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41. Freedom in Forgiveness - With Bobbi Jo Heagy
73 Plays4 years ago
Bobbi Jo Heagy is a Certified Life Coach, she helps women tap into who they are. She helps them see the gifts that they have acquired by having gone through their own struggles and tap into their worth.
We talk about her own hardships, including being sexually abused as a child, and how this occurrence made her label herself as “bad” and not see her own worth. She had no idea who she was and thought there was something wrong with her, so she looked up every disorder, every disease because she was trying to “fix herself”. Until one day she sent a message to her sister and told her she was going to start believing what God said about her, since He created her. She started looking at what was right with her. This took her on a journey of personal growth and development and was determined to not have a victim mentality.
Listen to this interview and be not only inspired by her story of resilience and growth, but also listen to the many tips she gives us as how we can find freedom in forgiveness, starting by forgiving ourselves.
Contact Bobbi Jo Heagy: https://theworthproject.org/
Follow her on IG: http://instagram.com/knowyourworth_bobbijo
Contact Kendra Rinaldi to be a guest or for a complimentary coaching session: http://griefgratitudeandthegrayinbetween.com
Follow On FB: http://facebook.com/griefgratitudepodcast
Follow on IG: http://instagram.com/griefgratitudepodcast
Music: http://oneplanetmusic.com
Production: Carlos Andres Londono
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Transcript
The Power of Forgiveness
00:00:02
Speaker
There's tremendous freedom that comes in forgiveness. Sometimes the hardest person to forgive is ourselves. But I do know just, I mean, it's been years that I have forgiven my abuser. However, I did not know if he knew that. I did not know if his family knew that. And that's so many years in the past that I don't know where he's at today. That's not my responsibility.
00:00:28
Speaker
But I did let him know that I wanted him to be released and I wanted him to know that I have forgiven and that it has really actually caused me to be who I am today. And honestly, I wouldn't change it for anything because of that. But I just, I guess my plug is that when we choose forgiveness, we get freedom.
Introduction to the Podcast
00:00:55
Speaker
Hello and welcome to Grief, Gratitude, and the Gray in Between podcast. This podcast is about exploring the grief that occurs at different times in our lives in which we have had major changes and transitions that literally shake us to the core and make us experience grief.
00:01:18
Speaker
I created this podcast for people to feel a little less hopeless and alone in their own grief process as they hear the stories of others who have had similar journeys. I'm Kendra Rinaldi, your host. Now, let's dive right in to today's episode.
Meeting Bobby Joe Heggy
00:01:40
Speaker
Welcome to today's episode today. I have Bobby Joe Heggy. Bobby Joe and I met through a friend who was actually one of the guests in the podcast, Sarah May. You might've heard her episode was one of the first ones I did. Actually, Bobby Joe was a part of Sarah May's journey in her grief process after
00:02:05
Speaker
She had a double amputation and that's how we connected was through Sarah May. So I'm so excited to have you here, Bobby Joe. How are you? I'm good. Thank you. Thank you for having me. I'm excited about this. Yes.
00:02:20
Speaker
I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful that Sarah May connected us. And I know that when we talked last time, we probably would have not had enough hours in the day to be able to finish talking. Right? Because we had, yeah, we could have kept on going. It was so amazing to get to know you and hear your story and also get to hear how you were part of Sarah May's journey, which I had heard about you, but actually then knowing
00:02:47
Speaker
who you were in her story just made a whole other, like connected all these pieces of the puzzle together. So anyway, you are a life coach and also a whole bunch of things.
Bobby Joe's Trauma and Hidden Life
00:03:00
Speaker
You have a website called The Worth Project. And so we're going to kind of start from present to back. So what led you then to become a life coach? What was your life story that brought you to where you are here, where you are now?
00:03:15
Speaker
Oh, wow, such a loaded question. Well, I can tell you, there's various, I can see stakes that got me from point A to B that connected the dots that got me to where I am today. But my early beginnings, actually, I when I was a little girl starting at the age of seven, I was sexually abused. And I was sexually abused for eight years, pretty much every
00:03:41
Speaker
night of my life to the best of my recollection. And of course, on the outside to the outside world, my family, myself, I looked like the perfect child from the poster family. You know, my father was a preacher. I went to a Christian school. My mom was my own English teacher. My dad, chairman of the board, had cheerleader I was in choir, voted most likely to succeed, had a full ride scholarship to a private college.
