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People Pleasing at Work: How It Ruins Your Salary, Raises, and Career Growth
21 Plays13 days ago
People pleasing in your career is costing you money, promotions, and career growth. If people pleasing is ruining your love life, chances are it's also ruining your finances. People pleasers take on more work for free, can't say no, avoid negotiating, and don't assert themselves for opportunities like promotions or raises.
How people pleasing shows up in your career:
- Taking on more work for free and to the detriment of your own projects
- Unable to say no so you're always the last to leave, missing deadlines on your own tasks
- Taking blame for things that aren't your fault, damaging your professional reputation
This directly impacts promotions, raises, and how much money you make. Good leaders are authentic but people pleasers can't be authentic so they stay stuck. Money impacts everything: healthcare access, where you live, what food you buy, your overall quality of life.
Subscribe. Share. Remember that healing people pleasing requires recognizing how it's affecting your career and finances, and taking small steps to assert yourself.
Small steps, big healing. Keep growing! ✨
Join the conversation! What's one thing you said yes to at work that you wish you'd said no to? DM me on Instagram!
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Growing with Sol'
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello beautiful soul and welcome back to another installment of the Growing with Sol podcast where we explore the moments and stories that shape who we're becoming. I'm Marisol and this is where I love to have real conversations about growth, self-discovery and learning to put yourself first.
00:00:17
Speaker
Whether we're diving into books that change our perspective or unpacking personal experiences that teach us something new, this podcast is for women who are done playing small and are ready to embrace their own journey.
00:00:29
Speaker
If you've struggled putting everyone else first or battled self-doubt, then you're in the right place. This isn't about perfection. It's about the messy, beautiful process of growing into yourself.
00:00:40
Speaker
So come grow with me.
Understanding People-Pleasing
00:00:43
Speaker
We are continuing on with our series on people pleasing. I really wanted to take a deep dive into it because it's been on my mind, really. Like it's been on my mind because as somebody who used to people please as just like second nature, when I see it in someone else, like it hurts. Like it makes me so sad to see someone Operating in that way and then also to see that it's potentially negatively impacting them and maybe for whatever reason they just don't know how else to be.
00:01:24
Speaker
And sometimes, unfortunately, that's their journey to to be on, to go on and to realize there's only so much one can do to help, assist, to bring to light. Or maybe depending on the type of situation, it's not my place or your place. If you also are in that space where you can recognize it in someone else.
00:01:45
Speaker
So it's been on my mind, needless to say. so because of that, I wanted to talk about it Last week, I did a whole deep dive on people pleasing and how it shows up in your romantic relationships and your dating life.
00:01:56
Speaker
And now I want to talk about how it shows up in your career. Because if you listen to last week's episode, if you resonated with it, if you related to it. If people pleasing is ruining your love life, chances are it's also ruining your finances and your career.
00:02:15
Speaker
the thing about it is that people pleasing doesn't just stop necessarily in one area of life. Maybe you are able to compartmentalize. I've known people who are able to compartmentalize and they show up one way in their personal life and one way in their professional life. It's possible.
00:02:31
Speaker
But that isn't always the case.
Impact of People-Pleasing at Work
00:02:35
Speaker
And there might not seem to be a clear connection between your career and finances and that people-pleasing software that you might have installed.
00:02:43
Speaker
But roll with me here because i will I'll show you the connection if you don't quite see it yet.
00:02:50
Speaker
First and foremost, where does people pleasing come from? Like, why do we do it? I touched on it lightly last episode, but let's dig into it a little bit more deeply. Because last episode, I did mention that people pleasing comes from a wounded place within us.
00:03:07
Speaker
And to be more exact of what that wounded place is, what that wounded place might be for you, it essentially comes from insecurity, perhaps a fear of rejection, maybe wanting to be well-liked by other people, or perhaps a fear of disappointing other people,
00:03:30
Speaker
Or you might have a history, maybe within your own family, maybe within your parents, of having to earn love and affection. It wasn't freely given.
