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Family Planning {Episode 28}
131 Plays5 years ago
Choosing when to grow your family and how many children to have are BIG decisions with lots of heavy, emotional factors involved! While we can't tell you how to make these personal decisions, we can share our own experiences and a little peek into what's involved in planning the growth of your family.
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Transcript
Introduction to Bonnie, Audrey & the Podcast Journey
00:00:06
Speaker
Hello and welcome to Outnumber the Podcast. I'm Bonnie. And I'm Audrey. And we're homeschooling moms to a combined total of 18 children. We know firsthand that motherhood is full of crazy chaos and overwhelming obligations, but it should also be full of love and laughter. Regardless of where you are on your journey, come join us as we work together to find joy in the chaos of motherhood.
Family Planning: How Do You Know When You're Done?
00:00:32
Speaker
Hello and welcome back to the podcast. Today's episode is number 28. We are talking about family planning. So specifically how to space your kids and talking about how to know if you're done. This should be interesting. As if we know that, right? Yeah, as if we know that. So Audrey, go ahead and start us off with a little humor segment.
00:00:54
Speaker
Okay, so this is a little bit of an old story, but as you can imagine in a family with a whole bunch of kids, 911 got dialed. And so the phone rings. This was back when we still had a landline and we could see who it was. So I picked it up and said, this is your call center for the emergency call. And we got a 911 call from your number. Is everybody okay?
00:01:21
Speaker
And I said, oh dear, I have a bunch of kids. I'm sorry, one of them must have called 911. Yeah, everything's fine. So I lined the kids up and who called 911? Nobody, you know, they're all looking at their feet. All right, who called 911? And so finally, my daughter, she was probably six at the time. She says, I didn't mom. I said, why did you do that?
00:01:48
Speaker
And finally she's, you know, after saying I don't know a hundred times, finally she said, I just wanted to do something I wasn't supposed to do. Is she one of your good ones? She is. She's so good. She always does the right thing all the time. So I guess it just bubbled up and she had to do something wrong.
00:02:09
Speaker
She's like, what could I do? What have I been told not to do? That's hilarious. That's so funny.
Listener Reviews & Societal Pressure on Family Size
00:02:15
Speaker
OK, so I am going to read a lovely review from iTunes. And this one was left by a user named Pietro Ciao, I think is how you say that. Hi, I'm from Mexico. I'm a mom of three girls, five, three, and one-year-old. And I love the episodes. What I love is that they're so real. They're funny, sometimes sarcastic funny. I like when the moms share every aspect and not just the beauty.
00:02:37
Speaker
the way they have a perfect home, et cetera. Because in motherhood, it's bitter and sweet. Nice job, girls. I'm definitely going to keep listening to you. Thank you so much. That's really sweet. And yes, you will definitely get a bit of both the bitter and sweet on this podcast. Yeah. You know what is so cool, Bonnie, is that we have listeners from around the world. I have specifically seen messages and emails and stuff come in from Australia and from Germany. You know, this motherhood thing, it's relevant to anybody around the world.
00:03:06
Speaker
Yeah, it really is. And that's one thing I love about the internet. There's a lot of crap out there. But when we connect with other moms and tell somebody in Timbuktu that she's not alone and being lonely, then I think what we're doing is pretty worth it. So keep leaving those reviews. We really appreciate them. Yes, thank you. So we're going to start off our episode on family planning with a disclaimer that
00:03:28
Speaker
This is a super personal decision between you and your spouse. We can only offer our own personal experiences and suggestions. So you might find some things that we say helpful and other things not helpful and that's okay. Right, right. This is one thing that I feel like even strangers at Walmart feel qualified to comment on.
