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5 Tools for Battling Body Image Issues as a Mom {Episode 64}
88 Plays5 years ago
Being a mom takes a HUGE toll on our bodies, from bearing and birthing babies, to breastfeeding, to just caring for children in general. Women tend to suffer much more often than men from the effect of unrealistic societal expectations for our bodies; add in the physical strain from bearing children and it's the perfect storm for self-loathing!
Today's episode will take you inside the 5 most common reasons WHY we moms struggle with loving and accepting our bodies, as well as 5 tips for overcoming this propensity for self-criticism. Our bodies are amazing and are meant to come in many shapes and sizes! We just need the tools to find gratitude and appreciation for our unique shapes.
Resources:
Episode 50: Fitness for Every Mom
Live Free Creative Episode on Comparison
Wardrobe Architect Series from Colette Blog
Beauty Redefined
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to Episode 64
00:00:00
Speaker
Hey, everybody, welcome back to Outnumber the Podcast. We're so excited to be here today with episode number 64, and we're talking about a body image. This is such a hard topic and something that so many of us have struggled with most of our lives. Audrey and I are not immune to these struggles. We have lots of personal experiences we'll be sharing today and wanted to say right at the outset that neither of us is perfect in loving our bodies all the time. But through our own struggles and personal experiences, we have developed some tips we're going to share with you today.
00:00:27
Speaker
so
Humorous Body Image Story
00:00:28
Speaker
that all of us can hopefully find more joy and gratitude in these amazing bodies that God has given us. Hello, and welcome to Outnumber the Podcast. I'm Bonnie. And I'm Audrey. We're experienced moms to a combined total of 18 children. Our mission is to help overwhelmed parents find peace in parenting and humor in the chaos. Come join us as we attempt uninterrupted conversation about parenting with joy and intention.
00:01:03
Speaker
Hey everybody, welcome back. We're talking about body image specifically as it relates to moms and those of us who have families to run and also bodies to worry about. And I know so many of us suffer from this, so I'm super excited about today's episode. But I wanted to start with a quick little funny mom moment. Are you ready, Audrey? Yeah, hit it.
00:01:23
Speaker
So, I know that probably many moms have experienced something where your kids have said something awkward to you, especially when you're pregnant or like postpartum. Nothing like postpartum hormones and some five-year-old telling you you're fat or whatever.
00:01:37
Speaker
This particular moment happened to my mother-in-law. She shares this a lot and it's hilarious. She says that my husband, when he was little, maybe four or five, they were expecting another baby. And she kept telling him, hey, you're going to be a big brother. Aren't you so excited? And he said, you mean there's a baby in your tummy? He couldn't quite believe it, right? Yeah, there's a baby in my tummy right now. Yeah. She must've been pretty early on.
00:02:01
Speaker
Yeah, there is, there is." And then he goes, no, he looks at her belly. No, there's not. She's like, all right, well, he's not gonna believe it. Anyway, so he walks around the back of her to go into the other room and looks at her behind and goes, oh, there it is.
00:02:17
Speaker
Thanks. Thanks, kid. Sweet thing. Sweet thing, right? You're dead to me. Oh, I just wanted to share that just so everyone knows you're not alone when your kids make awkward comments about your body. It's still
Understanding Body Image Struggles
00:02:31
Speaker
a wonderful, amazing body, and we're going to talk about that today. So we have divided this episode up into two parts. The first part is a little bit of why we feel like we suffer from these body image issues.
00:02:44
Speaker
It's talked about all the time in the media. I'm sure every time women get together, they talk about their bodies in some way, shape, or form. So we're going to talk about the reasoning, why this is such a difficult issue for us. And then part two, we're going to talk about tips for overcoming body image issues. And spoiler alert, most of these are shifts in your mindset. Right, right. There's so much that we cannot control about how we see our bodies. So we're going to talk about what we can control.
00:03:14
Speaker
So first of all, we're going to talk about the reasons why. So it's not really a big mystery, right? Why
Impact of Pop Culture on Body Image
00:03:20
Speaker
we struggle with our bodies, but there's a couple of different reasons. So number one is I want to make sure that we all realize it is not our bodies that are the problem when we have these body image issues, right?
