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What I Learned When I Wanted Friendship to be Unchanging: An Interview with Bethany Smith
117 Plays3 months ago
The After Dinner Mint is a podcast of Stories I’d Tell You at Dinner. We bring Christian women in Western Australia together through honest stories. Bethany Smith is a regular contributor to Stories I’d Tell You at Dinner and she shares her desire to hold on tightly to friendships after the isolation of interstate and overseas moves. She explains how God’s unchanging nature has been a comfort to her and has changed her approach to friendship as one of gratitude and openness.
In today’s episode, we explore:
- Bethany’s role caring for her children and partnering with her husband in their ministry to students at UWA.
- Growing up as a pastor's kid and not remembering a day when she did not believe in Jesus.
- Her experiences in friendship and isolation with multiple moves overseas and interstate, the desire to hold on tightly to friendships and wanting them to be unchanging. We discuss how she has come to rest in the fact that God is the only one who is unchanging.
- How the change in her theology of friendships has changed how she approaches friendship.
You can listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, YouTube, or anywhere you get podcasts.
Check out the show notes for everything mentioned in the show.
About BethanyBethany grew up on the South Coast of NSW, moved to Sydney for university, and met her husband, Matt, while studying at Moore Theological College. They moved to Perth in 2020 to share the gospel with university students at UWA. They’ve since had three children who she spends her days with, caring for and discipling in the Lord Jesus. Bethany enjoys reading, exercising, baking and attempting to keep her plants alive.
Want honest stories from Christian women in Western Australia in your inbox on Wednesdays? Sign up here.
Music: Come Back by Ketsa. Licensed under a Creative Commons License Non-Commercial, No-Derivatives 4.0 International License.
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Transcript
Introduction to 'The After Dinner Mint' Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
God puts people in our lives that he wants to be there and he takes people away at times and our God is a good God and he knows what he's doing.
00:00:17
Speaker
This is the After Dinner Mint, a podcast of stories I tell you at dinner. Think of the mint as the stories you tell after you've been kicked out of the restaurant, holding your mint, standing in the street, telling more honest stories with your friends than you did at the table.
00:00:31
Speaker
It's not a sermon. It's not advice. It's not a self-help. We're processing what we're learning about faith and life, honestly, in community, to encourage you to do that with your God and your community.
Meet Bethany Smith: Family and Weekly Routine
00:00:48
Speaker
I'm Bec, and today I'm here with Bethany Smith. Bethany's one of our regular writers, so we're kicking off the podcast by interviewing all of our contributors you can get to know them better. Hi, Bethany.
00:01:00
Speaker
Hi, Bec. Thanks for having me. Thanks for coming. So, Bethany, can you introduce yourself for everyone? Tell us, like, what does a typical week look like for you? What kind of things make up your week?
00:01:12
Speaker
Yes, so I'm Bethany. I live with my husband, Matt, and our three children. Got one on the way as well.
00:01:24
Speaker
goodbye. Thank you. Due in November. You kick forward to meeting them very much. And so honestly, my week, it feels like the number one thing is feed everyone.
00:01:40
Speaker
i don't know if that's your experience too. 100%. I just ah spend a lot of time planning, shopping, preparing, cleaning up the mess.
00:01:54
Speaker
This feels like my life. Apparently my mother-in-law once said, so she had four, and she was like, i don't know why i buy food. You guys just eat it. I feel this. Oh, yeah.
00:02:07
Speaker
There are other things that I do with my time, ah even though that does feel like the vast majority. guess it's just all the the weekly commitments with the kids. So taking them to swimming, dropping my eldest off at kindy, speech appointments.
Balancing Church and Family Life
00:02:22
Speaker
Got the church commitments, Bible study, church, serving like the mission partners team. A great privilege to communicate with our church's mission partners and make sure that they are profiled and well-supported. Wow. Where are your missionaries for your church? All over the place. There's a few of them that are local, a couple of them that are in Australia, and then a couple of them that are overseas. So all over.
00:02:47
Speaker
We have 10 in total. Oh, wow. So there's a range, yeah. Yeah. And like the ones in Australia, where are they? We have a university worker in Tasmania, one here in Perth at Curtin University, if you know David Mitchell there.
00:03:03
Speaker
ah No, I don't. I'm grateful. We also support a couple of organizations, so Crew West and Reach Australia. So they're both... um Australian, of course.
00:03:14
Speaker
So Crew West is the school's ministry and Reach Australia seeks to revitalise churches and plant new ones. Yes, yes. We had Reach Australia come through church where I'm at. Yeah.
