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Death Doulas: Who They Are and How to Be One with Dana Humphrey
44 Plays4 years ago
Welcome to the first ever podcast episode of The Glam Reaper, where host Jennifer Muldowney has invited the very talented Dana Humphrey as guest. Dana is a life coach, the owner and lead publicist of Whitegate PR, and is also known as “The Pet Lady”.
In this episode, Dana and Jen have a wonderful conversation about different aspects of life and our life experiences. They kick it off with how Dana started to be a death doula and what inspired her to be one. During this conversation, Dana deepens the meaning of what it is to be a death doula and what it takes to be certified as one.
Stream this conversation and listen to Dana and Jen talk about how death should be accepted as part of our journey in life. This does not mean we want to speed it up. Rather we learn to better appreciate what we have in life and be able to live our lives to the fullest.
LITTLE NUGGETS OF GOLD:
- What it really means to be a Death Doula
- Dana’s transition from the field of public relations to the funeral world
- The right time to communicate with a death doula
- Dana’s take on the death doula program
- The acceptance of life, death, and dying
Resources:
With The End In Mind How To Live and Die Well by Kathryn Mannix (https://www.amazon.com/End-Mind-Dying-Wisdom-Denial/dp/0008210918)
Connect with Dana Humphrey:
Website - www.danahumphrey.com
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/danahumphreylifecoach/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/danakhumphrey/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/danakhumphrey
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/danakhumphrey/
Connect with Jennifer/The Glam Reaper:
Facebook Page - Muldowney Memorials: https://www.facebook.com/MuldowneyMemorials/
Facebook Page - Rainbow Bridge Memorials: https://www.facebook.com/rainbowbridgememorialsdotcom
Instagram - @muldowneymemorials & @jennifermuldowney
Twitter - @TheGlamReaper
Email us here: glamreaperpodcast@gmail.com
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Transcript
Introduction to Glam Reaper Podcast
00:00:05
Speaker
Hello there and welcome to the Glam Reaper podcast.
00:00:09
Speaker
I'm your host Jennifer Muldani aka the Glam Reaper.
00:00:13
Speaker
On this podcast we talk love life and loss.
00:00:16
Speaker
We laugh, we'll cry and we'll celebrate your stories.
00:00:21
Speaker
You are unique, there is no one like you and there will be no one like you ever.
00:00:26
Speaker
So get in touch and share with us your story.
Dana Humphreys' Career Transition
00:00:30
Speaker
I introduced you as the fabulous Dana Humphreys.
00:00:33
Speaker
All right.
00:00:34
Speaker
Well, Jennifer, thank you so much for having me on your show.
00:00:37
Speaker
Such a blessing to have known you after all these years through the pet PR side of things to what's new and what's happening now.
00:00:46
Speaker
And I can't wait to dive in and talk to you all about it.
00:00:50
Speaker
So tell us, Dana, you went from pet PR to death doula.
00:00:57
Speaker
So a lot of people have heard of a birth doula.
00:01:00
Speaker
That's kind of something that's become more common over the years.
00:01:03
Speaker
And it's funny, actually, my younger sister is a birth doula.
00:01:07
Speaker
She's also a midwife and a doctor, but she also is a birth doula.
00:01:10
Speaker
And that process is really just helping people enter the world, helping the mom with breath and with presence.
00:01:18
Speaker
And so a death doula is really adding ritual back into death.
00:01:24
Speaker
As you know, a lot of people have a lot of fear around and there's like a lot of unknowns.
00:01:29
Speaker
And a death doula is really just someone that has excellent bedside manner, has presence, and is able to be on the journey with the dying person and with their families to have it be less scary, help them have some of those difficult conversations they need to have with their loved ones so that they can transition easier, quicker, and feel in a good place about it.
00:01:54
Speaker
So we really are here to add ritual back in
00:01:57
Speaker
and understand what the dying person might need, what they might want, what their final wishes are, who do they want to be around, what spiritual elements are important to them.
00:02:08
Speaker
Because sometimes these conversations just, everyone saves them for later and they don't end up happening.
00:02:15
Speaker
So we kind of are the impetus and the safe space to be there and help them with their transitions.
Dana's Year of Personal Transition
00:02:22
Speaker
But how did you go from the world of public relations and specifically for pets to the funeral world?
00:02:30
Speaker
So this year, 2020, been a little bit of a transition year for me as, you know, a lot of people are facing different challenges and different transitions.
00:02:38
Speaker
For me, this is something that I was actually planning toward.
00:02:42
Speaker
I'm still doing public relations in the pet industry.
00:02:46
Speaker
And I've also launched a life coaching business.
