Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Grief and Joy Can Coexist-Even Around the Holidays
65 Plays12 days ago
Christmas is often painted as the ‘most wonderful time of the year,’ but for many, it’s anything but. In this episode, we explore why the holiday season can be hard—whether due to grief, loneliness, family tensions, or simply unmet expectations. Join me as I share personal reflections, stories from others, and practical ways to navigate the season with grace, authenticity, and self-compassion. Let’s rewrite the narrative together, one small step at a time.
Recommended
Transcript
Duality of Joy and Grief During Holidays
00:00:10
Speaker
episode is one that's been weighing in my heart pretty heavily around the holiday season. And that is, it's not always what it's cracked up to be this holiday season of ours. Sure, there's joy and there's laughter and there's moments of magic, but sometimes in the middle of all of that, there's like this heaviness that we just can't shake.
00:00:31
Speaker
I'm Krista Jones, your host, and I'm here today with my assistant extraordinaire, Chantal Schafer, and we're gonna talk about so much stuff. Whether you're missing somebody or you have some unrealistic expectations that just aren't being met or financial strain, whatever it is you're feeling, you're not alone. We're gonna dive into some conversations today and the complexity of the entire holiday season, the joy, the grief, the pressure, all of it.
00:00:58
Speaker
Chantelle and I sure have been diving into it the last two weeks just here at the office and you know here's the thing I think that a lot of people don't know you can actually let joy and grief coexist you can hold gratitude in one hand and sadness in the other and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that so We're gonna unpack this all together while I talk about the holidays, stir up so many emotions in us. um My gosh, me especially, especially this time of year. And this is a reminder that it is really okay not to be okay. Are you okay, Chantel?
00:01:38
Speaker
Sometimes, sometimes not. yeah Yeah, it's a funny time of year and you know I think it's so because you know we're recording this in December around the holiday season and it's like this crazy time of year when the world expects us to be happy.
00:01:54
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. And and as parents, our children to expect us to be happy and joyful. And, you know, it's about creating magic for them and putting yourself aside. And it's a lot. Right. And that your feelings, right, they just really don't matter. And you should stifle these feelings. And if you're not feeling a certain way, well, why? And you're supposed to feel this way. And if you're not, well, you need to just suck it up. And sometimes it's really just hard to suck it all up. Yeah, that's when they start calling you the Grinch.
00:02:25
Speaker
I haven't called the Grinch
Reflections on Holiday Emotions
00:02:27
Speaker
timer to it is true. I was at um church over the weekend Valley Christian Church in Hobo Junction, New York, and um they're going through the different colors of Christmas. And as he was talking about, you know, red Christmas and green Christmas, which Green Christmas was jealousy and red was, you know, these red flags and stress. And he said, blue Christmas, he, Pastor Greg, Pastor ah Greg Williamson said, you know, you can absolutely be joyful and you can also have grief and you've got to learn how to put those two together without feeling guilt about all of it. And I thought, wow, that's a podcast. Here we go.
00:03:09
Speaker
Yeah, you know, I love the movie Inside Out. I don't know if you've ever seen it. It's about emotions and feelings. And the whole end of the first movie is to share or to show that there is no joy without sadness, that they coexist together. And it's just such a deep, deep feeling and thought behind it. And it was such it was so greatly done for kids. But as a parent, as an adult, it touched me.
00:03:37
Speaker
And it's so true. they They really do coexist. They do. And especially I think around the holiday season because you're there's so much going on. Like, you know, you're missing people. And now more than ever, these memories come up because, you know, there's songs and there's there's gingerbreads and there's smells and there's all of this stuff. And I think people feel, oh, my gosh, I can't I can't show any joy. But but there's joy in the person that you loved.
00:04:06
Speaker
And you have to celebrate that. You shouldn't stifle that. There's joy in that. And and there's also sadness. So you also have to, I think, be true to yourself yourself and validate the fact that you do feel sad and you do feel alone. And there is sometimes this heaviness during a season when everybody says you're supposed to be light and peaceful. Yeah, those feelings don't stop because it's
Comparison and Unique Holiday Experiences
00:04:30
Speaker
the holidays. They don't go away.
