Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Asking For Help- The Survival Skill Nobody Talks About
55 Plays5 days ago
Asking for help can feel overwhelming, but it’s a crucial step toward living authentically and letting go of the pressure to be perfect. In this episode of Exhausted Sparrows Unite, we dive into why asking for help feels so difficult, how leaning on others can transform your life, and simple strategies to make it easier.
We’ll also explore the importance of giving yourself—and others—grace, and how shifting your mindset about needing support can lead to greater connection and resilience.
If you’ve ever hesitated to ask for help, this episode will remind you that seeking support is a strength, not a weakness.
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to 'Exhausted, Sparrows Unite'
00:00:05
Speaker
Hello everyone and welcome to Exhausted, Sparrows Unite the podcast where we let go of doing it all perfectly and embrace the beauty of giving ourselves grace. I'm k Krista Jones with my co-host Chantel Shafer. Today we are diving into a topic that so many of us struggle with.
00:00:27
Speaker
I'm gonna be honest right here. It is a topic that I mostly struggle with, and I'm like, why the heck not? Let me give myself some help, soap help today.
Why is Asking for Help Essential?
00:00:37
Speaker
We are gonna talk about asking for help. If you've ever felt guilty and uncomfortable reaching out for support, trust me when I say you are not alone. In this episode, we're gonna explore why asking for help is not only okay, but it is essential to live authentically.
00:00:56
Speaker
So we're gonna embrace ourselves. We're gonna allow ourselves some grace and we're gonna allow others to support us. So Chantel, are you ready to dive in? I am scared because just like you, this is a hard pill to swallow.
00:01:13
Speaker
It is so hard to ask for help that Chantel and I actually said maybe that should be like podcast nine, 10, 15, or 20. Like maybe we shouldn't make it one of the first few since neither of us master it well.
00:01:29
Speaker
yeah Yeah, but here we are. But here we are. here we are And it's all very
Krista's Personal Struggle with Asking for Help
00:01:34
Speaker
ironic. ah The whole title of the podcast, Exhausted Sparrows Unite, is based around the charity that I founded about 13 years ago called Sparrows Nest here in the Hudson Valley, which is located ah in New York. ah We service five counties and we help people through a cancer diagnosis by supporting them, giving them homemade meals. We don't repeat a recipe for at least a year.
00:01:58
Speaker
And, um you know, it's ah it's really the entire charity is based around asking for help and being able to accept help. And I'm like, wow, i don't I don't think I'd ever call the charity myself. No, you wouldn't. So it's it's it's a weird thing. But, you know, when I thought, oh, God has a sense of humor in this whole thing.
00:02:19
Speaker
I kind of feel like what he did for me is he made me as a person that cannot ask for help. He knows how hard it is for me. He kind of, I feel, put me in this position because I am able to relate to other people and figure out ways that I can lessen the guilt so that they eventually ask for help. But I kind of feel like a lot of times this help thing comes you know from an early age. I know in my family,
00:02:45
Speaker
I grew up with two brothers we moved all over the place we have said witness protection program we're not sure my dad was in the newspaper business. He's an Italian guy in the.
00:02:58
Speaker
newspaper business. You can't see the air quotes, but they are happening. Oh, they're happening right now. And I remember one time, I'm getting a little bit off topic, but one time I remember some boys approached me while I was trying to make a phone call because my my friend couldn't get in her house. My dad was waiting for us in the car and we're making a phone call at a 7-Eleven on a pay phone because that's how old I am. And I remember all of a sudden I was afraid because these boys approached us. It's like 11 o'clock at night. I'm 13 years old. They're probably 18.
00:03:26
Speaker
And I was like, don't approach me, don't approach me. And they approached me, and then there was my dad. Yay, dad. And it was like a look and I was like, my girlfriend's like, he is mafia. I'm like, he probably is. But anyways, I grew up ah all over the place, started in Connecticut, moved to Florida, went to Louisiana, St. Louis, you know, all over. And my mom was basically a single mom. I mean, mom and dad, good relationship, but my dad worked an awful lot because he didn't graduate from high school.