00:03:32
Speaker
It's pop culture telling us that our bodies, there's something wrong with our bodies, right? They're not thin enough. They're not curvy enough. They're not strong enough. They're not whatever it is. They're not tan enough. It's not right, right? So there's something wrong with your body. So sometimes if I can just remind myself of this, there's nothing wrong with me. What's wrong is that society is telling me that there's something wrong, right?
00:03:53
Speaker
That is so true because each person's body is different and unique. No two people in the world have the same body. So normal is just an average of what everybody else is out there. Right. It seems ridiculous that we would ever hold our extremely unique no two bodies alike body to this ridiculous standard that we're never going to reach, right?
Historical and Celebrity Body Ideals
00:04:18
Speaker
In fact, if you look back in history, for examples of what pop culture said was an ideal body, you will find bodies all over the board. There was a time when being overweight was popular. It meant you had enough food to eat. There was a time when being very flat-chested was a la mode, right? There was a time when being extremely, extremely thin was popular. And then a time when you had to have specific curves, but in certain places. So I think we can get really pigeonholed in today and say, well, I don't have XYZ.
00:04:47
Speaker
that all the models have, but it's important to step back and realize 100 years ago, that was not popular either. It's just what society is telling us today. Yes. I share that with my daughter so often that they may be pointing out something they perceive as a body flaw and I'm like, hey, you know what? In Victorian England, that would have been awesome. You would have been right up there at the top of society. The Victorian age ideal was the
00:05:15
Speaker
bosoms pushed up out of the dress to make those nice curvy shapes on the front, on the top, and then the wide hips. And in fact, their clothes even built out. You remember the big things on the side to make their hips even wider. And that was because what was valued was childbearing and being able to nurse a child and bear a child. So those were the curves in those places. That's what that meant. And then there was a time when
00:05:44
Speaker
blackened teeth was the thing to have. And that was showing that you were rich enough to be able to afford sugar, so much sugar that you could eat it and blacken your teeth. And if you didn't have black teeth, in fact, some people took what was it, charcoal or something and would darken their teeth. So people would think that they were rich enough to avoid sugar. So, hey, black teeth is in, right? Okay, I've never heard that. Google it. It's funny.
00:06:15
Speaker
Okay, so you will never look like that ideal body image. You just can't, because as we were saying, it's made up, it's computer-generated, it's an average of what everyone else is. And no matter how many diets or surgeries, the ideal body doesn't exist in reality. So look at celebrities with seemingly perfect ideal bodies. They still diet, they get plastic surgery, they're searching for
00:06:45
Speaker
some unattainable idea ideal as well. So even those who we look to thinking, oh, if I could just look like that, they're looking at something else saying, oh, if I could just be like that. Exactly. It's like we're all running this rat race towards a finish line that does not exist.
00:07:04
Speaker
Right. It's just silly. But just because we understand that doesn't make us immune to it either. Right. It reminds me of, I know, I know I'm quoting her again. But Miranda Anderson on her podcast, Live Free Creative, she has a whole episode on climbing out of the comparison trap. And that is key, I think, for getting through body image is just not comparing.
00:07:31
Speaker
yourself to others bodies. Yeah, exactly. We'll talk a little bit more about that in a minute too. So on to number three, the third reason why this is such an issue for us right now.
Media and Fashion Influences
00:07:42
Speaker
And I think it's because we live in this information age, where we are bombarded by this ideal quote unquote, body image everywhere we look. It's not like back in, you know, even 30 years ago, where we would just see it on billboards or on magazines that we picked up. It's
00:07:57
Speaker
on our computer screens, it's on our TV screens, it's on our phone. Every time we open an email, there's a picture of a model modeling something with this ideal body image. So everywhere we look, we're told that our body is not like everyone else's. Look at everyone else's. They're thin and voluptuous in all the right places. How come you can't be, right? It's an industry. Staying thin is an industry, right? So they're trying to push this thing in order to get people to buy into this when it's really just harmful, because we can't look like that.
