't get bad uh but I feel like we have a bird flu thing like every few years like when I was searching bird flu the last time it was happening was around 2021 2022 so I don't know if this is like more serious or if this is um you know a different strain or something that we're like a little bit more
00:19:16
Speaker
She needs to be worried about it, but, I mean, for me, I'm not... I'm just like, it is what it is, you know?
00:19:24
Speaker
At the end of the day, the day's got to end.
00:19:26
Speaker
So, you know, that's just my motto at this point.
00:19:28
Speaker
I can't, like, care too, too much about...
00:19:35
Speaker
about this shit because you will go absolutely insane.
00:19:39
Speaker
I'm just trying to live your life.
00:19:42
Speaker
I'm sorry.
00:19:42
Speaker
I'm trying to like plug in something into my computer and it's not, there we go.
00:19:48
Speaker
Um, yeah, the end of the day, day's got to end.
00:19:51
Speaker
So it really is what it is at this point.
00:19:54
Speaker
Like I'm starting to get to this point where I'm just like,
00:19:58
Speaker
And I'm reading this book on the quantum mechanics of changing your mind and influencing your mind.
00:20:06
Speaker
And I'm like reading that book a little bit and I'm just starting to get more because it's so existential and it's so metaphysical in the sense of like what this like quantum realm is.
00:20:19
Speaker
Maybe I'll talk about that too in a minute just to finish up this birth thing.
00:20:23
Speaker
But what I just want to say is that like, I feel like I'm starting to become a little bit more
00:20:30
Speaker
nonchalant about things or just being a little bit more like, okay, we'll figure it out, I guess, you know, it's not the end of the world.
00:20:39
Speaker
Um, it's all going to work out.
00:20:40
Speaker
So I've been having more of a positive attitude.
00:20:43
Speaker
And I think part of that is reading that book and doing like some more research on, uh, what quantum physics actually is.
00:20:51
Speaker
Um, um,
00:20:52
Speaker
But going back to bird flu, they basically just were like, you know, right now it's impacting birds.
00:20:57
Speaker
They have to hide the birds.
00:20:59
Speaker
And because, you know, chickens and birds and whatnot are often around cows, cows are starting to pick up the virus as well.
00:21:09
Speaker
And then the fear is that if...
00:21:12
Speaker
we don't do anything about it because humans have to spend a lot of time around cows, then we could, you know, mutate and like find its way to us.
00:21:23
Speaker
And there was one person that was reported to having respiratory symptoms, but this was noted like five to six days ago.
00:21:31
Speaker
I don't know if anybody else has had any.
00:21:34
Speaker
And I also didn't like
00:21:36
Speaker
diagnosed this person at the time as having it.
00:21:39
Speaker
They just said that this person had respiratory symptoms, which could be, again, anything.
00:21:45
Speaker
It could be fucking COVID.
00:21:47
Speaker
COVID's still happening.
00:21:49
Speaker
But I hate how the news is even trying to drum this up, like, oh, 10 states are impacted, and 10 states is nothing to sneeze at.
00:21:56
Speaker
But again, I feel like bird flu always happens, and we don't
00:22:02
Speaker
have this like or avian flu you know happens or whatever but we don't really have this like panic about it in this way of just like
00:22:14
Speaker
Oh, my God, everyone.
00:22:15
Speaker
Like, I don't think like it's not to the point where we're going to be talking.
00:22:17
Speaker
We're talking about, you know, going to be back in the house in the next two weeks and safer at home and all this crap.
00:22:26
Speaker
Like, I don't think we're doing that.
00:22:27
Speaker
Let's go around.
00:22:29
Speaker
And I definitely don't think we're doing it because I feel like our government is just like punishing us for.
00:22:35
Speaker
For that, like when that wasn't even our fault, like the fact that, oh, like everyone has to go back to work now and everyone has to, we, you know, we return back to life.
00:22:44
Speaker
And as if, you know, we didn't all experience something very tragic and.
00:22:51
Speaker
talked about, oh, we're going to make things better and things are going to be better after we get through this and we're stronger together and yada, yada, yada.
00:22:58
Speaker
It's just so fake to me.
00:23:01
Speaker
And I think that now in 2024, looking back, I just feel like I can't take nothing serious.
00:23:09
Speaker
And less it's like life or death, like immediate life and death.
00:23:15
Speaker
Um...
00:23:16
Speaker
And also, you know, of course, like seeing people, you know, in different countries going through things like Palestine, the Congo, Sudan, you know, just seeing these people or these populations of people just go through stuff.
00:23:31
Speaker
It's like it really does put your life in perspective of being like you should be a little bit more grateful and you should be.
00:23:40
Speaker
A little bit more caring about other people and what happens to other people, because the world is scary and it's tough right now.
00:23:49
Speaker
Like, it's not anything that is...
00:23:55
Speaker
There's nothing to sneeze at.
00:23:57
Speaker
I'll say that and I'll leave it there.
00:23:58
Speaker
It's just nothing to sneeze at.
00:23:59
Speaker
Everything is falling off the hinges.
00:24:02
Speaker
So there's that.
00:24:05
Speaker
So that was it for the topics.
00:24:06
Speaker
Like I didn't really get a chance to do too much research because it's been a pretty busy week.
00:24:12
Speaker
But I am hoping that I can get ahead of some episode or get ahead soon because I have some stuff planned.
00:24:20
Speaker
So one of the things I'm going to talk about in my final thoughts
00:24:25
Speaker
Well, thoughts for the month of June is it's going to be very pride focused.
00:24:30
Speaker
It's going to be very, you know, in honor of men's month or whatever.
00:24:36
Speaker
We're going to talk about gay men and specifically black gay men and health.
00:24:40
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:43
Speaker
And the things that we should look out for and the things that we sexual health.
00:24:50
Speaker
Also talking about like, you know, later on, we're talking about like loneliness as a gay man.
00:24:56
Speaker
And we're going to talk about later on, we're going to do another episode with Marcus to talk about some other gay things.
00:25:08
Speaker
And yeah, it's going to be a good month.
00:25:09
Speaker
So I'm excited for the final thoughts for this month.