00:03:56
Speaker
And, you know, he really had to prove himself in the world of newspapers. So like he was, you know, he used to do paper routes. I think that's where he started at like 4 a.m. Wow. Throwing the paper out. and And then, you know, from there, he started working at the front desk and then he went into circulation and then eventually became the circulation manager and he had to work his way up. So mom, this is the ah long part of the story. Mom kind of had us all to herself. And at the time,
00:04:25
Speaker
I didn't really realize that we could have gotten help from other areas. My mom did it all when we moved to Florida. We didn't know a lot of people, so she did everything. She cooked, she cleaned, you know, she was the person that did our homework, ah she worked, she was the person that made our lunches, she was the person that was our therapist. Mom was absolutely everything. And that's kind of how I grew up, so I didn't really know that there was a different way.
00:04:52
Speaker
And being younger, I just thought, wow, she's this the superhero. I didn't realize that she was exhausted and she wasn't holding it all together well. And then you know years later, you get older and you you know are able to talk to your mom about things and she's able to be honest with you then about things. And she was like, Christ, I didn't have any of it together. At one point, my dad, he lost his job not long after we moved somewhere. and So he immediately found another job in North Carolina and he said to my family, don't move there because I don't see this lasting. So there was a whole year that he was in the Carolinas and we were, I think in Louisiana. And I mean, probably really, really stressful, but she managed to keep all of that away from us.
00:05:40
Speaker
But I think it's really, you know, what kind of rooted me into, well, you don't ask for help, even from your husband. Yeah. Like you don't ask for help from anyone. Yeah. You you kind of become trained to just figure it out.
00:05:56
Speaker
on your own, right? And it looked easy when she was doing it. I mean, I didn't know any differently. I didn't know that, you know, you hide a lot when you're a mom just because you got to get through it. So it looked easy. So it's sort of how I've grown up. I've grown up just not really asking anyone to do anything for me.
00:06:13
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, my story is similar in some ways. I, one of four girls, um we didn't travel or move around. my My dad was the, you know, the quote unquote breadwinner and and my mom did all the house stuff and I have ah a handicap sister. She's in a wheelchair.
00:06:28
Speaker
And when you grow up with somebody who is dependent or mostly dependent, you learn that your needs are not that important and that you fulfill your own needs because there are people who need more or more support.
00:06:45
Speaker
and And you become more independent in that situation. And that's how it's been my whole life, is I've just learned how to fend for myself. And that's not to slay anybody in my household or my sister. But much like you, I've learned to just take care of things.
Impact of Upbringing on Seeking Help
00:07:01
Speaker
Yeah and I think it it has led for me to um a lot of issues just in my house and my marriage and everything because you know my mom just did everything probably a little bit martyr-like because then what that created is it was never good enough right if my dad wanted to do it or anybody else wanted to do it So we were all like, all right, just do it. And it created this beast. And then she was you know probably upset as I and my own household will get. But then I'll stop and think, but I created this. like All right, why can't I let you pick up? It's not the way I would pick up. But why can't I get over that and just let you pick up? So that it does take something off my plate. And I am getting help. you know And then there's this whole, well, you you don't do the way I do. And and this whole perfectionist thing. And it just it just gets into like this this deep,
00:07:50
Speaker
cycle it does and you know in a whole different vein for that is this ah I learned about this recently this mental load of motherhood or womanhood where People, you have to ask for the help, right? You have to ask for it. It's make a list, tell me what to do. But that's another task on your p plate. And that to me is even more exhausting that I have to sit down, stop what I'm doing, make a list, I need you to do this, this, this, and this. And then I have to follow up to make sure it was done. right And it just adds even more and it just makes me do it. Just do it myself because it's just easier at that point. right And that causes some contention in my household as well.
00:08:31
Speaker
yeah And so I think this whole, you know, how in the world do I ask for help thing? Like it's a really deep thing because the social norm, we talk about this filtered life all over social media.
Social Norms and Perfectionism in Help-Seeking
00:08:45
Speaker
The the the norm is this independence.
00:08:48
Speaker
You know, um, once women got independence, you know, way back in the sixties and the seventies and they were fighting for equal rights and all this stuff. I'm like, well, dang it. What that really did is put me in the workforce, but I've still got all this work at home.
00:09:04
Speaker
And then now you have social media on top of all this in the 2000s, which, you know, you see all these moms juggling all this stuff. Chantelle and I are actually in the process of, I don't even know why we added this to our plates. I think I added it to mine and then she's yeah I rubbed off on her. But like we're making bread from starter. Like we need one more thing on our plates. But, you know, you look at all of this stuff on social media and you're like, wow, they hold it all together and they have no help.
