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Parenting in Crisis Mode {Episode 188}
607 Plays2 years ago
We all know what it feels like when life falls apart! Whether you're dealing with home renovation, sick kids, traveling spouse or something else, parenting can get pretty sticky when life gets messy.
Join us this week as we discuss 5 solid solutions for ensuring that when life throws curveballs, you can do more than just survive, you can thrive!
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Transcript
Introduction and Parenting Background
00:00:07
Speaker
Hello and welcome to Outnumbered the Podcast. I'm Audrey. And I'm Bonnie. We are experienced moms to a combined total of 19 children. In our weekly episodes, we explore relatable topics using our perspectives of humor and chaos. Tune in for advice and encouragement to gain more joy in your parenting journey.
Sponsor Segment: Magic Spoon Cereal
00:00:34
Speaker
We are so grateful to Magic Spoon for sponsoring this episode. You guys, I have to say that I have been a cereal fan since I was a very small child. And then growing up, I didn't eat it for breakfast. I started eating it as an afternoon or a midnight snack. It's one of my favorite things. However, when I learned to read a nutrition label, I learned that it was not good for me, like in the least.
00:00:53
Speaker
So enter magic spoon. You guys, this cereal is amazing. One of my kids commented that there's more things that it says on the box are not in it than are in it. And it's true. So in the variety pack, there's four flavors. There's cocoa, fruity, frosted and peanut butter.
00:01:11
Speaker
But this pack has zero grams of sugar, 13 to 14 grams of protein and only four net grams of carbs. So that's about 140 calories per serving. But listen to this. It's keto friendly. It's gluten free. It's grain free. It's soy free and it's low carb. I mean, like a mom's cereal dream. So go to magic spoon dot com slash outnumbered to grab a variety pack and try it today. Be sure to use our promo code that's outnumbered at checkout to save five dollars off your order.
00:01:39
Speaker
And Magic Spoon is so confident in their product that you have 100% happiness guarantee. If you don't like it for any reason, they will refund your money, no questions asked. Remember, get your next delicious bowl of guilt-free cereal at magicspoon.com slash outnumbered and use the code OUTNUMBER to save $5 off. Thank you again to Magic Spoon for sponsoring this episode.
Parenting in Crisis Times
00:02:01
Speaker
Hello friends, welcome back. We love chatting with you and today we've got a doozy of an episode, but a good one, don't worry. All about parenting in crisis mode. We all have those periods of time where our life feels like it's falling apart, right? Something crazy is going on. It breaks up all the rhythms, all the structures we have, disrupts everything. We're trying to figure out how to still be a good parent, how to make life work even when everything's going wrong, right?
00:02:26
Speaker
Yes. As you guys know, we have an episode about survival times and that's kind of the difference between the episode and this is that's kind of more of a long-term thing. You've had a baby or you're pregnant or you don't know when it's going to end like a COVID shutdown, that kind of thing.
00:02:42
Speaker
Um, this crisis mode is usually like a short term thing that has come upon, has happened to you. And, um, but you know, there's going to be into it soon, but how do you parent in that, um, short, short ish time period, temporary time period when your world is upside down and your kids' world? Yes. Yes. We're going to be excited about this one. Nobody talks about that, right? They're like, Oh, this is how you parent when everything's going right. Yeah. But how often does it go right?
00:03:10
Speaker
And sometimes it goes really wrong. Yeah, not just wrong, we're really wrong, for sure. Okay, so I've got a funny moment to share with you guys today. My daughter, bless her, is five, and she is just pulling out of a really naughty phase. Hopefully it's coming out soon. We're working on her, but she...
