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9. Thoughts On Mother's Day
76 Plays5 years ago
My thoughts about Grief on Mother's Day. Things that make some people feel grief and others feel joy and connection.
Music: www.rinaldisound.net
Editing: Carlos Andres Londono (my husband)
Reach Me: www.griefgratitudeandthegrayinbetween.com
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Grief, Gratitude, and the Gray in Between'
00:00:03
Speaker
Hello and welcome to Grief, Gratitude, and the Gray in Between podcast. This podcast is about exploring the grief that occurs at different times in our lives in which we have had major changes and transitions that literally shake us to the core and make us experience grief.
00:00:27
Speaker
I created this podcast for people to feel a little less hopeless and alone in their own grief process as they hear the stories of others who have had similar journeys. I'm Kendra Rinaldi, your host. Now, let's dive right in to today's episode.
Special Mother's Day Episode
00:00:48
Speaker
Hello. Well, today, the damn recording happens to be Mother's Day.
00:00:56
Speaker
I was trying to figure out which one of the podcasts that I have that have the interviews I've already recorded that I would launch today. And instead I decided I would just do a little special short episode here talking about Mother's Day.
00:01:16
Speaker
honor of my mom and also for those of you out there who may be listening today who have mom who has passed away and this may be your first Mother's Day celebrating that special day without her by her side or
00:01:35
Speaker
Or it may be 10 years down the line. It may be 20. It may be actually even forever because I have friends that even have lost their moms before. Actually, when they were even born, when they were babies. So it is definitely one of those days that is very mixed with emotions. It can bring up different feelings for everybody.
00:02:03
Speaker
even for people that maybe are not even moms right now and are wishing other people Happy Mother's Day and their own mothers and maybe in their mind they themselves would have wanted to be a mom and were not able to.
00:02:21
Speaker
So it's interesting because these kind of Hallmark holidays, I want to say, can end up bringing just so much, so many things to the surface. And as I mentioned just before, just all these mixed emotions and one of those really being grief too.
Personal Grief Stories and Reflections
00:02:44
Speaker
For example, my first Mother's Day that I had
00:02:50
Speaker
after my miscarriage. So I was pregnant in 2006 and my miscarriage happened March 1st. So May of that year was Mother's Day and it was very hard because I had just been carrying a child in my womb and had had a miscarriage and
00:03:17
Speaker
that brought up a lot of emotions on that day because I would have still been pregnant if the pregnancy had been viable and it was really, really hard. So there's just different things that can happen.
00:03:35
Speaker
So I want to share a little bit about my mom. And my mom passed away 2016, November 7th, 2016. And if you've listened to the episode I did interviewing my brother, he shared a little bit about that process and that journey and even just the whole day that she passed away, even just that experience that we had
00:04:05
Speaker
with her. And I want to share a little bit of what happened also, what's happened after my mom's passing. So she passed away November 7th. And at the end of November, we had already put in some paperwork to be able, some paperwork or an application to be able to have a golden doodle, a dog that we were wanting.
00:04:35
Speaker
And we had gone it through a breeder and maybe those of you listening right now have different ideas and mixed ideas about somebody that purchases a dog or whatever. But anyway, this is not about that, but just know that we, yeah, I can understand if you have those beliefs as well. So anyhow, so we had put an application and we were waiting to receive the news.
00:04:59
Speaker
at the end of November, no, yeah, the litter was born the end of November. So November 25th was when our dog was born that same year. And so it was in December that they started saying, you know, who the people were going to be that got to take home one of these little fur babies, and they gave us the date, the pickup date.
00:05:29
Speaker
And the pickup date was January 20th. January 20th is my mom's birthday. So again, this date was chosen by the breeder, not by us. And it was going to be the first day that I was going to celebrate my mom's birthday without her being alive.
00:05:54
Speaker
And I remember that day I was feeling, you know, I could have felt a little nostalgic and stuff that day. But because we had the anticipation of having to go pick up our new baby, our new fur baby, there was so much excitement. And I really saw that as a sign and as a gift. And honestly,
00:06:22
Speaker
Evie coming into our life on that day was one of the biggest blessings and gifts that we could have gotten. We got the dog thinking that it was for our children and it honestly turned out to be, you know, my husband and I end up really bonding a lot more.
