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00:00:01
S1 Ep. 23: Hiking through hardships
49 Plays3 months ago
In this episode, I explore the importance of resilience and perspective in our lives. Drawing from a recent hiking trip in Kentucky, I reflect on how our mindset and ability to shake it off when we fall shape our experiences. I discuss the significance of acknowledging our pain and setbacks but emphasize the need to move forward and not let these moments define us. We are not our past.
I share insights on choosing battles that truly matter and letting go of minor frustrations. I encourage you to see life's challenges as opportunities for growth, to focus on finding joy in the journey, and to remind you that you "can't blame the dealer on a losing hand."
Alexa play "Purple Gas" by Zach Bryan & Noeline Hofmann
Transcript
00:00:01
heatherdyann
I'm not the type to blame the dealer for a losing hand. What makes us happy or sad is really up to us. Welcome to Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan. I am so happy you're here. Today I want to talk about falling down and getting back up. I really started this episode with a Zach Bryan line again because his album was just released and I know if you like music again, Heather, but really I am obsessed with good lyrics and I feel like the idea of I'm not the type to blame the dealer on a losing hand
00:00:58
heatherdyann
just really feeds into my whole new epiphany and this self discovery as I wander the wild mess that our circumstances often time reflect so much of our mindset. And when we allow ourselves to have this poor me, pity me, pity me, why did this happen to me mindset? um It's hard to kind of break free from that. But at the end of the day, you're kind of blaming the cards that you were dealt on the circumstances you have instead of using the cards that you were dealt to make a winning hand. And I threw in my own, what makes us happy or sad is up to us because I've learned so much about perspective being, is it good or is it bad or is it just neutral? It happened, it didn't.
00:01:58
heatherdyann
It did, you can acknowledge it, but is it bad? Maybe not, maybe it's guiding you right where you need to be. And so this episode will be a lot about when you fall down, you can either stay down, dwell, cry about it, heard about it, lose years of your life being stuck in the same misery, or you can keep on trekking down the path and seeing all the beautiful things that are in store, even though you had a fall and you hurt. So I'll start by saying I spent a lot of my weekend in Kentucky. And I'd only been there once before, after I drove to St. Louis for a Morgan Wallin concert, I stopped for lunch there.
00:02:56
heatherdyann
And my grandfather is actually from Kentucky and I don't know which part and I need to call your grandpa. um He probably told me a million times that I probably just never been there so didn't absorb it. I do remember growing up my mother always said I wanted to move to Kentucky. All I ever thought is I want to go to Kentucky Derby one day. It will happen. It just has not yet. But I decided that I would do some of what makes me feel most like me and get myself outdoors and hiking in the mountains. And I thought, why not Kentucky? So this hike I'd been wanting to do, I was like, I'm going for it. So I packed up me in the pub and we did some small town Kentucky hiking and then stayed the night in Lexington, right?
00:03:50
heatherdyann
And then in the morning, we were heading a little in a different direction and we ended up going to Mammoth Cave National Park, which big national parks girl, we have five back home in Utah. So I was really excited. And it was like free to get it in the park, which I was like, oh, well this doesn't happen back home. and ah And I could bring my pup. And so it was just all the best things. So we go to this, you know we go to Mammoth Cave National Park, Didn't know much about it, went to the visitor center to find the hikes we were gonna do. Found a hike, the pup could come in heaven. So excited for this hike. So as we're hiking to this spa, I wanted to see this cave, I wanted to see a spring, there was a couple of things on the agenda. We're hiking along, we've been hiking for a minute, and it's been pretty just secluded, just us and doing our thing. And I kinda come over this bend in the hike,
00:04:47
heatherdyann
couple miles in. And this, there's a group of people in front of me, like families with children. um And this child is just probably, I don't know, five to seven years old, just profusely crying. And I'm, you know, and so obviously it's like, you know, I don't know the circumstance. Obviously it's just kind of like a child crying on the plane. It's not your ideal place for it, but it is what it is. Like I love children. I don't know what happened at this point. It is what it is. I'm just going to walk on by, but I end up observing like the interaction and there's a couple of other kids there. And this kid is just like, the dad is trying to console the child and
00:05:36
heatherdyann
And the child's like, I'm not getting down. like No, I'm not walking now. And I learned that the child tripped over a rock and fell, which probably freaking hurt. And valid for not feeling good, valid for crying their eyes out. I get it, Billy. We'll just call them that. Um, but it was going on for like a long period of time. Like I heard it from a minute and then I had to pass them and it was a whole thing. And I really just passed them because I, they were obviously going slower than me, but I didn't want to rush the children after one had already fallen. I didn't want them to feel any kind of like pressure to hurry up around me. So I just thought it'd be kind of just pass by.