00:25:15
Speaker
And the funny thing about it is I was going to do research and then I was like...
00:25:19
Speaker
Well, as a black gay man, like I know best, like I know from personal experience what it's like to be a gay man that experiences loneliness and has mental health problems and that has health conditions like that I have to go to the doctor for.
00:25:39
Speaker
So I know exactly what that's like.
00:25:41
Speaker
And I know that what can happen when you aren't taking care of yourself.
00:25:47
Speaker
And so that's why I always.
00:25:49
Speaker
Stress to people, like, don't even, like, worry about it at the end of the day.
00:25:55
Speaker
I really, I mean, I have so many goals and dreams for what I want to do in my life, and I just feel like I really want to almost, like, create a haven inside of, whether it's, like, I buy my house and create a haven for people to, like, come to or, like,
00:26:20
Speaker
I don't know.
00:26:21
Speaker
I just think about things like that.
00:26:22
Speaker
I just think about like large, you know, long term plans of like what I want to do, like how I want to help people, advocate for people, even if it is like renting a room out or like.
00:26:39
Speaker
holding an event or something like that, like a weekly event or whatever.
00:26:45
Speaker
Like, I just feel very much like we do need to start taking better care of each other because it's so bad.
00:26:53
Speaker
And the only way we're going to even kind of stand a chance is if we stick together.
00:26:57
Speaker
Like, I think...
00:26:58
Speaker
the dividing us has really gotten to people so badly but i feel like people are starting to really see see through it um i mean outright racism is like fuck you bitch like we don't fuck around with that but and homophobia like we don't and especially during prima we don't fuck around with that but um we like i just kind of feel like
00:27:23
Speaker
I'm just trying to give people a little grace, you know, not too much, because, again, if you call me something crazy, I might snap.
00:27:31
Speaker
But when it comes to like small things or.
00:27:37
Speaker
You know, things that don't really matter.
00:27:38
Speaker
Like, again, if it's not life or death, I'm just kind of like, whatever.
00:27:41
Speaker
I don't really give a fuck.
00:27:42
Speaker
So... Oh, I did... There was one thing I did want to talk about, though.
00:27:47
Speaker
I always do this, where I'm always like, oh, I talked about everything.
00:27:49
Speaker
And then I'm actually like, no, actually, there was one thing I did want to talk about.
00:27:52
Speaker
So there was this guy who... He... Was supposed... Like, he got his license suspended.
00:28:02
Speaker
And he was...
00:28:07
Speaker
having zoom court and in the zoom court, he's like driving and he's like, Oh, you know, let me just like, you know, park really quickly.
00:28:16
Speaker
I met, I'm on my way to my doctor's appointment.
00:28:19
Speaker
Um, I'm pulling it right now.
00:28:20
Speaker
Let me just park.
00:28:21
Speaker
And the judge is like, sir, you like, I think he asked the lawyer first, like, is he serious?
00:28:29
Speaker
Like what, like what is happening?
00:28:30
Speaker
Because you're in, you're having a court session and
00:28:36
Speaker
for your suspended license and you're fucking driving.
00:28:41
Speaker
And, um, I have to find the, um, cause I saw it on, um, what is it on X?
00:28:49
Speaker
Um, and I saw it on X and I was just like, what, like, what the fuck are y'all doing?
00:28:57
Speaker
Yeah, so this Michigan driver, he essentially went viral because he was driving with a suspended license.
00:29:07
Speaker
And... Okay, wait.
00:29:11
Speaker
Someone's saying, like, the video is not what it seems.
00:29:19
Speaker
That... Wait, hold on.
00:29:21
Speaker
Let's get the facts.
00:29:22
Speaker
Let's... We're going to sit together and we're going to get the facts.
00:29:25
Speaker
So...
00:29:28
Speaker
The whole wide world is laughing at this man.
00:29:30
Speaker
His name is Corey Harris.
00:29:32
Speaker
I'm also reading this from MSNBC.
00:29:36
Speaker
Yeah.
00:29:41
Speaker
Suspended license.
00:29:42
Speaker
And then they told him that he basically was ordered to report to jail because like you broke the law like you have a suspended license.
00:29:49
Speaker
You got out on bond.
00:29:51
Speaker
They let you go home and you're fucking driving a car because you decide.
00:30:00
Speaker
You want to break the law.
00:30:00
Speaker
And this is the shit I'm talking about.
00:30:02
Speaker
Like, this is exactly the shit I'm talking about.
00:30:05
Speaker
And I don't know if it's technology is the problem, because the only reason this is happening is because it's a Zoom court hearing.
00:30:13
Speaker
It's not happening in person.
00:30:15
Speaker
And I don't know if it's technology that's making people like do this kind of shit or if it's.
00:30:22
Speaker
a combination of that and the fact that we're all super busy and we still have to live our lives and things happen.
00:30:28
Speaker
Like you still have to go to the doctors.
00:30:29
Speaker
You know, unfortunately, like you're not supposed to drive yourself, but you know, someone can drive you to the doctors, but if you don't have anybody to do it, then, you know, you kind of shit out of luck.
00:30:42
Speaker
And this was, let's see.
00:30:47
Speaker
I don't even know what his, like why he even,
00:30:54
Speaker
Hold on.
00:30:55
Speaker
They said that it took less than five minutes to search Saginaw County records to see that in January 2022, a judge had rescinded the order that suspended Harrison's driver's license so that he could be reinstated.
00:31:14
Speaker
The judge order was reportedly not properly communicated to the state and secretary's office.
00:31:21
Speaker
So...
00:31:27
Speaker
They were supposed to have it lifted two years ago, but they didn't.
00:31:33
Speaker
Oh, I didn't know this.
00:31:40
Speaker
OK, so his.
00:31:43
Speaker
License was not suspended for anything related to driving, but for unpaid child support, which is weird.
00:31:50
Speaker
I didn't realize that that.
00:31:54
Speaker
was a thing.
00:31:55
Speaker
This is the way it is across the country.
00:31:58
Speaker
State uses driver's license suspensions to enforce unpaid debt.
00:32:03
Speaker
It becomes the default sanction without recognition of its harsh impact on individuals, families, communities, and despite irrevocable evidence that as a policy, it doesn't work.
