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WITAYM: 5 Best Practices for Twins
444 Plays2 years ago
In this episode Bonnie & Audrey share all about twins! They share 5 truths about twins from caring for them to caring for mom. A must listen for any family with twins!
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Transcript
Introduction & Episode Overview
00:00:00
Speaker
You're listening to Outnumbered, the podcast, episode 224, What I'd Tell a Younger Me About Twins. We can't wait to dive into this episode. As the mom of twins on this episode, I loved my experience with twins, but it was also so overwhelming. So I'm excited to share with those of you who might be expecting, or if you know anyone who is, please share this episode. We're going to talk about being overwhelmed, about accepting this role that you have, about fighting for the birth that you want, and so much more. So let's do it.
Meet Audrey and Bonnie
00:00:32
Speaker
Hello and welcome to Outnumbered the Podcast. I'm Audrey. And I'm Bonnie. We are experienced moms to a combined total of 19 children. In our weekly episodes, we explore relatable topics using our perspectives of humor and chaos. Tune in for advice and encouragement to gain more joy in your parenting journey.
00:00:56
Speaker
Welcome back, friends. We are excited about this episode. We are doing another in our series of what I would tell a younger me, only today we're talking about twins. And I personally have the twin experience. I have the set of twins. Audrey does not, but she has lots of baby experience. So she's pitching in on that side of things. But this could also go for any mom who is expecting multiples or has multiples and is feeling overwhelmed. Feel free to share it. So yeah, twins are so much fun.
Bonnie's New Podcast Announcement
00:01:23
Speaker
A quick little side note, we have some exciting news for me anyway, Bonnie, I just started my own solo podcast show because I'm crazy apparently, but it's called Burning Brightly. So go ahead and search it up on Apple, on Spotify, wherever you're listening. Yeah, because there I'm talking to moms who are in a phase of life where kids are getting a little bit bigger and they're looking for something more to do outside of their home, somehow to make a mark on the world and they're feeling really overwhelmed at that idea. So we're going to talk all about that over at Burning Brightly. So go find me there.
00:01:54
Speaker
Yes, I'm sure I'm even going to learn some things from that podcast episode because I am so technology averse.
00:02:02
Speaker
Yeah, we all get into whatever we want to build, right? And we're like, I don't know how to do any of this. Yeah. Welcome. I'd rather die. Yeah. Okay. I wanted to share with you guys something that we learned about podcasting, speaking
Sharing Episodes & Building Community
00:02:16
Speaker
of podcasting. So you know how we always ask you for reviews and thank you. We love those. Those are great. Those help us look legitimate and other moms find our podcast so it can help them too. Something recently that we learned is that
00:02:29
Speaker
There is even another way that you can help boost, give our podcast a boost, and that is by sharing an episode. So if you're listening to an episode on your podcast app, I'm going to tell you how it looks on the Apple Podcast phone. So if you click right by the name, if you click those three dots there, up pops a screen and there's a bunch of different things you can do with the episode.
00:02:51
Speaker
One down at the bottom says, share the episode. If you click on that, you can text it, you can email it, you can airdrop it to somebody, you can send it in a Marco Polo, Zoom, Pinterest, whatever. There's lots of ways that you can share the episode with somebody. You could pause this podcast right now, this episode, and share it with somebody who you know that has twins.
00:03:12
Speaker
Yes. Yes. We would love that. And you know how moms are so good at sharing what we love. As soon as you find a restaurant you're obsessed with, you have to share it on Facebook and Instagram or everywhere else. So we would love it if you would share your favorites and help a fellow mom as well.
Expectations & Experiences with Twins
00:03:29
Speaker
Okay. So Audrey and I were talking earlier about people wanting twins, and I always thought that was insanity. People saying, Audrey's one of them, right, Audrey?
00:03:37
Speaker
Oh, definitely. Every pregnancy, especially as I got older, because it's more common to have twins when you get older. I was always like, oh, I hope this one's twins.