00:08:26
Speaker
Yes, women have to overcome, this is number four moving on, but women have to overcome society's focus on our bodies instead of on our minds or our actions or our physical fitness or you name it. The focus is on a woman's body at first glance. The same thing
00:08:49
Speaker
isn't true for men. The focus is not on a man's body as much as it is on a woman's body. And this kind of moves us into talking about fashion. Fashion and style, it's all over the place. But the emphasis in every style and every fashion is on women's bodies. I'm talking specifically about Western cultures, that the focus is on women's bodies in fashion and style. If you don't
00:09:19
Speaker
If you don't think what I'm saying is true or you haven't thought about it yourself, go shopping for a swimsuit. Or don't, you'll just be depressed. So ready to wear, that's what we call them in the sewing industry, is ready to wear. It's already ready to put on. Ready to wear swimsuits. Swimsuits you can go into a store and try on. They're designed.
00:09:47
Speaker
to degrade a woman's body. I mean, put one on and see how you feel. Do you feel degraded or do you feel complimented? I have never walked into a store, put on a swimsuit and thought I could go conquer the world. I take it off and go eat some brownies and cry out. Oh, right. But when you sew your own clothes and you sew a swimsuit, then you look at these ready to wear swimsuits and you're like,
00:10:18
Speaker
What on earth were they thinking? Who designed this? Because this was not designed to complement a woman's body. It wasn't designed to be modest. It wasn't designed to make a woman feel good. And I think both Bonnie and I are acutely aware of this problem because Bonnie runs Novalee, a women's clothing shop designed to help moms specifically find fashion that makes them feel and look great. And I design women's sewing patterns.
00:10:45
Speaker
that are intended to make a woman feel good about what she sews and what she wears. So I think fashion is very closely connected to how we feel about our bodies. Yes, I definitely agree. And the clothing gap is very acute when shopping for kids clothes as well. If you go into any boys department in a store,
00:11:08
Speaker
and a girls department at the same store and pull off a pair of shorts off the rack. The boys shorts will in general be like four to five inches longer than the girls.
00:11:17
Speaker
every single time. And so I'm thinking, it's one thing if you're a grown woman and you want to show off your body, that's your decision, right? But when I'm going to buy clothes for my little girl and the manufacturer's already telling me that she needs to show off more skin than the boys, I'm going, what in the world is happening here? Like this is starting so young, we don't even realize it, right? And it's maddening as a parent, I'm like, why should she have shorty little shorts on when she wants to run and climb trees just like the boys?
00:11:46
Speaker
That's just one of my pet peeves. But there's definitely, definitely, definitely something to be said about the struggle that we women go through with our bodies as opposed to the men. The men just don't deal with a lot of the things that we do. So think about the sizes of women's... Say you walk into any clothing store, Macy's, think about the size of the women's department versus the size of the men's.
00:12:11
Speaker
So that is very telling that there's so much more focus on women's fashion and bodies than there is on men's. Yeah. I will say that I think that women have an innate sense of
00:12:23
Speaker
creating beauty and just creating things in general. We're the homemakers. We're the ones that want to create this home that's beautiful and comely and welcoming. We want to make ourselves look beautiful. I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing, but when we're doing it to try to reach this ideal that we can never reach because it's not us, or we're doing it to just impress other people, or we're doing it because we feel bad about ourselves, then we need to step back and reconsider what is the purpose
00:12:50
Speaker
of treating my body like this. Am I doing this to empower myself or am I doing this to impress other people and make myself feel good because I think they think I look good? Does that make sense? It totally makes sense.
Mindset Shifts and Gratitude Practices
00:13:02
Speaker
Okay, so our final why behind these body image issues is number five, because as women our bodies radically change with puberty
00:13:12
Speaker
and then childbirth and then breastfeeding and all these things that we go through. As moms, we have a harder job ahead of us as far as accepting our body at every phase. Like guys usually just go through a, they get a little bit taller, a little broader, a little hairier, and then they get fatter in their old age. That's about it, right? Some gray, right?
00:13:33
Speaker
And so I don't think that they have the same struggles as we do with accepting the fact that we have this growing, expanding, changing body that houses a baby and then it pushes out a baby and then it has to recoup from that and it just goes through a lot.