00:03:42
Speaker
You had to do something to prove that you're worthy of that love and affection. So if that's how you're operating, that's how you've always known to be, it's really hard to turn it off for one aspect of your life or to turn it off at all.
00:04:05
Speaker
And what can happen when we are operating like this all the time is that it can lead you to potentially not be taken as seriously in the workplace.
00:04:20
Speaker
But why is that? Because I can, you know, maybe that sounds like a wild leap. I've seen it. I've seen it a lot. I do think there is something similar when it comes to like the way people operate.
00:04:38
Speaker
Where like there are some people kind of like with like a bully mentality, you pick on someone who you think is weak and that's the reason why you pick on them. Or like the bully would pick on like the quote unquote weak person.
00:04:51
Speaker
i feel like it's similar in the workplace where you notice somebody who is operating from these modes of being. So then you don't take them as seriously. I feel like it's the same type of logic there.
00:05:04
Speaker
But what comes to mind or what what is it within people pleasing that is affecting you perhaps not being taken seriously in the workplace? There is this need of somebody who's a people pleaser, especially if you want to be well liked, if you're afraid of disappointing, then you are like eager to lend a hand, eager to be of use.
00:05:30
Speaker
And that can lead to taking on more work. Perhaps you are taking on more work for free. Perhaps you're taking on more work to the detriment of your own work and your own projects.
00:05:45
Speaker
How is this negatively impacting your career and your finances? a One, you're doing more work for for free. Sometimes that might have to be the case.
00:05:56
Speaker
I understand this isn't a cut and dry black and white type of thing that we're talking about. And sometimes certain work situations are certain work situations. But if you could avoid it, if there is a way to maybe negotiate, one, if you're a people loser, you're probably not going be amenable to the idea of negotiating. You're not going to be like, oh yeah, I love negotiating.
00:06:20
Speaker
That's not going to be your thing. So you probably aren't negotiating when it comes to taking on more work for free.
00:06:28
Speaker
But what can happen two people pleasers, which again, i have also seen, is that you're unable to say no. Like how many people have you known who just can't seem to say no?
00:06:41
Speaker
And it's like, oh, you need help with that? Yeah, I'll do it. Or, oh, yeah, I can do that. No problem. I can like add it to the list of things I'm doing. or i like, oh, hey, yeah, i can you know I can work on that too. I can be part of that project. Oh, yeah, of course. No problem.
00:06:53
Speaker
And then they're always the last person to leave the office. Or some things just don't get done. Things are constantly behind schedule.
00:07:05
Speaker
And as much as you're coming from a place of wanting to help, or wanting to be a part of the team, wanting to be a team player, you end up hurting yourself, hurting your work, hurting the work in general, because you are not able to say no, for example.
00:07:24
Speaker
Another way that people-pleasing is harming your career, harming your finances, that people-pleasers tend to not be able to assert themselves properly, which can mean losing out on opportunities.
00:07:37
Speaker
In the workplace, this can look like losing out on promotions, losing out on raises, immediately affecting your own bottom line, essentially.
00:07:48
Speaker
So if you are unable to assert yourself because of your people-pleasing ways, maybe because you're afraid that's going to create conflict, and you're passing up potential promotions, maybe you're passing up um being able to job hop, go somewhere else. Because often, people-pleasing is tied with low self-worth, low self-esteem.
00:08:14
Speaker
self-doubt is a huge part or, at you know, at play as well. so you're even nervous of maybe applying for a higher position within the organization you're at, or maybe even externally.
00:08:29
Speaker
So now you are losing out on potentially making more money, moving up the ladder in your career, just moving up in your career in general. And you're also losing out on making more money, unless for whatever reason, magically, because you're just an amazing person, they're going to give it to you, which Raises and promotions don't really work like that as much anymore, unfortunately.
00:08:51
Speaker
So we do have to advocate for ourselves. We do have to assert ourselves in order to get those promotions, in order to get those raises. And that's where a lot of people pleasers struggle.