00:03:24
Speaker
Yeah, so that's the thing I do in the week, just admin for that. It's good. It fits well with i my life as a mother. Oh, it's not crazy. It's actually really good because it's flexible and I can just do it at home from my computer um and the occasional team meeting afterwards.
00:03:40
Speaker
How exciting. Yeah.
Maintaining Distant Relationships and Hobbies
00:03:42
Speaker
Yeah. And then just relational commitments with playdates for kids and keeping up with people myself, calling. All of our family is on the East Coast, so we do a number of phone calls with grandparents and try and stay connected.
00:03:56
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And what do you do for fun? i do enjoy reading, especially since my third child came along. I got back into fiction deep way. was really nice because I hadn't really read a lot of fiction for many years.
00:04:09
Speaker
I enjoy exercise. I very much enjoy it, but that's taken a big hit with kids. One of the things that I do really enjoy that's part of my week, which is not necessarily for fun, but so I support my husband and he's involved with the Christian Union at UWA.
00:04:25
Speaker
Yeah. I was involved in that prior to having kids, but really enjoy all that comes with that. So the opportunities for hospitality that is infrequent, but the opportunities for getting to know a student here or there And praying for the ministry, hearing how it's going.
00:04:46
Speaker
So I guess that's, yeah, just another big part of my life is seeking to support him in his role, flexing around his weird schedule and, yeah, keeping up data. we Yeah, we're really thankful to be part of that ministry. And, yeah, he loves it and and we both do. It's ah a wonderful fit for our family. It's a great way to serve.
00:05:07
Speaker
Yeah, so that's maybe not something I do for fun, but I do enjoy that aspect of life.
Involvement in Christian Ministry
00:05:12
Speaker
But I think there's something really nice to that where like anything that you pick, like there's no unicorn choices for anything. Nothing is 100% wonderful all the time and no bad things. But it's so lovely when you're you're doing things that are meaningful and you're like, I love where this is going. I love where this is taking me. And you can actually enjoy that where you're like, oh, I love what this is doing. And, you know, like particularly you were doing that kind of work before.
00:05:36
Speaker
How lovely that you can even have even this new season, like a part of that old season with you. um Yeah, but one of the joys about ministry is that even if you're not working formally in it, as a Christian, you can always be meeting with people, talking with people, learning from the Bible.
00:05:56
Speaker
It's not like, you know, with some jobs where you just finish being a physio and you never it or whatever, I don't know. With ministry, you can keep it going and that's one of the joys of being a Christian is Wherever we go in the world, no matter where life's up to, we can still be in Christian community and serving and being served.
00:06:21
Speaker
I love that. Now, just to kind of circle back to the book thing, because feel like I went through a similar season where all I was doing was reading stuff for like work or uni. And I remember coming back to fiction and just being like, ah, hello.
00:06:34
Speaker
Hello, stories. Yeah. so fun like what what are your favorite books or tv show or podcast at the moment ha well on the book front I I've been doing a lot of popular fiction since he was born because it it started as a way to just I needed to lie down
Reading Preferences and Book Recommendations
00:06:54
Speaker
for a nap and I hate napping and so it was kind of like my gateway would grab up making get away to lie a bit Yeah, yeah.
00:07:03
Speaker
It would motivate me to lie in my bed. And then as soon as I was lying on my bed reading, I would be like, oh, yeah, I could totally nap now. Nice. do, yeah, I read a fair bit of popular fiction at the moment. So usually those are not very quality.
00:07:18
Speaker
I'm down for it. I'm like, yeah, great. Like, tell me the terrible quality things you can read it. I am going through some stuff that has been out for many years that i never read. So last year I went through The Hunger Games i for the first time. I read The Great Tattoo recently.
00:07:34
Speaker
Yes. Oh, so cool. Yeah, that was good. Really enjoyed that. It was also like totally not what I expected and almost um recommended because it was just – Yeah, it's totally weird and, like, quite bizarre. And that's where you're like, what is this? It was very full on. So, yeah, I don't – I didn't – I had no idea. I just was like, oh, I've heard of that book. And then it's like, oh, they okay.
00:07:56
Speaker
You're like, oh, this went to a dark place. Yeah, totally it did. really did.
00:08:03
Speaker
I have also enjoyed doing a bit of a deep dive into parenting books. I listen a lot sobering to parenting books on audio. Someone once said, only do one a year because, you know, you can read so much parenting and it's, oh. feel like ah I like to feel bad. ah I know. I read them and I'm like a wild perfectionist. and I'm just like, oh, done with everything.
