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What Do We Know About Women?
39 Plays8 months ago
A very deep exploration of what we know about women.
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Transcript
Is Understanding Women Complicated?
00:00:31
Speaker
Alright dude, without a joke man, do you think you know women? Well why without a joke? Well I'm just curious because I want to get into it, I don't want to have to sift through a bunch of comedic babble.
00:00:42
Speaker
Okay. I think I'm getting, I'm learning. And I'm learning and also like, you know, it's like the more you know the more you're confused.
00:00:55
Speaker
But I'm also not, if you ask me, do you know men? I'm like, no, maybe not either, you know? Like everybody throws some curve balls at you in life. Yeah, sure. But are are there things that, I mean, you have a lot of opinions about women.
00:01:10
Speaker
I'm pretty yeah pretty balanced. But you have a lot of opinions, a lot of trim talk, a lot of, you said before we got on the show, you used the c word. Or are there things that you would apply a higher probability to being true?
00:01:24
Speaker
What is that question? I think what I'm learning as I get older is they're less complicated than we think. Like we just think it like the the the popular thought is like it's just a complicated mess.
00:01:39
Speaker
Like what's going on inside a woman's head? and And you just it's it's so weird. and And I think in a way we're all kind of the same. a little bit, i'm i'm realizing.
00:01:50
Speaker
Like there's some basic principles that are gonna run through men and women. There's some differences. But that that's the one that's one thing I'm learning. is like You're like, what do I do?
00:02:03
Speaker
What do I do with women? How could I possibly even figure out what the fuck she wants or what they want? And you're like, oh, it's probably be like some basic human principles that apply to most situations.
00:02:13
Speaker
Like they probably like pico and guacamole. They're humans like you, right?
Societal Perceptions of Gender
00:02:19
Speaker
Simple stuff like that. Or what do you mean? Well, the yeah, the the popular idea is like all women are always fucking hungry, but never eat when they're when they're supposed to It's like complicated, very complicated, right? You know anyone like that?
00:02:33
Speaker
I'm hungry. i could go for a bite to eat. but then Not anymore. Not anymore. Well, I think we go through our phases in life, and I think that we're all kind of the same. When you're like, God, women are a complicated mess, most the time you have that experience when you're younger, you're trying to figure out or trying to hit on them or beat them.
00:02:56
Speaker
And you're like, this is a fucking cruel game. Women are hard. And why why do they encourage assholes? So like why are they so into assholes and stupid, terrible, narcissistic male behavior?
00:03:09
Speaker
That's what you feel like when you're young. Right, that's a good point. Yeah, but then you kind of realize they're probably thinking the same thing about us, and it's more like an a I think it's more like an age or a point in your life when you're all you're all trying to figure life out than it is just, ah, women are fucking weird. Mm-hmm.
00:03:26
Speaker
Like, I feel like I could i could get down, i could almost any... any woman on the face the planet I could charm and get down with easy right now.
Selectiveness in Relationships
00:03:35
Speaker
Like they they couldn't deny it.
00:03:39
Speaker
And that's something you know with certainty. mean, that's what you know about women. here
00:03:47
Speaker
Oh, No, no, it's a weird thing. But like, you know, a little bit about you just with with experience, you know, a little bit about people and and you kind of got to apply that. I felt like when I was younger, women, I don't know. It's funny because but I feel like, they like, I felt like women have the choice, right? So you're always like, you're always trying to impress women.
00:04:09
Speaker
But as you get, you know, you're married, you meet other women, or you have a daughter, you you realize they're like, they're interested in, everything as well.
00:04:20
Speaker
And they have, they have taste and like people and stuff. And like the game seems like it's like our job just to, just to find, like figure out how to, how to get there. Like they're, they can just be like, no, like they're Caesar.
00:04:32
Speaker
Right. feel it's like, you gotta, you gotta figure out how to do it. But, uh, it'll be interesting for you to listen back at this. Yeah. Women are like, they, they, they have preferences. They have ideas about their life.
00:04:43
Speaker
They think a little bit, what What's your take, dude? You don't think that makes sense? No, I think what you're saying about the they're Caesar like, I will take him. Give me him.
00:04:54
Speaker
It feels like that when you're younger. Yeah, well, if we go all what I'm saying, like you go all the way back to, let's say, like eighth grade or
Adolescent Romantic Perceptions
00:05:00
Speaker
some shit. Maybe you are a pimp back in eighth grade and it came easy, but you're kind of like, damn, there is a girl I like.
00:05:07
Speaker
Again, you mentioned the last four episodes that I was young and a late bloomer and there was no trim swimming around this. So um I'll use you as an example. For you, what was it, third grade? So so you you looked at a girl like, i don't know if you're going ask her to dance or do something like this fucking Mount Everest or like this mountain. they Like, how how can I possibly approach this girl? How can I talk to her? And how would I know if she likes me?
00:05:31
Speaker
thinking that she would not even have any of those feelings, right? Like if she even had anything like that, it'd be like a goddamn miracle, like finding a unicorn. and What I'm saying is like, as you get older, you realize like everybody has those kinds of feelings stuff.
00:05:43
Speaker
Yeah. So with certainty, we could probably say that they, that women want to be wanted. Just like us. Yeah. Like that, that's where it starts. Now that that may not mean, mean it leads to anything, but everybody wants to feel that.
00:05:58
Speaker
Everybody wants to feel that. even like talk to, or, you know, like the idea is like, I gotta to talk to this woman. It's like, why is that such a big deal when you're young?
00:06:09
Speaker
It's like, you you literally, most people that are like, I have a hard time meeting women or i have a hard time understanding women. They're doing it from afar where you can almost just go up to any person, not just woman, like any, almost in any situation, start a conversation.