00:03:48
Speaker
Okay, so side note, so my twins are babies number four and five, so my fourth pregnancy. And I want to say baby number eight or nine. For some reason, Luke and I started talking about twins again, probably because I was getting older and we were aware of that statistic. And I was just like, no, God knows me better than that. He kept sending me a second set. I do have a friend. If you remember Mary Jordan, we interviewed her early, early on in the podcast. She's a close friend of mine. She has two sets of twins. So special people can handle that. I'm not one of them, apparently.
00:04:17
Speaker
The idea sounds so delightful and they really, it really is magical. In fact, when I found out I was having twins, I thought, no, no, no, I'm not this lucky. Like, you know, I don't win things. Like, lucky stuff doesn't happen to me. And then I learned later on that it was a little bit of a, you know, backhanded get. What do they call it? Not, not always fun and games, but it sure is beautiful having two babies at once.
00:04:40
Speaker
The reality is while it's so fun to hold two babies and skip a pregnancy and all these other wonderful things, there are some scary things about twins as well. They can involve some medical complexities. It takes a little bit of a higher toll on your body to carry two or three babies at once. And then there's the extra work and overwhelm and kind of emotional stress of having two babies to care for at once. So we totally acknowledge that and we're going to talk about all that today.
00:05:05
Speaker
Yeah, I imagine it might be kind of isolating to learn you're carrying multiples because sometimes often when I was pregnant, I wouldn't know, but maybe a handful of other women that were pregnant and then to, you know, not nobody was carrying twins. So I can imagine that would be really isolating. But this episode is designed to help other people have a place to go to. Or like we ask you to share this episode with somebody that have twins so that they don't feel so isolated. They have somebody else they can talk to or learn from about it.
00:05:32
Speaker
We're going to talk about finding some community a little bit later as well. I do want to share just a really brief story of how I found out I had twins because it is one of those hilarious things that you had to be there to believe
Discovering Twins: Bonnie's Story
00:05:43
Speaker
it. I was actually going to have a home birth with that baby. I didn't get an ultrasound until 20 weeks and that was only because I wanted to find the gender. My midwife wasn't even going to
00:05:52
Speaker
make me have an ultrasound. Some things were a little bit different though. I was actually experiencing more morning sickness than before and each of my previous pregnancies had gotten better and better and so I thought, great, what is this all about?
00:06:04
Speaker
And I was a lot larger than I thought I should be. And so because of this, my midwife did say, yeah, let's go ahead and send you in for the anatomy ultrasound. You can find out the gender if you want, whatever. So we decided to call this ultrasound tech who will come to your home. I thought that would be fun. We wouldn't have to get a sitter for our little kids. My husband could come home for lunch. We could find out what we're having on our TV, right? And I also decided at the last minute to invite both of our moms and all the sisters that were living in town. And I don't know why I decided that. I just thought,
00:06:33
Speaker
What could be fun? And I remember one of my sisters saying, why are we all here? She has three kids already. And I already had two boys and a girl. It wasn't like it was going to be anything revolutionary. But they came and were supportive. And so the guy starts the ultrasound. He sees just one baby and zooms in and gives us the whole anatomy scan and tells us it's a girl and we're all excited and whatever. And then he scans out a side note. You can watch this video if you want. I'll link it in the show notes. But he recorded it so you can hear all the audio and see the scan.