00:32:15
Speaker
It really doesn't work because people still be fucking driving.
00:32:20
Speaker
I have a story to tell, but I'm also not going to tell the story because this would get someone in trouble.
00:32:25
Speaker
I'm just going to say that when I was a child, there was someone I knew that was driving around with a license or didn't have a license, period.
00:32:34
Speaker
And I used to, that made my anxiety like so bad because I was told to follow the rules.
00:32:40
Speaker
And then my, you know, parents let me around people that didn't follow the rules.
00:32:45
Speaker
And so that,
00:32:47
Speaker
It's probably why I am the way I am.
00:32:52
Speaker
But yeah, so it really does disrupt the livelihood of people.
00:32:58
Speaker
And if the goal on it, it says here, if the goal is to get money, if someone to pay money, then why take away their means of work?
00:33:05
Speaker
Right.
00:33:07
Speaker
Yeah, it kind of defies the logic a little bit because it's like, well, say, for example, if he was behind on child support and he needed his car to do Uber and he took his license away, it's like, well, how is he ever going to pay the child support back?
00:33:20
Speaker
So that is fucked up.
00:33:21
Speaker
But the actual thing of.
00:33:29
Speaker
Oh, so he was locked up for two days.
00:33:31
Speaker
Damn.
00:33:31
Speaker
Yeah.
00:33:35
Speaker
Okay, well, I'm glad I read this now before I talked a bunch of shit about him because that is really fucked up.
00:33:45
Speaker
Interesting.
00:33:53
Speaker
All right, long and short is that here again, this is what I'm talking about.
00:33:56
Speaker
Like our justice system is just failing.
00:33:58
Speaker
It's like, what the fuck?
00:34:00
Speaker
Like people are just nothing makes sense anymore.
00:34:06
Speaker
I feel like growing up, things kind of made sense, but nothing just makes sense anymore.
00:34:10
Speaker
But anyway, hopefully he gets his license back and pays his child support, you know, pay your child support.
00:34:21
Speaker
You had kids.
00:34:22
Speaker
This is why I don't have kids, because I don't want to ever come into contact with child support.
00:34:27
Speaker
And I also here's the other thing about me and I
00:34:32
Speaker
having a child, but I need a partner to do it.
00:34:35
Speaker
And I also, another thing is this is the fact that like, I can't ever have a divorce if I have a child because I,
00:34:43
Speaker
I think that that would be the thing that would actually tear my brain into.
00:34:46
Speaker
Like, I think that that would be the thing.
00:34:49
Speaker
Like if my partner wanted to leave me and we had a child, it'd be different.
00:34:53
Speaker
I feel like if they wanted to leave me and we had a child together, but like, if it was something like I caught them cheating or yeah, mainly that, like if I caught them cheating and I was like, all right, we got to break up.
00:35:08
Speaker
Cause I'm not doing this.
00:35:10
Speaker
Or yeah,
00:35:14
Speaker
Or if they just start to like, if they're abusive or something, you know what I mean?
00:35:18
Speaker
Like, I feel like that would also, like if they were harming me in some way, like physically or mentally or emotionally, whatever, like, I feel like that would be the thing where I'd be like, okay, I have to get a divorce.
00:35:29
Speaker
And then I'd be like, all right, now, like my whole brain wants to just crack in two because I'm not going to be like running all over the place or
00:35:42
Speaker
You know, taking my child to school, going to work, especially working if I had to work two jobs.
00:35:47
Speaker
Oh, my God.
00:35:47
Speaker
Like, I, again, can't even.
00:35:52
Speaker
I can't even like think about what.
00:35:59
Speaker
What I would do, I would just be very, very.
00:36:05
Speaker
Catatonic, I think.
00:36:08
Speaker
Yeah.
00:36:08
Speaker
Yeah.
00:36:09
Speaker
But anyway, moving on, we're going to move on to the Media Lab.
00:36:13
Speaker
I don't really have too much to talk about here either.
00:36:16
Speaker
I did want to talk about Bat for Lashes' new album, The Dream of Delphi, which is a really, I think it's a really good album.
00:36:24
Speaker
It's just, it's different than what I thought it was going to be.
00:36:27
Speaker
Like, if I were to rate it, I would maybe give it like a 7
Music Review: 'The Dream of Delphi'
00:36:31
Speaker
out of 10.
00:36:31
Speaker
And that's just because of the lack of lyrics.
00:36:37
Speaker
Because that's what I love from Bat for Lashes is the lyrics.
00:36:42
Speaker
It's the instrumentals too, yes.
00:36:45
Speaker
But I feel like the lyrics are the things that...
00:36:49
Speaker
really pack the punch with their music.
00:36:53
Speaker
And also the songs are not like, because they're instrumentals, they're not as like, they're not like three minute songs.
00:37:00
Speaker
Like some of them are like one minute ish, like type of songs.
00:37:05
Speaker
So I think that that is also another thing that is, or like a two minute song, which is like coming up for me when I listened to this album as well.
00:37:18
Speaker
I guess not one minute, but like they're short enough.
00:37:21
Speaker
Christmas Day is like less than two minutes.
00:37:24
Speaker
But I do like that song.
00:37:26
Speaker
I do like the album overall because it has this like hypnotic atmosphere to it.
00:37:32
Speaker
And I feel like that's when Natasha was talking about that, when she was talking about that, when making this album and, you know, I guess it's attributing it.
00:37:46
Speaker
To her daughter or it's like for her daughter.
00:37:48
Speaker
I don't remember.
00:37:49
Speaker
I can't.
00:37:50
Speaker
My brain is like scrambled right now.
00:37:53
Speaker
But either way, like she when she made the or she talked about the album, she basically was talking about how in the album it is very much an album that is.
00:38:06
Speaker
She did it while she was breastfeeding.
00:38:07
Speaker
She did it while she was really tired.
00:38:10
Speaker
She was writing the album.
00:38:11
Speaker
She was working on the music and working on all of these things while having a child.
00:38:16
Speaker
And I think that that comes through.
00:38:19
Speaker
I think that the album feels very motherly.
00:38:22
Speaker
I feel safe.