00:06:19
heatherdyann
but I'm observing the whole thing and the other children are like, Billy, like we we're still gonna hike, like it's fine. you know And just like trying to get him and to be in a better place about falling. And this child's not like bleeding or anything. I mean, it just hurt. It was probably embarrassing too, you're like falling in front of like your group of friends, biffed it, like I get it, and then it didn't feel good and you probably, who knows, this could have been this kid's first hike, like you didn't know, like really, I trip over a rock? Cool, that hurts. And he's crying and so me and my imaginary hiking mind is like, I don't have children, but what would I say to this child if it was mine in this scenario?
00:07:06
heatherdyann
And there I am, hiding down the mountain and I'm thinking, I would probably grab little Billy and say, Billy, I'm so sorry you fell. I bet that hurts. And I really understand that sometimes when things hurt, we just want to cry it out. But there's a whole bunch of hike left and we're all here and we want to enjoy it. And I want you to enjoy it. I don't want to ruin the rest of the hike with you being so sad and scared to walk that you don't enjoy any of the rest of it. So why don't we give ourselves two minutes to cry it out as much as we can to feel all the hurt. And then we give the rest of the hike a shot and we just try to enjoy it. And then when we get home,
00:08:07
heatherdyann
If you still feel like crying about the rock you fell over, you can cry it out again for another few minutes, because it's valid to feel your feelings, but you can't let them control your life, or this hike. Probably wouldn't tell Billy to control your life, but you know what I'm saying. And as I'm thinking to myself what I would tell this child if it was my child, you know what you know, this very philosophical thought that I'm having, I'm like, this is life for all of us. We're trekking down the mountain, we're enjoying the hike, we're with people we care about, our friends and family, and we're enjoying the view, we're having a great time, and then bam, out of the blue, here comes a rock, we face plant, and it hurts.
00:09:06
heatherdyann
and everyone sees it. So we're ashamed, embarrassed, hurt, all of the feelings, and we don't wanna hike anymore. We're just done. We just wanna dwell in feeling sad about our failure or whatever we wanna define it as. But guess what? That doesn't, really give us any kind of advantage. Honestly, the the better better way to go about it was just to jump back up, lot of let a few tears fall, feel those emotions, and then go moving on because nothing
00:10:03
heatherdyann
that happened to us that hurt us is going to do anything more than teach us how to be more prepared for those things as we continue to hike up the mountain.
00:10:17
heatherdyann
And when we sit and we dwell and the sadness and that what could have been if I would have looked out for this rock, if I would have done this, if I should have, could have, would have, all those things, we're just dwelling at the past that already happened. We already fell. It already hurt. There's no use trying to recreate or capture or define, let what happened define us. We feel the hurt. We acknowledge it's not ideal, but then we just keep trekking down because we're on this hike with people in our lives that want to see us happy. And that's a gift in itself. if You get to do anything in life with people that want to see you win and be happy and enjoy yourself and be all you can be. So you're hiking down a trail with people that care about you.
00:11:14
heatherdyann
And you're actually thinking about just crying the whole time because you fell once. So you're ruining the whole journey for you because that's not a happy journey. And then everyone along with you just isn't enjoying it anymore either. And that was the faces of the people that passed as well as I, you went from, these wide eyed faces of happy wandering around the mountain to hearing someone crying as if.
00:11:56
heatherdyann
And I know in my last albumt episode I talked about being vulnerable and when hard things happen and you're kind of ruining the ruining the vibe for everyone else. And when they don't want to just hear you out, that hurts. So it seems maybe contradictory. But what I'll say is, I'm not saying it's not valid to feel it and allow it to hurt for a moment and cry it out. But if you're carrying that burden with you all the time, it's going to be
00:12:34
heatherdyann
a heavier, heavier load than necessary on the hike, and you're gonna have a harder time finding people that wanna hike up the mountain with you. Because it's just not enjoyable to be around someone that isn't able to see past their past.
