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He Belongs at Panera Bread
45 Plays2 months ago
Sometimes progress feels like failure.
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Transcript
Spelling Fun with POS
00:00:04
Speaker
Why don't you go get me one of them P's, boy?
00:00:10
Speaker
I want one of them
00:00:15
Speaker
Now go get me one of them S's. What's that spell? POS. It doesn't stand for anything.
00:00:37
Speaker
You feel me, motherfucker? P to the O to the S, you know. P to the O to the S, you know. P to the O to the S, you know. You stupid motherfuckers ought to know.
Recording Challenges: Am I a Liability?
00:00:55
Speaker
So, far cry from the fruit stand in Costa Rica, hu and Dude, I realized like how I just I'm at Panera and I don't even know where I am. Maybe this is Ladue.
00:01:06
Speaker
Ladue area of St. Louis. But we're gonna try. I'm back in the extended stay with the suspect connection, maybe even worse than last week. So I came down to this place to see if we could get this thing recorded.
00:01:20
Speaker
So far so good, huh? Do you view yourself as a liability? For the show? Yeah, a little bit a little bit of a liability. No. Just a complete extension of my life. I'll just get by with charm.
00:01:32
Speaker
and With just constant failure. Surrounded by failure. and ineped like It doesn't seem ridiculous that but I could do the show. I've done it in multiple states, multiple countries.
00:01:45
Speaker
and i And I still have a bad internet connection. Come on. It's not me. It's not me.
Rejected by Conservationists: Was it my Look?
00:01:56
Speaker
Right before the show started, I got yet another another email from one of these save the save the forest groups that they don't want to work with us. And they always send me, I have this great meetings with the people, and then they send me this super long apologetic email.
00:02:10
Speaker
And they acknowledge that the way we're harvesting our wood is good. And we're not we're not leading to deforestation. But they can't they can align with us because they don't want their members or board members that might give the wrong message.
00:02:23
Speaker
And I'm just like, just fucking take our money. Maybe because you look Jewish.
00:02:30
Speaker
They're from the Netherlands, which to me, it's all the same. Just the way your country makes everyone south of Texas calls them Mexicans. I call everyone in Northeast Europe Germans Nazis.
00:02:41
Speaker
and so It could be. It could be, dude. Well, so are you disappointed? Do you think it's about you at all? No, dude. If it was about me, a I can't have that kind of feeling of like, well, I tried.
00:02:55
Speaker
What I might do by the time is start my own company down there. What a non-profit company called Beautiful Blue-Eyed Forest Saving. beautiful Beautiful Blue-Eyed Aryan Free the Forest Foundation.
00:03:09
Speaker
Or i just make it the like if I can get a ton of money and I make it like just the worst name ever, but they're just like, damn. This guy raised a half million dollars or whatever. i But it's like, no, but I'm just, the funny thing would be to name it something terrible. Racist name or something, like you said, Aryan brother, the Aryan nation, Aryan nation forest conservation group or something.
00:03:34
Speaker
And then they're like, damn, they got to make it. They're already, they're already making the tough decision about a guy selling fucking wood, apparently. So anyways, I just got that right before it started. And for us, that's just content, you know, for some people, they'd be like, Matt just took kicking the balls. But for us, it's like, let's talk about it.
Stand-Up Comedy: To Pursue or Not?
00:03:53
Speaker
ah Let's move on. what What's with all the standup? Yeah, is is something missing? in my life. Because you seem obsessed. There is. When I'm here, I'm bored and lonely.
00:04:06
Speaker
why why Why obsess? Why do you say that? you so You said you've done it six times now. I did two shows last night, two shows the night before.
00:04:18
Speaker
ah did a spot Sunday. i did a guest spot at the club, at the comedy club on Saturday, which was... prime time, dude. That was nice. Even though I was so bad. Then I did maybe, yeah, maybe seven or eight.
00:04:30
Speaker
I've done it every night since I started except for Friday. I'm trying to be curious, not ah interrogating you. But what what, eight shows, that's a lot. Like, you know, you're just playing around with it and like, ohll I'll get up there. and And you got this business to run, but now you're, it's like every night you're back at the club, like some dirty whore.
