Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Chapter 5 - Rat Catchers
64 Plays11 months ago
When choosing a protein for your soup consider trying something new. You might enjoy stir fried rat or perhaps starting beef with an orphan.
Meet the cast:
Dungeon Master – Zach Meikle (IG: @zachabee)
Clay Campbell – Prima Zhao (IG: @primbdraws)
Faunalyn Vaydark – Shannon Meikle (IG: @sharsharbinks)
Glimki Treefellow – Jordan Johnsen (IG: @jordan_johnsen)
Editing by Zach Meikle
Follow the show:
X @bard_soup
Instagram: @bard_soup
TikTok: @bard_soup
Music & Ambience
Music: Beyond the Horizon by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music: Mystical Sting 2 by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music: Kind Celtic Loop by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Ambience: Underground Lake by Tim Roven (www.tabletopaudio.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music: The World's Most Epic Sea Shanty by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music: Dungeons and Dragons by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Ambience: The Orrery by Tim Roven (www.tabletopaudio.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music: Adventure by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Ambience: Sewers by Tim Roven (www.tabletopaudio.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Additional sounds provided by Pixabay
Recommended
Transcript
Murder Mystery Begins
00:00:03
Speaker
Now, where was I? Ah, yes. We joined our heroes amongst oh-so-much viscera, for Clay's friends Riggs and Una had been brutally murdered by an unknown assailant.
Alias Plans for Influence
00:00:18
Speaker
An investigation of the crime scene uncovered a secret compartment which contained a magic rope and dust of disappearance.
00:00:25
Speaker
The Rump Trio departed for greener pastures and bedded down in birth-hold manner. Fondland devised a plan to kill two birds with one stone and attempted to secure jobs for the two under the aliases Flora Fauna and Reginald Chapstick in the hopes that her friend or enemy, Frenemy, Amala, would get off her ass, so to speak.
Royal Summons for Heroes
00:00:48
Speaker
The group awoke the next morning, though some of them did not sleep, and journeyed to the Diamond District, where there was a royal summons. Heroes from throughout the land, including Cath the Wastewalker and the League of Ikker, were in attendance, along with some lesser-known heroes, such as Marlon Whisperhand, the Private Detective, and Stendexter.
00:01:07
Speaker
some rope. The king, aided by his evil vizier, informed the crowd that there was little available information that they could share at that time, but the promise of a boon was made. Anything in the king's power to grant would be given to the individuals who found the missing princess. As the crowd dispersed, Faunalyn had a pair of tense conversations with
00:01:28
Speaker
a mysterious noble named Electrovoon, and an obstinate dragonborn knight named Clitea Keldar. Meanwhile, Clay and Glinky spotted a rat in the crowd.
Capturing Secrets
00:01:38
Speaker
Inspired by the story they'd heard the night before, they caught it in hopes that it might hold some important secret. You already said all that. Did I? My bad. On with the story.
00:02:07
Speaker
Come gather round travelers and sit on the stoop We'll tell you a story about Batsu Three lovable scamps in our traveling troop We'll tell you a story about Batsu
00:02:38
Speaker
It's super time. Hey, for you, it's only been two weeks for us. It's been three years. Welcome back to bard's near sexy hunk of a dungeon master Zach Meekle. I'm joined by my sister. That's right. Sister. She doesn't like people to think that
Introduction of Dungeon Master and Characters
00:02:58
Speaker
we're married. My sister Shannon.
00:03:00
Speaker
We share the same last name and there's only a few reasons people would do that. I'm joined by my brother, once removed, Jordan. Hi, brother and sister now. Welcome to the family. And my wife, Prima. Hello. It's Prima Meekle. Here we have it. Welcome back. Let's jump into it. That's an intro. Good enough.
City Abuzz About King's Boon
00:03:29
Speaker
Clay and Glimky. As you walk through the streets of Eredinine, you depart from the Diamond District where Bailfire Palace is situated. You return to the other lower quadrants of the City of the Sapphire District specifically. The city is a buzz. People all around you are talking about what has just been announced that the king is offering this immense boon.
00:03:54
Speaker
People are talking about what they will do if they get the boon. They're talking about what they will do if they find the princess, where they think the princess might be, all that. Around you, you're walking through the streets. You made the plan to meet up back at Birthhold Manor, so you're just generally traveling in that direction.
00:04:12
Speaker
a man with a fine-cut robe. He's middle-aged, kind of got some wrinkles around the eyes, some smile lines if you will. He's got these dark robes, dark hair, he's carrying a scroll and a bell, and he's walking through the the streets.
00:04:31
Speaker
For Aradony News this hour, I'm Vince Langowitz. Breaking news in the search for Princess Kuthuistic Galtries? King Farron Galtries, long may he reign, aided by his evil vizier, has just announced that anyone who is able to locate the missing princess will be granted any boon in the King's power to give. Heroes from near and far have coalesced in the city to hear the King's proclamation, and the city is abuzz with this latest development.
00:04:48
Speaker
A source close to the investigation has revealed that the princess's gods are being held for questioning, but there are a few concrete leads at this time. Stay tuned to Aerodyne News for more updates as they arise. This is Vince Langowitz, signing off. And then about 15 seconds later, he just starts repeating the same speech again as he makes his way through the city streets.
00:05:07
Speaker
What are the two of you doing?
Debating the Rat's True Nature
00:05:13
Speaker
We're just casually walking back towards Lady Bertil's house, but we're just allowed to be in this district now. Why did we spend so long trying to sneak here?
00:05:25
Speaker
Given that so many people were summoned or allowed access to the castle, the security is a little lax for the time being. Presumably, once enough time has passed, the guards might start keeping a closer eye on things again, but for the time being, things are kind of filtering back down into the lower districts.
00:05:43
Speaker
So, yeah, if you want to head towards Berthold Manor, you don't think anyone's going to stop you for the time being. Glimpy, you've got a rat tucked under your arm. It's kind of thrashing about, but it's tied pretty tightly by this magic rope and seems secure for now. Clay, what is your understanding of shapeshifting magic?
00:06:04
Speaker
don't think I know anything about it. Can I, I don't remember if I already did an investigation check on this rat, but can I like hold it up and investigate it? Yeah, I would say you could do a variety of things. You could do a investigation check, a medicine check, a nature check, depending on what exactly you're trying to glean from your search of the rat. So we heard the story about a guy turning into a rat.
00:06:31
Speaker
Yes, the orc at the anchor's beard was talking about how he was getting off his ship and he saw a rat dragging a baguette down the street and then he looked again a second later and there was a man carrying a baguette and he was convinced it was the same baguette and not a man like picked the baguette off the ground or anything like that.
00:06:52
Speaker
So we're not even sure that this is a shape shifting. Sharon, I hold up the rat so Clay can look at it. Yeah. I make eye contact. Little Glimp Keys holding this rat up like a Fiki holds Simba and Clay's leaning down and poking and prodding it. What kind of check do you want to make? Like insight. So remember it'll be made with disadvantage, but if Glimp Keys helping you, it'll give you advantage. So it'll cancel out to just a flat roll. Okay.
00:07:23
Speaker
I rolled a that one. I know nothing. It's a cool hamster. You lean in to get a closer look at this rat and it snaps at you. Geez. And I pull it away and I go, what is your opinion of rats? Just as like a thing that's alive. I think we should hold on to this rat. Don't know if it might be special. We should take it to someone who might be able to tell us more.
00:07:52
Speaker
Well, if my understanding of
Exploring Magic Items
00:07:54
Speaker
shapeshifting magic is accurate, I believe if we kill this rat and it turns out to be a person, he'll just revert back to human form. And if it's just a rat, then... You just killed a rat? It's just a rat. So we could hold onto it for now and get back, or we could pick up one of those loose cobblestone bricks and put it to the test.
00:08:18
Speaker
Glimkey! Look, I'm just trying to, you know, we can speed up the process, but he's tied to the rope, so we may as well. Okay, let's hold on to him for now. I take the rat from Glimkey and I put it in my bag. Don't lose him. You might chew a hole through your bag, so just keep an eye on him. Can I, like, secure the rat so it doesn't chew through anything? Can you gag the rat? How does the magic rope work again? Yeah.
00:08:48
Speaker
So you can activate the magic rope and it will imagine the magic carpet from Aladdin,
Stealth Entry to Berthold Manor
00:08:55
Speaker
but like a rope. Yes, I see. Okay. So right now it's just a rope. Okay. So yeah, I guess I just keep a good eye on the rat. So it's not going to escape. Yeah. Just keep it in your hand or arm or something. I mean, the other thing is like, if it was a shape shifter, you probably would have just turned into something else by now. Yeah. Cause you talked about killing it like right in front of the rat.
00:09:20
Speaker
Give me a perception roll, both of you. Play with disadvantage. Oh, geez. Okay. I got a five. I got a nine. Good start. Okay. Sounds good. Thank you. Oh, no. I hate when you do that. So deeply suspicious.
00:09:39
Speaker
The two of you walk for a little while longer before you reach a familiar wall that is about six feet tall, give or take, and behind it is Berthold Manor, where you spent the night. The gate is closed, and you see that there is a guard standing behind it. What are you doing? Can we go in? Aren't we employed here?
00:10:04
Speaker
You're kind of in a transition phase where you've been maybe offered work, but it hasn't been finalized yet. I see, I see, I see, I see. I can boost Glimpy up the same way we went in last time. Okay. I guess maybe we just hide in the shed.
00:10:20
Speaker
Okay. I guess, can we like sneak around to the back where the hedges are and I boost Glimkey over like the first time is toss them over and then I climb over. Sure. Yeah. Let's do it. Give me a stealth check. Both of you. Wow. I got a six and I thought that was bad, but then I got a two. I got a 15. Okay.
00:10:43
Speaker
So no one knows that you threw the note into the bushes. I very quietly throw you over and you go over screaming. Glimky, you land in the hedge maze. Clay, you vault over in a single motion. It's quiet.
Glimky's Garden Expertise
00:11:00
Speaker
It doesn't seem like you were spotted. Although, as you're lying there in the maze, Glimky, you hear a voice say, what was that?
00:11:13
Speaker
Something's rustling in the hedge maze.
00:11:15
Speaker
I look to Clay and I say, make it to the shed. I'll handle this. And I stand up. Not sorry for the commotion. It's just me reginald the question mark. You see this old man, he's got a droopy white mustache. He's kind of just got a few strands of hair that he probably should have shaved off, but he hasn't. He's wearing this sort of leather apron with some shears and some other gardening implements.
00:11:43
Speaker
Uh, poking out of it. And he says, oh, Reginald Chapstick, I've been expecting you. Yes, sir. I found myself lost in this maze. Oh, yes. As you can see, it's a bit higher than my, um, stature here. So. Yes. Yes. Oh, I get it. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's a complex. Yep. Yeah. Keep talking. I need to find my way out.
00:12:07
Speaker
Okay, yes. Well, come on. Go left or maybe right. I can't. There's no left yet. Oh, still. I've heard if you just hug one wall and follow it, you'll find the end. So maybe I'll try that. That's not true in this maze. Believe me. I know.
00:12:24
Speaker
Okay, damn. Do I get out? You wander around for a few minutes and I guess you don't see a face because you are in the maze fully. You eventually make it out and then you see, yes, this old man with a droopy white mustache. Yes, the sparse hair, yes. The sparse hair, the gardening implements, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. He says, ah, well done. You made it.
00:12:52
Speaker
Thank you, thank you. Well, as you said, you were expecting me, so go ahead. Well, I've been told that you will possibly be assisting me, Gardiner's assistant, if you will, which is fine news, but you do need to be approved by Sir Casrin.
00:13:16
Speaker
He is expecting you. Yes, the Viscount himself, he approves of all hiring decisions.
00:13:25
Speaker
Ah, okay. Well, do you have any tips for me or perhaps some advice? Is there any way that he likes his garden that I should take note of, certain flowers or plants? He's incredibly fond of his azaleas and he points over to this bush full of flowers. Oh, okay. Is that a fine choice? I mean, they look to be doing quite fine under your care, but maybe a little extra.
00:13:51
Speaker
Green thumb action will help you about the situation. Give me a nature check. I have not rolled over a 10 yet. That's a three. Yeah. Flowers look good. Yeah, they're looking great. Good work. You notice that this gardener, he's kind of squinting at you and then he reaches into his pocket and pulls out these thick glasses and he pops them on and says, yes, that's what I've said too. Anyway, let's go get you introduced to Lord Kazran.
00:14:21
Speaker
Yes, of course. After you. And he leads
Faunalyn's Employment Confirmation
00:14:25
Speaker
you around to the front entrance into the house. Clay. What are you doing? When Glimpy said to head onto the shed and then pops his head up, I immediately like dropped down so that I'm hidden by the hedges. And then I guess like I crawl out towards the shed. Okay.
00:14:51
Speaker
You know what? Give me one more stealth check with disadvantage as you attempt to cross the yard over to the shed. Yeah. That makes sense. Uh, oh, two. Yes.
00:15:04
Speaker
Funnelen, you are riding in a carriage. You are brought through the city streets. They're very crowded. Your carriage driver, Fiddle Faddle, is escorting you or driving the carriage, of course. The private guard, Crombeck Lungcrusher, is riding in the carriage with you. He's assigned to you whenever you go out, at least through the front door.
00:15:30
Speaker
and you pull into the yard, the gate is swung open, you glance out the window and you see Clay Campbell crawling through the grass out of the hedge maze towards the shed.
00:15:42
Speaker
the rat clutched in my head oh oh my dear god oh my dear god retinald retinald i am assuming clay is the gardener because she's in the grass so retinald stop crawling come over here
00:16:01
Speaker
I look over cause Faunalyn's shouting at me. I stand up and I wave. Hi miss! Reginald, you work here now and presumably live here now. You don't need to- actually, were you doing gardening work just now or? Um, I think- I think Glimky's Reginald. Oh shit, so you're Flora Fauna. Yeah. I look at Lung Crusher. Lung Crusher. Yes.