00:07:03
Speaker
And so he then pulls the wand off my belly while we're all chit chatting about it being a girl and says, hey, dad, what do you do for a living? And Luke tells them and he says, well, you might have to get a second job. And we're like, what are you talking about? This guy was a little quirky as it is. And he's like,
00:07:20
Speaker
There's twins in there and I'm like no way we just start screaming, right? It's a hilarious hilarious thing So anyway, everyone was there we all found out together was total shock and I knew I was so ginormous because there was it was it was crazy. So
00:07:35
Speaker
There's always a fun story when you first find out. A little bit of shock and awe, for sure. Anyway, side note, right after that ultrasound, I drove to the airport to pick up a bunch of girlfriends because we were going on a girls' weekend that trip. Sorry, a girls' trip that weekend. And one of those friends was also pregnant with twins, and it was her fourth and fifth baby. So we spent the entire weekend talking about twins. That was a total mercy for me because I was so overwhelmed and just shell shocked that I had
00:08:01
Speaker
a few days to like accept it. And this friend, she was a little bit farther ahead in her journey of, you know, accepting this news. So anyway, there was my story. That is fun. So fun. Like, almost like you knew it was going to be something special and you had to be there. I know. I know, right? Crazy. I also will include in the show notes a couple of blog posts I have about twins, things I wish I would have known that we're going to talk about here today and a few other insights from our twin birth.
Preparing for Twins: Tips and Advice
00:08:27
Speaker
Okay, so as overwhelming as finding out the news was, I imagine that once you get into the care of them, you would be overwhelmed.
00:08:35
Speaker
even more, doubly overwhelmed, even more, whatever. So when you find out is a good time to start prepping for self care and other people helping and lowering your expectations and like just all the things that you need to think of. Well, it's not just going to be having a baby, it's going to be having two babies. So I'm going to actually really need to do some preparation ahead of time.
00:08:59
Speaker
Yeah, and a side note here that overwhelm, the feeling of overwhelm is always an optional emotion, right? Very often we jump right into that like, oh, I don't know what to expect. This is brand new. What am I getting myself into? I'm never going to be able to handle this. Calm yourself down. Tell yourself that women have been doing this for millennia. Everything will be okay. If you need to stress out for a little bit, you can't give yourself a day. Feel all the emotions and then acknowledge that you do not have to continue feeling overwhelmed. Everything is going to work out exactly the way it's supposed to.
00:09:28
Speaker
My side note about this being overwhelmed or having a lot on your plate as a mom of twins is to just be open to help. Do not be a martyr. This was one of my biggest problems in my early motherhood years. I can do it. I can handle it. I can do it.
00:09:44
Speaker
And I did not, sadly, ask for the help that I needed. One idea that I heard of many years after I had twins was to ask whoever's throwing you a baby shower, or if no one is, ask a friend to, and have it be a service baby shower. So instead of bringing you diapers and wipes, which they can also bring that as well, they bring you acts of service that they will perform once the babies are born. That was the most brilliant idea I'd literally ever heard in my life.
00:10:10
Speaker
You know, Aunt Sally shows up and says, I will bring you three meals the week after your babies are born. Or, you know, your neighbor comes in and I will come watch your babies while you shower for the first week or whatever it takes. That would be brilliant. Just take care of those things and so your mind can rest a little bit. Yeah. I know when you have one baby, there's
00:10:30
Speaker
Like they're very needy but usually there's a time when they're asleep and you can kind of like take a breath and just kind of take care of yourself for a minute and You know take a shower or whatever, but when there's two babies I can imagine that Potentially one of them could always need you one of them could always have Have a need and like there wouldn't be any time left for mom which with two babies depending on you would be so important to have a
00:10:58
Speaker
extra care for yourself so that you're in extra good condition. Here was an idea to ask three close friends or relatives if you can put them down as support people to call when things get hard day or night. So, you know, like a neighbor's a good one. Yeah, I'll be there in five minutes and I'll hold the baby. One of the babies while you, you know, go, whatever, especially in those first postpartum days, you know, you get yourself cleaned up and you're dealing with your breast milk coming in. And there's really a lot of care that mom needs as well.
00:11:24
Speaker
So have three people like on call so that you like if this one person you're gonna be like oh I've just called them yesterday for this but now I'm needing help again today so it's it's a great idea.
