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Pregnancy Part 2 {Episode 7}
127 Plays6 years ago
We're back for part 2 of our pregnancy series! In this episode Bonnie and Audrey are talking about the 3rd trimester, preparing for birth and how to survive the postpartum days and weeks ahead. We'll talk about the good, the bad and the ugly, including Bonnie's hilarious post-partum story about bodily fluids.
Audrey's Maternity Sewing Guest episode (discussing prenatal anxiety)
Audrey's newborn capsule wardrobe
Bonnie's Book Recommendation: Gift of Giving Life
Audrey's Book Recommendation: The Vital Touch
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Podcast Overview
00:00:11
Speaker
Hello and welcome to Outnumbered the Podcast. I'm Bonnie. And I'm Audrey. And we're moms to a combined total of 16 kids with two more on the way. Yes, we know that sounds insane, and it usually is. But we're here to share the tips that help us keep our sanity and to share inspiring thoughts that help us get through each crazy day. Uninterrupted conversation is foreign to us, but we'll try. And we invite you to join us on our journey as we find joy in the chaos of motherhood.
Focus on Third Trimester and Postpartum
00:00:47
Speaker
Welcome back to Outnumbered the Podcast. I am Bonnie. And I'm Audrey. And this is episode number seven. Yeah. Welcome back to part two of us discussing pregnancy. If you haven't listened to part one, it's all about the first and second trimesters filled with lots of helpful tips. And that's episode six. So go listen to that first.
00:01:07
Speaker
Yeah, this episode we are moving on to discussing the third trimester, getting ready for the big event, that's birth, and also talking about those postpartum days.
00:01:18
Speaker
Yeah. And you'll also want to listen to episode five, where we talk about preparing your kids for birth. Yeah, that's right. We got a lot of good stuff in there.
Humorous Postpartum Stories
00:01:30
Speaker
So now it is time for this week's crazy mom moment. I am going to be sharing a story about one of those few postpartum days.
00:01:40
Speaker
after I had my second child, Toby. So it was kind of a wild birth. My first birth was actually a C-section. So the second was my first V-back. And it wasn't the best experience. It wasn't exactly what I'd been hoping for, basically. I had an epidural and it was really, really strong so I could feel nothing, which wasn't really what I was expecting because I didn't know how to push. So all these weird things, new sensations, new pushing, whatever. And Toby has a really big head.
00:02:10
Speaker
He's for the most part grown into it now, but at birth it was very large. So first vaginal birth, very large head, no sensation. It all added up into a pretty rocky emergence. And so like day two or something, I remember sitting on the bed
00:02:28
Speaker
And I sat up or moved in some way. And I remember feeling, okay, we're gonna get a little TMI here, but I remember feeling this gush of fluid and just thinking, wow, that was a lot of blood. And just kind of sitting there waiting for it to stop so I could get up and go to the bathroom and clean myself up. And it just didn't stop. And I'm like, what is happening? And then all of a sudden it dawned on me, it was pee. It was not blood. I was just sitting there straight up peeing in my bed.
00:02:56
Speaker
No big deal. And then I was just horrified. I went into the bathroom like, what's happening to me? I felt no release. I felt no urge to go. I felt nothing. It was awful. After that, I was like, all right, no more epidurals where I can't feel anything because that kind of screwed me up. So if that ever happens to you, you are not alone. It's OK. Yeah. It's pretty much the first time avoiding your pants of many.
00:03:24
Speaker
Okay, let's dive right back into this pregnancy discussion and talk about pickup where we left off at the third trimester.
Third Trimester Developments and Challenges
00:03:31
Speaker
Yeah, this is a super exciting trimester because you're almost done. Yeah. Internally, your baby is developing a lot more regular human traits, you know, like getting hair and fingernails and gaining a lot of fat, which is great because everybody loves chubby babies. Lots of movement. In fact, if you like the movement of the second trimester, hold on to your hat because third trimester, sometimes you just wish your kid would settle down and let you sleep, right?
00:03:57
Speaker
Um, and sometimes you can even identify body parts and movements. So, um, you know, a little, a little elbow sticks out and you're like, Oh, that's pokey. You know, or sometimes I like playing little games with my baby, you know, I'll push a body part and they'll push back. It's really fun.
00:04:13
Speaker
Oh, I remember one time feeling, this was with number eight, you know how when a newborn will, sometimes they'll yawn and stretch their limbs and their little fists will do that little wiggle thing right at the end of the year? I felt that inside. It was so cool.
00:04:30
Speaker
Oh, that's really cute. I know. And hiccups. Hiccups are the cutest thing ever. In fact, I have to say, when I was pregnant with my twins, if I hadn't known they were twins, my only clue would have been hiccups because they would often get hiccups at the same time, but like, you know, different rhythms. So I'd go hiccup, hiccup, hiccup, hiccup. That's the cutest thing ever. That is so cute. Cute until it's two in the morning and you can't sleep through it, right?