00:03:27
Speaker
was really misbehaving in church the other day and so dad told her that she wasn't going to get ice cream with the rest of the family that evening. She was really upset, we had to talk about it and we thought it all sunk in and then everyone had their tree, had their ice cream and we moved on with the evening and she came to me where I was reading somewhere and said hey mom can I have ice cream now? An hour later or so I said well did dad say you could? She said yeah he did and I thought well maybe he you know had some mercy on her and decided to let her. I said okay we can go get something
00:03:55
Speaker
Let's go ask dad real quick, you know, experienced mom. Let's just go check with him. She goes, okay. Dicks my hand. We go to walk outside to find dad. And then she goes, Hey, mom, what happens when you lie to your parents? And I'll be honest for the first second, I was like, huh, this is a random question. Oh, I get it now. It was, it was so cute. And so we take her out and we said, Hey, daddy, did you say that she could have some ice cream?
00:04:24
Speaker
No, I didn't. Oh, so that was not the lie you were talking about. We had a great little discussion, but bless that thing. What's going to happen to me when this comes out? Oh my goodness. Sweet little things. So sweet and so hard. Yeah. Okay. The first thing we want to say about this is
00:04:47
Speaker
crisis is kind of a big word.
Viewing and Managing Crises
00:04:50
Speaker
It's kind of a scary word, right? And knowing what we know about our thoughts and our feelings, how they're all connected, right? We do want to say right up front, you get to choose to decide how to view a situation like this. You can view it as a crazy crisis and maybe that will help and maybe it won't. Or you can view
00:05:08
Speaker
Choose to view it as a natural course of life and realize you're going to be OK. There's no right or wrong way. Sometimes it helps me to think, this is a crisis mood. It will be over quickly. Just put your head down and get through it. But I just want to say that right up front so that we don't scare you. You don't have to look at every frustrating event in life as a major crisis. Oh, my goodness. How are we going to survive? Does that make sense? Yes, it does. And I think the reason Bonnie and I are moved to do this episode right now is because both of us have had recently
00:05:36
Speaker
had pretty big crisis experiences in our life that we have had to get through and get our kids through. It hasn't been easy, and it really made us examine how we went through them and what we can share from those experiences with you guys. We're going to talk, first of all, about two categories of crisis.
00:05:58
Speaker
First, the kind that's largely outside of our control and then things that are in our control. So things that are outside our control. This is when it's really hard to control your thoughts and then correspondingly your feelings about what's going on because it's out of your control. You can't do anything about it. But examples of this are like illness or a serious injury, a job loss, or a major pay cut.
00:06:22
Speaker
a flood, a fire, another home disaster, short-term crisis. That's the kind of thing we're talking about. Something that there is another side to it, but when you're in it and it's out of your control, it is so hard to get yourself in the right space to be able to help your kids.
00:06:41
Speaker
Yeah, when you don't choose something, it's very easy to resist it, right? And the whole time you're thinking, ah, if only this hadn't happened, ah, if only, if only. And it makes the whole situation 10 times harder, right? Whereas when you choose them, and we'll talk about why you might choose a crisis in a minute, it can be very easy, or it can be a lot easier, I'll put it that way, to manage your thoughts, but it doesn't have to be. Like you can make it easy, even in the things that you don't choose, just by how you're thinking about it. So that's a good reminder.
00:07:10
Speaker
So a few things in our control that we might have chosen and find ourselves in a crisis mode are what about construction or like renovation of a home? Moving, moving to another home, moving to another state or another country, right? Can really throw your whole household into kind of a crisis situation. Maybe mom or dad is going back to school or seeking a new job or just working more hours. And that kind of puts everybody a little, makes everybody a little bit stressed out. Ensure anything that feels like a crisis is crisis mode.
00:07:40
Speaker
Yeah. Yep. Even if you've chosen it, it makes, it makes it really, um, like it throws your kid into something that they're unfamiliar with and then their behavior just starts flew off the charts. So you're dealing with the crisis. They can then your kids responding to the crisis thing. Yeah. Okay. So first of all, we're going to talk about some reasons why we want to be more intentional parents during these times.
00:08:06
Speaker
Um, not just so that we can survive, but like our kids can maybe in the future, look back on it and say, wow, you know, that was a really hard time, but mom, like mom helped us get through that. Or mom was really like my rock during that point. You know, another example of a crisis that's out of our control is like a death in the family. Um, something like that. So we're going to first talk about why we want to be intentional during these times.