00:13:48
Speaker
And I thought it was interesting that you talked about the Victorian era because that's about the only era I can think of where a traditional childbearing body shape was encouraged, right? And as soon as you gave birth, you probably had to slap that corset right back on and look like you hadn't just created a human life inside of you, right? I'm just trying to make us realize that society has no interest
00:14:13
Speaker
and making us feel comfortable during those childbearing years. They want us to put our bodies through some horrific things to try to look like we never even had a baby. And what's the point of that? We did. And it's amazing. And it's a miracle.
00:14:29
Speaker
I just think it's so important for us to embrace that and say, I am not going to abuse my body into looking like something that doesn't exist, as we said, because it gave life to another human being. It seems ridiculous when you say it out loud and yet each one of us does that to ourselves.
00:14:45
Speaker
When we go through childbirth, I think many of us. Yeah. Yeah. One thing I wanted to say when I said that ideal body image doesn't exist is because most of those images that we see on billboards and our phones and all that, many and most of them are photoshopped. So that's what I mean by saying it doesn't exist. Right. I think you would be hard pressed to find a single image anywhere
00:15:11
Speaker
in a for-profit media, maybe not just a blog, but like a magazine or a public Instagram account, et cetera, that has not been altered in some way. I've been working with Photoshop and Lightroom for years. It is extremely easy to just nip a few inches here, squeeze something in there, extremely easy for even the amateur.
00:15:36
Speaker
If the professionals are out there doing it, you can, you can bet your britches that there is nothing real on a magazine. Nothing. It just, it just doesn't happen. Yeah. Going back to childbirth and burying a baby. I remember on the first time I was pregnant and my body was expanding and growing to hold this baby. I kept asking my husband, do you feel, do you still find me attractive? Do you, do you still think I'm beautiful and like just feeling so
00:16:05
Speaker
insecure about my body and the way that others perceived it. And my husband, of course, you know, he was like, yes, this is the most beautiful thing in the world that could ever happen to your body. This is my baby in there. And your body is, it's a miracle. Your body's growing it and holding it. But I just remember because of all that, um, the bombardment of all the, all the
00:16:31
Speaker
gorgeous skinny beautiful people women in the world as I was like well that's not me anymore what what do I do okay so we're going to move on to talk about five tips to overcome the way we feel about our bodies if we're having negative body image issues and I don't I was trying to think about this before we came on the air
00:16:56
Speaker
I can't think of any woman I know or in person or interact with on social media who thinks she is it. I mean, just look at me. I am the best. My body is perfect. I can't think of any woman who thinks that about herself. Can you? Right. Nope. Not a single one. Okay. So let's just say that all of us need to overcome body image issues.
00:17:22
Speaker
And so we're going to give you five tips. The first tip is to identify your ideal and why you want it. This might require introspection, journaling, maybe even speak to a counselor if you suffer, currently suffer or in the past have suffered from extreme issues, self-harm diets, eating disorders, any of that. That is eating disorders and a lot of those things are a mental
00:17:53
Speaker
thing that has a physical manifestation. And so talking to counselors is a very, very helpful thing to do. As a part of this, I would also say identify your triggers and eliminate them. Instagram accounts, magazines, gyms. What can you do to eliminate from your life things that are telling you that your body isn't perfect? So identify what is reality for you and your body and then eliminate things that make you feel like
00:18:36
Speaker
stamped in my mind every time I looked at these models or whatever. And so I stopped getting them because it was just causing me angst, right? And then when I got married and got pregnant, I struggled for a little bit with the pregnancy issue. And then once I had my first baby, I remember thinking, my body is so amazing. I was just so grateful for everything it had done for me. And nursing my baby and being
00:18:50
Speaker
your ideal is less than it should be.