00:06:25
Speaker
And then all of a sudden they're not really that complicated.
Communication Styles Differences
00:06:28
Speaker
All right. There's a lot of speculation and not a lot of exploration. And it's like the same as any sort of like different group in a way, you know, where you just kind of have this idea like what the fuck is going through their head? And then turns out, you know, they like Pico too.
00:06:44
Speaker
I hope I can back you into a racist comment. I thought about saying Mexicans are blacks, but I knew you would come with that later. i have a feeling you feel like you you know women pretty well. is that true?
00:06:58
Speaker
ah Not really, no. I think, i mean, I want to get into this like intellectual dance of like, do we really know anyone? Do I really know men? ah i think there's some so some certainties so we could probably point to.
00:07:13
Speaker
Let's just say straight women for now. That's probably what we have most experience with. Although I did date bisexual girl in college and it was great.
00:07:24
Speaker
Yeah, so straight women, I'd say throughout all of our all the ages, you know they want to be wanted. And I think, to your point, they want to be talked to. and And not just you blabbing, but they want questions and they want to talk about themselves.
00:07:40
Speaker
Just like every human being on earth. And that that simplifies it for a young man, if I was giving advice. That simplifies a lot of things right there. They want to know you're interested. And they want you to put some effort in in getting to know them.
00:07:54
Speaker
Right. Yeah. You mentioned something pretty important there, which is they want. what I think you said they want to blab. Well, they want to talk. There is. I mean, if you go are what are the differences that we have to understand? Really, it's like they seem to want to be listened to maybe more than a man. Most men might care about it.
00:08:15
Speaker
Well, they want to process their feelings. They're theyre better at expressing their feelings, maybe. Yeah, they want to process their feelings. So men shy away from that because they're pussies.
00:08:27
Speaker
But do you think some of that shit, like, all right, men, you know, there's plenty been
Why Men Resist Sharing Details
00:08:31
Speaker
plenty of hacky stand-up jokes about about, okay, you ask your husband how how he, I went, like, a bite if I saw you, I went and saw you, right? And then I go back to my wife or,
00:08:43
Speaker
the the woman in my life, how's Lance? and I'd be like, he's fine. He's good. Right? And then that would be it. And then if if if I asked her, how's her friend doing, it'd be like a, you know, 30 minute dissertation about shit that I don't care and her opinions on it and what that person's doing wrong and all that shit. And like, do you think that is, uh,
00:09:03
Speaker
Like, to is it are these real like physiological differences or it just like we're fulfilling stereotype now? It's like, that's the way it is. So that's the way we act. Like it's been like driven down our throats either through like entertainment or whatever that women talk a lot, men don't.
00:09:17
Speaker
And that's the way you be a man. You think it's real? I think it's real. i don't I can't look to any sort of scientific principle that would cause me to to know exactly why that happens. But yes, they seem to be more interested in the details. They crave the details from a social level.
00:09:33
Speaker
And we are not as much into that. It's been my experience. And I've seen that play out with multiple guys, but definitely my own life, my own marriage. But ah did do we truly don't care though, you think? Or are like and they do? Or is it, we just can't, we're just not good at expressing ourselves as they are? I don't know.
Gender Differences in Social Interactions
00:09:50
Speaker
I mean, there is a lot of fluff in some of those stories where you're like, what are you talking about? That's a good one, man. Because why are we resisting sharing more details? Is it a control thing? Is it a boredom thing?
00:10:02
Speaker
what What would drive you to kind of say, um well, I'm not going to share some things I know about Lance. I'm just going to like, he's good. What's behind that? Like, I have no idea. I'm just not interested in rehashing details of something I just experienced. It's probably how I feel.
00:10:19
Speaker
But when you, I assume maybe it never happened, but when you, when we started getting back together again and and you found out I was getting separated and whatever else is going on in my life, even shit, i don't even know if you know how old my kids were whatever, but when you, did you have a conversation with your wife for people in your life and or even like old friends or something that you guys keep in touch with or like, how's Matt doing?
00:10:41
Speaker
And then did you have any conversations where you're like, well, he's not doing that good right now, or he seems fine, but he's going through this. were you just like, ah, he's fine. No, just with, just with her. yeah why She would, she would, yeah, she would ask.
00:10:56
Speaker
And would she demand more when she could like deeper? I could never give enough details. Probably. I could never give enough. Yeah. I don i don't, not not that she was going to take that information and do anything with it. I just think it's a,
00:11:09
Speaker
There's a more of a curiosity, a relational curiosity that women have over men. And I'm not sure what the stats are, I don't really care. It just seems to play out that way. So that's something we could put at the top of the list of a pretty
Impact of Stereotypes on Behavior
00:11:24
Speaker
pretty good certainty.
00:11:26
Speaker
that women prefer a little more social interaction and detail. Gossip, you think? Is it gossip? Maybe, but no.
00:11:37
Speaker
It's just a different way to relate in the world. there there would Some women, I think... i don't know if you get this. There's an uncertainty. There's like an uncertainty when something's not resolved. So when they're like, what happened with this relationship? Did he do this? Did do this? Do this? There's like all this like sort of advice or like suggestions that's that they come out into question form.
00:11:56
Speaker
I don't know if that's a female thing, but there's like, there's some sort of uneasiness and without resolution where I'm kind of now in my life, don't know if it's a male thing or me where I'm just like,
00:12:08
Speaker
Shit happens, right? Like it's, it's all going to be fine. There might not be, a you might, you can't get it. Like you can't just go, Oh, you're going to fix that marriage with a therapist. Maybe not. Probably not. Or you like ah meet the immediate, I got, you gotta, you should go see a doctor. You should go get help. You should go do this. You should go do that.