00:04:33
Speaker
And I think grief and joy, they're not, they're completely, you know, different, right? They're not competing against each other. And there's, there's room, there's space. I learned the word space because of Wicked. I need to hold space. I think it's when they sing that song, but there's space for you to, you know, you can give space to both of them at the same time. Right. And I think the holidays don't have to be,
00:05:01
Speaker
all one thing. I think for everybody, the holidays are unique. and And I think sometimes we've talked about, you know, comparison is the stealer of joy. And I think that, you know, if we're we're trying to do what everybody else does, we can't find joy in our own holiday because we're all unique people and we all walk through through all this different stuff. Yeah, that's very true. So how, Chantal Shafer,
00:05:28
Speaker
do we manage in the middle of all of this grief to find joy? I think we got to talk about that a little bit, right? Because the holidays are a reminder for a lot of us that somebody's not here in these traditions. um And whatever it is, and and it doesn't have to be a person like sometimes it's it's a dream that you had that's that's no longer here right i feel like this is the time of year where it all comes up well we're all reflecting on the past 12 months the past year and the goals we set in january we set these standards for ourselves and what i'm gonna do and what i'm going to achieve and what the year is going to be and then we spend the month of december going oof i didn't do that oof i ate all of that
00:06:15
Speaker
And then we feel bad about ourselves. Oof, I spent all of that. Oh, spent all of that.
Meeting Holiday Expectations
00:06:21
Speaker
That's something that we got to dig into too, but you know, all of it like kind of comes together and you know, you you you have to acknowledge it in order to heal yourself, like in order to deal with it, you you you can't stifle it, you can't pretend it's not there. You have to just let all of these emotions in around the holiday, and you have to know that it is what it is, and like anything else, it's not permanent, it's temporary, and you're gonna get through it, and you're probably gonna valley and mountain, which I do every single day. I wish you could see what Chris is doing right now in her chair.
00:06:58
Speaker
You know what, you will be able to see what I'm doing in my chair because eventually we are gonna film this. I will pick better attire for when we do. Chantel is dressed as um like ah like a gingerbread lady right now. I am trying to get in the festive spirit myself. I think I'm going to take a picture so that when I talk about this podcast, instead of us having our exhausted sparrow, it's going to be Chantel in her female gingerbread little outfit. Can see exhausted sparrows unite. It's a real thing. Like people are like, I don't understand it. What does it mean? So for those of you that don't live here in the Hudson Valley, we have a charity. I started a charity years ago so that we could feed people that were sick and had cancer diagnosis. is One day it could be more than that.
00:07:42
Speaker
And we just realized we were just exhausted you know from the everyday exhausted selves to running a charity and a lot of weight on our shoulders from you know feeding people that are sick and you know trying to be strong for them so that they can get through whatever they need to get through ah so that they can get better. And through all of this, we started this this podcast because we thought, wow, we have a lot of things to to to say to the world because we are living them and we're trying to do it authentically and part of being exhausted is the holiday season as it is because we set this expectation I feel and I don't know about you but for me as every year it's like I'm competing against myself from the year before and I should be able to get more gifts this year because I should have done better and I should have started sooner and I should have saved more money and it's a mess and then every year I look at the gifts around the tree and I'm like oh my gosh that's it and I think wow that's dangerous to even say that because that's not even what the season is all about.
Financial Strain and Gift-Giving
00:08:47
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:08:48
Speaker
So it's like, um it's like this crazy time of year, right? We're dealing with all this stuff. And then, you know, I briefly mentioned the financial strain. ah and And we should talk about that. I mean, how overboard do some of us go during the holidays? Like you said, we're always trying to one up last year. Yeah. But then when we do that, we get ourselves in trouble because then for how long after the holidays, are we trying to make up for that?
00:09:17
Speaker
Just to start it all over again. Oh my goodness. I mean, that it takes, it does. It takes months. And in my head, I have this great plan, right? Every year you can see my notes. I might even pull them up so Chantal can see this is a real thing. In my notes, in my phone.
00:09:33
Speaker
I actually have the pictures of the things that I bought and the children that I bought things under. And I start off really well. And then I look at so-and-so's pile and I go, oh gosh, but their pile looks better than their pile. And then I get in this whole thing and I start off every year like I give myself the pep talk, like Krista.
00:09:53
Speaker
Gifts are not the reason for the season. You're gonna be with your family. You have time off. Chantal gets time off. This is the one time of year that we are very, very strict here. You must take two weeks off. You must be with your family. You must rejuvenate. And that should be what the season is. And then I'm like, oh, gosh, why does Olivia have 14 gifts? And Madison has seven.