00:16:30
Speaker
I slip him a gold piece. Do you think we could forget this little indiscretion of nomenclature? He takes the gold and he bites down on it and says, yeah, dirty. Yeah. Give it to you. No, no, it's fine. No takes his backs. He's miss. I imagine we can keep this to ourselves.
00:16:54
Speaker
Right. And now this is my friend Flora Fauna. We've met, I think. Causton Fettelfaddle, the carriage driver from atop his perch, looks down at you, Clay, and says, Hey, I know you. We're friends with that speed bump. I don't know what you're talking about. Give me a deception roll. With disadvantage? With disadvantage. You're really tired. It's really hard to do everything today. Oh my God. I need a rest.
00:17:22
Speaker
You really need an app. It's been a long, long time for you. I have a plus four to deception though. So 15. Wow. 15 is what you needed. Wow.
00:17:32
Speaker
You're not going to recognize a red cow teethling. He says, sorry, wrong of me to assume that every sentient cow is the same. My apologies. I feel chagrined. And he goes, here. And the carriage continues on into the yard. Now, Thorafana, what were you doing crawling in the dirt?
00:17:57
Speaker
Oh, I just got here. I was going to head back into the shed. Why the shed? That's, I guess that's just where we're staying, no? Is that where they're staying? Nope. Cause presumably they have servants quarters. That's where they spent the night at least in the servants quarters. Why were we heading towards a shed? Do you like the shed? Because if you like the shed, I can talk to Amala. But if you don't like the shed, we might be able to get you a room with a bed.
00:18:25
Speaker
I just needed a quiet place to stay. Can I pull Faunalyn towards the shed and then go in there with her? Oh, sure. I've never been in a shed before. A rapscallion of me. Okay, I pull her into the shed, I close the door, and I hold up the rat. And I'm like, what can you tell me about this rat? Oh, excellent question. What can I tell her about that rat?
00:18:50
Speaker
you tell me man what do you think you can tell her about this rat or what are you trying to tell her about this rat because as far as you're concerned this strange cat woman that you met a day ago has dragged you into shed and is holding a tied up rat in your face yes off the dome it appears to be some kind of rodent i would guess extracurricular interest in shabari or the like
00:19:13
Speaker
Very suspicious. Did you find it tied up like this? Or is this your handiwork? Oh, it's the rope's handiwork. Oh, the rope is interested in Shabari. How apropos.
00:19:29
Speaker
Can I give some kind of investigation to the rat? Sure. What are you trying to glean? Is there anything odd about it? Anything distinct? I haven't been up close to rats ever. Yeah, I tell Faunaland that we suspect it's a shape shifter. Do you think this rat looks like it could be a man in disguise?
00:19:50
Speaker
Okay, that's a really excellent question. Does the rat have any sort of humanoid, you know, a knowing look in its eye, et cetera? You can give me an animal handling, a nature or an insight check. I'll let you choose amongst those. Oh, I'm deeply insightful. And I will let you have this with advantage. Did I ask the right question? Leap mop. Okay, I have a plus six to insight, so it's going to be insight.
00:20:19
Speaker
Oh, that's a 17 plus six, so that's a 23. You specifically said, yes, I gave you insight because you asked the right question. You asked if it had a, I believe you said a knowing look to its eye. Yeah. You look this rat directly in the eyes and they've got this yellowish kind of glint to them and there's this faint spark of unnatural intelligence. You haven't come face to face with a lot of rodents, I'd imagine. This one seems like it's evaluating you.
00:20:49
Speaker
This rat is a man. I knew it. I would stake my life. This rat is a man. What do you know about shape-shifting magic? How do we turn him back so we can talk to him? Oh, that's an excellent question. Do we want him to turn back or should we maybe go grab a brick from the road and sort of... Why is that always your first thought? They might have seen something. I think they were at the docks the night the princess was kidnapped.
00:21:17
Speaker
Actually, that's a good point. The rat isn't very helpful to us if we just kill it. So we should probably try to talk to it. I have an idea. Okay. I'm going to pick up a stick or something nearby and in the dust on the floor of the shed, I would like to write Y and then N and then I would like to take the rat and put it between the two. Oh, use its tail like a dowsing. Yes, yes. We're going to communicate with the rat.
00:21:47
Speaker
Rat, listen to me very carefully. You are a man and we know it. Which means that when we kill you, should we decide to do so, we will be taking a human life and trust, trust that we will not hesitate to do so. I need you to cooperate. Now, using your tail, please indicate, yes or no, will you cooperate? The... Rat...
00:22:11
Speaker
goes squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak. And it's kind of bound tightly, but it raises up one little paw and it's got these little rat fingers and it kind of like kind of rolls slightly to like look at you and then drops all but one of its fingers.
00:22:26
Speaker
We will cut over to the household where Glimpy has been led into the Berthold Manor. Glimpy, this is a very nice house. It's probably the nicest you've been in ever. It's very opulent. There's these marble busts scattered about, these portraits, and you're led into this study area. There's this fire
Gardening Job Secured
00:22:46
Speaker
burning.
00:22:46
Speaker
Even though it's the middle of the day and there's this man, he is a gnome, as it were. A gnomish fellow, he is in a smoking jacket. He's got some slippers on. He has a pipe in one hand and a newspaper in the other that he is casually flipping through. He's got these kind of wavy, blonde, almost shoulder-length hair. And your companion, the older fellow, he bows deeply and says, Lord Kasran, I present to you
00:23:15
Speaker
My apprentice. The gnomish man takes a second, kind of lets the silence sit for a moment. He folds up his newspaper, puts it down, takes another couple puffs from his pipe, places it down on the table, and then stands up and looks at you, kind of looks you up and down and says, how do you do chapstick?
00:23:39
Speaker
Oh, very well. Even better now to be in the present of you, my lord. And I do a half bow as well. Give me a flattery check. Something. Persuasion, charisma. Persuasion, I guess. Performance, persuasion. Okay. I have not rolled over 10 this entire time. That's a nine.
00:24:02
Speaker
He looks at you and says, spare me the niceties, they're not really my cup of tea. Now I understand you are seeking to aid our dear Wooly here in his gardening. If I had the chance to do so, that would be amazing. I'm sure this Wooly, if I have that right, is more than capable, but of course you have a very, how would you put it? Specific or?
00:24:29
Speaker
luxurious taste in your garden. He scoffs. When you say Woolies got it taken care of, he goes, have you seen the state of my azaleas? Can I do an insight? I did not see the state of the azaleas. Oh my god, 10.
00:24:53
Speaker
A ten is enough for you to know. You saw the Azaleas earlier. They looked good to you, but something about his tone is telling you he... This isn't like he's bragging. He's definitely implying there's something wrong with his Azaleas. Gotcha. Yes, I saw them out there. Willy was saying those are some of your favorite. I would be happy to help bring them some new life. Or perhaps, you know, add some more Azaleas of different colors.
00:25:21
Speaker
to appeal to your specific tastes, you know? They've been a bit wilted as of late. What do you propose as a remedy? What I propose is you trust me. You probably wonder why would you trust a stranger in your house? And this is why, and I will pull my hood down to reveal the plants growing out of my head. You know, give me a persuasion roll with advantage. Nice, that's a non-NAT 20. Hey, there we go. Finally. He says,
00:25:52
Speaker
I've heard of a green thumb, but this is ridiculous. You've got the job. You'll assist Wooly at all times, all times. That seems a bit stringent for a gardener of a minor household. You'll assist Wooly in his, let's try that one again. You'll assist Wooly in his daily duties and you shall be provided a daily compensation of one gold piece as well as lodging in the servants quarters.
00:26:21
Speaker
deal and scurry across the room. He nods you and then kind of walks back over to his armchair and sits down and flips open the newspaper and says, that Garfield. Can you give me a real quick history check? Can you tell us about Garfield in this world? Sure, yeah. Is it a bat orange cat? Give me a history roll, yeah.
00:26:45
Speaker
Oh, that's a, it's a five. Garfield is a fat tabaxi that loves lasagna and hates Mondays. So comics and lasagna both canonically exist on Zav. And Italians. Where else would you get the lasagna? Where is Italy on Zav? We don't talk about that. It's a great calamity that it exists. There wasn't always a donut hole.
00:27:14
Speaker
Oh. So, Glimpy, you are brought outside by this old man that you now recognize or now know to be woolly, and he says, all right, well, that went well. I think he likes you. Did you put sticks in your hair? That's weird. Anything for the job, and I pull my hood back up.
00:27:34
Speaker
Okay, sure. Well, I'll be over there carrying to the roses, it seems like some critter got into them. He's been eating them. And why don't you go to the shed, grab yourself some shears and a spare apron, and we will meet up for lunch, perhaps. That sounds great, Willy. And do you mind reminding me where exactly the lodging is, so I can know where to put my stuff?
00:27:58
Speaker
Right. There's a side door over around the corner and fallow will get you situated. No problem. Perfect. Thank you so much. Go get the shears. See you in a bit. Certainly. All right. Yes. All right. See you in a bit. See you at lunch.
00:28:16
Speaker
Glimky full strides, full runs to the shed. Faunalyn and Clay, you are there. A rat has just flipped you off and the door comes swinging open and you see Glimky standing in the opening. Hello, Glimky. I hope you brought a brick with you because this rat is being unbelievable. It's a man. Better yet, but I've heard there's shears in here.
00:28:39
Speaker
Oh, I have a finger in mind if we're taking votes. Is the rat responding to this? Yeah, it raises its other paw and matches the gesture on the first one. Klimki closes the door behind me. Again, I hope we're all on the same page of how this works. Shapeshifting magic. If we kill the rat, we don't kill the man, correct? Or is my understanding of shapeshifting magic wrong? If we kill the rat, he will turn back into a man.
00:29:07
Speaker
Oh, it doesn't kill the person. And will the man still be tied up? Correct me if I'm wrong, or this may be a risk. Feel free to make an arcana check. Everyone should scrape their memory banks. I got a 14. 10. Another nat 1. Clay, you think rats are really cute? Faunalyn, you're not really sure. Glimky,
00:29:31
Speaker
you think about it and you come to the conclusion that it probably depends on the type of enchantment or the type of shapeshifting. Should it be something of a more druidic nature? Then yes, once you would kill its animal form, it would revert back to a humanoid form. If it happened to be something else like lycanthropy or something of that nature or a polymorph, like a true polymorph spell, it could potentially stay in rat form.
00:29:59
Speaker
in perpetuity despite what you do to it. Hm. While Glimpy and Faunalyn are thinking about shapeshifting magic, can I feed the rat a piece of bread that I have or some cheese? Yeah, sure. Faunalyn, I'm struggling to remember the schools of magic here. Can you help me out with anything?
00:30:22
Speaker
To be honest, all I can think about is Lady Larosta and her bugbear at the moment, and I wish to god I could think of something else. There is a library inside that conceivably we could access. Alternatively, what if we broke its spine in rat form? And then when it becomes a man, he won't be able to fight back.
00:30:44
Speaker
I think it would be very easy to do. You just sort of pull and twist, I think. So much margin for error. I mean, we'd succeed at killing it, perhaps. Maybe, like you said, there's some books to read, but then how would we know which spell or magic it's underneath?
00:31:03
Speaker
That's an excellent question. Okay, let me think of all of the people we've met so far. Is anyone no magic? Question for the DM. Have any of my hosts, for example, or any of the servants in the house, have any of them displayed any sort of knowledge of or propensity for magic?
00:31:22
Speaker
No, not really. You think that you've seen the lady of the house occasionally go for like a walk through the garden and talk to some of the birds or a squirrel. But at the same time, she's also been really drunk every time you've seen her do this. So you don't know if it's like a speak with animals thing or a drink a lot of wine and then speak with animals thing, which are very different spells. And do I know any friends in the city or acquaintances in the city who are very learned, very knowledgeable, or who practice magic?
00:31:52
Speaker
I don't think so. I think most of your relationships, as you'll recall, you're relatively new to the city. You're still kind of building up that social network.
Interrogation Techniques Discussed
00:32:01
Speaker
And of the people that you are starting to get acquainted with, the people you are spending time with, mostly nobles, mostly just, they're good at making and spending money, but not much else.
00:32:10
Speaker
I have an idea. Clay, wait here. I want to discreetly talk in the corner. I'm very discreet. Go ahead. Sure. Discreetly talk in the corner of her shed. Yeah, go for it. Clay is trying to bribe the rat into pointing at the wire and in the dust with his tail. Yeah, you give him a little piece of cheese. What are you asking it?
00:32:33
Speaker
I'm kind of just like, I gave it a piece of cheese and then I'm holding the cheese and then pointing at the letters on the ground, being like, you know, you'll get another piece of cheese if you answer me. It's tail twitches over to yes. Oh, okay. I ask it, do you know about the princess kidnapping? And then I give it, or I hold the cheese and then I'm born at the yes or the no.
00:32:59
Speaker
So it rolled a four on its wisdom saving throw, and the tail twitches over to the no. What does that mean? It doesn't know about the princess. I ask, were you on the docks the night the princess was kidnapped? The rat furrows its brow and points its nose at the cheese, and its tail does not move. Okay, I give it a little bit of cheese.
00:33:25
Speaker
I was going to tell you my plan, but it looks like Clay's onto something. The tail twitches over to the no. Oh, it's just a normal smart rat. It doesn't know anything. Can I do another check to see if it's telling the truth? Yeah, give me an insight roll. This would be with disadvantage at the best of times, but also at this time.
00:33:46
Speaker
Oh, I rolled a 20 though. Uh, no, 20 and a one. What is wrong with this dice? Yeah, I don't have any, no like magic touch for the rats, I guess. This rat's really cute. It's so cute. I give it another piece of cheese. I stop giving it the cheese. Lorafana, please.