00:12:23
Speaker
I'm like, no, you should just be sad. Fucking feel like shit for a few months. Like that's how, that's how you do it. Because that's that's a natural reaction to a shitty thing happening in your life.
00:12:36
Speaker
I feel like maybe it's just women that I've been around, but there's that there's like an uneasiness if it feels like something's like unresolved in some of their like questioning and conversation. is is Even if they're talking about their friends, it'll be like, I don't know why she doesn't just like quit that job and go somewhere else. There's always like a bit of that in some the conversations.
00:12:54
Speaker
I shouldn't give that stupid voice, but... There's a little bit of like, why is that not, why this is how I would resolve it or this should be resolved. I don't know. do you think that's a female thing or just? I think it goes back to, it goes back to processing feelings, craving social detail or social interaction more than we do. Now we should learn from them because all the studies have come out that relationships drive health and drive. Done by women. Sorry. That's all right.
00:13:26
Speaker
That'll get a big laugh. I'm sure. I'm sure it will, dude. Hey. ah But it drives longevity and men, like men are killing themselves in their older years. Like it's the highest rate
Relationship Dynamics and Communication Challenges
00:13:37
Speaker
of suicide.
00:13:37
Speaker
There's like men, i think age 65 to 90 or something. So it seems women are doing something good. Because they don't talk enough? I just don't think they, you, to develop a relationship,
00:13:53
Speaker
And you have to process your feelings with someone else. You have to process your views, your ideas, and mostly your emotions, I think, with someone else to have a real relationship. you're just like, oh, fucking Bo Nix, he can't throw a pass today for shit. And you're like, oh yeah, you remember Dan Marino? Oh, fuck, that guy could sling it. And it's just like back and forth. That kind of, not that doesn't develop any sort of relationship.
00:14:19
Speaker
I agree, but but I would, you know, back to my thing about the sexes are kind of the similar. There's, if you ever but had to listen into like a book club or something, if it's like at your house and you're upstairs, there's a lot of nonsense and fluff and and female conversation too.
00:14:34
Speaker
It's not just men talking about sports. Like there's a lot of bullshit going on there. Sure. But that might be healthy though, from what you're saying, even the guy talking about sports to his friend, It doesn't necessarily have mean it's a negative.
00:14:46
Speaker
They're denying like another part of their life. i might That's probably healthy in in moderation. But when we get off the phone, I mean, here's a key key difference. When we get off the phone, do you go, I love you, man.
00:14:58
Speaker
ah love you. No.
00:15:02
Speaker
That would be pussy. But women do that stuff all the time, and they're like they they hug. and they like that You see a girls like sitting on a couch just like embracing each other.
00:15:13
Speaker
And they're friends and there's a support and care. There's just a support and care level that we can't even understand. And that there's a, I don't know if it's a biological thing where there's a competitive force that runs through us at all times.
00:15:29
Speaker
So we don't have that. I don't know that we'll ever, and don't know that we get that or we we want that. I don't want that to be honest. Like, dude, I don't want that. But I do want, but are you a hugger? Like what about your kids? hug your kids? You constantly tell them how much you love them or like, and that I mean, I hug them and yeah, but no, I'm not that.
00:15:46
Speaker
I'm not super in, you know, day to day, every day. Just thinking of you, text them, enjoy your Chick-fil-A. No, it's different versions of of expressing love, but like with friends. So we all, we want the relationships and we want to be able to talk about our lives and things that are happening. It's just, we don't know how to get to there.
00:16:06
Speaker
And that's what learning, I think, I would say with certainty, we can learn from women on that piece. Now, there's some dumb shit to your earlier point, really dumb, annoying shit. I see women who will allow other women to be, we wouldn't do this, guys, will allow other women to be so dysfunctional and so absurd.
00:16:25
Speaker
Like my wife has had a couple people in her life that just nonstop talk. You can't, I mean, you cannot get a
Stereotypes in Workplace and Social Groups
00:16:32
Speaker
word in ever. And it's just non-fucking-stop. And I just, I will walk out of the room.
00:16:37
Speaker
I've told this one gal, I said, got to go. Time to go. We're going to bed. And you know what? My wife would just take it. Just fucking get punched in the face of this woman's words nonstop.
00:16:49
Speaker
constant and they're willing to do that i think a lot of women are more willing to do that where we would as a guy we'd bust each other's balls quick i know people like that the it's it's so weird it feels like they're not with us like people like that it feels like they're not in the moment they're they're in another place when they're rambling on like that and not giving space for someone to respond but uh yeah i mean i would say my wife she she would be like, i can't i i can't I can't deal with this person. I'm going to leave.
00:17:17
Speaker
And then would never want to talk to them again. Any sign of someone being slightly annoying. Yeah, that's a little rare, I think. but Yeah, I agree. Well, your your wife's za also in the listening business.
00:17:28
Speaker
She's definitely on the hire higher skilled version of that, but I see just ah i don't know, a higher capacity for women to like indulge that. Yeah, there's there's a listening, there's a talking listening thing.
00:17:40
Speaker
Do you feel like I think another another idea out there might be, i don't know agree with this, like women have the ability to actually get like a little more like catty and almost more evil than men and like little things can piss each other off.
00:17:54
Speaker
Like, I mean, I feel like the inner, like an inner office dichotomy, there there was a lot of women to woman to woman drama over the years that I didn't see that much with men. i don't know if it was like apathy or what.
00:18:07
Speaker
and And that might just be like more tied to their emotions. So things bother you. It could be a cycle, monthly cycle thing. I don't know. Like, what do you do you think that's true? you think that's another just stereotype and wrong place the wrong time?