00:04:51
Speaker
i like My answer is, um I think that I'm trying to decide if I want to do it, and that's the only way to figure it out. and but But I have to decide. like I'm terrible.
00:05:04
Speaker
I've got to get to a point where i'm like, oh. like Last night, the first show, it was straight up open mic, but and I kind of crushed it, and and nobody could crush that show. It was like no one there, tight crowd, and I was like, oh.
00:05:19
Speaker
I'm back back on top, fools, one week. But I need to get to a point where can even see if I like it. And having no material and not comfortable up there, it kind of sucks. It's like when you first start running and give up before you get in shape where you're like, oh, it's kind of nice.
00:05:35
Speaker
So I'm trying to press it as hard as I can on this trip. And then, and then i you know, at the end of the day, I i like it. And I got nothing else to do. have nothing else to do.
00:05:47
Speaker
And it's pretty it was pretty clear within about two minutes of my first set that this is probably something that I'm pretty good at. So. Dude, ah you don't have friends there from the business and people you'd hang out with otherwise?
00:06:01
Speaker
Not really. see I mean, I got old friends I hang out with sometimes. But I mean, the thing is, for the last half year, I've been working like a ton when I'm here. And I still am. But now, like, at 7 o'clock, I'm like, all right, I'm going to go to the club.
00:06:18
Speaker
I mean, I don't know where this will go, but... You're going to go tonight? Yeah. Yeah. same Same place? And tomorrow. No, this is the same place I went last Wednesday, but different place.
00:06:29
Speaker
Okay. it's a different It's a funny bone and the same owners, but it's a different different location. And you have no problem walking in there, hanging with the people?
00:06:39
Speaker
um I don't want to say have no problem with it, but... It's like nothing's changed. Well, things have changed, but like it's the same. don't know.
00:06:52
Speaker
Do you like the the environment, though? Because I will say the open mic environment for musicians, to me, is pure hell. Because the it's it's there's such an eclectic style ah that you're going to have to ingest, plus talent levels are all over the place.
00:07:09
Speaker
Really talented people go to those things in music, and then really... Awful, awful. So you just have to sit through it. It's something similar, but you don't have loud noise. Maybe that's the difference.
00:07:19
Speaker
um I have, if we were betting, I mean, the stand-up open mic scene's got to be so much worse. Really? Yeah, it's got to be. Why? Well, I don't know. i don't want to say it's just a bunch of weirdos, but like the people that are attracted to it are just a different sort.
00:07:38
Speaker
and then you're weeding through like just a lot of people. that i mean you know i don't Most people that go to, I think, musical open mics must know how they're like they got there because they know how to play an instrument, they know how to do stuff.
00:07:50
Speaker
No. and you don't you don't You don't have to do anything to do stand-up besides you think you can talk. like that That's it. It's going to sound terrible, but like even the ability to talk clearly is not a... dozen People don't care. like You'll get speech impediments and...
00:08:05
Speaker
All sorts of shit where you're like, man, this just doesn't seem like the right thing for you, public speaking. But sometimes it works out, so you never know. But but that there is, yeah, it's rough. But I do miss, i don't I don't really know anyone, and I haven't talked to anyone that super, like, I connect with, honestly. But...
00:08:27
Speaker
I mean, there's nothing better like when you're with a group of your peers' comics that are funny and you relate and you're just busting each other's balls and joking around, bouncing ideas off each other. It's it's fantastic. There's a little bit of that with like some of the people that still work at the club that are also pretty funny, seeing those people again. But I don't really have that. My my crew has moved on for the most part.
00:08:45
Speaker
So um up to bigger and better things. Yeah. How do they, what's the process? How do they line up the comics and do you know what time you're going on and do you have to be there the whole time and sit through it? So part of it's your buying stuff just to kind of feed the bar.
00:09:01
Speaker
I'm trying to do the right thing, which is watch the shows, go through the process, but I can, some of the guys that run the club still remember me. So I've been kind of fast tracked where it's like, you can go do whatever you want, but I'm trying not to be some dick because I am terrible and I haven't been around for 11 years. So I'm not trying to be like,
00:09:20
Speaker
Yeah, don't talk to me. I'm amazing. But normally the open mics, depends what town, but you you you go sit there like an hour half ah an hour before the show, sign up, sit there like a dick, and wait for someone some asshole to tell you like if you made the list or not. So you have no idea if you're going to be on or not.