00:10:18
Speaker
And then I'm like, well, Madison's gifts cost more than Olivia's gifts. But if you don't look at it that way, and you're just looking at the gifts, are they going to be just and then I'm like, wow, this vicious cycle. Yeah, it's exhausting. It is exhausting. it I mean, I start thinking gifts in like October. And I do spreadsheets and lists and prices and And then by now, I'm like, I don't even want to look at another gift. I don't want to touch another thing. But do you stick with your list? Are you good? Like, do you kind of stick throughout the whole thing with this? I set a budget and I stick to that budget. Yeah. um Sometimes like we went to see Santa this weekend and both of my kids have been really good. They don't really want for much. um But of course, somebody throws out, I really want a stuffed pig.
00:11:08
Speaker
How does Santa not bring a stuffed pig? I mean, Santa would. Santa would. It is a stuffed pig. You know, so... And it's better than than than a real baby pig. Yeah, well, I would love a real baby pig. I would too. I'm not gonna lie. but I don't really think we would. I think we love the idea of having a baby pig, but I think if either one of us had a baby pig, we'd be in trouble because we'd have to come here to work with the baby pig and then the board of directors might be mad. I'm just saying, I'm not sure.
00:11:36
Speaker
That sounds like something we can bring up at the next board meeting. Okay, maybe we will.
Coping with Loneliness
00:11:40
Speaker
So all of these feelings that go on during the holiday season, I think really like if you're listening right now, the whole point of this is you are not alone. And there is nothing wrong with it experiencing these stresses and this this grief and this joy. And and even loneliness, I think loneliness is a big thing around the holiday season, at least for me it is.
00:12:05
Speaker
And, you know, i don't even I don't even really know why that is. I think sometimes, I've said this before, I said this once to you, Chantal, and you're like, oh my gosh, you should use this. But sometimes I feel this way. Sometimes in the middle of a crowd, I feel the loneliest.
00:12:22
Speaker
sometimes in the middle of laughter and smiles and like all this fun stuff, I feel the loneliness, the loneliest. And there was something that I read recently and it said that during the holiday season, more than half of Americans report that at some point during the season, they have felt lonely.
00:12:50
Speaker
because possibly, I don't know, the holidays magnify all of it for us. Everything is so much more intense around this time of year. It is, and when everybody around you is feeling joy and happiness and anticipation and excitement, and you're feeling sadness or grief,
00:13:07
Speaker
That's lonely because you don't want to lay that on the people around you and bring them down. So you put on a brave face and you fake joy. Fake joy. And a lot of times we're perceiving that like I'm perceiving that you're happy all the time. But I don't really know that you're happy all the time. yeah And that's that, you know, comparison joy. And like none of us really know what's going on inside of another person. But because our outside self is supposed to match our inside self. For me, that makes me even sadder. yeah Because a lot of times on the outside, I'm really putting on this front that i don't I don't feel in the inside. You know, you're losing sleep because, you know, I don't know, you're out for Black Friday, which is no longer the way it used to be. I mean, Black Friday now is like a whole month.
00:13:53
Speaker
Yeah, these poor people were Thanksgiving. It really does in the retail business. These poor people, can we give them a break? I mean, why on Thanksgiving Day are the stores even open? But, you know, you're you're exhausted. You're not on your game. You're eating cookies, as you talked about earlier. We are eating way too many things that we should not be eating, which is also messing with our mood. and And then we're looking at people through this filtered lens. We're looking at them through what we really think is their life and it's and it's not. So like, yeah, it's a weird time of year and there are a lot of emotions being thrown at us and even as adults.
00:14:31
Speaker
I think sometimes it's really hard for us to realize that. Are we looking through the right glass or are we just looking through the glass that other people want to see us look at? And like you said, we feel guilty. We don't want people to see that we're sad and we're lonely. But I think this is the time more than ever that like, I want you as my friend.
00:14:52
Speaker
to just go, I'm not okay. Like, can we just sit down for an hour and have a cup of coffee? In my case, it would be, you know, like, I don't know, water with vitamin C because I down that stuff all the time. But can we just sit down for an hour because I'm not okay? And like, I just want to sit with you as my friend and maybe I don't even want you saying anything to me, but I just want us to to to be together.