00:04:11
Speaker
But what no one knew was that I carried a deep, dark secret. In fact, not even my parents knew. And so that was kind of my early beginning. My life kind of started out messy, actually. And so one of the things that happened with that, and I'm sure that if anybody listening has gone through any experience like that, unfortunately what happens is left to our own self, we can label ourself.
Struggles with Self-Perception
00:04:38
Speaker
And in my case, I labeled myself bad.
00:04:40
Speaker
And so that was my that was my narrative. That was my script. And of course, as you know, those scripts and become our story. And stories have patterns. And so those patterns kept going on throughout my life. And I on the outside look like this perfect mother homeschooled her children, very successful people pleasing performance for performing for acceptance to win the approval of others. But inside I was
00:05:09
Speaker
really dying and actually to the root of it all, I would say I didn't know who I was. I just allowed people to define who I was. I labeled again that major word bad was my name. And so I had no idea who I was. And then after my kids were probably junior high and actually up until junior high, I apologize. I looked for everything wrong with me.
00:05:38
Speaker
And of course a bad person would do that. Everything wrong with me. Somebody who would mention someone bipolar, borderline personality, a narcissist. I looked for everything wrong with me, every disease, every disorder. I was sure I had it because I was trying to fix myself.
Faith and Personal Growth
00:05:58
Speaker
Then one day I sent a message to my sister and I said, you know, I'm going to start believing what God says about me.
00:06:07
Speaker
He died for me. He is alive today. He is preparing a future for me. So I think I'm going to start believing what he says about me. He created me. And I remember after I sent the text, I was like, wow, that feels amazing. And so that's where I turned my direction toward what could be right with me.
00:06:33
Speaker
And that led me on a journey of personal growth and development. I got sort of- And when were some of the things- Go ahead. No, go ahead. I hear you. And by the way, if the listeners, when you're listening, if by chance you hear me interrupt Bobby Joe, sometimes there's delays. Today just happens to be one of those. So if by chance you hear me either asking the same question again or interrupt, just know that there's a little bit of delay in our communication today.
00:07:02
Speaker
Sorry, go ahead.
Overcoming Victim Mentality
00:07:04
Speaker
What were some of the things that then you started to see that were good with you, that you started to bring up of what God would see in you and call it for yourself? Name it for yourself. Right. Well, first of all, I was determined. I was not going to have victim mentality. I did not know what that looked like. I did not know how to get there, but that's what kept me motivated. I will not have victim mentality.
00:07:31
Speaker
And so I just started searching. I started searching in the Bible. I started searching in different places at Tony Robbins, John Maxwell, just anywhere. And I started learning about myself, which also led me to get certified in personality assessments to where I am a specialist. I'm a specialist in the color code, so that was helpful. But what happened actually, Kendra, is I began to be bitter.
00:08:03
Speaker
I began to become bitter and resentful because when I realized who I was and what was done to me, and I realized all those labels were not even true, I became bitter at God, my husband. I had allowed as those stories, as I said, have patterns. I allowed both female and other males in my life.
00:08:30
Speaker
And I'm talking males as in husband, mostly my husband treat me unfairly. The common denominator was me. And I became bitter because it was their fault. And so instead of saying, you know, my mantra is that this is happening to me or for me instead of to me, I was actually succumbed to depression.
00:08:59
Speaker
to suicidal thoughts. And what happened was, although I decided to look what was right for me,
Life-Changing Message from a Burn Victim
00:09:08
Speaker
it did stir up all this icky stuff, this toxic stuff. And I think that's what happens when we can't, we've got to at some point take and focus on ourselves and say, what's my responsibility in this? And so what happened was in the dark of the night,
00:09:27
Speaker
I was underneath my covers and I was literally Googling how to end my life without it causing pain for other people because I just wanted the pain to go away. I felt stuck. I didn't know how to get out of my grief. And so I found myself, um, searching for ways to get out. Uh, and you know, I grew up in course in a home where we were told, don't ever go there because those thoughts can become your reality. And so.
00:09:54
Speaker
I knew better, but I was in so much pain. And so what happened was, while I was searching, doing my Google search, I actually got interrupted. There was a text that came through from a girl who was a girl that I went to church on. And this is a girl who was a burn victim. Literally, she was in a house fire when she was little. And she sent me a text saying, hey, how are you doing?
00:10:22
Speaker
And I kind of didn't want to be interrupted from my Google search, but went ahead and to be polite, to be that people pleaser that I was, I went ahead and answered her text. And I said, how are you doing? And she basically told me that, and keep in mind, this is a girl who is literally scarred from head to toe. She had had so many skin grafts done to her body.
