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114. Science & Spirituality- with Sophie Mills
92 Plays3 years ago
Sophie Mills, the founder of The Grief Revolution is a Spiritual Grief Coach with a background in holistic Occupational Therapy.
Sophie assists women (namely mothers) who are grieving the loss of a loved one to shift from feeling griefy AF into GLOWing alongside their grief.
Using the perfect blend of science, spiritual philosophies and storytelling, Sophie paves the way for women to process and deeply integrate their loss. Sophie’s healing work is anchored in our need for CONNECTION.
Connection to self (ensuring we FEEL IT TO HEAL IT), connection to others (being witnessed and validated in our grief through group healing circles) and connection to “all that is” (including how to have a continued connection to those that have crossed the veil).
Connect with Sophie Mills: https://www.instagram.com/the_grief_revolution
Connect with Kendra Rinaldi for coaching or to be a guest on the podcast: https://www.griefgratitudeandthegrayinbetween.com
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Transcript
Challenging Beliefs on Death
00:00:00
Speaker
at 24 when I had this belief system still in place that you know when we die that's it we're dead in the ground there's we cease to exist and this is our one and only life you know
00:00:12
Speaker
I kind of, at the bedside, in that moment when I was sitting and watching him die, just he and I, and he finally went. I knew almost instantaneously that that couldn't be true. You know, it's just, I don't know how else to explain it, but he just, I could feel his presence, you know? I knew he was still there.
Introducing 'Grief, Gratitude, and the Gray in Between' Podcast
00:00:38
Speaker
Hello and welcome to Grief, Gratitude, and the Gray in Between podcast. This podcast is about exploring the grief that occurs at different times in our lives in which we have had major changes and transitions that literally shake us to the core and make us experience grief.
00:01:01
Speaker
I created this podcast for people to feel a little less hopeless and alone in their own grief process as they hear the stories of others who have had similar journeys. I'm Kendra Rinaldi, your host. Now, let's dive right in to today's episode.
Meet Sophie Mills: Grief Coach and Spiritual Guide
00:01:22
Speaker
and listen to this conversation that I'll be having with Sophie Mills. Sophie is a founder of the grief revolution, is a spiritual grief coach, and she has a background in holistic occupational therapy.
00:01:40
Speaker
We will be learning even more things. I won't go along all the different things on the bio here, but I'm excited to get to know you as we record this podcast, Sophie. So welcome. Thank you so much. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so grateful for this platform that you've created.
00:02:01
Speaker
Uh, well, I'm just, I'm glad I'm able to provide this platform, but honestly, I wouldn't be able to have this platform if I didn't have people willing to be on it. So thank you for agreeing to be on the podcast. Thank you. It's a dance between us, isn't it?
00:02:23
Speaker
Absolutely, absolutely. Okay, so Sophie, tell us about you. Tell us where from people are listening to the accent. Actually, this is the first time I think I'm recording an episode in the evening to just be able to coincide with our time difference here. So tell us where you live and a little bit about your life.
00:02:46
Speaker
uh yes i'm from perth australia so happy to be the first one it's uh it's summer over here it's a hot hot hot and uh and i'm wearing a sweatshirt i just
00:03:01
Speaker
As you see me, I can't see you because your cameras are not working today but I'm wearing a sweatshirt. I'm talking like to this empty screen right here you guys and for those of you listening it feels so odd because I'm like she can see me but I can't see her so I just have to remember you're watching so that I don't do anything inappropriate just because I don't see you.
00:03:21
Speaker
Yes, you look wonderful. I'm in shorts and a little workout tee because it's hard. It's hard and it's morning. It's morning, right? Yeah, it's early morning. You guys don't do degrees over there, do you? It's 31, 32 degrees. Yeah, we do Fahrenheit and you do Salsas. Yeah. I don't know what the...
00:03:48
Speaker
It's funny because I grew up with Fahrenheit. I grew up with Celsius, yet ever since I've been in the States, my mind just completely switched to Fahrenheit. Now I don't even know how to translate from one to the other, like convert. Okay, so tell us then a little bit about your family life as well, your upbringing and your little nucleus as well.
Family Dynamics and Personal Background
00:04:12
Speaker
Yeah, so I've got two little ones. I've got a Finn, 15 months old, and a Cooper, four and a half. They are beautiful, and their friendship is just forming into a magical little duo, which didn't start that way, but anyway. And I have a beautiful partner. He is actually a psychologist, which has been very helpful on my grief journey.
00:04:37
Speaker
uh and yeah i what's and what's your partner's name is pat pat okay and
00:04:48
Speaker
Yeah, my story. I guess it starts, you know, in childhood as they all do, but... Yes, yeah. Tell us about your family. You know, I was raised in an atheist household where we sort of held, I guess, one particular belief that is highly relevant to my story. And that is essentially that when we die, that's it.
00:05:15
Speaker
you know, we're dead in the ground and we sort of cease to exist. And, and also that this is our one and only life. That was sort of what I learned from my childhood. And, you know, this notion that, that this is it, this is our one and only life, it sort of caused me really a great deal of suffering even before my actual grief story, I guess kicked in, you know, in that like,
00:05:40
Speaker
everything mattered. You know, this was my one and only life and I really need to make it perfect. I need to have no regrets. And so I held really a lot of anxiety and for me that manifested in a real need to kind of control everything in a really sort of severe perfectionism way.
