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There Was Nothing Wrong With Me: Being Introverted Isn't a Character Flaw
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Being introverted isn't a character flaw or a weakness that needs fixing. It's part of who you are. I spent years believing my quiet nature was something wrong with me, something I needed to change. But accepting my introversion became the foundation of real confidence and self-acceptance.
Three things I learned:
- Your introversion doesn't make you broken (accepting yourself is the first step to confidence)
- Confidence has nothing to do with being extroverted (quiet confidence is real confidence)
- You can learn social skills without changing who you fundamentally are (both can coexist)
From childhood pressure to be more outgoing to forcing myself into activities I didn't want, I learned that trying to change your fundamental nature is exhausting. It doesn't work. The moment I stopped fighting my quiet nature and started honoring it, everything changed.
Subscribe. Share. Remember that there's nothing wrong with being an introvert.
Small steps, big healing. Keep growing! ✨
Join the conversation! Are you an introvert on a similar journey to acceptance? DM me on Instagram @YourCoachMari!
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Transcript
Introduction to the Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello beautiful soul and welcome back to another installment of the Growing With Soul podcast where we explore the moments and stories that shape who we're becoming. I'm Marisol and this is where I love to have real conversations about growth, self-discovery and learning to put yourself first Whether we're diving into books that change our perspective or unpacking personal experiences that teach us something new, this podcast is for women who are done playing small and are ready to embrace their own journey.
00:00:28
Speaker
If you've struggled putting everybody else first or battled self-doubt, you're in the right place. This isn't about perfection. It's about the messy, beautiful process of growing into yourself.
00:00:39
Speaker
So come grow with me.
Journey to Self-Acceptance
00:00:41
Speaker
In this episode, I'm going to be talking about being an introvert. If it isn't abundantly clear by now, or if you're new here, that is definitely me. um I have had to, I've been on a journey with being an introvert, essentially. It's something that I've had to learn to accept about myself over the years and has been very much interconnected with my journey with confidence and being a more confident person, which I've been thinking a lot about confidence and what, like reflecting on confidence levels and what I personally had to really work on.
00:01:23
Speaker
In order to become a more confident person, being an introvert was one of those things. It was a key factor. But I also believe that there are certain things about ourselves that we just can't change.
00:01:37
Speaker
And like I do often say, radical self-acceptance is a key component of being a confident person. um something that I definitely stand by partially because there are things about ourselves that we just can't change no matter how much we try to.
00:01:54
Speaker
And it can be an integral part of growing your self-esteem, or growing your confidence to love those parts of ourselves that we can change.
00:02:06
Speaker
So I want to dig into that specifically when it comes to being an introvert and how that was such a huge part of my journey to be becoming a more confident person.
Childhood and Family Dynamics
00:02:19
Speaker
To give context, I think it's important to look at the past. So sharing a little bit about myself as a kid. um From a very young age, I remember my family pushing me to get out of my shell, which honestly, that whole phrase of like, you need to get out of your shell to this day, pisses me off.
00:02:40
Speaker
was like, leave me alone. Leave my shell alone cute. It's comfortable in here. It's my safe space. So it's clearly it still pisses me off. But that whole like you need to get out of your shell, like quote unquote get out of your shell, like that's like a phrase that it's always going to be It's something I remember, I suppose, that irks me.
00:03:03
Speaker
But it's something that my family really tried to do. And I don't think it came from a negative place. and In fact, I'd say it probably came from a place of love. And it came from like a caring place where they wanted me to express myself and and be a little bit more assertive.
00:03:21
Speaker
However, context. One, I was a kid. So like I'm processing all of these things with a child's mind. And on top of that, I am not an only child.
00:03:35
Speaker
I, in fact, have an older sister. And my older sister... Very assertive, very outgoing, very much did not know how to be quiet as a kid.
00:03:46
Speaker
So when my parents and my family's like, you need to get out of your shell, it's like, oh, be more like her. that in my in my little kid's head, it was like, you need to be more like your sister. Which as a little kid, that's not what you want to hear or think you're hearing, you know?
00:04:00
Speaker
But over the years, there was, you know, constant comments to talk more, to be more outgoing, you know, to go out and do so many things that like didn't even interest me, but it was the more outgoing thing to do.
00:04:17
Speaker
And, you know, it was this to be something that I wasn't naturally inclined to be. And again, in my child mind back then, it translated into there was something wrong with me.
00:04:38
Speaker
It definitely felt growing up like I was the odd man out um in my family. Everyone else seemed to be very talkative, loud, outgoing, bold.
00:04:50
Speaker
And I was just kind of there, quiet, struggling to make friends, you know, in school and much more interested in stories than like all the cool extroverted things that like my cousins were doing or like other people in school were doing. And mind you, like I have a lot of cousins.
00:05:08
Speaker
So like all my cousins, again, a lot of them were older than me too. So they had figured out things, developed and grown, you know, that I just hadn't gotten to yet.
00:05:20
Speaker
That probably if I just would have let myself grow up, I would have grown into certain things. But when I was looking at all of my cousins doing all the cool extroverted things, I didn't see myself in them.
00:05:33
Speaker
I definitely felt like the odd man out a lot.
Struggles with Identity and Social Fitting
00:05:38
Speaker
Then come to the point in time in my life where I'm actively trying to change. Like, okay, like you need me to be more outgoing. You need me to be, girl, I was never going to be talkative. let's just Let's just leave it at that. like I never, honestly, I never tried to be talkative. I've put myself in situations where I have to socialize, you know, like go do the thing and talk to people. Yeah, but like me be talkative, mm-mm.