00:09:38
Speaker
Really? Yeah, at a club. Because there's this there's only so much time for them to work with. So it might be 35 people sign up, and there's really only 17 spots. And then you have people like me and other... other professionals that take that'll take some spots so they reserve some time for people are going to drop in and do sets put their name on the list so yeah like I walked in last night I didn't really I thought it was at start at eight just like this I didn't even know what time the show started but I got there and there was a big open mic meeting which is every club there's always some asshole like just don't go over your time yelling at rules and shit
00:10:12
Speaker
And I walked in and he's like, oh, sorry, dude, you just missed the sign up because it's some kid. He'd never seen me. You just missed the list. And I'm like, all right. So I just left that room and went over and long story short, bro, I performed.
00:10:28
Speaker
Oh, you went and worked your contacts. Yeah. I mean, i not in a big time way. I just was like, oh,
Open Mic Dynamics: Competitive Stage Time
00:10:37
Speaker
I'm here. You mind if I do a set? Yeah. Yeah.
00:10:40
Speaker
This all seems a little opaque and and slightly depressive. It's like you're being dragged there. you got You got a couple things. Yeah, so that's like the way the club works. But then you just have this straight up open mic probably like you're familiar with, which is late night bar, not that many people there.
00:10:56
Speaker
And you're just fucking watching people bomb. Yeah. Over and over again. And I've been hitting those all week because I'm trying to, I just need to get like 10 minutes together that if I want to, when I'm up here, if I want to go set, I can, it's tight. And if I don't, fine, but I have it, I have it. I have some material and have a set that I can do.
00:11:14
Speaker
That's what trying to do. Yeah. Okay. that That's a good goal. How late are you staying out? 11.30, something like that. 11, 11.30. only one, last night was was one show that it was late. Starts at like 9 and goes for two or three hours.
00:11:30
Speaker
Terrible. Oh my gosh. F that, bro. You hear this and you're like, this is ridiculous. You're not like slightly jealous. Every now and then it'd be fun. Like anything.
00:11:41
Speaker
Comedy, music. Yeah. Improv group. Not really. Spoken word. Done so much of it. Right. But there is something you might get when I'm getting, which is you don't really fucking... Well, you do, actually. I hate to say that. It's like, goddammit, I feel like I care again.
00:11:58
Speaker
Sucks. But there there is, like... not necessarily ambition there, which is nice. So it's like, you know, which is where you see that like the middle age bar bands, they're not trying to get a record contract at some point. Right.
00:12:10
Speaker
And so I'm trying to look at it that way. Yeah. So it's a personal challenge. Do you feel because you're 49, do you feel like you're, don't know, a loser or dinosaur?
00:12:23
Speaker
No, no, no, I just don't, you know, I just don't. There is like, I mean, i'm I'm having conversations with some very young people and i'm like, what am I doing here? But it it doesn't really matter. I just go do my time, take my notes.
00:12:43
Speaker
And I mean, i really don't have that much to do here at night. And and even, i mean, some of these nights I end up, I'm still working at 7 or 8 o'clock at night and then I'll go hit the old mic, you know.
00:12:55
Speaker
And then I'm just sitting there. I haven't had a moment though that's been like, besides me on stage for a little while, even that hasn't been that enjoyable because I'm not that comfortable yet. But I mean, it's it's been super fun. But I haven't had a moment where I'm sitting in the club watching someone else perform and laughing.
00:13:11
Speaker
Not one. haven't laughed once. Wow. So you're maybe a little out of sorts in St. Louis now, now that the business is set up. No, it's fine. i I mean, it's all the same. i miss my family, miss my friends, people I hang out with.
00:13:26
Speaker
And there's a loneliness to it, which I fill a void by doing shit. And this helps because it's not just work. So this is nice. I don't know. what It's like when i when I went back to these places and people were... and with The place I'm going tonight, the guy, real sweet guy was like, oh, hey, what's up, Matt? Then he looked at the guy who puts the show on. his He said, this guy can go wherever he wants in the lineup, can do as much time as he wants.
