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Chapter 7 - Stone Campbell
50 Plays9 months ago
If you find you're not the soup making type, you might have more luck in the world of organized crime.
Meet the cast:
Dungeon Master – Zach Meikle (IG: @zachabee)
Clay Campbell – Prima Zhao (IG: @primbdraws)
Faunalyn Vaydark – Shannon Meikle (IG: @sharsharbinks)
Glimki Treefellow – Jordan Johnsen (IG: @jordan_johnsen)
Editing by Zach Meikle
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Music & Ambience
Music: Facing Storm by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music: Beyond the Horizaon by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
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Music: Horde of Geese by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
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Ambience: Dark and Story by Tim Roven (www.tabletopaudio.com)
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Music: The Vikings by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
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Music: Be Jammin' by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
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Music: Superepic by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
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Music: Nomadic Sunset by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music: Highland Song by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
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Eruption sound effect by LordSonny from Pixabay
Electrical buzz sound effect by GregorQuendel from Pixabay
ASMR sound effects by floraphonic from Pixabay
Additional sounds provided by Pixabay
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Setting the Scene
00:00:00
Speaker
Hey everyone, it is your favorite, negligent Dungeon Master Zack here, just hopping in with a non-traditional front of the episode message to let you know that this episode features a fairly involved combat
00:00:17
Speaker
sort of the first that we've done. I know that when I listen to D&D podcasts, sometimes I can find it difficult to follow along without a visual reference. So just letting you know that if you want to see a map that we used for this battle, you can see it. It'll be posted on our Instagram at bard underscore soup. And if you are not someone who needs a visual reference, then congrats! Must be nice. I don't want to hear about it. Okay, bye! Hope you enjoyed, bye!
00:00:46
Speaker
Now, let's see. Where were we? It feels like it's been so long. Ah, yes!
Mission Briefing and Sewers of Ardeny
00:00:55
Speaker
We joined our party in the sewers beneath Ardeny, after agreeing to help the group of lycanthropic blackmailers known as the Ives of Ardeny. They were tasked with venturing down the western road to waylay a shipment of silver headed towards the city. Before departing, they returned to Madame Fauvamons to acquire some thieving clothes, where Faunlyn had a tense encounter with the young socialite Claudine Braung.
00:01:24
Speaker
who revealed she had been invited to an upcoming ball at House Preyland. A ball for me had failed to receive an invitation from her. After that, the party departed down the western road where they eventually reached Arthur Dierl's demise, a particularly treacherous stretch of highway that features a large grey tree said to be the home of a powerful nature spirit.
00:01:46
Speaker
The three would-be highwaymen made an offering to the spirits, who later made itself known to Glimky.
Mysterious Events and Encounters
00:01:51
Speaker
Glimky requested help from the spirit for the upcoming battle, and in exchange he agreed to plant a peculiar gray acorn in his home of dwells.
00:02:01
Speaker
Exploring the area, they found a precariously built stone tower that they soon discovered was the home of a goblin witch named Tildi, who agreed to let them stay in her tower in exchange for 10 baubles. They also discovered that the tower was mobile, as it was built upon the back of a magically enlarged crab named Jaquis. They bartered for a potion from Tildi's collection.
00:02:27
Speaker
Though they soon discovered most of her concoctions were little more than frogs, mud, or they once seemed to have a true spark of magic contained within them. As they settled down for the night, they noticed strange flashes of lightning congregating in a single area up the coast and appearing to a witch from something other than the clouds above. You already settled that.
00:02:56
Speaker
I assure you, my dear fellow, it won't happen again. Back to the story.
00:03:17
Speaker
Come gather round travelers and sit on the stoop We'll tell you a story about Batsu Three lovable scamps in our traveling troop We'll tell you a story about Batsu
00:03:53
Speaker
Hello, and welcome back to another thrilling episode of Bard Soup. Bard Soup is funded by listeners like you.
00:03:59
Speaker
Haha, just kidding. That was my best NPR impression. How's it going, gang? Welcome back to Bard Soup, Chapter 7. What up? I'm getting the blankest, angriest stares. Wow. Misery. Misery in the house tonight. God is in this Chili's and not in this recording session. Just kidding. He is with us always. I'm joined. I'm Zach Meekle, your pious dungeon master, joined as always by God's favorite three disciples. Acolyte number one, Prima. How's it going? Hi. It's going great.
00:04:29
Speaker
That's good. Prima, Accolade Prima, who do you play? I play Clay Campbell, Tiefling Cleric. Beautiful. I'm joined by a choir boy singing the loudest in the choir, but desperately looking for mom and dad, Jordan Johnson. I am Jordan Johnson. I play Glimpy Treefellow. Yeah, feeling good, feeling pious, feeling blessed. Good. And I'm joined by a sinner who desperately wishes to be redeemed by Holy Fire.
00:04:59
Speaker
Shannon Beagle. That's so funny because earlier I told Zach that I think I would be amazing at being a heretic. Like if I was burned at the stake, I think I would excel at that. At what part? Being the heretic or being burned at the stake? Just all of it. Okay. And who do you play? Oh, I play Faunalyn Vadark. Hell yeah. She's an elf and rogue. And a problem. Always.
00:05:23
Speaker
But it's okay, because her friends still love her, right guys? We're getting there.
Convoy Ambush Plans and Ethical Dilemmas
00:05:28
Speaker
Oh, yay! After a long day of travel and an encounter or two with a couple interesting sorts, we join you in the early hours of the morning. Heavy clouds fill the sky and you hear the distant rumble of thunder. Looking out at the water before you, you see Virga, streaks of precipitation approaching. You figure you have an hour, maybe two until the rain arrives.
00:05:55
Speaker
You all awaken. What is the plan? You expect the convoy, the shipment to be arriving within some time this morning was what you were told to expect? I'm sorry. When I was last conscious as Hanalan, I saw something spooky dukes in the business. I mean, in the distance. So when we're talking about spooky dukes in the business, there was nothing. It was just rain. It's a storm with lightning, right? There was some peculiar lightning.
00:06:24
Speaker
I got spooked by lightning. It seemed concentrated right to just one area. I could have sworn it sounded magical, yeah. It was not coming out of the clouds. You saw it was kind of at cliff level. So you're implying that I saw this and just kind of was like, wow. I mean, it was a ways off. Okay. It wasn't, you know, it was miles away. Okay. But you did get the sense it was inching ever closer throughout the course of your watch.
00:06:52
Speaker
So do you see it now? I guess, am I there? I guess, I don't know. Yeah, I'd say, Glimky, you wake up in a tree. The sky seems to have gone quiet. Rain is approaching. You see dark clouds building. The lightning seems to have... There's a word for this. Subsisted, substantiated, subsumed. It stopped. Nice.
00:07:22
Speaker
Well, now I want to know what word that is also subsided. That's the one. Prima gets inspiration. Prima does, but Clay doesn't. So yeah, I'll say, uh, Glimky, you climb back up the, uh, the cliff. You see faunal in there, keeping watch clay. You wake up around the same time and crawl out of the.
00:07:47
Speaker
the hole, you hear Tildi snoring up above in the upper reaches of this tower quite aggressively, but the three of you join each other outside in the early morning air. I seem to have forgotten exactly what exactly we agreed upon when it came to the cart. It's been a long night. We go over our plan. We're going to throw them into the ocean. Right. Okay. Push them off into the ocean. And then steal the silver?
00:08:16
Speaker
or do we push all of it off? Weren't we arranging some like roadblock? Oh yeah, Clay, you were going to play dead. I'm gonna like trick them. There was conflicting plans. Yeah. Cause I think Glimkey was gathering some branches and such and piling them in the road, but then some things came up. So I don't know. To be honest, I feel like we'll be good as long as we hunker down and then whatever happens happens.
00:08:45
Speaker
We're going to hunker down and then we're going to see whatever happens happens. So wait for the cart and then ambush it. Good plan. Yeah, and whatever way you choose to do that thing, I think will work.
00:08:56
Speaker
Okay, that's your vote. Clay, what do you think we should do since Gloomkey's kind of given us carte blanche? I don't remember what her original plan was. How okay are we with murder? Not okay. I'm not super cool with murder. Oh my god. We were trying to figure out the roundabout reasoning. Right. Because they, I guess, are by proxy killing people. Yeah. So they are bad.
00:09:25
Speaker
We can intimidate them. They're like the United States. What? Sorry, let's be more accurate. They're like Lockheed Martin. Yeah, so I guess they are bad. So maybe murder. We'll see what the vibes are like. Maybe not murder. It's preemptive self defense.
00:09:45
Speaker
Yes, we're defending the good, innocent people of the city. Exactly, yes, yes, yes. This I could get my moral quandaries around, I think. We can figure out who's sending Silver into the city, and who wants to kill all the...
00:10:02
Speaker
Oh, that's actually a really interesting question. Oh, you want to go all the way to the top? Because I don't care about the Lycanthrope plot unless it connects to the princess. But you know, sometimes with these plots, when one thing stinks, it is connected to a different thing that stinks. Eloquent.
00:10:17
Speaker
That's a saying where I'm from. Yeah, maybe it's all connected. Well, actually, that's pretty interesting. I'm curious now too. So we can't kill them is what I'm saying. We need to torture them for information. Question them. I'm sorry, you two are both very delicate. I have to phrase my words very carefully. We're not going to kill them. We might drive them into the ocean and let the sea administer justice preemptively. Knock them out. Yes, yes. Knock them out, take the cart.
00:10:48
Speaker
I think we should drive the cart into the ocean because we can't just ride back into the city with the caravan of stolen goods, can we? Nor are you expected to. There is a rendezvous point, not outside the city. You are supposed to bring the shipments over to a spot that was provided to you, a little inlet back up towards Aradonine, and you're supposed to give it to agents of the eyes of Aradonine there.
00:11:10
Speaker
Okay, hear me out, hear me out. What if we, one of us lies in the dirt, okay? And I, no offense, but I think it should meet me because I can be very persuasive and also very intimidating and also I'm a really good liar, but I would never lie to you two. Anyway, I lie in the dirt, the car comes, they either kill me with their horses and wheels or they stop, but let's hope that they stop. I'm not that attached to living, but let's hope they stop.
00:11:33
Speaker
I spring up and I say, my God, you've spared my life. Please let me offer you a meal. And I take them upstairs to my house where you two are waiting and we feed them soup. But the soup has potion in it and they all shrink. And then while they're shrunken, we gather them up into a sack or something and we tie the sack up really tight. And then I don't know what happens next because I don't think I should have to come up with the whole plan. But I think this is really good so far. And then we steal their cart.
00:12:03
Speaker
and we drive away. It's such a good- I can- Glimky, I can see the face you're making, and it's such a good plan, and I dare you to tell me a single flaw, because I- I can't see one. I don't know if you'll be able to persuade the
Dragon Attack and Battle Chaos
00:12:16
Speaker
people that you stop in the street to come get soup, but then again, you struck me with a vehicle, and I'm here with you right now, so I don't know. Yes! I'm very persuasive, and everybody likes soup. Everybody loves soup. Final and make an arcana check for me. Okay.
00:12:33
Speaker
Ah, that's a six plus a zero. That's a six. Okay. Hmm. Your confidence is obviously very encouraging. I just don't think some guards who are protecting an important shipment of murder machine material are going to just be jumping at chance to have some soup in a crab tower. I would. How many people are on the cart again?
00:13:03
Speaker
I think they said six. Six cure vanguards. But that's probably just an estimate. What about boots? Do you think we could convince them to take shots with us? Maybe. What if, is that storm coming any closer quickly or is it? It's moving in. Yeah. You get the sense that probably within a couple of hours it's going to be upon you.
00:13:29
Speaker
So what if we just like start chopping up the dirt mud over here like it was yesterday, let the road get really, really mucky. Their cart gets stuck. Fake a landslide. Then you offer them the like, oh, wow, this storm isn't gonna let up. You may as well come inside for a break. And where there's soup or are we scrapping the soup bit?
00:13:50
Speaker
No, soup, yes. Yes, soup. Get warm, get warm, get out of the storm and have some soup. Maybe that'll be enough. That's so smart. If the storm actually lands at the right, makes landfall at the right time. Okay, and then of course we're all armed to the teeth along the while. And if it comes to blows, it comes to blows and we administer some justice on behalf of all the peoples that aren't the United States. Nice.
00:14:14
Speaker
We're getting real meta with this episode, gang, and as the guy who edits it, I'm gonna need to clamp down on that. Okay, we'll stop referencing imperialism. Fine. In our comedy podcast, fine. Okay, I mean, maybe we can try that out. Also, I feel pretty confident that if it does come to blows, you know, we've got all the right things on our side to help us get through the fight, be it physically, religiously, spiritually.
00:14:41
Speaker
Emotionally, whatever. Yeah, I think, yeah, we'll be good. Do you think we should ask Tildi to stay clear of this area while we do this? I think Tildi can square up. I don't think we should talk to Tildi. We're inviting these people to her house. She was pretty, well, was she welcoming to you guys? We paid her baubles. And what was a bauble exactly? Buttons and junk?