00:34:07
Speaker
Final and Inklimky, you slide over into the corner while Clay is doing this. I swear this one has no propensity for extortion. Well, now I'm confused. Is it really just a rat that wants cheese? But it knows how to answer the question. Could it just be lying? I mean, my plan was DM question. Where was that string of islands that I spent time with those dragon folk people again? That would be Al Arsha, which is kind of a island nation to the west of here.
00:34:37
Speaker
Okay, when I was on Alarsha, it was very difficult for me just to fit in amongst all the dragon folk. One of them was kind enough to tell me that it's what you display outwardly. And in this case, perhaps what we need to do is intimidate it with a f-
00:34:52
Speaker
feign it some injury and it will get scared. So let's act like tough. She's trying to win it over with cheese. I say we threaten the back break thing and see if it understands it as well. It could lie about cheese. But if we if we come in and be like, if you don't give us some shit, we're gonna take a take an inch off your tail. You know what I'm saying?
00:35:14
Speaker
Yes. And then we really take an inch off its tail. Well, yeah. I mean, if it doesn't fold here, I have some cooking utensils. I'm going to, I'm going to lay that out, start heating up some, some, some dish here and see if it catches on. Okay. I like this very much. We'll be bad cop, bad cop, and good cop. Bad cop, bad cop, good cop. Yes. Do you want to be medium bad cop or really bad cop? The rat squeaks.
00:35:41
Speaker
He's got an ACAP tattoo on his chest. I feel like you'll bring it better as his worst cop, I guess. But, you know, I'd rather like to see you in the role. No, I'm gonna I feel like I gotta I'm gonna I'm gonna start heating up the stuff. I'll be the executioner, if you will. I'll start heating up my dishes and prepping my knives.
00:36:01
Speaker
I like this plan. Um, rat, we're going to fucking kill you in two minutes. If you don't tell us a goddamn thing, I know you know where the princess went. And in the background, Gallipoli is a serpent. Clay's like cradling the rat now and feeding a cheese. The rat is going to fall asleep in Clay's arms. No.
00:36:28
Speaker
Clay, I need you to put the rat down and throw away the cheese. No, I think it's just a rat, guys. We could just, we can ask him later. He's tired. This rat flipped us the double bird. If you don't, frankly, if you don't smell a rat, I don't know what's wrong with it. It's a rat. It's a man. This rat is
Magic Expert Consultation
00:36:49
Speaker
a man. If we just keep him with us, he'll open up and eventually we'll learn more about
00:36:57
Speaker
where it's been, this rat, you know? I like that plan, but also, Gleamkey just proposed a deeply opposing plan, and the plan was to be really, really mean, so I don't really know which path to pursue. And I just think, Clay, can I hold the rat for a minute, please? I'm so hungry for rats. Is the rat still asleep? Seems to be fast asleep.
00:37:23
Speaker
I'll say it pops up in one eye, looks at Glimky, and then kind of shrugs his little rat shoulders and falls back to sleep. I hate this rat. I'm pouring oil in a wok and I'm like... Why is Glimky so eager to eat rats? I'm not gonna actually eat it, Clay. Okay, I hand the rat to Faunalyn.
00:37:42
Speaker
i'm going to use my fingers and gently pry open its eyes very gently and make clay look into its eyes and say tell me that's not a man we know it's a man okay okay okay now tell me it's not a wicked man do i know if it's a wicked man make an inside roll with disadvantage oh god i have to keep count this is like my fourth inside roll to this rat
00:38:08
Speaker
Oh my god. I rolled a two, but I have plus three, so five. Sure. It's a rat. It maybe is a rat man, but who knows what wickedness lies in the hearts of rat men. I don't know if thee knows anything. I don't think we should resort to such extreme. We should think about this.
00:38:27
Speaker
This is the only lead we have. We can take it to someone who knows about shape-shifting magic. We should try that first before we eat him. I wasn't really gonna eat him, Clay. I was just gonna try to intimidate him, but I guess if you think he doesn't know anything, maybe he just was the wrong place at the wrong time, I guess. Maybe. Hang on. We've tried Glimky's plan. We've tried Clay's plan.
00:38:49
Speaker
Excuse me, Ratman. I want to shake him away, gently, like a bell. Sure. You just look like it goes, and its eyes open. Ratman, please.
00:39:05
Speaker
That was it, that was the plan. Sometimes you have to ask nicely, okay? Oh, that's a 10 plus a 5, that's a 15. The rat takes its little paw and takes its little index pointer finger and points down at the yes-no writing on the ground. Okay, I put it down. What's our first question, everybody? And his tail flicks over to no. Okay, well.
00:39:34
Speaker
Oh, this bastard. Okay. Was that a series rap on rats? Should we really cook it and eat it? Yeah. I really hate this guy. No, we don't need to cook it. I stuffed the rat back into my pack.
00:39:45
Speaker
He starts packing up his stuff and he leans against the wall. Guys, I think I went off the deep end here with this investigation. It's really getting to me. I think we need to take a rest because I don't know about you guys, but I'm exhausted. What time is it now? Morning time. Because I didn't sleep last night, all right? Yeah, it's like 10am.
00:40:07
Speaker
you'll be happy to know that I've secured myself a job and lodging here. Well done, Reginald. Yes. I'm an official birth-hole boy, if you will. From outside, Willie says, that's what we call ourselves. Has this man been listening to us interrogate a rat?
00:40:27
Speaker
I was given a contract too, right? So like, Oh, you should probably go finish your interview with, what is his name? Lord Bertram? Kazarin. Kazarin Bertram. Who the fuck? Where'd I get that name? The bastard prince of the north. Our next lead. Yeah, I guess I'll go finish my interview too. So I'm an official employee.
00:40:50
Speaker
Oh, maybe you sneak in to get some rest first because I don't think you're in any shape to do an interview. Well, if I go with Clay, because I would rather like to ask Kazza in a question or two, she'll get by with my support, don't you think?
00:41:03
Speaker
I, yeah, yeah, sure. And I will go tend to some azaleas. Well done getting it getting the job secured, Glimky. I rather appreciate you going along with this ruse. Yes, and I mean, it's also very appealing the one one gold a day. Pretty nice. One gold a day? Yeah. Can you can you believe it? In 10 days, I'll have more gold than I have now. Frankly, I cannot believe it. How much do you get paid?
00:41:29
Speaker
Not one girl today. I'll say that. I should have a word with Kazarin. Good God. So, Madeline and Clay, you go out of the shed. Woolie looks over at his big Coke bottle glasses and kind of just waves at you and then goes back to watering the roses and you venture into the estate. Do you go straight to... You know Kazarin well enough to know where he'll be at this time of day.
00:41:57
Speaker
So you head into the office. I'm just going to say the three of us coming out of the shed and then being seen coming out of the shed is not going to do well for the rumors. Oh my god, not the menage a trois rumors. You two are ruining Faunalyn's life. Fucking wooly's like, what is the rat they're trying to eat? Oh, you're cooking rat, are you? It just smells like onion and garlic, just aromatics coming from the shed.
00:42:27
Speaker
Kazrin is sitting there, he's got the paper still open, and as you walk in, he's kind of just chuckling gently to himself, and then kind of just goes, oh, hello, welcome. Thank you, Kazrin. What is that Garfield up to today? He would not believe. Oh, you'll have to save it for me later. You know I do love Lazogne.
00:42:48
Speaker
And how? And how. Now am I to assume that this is the other new hire, your new personal attendant as it were? Yes, I saw her sweeping scraps at the old tailor shop that I was taken to by your darling wife and I thought that they seemed muscular and what else do you need in help, frankly? Yeah, I heard you have a job. I'm looking for work.
00:43:13
Speaker
Kasrin once again puts the newspaper down, the pipe down. He walks up, he crosses his arms behind his back. He looks up at you. He's only like a few feet tall. He's a gnome, he's not very big. And he looks up at you and says, what's your name, miss? I bend down on one knee, so I'm eye level with him. Fauna Lin's like, head in her hands. Hi, I'm Flora. Flora Fauna. Nice to meet you.
00:43:43
Speaker
Nice to meet you. I only have one question for you. How do you feel about being murdered? That would suck. Well, I will advise you that the last person to fill this role
00:43:56
Speaker
was stabbed to death, but a few days ago. So I just feel like it's fair game to warn you. If you're all right with that, then welcome aboard. But I completely understand if that's not what you're looking for in a job. Oh, what happened? What happened? Were they attacked on the job? Yes. Brutally attacked. Yes. Savagely attacked. Is there hazard pay or health benefits?
00:44:26
Speaker
No. Okay, deal. I'll take the job. Very good. You start immediately. Thank you. You are to wait on Lady Vadok at all times and care to her every need. Alright. You're contractually my best friend. Yay! Yay! Now that that's settled, Kasrin, I had a quick question for you. I- I'm sorry, is she carrying a rat with her?
00:44:49
Speaker
Yes, it's her familiar. It's her emotional support rat. Yeah, I shake the rat's paw. You were saying the question? Oh, yes. My question was, I have a passing fancy about shapeshifting magic. You know, the kind of magic that would transform, for example, since we're talking about rats.
00:45:10
Speaker
a man into a rat, for example, which is just something my twisted mind concocted. And I'm just curious if you've any idea where I could learn more about such transformative spells, given that you are such a learned man. Thank you.
00:45:26
Speaker
You might check the family library. That might be a good starting point, but I mean, depends on the type of enchantment we're speaking of. I've heard if it's a curse, it could be love's true kiss, could break the spell and revert this rat back to a man. Should that be his affliction? I shoot a sharp look at Clay.
00:45:50
Speaker
Is there a way to detect like what kind of shapeshifting magic is on someone? Well, to my understanding, I'm not a practitioner of the arcane arts, merely someone who has a passing interest. I suppose one could cast some sort of detect magic spell to learn more about the aura of magic surrounding a creature. That's all.
00:46:17
Speaker
I ended our own options, but that was really the end of the sentence. Yes, it was just that the way you ended the sentence made me think that there was more to come. But you know, it's rather fun and cryptic when people leave little surprises like that in their speech and you have to decode it. So thank you for the answer, and we're going to go think about kissing rats. As do I, every day. Ah, Mondays, am I right?
00:46:38
Speaker
You are! Oh, you are! Okay, um, well, Clay. Fuck! Florafauna! Back in the office, you hear, did you say something?
00:46:52
Speaker
Lizzogli and Lizzogli, John! Florifauna, should we go get Blimkey and try kissing this rat one by one and see which one he likes? I think it has to be true love's kiss, not just any kiss. You don't believe in love at first sight. Do you love this rat? Give me the rat. Okay, I give Faunal and the rat. I need Blimkey here for this. I want to go find Blimkey. Okay.
00:47:20
Speaker
You wander back outside and you see Glimpkey. Glimpkey, what are you doing to those? Now that you're closer, you see the azaleas, they are kind of wilted. Spending so much time in the woods area. I'm a tree fellow, for God's sake. Do I have any insight into how to best care for these? Am I, are they giving signs of need more water, need more sun, need more wood? Do I need to give them here? Sure. Give me a nature check with advantage. Come on, give me something. 10.
00:47:46
Speaker
You're no expert in azaleas, but you're kinda, it's, like I said, it's getting mid-morning, it's around 10am maybe, sun's been in the sky for a few hours, and it's starting to get hot. And you notice that this part of the garden, little exposed, not really any shade, and you think, azaleas, they might need a little shade.
00:48:05
Speaker
Knowing that, I try to look and figure out where the sun's going, make a plan for where to move them, and then I'd like to uproot them and move them a little bit to that spot. I love that you're committing to the job. Yeah, I got to get through one day at least with some positive change, then I can slack off. The secret of being a good employee. So true. Yeah, you look up at the sun and it's stationary in the sky as it is
00:48:33
Speaker
every day. It doesn't rise and set traditionally. It hovers above everything. You're like, hmm, that could be tricky, but you do find a spot off to the corner of the garden or to the yard where the walls provide a little bit of shade. There's this tree growing that you think would enhance it and you start transplanting. I'd say just as you finish up, your compatriots walk up to you, rat in hand once more. Watch this.
00:49:00
Speaker
I think we should go to a library. Oh. I'm like poised to kiss the rat. I'm like, sorry? No. I think we should go to a library to figure out what kind of magic first before you kiss him. What happened in the last five minutes that made you want to kiss this rat?
00:49:17
Speaker
It might work. I just think we should all try once. I mean, I don't know if you know this, but I'm a big fan of books, so I'd be open to the idea of looking at the library first. Plus you don't know where that rat's been. No one's going to kiss the rat. Not yet. If you want to kiss it. I don't want to kiss it. Only kiss the rat if you mean it. Yeah. I'll have to think about whether I mean it. I'll write in my diary about it tonight.
00:49:46
Speaker
to the library. So you venture over to the library. So ready. Glimky, are you going with them? Yes.
00:49:58
Speaker
So, you walk back into the house, you see this old woman, you met her last night, Fallow Kent. She's kind of standing up on the second level, glaring down at the two of you as you make your way into the library with Faunalyn. You're in, like, Gardiner's garb, shears in your pocket, and you go into this library. And it's modest, but very nice at the same time. It's not huge, but it's still floor-to-ceiling shelves, tons of books.
00:50:21
Speaker
I assume you start looking for books on shapeshifters? Yeah, how long, like, if there is something here, how long would we need to look or should we roll? Like, could we just look and read every label or? There's, I'd say enough books that it would take a bit of time. There's like certain sections you're able to disregard, like Best of Garfield, Sunday Funnies, you can skip over that whole part. Why don't you all give me an investigation rule? As you kind of just, because finding books that seem right is one thing, actually finding the information is another.