00:08:29
Speaker
I'm not only failing at parenting, but I'm failing at all of these methods. he' So don't read too much of them. Yeah. Whereas I think my approach is like, I just consume them.
00:08:39
Speaker
Well, I have in the last nine months or something, just really, and i i remember it started because I was trying to nut out an issue with one of my children. Now I'm just really interested in what they say and like kind of analyzing them and,
00:08:55
Speaker
trying to work out how they're different or the same from each other, noticing trends and forming opinions. i I'm quite opinionated as a person. And so I'm enjoying surveying the world of parenting books.
00:09:10
Speaker
But I've been going slowly through, i mean, it's not parenting, although it is, it's called Motherhood by Jocelyn Lone. She released it in the summer. Never even heard of that. It's a good, solid, wise read. Jocelyn is on the East Coast.
00:09:26
Speaker
um She's a wonderful Christian mother and thinker. But it's just very biblical and it's very wise and it's nice to find those two things together in a book.
00:09:37
Speaker
You know, sometimes a book is very wise with the wisdom of the world and it might be extremely helpful, but it doesn't come from that Christian worldview. And, you know, I miss that.
00:09:49
Speaker
And at other times it can be super biblical, but just not wise. yeah yeah Yeah, my child is screaming on the floor and then what? What do I do now? You're like, think Jesus loves you? like Yeah, or sometimes books that will claim to be biblical and then say stuff that you're like, that's not what it's me.
00:10:08
Speaker
Sorry, but Jocelyn's book, Motherhood, I would highly recommend that. I've really enjoyed it.
Impact of 'Lazy Genius' Podcast on Productivity
00:10:13
Speaker
It's just really solid. Yeah, awesome. All right, podcast. Do get into podcasts? I do love podcasts.
00:10:19
Speaker
One of the podcasts that I have always very much enjoyed, don't listen to it quite as much anymore, is the Lazy Genius podcast. Are you familiar at all, Bec? Yes, yes, because, look, and again, I can only dip into her for small seasons, but I feel like her brain works in a similar way to mine.
00:10:37
Speaker
i love her. But I can only go in and get a perspective on one thing and then I have to come back out. So, like, decide once, meal templates. I'm like, come here. You know what, Bec?
00:10:50
Speaker
From, like, the moment I met you, well, like, not that, you know, this is actually the first time I've ever seen your face, but was in a photo. But the moment we started communicating, i knew that you were also a lazy genius person. I could just tell.
00:11:07
Speaker
How did you know? What gave me away was this big trash bag, Angie? hu No. um Look, I can't even remember exactly. I think a couple of times it's just the phrases that you use. Not that you've used the same ones that this lady uses. Her name is Kendra, for those of you who haven't heard of her.
00:11:27
Speaker
Yeah, you should explain about her. Yeah, in a former life, I was very into productivity books. Yeah. Always trying to get more go. I'm trying to give up to add it.
00:11:38
Speaker
I'm like, I love productivity books. ah I think this lady, Kendra Adachi, who runs the Lazy Genius podcast, is kind of pushing against the productivity world a little bit.
00:11:55
Speaker
And yet she kind of still fits within it. She, I guess she would, I can't remember exactly her way she talks about it, but maybe compassionate time management, something like that, trying to help people to not be robots, but at the same time to get things done that they see as important and But not trying to do everything. So she gives people grace and helps people. Was there a timeline? She's like, you do me. I don't know.
00:12:25
Speaker
Be a genius about the things that matter, a lazy about the things that don't. That's right. And she says she helps you kind of wear that's different for everybody. Everybody will view different things as important for you. And, yeah, it's just been helpful for me to slow down a little bit. I'm very – I can be very admin-oriented and – If I have a free evening, it takes effort to not sit down with my to-do list, tick things off.
00:12:56
Speaker
And it just means I never rest because I always thought I'll rest when the to-do list is done, but that doesn't happen. It only gets longer. I know. And ironically, when i remember I had to, I say I had to, but I did for my own sanity and the sanity of the people around me.
00:13:11
Speaker
I need to learn how to do this, so I started Sabbathing. But when I started doing it, I had to write lists of things so that were relaxing and then I would tick them off.
00:13:21
Speaker
I love that. Oh. I don't have to do that anymore. But now it kind of like how you like, I'm going read a book to nap. I was like, I'm going to think of things that could be fun or relaxing and to like ease into actually resting.