00:15:07
Speaker
Anything. I told her that the cart would have baubles on it. And that she can have some. Oh, okay. So she's probably pretty excited. Okay. So I think maybe she'll help us. Cool. Tildi might square up. And if she dies, we'll loot her house. Her crab. Yes. The kiss will be ours. Okay. So maybe we, we spend a little bit of time just messing up the road and then wait. Yeah. And Faunalyn like brings her umbrella down into the dirt and accomplishes nothing with it.
00:15:36
Speaker
I'm helping to, I guess, start chopping at the cliffside. Nice sneak attack of dirt. No. Only if it doesn't see you coming. You set about defacing the road. They loosen up chunks of dirt like when an ox pulls that big blade through soil, you know what I'm talking about. Tilling. Plowing.
00:15:57
Speaker
Yeah, plowing. Just do that. Make big rows of loose dirt so that when the rain hits, it all just gets really mucky and deep and jank. So a cart can't pass through. Exactly. Maybe throw a couple rocks in there, a branch or two.
00:16:13
Speaker
I think Fondland would unsheathe her blade from her umbrella and start sawing at a tree. Not any tree though. No sacred trees. No sentient trees as far as she knows. Does Gloomeki want to check first? No, I don't think we're good. I will point out you're using a rapier, which is a piercing weapon. So two hours go by and you make no progress. It's not known for its sawing prowess.
00:16:41
Speaker
This is the most hard labor Fondlin's ever done. Yeah, you're digging your umbrella into the ground. You're poking at this tree trying to cut it down. Just like the montage and over the garden wall where they're digging the graves and doing the hard labor. That's me.
00:16:55
Speaker
At one point, Clay comes over and just snaps the tree in half for you and grabs it away. And then after probably an hour or more, you've mucked up the road. You figure if it rains that it'll make it pretty, at the very least, it'll slow them down in a way that they'll have to stop and clear the road before they're able to continue, which would give you an opportunity to welcome them in. There's a space between the cliff and the tree, the gray-leaved ashen tree. That's where we should do it, I think.
00:17:24
Speaker
Okay. Anything else, any other preparations you wish to make? Can we gather up some big rocks and stuff and put them at the top of this cliff thing? Yeah. If you recall, there's like all these large foundational stones. Let's do that. Let's put them all there. Maybe with some like levers made of stick and just send them down the cliff. Nice. Sure. After another hour or so, you're able to drag probably like a half dozen medium sized rocks over. Nice. Pain to move, but you manage.
00:17:53
Speaker
a large folder the size of a small bowl. Amazing. Anything else? I'm lying in the dirt. Is that, is that the plan? You, you're dirt bait. I thought we agreed. Okay. I think you agreed. Okay. Good luck. Okay. I'm lying in the dirt. Clay and Glimky. What is you? What are you two doing? I would like to hide in the branches of the tree, I think. Okay.
00:18:20
Speaker
I think I'm also going to hide. I'll hide on the cliff behind the rocks and then be prepared to push them down the cliff towards the kirk. Okay, so we have Faunalyn, you lie down in the dirt on the road. If you recall, it rained a lot yesterday, so it's already a little muddy. So immediately your dress is covered in mud.
00:18:41
Speaker
Glimkey you climb up into this tree if you recall it is cold to the touch you feel a chill wind coming from the south headed towards the north and Clay you are up on the cliff you're about 20 feet above the road up on this cliff hunkered down next to like a larger rock you've set up a trap system so it's gonna take some strength you know you'll probably have to make some strength checks to push any of these boulders down but you have set yourself up for success
00:19:10
Speaker
Each of you sit down to wait, just as the sky opens up. Wind whips around you and the rain lashes at your faces. Luckily, you don't have to wait long. From the south, you see a convoy moving towards you. It is larger than you expected and slowed by the rain. There are two covered wooden carriages, each driven by a soldier in chain mail.
00:19:38
Speaker
Hoods drawn against the down floor. At the front of the convoy, there are three horses, each bearing a soldier in chain. Some have shields strapped to their backs and swords at their hips. Others carry crossbows. Uh-oh. Four horses tied together, led by a single rider, bring up the rear. Leading this procession is a rider far larger than the others. He rides a cream-colored Clydesdale and is dressed in a suit of plate armor, dented by years of wear.
00:20:08
Speaker
He sports a wild red beard, which offsets his shaved head. Given his size, you quickly reach the conclusion that his blood carries no small amount of giant. You also notice his left arm has been severed at the elbow and hangs at the side. Okay, I'm really glad we decided to go the subterfugal route and not straight-up combat because, um, I don't know, we might get, like, physically bodied by these men. I'm nervous. What the heck? So wait, so there's like three guys, two carts.
00:20:38
Speaker
There are four guys on horse at the front.
Skirmishes and Strategic Maneuvers
00:20:41
Speaker
There are two carts each driven by a soldier in armor. And then there is one guy at the back with three other horses. Seven dudes and 10 horses? Uh, yeah. 10 horses. That's far too many horses. That's a lot of horses. You also said that there's one guy at the back riding four horses that are tied together. Is he doing the splits?
00:21:06
Speaker
No, he's riding one horse and then... He's like surfing. He's just Van Damming it. He's not Van Damming his way down the western road. He is riding his horse like a normal person does with three other horses tied to his horse in a per se. Okay, okay, okay. Horseman centipede over there, okay. Glookey is gonna whisper to the tree, don't do shit until a shit starts popping off. I love that you've recruited the tree and you're worried it's gonna act out.
00:21:36
Speaker
Yeah. Clay, you're holding position? Yeah, I'm gonna wait till see what Faunalyn does. Faunalyn, you're holding position? I have assumed the most delicate swoon that I can take while also making myself very large to minimize the chance that they won't see me. That's a lot of horses. Are they being hindered at all by their art?
00:21:57
Speaker
muddy road like our obstacles they have not reached your location just yet you can see them they're a little down the coast still they seem to be bogged down slightly by the rain the road has quickly turned pretty muddy and it seems like though the wagon wheels the carriage wheels are getting stuck not stuck but like getting bogged down i hold steady as you do so the carriages draw closer you feel your window of opportunity is about to open but will likely close within a few minutes
00:22:27
Speaker
The wind roars around you and the rain crashes down in heavy sheets. Phanwen, as you're lying there, you hear a voice, muffled by the wind and the rain. There's someone in the road! Before anyone has a chance to act. Glimpy, amongst the turmoil of the storm, nestled in the branches of this great tree. You hear a voice, carried on the breeze, attuned to your ears only. I park and struck. I promise, kept.
00:22:57
Speaker
Suddenly, the ground near the front of the caravan erupts in a spray of mud and stone. A winged shape larger than the carriages below you bursts out of the ground. The hair on each of your arms stands up as you see a ball of blue-white electricity build up in the creature's maw. The electricity discharges surging through the nearby soldiers as they are immediately killed along with their mounts.
00:23:20
Speaker
The one-armed knight at the front of the procession manages to throw himself free, landing heavily on his good arm. Through the wind and the rain, you can barely hear his cry of alarm. Dragon!
00:23:32
Speaker
Dragon? What the hell? Roll for initiative, please. Nice. So, let me get this straight. There's a dragon and a giant crab hidden in the same cliffside, just together under the dirt. So it would seem. And they're in love. Yeah. I got a 22 for initiative. I got a 19. 11. Is Aniline prone at the start of this combat because I voluntarily laid down on the ground?
00:24:01
Speaker
100%, so Phoneline, I'd say it's about 10 feet away from you, like is where the ground erupts. For you, it felt like there was thunder, you know, this rain is crashing down, you hear like this rumble of thunder, and then you realize it's not coming from above, it's coming from below. And yeah, you see this creature burst down in front of you. Spooky.
00:24:19
Speaker
I will say that the three soldiers at the front of the procession are dead along with their mounts. The larger man with the giant blood, he is alive still, he is also prone, and his horse is kind of injured but not dead. Why would you leave the horse to suffer? The Lord works in mysterious ways.
00:24:40
Speaker
You were like, I need you guys to know this beautiful cream-colored glidescale. Its legs are broken. You're going to have to take it out back later. You can't run anymore. And the two fans we had are gone. One of them was me, and I'm the one. So, Funnily, you are first. OK, cool. I'm going to scramble upright. And this creature that has just erupted from the dirt, what am I seeing here?
00:25:10
Speaker
If you're close enough, you can take it in in great detail. It is probably around 15 feet from the tip of its snout, from its head to the tip of its tail. It has these long blue leathery wings that are stretched out from either side. It has these blue scales and you see the snout has this long curved horn curling up from it. Cool. As it like bursts from the ground, it kind of just flaps its wings and roars up into the air.
00:25:40
Speaker
It seems like it is getting ready to move, but you get to go before it. Okay, wow. I'm faster than a dragon. All that time we spent breaking the road and this dragon just broke it more. Well, Glimky did strike a deal for assistance. That we don't know about.
00:25:57
Speaker
that you don't know about. This is a complete surprise. We don't know that this is Glimpy's work. Okay, last question. Does the dragon seem like it's going to attack me? I would say it probably has not noticed you. Oh, yeah. I am not going to attack it this turn. Sorry, gang. I'm going to see how this shakes up, and I think I'm going to sprint for the tree line and obscure myself. Take the hide action.
00:26:26
Speaker
and obscure myself amongst the trees. Next to the, the big ash? Sure. It's the nicest and most friendly looking tree. It's the closest one to you as well. Yeah. So I'm going to sprint over and hide behind that. Okay. Give me a stealth check. 13. Okay. Finally, you get up and you sprint over towards the tree. As you do so, the dragon's head turns to look at you and this big yellow eye takes you in. It doesn't move after you, but you get the sense it definitely saw you.
00:26:55
Speaker
Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!
00:27:15
Speaker
It's such an interesting way to describe that. Okay, so three people died. Yes. Three of the ones that were just mounted, so any of the carriage drivers? No. The Lightning hit the initial group of four guys. Oh, okay. The carriage drivers were beyond its range. Got it. You see three charred skeletons kind of just like crumble off of their horses, which then the horses also proceed to crumble down to the ground. Nice. More horse death, yeah!
00:27:45
Speaker
Kill them all the guy at the very back of the procession he is on his horse still all four of them are just one Made it so clear He's gonna slide down the tree past
00:27:59
Speaker
and in his sprint across the road say I reasonably believe the dragon is on our side and then across the mud to the other side of the the street and kind of try to clamber up towards the the cliffs where we have laid our stone trap okay I am going to need a athletics check from you as you try and climb up this this cliff face it is slippery
00:28:21
Speaker
Ooh, 11, not great. 11 is enough. You are able to run across the road, you dash across the road, climb up the cliffs. I will say it will probably take a dash to get there. You only have a movement of 25, right? Yes, I will dash. So I would say if you dash, you can reach the, uh, you get up next to clay, pull yourself up, but that'll be your whole action or your whole round. That's fine with me. You get up there, Glimky, you sprint across the road, climb up the cliff, hide down next to clay, funneling.
00:28:49
Speaker
From where you are, you watch as this dragon is going to make a fight against this horse. I knew it was gonna be one of the horses. You watch as this dragon lashes forward, its neck snaps out, and it just grabs onto the horse and rips its head off. The large man who was riding it screams out, Veronica! And you watch as the dragon grips the horse in its claws,
00:29:18
Speaker
begins to take off into the air. It gets about 30 or so feet into the air. It just latches on and then flies straight up. I believe next up is Clay. What in McCrog's name is this? What's happening? I don't know. I look at Glimpy like he has an explanation for this. Dragon good. Convoy bad. Okay, I try to set off the traps to aim the rocks at the carts.
00:29:48
Speaker
Sure. I will say it'll be like one action per rock to try and shove it down. Okay. So what I need to know is which cart are you targeting? The front one or the back one? The front one. Okay. I'm going to have you make an athletics check. And because you guys said that you made preparations with like some fixed sticks as levers, you can make this with advantage. So athletic, we'll call it strength, just like a raw strength, but with advantage.
00:30:16
Speaker
I got an 11. Okay, 11 is enough. Oh, cool. So you run over to one of the nearby rocks and you just push down with everything you've got on this lever you've fashioned. And you watch as the rock slowly like lifts, lifts, lifts, lifts, and then gravity takes over. It goes tumbling down the floor. I need you to roll me, we're gonna say 3d10. Wow. I got a two, a nine, and a four.
00:30:45
Speaker
So 15. I would say with a 15, you watch as this rock goes crashing down into the side of his cart. You hear a splintering of wood. It seems like it is pretty severely damaged, not quite taken out of commission just yet, but probably one more hit like that and the cart will be immobile. Anything else from you, Clay? I duck down so that they don't see me as the one who pushed the rock. Yeah. So I will say,
00:31:14
Speaker
Whoever's closest, I guess Faunalyn, you can kind of hear one of the guards on the cart, the cart that gets hit. He shouts out, attackers on the cliffs above. It's an ambush. So we now go to the soldiers. So I hear them shout, it's an ambush. And then I see Clay duck down behind the rocks. Uh oh.