00:11:36
Speaker
Yeah, and maybe you can ask them what their best schedule is. Like, are you available in the evening or at night? Like, if I have a really bad night, could I call you and have you come over? Obviously, close friends and relatives are the best for this. If you have a mom, even if she's out of town, maybe she could come stay with you for a while. If not, though, there are so many good-hearted, wonderful people that would love to help you, especially love to help newborn babies, right? Come hold one or change a diaper or something.
00:11:59
Speaker
Just be willing to ask. I know it's hard to do, but just do it. What you're saying, Audrey, about the baby, is somebody always needing you. I love to refer to twins as this. You know, when you have one baby, eventually they have to sleep. But when you have two babies, they can like tag team you until you die of sleep deprivation.
Schedules & Survival with Twins
00:12:17
Speaker
That's exactly what my babies did for like eight months. Why are you two never asleep at the same time? It's so, so hard. So yeah, plan for that.
00:12:26
Speaker
And that leads us into tip number two, which is have a plan for feedings and sleep schedules. Now, before the babies are born, obviously, you can't anticipate everything. You might have one that needs to eat every two hours and one that quickly stretches it out to four. So you just do the best to get them on a schedule together. Now, I did nothing of the sort with my first three kids. They just kind of gradually fell into their own sleep and feeding schedule and it was great. And I'm like, oh, this is how babies are, fantastic.
00:12:52
Speaker
And then the two came and they could not have been more different. They were up at all hours and like
00:12:58
Speaker
They made me crazy. I thought I was going to lose my mind. I know exactly why sleep deprivation is a form of torture. It was so hard. And it was only until about eight months that I thought, we can't survive like this, that I finally sat down and said, OK, I know you can go this long. I'm going to feed you here. I'm going to put you down here and made this schedule. But without being really intentional about it, it's almost impossible to survive. So be intentional about it. Oh, do as I say, not as I did, right? Yeah, learn from me. So did you breastfeed your twins?
00:13:28
Speaker
Yes, so that was another thing that I probably could have been a little bit more flexible on. I didn't do any pumping. I just breastfed them both exclusively. And it was really tricky for me to tandem feed. I just didn't love it. And so I was feeding one and then feeding the other and then feeding the other and then feeding the other.
00:13:44
Speaker
like that 24 hours a day. So that's one thing I wish I would have let go of a little bit. I wish I would have either pumped and allowed somebody else to give the baby a bottle or even propped them up with a bottle or something or even fed them formula. They would have been fine and I would have had a little bit more sanity. So just again, don't be a martyr. Do what it takes to take care of you mentally and those babies physically.
00:14:07
Speaker
Sure. I imagine that your milk supply can get affected by how much sleep and rest. Oh, I'm sure. We have a whole episode about helping babies get to sleep and we shared some amazing ideas in that, but just like the challenges of
00:14:24
Speaker
having two at once. So like this is going to be like Audrey Aspani questions episode. But what about baby wearing? How does that work when you have twins? Like that was often a way that I would put a colicky baby to sleep was wrap it by my body and go for a walk. Can you do that with two?
00:14:40
Speaker
Yeah, you totally can. In fact, I had this really cool baby wrap that was actually designed for twins. However, one of my twins was much higher need than the other one. Now looking back, I'm pretty sure it's because she had a dairy issue and I was not aware and I was eating dairy. Anyway, so I tended to put the other one down and me just rock this one incessantly, bouncer and burper or whatever else she needed. But very often I would just wear one
00:15:03
Speaker
and either put the other one in a stroller, we'd go on a walk, or I'd wear one and put the other one in a bouncy seat, or very often one was napping and the other one just needed to be held. So for sure baby wearing is a huge boon. If you can make baby wearing two a thing and make it work for you guys, that's awesome. You can do two wraps, one in the front, one in the back, or you can get the special twin ones. When they're very, very little, I recommend
00:15:24
Speaker
special twin ones or even just wrapping one wrap around both of them on your chest. That's pretty- Like they were in your womb. They're used to that. Yeah. They're used to just being all bunched up together and cuddled up together. So totally necessary or totally helpful and very, very necessary. Yeah. We have a whole episode on baby wearing too. And I have seen moms carrying like a toddler on their back and a newborn on their front. Like I'm always like, oh my goodness, you are amazing super woman.