00:50:48
Speaker
Okay. I got a 12. However, I am not looking for shape-shifting books. Oh. Okay. Go on then. I have a list. Hold on. You finished the other thing. I got a 16. I got a seven. Okay. Seven. Man, that Garfield. One funny cat. With a 16 though. Faunalyn, I will say you find a book
00:51:16
Speaker
called shapeshifters and how to spot them. And there is a list of common ailments that might lead to shapeshifting, some of them you've encountered, such as
00:51:28
Speaker
a true polymorph spell or lycanthropy or running a foul of a particularly grumpy witch. Standard stuff like that. And you also find some information about how to identify a shapeshifter. One of the chief pieces of advice from that section is look at the eyes. The eyes will tell you if there's more to this creature than a mere animal.
00:51:48
Speaker
and then you get to the last section of the book is common remedies. Basically, it starts with a disclosure that yes, it depends on the type of curse that the curse dictates the remedy or the cause dictates the remedy. It could be a consensual thing where it's just a druid who likes being an animal, in which case,
00:52:07
Speaker
they recommend punching it enough until it gets out of its animal form or it could be like a witch's curse and once in true love's first kiss or a true love's kiss does come up as a potential remedy there's also a mixture of clover and mudwort is
00:52:22
Speaker
a viable solution. If it's a lycanthrope, if you expose it to a moonbeam, that might be enough to force it back into its true form. You could find a powerful spellcaster and if it's cursed, it could be a remove curse type spell, it could be a greater restoration spell, it could be a wish spell. Really, depending on the type of affliction, there's a bunch of different ways that you can try and crack this sort of egg.
00:52:47
Speaker
Okay. I relay that information. I don't want to say that it looks like kissing is one of our two best options, but I think we should either kiss it on the mouth or punch it in the face a bunch of times. Oh, but oh my God, even if he becomes a man, he's still going to be recalcitrant and terrible. Maybe we should have either of you. I hate to invoke the unsavory, but have either of you ever heard of, you know, like a, I can't think of the word except like a gigolo, but for magic, like, like, like we go to a place.
00:53:16
Speaker
And it's a seedy place and then we pay money for someone to do magic for us. And maybe the magic they could do is like a truth spell or something. Interesting. I would imagine there'd be services like that in the city, but I'm not going to know.
00:53:32
Speaker
You might be needing a zone of truth is one potential option, and Clay, you do know someone. You're familiar that this sort of magic is more often in the vein of the divine. If someone has to confess their sins, they will do so under a zone of truth. Perhaps even in a court proceeding, a zone of truth is a
00:53:55
Speaker
interrogation tactic that's used, it's not perfect, there's ways around it, but it's sort of a first attempt if you're convinced someone's lying. So yeah, that would be within sort of the divine realm of magic. And you are friendly with, I don't know if I'd say friends, but you are certainly friendly with a certain high priest of Makrog.
00:54:19
Speaker
the Brightscale Warwick Hummel, who recently was appointed head of the Church of Macrog in Erdening. So I know someone who might be able to cast Zone of Truth for us if we get the rat into a man first so that we can ask him questions.
00:54:38
Speaker
Okay, that sounds like a good place to start. And I found my list. Excellent. Yeah. Just looking at this library, the one book that I'm looking for, cause I feel like these people are kind of fancy. There's a book on here called the art of calligraphy, a guide to beautiful writing. Do you have that? You look around and you find a first edition copy. Okay. I would like to take that. Sure. Are you trying to be subtle about it?
00:55:04
Speaker
They're looking at other stuff. Yeah. Not really. I take it off the shelf. I open it. I flip through some pages. As Phonolin's explaining out loud, the options we have for magical means the flap on my satchel opens. And I nod along to Kalei as she explains that she has a friend that can do zone of truth. And I go, oh yeah, that sounds really, really like a great place to go. Give me a sleight of hand with advantage. Come on. Wow. Four.
00:55:34
Speaker
With advantage. Oh my gosh. I rolled a three and a one. Good. Clay and Fondylin, both of you, while you're explaining your parts of what you've come to realize, you both see Glimky take a book off the shelf and open his backpack and just stuff it in.
00:55:52
Speaker
I sigh like I'm dealing with an amateur and I walk up to like where he took the book from and I like smoosh the book's clothes so that there's no longer a visible hole. You, you amateur. I go back to what I was doing. I'm gonna blackmail him for that later. It's a library, right? We get to check some out. I'll bring one back. Yeah, Clay doesn't care at all. So what's the plan?
00:56:16
Speaker
We have to find a way to turn the rat back into a man first before we can cast Zone of Truth. In the meantime, should we maybe look into other leads we have on the princess? Clay, don't you have a delivery to make today? Oh, right. I take out the letters that she gave me. What are the addresses on there again?
00:56:38
Speaker
One is addressed to Lady Lucerina Helrus, and her address is in the Gold District. And the other one is addressed to Lord Falxion, Lord Halros Falxion, aka Fletcher, whose address is the tree house outside of town.
Plan for Delivering Letters
00:56:59
Speaker
Wasn't he stoned?
00:57:00
Speaker
Well, he was tied to a mast and pelted with vegetables. What are these letters for, ma'am? Can I ask? Um, as my lady in waiting, the first lesson you need to learn is when I hand you discrete documents and say I need utmost discretion to not ask in front of other people what they say. That's just a note from me. Okay. Do they pertain to the rat? We can cover his ears. They have nothing to do with the rat. Maybe they do. Maybe they don't. I don't know yet, but they have nothing to do. You know what? I'm blackmailing someone.
00:57:29
Speaker
Oh, okay. Why don't you just say so? Okay. Which letter could we deliver first, I guess? You two are cool. I like you two. Wait, hold on. We keep getting lettuce straight here. This sounds like an important thing that you're up to, but at the same time, we have potentially evil rat and still a missing princess. And without any more information about blackmail, I don't know how this is going to help us solve any of those two things.
00:57:55
Speaker
Well, my thing is if I don't behave in a certain way and if a series of events happens, I'll probably get kneecapped. So the blackmail is fairly important to me, but we could prioritize kneecapping the rat and then pivot back to my thing. I think we should make another blood pact.
00:58:11
Speaker
Another one? My hand is still- Okay. No, it's too much. It's been 12 hours since the last time you switched your fandom. It's still bleeding a little. It's just- it's just- well, I've told you my thing, and frankly, if either of you tell anyone any of that, um, I'll be hooped. And Clay doesn't really seem to have any other friends, so I don't think Clay will mind getting into more packs. And Gleamkey, I just saw you steal, which is deeply unethical, so I think we should just make a little promise to- to be cool to one another.
00:58:41
Speaker
Yeah, I'm starting to feel like you'll blackmail me at some point. Well, I did just see you steal something. And I did say out loud, I'm going to blackmail you over that. So that's on me. I thought we were friends. I thought we were friends. Okay. Well, maybe she needs to claim needs of rest first. Yeah, I'm just gonna take a quick nap. Maybe you can your first task that you make your assistant here do is sleep.
00:59:06
Speaker
Okay. Can we be friends if I do that after that? Can we be friends? We'll talk about it. I feel like you're emotionally black manning me, which is worse. We'll talk about it. I do have some important things to tend to in the garden though, so if you guys want to- It always goes like this. It always goes this way. Clay, I'd command you to sleep. Thank you. Clay goes and sleeps in the servant's quarters. Does she take the rat? Do I take the rat?
00:59:33
Speaker
Oh, someone should- you should- you should take the rat. Me? No, Faunalyn, you should- if you're sleeping, someone should watch the rat. Yeah, I'm gonna kiss that rat later. Okay. Rat is mine. I'm in custody of the rat. Yeah, I'll leave the rat with you.
00:59:49
Speaker
So Clay, you make your way back downstairs into the room you spent last night in. The bed is yours and you fall into, I'd imagine a pretty deep sleep. You're pretty exhausted. You've had a pretty emotionally draining 48 hours, 72 hours, something like that. And you take a nice deep sleep. So I'm not exhausted anymore. How long do I sleep for? I will say it takes like, you know, maybe like four hours for you to like wake up feeling rested. In the meantime, Glimpy, I assume you are in the garden transplanting azaleas.
01:00:18
Speaker
Yeah, finish what I started. Maybe I'll pick Woolly's Brain about what kind of tasks he gets up to daily so I can see what the bare minimum is. So I know what I need to do to look like I'm doing my job.
01:00:34
Speaker
Yeah, well, you see, first things is I water all the plants, and then I prune the plants that eat pruning, and then I usually break for lunch, and then me and Calston get up to a little dice, you know, us boys, we get down, us birth-hole boys, and then, you know, make sure I tidy up, and there's home to the Mrs. for a smooch and a smack, if you will. So you do two things in the garden?
01:01:02
Speaker
If you want to be reductive about it, sure, yeah. I just want to make sure that my list looks like your list. I don't want to be overworking myself. It's gardens. This time of year, the shit's planted, man. This is a pretty small garden. I mean, besides the hedge. Oh, the hedge is a real pain in the ass. Yeah, that does look like a large project. Woolly, you know, gardener to gardener here. How is it in the house with the rest of the staff?
01:01:31
Speaker
Oh, it's great. What is the consensus with your bosses? Oh, they're okay. I mean, as far as knowables go, they're not too bad. And Fallow's a sweetheart. She runs a tight ship. She's not so bad. And Calston's great. And Crumbek's new, but he seems okay as well. And what would you say about Lady Faunalyn?
01:01:51
Speaker
Well, I don't know her too well. I've only met her the past few weeks or so since she came to the city with the Lord and Lady Berthold. She seems fine enough. Can't say I've had much interaction with her. She mostly keeps to herself or the other nobles. So what exactly does she do here? Or what is she doing here?
01:02:15
Speaker
Well, it's my understanding. She's an honored guest of the birth holds. They've been putting her up for, well, the summer while they visit with other noble families, attend balls and tea parties and what have you. All that jazz.
01:02:35
Speaker
Interesting. Just a royal guest and she just popped up out of the blue a few weeks ago. Well, I don't live with the birth holds in their regular estate. This is where they spend their summers. I'm from here and maintain the property and their absence, that sort of thing. I'm not really sure how they met Lady Vedark, but yes, it's my understanding she's been staying with them for some time now.
01:03:04
Speaker
Interesting. Do keep an ear to the ground for me, Willy. Not you asking for the hot goss. If anything sparks your attention as potentially unusual, not to say that I have any distrust of Lady Vaudeville, she is of course the one that brought me here to get a job. But, you know, better safe than sorry if they say. All right, sounds good to me. All right, go take lunch, I guess. It's soup day.
01:03:35
Speaker
I don't think I will
01:03:53
Speaker
What are you doing during this interlude? I think Faunalynn spends a short portion of Clay's nap time up in a window looking out at Glimky ominously in the window and shaking her head. And she looks very menacing, but honestly, she's just like, God, he's so cool. Why would he be my friend? God, he makes me so mad. You always do this, Faunalynn. And after that, I will go. I'm going to go read about the humiliation empire's trading because
01:04:24
Speaker
I know for a fact that Kazarin has a lot to do with the, let's see what Kazarin's specific occupation is. I know that Kazarin, he owns the Traders Association, so I'm hoping to find some kind of trade manifest or document that's going to tell me where humiliation ships go to. Yeah.
01:04:42
Speaker
This is going to be a pretty difficult search to parse in a couple of hours, but it could be one of those things where the DC lowers over time. Give me an investigation check. It's going to be a pretty high one, but if you come back to this later on, it might become easier. I'm on the right track. I shit you not. Natural 20 plus five is 25.
01:05:06
Speaker
A 25 was the DC. Oh, baby. Damn. I'm fueled by resentment of Glimkey and it made me super literate. Just rightfully through it. Scar, he's so freaking cool.
01:05:22
Speaker
With a 25, you're able to find information about shipping routes coming in and out of the city. You're able to find general information about the various industries represented. You already knew this, but you know Humiliation House is one of the major trading companies, one of the largest, probably the largest in the city.
01:05:40
Speaker
and they've got ships. Honestly, they kind of go anywhere. They do goods, they do personal transport, they go to Al-Arsha for certain rocks and minerals, they travel across the ocean up to the twin horns of Zav where they get different types of natural resources, other types of rocks, they take the mighty river up to the astral cascade where the high church of the Oktad is.
01:06:09
Speaker
deliver boundless pilgrims who are trying to, or other travelers really, anybody who's trying to avoid the Plains of Damnation, which is this vast desert to the east that's kind of filled with warlords and hobgoblin clans and various threats that many people would sooner avoid. They get lumber from the great forest Ulithorthide and bring it into the city for construction projects. They really have a hand in everything.
01:06:34
Speaker
Okay, and personal knowledge, Ulefir Fayed, the lumber, which district is known for lumber, would we say? It's a magical elven forest. The trees grow big anywhere.
Investigating Shipping Routes
01:06:47
Speaker
The port town. So we are looking at the port city of Teil-en-Chon, which is then the southern coastal part of
01:06:58
Speaker
Ullithar Thayad. Previously, the shipments were a combined effort between House Thrillwind and House Allum, and it's not really noted in this ledger, but there is a note going back many years that House Vedark is now directly the house to deal with for the procurement of Elvin Lumber.
01:07:24
Speaker
Cool. So my next follow-up question from my 25, do I have any indication, you said the humiliation house deals with goods, transport, they go to a bunch of places, a bunch of different goods, but do I have any idea which ships might've been in port prime to leave last night or the night the princess was taken?
01:07:45
Speaker
That would not be in the documentation available in Kazran's library. That would probably be something that you would have to find in the Pearl District. If anyone were to have those records, it would be the Harbor Master.
01:07:56
Speaker
Okay. That's a good lead. I'm going to go wake up Clay once I think nap time is done. Sure. You spend a few hours doing that. Do you spend a few hours staring at glimkey out of the window? I don't move too. I'm just up there in my yellow dress, just beaming like the sun, but real angry. I spent 10 minutes transplanting plants and then the next three hours just trying to flip my shovel three times.