Unexpected Loss and Spiritual Awakening
00:06:02
Speaker
And, um, and then of course, you know, in my early twenties, I had my quadriplegic father die unexpectedly, um, from head trauma. And, you know, now, so I was his next of key and I grew up in a family with two older brothers and my mom and my dad, but when I was nine years old, he had a skiing accident here in Australia, broke his neck and became a quadriplegic.
00:06:27
Speaker
So, you know, we transitioned into that life, you know, as best you can. But when I turned about 18, I think I was, maybe 19, my parents separated. My mum met someone else and carried on her life with him. So for me, I became my dad's next of kin and, you know, at his bedside, sort of,
00:06:54
Speaker
after, you know, the actual day that it happened, when, you know, the ambos came and we got him to the hospital and we learned that, you know, he wasn't gonna live. Like it was just me. I was there. We sort of did the goodbye. And you were 18? You were 18 at that point? No, that was when my parents separated, so. Okay, when your parents separated, you were 18? Yeah, from 18. So I think I was 24? 20, yeah, 2040. Yeah, I was 24 when he died.
00:07:26
Speaker
Yeah, and I guess at 24 when I had this belief system still in place that, you know, when we die, that's it. We're dead in the ground as we cease to exist and this is our one and only life.
00:07:40
Speaker
I kind of at the bedside in that moment when I was sitting and watching him die, just he and I, and he finally went. I knew almost instantaneously that that couldn't be true. You know, it's just, I don't know how else to explain it, but he just, I could feel his presence. You know, I knew he was still there. And, you know, my, I guess my dad and I, we were so deeply connected here in this physical world. You know, he really was.
00:08:11
Speaker
like my person. And, you know, not only was I his daughter, but I was also, you know, his carer, and like, we were friends, you know? And it was, I guess, it was a really multi-layered relationship, I guess. But within a day or so, you know, I was, he and I weren't actually living together when he died. I sort of lived five houses down the road. I liked to be nice and close so that I could go there and help him each day.
00:08:41
Speaker
After he died, I spent so much time just up at his house, you know, wanting to be close to him and also the practicalities of things. And one day, probably actually only the next day or the day after he died, I was on his computer thinking, oh, you know, I think I've told everyone that he's died, but maybe I should check his emails and see if there's anyone that I've missed.
00:09:02
Speaker
So I'm up there and I sort of just tapped something. And he had this sound system that sort of bled music all through his house. And I just tapped something thinking I was going into emails. And this music just turned on as loud as anything.
00:09:19
Speaker
What song? What song was it? Was it something similar? Very much so. It was Dan Morris and Days Like This, which is, if I could pick a song that reminded me of my dad, it's that song. You know, like we played it at his funeral. It's that, you know, anytime you think of Dan Morris, anything of my dad is.
00:09:39
Speaker
And again, so I knew, I was like, okay, he's here. This is, that is wild. And in this playlist, there was thousands of songs more, you know, and there's one. And sort of shortly after that, I started having some sort of visitations in my dreams and they were very vivid and very visceral.
00:10:01
Speaker
You know, so anyway, my story I guess is really about how death was like a portal for me into a spiritual awakening.
00:10:11
Speaker
I love it. And when you said that you couldn't explain it in that moment of knowing that there was more like I was also present when my mom died. And so all of us were around her when she took her last breath. And it was a very, it was very clear in that moment that she was no longer associated with
00:10:37
Speaker
the body for us at least for the body but it was still this knowing of course I mean I did grow up believing in after a lot so a little bit different than you so but I can I can totally relate to what you're saying of the knowing and feeling this amazing energy I don't it was uh
00:11:01
Speaker
Do you recall that type of energy that you felt in that moment too? For me, it was love. It was calm, it was peace. There was no fear. This society that we live in,
The Peaceful Transition of Death
00:11:15
Speaker
this death-averse society is so scared of
00:11:20
Speaker
of death, and birth and death really, which are the two portals in and out of this world. And yeah, this level of fear. And I remember sitting there being like, was that it? As in, you know, I feel the love and effort, but that was it. There was no trauma there, even though he died in a traumatic way in the sense that it was from head trauma, he hit his head and he died. But the actual act of him leaving his body
00:11:44
Speaker
That wasn't scary. It just was. There was no big crescendo, this, that. It just sort of happened very naturally, very calmly, very peacefully.