00:10:49
Speaker
What she said to me that night was that she was struggling because her mother was still struggling with what happened to her when she was a little girl. And this girl's name is Andy. Andy said that, I try to tell her everything happens for a reason. And once we go to be with Christ, it will all go away. We'll have a new body, but she is stuck on now. I don't know how to explain it, but what happened to me made me stronger.
00:11:18
Speaker
And there was a purpose. I believe God put on my heart to help others to carry on and live. And I am one of his witnesses. We're all special to God, but she doesn't understand. Jesus came to take all that away. And ironically, I knew in that moment that I was sent an angel in my mind. Her words stuck on now. What happened to me made me stronger. There was a purpose, carry on and live.
00:11:47
Speaker
We are all special to God. That was my turning point. And so from that point on, um, I focused on what does God have to say about me? My, my depression didn't go away. Can't say that it went away, but it pivoted me out of that dark hole never to go into that place again.
Becoming a Life Coach
00:12:05
Speaker
And, uh, I focused on what does God have to say about me? And he is my joy. He is where I find everything.
00:12:15
Speaker
But I also then developed the skills, became a certified life coach. And now what I do is I help women not only tap into who are you and what is your identity, but what are your gifts? What are the gifts that come out of the grief? What are the gifts that come out of the struggle? Because we take our personality, our abilities, our passions into our experiences and who better to help someone through a suicidal experience than that person or
00:12:44
Speaker
who better to help someone through death than that person? Who better to help someone through cancer than that person? And there's tremendous meaning and purpose that come out of that. And so that was kind of the long, but in some ways short to my
00:13:01
Speaker
answer to you because of course there's lots and lots of layers in between. Well, we can dive into some of these layers as well. Okay. Did I interrupt you? No. Sorry. I'm just- Okay. Can you hear me okay? Yeah, I can hear you fine. Okay. So yeah, no, thank you so much for sharing that because that is a concise but very
00:13:27
Speaker
like you said, pivotal moment, but you did a good job summarizing something that is so deep and so many layers. Let's go into some of those layers if that's okay, because again, all these different aspects and something you said about the fact that when you go through something, you have that relatability to somebody else that may be going through something you've gone through.
00:13:51
Speaker
That is one of your gifts now, something that was something that happened, like how you say it. And I know that that's where I heard it. One of the first people I heard this life happened for me, not to me, was Sarah May. And now that I know you and knowing what a pivotal moment you were in her own journey of her healing,
00:14:14
Speaker
through her amputations and so forth. I know how, yeah, you both are kindred spirits for sure. So some of the things that I've learned from her are probably even things that she even learned from you. So the relatability that comes then from somebody gone through something so hard, you use now as an asset in your coaching, correct? Correct. Yes.
00:14:38
Speaker
Yes. So then what so in that in that relatability, like how do you find a way of
00:14:47
Speaker
How do I say this? You have the empathy component, but at the same time also removing yourself to some extent a little bit emotionally from your own experiences so that it's not projecting on somebody else that you're coaching. How do you do that, especially when you're kind of revisiting sometimes wounds that you've gone through yourself? Do you have a way of coping with those skills?
00:15:11
Speaker
you with those those kind of situations? Yeah, for me personally, I'm on the other side of healing. So I can speak from a place of being healed. One of the things about coaching that is uniquely different than if I mentored or disciple taught or consulted, is that when a client comes to me, they already have the answers within. And I access Yes, and I dialogue in questioning them in a way in which
00:15:41
Speaker
It's a safe container for them to basically articulate, inherit themselves. And literally we will go from point A to B in a coaching experience, one coaching experience, and we will turn the dial on moving forward, forward. We're not looking back, we're moving forward. And so the other thing I do is I am a certified professional life coach. I am certified through a Christian program.
00:16:08
Speaker
And in that I keep the Holy Spirit as a Christian in my beliefs, Holy Spirit central. So I'm asking the Holy Spirit to direct me. I'm essentially asking the Lord to direct me in what to ask. I have no lead in. This is where it's going to go. So it's really like, I like to say the whisper, the Bobby whisper in helping this person, you know, move forward and be able to hear their own voice. So.
00:16:35
Speaker
I don't have any attachment to the outcome, but I do have to say I'm incredibly blessed and I learned from my clients because each one is so different and they process this so differently, you know.
00:16:47
Speaker
Now, what you said is so key.