00:15:15
Speaker
yeah And we actually talked to a couple women, we're gonna do, um where those podcasts are gonna roll out in the next few weeks, that wanna talk to you really about some grief. Because around the holiday season, yes, it's magnified, but wow, when you listen to some of the podcasts that are coming up, to have them say things like, here's what I need from you in the middle of my grief. like they They said a couple things that I was like,
00:15:42
Speaker
I have to do that. I have to anticipate that they may not know what they need and I just need to do something. So if you're out there and you're lonely and you're just, you know, not feeling like your normal self, you know, the chances are that most of us don't see it and don't get it because this time of year too,
00:16:03
Speaker
we are distracted. and Whereas as my friend, I might not have seen it. I might have seen it two months ago in October. And I might have known that something's like a little bit off with you. And, you know, I might have checked in a little bit more. I am, you know, Black Friday shopping. I'm eating 15 Reese's Peanut Butter trees because the consistency of those are way better than the real Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. but I may not see it. And at this time of year, I just may need you to shake me just a little bit and go, Krista, I am not okay. Can we go get some coffee? Like you might just have to say it. And you know, sometimes I think.
00:16:43
Speaker
A friend told me years ago for my birthday, you know, I was kind of like, oh, you know, and Christian didn't get me. Like, this is what I really would have wanted. And she's like, well, did you tell him? And I was like, well, no. And she said, you know, why do you think that somebody should should should just know that about you? And I was like, oh, I don't know. Well, I don't know because you're my friend and you should just and she's like, sometimes you just have to say it because you're getting yourself all Twitter paid inside.
00:17:12
Speaker
I like that word. Thank you. I can make you sure this is Twitter paid. I love it. It's one of my favorite. I think it comes from Winnie the Pooh. It might be. I think it's Tigger. I can't remember who it is. But it's one of my favorite words. But you know, you get all twisted inside and you feel a certain type of way and you make this into something that it was never intended to be because you think your husband, your spouse, your friend, your child, your mom should know that you're off and they need to fix that. And sometimes you just need to say that.
00:17:40
Speaker
And that's all you need to do. Like, honestly, this time of year, if you're friends with me and you're listening to this and you're feeling a certain sort of way, I will put my life down for you. I will stop whatever I'm doing. I don't care how busy, but sometimes you just got to be like, Christ, I need you. Yeah. That's what we need to do for each other. We got to say, hey, I'm really not OK. I need some help here. Yeah. I mean, how else are you going to get out of loneliness until you tell somebody you need a hand to pull you up?
00:18:10
Speaker
And then I don't think it's just about Christmas itself or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa. I think it's about the entire period after that that puts people in a funk because for so long you're going and going and going and you're drinking your caffeine drinks so that you can get out there and get it all done.
Post-Holiday Letdown
00:18:29
Speaker
to Be the perfect rapper. Do not ever ask me to rap. Me either. Really? Nope.
00:18:35
Speaker
That's Jeremiah's job. Oh, like an elf. Oh, he's fantastic. Is he yeah like could professional level? Could I pay him? You might be able to in apple pies. I don't know. I might have one in my freezer. He's a cash kind of guy. Yeah, he's a cash kind of guy. Yeah. But you know, like through all of this, good rappers, bad rappers, whatever you're doing, you know, getting all the family together, holiday meals, all of this stuff, then comes the post holiday letdown. And that is a real thing, right?
00:19:05
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, you you have all these expectations about how Christmas morning is going to go and breakfast and the gifts that you're going to get and, you know, your kid's reaction to what they get. And when that doesn't go well, it's it's like an adrenaline crash. And it never really goes exactly the way that we think it's going to go, right?
00:19:25
Speaker
I'm just like, do you know that was the last sweater by that girl on TikTok and I managed to get it by, you know, begging somebody else for that shirt. And, and you know, they're like, oh, because we have all these expectations in our head of how it should go. And then it doesn't really go that way. And then we're sad. And then for me, I put so much time into every single gift. It's over in like an hour. But yet this whole puppy took me a month to get together.
00:19:54
Speaker
And in an hour, everything is just done. And I'm like, are you kidding me? And then it's just laying on the floor. Yeah. Discarded. Yeah. And then my kids are already bored. I mean, you have young kids, you have young kids, so they still have toys and things that they could do. But, you know, mine are older and, you know, I don't know, they want a Starbucks mug.