00:11:55
Speaker
And yeah, it was almost in that moment, I guess I still teeter whether I woke up completely or whether I needed to read a few spiritual books before it happened, but you know this notion that we kind of come into this world in the middle of the movie, you know, and we sort of leave in the middle of the movie really, like where these eternal spiritual beings having this human experience that
00:12:21
Speaker
I guess you could call it however you want to look at it. I love how you just said that because it's just, it's true. It's just this continuation. So we come in and it's just part of the whole perspective. And by the way, to the listeners, cause you've, if this is the only episode you've ever heard, then you will see that at different episodes, we just interview people with different
00:12:46
Speaker
type you know different kinds of of beliefs beliefs about death and some you know don't believe in afterlife some do some belief in reincarnations I believe whatever it is and it's all respected so I but I right now I'm very much in I do believe similarly to you so if I kind of concur
00:13:05
Speaker
with what you're saying. I want you to share a little bit of that little Instagram reel you did that I was like, Oh my gosh, because you just mentioned right now the two portals. So let's talk about that, that relationship between birth, and then death that you did in that reel and your, your role of associating those two. Yeah, that, that was really,
00:13:31
Speaker
A big tribute and a thank you to my second born son. He was, I wish he could see me right now, but he was birthed right where I'm sitting in my bedroom. Yeah, it was a home birth with just my partner and myself.
00:13:48
Speaker
planned which I know sounds crazy to many but again for us it was we didn't want that fear you know and I don't know too much about your guy's healthcare system but over here it's really there's a lot of red tape and you've got a kind of ticking cross
00:14:06
Speaker
you know, things and dot the I's and cross the T's and all that. And I understand that there's some value to that. But for us, we just wanted to birth our baby, you know, undisturbed just, yeah, just in that, in that sacred sort of space. And we did that. And when we did that alone, you know, in this palpable
00:14:30
Speaker
No doula or midwife? They came after, we called them after. You know, I wanted to get it. Oh my goodness, I have a whole other level of respect for you Sophie. Well, yes, I mean, women have been birthing forever. I know, I just have not. And I know it's happened with people like, oh, it happened that I did it before the
00:15:00
Speaker
made a wife arrived or before the doctor and whatever it is or because somebody was stuck in traffic and ended up doing it but you know the choice of just the two of you like I had and then who was taking care of Cooper? So my mum lives across the road to the place and so she had him.
00:15:19
Speaker
Okay and then I want to ask after you showed Finn's birth, I want to share then the contrast between that and Cooper's birth then since you mentioned. Okay so go ahead. So we birthed Finn and you know we've done all the right things in that I've done a baby CPR course and we knew that the ambulance would only take eight minutes if something were to happen and you know we had the right things in place but
00:15:44
Speaker
I also had a deep knowing that everything was going to be okay, which I know to some people sounds crazy and all the rest, but I have another story that I can tell about a pregnancy that we had between Cooper and Finn and how my intuition kicked in there as well. But anyway, so yes, we birthed this beautiful magical baby over 12 hours and it wasn't always easy, sure. But, you know, I knew I was safe and I knew I was protected and I trusted.
00:16:14
Speaker
And so when he arrived, and I was very present in the moment for that, but soon after, within probably 24 hours, I was reflecting on the birth and I realized that the energy in the room was exactly the same as it was when my dad died. That sense of calm and peace and just palpable love in the room.
00:16:42
Speaker
I don't really got me thinking like, hey, hold on. Something that I hadn't really allowed myself to think too much about before about these two portals. And I had done so much inner work, I guess, in order to get myself into a headspace of being able to birth my baby in a room just with me and my partner, you know, that really took a lot of surrender and
00:17:05
Speaker
And I did a lot of hypnobirthing, hypnotherapy to try and get myself into the right space. And yeah, I realized that it's the same. And even just the waiting, when will I go into labor? That same thing.
00:17:22
Speaker
Not knowing. A little bit of the unknown, which we don't technically really know of when we leave this physical world either. So it's a little bit of that unknown. When will I die? When will I birth my baby? And how? How will I die? And how will my baby come into this world? Will there be complications? Will there not? Will I die a traumatic death?
00:17:43
Speaker
Will it be a peaceful one, you know, in my sleep? It's there's so many similarities about the two types of birth. And really, I now view death as another birth into, you know, whatever comes next. It's sort of just the same. And I believe, you know, here on Earth, we we have this welcome party, this celebration for the baby, and they're here and congratulations and welcome. And I believe that we have the same once we leave this world that wherever we go to, there is a celebration.
00:18:13
Speaker
potentially our loved ones that had died before us are there welcoming us, it's love and connection. Oh, it's just so beautiful to see it that way. And when you shared that, I shared the video, yeah, I did share, right? Of the dancing, did I share the video with the translation to you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really being reborn. I mean, I know it translated, but yeah.
00:18:41
Speaker
Right. So yeah, it is. It's, it's, I love that perspective. Now, take us into, okay, do you want to share the contrast between then Finn's birth and Cooper's birth?
00:18:51
Speaker
or the other way around and why it is you chose then a home birth or on your own. And then afterwards I also want to talk about, and just escape me, do that and then I'll just, if you can share that contrast and then I'll ask you the other question when I formulate it. Yeah, sorry, Koopa's birth. So yeah, that was my first pregnancy and my first baby.
00:19:17
Speaker
And we were actually in a different state in Darwin. So we didn't have our support systems, my family or my partner Pat's family. And we had planned, we had planned a hospital birth in a birth centre.
00:19:33
Speaker
And when my waters broke, you know, I called the midwife and I planned to sort of labor at home until it got pretty intense and then go in because we're only five minutes from the hospital. It was quite a small city that we were living in at the time.