Influence of Sarah May
00:16:53
Speaker
The fact that you're just really just opening a channel and allowing, like you said, the Holy Spirit, however, I don't know, our listeners want to call it, but really it is a divine kind of inspiration. We just allow ourselves to have that space. Sometimes the wisdom is not ours. We're just really just that.
00:17:12
Speaker
channel providing, like you said, the right question that maybe that person needs to hear. That's all it is and being detached from like, oh, I helped. We were just like the channel that, you know what I mean? A channel to allow the person to have that particular change or transformation or aha moment, as I always say, like Oprah would say, the aha moment that somebody would have.
00:17:38
Speaker
We were just really just a channel. I like how you said that. Okay, so let's talk a little bit about your own journey and when this happened, when you had this call or text, sorry, from Andy, how long ago was that? Because that was your pivotal moment. So how long ago was that?
00:17:58
Speaker
Oh, I wish I would have marked it marked it in my calendar. It was years ago, I would say at least year, I mean, 10, 12 years ago, I would say, you know, a lot of my growth. And you know, I grew up a preacher's daughter. So on the outside, again, I looked I looked the part. I mean, I led classes, I was certified, but I could believe that you had worth. But I couldn't believe it for myself. So her
00:18:28
Speaker
So I had all the knowledge, I had the education, I had the background, I had the knowing, but I couldn't solidify it from head to heart. And so that happened was probably 12 plus years ago. And it just like trajectory forward, no more looking back, we're going to go forward and just really change the direction of my life at that point. So.
00:18:52
Speaker
Yeah. So amazing too. And there was something that you said when we had our previous conversation that some scars are outward and some are inward.
Hidden Emotional Scars
00:19:03
Speaker
Some of those wounds are things that could see. And in this case, even the person that was texting you was somebody that had outward wounds that could show how much they had been through in life. Yours
00:19:14
Speaker
were hidden yours and you wore a really good mask for many years probably that even more hidden even right because everybody thought you had the perfect life. So how how was it for you like to when you started to kind of peel away those layers or were there any moments in your life in which you could actually feel that you were being transparent with all your wounds and who you were?
00:19:41
Speaker
in the pain that you had gone through as a child? Right. Well, I guess for myself. Is that another loaded question? Yes. Let me see if I can give you the short of it. Yeah. For example, Sarah, she's got legs that are very apparent that she is with prosthetics. I got a brother-in-law who's in a wheelchair, so we can look at them. We can look at Andy and say, oh, wow. Yeah, there definitely are some
00:20:11
Speaker
scarring here but if you looked at myself you would see this girl she's well put together and some of my coping mechanism instead of shutting the curtains and going into the dark mode of depression i would do the opposite i was the performer i will perform my way out of this hole
00:20:31
Speaker
And so I also was probably misunderstood in that way. You know, however, I have been able to tell people my story. I don't stand on my story as a platform. It's something I choose not to for various reasons. Uh, my, my passion is to minister and touch lives. And I don't even have to tell my story. Most people want to tell their story, but they can tell that I can
00:20:58
Speaker
understand their pain because of where I've been. The other part of why I don't tell my story is there's parts of that that I am preserving other people. And I mean, again, my abuser was early childhood, but I'm talking about other people in my life that I choose not to share the details of my story so that I don't hurt them, that I give them dignity, that I give them honor, some of the
00:21:24
Speaker
uh, people that might be casualties if I shared my story. So, but I'm just as effective, um, you know, by just ministering because I've been there. And, but I do have to point out that it can be a challenge.
Protecting Others While Sharing
00:21:40
Speaker
And I will say that I've gone into a pity mode at times when someone who has the physical, I see your scars person gets support gets sympathy and empathy, I should say.
00:21:54
Speaker
Um, all the while, sometimes those of us who can't tell all of our story can sometimes feel alone and, and look for that extra support. Um, counseling is key. I found that in counseling. So yeah, it's, it's kind of, you know, I think to each person, uh, there's people who've been in my shoes and they can be an open book and share it. I just feel in my place right now at this time.
00:22:20
Speaker
That is not in my cards right now. So, yeah. Thank you. Thank you for sharing that because that was something that I really, in our first conversation, got from you. It's that aspect of really forgiveness and not that judgment component that comes at least on your end, on your side of the story of your past and really just moving forward, as you said.
00:22:48
Speaker
And by not holding on to that, you're not letting it control you, like whatever happened in your past. It's just a platform from where you came from, but it just basically, it's kind of like a trampoline, right? It's kind of like made you bounce to where you are now. So you focus on the now.