00:09:33
Speaker
And so I think, one, these are the social norms now that we none of us talk about how we're falling apart. All of us just say, I got it. It's fine. I don't i don't need any help. ye So one, that's a problem. And then I think I just read this great article. um It was in Science Fridays, and it was amazing. And it would have basically said, and here's me, because I read it and I went, oh.
00:10:00
Speaker
Another reason that we don't ask for help other than the fact that we want to look like everybody else who's faking it till they make it, it's not even a real thing, is because we have personal fears. A fear of rejection, a fear that somebody's going to say no to you, which has happened to me in the past, a fear that I'm going to look weak. And for me, this was a good one. I was like, wow, a fear that I am being a burden.
00:10:25
Speaker
You literally just took the words out of my mouth as you were talking I went We're going on we're going on the burden train because I feel it. I know it Yeah for real. It's a true thing. It really is and I don't know i guess i also don't have enough confidence in you as a person not on tell but just whoever. That you can handle whatever i'm giving you because why would it be a burden i'm giving you i don't know whatever task i'm giving you i was gonna do the task i was gonna do the task and it wasn't a burden why would it be for you but there's like all of this arm.
00:11:01
Speaker
It's just all of this crazy stuff mix in that has to do with our self esteem. Yeah. So when I read that, I was like, Oh my gosh, that is me. You know, and we've all had people that we've reached out to. We've asked for help and they've said no, and it's, it's, it's disappointing and it's hurtful.
00:11:17
Speaker
And we've had people that we've reached out and we've asked for help and they've said yes. And like you said earlier, just then never followed through. And you get to that point where you're like, ugh, I'm just going to do it myself. yeah I know what I want. I don't want to write a list and I'm going to do it myself.
00:11:33
Speaker
so It leads to, when I was reading these articles, I was like, oh my gosh, this is childhood. This is so much from our childhoods. It really is. it Everything can get traced back to some kind of experience or trauma or, you know, part of your of your childhood. And I know we've so we talked about that somewhere.
00:11:57
Speaker
in these episodes. yeah I think we talked about it in every episode, everything kind of relates back to the way you are is something that's happened through experiences somewhere in your life. And that's that's kind of where we are. So asking for help, you know, we grew up in an era where our moms really were going through this whole independence thing with women.
00:12:16
Speaker
And then nobody ever like sat down and really thought that through. that That doesn't mean you can't ask for help because you're an independent person. And I think
Balancing Work and Home without Help
00:12:26
Speaker
for me, that's where my brain gets all confused. Well, I'm independent. That means I shouldn't ask for help.
00:12:32
Speaker
But that's not that's not true, that's not the case because episode one, we said you cannot do it all and do it all well. Your brain cannot possibly hold the 40 things that you need to do, pottery, I don't know, making this up because we're around the holidays, bread starter, taking care of the children, doing your job. You cannot do it all well when you have all this stuff on your plate and you do have to learn to designate.
00:12:58
Speaker
And it just took us nine, 10 episodes to get here because Chantelle and I are like, did you get any better at designating before the episode? And we're both like, no. Nope. So, all right. We know that it's hard, right? But.
00:13:14
Speaker
why do we need to ask for help, right? Like even though it's it's it's hard, why is asking for help so vital?
Benefits of Asking for Help: Stress Reduction and Burnout Prevention
00:13:21
Speaker
So in all of this research that I'm doing, I i had these really great books that I was reading. um There's a benefit of asking for help. That was a good book. And one of the things it says is really for your mental and your emotional self, you need to ask for help because asking for help will reduce your stress and will reduce burnout. And I was like, wow, we are the day before we are taking off for the holidays, we're going to take two weeks off. And I said to Chantal, I go, it's going to be a new me in January because I am so burnt out right now. I don't even know what you're going to get from me today. So I was like, that's so funny that it said that in that book, but it will reduce our stress and our mental health. And let's be honest, I feel a little bit bitter inside.