00:19:49
Speaker
um but yeah when i uh called the midwife she said oh yeah and i'm sure your waters are all uh clear and whatever i say oh no they're not actually so anyway they they got me to come in um for what i thought was a check but i never left so uh it was meconium i don't know if you're listening yes yeah um so anyway it just meant that i had to be monitored and i had to be upstairs in the hospital just making sure that the baby wasn't in distress and so that sort of
00:20:19
Speaker
turned our birth plan a bit on its head. And it meant that I then labored on my back pretty uncomfortably for a good long while. I still, I had a goal of no pain relief, which I managed to do, but I had to be induced and have a synthetic synthosinox, whatever it's called. And yeah, it was, it was a,
00:20:45
Speaker
an uncomfortable birth ending in an episiotomy and forceps and so it was it was traumatic in a sense and there was a lot of intervention and a lot of lights on me and just you know i kept asking the big wives can we turn the light off can we just you know lower the voices lower the room can we put some music on and it was it just wasn't it was quite clinical and that really i think affected my headspace and i believe that we have such a deep connection between
00:21:14
Speaker
you know, our mind and the energy of the room and then how our body can relax and surrender. I don't believe that I was able to fully relax and surrender and therefore my baby didn't arrive on his own. You know, I needed help. Yeah. And that's what sort of then, you know, made me choose a different experience for my, my next birth. For your, for your third pregnancy then, which was been so,
00:21:41
Speaker
you shared that that your intuition kicked in for your second birth pregnancy, which I also my first pregnancy was also not a viable pregnancy. But what what what happened in that pregnancy that you your intuition kicked in of something that you know, something was so interesting. So for my first Cooper, you know, you always know that that
00:22:04
Speaker
a miscarriage may happen or that your baby may die somewhere along the way or even during labor but you know a smaller chance there and I just knew with Cooper my oldest I was going to be birthing a healthy live baby I didn't there was no fear and you know I have a history of fear and anxiety in my life and I just felt none of it and then we got pregnant again and I it was just different I just had this
Intuition and Loss During Pregnancy
00:22:33
Speaker
feeling that every time, and whatever's happening in your life, you look for podcasts and you look for books and whatever it is that's relevant to you in your life. And I kept being drawn to these stories of women who had birthed babies
00:22:49
Speaker
that weren't alive. And I tried to do all the pushing out of my mind of no, no, no, you're just positive thinking I can manifest my reality and I won't have that. But even my partner, he was struggling a lot of the time and I called him numerous times saying, just keep your phone on you. I don't know why.
00:23:09
Speaker
You know, I just, yeah, it just was resonating. And then I have to laugh now, but it was April Fools that I went down and saw Bright Red Blood and knew, okay, you know, and I was in no way.
00:23:28
Speaker
Oh yeah and I yeah I you know that's bright red blood and and the amount of blood I guess that I was seeing I knew right away and and you know in hindsight I knew well before then anyway even though yeah even though we'd had uh you know ultrasounds and whatever saying that the baby was healthy and viable but
00:23:51
Speaker
Yeah, it was interesting. And you know, and then when I became pregnant with Finn again, none, nothing, no fear, no. Which is odd because I like for me, like I both might for myself, like both of my pregnancies after my first one,
00:24:08
Speaker
I was like super nervous because I had already had you know a miscarriage so it was quite the opposite then you're like you just the knowing for you was what kept you calm for me it was the oh my gosh no I don't you know I was just nervous I want to ask you how did the grief experience how was that experience because this happened after your dad having died correct
00:24:31
Speaker
So how was that experience of grieving the loss of your child in relation to you having experienced the death of your father? Honestly, it sounds wild but easier. Substantially easier and I put that down to my experience. I have this
00:24:53
Speaker
complete trust in the universe now which I didn't have when my dad died and you know I still grieved for sure and still grieve but I know how to I know how to sit with my emotions and move through them and I've found my ways of self-care and ensure that I have enough time and I journal and I do all the things
00:25:16
Speaker
But with my dad, I had none of those skills, but I also didn't have that deep trust. I trust that that baby that isn't physically here living, that that was their journey. That whether me and that baby had some sort of an agreement before we came here, that we would have that experience together.
00:25:36
Speaker
I don't know and I don't need to know. I just trust that whatever learning and growth and expansion that came from that experience for me and for my baby is what was needed, is what we wanted, is what we chose. You know, having that belief system really gives me such a sense of peace and comfort in any adversity. And you know, sure, I don't want my loved ones to die.
00:26:05
Speaker
I trust that whatever I come across in my life, that it will be for me, for my growth and for my expansion. Yeah.
00:26:15
Speaker
Yes, so explain to us then a little bit about them that contrast and growth then from when you experience your dad's death to then your pregnancy and that spiritual growth and journey throughout and and then we'll go from there into what it is you do now. Yeah, so I mean, I'm a scientist, I have a Bachelor in Science and I really like
00:26:42
Speaker
things to be proven and to make sense and to be able to touch them and see them this the whole idea of spirituality for me is not
00:26:55
Speaker
It doesn't make sense, you know, yet here I am, believing so deeply and knowing so definitely, you know, for me, I'm open to that changing, but it's for sure a pretty hard and fast belief system for me at the moment. So I guess as a scientist, I really went searching.