00:08:31
Speaker
So one reason is when things are in upheaval, you and your children actually might need more structure than normal, which is a really hard thing to get when, I don't know, you're living in construction zone or everybody's sick or something. But sometimes, especially little ones, need more reassurance that things are going to be okay eventually. We all crave normalcy and we crave consistency.
00:08:58
Speaker
that that's going to be a challenge to find but that's just one reason it could be important because we all crave something to hold on to when life gets crazy. Right and so I'm just thinking about
00:09:11
Speaker
Okay, so let's say you have to, some things change during this time and your kids are kind of grieving the loss of, okay, let's say you have to leave your home for some reason, for a temporary situation. Your kids don't have any of the things that are normal and comforting for them at home. And so the thing that they have left that's normal and comforting is you.
00:09:32
Speaker
And then sometimes you're going to be like needing so much, just some like quiet alone space and just like, Oh my goodness. I just like need to breathe. But, but they're all clinging to you because like mom's normal, at least mom's still there. Mom's normally can't even sleep in my bed. So I'm going to like sleep on mom. And you've got like five kids sleeping on your ask me how I know.
00:09:54
Speaker
No. So what what does it look like when we're being intentional?
Routines During Chaos
00:09:57
Speaker
So first, let's ask ourselves what we crave most from our normal routines and what like what our kids would be the most comforting for them. That is their normal that they're missing.
00:10:12
Speaker
Yes, exactly. So as I was thinking about this, I realized that ours are pretty simple. It's like a regular cadence of the day, right? It's get up, it's get dressed, it's eat breakfast, it's do chores. Really basic, simple things, but sometimes in a crisis mode, even those are not possible, right? You're living out of a suitcase or something. You run out of clothes and you got to go take them to the laundromat instead of the washer-dryer because they're broken or whatever's going on.
00:10:36
Speaker
that everyday cadence is as closely as I can stay to that is really helpful for my kids. And we've also noticed that the more children you have, the more things get thrown into chaos during these crisis modes because
00:10:48
Speaker
They all kind of feed off each other stress, you know, and it, and it requires so much extra work to keep everybody calm and rational. So this is especially helpful for larger families. Home cooked meals are a big one for us. Like when things are not functioning normally, there's fewer of those and that's, that's hard on everybody. Um, some doing some homeschool, some outings. So we don't have a lot of needs, but just a few of these things make us feel normal and like life is functioning the way it's supposed to be.
00:11:16
Speaker
Yes. Those are some of the same things that my kids find comfort in too. Um, you know, if you, if you can, like thinking about those home cooked meals, if you can do it, like if you're on the road, that it's going to be so hard, but if you can get a hotel or stay at a place that has, you know, an Airbnb, something that has a kitchen that you can cook. And then it's just like you and your kids are on the table. And one thing that says really comforting for my kids is we're still eating together. We still bow our heads and give thanks for the food.
00:11:44
Speaker
We still, you know, we still eat the meal together. We still clean it up together. That kind of thing. Naps is another thing for the littlest ones that are so essential even when everything else is out. Because you know those littlest ones, they can't really understand what's going on. You know, some of the middle-aged ones. They just know everything's different. Yeah. And they're picking up on everybody else's
00:12:06
Speaker
body language and stress level and you know all that and so they yeah just naps are something that you just have to have to make time for in space for so yeah those are those are definitely some of the things that bring comfort so as much as possible bring pieces of their normal routine as you can into that um into your your your life that you're trying to live right now in crisis mode
00:12:33
Speaker
Yeah, two other things I forgot to mention are just kind of wholesome family activities. And luckily, these can be done anywhere. Like if your house is a construction zone, you can all go ride bikes together, or you can all go play at the park together or something. That kind of connects everybody, helps us lower our stress levels and reminds us of what's important, even if everything else is falling apart, right?
00:12:50
Speaker
And then some sort of devotional or like scripture time can also elevate us, help us remember, hey, these are little things. These are little things. The house flooding or catching fire. It's all going to be okay. Whatever your crisis. It's not as big as God and everything will be okay in the end, refocusing on the important things.