00:38:24
Speaker
So maybe like 7.5.
00:38:25
Speaker
I'll give it 7.5.
00:38:27
Speaker
But I felt safe when I listened to the album.
00:38:29
Speaker
I feel like...
00:38:32
Speaker
this is like a mom like that's what if oh wow pitchfork also gave it a seven that's interesting um but it feels safe like it feels like you're being lulled and um it feels very like experimental for her like there's some parts of it that sound or remind me of
00:38:56
Speaker
like a Kate Bush still, but in a different way.
00:38:59
Speaker
Like, it feels like when Kate kind of branched off and did her own, like she started going like less mainstream, like getting further and further away from that mainstream success that she had.
00:39:13
Speaker
And just being a little bit more experimental and doing the things that she wanted to do in her music.
00:39:20
Speaker
And I think that that is...
00:39:24
Speaker
I mean, like, I honestly feel like that's amazing.
00:39:26
Speaker
We need more of that.
00:39:28
Speaker
I think that that was really my only critique of the album is feeling like, yes, okay.
00:39:38
Speaker
Pitchfork also saw that Kate Bush comparison that I saw, because they basically were like, this is her own Ariel, which is Kate Bush's 2005 album.
00:39:51
Speaker
And people have described this album as enigmatic, as well as Bat for Lashes' album.
00:39:59
Speaker
As, you know, the.
00:40:04
Speaker
Ariel, like the album talks about motherhood, it talks about being in touch with.
00:40:13
Speaker
like there's a song, I think it's called like Washing Machine on that album.
00:40:16
Speaker
And she wrote a song for her son, her son's featured on the song called Birdie.
00:40:25
Speaker
And I just won that album too.
00:40:29
Speaker
So I think that's very interesting that like they saw that comparison too.
00:40:35
Speaker
And I was just kind of like, in my brain, I was like, this sounds very much like
00:40:41
Speaker
a cape like a something cape bushy but like I can't really put my finger on it and I'm just like damn they saw it too so yeah I'm not too much else to say I'm not disappointed by any means like not at all um I am satisfied with the album and I am very much grateful um
00:41:06
Speaker
to her like for continuing to make music and being inspirational and being like I when I think of Baffer Lashes like I think of her as just this force this and I get her because she's a Scorpio and I'm starting to understand myself a little bit better as a Scorpio rising so I'm starting to really understand a little bit more that like in that magnetic uh like mysterious kind of
00:41:39
Speaker
And like the very much the like sound waves of that she kind of like talks about like, you know, the idea of like bringing her daughter into this world and how like she recognizes that her daughter comes from her but like, she's not hers like she doesn't belong to her.
00:41:59
Speaker
And this very much, she belongs to the universe.
00:42:03
Speaker
Like she's part of the universe.
00:42:04
Speaker
There's this bigger picture and that's very deep.
00:42:08
Speaker
And I think that as an Aquarius sun and as a Scorpio rising, I feel very in tune and connected to that because it's like very deep and it's very visceral.
00:42:21
Speaker
And it just, I don't know.
00:42:23
Speaker
It feels very much like we're just...
00:42:28
Speaker
we're not like cogs in a machine, but we are part of the universe.
00:42:32
Speaker
Like we are stardust.
00:42:34
Speaker
We are part of the design, whether or not we see it is a different story, but and whether or not we, you know, want to argue about it or whatever, like, you know, that's another story.
00:42:48
Speaker
But I think that there is something to be said about having a child and,
00:42:56
Speaker
the dedication of raising a child and maintaining your trying to like, you know, keep creating music, keep being creative, keep doing like different art artsy ventures.
00:43:09
Speaker
Like she did the mother, the Oracle Terra deck or no, it was the mother Oracle deck, which is very beautiful.
00:43:19
Speaker
I didn't buy it yet.
00:43:21
Speaker
I do want to buy it, but I also told myself I can't buy another Terra deck or an Oracle deck for a while because I have so many and I have not really been using them in the way in which I want to use them.
00:43:34
Speaker
But yeah, that's that album.
00:43:37
Speaker
Another thing that I just wanted to talk about was the book that I'm reading, The Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself by Dr. Joe Dispensia.
Book Insights: 'Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself'
00:43:48
Speaker
I think this is how you pronounce his last name.
00:43:49
Speaker
It looks like Dispenser, but it's like...
00:43:52
Speaker
D-I-S-P-E-N-Z-A.
00:43:55
Speaker
And I'm really loving this book.
00:43:58
Speaker
Like, it is very metaphysical.
00:44:00
Speaker
And I feel like every time I start reading something that is like a passage or, you know, part of a chapter, I just have to stop.
00:44:09
Speaker
Like, I've only made it to page 26.
00:44:11
Speaker
And I'm like, this book gets really deep.
00:44:16
Speaker
And so, I mean, not to spoil it, you know, because I think that
00:44:22
Speaker
I think that if you're struggling with a difficult time, this is definitely a good book to read.
00:44:30
Speaker
I think that the book is setting me up to... I mean, there's going to be eventually a point where we talk about meditation and how you...
00:44:44
Speaker
navigate and your, you know, your new reality and things like that.
00:44:47
Speaker
But the thing that I'm finding like the most interesting about it is the ways in which it overlaps with quantum mechanics, which is something that I thought that was really impossible to learn or know.
00:45:01
Speaker
But it's knowing the basics of it.
00:45:04
Speaker
Like, I mean, I'm not going to say I'm like a full blown like scientist or nothing.
00:45:07
Speaker
That's not true.
00:45:08
Speaker
But yeah,
00:45:09
Speaker
Knowing the basics of it is that like technically in quantum theory, anything that you think is possible is possible.
00:45:18
Speaker
And the reason why our reality is the way it is, is because of the energy and rate at which people are vibrating.
00:45:30
Speaker
And if we vibrate higher, then we start to access the
00:45:36
Speaker
Our higher selves, which then in turns could, you know, there's we talk about like the fourth dimension and things like that and quantum physics, but essentially you'll be more connected with.
00:45:51
Speaker
Higher intelligence.
00:45:53
Speaker
And because we all are part of, in theory, because we are all a part of this quantum field, or part of the, or we can all tap into consciousness, I'll say that, because we can all tap into consciousness in the quantum field, like anything else.