00:23:08
Speaker
of where it brought you to be. Right, right. Yeah. So take us a little into your own coaching. What do you do now with women? Do you do groups? Do you do one-on-one? What are some of the methods that you use in your coaching? Yeah. And before I go that way, I just feel led to say something about what you said on forgiveness.
00:23:33
Speaker
And I know you and I, we both spoke of this, but there's tremendous freedom that comes in forgiveness. Sometimes the hardest person to forgive is ourselves. But I do know just, I mean, it's been years that I have forgiven my abuser. However, I did not know if he knew that. I did not know if his family knew that. And that's so many years in the past that I don't know where he's at today. That's not my responsibility.
00:24:04
Speaker
But I did let him know that I wanted him to be released and I wanted him to know that I have forgiven and that it has really actually caused me to be who I am today. And honestly, I wouldn't change it for anything because of that. But I just, I guess my plug is that when we choose forgiveness, we get freedom. And when we choose unforgiveness, we get bondage.
00:24:32
Speaker
And I think that's what was really at the root of my depression laying under that bed was I was in that pity party of unfair. I hadn't forgiven myself. I hadn't forgiven others. And, um, which leads me to where I'm at today in your question.
Rediscovering Identity Through Grief
00:24:48
Speaker
Your second question there was, um, what I'm doing today. Um, I think the greatest, if you asked me, and I know this is a podcast on grief. If you asked me what, what's your greatest grief experience?
00:25:02
Speaker
was actually not the abuse I've endured, but losing who I was, not knowing who I was. I mean, the one relationship I have outside of God is with myself and to lose who I am is like, I take myself in everywhere I go. And so that is essentially what I do today is help people today, women, really tap into their identity in the areas that cannot be taken away. It's not what I do.
00:25:32
Speaker
But who am I? I am a beloved, not a do-loved. So it's not my body. It's not my net worth. It's not my achievements. It's not my status. What is it about you that can never be taken away? And then I also help people discover the layers of who they are. And there's five specific areas. We overcome, in addition, limiting beliefs. See the beauty in the stuck. There's actually beauty in the stuck.
00:26:03
Speaker
And then help them to take all of that and bring meaning to life, contribute to life, serve in life. And I think one of the greatest ways to get out of grief is service. And how do we serve? We serve humility. We serve love. We serve hope from the places, especially from where we've been.
00:26:27
Speaker
That is essentially what I do and I love it. I love the women and yeah, I love what I do see
00:26:34
Speaker
It's just like, yeah. It's so beautiful. I got chills right now when you were saying of like the best way to really get unstuck is by serving. And I love that. And would you mind just sharing briefly, because again, since the listeners, I know that a lot have heard some of the earlier podcasts, how you were instrumental in Sarah May's journey in that
00:27:04
Speaker
in her process because you flew from, she was in Texas at that moment and you flew from Oregon to be with her during her initial surgeries and then afterwards then you were the, yeah, you say it, you say that.
00:27:22
Speaker
that person. Because again, in that service, you're talking about service and that's what you were in her life. And that's what you were then in other people's lives. And that's what you've been in people's lives, have been of service to others. And now of course, that's now your career, but didn't always start as a career. It started as naturally something that you were gifted to do or as your own way of healing. Yeah, sure. So I knew Sarah May from Oregon. We both were at the same gym.
00:27:51
Speaker
And I made a compliment on her body. And I said, girl, you have got a body that should be a fitness competitor. And she was, as I, as it turned out, we spoke two times. She asked, would you meet with me? Could you mentor me? I would like to run a bootcamp. So we did. We had two coffee sessions. In the meantime, she moved to Arizona, then onto Texas. We made contact. I won't give the backstory to that, but.
00:28:20
Speaker
We made contact and, you know, had always stayed in touch, but made contact for business opportunity.
00:28:27
Speaker
And the next week I went on a cruise and that week she ended up with this incident where she got a staph infection at a hospital two days from getting ready to compete. And the one and a half month later comes out of the hospital. And the story goes that she had her both legs amputated. And so, but while she was in Texas, not yet amputated her fiance at the time asked me to come that way.
00:28:56
Speaker
And keep in mind for a whole year, I had held Sareme's hand over the phone. I was her mentor, her support for prayer, a place where she could just vent. And in that time, I know that a lot of her friends weren't sure probably how to respond.
