Transcript
Speaker: Welcome to the Slut Next Door podcast, where we dive deep into desire, unravel kinks and fetishes, and explore the deliciously naughty side of self-discovery.
Speaker: I'm Beatrix Vale, an erotic audio creator, and your guide to all things kinky and curious. So let's begin.
Speaker: So every November, thousands, maybe even millions of men decide that they're not going to orgasm for an entire month.
Speaker: And voluntarily. No sex, no masturbation, release. Just pure restraint. And if you're thinking, why in the world would someone choose that?
Speaker: Well, that's exactly why we're here. Today, we're going to explore Nut November, the lore behind it, why it started, why men actually do it, and how it turned from a meme and into a ritual and and why whether someone succeeds, fails, or plays with the edges, it's become one of the most fascinating cultural challenges of modern masculinity. This definitely isn't going to be a shame, porn discussion, or some lecture about purity, culture, or addiction.
Speaker: We're going to talk about psychology, desire, control, and a little bit of kink. Now, before we move on, I'm going to start the episode with kind of a new segment where i talk about what's currently making me feel like goddess.
Speaker: Because if you have no idea who I am, i'm Beatrix Bale and i am an audio creator. I create hypnophiles and femdom files and i have my fans call me goddess.
Speaker: So every day i do feel like a goddess and I'm going to share with you how or what is making me feel like a goddess currently.
Speaker: So this morning, actually, i went for my morning walk. and Usually I try to walk for at least 30 minutes. And this morning it was very cold. And don't walked for 20 minutes, i got back home and I was like, I need to get in a little more exercise. So there's this big hill behind my house. Like you walk into the forest n there's a hill there.
Speaker: And I've been wanting to climb up that hill just to see what's up there, just to say I've done it. um But it's been so hot and now it's fall and the weather is gorgeous and it's particularly cold this morning.
Speaker: So I didn't intend on walking up the full entire hill because it's quite a ah job. I figured that I would just kind of hike a little bit with Lucy and enjoy...
Speaker: nature that the more i kept going up the hill, the more i wanted to make it to the top. And so ah just kept going and i made it to the top.
Speaker: And i have to say that it made me feel powerful. It made me feel, um and what's the word I'm looking for? Accomplished, uh, because I didn't intend to do that. And as a woman, you know, I'm in the, in the forest and there's no cell service. And, you know, so at some points I'm like, oh my gosh, what if I fall over and twist or break my ankle and no one's here to come help me?
Speaker: What if I run into something scary up here? um You know, thats just that's how my mind works. So anyways, ah I come back home and I'm just feeling like...
Speaker: a badass bitch for hiking up the cell. um And it's making me feel like a goddess because, you know, it's little things like that that remind me that I am not i'm not weak. I'm strong.
Speaker: i am woman to hear me roar type of thing. um Another thing that's making me feel like a goddess is something very simple actually. Um, during my morning kind of ritual, part of what I do is meditate.
Speaker: And this morning i was feeling a little off balance, like I wanted to feel balanced. Um, and And so what I did is i you know, really set some intentions for making myself feel more balanced so I can have a very productive day.
Speaker: And so... you know, I sat and I meditated on that for, i can't tell you how long. I actually got interrupted by an important phone call that I had to take, but I did the meditation and it was wonderful and very relaxing. And, you know, if you meditate,
Speaker: You might know what I mean by this. It's very weird to think that meditation can be like a jolt of caffeine. So like i got done meditating.
Speaker: and got interrupted with a call, took the call. And then I wanted to wrap up by writing in my journal. um about, you know, my meditation, what I was thinking about, things like that. So I opened up my journal and my hand was just a moving like so fast and I didn't even like I wasn't making it move fast. It's just like that meditation had awoken me that morning
Speaker: and it just always blows me away how that can happen, how being still, being quiet, you know, because I close my eyes during meditation, almost feels like a little nap sometimes.
Speaker: And, you know, it just, it makes me feel like a goddess that I can reach inside of myself and be able to feel like a different person. Like I didn't have to go make a cup of coffee. I didn't have to take some pill to make me, you know, feel balanced and energized.
Speaker: All I have to do is go with them myself. And that makes me feel like a goddess. So let's go ahead and jump back into our topic for this episode.
Speaker: no Nut November. Now we're going to first start where with where all this came from. And it didn't come from a medical journal or a therapist's office or some ancient sacred practice, although I wish it would that would have been neat.
Speaker: um It actually started on the internet. So from what I can gather is that it started in meme culture ah mid 2010s and it was originally i think meant as a satire kind of like let's see how long men can go without touching themselves kind of like a little joke or a dare really just kind of a little poke at male sexuality.
Speaker: But like with most things involving sex and there being a challenge and the internet, it didn't stay ah joke for long.
Speaker: So over time, it split into multiple versions actually because there's the no orgasm version And then there's the version of No Nut November where there's no masturbating at all.
Speaker: um There's a version where there's no porn, a version where you can edge but you can't finish, And of course, there's a version with chastity device to prove it.
Speaker: And I'm funny enough, I didn't really, and don't really know much about this one. um But there's a version that um was created called Destroy Dick December, which that sounds really, really fun.