00:13:36
Speaker
oh There have been life hacks along the way, but I think it's not about life hacks. That's not what she's on about. Nice. Just figuring out how to make a system that works for you. And I'm grateful for what I've listened to of hers because I think I've come to a place where I can Kind of see what needs to be done and do what really needs to be done.
00:13:59
Speaker
But also say prioritize rest, prioritize people. oh And I'm always learning how to do that better. But, yeah, I am grateful to what I've listened to of hers.
00:14:13
Speaker
Now, this is completely unrelated and, Macy, you have opinions on the Enneagram, but are you in Enneagram 1 any chance?
Bethany's Christian Upbringing and Family Influence
00:14:20
Speaker
Can you remind me what that is again? I'm going to butcher it, but they're just talking about like what your core... I'll find a link. I'll send it to you.
00:14:30
Speaker
It's like... Is that... I think Chris did my mind to it, but... But that's like... One and two. Is it just a couple of Yeah, where they're like, you know, your – I think it only goes – it goes through to like any like type one, two, three, four, and it goes through like type nine. And it's kind of just like what you're motivated by. And I will tell you now that like I'm an Enneagram one, so it's kind of like your basis for you is like being bad at stuff, like being wrong, being exposed as being like bad.
00:14:58
Speaker
And I was like, I wonder if Beth is also an Enneagram one. But that is a fun – like just a fun tangent, but I will send you the link. You can tell me. Yeah, yeah, interested. Yeah, cool. Kind of as a random segue, how did you become a Christian?
00:15:12
Speaker
I am grateful to have grown up with very godly parents. So I grew up on the south coast of New South Wales where my dad pastored the church that I grew up in and both he and my mum taught the gospel to us.
00:15:29
Speaker
I'm one of four. They prioritized Christian community above everything. going to church, encouraging us kids to go to youth group. I were always very supportive if we wanted to go on Christian camps.
00:15:42
Speaker
And yeah, their lives were just so thoroughly shaped by Jesus that I had an example right there of Christian faithfulness. Their witness really shaped me.
00:15:54
Speaker
It caused me to know Jesus. And I'm so thankful to be able to say that. I don't remember a day where I didn't trust Jesus as my Lord and my Savior.
00:16:06
Speaker
I even remember that It's quite revealing as a little five-year-old, I remember being jealous of the attention a couple of my my friends got for becoming Christians.
00:16:20
Speaker
And I thought to myself, but I'm already a Christian. hey You're very funny because there's envy there and just the total wrong attitude to celebrating with someone for loving Jesus.
00:16:35
Speaker
And as I ah grew into adulthood, there were many significant things along the way that shaped me as a believer. I did find camps and big youth conferences to be very significant.
00:16:49
Speaker
So yes, I'm a major fan of what Crew West is doing here in Perth. Yeah, there were times of hardship. There was times of doubt. And in and through all of that, God remained faithful to me and provided me with people to talk to you and to speak into concerns and struggles.
00:17:10
Speaker
Very grateful for those people and grateful to the Lord for drawing me into his family and keeping me there. That's lovely. I'm like, who would be someone who's like really encouraged you or inspired you like you Christian walk and why? Yeah.
00:17:23
Speaker
but My parents really were significant. They would always bring me back to the Bible whenever I was wrestling with an idea. And it just I remember hashing it out with my dad when I was studying philosophy at uni. And I was trying to get him to put aside the Bible. Like, no, what would you think if you didn't start with the Bible? You know.
00:17:44
Speaker
And it kind of finally clicked, I reckon, through just talking with him that as a Christian you don't do that. The whole thing is that you you do you do start with the Bible. It is the final authority.
00:17:59
Speaker
So my parents were very significant, but my sister as well, look, she's younger than me and we are very similar. um We're very good friends. We see eye to eye on a lot of things.
00:18:10
Speaker
We get each other and I'm very privileged to call her a friend. but She has gone through much more hardship than I have. And because she's my sister, I feel that hardship more deeply than I would if it was even a friend. I think that it It hits me. I feel so sad whenever.
00:18:30
Speaker
I was just going to say, I think it's that. Like, I think the people who are closest to us, we really do carry, you know, if they're going through something hard, you're like, oh, I carry that too. I really carry that hurt. Absolutely. Yeah.
00:18:42
Speaker
Yeah. But she has always responded in those situations with such godliness. And I'm so encouraged by just the way she responds or has responded to those times. She's stood firm.
