Transcript
Speaker: Welcome to the Slut Next Door podcast, where we dive deep into desire, unravel kinks and fetishes, and explore the deliciously naughty side of self-discovery.
Speaker: I'm Beatrix Vale, an erotic audio creator, and your guide to all things kinky and curious. So let's begin.
Speaker: Welcome to my podcast, The Slut Next Door. Today we're going to dive into a topic that I think doesn't get talked about nearly enough. What happens after the pleasure, that heavy feeling, guilt, the spiral of shame that can creep in after indulging in kink,
Speaker: porn or a deep gooning session. If you've ever felt that drop, if you've ever gone from euphoric to questioning everything about yourself, you are not alone and you're not broken.
Speaker: So today we're going to unpack the emotional crash, why it happens, and how to start healing from it. Because pleasure shouldn't leave you feeling punished.
Speaker: It should feel like a return to self, not a rejection of it. Now, before we begin, make sure to like, follow, or subscribe wherever you're listening so you don't miss a future episode.
Speaker: Leave a comment or review if something resonates with you in this episode or if you felt this shame spiral yourself. And if you want to dive deeper into my world ah erotic audios, custom content, you can always visit my website, www.missbeatrix.com.
Speaker: You'll find everything there. So let's jump in. The shame spiral. It's that emotional drop that some people experience after indulging in porn, kink, gooning, edging, anything that pulls you deep into desire and leaves you feeling exposed afterward.
Speaker: It's that moment where the pleasure fades and you're suddenly flooded with guilt, confusion, or even disgust with yourself.
Speaker: Like you did something wrong or crossed some invisible line, even though everything you did was consensual, private, and completely your choice.
Speaker: Now, sometimes it happens right after you come. And sometimes it creeps in later, like when you reflect on what you've watched, what you've listened to, or what fantasies turned you on.
Speaker: And it feels like an emotional whiplash. Like one minute you're immersed in so much pleasure, and then the next you're wondering what it says about you that you wanted that at all.
Speaker: And here's the important part. If you have felt this, you are not alone. In fact, I hear about this spiral all the time.
Speaker: Like literally all the time. I see people come and go, come and go. they They're in this spiral, this endless spiral of acceptance and shame.
Speaker: And it's really sad to see. i really don't like seeing it. But... It's definitely more common than think most people realize, especially among those who explore taboo desires or go very, very deep into their submission or even hypnosis, like any of those altered states of arousal.
Speaker: And here's the thing. I think that the shame spiral feeds people on silence, like on the secrecy.
Speaker: And that's exactly why we're talking about it today. So we can drag it into the light and strip it of its power. This isn't about judging what you're into.
Speaker: This is about understanding what happens after and why. So why does this shame spiral happen?
Speaker: You know, why can something that feels so good in the moment trigger such intense waves of guilt or shame right after? and so to answer that, we have to look at what most of us were taught either directly or indirectly about sex, pleasure, and identity And so from a young age, I think many of us are fed this idea that sexuality is something that is hidden or even shameful that, you know, quote unquote, good people don't talk about it
Speaker: think about it definitely don't do anything that strays too far from the norm and especially when it comes to taboo fantasies and especially porn and kink and even if you consciously believe there's nothing wrong with what you enjoy Your unconscious mind might still carry the weight of those early messages, you know, where it's just so deeply ingrained. And that can come from a variety of things, religion, family expectations, toxic masculinity, the purity culture, fear-based sex education.
Speaker: All of these plant little seeds of shame. seeds that don't show themselves until after you've indulged when you're at your most vulnerable and so after an orgasm when your dopamine drops and your mind starts to come back to reality that's when that inner critic usually sneaks in and you might think Why did that turn me on? Or what's wrong with me for needing that? You know, why why do i need
Speaker: to tie my balls up and brutally beat them? Why do I need a watch filthy anal porn? You know, whatever it is, you might even feel extremely disgusted not at the kink itself, but at the fact that you surrendered to it, you know, you're disgusted with yourself and,
Speaker: just disgusted that you let yourself maybe even be taken by desire, that you let yourself be weak. And I think for a lot of men, especially that's where the shame hits the hardest because you're taught that vulnerability equals weakness a lot of the times and weakness equals failure.
Speaker: But here's the truth from my mouth. Arousal doesn't follow rules pleasure doesn't always line up with logic.
Speaker: your desires are not a reflection of your morality or worth. you know, i always say that with porn, the type of porn that may pique your interest doesn't define who you are.
Speaker: Like if you like cuckold porn or you just like the way Women sometimes tease beta men That doesn't mean that you r beta or that you are cuck.
Speaker: It just might mean that you're just aroused by it You know, it doesn't need to define you. There's plenty of people that are CEOs of companies that I'm sure do very submissive things behind closed doors.
Speaker: My point is is that you you know what you find arousing and porn or when you're pleasuring yourself or even interacting with others sexually, what you are drawn to, what really tickles your curiosity doesn't have to define you person.
Speaker: person And you're absolutely not broken because your fantasies don't match what you were told was acceptable. And you know, the the draw to...