00:14:09
Speaker
Yeah, it does. It makes you resentful. And I don't know why I'm resentful. I didn't even ask you for help. And now I'm mad at you. Yes. And and again, this is where the areas of contention come into my household. And um we have got my husband and I have gotten much better at communicating about these things. A few years ago, I asked for a house cleaning for Christmas. I said, I don't care if you buy me. I don't care if there's nothing under the tree. I want somebody else to come into my home and clean.
00:14:33
Speaker
That's all I want. And every year since he has made that happen and I don't have to ask anymore. I asked one time and it happens every year. And it is by far the best gift outside of my children. And it's just because for that one... And your husband.
00:14:48
Speaker
He comes after the house cleaning. house cleaning I mean, they do my furniture and they find the cat hair. But that's just one, like I said at one time, and that's where he's really good is if I say something one time, he holds on to it and he remembers that. But that's what we have to do. We have to say it. And and and I feel that I don't do that. And then I get mad at people and I'm like, I am the most irrational human being on the planet.
00:15:13
Speaker
You know, because I'm expecting you to sense just how burnt out I am, but yet in the same breath, I am expecting to look fine on the outside so that everybody thinks I have it all together. Wow, what an authentic mess.
00:15:28
Speaker
That's really all we are. I mean, I i always like that that meme where it's like, I'm like your web browser with 57 different tabs open and a video playing in the background. And you know I always think about my phone. you know When it starts to lag, I have to close every one of the apps that I've had open for the past week. And we really need to do that for ourselves. And sometimes that's saying, hey, Chris, I got way too many tabs open. I need a little help here, please. Close my tabs.
00:15:57
Speaker
Can we get shirts that say close my tabs? That might be taken the wrong way. and I guess it could be. Close all my apps. I guess it could be. So as we're talking about, right?
00:16:11
Speaker
letting go of some of our task, which will reduce our stress and it will reduce our burden. And it means that it will, of course, provide a sense of relief, will feel better about that. And it also then improves our coping mechanisms.
00:16:28
Speaker
because there's a little bit less on our plate and we're getting social support. So that too is so important to talk about by somebody else helping you. You feel loved.
00:16:43
Speaker
My friend Bathke had come in because weeks and weeks ago, she had not felt good. And so I think I made her soup. I don't remember what I did. She had a back injury. I said, I'm just going to drop everything and take you to the doctor. And she's like, no, you have so much to do. I know how much you work, you know, so all these things.
00:17:00
Speaker
And I said to her, you're taking away the joy of me helping you. I want to do that for you. And she was like, ouch. So what I realized about myself is if I somehow hurt your feelings in the process of not asking you for help, then I'm going to start piling it on. Like if I know that I've hurt you, I have this empathy thing that I just, we're going to talk about that too one week. But you know, I don't want to upset people. And it really is true. I just know for myself.
Allowing Help as Love and Service
00:17:27
Speaker
If you, Chantel, were going about your day and you had a million things and you were about to cry, I would be so sad to know that you didn't just say, hey, Krista, can I leave 20 minutes early to pick up my kids? Hey, Krista, can you run to stop and shop for me because I need butter? I don't know. But you know I think about, I would feel sad if somebody doesn't ask for help. And when somebody gives help, it shows you this friendship, this sense of of love.
00:17:55
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, were I love the the love languages. You know, some people is gift giving and some people is active of service. And if you don't let somebody fulfill their love language to you, that's that hurts. That's hurtful. Like I'm an active service person. i'm ah You know, you need food. I'm cooking food for you. I'll come clean your home. And and that makes me feel good because I feel useful to you. Sure.
00:18:20
Speaker
And you're right, if if you deny me that, that's hurtful and it makes me feel like I'm not of service. And that helps to build your friendships and your relationships because it's also showing that you trust somebody enough to let something go and you trust somebody enough for them to see how vulnerable you are in that moment because to say I need help means I don't have it all together. yeah I need somebody to help me out.
00:18:47
Speaker
And how good for everybody's mental health to see that none of us have it all together.
Vulnerability in Friendships
00:18:54
Speaker
Because it hurts and it's hard to keep that front up.
00:19:00
Speaker
So let's be real and authentic and vulnerable. Absolutely, but but you're right because if you're always around those friends where everything is fine, I'm just as superficial then as you are. yes I will never get deeper with you because I don't know that you know today you know you're you know ready to you know knock your husband with a frying pan. I mean, I don't suggest it.