00:18:59
Speaker
And in that, I have been increasingly thankful for who God has made her to be. And as I reflect, I do think that her, even her witness and her steadfastness has encouraged me hugely in my faith. That's so beautiful. Yeah.
00:19:20
Speaker
And I and love that where just sometimes actually people enduring and remaining steadfast in the face of trials. If you're walking alongside them and you're like, oh I can see ah can see how hard this is and this is really painful. And it really does, it encourages you. we are oh the you know You're enduring in this and you're still trusting in the Lord even though you would be tempted to not. like That's such a strong encouragement. Absolutely.
00:19:47
Speaker
Absolutely. Yeah. So if we flip that a little bit, could you talk to us through a hard season could walk through? ah so there have been numerous.
00:19:59
Speaker
I think that's what life is, right? There's lots of ways that we we suffer and struggle on. And I was reflecting what what was something that I wanted to share. And look, I thought actually the ups and downs of friendship was I think has been i struggle for me ah over my life, as I believe it probably is in some way for everyone, and particularly women.
00:20:29
Speaker
But I don't want to say exclusively. at all. Then there's been a lot of sadness over the years of just friendships changing and people moving on with their life. Often it's proximity, right? Like we can't stay connected with everyone. And I miss people. I miss people deeply.
00:20:51
Speaker
um And I just sometimes think of people I don't have much contact with anymore or any contact and I miss them. And that it's almost like a pain in your heart because It's just like, oh, I would really love to see them.
00:21:03
Speaker
And then, of course, there's few times. moved your last as well. So, yeah, I have moved house quite a lot of times, as I wrote in one of the articles for Stories I Tell You at Dinner.
00:21:17
Speaker
I haven't necessarily moved that many times to a different area. I think ah think it's about four times that I've moved areas. So when I moved from school to uni, that was a jump and then spent a bit of time overseas and then I've moved to Perth.
00:21:34
Speaker
And within that, I've moved house a lot of times, but usually just within... There have been at times of as well seasons of loneliness, i
Challenges of Moving and Maintaining Friendships
00:21:42
Speaker
isolation. So I think when we first moved to Perth, I did ah come into a community straightaway. So there were people, but I didn't have history with any of them.
00:21:52
Speaker
um And so there was a sense of being just in a new space and unknown and not knowing the people around me either. And yeah, isolation. So i am just so far away from my family and have three sisters-in-law the east coast in Sydney and I would just love to have more time with them because I didn't grow up with them.
00:22:20
Speaker
ah One of them is very new and so I probably won't get the opportunity to live anywhere near her and the other two I've known for longer and I did have some time with them before we moved to Perth but um Yeah, and a brother-in-law, two brothers-in-law.
00:22:35
Speaker
Is that right? Yeah, two brothers-in-law as well. Yeah, so it would be nice to have more time to spend with them. So sometimes, you know, you feel like they survive siblings. I have three siblings, two brothers and a sister, and then my husband has one split.
00:22:53
Speaker
So I'm including his sister. Yeah, love her. love her a lot and would love to spend more time with her and her husband. Yeah. Who I call my brother.
00:23:03
Speaker
I don't know if that's counted, but yeah, I think it is. Yeah. And I think there's that where there's, like, I suppose it's that sense of grief where you're pursuing this really good thing and you're like, yep, we've made these decisions as family. But that sounds like there's that grief where like, we're not close with your family who sounds like that are really beautiful and you love them and you're like, oh, I'm not there doing life with them.
00:23:27
Speaker
And that sounds like a can ah thing that continues to be hard. Hmm. Yeah, it's a sadness. We do have a lovely active WhatsApp thread and we do still get to see each other fairly often at times, you know, at where as much as possible when you live on the other side of the country.
00:23:49
Speaker
Yeah, I think just thinking through friendship and, you know, that's something that has caused, I wouldn't use, don't know if I'd use the word suffering, but there has been hardness and in friendship over my life.
00:24:04
Speaker
And I think friendships ah you know, there's such joy. When friendship is working well, when you have friends who really know you and really love you and they're no parts of your life and they can speak into it and you've had those seasons, then when you're in a difficult season of friendship, it's almost like the flip side of that is so much harder because you're like, I know how good this can be.
00:24:27
Speaker
And there's like that that grief that morning where you're like, this is not, you know, how I'm meant to be doing things. oh Yeah, what's your experience of friendship been back over the years?
00:24:40
Speaker
Well, I mean, it's interesting because I mostly always lived around here. yeah I mean, I lived in the country for like three years when my dad did his country service down there as a policeman. But I was three. I don't really remember it. So I've mostly see always lived around here.