Speaker: um But what's interesting is that a simple meme turned into this huge movement.
Speaker: You know, what started as a joke now became something that people practice every year, which brings us to the real question, why?
Speaker: Why do so many men actually want to do this? Well, there isn't just one reason. There's several, and in my opinion, they range from physical to psychological to erotic.
Speaker: So one of the reasons why men participate in this is sort of like self-mastery and willpower. So some men take on no nut November the same way others might take on cold plunges or fasting or even marathons.
Speaker: It becomes a test of discipline, like a way to prove that I'm not ruled by my urges. And there really is a pride in being able to deny something that's so biologically designed to feel irresistible.
Speaker: Then you have the reasoning why some men do this, that it's this masculine ritual. So whether we admit it or not, men don't have many culturally accepted rites of passage anymore.
Speaker: So this kind of becomes one sort of like a self-imposed trial. So the thinking is more like, if I can survive this, I can survive anything.
Speaker: um And then another reason why men do this is ah simple porn detox and to reset their dopamine.
Speaker: Some men do it because they want to change their relationship with porn. or break habitual patterns with mindless stimulation.
Speaker: And whether or not the science is perfect, you know, on this, the intention is definitely there. The thinking is that, you know, let me see who I am without the constant hit of porn, right?
Speaker: because, you know, the more that you consume porn, the higher the dopamine levels are going to hit. ah So it becomes... and Well, and then your dopamine levels need like more and more and more.
Speaker: um And yeah, it becomes... It can become a really nasty cycle. So no not November becomes ah of good reason to reset that and just...
Speaker: kind of get away from porn for a full month. Another reason men might participate in No Nut November is the community kind of piece of it.
Speaker: No Nut November can be a very social activity. And I know that sounds kind of funny because abstaining from having an orgasm sounds like a ah lonely or thing that you do alone. But there are subreddits for No Nut November, Discord, servers, apps, trackers, even leaderboards.
Speaker: And so it turns in it turns like something private, And to something shared, which then becomes like this bonding type of experience.
Speaker: um And then lastly, the reason um a man might participate No Nut November is there being this erotic layer. Okay. um I have definitely discovered through my work as an audio creator and online femdom is that for some men, denial itself is so arousing. Like,
Speaker: their hot button to trigger them to full on arousal because like not doing it makes them want to it more and the longer they abstain the more their mind fixates fantasizes and really obsesses over it And so the restraint becomes its own kind of pleasure.
Speaker: And so speaking on that, because this is where things get really fascinating for me. In psychology, there is a theory called the ironic process theory.
Speaker: So the harder you try not to think about something, the more your brain fixates on it. So No Nut November creates the perfect storm because you're not allowed to orgasm.
Speaker: You're thinking about not orgasming, which makes you think about orgasming, which makes you want it more.
Speaker: So let's actually try that together, um this whole series. So together, let's try not to think about cookies.
Speaker: Don't even think about thinking about cookies. Don't think about them. Push cookies out of your head. Any type of cookie, don't think about it.
Speaker: No cookies. No cookies at all. Okay. and Did it happen to you? Like i I kept wanting to actually could almost taste them in my mouth to be honest.
Speaker: I wanted to think about cookies. Did you? i wanted to name the different type of cookies that were wanting to just flood my mind. so November becomes this sort of thing. like We're not going to orgasm.
Speaker: We're not going to think about it, but you're going to think about it even more than you normally would. And so this is why so many men don't just experience frustration.
Speaker: They experience heightened intensity. And, you know, a lot of men, I think, notice their fantasies become even stronger and their bodies react even faster to arousal and their attention then gets pulled towards any hint of sexual energy.
Speaker: Like the wind could blow and they are horny 10 times out of 10. um So the denial doesn't shut desire down. It amplifies it.
Speaker: And so that's why so many men will say things like, you know, I feel more turned on during No Nut November than when I was actually allowed to come whenever I wanted.
Speaker: Because restraint does not kill the desire. and actually feeds it. So let me ask you this, actually, especially if you are participating in No Nut November.
Speaker: What part of restraint is actually the hardest for you? And so is it the physical urge?
Speaker: Is it the mental obsession? Or is it the curiosity about how long you can prove to yourself you can last?
Speaker: Or... the fantasy of what happens after the restraint ends. just Just notice that answer because that's where the power of this challenge really lives.
Speaker: Not in the rule itself, not in you're not going to come, you're not going to touch yourself, you know you're not going to do anything. um It's not in the rule.
Speaker: It's in the psychology. It triggers. Now, another funny thing I find about No Nut November is in my experience, I've noticed almost nobody like actually cares if they make it all 30 days.
Speaker: Now, I have like one year i did do a very intensive No Nut November experience and I did notice like for a couple men, it was very important to them to make it all 30 days. But I would say majority of them just enjoyed the arousing struggle.
Speaker: And honestly, I think for some men, And this just makes me laugh. I think for some men, they do something like no nut November because they want to be, they want to experience being tempted, being seduced into failing. And I love that. Like,
Speaker: If you're like that, I fucking love it because i i like to win and I like to feel powerful. So if I can make you fail, if I can break down your resistance, that's just so, so much fun.