00:19:21
Speaker
Not that I've ever had those feelings, maybe once or twice, but you know, like it is you're you're you're letting someone in and people want to feel needed. I love that I'm needed in this community. I love that we're needed in this community.
00:19:39
Speaker
That is why I started the charity because you need food and it's something I can do. It's something I don't care if I'm cooking for 500 people or 50 people. You know, I feel that I am able to help you and I'm able to lighten your load and that brings me such joy. So it's kind of like you can't just expect other people to rely on you if you don't rely back on them. That's a one-sided friendship.
00:20:07
Speaker
That's what you got for me is you say these things and they like wash over and I just got to let them stew for a second because I'm going I feel seen. And you know what it is I being in radio have i always been taught there should be no radio silence. And so if if you don't say anything, I'm like, she didn't like it.
00:20:29
Speaker
No, it's because I did like it. Well, no, I didn't because I feel seen. It's because you feel seen. It's because it's its it spoke to you. So I feel that when we can be vulnerable with other people, which is always a work in progress, especially like me, if you have 40 plus years to undo all that, you know, has been done to get you, you know,
00:20:56
Speaker
With this big wall built up where where you can take everything on you also want to make sure that you're asking the right people i think cuz when i was like.
How to Ask the Right People for Help?
00:21:06
Speaker
Reading this article in this article was saying you know people want to feel needed and and and people appreciate when you ask.
00:21:14
Speaker
It is true to a certain extent. I think you, if you're like me and you're afraid of rejection, I think then you got to be, you also have to know who you're asking. You have to ask somebody that will follow through. We all have friends that, you know, they're fun friends, but they are very Mimi friends. Like, like you, you have to know your audience. Yes.
00:21:37
Speaker
and who you can ask and who you can't ask. So small steps are important and being clear and concise in what you need. That's what I would say about my husband and I, I have to say clearly. And not only do I say it,
00:21:53
Speaker
I notice that he really latches onto it when I say, you know, I'm feeling very overwhelmed. And if you could do this for me, it would be so appreciative. It would take so much off of me. He wants to feel hopeful. He wants to feel like the man of the family. He wants to know. And after he does it, I try to make a cognizant effort to say,
00:22:14
Speaker
You know, thank you so much for doing that. Like that just took so much off of my plate. Now, sometimes one time he made me eggplant parm. One time, Chantel. one time And I said, thank you. And he'll bring it up like every month. Like, remember that time I made eggplant? So don't create a monster either. But being clear and specific and concise so that you also don't have this little bitterness. Like, well, that's not what I told you to do at all. yeah Sometimes you got to have people repeat it back to you.
00:22:43
Speaker
and write it down and write it down and acknowledging your feelings right acknowledging this is so uncomfortable for me to ask because i had a friend do that to me i don't know maybe six months ago um she said this is so uncomfortable for me but i really could you get my kids for me it was one of our neighbors and she was in this jam and i was like yeah absolutely but i knew how hard it was for her to even ask me So she acknowledged, she immediately said this is uncomfortable and I appreciated that. I appreciated that vulnerability and I was like, girl, I get it. But that I also felt I can go back to her and I can say something now because she knows and I get it. yeah So being you know uncomfortable is okay to admit. Offering that gratitude after somebody has has done it um is also, I think, um
00:23:35
Speaker
I think it's a little bit of an issue for me too because I think I go overboard in my thinking because I really am that grateful for it, because I'm not used to people doing it, of course, which goes to the fact that I don't ask for it. So of course people aren't doing it. But then I kind of sometimes go a little overboard. Like I will probably tell you five times when all you've done is on your way in. Maybe you've gotten me a, I don't drink coffee. I don't know. Maybe you got me an energy drink and like, I'll be like, thank you so much. Like you have no idea. I really like in everything I do, I have to thank you like five times.
00:24:16
Speaker
And that can get uncomfortable. Yeah, so I have to learn to thank you once. I'm glad that I'm teaching myself some things in these podcasts.
Normalizing Asking for Help
00:24:24
Speaker
Yeah, and normalize it. We have to normalize it. That's another thing. To make it easier, we have to normalize it. So on my calendar, Chantal and I have, ah I don't know, we have like 87 different calendar names that all go into one calendar, but I have a Christa that's just a Christa and I actually have once a week to ask for help in something and then normalize it. So I might say something to Michelle and or to Chantal or Chris or Beth or somebody here. It might be my husband, but I'll ask them for something and then I'll make sure next week I'm kind of asking again because you don't want to just do a one and done either because it makes it awkward still for you. The more you ask, you don't go overboard that way either.