00:20:13
Speaker
And I'm like, well, I don't even know what you're gonna do with that. You're gonna put coffee in it and now what? Now you're still gonna be bored. But it's all over. Everybody's bored and like there's this thing. And then there's like this quiet that like no longer feels quiet. I mean, it like feels empty, right?
00:20:33
Speaker
and it and And it is a real thing. It is not only called the post holiday blues, but experts call this, I read this, the seasonal effective disorder. So it's not only that you're coming off of this, you know, major, you know, 24 hour chaos, great gift giving season, but it's also the winter months, right? They have less sunlight.
00:21:00
Speaker
That absolutely affects your mood. now you Now you're in financial stress, some of us, not Chantal because she sticks to the budget. Krista Jones does that. And then what I do is and when I stop taking my notes, that's what happens. I'm like, I don't know. I think I'm like a hundred bucks over, but I have stopped taking notes.
New Year's Resolutions and Realistic Goals
00:21:23
Speaker
So sometimes I'm like a little bit more than that. I'm like,
00:21:27
Speaker
And then right around the corner is what New Year's Eve and my commitment after I ate the 27 Reese's peanut butter Christmas trees, which are way better than the Reese's peanut butter cups. Fight me, fight me. Listen, my husband is 100% on your side. Thank you. I have to get him a whole pack.
00:21:46
Speaker
But I want to say one more thing about those. What is it now that they're in white chocolate? Exactly. White chocolate's not chocolate. Thank you. If a dog can eat it, it's not white chocolate. I didn't even know a dog could eat that. They certainly can. me There must not be what? Cocoa beans? I don't know. Yeah, it' it's it's an imposter.
00:22:05
Speaker
When you go to Hershey um over the summer, ask that question. When you do, you're going to do your little ride along through the chocolate factory. Ask them. I want to know what it is. But I'm sorry, I'm digressing. It is like this time of year, right? Everything is over all your fun. But now you're about to get into New Year's. And now you're like, oh, now I got to make all these commitments that I'm only going to keep the first two weeks potentially of the year. And we're going to talk about that too when we get into that.
00:22:32
Speaker
How can you make commitments that you're going to end up keeping? Because now there's this stress that you've got to be like everybody else and you have to lose 36 pounds and start baking bread because that's another one.
00:22:44
Speaker
Right. That's going to be your commitment. I started, I didn't actually start the starter, but for those of you that are listening right now, I don't know if the world's obsessed with this or just the Hudson Valley, but everybody here is doing like the sourdough starter. And so like I was racing against my friend to actually get the starter to work, but it is like a science project. And I did not like science in high school at all. I was like, what can I do? And that's why I was a communications major.
00:23:12
Speaker
Believe it or not, shocking, because I like to talk. And she beat me. Channa Wall beat me, and she got a really good starter, and so now I've started the starter. And now Chantel feels pressured ah do to do the starter, because then when you start this thing, like you gotta to keep baking bread.
00:23:28
Speaker
And then you got to roll it and you got to fold it. So if you're listening out there and the only thing you're getting out of the fact that having joy and grief, loneliness, financial stress, and all of these feelings together are common. If the only thing you get out of there is I was thinking about starting a starter, don't.
00:23:48
Speaker
That might be all you get out of this podcast. Don't do it. It's a big commitment. Just find a friend who will bake bread for you. Why are you looking at me funny? Because I have a friend who will bake bread for me. It is true. It is true. I will bake bread for you. I like to bake. And I like to do all these different things. But it's the slump that we're about to get ourselves into. So... We can do things, though, for that, right? We should be exercising because we all know serotonin. We all know that when we exercise, it helps to get our juices flowing. It helps to make us feel better. And when I say the word exercise, I really mean you could go walking outside. And if you say, Krista, I live in the Northeast and it's 27 degrees, then I say, hey, buddy, ask for a coat for Christmas. Get outside. um And today it is 55 degrees.
00:24:37
Speaker
Yes, in New York today, which we are recording this on, I don't know, like the 17th 18 or 17 something, whatever day we're recording, it's 55 degrees. This is warm for us. We should go for a walk. We. Okay, we're gonna live by example today. We are. We are. All right. Then we should video it and we should somehow add it to the podcast.