00:13:10
Speaker
Okay, so now that you have that list, like we've done, of the things that make you feel normal and you'd like to incorporate into your day, now you need to cut that list in half. Give yourself a little bit of grace. So, you know, like we mentioned in the survival times episode as well. That's episode 20, by the way, if you want to go back and listen.
00:13:26
Speaker
You have to adjust. You have to ask yourself what is possible and how do I get as close as possible without driving myself crazy. So let's just give you an example. Let's say your kitchen is being renovated. There's no stove. There's no oven. There's no sink. There's no garbage disposal. There's nothing. What can you do? Well, you could ask a friend, hey, could I come cook dinner at your house enough for me and your family?
00:13:49
Speaker
and bring it home to my family, you could ask to trade. Hey, would you mind bringing us a meal this week and when our kitchen's put back together, I'll bring you one? Or you just say, guess what, guys? We get to have pizza on the lawn again. Woo, so exciting. And then swear off pizza for the next three months. You can get a little bit creative, but also have grace for yourself as needed. Right, right. I don't know how many times we've been in a crisis motor and intense
00:14:14
Speaker
time and I'll be like, okay, now we're going to, you know, fill in the blank. And it's like the dumbest idea because it is totally not necessary and it adds more stress to what, you know, just trying to get through and trying to survive. You know, perhaps you're trying, you're, you're grieving due to a loss and this is something that kids don't understand and they don't know how to process. How can you bring some normalcy to your days and your weeks? Um, definitely family time, like
00:14:44
Speaker
maybe put alone time for yourself on the back burner and have part of yourself care be, okay, let's all give each other back massages, foot massages. Let's make, you know, let's all sit down in a train and I'll massage your back and you massage, you know, something that is very comforting and helpful and, you know, hands on skin to skin contact, but isn't alone time because those kids are just, just needing you, um, make family.
00:15:11
Speaker
priority, something that really, really is a non-negotiable, even when we're feeling at our crappiest or in, we're in the worst crisis time is get dressed and like fix, fix the girl's hair, comb your hair, you know, bright it, whatever. Just because then you feel, it changes the way you feel, like, like you feel fresh and, and you're ready to go and not ready to go anywhere, but just ready to like take on the day.
00:15:38
Speaker
Yes, I can't I could talk about getting dressed all day long and I don't put that much effort into it I promise sometimes it's just five minutes But it the difference between how I feel unshowered and in pajamas or workout clothes or whatever Versus how I feel after a shower and in clothes and maybe a little bit of chapstick is night and day night and day for me and the whole world looks rosier I can take on my to-do list and
00:16:02
Speaker
it just helps your mental faculties so much. So highly recommend that one for sure. Okay, so let's talk about the how. Now we've talked about the what, the why of maintaining some normalcy, but how do we do that, right? Well, we have talked a little bit about the everyday stuff, but what about the parenting stuff? Like when there's a crisis, the kids often behave not as well, right? Like we've mentioned. And being a parent is more than just feeding and clothing your children. It is connecting with them and discipline and
00:16:32
Speaker
comfort and all these other things, how do you do that when life is falling apart? Yeah. First, first of all, have grace for yourself. Understand that you're not going to be in your best condition as a parent and neither is your spouse and your kids aren't either. So don't expect normal output, normal performance, normal behavior. Expect some
00:16:59
Speaker
and be quick to forgive and quick to hug and quick to love and just kind of relax on some of the, you know, the parenting training that we try to do with our kids.
00:17:10
Speaker
and the self-improvement that we try to do with ourselves. Just take a breather and just relax. Everybody is under stress and it's okay. Yes. Yeah. Don't expect those normal behaviors because you won't get them.