00:18:58
Speaker
physically well enough to get up in the middle of the night with him and to just do all the things that are required of a new mom. And then so for many years, I felt really awesome. I wouldn't say that I thought my body was perfect. I wouldn't say that I thought I looked so amazing, but I just didn't think about it because I was grateful for it. And then enter Instagram. Instagram started in, well, let's see, I got a smartphone in like 2011. So that's when I hopped on the train and
00:19:25
Speaker
And I know that that caused more issues for me. It like set me back a few years and I'm really frustrated at myself for having bought into those lies. I started following accounts where it was like before and afters, look how good you can look and et cetera. And you know, there are mixed feelings about before and afters, but I'm just here to say that if there's anything in your life that you know, makes you feel poorly about yourself and about your body, ditch it, get rid of it. Even if it's the entire app itself or Facebook or
00:19:54
Speaker
marketing emails from swimsuit companies, whatever it is, take a hard look at what makes you think that your body is not a great, wonderful, miraculous tool that it is and get rid of it. You don't need that negativity in your life. That's just my two thoughts about that. Yeah, I totally agree. The time that we waste on that negativity is
00:20:19
Speaker
It's a waste. I mean, I just use the word. It's a waste. There's no other way to put it. And so think of, so this is a little bit separate, but think of the time that you spend on social media or on your phone every day, your screen time. And what could you better be spending that time? How could you be spending that time to build yourself and your own body image?
00:20:49
Speaker
So I'm not saying, you know, it's unrelated. We'll talk about, we will again talk about screens and we have talked about screens a lot in the past, but that's not exactly what I'm addressing. I'm saying the time that is spent looking perusing, feeling bad about why you're not at your ideal could be spent building yourself up to be your ideal.
00:21:15
Speaker
Right. Right. Totally. Yeah. Okay. So that brings us to number two for tips to overcome these issues. And that is just a personal acknowledgement that your body will never fit the ideal. And that's not meant to be like depressing or, oh, you're never going to look like that. But it's just a fact. We will never become what in our minds we think we should become. Because the harder we chase it, the more it will change. Like you said before about the celebrities, right? Yeah.
00:21:43
Speaker
They have everything at their fingertips, all the money, all the professionals, all the dieting and the exercise and the plastic surgery available. And I doubt a single one of them is like 100% happy with their body either. There's just always something else to nip and tuck and change. And so I think to acknowledge that my body will never look 100% the way society says it should. But that's not a bad thing. Your body is yours. How boring would it be if we all looked like perfectly
00:22:13
Speaker
formed models, you know, like boring, super boring. And your body has its own amazing strengths. And so this is that part where we can acknowledge that we're never going to get there and then move on to what we do have and what our bodies do give us. So some things that I've thought about are creating this one tip that I love is to create positive affirmations for yourself and put them all over your house.
00:22:37
Speaker
Um, and I would recommend doing them, um, doing these affirmations about things other than how you look. Okay. So instead of, Oh, you look so thin today, which is maybe in a compliment you might have wanted to have. How about put something like you are an amazing mother. Your children are lucky to have you, or you are so strong. You lift babies all day long.
00:23:00
Speaker
or you can walk or run anytime you want. You can sprint up the stairs, you know, barring any major catastrophes or major disabilities. In fact, something like this makes me think that for those of us that have problems with body image issues, maybe we need to sit down with someone who has a serious disability.
00:23:19
Speaker
and say, could you please tell me why I should appreciate my body right now? What can you not do that I should be grateful for, right? How many times do you get sick or break a bone or something? And you think, I never, ever, ever took my health and whole body, or I always took it for granted. I never appreciate it like I should have until it's gone. Yeah. And I like that because of thinking about the language that we use when talking to our daughters.
00:23:48
Speaker
I think unconsciously I find myself doing it. My little girl walks in the room and she's got her shirt on backwards and her skirt upside down and she's done her hair herself and she looks a mess. And I say, you look so pretty. Look at you. And my little boy walks in the room and his shirt's buttoned up wrong. I'm like, oh, hey, look at you. Aren't you so smart? You buttoned up your shirt yourself.
00:24:16
Speaker
Right. Right. Yeah. How many times do we automatically subconsciously focus on the looks? Yeah. Of our girls, right? Yeah. Yeah. And so it, like I would say, as a little addition to step two, is that think about the way that we talk to our children and to other women in general, what do we compliment other women on?