00:24:54
Speaker
and know, we moved. So my husband and I moved out to this area where we are now when I was pregnant. But we continued to kind of like commute to our church and kept going. And I think when my oldest was about six months, we were like, oh, no, we'll but come to ah church now.
00:25:11
Speaker
But we didn't know anyone. And like, you know, so I think for me, was really lonely. All the friends I had, like I had been studying and working and then I had a baby and I was like, I don't know anyone with like children. and I remember being like, oh, oh, I'm actually really lonely.
00:25:26
Speaker
I'm going to have to go make friends. ah And it took so much longer than I thought it was going to. you And i remember one of the girls at our church, I remember when you came, like i was just like, hey, what are you doing? I'm going here. like Do you want to come here? like where I'm going to this pub. I'm going here. Who's doing this thing? Do you want to come over? Whatever. like but and it was awful. you know what mean?
00:25:49
Speaker
But I do think it's lovely now, maybe seven years after that, like that intentionality has paid off. We have friends and those friends, their families have become friends with my family and we go on holidays and stuff together and things like that.
00:26:03
Speaker
But I'm always surprised at how long those friendships take to develop. I don't know. Is that similar or different to yours? Yeah, for sure. I think ah friendship definitely.
00:26:16
Speaker
the older you get, definitely. I think friendships that are formed when you see each other every day, of course, they can develop quite quickly if it's work colleagues or, you know, when you're at school or university.
00:26:30
Speaker
Once you're a mum and it might be once a week or twice a week at best, it definitely takes time to feel like you can relate and understand each other and know no about each other.
00:26:44
Speaker
um ah definitely experienced that. but Yeah, when we moved to Perth, I think um now that we've been here for over five years, I just look around me and I'm so grateful.
00:26:56
Speaker
There's so many people that I have history with. Some of them are closer, others I might not be close to, you but I can say, oh, yeah, at one point I served with them or I was in a mother's group with that person and I bumped into them the other day. And it's just nice.
00:27:12
Speaker
To have have that sort of range of people who you know, absolutely, it takes time. Yeah, like that web that web of like just all those connections is expanding. Like Dunbar's number, I reckon you can know about 150 people.
00:27:28
Speaker
But yeah, how many people you could know well. But I love, that yeah, you've kind of got that, like you said, that history, those people that you know. ah Yeah. so i what would be something God taught you about his character through that hard season of living away from family, establishing new connections and new history?
Trusting in God's Plan for Friendships
00:27:47
Speaker
Like, what did you learn about him that you wouldn't have learned about otherwise, you don't think? One of the things that I've learned is God's sovereignty. suppose I've always known it, but as it relate relates to friendship, God puts people in our lives that he wants to be there.
00:28:07
Speaker
And he takes people away at times. And our God is a good God and he knows what he's doing. And i think just having a greater trust in him has been so significant for me as I reflect on the people who are in my life, that as I reflect on the people who have been in my life.
00:28:32
Speaker
If I were to ground that lesson, like when did i when did that kind of click for me? I reckon it was when close friend of mine moved away from Perth. So about, ah was it a year or so?
00:28:49
Speaker
into moving here that we had our first child and when my girl was about six months old I met this friend and she had her baby the same age and we lived near each other and we spent lots of time together we would see each other at church at the time we started a play group together just a community like a session well which built up we saw each other there we saw each other at Bible study um and we would hang out throughout the week we saw each other a lot and it was lovely We fell pregnant with our second at the same time and we could watch each other through pregnancy and it was just so nice. And so we we spent a lot of time with each other for probably about 18 months and then the news came that they were moving interstate.
00:29:38
Speaker
It was very sad. I had already had a couple of my new Perth friends move away. And so it felt like what? Scott is taking everybody away from me, which is not because there were other people in, there were other people here. I had developed friendships for sure, but, um,
00:29:55
Speaker
I was very sad to to lose her. I don't know, lost her, but you know what I mean. But, yeah, fully cried. Like, I remember just bawling my eyes out. At the same time, think I responded to that ah differently than perhaps at other times.
00:30:16
Speaker
I was primarily just grateful to God for this lady who he had given me for that season and That experience has taught me to continue to view friendships through a lens of thankfulness for and because God is sovereign in having put that person in my life.
00:30:42
Speaker
And if it's only for a season, well, praise God that it was for that season. um And, you know, for the the for the people who it's, you know, I have my um best friend ah lives on the East Coast and we talk a lot and we have almost never been in that situation where we have mutual friends and we're never we've never really been.