00:15:50
Speaker
Okay, and finally, just a reminder to be flexible. When things are not working for you and you find yourself beating your head against the wall, find a different way to do it or recruit help for that feeding time or that schedule. My husband did not get much time off work too. I think he had like three days off work and then it was just me. So yeah, having an extra set of hands, really, really beneficial. Even if you can just hire a teenager to come over in the afternoons and help you for a little bit so that you could get a nap or make sure that everybody is fed and happy for at least a few hours of the day.
00:16:18
Speaker
Yeah, so good. Okay, number three, pregnancy and birth don't have to be scary.
Birth and Delivery Challenges
00:16:25
Speaker
This is true for one or two, one or multiples. They don't have to be scary. Women have been doing this for millennia. Women were made for birth, even the birth of two. Like, I always say that your body's not gonna make a baby bigger than you can deliver in 99.9% of the time. And I think that if your body wasn't able to deliver two babies,
00:16:48
Speaker
your body would not carry two babies. In fact, I could be completely wrong on this, so you'll have to disabuse me of the notion, but I've always thought it would actually be easier to deliver two because each one would be smaller. Like you're going to have two 10 pound babies, right?
00:17:02
Speaker
Yeah, I'm sure it's possible, but I did not, thank goodness. Yes, and I will say this, they're smaller. The only part about birth that was harder with twins is that you just had to do two back to back. The first one came in, and I was like, oh, yay, she's here, everything. And for a second, I forgot. I was just going to have to push another one out. And a few minutes later, the contractions start up again. I'm like, oh, no. You imagine giving birth, and then you have to go and do it again. So that was super fun.
00:17:30
Speaker
It was actually beautiful. Their birth was a really, really beautiful experience. And just a side note, I had an added complication of my first birth having been a C-section. So all my births after that were technically V-backs. And so when I got pregnant with twins, that was my first worry is, oh, is anybody going to let me have these babies vaginally? Side note, no one has to let you. You can just have them for the record.
00:17:51
Speaker
Email me if you want more information about that Yeah, when I wasn't really comfortable I did have a midwife who was willing to deliver them at home But I personally felt more comfortable going to the hospital So I was interviewing some obese and I had one that I went into who was also a twin mom and I thought oh good She's gonna get where I'm coming from that I really really want to give these twins the best chance at a national vaginal birth and she looked at me and said I Don't really trust if these babies to do what they're supposed to do. I think we're just gonna schedule a c-section and I'm like
00:18:21
Speaker
See you later. Come on, lady. Absolutely no medical complications, no history that was concerning, no preeclampsia, no nothing, and she wasn't going to even give my babies a shot at being born the healthiest and most natural way that God intended. I just walked out and found somebody else. It just requires some research. It just requires some work. You need to find a practice that you love and trust.
00:18:48
Speaker
be aware of what the protocol is at the hospital as well. When I showed up at the hospital, I found out that they were going to make me give birth in an OR, just in case. So the lights and the whole team and everything, I was giving birth vaginally in an operating room, just in case. So anyway, get a twin-friendly midwife or OB and a doula if possible, somebody to help advocate for you for when things get hard and you're not able to speak up, but they start doing things to you that you might not be happy with. So there's my TED Talk about
00:19:18
Speaker
I'm giving birth to twins. I'd be like, wheeled up in the operating room. I'm like, okay, who wants popcorn? We're going to have a show here. But you guys, without a medical reason, twins can and are and have been born vaginally without problems all the time. It is also a natural way of birth.