00:24:42
Speaker
Wow, you look great today. I really like your hair. Um, did you lose some weight? What, what are we complimenting in our friends? Or I'm really thankful of how good of a mom you are. And I really noticed how you were serving your, you know, that, that older couple. And I really appreciate that. And just think about everyone's body being unique and not so much focused on, on
00:25:11
Speaker
the looks and the physical part. So this kind of is a lead in also to number three, tip number three, list the ways your body has blessed your life. So maybe like a gratitude journal where you write down, I'm thankful that my body was able to bear and raise
00:25:33
Speaker
Nine children, right, Bonnie? Yeah, I'm thankful that my body can run a race. I'm thankful that my body is strong enough to care for my home. I think this is kind of present on my mind because I spent so much time this year in January in a sixth state where I had pneumonia and I could not care for my family and I couldn't care for my home.
00:25:59
Speaker
And I had to have all this help from my husband and my older teenage kids. And so just thinking about being, it just made me a little more thankful for my physical health that I can do this stuff and I'm strong and I'm healthy. And then if you do find ways, you're making your gratitude journal and you're listing out your ways that your body has helped you. And you find something that just really is truly something you can't be thankful for.
Health-Focused Goals and Movement
00:26:27
Speaker
make a realistic goal to change it if necessary. So maybe eat better or start strength training or we did, this reminds me of our episode on post pregnancy fitness. And we, we talked a lot in that at the end of that episode, especially about things that we can do
00:26:47
Speaker
for physical fitness. And we talked about not beauty and not thinness, but we talked about being physically fit. So yeah, definitely. There are times when we find things with our body that aren't healthy or aren't strong or aren't the way that we want and wish we were. And so realistic goals. I mean, like if we, okay, so if Bonnie, who's what, what are you five for?
00:27:14
Speaker
Five, four and a half. Okay, five, four and a half. If Bonnie, who's five, four and a half, decides that she wants to be six feet tall like Audrey, that's not a realistic goal. Or if Audrey, who's six feet tall, decides that nothing fits me, I can't walk into any store and buy clothes, everything's too short for me, I want to be five, four and a half. Not a realistic goal either.
00:27:36
Speaker
Right, right, right. Well, and I find that in an instance like this where you think, well, I'm just not happy with my body, then just say, okay, you can make goals to change your body, but they cannot be related to how you look.
00:27:47
Speaker
So your goal can be adding three servings of vegetables into your day. Your goal can be to get up at 6 a.m. and go for a walk around the block. Your goal can be anything else, anything that is going to lead you towards your goal of getting healthier or changing your body, but it can't be to look different. And I think that you'll find that your mentality changes, right? Instead of, well, I still don't look good. Because then you're going to get to this healthy stage where you're so proud of
00:28:14
Speaker
how strong and healthy you've become, and maybe you'll look different and maybe you won't, but that won't be important because you've reached the goals that you set for yourself. Does that make sense? Yes, it does. I wanted to share. I have a really, really good sweet friend with awesome body image. I heard this story of her later. Her mother-in-law was helping her get ready for her wedding.
00:28:36
Speaker
there was a gray hair that my friend had right right kind of by her part and her mother-in-law said oh oh here let me pull you out so pull this out this gray hair so that in the pictures it's not like front and center red on your part and my friend said oh no no no she said I earned that let's leave it right where it is
00:28:55
Speaker
Which I thought was amazing because how often if I looked at my gray hairs and thought, ugh, instead of, I earned those. Those are mine. I earned those. Exactly. Exactly. Let's see. That one was for that kid that didn't sleep tonight. And that one was... This one was teaching her how to drive. And that one was teaching him... Oh, right on Yahoo. Awesome.
00:29:20
Speaker
Well, I did want to mention, when you're talking about compliments and things, this occurred to me. One of our resources we'll add in the show notes is an organization called Beauty Redefined. And we've mentioned them, I think, in at least one other episode. And they are a nonprofit designed to helping women see their bodies in a different light, right?
00:29:36
Speaker
And they often talk about how we immediately jump to complimenting someone's appearance, like every time, especially women. So someone loses weight and the first thing you say is, well, and you compliment them in regards to how their body is measuring up to the ideal, right? So you'll say, oh my gosh, you look amazing. Did you lose weight?
00:30:00
Speaker
Okay, what if that friend, like Audrey, you mentioned that you lost an unhealthy amount of weight when you were sick, right? Yes. What if that friend had just had pneumonia? What if that friend is battling cancer? What if that friend had some horrible, horrible news, some family trauma, and was unable to eat for days? Do you see where I'm going with this? That is not what we want to compliment, right? Right.