Speaker: ah so Even if someone who's participating in No Nut November breaks or fails on day six or 12, 28, the experience I think still did its job because it makes you more aware of your desire.
Speaker: i think it also changes how you might think about pleasure and And can also kind of force you to confront habit versus craving.
Speaker: And I think a very important lesson to pull from No Nut November, however long you last, Is it teaching you something about control?
Speaker: And now we're going to talk about the motivations for doing No Nut November, the healthy versus unhealthy motivations, because there is a spectrum here.
Speaker: And these are all my opinions. So the healthy reasons, I think, for doing No Nut November... is seeking self-growth, just a curiosity even, resetting habits, erotic self-exploration, which I think is so important, and also just kind of participating in something that's kind of like a playful challenge.
Speaker: And now here's the unhealthy reasons for doing something like No Nut November. I think an unhealthy reason would be you're doing it because you have shame about your sexuality.
Speaker: I you know if know me, I get very, very passionate about promoting healthy views of sexuality and not holding such shame with it because that just makes me sad and bums me out to think that people feel shameful about being turned on by something that's but what you know, something that's not like illegal or something that doesn't hurt anyone, that you're in the privacy of your own home and something makes you feel good and then you feel shamed about it. That makes that really makes me sad.
Speaker: um But another unhealthy reason for doing something like No Nut November would be thinking that orgasms make you weak.
Speaker: An orgasm is something that happens naturally in your body. Like you are designed to orgasm. You're biologically designed to have that orgasm. So, you know, doing and abstaining that way because you think that coming makes you weak, I think is very unhealthy thinking.
Speaker: I think another reason that's pretty unhealthy is using denial as self-loathing instead of self-control. So, you know, denying yourself pleasure because...
Speaker: you think you don't deserve it. Now that can be fetishized. So I'm not talking about that. What I'm talking about is if like you really feel as though, you know, giving myself an orgasm, making myself cum, I don't deserve that because I'm a piece of shit.
Speaker: You know, that's that's that's not healthy at all. Because, you know, here's the truth. you You don't become worthy worthy by not orgasming.
Speaker: You also don't become less masculine if you have an orgasm because the power isn't in withholding pleasure.
Speaker: It's in consciously choosing your relationship to it. I think a lot of people might think that no, not November is denial just for denial's sake.
Speaker: Like pleasure something bad or something that needs to be controlled or punished. But that's not where real power comes from.
Speaker: Real power comes from choice. Because if someone's truly, you know, participating in a in an activity like this, the the unhealthy reasoning is I'm not allowed to feel pleasure, where the healthy reason is, you know, I'm intentionally deciding when, how, and why I experience pleasure.
Speaker: And now we're getting into the nitty gritty of, you know, tease and denial play because, You know, once you learn, you can delay your pleasure.
Speaker: You can also learn like you can direct it, like you can play with it and you can turn it into energy, not just some quick fleeting release.
Speaker: And I'm here to tell you that a man who can hold back is not weak at all. A man who can choose when to let go, is someone who's in his power and something that I love to share, that knowledge, that you know There's a misconception that submissive nature is weak.
Speaker: And you know that word is used. You're weak, I'm strong in in power play. But you know I've seen real submission. I've experienced it myself.
Speaker: And it's a very powerful It takes discipline. It takes... discipline it takes internal strength and you know I just think the beauty of denial play is you're not choosing the easy route so no not november becomes ah space where men get to explore their self-control their erotic imagination, their relationship to pleasure, and they their sense of power over their own bodies, and then and then the thrill of wanting something they can't have.
Speaker: and If we're being honest, A lot of human beings, we love forbidden things. I mean, we we always have. So whether you're participating, observing, or just curious about No Nut November, I want you to remember that every day of restraint isn't just a day without release. It's a day of building something, whether that be tension, sensitivity, pressure, anticipation.
Speaker: And your body doesn't forget that. You know, if you're a fan of tease and denial, you know that your body will store that memory, that muscle memory and hold it.
Speaker: And, you know, well... When the month is over, it's very explosive, but that's a conversation for another place.
Speaker: But if you enjoyed this deep dive into the psychology of education, control and erotic restraint, make sure you're subscribed to this channel so you don't miss any future episodes because I just, I really enjoy diving into kinks on these levels so much and I hope you do too.
Speaker: And if you are doing No Nut November this year, i would love for you to tell me why. Why are you doing it? Is it discipline?
Speaker: Are you doing a dopamine reset? Are you just curious? Or is it something even a little more delicious than that? You can send me a message or you can comment wherever you're listening. i will love to see your answer, but...
Speaker: Until next time, please take care of your body and take care of that mind and take very good care of everything you're holding back.
Speaker: And that's a wrap for this episode of The Slut Next Door, where we dive deep into the raw, unapologetic truths of human desire.
Speaker: If you loved what you heard today, make sure to subscribe and turn on notifications so you never miss a juicy moment. Want to connect with me outside the podcast?
Speaker: Click the link in my bio where you can find lots of juicy content and options. and Until next time, I'm Beatrix Vail, your Slut Next Door, and I'll see you in the next episode.