00:46:10
Speaker
It's possible if you really work hard.
00:46:13
Speaker
So I guess the saying like hard work does pay off.
00:46:17
Speaker
It's true if you are dedicated and if you are focused, because, again, like no one's naturally great at everything, you know, like even if you want something like, for example, a podcast, like you have to practice first and you have to.
00:46:35
Speaker
think about what you're going to do and how you're going to do it.
00:46:38
Speaker
And you have to push it and you have to grow your listenership and like all of these things.
00:46:44
Speaker
And I think that with me reading this book, I'm starting to almost like
00:46:51
Speaker
unpack some of my own beliefs and biases and things that I've really held on to and thinking of like, well, if I actually want to be my authentic self, like if I actually want to get to where I need to be, part of that is going to be needing to be upfront with people telling the truth, being, um,
00:47:15
Speaker
you know, like, not, you, you have to do the best you can when you, of course, when you tell certain things, like, it's not like you just go telling everything, but like, you just have to start embodying more of where you want to be.
00:47:28
Speaker
And I think that hearing that and reading that has been, so far, something I've been like, you know what, I'm not going to sweat the small stuff.
00:47:39
Speaker
I'm just going to
00:47:42
Speaker
There's things that are out of my control, and I can't control everything.
00:47:46
Speaker
And that's also the funny thing that is brought up in this book that as someone that is like, I am very big in control, like I need to, I feel like I need to have control.
00:47:56
Speaker
But the thing about control is that.
00:48:01
Speaker
if things were predictable, like if you were able to control everything, let's say, then you would never be surprised.
00:48:09
Speaker
Like you would never have a moment where you're surprised by something.
00:48:12
Speaker
You would never have a moment, um, where you are, uh, I don't know what's the word.
00:48:17
Speaker
Like if you, where you are, where the good thing can happen.
00:48:22
Speaker
Cause that's the point in life.
00:48:23
Speaker
Like when good thing, good or bad things happen, there are surprises, you know?
00:48:28
Speaker
Um, yeah.
00:48:30
Speaker
and often not planned.
00:48:31
Speaker
And even if we do have a plan, like say, for example, you want a new job and you really want to get into this one company, but then, you know, they're not...
00:48:42
Speaker
you know, working out, but you get hired at a different place.
00:48:46
Speaker
But then you end up finding out you make more money in this new job and things might be not exactly what you want, but like you might be benefiting in another way because you've maybe asked for more money and your thoughts, feelings and behaviors all play a part, which is very CBT coded of how
00:49:09
Speaker
the quantum field works.
00:49:11
Speaker
So if you say, for example, you have anything's possible in the quantum field, everyone radiates some kind of like quantum energy or some kind of aura.
00:49:23
Speaker
Our thoughts emit that too.
00:49:24
Speaker
So like a lot of times people talk about like, well, you are
00:49:30
Speaker
Like, if you don't think you can do it, like if you're saying like, I can't do it, then nine times out of 10, you're not going to be able to do it.
00:49:36
Speaker
Or if you just are like, oh, like everyone's hotter than me and I'm not, you know, I'm not hot, then everyone's going to probably see you as they're going to pick up on that.
00:49:45
Speaker
And so that's essentially where I'm understanding this link between the quantum field and the
00:49:55
Speaker
These things that we've kind of talked about in... Whether it's psychology or relationships.
00:50:03
Speaker
Things of that nature.
00:50:06
Speaker
Accessing your goals.
00:50:07
Speaker
So if you're trying to go to the gym or you're trying to be healthy or something like that.
00:50:13
Speaker
It's going to be harder if you're not actually doing the behaviors behind that.
00:50:19
Speaker
Which makes sense.
00:50:21
Speaker
But I feel like I needed it kind of like...
00:50:25
Speaker
explained in this deep way to really...
00:50:31
Speaker
understand it because everything just seems to happen so randomly you know what i mean like there's things that happen where you'll just be like one day you're just like i didn't even see this coming like what the fuck is going on and then you have to look at you know the way you've been thinking the way you've been like acting the way you've been um feeling um and this is a really good point in here about just
00:50:56
Speaker
The way you feel.
00:50:57
Speaker
So like if you feel badly about yourself and you want something good to happen, you're sending off signals that are very disjointed to the quantum field.
00:51:08
Speaker
So the quantum field is like, girl, I don't know what you want.
00:51:11
Speaker
Like, you know, like what's going on?
00:51:14
Speaker
Like you, you feel this way, but you're thinking this way.
00:51:17
Speaker
But yeah.
00:51:19
Speaker
If you are feeling, for example, if you're radiating from a space of love, for example, then you're more likely to get the things that you really want out of life.
00:51:33
Speaker
So, I mean, more to come.
00:51:35
Speaker
I'm still reading through it, but I think it's just really interesting so far and how it's like, you know, just this setting up of
00:51:53
Speaker
Just like, I guess the setting up of like what this all means.
00:51:59
Speaker
Like the habit of breaking you.
00:52:01
Speaker
You know, going back to the title.
00:52:03
Speaker
Or the habit of breaking... The habit... Ugh.
00:52:06
Speaker
I don't know why I keep saying this wrong.
00:52:08
Speaker
Breaking the habit of being yourself.
00:52:11
Speaker
And... Yeah.
00:52:13
Speaker
And it's not like a long book or anything.
00:52:15
Speaker
I just keep... I mean...
00:52:17
Speaker
There's just a lot going on right now and I'm doing the best I can.
00:52:20
Speaker
So, you know, we will get there.
00:52:23
Speaker
That's it.
00:52:24
Speaker
I think for the media lab, let's see really quickly.
00:52:30
Speaker
Oh, shout out Telfar too, because I finally got a Telfar bag.
00:52:33
Speaker
Well, ordered one.
00:52:34
Speaker
I don't have it yet, but they did a drop this week and I have been waiting forever for this drop to happen because I've been needing a Telfar bag.
00:52:50
Speaker
Not needing, needing, but like I need a new bag and I need a new bag that is...