00:18:20
Speaker
Because I think people should be honest about that. I think it exists. I don't know what it's about. I don't know how the social hierarchy works with women. I think outside of beauty And I think more recently, brains and like career success, but mostly beauty and looks. like I don't know what drives their social hierarchy.
00:18:41
Speaker
So you'd say maybe those things would be like a jealousy thing a little bit. i I think there's something going on there. like I would gather that being the target of that kind of nonstop gossip and torture is probably worse than you know you or I just getting punched in the face by one of our male coworkers. Because we would shake that off after a week probably.
00:19:02
Speaker
Yes. they You talk to girls that are like, yeah, I'd much rather work with or be or or hang out with a bunch of guys because there's just less drama. And you're like, yeah why is that?
00:19:12
Speaker
I bet there's just they have to put in more energy to like make the hive happy. I mean, it can be bad with men, though. If you're ass getting grabbed and you're people ah rubbing up against your boobs on accident.
00:19:25
Speaker
Fucking walking around grabbing asses. It still makes me laugh. I mean, I know it's out there. There's a Me Too movement. You're going to tell me that's old now whatever. I think it's dead. Dead as a doornail under your boy Donnie T. Donnie T. Yeah, but it's just funny to me. Someone walking around the office grabbing people's asses. I know people going to be you idiot. Of course that's happened. It's happened since the beginning time. But the idea seems so ridiculous to me.
00:19:51
Speaker
it It does seem like a bygone era. It is. Yeah, I think some of the stereotypes like some of the stereotypes I find about men, it seems way worse. than ah like The competitiveness can get pretty pretty intense in a group of women.
00:20:05
Speaker
I don't know if it's competitiveness. That seems to me what drives some of their... i don't know. I say cattiness. That sounds misogynistic, but like those sort of... female on female fighting or drama things related to like friends groups or office, office dichotomy or work dichotomy. It's like, it can get pretty vicious. You don't even know why you're like be friends with both sides and they'll be like, that girl's a fucking bitch. And I fuck. And you're like, what, what's going on?
00:20:32
Speaker
You just don't know why it seems so weird, but I've seen it multiple times. So I don't think it's just like, Oh, you're just being sexist. I think if there's something real there. Yeah. It probably is. I don't know much about that world.
00:20:44
Speaker
But you don't see it as much. it like i mean, don't know. Did you ever have a like a real sort of drama fuck that guy issue at work? Maybe like that guy's a clown. Are you ever going to go fucking crazy and be like, that dude's a fucking of No, there was none of that, but there was definitely a bunch of shit talking.
00:21:02
Speaker
Right. bunch of shit
Understanding Attraction
00:21:04
Speaker
talking. so But there's a lot more of that, I think, amongst women, or there seems to be. But I don't know what drives it. I don't know what drives it, man. just Just weird.
00:21:15
Speaker
Do you have any unresolved questions about women? You're like, I wonder why they do this. Well, I think one of the things is trying to understand the laws of attraction. And I still don't totally get it.
00:21:31
Speaker
I think obviously we're going to come to the conclusion that women are different, but I'm not sure. Like there's a lot of dudes. dumping protein down their their throats right now. and And more and more of them looking really jacked and they're living these really, as you would say, CrossFit lifestyles, they're really controlled, rigid lifestyles.
00:21:52
Speaker
And I'm trying to think to myself, does a ah normal girl like that? Is that what they what they would sign up for? would only the you know counterpart female bodybuilder type chick wanna to sign up for that dude?
00:22:05
Speaker
So like the guy's getting jacked to attract women and like, will that actually you know pan out for him beyond maybe sex once or twice? She's just going to think he's a fucking dud because he probably is becoming a dud with such a rigid lifestyle. But I don't know that's sustainable long-term or is attractive. That's one thing that runs through my head.
00:22:26
Speaker
And then you see women with guys that you're not sure why they chose that person. I see it the other way around too. It's just like a very interesting thing, but on the whole, I don't know what's driving women's attraction.
00:22:39
Speaker
Yeah, that's a weird one. I mean, cause you're like, It doesn't seem like it's as straightforward as it is for men. a little, like there's probably a few, few female types of all guys are like, that's attractive, but there's definitely women. They're like, no, I like fat guys.
00:22:54
Speaker
Or I like, you know, who knows what they're into, but, but maybe not. But I have talked to someone recently that's like, just like thinks that someone like Brad Pitt is just like hideous.
00:23:05
Speaker
Really? Yeah. Hideous. Yeah. Just like not, not, you know, just not, Not there, but I mean my point is like maybe there's a little more range because there's other stuff.
Beauty and Objectification
00:23:18
Speaker
But I do think like the idea that men are objectifying women and and women aren't is fucking ridiculous. Like, that's a back to the book club, but women sit there and talk about, like, their first thing is like, oh, he's hot. He's attractive. It's like their first thing, always, like when they're analyzing a man. Especially someone that's easy and not excited, like Jason Momoa.
00:23:36
Speaker
Oh, my God. And he's not a guy you see walking around um anywhere. Like, he's this Hawaiian vibe, huge, jacked, like looks, i don't know, like he was carved by Zeus.
00:23:51
Speaker
it's hejat But he's not jacked in that dumbass bodybuilder way. not like a natural jack, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. But like I think it's easy to say, oh, my God, he's so hot. I noticed women will say that stuff more openly.
00:24:05
Speaker
Whereas we're not like running around, oh, shit, in front of other women. I'm not talking about who, what other actresses or whatever are hot. But and lyft if a girl does say something like then I'll counter...