00:02:49
Speaker
And I actually spent the first couple of months of the quarantine in Guatemala.
00:02:54
Speaker
I had gone down to Guatemala for a conference that ended up not happening and ended up spending the first three months of quarantine down there.
00:03:03
Speaker
While I was there, I shaved my head and launched the life coaching business.
00:03:08
Speaker
And as I was planning on it, and I've been working on writing a book anyway, I came back to New York in June.
00:03:16
Speaker
I adopted two cats and I,
00:03:20
Speaker
met with a friend of mine who's a dentist in New York and she has a dog and she's a dentist and we know each other through kind of a spiritual connection and she told me about the death doula program that she went through and it was it through an elder which is the end of life doula Association and she told me about it and I just immediately resonated with it and went and signed up and
00:03:46
Speaker
actually because of COVID, I feel like it was really gave me an opportunity to do the training because normally it was, you know, in person in New Jersey and it would not be something that I would probably normally do because I don't go to New Jersey very much.
00:04:00
Speaker
I don't really like going there.
00:04:02
Speaker
Right.
00:04:04
Speaker
And so like the fact that it was on zoom, I was like, great, you know, weekends during the month of August and
00:04:11
Speaker
Somehow being able to stay at home and do it on Zoom and go through the training that way just worked out
Role of a Death Doula in Hospice
00:04:17
Speaker
for me.
00:04:17
Speaker
So I'm just in the beginning, you know, I'm a certified death doula.
00:04:21
Speaker
I haven't helped anyone yet with their transition, but I am, you know, with COVID things have been a little bit weird as far as being in person with someone, but I will be volunteering in hospice in the coming months and hoping to meet some people that way and be able to help them
00:04:41
Speaker
as it goes on and hospice and death do the work really goes together because someone that is maybe has been given three months to live, six months to live.
00:04:52
Speaker
That's the right time to start thinking about a death doula.
00:04:56
Speaker
Not when you're met with like a sudden crisis, when you know it's coming, your quality of life is important to you.
00:05:03
Speaker
You want to be in hospice care, which usually means being at home, you know, where the nurses come to you.
00:05:09
Speaker
The death doula, we become part of the team.
00:05:11
Speaker
We become part of the hospice care team and we help understand what some of their signs are when they're like need their medication or need their food.
00:05:19
Speaker
And we don't give them those things, but we work with the hospice team to just make their life as comfortable as possible.
00:05:27
Speaker
One of the things I like to do is not to be disrespectful to anybody, but it's to dumb it down.
00:05:33
Speaker
It's to dumb down things that maybe coming from Ireland into the United States and doing what I do in the funeral business and having worked in corporate America and corporate Ireland and all these different things.
00:05:46
Speaker
I do think that sometimes things elude us because they're not explained as well.
00:05:51
Speaker
So one of the things I would say about a death doula, and you can correct me if I'm wrong, is you're almost like a non-family or friend advocate of the person who's dying, who's facing the most craziest experience that they've no experience of.
00:06:11
Speaker
And you're there to hold their hand.
00:06:14
Speaker
A hundred percent.
00:06:15
Speaker
We all have families, whatever those families look like and whatever challenges or non-challenges those families face for us.
00:06:22
Speaker
And yes, we're their advocate, you know, and helping stand up for them and whatever their needs are, you know, just because their daughter might be uber Catholic and have these certain ideas of what needs to happen, we can really stand in our truth and stand up for them and say, you know what, there's certain elements of the normal tradition that we want to celebrate and highlight, but
00:06:44
Speaker
but the person really wants this and being able to help have that conversation with the daughter, sister, mother, whoever, so that their wishes are carried out.
00:06:54
Speaker
That is so important.
00:06:56
Speaker
And for what I do in memorials, once the person has passed on, for what I do, what you're saying is exactly what I try and bring.
00:07:06
Speaker
So yeah, you're dealing with
00:07:08
Speaker
which is why I'm such a fan of pre-planning because you could be, if a mother passes away, there's so many things to so many different people.
00:07:16
Speaker
And one of my favorite things to kind of reiterate to people is every single person I meet on the street, my landlord, my brother, my nephew, my friend, my next door neighbor,
00:07:28
Speaker
a different version of Jennifer Muldowney lives in each of those.
00:07:32
Speaker
One thinks I'm a bitch, one thinks she's the loveliest person in the world, one thinks she's trustworthy, all of these different things.
00:07:39
Speaker
One thinks she's Catholic.
00:07:41
Speaker
And so I think it's so important when it comes to death, dying and bereavement that we take judgment out of the equation.