00:19:39
Speaker
Find a provider who agrees and fights for it. Think about it. One of the first births that we have details of in the Bible is a twin birth. Yeah. And there's kind of some cool details about twin. There's more than one twin birth in the Bible, the one where the one baby stuck out his hand and they put the red string around it because he was born first or maybe it wasn't. I can't remember. Yeah.
00:20:04
Speaker
There was no operating room in that birth. It was natural. It was vaginal. You can also find accounts on Instagram that promote birth naturally, vaginally, twin birth. I know that the pain-free birth account has shared several videos of twin births that were natural, home, water birth, and all that. So if you want it and it looks like it's okay,
00:20:29
Speaker
medically just go for it. You can do it. It has been done. It can be done again. Yes. Yes. And it's a beautiful, beautiful experience to be able to grow and then birth two babies all by yourself. You feel like a freaking Amazon woman. It's awesome. You are a freaking Amazon woman.
00:20:46
Speaker
Side note, I would also just say that your body does know what to do. Get medical support obviously, but also just trust your instincts. So I was told to get on a very strict diet to make sure that I had enough calories. And yes, obviously I needed to make sure that was the case, but my body had never struggled to gain enough in the past. And I kind of worried and obsessed unnecessarily that pregnancy thinking, oh, what could go wrong? But you know, sometimes when you let your mind
00:21:12
Speaker
It can bring back a lot of worry. So I was also really, really nervous about doing any strenuous exercise. They kept telling me, oh, don't overdo it. Don't overdo it. But my body was used to strenuous exercise. I had lifted weights until the day I gave birth with my previous baby. And so I kind of let myself, like I said, worry unnecessarily and didn't do things that probably could have benefited my body because I was so stressed out about
00:21:35
Speaker
Having a miscarriage or something bad happening so listen to that body and just listen to what it's telling you you need Within reason obviously if your doctor says do not get off bed rest do not get off bed rest But but if there's no medical problems you can by and large trust what your body is asking you
00:21:51
Speaker
Right. Having twins in and of itself is not a medical condition. Yes. Thank you. Yes. Yeah. So how to trust your body. Let me just give you permission here to be the expert on your body. Nobody spends as much time in your body as you do. Yeah. You are the expert. A doctor who sees you once a month or every week
00:22:14
Speaker
still isn't an expert. You're spending the most time in your body. So we hereby give you permission to be the expert on your own body because you're the one most familiar with it. That's all I have to say. Just trust it. It'll talk to you. Just listen to it.
00:22:29
Speaker
Yeah, and a side note about worry. I did have one scary episode about halfway through my pregnancy. I had some contractions and it really freaked me out. And now looking back and thanks to a couple of other experiences, I realized that a lot of that was probably created by my brain. There were a couple of circumstances, long story, but I was really nervous, especially around this one part of my pregnancy.
00:22:57
Speaker
I just think that I did myself a disservice by allowing my brain to go there. Like what if, what if, what if, what if, instead of just having faith that God was going to make everything okay. And does that mean every twin pregnancy ends perfectly? No, it doesn't. Of course there are potential bad outcomes with any pregnancy, but dwelling there and making your brain go there over and over and over is never going to serve you. So just assume everything is going to be just fine and allow yourself to live in that peace. And then if something goes wrong, you can choose that time to worry. That's my side
Flexibility & Community Support
00:23:25
Speaker
note about that.
00:23:25
Speaker
Okay, fourth tip, you do not need to buy double of everything. Sometimes it can feel kind of fun, right? Ooh, twins, let's go to Target and buy two of everything. Totally unnecessary though. There were a few things I wanted more of, like extra blankets, extra outfits, obviously those newborn outfits when they're pooping all the time, you know? But please don't go broke buying all the things, especially those larger baby items that's just unnecessary.