00:31:37
Speaker
So you watch as the soldier at the front of the, on the front carriage, he is going to pull out a crossbow and he is going to jump down off of his, off of his perch to the ocean facing side of the road. And he is going to launch a bolt up at this dragon. He is going to make it with disadvantage because of how severe the wind is.
00:32:04
Speaker
And he's going to shoot. His bolt just gets blown aside. He tries to shoot it up and it just gets blown away. The second man, the other carriage driver, he's also going to shoot at the dragon with disadvantage.
00:32:17
Speaker
that will miss you watch as the soldier at the very back he is going to he does not have a crossbow but here's the alarm about the ambush he sees the rock come crumbling down he is going to hop off his horse he draws a sword he's got a shield that he pulls off his back and he is going to start running towards the cliff you'll notice that there's a few embankment points which aren't as steep so he is going to run up he's going to dash and with an athletics check
00:32:44
Speaker
He kind of gets to the far side of the cliffs. He is probably 50 feet away from the two of you, but he goes scrambling up, sword and shield drawn, and looks around and he sees the two of you there. And he is going to move in next turn. We also see the second carriage. The doors swing open. There's doors at the back.
00:33:03
Speaker
They swing open and two more guards, swords and shield drawn come bursting out. They see their companions scrambling up and they're going to follow suit and they'll get about halfway up from where they are. So they'll try and engage with you next turn, probably. Hold steady.
00:33:18
Speaker
We go then to the commander. He is going to look up at the dragon, and he's got this big javelin. He's only got the one arm, if you recall. He's going to pull this javelin off of his back, and he's just going to throw it straight up into the air at this dragon, trying to stop it from stealing his horse. And once again, due to the wind, it just blows away his javelin. It goes toppling into the ocean. He yells out a frustrated, God dammit!
00:33:45
Speaker
And he is going to pull out this battle axe that kind of got tossed loose when his horse was taken. He picks it up off the ground and he's holding it in one arm. And you see, like, normally most men would probably need two arms to wield such a weapon. He's got it in one arm and he looks comfortable with it. It's a big, mean axe, jagged blade. And yeah, so that is the end of the round. The rain continues crashing down. Lightning strikes are hitting nearby.
00:34:16
Speaker
And Faunalyn, we are going to go to you. So I'm seeing everything that's happening and I am going to draw my short bow and spare a glance for Glimky and think you had better be right about this. And then I am going to fire at our big giant friend from where I was hiding. So I should have sneak attack. Now here's a fun thing about sneak attack. Normally you would.
00:34:45
Speaker
But it is nullified if you have any source of disadvantage. And I'm disadvantaged, why? Because of the wind. Because of the wind? Yes, it's a very strong wind. I've highlighted that multiple times. They've been mucking up their attacks because of the wind. Yeah, that's true, that's true. Is it only range that's disadvantage? It is only range, so if you want to try and close in on him. Oh god, no. There's a dragon over there.
00:35:11
Speaker
All right, I'll shoot him in normal way. Tracking good, tracking good, guard bad. I believe you, but I'm choosing to believe you from afar. Okay, I'm rolling a normal attack then. That is an 11 to hit. You shoot at him and it goes clanking off of his armor. It kind of just like pings off his plate mail, ricochets off. He turns his head to look at you and says, they're with the dragon.
00:35:39
Speaker
I'm going to shout, no, no, I was aiming for the dragon. I'm really bad at this. And then I hide again. Go ahead, you duck down behind the tree. Give me a stealth roll. There's the big number. That's going to be a 23. Okay. As he's like turning to shout at you, the dragon roars once more and his attention is drawn away. You think like there's not many places for you to hide.
00:36:09
Speaker
He can probably figure out where you are pretty easily, but for now you don't think he can see you, and at the very least you should be able to prevent him from shooting at you or anything like that. Glimky, up there on the cliff? What is the distance between Clay and the first attacker? I'd say he's about 50 feet away.
00:36:32
Speaker
I'm going to position myself next to Clay within five feet, but I'm going to put myself facing the cliff. Does that make sense? And I would like to ready my attack action so that if they get within the attacking distance to Clay or myself, then I'm going to attack. Sure. But again, facing towards the cliff. Shield out, sword out, standing next to Clay, and I look at Clay and I say, stay right where you are.
00:37:01
Speaker
Okay.
00:37:03
Speaker
Glimpy, you draw your sword ready for any attackers. We will then go to the dragon and all of you see these big wings kind of waters just pouring off of them. Just sheets of water. So sick. Yeah. It is going to fly directly out to sea. It's going to fly 60 feet away from all of you out towards the ocean. It's got this horse in its claws and it has what it came for. A horse. A meal. That beautiful creamy Clydesdale named Veronica.
00:37:33
Speaker
Veronica. Clay, it is your turn. So there's one guy approaching me. There's one guy running right at you like he's going to charge at you this turn. Then there are two more that you can see scrambling up the cliffs below.
00:37:45
Speaker
Do I have more traps or was it just one rock? I know we said that you had like about a half dozen, so if you wanted to try and loose another rock down at either the carriage or a specific individual, you are welcome to do so. The guy coming at me, can I knock him off the cliff and then have the rock hit the cart still, like along the way?
00:38:08
Speaker
He's on your level. He is down to the south. The rocks are kind of pooled at this little outcropping that overlooks the road. So there's no way to hit him with the rock. You won't be able to close and try and push him off this round. He's too far away. But if he does get closer or you get closer, you could theoretically try and shove him off and then somebody else could lose a boulder at him potentially and crush him with it.
00:38:29
Speaker
Okay, so I guess I'll have my shield ready and then... I will say, you know what, I will say. There are those two guys that are on a lower level, so you could lose a boulder at them. Okay, I'm gonna do that. Okay. Because I want to hit people with our traps. So I'm gonna need another athletics check from you and then they're gonna make dexterity saving throws. Is this still at advantage? Yes. I got an 18. Let's go. So they're gonna each make a dexterity saving throw. First one fails.
00:38:59
Speaker
That's right. Second one also fails. Oh, a strike. Give me 3d10 bludgeoning damage. God dang.
00:39:14
Speaker
Oh, so bad. I got four. I rolled three times and I got four. No. That's insane. One of them was a zero. There's a zero on this guys. No, no, no, no. That's, that's 10. That's 10. Why is it a zero? Thank God. Okay. 14. That's better. Yeah, let's go. You watch as this boulder comes crashing down.
00:39:37
Speaker
It hits both of them, putting their legs out from underneath them. They go flying backwards, and you watch as they both go toppling across the road and then off of the cliff into the ocean. And they are most decidedly dead. Yes! Wow, okay. The rocks were a good choice. Anything else from you, Clay Campbell? That's it, I guess.
00:39:58
Speaker
There are two soldiers hiding behind the carts. You saw them jump off. You watch as each of them step out, crossbows drawn. One's gonna shoot at you, one's gonna shoot at Glimky, both with disadvantage. The strike against you, Clay. Big old miss, rolled a three on the die. Both times. The one against you, Glimky. There's a 13 hit.
00:40:20
Speaker
no sir you watch as this bolt goes flying through the air and you kind of just knock it away with your shield the one with a sword he is going to charge at you glimkey he uses all of his movement to get to you so you can make an attack against him yes okay nice
00:40:36
Speaker
Okay, I got a 16 plus 4, 20. Nice, that hits. And then I'm gonna, just because, why not? This is the first time this guy's been hit, I'm gonna use a Divine Smite, because why not? To just tack on some extra damage here. Okay. That's going to be five with just the slashing damage, and then two more d8 of radiant damage.
00:41:03
Speaker
So another six. So 11 damage. 11 damage. And then I also have Shield Master. Because I've made an attack and hit, I can use a bonus action to shove the creature five feet to try to push them off the cliff. Nice. Amazing. This is your first time divine smiting. Yeah. Can you tell me what that looks like? Oh, yes. Okay.
00:41:24
Speaker
As soon as we make contact, the point of this blade... What is the name for when the sun is just setting and there's a green flash? Have you ever heard of this? Like in Pirates of the Caribbean. Yeah, exactly. There's a green flash. Yeah, Pirates of the Caribbean. It's like that. So right at the point of contact, there's this sun-like illumination in that green flare that sparks off of the contact point.
00:41:53
Speaker
Amazing. So you strike him and you watch as these massive branches and vines kind of creep across his chest, start to like wrap around his throat, and then just he gets pulled back almost supernaturally.
Commander Showdown and Captive Discovery
00:42:05
Speaker
It's almost like like a parachute opening on a drag car. He just gets pulled backwards off the cliff, goes tumbling down, and does not get up again. I'll say I feel like Glimky is a little like shocked. I don't think I've ever seen that before, have I?
00:42:18
Speaker
No, that's new shit. Nice. Okay. Didn't know that I could do that. Fondling. You hear the rumble of footsteps crashing into the earth. Hiding behind this tree, suddenly this red bearded man lurches around the corner. He's had to use all his movement to get to you, but he is now standing there, axe in his one good hand, raised up, about to strike you down. But that is all he gets to do this turn.
00:42:48
Speaker
Okay, well fortunately I already have my rapier unsheathed. I'm just going to drive it at him at close range. And I don't have any type of advantage, no? No, unless you got something that would give you such. Ha, but I do not. Cool, well that's a 22 to hit. 22 to hit. Okay, bad hits. It's not gonna do a lot. I can't smite people.
00:43:17
Speaker
Oh, that's gonna do nine damage. Nine damage? Yeah. Okay. Nice. Did I kill him? No, you did not. Yeah. Does he injure it? I mean, it hurt, but he still looks like he's in fine fighting shape.
00:43:33
Speaker
We'll say you, as he runs around the corner, you press the button on your umbrella, it drops to the ground and you just stab and you manage to find a gap in the arm and you just stab him in the side and you pull out and here there's like a little spurt of blood and he bellows in pain and then he looks down at you with just this fury in his eyes and he hoists his axe up. Okay, well it's time for me to go because I'm gonna cunning action disengage.
00:43:57
Speaker
So you move 30 feet away from him, around the tree? Around the tree and deeper into the forest along the road. I don't want to go further, like closer to his friends. Right. Okay. So you go around the tree, out onto the road, but not towards his friends. So a little north, I'll say. Yeah. I don't think Vonnegland's ever stabbed a man at point blank range before. We might need some group therapy after this.
00:44:20
Speaker
Phonolin was surprisingly down for murder during the formation of this plan, and the whole time I was like, I don't think she means what she says she means. So Phonolin, you stab him. Glimpy, you are up on the cliff. You just kill the man with nature powers.
00:44:37
Speaker
I didn't kill him, nature killed him. Right, right, right. This is called compartmentalization. The natural aging process just happened to speed up a little, that's all. There's two crossbow people near the cart, still? Yeah, there's one behind each cart and they keep poking out, shooting, and then ducking back out of sight. I see, I see, I see. And then I can see Onlin running across the road being chased by a big, burly, one-handed axe man. Yes. Do you think I can make it to her?
00:45:05
Speaker
I'll say if you jump from the cliff, yes. What if I use the dash action? I'd say where you are, even then, you know. Like almost? I'd say you could get most of the way with a dash. Or all of the way with a regular move and a jump from 20 feet up. 20 feet? Will you give me like a dex or some kind of athletic thing to let me not take damage? I'd let you reduce it potentially and keep your balance. Alright, let's do it.
00:45:33
Speaker
So, all right, so here's your choice. You can jump from the upper cliff down to the road with a higher DC, or you can jump from the first cliff down to the second and then down to the road, like two jumps, lower DC, but you'll have to roll close. And if you fail either one, you will probably fall prone. Let's go for the big jump. Nice. Big jump. Okay. I'm going to need an acrobatics check to try and land on your feet.
00:45:58
Speaker
I kid you not Nat 20. I kid you not. I kid you not Nat 20. Let's go. Superhero landing. I think he could do murder. He can do anything. Here's what I'm actually thinking. I run and then much like Breath of the Wild, I jump onto my shield like a fucking sled and I ride it down the cliff onto the road to like stop next month.
00:46:19
Speaker
amazing nice so you come sprinting down the cliff sliding on your shield i will say that you take a bit of damage when you land you roll you like land on the ground you roll tumble tumble but manage to roll up onto your feet so you can't take four bludgeoning damage from the tumble that's okay but you are otherwise on your feet next to fondling let's do it i feel like i should high five you on the way down that was sick as hell
00:46:43
Speaker
running for my life in terror, but that was cool and it deserves a high five. There's a flash of lightning silhouettes me as I'm sliding.
00:46:51
Speaker
So you come sliding down Legolas at Helm's Deep style and you land next to Faunalyn. The dragon is gone at this point. You see it fly off and just like kind of dive down out of sight, taken away by the storm. You hear one final roar as it disappears and we go to Clay. So tell me who's left. Two guys behind the carts. Two guys behind the carts and the commander.