00:24:17
Speaker
I'll counter with her. Like this one woman that we used to live next to, she would always like pick out this one dad and be like, oh my God, he's so hot right in front of her husband. And I, so I'd start fucking with her by like, oh, but his wife, dude, so much hotter than all the women around here.
00:24:35
Speaker
I just fuck with her. I'm not that into that. I don't know what, I'm not that into like why, why it's cool for someone ah that you're with is completely ah overblown attractive to somebody else.
00:24:48
Speaker
Not that into it. Like what? Well, like, why is that cool? I heard that I was with somebody else. Like I heard the, well, I don't know. I just heard someone carrying on. Oh oh yeah. He could do whatever he wants to be like in front of their, their boyfriend or something like that. It was like a, movie I don't even know who it was movie star or something like that. Oh man. He could,
00:25:07
Speaker
he could, would I would let him do whatever he wants me. It's like, why would you say that in front of your husband or boyfriend? I don't get that either. But I say some women are seem more likely to do that than men.
Respect and Boundaries in Relationships
00:25:18
Speaker
And you're like, that's like a sign of disrespect a little bit, my opinion. But I don't know. Like i would never be with my wife or girlfriend or someone and be like, dude, that girl, I'd let her fucking sit on my face and fuck it and be like, what the, who says that? You know, fucking weird.
00:25:36
Speaker
I think it's super weird, but I'd say, well, go get, go get them. I'll wait. But even that though, I don't know what you, you mentioned your relationship. You guys are pretty cool with being like, Oh, you like that ass Lance.
00:25:48
Speaker
But if you were carrying on about another, like, i don't know, like a mom of a teammate of your sons and we're like that, that mom is so hot. It would be weird. Wouldn't it? It would be weird. My wife will generally call out women that are attractive before I do.
00:26:03
Speaker
You're like, nah, no. I don't know if that's a defense mechanism, but I'm not, yeah, we're not having conversations about people locally. Like it's been a longstanding, A known fact that I liked and had over the years since we were younger and been together so long, Elizabeth Hurley. I just thought she had she brought a bunch of different looks.
00:26:22
Speaker
I thought she was high. Is that the Austin Powers girl? Yeah, she's like a British model. She's looking a little funky now with all the plastic stuff. But she's old now.
00:26:34
Speaker
She's probably 60-something. But then she likes Bradley Cooper. And, you know, it's just like little cute little attractions of the stars. that That's all normal, I think. But then walking around, it's like, oh, shit, have you seen Bobby's dad?
00:26:49
Speaker
I fucked the shit out of him. That's weird. there's ah There's a few women that are like that, though. I know. It's fucking weird. I mean, i don't maybe maybe ahll Bradley Cooper is a good looking guy or Elizabeth Thurley is hot. But even like what I would call celebrity crushes, I'm like, what are you talking about?
00:27:07
Speaker
It's kind of weird. It's absurd because it's like they're not living in their own life. They're not able to live in their life. And and that whole, I hate when I see relationships die sexually and it's sort of like, oh, well, he's let himself go. And yes, I'm not really getting hard for her anymore.
00:27:24
Speaker
I don't know what happens, but you see it and it's sad. It's sad. but But, well, it's even sadder if if the relationship's going bad and the girl or even the guy's carrying on about someone in their life day to day.
00:27:38
Speaker
Like our our sex life sucks. But like, what did you say? Bobby's dad? But I fucked the shit out of Bobby's dad. It's like. That's rude. That's harsh. But what do you, i mean, it's hard to know. Like I said, like these guys that are getting all jacked in their 40s now and there's, you know, gobbling protein, protocol pro protein, protein, protein.
00:27:59
Speaker
is our women going to find that attractive.
Role of Compliments in Relationships
00:28:01
Speaker
I think everybody wants somebody who takes care of themselves, not everybody, but most people. But when does that cross the line? That's a curiosity I have. And then and all the women will say sense of humor.
00:28:13
Speaker
ah what What are you talking about? Sense of humor though is a, is a definite, definitely works. It helps. you You got like three or four things you got like intelligence, looks, humor,
00:28:27
Speaker
And I don't know what else. Financial. Stability. Security is is probably really high up there, actually. Yeah. and And, you know, your cock. Remember the girls we talked to? I don't think that's as big of a deal. Functioning cock. Oh, functioning cock.
00:28:43
Speaker
well, you have, I mean, you can throw it in there. I was joking around, but you might as well mention, like, sex, sexual chemistry or something like that, right? Okay. Yeah. So you're going to be, like, in my case, deficient on four of them.
00:28:54
Speaker
So you need something like humor to to make up for your looks? Not true, Matt. wait what do you I wonder what women think.
00:29:05
Speaker
I think it's great. And aren't people like, no, you should never self-deprecate. But it's the fucking best, in my opinion. like Being the butt of your own joke is ah is a better way to do it. I wonder what women think of that.
00:29:18
Speaker
i know I know what they think, but I think after a while they don't like it. in they because Because probably it's almost like if they're with you in some capacity, it's almost like an insult to them. Because you're you're basically calling yourself a loser and then they're like, well, then what, I'm just with some loser? That's my value?
00:29:33
Speaker
Well, but I don't know. You and I would probably go, yeah, you'd self-deprecate and you and then you we would say something. Well, and that's why why I'm with you. And that would be sort of the joke. But if you're doing self-deprecation out of that.
00:29:46
Speaker
That's why i'm with you. Yeah, I've done it. but yeah But yeah. Not like when I'm macking, bro. Yeah, not when you're macking. But self-deprecation, I think, is funny as long as it's not stemming from deep insecurity and you're like, oh, yeah. Yeah.
