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Embracing the Dichotomy: Holding Space for All of Yourself (Even the Parts That Don't Make Sense)
27 Plays17 days ago
Do you ever struggle with loving yourself at the beginning of your healing journey when you're not a finished product? That constant feeling of not being good enough, not worthy, not deserving, even of things you've worked for. One day you feel confident like "Yeah, one step at a time, let's go." The next day you feel so low: "Is this even for me? Maybe I'm not meant to get better."
The highs and lows of healing and transformation:
- Happens at beginning stages when you want change but haven't gotten there yet
- Affects your mood, mental space, and progress creating a vicious cycle
- High achievers attach self-worth to achievement—slow progress triggers self-hatred
I also talk about being a writer. It feels like a "was" even though it's an "is." I lost my creativity in a toxic relationship and it took years to heal it back. Now I get frustrated with myself for not writing "enough", even though I recognize my life is busier and I need more sleep now than I did before.
Subscribe. Share. Remember that radical self-acceptance means you can have love for yourself now while you are at the beginning of your journey.
Small steps, big healing. Keep growing! ✨
Join the conversation! How do you practice self-acceptance during transformation? DM me on Instagram @YourCoachMari!
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Transcript
Introduction to Growing with Sol Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello beautiful souls and welcome to another installment of the Growing wit Sol podcast where we explore the moments and stories that shape who we're becoming. I'm Marisol and this is where I love to have real conversations about growth, self-discovery and learning to put yourself first.
00:00:16
Speaker
Whether we're diving into books that change our perspective or unpacking personal experiences that teach us something new, this podcast is for women who are done playing small and ready to embrace their own journey.
00:00:28
Speaker
If you've struggled with putting everybody else first or even struggle with self-doubt, you're in the right place. This isn't about perfection. It's about the messy, beautiful process of growing into yourself.
00:00:40
Speaker
So come grow with me.
Struggles with Self-Worth and Transformation
00:00:42
Speaker
Do you ever struggle with accepting and loving yourself even though you're not a finished product? There's just this constant feeling of just not being good enough, this constant feeling of not being worthy, and not being deserving of even things you want, even things you worked for, that you're just going to like have this sense of maybe even discomfort that you haven't quite put the words to it yet.
00:01:12
Speaker
You know, you don't really fully realize that you feel that way, but there's this Uneasiness underneath the surface. That feeling is what we're gonna be talking about today. I really wanna dig into that.
00:01:27
Speaker
And the thing is like when this is happening, i feel like it often happens to us when we are at the beginning stages of our healing journeys and the beginning stages of transforming who we are, even if it isn't like a quote unquote like healing journey.
00:01:45
Speaker
when we are maybe entering a new stage of life, maybe starting a new project, maybe doing like a career pivot, like anything transformational, in the very beginning is when we're still at that stage of,
00:02:01
Speaker
This is uncomfortable. Like this old version of me is uncomfortable. It is painful, but it is still so much work and so painful to even begin to get to that next stage that maybe there's just something wrong with me. and i I think that there's a lot there that we can dig into.
00:02:26
Speaker
Like there's this, again, with that that feeling, that sensation of constantly vacillating between sort of that like hopefulness because you you do wanna get to that next stage. You want to be you know at that other level that you're working towards, maybe that more healed version of yourself.
00:02:51
Speaker
So when you're in the beginning of a transformation, yeah, there is a lot of hope per se that we can can sort of like latch onto.
Emotional Challenges in Healing
00:03:02
Speaker
But I've also noticed, I've also experienced that there are some very difficult days where you just feel so low and that can turn into something a little bit more negative, a little bit more maybe sinister, where we just dig into that sense of unworthiness because we're just not there yet.
00:03:34
Speaker
And what what does that look like? I think a lot of it begins with that discomfort that we have because we want to be something else. We want to be somewhere else. So there's already this level of discomfort of where we are in our lives or where we are with ourselves that we know no longer works for us.
00:03:55
Speaker
But since maybe we're like at stage one and then move on to like 1.125 or 1.1 or whatever, like it's, we've made progress, but it's still so close that like there's a judgment that we have for ourselves. There's,
00:04:15
Speaker
this maybe low self-esteem that we're still battling. There's this sense of dislike of oneself perhaps because we've embodied this other version of ourselves for so long that we haven't, there's sometimes frustration that like, if I no longer want to be this way, then why am I still being this way? Why haven't I just changed, you know? And that is where this,
00:04:41
Speaker
we can start to fester these feelings of low self-esteem, and low self-worth, dislike of oneself, maybe even some self-hatred. Like that's where all of that can really start to like fester and begin to even like manifest and sort of infect your day-to-day life as well.