00:31:04
Speaker
We met at church, but that was the only point of connection we ever had. And we've stayed in touch and I'm so thankful to her because she's someone who I have stayed in touch with. ah But most people come and go a bit and that's okay.
00:31:18
Speaker
God knows what he's doing. Yeah. and I love that. I love that kind of theology of friendship where you can pray for like, God, I need a friend. Like God, bring me someone to be friends with.
00:31:32
Speaker
In that season where that first baby and your whole life is changing and you're like, i need someone to do life with, you have that gift, but I think it's, I love that the antidote to the grief of losing someone.
00:31:46
Speaker
Like you said, but it is true. you know what mean? Although like she's moved away and you know where she is. You're like, it's not the same. Like that friendship has changed. Like you're not doing life together every day. And that kind of is the fall. But I love that the antidote to that is gratitude. to che Like i'm I'm grateful that I i had that.
00:32:06
Speaker
And because I think that takes guts to then move out into the next friendship. and look at the next person and not guard your heart and be like, well, maybe you'll leave, so I don't want to go there.
00:32:19
Speaker
But actually, yeah. Yeah, and but this realisation has taken the pressure off friendship in a way as well, though, in that sometimes you want to get a bit almost selfish and think, like, i i want to put around me people who are just going to be there forever and but hold on to them tightly.
00:32:39
Speaker
um But I've learned that that's not the way we should approach friendship. um We love... who God puts before us. And of course, there's a chemistry to that. there's um you know We might really click with yeah that one person in our mother's group or in our growth group or at work, and we strike up a ah great friendship with them.
00:33:03
Speaker
But we don't have to get all possessive over them. We don't have to try and make it a certain way and try and hang out with them a certain number of times every month or like we can take it we can take the pressure off enjoy that person um serve that person as Jesus has served us love them that's what the gospel does I think to friendship it changes it from ah self-serving um or even a mutually serving like thing I guess it it expands what
00:33:41
Speaker
the category of friend even. um it's It's not just going to be the person that we really click with, even though that there is a, of course, that's a component to friendship, but we welcome the outsider or the person who's different from us.
00:33:59
Speaker
We do church with people of all backgrounds and nationalities and ages, and they can be friends in a in different ways but we might become really good friends with someone who's 50 years older than us yeah we might not hang out all the time but we might enjoy the conversation we have with them on Sundays we might even connect really uh with a young uni student we're reading the bible with that's a type of friendship it might not be
00:34:35
Speaker
the best friend buddy buddy type of friendship but it's it's still a type and I think having that lens as we go about our lives um the lens of just being other person centered and and welcoming I think that's definitely going to be a part of Christian friendship it's cool I what I'm hearing is like that real sense of like acceptance and oh I'm not relying on one person to meet my needs.
Embracing Life's Interruptions as Opportunities
00:35:05
Speaker
So there's that, but there's also that lovely openness, like the church is made up of God's natural enemies. It's intergenerational. There are so many people to to be friendly with.
00:35:15
Speaker
But it's also that, like, I love how you talked about it's easy to to hold on to a relationship and be like, I need you to be unchanging. Like, you know, don't change. I need this to be okay.
00:35:29
Speaker
like You know, I love it and that has helped me. But I think it's easy to then, like you're saying, hold on to in a way that it almost my strangles it. Like, we want people to not change, but the only one who doesn't change is God.
00:35:40
Speaker
That's right. And we hold people to a standard that's unrealistic. We hold ourselves to a standard that's unrealistic as when we we don't want to be hurt and we don't acknowledge that we will hurt people as well.
00:35:54
Speaker
and God is the only one who will never let us down. We will always let people down. They will let us down. And so being gracious within that.
00:36:05
Speaker
But as you say, friendships change. In the past at times I have Found that really hard and sad. But, yeah, learning to acknowledge that and let people go, we can still pray for people and we can still take these feelings to God.
00:36:22
Speaker
When we feel hurt or when we feel lonely, ah when we feel sad, we can talk to him because he cares and he, Jesus, is our friend.
00:36:34
Speaker
Yeah, the one that won't ever let us down. I love that. So what's a word of encouragement you can offer to a woman listening who might be walking through a similar season, either of trying to hold on to friendships that are changing or leaving or changing seasons or someone who is new and lonely?
00:36:52
Speaker
but What's word of encouragement you can offer? One of the things that i keep having to remind myself, um so it's a word of encouragement for me too, is to keep loving and serving the people in front of me.