00:47:18
Speaker
Okay. Can I run to the two guys behind the cards? Is that close enough? You are pretty far away. I'd say from where you are, it would take, I'll offer you the same choice. You can climb down carefully and you'll have to like dash and that'll take your whole turn to get there. You can alternatively just try and jump and probably take some damage. Definitely take some damage, but get there quicker. I can't see them right there behind the cards. They just keep stepping out, shooting, and then ducking back out of sight.
00:47:48
Speaker
Is there anywhere I can run to with my movement to be able to see one of them? I don't think so. I think with the angle you've got, you'd have to go pretty far down the coast. I mean, technically, yes, you could probably go far enough down to the south of the north to open up an angle. I'm just going to let loose another rock at the carts. Which cart are you aiming at? The back one this time. Give me another athletics check with advantage. 11 again. 11 is enough, as you know. Yes. Give me 3d10 damage. 17.
00:48:17
Speaker
The cart is pushed back, kinda like the back end is slid over, over towards the cliff. Not like enough to knock it off of the cliff or anything, but like, knocked a couple feet, slid that way. You hear a man, presumably the man behind the cart, yell out as he just narrowly avoids getting knocked off into the ocean. And you hear another voice. It sounds more feminine. And when the rock hits this cart, you hear a muffled scream. They have someone in the cart. Uh-oh. Well, who's that?
00:48:47
Speaker
You still have movement if you want to try making your way down towards them or alternatively you can keep throwing rocks. You got three more rocks up here. You've been throwing rocks at these carts and there's gonna be like innocent hostages in the back and you said strike when you hit it. Oh, we're in trouble. No, I hit two guards off the cliff. I guess I'll use the rest of my movement to run down.
00:49:09
Speaker
Jumping or climbing? Climbing. I don't want to go all the way down. Just like however far I could get. You can make it all the way down, but you'll just have to make one athletics check to climb down on the slippery rocks. Okay. Eight. You only make it halfway. You start climbing down and your hand just slips. You are going to take
00:49:27
Speaker
four bludgeoning damage as you land on a block. It kind of hits you in the middle of your back and it hurts like crazy. And that will say with the rest of your movement, you're able to pull yourself back up to your feet, but you're only about halfway down the cliff now. The two crossbow men are going to shoot at you, Clay. With disadvantage, does a 10 hit. Amazing. It was a 17, then it bounced over to a three, which means that's going to be a six. Fondling.
00:49:56
Speaker
You look over your shoulder and see this large man, he stands seven and a half feet tall, maybe eight, crashing towards you. He's bellowing, he sees that like half his soldiers are dead, half the horses are dead, he's in this rage. He comes crashing towards you, you look over your other shoulder and you see Glimky come sliding down the cliff, kind of tumble, he kind of slips a little on the landing, but manages to pull himself up and stand between you and this guy. Glimky, I assume that was your intention?
00:50:22
Speaker
To be next to her, yeah. Mechanically, five feet away. Glimky, you have a choice. You can try and take this hit for her. No, no, no. This is what's gonna happen. I'm gonna use my fighting style, which is protector. So if he's swinging at her, I can just impose disadvantage. Disadvantage, huge. Okay. Nice. That's massive. He is going to swing at you, Faunalyn. It would be a 24. But instead, it's a seven.
00:50:52
Speaker
Yeah, so Glunkie slides through the mud, feeds his fist through the leather bindings on the back of his shield, rolls to his feet, and then somehow in time catches the glancing blow of his axe. I'm using all of my abilities. To great effect. It is the time to do it for sure. So that is his attack, which is wasted as a result. Nice. And we go to Faunalyn. So I have advantage now, yeah?
00:51:20
Speaker
You don't have advantage, but you can sneak attack. But I can sneak attack. Okay. Okay. Cause a friend is within five feet.
00:51:26
Speaker
Hey kids at home, hey, hey all you cool listeners at home. Hey, the rules say that you can flank and get advantage, but Zaddy don't play that way. Because I think it's bad for the game, but I do give a plus two advantage if you are flanking. Not plus two advantage, let's be clear about that. A plus two to your attack if you are flanking. Because there's a lot of cool ways to get advantage, and they're all wasted when you just do a comp one. So, what you doing Funnel?
00:51:53
Speaker
I'm just trying to think of a way that I could do this to remotely match the coolness that I've just witnessed. I am going to swing with all of my might, with my rapier, and I'm going to do it. Glinty's like on the ground kneeling, right? Holding the guy's sword. So I'm going to like do it above Glinty's head. We're already doing team combos. Hell yeah. And I'm going to go for the guy's throat because Faunalyn adapted quickly to the challenge of killing someone. She's on board with it now.
00:52:25
Speaker
Okay, that's a 14 to hit. 14 is not gonna do it. You try and like thrust up at his throat and we'll say he like, he breaks free of Glimke's, Glimke's deflection and pulls his arm up and the armor on his right arm just absorbs your strike and doesn't hurt him. Okay, sorry Glimke and I'm going to disengage, cutting action disengage and I'm going to, I'm going to dodge under him and I'm going to run around behind him so he could hit me next turn if he wants to but now we'll be flanking.
00:52:56
Speaker
Okay. It is Glimpy's turn. I'm just going to attack. Oh, not plus two, right? Plus two. Eight. My man, I knew it was coming, but it was sweet to hear. So you strike up at this guy, but you're kind of, you're bound up in his, in his business. You know, your shield's kind of on him. It's hard for you to get your, your sword around and he kind of just pulls free of your, of your strike. Doesn't connect.
00:53:22
Speaker
because I have my shield measure, I made an attack action. I can still use a bonus action to try shove him. Okay. So that'll be a contested athletics check. Darn 12. He got a nat 20. All right, so I bash him with that shield and bounce right back off. Yeah, it's like trying to knock over a tree. He is unmoving. You watch, he's been furious this entire time. He grimaces and then like it turns into a bit of like a half grin. Like his lip curls up at the corner and he looks down at you.
00:53:51
Speaker
and he kind of cracks his knuckles and what is about to follow will probably hurt. I made a mistake. Clay, you have pulled yourself up onto your feet. You are still like halfway down the cliff. You are 10 feet above the road. You don't have to climb down for this portion because where you are, there is like a bit of an embankment. There's a ramp of sorts. You can run down it if you're trying to get to either one of the carriages or behind the carriages to take care of the guy who's been shooting at you.
00:54:19
Speaker
Either way. There's also a group of very scared horses that haven't run off but are like freaking out. The carriage at the back had the woman in it. Can I reach that carriage? Yep. You could, the doors are open on the back. That's where those two soldiers came out of at the beginning of the fight. You can, you could run in if you want or you could just run up and look in. Yeah, I want to run in and see who's in there.
00:54:38
Speaker
Okay, you run up and the doors swinging, flapping in the wind, getting buffeted about. You look in and you see a female shape. You see that there is this slender individual. Their arms are manacled to the back of this carriage. They are just like kind of up in the air. They're tied to the back of this carriage. And there is a sack over their head, like a burlap sack.
00:55:01
Speaker
oh it couldn't be the princess right too easy and where's the the guard now he's am i close to him now because i'm at the car he is around the corner he doesn't know that you were there yet because he's kind of ducked out of sight he shot you and then ducked out of sight so he probably does not know that you have have come up okay well i
00:55:25
Speaker
I look at the woman, I'd be like, what the heck? And then I go to take out the guard first, deal with that first, yeah. So you run around the corner, you see this guard, he is quickly reloading his crossbow, he's winching it up, and yeah, you are able to close in on him, and you can make an attack if you want. Let me see what I have in here, and they haven't been hit or anything yet. They have not been hit, no.
00:55:50
Speaker
I will cast Word of Radiance. It's an action. Okay. It's a cantrip. Okay. Five foot range. Each creature of choice you can see in range. Is that just the one guard and not both of them? Yeah, the other one's about 15 feet up away from you.
00:56:06
Speaker
okay you utter a divine word and burning radiance erupts from you each creature of your choice you can see in range must must succeed a constitution saving throw or take one d6 radiant damage it doesn't doesn't do that much but whatever he got a nine so i assume that's a failure and he will take a d6 radiant i rolled a five what do i do for attack so
00:56:30
Speaker
That is all. He just takes five radiant damage. So you run up and you will say what? Like you just grab onto him? Is that how you're envisioning this? Like you grab him and like your hand starts to glow bright or some other means. Yeah, it's a word. So I don't know what I say. I just like scream at him and then he catches on fire.
00:56:50
Speaker
So you run up and you scream and you watch his flame starts to lick at your fingertips and just starts to burn his flesh. He is still alive, but he immediately looks worse for wear. Anything else? Yeah, I'd be like, who is in the cart? Like, who is that?
00:57:06
Speaker
He is screaming and does not feel inclined to have a play conversation with you at the moment. I love you burning his face and then being like, yo, who is that? Yeah. What up with that man? What's happening? It's just very scary. Soldier time. The one is going to try and I'm going to say he's going to try and shove you back five feet. So I'm going to have you make an athletics check. Okay. Okay. I got a six.
00:57:35
Speaker
He got an eight. So you are shoved back five feet. You kind of like dance backwards and you find like you look over your shoulder and you see you're wobbling at the edge of this cliff face. And he is going to run 30 feet away from you to try and create some distance. And as he does so, it opens up a shot for his companion who is going to let loose with disadvantage. Does a 13 hit. Nope.
00:58:03
Speaker
So he, this crossbow, goes shooting at you, just whizzes over your shoulder, right past your ear, doesn't connect with you. And we go to the commander. He is only been hit the one time by one Faunalyn Vedark. So he is not in a position to worry too much. He is going to strike at you, Glenkey, does a 17 hit.
00:58:28
Speaker
No. Holy. He comes down with his full force, crashes into your shield. You feel it reverberate throughout your entire body. You feel yourself sink like an inch into the ground. Oh damn. But you manage to hold strong, you're not knocked off your feet, and he just bellows out in frustration. This guy's always bellowing.
00:58:45
Speaker
He is going to step back, I'm gonna say five feet, not out of range of either of you to provoke an opportunity attack, but just enough to break the flank, if that makes sense. Okay, yeah. And that's him, and we go to Faunalyn at the top once more. Rain is crashing down. I'm resuming that flank position. Yeah, I guess so. Immediately, it's not a challenge to do so at all. I'm in mind, I'm like, yes, this is good strategy, yes. But no, immediately you're able to rejoin the flank. Now we're just dancing. I'm gonna do a sneak attack on him again. I'm gonna try.
00:59:15
Speaker
Okay, does the 17 hit? Did you have the plus two from flanking? Does the 19 hit? A 17 would not. What? A 19 does. Yeah. And he's kind of like looking over his shoulder at you. He's looking back at Glimky. He's trying to keep both of you in his line, a sight. And as soon as he turns back to look at Glimky, you strike forward, you dance forward, rape your out. How much damage do you do? That's a 1d8 plus three plus an extra 1d6. So that's going to be, come on, big numbers. Okay. That's going to be a seven plus
00:59:43
Speaker
A one. That's an eight. He takes another eight damage. You stab him in the leg and he drops to one knee and then rips his leg free of your strike and pulls himself back up to his feet, just fire in his eyes. Anything else you want to do?
00:59:57
Speaker
I think that when Faunalyn does a sneak attack, she should be like a Baldur's Gate character and have like a little sneaky catchphrase. So she's going to say, I am one with the shadows and then shank him in the leg. Nice. Very good. Very on brand for this noble woman. Thank you. She's standing in broad daylight. I mean, you know, there's not a whole lot of day or light at the end. Yeah, there's clouds. Clouds are pouring rain upon you. Shadows creep upon the sky. Yes. Bars. Glimky. Please go.
01:00:27
Speaker
I guess I can just swing at him again. Let's try to get a hit here. Oh my god. Net 20. Get his ass. Let's Divine Smite him again. And you double the Divine Smite damage. Really?
01:00:45
Speaker
yeah okay so out of the sword we've got 10 damage and then plus 2d8 there's 15 of that explosive green energy but that's that's just 2d8 i have to double that as well yeah so that's 10 25 plus oh rolled on another one another six so 31 damage of divine radiant energy comes exploding out of glonky sword
01:01:14
Speaker
You never asked him his name. You never asked him his story. Maybe he would have told you things. Oh, whoops. Please tell me, what happens to Cormac Bruckton as you strike him down?
01:01:26
Speaker
Let me paint a picture for you here. Okay, he swings down upon my shield. And like you said, it presses me deep into the earth. But instead of just being stuck in the mud, roots ground my resolve. They wrap around my feet and steady my stance so I can swing true. And that explosive green light at the point of contact of his plate armor shatters it as this explosive green light explodes out of the back of his armor.
01:01:55
Speaker
This now husk of a man is left looming over top of us and Glimpy's kind of in a state of shock again with this amount of newfound power coming out of his blade. He drops to one knee, gasps for air, and as he falls to the ground he watches roots from the nearby tree start to slowly envelop him and pull him down into the ground.
01:02:19
Speaker
Nice. What does Glimpy do? He's got some movement.