00:04:59
Speaker
Like, when you're feeling and like feeling this way and like you're vacillating between these things, like maybe you've experienced this where like one day you are feeling super confident, like you know where you're going, you know what it's going to look like, you are so looking forward to it. And you're like, yeah, like one step at a time, let's go. And then like literally the next day you just feel so low, so unsure yourself.
00:05:21
Speaker
And like, is this even for me? Maybe I'm not meant to get better. Like whatever it is, like the highs and lows of healing and transformation, like I think is so common. And so if you are experiencing that, then just know that we've we've all gone through it.
00:05:36
Speaker
We all probably still go through it because life is constantly changing and shifting. You are constantly growing and transforming. So in a way, this is just part of the process in a way.
00:05:50
Speaker
Okay. Okay. So what is this affecting? So like, okay, yeah, like I totally, I see that. I see that's what I've been feeling. Like what, what, what do I do? What's happening? Tell me more. The thing is, if you're still maybe even unsure that this is affecting you, let's talk about how it manifests. It's going to affect your day to day life.
00:06:09
Speaker
Like I mentioned, you vacillate between it day in day out. What does that mean? Your mood. your mood every single day you have a general mood about you and how you are approaching yourself you how you're approaching your work your life your relationships your interactions with other people Some of us are really good at masking that. Some of us are really good at creating some so space, like a buffer maybe between our bad mood and how we interact with others.
00:06:42
Speaker
To a certain extent, that's necessary. To a certain extent, that's a very helpful tool to go about your life. But... You are still experiencing that bad mood.
00:06:55
Speaker
You are still experiencing that negativity. It is still casting a gray cloud over your day, over your life, consistently. Why would you want to live like that?
00:07:08
Speaker
None of us actually want to live like that. Maybe we're not all happy-go-lucky. I'm not. I am not happy-go-lucky person, but just because I'm not bubbly doesn't mean that I'm always in this like morose mood.
00:07:22
Speaker
Okay? I hear all my people out there who are just like that. I'm not saying you have to be bubbly, but I am saying you don't have to be in a negative mood all the time because of what we're talking about today.
00:07:36
Speaker
On top of that, how is this affecting you? Your mental space. When you are constantly vacillating between like, this day's good, this day's bad, this day's great, this day's eh, this day's amazing, this day I feel like a piece of shit and I don't want to get out of bed and I hate myself. Like when you are vacillating between those things, which again, I relate, your mental space is not calm.
00:08:04
Speaker
It's chaotic in here, which again is affecting your mood and overall affecting your experience of life and potentially impacting your progress.
00:08:19
Speaker
It's probably impacting the progress you are looking to make. So it's a little bit self-defeating at the same time. It's slowing you down. I do want to preface that for some of us, we do kind of have to go through our emotions and go through the motions of that and process how we're feeling.
00:08:36
Speaker
That is part of the healing process.
Creativity After Toxic Relationships
00:08:39
Speaker
But if you ever find yourself maybe like stagnating in that process and you're also experiencing this like negative mood all the time and you're also experiencing the chaos in your mind and you're experiencing this low self-esteem, low self-worth because of the lack of progress, therefore you're not making progress, Do you see the vicious cycle I'm painting here?
00:09:03
Speaker
It's something to consider if you're feeling like, oh my God, all of this is such a hard relate. I get it. i get it. So to talk about the growing pains, which is a new segment that I've, I've missed a couple of episodes. I'm sorry. I've missed a couple of episodes of growing pains, but in the part of the podcast where I do growing pains, it's where I share where I'm struggling with what we're talking about currently.
00:09:26
Speaker
So everything I'm talking about, I'm not new to it, I'm true to it, okay? Like that's, I completely 100% have experienced this. And to a certain extent, I continue to experience it.
00:09:41
Speaker
So, especially lately. So there is um a part of my life that used to consume all of me. Like definitely growing up as a teenager, in college, definitely, like it was basically my major.
00:09:59
Speaker
I was a writer. I say was. That's the thing. It also, it fucking feels like a was, even though it's not a was, it is But I wrote poetry a lot growing up. It was bad. was very bad until like college. But definitely poetry was my forte. I dabbled in a little bit of fiction that was challenging.
00:10:22
Speaker
But definitely I did a lot of creative writing. I basically majored in creative writing in college. And then as life went on as an adult, I stopped writing. And part of that had to do with just being busy in the capital townscape that is the United States and trying to like be a functioning adult within that.
00:10:42
Speaker
But then also part of it was, again, like I've mentioned before, being in a really horrible relationship that basically killed my soul, um which along with that went my creativity.
00:10:55
Speaker
And even once I left that relationship, it took years to finally get to the point where I felt creative again. And even though I recognize that, like I recognize that I went through this period of time that was not healthy for me, that killed my creativity, and it took me a while to like heal and get better, to have my creativity really come back to life.
00:11:24
Speaker
There are times in the present day even today, literally I had this all today, where I get frustrated with myself because I'm not writing enough, like quote unquote enough.