00:30:03
Speaker
I just have like guys that'll drop into their health concerns and things like that. And, um, that's a good point. I think of it was as like a sign of confidence. If you're able to make fun of yourself, make fun of myself.
00:30:14
Speaker
Right. But also like, oh man, I just said nothing's ever really worked out for me. Like nobody wants that guy. No women, a woman wants that guy. A little of that becomes like fishing for compliments. Then nobody wants that either.
00:30:26
Speaker
Yeah. No thanks. No human wants to be around a person like that. Do you think, Yeah, it's terrible fishing for compliments. But do you think that, uh, where do you think as far as giving compliments?
00:30:41
Speaker
Cause I have a feeling you, or I know, I don't know about you, but I'm, I'm not that good at taking compliments and I'm not that I'm not really looking for them and I don't believe them.
00:30:52
Speaker
Like, especially if it's like about my looks or my body, I don't, I just don't, I just don't believe them. Yeah. and like deep but I think it's nice to give women compliments, and I think we're probably trained to think, oh you got to tell women how great they are.
00:31:05
Speaker
like And they like it. Do you think that you think that's true? No. I don't do it, and I don't get it. I don't like it. You don't do it. I don't do it. There are certain things I will like.
00:31:16
Speaker
You look nice today? Something that? something unique, like somebody's ability to talk, like how they can flow or their their intellect about brain processing speed and just how quickly they can like apply thinking into words. I think that's cool. Or something interesting.
00:31:33
Speaker
I'm talking more though like and a looks a marriage or a romantic relationship or or an interaction with a woman. like You're like, hey, you got you got great brain processing speed. you wake up and say that to your wife or to someone. I would say it like that brain processing speed, but to my wife, well, that's a totally different relationship.
00:31:52
Speaker
You know, that's one I know. I mostly show, I love her through, cracks and jokes. Right. And it's totally different.
00:32:04
Speaker
I asked, cause I think you're in a successful relationship and, and, I know that i little bit was a little bit of my marriage was like, I felt like I was showing love and affection and everything through my own, just actions, just actions.
00:32:20
Speaker
And then I think the feedback a little bit was like, well, I need to hear it. And I kind of put that in ah in a i put that in a bucket of like women need to hear it. and And I faulted myself a little bit because I probably like,
00:32:35
Speaker
I'd probably need to, but I'd be like, i I do. I tell you all the time. I say this all the time, but whatever. And i and then like it didn't wasn't clicking. Well, do you need to hear it? Do you need your partner to tell you she loves you?
00:32:47
Speaker
No. You don't? Wow, not at all. don't even know what that what that means. like It should be like an action. Oh, so she just takes your car out and says, oh, i got you an oil change, buddy.
Masculinity and Societal Expectations
00:33:02
Speaker
I know you needed one.
00:33:03
Speaker
She loves me. nowward I knew she loved. yeah Well, I'll just say it's pretty easy to tell someone you love them. Almost every relationship that anyone's ever had, it's for for a lot of people, it's got to the point where they're telling someone they love them and they and they probably didn't. You probably realize after to the fact that was just ridiculous or as part of like a step that they thought they had to cross.
00:33:27
Speaker
And it was like, yeah, so it's, it can be trivial. I might sound like I'm writing it off as not important, but I think what I'm trying to say is I'm not taking it lightly and I'm not just going to give it out for nothing.
00:33:38
Speaker
But at some point it's, it's gotta come with some, it's gotta come with some action. So, but I, but i was more talking about like, You know, like you're talking about, like we're talking about a wife or someone looking at some other dude and be like, God, he's so hot, so attractive.
00:33:56
Speaker
I mean, the husband in that situation is probably like, it'd be nice you'd say that about me. i don't feel like I need that, but I kind of feel like women might want to hear that a little more.
00:34:07
Speaker
They've been beaten down by society where they're insecure about their looks because they're being told like they're not hot enough. yeah And so maybe they want to know that they're hot. and like Do you feel like hotter women have but like more of a sense of confidence about them inherently?
00:34:21
Speaker
Probably, but I think they still are susceptible to same pressures. you know Once you set a standard for how you look, i don't i don't it's hard to fall from that. easier but We got it easier, though. we we look We look better as we get older.
00:34:37
Speaker
yeah They look like trash, bro. In some respects, yeah. they they They're more susceptible to society's judgment for sure, so that's tough. But they do live longer, and that's interesting to me.
00:34:50
Speaker
In an uglier state, we just keep getting handsomer until we die, which is pretty awesome. But we but we we made the rules, so we're like, yeah, salt and pepper hair is beautiful.
00:35:01
Speaker
Bald head is awesome, right? On a guy.
00:35:12
Speaker
When I use an outhouse, I get nervous to see what's inside. Sometimes it's a real mess, but I always force myself to stare at the contents of the bowl. I never turn away never turn away never turn away never turn away. We've concluded that we put at the top of the list that you know women want to be talked to. They want to feel wanted.
00:35:32
Speaker
They probably have more need for social interaction. We have no real conclusions about what they're attracted to. other than you know the four or five typical things, but we don't know how to throttle one or the other to like really make them feel great about who they're partnered with.
00:35:50
Speaker
you have throttle sense of humor higher or looks? or If you think of people that have been attracted to you and in your life, do you know why? I'm like, i don't I don't know why.
00:36:01
Speaker
I still don't even like believe it sometimes. someone's like like i never I didn't go through my life thinking that I was like a super attractive person. Which I think is a good way to go through life. yeah You develop some other skills. But but ah but I'm like, I don't know. like what Why were people attracted to me? They'd like, you're a handsome guy.