00:13:51
Speaker
And I was like, I don't think you want to do that. i i've haven't been on stage in 11 years and and I wrote up. i'm not I wasn't writing, right? He's just like, it's fine. He's just like, if you whenever you're ready, just let me know if you're going to work again.
00:14:05
Speaker
Like, he's going to book me. So, so I was like, well, that's pretty cool. But, uh, again, it's like what we talked about. It's like, why did I just leave? Why do we, I just stopped communicating with all these people completely.
00:14:18
Speaker
yeah Right. I don't know what's wrong with you, but it's good. The guy's still alive. Cause that's a burnout scene. There are definitely people that aren't, though.
00:14:30
Speaker
Mm-hmm. All right. There are a couple comics that died that I'm like, hey, is he still come up to the club? I'm like, oh. And they're like, no. Oh, yeah, he quit. No, he died.
00:14:42
Speaker
Stuff like that. couple people. But and in the end, it's fun. I can do it pretty good. I feel like i last night, I'm like, I think I have a set. It's like five or six minutes.
00:14:53
Speaker
I feel like I have like set. couple things lined up some flow let's shift gears i'm just kidding
00:15:05
Speaker
business going well yeah it's it's just insatiable though like whatever you think is good whatever whatever right now we're doing would have been amazing four months ago and now it's like oh We do have, I think we're getting the word out a lot now, me, basically.
00:15:27
Speaker
and And because that, you're getting people that are just coming in We're like, few months ago, somebody found us, they were fucking, they were buying a table. Now they're like, I heard about you.
00:15:37
Speaker
And they're just stepping in and seeing what have. Yeah. But you're on the treadmill, the business treadmill now, where you got to keep keep selling.
00:15:49
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. So it's it's it's going really well, I think. it's reading We take a high-level view. It's going really well. But it's still we're still new and still critical. not We had a few people coming today, but they were like, got to go talk to my wife, got to think about it. And you're like, fucking pussy, man. That's that's pussy. That's gay.
00:16:09
Speaker
That's what we tell them. That's retarded, right? That's what we tell them, yeah. One of the three? We go... Somebody will buy this one. not saying you got to put the deposit down, but it's pretty nice piece.
00:16:23
Speaker
It's kind of true, but ah yeah. Anyways, it's good. I mean, it's literally just the work I'm doing online. People are coming in because of it, which is interesting.
Online Marketing Success
00:16:34
Speaker
What do you mean? You're putting the word out? Yeah. I mean, I'm the one doing that stuff, so there's no other way to find us. We have no like... I mean, you start to get word of mouth other commercial operations that we work with that might be kitchen remodelers. or they They put the word out. But the online stuff is just stuff that I'm working on. We've talked about it.
00:16:57
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're ready to capitalize on it. But not until you get on stage. I'm not giving it up, bro. Me? If you want to go out tonight, is there an open mic in Denver every, like, do you even know? Can you go play a guitar somewhere every night?
00:17:11
Speaker
ah Yeah, for sure. Really? What does that lead to? Enough about this comedy. what Like, what these comics are looking for is they're building an act and then the club might be like, can you emcee here? And then maybe they can like start getting work that way.
00:17:27
Speaker
You go to a music open mic, nothing happens, right? No. you Some of these bars, well, any bar that does open mics will do shows. Oh, yeah. I guess. With the exception of a book <unk>tion of a coffee shop. but Yeah, so you go in there, and if you're entertaining, and actually you probably got to come multiple times because they want to make sure.
00:17:48
Speaker
It wasn't a fluke. yeah And then you can get an off night and usually you make some promises about people you'll invite. it's that kind of thing. But you got to play a ah lot of covers for most of these places.
00:18:02
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, I think all musicians should just do covers moving forward. I'm not trying to discover a new sound and shit, dude. Yeah, well... Do a cover, dude.
00:18:13
Speaker
Okay, yeah, well, for bars, for sure. But you have to you're looking at a guy. You're looking right across from a guy who played theaters. so How many covers? yeah At least two, I remember.