00:52:58
Speaker
fashionable but also something durable um because my old bag that I was using for um or my like my green I have a green bag that I've been using just for like going out like in terms of going out to like hang out with friends or going to go on walks or you know taking photographs things like that I haven't really used it
00:53:28
Speaker
Um, as much because it's just, it's years old.
00:53:34
Speaker
Like I've had this bag since I was an undergrad.
00:53:36
Speaker
So it's got some pollen on it or something that won't come out like some white stuff.
00:53:41
Speaker
Um, not that kind of white stuff has, um,
00:53:47
Speaker
It's still in good condition.
00:53:49
Speaker
Like it's not a bad bag, but it just looks worn now.
00:53:53
Speaker
And so I think it's just time.
00:53:55
Speaker
It's time to get a new one.
00:53:58
Speaker
Part of the quantum you, you're upgrading your life.
00:54:02
Speaker
You're upgrading the things around you.
00:54:04
Speaker
You are taking action.
00:54:06
Speaker
All of those, all of those things.
00:54:08
Speaker
So all good stuff.
00:54:11
Speaker
And then the last thing, final thought.
00:54:14
Speaker
I can't believe we're here already.
00:54:16
Speaker
You've been getting through these episodes quickly this lately.
00:54:18
Speaker
They haven't been super drawn out.
00:54:21
Speaker
That should change soon.
00:54:23
Speaker
I don't know why I just did that.
00:54:27
Speaker
That was crazy as hell.
00:54:30
Speaker
All right.
00:54:31
Speaker
So, yeah.
00:54:31
Speaker
So, I mean, I told you guys earlier what I wanted to talk about was the idea of.
Black Gay Loneliness and Self-Discovery
00:54:41
Speaker
Or, well, yeah, the concept of, you know, black.
00:54:46
Speaker
gay loneliness.
00:54:47
Speaker
And so...
00:54:52
Speaker
Specifically, I mean, more specifically gay loneliness.
00:54:54
Speaker
Well, more specifically black gay loneliness from me, but gay loneliness overall and what that means.
00:55:00
Speaker
So usually nine times out of 10, like black men are going to experience depression and anxiety.
00:55:08
Speaker
Gay and bisexual men are going to experience anxiety and depression way more.
00:55:13
Speaker
Oftentimes because the community is, even though we do have a community, we often are, you
00:55:20
Speaker
either fetishized or we are pushed to the side because of racism still existing, or we are tearing each other down.
00:55:31
Speaker
And that's also another thing that's contributing to some of this loneliness.
00:55:36
Speaker
I remember I had a client before tell me that they didn't like going to the gay bars because they were
00:55:47
Speaker
always like harassed by like white men.
00:55:50
Speaker
And I 100% feel that even now, not to say I'm like being harassed or anything, but I, you know, for example, went out for pride this past weekend, I didn't go to the parade, which I wanted to do.
00:56:06
Speaker
But I got really anxious and I was like, my social anxiety was like, no girl, like stay in.
00:56:12
Speaker
Plus I needed that day to just rest.
00:56:14
Speaker
But I went out to one of the bars and I ended up finding, you know, the guy I was looking for, but, and his friends.
00:56:26
Speaker
But meanwhile, while I'm like looking for them and not to be like looking for them, like in a creepy way, but like looking for them as in,
00:56:36
Speaker
Like, you know, see, what's up?
00:56:38
Speaker
Like, if you're around.
00:56:41
Speaker
And I was looking for other guys, too.
00:56:42
Speaker
So there's also that.
00:56:43
Speaker
But I kept getting hit on by white guys.
00:56:46
Speaker
And it wasn't like a thing where I felt bad about it.
00:56:56
Speaker
And there was one white guy that was, like, really cute that, you know, kept... that I saw twice.
00:57:01
Speaker
And I think the second time I saw him, he was singing.
00:57:03
Speaker
But I completely...
00:57:07
Speaker
I was just kind of, I think, going through a minute, like I was going through something at the minute when he saw me again.
00:57:14
Speaker
But oftentimes I do feel like I do get hit on by white guys way more in certain spaces like that.
00:57:24
Speaker
But so I can like empathize with my client personally.
00:57:29
Speaker
my ex-client, actually.
00:57:31
Speaker
So, you know, I can empathize with them in the sense that they, you know, have experienced this in gay bars, you know.
00:57:41
Speaker
And so what happens then?
00:57:43
Speaker
You are fetishized or you are, you know, experienced racism.
00:57:50
Speaker
So then you're, okay, well, you know, I don't really maybe have friends because, you
00:57:57
Speaker
whatever, you know, the reason is.
00:58:00
Speaker
And, or I don't really have that many gay friends.
00:58:02
Speaker
I'll say that.
00:58:03
Speaker
Like if you don't have any gay friends or if you don't really have, I mean, friends too, I guess it's fine.
00:58:08
Speaker
But like, if you don't really have any like community, I'll just say it like that.
00:58:14
Speaker
If you don't have any community, then it can be a lot harder to navigate day to day life.
00:58:19
Speaker
And as a black gay man, that's, it's a lot harder to find community because people are already judging you because of your skin color.
00:58:26
Speaker
So, um,
00:58:27
Speaker
That's number one.
00:58:28
Speaker
Um, and then you end up, you know, trying to go to the apps then, and then the apps are, it's just sex nine times out of 10.
00:58:37
Speaker
It's very rare when you make a genuine connection with someone where they are wanting to, uh, hang out with you and they want to do stuff with you and so forth and so on.
00:58:49
Speaker
But, um,
00:58:52
Speaker
It's nine times out of ten sex, and it's a lot of toxic masculinity encoded in there as well.
00:59:00
Speaker
So there's also, you know, dodging that.
00:59:03
Speaker
And that just honestly, and it perpetuates loneliness, especially when you're not the...
00:59:13
Speaker
person, like whether if you're too shy, you're not, you know, conventionally attractive, you're not as like outgoing.
00:59:21
Speaker
It's like, well, then how do you build community at that point?
00:59:24
Speaker
Or how do you do, you know, experience, um,
00:59:30
Speaker
life, you know, from there.
00:59:32
Speaker
Interestingly enough, like I've, I've older, you know, gay friends that talk about sometimes of how it can be not older, older, but you know, I don't know why I keep doing that.