00:29:13
Speaker
And I was familiar with this because of a brother-in-law who'd also been in a wheelchair. And so I just administered love and support and prayer and flew to Texas, stayed with her a week. Did not know her fiance. Her fiance picked me up. I thought, what did I get myself into? I don't even know her really. But I did. I held her, laid with her in bed, facilitated care.
00:29:40
Speaker
And then was there for her surgery when she had her legs amputated. And then she had two hip surgeries, and it was a hip replacement surgery, was there for both of those. And I remember when she had her legs amputated, it was actually one of the hardest times in my entire life. I was going through a very, very difficult time. And like I say, I feel like I'm the professional at grief.
00:30:10
Speaker
coming out of grief, but it was a difficult time. And I just remember I had to put on the hat that was going to support, nurture, care for Sarah May. And I remember when her legs were amputated, putting a pillow where her legs were once so that she didn't have to visualize being without her legs. And I remember it was in that moment that I also realized
00:30:39
Speaker
the giftings that I had and had it not come from my serving her, showing her dignity, showing her love, taking the time to listen, giving her hope, putting my own stuff on the back burner for a moment to see someone else. I don't, I mean, that experience blessed me. Sarah says it blessed her, but it blessed me. And Sarah May is in part to why I have the Worth Project because she would say, Bob's,
00:31:08
Speaker
you need to be a worth coach. And I remember piping up because it was 12 years ago from today that I had a flip phone that every time I tried to put my name, Bobby, in it, it would say coach and I would have to correct it. And someone had breathed life into me 12 years prior. You should be a life coach. So between all those people and all those sayings and including Sarah May, it kind of led me to where I am today.
00:31:37
Speaker
Um, but yeah, taking that serving when, when we serve, there's something very powerful with serving dignity, serving love and hope, especially to people who are grieving. And, uh, that's what I did with Sarah. And so, yeah, she became my community. She came, you know, you get close to these people too, as you serve, they become your friends and family.
00:32:05
Speaker
you know, talk about bonded there, you know, so.
00:32:11
Speaker
Yeah, it's a different level. It's a different level. It's because it's in a spiritual soul level when you've connected somebody in that way, and you've been through hardships and serving in that way like you did, and having been part of that transformation, of that grief component of her life that was also then a birth component as well.
00:32:35
Speaker
she also shifted and changed and was birthed into who she is now, right? The strength and the courage and all the other things because of that incident. So yeah, so many things come from that. I love how you say that when we serve dignity, when we serve people with hope, it's not the what we, it's not the doing, it's not the things we can do in terms of like,
00:33:01
Speaker
Okay, I just want to rephrase it because you're using the qualities that come into play in service. You're not saying like when we give people money, when we give them, you know, this, it's the qualities that go into those actions and I love how you're phrasing that.
00:33:20
Speaker
So what are some of the ways that you would think that in dignity, for example, and in hope, what are some of the ways that you could do that, like with examples? I don't know if I'm making sense. The fact that you put the pillows on her legs, for example, in Sarah May's case, that would be dignity, because you're wanting her to feel still whole and giving her that feeling. What other ways would you say that dignity plays a part in service?
00:33:50
Speaker
Yeah, well, I guess I was just thinking, you know, really, I have to give God glory for everything because I was in my own pain, but a different pain.
Compassion in Grief
00:34:00
Speaker
And I really was just listening to the voice of God saying, you know, just go as scared to death. I mean, I'd never taken care of anybody like that to that capacity. What do you say to someone who's just lost their legs? But God gave me grace.
00:34:14
Speaker
And he, I have to give all glory to him because he spoke through me to know what to say. But I also think he's the perfect example, you know? And so I guess with Sarah in this case is I can never actually feel her pain, but I can have compassion for her pain. And I definitely can hold space for her to articulate it and show it and be patient with her process and her journey, even though it's not my journey.
00:34:42
Speaker
and not tell her how she should feel, but just to be there and just to love her, to hold her, to read her, to see the body language that's happening and just standing beside her. Sometimes we don't have to say a word. People can just know that we're there. And so that's a way. I think another way is sometimes our grief in life can come through our own mistakes. I know some of my own mistakes are
00:35:12
Speaker
heavier to carry than the mistakes and things that people have put on me. And so practicing self-compassion is key, but also when we encounter someone who's grieving because they have screwed up and who hasn't, that we show them dignity. We show them love and compassion and forgiveness and that empathy and trust that they can share their story
00:35:42
Speaker
And they will not be judged, but instead just to be with them there. And when they reach the other side, then, and they've worked through maybe that shame and guilt, but then they can see the purpose in it, even when they've maybe failed. God gives grace and he can work all things for good. He can bring purpose out of pain. He can bring a messy old story and give us a message and
00:36:10
Speaker
So I truly believe that, you know, we all started in our diapers, making those messes and we're all going to be laid down one day. Sometimes that way. Yeah. And the common denominator of life is pain, is mistakes, is imperfection. And so just by allowing people to, you know, make mistakes, knowing that, Hey, you know, this is not the end.