00:25:06
Speaker
But the more you ask, the more likely that it'll it'll get less uncomfortable for you. I've actually started asking my kids for help but because I want them to know that even as adults, we need it. So I'll be like, hey, can you come help me unload the dishwasher? Can you help me put your clothes away? You know, help me pick up this because I want them to know that even as mom, I need help because I don't want them to feel like I do as an adult when it comes to asking for help.
00:25:35
Speaker
I also noticed too with my own mom because my mom did not ask for help and she did it all in her house. She just wanted to do it all. I went into my first apartment, not even knowing how to do laundry. Like it really didn't do me any good. So when my kids were like 12, 13, I said, listen, you're all doing your own laundry. I think they were 12. And what I said to them is, you know, we started off small, but I said, and if you don't put it away,
00:26:01
Speaker
you're wearing wrinkled clothes. So I like started these small things as well. Things too that people would really appreciate you asking for help. If I'm talking to caregivers out there of any kind, mom, dads, grandparents, whoever's watching, younger kids too, we in some senses are doing a disservice when we're not asking them to do help around the house. And I know some of you are listening and you're like, this does not even resonate with me, girl, because my kids have 14 chores a week. and But, you know, I didn't have a lot of chores because my mom wanted to kind of do it all and was used to doing it all. And at the end of the day, it would have been helpful for me to give her help. And like you just said, it would have been helpful for me not to consider her this superwoman because then I tried to emulate that and I fail every day miserably because I can't possibly keep it all together. And my mom still to this day
00:26:56
Speaker
I love my mom, and I don't think she'll ever listen to this podcast, and I love her, and she means well. But she will walk in my house and she'll be like, ooh, cuz let me be honest with you, Chantel, I don't clean my house anywhere near as well as my mom did. And I say to her, but I say to her, you were able to stay home. I am trying to do all that you did and work a 50 hour a week job.
00:27:22
Speaker
something has to be let go and I'm okay and I'm comfortable in it. But you know all of these things that we think we're helping and we're this smart and we're doing all this good really can hurt other people around us especially when we're young because I thought all these things about my mom and then I realized oh my gosh you know she really needed more help.
00:27:45
Speaker
But I didn't know. She didn't vocalize it. I was young. I had no idea. You know what's funny? You're talking about your mom coming over. My mom watched my kids before they started school and she would come to my house and watch my kids and I would come home and she'd be like, I cleaned your house for you. And I took that as an insult. I've never told her that. But I took it as an insult. Like, you're not doing a very good job. So I did it for you. right It might have been a gift. It probably was completely well-meaning, but it was hurtful for me. and And then I started becoming super stressed and super cleaning my house before she would come so that she wouldn't think poorly of my housekeeping skills. And wouldn't think that that needed to be one of the tasks put on her when she came over, which then yeah only put more on your workload. yeah
00:28:31
Speaker
It was, it was rough. And, and I, and again, I think she came from a completely well-meaning place, but because I'm a mom and and you were already feeling like you were dropping the ball then when she said that, you know, it's hard enough to leave your kids as babies. And then to have this feeling that, well, you're not keeping your house adequately for your babies either. oh I didn't sleep ever, ever. Yeah.
00:28:56
Speaker
You know, and i I wish I would have just said, you know what, mom, thank you for helping me. Right. You know, I can't keep this all together. Exactly. So if you want to clean when you're here, you don't have to. But if you want to, you can. Yeah. And also, I'm OK if things are a little bit cluttered. My house definitely looks lived in. And I say to my husband all the time, i like, he'll come home. I'll put purposely put on hoarders. And I'm like, and there you go, honey. He'll be like, ew. And I'm like, does your house look like that? It'll be like, no, I'm like, be quiet.