00:59:41
Speaker
I keep interjecting because I'm like, whatever, I feel like I have to be specific.
00:59:46
Speaker
But
00:59:48
Speaker
I have older gay friends that have said things to me like, you know, it gets a lot harder being gay when you get older and you don't really have the community because all of your straight friends, nine times out of 10, are married.
00:59:59
Speaker
So they have to think about their partners.
01:00:02
Speaker
And, you know, if they have kids, they have to think about their kids and their, you know, careers and things like that.
01:00:07
Speaker
So you start to break apart from your straight friends.
01:00:12
Speaker
But as gay and queer people, we aren't
01:00:18
Speaker
bound to the same things in that way.
01:00:25
Speaker
Yes, we still work.
01:00:26
Speaker
Yes, we can get married, you know, all of these things.
01:00:28
Speaker
But the idea of having children and having to really be devoted in the household is a very heteronormative lens.
01:00:40
Speaker
And it is one that
01:00:47
Speaker
if you don't build the community soon enough, you can find yourself drinking, you know, doing drugs, you know, having suicidal thoughts, being, you know, engaging in risky behaviors or, you know, things like that, like things that, you know, you might normally not, you might not do like gambling or just something to almost like
01:01:16
Speaker
cope or dull the pain.
01:01:20
Speaker
And interestingly enough, something that I've been pondering, because I saw a TikTok about, there was this guy that was talking about, he was a TikToker, but he talked about
01:01:35
Speaker
how people oftentimes will like how gay men will oftentimes like dream of having the trade guy or the DL guy or, you know, being, getting married to a DL guy or, you know, him breaking up with his girlfriend and all this and that and how that's not realistic.
01:01:58
Speaker
And, you
01:02:00
Speaker
that person was right.
01:02:01
Speaker
Like, completely unrealistic.
01:02:04
Speaker
And I also don't know why anyone would necessarily want that.
01:02:09
Speaker
Like, I don't really, or as a gay man, like, why you would want to engage with someone that is just so deep in the closet that, yeah, the dick is good or whatever, but, like, it's not that good.
01:02:24
Speaker
Like, to break up a family, to
01:02:31
Speaker
try to turn someone out or any of that.
01:02:35
Speaker
Like, it's not fun.
01:02:37
Speaker
And oftentimes I find that I've had the most fun with guys that are a little bit more femme.
01:02:44
Speaker
And that was kind of the point of the video was that nine times out of 10, if you're going to find a partner that is
01:02:52
Speaker
going to be fun or like any, I don't know, like any of that, like in terms of understanding, not as like, you know, having that toxic masculinity piece and this, any other, like that person's more so done the work is what this person was saying.
01:03:09
Speaker
They've done the work to overcome their fears of
01:03:17
Speaker
not being masculine enough.
01:03:19
Speaker
And at first I was kind of like, huh, that's interesting.
01:03:23
Speaker
I didn't really maybe see it that way.
01:03:25
Speaker
And then I thought about it and I was like, that's actually a really good point because a lot of the guys that I've been attracted to as of late have been guys that are a little bit more, that have like some kind of feminine quality to them or something that is
01:03:43
Speaker
not quote unquote masculine, you know, and I think that that has been big for me as someone that grew up in a
01:04:00
Speaker
in an environment where it was just frowned upon to do anything feminine and almost like realizing to the power that you have, the power that you have to influence.
01:04:11
Speaker
And if you just don't, it's like not giving a fuck.
01:04:14
Speaker
Like,
01:04:15
Speaker
It's part of it is the, well, people are going to say what they want to say about you anyway, so you might as well just live your life, you know, and in that is the finding community part.
01:04:26
Speaker
And so, you know, part of the idea around, you know, the idea around.
01:04:34
Speaker
tackling gay loneliness and gay loneliness specifically as a black man is like volunteering.
01:04:42
Speaker
It is, you know, you'd have to leave the house.
01:04:44
Speaker
Unfortunately, you have to go outside, you have to talk to people.
01:04:48
Speaker
You know, the internet is cool or whatever, but you know, even if you're zooming or you're in a support group online, it's not the same as when you are in person and you can
01:05:00
Speaker
experience people's body language and the way in which they're um acting because you don't really get that on zoom like you don't get to know what someone is like if someone if you can't really even tell sometimes if someone has their arms crossed on zoom so and that would to me would signal that are you being receptive to what i'm saying are you blocking me out um because i can't i don't know why your arms would be crossed um
01:05:30
Speaker
And I think lastly, a video I saw that you...
01:05:47
Speaker
Also get a therapist.
01:05:47
Speaker
That's the other thing I wanted to say.
01:05:49
Speaker
But the other thing I think I was just going to say was I saw a video that was basically talking about why queer people have a harder time in life.
01:05:58
Speaker
And it was a cute little video.
01:06:00
Speaker
Like it was a little graphic of a chameleon trying to blend in.
01:06:05
Speaker
And basically what was going on was that
01:06:10
Speaker
the chameleon was like rainbow colored.
01:06:14
Speaker
And the idea is that you start to like, when the world starts to impress like the norms and the ideas of who you should be to fit in, that starts to chip away at who you really are.
01:06:32
Speaker
So then once you come out of the closet, you spend the rest of your life with,
01:06:37
Speaker
Or, you know, much of your life at that point, they're out trying to live as your authentic self and trying to be more of who you were when you were born.
01:06:49
Speaker
And I think that that is wild to think about.
01:06:54
Speaker
The trauma that we go through as the queer, you know, in the queer community of just, you know,
01:07:02
Speaker
Having to almost like rediscover yourself and come back in touch with yourself and being okay.
01:07:10
Speaker
And, you know, having, because again, it's like the anxiety of, okay, if I don't fit in, then I'm going to be targeted.
01:07:16
Speaker
And then it's the depression of I'm lonely and I can't, you know, find anyone that I can connect to because like...
01:07:23
Speaker
You know, like there's no one around me that is like me or no one really understands me.
01:07:27
Speaker
And I'm, you know, maybe going to substances because it's just easier to dull the pain emotionally.
