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Solo Dating Survival Guide for the Anxious Girlie
11 Plays2 days ago
How to solo date when you have social anxiety. Everyone's watching you. Everyone's judging. But the truth is far less dramatic, and building confidence happens through small, sustainable steps, not forcing yourself into discomfort. Solo dating is how you build your own life and prove to yourself you're capable.
Three key strategies:
- People aren't thinking about you at all (they're thinking about themselves)
- Work with your anxiety, not against it (force creates burnout)
- Take small steps outside your comfort zone (incrementally build tolerance)
Solo dating saved my life because it taught me I don't need anyone else to do things I love. I became my own companion. I stopped waiting for someone to be available. I started living. That confidence shift changed everything.
Subscribe. Share. Remember that you don't need permission from anyone to live your life.
Small steps, big healing. Keep growing! ✨
Join the conversation! What's one thing you want to do solo? DM me on Instagram @YourCoachMari!
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Transcript
Introduction to Growing with Sol
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello, beautiful soul, and welcome back to another installment of the Growing with Sol podcast, where we explore the moments and stories that shape who we're becoming. I'm Marisol, and this is where I love to have real conversations about growth, self-discovery, and learning to put yourself first.
00:00:16
Speaker
Whether we're diving into books that change our perspective or unpacking personal experiences that teach us something new, this podcast is for women who are done playing small and are ready to embrace their own journey.
Struggles and Insights on Solo Dating
00:00:28
Speaker
If you've struggled with putting everybody else first or battled self-doubt, you're in the right place. This isn't about perfection. It's about the messy, be beautiful process of growing into yourself.
00:00:39
Speaker
So come grow with One of the things that I sometimes still struggle with is going on a solo date. It seems a little weird because I know I've talked about this before and it is something that I do fairly often because quite frankly, if I did not go and do things by myself, I would never do things. Okay. I would never ever do things. And context for me,
00:01:06
Speaker
I'm not one to have lots of friends. I don't have a lot of friends. I have good a bit of friends. And in terms of like very close friends, one of them was in a different country.
00:01:17
Speaker
Rude. Rude of her to move to another continent. um And the other friend, you know, as life is, busy and stuff and life and things. So if I ever re leave the house, which isn't often...
00:01:30
Speaker
It's because I'm going by myself. Or I'm taking mochi with me. So then I have to go do something dog friendly, you know? So there are times where even I still struggle with the solo date.
00:01:43
Speaker
But the thing is, We were living in the era, in the rise of the solo date in today's society. Why? Honestly, I think it's because more people are more single than ever. Okay, we're all out here not dating.
00:01:58
Speaker
That's what's going on. Okay, that is what's happening. We're not dating. We're not getting into relationships. We're out here saying, know what? I'm still going to live my life. And I love that for us. Another thing that I think is the impetus for the rise of the solo date is the fact that life is just very busy.
Overcoming Anxieties of Being Alone
00:02:20
Speaker
like life is super busy and it's easy nowadays to not have community.
00:02:28
Speaker
Whether you have friends and they're busy or you're busy and you have to like schedule something and, you know, pencil something in your schedule like three months in advance or something just to hang out.
00:02:39
Speaker
Or there does also seem to be a lack of friends that people are experiencing. And again, maybe it's my algorithm that I'm seeing this because I i listen to these videos because I'm i'm curious.
00:02:56
Speaker
like I've always been the type of person who only had a small amount of friends. I've never been one who was super out there, outgoing, gregarious, like, you know, meeting you people.
00:03:09
Speaker
small group of friends my whole life. Sometimes those friends change, but small group of friends my whole life. So that's just how I roll. But it seems like a lot of other people and nowadays are struggling with a lack of friendship.
00:03:26
Speaker
So similarly, if they're going to go to do things and live their life and experience life and leave their homes to do so, they also have to do it by themselves. But...
00:03:40
Speaker
I do think that a lot of us who tend to do things by ourselves, who go on these solo dates, still struggle with it, even if it's something we do fairly often.
00:03:51
Speaker
and if you are at the stage where you want to start going on solo dates, but you're not, like there's just something maybe having quite pinpointed what it is, but there's something there stopping you from doing so.
00:04:06
Speaker
This is for you. Let's unpack that a little bit. Like what is getting in the way um you going on solo dates? Honestly, i think the main thing is that it is still a little taboo.