00:07:49
Speaker
And it's very difficult to do when you've been raised
Future Importance of Death Doulas
00:07:52
Speaker
a certain way.
00:07:52
Speaker
And honestly, Dana, I think what
00:07:55
Speaker
death doulas stand for, I think is going to only escalate over the next 10, 20 years.
00:08:01
Speaker
Because for me, especially living here in New York and just witnessing what has gone on in 2020, the LGBT community, when I think of somebody standing up for them when they're not able to, I think is a huge thing for you to be able to offer to people because
00:08:18
Speaker
it's not always been an easy ride for them.
00:08:19
Speaker
And we can apply that equally to religion, as you pointed out, if the daughter is super Catholic, she has an idea as to what death and dying is for her mom or whatever it might be.
00:08:31
Speaker
So there's just so much that is going to develop in this category.
00:08:35
Speaker
I just think it's just going to blow up.
00:08:37
Speaker
And it's interesting because when you said you went to your dentist and she had gone through this and here you are coming from Pet Pior and interestingly,
00:08:46
Speaker
My hairdresser has taken a death doula course.
00:08:49
Speaker
So it just goes to show it's every walk of life.
00:08:53
Speaker
It doesn't matter what your career was or it will be because I do think I've not done a death doula course myself.
00:09:00
Speaker
And this is why it's interesting for me to talk to somebody like you.
00:09:04
Speaker
And people regularly say to me, Jen, I don't know how you do what you do.
00:09:08
Speaker
I don't know how you do what you do.
00:09:11
Speaker
And I know you haven't had your first full experience yet.
00:09:13
Speaker
And maybe you'll come back and talk to us about that reality.
00:09:17
Speaker
Cause I think that will be a really interesting transition for our listeners to hear.
00:09:21
Speaker
But I know there is absolutely no way in this world that I could do what you do.
00:09:27
Speaker
I think it's incredible.
00:09:28
Speaker
I couldn't be an Eeyore nurse.
00:09:30
Speaker
I couldn't.
00:09:31
Speaker
I mean, I've joked with you, I think several times that I literally that scene in Bridesmaids when she's running away with all the puppies.
00:09:37
Speaker
I'm like, that's me.
00:09:38
Speaker
If I worked in an adoption center, I just wouldn't be able to cope.
00:09:42
Speaker
I'd be taking them all home.
00:09:43
Speaker
You know, we're all built for different things.
00:09:46
Speaker
And so what's for one person is not for another.
00:09:49
Speaker
And so I think it's incredible.
00:09:50
Speaker
And I think if anybody is even remotely thinking of doing the course,
00:09:55
Speaker
we'll leave your details and maybe they can reach out and ask the inelda you were saying that you did the course because i just think especially now you even touched on it during covid it made it more accessible and easier for you to do which is actually there are so many pluses that have come from this pandemic there are a lot of horrors and a lot of negatives but i do think there are a lot of positives we can pull and whether it's you just don't want to go to new jersey
00:10:21
Speaker
Or it just made it more accessible to you and maybe more comfortable because you were able to do it in your own home.
00:10:26
Speaker
It's not an easy topic to do a course on.
00:10:30
Speaker
For the course itself, what was your favorite part and your least favorite part?
00:10:34
Speaker
Like, was there a part that terrified you or kind of scared as to how you'll feel when it comes down to it?
00:10:40
Speaker
Because, you know, let's be real.
00:10:42
Speaker
Thank you.
00:10:42
Speaker
That's a great question.
00:10:44
Speaker
I think we were able to split out into groups many, many times during the course.
00:10:51
Speaker
and talk about our own process.
00:10:54
Speaker
So whether it's creating a legacy project or thinking about how we want people to be able to enter our space or where we want to be, all of these questions for our, and answering them for ourselves was a beautiful process.
00:11:12
Speaker
And different things came up for me than I thought they would, right?
00:11:15
Speaker
I thought I had an idea of what I wanted and then actually
00:11:18
Speaker
talking to other people about it and being witnessed in that process brought up other things.
00:11:22
Speaker
And then also hearing other people's ideas of what they want for themselves.
00:11:25
Speaker
And I'm like, wait, I want that.
00:11:28
Speaker
That sounds great.
00:11:29
Speaker
Wait, what?
00:11:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:31
Speaker
Bring that over.
00:11:32
Speaker
I also just am correlating it in my mind to, it's a very similar thing for me as life coaching.
00:11:39
Speaker
It's like really holding a nonjudgmental space for people to just like be in their authentic truth.