00:27:14
Speaker
And I wanted to be able to prove that that, you know, our soul, our essence, it's, it goes somewhere. And where does it go? And, you know, so I really, I looked into the work of Bruce Lipton, who, in my opinion, really meets spirituality and science perfectly. And, you know,
00:27:39
Speaker
I, I, I've also done, uh, some energy healing modalities and, um, I'm a qualified body talk practitioner, which is essentially bodywork, like kind of like Reiki. And, um, in that, you know, we know that there's like seven octillion atoms or something in our body, like many, many, many, right. And they're really just tiny spinning vortexes of energy. And this man, Bruce Lipton, he teaches that, you know,
00:28:09
Speaker
energy can never die and we know that in science energy can't die you know water turns into vapor and sure we can't see the vapor anymore but it still exists and and we're similar we're energy so if energy can never die and we are energy you know then we can only really transform so on an intellectual level i kind of went aha but you know there it is even if we don't know exactly where we go but
00:28:34
Speaker
You know, I also kind of think of this idea of if you take a frog, I don't know, or a human, but it's probably less in your face. Well, it's also what you're used to in a science lab, right? Everybody in biology had to dissect a frog at one point or another.
00:28:57
Speaker
You know, if you take all of the parts of a frog in its legs and its head and its arms and its brain and its organs and its blood and all of its things and, you know, you put it in a bucket or a Petri dish, let's say, let's be real scientists, you know, it wouldn't just magically become a live frog, right? It would just be all of its mush in a bucket.
00:29:17
Speaker
It really needs that, you know, the universal consciousness, the soul, its essence, to make it a living, moving being. And I sort of think, where does that come from? You know, it's got to come from somewhere and it's got to go to somewhere because energy can never die.
00:29:33
Speaker
And so really that notion is what held me through all of this. And then, you know, I just read many, many, many, many, many, many various textbooks around the spiritual teachings and all of the philosophies. Love it. I love it.
Support in Grief Journey
00:29:54
Speaker
Now, you mentioned that the Pat is a psychiatrist. Do you mention a psychologist? Yeah.
00:30:00
Speaker
psychologist. And so when did you both meet? Did you know him when your dad died? And you mentioned he was, um, he's helped you in your grief journey as well. So, uh, tell us a little bit about that dynamic. No, I hadn't met Pat, uh, before my dad died. I was actually in a relationship with another man at the time. And, um, yeah, it's interesting. I had this real need.
00:30:28
Speaker
for whoever I spend my life with to have met my dad. And so I actually probably stayed in that relationship for longer than I should have thinking, well, he's met my dad, they have a relationship, you know, I want that to continue. But ultimately, I, you know, that relationship ended and
00:30:46
Speaker
uh i met pat at a beach randomly in darwin with his dog and it yeah it's quite a funny story because look honestly i did it wasn't the greatest first impression you hear me from you who didn't have the first the best look it depends who you talk to but if i tell the story which i get to
00:31:10
Speaker
This is your space. You've got the mic. Sophie's got the mic, so Sophie gets to say her side of the story. If Pat wants to say his side of the story, he's got to come on the podcast. Yeah, he doesn't get to say it. Look, the way that I tell the story is that he was all about Sophie. And I thought he was a little bit too
00:31:37
Speaker
energetic and how do I say it in a nice way? I call him a little, he was a bit fake in the every, so we kind of met and we went for a little walk along the beach and he was very, hi, how are you to everyone? I remember thinking, geez, this guy's very out there and loud and it's really, yeah, it's not his true essence. He is a beautiful, caring, loving man that isn't fake and is, yeah, it's funny.
00:32:04
Speaker
It's so funny because people think it's like it has to be love at first. My husband the same like he thought I was stuck up. He thought I was like so like you know and I thought he was just way too quiet which is true.
00:32:20
Speaker
That's still true. And I guess maybe I am stuck up. I don't know. But it was not one of those moments either. All right. So then that relationship then, of course, now here we are two babies later. So how has it been then now as you're exploring grief then, and you mentioned you didn't have tools when your dad died. So how did you?
00:32:48
Speaker
Process the grief then and then how is it how have you continued processing that grief now? How has it kind of developed and shifted through the years? That was my that was my early experience But with the crying a lot I suffered and I've now since learned that you don't have to suffer so much I've I've changed my mindset, but really my
00:33:15
Speaker
The shifting point was meeting Pat and I initially thought, oh, it's because he's a psychologist and he's used his psychology mind on me and isn't he so great? But really what I've learned is no, it was that I was just being witnessed. I was just being held in a safe, loving environment where I could grieve without justifying myself.
00:33:41
Speaker
And he let me be sad, and he let me be angry, and he let me be all the things that I needed to be in that moment.
00:33:49
Speaker
He took the kids when I needed to scream into a pillow and, or, you know, go for a walk. And he held me, you know, in my closet while I was crying, you know, because some new memory came up. So for me, it's, it's neither here nor there that he was a psychologist in the end. It was just that I was given full permission to feel however I needed to feel.