00:18:24
Speaker
I don't know if you were playing theaters if you still did them, but... In the bar scene, maybe four or five, but then we we kind of owned a couple songs. We sort of embodied and we did that almost every every set. So yeah, no, we weren't big into the covers because we were entertaining without him, bud. I'm just going to be straight up with you. Matt, I'm going to be straight up with you. We were entertaining.
00:18:47
Speaker
God, dude, that would be so dope. You are you were entertainers. You weren't musicians. were entertainers, actually. true That's so true. we We sucked at our instruments. You know what would be odd? If I could just do covers of jokes, it would be the best.
00:19:03
Speaker
It was just me being me, but I'm like, here's, and I'm just doing covers. The writing has to be such an uphill battle. and know what happened. Somewhere over Nicaragua and Honduras, as I had like a 20, like maybe an hour of just just pouring my heart out into the page.
00:19:21
Speaker
and And that's what I've been running with. and But I told you, i had a couple i'm working on a couple of ideas that I wrote back when you had me writing that bullshit comedy segment for seniors. Wow.
00:19:31
Speaker
couple of them. there's It doesn't work, but there's I was doing jokes about BMI and how ridiculous the range on BMI is. I'm trying to make that work. Because the low healthy weight for me at is 136".
00:19:47
Speaker
According to BMI. That doesn't exist in so in St. Louis, right? and every Anywhere. When was the last time you were 136th? Fucking fifth grade.
00:19:59
Speaker
Yeah, it's it's crazy. I should check it out because I'm just up there saying it like it's it's for real. Are you going to research it? Well, i did when i I did when I did the joke.
00:20:12
Speaker
All right. Let's go. You know, when we, I had written down my notebook that for a 46 year old man, and I was like, damn, did we start the show that long ago? Probably, i was 46 when we started this bitch.
00:20:24
Speaker
It's kind of sad. Six foot, put in six foot. What is this? inspired me to think through some some bits, like just in my head. And like, I immediately went to this, like, I'm not gonna talk about sex.
00:20:41
Speaker
like every other comic and then I just keep calling back cock and sex and dirty stuff over and over and just really wearing the audience down. It's it's not even about being funny, it's just about them just being disgusted and angry.
00:20:58
Speaker
You think that'd work?
00:21:02
Speaker
I'm doing something like that. I'm doing, yeah, it'll work. It's like yeah it's almost like a callback. I'm doing something like that actually, but I haven't, I haven't time to dial it in. This says, yeah, six foot 185. It says you're, I'm in the overweight range.
00:21:19
Speaker
You're overweight. what are you weighing bro? Six foot 185. I'm right on the edge of overweight. I am, for I am, I do, I am overweight right now. I think. What, what's six? I'm probably heavier than that. I'm probably 190.
00:21:32
Speaker
Six one.
00:21:35
Speaker
6'1", what are you? About 150? 175. All muscle. You're 175? Shit, dude. Fuck this thing. I don't know. This thing sucks. I'm going have to write you after the show. I'm having a hard time.
00:21:51
Speaker
This BMI thing, this free BMI thing that I selected, it's not easy to work with. Well, it's fine, dude. ah yeah Let's shift gears. 175 is fine.
00:22:04
Speaker
Is it fine? I got my A1C. You know what that is It like averages the blood sugar levels in your body for three months somehow. I don't know what science allows a simple blood test to do that, but normal.
00:22:18
Speaker
Normal range. Wow, dude, were you worried or you just wanted to do it because of that? No, it's just the healthcare company I'm with has all this preventative stuff. It's the only free stuff I can get with the healthcare care exchange, so I just try to take them up on it.
00:22:34
Speaker
By the way, 175, it's not even in the middle of the range. like it's like you're right out you're on the northern You're 23.1. Healthy BMI is 18.5 to 24.9.
00:22:49
Speaker
What kind of fucking horse shit is that? Yeah, but I'm more muscular than what they deal it with. It's funny that I'm in a restaurant. I don't want people listening me. If you were 150, you'd still be in the healthy range. That is amazing.
00:23:05
Speaker
I'm just going to do this tonight. I'm going to just read these. No jokes, dude. That's your style, right? you can do something like that. I wouldn't do that. 61140 is in the healthy range.