00:11:45
Speaker
And
00:11:46
Speaker
Part of the question that they asked us that I think was one of the hardest things is that all of us were somehow drawn to be a death doula for a certain reason and understanding what that reason is and really being honest with ourselves about it is what will help us be the best death doula we can be.
00:12:06
Speaker
If that part is like a shadow side for us, it can be complicated.
00:12:11
Speaker
That was, I think a really good aha moment that was maybe a little bit challenging.
00:12:16
Speaker
And some parts where I thought it was clear, like energetically, I thought it was clear, you know, things came up.
00:12:23
Speaker
And so it was like really helpful to be able to move through that.
00:12:27
Speaker
Like you said, we're all coming from different places.
00:12:30
Speaker
You know, I, part of the course is also about doing guided visualizations and leading people through guided visualizations.
00:12:38
Speaker
And there's a lot of information on how, when someone's in pain,
00:12:42
Speaker
You know, there's only so much pain medication that they're allowed to have.
00:12:47
Speaker
And then at some point, we're able to offer alternative ways and a guided visualization is one of them.
00:12:54
Speaker
And that's something that just like that comes really natural to me.
00:12:57
Speaker
That's something that I've been doing for years just as a different term, like of meditation or some kind of journey work.
00:13:05
Speaker
So I guess for me, that was like something that I liked a lot because I felt confident.
00:13:09
Speaker
I felt comfortable doing it.
00:13:11
Speaker
And I was able to watch a lot of people struggling with that department of like not wanting to do it and what if they do it wrong.
00:13:18
Speaker
And I was like, oh, I got this.
00:13:20
Speaker
Guided visualizations, like I got that part, no problem.
00:13:24
Speaker
But maybe some other tough conversations is like a little bit more of my weakness.
00:13:29
Speaker
It's like the course is the course and however we show up and whatever our own holdbacks are is the part that's going to be a challenge or an opportunity to kind of work
Training and Facing Death Fears
00:13:39
Speaker
through
00:13:40
Speaker
People are, I think, talking about death more than they usually are.
00:13:44
Speaker
And it's a positive thing, right?
00:13:47
Speaker
Instead of having it be this like big, scary unknown somewhere, we're facing it.
00:13:52
Speaker
We as a society, as a global society, we're being forced to face it because unexpected deaths are like at the forefront.
00:14:01
Speaker
That part is positive, that people are able to look at that and look at their fears and start to like think through it a little bit.
00:14:09
Speaker
When doing the course, is part of the course you as a group or individually facing your own death?
00:14:18
Speaker
Every piece that we would offer someone else, we go through as ourselves.
00:14:24
Speaker
Right.
00:14:24
Speaker
That's really powerful.
00:14:26
Speaker
For me, that's such a powerful part of what I do on a daily basis.
00:14:30
Speaker
When you're faced with people's loss, it makes me appreciate every single person in my life.
00:14:37
Speaker
I do not hang up the phone without love you, bye, which something so small, but the amount of people I encounter on a daily basis that they're like, I don't know if I told them I loved them the last time I was talking to them or whatever it might be, whatever your
00:14:52
Speaker
comfort level is or whatever so that's something that I now know that I do so if anything does happen I can be sure of that uh now saying it and you know you don't want it to turn into okay love you bye you know and it's not a thing to really just end with love you
00:15:09
Speaker
miss you, whatever it might be, bye.
00:15:11
Speaker
So it is thinking about our own demise and it is a fact, unfortunately, nobody has come back to tell us otherwise if there is, you know, a possibility of that.
00:15:21
Speaker
And so I do think you live more fully when you appreciate that this thing as we know it called life is going to end someday.
00:15:30
Speaker
A book I read recently, I don't know if you've read it, it's actually by an English author, Catherine Mannix.
00:15:35
Speaker
She was due to speak at an end of life convention in Ireland a couple of years back and I was scheduled to be at it and unfortunately couldn't make it.
00:15:43
Speaker
So I got her book, it's called With the End in Mind.
00:15:46
Speaker
You should definitely check it out because I felt as harsh as it was to try and read it.
00:15:52
Speaker
And she actually manages to, it's not that harsh, but it is a harsh topic.
00:15:57
Speaker
Like what we're discussing today is hard for people, the majority of people to even talk about or resonate with.
00:16:04
Speaker
And as you said, 2020 is the year it's coming to the fore a lot more, but she manages in that book, I work in funerals.
00:16:12
Speaker
I create beautiful memorials for people.
00:16:14
Speaker
Does that mean I'm okay with death?
00:16:16
Speaker
No, it doesn't.
00:16:17
Speaker
Like, I'm not an ambulance chaser, as I've, you know, sometimes you get that.