00:09:05
Speaker
What can often happen as well as a people pleaser, and like I've seen this in like personal life, and I've seen this also, um how it can affect your career as well, your job, is that as a people pleaser, it is very easy to take a blame when it is not your fault.
00:09:23
Speaker
So when something goes wrong at work, and maybe it's kind of somewhat tied to what you do, connected to what you do, but it's not your fault. But since it might be connected to what you do, you're like, oh, yeah, I should have caught that. I should have, you know, that's my fault. Or like, I could have done something different. I could have done something better. Like, Yeah.
00:09:44
Speaker
Maybe. Here's thing. when When we're at work, at same thing in like personal life, it's great to ask yourself those questions. Like, could I have done anything different in this situation for a better outcome, for maybe better customer service, for maybe overall job performance?
00:09:59
Speaker
These are great reflective questions. But as a people pleaser, we are so ready to take on the blame when it's not even maybe our responsibility or maybe not even a part of our job.
00:10:14
Speaker
that you know what went wrong wasn't necessarily part of our job or even our responsibility. What that does this look bad on you. And now maybe you're talking to your supervisor, maybe you're talking to coworkers and you're taking on the blame. And now people are going to remember that you are associated with whatever that mess was, whatever lack of outcome that was.
00:10:43
Speaker
You've now tied yourself to that when maybe it wasn't it wasn't your responsibility. Maybe it wasn't even your job to do that thing or take care of that outcome.
00:10:56
Speaker
So naturally, when we go back up to the previous one and we're talking about people being able to get promotions, people being able to get raises, which often do tend to be tied to job performance, you're being passed up because it's like, oh she, you know, she didn't do that well because of that one, that one thing and that lost us x amount of money or it lost us a client or whatever, when really...
00:11:22
Speaker
That wasn't your responsibility to begin with, but now that's what everybody remembers.
00:11:28
Speaker
I've seen it happen, people. It is not a fun thing. Speaking of promotions... When it comes to promotions in and of themselves, especially the higher you go up the ladder, we are now now talking about leadership positions.
00:11:48
Speaker
Positions where you are going to be making bigger, more impactful decisions. Positions where you're going to be overseeing other people. Positions where you're going to potentially be in...
00:12:01
Speaker
confrontational conversations, difficult conversations, like maybe me not confrontational, but difficult conversations, because the bigger the decision, the more discussion and the more difficult of a conversation there might be with other people also at your level, making big decisions for maybe your department, your organization, what have you.
00:12:25
Speaker
That is difficult often for someone who is a people pleaser because we are fearing rejection, maybe because we want to be well liked by others.
00:12:37
Speaker
So when we go into a situation operating from, i want these people to like me, and maybe you need to go to bat for your team or go to bat for your department, you might be at a setback because you're operating from a place of wanting to be liked, maybe wanting to avoid confrontation, maybe afraid of rejection when Potential rejection is a fact of life when potential rejection or not being well liked necessarily is a part of a difficult conversation.
00:13:11
Speaker
Even if at the end of the day, you're still going to get along at least and be professional with your coworkers, you know? Like you're not always, you like with coworkers and with colleagues, you're not necessarily going to be BFFs, but they might like you and still respect you. And often not being able to be taken advantage of, often going up to bat for yourself and going up to bat for your team signals to other people that you are to be respected. And then they do. Hence the whole like bully logic thing that I was talking about before.
00:13:47
Speaker
I don't know what it is, but there's this weird connection between the two types of like logic that operate very similarly. So what does it take to be a leader? We have emotional intelligence, which is essentially the capacity to be aware of, to control, and to express emotions.
00:14:04
Speaker
And if you elaborate on that a little bit more, eq essentially allows leaders to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.
00:14:15
Speaker
So you need to be able to handle conflict, which again is where people pleasers struggle. Other key aspects of being a good leader is being influential and being motivational. Again, you are leading a team. You're leading other people.
00:14:30
Speaker
And that requires authentic relationships formed with other people.
Challenges in Authentic Connections
00:14:35
Speaker
And it also requires that your influence stems from connection more than it relates to authority.