Speaker: taboo things, ah kinky things is what really not only inspired this podcast, but inspired, i think, me as a woman exploring my sexuality and kink. I was so attracted to things that that we're different, that we're weird.
Speaker: um i definitely have that inside of me and I'm always trying to figure that out. I don't think I'll ever figure it out, but I love trying to figure that out, my unique erotic wiring.
Speaker: But Going back to the shame spiral, I think that understanding the shame spiral is the first step to softening it because once you realize it's not you, you can begin to rewrite your script, your own personal sexuality journey.
Speaker: So let's talk more about why the shame spiral can hit harder when you go so deep into, say, gooning, kink, or submission.
Speaker: So for example, a gooning really isn't just jerking off. Jerking off is jerking off. Gooning a lot of times is not very casual or detached. It's extremely immersive and it can be ritualistic.
Speaker: You're losing yourself in sensation and pleasure and repetition, even in obsession. And in those moments, the rest of the world fades away and that's why it feels so good.
Speaker: And your ego, the part that fails, filters, the part that performs, the part of your mind that behaves, it slips into the background and you're left with a very raw, exposed version of you just completely absorbed in pleasure.
Speaker: And for some that can feel very transcendent. And that's the draw to gooning, I think, for a lot of people. Now for others, it's terrifying. to realize how easily they can surrender into that. So when the orgasm ends, when the high crashes, there's this wide open space for judgment to creep in.
Speaker: And the same is true for many kink experiences, especially ones that involve power exchange, being submissive, being humiliated, being used, being transformed.
Speaker: Those are very intense roles. say They touch very deep psychological places, and that's why we turn to it. And even though they're consensual and erotic,
Speaker: They can challenge the stories you've been told about who you were supposed to be, you know, and what I mean by that when you grow up, those societal norms, like let's say you really enjoy sissification.
Speaker: And when you're wearing panties, when you're sucking on a dildo, when you're being told all these humiliating but so pleasurable things from women, it's that voice can creep in, especially after the pleasure and tell you, oh my gosh, I'm not supposed to be sissy. I'm supposed to be the strong man that, you know, was in tar whatever it is that works inside of your head. But, you know, when it comes to that submissive feeling that you may
Speaker: always seek, especially if you're someone who's expected be in control all the time, like at work or in relationships and life.
Speaker: Kink lets you unravel that control, but afterwards you might question what it means that you liked it. You might feel like you betrayed your own identity Or worse, like you've revealed something wrong inside of yourself when there is nothing wrong and inside of you.
Speaker: And then and the gooning culture, the the obsession, the rituals... the language that's often used of brainwashing or addiction, it can feel like you're spiraling into something you can't explain to anyone else. Like you never really talk about that.
Speaker: And that isolation just makes the shame louder. But here's the truth for me. My truth.
Speaker: Depth isn't dangerous. It's revealing. And you're not broken because you get lost in it. You're not weak because you like giving up control.
Speaker: And you're not bad because a filthy fantasy makes you come harder than anything else ever has. You're just human and we're very messy and weird sometimes.
Speaker: And you're wired, literally wired for exploration, for emotional sensations and things like gooning and kink just happen to strip away the mask that we wear faster than most things.
Speaker: And what you see underneath isn't something to be ashamed of. It's something to understand, to honor, and to work with, not against.
Speaker: And all of this is to say... I always like to c preach um healthy healthy consumption. You know, if you are in this shame spiral and you reflect and look back,
Speaker: Did your dive into pleasure, did it affect your life in negative ways? You know, did it keep you from going to work? Did it keep you from addressing very serious emotional issues you might be going through? Did it keep you from ah interactions in your life with family and friends in a very negative way, if the answer is yes, then you need to do a bit more deep reflecting.
Speaker: If the answer is no, you didn't do anything that negatively affects your life, then Then we're going to talk about how do you break the shame spiral?
Speaker: Like how do you stop that loop of pleasure, crash, guilt, repeat? And oftentimes, gooners call this the relapse and they fetishize the relapse and When I have men that come to me that talk about relapsing, I'm happy to fetishize that with them. But I wish, because I do care about people and I don't want people to hate themselves for feeling sexual, for feeling pleasure,
Speaker: I wish relapse wasn't a thing. i wish that you could accept yourself and, you know, and it's okay to take breaks from it, especially if you feel like it's taking over your life. But let's talk about how you break that shame spiral.
Speaker: So first, I would say you need to stop trying to shame the shame. Meaning you don't push it down or pretend it doesn't exist.
Speaker: You meet it with curiosity. So instead of thinking... what's wrong with me for feeling this way? Try asking, where did I learn that this was wrong?
Speaker: you know, think back in your life, why do i why am i feeling like this is wrong? And you might be surprised how many of these beliefs don't even belong to you. And They belong to a teacher or a preacher, a parent, a porn myth, a toxic ex, or a culture that profits from you, like keeping you disconnected from your own body.
Speaker: And the guilt that you feel It was likely handed to you by someone else and you've just been holding it like it's yours.
Speaker: And one of the most powerful ways that I think you can start healing is to bring intention into your play.