00:16:22
Speaker
I didn't sit down with my mum and do her pre-plan and think, okay, you know, if she goes tomorrow, I'm not going to be bothered.
00:16:27
Speaker
It's the polar opposite.
00:16:28
Speaker
I actually, my heart is, I cry at the drop of a hat.
00:16:32
Speaker
I'm highly emotional, but I absolutely adore what I do.
00:16:36
Speaker
And yes, it makes me face death and loss every day.
00:16:39
Speaker
But facing my own death, while I had planned my funeral, until I read Catherine's book, I really hadn't sat down and thought what it must be like to die.
00:16:50
Speaker
And that book
00:16:52
Speaker
I can tell you for me was incredible, was absolutely incredible.
00:16:57
Speaker
It definitely, I sent it home to my mom and I told her she had to read it.
00:17:01
Speaker
And then she wouldn't be as, you know, again, she's like a lot of the listeners and non-listeners, not as into it as you and I might be.
00:17:10
Speaker
You know, like it's a thing, but I actually do think every human being should read it because to me, it took the scare out of it.
00:17:17
Speaker
I actually thought to myself, oh my God, it sounds really peaceful.
00:17:20
Speaker
It can be, it has the potential to be a beautiful thing.
00:17:24
Speaker
I think people like you and death doulas are so important.
00:17:29
Speaker
We have midwives, we have birth doulas who bring us into the world.
Reflections on Mortality and Acceptance
00:17:34
Speaker
Why in God's name don't we have somebody to take us out?
00:17:37
Speaker
I mean, really, when you think about it, it's the top three things that we're most terrified of is death.
00:17:44
Speaker
If we can make it a good death, why would we not?
00:17:47
Speaker
That's exactly it.
00:17:48
Speaker
And we talk a lot about the good death, being witnessed and not being alone and feeling safe and feeling held.
00:17:55
Speaker
It could even be as simple as like holding the person's hand as they transition of just like that they are, have this connection and have this good death.
00:18:08
Speaker
And you mentioned that maybe it's not for your mom.
00:18:11
Speaker
I mean, I've been going now to death cafes and
00:18:14
Speaker
about once a month.
00:18:15
Speaker
And it's just like a place where people can talk about death.
00:18:18
Speaker
And I mentioned it to my mom.
00:18:20
Speaker
She's like, oh, well, that's not my cup of tea.
00:18:22
Speaker
For me, that's where suffering comes from is like non-acceptance.
00:18:26
Speaker
Like it's the one thing we all have in common.
00:18:29
Speaker
Only thing we all have in common, we born and we die.
00:18:32
Speaker
And the more able we are to accept that doesn't mean we want it.
00:18:37
Speaker
It doesn't mean we want to speed it up.
00:18:38
Speaker
It just means that we're
00:18:41
Speaker
okay with it because it's real and that's really happening.
00:18:44
Speaker
And I think the more separation we create is where more suffering happens.
00:18:49
Speaker
Yeah, you're preaching to the converted there.
00:18:53
Speaker
You're literally taking words out of my mouth.
00:18:54
Speaker
It's absolutely.
00:18:56
Speaker
One of the things I find hilarious is that
00:18:59
Speaker
on this journey that I've been on is that Irish people are great at dealing with death.
00:19:04
Speaker
I'm like, say what?
00:19:06
Speaker
We absolutely are not.
00:19:07
Speaker
Yeah, we know how to have a great wake and we deal with the actual physicality of it in a good way.
00:19:14
Speaker
But we don't talk about it.
00:19:16
Speaker
A good death in Ireland is still being worked on.
00:19:19
Speaker
That's still an idea.
00:19:20
Speaker
Gabriel Byrne, the famous actor, he was a big advocate of this.
00:19:23
Speaker
The End of Life Forum are doing huge work at the Irish Hospice.
00:19:28
Speaker
These are all still people trying to work on us dealing with the fact that we all die.
00:19:34
Speaker
Irish people are the most... We can't talk about that.
00:19:40
Speaker
It's like, oh my God, if I speak about it...
00:19:43
Speaker
it will happen.
00:19:44
Speaker
Like I'll never forget in a convention, a funeral directors convention, a little baby one that happened in Ireland because we don't do them like they do over here.
00:19:53
Speaker
I wanted a photo of me in a coffin, in a casket, in a coffin.
00:19:57
Speaker
I thought, you'll understand, great viewer opportunity.
00:20:00
Speaker
You know, I thought, let me hop in here, great.
00:20:02
Speaker
You know, and I couldn't get one person to take a photo.
00:20:05
Speaker
Not one person because they were like, no, this is no, no, suspicion, no, not suspicion.