00:06:08
Speaker
No, like ask me to ask, like walk on water first. and Like that's not going happen. But I definitely entered a time in my life where I actively tried to change and I tried to be extroverted essentially, which is sounds so horrible now. Girl, I'm 35. No, I'm 36 now. i don't care about being extroverted anymore. But there was a time in my life where I did.
00:06:33
Speaker
um And again, with all the messages of like, be more outgoing, do these things, get out of your shell. it seemed like that's how I was quote unquote supposed to be.
00:06:45
Speaker
So I put myself in more activities, especially in high school, you know, multiple clubs. I was in two choirs. I was in honor society. i agreed to go to dances with my friends, even though I had no interest.
00:06:59
Speaker
I didn't want to go a dance, but I went because it was a thing you all did. Okay. That's what you do in high school. You go to dances. In junior high, I even tried to do sports. I remember trying out for the softball team and it was horrible.
00:07:14
Speaker
it was absolutely, I went to the first, I went to one tryout. Okay. They had multiple tryouts, like multiple days. And I went to the first tryout and then like they asked a bunch of people to come back to the second trial. I was one of those people. Weird. But I was.
00:07:26
Speaker
and I just, I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it It was horrible. Okay. but Softball, not my thing. Not my thing. Hand-eye coordination? Not my thing, okay? I do jujitsu, and even then with jujitsu, like, it it's taken me a long time to be able to be like, oh, I see the professor do the move, I understand. That's taken years. um So yeah, not the most naturally athletic person. um In college, I basically did a lot of the same. i
00:07:58
Speaker
put myself in a lot of different activities. I went to the parties. In college, I wanted to go to the parties a little bit more, though, because, like, again, i was a very sheltered kid to begin with, so i was just like, ooh, life. um But, again, also very introverted. And my college, like, roommate and, like, BFF had done a lot of partying and stuff when she was in high school, so she was like, eh, I don't want to go. i was like, well, I'm going to go by myself, so I wouldn't go.
00:08:25
Speaker
but I still did a lot of the clubs, a lot of the like forcing myself to socialize and try a lot of different things that like looking back, if I would have just like sat with myself a little bit and thought about it a little bit longer, it's like that's not for me.
00:08:41
Speaker
Focus on the things that are for me. That one isn't. Needless to say, throwing myself out there, trying to talk to all these people, doing all these different activities, trying out for sports, like I was exhausted. And like I was I was left tired every time I would try to do these things and not be who I was and try all these activities that didn't even interest me. But I thought I should do them.
00:09:05
Speaker
it left me unfulfilled because, again, i was doing something because I thought I should, not because I really wanted to. and I was always left feeling like I still hadn't fundamentally changed as a person.
00:09:19
Speaker
So you have this little introvert trying to extrovert so hard and it's not working because it always feels like such a fucking struggle and you're tired afterwards.
00:09:31
Speaker
And then you're like, I put in all this effort, all this work, and I'm not even different yet.
00:09:37
Speaker
It's so frustrating when I think about it now.
Acceptance and Embracing Introversion
00:09:40
Speaker
So all of that leads me to the acceptance where honestly, I'm not really sure when it happens.
00:09:51
Speaker
But eventually i had to accept that I was never going to be this extroverted, like superstar of like my family's dreams, which again, from my child mind, that's what it kind of felt like. Obviously, as I got older, like one, those comments kind of stopped because it's like, that's just who Marisol is. But like, again, child mind, i was like, this is who my family wants me to be.
00:10:15
Speaker
and it's just not gonna happen ever, ever. I would say that the acceptance into like being an introvert happened slowly, especially as an adult.
00:10:30
Speaker
you know, being like left to my own devices with like the free will to gravitate towards whatever really interests me, um the free will to do whatever it is that I wanted to do, you know, without that pressure of like, oh, you should do that. You should be more talkative. You should be more going and do all X, Y and Z and ABC. Like I just found myself doing what I wanted to do, you know.
00:10:54
Speaker
And i found myself staying in more. i found myself prioritizing friends I already had and accepting when I simply don't vibe with people. Like that's totally valid. Because sometimes people just aren't your people, which we'll get into in another episode.
00:11:17
Speaker
But I came to realize, little by little, as an adult, that my introverted nature was not a character flaw that I needed to fix.
00:11:30
Speaker
Having a quiet nature wasn't wrong, that confidence wasn't synonymous with being the most talkative, outgoing personality in the room.
Leveraging Extroverted Skills
00:11:44
Speaker
I did learn. i did learn, though, that being extroverted was an important skill set. Like learning how to do those things is important, especially when I would say that our culture, our society definitely values extroversion a lot more than introversion.
00:12:09
Speaker
So it's necessary to be able to extrovert, you know, professionally, perhaps, for example, networking. I've always hated networking. Oh, my God. you know, that that's important.
00:12:22
Speaker
You know, going out there and doing the damn thing, talking to people, all that stuff is very important. It's a necessary skill that I did learn over the years. So I can do those things and I just know that it is going to exhaust me once I'm done.
Listener Engagement and Services
00:12:40
Speaker
But being introverted was never something i needed to change about myself. And accepting that Realizing that was a key component in being more confident in who I am as a person as well.
00:12:58
Speaker
If this episode resonated with you, i love that. Definitely let me know in the comments if it did, if you're a fellow introvert and if you went on a similar journey as well, accepting that you are introverted.
00:13:09
Speaker
If you are seeing this on YouTube, amazing. Welcome. hi Definitely subscribe to the podcast. Give it a like, leave a little comment. If you're listening on it on other platforms, leave a review because that definitely helps. And of course, if you know a little introvert out there who could you hear this message needed, share it with them as well Additionally, i am a certified life coach. And if you would like some help on your journey, some assistance, some guidance, definitely feel free to schedule a discovery call with me through the link in the show notes. And until next time, keep growing.