00:03:51
Speaker
And yet it is the one thing that I don't take anybody's advice outside of God and my husband. You know, I don't take anybody else's advice to heart. So that being said, we're just going to share our own thoughts and experiences and yeah, just get a conversation started about it because it's a very interesting concept. I also wanted to mention upfront that we are big proponents of not letting anyone make you feel guilty for your number of kids, whether it be one or
00:04:18
Speaker
25. My
Personal Influences on Family Size Decisions
00:04:20
Speaker
mom knew a family that had like 23 kids, so it's possible. Or the spacing. Some people might say, why would you have kids five years apart? That's ridiculous. Or, oh my gosh, you were just pregnant. You're pregnant again. Don't let anybody make you feel guilty. Once again, we will refer back to episode 12 on mothering with intention. If somebody makes you feel guilty, go back and listen to that. You do you, girl. You're the mom. That's right. Yeah, that's right. Or mom guilt. That was a good episode too. True. That's true.
00:04:47
Speaker
Right. So even though you and I both have nine kids, Bonnie, our families look a lot different because I have from three months to 20 and you have from two months to 14. Yeah. Almost 14. He's getting there. Yep. Yes. So we'll talk about when to start having kids and how to space them.
00:05:09
Speaker
Yep. We're also going to talk about adapting when kids do or don't come as planned, because we all know their plan is not our plan. And how to know when your family is complete. Yeah, right. As if we can talk about that. I think that's really funny that I bring that up, but we'll do our best. Well, so most of us have some idea of what family size we wanted when we first got married. My personal experience was that my husband and I both wanted a lot of kids and he said,
00:05:39
Speaker
I think I've referred to this in another episode. It might've been our Q&A episode. He said he wanted six sons to carry his casket when he died, and we're not there yet. We have five sons.
00:05:50
Speaker
Well, either you have to keep going or he can't die I guess Hey, I think I'll choose one of those of the other yeah, right, right and it's not keep going right Exactly Okay, so I also wanted a big family actually as young as maybe early teens I remember thinking about it and thinking yeah big family would be cool and I mentioned earlier that it's because I had a
00:06:12
Speaker
an aunt and uncle that had a big family and I loved being with them. I mean, I ended up getting one, but we will just say right up front that it often does not happen that way. I feel like most people have an idea when they're younger of what they want and it very often doesn't look anything like that. Yeah. So we have to be adaptable and we have to be aware that our bodies and maybe our husbands and our babies don't always cooperate with our plans. I can't say that I have planned each pregnancy and each child
00:06:41
Speaker
But I can say that my husband has always let me decide if I want to have another child or not because he says, it's my body. And also the majority of the care, especially when they're very young is on me. And so he said, you know, at any point you can say, I do not want to have another kid.
00:07:02
Speaker
It'll stop because it's your body. Right. That's funny. My husband thinks he's hilarious when he jokes about kind of being the chauvinist in our relationship, which is funny because it's, if anything, the opposite. I'm the bossy pants and he just does what I say. But you know, especially when we meet new people, he'll make some comment about
00:07:23
Speaker
You know, oh, are you almost done? People will say, are you almost, are you done having kids? And he'll say, halfway done. People think he's a horrible husband that's forcing me to have all these kids. My husband also has a very funny thing that he's
00:07:38
Speaker
resorted to saying when people ask that same question, he'll say, well, I'm sorry that your kids aren't as good looking and your wife isn't as smoke and hot as mine and you had to stop having kids, too. These men, I tell you, so sarcastic. I like what you say, though, that he has always deferred to you. I think that's wonderful and super sweet.
00:07:59
Speaker
You know, as a side note to moms, you can get a lot of pressure one way or the other. Start having kids now. Don't start having kids now. Wait late till you have an education. Wait till you have a house, et cetera, et cetera. But in the end, it's your decision above all, even if your husband's pushing for something that you don't feel right for.
00:08:15
Speaker
right with. Yeah, stand up for that. Just say, you know, I don't think I'm emotionally healthy yet. I don't think that I'm physically ready, etc. But that being said, we're going to go on a little bit more to talk about how you don't have to be quite as ready as you might think for another kid, at least we think that way.
When to Start a Family: Balancing Readiness and Norms
00:08:31
Speaker
So starting a family is obviously a very big decision. But you don't need to be millionaires with a perfect home to have kids. In fact, I kind of don't suggest that.