00:36:21
Speaker
like, why is that? Why does this person think that and no one else or whatever? don't I don't really know why. You know? People might. Mike, you you did well with the ladies back in back in your day. what what What was the attraction to you?
00:36:36
Speaker
Was it more like because you were a fucking... A theater actor walking around the streets? Was it your body? Was it your looks? What do you think it was? I don't know. I don't really get it.
00:36:48
Speaker
Do you still get that, you think? You still think people out there, you're one of the you're one of the dads that people are like. no i know No, no. and especially not how I treat people. I treat them like shit.
00:37:01
Speaker
Dude, you probably are. i mean, are you going to know? Do you think the other guy who people are like, he's so hot and shit, do you think he knows that that all the other moms are like, this guy's hot? Or maybe it's not all the other moms, but it's just one crazy lady.
00:37:13
Speaker
I think there's a certain trite look that is very easy to say, oh, look at him. there's more and more of that these days. um that vibe. Because people are taking care of themselves like later in life you mean? And they're going a little too far probably and it's in some cases inaccessible and ah who knows.
00:37:36
Speaker
It's not like those dudes are scoring the hottest wives either. lot of them are divorced. I don't really fit into that category at all.
00:37:45
Speaker
I'm a bit of a weirdo and probably at least initially too opinionated to make uh, women comfortable. And obviously I'm married, so it's a different vibe, but if I were single, I don't know how that'd go down.
00:37:58
Speaker
I almost feel like that makes you, that make you more attractive to what the weird shit that women like, like the fact, like if you're defining it, yeah, I know you're not like this, but it's like a bolster, a bolster, what's the word?
Influence of Societal Expectations on Relationships
00:38:07
Speaker
Bolstering idiot. You're just like, well, I think, and, and for some reason that type of personality, this guy, that's like that,
00:38:16
Speaker
you know, out there talking and explaining himself and acting like he's, he's some, someone to be reckoned with. And most men are like, this guy is a fucking joke. Women are like, he's assertive. I like that guy.
00:38:27
Speaker
Really? No. And you're like, they hate the expert, the expert guy that is so annoying to everyone. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. I just see so many terrible male behaviors where I can, I can call it out as a,
00:38:40
Speaker
a falsity or something where women like if if you're, yeah, you're just like, what is, what did you ever see in that dude? That guy's such a joke. I don't know. He's just interesting or something. Oh yeah. Yeah. I see that a lot.
00:38:52
Speaker
There's probably just as many simple minded women as there are men. So, I mean, we're above all that, Matt. I so i think I said a couple episodes ago, I'm an intellectual giant and you agreed.
00:39:03
Speaker
that's a year You got a nice body. you got good skin. You're not wrinkling. That's why I think you might be one of those dads that secretly people are, finger dorking too after after a game something like that dude after a pta meeting dude lot of the moms i see dude i don't even know if they're having any sex bro just saying i'm just gonna say it out right now bro that's the one thing um these marriages that to just like lose that and they just let that happen i don't know wouldn't you why why would you let that happen i don't know maybe you did with as part of why you guys bailed but like
00:39:36
Speaker
That seems like ah more than a red flag. It seems like a showstopper to me. ah No, I mean, i don't think that was an issue for for us, but well, maybe like at the very end. and we'll shake When you hate each other. When you fucking hate each other. let's Yeah, we were like at the therapist deciding how we're going to break it up and and and tell the kids. And we're like, let's let's go get one for the road.
00:40:01
Speaker
Because we still, our sex life is intact. It's good. No. But I mean, i don't I don't know what, I mean, I think there's that' that's a weird thing too. is like See, that's the other thing, like when I was saying when women are like ah like men.
00:40:18
Speaker
In a way, I mean, there are women out there that are have have ah a greater appetite for sex and are hornier physically or capable and everything's fine. It's not just like, it's like always, it's just this horny guy who's who's always trying to take ah take a piece of ass off this woman.
00:40:34
Speaker
And then she's just like, fuck, let's do it again. That's not true at all, I don't think. There are women like that. But there are also women that are like, get it done, bitch. Let's go. Like, I don't i don't consider myself a super fucking horny guy.
00:40:48
Speaker
And I don't, I don't, uh, but that's not an issue, right? Like it doesn't have to be an issue. I'm just saying that it's not always just the guy, the guy wants it, she doesn't. And, uh, and that's why the sexual relationship falls apart. Cause she feels like an object and all that.
00:41:05
Speaker
Sometimes the other way around. Yeah. So it could be that they, some, a couple that doesn't have much sex is still super connected and healthy. It's just a preference. Yeah.
00:41:16
Speaker
Yeah, like, ah you know, a couple that they have sex nine or ten times a week. All right. They're not pounding all the time or anything. it's a lighter It's a lighter load than what, you know, what you society might say is a healthy, healthy marriage. but
00:41:34
Speaker
Oh, God. Do you think if you surveyed 100 women and 100 men, they were like, they were like Like, do you think all the answers would be different? You know, like... What's healthy?
00:41:45
Speaker
Sex per week. Length of sex. I don't know. how many times you should go How many times you should go out on a date per week? How much time you should commit to the kids? you think we're really that far off? Yeah, I think it's all over the road.
00:41:58
Speaker
No, but like, just male sex. I mean, male, female. Like... um
00:42:05
Speaker
Yeah, think financial decisions, how how we save money, all that shit. In our age, I think, let's just say sex. going to speculate here. Women would say once a week. Men would maybe say twice.
00:42:16
Speaker
And so that's 100% difference. Damn. It's a big difference, but it's not like ah dudes are like 10 times a week or something like that. but I could see a bunch of men out there being like, I'm fucking once a week. What's that?