Communicating with Children
00:17:23
Speaker
Everybody's going to be a little bit on edge and that's okay. Number two of the how is to talk about it. I have found so much comfort in this. Sometimes as parents, we like to
00:17:34
Speaker
Make ourselves martyr take that martyr status right and and just think it's fine. I don't need to worry the kids I don't need but our kids are really resilient and they're really powerful especially as they get a little bit older Talk to them about it and say something like so let's say dad is in the military. He's deployed You can say are you having a hard time when dad is gone be too? Can I tell you about my hard time now? Tell me about your hard time. How can we help each other? etc, right or
00:18:00
Speaker
moving is hard. I know I moved when I was your age too and I'll be missing my friends. Do you want a hug? How can I help you feel a little bit better? I'm so sorry you're struggling, right? To communicate all the time and to let your children know that you are suffering as well. One of the coolest experiences that I've had with my older children was when I would
00:18:17
Speaker
get pregnant and tell just my oldest children that I was pregnant because I was sick and tired and I didn't it wasn't quite time to tell the little ones yet and I would tell them and those kids just stepped up to the plate and it was the sweetest thing to see them say come on let me go take you outside to play come here let me go help this little kid because they knew that mom was suffering and in the past I had thought well that's not a burden I want to share with them you know I don't want to
00:18:41
Speaker
make them feel no, they stepped up to it and they wanted to be helpful. And what a wonderful life lesson I was teaching them to look outside of themselves and be aware of mom and her suffering. Yeah. You know, I wanted to add another reason why you really do want to talk about it is because
00:18:58
Speaker
sometimes kids are misunderstanding why the thing is happening that's happening and in our recent crisis that we had after we you know we kind of didn't think we should talk about it because of something kind of intense and we didn't it was kind of a mature thing and we didn't want the kids
00:19:14
Speaker
Some of the little kids were too young to understand. But when we did start talking about it, one of my kids totally thought this crisis, which was 100% out of our control, was their fault. And there was this huge misunderstanding. This little kid thought it was their fault that this crisis was happening to the whole family. And they were taking on this. It's like, oh. So you can help your kids clear up, not only talk about how they're feeling about it, but you want to make sure that they're not
00:19:44
Speaker
there's not huge misunderstandings out there that this kind of thing is happening and they think it's their fault. Yeah. Kids are so self-centered. They're probably going to insert themselves in there somewhere and you could just, yeah, comfort them and let them know, nope. Nope. This is just something we're all going to deal with together. That's fine. Yeah. Okay. So the third thing we want to talk about is re-evaluate your expectations for yourself and for your kids. So
00:20:13
Speaker
that, you know, we talked about having grace for yourself. Like just, that's just in your mind, but then this is like taking a step further. So then, you know, just talk to your kids. You know, normally we do this, we do X, Y and Z and we make sure this happens, but right now we're just going to make sure that X happens and that's okay. Or, you know, for yourself, one of my, um, personal goal expectations things is exercise at least, you know, certain number of time hours a week or whatever. Well,
00:20:42
Speaker
In this, you know, in a race, in a crisis time, I'm going to have to reevaluate that because, because it's not going to be possible in certain crises that you're going to be able to do what you normally do. Otherwise, in fact, it's always not going to be possible. So reevaluate and see where.
00:21:00
Speaker
where can you make it easier on everybody? Because, you know, I mean, maybe you've been there too, but I have been in one of these crisis situations and I've been like, okay, now I have to do this because I always do this. And I'm, you know, and it's just like making it more stressful on everybody. Everybody's suffering because mom is making sure that, you know, blah, blah, blah. No, prime for a little reevaluation. Yeah. Take a break mom.