00:36:39
Speaker
And not only that, on the other side, something's good's gonna come out of it. And so that's honoring to me is just extending the same for which we would want to receive and speaking it in love the way we would wanna receive it. And yeah, so, and with Sarah Mae, there was- I love that. You said so many things that are,
00:37:06
Speaker
that are so helpful for somebody listening that may encounter somebody else going through a grief process in their life and the fact of just really just being there. You don't have to be the expert. You just have to basically be, again, that vessel that just shows up and the help will come. Help will come and if it's the right words or if it's the right action of just holding somebody's hand, that will come as long as it's coming.
00:37:34
Speaker
from that aspect of service and from your heart, from your soul, the rest will follow. Right, right. Yeah.
00:37:44
Speaker
You know, I heard your podcast with your brother and you have your life experience with death. And the two of you do not carry the same response and how you perceive it. And so one other tip or trick is, you know, because someone maybe has experienced, let's say divorce and you're getting to help them with divorce, or I've heard people on your podcast who's lost a child and let's say I've lost a child or in my case, sexual abuse and someone else's lost sexual abuse.
Unique Grief Responses
00:38:15
Speaker
I can't tell someone how to feel. We're not the same. We carry different experiences, but it goes back to, I know what pain feels like. I know what grief feels like. I know what shame feels like. I know what guilt feels like. I know what freedom feels like. So I know that the journey is different for everybody. The length of time is different. So I just want to be here for you. And I just want you to know I'm not going anywhere. Yeah.
00:38:45
Speaker
Oh, that is just so beautiful. Okay, so now tell it you were you were kind of diving in a little bit into how it is you coach. So do you do groups? Do you do one on one? Tell us how people can find you and I want to make sure to honor if there's anything else you wanted to share about your own life before you share a little bit more about
00:39:06
Speaker
your gifts now and how others can have access to them. I mean, it sounds kind of weird, but connect with you before we move on to that. Was there something else you wanted to say before we move on to that aspect? That's great. Yeah, that's... Yeah. I'm so grateful. So tell us then about the WORTH project and tell us the processes. You said you
00:39:33
Speaker
You were talking about the color code assessing personalities. You were talking about your life coaching has to do a lot with your Christian life coach as well. Do you ever coach people, I'm curious, do you ever coach people in which maybe their focus may not be as God driven as yours? For example, have you ever had that happen and how do you kind of navigate?
00:39:58
Speaker
Yeah, I absolutely do. You know, I let people know up front who I am, that I'm a Christian and I coach from a Christian perspective. However, I will not impose my Christian beliefs on anyone. And again, in coaching, it's really about the client and the client is boss. They know, it's all about them. I take my agenda off the
00:40:24
Speaker
off the table, I really wanna hear from them. I just have the leading questions that take them in the direction that I feel that would help them get from point A to B and get unstuck in that hour. I always ask the question, how would they like to include their faith if they would like to? But absolutely, I will coach all females, all ages, let's bring it on. So yeah.
00:40:54
Speaker
And do you prefer one on one? Is that the one on one is your method of coaching? Or do you also do group coaching? I do one on one. And I do coaching and then I do a lot of teaching. So when I mentor slash teach, I let them know which one I'm doing. So they'll know if I'm coaching one on one or if I'm teaching one on one.
00:41:17
Speaker
have a lot of free things that I give that it goes along with. And what's the difference between the two? So coaching, again, is client is telling, and I do all the listening. In fact, I listen 80% of the time, and that client is speaking 80% of the time. I'm talking 20%, I should say.
00:41:39
Speaker
And they're just boss. I'm just listening. I'm listening for key words and I ask powerful questions. Whereas teaching is more about, for example, if I give a personality assessment, I will tell you about that assessment and I will teach you what that means as it applies to yourself. How might that apply to you in life, in business, in communicating with a spouse, which is for children. It's a game changer.
00:42:09
Speaker
Those personality assessments have a spiritual gifts assessment values, what are your values, so those all come under the umbrella of teaching and mentoring and mentoring again is much like coaching but in mentoring I am telling more.