00:29:28
Speaker
But there's just so many great things that we can do. And, you know, because this podcast really is about us being vulnerable and authentic, which I think just talking to the masses, I've probably said more than even my closest friends know, just Chantel and I chatting with all of
Promoting Vulnerability and Authenticity
00:29:44
Speaker
you guys. It also means we want you guys to know that like the whole purpose of this podcast is to show like Like you can't keep it all together, but you also have to be compassionate and you've got to give yourself grace for it. I mentioned grace in almost every podcast. And if you don't know what grace is, grace really is being able to give yourself and others around you the ability to know that like we're not perfect. We are in by no means have it all together and it's okay.
00:30:14
Speaker
tomorrow's another day and the weekend is the weekend and if you can't get stuff done to the weekend then you do and if today you didn't ask anybody for help and you're like well Krista told me to and then I didn't okay maybe tomorrow you will small steps tomorrow is a new day tomorrow's a new day and giving yourself Grace for other people, I think, because if someone can't ask you for help, I'm talking about me personally, if you know that I am a person that won't accept help, sometimes you just have to do it. I have a surgery coming up and um I have a girlfriend that already said, um hey, listen, I know that you don't like help.
00:30:55
Speaker
And I know that you will not allow us to come every day to your house with food. She said, but I'm going to do once a week. She didn't really ask. She kind of told me, but nothing that is overwhelming and is going to be in my space. And she acknowledged how I am as a person. And she said, but this is what I'm going to do. And I'm like.
00:31:16
Speaker
Okay, so sometimes you have to give some grace for people that won't accept it. Don't take it personally, their work in progress. Chantel, nicest person, doesn't mean that she's, you know, ah not a nice person. She just, you know, it's hard for her to ask for help, but doing something helpful for her would be, you know, wonderful.
00:31:39
Speaker
Yeah, having grace for the person that you know, that that that that really doesn't know how to ask you when they need something. And I think being aware of that really this this awareness that my friend is falling apart.
00:31:53
Speaker
I'm just going to pick up her kids. I'm just going to book a massage. yeah I'm going to call her boss and say, hey, I'm going to surprise her. She's just going to come in an hour later today. Like, I don't know what that looks like. And it it doesn't have to be that extreme. You know, knocking on the door and saying, hey, let's sit outside in the porch for 10 minutes. What can I help you with?
00:32:13
Speaker
Yeah, let's go for a walk. Let's talk. Yeah. Let's cry. Let's scream. Let's yell whatever you need. That alone can open up a conversation. So somebody that is so afraid to ask for help can at least say things in a conversation that can guide you to ways that you can help them even if they don't ask you. yeah You know, they can give you little tidbits in a conversation that can make you say, okay, here's what I can do. And this is what I'm going to do for her tomorrow.
00:32:38
Speaker
or I'm going to have a conversation with so-and- so-and-so because you know they want her to be PTA president again. and I'm going to say to so-and-so, she's got a lot on her plate, don't ask. Little things that maybe you can do that can help relieve a burden on someone that you know doesn't really know what to ask you for. I don't know.
00:32:58
Speaker
Yeah, they're things. There are a lot of things. Yeah, we could talk about this for a very long time. We can. But I think what you and I are going to do is we are going to put it in action this week and next week. And we're going to go away for our break. We're we're podcasting this during ah the holidays. So of course we're stressed out.
00:33:18
Speaker
But we're going to, you know, come back and we're going to have a fresh mindset. But sometimes taking a lot off your plate and soaking and absorbing will let you come back fresh and will let you feel more comfortable asking people for help in areas you need. So Chantal,
00:33:36
Speaker
This is your homework over the next two weeks while you're on break and my homework too. We're gonna figure out areas that we can maybe use some help in and maybe have some conversations or even one or two conversations with people that we need to so that they can help us and take a little bit of the stress off our plate.
00:33:54
Speaker
Noted. Noted. I'm putting it on our calendar.
Conclusion and Charity Promotion
00:34:00
Speaker
Thank you so much for joining us today um on this latest edition. You know, the episodes, the podcast, it's all going so amazingly well. We have thousands of downloads and we're only seven, eight weeks in. We appreciate it. If you love what we're doing,
00:34:19
Speaker
You can go to sparrowsnestcharity.org, learn a little bit more about the charity. You can also join our Facebook page, which we are in the process of getting together on social media. But share this podcast with a friend wherever you get your podcast. And remember,
00:34:37
Speaker
Living authentically means that you need to give yourself some grace and you have to let others support you. Until next time, be kind to yourself and each other.