Chase and Carriage Chaos
01:02:22
Speaker
You look around and you see that there is two men left. They are both behind these carriages engaged with Clay, who is teetering at the end of a cliff. And that seems to be the only people in this fight. I guess I'll start moving towards the cart there. I'll say to Fondland that they'll probably give up now. If they're going to give up, she'd be like, I don't know. We should keep fighting until that happens, right?
01:02:49
Speaker
Oh, we can try call out to them, see if they respond. Okay, I'm gonna call out. Are you giving up yet? There's no response. No response usually means no, in my opinion. As you call out to them, the closest one to you looks over at you. There's kind of this narrow window you can see between him and the carriage and the edge of the cliff. He looks over at you and he sees Cormac dead on the ground and you see like the color drains from his face. He looks over at his companion and says,
01:03:17
Speaker
The command is dead! We gotta get outta here! Aw, man. Oh my god, Grimki, you just killed a man. Yeah, and now there's witnesses. Oh my god, should we kill those men? Also... Ah, but we definitely gotta stop them from running away. Okay... Doesn't that mean kill them? We could non-lethally let's just stop them in their tracks. Where can they go? This way or that way? Good point. Wait, we have a proposition and it doesn't end in death! Clay, it is your turn.
01:03:47
Speaker
Having tried to use some fire and because it's raining so heavily, I'm not going to try that again. Can I just run up and grab one so you can't run away? Yeah, you could run up and try and grapple the one closest to you. Yes, I'll do that. And I'll just say like surrender now. Give me an athletics check to try and grapple him. I got a 10.
01:04:07
Speaker
You run up, try and envelop him in this bear hug just to calm him down, pin his arms to his side. He just bursts forward, he kind of shoves you back, and you are unable to grab onto him. So you try and grab him, he is going to push you away, and it is their turn. The two of them are going to run for the front carriage. You're able to make a strike if you want at the one who is close to you, the one next to you. Yeah, why not? Thirteen.
01:04:35
Speaker
13 just misses. You catch him in the back, he's got this chain shirt on, and you strike at it, it knocks him off stride for a second, but not enough to do any damage. And he is going to jump up on the carriage with his companion, who is going to grab the reins and go, Hyah! So he's coming towards us.
01:04:52
Speaker
They're going to start charging towards you, but he's going to make an animal handling check because the horses are severely spooked by everything that's happened and he's able to control them. So the horses are going to start lumbering towards you. They're kind of building up to speed. You know, they're, they're, they're, they're towing this heavy carriage. Glimpkey and Faunalyn, these horses are barreling towards you and probably unless you make moves to get out of the way, if you recall, the road is very narrow. There's not a lot of room for you.
01:05:18
Speaker
So if you're going to try and avoid being run over, you're going to have to act quickly. If you'll recall, if you hunker down and pretend to be a rock, the horses won't step on you. So that's what I'll be doing on my turn. Is that a horse thing? That's a real horse thing! I hate when the world shares real world knowledge with me, and I have to process that in real time. I'm really worried this is a thing that I believe to be true my whole life, and I'm getting stuck. For example, I believed my whole adult life that
01:05:43
Speaker
there was a scandal around 2008 that IKEA really had horse meat in their meatballs. And I was informed recently that that's just something some guy said to me once, and my brain interpreted it as factual news. So I'm pretty sure that if a horse or a stampede of horses is running at you, you could just get really small and the horses won't step on you. They will avoid stepping on you. But it could be another meatball situation, to be fair.
01:06:11
Speaker
For what it's worth, I am learning in real time that the Swedish horse meat meatball scandal may not have been true. Did you also think it was real? Well, I mean, I was told this much younger as a younger man that IKEA had a scandal. So this is just a meekle family thing that you and I thought that that's a real news story that happened. I mean, it might be real, to be fair.
01:06:31
Speaker
I don't know. I'm pretty sure it's not real. I went to a restaurant in Sweden and I wasn't sure we couldn't figure out whether or not the meatballs were horse or not. Like it like did not say. And then I kind of just like assumed that it was. Cause everyone was like, yeah, they love horse meat here. And I was like, okay. Jury's out on the Swedish horse meat thing. So on that note, funneling, are you trying to do anything or are you just hunkering down to try and avoid taking damage?
01:06:57
Speaker
Well, I think I could dodge them, so if it's my turn, I'm gonna dash away. No, no, no. Stick to your principles, everybody. I am grabbing the top of my wig, and I'm curling down like an armadillo with the wig on the inside, because if they step on it, it will be ruined. And I'm tucking into a ball, and I'm lying down, and those horses aren't gonna touch me. Okay. Glimky. Yes, sir. What say you? There is two men on carriage driving towards you quite rapidly.
01:07:26
Speaker
I'm gonna jump off of her back. I guess they're not that close, actually. I mean, they're closing in on you. I'd say if you want to make an athletics check to try and springboard off of her onto the carriage, I'll allow it. Hell yeah. Seven. Phonolin, you feel a horse stepping on you. How do you react?
01:07:50
Speaker
I'm going to spring up and disengage from the horses. You spring up and you send Glimky flying off of you. Perfect.
01:08:02
Speaker
Not in a cool acrobatic way. This is exactly what I wanted. In a bad sort of way. Glimky you're gonna land face first in the mud. You'll take a point of damage and you are now prone. Also you still have like a bit of movement so if you want to pull yourself up but you are now like five feet closer to this carriage as it comes towards you.
01:08:21
Speaker
Rymky, get into a ball! Yeah, can I just like kind of press his shield on the ground and kind of hide behind it? Sure. So you do that? Clay, you see that they are getting away from you. There's still the other carriage, right? With the lady inside? Mm-hmm. Can I get on the carriage and start chasing with the other carriage? Sure. Give me an animal handling check. Oh, I don't know about that. 13. The horses
01:08:49
Speaker
don't know you they are still really freaked out by everything that's happened i will say one of the two horses there's two horses on this carriage i say one of them starts to kind of push forward the other one's like a little skittish still so you're gonna start slowly moving forward but you don't get up to like full speed okay as one of the horses is resisting so they're they're still gaining you close a bit of the distance but they're they're moving much quicker okay i yell to the others get on i have to be struck by this first one
01:09:19
Speaker
Clay, you hop on the second carriage, start moving after them. One of the guards is fully absorbed with steering this carriage along this dangerous coastal highway. The second one pulls his crossbow out, turns to face you, and ting, shoots at you. The wind is still raging, so it's going to be a disadvantage. And, I mean, first roll was a five, so...
01:09:41
Speaker
I'm guessing, no. So he shoots at you, it goes flying past you, doesn't even come close. A sudden gust pulls it away completely out of your area of effect. And the character's gonna move forward now at this point, because the other guy's driving it. So I'm gonna have both of you make dexterity saving throws. Glimpy, I will say you can make a strength saving throw because of how you have positioned yourself. You can not make it with advantage. I was gonna let you make it with advantage, but then you stood up.
01:10:08
Speaker
You ruined my plan. Oopsie. Yeah. So Faunalyn, dexterity saving throw, glumkey strength. I got a 19. Oh, you've killed me. No. That's a 13. Good thing you made your saves. You both would have taken 19 bludgeoning damage, reduced to nine. Actually, because of my shield master thing, I can make half damage on a success, be no damage. Okay. So I get stepped on by horses, almost to death.
01:10:38
Speaker
Yeah, Glimky knocks the wagon wheel away from him and the carriage skirts, like it slides a bit and it clips you fondling and sends you, like, smushes you up against the cliff face. Oops. I'm going to have him make a second animal handling check to try and get over this barricade you erected with the mud and the branches and everything.
01:10:59
Speaker
The horses rear up. As they're approaching this barricade, they just like come to a screeching halt and they do not seem inclined to move any further past this barricade that you've erected. Faunalyn, you are smarting, I think is what we can call that, but you're still okay-ish. Smarting. Okay, I would like to avoid these horses and grab onto the carriage because Clay told me I should.
01:11:25
Speaker
Okay, you are smushed up against a rock wall, so grabbing onto this carriage is not that difficult. You kinda just, like, close your hand. Where's Clay in relation to me? Uh, 20 feet back. I'm on the other carriage. On the other carriage? Am I supposed to seize control of this carriage? Is that my destiny in this moment? Alright, I'm gonna try to climb the carriage and get into the driver's seat.
01:11:50
Speaker
You climb up, I'll say you don't need to roll for it, there's plenty of handholds. You notice that the wood is, the reason there's handholds is because a rock burst into the side of this thing and you can kind of see into the carriage, you see there's these little holes you're able to dig your fingers into and pull yourself up with. As you're climbing, you look into one of these holes and you just see a pile of silver.
01:12:07
Speaker
there are goblets and there are coins and there are bars a couple of large plates and you pull yourself up onto this thing and you are standing there there is a guard facing you with a crossbow drawn and a second one whose attention is yelling at the horses trying to get them to move i'm going to brandish my weapon and i'm going to say we have you surrounded it's time for you to surrender now
01:12:29
Speaker
Give me a persuasion or intimidation check. I'll let you choose. I think I'm equally persuasive and intimidating. Oh, that's a 19 plus a five. Either way is a 24. The two look at each other and one drops his crossbow. It kind of falls into the mud next to your glimp key with like a little splash. The other one lets go of the reins and puts his hands up and they surrender.
01:12:58
Speaker
I look at Glimpy like, did you see that? Okay, I can be cool too sometimes, okay? Okay, good. I didn't actually think you're going to go along with it. Go out of here and go stand in the middle of the road. We're not going to kill you, just have to, I don't know, go stand over there or something. And get on your knees, I think, is a thing. That sounds right, right? Yes, mom. Yes, mom. Okay, good, good. Bronto.
01:13:23
Speaker
And they both carefully climb down off of the carriage, and we'll say they go stand in between the two carriages and get down on their knees. Okay, cool! Well, what are you two gentlemen's called? I'm Winston. And I'm Charles. Winston and Charles, okay. Nice to meet you.
01:13:47
Speaker
Rumpus! Do you mean me or Rumpus? I mean both of you. I have these two and I think they work for me now. So what do I do with them? Tie them up. Yeah. Tie them up. Ew. They don't have to touch them. Okay. All right. I'm gonna start tying them up. Sure. You have them sit down back to back and just tie a big rope around them and they are bound up in the middle of the road. Okay. Rumpus is... I don't know. What now? Is our plan finished? Do we just go
Medusa's Curse and Moral Conundrum
01:14:16
Speaker
now?
01:14:16
Speaker
Well, I mean, Rumpus was saying that we should figure out if this goes any higher than them. And like, what is that? Like, what are they doing with all this silver? Oh, Clay's gonna climb into the back of the carriage and take the sack off the wall. Good call. Good call. We don't know about that woman yet, though, because Clay hasn't told us, right? Clay make a constitution saving throw. Oh, no. What is that? Oh, no. I got a nine.
01:14:43
Speaker
Clay, you pull the hood off this woman and you see she has this gray skin drawn tight over her cheeks. Her hair is a nest of snakes. Her eyes flash yellow and you look down and you see that your feet are slowly turning to stone. I need you to make a second constitution saving throw. I can still move my arms, right?
01:15:09
Speaker
I'd say not in an appreciable way. I'm lifting the hood off of her. Can I just yank it back down? No? You are restrained. I'm going to say you try to, and you look, and you see that the tips of your hands have already turned to stone as well. Oh, no. I got a 12. Clay Campbell. You turn to stone. Oof. More like Stone Campbell, am I right? Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Rumpus. Where did Rumpus go? Oh, what is she doing back there?
01:15:39
Speaker
Glimki, would you go check on Rumpus? Uh, sure. Okay. You got these guys handled? I think so. I'm just going to, I don't know, like ask them who they work for and what their deal is and if they have any hot goss, basically. Okay. Okay. Clay. No, no, no, no. Rumpus.
01:16:00
Speaker
I look at Winston and Charles and I say, I command you to forget that. Okay. What? Right you are. Klimtki starts rounding about the back of this other cart. He says hello to the horses, gives them a pat. Clay! Can I do anything where I'm just stoned? You are fully turned to stone. Am I conscious?
01:16:26
Speaker
I would say based off my understanding of how brains work, no. Glimpy, you round the corner and the view is blocked. Clay is a big person, takes up a lot of the space. You see a stone statue that looks like clay and you can kind of just make out the shape of another person. You can kind of see like the manacled arms that are up, but you do not see the person's head or face.
01:16:54
Speaker
at a glance, seeing the shape of my friend as stone. Does that, you know, alarm bells, is there anything popping up in my head? I'd say you can make a history check. Okay.
01:17:07
Speaker
12. You don't know what happened, but you can tell that is clay. You can tell that clay has been petrified, turned to stone, and you can think of a few dozen camp stories that you heard around a fireplace and dwells, people talking about gorgons and cockatrices and what have you, various monsters.
01:17:31
Speaker
People can be turned to stone, and it's by powerful magic, and you don't know what powerful magic did it, but I think you have enough common sense to immediately pull back and figure whatever is in that carriage with clay probably did this.
01:17:49
Speaker
Glimpy recoils back around the corner and fighting that well of emotion in his eyes there. You can see it kind of sparkle to life. He turns sternly to the two prisoners and is going to stomp through the mud towards them. And I would like to grab one as they're dragging him towards the back of the carriage. Yeah, they are tied together.