01:07:33
Speaker
And, you know, all of those things, you know, can happen.
01:07:38
Speaker
But whether or not they're actually healthy is, you know, the question.
01:07:44
Speaker
So, yeah, I really feel like...
01:07:51
Speaker
The idea of being more in touch with femininity does allow even me to be more in touch with myself because I feel like.
Embracing Personal Identity
01:08:07
Speaker
Even with the masculine parts, there has to be both.
01:08:11
Speaker
There can't just be all or nothing.
01:08:13
Speaker
That's not possible in the universe.
01:08:18
Speaker
This is why we're like, guys are allowed to cry.
01:08:22
Speaker
We kind of make up these social societal norms of what masculinity looks like, what femininity looks like.
01:08:29
Speaker
And it's all...
01:08:31
Speaker
bullshit at the end of the day.
01:08:33
Speaker
It's really just words and labels.
01:08:37
Speaker
And it's the, not to be corny, but it really is about what's on the inside.
01:08:46
Speaker
And are you a good person?
01:08:48
Speaker
Are you doing the good things for people?
01:08:50
Speaker
People are going to say what they want to say about you, but you just got to live your life.
01:08:54
Speaker
And you just got to go out there and take some chances and
01:09:01
Speaker
It's not as scary when you really reflect and think about, oh my god, did I fuck up just then?
01:09:12
Speaker
Or whatever.
01:09:13
Speaker
Nine times out of ten, unless you did something horrible, horrible, then you didn't really fuck up.
01:09:21
Speaker
It's just kind of life.
01:09:22
Speaker
So...
01:09:24
Speaker
Yeah, that's what I've been thinking about and, you know, what my final thought is for the episode.
01:09:33
Speaker
And also, I'm taking boyfriend applications.
01:09:35
Speaker
Like, I'm just putting that out there.
01:09:36
Speaker
I'm taking boyfriend applications.
01:09:37
Speaker
So, again, if you, you know, little femme, little, you know, because I'm starting to realize myself, I think I'm very butch queen coded.
01:09:49
Speaker
Don't really feel again, which is a label, but I don't really feel like.
01:09:56
Speaker
Masculine, masculine, but I'm not like feminine, feminine, so I'm somewhere like in the middle.
01:10:05
Speaker
Yeah, that's kind of how I see myself.
01:10:07
Speaker
And I think that that makes me more fun.
01:10:09
Speaker
Like, I feel like that makes me more of a joy to be around when I can identify that I don't really see myself strictly as either thing.
01:10:20
Speaker
Like, I see myself...
01:10:21
Speaker
very much in the middle of this whole, you know, debate.
01:10:26
Speaker
And most of the times, like, that debate is, like, based in straight people's business anyway.
01:10:30
Speaker
Like, I've also had to come to that term, that realization as well, that nine times out of ten, like, all of the things that we end up, like, the masculinity pieces and the femininity pieces are all attributed to, like,
01:10:49
Speaker
misogyny and homophobia and transphobia and all of those things, because if someone were to act more feminine as a man, that doesn't negate the fact that that person identifies and, you know, or was born male.
01:11:09
Speaker
That doesn't change that fact.
01:11:10
Speaker
So you're not lesser than it's the misogyny of, oh, you'd rather be, you know, feminine and, you know,
01:11:19
Speaker
And this is why oftentimes I see lesbians or bisexual women more accepted by straight people because of their alignment with masculinity versus the idea of a gay man.
01:11:32
Speaker
And then even more specifically, a gay man that is a bottom is nine times out of ten going to be more looked down upon because of...
01:11:41
Speaker
The idea of, oh, you're taking dick, so you must be the girl in a relationship.
01:11:46
Speaker
And that there diminishes your character or who you are because someone else has decided who you are.
01:11:56
Speaker
And so, yeah, you just have to keep fighting back against that.
01:12:01
Speaker
And it made me realize I had to come to some realizations too about myself.
01:12:04
Speaker
I'm like, yeah, there's some things I got to tell people and some things I got to start doing more of and...
01:12:10
Speaker
I need to really start to open up more and be more out there.
01:12:16
Speaker
It's scary as hell.
01:12:18
Speaker
Like, I'm not going to lie.
01:12:19
Speaker
Like there's things that I've been doing lately that I've been like pushing myself out and I'm not going to lie.
01:12:24
Speaker
Like a lot of it has been either from like, I've been able to either do it or find the courage to do it, you know, through weed or like alcohol.
01:12:34
Speaker
But I will say as of
01:12:38
Speaker
late, like, lately, like, as of very recently, I do feel a little bit more, like, who's gonna beat my ass?
01:12:47
Speaker
Like, who's gonna, who's gonna beat my ass at the end of the day?
01:12:51
Speaker
And if you beat my ass, like, okay, and?
01:12:54
Speaker
So?
01:12:57
Speaker
Like, that's just kind of how I feel.
01:12:58
Speaker
It's like, all right, well, if you beat my ass, then so what?
01:13:01
Speaker
Like, you know, whatever.
01:13:03
Speaker
I also, and this is also, like, bigger than, you know, whatever, and I should just kind of close here, but I also, like, I'm starting to just not fear the idea of death, like, the idea that, like, this is it, you know?
01:13:17
Speaker
I feel like there's so much more to the story that we just don't understand or can't perceive.
01:13:22
Speaker
And I'm like, okay, well, if I'm not accepted here, then I'm going to the next one.
01:13:27
Speaker
And I'll be accepted there or something.
01:13:31
Speaker
Yeah.
01:13:34
Speaker
Well, that's it for this week's episode, you guys.
01:13:37
Speaker
If you want to follow me on the socials, it's GatherThemPod on X and on IG.
01:13:45
Speaker
Letters, listener letters, advice letters, GatherThemPod at gmail.com.
01:13:52
Speaker
And I think that's it for the show.
01:13:54
Speaker
I hope everyone has a good weekend.
01:13:56
Speaker
Again, happy Pride.
01:13:58
Speaker
Happy...
01:14:01
Speaker
you know, Men's Health Month, I guess, again, if you're recognizing that, and I hope that everyone, again, takes care of each other, you know, just hope to everyone next week, bye!