00:37:04
Speaker
So sometimes I might even be thinking, I wish I was in that conversation over there. Not this one here. That could be anywhere. That could be at church and, you know, wanting to not welcome ah stranger but talk with my friend over in that conversation.
00:37:22
Speaker
It could be at the school pickup where, oh, but I'm connecting with that mum. Like I really like that mum. I want to talk to her. No, no. Love that person in front of me. That's what Jesus would do.
00:37:35
Speaker
And like it's going to not only we focus on that person in front of us, then we will take our minds off ourselves. We'll put our minds on them. We will be involved in the good work of loving them as we are called to do. Surely we'll be blessed by that also.
00:37:55
Speaker
We'll be blessed by that person and the things that they have to share and you never know what sort of friendship or just some sort of relationship can come out of that.
00:38:09
Speaker
Or even it might just be a one-off chat, but that is a good use of our time. Not looking sideways, not being discontent in our friendships, not letting those thoughts and feelings fester, but keeping our eyes on the person in front of us because God loves them and so we should
Encouragement to Serve and Love Others
00:38:27
Speaker
too.
00:38:27
Speaker
You can hear i'm I'm like preaching to myself as I say. Yeah, preaching to me, I'm like this one.
00:38:34
Speaker
That's so good. And while you were talking, it made me think of like that C.S. Lewis quote. And he, like, i feel like I've got the vibe of quotes, but I'm not, I'm going to butcher anyway. But he's like, the thing to do is to not think about your life as like, this is my life over here.
00:38:49
Speaker
And then all these other things, are interruptions to like my real life. He's like, but the interruptions really are your life and that's God's work. And I was like, oh, yeah. i have my to-do list and I have things that I want to do and my schemes and my plans and my plan about how my day is going to look.
00:39:05
Speaker
But I love that, just that really granular, I'm here at the school pick-up and I'm going to chat to this mum and who knows? Who knows what God's plan is at? But hey, I could ah could be really present here and just talk to you.
00:39:19
Speaker
Or I could really talk to, you know, the old lady at Playgroup who is delightful and just be really present in that conversation rather than thinking about three other things that I should be doing.
00:39:29
Speaker
Yeah. Well, that's great. I'm just like, yeah. I'm like, yeah, it's so great.
00:39:35
Speaker
I'm super helpful. Who do you nominate to this next? Like, I hear you think it'd be good or encouraging. do you hear it from next? So... I do have a lovely friend named Rebecca.
00:39:49
Speaker
ah We met in Sydney at college. Isn't it? Yeah. So she lives Rockingham now. Is that Rebecca Antle?
00:39:59
Speaker
It is. knew it. I knew it. It's very small world. We're at church. We crossed over with her briefly, but she uses Rebecca. you know what i mean? She's not Beck. She is Rebecca.
00:40:10
Speaker
Yeah, I do. I intentionally use the word Rebecca. I met her at college. She's a faithful Christian woman. She's a mother of three boys. She's a lover of friends and...
00:40:22
Speaker
Yeah, she serves Jesus wholeheartedly in her day-to-day. She likes Bible study. She looks to share the gospel with those around her. She disciples her boys, loves her husband. And, yeah, her husband, Daniel, is in the Navy, is often away for long stretches. And I just admire her so much for taking that in her stride.
00:40:41
Speaker
ah She doesn't complain. Yeah. Like my husband goes away, but never for long stretches like that. And I complain. So I'm always encouraged by her approach because it reminds me I cannot complain because if anyone can complain, it's her.
00:41:00
Speaker
I love to complain. It's a hobby. Yeah. yes um Exactly. Yeah, so she just gets on with life. She's very admirable and I think she'd have a lot of wonderful reports to share here on being faith, the Christian woman in her circumstances.
00:41:16
Speaker
I suppose to sum up, I've just come away really encouraged from talking to you. i haven't done any like major internet moves, but I think it's that. God provides friendships and we can be grateful for who he puts into our lives, but also we can send them back out with acceptance that God will send us who we need. He will provide for our needs in friendship.
00:41:35
Speaker
And we can be really grateful for what he has done.
00:41:43
Speaker
That's it from us, friends. We hope you enjoyed today's episode. And if you did, you can sign up to our free weekly newsletter called Stories I'd Tell You at Dinner. So you get essays, poetry, podcast episodes, everything, photo essays straight to your inbox on Wednesdays from March to November from Christian women in Western Australia.
00:42:04
Speaker
If you'd like that, the link is in the show notes. Thanks for listening, guys.