01:08:24
Speaker
I was actually just super invested in you getting it. Gosh, he's so cool. Give me an acrobatics check. It can't be this hard, and it's not 16. Nice. Yeah, you nailed it. It takes like an hour, but you get it. When you start getting it consistently, you're like, nice. Tomorrow, quadruple.
01:08:46
Speaker
Maybe I'm going to do four. Yeah. The first time he gets it, I go, huzzah out loud and then go close the blind. Faunalyn, you go wake up Clay from her nap. Okay. Clay, two things. Firstly, we're friends, right? Yeah. Okay. I have a lead. I think we need to go talk to the harbor master and find out what ship was leaving that night.
01:09:10
Speaker
right now? I don't know. I don't know if we should do the rat thing first or the blackmail first or the harbor master thing first. And I don't want to ask Glimky because he's honestly, I'm kind of intimidated. Is the letter on the way to the Pearl District? Yeah, I'd say you'd have to pass through their gold district to get to the Pearl District. So yeah, maybe not like a direct one to one, but not super out of the way.
01:09:30
Speaker
We could drop off the letter on the way to the Pearl District, and then Fletcher was tied to a mast. We could drop by there, see if he's still there, and give him the letter as well. And then talk to the Harbour Master. That's a really good idea. You're very good at this, Clay. Thank you. Gonna earn my keep. I do wonder though, we have a man... I'm gonna hold out the rat. We have a man here. And I'm worried that if we... Well, he might starve or something, I suppose. But then also, what if he finds a way to escape?
01:09:59
Speaker
I mean, I have my rope tied around him and I'll bring some cheese. Okay. We can just bring him with us. We might find out more along the way.
01:10:08
Speaker
That's true. We can work on him while we go. Maybe Glimki can sharpen more knives. That was my idea. We can just slowly wear him down. He'll open up to us if we give him some time. Although, Glimki looked really busy earlier. I think he's making a lot of friends in the garden. Do you think he still wants to come with us or do you think he's too busy now? We can ask him. See if he wants to come. You ask him, okay?
01:10:31
Speaker
Okay. We head out. Am I fully rested now? Yeah. We'll say you've benefited from a long rest now. I guess we head out to see Glimky. Yeah. You walk around the corner as he flips the shovel into the air and it lands at his feet after three spins and kind of just embedded in the ground. Wow. I clap for him. The ground is just caught up now, huh? One patch just totally shredded. What did you guys figure out?
01:11:00
Speaker
Oh, I had a great nap, but Falun has a new lead. I think we should head to the harbor if you wanted to come along. That's okay. Interesting that you brought that up because I was thinking a lot about the harbor. Remember when you were trying to remember the name of the ship? Mm-hmm. It started with a K. It started with a K, right? Mm-hmm. Or did it have a K in it? Do you remember if it started with a K or K in it? I think it started with a K. Is that correct? Exactly.
01:11:30
Speaker
To Clay's recollection, it started with a K. It starts with a K. Okay. Well, I was thinking to myself, all those ships going to come into the harbor and they probably have to be signed off on the goods that they deliver, right? How hard would it be to look through the documents, figure out how many ships have the letter K in them and just start knocking them off? Oh my God. I had to do eight hours of research to come to that company. This freaking guy.
01:11:55
Speaker
That's such a great idea. So smart. Let's go. What was your idea? I was just going to blackmail someone else. I don't know. Let's go. Let's go do your thing. Okay. We just have to stop by the gold district so I can drop off some letters and then we can go. Oh, right. Yes, we have to drop off the letters.
01:12:12
Speaker
The thing is, if I'm the one blackmailing him, okay, hear me out. I'd like the gang's eyes on this one. If I'm the one blackmailing him, is it more or less suspicious if I'm standing out front while Clay delivers the letters? I can run up to the house and deliver it. You can be down the street. More or less suspicious than you not being there? Than me being not at all involved or implicated in any way. Yeah, be way more suspicious if you were there. Okay, I'll hide behind a tree or something. Good thinking.
01:12:40
Speaker
Normally, my blackmail is much smoother. I've lost confidence recently. I can't say why. And how important is it to blackmail the pervert? Well, there is the incident, there is the matter of me getting kneecapped. And also, I like money and I recently gave away a great sum of gold.
01:12:57
Speaker
Okay, that's fair. Yes, thank you. I guess that's important. Yeah, let's, let's deliver these letters. Thanks, gang. You set off once more out of the Sapphire district, across the Oceancrest bridge down this massive set of stairs and into the gold district play you know your way around the city like if you're given an address you're able to
01:13:17
Speaker
able to track it down and sure enough you find yourself standing in front of a decent looking like home it's it's nice there's a small yard it's not fenced in or anything like that but it's rather nice property and sure enough there is a placard out in front that reads lady helris or house helris
01:13:38
Speaker
householders. I like dip into a shop a full block away. Okay, does the house have like a mailbox? Yeah, why not? There's a slot on the door. I slide the letter into the slot and I head back to where Bonilin is. He went straight to me, huh? Came straight back to me, huh? Is anyone like at the house? Can I see anyone in the windows or standing outside? Give me a perception roll.
01:14:02
Speaker
20. 20. You look around, you kind of wait across the street. Riggs asked you to deliver some mail back in the day. You've dropped off some letters and he's made it clear that it's important that no one sees you dropping off these letters. So you've played this game before. Some dots are starting to connect in your brain.
01:14:20
Speaker
as you now have an employer who's a little more upfront about the sort of business that they are involved in and you kind of wait for this carriage to go by and you look at the house and you see that the curtains are drawn for the most part and you slink over and you pop open the slot and push the envelope in and make a clean getaway.
01:14:38
Speaker
I walk past the house and then I loop around the block and then go back to where Faunal is. Nice. Nice, nice, nice. You're so good at being complicit. That's me. Okay, yeah, letters been dropped off. Let's head to the harbor. Okay, well done. Well, let's see if it pays. If it pays, I'll give you some percentage, between one and five. Okay, deal. Deal. So we head to the harbor zone.
01:15:02
Speaker
Perfect. So you continue along your way, kind of walking past under the shadow of the ocean crest falls as water is just pouring down. And eventually as, as it was the night before the ground starts to slope upwards, you get to this gate. There is decent guard presence, kind of keeping an eye on things. They're not stopping people, but they're just keeping an eye on things and you make your way.
01:15:24
Speaker
into the harbor district. And I assume you're trying to find the harbor master? That's the conclusion I had come to with my eight hours of research. You walk over to the docks, you walk to the eastern edge of the city, up to the docks, and as it was the night before, there's all these tall ships with different flags from different countries. Lots of them do bear the symbol of house humiliation. As you're walking past one ship, you hear, help, someone help me.
01:15:51
Speaker
and you
Faunalyn and the Captive Encounter
01:15:52
Speaker
glance over at this ship and there is a man with a cloak pulled over his his eyes around his neck is a sign it says curve narc he is covered in eggs and tomatoes and just an absolute mess
01:16:20
Speaker
I hand the letter, I like elbow Faunalyn and give her the letter. I'm like, do you want to do this one? Oh, it's you. My would be lover if I weren't on my period. Let's, Clay, cut the man down, please. He kind of wiggles his head around trying to kick the hood up so he can get a look at you and says, ah, it is you. You've returned to me. Change your mind, have you? No, my flow is heavier than ever.
01:16:49
Speaker
once again that's not a deal breaker if if you could see the quantity of blood it would be i would love to my lady it should be maybe not cut him down no clay will you cut the man down please okay i cut him down he uh drops to his knees and picks himself up off the ground and kind of
01:17:13
Speaker
shakes himself, tries to scrape some egg yolk off his shoulder, and then he bows to you with as much, I don't know, majesty as he can in this moment, and says, thank you. I will be with you to the end. Yes. Well, speaking of which, we have to break up. Oh. Well, shit.
01:17:32
Speaker
Yes, it's very imperative, in fact, that we never see, speak of, or hear of each other ever again. But also, I found this letter for you on the ground, so this will be my parting gift. I need the juiciest deception roll from here. Oh, let's see what I can do. Oh, that's a nat 1 plus a 7.
01:17:55
Speaker
That's unfortunate because he was rolling with disadvantage, but he... Shit. He still rolled better than a seven. He takes the letter and says, My lady, I would recognize this writing anywhere. I know, of course, it is in your hand. Yes, it is in my hand. It is in the hand of Lady... Lady... I'm snapping for Clay. I'm snapping for Clay.
01:18:26
Speaker
Haswin Harris? Yes. Yes. Yes. No, that's his name. Luzwin Harris. Luzwin Harris. Yes. Actually, my darling, two things. First of all, I changed my mind about ending the affair and I want to add something to my letter. So can I have it back? He says... Yeah.
01:18:49
Speaker
Hell yes. Okay, I get the letter back and I rip it up into very small pieces and shove it down my bodice. I'm like, I'll rewrite that later. My handwriting was lacking and I didn't quite capture the sentiment. You know what? Why don't you go home and clean up and then come back here and we'll meet up tonight at midnight. So this is not the end? No, but if I don't show up, assume that it is the end. It need not be the end, not if we hold close to each other.
01:19:15
Speaker
Oh, actually, I'm rather lonely, so that is compelling. Oh no. Grimki, are we friends yet Grimki? Yes, of course. But why are we helping this perv again? Okay, yes, it's going to be a no from me because actually my life is fuller than I thought and I have more affection than I previously knew, so I don't need to outsource affection from you. So actually, I'm going to be cutting this relationship. It's been a slice, but me and my friends have business to attend to, my lord.
01:19:44
Speaker
He says, I thought
Harbor Master's Office Deception
01:19:46
Speaker
I had wandered into a dream, but alas, it is a nightmare. Then he bows and, he bows and then mumbles to himself, my friend, you bow to no one. And he chokes up on the end. And then waters off.
01:20:04
Speaker
I think I did a good thing. By not blackmailing the man who spent the night being pelted with fruit and tied to the mast of a ship. I'm still gonna blackmail him, just not like this. Not like this. Not like this. You continue on your way and find yourself standing in front of a rather plain administrative building. Simple, and sure enough, outside there's a sign that says, Ardenian Harbormaster. Alright, Grimki, after you, since this was your brainchild. Okay.
01:20:31
Speaker
So nothing else jog your memory about seeing the ships here? No other letters, maybe? Oh, could I do like a quick check or investigate any ships that seem familiar? Anything that starts at the K. Give me a perception roll. 16.
01:20:48
Speaker
Walking through the streets of the harbor, you're kind of taking in the ships. You don't see any of that immediately scream familiarity. The ship you saw was like of a medium size. It wasn't one of these big triple-masted ships. It wasn't a rowboat. It was, you know, of an average size. You're looking around, you see a few ships with K names. There's King Fisher and Kilkenny's Lament, but none of them are immediately ringing a bell.
01:21:13
Speaker
When you were there that night, did you go, did you, were you ever on the ship at all or near the ship? Not really. You kind of offloaded the package and it was taken up into the ship. Yeah. I wasn't on the ship. I see. Yeah. There was a couple cloaked individuals, hoods pulled low, come see any features and they took the cargo from you.
01:21:34
Speaker
I'm starting to think that these people probably won't be just handing over the list of ships that have come through here. Do you think? Yeah. Or should we think of some way to snatch a copy of this list? Yeah, these records aren't really public, are they? Do we know what kind of things might have been on the ship? Or is that too, too specific? Did I see anything else on the ship?
01:21:57
Speaker
No, it was dark. You were starting to get freaked out because the package was moving a bit. Saying some stuff that was muffled. I see. Okay. It seems our best course of action is to be doing what we've been doing all day and that's lie about our credentials.
01:22:14
Speaker
Not only is Reginald a gardener, he is also some sort of seafaring trades person. And you, Flora, will be my first mate. And Faunalyn, just fill in where you see it. Just yes, and yes, and yes, and let's go.
01:22:34
Speaker
You've got it and should your ruse fail I am in fact of the Vedark family with whom the humiliation house directly ships So, you know, maybe there's something we can use there, but I like your plan Let's go with that first as you say that going he does like a perfect heel turn and the step it turns back around Sorry have a connection to shipping
01:22:52
Speaker
Well, the Vedark family of Ulithothiad, they are currently handling the responsibilities of the former thrill-win house in terms of handling the lumber shipments in and out of Ulithothiad, which I happen to know, thanks to my vigorous researching earlier, the humiliation house directly deal with. And humor me, do you happen to have a list of ships under the control of these families?
01:23:18
Speaker
Sadly, that would probably be back home with Mumsy and Dadsy. Okay. But, um... At least then we can cross-reference it with something. Not to be accusatory, but in this situation, coincidence is not something to be overlooked. You're saying this person left on a ship. I'm not pointing fingers, but perhaps this connection to the family you seem to be a guest of is not just a coincidence. Interesting. Well, actually, I do have a theory about Amala and Kazarin. Have I mentioned Kazarin's family history?
01:23:48
Speaker
Go on. Okay, it's top secret. You can't tell a soul, but given that we are friends now, I assume I can have your discretion. Basically, the birth holds weren't always nobility. Nobility, as we all know, comes and goes. But they came rather recently into nobility, not one or two generations ago, when in fact, formerly, a princess of Erdenin was kidnapped, and the king offered a remarkably similar boon. And Kazarin's grandfather, I believe it was,
01:24:17
Speaker
said that he wanted to be elevated to nobility after he had returned to the princess. And this would all just be a history lesson, except Cazarin's come on hard times recently. How so? K stands for Cazarin. The K stands for Cazarin! All I know is that he gambles like a fiend, and I think he's running out of money. Ah, Phoneline, how well do you think you know this family? Oh, I've been living with them for a year, which is to say we're essentially strangers.
01:24:46
Speaker
I don't want to speak out of turn here, but is there potential here? I mean, the coincidence that they've also got their nobility from a kidnapped princess and now, again, using their connection to these ships, am I being crazy? Oh, no, I'm fully Bertolt-pilled. I think they might be behind it.