00:20:11
Speaker
Superstitious.
00:20:12
Speaker
Yeah, they absolutely would not.
00:20:14
Speaker
I mean, it's just crazy.
00:20:16
Speaker
So it mind boggles me.
00:20:17
Speaker
And yet when I think back to over 10 years ago, when I started this, that was the realization for me.
00:20:23
Speaker
I was sitting in, unfortunately, too many friends funerals at the time.
00:20:27
Speaker
And I was looking at it from an events perspective, because that's just where my brain, you know, just goes logistically.
00:20:34
Speaker
I was in the events business at the time, I was dealing with the grief of losing my friend and then I was honestly having a holy lots of profanities moment.
00:20:44
Speaker
If he can die at 23, who the hell says I have any right to last till... My immortality idea was shot to shit.
00:20:55
Speaker
That was a massive wakening up for me and not many people get that.
00:20:59
Speaker
And I hope many people don't get that because it's a horrible realization because unfortunately it means you've lost somebody young your age.
00:21:08
Speaker
Every day is a blessing.
00:21:09
Speaker
I mean, it really and truly is.
00:21:11
Speaker
And you learn to appreciate it, I think, in our fields and what we do.
00:21:15
Speaker
It doesn't have to be negative Nancy and it doesn't have to be doom and gloom and dreary.
00:21:20
Speaker
I'm sitting here in a yellow cardigan.
00:21:22
Speaker
You've got a beautiful purple
Celebration of Life and Death Rituals
00:21:23
Speaker
scarf around your neck.
00:21:24
Speaker
Like it's...
00:21:25
Speaker
It can be happy, normal, young, female, outgoing, yapper away.
00:21:32
Speaker
I mean, you and I never are lost for words for conversation.
00:21:36
Speaker
It doesn't have to be the Addams Family picture it's painted as, that death is the grim reaper, that it's doom and gloom.
00:21:45
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:21:46
Speaker
And I think it's important what you mentioned is like the one death that shook things up a little bit for you.
00:21:51
Speaker
You know, like I had that happen too.
00:21:53
Speaker
She actually happened to be Irish living in New York, but I had a friend who died young and she wasn't even a close friend of mine.
00:22:00
Speaker
You know, we were like acquaintances, but her death like did something to me profound that, that I'd had other loss in my life.
00:22:08
Speaker
I had other, but this death was like a wake up call that helped me.
00:22:15
Speaker
change me to live my life with more gratitude.
00:22:18
Speaker
And so I don't not wish it upon anyone because it has helped me.
00:22:24
Speaker
I'm grateful for that moment where I was able to say, you know what?
00:22:28
Speaker
Okay.
00:22:28
Speaker
Like, how am I living?
00:22:30
Speaker
What am I, how am I spending my hours?
00:22:32
Speaker
Is it, am I working, working, working like all the time?
00:22:37
Speaker
Like how am I enjoying each day?
00:22:39
Speaker
How am I taking time to really enjoy this life?
00:22:42
Speaker
That is a gift.
00:22:43
Speaker
That is this precious thing that we have, that we have no idea how long it's going to last.
00:22:48
Speaker
And so I'm grateful for that moment.
00:22:50
Speaker
You know, it doesn't mean anything about my judgment on if she should still be alive or not.
00:22:56
Speaker
It's just that that experience helped me live a more full life.
00:23:01
Speaker
And it's helped me on my path.
00:23:03
Speaker
You mentioned like wearing, you know, wearing bright colors and it doesn't have to be like this doom and gloom.
00:23:08
Speaker
It,
00:23:09
Speaker
Something that I got out of the death doula training was like when you have visitors, how you can set your expectation for what you want.
00:23:18
Speaker
And so I was able to play around with the idea of like whenever I die that I would be here in this apartment looking over a view of the beach.
00:23:27
Speaker
When people come in to say goodbye to me, they have to take their shoes off.
00:23:31
Speaker
They have to sit in a gratitude chair and just take a moment to recenter themselves and not bring
00:23:37
Speaker
this shit from the traffic and the train and the person who knocked into them, not bring any of that stuff to me.
00:23:45
Speaker
I don't want that.
00:23:47
Speaker
And have a glitter station, you know, they can like, there's like a whole glitter station.
00:23:53
Speaker
They can glitter themselves.
00:23:54
Speaker
They can glitter me, whatever they want, or they can not do the glitter, you know, self DIY glitter station.
00:24:01
Speaker
And it's like, yeah, that's what I would want.
00:24:03
Speaker
That's who I am.