01:18:14
Speaker
Nope, I'm cutting one loose. I'm cutting one out of the group, and I'm pulling him with me. I'm taking the other one, Winston. Charles can stay. He has a funnier voice that I want you to keep doing. Bonnie, when you watch as Glimpy comes over, cuts your prisoners loose, and then starts dragging one of them over to the carriage. Is he putting up a fight? He's...
01:18:36
Speaker
been mollified for the time being. He's surrendered. He seems like he's mostly focused on not angering his captors, and as you're dragging him, he's like, I worked a good idea. I do act like wrong. No, no, no. Did I pick the wrong one? Which one has the normal voice? Winston. Yeah, I want that one. Oh, my apologies. Sorry, when I get scared, I impose no chance.
01:19:03
Speaker
Yeah okay so I'm pulling him towards the back of the cart and he's sorry he's not putting up a fight like beyond like hey what's the big idea or does he know something's going on? Yeah more or less I mean I think after like you keep dragging him he's like where are you taking me? You're gonna tell me what's in the back of this cart. I can do that without looking in. Oh okay why would you not want to look in? Well
01:19:26
Speaker
She's a wretched creature. Quite dangerous. Why are we bringing her back to the city to be executed? Yeah, that's vague. She's a damned Medusa. Okay, you're gonna go in there and you're gonna... You're gonna make sure that she's all covered up and then you're gonna help me get my friend out at the back of this carriage. Give me a persuasion roll. Ten.
01:19:54
Speaker
He seems hesitant, but he says, all right. All right. Will you let me go once I do that? Oh, after you do that. Sorry. Was that an affirmative or? No, I'm thinking if I might have a couple more questions for you, but I don't see why we can't do that. Very good. Very good. All right. He walks around the corner and he sees your cover your eyes. He sees the clay stone and says,
01:20:25
Speaker
She uncovered her head then. It appears so. All right. He closes his eyes, walks in. You can see that Clay has this burlap piece of cloth clenched in her stone fingers and he kind of blindly walks up and starts feeling around and grabs onto the burlap and pulls it loose without breaking any digits off.
01:20:51
Speaker
There's like a screaming and thrashing and the carriage rocks a bit and then he pulls it down onto her head and jumps backwards out of it, just immediately scrambles back out of the carriage. Okay. And what is all this silver for?
01:21:08
Speaker
We picked it up in the beast lair, and we were instructed to bring it to Erdonin. It would seem there's a lycanthrope problem, and we were bringing the silver so that they may melt it down and turn it into weapons to deal with the creatures. Okay, so that part is true. And why not kill this beast in its lair? Why bring it back? That I do not know nor understand, it seems that.
01:21:33
Speaker
She was either made to stand trial or was thought to be of use alive. Give me a blade and I'll kill her now. No. What do you know about Petruver Pit this magic? Not much. It's powerful magic. Needs equally powerful magic to undo it. Is she dead?
01:22:02
Speaker
I don't think so. I think... she's stone. Could probably be made flesh again, given the right remedy. Okay. I mean, that's, I guess, a bit of a relief that maybe she's still in there. You're not gonna run off and warn anybody that we took all your stuff? Me and Charles are just hanging out around the front of this carriage, right? I have no idea what's going on back there!
01:22:31
Speaker
No, you've got no clue. Glimpy has not told you anything about Clay or what's happened. Nope. That's fine. He says, look, if you let me go, I don't know who you're working for. I don't know why you've done this. Frankly, it's none of my business. I'm happy to walk away. You let me go. You won't see me again. Insight check.
01:22:57
Speaker
Oh yeah, I think because of my heightened emotionals, I got a nat 1. Limpkey is inclined to believe him because he's thinking more about his compatriot here. I think that's valid, yeah. He seems honest, but you're probably not looking into it too carefully. Okay, I'm gonna take the other one. What for?
01:23:20
Speaker
That's not necessary. Let us go. We'll go south. It'll be days before we reach another town. I give you plenty of time to go off wherever you need to go. I feel like I'll let you go and then we'll let him go at just a different, totally different place. You know? Give me a persuasion roll.
01:23:37
Speaker
13. Oh no, I'm just trying to get our chances here. I let you both go, I don't know, work together to get the word out quicker this way. I don't know, you guys don't know how to corroborate your stories. Yeah, a little bit.
01:24:05
Speaker
Well, thank you. I didn't... I thought I was asking a tree for help, and the dragon showed up. I mean, you seem decent. I try to be. After the storm has passed, maybe... or you can look for some shelter to dry off.
Emotional Challenges and Medusa's Tears
01:24:21
Speaker
There's a very nice inn at the top of the hill that you can go check out. Very lovely lady. Give me a deception roll. 17.
01:24:33
Speaker
He looks at you and says, thanks, but anyone you consider good company, I think I better stay away from for the time being. That's fair. Might I be off then? Um, yeah, sure. And he turns around without another word and starts walking south down the road. And then what did she say?
01:24:56
Speaker
I don't like him very much, Charles. I think your nose is ugly. No! Why would she say- Do you know, it's not a classical profile, but I wouldn't say it's ugly. As you're saying that, you realized for the first time his nose is blue. Oh, it's just... Do you know, I think it's something- I think it works with the rest of what you've got going on. Because the rest of you is a bit green, so... Thanks. Yeah, no. Would you marry me? No! Well...
01:25:25
Speaker
How rich are you? He lurches to his feet and starts sprinting towards the cliff. No, no, no! I'm gonna let him go. I'm gonna let him go and I'm gonna walk around to Glimkey and see the other hostage walking off into the distance and say, okay, Glimkey, look.
01:25:44
Speaker
I don't want to beef with you because I'd like us to be friends, but you walked up and you cut through the very nice knots that I've made, frankly undermining all of my authority with these two, and then you let the coherent one go! Fondland Clay is a statue. Oh! She's petrified and turned to stone, and I don't know how to fix that. Metaphorically speaking? No. Well, what did it?
01:26:08
Speaker
Apparently there's a Medusa captive in the back of this cart and unfortunately now we have an entirely new problem on our hands is that the Rumpus are now just you and me. Okay, well let's just take stock of things. Number one, how much do you like clay?
01:26:27
Speaker
a lot. Yeah, I like Clay a lot too, actually. Don't tell her I said that, but I think she's great. Okay, secondly, is the Medusa just, like, free back there? Do we have to worry about her poking her head out? No, I think that it's shackled to a wall from what I could see. Ooh. And I think the man, as much as I could hear, put something over its head again.
01:26:49
Speaker
Okay, I think we can diplomacy our way through this. An act of solidarity. I'm not going to leave a woman tied to a wall. I don't think she did it on purpose, so... No, no. I don't think that's a good idea. Well, you stole my hostages, so I'm going to try this. I'm going to knock on the cart. Oh, I thought you were gonna unshackle them. Maybe. We'll see how it goes.
01:27:14
Speaker
Knock, knock, knock. So you walk over to the carriage and knock, knock, knock. And you are met with thrashing. The carriage rocks ever so slightly and you hear a frustrated scream. Oh dear. Um, okay. Sorry to interrupt you. It sounds like you're going through something. Are you decent? Can I come in?
01:27:38
Speaker
Yes, come in, so I might get a look at you. Oh, I heard that your face was covered, is it not the case? Cryptic, okay, I'm going to glimky close your eyes and I'm going to take out a makeup compact and I'm going to open the carriage door behind me backwards and try and look in the mirror to see if her head is covered. Sure, you are able to look through like the crevice between Clay's arm and torso and you see that the burlap has been pulled over the creature's head.
01:28:07
Speaker
Okay. I don't know why you didn't just say that your head was covered. Let's be real with each other. My name is Helen. What's yours? Thais. Sorry? Thais. Thais. Am I pronouncing it correctly or do I have to do it the way you're doing it? The yeast. Thais. The yeast. I feel like you're doing this deliberately, Helen. The yeast. Thais. Thais. Yes.
01:28:37
Speaker
I think, okay, I think I've got it. Please, I swear that wasn't on purpose. It felt on purpose. No, I swear it wasn't! We're getting off to a bad foot, because firstly, you paralyzed my good friend, and secondly, I don't, I'm very, whatever country I'm from, I'm very that, okay? So, you know, it's my first time meeting a Medusa. All right. Okay, forgive me. So here's the thing, why are you tied up in the back of a caravan? I don't like it. I don't like to see you like this.
01:29:08
Speaker
Ugh, gross, and you're a powerful woman, and I just don't like that you're back here. Something about 20 peasants turned to stone they didn't care for, who can remember the details? Oh, please. Did you turn 20 peasants to stone? First off, very racist of you to assume it was me. Second off, yes. Oh, sorry, I'm very... whatever country I'm from, I'm very that. So, you know, forgive me. Do you know, I don't care that much about peasants, do you?
01:29:37
Speaker
I think we can assume based off my actions. No. Okay. Now, we both agree we hate peasants, but here's the thing. My good friend who you've paralyzed is not a peasant, and I would very much like to let you go so you can go terrorize other peasants, but I can't do that until you tell me how to un-stonify my very dear friend. Harder to reverse than it is to do. Oh, well then why did you go and do it? She pulled off my covering, and I lashed out.
01:30:07
Speaker
Oh, you last steps. You chose to do it. Or is it like a, you know, it just happens thing? No, I chose to do it. Oh, please. In my defense, I was shackled to a carriage and... Yes, but not by her. How could I have known that? Oh, because you had a bag on your head. Yes. No, that's very, that's very true. Okay, so how do I undo it? Quickly, please. Tears of the Gorgon. Oh, what the hell is it? Is that you? Can I make you cry? Will that work? Perhaps.
01:30:36
Speaker
Inside, Jack. Can I? That seems so suspicious. That's a 12. It's hard to get a read. She seems like by no means a friend. She seems very unhappy with your presence. I can't say I'm terribly pleased with her. Okay, here's the thing, Thais. You're telling me the only way to unruin Clay's life is to make you cry and then wipe the tears on her? Is that the only way?
01:31:06
Speaker
I've heard of other magics. Believe it or not, I'm not concerned with undoing what I've done. Honestly, sister, I get it. Cut and run, but in this case, I'd like you to tell me what you know. Perhaps, uh, sufficient. No, no. What are we doing here? What? Let me go and we can talk about treatment plans. No! Talk about treatment plans and then I'll let you go. I don't have any reason to trust you.
01:31:30
Speaker
Okay, then bye. And I'm going to get off the carriage and slam the door. And then I'm just going to stand outside quietly with my finger up to my lips, like don't make a sound for a long ass time, like two hours. You don't have to wait that long because after about 10 minutes, the carriage starts rocking and like she's like struggling, trying to break the chains. And after that, she says, Are you still there? I'm ready to talk if you are.
01:32:03
Speaker
For the audience who can't see us, Glimpy and I are having a silent exchange where we agree that we're gonna wait five more minutes. Well, you've gone and done it again, Thais. Gonna starve to death in the back of a carriage now because you couldn't keep your snakes to yourself. Don't think it's unreasonable that if someone rips the bag off of your head that you assume it's an enemy and turn them to stone immediately. Perhaps you'd have more friends if you could control it better, but... Damn it all.
01:32:36
Speaker
Okay, I'm going back in. Glimki, do you want to come with me this time? I don't think I can trust myself. Okay, fair enough. I'm going to go back in and say, okay, well, I hope you thought about what you've done. Faiz. Yes. And by that, sorry. No, please. Now let's let the woman who's not tied up talk.
01:32:58
Speaker
Oh, okay. Well, I was just going to say, do you see now that it's a bit silly for you to say, oh untie me and then I'll tell you the thing? Because I could just leave with my statue friend. You've already told me there's other ways to fix her. We've got a whole lot of other caravan. This is frankly the least interesting caravan to us for our purposes. Also, the horses are uglier that are pulling this one. What is it you propose?
01:33:23
Speaker
I propose that you tell me all of the ways you know to unfreeze a person, and then I'm going to try and make you cry, not by any- As I said, I am only fully aware of one. And it's the crying thing? Vaguely aware of others. Tell me the vague ones, then, quickly. Magic.
01:33:40
Speaker
Is that vague enough for you? No, I would like it to be more specific. I wasn't asking for vagueness. That's the whole point. I don't have specificities. As I said, I do not trouble myself with undoing what has been done. You were blustering before. Oh, I get it. Okay. No, I do that all the time. It's fine. You were vamping. I get it. Okay. I'm going to try to make you cry and I'm not going to do anything mean about it, but I just, just try to open your heart, please. My heart turned to stone long ago. Well, okay. Just then, okay. Well,
01:34:05
Speaker
Okay. Well, I'm a very good storyteller, so let's see what I can do. So, long ago,
01:34:18
Speaker
There was a girl, and the girl was very precocious and very smart. And she had with her no friends, but she had a dog, and it was a very good dog. And the dog's name was Veronica, and she was a cream-colored Clydesdale. And, sorry, I'm getting worked up already. And, so, the girl.