01:25:04
Speaker
I don't know what your two plans are with this promised boon, but for me, when this morning the king announced it, I immediately resolved to recover the princess because for personal reasons that I don't feel like getting into, it would be tremendously helpful for me to have access to a king's boon and also to stop suckling at the Teeth of Amala and Kazarin.
01:25:23
Speaker
I haven't really thought about it yet. I'm kind of more invested in just helping the young lady who's missing. Yeah, I think we just, like, shouldn't the princess be rescued? She's... Clay, you're the one who kidnapped the princess, so the horse you're on. We need to find her. Clay's also the first one that stepped up to hell, sort of, before the boon was promised. That's true.
01:25:45
Speaker
So we all want to find the princess, just to be clear. Yes. Okay. We're going in there. We get the copy of this thing and then we see if that chasrin name ever pops up. Yes. Let's see if the chasrin name ever pops up and keep an eye out for the barons of humiliation. And I liked your plan, Glimkey. So I say we go for it.
01:26:02
Speaker
And so I guess if they belong to the barons and they have a K name, that's also a good thing to keep in mind. Okay. We're in this. We could do another blood pack, but what was that shit pissing? It gets worse each time. Any excretion we'll do. So what do you have the most of at the moment?
01:26:28
Speaker
Oh god, let's just go in. I think after Glimpy walks through the door, I like fondle and quietly goes like, rump this and like fist pumps a little and follows him in. Oh god, okay.
01:26:41
Speaker
You push the door open and inside there is just shelves and shelves worth of ledgers and records and loose scrolls. There's this big massive map of the world with all these different pins stuck all over the place, mostly concentrated on the ocean and the coastal areas, a few upriver. And there is this handful of scribes kind of going around, these young people in
01:27:08
Speaker
uniform, grabbing ledgers, copying down stuff, sorting information. And there's this larger fellow, just this big pot belly man. He's got this beer that's kind of in double braids. It's salt and pepper blonde color, if you will. Salt and sand, perhaps. And says, yes, can I help you? Yes. Matter of fact, you can, please. I'm looking for a ledger for a specific date. I seem to be missing quite a bit of inventory from a shipment. Can you help me with that?
01:27:38
Speaker
I might that I could. What be the ship and what be the date? Oh, sorry. Clay, remind me again. Excuse me. There's just so many ships in our fleet. It's hard to remember all their names, but perhaps you can help me narrow it down to just a day. Clay, which day was it that the shipment went missing and I throw her away? What is the day that the princess went missing? That would have been two days ago, three days ago at this point. Two in a smidge.
01:28:07
Speaker
What is the calendar date of that night? Oh boy, you're really, so we know for future reference. Well, this, this, this here, son of a bitch, you said, ah, I'll name the month at a later date. But I will tell you that the disappearance happened on the 13th of the month. Each month has 40 days in the calendar of Zav. And it happened on the 13th day. And you are currently on the 16th day of the month.
01:28:34
Speaker
Okay. So it was on the 13th of this month. They went, it went missing. Of course, so many ships to keep in mind. So if you could just fetch me the legend for that day of shipments, that would be amazing. Give me a deception or persuasion rule. Your choice. Really kind of a bit of both going on here. Let's go 18. Persuasion is what I wrote.
01:28:59
Speaker
He looks at you for a second and says, by all means, young master, one second, please. And he shouts over one of the scribes and says, Terrence, the ledger, if you will. And this kind of weasel, big rimmed glasses looking guy, he runs over to a shelf and he pulls out this big ledger and he plots it down on the table. And the harbor master says, the 13th you said. And he pulls open the book and reveals that a handful of pages have been torn out. What is the meaning of this? Terrence, did you do this?
01:29:29
Speaker
No sir, I did not.
01:29:32
Speaker
This is most... concerning. Someone's been tampering with our records. Concerning is... not even half of it. What kind of establishment is this? Now I have a whole shipment missing and no proof of the matter because of your mismanagement of this establishment. Now you mind your manners, young man. I won't have you lecturing to me. I'm the harbor master I have been for 20 years and this is unprecedented. 20 years and how many pages missing? Just these! I assure you, sir. A likely story.
01:30:01
Speaker
Is this the only copy? Like, there's no other copies? Aye, I'm afraid so. There might be personal records for individual ships or companies, but this is the only comprehensive copy of every ship that makes port here in Ayrtonine. Hold on. Do you keep track of all the ships that are docked for a period of time on the in and the out? Aye. I mean, we have record of when the ships
01:30:28
Speaker
come in and when they go. My only thinking is you get some of your hands here to look through the week leading up to this day and then the week after and if there's an inconsistency in what ships were docked the week previous and then the one ship that's missing, we can find a difference in which ships were here. That's if it didn't just show up on one day and show up afterward and left on the same day.
01:30:53
Speaker
How many pages are missing from the book? It looks that about four or five have been torn out. So that's like several days around the date that we asked for? Yeah. Damn it, damn it, damn it. Okay, no, they would have considered that. Who has access to these files? Who could have done this and ripped out the pages?
01:31:12
Speaker
Well, there's myself and I assure you ma'am, it was not me. I was my staff and I would turn their skin into sales if they ever did such a thing. I assure you as well. And beyond that, I mean, no one would have official access to these documents. I can assure you of that. I'm doing a
Seeking Brightscale Warwick's Help
01:31:30
Speaker
lot of assurances right now. I feel very assured. Damn it. Is there anything else in the room that looks interesting? Like you said, there's a lot of scrolls and ledgers and stuff. Anything else that's eye catching?
01:31:42
Speaker
I mean, you look around, it looks like a lot of these are just like ships manifests, tax receipts, information about duties owed and things of that nature. Beyond that, not so much. No like names of ships that I can see. I mean, not like printed on the wall. I turned the funnel in and I give her one of these like, that was all I had.
01:32:04
Speaker
Okay. I wonder whether my boss here might like to see a list of all of the ships in the humiliation fleet, especially the one starting with Kay. And then also what ships went out last quarter or last month on the 13th?
01:32:20
Speaker
This is a lot of information you're asking for, ma'am. I can get it to you, but it's not just a quick response. That's fine. Take your time. Take your time. Take your time. Take your time. We're talking about hours. So if you want to come back later tonight or tomorrow, we might be able to have some more information available for you. But in case you haven't noticed, the princess is missing. And so there's other matters to be tended to as well. That's fair. I think perhaps if you could get us that information, we'll be back.
01:32:47
Speaker
And that would be a very good place to start our investigation of the missing supplies. All right. Sure. We'll find you missing supplies, young master. Don't you worry. We'll figure it out. Come back before supernova. We'll have your information ready. Perfect. Thank you. Thank you. I got a little heated. Sorry. Okay. We go outside. That was terrifying in there. I get weak in the knees. Oh my God. I blocked out.
01:33:15
Speaker
Okay, well, if anything, it just goes to show that we're looking in the right places. But it seems to be that they are good at covering their tracks. Yes. It's like if there was perhaps, if there's a witness at the dock with this rat man, we still have a rat that may be a man, but he says he's not a witness of the crime. Did he see anything to do with these ledgers? Or maybe if we can just convince him to scope some stuff out secretly, maybe one of these dock hand people are involved.
01:33:41
Speaker
He can have all the cheese he wants if he just goes back in and watches them. But, hold on, but I don't want to let this guy go. How do we convince the rat that we could nap to do this? As you're saying this, he kind of like perks up and then when you say I don't want to let him go, he just like slumps back down again. We gotta be careful, this may be our one chance with the rat.
01:33:59
Speaker
If the rat becomes a man again, do we think he'll have clothes on? Because if so, he might have pockets and in the pockets, there might be trade manifests. And I know that's a complete leap because we have no reason to suspect that the rat man stole the papers, but we just, you know, we don't have a lot else to go on. I mean, God, I don't know where else to start. I mean, we wanted to go where next to the zone of truth.
01:34:22
Speaker
Yeah, I guess you could ask if Warwick knows how to turn the rat back into a man. And try. I mean, we got a few hours to kill now because of them doing some digging for us, so... They did mention, like, the princess, so if they have leads, like, maybe you can ask about that when we come back. Oh, yeah. They said there's other matters to attend to. What could the docked hands possibly have to do with... Finding the princess, yeah. Oh, interesting.
01:34:49
Speaker
Oh, to be a rat on the ground, am I right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Warwick? Yes. Let's go see Brightscale. Yeah, Brightscale, Warwick, I'm old. You follow Clay as she leads you out of the Pearl District, once more into the Gold District.
01:35:09
Speaker
You go down this winding series of streets that, Clay, you know them well. You've visited Warwick here many a time. Throughout your youth, maybe not as often as of late, but whenever you were in Aridinine, you'd come by and say hello, and when you first moved here. And Clay leads you down a series of streets that kind of wind and twist, and as you round one final corner, you turn to see a vast courtyard that sits before you. At its center sits a colossal stone dragon. Its neck twists and reaches towards the sky.
01:35:39
Speaker
and ends in a gigantic horned head with an outstretched maw over 300 feet above the ground. Its wings stretch and wrap around it, resting against the ground and forming an immense amphitheater. The tail curls around the far corner of the courtyard, forming a partial wall over 30 feet tall. The stone creature sits unmoving, staring up at the sky, and as you're standing there you can make out every intricate detail in every scale, claw, tooth of this great beast.
01:36:04
Speaker
Throughout the torso of the stone dragon, you see spots of light that emit bursts of color that appear to be stained glass windows that conceal the interior of the structure. This is the Dragon's Heart Cathedral. That's such a cool building. I guess clay leads them inside.
01:36:20
Speaker
How do you know this person? I'm a cleric of Macrog. This person's been my mentor for a while. Did they recently become Brightscale? Yep, they got that not too long ago. You have not been to see them since they received the promotion. Wow, okay. So this is a big deal. He was appointed to the position three months ago. Yep, so I guess we go in to see him.
01:36:45
Speaker
You pass beneath the shadow of Macrog's wings and see a set of stairs that lead to a pair of large doors, each carved from a single piece of wood. Faunalyn, you feel an intrinsic connection with these doors, and you know that the source of this wood could only be from Ulith helmet.
01:37:03
Speaker
Interesting. I was really nervous when you said my name because my krog is, I believe, a god of justice and will consume the wicked in his holy flame. And literally two hours ago, I made his cleric do blackmail for me. So I'm sweating bullets. I'm walking through the door just drenched in sweat, but I'm like, that's good woods work.
01:37:24
Speaker
You walk up and Clay, there's this big knocker, you knock on the door and a minute later it opens up and you see this small human boy. He's got shaggy hair and he's wearing a little pages uniform and he looks up at you and says,
01:37:45
Speaker
Yes, can I help you? What is that voice? It's a small human voice. It's my voice. It's the only one I've got. We're here to see bright skill work. You and everybody else.
01:38:00
Speaker
He's a busy guy. You got an appointment? Is he busy? I mean, he's the Bridescale. He's busy running the church, spreading McCrog's light throughout the city. My boy, do you know who this is? This is an apprentice of the Bridescale himself. Yeah. I'm an apprentice too. What's it to him? Him being Warwick, I guess. What's he up to right now? He smiles kind of faintly to himself and says, he's very busy with Anya.
01:38:31
Speaker
I'm gonna grab Clay's arm and be like, don't, this is a power play. Don't ask who Nanya is. Didn't we meet Nanya? Yeah. Tell Bright Skill work that we have business with him. Give me a persuasion roll. 17 plus four. Whoa. Yeah.
01:38:49
Speaker
The kid says, you don't know it, but you're being owned right now. Like, I'm really owning you. Fine. And he goes inside and he comes back a minute later and says, all right, fine. I was wrong. I was wrong. All right. None of my business, I guess.
01:39:09
Speaker
He opens the door and leads you through this small entry hall with several doors branching off. He takes you through the largest of these and you find yourselves in the heart of the Dragon's Heart Cathedral.
01:39:21
Speaker
Rows of pews fill this hall, facing a dais at the far end. A singular piece of stained glass winds around the entire room depicting an immense dragon with scales of all colors, flying throughout Xav and bringing light to the darkness. Above the dais, this tableau shows the multicolored dragon in a fierce battle with a dragon of pure shadow.
01:39:39
Speaker
Jet black wings engulf this creature, and its skull is shattered. The two beasts paw and bite at each other, and the multicolored dragon emits bursts of fire, acid and ice at its foe. Your attention is pulled away from this stunning piece of art towards the ceiling. More than 150 feet above you hangs a heart made of crystal. It pulses faintly and emits hues of pale blue and pink that gently illuminate the room. The object is over 20 feet in diameter, and if you look closely, it appears to be hanging freely, just slowly spinning in space.
01:40:07
Speaker
As you're standing there, this elven man appears to be middle-aged for an elf. He's got long cinnamon brown hair and these bright green eyes. He's got a tanned complexion and wears this large holy symbol, this sphere covered in dragon scales, hangs off his neck. And he walks up and says, Play, how good to see you. Bright scale, Warwick. Congratulations on your promotion. Oh, thank you. No need for formalities.
01:40:37
Speaker
We've known each other far too long for that sort of thing. I hope the boy wasn't too hard on you. He's, uh, incorrigible, but we're working on him. Oh, no worries. I have so much to tell you. So much has happened in the past few days. Isn't that the truth? City's been in quite the state these last few days. I hope you've been taking care of yourself.
01:41:01
Speaker
I feel very troubled
Transforming the Rat
01:41:02
Speaker
and I feel like as a cleric of Macrog, I have to help find the princess, you understand. That's very noble of you. The world needs more beacons of light in these dark times.
01:41:15
Speaker
I've come to ask for your help. I think I have a witness who might have seen something related to the princess's disappearance and I need your help. They're not willing to speak. He raises his eyebrows and says, that's most fascinating information. Is this person unwilling to speak because they
01:41:36
Speaker
were complicit in some way, and they fear retribution, or is it more that they were an observer and fear punishment from those that would do such a heinous act? Oh, no. It's because he's a rat. We pulled out the rat. His motives are unclear, but... He's inscrutable.