Speaker: So for example... If you are finding yourself in the shame spiral with gooning, before you goon, set a purpose before you start. Give yourself permission.
Speaker: Like a simple phrase like, I'm choosing this. This is mine. I worked hard. I deserve this. And it may, just telling yourself those simple phrases, may act like an armor against shame later.
Speaker: It kind of gives you a little power. Like, I gave myself this permission. You know, porn didn't make me do this, which... Some cultures, when I say cultures, unlike online little places will say that porn is the devil and porn is going to pull you in.
Speaker: No, you know, we all make choices. So bringing that power, saying I'm choosing this may help you later when you start to enter that spiral.
Speaker: I think another thing that you can try to perhaps pull you out of a shame spiral is surrounding yourself with people, content, or communities that don't judge you.
Speaker: So being a part of a place where kink or gooning are celebrated instead of condemned. And that should make it feel feel safe your own skin.
Speaker: to feel safe in your own skin I just have to make a shout out to one server that I've seen and Discord. It's called Pornism.
Speaker: i think they do such a beautiful job at celebrating kink or the lifestyle of grooming while they also provide...
Speaker: a space for people to talk about, um i forget what they call it, but but in a place where you could perhaps talk about that shame. um i just feel like they do a very mature approach to gooning. It's not just goon encouragement.
Speaker: um They also have that space. So I think that's, that's important where those people will not only judge you, but they'll also allow you to be human, if that makes sense.
Speaker: um Finally, a tip that I have for that shame spiral is speak to yourself about with softness after a session and trust me I know this is harder than it sounds because we have voices in our head that are often very mean to us I have an inner voice that is just so critical sometimes but maybe try maybe try this after a session you can feel that shame spiral starting
Speaker: Change that voice in your head to maybe sound like mine. Like tell yourself inside of your head and my voice that you're safe, that you're okay, that you're allowed to feel pleasure and you're allowed to explore. And that might feel awkward at first, but over time, you will start to believe it And here's the sad part is that pleasure isn't supposed to hurt and it shouldn't leave you hating yourself. That makes me so sad.
Speaker: I mean, everyone deserves aftercare, not just from partners, but from yourself. And if no one's told you this lately...
Speaker: You are not too much. You are not wrong. You are not dirty for craving. You're just real. And I think real is absolutely beautiful.
Speaker: And here's something else I want you to hear loud and clear. is that it's okay to take a break. Because sometimes when a shame spiral feels too intense, the crash is too painful, your body and mind might be telling you that you need some space. And that doesn't mean you're rejecting your desires. It doesn't mean you're failing. It means you're listening to yourself. And that is powerful.
Speaker: So... Taking a step back from gooning, from porn, from intense kinky play, it doesn't undo anything. and just means you're letting yourself breathe.
Speaker: You are regulating, not retreating. And you can always come back when it feels right. And guess what? When you do come back, you'll return with more and awareness, more intention, and it's probably going to be a lot more more enjoyable and you're not obligated to stay in a loop that's hurting you just because it also turns you on because you're allowed to choose peace and you're also allowed to choose pleasure and you're allowed to move between the two as as you need and want and
Speaker: So whether you're the spiral, climbing out of it, learning to avoid it altogether, please just remember that you're not doing anything wrong.
Speaker: You are just feeling deeply. And that depth, that's where the transformation happens. Right? And if you're one of those people that relapse over and over again, I get it. You're trying to take control over yourself.
Speaker: But sexuality is such a complex thing. And if you were attracted to something, we'll use the example of porn, trying to quit it, it's kind of like the the whole don't touch this button thing.
Speaker: If you're telling it, don't do it, don't do it, don't do it. There's this other voice that's going to be like, let's just do it. Let's do it. Come on, it'll be good. It just...
Speaker: I just feel like you're always going to crumble back because there is... you know, we're wired. We're wired to crave pleasure.
Speaker: We're wired to relieve ourselves. We're wired to like the things that you may be into. And you're allowed to take breaks.
Speaker: You're allowed to feel turned on. and it's also okay if you feel confused by it. You're allowed to question and come back stronger, and there is no right way to explore pleasure.
Speaker: There's just the way that honors your body, your mind, and your truth. Now, if this episode spoke to you please let me know.
Speaker: Leave a comment or a review. helps others find this show and it also reminds me why i keep showing up.
Speaker: So, If you feel compelled, don't be shy. Reach out. And of course, if you're curious about more of what I do as a content creator of erotic hypnosis and audio files, you can visit missbeatrix.com where you can find free files, ways to interact with me, and more.
Speaker: But thank you for listening. And until next time, take care of your mind, your body, and that beautiful twisted desire of yours.
Speaker: And that's a wrap for this episode of The Slut Next Door, where we dive deep into the raw, unapologetic truths of human desire.
Speaker: If you loved what you heard today, make sure to subscribe and turn on notifications so you never miss a juicy moment. Want to connect with me outside the podcast?
Speaker: Click the link in my bio where you can find lots of juicy content and options. and Until next time, I'm Beatrix Vale, your Slut Next Door.
Speaker: And I'll see you in the next episode.