00:08:42
Speaker
at a perfect home, it's not going to last that way for very long, right? If you have a perfect home, you're not prepared for kids. Yeah, right. Start messing stuff up. Get a dog first. Get a sharpie. Get a sharpie of the dog. And when the dog pees on everything, then you're ready. Okay. So we mentioned this a little bit in our episode on how to afford kids, number 26, that it's really not as scary as it might seem financially.
00:09:10
Speaker
Yes, you don't want to be in the poor house. You don't want to maybe be barely living paycheck to paycheck, but it's amazing how we can make it when it's a good cause, right? Like having kids. Absolutely. Babies bring a lot of lessons. Parenting is on the job training. There are a lot of these lessons that you cannot learn until you are a parent and going through these lessons.
00:09:32
Speaker
You can read as much as you want in a book, but it's not going to prepare you for the actual on-the-job training. Like you said, it does not take as much money or as experience as you think. In fact, you just can't have the kind of experience you need to be a mom until you are a mom. Right. In fact, I will say that people who
00:09:51
Speaker
take an inordinate amount of time to prepare for having kids, often have a bigger shock than those who don't. Does that make sense? Yeah. I feel like my friends who maybe waited until much later than they could have, like five, 10 years later than others and read all the books and all the things, it was still a shock to them. The difference was maybe they had more expectation that they had a handle on it.
00:10:18
Speaker
So it really is an on the job training kind of thing and nothing can prepare you for kids except kids. Or nothing can prepare you for three kids except having three kids, et cetera. I was going to mention that it seems that our current society doesn't
00:10:32
Speaker
prepare teens for parenthood very well. You look at maybe your ancestors, and I know that a lot of my ancestors had kids way younger than I would ever consider it nowadays, like 16, 17. That is just not as common now, and I think that that's probably a good thing. It doesn't seem like society prepares us very well. Most of us are not working the back 40 and
00:10:53
Speaker
trying to, you know, raise a family as a 16-year-old, you know, help out on the farm or whatever. But I will say that some people, kids, tend to be ready younger than others. And that's just a personal thing. But I feel that the vast majority are not. That's just a thought on teen parenting.
00:11:13
Speaker
I personally started my family at 25, so I had just turned 25 when my first was born, and it felt pretty perfect for us. My husband was a year older. I think that even a few years before that or a few years after would have been fine for us as well, but me personally, that felt really, really good. Yeah, we had our first when I was 22. My husband was 28, so he was
00:11:34
Speaker
way more mature than me. But I was probably not emotionally and mentally ready before that time to have a kid.
Spiritual Guidance in Family Planning
00:11:42
Speaker
And others are probably more mature than me and can have kids younger. But for me, even though I had a lot of early childhood education and experience in daycares and preschools, kindergartens, I'd say that was a good time for me to start.
00:12:01
Speaker
And then having a large family has been an ongoing decision for us. I think I talked about this in our mothering with intention, that really good episode we refer to all the time. But it's been something that we have, a decision we have made over and over again. And there have been several times in my experience when I decided, okay, yep, that's it. I'm done. Done, done, done. No more kids. And just had zero peace with that. I finally came to accept that
00:12:32
Speaker
birth control and the concept of family planning is all a relatively new thing, if you look at the time span of history. And I came to accept that giving and taking life belongs to God alone, and I just needed to accept that.
00:12:49
Speaker
Yeah, that's a great thought. Yeah, and in talking about family planning, everybody always wants to talk about birth control. That is also something that is just so, so personal between you and your husband and God. It has everything to do with
00:13:04
Speaker
your intimate relationship with your husband, which nobody should be giving you advice on basically, except maybe your therapist and your husband. So yeah, it's just such a personal thing that we really can't give you advice in that realm except for to do what your heart tells you to do. And in our previous episode on mother's intuition, this is a huge part of that. We don't really talk about it in that episode, but I have definitely felt that little nudge or premonition over and over and over when it comes to growing my family.