00:14:43
Speaker
And you would think, okay, great, because people just want to be liked. So like they're going to be able to do that part. Not necessarily. Because if you're operating from place of wanting to be liked, often you'll like bend over backwards and do what needs to get what you perceive needs to get done in order to be liked by someone.
00:14:59
Speaker
And that is not the most authentic place to come from. Because instead of just being yourself, you are presenting what you think the other person wants to see and hear in order to be liked by them.
00:15:11
Speaker
And some people, a lot of people are able to recognize that. Some people like myself recognize where it's coming from. They're like, like it it hurts it hurts my heart to see other people operating from that place.
00:15:23
Speaker
Again, like I mentioned last time, because I know what that looks like. I know what that feels like. I've been there. Other people might see it as like, maybe you're just trying to get something from me. I don't like it.
00:15:34
Speaker
Other people might try take advantage. But more so than that, that connection, connection requires a level of authenticity. And again, when you are people pleasing, you're not being fully authentic.
00:15:51
Speaker
Let's switch on over to Growing Pains. It is a new segment I'm adding to the podcast where I talk about my own experience with the topic at hand and how I've struggled with it as well.
00:16:02
Speaker
Again, I'm a formal people pleaser. However, when it comes to how people pleasing has affected my career, my finances, I do struggle to think of an example in my life that where they're directly tied to one another. Um, so in terms of that aspect, I feel like I don't directly relate to the topic at hand, even though I've, I've seen it. I've seen it in the workplace. I've seen where people are passed up for positions when maybe they've been at their place of employment and for a while and they're continually passed up for maybe external candidates or other candidates. And it's just like, well, what's wrong with this person? They're clearly very good at their job and very knowledgeable and they have history with organization. And it's like,
00:16:46
Speaker
You're not telling me what the reason is, but I can i can make an educated guess here as to what the reason might be when it comes to leadership positions and what it takes to be a leader. you know?
00:16:58
Speaker
In terms of struggling with how it affects my finances, I've had to do a lot of work and still continue to when it comes to negotiating. i don't like negotiating. it makes me uncomfortable, but it's something that I've practiced and have gotten better at.
00:17:14
Speaker
And so in terms of that regard, i do understand I do relate to that part, but... You know, it's just overall when it comes to the finances and the people-pleasing in your career, when you see someone else being negatively impacted by it, you know, it hurts.
00:17:35
Speaker
When it comes to people-pleasing and your career, ultimately, it's important to recognize that
00:17:42
Speaker
It can have such a drastic impact on how you move up the ladder, how you move up your career, make pivotal and important career choices for yourself.
00:17:53
Speaker
And again, that negotiating aspect, like how much money you're making. And at the end of the day, in the society we live in, in the world we live in, how much money you make is directly going to impact the type of lifestyle you lead, the type of health you're going to have, the type of healthcare you're going to have access to, maybe the benefits that are going to come with the job or the benefits that are going to come with the organization that you're at, the location where you're going to live, the type of food you're going to be able to buy,
00:18:26
Speaker
And so when we look at people pleasing and how it can negatively impact your career and your finances, that they can negatively impact so many other aspects of your life because money is tied to everything in this world.
00:18:41
Speaker
So if you take one thing from this episode today, let it be this. People-pleasing be harming you more than it's helping you be liked and respected by others.
00:18:53
Speaker
It's important to take small steps to heal. People-pleasing is a very deep wound that many of us have been operating with since childhood. So becoming aware of it is definitely the first step.
00:19:06
Speaker
And just know that it's going to take a lot of small steps to get to a place where you're no longer operating from that wound.
Healing and Support for People-Pleasers
00:19:15
Speaker
If you stuck around this long, I truly appreciate you.
00:19:19
Speaker
If this episode resonated with you, don't forget to give it a like and to subscribe. And if you are looking for support in building up your self-esteem and your self-worth, definitely go ahead and schedule a call with me through the link in the show notes. I am a certified life coach and I am currently accepting clients.
00:19:35
Speaker
Until next time, keep growing.