00:23:21
Speaker
Can you imagine if you got down to 140? What would you have to do to get down to 140? Oh, my God. I mean, this may be this it may be the source of the mental health crisis in America, people looking at that and just going. You got some pretty strong cheekbones. If you were 140.
00:23:39
Speaker
I looked like I was in Auschwitz. That's in my joke.
00:23:45
Speaker
i say that I say that the BMI range was written by the doctors at Auschwitz. Never was. you really? Yeah. I figured my nose, I should be able to get away with it.
00:23:56
Speaker
Oh, I think it's a great joke. I like that you're exploiting the suffering of six million Jews. I don't know if there's... you You should take a page out of like a Nikki Glaser and kind of pretend you're gay and just talk about sucking cock.
00:24:10
Speaker
Yeah, I'll run that. If I have next next week, if I have, there's an open mic where I feel like it'll work.
00:24:18
Speaker
I gotta say though, it mentions you're asking me do I like it? Like when I'm sitting there watching these shows, i don't know because I'm old, out of the country, or just the younger generation different.
00:24:30
Speaker
Like the whole time I'm like, what are these people talking about? I have no, like their references and shit, I've never heard of anything they're talking about. Oh, it's like K-pop demon hunters bullshit.
00:24:41
Speaker
Stuff you've never seen. Wow. Yeah, I guess. Look at you. What is that? Demon Hunters. It's like this this fucking weird cartoon and that's been in the top 10 of Netflix.
00:24:53
Speaker
I swear for like two years straight. It's like- That's like a young the young people are watching that or anyone? The teenagers. But I also have teenagers too, man. So I get a little bit of the flavor of the new- Yeah, that could be.
00:25:05
Speaker
Yeah, but i'm like I'm just like, what are they talking about? It's so weird. It's like an out-of-body experience. I know I like the analog jokes. I don't want references to your texting or your posting or your whatever the shit you're doing on your phone. And I know there's a lot of that in the new comedy.
00:25:21
Speaker
I don't want that. I want real stuff like jokes about walking through the forest, tripped on a log, fell into a beaver's pussy. Yeah, uh-huh, take that tonight.
00:25:35
Speaker
um'm and I'm doing all this and then I'm not gonna claim that you wrote it unless it sucks. There's a there seem maybe it's just this where I'm at or the people, but there's like a thing where nobody like people aren't really writing jokes or like laugh lines. I see. I feel like like what's that mean? What's a laugh line?
00:25:53
Speaker
Like where you're in. The intention of the line is is to make people laugh like a punch line. And like people are just kind of telling stories, being weird. But like, it's not like joke, joke, joke. Like it used to be everyone just wanted to kill. So there all their material was like more laughter, more laughter, more laughter.
00:26:13
Speaker
What's the, i don't know, what's the right way? I guess the the other thing is when these open mics, you're doing you're only doing certain a small amount of time. So you don't have time to weave like the longer story in.
00:26:27
Speaker
Unless you're a made man and then you can like take a little more time and work it in, but... but I don't know if there's a right way, but the point of the comedy club is to get laughs. So that should be the point.
00:26:41
Speaker
That's the right way. It's to make people laugh, I think. Yeah, whatever it takes, right? yeah I'm just waiting to go up to the club and sit there and laugh my fucking head off.
00:26:52
Speaker
where Where I'm like, can't stop myself from laughing because either the person's so funny or the environment's so good. And I'm like just sitting there like numb. Not one person has anything memorable.
00:27:08
Speaker
Not yet. This may be why you're a little depressed because I mean, if you're going to go out every night, stay up late and not laugh one time, it's fucked up. That's bullshit.
00:27:21
Speaker
Yeah. but Don't you think? I'm thinking this weekend. That's on them. ill get it yeah That's on those fucking idiots. The other comics? i don't think I don't know. Some of them, it is definitely on them, but some it's just me. I'm also a little nervous and kind of... I'm in my own head when I'm there a little bit. like Last night, that started to flip, but I'm in my head a little bit.