00:04:20
Speaker
Like when people go out, It's because you're going out with friends. You're going out with somebody. You're hanging out. You're kicking it. you're You're going to watch a movie with a friend. You're going to go get lunch or dinner or brunch with a friend. You're going to you know go go to the beach with a friend.
00:04:36
Speaker
Go to, you know, I don't know, go to Disneyland with a friend. like you know you know You're doing something with somebody. So to then switch that to just going to go do it by yourself,
00:04:49
Speaker
It feels a little taboo. It feels a little unnatural do things by yourself at first. And then when you add in some social anxiety, it's not appealing to go and do things by yourself.
00:05:09
Speaker
You know, you add in that social anxiety. if you're me, you add in that introversion anxiety.
00:05:17
Speaker
It's not fun. Like I'm already introverted and I have to go experience the world by myself. So then I have to talk to somebody eventually. And then you add in the social anxiety on top of that.
00:05:28
Speaker
And then you have the taboo on top of that. the And then and then I sat here and I thought about it. What else? What else gets in
Building Confidence in Solo Activities
00:05:37
Speaker
the way? Because again, it's still it still affects me sometimes, even though I do things by myself all the time.
00:05:44
Speaker
And I think it's very much tied to social anxiety, but this, the thought that you're going to be perceived as being alone.
00:05:55
Speaker
So not only are you already alone, but then like you just feel like everybody else going to be like, oh, that person doesn't have anybody. It kind of feels that way. kind of feels that way.
00:06:08
Speaker
It's not because people aren't thinking about you. Like how often are you out and about and you're thinking about the other people who are there? You're not. But you're you're not thinking about the other people who are around you and they're not thinking about you either.
00:06:22
Speaker
So that belief that you're going to be perceived as a alone definitely in our heads. But I get it. I get it. So how do we work with all of this that I just mentioned and still do what we want, still live our lives, still maybe go to concerts, go to Disneyland, go to anything, anything we want to do.
00:06:44
Speaker
If there's one thing I have learned in life It is that you have to work with your emotions, not against them. So if you are feeling any of the things that I just mentioned and it's stopping you, like the emotion is strong enough to stop you from doing what you want to do or what going somewhere you want to go,
00:07:06
Speaker
You can't just push that emotion aside. You can't ignore it and keep trucking on. like Like, maybe you can for a little bit.
00:07:17
Speaker
You can force yourself to go and still do something even though you're feeling some type of way But thats that's going to catch up to you. It's going to be a short-lived experiment, essentially.
00:07:30
Speaker
So the best way, the more sustainable way to affect change in this realm is to work with how you're feeling and still find a way to do what you want to do.
00:07:47
Speaker
One of the things that really has helped me is that instead like, like if If this is my comfort zone, you know, this little circle is my comfort zone, I'm not going to go like out here, you know?
00:08:03
Speaker
I'm going to be like, oh, let me let me go outside my comfort zone here, you know? Don't go here. Go here. Which basically, if you have a circle, you're not going to like, if you draw a circle on a piece of paper, you're not going to go to the opposite corner of the paper and go outside your comfort zone that way. That's too much.
00:08:19
Speaker
Too much discomfort. Okay? But you're gonna like just go out go outside the circle. Go a little bit outside your comfort zone and build up tolerance and confidence in doing these things by yourself in that way instead of doing a whole 180 kind of a thing.
00:08:37
Speaker
So for example, maybe going to a concert by yourself is a little bit too much at the moment, but you can maybe go to the movies by yourself instead.
00:08:48
Speaker
You can also look for activities, locations, places that it's normal for people to be by themselves. So for me, that can often be coffee shops.
00:09:02
Speaker
im First of all, I love trying new coffee shops. I love going to new coffee places, new cafes, tea shops. I i love all of that. And I love going to a new one.
00:09:15
Speaker
So I think, you so for me, it's like, I'm going to do this anyway, because I really enjoy it. And maybe at this point, I really have gotten used to going by myself to these places. But I think more so nowadays, it is very accepted for people to go to coffee shops, cafes by themselves.
00:09:33
Speaker
Some people take work. I do that too. You can just take a book, i I have even gone to a coffee shop by myself and like taken my coloring book.