00:11:37
Speaker
When the context of my life is busier, when i have more responsibilities now, and when know I feel like I'm older. I'm more tired in general. i need more sleep. i don't know. don't know. don't know.
Radical Self-Acceptance and Self-Love
00:11:52
Speaker
But I just life is exhausting. And it's like, do i stay up every single night till like midnight, 1am?
00:12:02
Speaker
Or do I get adequate sleep for my health? Like, what do I do? And i don't know. yeah that's That's my constant battle. So i feel I feel this way where I'm like, yeah, I'm writing again. And then like, I hate myself for not writing every day, the thousand pages every day, or even like one page a day. Like, girl, when am I going to write one page a day?
00:12:27
Speaker
Anyway, all I'm saying is hard relate to all of this. And as much as I recognize this about myself and I work on it so that it doesn't affect my mood in such a negative way, because like I mentioned before, I personally, i'm not a happy-go-lucky bubbly person.
00:12:46
Speaker
I have always been a little bit more reserved, a little bit more calm, a little bit more just, you know, whatever. whatever that is, like foochie face, and you know, like, okay, okay, whatever that is, is more what I've been. But that doesn't mean I'm not happy or enjoying life or enjoying things, you know?
00:13:10
Speaker
But with that being said, because I know I can be that way and because I know that I can lean into, like, it's easy for me to fall into negative thought patterns, I try to actively I don't know, soothe my soul, i suppose, while I'm trying to create change and transformation and work on my goals that are just going to take a little bit longer because of my current context.
00:13:41
Speaker
So do we do? If you are relating to what I've been saying lately and you're like, girl, me too is crazy up here. I'm trying to heal. I'm trying to grow. I'm trying to change. I have these goals and like, I'm just not getting there. And then I feel like shit.
00:13:55
Speaker
And then I'm like, okay, let me just be hopeful today. and then I have a good day. Then the next day I don't like reach my goal yet. And then like, I feel horrible. What do I do? This is where, like I just mentioned, we have to instill some radical self-acceptance.
00:14:09
Speaker
There's no way around it. There is no way around this. You have to have the radical self-acceptance. You are simply where you are and you are simply who you are.
00:14:22
Speaker
In this moment, you are where you are and you are who you are. You don't have to stay that way. You don't have to stay there. But right now, that's what it is.
00:14:34
Speaker
Are you still learning and growing? also yes.
00:14:41
Speaker
But are you going to change overnight? No. So you need to make peace with who you are in this moment and where you're at. That doesn't mean you have to like every single thing about it You just have to accept it for right now.
00:14:59
Speaker
The next thing you can do is practice some detachment. We need to create space between how we view and how we feel about ourselves and where we're at in our journeys.
00:15:15
Speaker
A lot of what I've been talking about is because we have these things so intertwined. And maybe as I'm talking about it right now, my high achieving girlies out there, maybe this is who I'm talking to. Cause that was me. I don't feel like I'm like this like overachiever, high achiever anymore. Maybe I am.
00:15:37
Speaker
maybe Maybe, maybe, I don't know. Because i talk to other people and they're like, you're so hard on yourself and you're like doing all these things. And I'm just like, I am a failure. and C minus life. You know, maybe...
00:15:51
Speaker
Okay, fine. It's me. I'm still a high achiever and an overachiever. I'm just not good at it anymore. I don't know. But for all of my high achieving girls out there, this is probably for you because you have attached your achievements to who you are as a person so much that when are not achieving things consistently, quickly, maybe like you used to, um you start to kind of hate yourself a little bit.
00:16:18
Speaker
So that's not good. Don't do that. We have to create some space. So a little buffer between how we feel about ourselves and how we feel about where we're at in our lives, in our goals, in our healing journeys.
00:16:33
Speaker
Two things can exist at once. You can love yourself and like yourself and all those wonderful, amazing things. And also want to change aspects of who you are or want to change aspects of your current situation, life situation.
00:16:49
Speaker
And when we do these things, when we have the radical self-acceptance, when we have that buffer, that detachment, it facilitates self-love for your current self and your future self, which is what we ultimately want.
00:17:05
Speaker
If you take one thing from this episode, let it be this. You can have love for yourself now while you are at the beginning of your journey. Thank you for tuning in today to the Grown with Sol podcast. If this episode resonated with you, give it a like. Don't forget to subscribe and definitely share it out. It helps get more people here who need to hear this message.
00:17:28
Speaker
And again, for the people where it really, it touched your heart and your soul and you're like, maybe any need some help with this. Girl, I got you you. can go to the link in the show notes, schedule your very own discovery call with me so that we can start talking about ways to get you feeling a little bit better about your journey, about your healing.
00:17:46
Speaker
and about where you're currently at. Until next time, keep growing.