Coping with Winter Blues
00:24:58
Speaker
Maybe.
00:24:59
Speaker
So you're going to want to walk. You're going to want to get some exercise in. Take your vitamin D because we are now in the shortest season. Darkness is all around us. You should have light, as much natural light come through your house. And if you can't, I have also read that you should get lots of lights, period.
00:25:16
Speaker
Get different lights, also fake plants if you cannot grow real plants and not just plants but like trees, even fake trees which you can get almost anywhere nowadays. Having vegetation in your house that makes you feel like you're more in a spring summer type atmosphere also helps. I did not know that. Yeah and then taking things little by little.
00:25:41
Speaker
so that you can feel okay. You can have a little bit of joy. You don't feel those winter blues. Do whatever you need to do. If winter is not your season and mentally you're not prepared for it and you don't love it and you've got all this stuff going on, then you've got to figure out how do I bring joy back in?
00:26:02
Speaker
because if there's grief, that's okay, but then you've got to get out of it and replace it, and you have to replace it with whatever brings you joy. And if it is a Reese's peanut butter tree, and that is not gonna lead you into kicking yourself saying, I now gotta get back to the gym, then you know you should do it in moderation. Anything and everything in moderation is okay. important They are. Don't cut out all that stuff. If it brings you joy, enjoy the tree. Yeah.
00:26:30
Speaker
But enjoy one and not 36 trees. Well, yeah, you can do that maybe up until Christmas Day. And then after Christmas Day, maybe you're like, I'm going to cut down my trees. I'm going to cut down on the amount of trees that I eat in a season so that I can get you that joke. but that was such a I feel like I dad joke all the time. And most of the times you don't realize it's a joke. And you're just like that. Oh, that was supposed to be a joke. That wasn't funny.
00:26:57
Speaker
Yeah. That one got me. That one got you. You didn't really laugh. You're just chuckles. Which is what a dad joke really is at the end of the day. It makes you realize. It does. So we have a lot to unpack. We really do. Over the next few weeks, you're going to hear some things from us. We are going to have some tough conversations. We try to make as much of this as we can light. But at the end of the day, this podcast is about your unfiltered, authentic life, which is anything but light.
Embracing All Emotions
00:27:27
Speaker
Yeah, it's not always peaceful. It's definitely not always easy. Absolutely not. There's a lot of feelings as we have learned through our movie, there are a lot of feelings other than happiness that you have to be able to let in. It's just we're here trying to say to you just don't wallow in it. Give yourself the grace, right? Like this is the holiday season. And I thought about this last night and hold on, I wrote it somewhere. And then I probably ripped it up. Oh,
00:27:55
Speaker
The most generous gift you can give yourself this season is grace. I wrote that down because it is really okay to feel it all like joy and grief and gratitude and sadness and anger because it's important. it's and part of It's all part of the human experience. You can't quash those things down. You have to feel them or else they build up and it becomes even more overwhelming. And you need to feel them without having any guilt right? Because in the middle of such grief, you have this grief out of such love, right? That's why there's such grief. So if you haven't experienced such insurmountable loss,
00:28:45
Speaker
You may not understand how this grief and this joy go hand in hand because your love for someone, right? You know, when you laugh with a friend, even though you're having a hard day, that's joy sneaking in when you, and and and you should embrace it.
00:29:01
Speaker
You know, one of the women that we're going to speak with has this insurmountable loss, the loss of a child. And that podcast will be coming up in in just a few short weeks. But you know, at first she said that, like I would all of a sudden laugh unexpectedly. And then I would say, oh, gosh, I feel so bad for that. But that's just, your loved one would not want you.
00:29:28
Speaker
to stay in sadness, right? Because we love so deeply. Think about that. Think of all the people you love. You would not want them to be so sad all the time. You would want them to remember all those amazing things about you that make them smile and make them laugh. And so when you have all of these emotions around the holiday season, which you will, we're just telling you, I don't want you to feel guilt.
00:29:59
Speaker
it's not It's not worth it. It's not necessary, really. But I think it's really, I think it trips us up. And I think when we let that joy in for some of us, we we we can't help but feel guilty. And so I just want to say that to you. If you are out there and you are having a hard season and you are crying most of the time and you just have had this insurmountable loss of a dream, a person, a job, um what whatever that is, you know, goals that just never came to fruition. It is okay to feel sadness, but
00:30:46
Speaker
We want you to feel joy. And at the end of the day, that's what God wants you to feel. He wants you to know. He wants you to have this peace that can surpass everything else because that is how we need to function.