01:34:43
Speaker
She was very smart and beautiful, but her only friend was the dog because the world can be so cruel to smart and beautiful young women. Wouldn't you agree? Give me a persuasion roll. That's a nat one. No, the world can be cruel to anyone.
01:35:03
Speaker
Okay, you're not a girl's girl, that's fine. It's going to make my story harder. Okay, the girl is now a boy. Yes.
01:35:13
Speaker
Okay, good good. Okay. So here's the thing the dog the the boy the boy was very alone And the reason he was alone was because he had this thing where when people got close to them He drove them away You see when people got too close when they touched his skin they turned to clouds of mist and so the only thing the boy had in the world was his dog Veronica and then I
01:35:36
Speaker
One day, the boy decided that he couldn't stand to be alone any longer. So he decided he would test Veronica, and he threw a ball. And Veronica was a very good dog, so Veronica brought back the ball. And when Veronica placed the ball in the boy's hand, Veronica evaporated into mist, like everyone else the boy had ever loved or come close to. And once again, the boy was alone, and he always, always would be. Give me a performance roll.
01:36:08
Speaker
That's a four, plus a three, that's a seven. Does anyone have anything that can help me? She bursts out laughing. Oh, does she laugh until she cries? Stupid boy, stupid dog. Then get in here. I need you to make this woman cry. Oh, God.
01:36:30
Speaker
It's your turn. That was the best I could do. I made myself cry. I wipe it on clay just in case. It does nothing. I mean, do we just see if someone in the magical city of... Oh my god, where's the name of the city again?
01:36:46
Speaker
We're with the people in the magical city of Ardenine, we go back. You don't think there's someone magical enough to cast some sort of magical magic power? I'm sorry, are you saying you would rather have Clay remain a statue for upwards of potentially multiple days so you don't have to tell this woman a story? Do you doubt yourself? I just think that this thing is...
01:37:10
Speaker
My name's Thais. Yes, her name's Thais. Yes, this thing is stone-hearted and it cannot be shooketh by simple words to get it to cry. Is this even a gorgon? What is a gorgon? Thais, what's a gorgon? Is it you? Well...
01:37:29
Speaker
It's a matter of some dispute. It's a bit of a mixed mythology type thing. Now, you see, Medusa was one, but also was known as a collective as Gorgons. But then some guy a while back said, no, a Gorgon's a metal bull that makes poison gas that turns people to stone. So it's a bit confused at the time.
01:37:51
Speaker
But I assure you my tears would work. Should you tell a story sufficient of weeping? Wow. So I must admit, I got pretty close with the whole dog tearing into stone and missing dying. Yes. Now tell us about your relationship with your mother. Do you have one? Yes. Turned to stone. What's she like? Warm? No, stone cold. Stone colds because did you turn her into stone? Yes, but I was born. When you were born, so you've never known a mother's love? No.
01:38:18
Speaker
Just a screaming statue of a mother that I've used as a crib for my formative years. Ew, did you suckle at it? No. I don't know why I asked that. I'm so sorry. All right. I will tell you the secret to making me cry. Yes, please. But you must let me go. Yeah, we already said we will. Now. No. I want to be unshackled.
01:38:43
Speaker
No, no, no, no, no, no, I can think of a story that would make you cry. Easy. Yes, crimky girl. Just give me a second. Okay? To think. Sure. Take your time. I'm not going anywhere. Are you... Are you a mortal? No. You could quite easily kill me in my current state. No, no, I just mean like, are you ageless? Do you age? Are you... Are you bound here? I mean, I wasn't always a fully grown woman, if that's what you're asking. I know, but okay.
01:39:13
Speaker
No, she suckled on a statue, remember? Oh well, that's weird. Yeah, it is weird. Your weird values. Should we bully her into crying? Sorry, no. You do your thing. Look me in the eyes. Next time you want to say something like that. Ew, no, your eyes are weird. I hate them. Ew. Are you happy like this as a wretched, evil, cold, stone-hearted beast? Bitch! Sorry!
01:39:38
Speaker
No, but seriously, is this what brings you fulfillment? Are you happy with your existence? It's a living torment. Wouldn't it be nice to be released from this horrible form? Are you offering to kill me? Perhaps. No, I'd rather live as a wretched squalid creature.
01:40:02
Speaker
Instead of being returned to the beautiful cycle of nature and life, to perhaps be reborn as something beautiful again. Perhaps to see your mother again? No, I'm good, thanks. If you have a way to end my affliction, then I'm all ears. We could pluck out your eyes. No, that won't fix it either, I'm afraid. Oh, we could cut off all your snakes!
01:40:30
Speaker
I don't think that's gonna work either. We could blind all of your snakes, one by one. I would just like to be let go. I was perfectly miserable on my own, ruining families, tearing apart communities. I would just like to go back to that.
01:40:47
Speaker
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, okay, wait a minute. Yes, once again, I've got nowhere to be. Hold on a second. Okay, so you, okay, this is confusing. So you, obviously, you said this is a torment, you hate it. This is a torturous existence, but you seem to enjoy bringing that pain onto other people. It's a small comfort. You wouldn't understand. Well, well, tell me then. Give me a, give me a try.
01:41:17
Speaker
Give me a persuasion roll. 20. Not bad. I guess I hurt. And so I hurt others. I didn't ask to be born this way. It's not my fault. Perhaps things could be different. I want to give her a hug. I'm going to unshackle her.
01:41:57
Speaker
and give her
01:42:08
Speaker
There's a chance for you to use this as a gift instead of a curse. Your purpose isn't single or lying. A one route that you take for the rest of your existence. You can make a change. Much like the people that took this job to tear you from your home. Were you hurting people in that cave or just trying to steal your treasures?
01:42:33
Speaker
They pulled you from that. You could choose this to be an opportunity to make a change in your life instead of being trapped and blamed for these horrible things that happened because of a curse. You can change now. Give me a persuasion roll with advantage due to the hug.
Restoration and Redemption
01:42:56
Speaker
Yeah. 18. She starts to cry.
01:43:04
Speaker
I let go of her immediately and start collecting her tears with my hands and wiping them on Clay's face. She continues to sob and as she does, Clay, Faunalyn teleports. Maybe one moment you were in this carriage and then like a split second later, Faunalyn is standing directly in front of you, rubbing her hands all over your face. You don't know how she got there so quickly. You don't know how she got in front of you.
01:43:32
Speaker
Like that, you've never seen her move that quickly, but you're standing there and Fonowin's rubbing her hands all over you.
01:43:39
Speaker
Clay is mid-sentence with her hands still in that position. Like, are you okay? Oh, fuddlin'. Oh my god, Clay! Oh my god! I'm going to squeeze her cheeks because I'm already holding her face and plant a big smooch-a-rooney on her forehead. Welcome back, my friend. You were a beautiful statue. You look much better like this. What? Oh, you were rock for like, I don't know, an hour or something? We've been emotionally abusing this woman. Who is this woman? Are you okay?
01:44:10
Speaker
Oh my god, should I let you down? I start to go towards unshackling her. But that was the deal. I guess I unshackled her. I'm like, Clay, do it. Her left hand is released, her right hand is released.
01:44:24
Speaker
Clay starts to lift her burlap sack. No, no, no, she doesn't know what happened. Okay, whoa. No, no, no, no, that's not. Whoa, who are you? What happened? Um, this is Ayith. And Ayith. Ayith. Ayith. She reaches up and pulls the burlap off of her head.
01:44:49
Speaker
We all have to close our eyes. I think she said she could, she chose. Oh, okay. Right. Okay. You see this gray skinned woman. She's got these, these snakes. They're kind of just coiled around and like a nice little Bob. And she says, I'm face. My apologies for turning you into stone. It was a reaction. And I see that you are not my enemy.
01:45:14
Speaker
Nice to meet you, Thais. Don't even worry about it. I didn't even notice. My name's Clay. Why were you... ...cained up in this caravan? I don't like to see you like this. No, she killed 20 peasants. Oh! Yes, no, she slotted a village and destroyed communities. I've made some mistakes, but... ...perhaps things can be different. I think they can. I believe that too. So... what now?
01:45:43
Speaker
I'm going to go home and... Well, there's about 20 statues in my garden that I probably ought to see if I can do something about. Oh wow. You're gonna like, my name is Earl it. My name is Thais. My name is Thais. Her snake starts to like, rattle angrily. Don't call me Earl. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. No, we like Earl. Thais, are you going to like, turn it around kind of?
01:46:13
Speaker
I guess we'll see. That's awesome. Oh my, was it the dog story? She looks over at you, Glimky. Yes. It was, it was very good. Oh, it was meant to be tragic. She looks over at you a second time, Glimky. I nod again. Yes. Very, very uplifting and motivational. Oh, well. Thank you. Oh, that means so much to hear and I'm going to give her another hug.
01:46:41
Speaker
She returns it. Aww. And then she says, no, if you'll excuse me. And she steps out of the carriage and starts traveling down the road.
01:46:51
Speaker
As the three of you watch her walk away, you see that the storm has started to ease up. You see that there are a few gaps in the clouds start to form. You look down the road and you see a man holding a rope down to another man who's pulling himself up out of the ocean. He's got a little blue nose. And you watch the two of them kind of like hug and then like start walking down the road together.
01:47:14
Speaker
Winston and Charles Charles and you were left alone. Oh, whoa. Wait, should we go after them? Are they getting away, guys? It's okay. We made a deal with them. At least half of them. Oh, okay. Cool. So this carriage is left abandoned. The other one is damaged, but you walk over and you open it up and you see it is full of various silver pieces. There are
01:47:43
Speaker
There are silver pieces, there are plates, cutlery, a couple silver bars. There's some like large platters. You see, it's not all pure silver. Some of it is inlaid with silver, but there seems to be a small hoard worth of silver, silver goods in this carriage. Nice. Well, okay.
01:48:03
Speaker
Mission accomplished, guys. Guys, we are so good at this. Also, where did that dragon come? You know what, we haven't had a chance to debrief this, but isn't it kind of crazy that a dragon came out of nowhere and fought on our side? I know, right? Yeah, holy. But then Glimki, you did say that dragon's on our side, like immediately, like you intuited it. Oh. So I said we have reason to believe that dragon is on our side. So what was the reason to believe? Because I didn't believe it, frankly.
01:48:32
Speaker
because that tree is not just a tree and you know when we spoke to it the other evening and nothing happened well I tried it again and I struck a bargain with the spirit of nature that resided in it and I thought hey you know what what is a
01:48:57
Speaker
A simple request of aid to help tackle this convoy. And I mean, it seemed fair enough. It said yes, and all it gave me was this. And I pull up the gray acorn. So I just have to go plant this in the forest where I'm from. And yeah, that's about it. And then did I know it was going to be a dragon? No. I thought it was going to be a Whomping Willow type of situation, and I was wrong. But hey, it worked out.
01:49:25
Speaker
Glamke, are you telling me that you spoke with a tree and it gave you the power to summon a dragon from the earth?
Revelations and Battlefield Reflection
01:49:32
Speaker
I didn't summon the dragon. I think I'm terrified of you. I'm kind of a little bit too. Did you see me blow that guy up earlier? Oh my god! It was insane! Where did the light come from? And then you surfed on a shield!
01:49:43
Speaker
Yeah, I've never done that before in my life. It was unbelievably sick, actually. I think we've all been very cool today. Clay, you were a good statue. Thanks. Very statue-esque, if I may. I mean, you were good with the stones earlier, good with the stones later. Yeah, big day for you and rocks. Yeah, just call me Stone Campbell. Oh, hell yeah. Hey, I think you rock.
01:50:06
Speaker
Wow. Nice. Okay, I'll kill myself. It's on. Not before I do. So, what's the plan, gang? What is the plan? Are you heading off to the drop? Are you sticking around here for a little bit? Yeah, I guess we can get this carriage ready for travel. Glinky would also like to maybe move some of the corpses that haven't been developed by the Earth maybe to the tree.
01:50:35
Speaker
Grim offering. I know some of them have already been absorbed.
01:50:39
Speaker
Yeah, you notice like the large guy, as you are looking over, you see that kind of his stump arm is like one of the only things poking out. You can see like kind of half of his face and one of his legs. And you see his left arm, which ends at the elbow. You see that these bandages that are wrapped around it have been kind of peeled back a bit revealing its stone at the tip. And you watch as he's slowly being like pulled towards the tree into the ground. And yeah, so you spend a little time clearing the site.
01:51:09
Speaker
What's the plan with the horses? I could cut the other ones loose. I wanted to keep the other one. Oh, it's up to you. Yeah
01:51:16
Speaker
Oh, sorry, I was just gonna say I want to like collect some small pieces of silver and let's leave it at Tildi's house for her as her payment. Just a few baubles and then we can like get the horses ready to go. She's gonna make these horses so big. Clay, you climb up and you see that Jaquis has pulled himself up out of the earth and has started to slowly move his way inland. He hasn't gone very far so like if you hurry you could probably catch up.