00:23:48
Speaker
That is so true. Newborns, one newborn needs so very little that you can get by on so little. I remember one time with one of my kids looking at this huge stack of clothes that they never wore or only wore once or something. And then like all the baby toys, we didn't get a crib or bassinet, but had we, it would never have been used because we didn't use those kind of things. So like you mentioned having one baby in a stroller,
00:24:17
Speaker
and the other wrapped on you, well, you don't need two strollers or a double stroller or any of that. Just lots of examples where maybe just wait until you get into it to see what you need and then get it. But don't go ahead and go buy two of everything. Maybe you're not going to use two of everything.
00:24:34
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely that. You may get to a point where you're like, actually neither of my babies really likes being wrapped to me or they really like to see out and about, okay, I do want to get a double stroller, whatever. But you can definitely wait until there's a need to do that. One thing I do recommend though is having at least two places to put babies while you're showering or going to the bathroom. So I had a little bouncy seat from one of my babies and somebody gave me another one for the twins. And that was beneficial, not those first few weeks where they're just sleeping all the time, but as soon as they like to kind of sit up and look around,
00:25:01
Speaker
They would just freak out if I laid them down while I was trying to shower and there was nobody else to hold them. So I would put them in these little chairs, bring them in the bathroom with me. And they were happy as a clam while I was going to the bathroom or doing those things I needed to do. Right. Yeah. Obviously, you know, some things you'll need double of two car seats. You know, yes, there you go. Right. Obviously. But you don't, don't just go out and buy two of everything. You might not need it. Okay. Last set. Last
Individuality of Twins
00:25:28
Speaker
tip here.
00:25:28
Speaker
is don't expect to get clones of the same human. It's not going to be two identical creatures. Even identical twins are two completely separate humans. They each have their own personality and their own lives. In college, we studied twin psychology and it is fascinating.
00:25:49
Speaker
how much of their brain is the same. But it's just really a small segment of their life that is identical. There's so much that is different.
00:26:01
Speaker
Yeah, and you know, I don't think I would have ever acknowledged that I actually thought this until I had the twins. And I was like, why are you so fussy? I'm doing everything the same with you as I'm doing with you. And now, as they've grown up, they are completely different human beings. And obviously, logically, that makes sense, right? Even with identical twins, they might look the same or have similar flicks of the wrist or whatever. But their personalities are going to be very, very different.
00:26:27
Speaker
So, that's just a good reminder and to acknowledge their differences, but beware of labeling them early or unfairly, okay? So, this was a challenge for me as well because I had one that was a lot higher needs than the other one. So, it was always kind of like, take the cranky one. I need a break with this cranky one. But I thought, well,
00:26:47
Speaker
That's not really fair either. She didn't pick this body that's struggling more than the other one, right? So I keep trying to remind myself that as well. Because they're the same age, you very often want to lump them in together. But to remind yourself that they are two very different human beings that have very different needs. And honestly, now that my twins are almost 12, I actually forget that they're twins sometimes. We do call them the twins when it's easy to. Hey, twins, come here. But they are so, so, so different that sometimes I'm like, oh yeah, you guys are the same age. That's right.
00:27:16
Speaker
Even in appearance, I think one of your twins resembles her older sister more than her twin. Something that was so fascinating to me about twin psychology is they have done a lot of studies on twins that are separated at birth and then they study their lives.
00:27:35
Speaker
get to meet each other at 40 for the same time. And it's interesting all the things that are the same at the meetup, like meetup, like maybe they'll have this same favorite color or they'll be wearing the same style clothing or that kind of thing, which is very fascinating, you know, separated at birth, but they've been living completely separate lives. Yeah, so cool. Yeah. So embrace the beauty, the delight, the magic of having twins.
00:28:00
Speaker
don't beat yourself up during the hard periods. There will be hard periods, harder than just a singleton period. Try to enjoy them, take time to cry, take time to take care of your own needs, whatever you need. You need to be like, we see the mother of a new, you know, the new mother, the mother of a newborn, as being such a
00:28:22
Speaker
beautiful, newly birthed creature in herself. But when there's twins, that's like there's just something that you need to take extra special care of that kind of mom too, because you're taking care of two, two are depending on you. That's right. That's right. Your self care should be double. I know that sounds hard, but you're going to need help. So go, go find it, right? Because you feel like you have half the time or even less than half the time for self care. Yeah, exactly.