00:34:19
Speaker
that had he experienced aside himself a grief experience himself that made him be so intuitive to allow you to grieve that way again and as we said yes psychology might have helped him in that aspect a little bit but um had he gone through something not in relation to the death of a loved one um he
00:34:47
Speaker
himself had has been through I'd say essentially normal life challenges and really to get through those shone a light at himself and looked at where am I creating some of these challenges and what can I do about it and I think through coming into a space of knowing really who he is
00:35:12
Speaker
and knowing what he stands for and being really firm with his boundaries in that, he had come to a space where he could just witness without putting his own stuff into it. Yes. And without judgment, yeah, which is a lot of times what we do. And also not only the judgment, but the aspect of wanting to fix that part of that
00:35:37
Speaker
sometimes people feel so uncomfortable witnessing somebody going through something because we have this tendency of feeling like we have to fix them. And that's not helpful in our creature sometimes. And I guess the other gift I guess that Pat gave me was unconditional support to
00:36:02
Speaker
do whatever I felt that I was drawn to and you know we can tell some of my belief systems are potentially a bit out there and pretty weird and wild and wacky and and he doesn't hold some of the same belief systems but he is more than happy to support me in mine and you know you asked how my grief journey has sort of shifted and you know and now I
00:36:31
Speaker
You know, it sort of started with just being witnessed and, you know, and actually allowing myself to feel the emotions and really, um, have somatic experiences of them where, you know, Oh, wow. What does this feel like in my body? Oh, you know, my heart races, my shoulders move in this way. You know, how do I want to, how can I shift this energy from being stagnated within me? And.
00:36:56
Speaker
You know, I still use those somatic practices, but I also now use similar to what I did when I birthed my son, my fin, my one and a half year old, the same sort of hypnotic meditative practice that I have.
00:37:15
Speaker
which allows me to connect into that universal consciousness, that source, that energy, you know, God, if that's what others call it. And for me, that's the space where my dad lives. And so now I almost don't have to grieve him so much because I still have direct access to him.
Becoming a Grief Coach
00:37:43
Speaker
So beautiful. Yeah, like you've already found that little hidden door through through another little hidden door to be able to access that little portal through this way of doing this hypnotic, you know, breathing and practice meditation as well to be able to access him. Or as you were mentioning earlier, you had had dreams as well, that you felt
00:38:12
Speaker
that were symbolic as well, correct? Absolutely. Yeah. I remember vividly the first dream that he came to me was actually I have a meditation that I take clients through now and I'm moving into doing them in a group setting. And it's based on this dream that I had that, you know, he sort of appeared to me and he wasn't in a wheelchair anymore. He was walking and he was
00:38:40
Speaker
whole and happy and safe and he told me that. And we got to meet again and touch and hug and look deeply, intimately into each other's eyes and not even have to say too much. I mean, in time we did. But that first meeting of him across the veil that I had that came to me in a dream is
00:39:09
Speaker
one that I go back to often and one that I'm really grateful that I can now walk people through in my own work so that they can have a similar experience.
00:39:22
Speaker
So beautiful my goodness like now you are you can help others unlock that little door as well and and go through there so tell us about that work that you do a little bit dive deeper into that and how it is that you decided that wait this is what I'm supposed to be doing this happened this is what I've lived this is what I've learned
00:39:46
Speaker
And as you were mentioning earlier, this happened for my growth and my, right, like you mentioned. So how did you decide to now use that to help others?
00:39:57
Speaker
Yes, you used the word decide. I don't know that I ever decided. It just happened. It honestly, it just felt like it happened. And my partner the other day said to me, so did we actually, when did we decide that you were going to start your own business? Do we actually decide that? It just seems to have just naturally happened.
00:40:18
Speaker
It's so, it is so like fluid as it occurred, right? It just flowed into place, basically. Yes. Okay, so how did it flow? Let me take away the word decide. How did it flow to be what it is right now and continues to flow into developing to be? Is that better, Sophie? Yes, it is. Is that a better idea? I resist the word decide.
00:40:44
Speaker
And I welcome the words alone, thank you. I guess after my son was born, I had many nights up breastfeeding, you know, thinking, how am I going to pass the time? And with my first, it was, you know, games on my phone or all the distraction techniques that I could possibly think of because I was still, I guess, acutely and actively grieving the loss of my dad. Whereas now I feel like
00:41:11
Speaker
I don't need to do that you know I'm in a wonderful space and I just intuitively kind of went what interests me what am I into and this is where I started to think oh I'd really love to provide that experience that I got in my dream to others and you know as you say so I think I think in the intro which I feel like I've forgotten all about now you said that I was a spiritual grief coach so
00:41:33
Speaker
you know I really help women and mostly mothers I guess because they're sort of the circles that I currently run in and where I make most of my connections but really women who are grieving the loss of a loved one you know to sort of help them move from that space of feeling
00:41:51
Speaker
really lost and lonely. I'm stuck and stuck sometimes because like you were mentioning about moving right the energy through yeah and really yeah helping them to shift into a similar space to where I've gone to that expanded version that's that's at peace with that the new filter that we have to look at the world through you know.