01:51:46
Speaker
but it seems like they've decided to move on. Okay, I like run up, Jaquis, and I'm like waving, and I have like a bundle of silver baubles that I just pass over to. Jaquis reaches out with this large claw and grabs the bag and lifts it up, if you recall, there's just like one window up near the top of the tower, and Tildi pokes her face out and says, what this? Baubles for you, I promised.
01:52:16
Speaker
She dives head first into the bag like Jaquis pulls it open and she dives head first Scrooge McDuck style and you just see like silver pieces like flying up into the air and she's just cackling joyously as this crab slowly works its way away from you and disappears into the afternoon sun. Nice.
01:52:35
Speaker
The rest of you work, you get the carriage fixed up, it took some damage, but you know, it'll hold, you clear the road, you move the bodies next to the tree, which immediately starts to envelop them, and you head off towards the north, back towards the rendezvous point. Like I said, the storm has abated and has given way to the warm light of Faros, and after a few hours, you reach the spot indicated to you by Brutus, a small inlet sheltered from the waves of the Elsweyn Ocean.
01:53:04
Speaker
You see a small wooden boat with a single furled sail tied to a large piece of driftwood. Two figures with hoods drawn over their faces stand on the beach taking turns throwing rocks at each other. Should we be throwing rocks at each other? It looks kind of fun. It does look kind of fun. Did at any point during the last few days, did it cross your mind that maybe these are the bad guys? I don't think I concern myself with black and white morality the way you do.
01:53:29
Speaker
That's fair. You know, I think in this world, there's a lot of grey area, wouldn't you say? I mean, look at our friend Thais. Would you say she was a villain? No, I... I suppose you're right.
01:53:41
Speaker
Oh, holy shit. I think I was just right about something and earnest. That leg never happens. Should we take a couple pieces for ourselves? Ooh. Since we're working in a gray area. He's running with it. Okay. Cool. Yeah. Let's steal. Can I take a little bit? Yeah. Yeah. Do you find like a little trunk, like a little, little wooden chest and you pop it open. There's some like fine silverware. Nice. Fondling, are you taking something? What looks compact and valuable? There's a silver bar.
01:54:10
Speaker
That seems compact and valuable. I'll stash that into my purse. Okay. Clay, you taking some spoils? Yeah, still with us, Clay. Is there anything that looks really intricate and very nicely made?
01:54:25
Speaker
Yeah. I'd say there's one of those, like a, like a Faberge egg. You see that there's like this little, uh, it's sort of like a smooth polished stone egg. That's kind of wrapped in this silver network, this little silver webbing that kind of envelops it stone egg. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Small, small. Listen, I'm going to tell you right now. Hey kids. Hey, listen, you're not getting the pet out of this egg. It is purely decorative. It is a decorative egg. I'm going to incubate it.
01:54:55
Speaker
Just immediately sits on it Yeah, I take that cool so each of you take something and as you are kind of pulling up next to the to the the beach here up on this cliff where they wanted the hooded figures glances up and sees you and Walks over and points at points at
Deals, Discoveries, and New Threats
01:55:13
Speaker
you the other one turns around and he pulls his head back revealing Jimmy nah bones Hey, what's up? Oh
01:55:21
Speaker
I'm walking here, am I right? You made it! You got the goods? Who's the other guy? Ah, this is Mr. As. And the other person pulls their hood back, revealing a kenku, and they open their mouth, and you hear the sound of screeching, and then crumpling paper, and they nod at you. Didn't I meet you? Alright. So what's the plan from here, gang? I think they owe us some information.
01:55:46
Speaker
So the way I seize it is you got to show us the goods. We give you the goods. We get our goods. Everybody's good. Capiche. Okay. We pull back the tarp on the carriage. Yeah. They walk over, they climb up, they look in and say,
01:56:00
Speaker
Ain't that just the way? That's quite the hard you got there. You didn't take any for yourselves, did you? What if we had like, I mean, arguably Brutus would be pretty pissed off, but like, who's counting? Yeah, who's counting? I'm going to reach down and I'm going to pick up another silver thing and put it in my bag. Pick up another silver thing and I whip it into the ocean. You guys are all right. You're not so bad. I take one and I tuck it into Jimmy's pocket.
01:56:27
Speaker
he starts to scream he's like ah burns oh shit i wrap in and give it to him still doesn't feel good still doesn't feel good all right mr ass grab the pet the the kenku walks over to the boat and he hops in and he pulls out this large cage and he plops it down in the sand and inside you see this large insect the size of like a small dog it's got this
01:56:49
Speaker
chitin's plating all along it and it is... you see the cage is wooden and he plops it down and he opens it up and this creature it's got like rust colored plates of carapace and there's this rope tied around his neck and Mr. As leads it up towards the carriage and the creature just dives in and starts devouring the silver and you watch every piece of silver it touches starts to quickly corrode and rust away
01:57:14
Speaker
Well, is the insect cute? Are you someone who finds large bugs that turn metal into rust? Cute. It sounds like it might be cute. Then yes. Yes, it is cute. Oh, Jimmy says, give the people what they asked for. Hey, Mr. As he was at the docks night. It all went down. Take a listen to this, huh? And the kanko opens its mouth and begins to play.
01:57:55
Speaker
They're late. Patience. Patience. These things take time. Let's give them the benefit of the doubt. I don't like it. A million bloody things go wrong in a night like this. You feel this easily alarmed. Perhaps a different profession would be more to your temperament. To hell with temperament. Quiet. I believe our delivery has arrived.
01:58:49
Speaker
Not feeling so well, Your Majesty? Well, don't you worry. A trip to the Anchor's Chain will have you feeling right as rain. Heh, that rhymes. That's all he got, I don't know. Make of it as you will, but uh...
01:59:15
Speaker
deal struck in a bargain made and everybody's been joyfully paid. Do you guys know anything about what the Anchors Chain is? You're not from around here, are you? Yes. Yeah, all right. It's a series of islands west of here. There's maybe about a dozen or so ranging from vacation homes for
01:59:39
Speaker
And by that I mean riches, not the police. I don't know, maybe some police, I don't know. Maybe they got like a timeshare, I don't know. They got some nice islands, you know, there's housing, there's resorts, if you will. That's the word I'm looking for. Others are a little more rugged, dangerous, volcanoes, the like.
02:00:03
Speaker
I don't know. Sounds like one of them might be what you're looking for. And if you don't mind, I hate being out in the sun. It's bad for my complexion. So Mr. Asse and I, we're gonna head out. Maybe we'll see you around, maybe we won't. Stay sleazy. And he walks down to the beach and they untie their ship and start rowing away. Well, it seems like we have to go charter a ship. Should we get some pirate get-ups?
02:00:33
Speaker
I think we must. But for real, do you have connections to a ship company, if I recall? Yeah, merchant ship. Oh, yes. Okay, so I went to a party and I met the humiliation family. I don't know, they're shippers, they're a shipping family. And there was that thing about the boat started with the letter K, I think it was, and I don't have a super strong connection to them. Although actually, no, this is important. A couple of nights before I met the two of you,
02:01:01
Speaker
I received a letter from the Humiliation House with their seal on it, and the letter was summoning me to, I believe they're called the Drifting Terraces, and I went there and then two men tried to assassinate me, so I was lured there. What? Yes. Do you remember that thing I said, where I said, when one thing stinks and another thing stinks, it's possible that they stink because of the same thing, or whatever I said.
02:01:26
Speaker
Okay. So do you think that it was a humiliation house trying to kill you? No, I don't know because actually I'm blackmailing a lot of people. You'd know about the blackmail already. So actually I'm blackmailing like a lot of people. So it could be, but somehow it's just how did they get the humiliation house crest on the letter? And it could be humiliation house, but I'm not blackmailing anyone in the humiliation house.
02:01:48
Speaker
But it's interesting to me that Humiliation House is involved in my attempted murder, and it was a quite sincere attempted murder. The person I was with was murdered to death. Oh. Yes. I'm sorry. We weren't close, but thank you. I feel bad, actually. She worked at the house, and then I think Laura Fauna took her job.
02:02:08
Speaker
Oh, yes. Oh my gosh. Yes. I did hear about my predecessor, Iqwa. Yes. Untimely. Slaughtered in front of my eyes. Oh my gosh. Okay, so then perhaps this connection to humiliation has is not a good lead to try and get us a ship if they were connected to your attempted murder.
02:02:29
Speaker
In fact, now it makes me worried that if we're on the water at all, perhaps Humiliation House would be seeking to put our anchor down if you will. Oh. But you know, the other thing is though, that I know that Kazarin, the man I'm staying with, I know he visited Humiliation and they had expressed that they were also confused about why the letter that I received had their seal on it. But they could be lying.
02:02:54
Speaker
Okay, so we got to figure out how to get there and whether or not we pull on your connection to Humiliation House to find ourselves a boat. We also found Patrick near some Humiliation House. Oh yes, with a hole in his head. We should probably talk about the fact that we totally blocked out that element of trauma that we all experienced together and continued on as if nothing had happened. I threw up like nine times that night.
02:03:23
Speaker
We witnessed horrible murders, just not three nights ago. I've had nightmares. You? Every night. Oh, yeah. Okay, well, humiliation house it is, I guess. Yeah, or just like a normal boat, I guess. Are you ready to go talk to your attempted murders? I've been dying to actually. Can you afford a normal boat? No. I gave you all my money when I hit you with a carriage. That's all you have?
02:03:52
Speaker
I mean, I thought you were rich. I look rich. So there's a difference. Looking rich takes a lot of money. Oh, man. Why do you think I blackmail people? This is just classic living above your means. But you know what? A blackmail might have paid off. Do you remember we blackmailed two people? Well, only one. One person. I don't see one of those turning into a boat. But hey, you know what? We're going to try.
02:04:16
Speaker
Yeah, let's go collect our bounty and sell the silverware that we just stole, which by the way, if they were just going to destroy it, I kind of think we could have had it all and sold all of it. But wasn't that pervert that we put that gang of people on? Didn't he get tied to the post on a ship? Yes. So our friends is from that bar that we sent after them. They have a ship. Oh, the orc. The guy that looks like Bert the Snapper.
02:04:43
Speaker
Yeah, Vert the Snapper. Vert the Snapper! We're friendly. That is so smart. Why don't we try the Vert the Snapper lead first, and then after that, let's try the lead that's intimately connected to many details of this story.
Return Journey and Unresolved Mysteries
02:04:55
Speaker
Yeah, let's do that. Sounds good. Cool. The rest of the day is beautiful, and the journey back to Aridinine couldn't be nicer. Pharaoh starts to glow bright orange in the sky above, indicating nightfall is about an hour away.
02:05:12
Speaker
You'll likely have to walk in the dark for a few hours, but a warm bed and meal are still well within the realm of possibility. Clay, as you're walking, reflecting on what happened to you today, reflecting on what you heard, you were there. Those footsteps were yours.
02:05:35
Speaker
And as you ponder this and your involvement in everything that's happened, you glance out at the sea. Somewhere out there, the anchor's chain lies. And on one of those islands, the princess waits for you. You turn away and look inland to the east. You see a farmer's field. It's too early for crops to be growing, but the field is plowed and soon will begin to sprout.
02:06:04
Speaker
You see a cow grazing in a nearby pasture and just past it, you see a scarecrow. Although, as you look closer, it's unlike any scarecrow you've ever seen. He's wearing a crudely-fashioned pink dress and has hair that appears to have been taken from a moth. But their hands draw your attention the most. They're stained. The product of years of working with dyes. The scarecrow turns to face you.
02:06:32
Speaker
Clay, hey, Clay! Sten? How's it going? How are you doing? What the? Is this your plan? I'm going to find the princess. You won't believe what I saw today. As you're about to tell him, the sun darkens above you. You look up to see large wing shape over 15 feet long, covered in blue scales. The beast lets out a mighty roar and dives down towards Sten.
02:07:00
Speaker
Clay! It's working! My plan is working! The dragon grabs Sten in his claws, pulling him into the air. You start to run towards him, but the creature is already a hundred feet off the ground before you cover half the distance. You watch helplessly as Sten is carried away, his shouts of joy slowly fading on the evening wind.
02:07:21
Speaker
And that's where we're going to stop tonight's episode of Barred Soup. No. Oh, God, that's so funny. As soon as you said you saw a farm, I was like, oh, gosh, I know exactly. That's so funny. Oh, my God. It's dead. No, he got exactly what he wanted. It's good. He's going to get taken to the princess.
02:07:56
Speaker
Thank you so much for listening to episode seven of Bard Scoop. Bard Scoop? What is this? An ice cream place? Bard Soup. I am your absentee dungeon master, Zack Meekle. I was joined today, as always, by Prima Zhao as Clay Campbell, Jordan Johnson as Gloomky Tree Fellow, and Shannon Meekle as Faunalyn Vadark. Really sorry about the delay. Somebody had to go to law school and get a degree.
02:08:24
Speaker
Don't know who, but we'll be back now. Every two weeks, back in the swing of things. Thank you so much for everyone who's reached out, demanding more episodes. I'll never let you down again. Follow us at bard underscore soup on Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, and we will see you on May 22nd. Bye.