00:24:05
Speaker
In my old apartment, I literally had a glitter station just in the living room for some glitter.
00:24:11
Speaker
So why wouldn't I want to incorporate those fun, juicy parts of my life into the ceremonial aspect of the goodbyes?
00:24:20
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:22
Speaker
I'm just laughing because I'm thinking, you know that prank, practical joke of sending somebody a glitter bomb?
00:24:28
Speaker
You're like one of the few people who would love it, who would be like, you thought you were ruining my day?
00:24:34
Speaker
Hooray!
00:24:35
Speaker
This is amazing.
00:24:37
Speaker
That's brilliant.
00:24:38
Speaker
That is hilarious.
00:24:40
Speaker
Just goes to show though, even that is, it's how you look at life.
00:24:44
Speaker
You can look at it one way, like you've just ruined my carpet, or you can look at it and go, look at all these beautiful sparkles somebody sent to me.
00:24:51
Speaker
You know, it's interesting.
00:24:52
Speaker
Now I do have a question too.
00:24:56
Speaker
the pet PR are you blending your businesses are you kind of gonna
Balancing PR and New Ventures
00:25:02
Speaker
evolve that out death doula in are you kind of testing the waters to see is this something you're gonna do part-time how are you kind of and you've got the life coaching oh my god how do you write a book I can't keep up oh
00:25:14
Speaker
Thank you.
00:25:15
Speaker
Thank you, Jennifer.
00:25:16
Speaker
I feel like my friends are like, what are you up to?
00:25:18
Speaker
And I'm like, well, I'm learning PR business.
00:25:21
Speaker
I'm writing a book.
00:25:22
Speaker
I'm launching a life coaching business.
00:25:24
Speaker
I'm launching a life doula business.
00:25:25
Speaker
And they're like, yeah.
00:25:27
Speaker
And what else?
00:25:28
Speaker
And I'm like, no, that's what I have going on right now.
00:25:31
Speaker
To me, that's a no.
00:25:33
Speaker
You're good.
00:25:35
Speaker
My CPA understands it.
00:25:37
Speaker
You know, I feel like he's like the only one.
00:25:39
Speaker
He's like, yeah, that's a lot of stuff.
00:25:41
Speaker
I am working on an exit strategy for the PR business that will probably happen as a slow feed over the next couple of years.
00:25:49
Speaker
As I ramp up the other parts, the book should be done by the end of this year.
00:25:54
Speaker
Do you get a teaser as to what it's about?
00:25:57
Speaker
The book is about codependency and pets.
00:26:00
Speaker
Oh, interesting.
00:26:02
Speaker
Oh, I will be purchasing that.
00:26:04
Speaker
Excellent.
00:26:06
Speaker
Very interesting.
00:26:07
Speaker
Wow.
00:26:08
Speaker
You'll have to come back on and talk about the book.
00:26:11
Speaker
That I'm fascinated with.
00:26:13
Speaker
Okay.
00:26:13
Speaker
Well, we'll have to come back on, talk about the book.
00:26:16
Speaker
I'll have read it by then and then I'll quiz you.
00:26:18
Speaker
Awesome.
00:26:19
Speaker
That sounds good.
00:26:20
Speaker
So there's a lot going on though.
00:26:22
Speaker
How do you take a time out?
00:26:24
Speaker
How do you live your life other than all that's going on there?
00:26:27
Speaker
A really important question.
00:26:29
Speaker
I make an effort to go outside every single day and get some sunshine, get some of that dopamine, oxytocin, happy, feel good chemicals going on.
00:26:40
Speaker
And I live by the beach.
00:26:41
Speaker
Always very envious of anybody who lives by water.
00:26:44
Speaker
That's part of why I live in New York is because even though it does get cold, it's sunny.
00:26:49
Speaker
It is sunny a lot of the time.
00:26:51
Speaker
And that's really important to me.
00:26:52
Speaker
Yeah, I have a few parts of my morning routine, morning ritual that are pretty key, I think, to my overall well-being.
00:27:01
Speaker
Just every day I try to be more aware, more conscious about what I'm consuming from an entertainment perspective, who I spend my time with, doing things really out of joy versus obligation.
00:27:13
Speaker
All right, last question to wrap up.
00:27:15
Speaker
I'm just going to ask the hair.
00:27:17
Speaker
A, what made you do it?
00:27:19
Speaker
When I knew Dana, she had a beautiful vein of hair.
00:27:21
Speaker
So A, what made you do it?
00:27:23
Speaker
And B, will you ever let it grow back?
00:27:25
Speaker
It's fab, but I have two very important questions.
00:27:27
Speaker
Tell me.