00:12:59
heatherdyann
We can't let circumstances that brought us down to find us. And as I've done so much self discovery and reflection, I realized that there are so many times that I messed up. And there are so many times that things hurt me really bad. But I don't want to define myself and my future
00:13:31
heatherdyann
based on things I can't change.
00:13:37
heatherdyann
Because at the end of the day, there's so many more exciting things ahead for me and for everyone. I have no doubt. We get so fixated sometimes on two things outside of the now. And I talk about my big passion for the book, The Power of Now. And I was listening to it when I was paddle boarding the other day. And it literally was talking about how all of our problems are when we're either spending too much time thinking about the past or worrying about the future. That's where all our problems lie. If we're just in the moment,
00:14:29
heatherdyann
We have no problems. In the current moment, we have no problems. Normally, right? Like, if I'm getting an attacked by a lion, I can't even think about problems in the past or the future because I'm thinking about, how do I get out of this problem I'm in right now? And that's kind of the logic behind it, is that you address problems as they exist in your now. You can't fix problems or issues that have already occurred. You can learn from them for the future, but you can't worry about them having again in the future because it's not now. Your actions in the now are an indication of what you will do in the future, but you don't know what you'll do in the future until you get there and the future
00:15:29
heatherdyann
and the end becomes right now.
00:15:35
heatherdyann
So as I thought about little Billy I thought hiking is just so beautiful and there's so much to see and when you get ready for a hike and you've never been on that trail you might see a couple pictures ahead of time be like it's just a hike I want to go on but once you're on it Gosh, there's so many beautiful things. And sometimes you're like like, I saw this amazing cave. I even got to go inside it. And then they were like, no. you know It was a whole thing. like They were like, excuse me, ma'am. Why are you in here? I was like, the door was open. And me and the dog were just venturing in this cave. I didn't know. It was amazing. It was really amazing. I got to see that, even though I ended up getting kicked out of the end. But it was fine. But then I wanted to to see the spring.
00:16:24
heatherdyann
And it was closed for construction. But like, did that ruin everything? No. Because I wasn't really defining my happiness on whether this or that worked out. I was just kind of there for the ride. So in one regard, I didn't get to see the spring that I wanted to see that I really intentionally went on the hike for. But then I ended up getting to go inside this cave that I didn't think that I would get to go inside, which was super cool. So again, my perspective just shifted from, it's okay if it didn't work out to see the spring, I got to see this cave. All right, I know I'm um getting into this whole hiking thing, but it's really wandering a wild mess here. So I thought that maybe my hiking stories
00:17:22
heatherdyann
would kind of feel that wandering the wild mess vibe that we're all looking for. But I will tell you on that first hike back to the Zach Bryan's Great American Bar Scene album. He has a poem that starts the album. And there's a line that said, if I'm lucky enough, I only die on hills that are closest to my heart.
00:17:55
heatherdyann
And I think that really, like I heard it and I just thought, whoa, that hit me. Because it ties into everything that I'm saying. You can, you gotta pick your battles. You gotta pick the things that you are that passionate about in life. Because if everything is an issue and a problem in it, a hill you want to die on, that's a lot of battles. That's a lot of energy. That's a lot of you trying to prove your right to everyone around you. That's a lot of standing your ground for things that on your deathbed probably don't matter that much.
00:18:47
heatherdyann
If you only choose to die on heels that are closest to your heart and you really thought what's closest to my heart, what matters at the end of the day? If it's my last breath, what am I gonna say I'm glad I fought for that? I'm glad I how and what i set put my foot down there. As I think most of the time, the things that we all wanna get frustrated and upset about It's not a hill we want to die on. We just want to distract from other things in our lives. So we decide to put a lot of time and energy into something that isn't really that important, but it's a great distraction. We want to be angry and frustrated over things that really are my new.
00:19:38
heatherdyann
And that was the previous me. Not in life so much, but In my marriage, I think I let the silliest things bother me that really didn't matter. And it doesn't mean I never even spoken. It was just like in my head, I just let things that don't really matter bother me. And now in life, like I, I rarely get angry because I don't think many things are worth that.
00:20:14
heatherdyann
And it's just been such a more calming and like easier place to be to not try to die on every hill.