00:30:23
Speaker
If we really feel the need, maybe you do know your friend has really been working hard on some fitness and health goals and she looks way healthier. You can say that. You look so healthy and strong. What have you been doing? Rather than comparing her to this unattainable ideal, you look so thin, which is not necessarily a good thing. Being thinner is not always the answer. It's very often not the answer. I just wanted to plug that in there that
00:30:48
Speaker
Sometimes we perpetuate these ideals without knowing it because we're assuming that the person we're talking to wants to reach that idea as well, right? Yes, that is a very good point.
00:31:00
Speaker
Okay, so tip number four goes right along with what we were saying, and that is to move your body. So if you still struggle with body image issues, you can ask yourself, how often am I moving my body? How often am I using it? Very often, if we're just sitting around moping, we'll think, oh, and I've got this roll that I'll never get rid of, or I hate these hips or whatever.
00:31:22
Speaker
But if we're using our body as the tool that it is, then not only do we have less time to sit around whining about what it looks like, but we'll be so much more grateful for what it can do, right? I think that motherhood in general is a very, very physical role.
00:31:40
Speaker
We're climbing stairs with laundry baskets. We're bathing kids. We're burying kids. All these things that require a big toll on our physical bodies. And if we use them, then we can better appreciate them for the tool that they are. And they're not just for show. They're not just for sitting here looking pretty. That's not the point. The point is to help serve others and to help us create these amazing lives with these bodies that we've been given.
00:32:04
Speaker
Yeah, I agree with that totally. I find that exercise helps me as much mentally as it does physically. And so just moving and especially exercise outdoors, like getting the fresh air and getting out in nature, that just really like brings my mind back to being grounded and settled where it needs to be. And then like some of these unhealthy thoughts can just be moved right back or they need to be, hey, that's not, you know, that's not even realistic that that body image so strong.
00:32:34
Speaker
is the new skinny or whatever is a more healthy thought than the one I've been having. Yes, yes, totally. And tip number five, I think Bonnie and I could do a whole episode about this one, is create your own fashion. Define your own sense of style. You do not have to be, I'm going to use
00:32:55
Speaker
this word. You do not have to be victim to what someone else has designed and put on a rack that you have to wear. Don't have to do that. There's lots of other options out there. Go shop
Personal Style and Avoiding Comparisons
00:33:07
Speaker
novelly if you want something that is
00:33:09
Speaker
designed to make your mom bod look and feel great or learn to sew. Because I think many, most women sew for themselves because they want it to fit and they want to feel good about the way that their clothes fit. And so build a new wardrobe based on your ideas.
00:33:33
Speaker
What compliments you? What makes you feel great about your body? Stop squeezing yourself into XYZ that doesn't fit and you don't like the style. You're just wearing it because it was on the rack and it was the only thing, right? Where I started this journey was a good place to start is the Wardrobe Architect series from Colette blog.
00:33:59
Speaker
It is designed for women who sew, but you don't have to sew. It's more about making decisions about what you want your wardrobe to look like and feel like and then designing it around that. So fashion is not, yeah, it's like a whole psychology thing, isn't it? It's like I was saying about swimsuits. It's not intended to compliment
00:34:27
Speaker
the mom bod, which I think most of our audience here can relate to. Just throw that out the window and create your own style. Right. I love that you shared that. Any of you who follow me on Instagram know that I'm really, really passionate about teaching moms how to care for themselves.
00:34:47
Speaker
and to find things that make them look and feel amazing. And sometimes it takes a little bit more effort, whether that means sewing or just looking a little bit harder for that particular dress that you're looking for. And often it means spending more money because you're not going to find quality garments at a really low price point that are going to give you, you know, wear after wear after wear after wear. And I just put that in there because sometimes moms are really hesitant to spend time or money on themselves.
00:35:15
Speaker
But there's nothing that makes your body feel worse than buying an ill-fitting garment that's going to fall apart and you're just like, well, there goes that, right? So anyway, there are great things out there. It just requires a little bit of time and effort and knowing that your body is worth it to outfit it in something that makes you feel amazing. Like you said, create your own sense of style. You can even start, let's say you're not much of a sewer.