00:27:44
Speaker
And now you're up in a Panera. It looks like it's filling up. Motherfuckers are getting loud. Little kids. This whole thing is bullshit. Everything I'm seeing right now is bullshit. Everything about you.
00:27:56
Speaker
The wood. Fucking you can't even sell a charitable organization to give them free money. And now you're at the club every night, dude. we're just fucking disgusted.
00:28:08
Speaker
Yeah, there's literally... Can you hear anything in the background? Yeah. There's three ladies that were like screaming each other. Of I can hear all.
00:28:17
Speaker
You ever, I don't think you can hear me. When you like, when you're out in public and you like talk to your wife, are you like, just feel comfortable just blabbing on loudly?
00:28:28
Speaker
You're like, no, you're a little bit like, hey, what's k what are you gonna order? Are you like, hey? It's weird. Did you hear
Podcast Evolution: Reflecting on the Past
00:28:37
Speaker
that? Are kidding me? can hear it.
00:28:41
Speaker
I can hear it. It makes me want to wrap this motherfucker up ASAP. And that's for your fault. Yet another thing ah you brought.
00:28:53
Speaker
I mean, I feel like a dick. I don't want to be like, why that? It's like, I can't be, I'm in a restaurant. I can't be like, why is there so much noise? But it's also like, I'm clearly doing something important in this booth.
00:29:05
Speaker
Why doesn't everyone know? There's a small chance some some people might be listening to this. This is what they're going to get. if it If it has to be like a promo where someone's like, yeah, I'll come on our show and and you can pitch your show. And that show has, you know, a billion fold of listeners that we have.
00:29:26
Speaker
And then I'm going to be like, all right, this is it. This is what they're getting. yeah Well, you know, we used to do important stuff. We talked a lot about finger banging in the early days. I think that stacked up listeners.
00:29:41
Speaker
We've moved away from that kind of good stuff. I got something good for you there. I'm glad you triggered that. Tell me what you think of this. I'm out not pitching our wear. i and like i got i need to I need to get our friend our friend Tom's. Is it Tom?
00:29:56
Speaker
I need to get his jewelry into this boutique. So I'm at this boutique that has some of our some of our pieces. I haven't seen this lady in a while. And we're like kind of friends now. I know how her divorce is going. She's complaining about her landlord and this shit.
00:30:08
Speaker
So this other lady walks in. and They start talking about what they're doing for spring break. And she's like, oh, this guy's up here. from He's bringing in wood from Costa Rica and all this stuff. and're not really listening. But then I'm about to leave and I'm like, you know what?
The Table Sale: A Humorous Encounter
00:30:21
Speaker
This lady, this this other lady had been to Costa Rica. And I'm like, why don't you sell her one of our tables? She's been down there. And then the lady tunes in, right? So she's like, what are you talking about? and I'm like, look at this table. from Costa Rica.
00:30:32
Speaker
And then she's like, oh, that's great. And then I show one of my brochures. And she goes, oh my God, my husband would bust a nut all over this if he saw this. And then she went, then she laughed and said, I'm sorry. And I said, well, then we'll have to wear goggles when he comes into the shop.
00:30:49
Speaker
Oh yeah, that's brilliant. ah What would happen to you down there? huh And she would go, ah, cream. Not as much as I could.
00:31:01
Speaker
Yeah, but... Back and forth. yeah I mean, there was a... Yeah. That was a complete stranger, and... I mean, I could see you doing that kind of shit where, like, in high school... This is this a middle-aged woman with this fat fucking Escalade and her daughter was there. It was probably like 10, 12.
00:31:17
Speaker
ten twelve The goggles is great though, because it's just which is a nice, cute word. It's a funny word in of itself. You know, the big ski goggles really protect you from an exploding nut, a nut fest. I mean, that's what's great about it. I was having pictures of a Gallagher concert.
00:31:34
Speaker
in my head. But the comfort of that was was bizarre. I was like, it's great. Almost intimidating in a way. like Anyways, talking about finger banging, that was a funny thing.
00:32:03
Speaker
This is the best podcast. Trust.
00:32:20
Speaker
Jesus loves us. Jesus loves us. Jesus loves us. Jesus loves us. Jesus loves us.
00:32:35
Speaker
This is Slapsass.