00:31:03
Speaker
right? We can't stay in it. We have to get out of it. And that's what this season is all about. This season is joy. You know, Pastor Greg said this, and I was like, Oh, my gosh, you're right. You know, he said, Everybody thinks this season is perfect in this. He said, My gosh, think about this, Mary,
00:31:22
Speaker
was probably 14, 15 years old, was told that she was going to have a baby, was engaged, betrothed to this man that was like, what? Like, this was not the most ideal situation for this child. She was told this is what was going to happen to her. She couldn't find room at any inn. She's on a donkey. She's trying to get back to to to Bethlehem. She ends up in this manger. She must be so uncomfortable. There's animals all around. It looks like a great picture. It could not have been a great picture. No. And in the middle of all of this, it was not perfect.
00:32:01
Speaker
And so if it was not perfect for them, why does it need to be perfect for us? It doesn't. It does not. And in the middle of all of it, there ended up being this peace and this joy and the greatest gift of all. And that is really what the season is all about. Yeah, it's like it's like that perfectly imperfect. Like stop setting the expectations that you have to be happy.
00:32:32
Speaker
Stop setting the expectations that the day has to be perfect, that breakfast is gonna be on the table at 9 a.m. sharp and it's going to be fresh baked cinnamon buns. You know what? I pop open about a a container of those Pillsbury cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning. Just as good. And I embrace that moment.
00:32:49
Speaker
because Because that gave you another 30 minutes with your children when you weren't making a homemade muffin that probably isn't going to rise anyways. Let's be honest. Especially if you take Krista's starter bread. But that's a whole other story. We're going to try that in another time. But but yeah we have to we have to have realistic expectations for the season. And that includes negative feelings, sad feelings, grief feelings, joy feelings, and that they're all going to be there.
00:33:16
Speaker
and that we're gonna get through it.
Seasons as Life Metaphors
00:33:18
Speaker
And sometimes that means calling on a friend. Sometimes that means being by yourself. Sometimes it means putting on a smile for your kids. but feeling your feelings on your own. And knowing that this too shall pass. It will pass. And sometimes it's easier when you're able to go into the season and go, OK, it's all coming at me and I'm going to embrace it and I'm going to digest it and I'm going to let it flow through. And then I'm going to release it and I am going to be OK. And it is only a season. And we all know that seasons change. There's a song of
00:33:57
Speaker
Would you like to sing it right now? No, thank you. Nobody wants to hear that. I do. Ladies and gentlemen, there are going to be some podcasts coming up that are going to be tough. This this is your warning, but life is tough. And we've decided here, we're not going to sugarcoat it. We're not just going to talk about the easy things. We're going to spend some time talking about the real tough things. So I want you to take a deep breath. And I just want you to remind yourself It's okay to not be okay. The holidays are complicated. Your feelings are complicated and it's all right to feel all of it. Don't forget though, there is strength in admitting that you're struggling and you should admit it to somebody, anybody, a stranger, a friend. Don't struggle with it alone. There's hope in taking even the smallest steps every day. You don't need to take big steps. You just need to take steps. And here's the beauty.
00:34:56
Speaker
You can know that joy and grief can coexist. You don't have to choose one over the other. You can hold on to both of them. I hope that this episode resonates with you. And if it does, I hope that you share it with somebody else, somebody that might need just a little bit of extra encouragement today. And hey, listen, I just had this amazing conversation with iHeartRadio and they said, 300,000 downloads in one month.
00:35:22
Speaker
And they're gonna sponsor us. We are gonna make it to the very tippity top of the top. And that is gonna happen, but only because something in what we're saying is resonating with you and you need it to resonate with somebody else. And guess what? It's a free gift. You just tell them to click.
00:35:37
Speaker
Amazon, Apple, wherever they get their podcast from. it It doesn't matter. I want to thank you guys for being here and listening and just for reminding me and for reminding Chantal that this journey that we're on right now, this podcast, us trying to figure this out. We're not doing it alone. We're doing it with all of you. So until next time, Sparrows, take care of yourself and each other.