00:06:40
Speaker
with the dog than the kids do. And for me, she was my therapy. She became my little therapist. I had to get out of bed because I had to walk her in the mornings.
00:06:58
Speaker
And there was there was no way of getting out of that one, right? She needed the energy output. So in days in which I would have probably rather just stay a moping and being in bed and maybe feeling sad.
00:07:14
Speaker
I ended up having to be outside in nature. And during that time, I'd live in Texas. And honestly, we have pretty good weather. But January, February, it could still be cool, a little cool. So it was not that it was always very enjoyable to be outside walking, but it was therapeutical. I hope I'm saying it right. It was so therapeutical. Therapeutical. Therapeutic.
Interpreting Signs and Messages
00:07:42
Speaker
Therapeutic. I think I just made up a new word.
00:07:45
Speaker
So I would just be out listening to the birds chirping and almost any little thing in nature. I would just take that as if that was a sign from my mom. In my heart, that's what I needed. I needed these little messages that I felt were her letting me know that she was with me and letting me know that she was okay.
00:08:13
Speaker
So if I'd see a little bird on a tree, I'd be like, oh, hi, mom, or any little thing like that. I just would just kind of connect with nature and see it as these gifts. Same like with certain ways in which the clouds would form at times. Like if they were in the shape of kind of feathers, I would see them as wings of
00:08:36
Speaker
of an angel and I would take that as a gift. I just kept on honoring everything around me that just felt like a connection. And if I can say that to anybody, if that brings you comfort, finding meaning in some of the things that happen around you and finding those little things of messages as if they're really messages from your loved one,
00:09:05
Speaker
Take them. Take them. If they bring you comfort, take them. It definitely brought me comfort and brought me joy and of course tears at times as well, but it just would make me connect with her and I would just, you know, be talking to her and I would feel good.
00:09:25
Speaker
So that was one thing I wanted to share.
Letting Go of Loved Ones' Belongings
00:09:29
Speaker
Another thing I wanted to share too is not everybody, for those of us who've lost loved ones, we all have different timing in when we're ready to do something and to let go of something. I mentioned this in a podcast that will be coming out later on in a conversation I had with my friend Stephanie.
00:09:53
Speaker
And her and I had talked about the things that sometimes we hold onto and that were really hard to let go. Her mom passed away as well. And I was letting her know that it had been really hard for me to erase my mom's phone number from my phone.
00:10:10
Speaker
I just could not bring myself to doing that and I believe it I think maybe took me like about two years or so to do it so there was one specific time in which I got in the car and the
00:10:31
Speaker
phone uh started calling again my mom and um i hung up right away and then this is like two years down two years after her passing approximately
00:10:46
Speaker
And then I was driving and about 10 minutes later, I get a call back and it said like incoming call, you know, it said mommy on the screen on the on the car screen. And so I pick up and someone then the other line was like,
00:11:05
Speaker
Oh, I just got a call from this number. And so I said, oh, I'm sorry. It was just a wrong number. And I hung up. And then I just started laughing and crying at the same time. And I was like, OK, Mommy, I get it. I get it. It's time. And so that was my moment, at least, that I felt at peace to already delete the number from her phone.
00:11:33
Speaker
And many of you listening may have other things in which you're attached to that are, let's see, that others around you may feel that it's time for you to let go of them, that may remind you of your loved one. But ultimately, you will know when the right time is for you.
00:11:55
Speaker
and if it's even ever something that you need to let go of some of these things that you may be keeping or things that just bring you comfort and that you'll have forever and ever and that's okay if that is something that that brings you comfort but one of the things to remember is that
00:12:12
Speaker
Those things are associations that we make right to connections with our loved one but ultimately I truly believe that they're connected with us all the time and that these objects are really just for us as ways of feeling that connection but I don't believe that our loved ones have any attachments to these
00:12:37
Speaker
So, anyhow, again, when you're ready, if the time is ever right, you can let go.