01:42:02
Speaker
Yes, I can imagine so. Who knows what wicked thoughts lurk in the hearts of man and beast. Yes. Can you help us? This brat is a man and we want to speak with him and hear the truth from him. This is not the conversation I was expecting to have this morning when I woke up, but I'll see what I can do. Thank you. Place the creature in the center of the room beneath the heart, would you?
01:42:32
Speaker
Okay, I placed him down in the center of the room and I took a small piece of cheese next to him so that he stays in place. And Glunkie is gonna like position himself to be like kinda in between both of Faunalyn and Kalei here and kinda grip his sword and shield. I don't know what that thing is. Way to be clear, are you standing in front of us or are you standing behind us? In front of you.
01:43:01
Speaker
Oh, that's so noble. Climky cool again. Damn it. You need not fear the heart of Tolstine. It is here to protect all who walk in Macrog's light. And then the priest opens his arms up and looks at the ceiling and says, mighty Macrog, I pray that you burn away the curse that afflicts this creature. Reveal its true form.
01:43:22
Speaker
so that it may face your holy light. And the room starts to darken and all the light seems to concentrate on this crystal. And then this beam of light shoots down from the center, illuminates the rat and you kind of lose it. There's this glow effect where you can only kind of see the shadow of it. Like when a Pokemon evolves.
01:43:41
Speaker
And it starts to pulse and you watch as it starts to elongate. And then you watch as it kind of takes on a humanoid appearance and the light fades and the priest says, whoo, quite the morning workout. And in the center of the room lies a man. He has greasy hair and the rope is kind of tied around his neck like a leash. He is completely naked. Otherwise he's kind of curled up and says, Hey, what's the big idea?
01:44:12
Speaker
We were right. We were right. I knew this rat was a man. That's a man. High fives. High fives. Oh, man. That feels good. That's a win right there. Guys, we're really good at this. We're amazing at this. Okay. Now what? You look over at the priest. As you say, holy shit, and he kind of furrows his brow slightly. Sorry. Sorry.
01:44:34
Speaker
Okay, team huddle. Okay, first order of business. Yes. Magic ropes leather fourth and properly entangle this man who is no longer a rat. It's still tied around his neck. He's just strangling him right now. I just feel like he could run away with the ropes still around his neck maybe. Ah, well someone hold on to it I guess. Okay. We grab the rope and then at the very end of its length we have our group huddle. Okay.
Jimmy Na-Bones and the Eyes of Aridinine
01:44:58
Speaker
As you do so, the priest steps forward and he takes off his robe and drapes it around the rat man's naked body and says, what brings you to my church, my son? Yeah. Well, I was just walking and then I was in a bag and then I was in a shed and tell the whole story. And that's the whole story from my book. I think that you're leaving out something that happened just two nights ago, right? That you were a witness of down on the docks.
01:45:28
Speaker
Buddy, I don't know what to tell you. Two nights ago, I was getting my tail plucked. Wink, wink. And I didn't see nothing. Insight. Go for it. 18. Nice. Yeah. He seems like he's being honest. He seems pretty adamant that he doesn't seem cagey about it. So we got the wrong rat.
01:45:57
Speaker
Yeah, you got the wrong rat. You think us all rats know stuff? Wait a minute. Maybe he doesn't know anything about the princess, but he might know something about the... other events. What? You know, the slaughtering of Clay's friends. Would he? We can ask him if he saw anything near the clubhouse. Didn't we grab him only at the presentation of the king? Oh, that's true. We only heard him at the docks. Forget all of that.
01:46:24
Speaker
Yeah. I don't imagine so. Unless you know something about Clay's birthday. What's a clay? Okay, that's good. Clay's the one that's been feeding you cheese.
01:46:36
Speaker
Oh, I like you. You're all right. These two chuckleheads think they could stab me to death. Hey, buddy boy. You still got that knife? Go on. Go on. Don't tempt me. No, do it. I beg you, please. Hold me back, my one. No, do it. My guy. Well, Glint, you cool it. Yeah, all day. That's what I thought. Yeah, mister. Yeah, you ain't nothing, buddy boy.
01:47:00
Speaker
I'm cold in my tongue because I'm in a place of worship and I don't curse in front of priests. Okay. Well, just know I could I could undress deal with these mouth I'm saying I got an active tongue. It's real good at what it does. Oh god I Think we got off on the wrong foot with this guy. Yeah, was it the kidnapping? No, so I
01:47:30
Speaker
What's your name, by the way? Thank you. See, this one's all right. These two chuckleheads ain't no good. This one should give me cheese. You're all right, miss. Name's Jimmy Na-Bones. How you doing? So are you always a rat and sometimes a man or?
01:47:48
Speaker
I am when I want to be and I'm not when I don't. Except for right now. Right now, I'm kind of stuck as a man it would seem. I see. So you have magic powers? Yeah, sure. If you consider getting bit by a wererat magic powers, yeah, I got magic powers. He is a wererat. Okay. Yeah, that's right. What's it to you? There's an issue for you buddy boy.
01:48:07
Speaker
rat and throat or whatever. Hey, knock it off. I might be tied up, but I'm not going to take that from you. Okay. Well, I'm feeling we got off to the wrong, but with this guy, I clearly, a case of mistaken identity. Yes. If you happen to see anything suspicious, you know, keeping ear to the ground, can you give us any hot gauze?
01:48:32
Speaker
Are we not good at this? Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. No, this is good. It sounds like she was ramping up to let me go before really applying me for any information. No, this is good. Let the lady speak, man. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Obviously, we are so sorry for this. Could you say that without rolling your eyes? No, I don't think I can. We're so sorry for this. And I would like to fix this relationship in some way possible. I don't know. Do you have any kind of... Do you work at all?
01:49:02
Speaker
Yeah, I work. You think I just like, what, spend all day as a rat in garbage? I got rent to pay. My rent's in the sewers, but you know, I still got to pay Brutus, otherwise he'll kick me out. I got work to do. Sounds like we don't like Brutus. Can we help you out with some paying for some stuff? Yeah, help you cover the rent? Yeah, you want to throw me a couple pieces of coin so I can throw them back to Brutus? That'd be great. Of course, it would be more of an exchange of services. That's why I was curious to be already employed.
01:49:30
Speaker
Yeah, I'm with the eyes of Edinine. What is the eyes of Edinine? Clay and Faunalyn. I will let you make history checks with advantage. Yes. Glimpy, you can make one with disadvantage. That's an 18. I got an eight. I got a 14.
01:49:51
Speaker
Faunalyn you have heard from your some of the social events you've been to sometimes when the goss gets a little hot You someone will like pull back or they'll be like, okay. Wait, wait, wait, wait We don't want the eyes to hear and you haven't really like
01:50:08
Speaker
fully understood what that means. I think you're probably someone who doesn't really like to admit when you don't know something, so you really haven't gleaned too much, but you've picked up that the eyes of Aridinine is some sort of organization that nobles are sometimes concerned might be listening.
01:50:28
Speaker
Interesting that they're called the eyes, but we're worried about the ears. Hmm, there's something there. Okay, so this guy's like a professional narc.
01:50:38
Speaker
Who are you going to knock? You. What's an eye of Aradony? I can pass along what I recall. Okay. So this guy, he did just mention he has to pay Brutus who's in the sewers. So it makes me assume that there's other rats. And you're saying there's some sort of dark organization called whatever he just said. So if he didn't see anything.
01:50:58
Speaker
He probably has a friend that's seen something. Do you know anyone who might have been at the docks on the night of the 13th? Yeah, I mean...
01:51:09
Speaker
possible are back in this we're good at this again yes okay okay okay okay well then we got eyes all over the city i don't know brutus handles the assignments i don't know i don't know what's up i was supposed to be at the castle today find out what people were saying but uh listen how will we strike a deal you let me go i take you to meet brutus if anyone knows anything in this city it's here
01:51:35
Speaker
Okay, but change the order of things and you got a deal. Take us to Brutus and then we let you go. Nice, nice. These guys can't beat them. They're too cagey for me, Father. My God, we are good at this again. The highs and lows of today, honestly. The priest says, my son, you should keep the rope. May it keep you warm in the cold sewer air. If you need a place to stay, you are welcome at the church always.
01:52:00
Speaker
That's all right, father. That's all right. Brutus, he's keeping my bed warm for me. Not like physically, but like, you know, it's next to like a steam vent. What's the church's policy? And he's like, it's cool. Don't worry.
01:52:14
Speaker
And Brutus is his landlord and boyfriend. No, Brutus is who we just did. You know what we did to Lorenzo? Ripped his throat out. By the way, no puns. No wordplay. You're a bunch of funny guys. You mean Brutus? No puns. Lorenzo said a pun to him. Brutus ripped his throat out. Okay, no puns. No puns. Got it.
01:52:36
Speaker
Yeah. He said knife to see you and then tried to stab Brutus and he didn't like that pun. So, uh, Oh, well, Clay, this has been a memorable morning. Yes. I am afraid I must tend to Walter's studies. He's he reminds me of you when I first met you, he's a little rough around the edges, but I think he'll be a model citizen in time.
01:53:04
Speaker
Please visit whenever you feel the need or just the want. Of course. Thank you so much for your help. I think Walter is really lucky to be here. Oh, most certainly. Under your tutelage. Have you heard anything about any leads on where the princess has gone? From your side of things? I'm afraid not. I wish that I had, but all I can do is try and spread a little light in these dark times and help calm the city and
01:53:34
Speaker
Yes. Simply, simply that I need to stop ending sentences and help calm the city. Okay. I will do my part as well. Thank you so much for your help.
01:53:44
Speaker
Before you go, I meant to give this to you a while ago, but it's been a little while since we've seen each other. And he reaches into his pocket and he pulls out a little amulet. It looks kind of similar to the one he is carrying, but does not have any scales. It's like
Deal with the Wererats
01:54:04
Speaker
kind of this dark orb and has no scales on it.
01:54:07
Speaker
May this amulet keep you safe and may it always help you walk in McCrog's light. I accept the amulet. Do I know if it has any significance meaning or powers? Yeah, this is a amulet of the devout. It's an amulet of McCrog. And while you wear this amulet, you can use your channeled affinity feature without expending one of the feature's uses. Nice. Nice.
01:54:36
Speaker
I accept it reverently and I pull him into a hug, like a big bear hug. Strong as ever. Thank you so much. I will treasure this and come see you again soon. Excellent. Please do. He walks you to the door. Can we see the kid on the way out? Yeah. He's sitting at the, like on a stool by the door, just kind of kicking his feet.
01:54:59
Speaker
Sweet and as I'm going by on my sniff there and I go man. Hey kid does it smell like up dog in here? What's up dog and then I lean in really close and I say if you try to mess with clay again I'm going to beat you up dog
01:55:18
Speaker
Chill, man! I'm just a kid! I'm seven years old! You threatening me? Oh, this adult's threatening me! I don't know what he's talking about about walkout. I ruffle the kid's hair as I walk out, too. Yeah, you are taken outside, or escorted outside, and
01:55:41
Speaker
Jimmy, who's now wearing this priest robes over his, over his body says, all right, are we done with the huggy sentimental stuff? And for the record, bullshit. Cause now I can curse. Cause I'm not in front of a priest. Shall we go now? I got places to be. And frankly, uh, I've had enough of you chocolates kidnapped me. All right. I ought to buy, I tell ya. Is this a naked man with a rope leaf? He does have a robe.
01:56:10
Speaker
I hear Lady Vedox into some real kinky stuff. Oh god. Quick question, Ratman, before we go into the sewers. Your name is Jimmy. I think I need a disguise or something before we do this, honestly. Have you been running around in a bright yellow dress this entire time? With your wig, too. Yes, and also a very tall wig. I think the wig approaches like six foot five.
01:56:32
Speaker
Holy shit. I'm a tall woman, the wig adds half a foot or more. Damn. Do we need to change? Is this like a... It probably is a good idea. I think we should... Can you become a rat again, Jimmy? Yeah, I can become a rat again. Will kissing you make you not be a rat anymore? There's only one way to find out. Alright, insight check. I rolled an 11 plus 6, that's a 17. He seems really genuine.
01:57:02
Speaker
Oh, nice. So kissing would have worked. Just let the record show. Yeah. Give me a kiss. Give me a smackaroo. Never kissed a princess.
01:57:10
Speaker
Yes, I am that for sure. Now, please be a rat again. No, I'm good. I'm going to stretch my legs for a bit if it's all the same to you. Besides, you watch as like one of his ears starts to turn into like a rat ear and then like kind of freezes. He says, see, things aren't right. You pretty jammed me up real good. If I kiss you, will you become a rat? Only one way to find out. Oh my God. Okay. I'm going to kiss Jimmy. Vam vam voom. Don't make kisses like this down in the sewer. I tell you, a lot more whiskers if you know what I mean. Okay. I'll give Brutus some notes later.
01:57:39
Speaker
Once again, me and Brutus again got nothing. He keeps my bed warm by putting it near those steam vents. It's not a physical or sexual or otherwise relationship. Okay, if you say so. I'm just sensing something between you and Brutus. Anyway, I can't be seen kissing strange men on leashes in the street. We have to go! Macrog does not judge. He says, alright, I know just the place. Follow me. He...
01:58:04
Speaker
lead you out of the courtyard down some more of these like winding alleyways. The gold district's pretty like, it's nice but it's like these tall buildings, it's very dense.
01:58:15
Speaker
It's very easy to get lost here, but he seems to know exactly where he's going. And he leads you into this little side alley and there's a sewer grate, which he prides open. And he leads you down into this, the tunnels below. This is some immensely tall ladder for Clay and Glimky. This is old hat by now, you've been down here, you know what's up. How do you so easily enter the sewer grate? It's all about knowing the right ones, miss. Okay. Or...