00:42:17
Speaker
Oh, so beautiful. So beautiful. So how do they connect with you? Are you the sessions online? Are the sessions in person? Are they over the phone? How is it that you interact with your clients? Because of course, we'll be putting your information below here in the show notes for people to reach you. So how is how is that interaction? So I do everything online. I'm a working mama. So it really helps me to be able to and then I can obviously help
00:42:46
Speaker
people worldwide, depending on time zones, but yes, it's all online. I am wondering whether I should, yeah, I'll tell your listeners about an offering that I've got. Some of the offerings you have. Yes, go ahead. Yeah, even though they will hear this probably after the offering.
00:43:06
Speaker
The offering that Kendrie might be referring to, I can talk about something else. The one that Kendrie is referring to is something called continued connections, which is where I take people through that immersive journey. But potentially that will have already been and gone by the time this is aired. So what's probably more relevant and that would still be in the future for those listening would be my grief to glow sisterhood,
00:43:34
Speaker
which is a three-month online group coaching program for these grieving women and it's really for anyone who is in that space of feeling like really lost and lonely and anyone that's ready to sort of stop suffering alone in silence feeling misunderstood and overwhelmed you know
00:43:54
Speaker
And it's, I guess it is for spiritually open or spiritually curious women who are really wanting, that want that community, you know, and for them to kind of come together and acknowledge that like, this kind of is awful. You know, like grief is awful.
00:44:16
Speaker
And to sort of say to each other, like, I'm going to sit with you in that awfulness. You know, you don't have to carry that that weight of the pain of grief alone. You know, let's all sort of carry it together. Let's band together. And I sort of break the course into two parts where the first is really around that grief mindset and provide some sort of.
00:44:37
Speaker
uh grief and death literacy i guess and to kind of help us meet that the awfulness in sort of a new and expanded way and then oh that's beautiful it's oh i'm i'm so excited it's going to be the first time that i'm running it in this way i've done sort of the um one-on-one work with women but to bring it together in
00:45:02
Speaker
this group setting, you know, when women come together, like magical stuff happens. Agreed.
00:45:12
Speaker
Yeah, it's a matter of the village, right? That aspect of village in which we are, that's how we are meant to be in community. So that's wonderful. And so then the second part, you said that's the first part, and then the second part of the journey of the workshop. The second half of this three-month coaching program is that we look at how we can actually continue our relationship with that person that died.
00:45:39
Speaker
and you know I use various sort of spiritual teachings and then I hold weekly immersive experiences where we can train our mind to connect into that that state of relaxation that this sort of state where we can intuitively connect into you know source consciousness whatever and
00:46:02
Speaker
That's where we get this visceral experience of seeing our loved one again. And you know, not everyone sees it in the same way. I'm a very visual person. Others sort of can connect in through auditory feelings or just a sense of knowing, but yeah, the second half is really attuning us to that sort of frequency. I'm listening and I'm like hearing how at the beginning we started talking about you growing up atheist.
00:46:31
Speaker
And then here it is, you know, what it is you do. It's all about spirituality and connecting with the source and energy and allowing ourselves to connect. It's like incredible how much growth and changes we undergo in our lives.
00:46:55
Speaker
And I say, you know, I have my mother that lives across the road, and I have a brother who lives next door, and I have another brother that lives two houses up. Oh my goodness, you guys are in a little commune kind of little space, you know? Oh yeah, we're taking them up. It's amazing. We all have kids the same age, but yeah, they are still very much atheists. And so I'm kind of the weird, crazy, wild auntie or sister or daughter.
00:47:23
Speaker
Whatever it is, that's what we are. That is, that was actually going to ask you around, like what, what your mom then thinks of your, uh, your belief system now. But you were also the only one that was there with your dad when he passed. Is that correct? Yeah. The night that he, you know, I sort of found him on the floor and did the CPR and got into the hospital. We all met there.
00:47:48
Speaker
And we're told, you know, he's not going to survive. And we all said our goodbyes. And I, we all went home, you know, 2am, whatever. But I was the only one that went back the next day. I had sort of said to myself, if they call and tell me that he died, well, so be it. But when I woke up the next morning and there was no missed call on my phone, I just knew that he was kind of waiting for me, you know.
00:48:10
Speaker
That is beautiful. I want to ask you, even though this is not something you just mentioned about him becoming quadriplegic when you were nine, and then later on, then at 18, pretty much you becoming his caretaker.
00:48:25
Speaker
How was that for you, that experience of having, do you remember your dad before you were nine? Like the things he was, this could be a completely other podcast. Yeah, I see my brain goes into these, all these questions like, how was it for you then at nine?
00:48:48
Speaker
having a dad that's super, you know, probably active. I'm not sure what you, do you remember that contrast of that age? Okay. Would you mind touching up a little bit on that? Absolutely. It's interesting. You know, now I'm coming to the age where I have my own children and I often think like, wow, if my partner Pat became a quadriplegic, I could see how that could affect my life. You know, but as a nine year old girl, it didn't affect me in the negative way.
00:49:15
Speaker
I, my dad was still cognitively there. It was just his physical body that no longer worked for him, right?