00:13:31
Speaker
And in thinking about being done, I've just felt this push to have more children and haven't regretted it yet. But I just think that that's something that we really have to open our minds to. And that when we do accept that responsibility, let's say that we get to a point where we think, no, I think I'm done. And yet we just really feel that prompting to have another child that we will be prepared and qualified for it.
00:13:58
Speaker
It's a hard thing to confront when you don't feel ready, but if you feel inspired to do it, I think there will be no peace until you do that kind of thing.
Parenting at Different Ages: Pros and Cons
00:14:10
Speaker
So we talked a little bit about the possibility of starting maybe a little bit too young to have a family, but there are also some hazards of starting too old. So, you know, preface this by saying we can't always control that if we're not in a relationship where we want to start a family.
00:14:24
Speaker
or we have infertility issues, then obviously we can't control that. But the older we get without children, the more set in our ways we can get. We can get a little bit selfish, a little bit just used to our needs coming first. Yeah.
00:14:39
Speaker
Every time my husband and I go on vacation by ourselves, after a couple of days, I forget what it's like to not feed me first, to not go to the bathroom whenever I need, you know, the minute I need to go to the bathroom. And it kind of startles me. I think, oh, I forgot. I am not my number one priority when I'm a mom. And when I get back home, it's always a bit of a rough transition to be like, oh yeah, no, you can't eat until everybody else is served.
00:15:05
Speaker
And so that's, it's a tricky thing to adjust to. And usually they only come one at a time. So it's a little bit easier that way. But I found personally that motherhood is pretty exhausting and it often lends itself better to the twenties and early thirties of your life. But like I said, we can't always control this.
00:15:23
Speaker
And that being said, I would also say don't let being quote unquote too old stop you from bringing up a sweet baby into your family if you feel like it's time. They have all kinds of sweet terms in the medical community for women over 35 bearing children. We've heard them all. Geriatric pregnancy. What's the other one? Anyway, it's so rude.
00:15:45
Speaker
Anyway, don't listen to them. If that baby's meant to come, then you just let that baby come. Right. I would say that for me physically, it has been harder and takes more time to recover from having a baby at 42 than it took me at 22. Definitely. It is harder physically when you get older just because of age. Yeah. And then I think as you get older, more of your
00:16:14
Speaker
eggs are not as viable because they've been with you your whole life and so they're 40-year-old eggs or whatever. I think your chance of miscarriage goes up when you're older or infertility or not being able to conceive. Talking about spacing, you probably won't know what is the best spacing for you and your family until you start
00:16:37
Speaker
having kids. I grew up in a family where my mom had had four kids in five years and we were all very close and that was fun. For my family, the spacing has been bigger than that. I didn't have four kids in five years. But we have really, really come to love the beauty of having older and younger kids in a large family. I mean, it is just so sweet to see my great big huge
00:17:08
Speaker
18-year-old son come home from work, take off his big muddy work boots and lay down on the couch with the baby on his chest and just relax. I mean, that's just super sweet. That's really cute. Yeah. So part of what affects our spacing is that I do not get my period back because of breastfeeding. In episode 21, we talked a lot about breastfeeding and I think I mentioned I don't start cycling again for 12 to 18 months.
00:17:34
Speaker
Now, at first I started cycling sooner, but I guess with the extended breastfeedings and all that, for 12 to 18 months, I just don't start cycling. So that definitely affects the spacing of the kids. They can't be closer than that because
00:17:48
Speaker
Yeah. There's no possibility there.