00:21:24
Speaker
So I'm gonna share our own personal example that we've been dealing with. We had a flood a little while ago and we have decided to replace the flooring in all of our main floor while we're replacing the one room that got flooded and damaged. And so it looks like moving all our furniture out of 2,000 square feet of home with 10 children under feet, underfoot, that's how you say that, and figuring out how to live life, right? We are gonna be on vacation for a little bit of the time, but I think I've decided that it's going to look like
00:21:52
Speaker
very minimal school like maybe we'll take a board game you know out and play it or do some painting or something. We can't practice piano because the piano has to be moved out. There's probably gonna be a little bit more screen time than I'd like because that's an easy way to keep kids occupied and not you know make it a mess or or irritated that their toys are all packed away and I have to be a little bit more tolerant of kids being irritating. I was just telling Audrey before we started recording because the house is emptier now we're moving furniture out the kids have just been running around like crazy
00:22:19
Speaker
And I'm just okay with it because how often do you get to play in a half empty house? That's all right. Chase each other around, scream for a little while. If I get tired of it, I'll send you outside, but to just adjust and really lower those expectations. Yeah. Yeah. So an example here that comes to mind for me is in a recent crisis thing for us, we were outside of our home, so not at home. And we decided that every day we were going to do one fun thing
00:22:46
Speaker
and one major work thing. So like one day we would make sure all the laundry got done. And then we would go find like a little adventure to do that day so that the kids felt like it wasn't all drudgery, like they got to do something. And it was, you know, like that is what they'll remember about that time, not that mom was all stressed out and we had to do, you
Opportunities in Crises
00:23:08
Speaker
know, we didn't get to do, no, but they, um,
00:23:11
Speaker
they got to do something fun and those fun things are what they'll remember. Even though that was, you know, a little bit extra work for me in this different city that I didn't, I wasn't familiar with, you know, to drag five kids who were sort of in crisis mode with me and find something fun to do. But it really did make it easier because then they were sort of relishing those, you know, remembering and those times with it.
00:23:41
Speaker
they got to do something fun. Yeah and you know as much as our kids and we crave consistency, our kids love when things are different, right? You move some furniture around in a room and kids will just go crazy. Oh it's like Christmas. Oh my goodness the couch is over here. What are we gonna do, right? So while you're thinking oh yeah another night with takeout because my kitchen isn't functional, your kids are thinking we had a picnic in the living
00:24:07
Speaker
room. So exciting. Break out some candles or do something special so it becomes this wonderful memory and your kids think you're the best mother ever when inside you're like, I just want my kitchen back. I just want to cook a lasagna or something. It can be so much fun for them if you allow it to be. And it doesn't all have to be fun in games when hard things are happening, but just go with it. Yes. All right. Our next suggestion is it's kind of going to
00:24:32
Speaker
seem hard and a little bit different than what we were just saying but increase your self-care.
Self-care for Parents
00:24:38
Speaker
Now, we just did an episode about what I would tell younger me about self-care. So go listen to that, because it doesn't necessarily look like what your normal self-care looks like. But if your kids are going to be struggling, if you're struggling, you need to be at the top of their game. They need you to be at the top of your game. And especially if you've got a lot of mental stuff going on with this crisis, you need that self-care. So go re-listen to that episode.
00:25:06
Speaker
Right. And obviously, if something major is going on for you, you're not going to be, quote unquote, at the top of your game. There's been a major loss or you're going through something really hard, but you just want to be able to wake up and function, right? And so hit that self-care as hard as possible and reach out to others, get help, right? It's a great time to lean on neighbors, friends,
00:25:29
Speaker
offer them the chance to serve, right? It's so easy for us to go out and want to help others who are struggling, but it's a little bit harder for us to accept it ourselves. But this is a wonderful chance to allow your neighbors and friends to reach out to you and make life a little easier on you. Yeah. So like here's an example. We all know that
00:25:48
Speaker
maybe we don't feel like we have energy more than to do anything except scroll social media, right? That is not self-care. So pick up a book, pick up a book that's inspiring or a devotional or your Bible or something and take the same amount of time that you would scroll and do something that is filling your cut back up because you need it. And so if you get off social media until your crisis is over, that's probably a really good idea.
00:26:18
Speaker
And that's just one little tiny change that you can make that is a form in the big picture of increasing your own self-care. Yes, totally. Okay. And then finally, number five, on the heels of talking about allowing others to serve you, see if there's an opportunity for you to serve
Helping Others to Cope
00:26:36
Speaker
someone. And this might sound overwhelming when life is kind of crazy, but sometimes when we cut out a lot of things because we just can't do them, there might be a little bit of time or energy left
00:26:45
Speaker
For some service. Let's say you are in a strange city. Maybe you can find a local soup kitchen and go serve for a little bit Maybe you can go pick up some trash somewhere at a park do something that can make your kids feel good about themselves Make you feel good about yourself and maybe take the focus off your own tragedy a little bit that is one of the most successful ways of
00:27:05
Speaker
getting out of your own head and out of your own crisis is, if somebody has a bigger crisis than you, somebody homeless or somebody who, you know, go weed some a friend's garden, maybe an elderly person, they can't reach down and get those weeds.