00:49:24
Speaker
For me, like he couldn't work anymore. He was at home all the time. And I had forever access to my dad, to the person that I loved more than anything in the world. And it was great. It was hard to watch him in pain. He had a lot of nerve pain. And I would have taken that away for him in an instant, but I wouldn't have taken the injury and the fact that he became a quadriplegic away because
00:49:51
Speaker
That's where his and my bond really was able to form deeply. And again, that's where looking back, I guess, on my life and the things that happened to me and my family that I now see as happening for me and my family, you know, I wouldn't change it. And that's when my trust comes in of like, look at that opportunity that that what most people would view as this horrible thing to happen to a family.
00:50:16
Speaker
For me, it was a gift. And, you know, maybe I didn't see it as a nine year old. I don't think I saw that at the time. I just kind of thought, well, everyone else seems really sad, but I kind of get to hang out with my dad all the time.
00:50:27
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, you're like he gets to watch all the shows I like because he's here. He's next to me. He gets to, you know, to see me play. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Like you he he wasn't busy. He was there. He was present. So therefore that that did create you feeling seen also then right by your dad.
00:50:52
Speaker
Okay, well, yeah, I was wondering, like, if you had, like, a remembered, you know, oh, he used to go to my, you know, he used to play ball together, and then now we didn't, but no, it was quite the opposite. It was that intellectual connection that we really, that was really strong for us. He and I had such a similar or almost the same sense of humor, and we were really able to laugh at him in a wheelchair, you know, which sounds crazy and horrible and all the things, but no, things were funny, and we found humor and joy in our circumstance.
00:51:23
Speaker
And I think that that's a huge part for a lot of us, humor in our journey with grief. And that was, you know, he was grieving the fact that he no longer could walk, right? But using humor even in that process kind of makes it just a little less painful too.
00:51:45
Speaker
Right. Oh, wow. Yeah, that could totally, thank you for, I was going to say, I lost the word. I sometimes lose the words, like just entertaining the idea of going into that route of sharing with the voucher.
00:52:01
Speaker
your life with your dad as a quadriplegic. Thank you. Okay, Sophie. So let's then tell people how they can get in touch with you. And before we go, I'll ask you if there's anything else you have not been able to share that I have not asked you.
00:52:22
Speaker
my whole life story no uh yes i'll come back next week and the week after and the week after okay so it's probably easiest to find me on instagram so i am at the underscore grief underscore revolution or you could probably just type my name in sophie mills uh
00:52:43
Speaker
And yes, that Grief to Glow Sisterhood three month experience that I referenced before is probably what will be coming up for listeners.
00:52:54
Speaker
And for that, it's also through Instagram. What if somebody listening does not have Instagram? Is there any other, like, would they be able to access the grief to grow any other way? Yes. I mean, even through Instagram, best to DM me, because it's going to be a small and intimate group and we want to make sure that we're all kind of aligned. But yes, email would be the other way, which is sophie at thegriefrevolution.com.au.
00:53:22
Speaker
uh i'm also on facebook under the same name you can find me at sophie mills or the reef revolution with sophie on facebook many many ways perfect and then smoke signals if they also would like to try that route or just get into a really deep meditation and contact her that way she will listen we'll just meet you in that middle
00:53:52
Speaker
Just yeah, come in, come in. Now, anything that you want to share with the listeners that I did not ask when some last words of either encouragement or a thought for us to... Well, my thoughts, I guess what I stand for, the message that I really want to get across to everyone, if
00:54:15
Speaker
pretending I only had, you know, 15 seconds, even though I've had 45 beautiful minutes of your time, would be that death is beautiful and sacred. And I challenge people to view it in that way and to see if there's any room in their thinking to see it that way, to reframe it into something that is beautiful and sacred.
00:54:47
Speaker
So beautiful. Thank you. Thank you. And yes, we could go on for another hour easily. Part two. Part two. I could always keep on talking with all my guests for longer. It's just such a such an intriguing topic. And it's always
00:55:05
Speaker
curious to know how people get to where they are with their beliefs or how they navigate their journey. So thank you so much, Sophie Mills, for joining us and sharing your story with us. And to the listeners, you know now how to contact her. Make sure to check the show notes so that you get all the different links to the accounts, social media accounts, so you can access her. Thank you once again, Sophie. And to the kids, too, and Pat for watching the kids.
00:55:35
Speaker
Kudos to Pat for watching Finn and Cooper while we did the podcast. I made it through without them running through the door. Yeah, you made it through. I didn't make it without my dog barking, which I'll have to edit after we get off. So thank you again, dear.
00:56:00
Speaker
Thank you again so much for choosing to listen today. I hope that you can take away a few nuggets from today's episode that can bring you comfort in your times of grief. If so, it would mean so much to me if you would rate and comment on this episode. And if you feel inspired in some way to share it with someone,
00:56:25
Speaker
who may need to hear this, please do so. Also, if you or someone you know has a story of grief and gratitude that should be shared so that others can be inspired as well, please reach out to me. And thanks once again for tuning into Grief Gratitude and the Gray in Between podcast. Have a beautiful day.