Letting Go of Strict Family Planning
00:17:54
Speaker
So natural spacing for us just looks like, like I said, I decided I was done several times, but I have never decided, okay, I want to have another child. We just decided not to
00:18:07
Speaker
Yeah, not to prevent, not to try to not have another kid and just to see what would happen and let it happen if it was meant to be. Yeah. I've kind of felt this similar way. I haven't always, even when nursing a long time, I haven't always been able to avoid a period for a long time. Cycles just kind of come when they want to come for me sometimes, but same. It's just been an interesting
00:18:31
Speaker
I've kind of also just had a mother's intuition like, okay, maybe it's time to start allowing another baby to come if it's time. Factors for me in spacing have included my health, energy level. Sometimes you're just so bedraggled after a new baby for like two years that you're like, I'm not ready to open that door yet. Often for me, what determines it too is the ease of the previous baby or toddler. So if it was a colicky baby or a really fussy one,
00:18:59
Speaker
or a toddler who gets into everything, then I might be a little bit less likely to open the door quickly. But that being said, all of our kids are really close to two years apart. Yeah, but have you ever noticed, maybe this is just weird coincidence, but have you ever noticed that after you have a difficult child, you have an easy child? Yes, absolutely. In fact, Alice is my two-year-old and she has been an awesome baby and toddler, and I was terrified for this baby.
00:19:28
Speaker
The dick is up. It's time to get a naughty one. And thankfully, he's been really, really good. So maybe, you know, the universe is having mercy on me. I don't know. Oh, yeah, I don't mean good and bad behavior. I just mean like my first was super fussy and needed 100% of my attention and 1% of my time and
00:19:43
Speaker
She could only wear clothes that were cotton. If she wore polyester, she would scream for hours, you know, blah, blah, blah. And my second baby was so chill that I was like, dude, what's the matter with this kid? Yeah. Yeah. I definitely saw that too. I've also noticed that when it comes to the toddler stage, I've had a couple of toddlers that were really naughty and tended to be a little bit mean to the baby below them.
00:20:03
Speaker
And the babies that came after those toddlers were my huskiest kids. Yeah. Isn't that funny? Like they were just bigger and they could take a beating or two. Okay. It's not like I left my baby unsupervised with my toddler, but all of a sudden they'd be chucking a toy at them and I'm going, what are you doing? But they survived. They all survived.
00:20:25
Speaker
I'll also say that a couple other factors that affect spacing are big life changes, like a move or a new job or something like that. Whether or not I felt like my body has kind of returned to normal.
00:20:40
Speaker
just energy level, fitness level, weight loss, et cetera. Clearly your body's never going to get back to what it was before the previous baby because it's an ordeal that your body goes through, but you have to kind of feel a little bit back to normal. And then also obviously how long it takes you to get pregnant. So it's never taken us too terribly long, but yeah, that's always a possibility.
00:21:02
Speaker
Yeah. You know, I just realized that in our episode on mothering with intention, you were telling a story about being able to feel that one of your kids was missing and then having to look around and see who it was. And I said, I had a story about that, but I never told my story. So here's a carry over from episode 27. Yeah. So several times I have decided I was done.
00:21:24
Speaker
And I didn't have any peace with that. And they would in fact even go to the extent that we'd all gather around to sit at the table and get ready to give thanks for the meal. And I'd look around and I'd say, wait, wait. And then I'd realize everybody's here. There isn't anybody missing, but I had this strong, strong feeling that somebody was missing. And I can't even tell you how many times I would say that.
00:21:48
Speaker
Um, or we'd all, we'd all get in the vehicle and get ready to go there and I'd say, Oh, wait a minute. And then I realized, well, everybody's here. And it was just this strong feeling of everybody missing. And so I, um, like I said, in my, in the episode on mothering with intention, I just came to accept that, that there was somebody else that needed to join the family. Yeah.
00:22:08
Speaker
That's funny that you say that because I have also had that happen to me once or twice, but it happened to my mom multiple times when I was growing up. And what was funny is it became like a running joke. She would, you know, yeah, we'd all gather for dinner or get in the car and she'd say, who's missing? And we'd say, uh-oh.
00:22:26
Speaker
And there was five kids in my family, so it wasn't even gigantic, but we knew that if she said that, there was going to be a baby coming because she just knew, oh shoot, somebody's missing and they're not here. They're not even on this earth, dang it. Yeah, my kids would laugh at me. They would get to the point where they would laugh at me when I'd say, who's not here? And my husband, he was a little bit more understanding. He would put his arm around me and give me a little hug like, it's okay.