00:35:36
Speaker
but you can do alterations. You can start with thrift stores, right? And go to thrift stores and oftentimes find slightly older styles that maybe flatter your body a little bit more than the uber skinny jeans that are out there now or whatever. So, so many options for dressing your body in this amazing way that makes you feel so, so good about it.
00:35:54
Speaker
So I just have a couple of final thoughts. Number one, it's important for us to continue to fight that trap of comparison, like you already mentioned, Audrey. When we look at others as, when we compare ourselves to others, it's almost like we're looking at other women as competitors.
00:36:13
Speaker
Does that make sense? It totally makes sense. This is not a competition. Motherhood is not a competition. Life is not a competition. It's not about who can be thinnest with the most kids and looking like she can ... You know what I mean? We hold ourselves up to these ideals that nobody else cares ... Well, that everyone cares about for themselves, but nobody else is putting you up to those standards, right? Why are we so hard on ourselves and why do we look at our friends and strangers
00:36:37
Speaker
with this sense of, oh, I would kill for those thighs or whatever we're thinking. When we look at others with love and compassion, then there's no competition. There's no comparison, right? I don't do that with my sisters. I don't look at them and go, oh, I just wish I had your whatever. No, I just love them for everything that they are, both their bodies and their minds and their spirits and their hilarious personalities and this complete package. I don't dissect them into
00:37:03
Speaker
into a sum of parts, like sometimes we do with strangers, right? So I just wanted to share that, that the more we look to others with love and like this wholehearted compassion, the easier we'll be on ourselves as well.
00:37:18
Speaker
And
Gratitude and Self-Acceptance
00:37:19
Speaker
then finally, I really believe that God created our bodies. And I think it's the coolest gift we'll ever be given. This body, I mean, scientists can't replicate anything in it. It's just a stinking miracle. It's a huge package of miracles. And I think that when we abuse or mistreat or hate our bodies or put this
00:37:39
Speaker
bad vibe into the world because we're unhappy with what we've been given. I think it's an affront to God. I'm going to say it like that. And maybe that's harsh, but I think that we are really discounting the amazing gratitude we should have for these.
00:37:52
Speaker
Miraculous beings that we are. It's amazing. It's just amazing. Okay. Now I have chills. No, I agree with that so much. My final thoughts are something that really helps me as I think about what I want my daughter's body images to be in the future. I don't want them to feel bad about their bodies. And so I try to exemplify to my daughters what I want them to be and how I want them to feel about their bodies in the future.
00:38:22
Speaker
I think poor body image is really a form of an unhealthy focus on ourselves. We're looking too much at ourselves and wishing this was different and that was different. And why are we focusing so much on ourselves? So I think I just wanted to be more thankful for my health and my strength. And when I'm focusing on my body and, you know, poor body image and all that, I'm just really not being thankful for the body that I have and that I have been given.
00:38:53
Speaker
And I want to focus more on serving and helping others. So I want to have respect for myself and then respect to God for the body that he created and respect for others and their bodies too. So those are my final thoughts.
00:39:08
Speaker
Yeah, thank you so much for sharing that. That's one other thing I neglected to mention, that by stepping outside of our own circle of misery, okay, I'm so charming, I'm so this, I'm so that, and serving others, then we can truly show gratitude for these bodies that are given to us to help, to lift up others. And we know that this is a struggle.
00:39:28
Speaker
so hard for women to see past their perceived imperfections. But we're here to tell you that you're amazing every last inch of you. And if you choose to see yourself that way, then you will be able to have so much more happiness in your life. Thanks so much for tuning in. Did you know you can help the podcast in several ways? First up, we're on Patreon and there are three different levels to support us there.
00:39:51
Speaker
Just head to patreon.com slash outnumbered. Next step, if you enjoyed this episode, please leave us a written review on iTunes. It helps other parents find the podcast and receive the help you're enjoying. And finally, you can follow us on Instagram at outnumbered the podcast. We're always having fun over there too. As usual, if you have any questions or ideas for future episodes, you can reach us at outnumbered the podcast at gmail.com. Thanks for all your support. We'll talk to you next week.