Comfort and Affirmation Through Poetry
00:12:43
Speaker
Now, I wanted to share something before I finish this short podcast of a poem in a book that I got from my mom.
00:12:54
Speaker
And I got this book, 2001. So this was before I had kids, actually even before I got married. And my mom, my dad, my brother, and my sister both wrote on one of the pages, and it was for celebration, so they were just wishing me.
00:13:20
Speaker
Happy Ayamiha was for a Baha'i celebration. So they just did some quotes on that. And so in my mom's dedication, it says, I dedicate these poems. She wrote in Spanish, so I'm translating. I dedicate these poems with all my heart, but especially the one on page 26. I love you. And then, you know, Anidya, my mom.
00:13:42
Speaker
So this is a book called For You and My Daughter and it's poems to say how much I love you. And I opened this book a year after my mom passed away and I saw that and I'm like,
00:14:02
Speaker
Oh my gosh, what's on page 26? And so I remember going to that page and it's a whole bunch of different books, different poems, different authors. And I open and I read the one on page 26. So I'm opening up to this page and I'm gonna read it to you guys. Daughter, your happiness is what I wish for most.
00:14:29
Speaker
I wish for you to always see the goodness in this world, to do your part in helping those less fortunate, to walk hand in hand with those of less talent, to follow those of more knowledge, to be an equal with those who are different. I wish for you to find your special purpose in this world so full of choices and to help lead those who stray.
00:14:56
Speaker
I wish for you to become your own individual, to set yourself apart from those who are the same. I wish for you the self-confidence to say no when it is necessary and the strength to stand alone. I wish for you the approval of yourself to love and respect everything that you are and will become.
00:15:23
Speaker
I wish for you to reap the fruits of your talents, to walk with pride down the road of life, to be humble in your success, and to share in the praises and joy of others. But most of all, I wish for you to be happy. For when you are happy, you have the key that will open all of the world's doors to you.
00:15:54
Speaker
Whatever you decide, whoever you become, my love for you is unconditional. My arms and heart are always open to you. My wishes for you are that you will someday know the joys that only a daughter can bring and that all your wishes come true. I love you, my daughter. And the author of this is Jackie Olson.
00:16:23
Speaker
But when I read this poem, I was sobbing when I read it the first time after my mom passed. And again, I do not even know if I read it when she gave it to me, and again, and I might have in 2001 when they gave me this book, but I might have not read it.
00:16:44
Speaker
I don't know but the impact it had on me reading it at the moment I did again I took that as a little message and I was just so happy because I just I knew I knew that
00:17:01
Speaker
Whatever I would do and this I always knew this all my life that really all that my parents wanted for me was just to be true to myself and to Be of service to others and to be happy that is all they ever wanted I started to cry my dad is still living so I know that that's all he ever wants for his children and that's all my mom ever wanted for his children was for us to be of service to be also, you know connected to God and To be happy
00:17:31
Speaker
And I reading this poem just truly just was again another little way of connecting with her again even though she didn't write it the fact that she dedicated this to me just kind of gave me a little nudge
00:17:48
Speaker
And a little pat on the back was letting me know I was going in the right direction in my life. And it just felt so good. So I hope that today on this Mother's Day and any day that you listen to this thereafter, if you ever see any little message from the universe that you feel is connecting you to your loved one, take it, use it.
00:18:17
Speaker
and use it for your own healing, use it for your own connection, if that brings you any comfort. So sending you all lots of love, and again, thank you for listening.
Closing and Listener Engagement
00:18:35
Speaker
Thank you again so much for choosing to listen today. I hope that you can take away a few nuggets from today's episode that can bring you comfort in your times of grief. If so, it would mean so much to me if you would rate and comment on this episode. And if you feel inspired in some way to share it with someone who may need to hear this, please do so.
00:19:04
Speaker
Also, if you or someone you know has a story of grief and gratitude that should be shared so that others can be inspired as well, please reach out to me. And thanks once again for tuning into Grief Gratitude and the Gray in Between podcast. Have a beautiful day.