00:27:29
Speaker
The hair is part of the ultimate like letting go process.
00:27:33
Speaker
I actually had a ritual.
00:27:34
Speaker
I put my hair into three braids and one was the past, present and future.
00:27:39
Speaker
I cut off the braid for the past and I buried it.
00:27:42
Speaker
The present braid, I had a burning ceremony with my roommates in Guatemala.
00:27:48
Speaker
And then the future, I donated it.
00:27:50
Speaker
For now, I am keeping it short.
00:27:52
Speaker
It's like the ultimate letting go.
00:27:54
Speaker
Even when I let it grow out and I'm like a little chia pet out to here and then I cut it again, it's just like a non-attachment again.
00:28:03
Speaker
It's like just releasing even two weeks' worth of life or problems.
00:28:09
Speaker
It's just like another reset.
00:28:12
Speaker
It's beautiful.
00:28:13
Speaker
I mean, yeah, it's like a ritual.
00:28:15
Speaker
I mean, everybody has their own little and that's one of the things that I think is important, especially at the moment with COVID is for everybody to find what their ritual and what brings them joy and helps them mentally deal with what's going on right now.
00:28:31
Speaker
So important.
00:28:32
Speaker
That sounded like such an incredible ritual.
00:28:34
Speaker
Like, I love that.
00:28:35
Speaker
The braid thing.
00:28:36
Speaker
That's amazing.
00:28:37
Speaker
I never, I'm glad I asked the question.
00:28:40
Speaker
I mean, it just goes to show because it's so funny.
00:28:41
Speaker
The amount of people who would be like, Jen, you can't ask that.
00:28:44
Speaker
Like, don't be asking somebody, you know, I'm like, oh, I'll ask.
00:28:47
Speaker
I will ask the question.
00:28:49
Speaker
That makes beautiful sense to me.
00:28:51
Speaker
It's, you know, any other reason could have made any sense to me.
00:28:55
Speaker
You just wanted to, but it's just like, that's such an interesting story that we'd never have dug into if I hadn't have asked.
00:29:02
Speaker
It's a reminder to myself of this path that I want to be on as like really holding space and helping people in their life versus like in the marketing wheel.
00:29:16
Speaker
And it's just a reminder to myself because the marketing side of things is very seductive to me.
00:29:22
Speaker
And it's very easy for me to get kind of like sucked back in.
00:29:26
Speaker
And for me, it's just like a
00:29:29
Speaker
reminder to myself of like who I am and what I stand for and where I want to be going.
00:29:34
Speaker
I guess I'm flirting with the idea, my birthday's in January and I'm flirting with the idea of letting it grow out.
00:29:39
Speaker
in January when it's like full winter, full hat season, just going for it.
00:29:45
Speaker
My last reshave on my birthday and then let it.
00:29:49
Speaker
Okay.
00:29:50
Speaker
And then let it grow.
00:29:51
Speaker
And then maybe it's going to grow a whole new future, a whole new life, a whole new maybe that's death doula.
00:29:57
Speaker
You know, it could be, could release something else.
00:29:59
Speaker
You just don't know.
00:30:01
Speaker
It's all to play for.
00:30:03
Speaker
There is a famous quote and I always mess these things up because I have a terrible memory.
00:30:07
Speaker
But it's something about, you know, each the amazing thing about each new day is that it's a fresh beginning.
00:30:14
Speaker
It's not been written yet.
00:30:15
Speaker
It's even if you've got the diary packed full of appointments, you can ditch them all.
00:30:21
Speaker
It's there's nothing.
00:30:22
Speaker
concrete.
00:30:23
Speaker
And so who knows what 2021 will bring.
00:30:26
Speaker
Thank you so much, Dana, for being here, being present and for sharing your incredible, I mean, I don't even know this podcast will go down as career change.
00:30:36
Speaker
It could go down as
00:30:38
Speaker
you know, the death deal, the funeral, but it's, you know, or just life in general, how we evolve.
00:30:44
Speaker
It's just incredible.
00:30:46
Speaker
And I'm so proud to know you.
00:30:48
Speaker
And I'm so proud of the journey that you've been on because I mean, you were always so ready to embrace, you know,
00:30:54
Speaker
change and life that was something I always saw about you even going to your birthdays it was just such a melting pot of people and experiences and you know it really was it was just the glitter station makes total sense thank you so much thank you so much my lovely talk to you soon thanks for tuning into the glam reaper podcast I hope you got some little nuggets
00:31:23
Speaker
goals from today's podcast.
00:31:26
Speaker
I'm your host, Jennifer Muldowney, aka The Glam Reaper.