00:09:45
Speaker
I'm like, maybe you listen just to a podcast, maybe listen to to a book. listen to music, put on some YouTube videos, whatever it might be. But coffee shop by yourself, bookstores by yourself, shopping in general by yourself. I feel like that one's a little bit more accepted. But if you are nervous about doing things by yourself in general, again, shopping by yourself is pretty accepted. so you can start making solo dates comfortable by doing that.
00:10:13
Speaker
Exercise classes, maybe workshops. um I've seen um like different activities and things like that that I see a lot posted on social media.
00:10:25
Speaker
So maybe doing things like that. Going to a restaurant is a very common one as well. That is very nerve wracking. Again, often when we go out to eat, it's because we're going with somebody, whether it's family, friends, partner,
00:10:38
Speaker
Like it's always with somebody. So it's still a little bit taboo to go to a restaurant by yourself. However, maybe this is just a me thing, but I feel like it's more acceptable to like go grab lunch by yourself and eat lunch by yourself than it is dinner.
00:10:53
Speaker
So maybe that small step could be going to get lunch by yourself and then maybe you can build up getting dinner by yourself. If you feel me, if you're if you're on the same wavelength as me when it comes to that.
00:11:04
Speaker
So those are just different examples of what you can do. Again, you can take a book with you as well to the restaurant, you know? The other thing as well, because when it comes to solo dates and doing things by yourself and the reasons why we're doing things by yourself often, it can get a little tiring. And sometimes...
Balancing Solo Time and Social Interactions
00:11:25
Speaker
Sometimes we do want to do something to make connections, to build community, to maybe find it a new friend, you know, make a new friend.
00:11:37
Speaker
So if you want to interact with people, or at least, you know, be mentally prepared to have to interact with people, you can go to events that are specifically meant to meet new people and to build community.
00:11:54
Speaker
Common ones I see all the time on social media are like ah girl walking groups. I recently found one in like my local area. like like Like I remember during the pandemic, there were so many walking groups and they were all like out in the OC or like Orange County or like out in like West alllet which from where I live, that's like equidistant. So I'm like, I'm gonna um but i i'm not going to do that. I'm not going to drive all the way to like Costa Mesa or West LA. Like,
00:12:22
Speaker
You know, but if I found one recently very close by to where I live. So I was like, oh, maybe, maybe that's something I can do. But essentially walking groups, again, workshops. I saw an ad literally just this morning. Well, social media posts just this morning about, um,
00:12:40
Speaker
like a ceramic workshop and like different ceramic workshops throughout the month, community building groups and events. um Again, those are usually like focused per your like geographical location. i saw recently like a Pilates and like lifting workshop happening soon.
00:12:57
Speaker
so if you're like a fitness girly, like something like that, that you can do and like meet people there. i feel like those are things that people often go by themselves. And there are a lot of like Instagram accounts that have these events that are focused on meeting people. And they literally tell you, come by yourself. You can come by yourself and meet someone. A lot of people show it by themselves.
00:13:18
Speaker
So you can find those things in your local area. One really important thing that I want to highlight in this as well is to also honor and respect when you just can't be bothered to do things alone.
00:13:36
Speaker
Because as much as as' as important as it is to go on solo dates and to still experience life, if your friends are busy, if you are single, sometimes you do get tired of doing things by yourself all the time.
00:13:52
Speaker
That's just a fact of life. And I don't think that feeling is ever going to just disappear. We are meant to be in community as people. So yeah, you're going to get tired of doing things by yourself eventually.
00:14:03
Speaker
And when you're at that point, don't force yourself. Write it out. And when you feel ready to do things alone again and go on solo dates again, do it. If you resonated with this episode, let me know in the comments down below. Do you feel like you kind of go through waves of wanting to be out and about in the world a lot and then you just get tired of doing things alone?
00:14:24
Speaker
Or are you enthusiastic about solo dates and doing things by yourself all the time? Let me know in the comments down below. If this episode resonated with you, definitely give it a thumbs up. but Don't forget to subscribe and share it out with somebody who maybe needs a little inspiration, a little motivation to go on their own solo dates.
00:14:41
Speaker
If you are looking to build up some confidence, some self-esteem, I would like somebody to work with, you can
Podcast Conclusion and Listener Engagement
00:14:47
Speaker
definitely work with me. I am currently accepting clients and you can schedule your very own discovery calls the link in the show notes.
00:14:53
Speaker
Until next time, keep growing.