00:22:53
Speaker
We'll get through this. We'll get through this. That's funny. Okay. So that will lead us into the next segment where we want to talk just a little bit about how to adapt or adjust when kids do or don't come as planned.
Finding Blessings in Unplanned Children
00:23:07
Speaker
So first of all, when kids do come unplanned, this is a tricky one. We will always say that every baby is a blessing in one way or another, even the ones that come at
00:23:18
Speaker
a seemingly terrible time in a, you know, when you're not in a good relationship or whatever, teen pregnancy, et cetera. I really, really feel like every baby is a blessing, but the trick is finding
00:23:28
Speaker
the bright side in those situations, right? If you are in a committed relationship and you want to grow your family, but it's just not the right time for you or so you think, that can be frustrating, it can be upsetting, and it can be completely life-changing sometimes. But like I said, it's important to remember that every baby can bless a family. And I have often, often met families who have said, you know what? I wonder what would have happened if we had had baby number four.
00:23:55
Speaker
Or if we had baby number six or whatever, if we had gone for one more, I just wonder what life would be like. But I have yet to meet anyone who has said, gee, I really regret having Johnny. He's just such a pain in the butt. Maybe a moment here and there when they're making messes. But in all seriousness, I haven't met anyone who's regretted an actual child that has come into their family.
00:24:18
Speaker
Yeah, I agree. It is really difficult. In fact, I even knew a woman who was married and had children with her husband and she and her husband were taking a break apart because their relationship had gotten really toxic and she became pregnant right before that and she ended up giving that baby up for adoption.
00:24:36
Speaker
And they actually came back together and ended up making their marriage work. And she thought about that decision for a long time. Was that the right decision? And she's still content to this day that it was the right decision for her at that time, that that baby went on to bless another family and she's still in contact with them. And it's an open adoption. It's wonderful. But that was a really tricky thing for her because they ended up getting back together. Interesting. Yeah.
00:25:01
Speaker
I will also say that that being said, if you are in an unsafe relationship or your health or sanity is threatened, that's a different scenario. Like I said, adoption is such a miraculous blessing to everyone involved if you're not prepared to parent your child. So those are a few thoughts on when a baby comes when you're not prepared.
00:25:20
Speaker
Right. And on this topic, I was going to share a little bit about miscarriage, not going very deep into depth on our story with that, but I did share a whole episode on the maternity sewing podcast about our experience with miscarriage and so on. So we can link that in the show notes if you want to go listen.
00:25:40
Speaker
we have experienced four miscarriages. And so I would say that the hardest one was before we had our first child. We started out our parenting journey with a miscarriage. And I think that was the hardest because I had a lot of, I didn't have any experience with miscarriage, but I didn't have any experience with kids or babies too. And so there was a lot of grief with
00:26:09
Speaker
not even knowing what I was missing out on. Like we said at the beginning of this episode, it's a very personal thing. And so if someone has chosen not to have kids, that's their decision. If someone has chosen to have kids, that's their decision. For us personally, we believe each child is a gift, and it's a difficult, rich experience having a child. Right, right. Yeah, thanks for sharing that. Yeah, and moving on to the other side of that coin, infertility.
Infertility Challenges and Community Support
00:26:40
Speaker
Even with it being as common a problem as it is, sometimes people still don't think and ask, gee, why aren't you guys pregnant yet? Or aren't you going to have another baby? You really want that big of a gap? Oh my goodness. If we could just take that foot out of our mouth sometimes, we never know somebody's scenario or what they're struggling with. And if you are struggling with infertility and somebody makes a comment like that, I'm sure you can only imagine what that would feel like.
00:27:04
Speaker
Sure. I will preface this with saying, obviously, both of us have not as much experience with infertility as I'm sure many people, obviously, but it is a heartbreaking challenge no matter what, whether it's primary infertility and you can't get pregnant for years and years with your first child or secondary infertility, which is kind of an overlooked
00:27:25
Speaker
a heartbreaking issue where you want to grow your family and you cannot. And oftentimes people never know that you're suffering with that because you have kids. At least you have some kids, right? Yeah.