00:27:20
Speaker
weed them and and take your kids with you because most mostly kids can pull up weeds. I'm laughing because we're just weeding the garden this morning and my my three year old comes over to me with with a
00:27:39
Speaker
pepper plant in his hand. Is this a weed mommy? Like he pulled it up and walked across the garden. Not, is this a mom, is this a weed before I pull it out, but he pulls up the pepper plant and walks away. Is this a weed mommy? No, that's not a weed, darling. And now you know, son. All right. So final thoughts. Guys, we've been there. We know, we understand. We wish that we could reach through your earbuds and give you a great big hug. Crisis mode is not fun.
00:28:09
Speaker
I think that maybe if I had to just say one of these things, it would be find somebody who you can lean on at this time because you're like
00:28:22
Speaker
I feel like when I go into crisis mode, sometimes I can't trust my own thoughts and my own feelings, and I really need somebody else to help. So in a crisis, a recent crisis that we had, not the out-of-town one, but the one that we were here at home, I have a neighbor who is just amazing. And I reached out to her. She has a little bit of expertise in the crisis that we're experiencing, and I said, please.
00:28:48
Speaker
tell me what to do, help me through this experience, like complete vulnerability. And she was so open and so warm and so helping. And like she kept saying to me, you're going to be fine, Audrey, this is going to be fine. But in my mind, it was this huge, huge crisis. And and she helped me through that. So just like the thing I think that I want to emphasize here at the end is find somebody to help you through this because
00:29:16
Speaker
Not only do you have the crisis that you're dealing with, but you have your kids that you're trying to pilot through this crisis as well. And you need help and it's out there for you somewhere. So find it, please.
Encouragement and Seeking Help
00:29:27
Speaker
Yes, absolutely. And I think the one thing that I would emphasize is to just be kind to yourself, right? Just look at yourself in the mirror and just say, you are dealing with a lot and I love you and it's going to be okay, right? And whatever you have today is enough. And whatever you have tomorrow is enough.
00:29:43
Speaker
And someday you'll get to a point where you'll have a little bit more and that will be enough. But for today, this is what we can give. One of the most freeing concepts that I've been thinking about a lot lately is the concept of everyone is just doing the best they can.
00:29:57
Speaker
And that feels a little counterintuitive to those of us that are always trying to progress and improve and be better. But I really believe that's true. Because on the days when I am a terrible parent and I scream and I throw fits and I'm just not a nice person, I really believe that's the best I had that day.
00:30:14
Speaker
the best I want to give forever, for sure. I want to improve. But the kindness and the grace with yourself is the only way to get better. It's the only way to get through these kinds of times. Beating yourself up and telling yourself what a terrible job you're doing will get no one anywhere. It will just make you want to dig that hole deeper, right? Be kind to yourself. Take care of yourself. And if you are having a hard time with that, ask a friend to help you. Say, hey, I'm really struggling with this. I keep
00:30:42
Speaker
being really hard on myself, what kind of feedback do you have for me? And I guarantee that friend, if it's a true friend, we'll help you. We'll tell you just what a great job you are doing and how right now it's just survival and you can do it. So we're here for your friend. Email us if you need talking through something hard, but it'll get better, we promise.
00:31:01
Speaker
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00:31:29
Speaker
That's it for today's episode. We'll talk to you next week. I'm Audrey. I'm Bonnie and we're Outnumbered. Thanks for listening, friends. Click the link in the show notes to subscribe to our email and never miss another episode. Show us some love by leaving a review on iTunes or sharing the podcast with a friend. Thanks for all your support. We'll talk to you next week.