00:28:47
Speaker
And just allow yourself to put everything else on the back burner. This is a very special time for you to bond and connect and keep these two babies alive. It's okay if nothing else gets done. In fact, we didn't do any homeschool for about a year, at least six months. We didn't do really anything. We did get out of the house occasionally because I needed it for my own sanity, but I had a six-year-old and a four-year-old and a two-year-old and newborn twins. And it was like, okay, well, one more day of just trying to feed everybody and make sure everybody's got a diaper changed. That's all I can do today, right? And that was enough. That was exactly what I needed to do.
Community Support for Twin Parents
00:29:18
Speaker
Don't forget to find your community. There are lots of mom support groups for moms of multiples. You can find them in real life. They might require a little bit more driving depending on how busy of a place you live in, metropolitan area, but plenty online, tons and tons on Facebook. It can be so comforting to get on a group like that and go, oh my gosh, I'm losing my mind and have everybody else go, yes, I totally get it.
00:29:42
Speaker
You are right there where we've all been and to tell you that it gets better and that you're going through a beautiful phase, right? You can ask questions, right? Things will come up that you hadn't thought to ask before and you can ask these more experienced moms and they can just reach out with a hand of support. Very, very helpful.
00:30:01
Speaker
Okay, my final thought is if you don't have twins, you're not expecting twins or you haven't had twins. Again, will you please share this episode with somebody who has? But also, I think those of us who haven't had multiples are now a little bit more eyes open to what it takes to be a twin mom. And so next time I hear of somebody having twins, I am definitely going to offer more help, more support.
00:30:26
Speaker
meals, hold the baby, whatever it takes. Oh, I did have one final question for you. Do twins run in your family? Was it genetic?
00:30:36
Speaker
So actually, I found out after having twins and doing all my research that only fraternal twins can be hereditary, that identical twins are just a fluke. So I do have some twins on my dad's side, actually three sets, if I'm remembering correctly, but I'm only related biologically to the mom of one set. The other ones were in-laws and that mom had it identical. So I don't think, I think it was just a fluke. I just have a large family on that side. So I think it was just one thing after another. I will say this too.
00:31:06
Speaker
You could argue that it's because I have twins that I'm more aware of people having twins, but I swear way more people are having twins now than they were when I was a kid. I knew maybe one family in my entire childhood that had twins, and now I feel like everybody around me, granted my sphere of influence is bigger too with Instagram and the internet and everything else.
00:31:24
Speaker
But part of me wonders if maybe it's just, we're in the last days, we've got a lot of babies to get to earth and have their time here. I don't know, but it's beautiful. It is a wonderful, amazing, incredible opportunity. And I had to lean on God a lot during that opportunity, during the pregnancy, during the birth, during the time
Reflections & Encouragement
00:31:43
Speaker
afterwards. So I would never want it taken away. But I do wish I could go back and just hug that younger me and say, it's going to be okay.
00:31:49
Speaker
Don't hold on quite so tightly. It's all right. If somebody has formula, it's all right. If somebody, whatever, is screaming all day long, it's going to be okay. That's it for today's episode, you guys. We hope you found this one fun, helpful, inspiring, something, and we really appreciate you listening to us. So tell us, did this episode make you want to have twins more or less? Like you can affect it. Right. That's it for today. I'm Audrey. I'm Bonnie, and we're Outnumbered.
00:32:19
Speaker
Thanks for listening friends. Click the link in the show notes to subscribe to our email and never miss another episode. Show us some love by leaving a review on iTunes or sharing the podcast with a friend. Thanks for all your support. We'll talk to you next week.