01:58:41
Speaker
Sometimes you gotta pay the right guy to not put an arcane lock on the right sewer grade if you know what I mean. So anyway, if you don't mind, after you. What? No, lead the way. Alright, fine. Finally, is there any issue on your end?
01:59:00
Speaker
How public is this sewer grate? It's a side alley. I mean, you probably should be more worried about all the people that saw you enter the alley with the half naked man on a rope. The PR spin that I am going to have to put on this. Do you guys think I should just lean into being a freak? Should I just tell people I have a series of unfortunate fetishes or like get ahead of the narrative or what do we think?
01:59:22
Speaker
I mean, it would probably stop the rumors from going around quite as hot because then it would just be confirmed and it would just be everyday speak and no one would be interested in it anymore. You're right. I'm going to walk out of the alley and yell, it's a sex thing, and then knock back into the alley straight into the sewer. Perfect. Do you have any qualms about going into the sewer?
01:59:50
Speaker
I think I just like squash my wig down, put the hood over top of it to try and keep it clean and go in. Perfect. I'll hike up my skirt, exposing very roughly bloomers. The sound of dripping water echoes around you and in the distance you hear something gooey pulling itself through the dark. Jimmy seems confident in the direction he's taking you and eventually steps into a tunnel that's completely drained of water.
02:00:17
Speaker
This tunnel continues on for another 50 feet or so before opening up into a large natural cavern. Piles of rubble are scattered through the chamber and several other tunnels branch off into the darkness around you. Along the far wall, there's a pool of clear water that several large rats are drinking out of. Jumi steps forward and says, hey Brutus, I brought company. These folks want to talk to you about something, missing princess maybe.
02:00:42
Speaker
You hear tumbling stones, and you look over at one of the nearby piles of rubble as a massive rat, the size of a poodle, pulls itself over the top of the pile. It has white fur and glowing red eyes. The rat sits up on its hindquarters, and you watch as its body elongates. The white fur falls away, and its long pink tail recedes into its body. Before your eyes, the creature transforms into a man. He has pale white skin and light blonde hair. His body is sinewy and covered in tattoos.
02:01:12
Speaker
He reaches down and grabs a cloak from the rubble pile and wraps it around his naked body and pulls out a pan flute with a thin leather strap that he hangs around his neck. He pauses for a second to take you in and then says, what can I do for you?
02:01:27
Speaker
I like that voice. That's a cool voice. Clay. So we were wondering if we could ask some of your rap people if they've seen anything suspicious going on at the docks on the night of the 13th of this month. Busy night. Yes.
02:01:51
Speaker
Might happen in the city that night, hard to keep track of it all. I pull some cheese out of my pack. That's racist. I give it to Jimmy. What can I do? I'm helpless. I love the stuff. Brutus speaks up again and says, we don't just hand out information. It comes at a cost. If you're willing to pay, perhaps we can do business. Otherwise you best be on your way. What's the cost?
02:02:21
Speaker
Depends on the information. You want an eyewitness account? That's one thing. You want an audio recording? That's something else altogether. An audio recording? Yeah, that's right. He looks over his shoulder and says, hey Chimes, get over here. And this kenku waddles over and opens his mouth and the sound of Chimes kind of goes, give the people a taste about what they're buying.
02:02:52
Speaker
and from its mouth it sounds sort of like a like an old gramophone you know there's a bit like there's a little bit of scratch a little bit of hiss and you hear the sound of like hooves like a carriage being dragged down a street and you hear a man say what a night boys one will never forget and then you hear another voice say my boo and then you hear another voice say look out kid and then you hear a boom boom
02:03:17
Speaker
Shit, I think we killed the kid. And the other voice says, keep going, keep going, keep going, we can't stop, we can't stop, man. And the bird's mouth closes and the bird says, see, juicy stuff, right? Holy crap. Oh my God. Just so we're on the same page, are you inferring that this is evidence to do with a certain disappearing someone? It's evidence to do with a disappearing child, or at least its cognitive abilities.
02:03:45
Speaker
Wait, I don't care about the recording of the kid getting hit. Do you have anything to do with any information around the docs? Yeah, fuck that kid! He looks over at Clay and says, pardon the expression, but uh...
02:03:58
Speaker
Why buy the cow and you can get the milk for free? I'm not going to give you information about the thing you're asking for, unless we come to terms. Oh, okay. You're saying that this is just an example of the... I thought this was just a piece of the... I don't know what I'm saying. Right. No, no. That happened a couple months back. It goes on longer if you want.
02:04:22
Speaker
And the bird opens his mouth again, and the kid says, uh, I don't feel so good, mister, please help me. And the guy says, shit, he's still alive. Quick, back the carriage up. And he heard another bump. Bird closes his mouth again. I think we get the picture. Would you believe that's not the end? It goes on for another 15 minutes.
02:04:45
Speaker
Okay, so if you- oh my god, how much would it cost for a certain piece of audio recording on the night of a disappearing certain somewhat around the docks if you were to have it? A thousand? Copper, nice. No, mate. We're talking something a little more heavy. Silver. No, but he kind of scratches his chin for a second and says, speaking of silver,
02:05:14
Speaker
There's something. I'd be willing to trade for information. Go on. Shipmen of silver's coming into the city. Trident guards are bringing it in. Turns out the nobles don't care for me and my kind and what we've been doing in the upper circles of society, so to speak. Don't know how much you know about our kind, but silvered weapons are one of the only ways you can actually hurt us. We're not really cut out for open combat.
02:05:42
Speaker
We know where the shipment is, and we know when it's gonna arrive in the city, and we know a pretty good spot about a day's ride outside the city, with which one could waylay said shipment, and ensure it never makes it to Heredinin. You do that for me? I'll tell you what I know about the princess. Interesting. Fondland, how quickly could you gather 1000 gold? That's like so much blackmail, it's ridiculous. How many letters could you write today?
02:06:12
Speaker
Well, I could probably write like 200, 300 letters in a day, but the problem is delivering them, knowing who to write them to.
02:06:19
Speaker
That's hours of work. Jimmy speaks up and says, yeah, blackmail. It's hard work, you know, like you got to find the information, you got to write the letters, you got to shake them down, you got to find the right clientele, make sure that they're not like, you know, too poor to actually pay what you're demanding, not too rich that like they don't care about the scandal, they'll just kill you. It's hard work. Thank you, Jimmy. Yeah, I get it. This is my bread and butter. Yes. Thank you, Jimmy.
02:06:43
Speaker
Don't mention it. Still don't like you, but, uh, you know, come on, we're old friends now. I can respect a fellow, uh, fellow practitioner, you know? I thought we were cool. Now that we've kissed, but okay. No, still hostile. Yeah. You're not so bad. I forgot about that. Hey boss, I kissed this princess. Don't be jealous Brutus. Why would I be jealous? What has Jimmy been telling you? That you're in love.
02:07:06
Speaker
Jimmy, come up here so I can rip your throat out. Wait, I have something better than 1,000 silver pieces. Oh. Well, once again, gold, but... You guys like being rats all the time, right? I like being a rat when I want to be a rat, and I like being a man when I prefer to be a man. What if I got you a gig being a pet rat in a very nice household? That sounds awful.
02:07:32
Speaker
Okay, yeah, I thought it might. It was worth a shot. I thought it would be bad, yeah. Okay, forget I said anything. Jimmy, your boyfriend is one tough nut. He's not my boyfriend. Yet. He just keeps my bed warm sometimes while I'm out. Should we have a sidebar, perhaps, before we agreed to anything? Okay, huddle, huddle.
02:07:51
Speaker
Classic huddle. Okay, well, these guys are obviously some shady individuals, and I know not one to frown on some petty crimes like eavesdropping and borrowing books, but this is an assignment to
02:08:09
Speaker
To essentially rob a shipment of silver is, I feel, a little outside of our scope of abilities, perhaps. And it might put us in some ethical dilemmas. I don't think some innocent shipping people should be exposed to some
02:08:27
Speaker
high stress situation where they're getting robbed by us. I could be wrong, but I also am struggling to come up with another way to acquire a thousand gold. That's why I'm leaning on you a little bit. I mean, how rich is the Berthold family? And even if they didn't have a thousand gold, do you think they'd have something worth a thousand gold? Interesting. You know, I would much rather rob some random merchants and subject them to stress than subject my
02:08:57
Speaker
hosts and ostensible friends to stress, personally. Ah, but they won't even know. It'll be like borrowing a book. Um, you know, here's the thing. 20 minutes ago, I might've said that I could possibly beg and scrap my way into a thousand gold. I just shouted that I, it's a sex thing and walked into a sewer. My social capital is not what it was. Not 20 minutes ago. I will not be able to request that kind of fund.
02:09:27
Speaker
from the birth holds bless them and stealing it again I would rather steal from strangers frankly and I don't give if I may say so I don't give a rat's ass about these random merchants I think we should rob them blind and then pay these rat men okay I see you see where you're coming from you don't want to rob from the people that are putting you know and your employer also yeah but they employ Reginald not Glimky
02:09:53
Speaker
Oh, so there's the mental divide. Do you think maybe there's an avenue where we could just ask like alone?
02:10:03
Speaker
I don't want to. That's not good enough. Okay, then you ask. You ask, Glimky. I've been working there one day. Well, I want to go beat up some merchants or whatever. So I want to go beat up some strange men on the road. Yeah, of course. I mean, the fun, the heist thing is definitely an interesting adventure. But I just, the ethics of these guys. Have you heard the expression, don't shit where you eat? No.
02:10:33
Speaker
Oh, okay. Well, there's an expression. It basically means if someone's feeding you and putting you up, don't blackmail or extort them or otherwise depend so heavily on their generosity that they start to hate you. And I personally rather require the Berthold's generosity. So while I would love to extort 1,000 gold pieces out of someone, trust me, I would love to. I don't want to extort it or otherwise beg it out of them.
02:11:00
Speaker
Well, but what if you look at it this way? If you don't get the gold, then you don't save the princess and you don't get the boon. So what is it worth your relationship, even if tumultuous? For a short period of time, you can then win the respect back when you ask for whatever it is you want to ask for.
02:11:24
Speaker
Yes, that's very compelling. Consider this. Let's go beat up some strange men and steal their silver. We don't even have to beat them up. We can just kind of, I don't know, use our magic rope and tie them up and then slap them around a bit or something. We don't even have to do the slapping. I mean, if you want to slap them around, but I'm not going to hurt someone who's just doing their job. Clay, what do you think?
02:11:49
Speaker
I want to hear more about the shipment of silver weapons and where it's going and what exactly is Brutus asking of us just to prevent the weapons from reaching the city. Yeah, maybe there's an avenue here where we don't have to just rob and slash hurt people. Maybe we could intercept the shipment in some other way.
02:12:12
Speaker
Because I feel like getting the rats on our side would be helpful. OK, maybe we ask. Yeah, let's ask him. Excuse me, Brutus, sir.
02:12:21
Speaker
You look over and Jimmy is sitting on it like he's kind of leaning back. His body is that of a rat. His head is that of his man form. And he's kind of just leaning back. He says, so watch this. They're going to come out of the huddle. And he's going to the little one. He's going to pull some knives. He's going to start going, I'm going to stab you. It's real great. These guys are all right, I tell you. And you go and you look over and say, excuse me. And he says, yep. We were just curious about this shipment of silver for the silver weapons.
02:12:51
Speaker
Obviously, there's gonna be some people manning this shipment. Do you have any more information about when, where it's coming from, where it might end up, if it's being holed up in some sort of warehouse or something later? We're just trying to figure out our options here for when we should strike. Sure. I'm not sure where it was found.
02:13:18
Speaker
I think it was somewhere out, maybe a week's ride from the city. I hear they're coming back, got some advance notice from a friend of ours, an associate, a whale raven, flew on ahead. By my reckoning, they're about
02:13:37
Speaker
three and a half days out coming here to the city. Once they arrive, the silver will be melted down, used to make weapons, and then, well, I imagine they'll be coming down to flush us out, so to speak. So where would they be bringing something like that? I'm not sure. Whatever facility they've got, probably Copper District, maybe Pearl. Need some sort of refinery, but I'm not sure the exact plan.
02:14:04
Speaker
Okay. Once it gets into the city, it's gonna become a problem for us. Okay, the whole ethics thing. Now I see how it's... These people are going to die. Okay. Yeah, someone's, someone's shipping silver to exterminate all the were people. Interesting. Now my qualms with the robbery are, I think, dealt with. Now you want to slap the guys. You want to slap them even harder.
02:14:32
Speaker
Well, if it has to come to that, yes. But I would feel worse if we didn't help. And of course, the steel's still on the table if we were able to do this. No gold payment, and we can get that recording. Aye. If you need a safe place to go in the meantime, the Temple of Makrog can help. Kind of, but we're more comfortable down here than we are in a holy place if it's all the same to you.
02:15:01
Speaker
If you want to be a rich lady's pet, I can hook you up. You could do tricks and she'd feed you cheese. I can't tell you how much I don't want that. So, we have an accord? I think
Episode Conclusion
02:15:13
Speaker
so. Very good. Blood spit or piss? All three, brother.
02:15:29
Speaker
Spring break! Hope you crazy kids are having a good time down in Cabo, drinking some services and getting a nice tan. In the meantime, this was Bard Soup, Chapter 5, and I hope you liked it. I'm Zach Meikle, your Dungeon Master. I was joined, as always, by Prima Zhao as Clay Campbell, Shannon Meikle as Faunalyn Vadark, and Jordan Johnson as Glimpy Treefellow.
02:15:54
Speaker
You can find us on pretty much every social at bard underscore soup and new episodes drop every two weeks. Consider giving us a five star review on Spotify or Apple podcasts. It helps us grow and that's what we want to do. So in the meantime, we'll see you in two weeks. Bye.