00:42:28
Speaker
I'm still asking questions. There's back and forth dialogue. Coaching is its own game. And when you combined both teaching with coaching, I heard a quote, and I don't remember the exact number, but productivity goes up to 88%. When you combine teaching with coaching, there's something very powerful about someone being able to come up with their own answers in coaching. It's not me telling you,
00:42:55
Speaker
the best answer for you, you're coming up with it. And oftentimes a client will say, wow, I can't believe that came from my own mouth. And it's just like, it sticks. It sticks. It's like they, they, they can feel it. It's a conviction now. It's the bird themselves. Yeah. And it fits best. Only only you as a client can decide what fits best. And it's just your mind speaking out loud. And I'm like, wow, did you just hear that? Yeah. So,
00:43:25
Speaker
That's the kind of the difference. What's the best way for somebody to reach you and work with you? And you offer a free, the first coaching free or complimentary discovery call. So one of the things too, I, you know, you asked about group texts or group coaching. One of the things that I am working on is a program, a couple of programs actually, where people can get in on it together.
00:43:51
Speaker
So let's say you wanted to bring in three, five, six friends of yours, and you could come through one of my programs and it's a program where together you're learning the gifts in the moments that we feel stuck. And there's actually gifts in it and being able to see it and have a different perspective because all throughout life, if there's not one area, there's going to be more areas than we know that we feel stuck. But to see it in a different light, in a different perspective is an incredible tool.
00:44:21
Speaker
So that's in the near future. So keep, you know, stay tuned on that. And then there is another format that I'm also putting together as well. That's more geared toward strengths, the strengths that you have. And again, group setting to where you can go out and contribute in your home, in your community, abroad, and be part of a contribution to, you know, your world.
00:44:49
Speaker
and using your gifts, using your strengths, and even through life experiences and especially through life experiences. So one-on-one coaching or how to get ahold of me, the best place is to go to www.theworthproject.org or, and where I'm also at and most often at is on Instagram, which you can also find my website there.
00:45:19
Speaker
and that is know your worth underscore bobby joe all one word know your worth underscore bobby joe reach me there i do have a complementary um discovery call just kind of getting to know someone find out how i can help them and also i have complementary color code if you reach me i'll send you a free color code assessment i also have a free values assessment and
00:45:49
Speaker
So I just have a lot of great free, we all love that word, gifts to give people. And most of all, I would love to connect with people here where they're at. I love hearing from people. I love new connections and just seeing how I can, you know, be of help to somebody. So.
00:46:12
Speaker
Yeah, we learn so much from connecting with others. That's one of the things I've loved about even just this podcast is when I talk to other people, I learned so much even just about myself and every single conversation. And it's just such a such a gift, you know, that to be able to have those human or soul soul to soul connections, let me put it that way, soul to soul connections. And so, so yes, thank you so much. And for
00:46:38
Speaker
honoring us with your time and your wisdom and all the nuggets that I was writing down and stuff here. So thank you so much, Bobby Jo. Oh, you're welcome. I'm blessed and honored. And I just want to say thank you to you and also such a big shout out to you for making this happen and for people to have a place where they can listen in. I know I have been blessed by so many of your podcasts that I've gotten to listen to.
00:47:08
Speaker
I feel like they've added like these little nuggets that I can use even in my own coaching to be able to have various perspectives, you know, of that grief process and the gray in between. Um, but yeah, I just, I say shout out to you. Thank you. Thank you for having me. And I am truly honored to be here and be part of your podcast. So thank you.
00:47:32
Speaker
I'm grateful. Thank you Bobby Joe and thank you Sarah Mae again for connecting us and for anybody listening. This is how you you can be a part as well. Yeah, and this is how you can be part of the podcast too. If you hear this podcast and you're like oh my goodness my I think my short my story would be inspirational or my friend's story would be inspirational. Please have them reach out because you never know like whose life you could change by just sharing your own story. So thank you once again. You bet. Thank you.
00:48:06
Speaker
Thank you again so much for choosing to listen today. I hope that you can take away a few nuggets from today's episode that can bring you comfort in your times of grief. If so, it would mean so much to me if you would rate and comment on this episode. And if you feel inspired in some way to share it with someone who may need to hear this, please do so.
00:48:34
Speaker
Also, if you or someone you know has a story of grief and gratitude that should be shared so that others can be inspired as well, please reach out to me. And thanks once again for tuning into Grief Gratitude and the Gray in Between podcast. Have a beautiful day.