00:20:29
heatherdyann
Being neutral about your emotions with certain things is just such a freeing place to be. When we allow people to get under our skin and work us up, like that's kind of a weakness because we're allowing others actions to dictate our emotions. And I know we're human, so that's going to happen. But I try to remind myself that like most actions that people do have nothing to do with me and everything to do with them. And if I allow their actions to affect me,
00:21:12
heatherdyann
to the point that I kind of enjoy my trek up the mountain, then I've kind of lost time. I've lost enjoyment. I've lost the potential of the things I could have done and seen in the time that I was too busy looking back on the anger I had for the rock that got in my way as I hiked up the mountain.
00:21:39
heatherdyann
It doesn't really make a lot of sense for us to be anything but happy, to be honest. But I am the first to admit that is so much easier said than done. Because as much as I know that there's a million things that are beautiful in this world to be happy about, I know that regulating your emotions and honing that in is so much harder than just saying it out loud. But when you think about being in the now and using the time you have to enjoy your life and you're dwelling on something from your past, you're literally just taking away from
00:22:32
heatherdyann
the joy of living now. Because you have to keep trekking. The journey isn't over. You fall once and you're done. Like, one strike, you're out. You're just gonna dwell on something forever. And I get it. I mean, I think about losing my dad, one of the hardest things that's ever happened to me. And, I mean, it wasn't overnight. You know, I crept up all the time.
00:23:01
heatherdyann
But at the end of the day, I knew, and what helped me move past it was that my dad didn't want me to dwell on his passing. He didn't want me to be so unhappy because he passed. like He wouldn't want that for me. So why am I missing him so hard but then doing what he wouldn't want me to do?
00:23:27
heatherdyann
And people can say, oh, well, you don't, you know, if you It's just hard, everyone has a it different, like I get that. But at the end of the day, the only person that can change your mind, your perspective, and allow you to be free from the things in your mind that you're letting overwhelm you is you. So you can hold on those to those things for five, 10 years, whatever, but you're losing a lot of time
00:23:58
heatherdyann
focusing on something that will ever benefit you in any way. I can still cry because I don't have my dad, but I can't dwell on it so much it impacts my entire being. You can have days and moments, but in the scheme of life, it can't define you. And I don't want to let divorce or my father's death or decisions I made or so many things that have happened in my life define me. It's just circumstances that happen and I get through them.
00:24:51
heatherdyann
They don't define me. They're just part of my journey.
00:24:57
heatherdyann
And it's not embarrassing to fall. And it's not embarrassing to fail. And it's not embarrassing to not know where you're going. I honestly think if anything is embarrassing or or should be, and I don't want to say this because i everyone, but more so just
00:25:26
heatherdyann
not letting go of something that's already passed. Because I've talked about this before, if it's meant for you, it will stay.
00:25:40
heatherdyann
Whether that be anything in your life. And my dad was meant to be there for a period of time in my life. And when I trade him for any other dad that was still alive today, absolutely not. But I can't dwell on the fact that I don't have my dad anymore, but I can let it hit me every once in a while. I can cry it out for a couple minutes, but then I wipe my tears and I keep trekking along because it's, this is my journey. You know, and I want it to be an exciting one. And we all fall down and it hurts and it's not the outcome we wanted, but it's not the end of the journey.
00:26:31
heatherdyann
All right, so as I end this and my Kentucky hiking trip and how it kind of just really gave me so much insight into the challenges of hiking up the mountain in any life, I feel like the other piece that's kind of blurring at me is just that you're always going to have different paths you can take.
00:27:00
heatherdyann
you're gonna wonder which one. Take the one that makes you happiest. Just take the one that makes you happiest.
00:27:15
heatherdyann
Because playing safe or trying to avoid can all these things, like it doesn't equate to happiness. And I think Everyone can agree that anything we do in life, we want to feel happy. And sometimes feeling happy is more than the calculated, okay, if I need to do this or this or I don't, you know, it's just like, what makes me happy?
00:27:56
heatherdyann
And once you know that, I think everything else just kind of falls into place.
00:28:07
heatherdyann
So I'll end this by saying that you can't blame the dealer on a losing hand. Whether you win with the cards in your hand or not is up to you.
00:28:31
heatherdyann
Because even what seemingly could feel like a losing hand to someone else could feel like a winning hand to you if that's how you view it. Your perception of if you're winning or losing defines what your life feels like. So are you winning? Are you dwelling on a loss?
00:29:08
heatherdyann
I hope you find a way to win.
00:29:13
heatherdyann
This was wandering the wild mess with Heather Morgan. You matter.