00:42:31
Speaker
Yeah. i I'm sure there's amazing. about once a year? o Yeah, there's that or the opposite. But that's what I would speculate. and then But on both sides would be, yeah.
00:42:45
Speaker
Well, just like... Going on a date? Yeah. I mean, ah the guy might be like, it's zero. And the woman to be like, we should have our own night. where you know like That might be different, but at the same time... we don't i don't even know what that means because we spend so much time together.
00:43:01
Speaker
Well, you guys don't have a date night or anything like that? i I mean, I don't even know what that would be. Like we just do what we want and we do it together. I know like that's a sign of relationships deteriorating when people start talking about date night.
00:43:13
Speaker
i agree. And then like they start worrying about gifts on holidays, fake holidays like Valentine's Day. But like if you're talking, you're probably doing good and you're hanging out and you're playful with each other to some extent.
00:43:27
Speaker
You're probably doing all right because that's not something you do when there's some huge gap in understanding. So we had our anniversary actually 25 years this weekend, dude. Oh shit. Yeah.
00:43:38
Speaker
You guys are like a Labor Day wedding or something like that. Close to it, right? Yeah. And I'll tell you what we didn't do. Yeah. We did not go to some overpriced restaurant. Or 25. You could have went to fucking Italy or something to prove how great you are, right?
00:43:53
Speaker
Right. But a good marriage goes, well, what's the circumstance right now? Well, the circumstances, you know, our daughter just started college. Our son, we're taking him on five different college visits. Now it's not the time for a European trip because we're not desperate.
00:44:07
Speaker
We know we have a good relationship. We'll get all that some point, but like now it's not the time for any of that. So like we spent our time riding around the city on our bikes, going to different places and having a sweet roll, Matt, having a little lunch here and there. Absolutely. cute Hanging out, having a good time all weekend. So stuff like that.
00:44:27
Speaker
But my point is. Sounds like you got lucky, dude, in a way too. Well, there's a lot of effort, buddy. But like the talking, it's like it could be partly. these Yeah, i mean, but you're exactly right. Like the cycles of like, oh, we got to make a big deal on Valentine's Day. It's like, because everything else sucks. That's the that's the message. and We got to make a big deal this.
00:44:48
Speaker
I mean, there is definitely a great time to celebrate a great relationship and like, hey, let's celebrate this. But it but it can't be like, I'm going to take Italy because, I mean, we got on that cycle little bit. It was like, let's do something awesome. But it was also like,
00:45:02
Speaker
And we'd have great times, you know, like traveling and doing stuff, but it'd be like, let's get away from this crap and go do something like that, you know? And like that crap is not going to go away. Yeah.
00:45:12
Speaker
Let's get away from our real selves and we'll play pretend here. Yeah. I, I couldn't be with a go big or go home bitch or a Yolo bitch or a, that would be tough.
00:45:26
Speaker
Yeah. I didn't have to say bitch, but I just thought it'd be more entertaining for the podcast. Dude. One thing I think is, I don't know, I do feel like there is a bit of a, don't know how to say this without sounding like an asshole, but there is ah there can be an issue if if like women seem to be get influenced by being in like a social group.
00:45:49
Speaker
I know there's a lot of good that came out of it, but like back to the book club thing. some but This is like the date night thing made me think of this. or well they'll you know the There'll be a message of like you know bob and Bob and Sarah have a date night.
00:46:02
Speaker
there's like an influence of like another, some other woman has figured something out or a couple's figured something out and and then it clicks in their head. Why shouldn't we do that? And it's like, cause we don't need to, but there's like a path of no return. There's like a point of no return where you're like, that's great for fucking Bob and Sarah. But you know, I've had drinks with Bob.
00:46:22
Speaker
It's not that great over there at the Bob and Sarah house, you know, like it's a fucking mess. The guy's addicted to fucking strip clubs and shit like, or whatever.
Navigating Relationship Norms
00:46:29
Speaker
And you're like your date night, you heard this,
00:46:32
Speaker
you heard this fucking advice, these consejos from somebody who I would never take advice from. She's a fucking crazy bitch. he's He's like visiting hookers or you know like or whatever. You're just like, but it doesn't matter because date night, that's a good idea. And there there's been points where it's like, well, you know, you never you never we never have date night. like It only comes up at times attention, these ideas that they heard from other people. And you're like, well, you want to hear what else I'm not doing? You know, i'm not fucking...
00:47:03
Speaker
ripping lines off of it but but anyways yeah that's extreme but there there is there does seem to be like i don't know peer pressure something these things that happen with when they get around other women and all of a sudden somebody had a good idea and then it's like why are we doing that why didn't we go there you know there's a much bigger problem when we were younger ah yeah yeah because but there's more like interaction in group settings especially before get kids too right there's there's just more opportunity for comparison i think That was a source of tension.
00:47:32
Speaker
And I felt the same way about a dude. Like this dude doted over his girlfriend. Was a real piece of shit though? Open doors for him. No, but just like emotionally void of like just completely absent in terms of like discussion and communication.
00:47:48
Speaker
Hmm. Fake doting or wanting to get to know you, bitch. Yep. Or the, oh, he got a diamond necklace for their two-year anniversary or something.
00:48:00
Speaker
Yeah, he sucks. Look, if I had to give a kid advice, I'd be like, look, don't don't listen to any of those milestones, those social milestones of when you need to do this or that. It's just going to kill you. It's going to make your relationships suck.
00:48:14
Speaker
Don't do it. You guys come up with your own ideas. Please come up with your own views on what a good life is.
00:48:32
Speaker
Why doesn't he like dry and tight?
00:48:47
Speaker
Dry box