00:27:35
Speaker
But I would just suggest that one of the most helpful things you can do in this scenario is to find your tribe. There are so many people struggling with this. Find a Facebook group, an Instagram community, or an in-person community and open up to others that are facing the same challenge because no one who hasn't gone through it can understand you like a fellow sufferer. So that can be really, really helpful and to look for the blessings that come through that challenge.
00:27:59
Speaker
Right. I think I'm probably a little bit guilty of oversharing how wonderful a large family is because we love our large family so much. And maybe trying to encourage others to do that when maybe that's not their decision too. But I just love our large family so much. I can't help but share how awesome it is. Yeah. Yeah.
00:28:25
Speaker
So now we're going to talk a little bit about knowing if and when your family is complete.
Knowing When Your Family is Complete
00:28:31
Speaker
Although Bonnie and I have been laughing through this whole episode and talking about this because I don't think either one of us have reached this point where we know if our family is complete. We will let you know when we know. Right. But for me personally, I'm getting older. I'm 43 years old.
00:28:50
Speaker
physically having a child is not going to be an option that much longer like it was when I was in my 20s and first married. It's just not going to be happening due to age. And then also pregnancy is harder and recovery is longer like I mentioned at my age. So it's like I need to think about and consider the children that I have and being in good condition too.
00:29:18
Speaker
deal with them. Although I think I'm great. I don't think there's anything the matter with me. You're perfect just the way you are. Another thing is that I do have a 20 year old child and an 18 year old child. And so because our family is so spread out, I just am having the feeling like it's time to pass the childbearing baton on to the next generation. And it I mean, I know of families, my husband's dad's family is one where there's
00:29:45
Speaker
aunts and uncles that are younger than nieces and nephews, but I'm not sure that's the right family structure for us. I don't know if any of these thoughts that I'm having is the right decision for our family. I think my conclusion right now is just to wait and watch, watch for that missing feeling, watch and see if I have peace, if I feel like our family is complete. So I don't know is my answer.
00:30:10
Speaker
Yeah, I love that final thing you said is just to wait and watch. Listen to that mother's intuition, listen to any nudge and see if there's something else in store for you. I'm not sure we're there yet either. Like I said, I've always wanted a big family and distinctly felt that there were specific kids waiting to come to our family. And that might sound weird to some people, but that's just how we felt. And it was that mother's intuition to let us know when it was the right time or that we needed to keep going.
00:30:39
Speaker
This is a hard thing to explain to someone who doesn't believe the same way, and that's okay. We're all entitled to our own beliefs and our own way of living life, but we personally have been really blessed to have kids when we wanted them and really fortunate to have this family. I'm just going to be grateful for what we've got and try to see past the challenges of raising a big family because there are a lot of them and just remind myself what a great privilege it is to bear and raise so many awesome kids.
00:31:05
Speaker
Yeah. I have had people who are beyond childbearing years and I've asked them, how do you know when you're done if that's enough kids? And I have had several people tell me that you'll just know. You'll just feel it and you'll just know. So maybe we'll get there, Bonnie. Okay. Okay. Fingers crossed.
Trusting Your Family Size Decisions
00:31:27
Speaker
Okay, so we'll just wrap this one up by saying you are doing great jobs, moms, no matter whether you decide to have one or two kids or 17. Whatever you decide is the right thing for you and your family. And we trust you to make the right decision. You are doing great and don't let anybody tell you otherwise. And if you're struggling with infertility or not having a child, just know that we see and we're aware of you out there too. That's right. And I wish you lived close to me because I would let you come hold a baby anytime.
00:31:57
Speaker
Thanks so much for tuning in. If you've enjoyed this episode, we'd be so grateful if you'd leave us a written review on iTunes. If you have any questions or ideas for future episodes, you can reach us at OutnumberThePodcast at gmail.com and find us on Instagram at OutnumberThePodcast. See you next week.