00:04:55
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Okay. Here's one thing I've noticed with hiccups is that when I am expecting a girl, they have hiccups way more often than a boy. Did you notice that? Really? No, I've never noticed that. You just have hiccups and girls, I guess. That's really cute.
00:05:12
Speaker
And externally, there's what happens to you is your belly grows so fast, sometimes you get stretch marks. One time, one pregnancy I got on my son that was over 10 pounds, I got a stretch mark where he was, I don't know, like high up on my right side, up by my ribs, like where he was trying to push out and get some more room or something. I got like one stretch mark that pregnancy right up there. Oh, that's funny. You're like, well, that was where he was trying to push out.
00:05:40
Speaker
Yeah. You get varicose veins, or some of us do. I'm one of those lucky few that gets to get varicose veins. Yay. And I guess I'm also one of the lucky ones because mine go away after pregnancy. Oh, that's good. That's awesome.
Pregnancy Weight Gain and Movement Challenges
00:05:59
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. But during pregnancy, did you know you have seven extra pounds of blood circulating in your body? Whoa, no wonder our veins can't handle it.
00:06:07
Speaker
They get kind of tired. Yeah, for sure. And then the last thing that happens externally to me is, well, my belly button, it just starts poking out. Does yours do that? Yes. And I've always been a little embarrassed. Like I don't know whether I should, like if it's okay to wear like tighter shirts where everybody can see my belly button sticking out three inches or if I should like
00:06:29
Speaker
band-aid it down or something. I actually come up and poke it. I'm like, don't poke it. It hurts. Yeah. You know what? On my first few pregnancies, I did. I'd like band-aid or tape it down when I go out so people wouldn't like, you know, it's like your eye goes right to that little tongue. It's like a third eye. But these last few pregnancies, I'm like, eh, whatever. You don't care anymore. Look at my belly button. I don't care. That's funny.
00:06:56
Speaker
Yeah, and so those are the things that, you know, are not always great positives at the end of pregnancy. Some other ones are you often feel like you're as big as a house. You're really tired again, only it's a different kind of exhaustion from the first trimester, like we talked about in the last episode. First trimester is just kind of, it almost feels like you have the flu, I felt like, like just this, you know, almost kind of a, can't even get out of bed sort of thing. The exhaustion in the third trimester is much more,
00:07:25
Speaker
of a worn out nature because you really are big and your body is working so much harder to cart around all this extra weight and more blood. It feels a little bit different. It feels like you've run a marathon every single day. Exactly. If you try to take laundry upstairs, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. Oh my gosh. Exactly. Just going upstairs makes you break into a sweat.
00:07:50
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
Appetite and Sleep Challenges
00:07:52
Speaker
Exactly. One time I saw this product that you could buy. I don't think we're going to link this one in the show notes. We'd lose too many followers. But you could buy, for your husband, you could buy a pseudo pregnancy, a weighted
00:08:09
Speaker
kind of like backpack, except it goes on the front that they could wear. So they could wear it for like an hour and see what it felt like to have this huge belly and all this extra weight. Yeah, I love it. Well, and the hard thing is, you know, pregnancy is unlike any other type of weight gain, right? It's very centralized. And so even if you gain 30 or 40 pounds just normally, it doesn't feel like pregnancy because
00:08:35
Speaker
your balance is off and the trickiest part for me is squeezing through spaces. I'll try to get between two chairs at a restaurant and end up bumping into two strangers. I'm like, I'm sorry, I thought I could do it. I guess I can't this week. So it's just like when a kid has a growth spurt and they're suddenly bumping their head on the table because they're an inch taller. Tripping all over themselves. Yeah, for sure. So definitely an adjustment as you get used to this strange, extra
00:09:04
Speaker
weight and heavy thing you're carrying around everywhere. And then in the third trimester, you often experience less of an appetite. So second trimester, I always feel really great and I'm eating a ton and good healthy stuff. And by third trimester, oftentimes I'm just too tired and also there's not a lot of room. So especially when I was pregnant with twins, I remember thinking,
00:09:26
Speaker
I am starving all the time, but I will eat three bites and then I'm full. And then I'm hungry again in 20
Exercise Benefits During Pregnancy
00:09:32
Speaker
minutes. It just gets really exhausting. So that's something to watch out for.
00:09:36
Speaker
Yes. I found that eating a lot of small meals rather than trying to eat three meals a day is really helpful. Right. For sure. The three meal a day thing definitely doesn't really work because you can't pack enough in there to last you another three or four hours. So I agree with that. And then third trimester, there's always some difficulty sleeping. You get big and then you have to wake up to the bathroom a hundred million times.
00:10:02
Speaker
Yes, I know. Feeling the baby move a lot and then often some Braxton Hicks contractions toward the end, which are these practice contractions as your uterus is getting ready to deliver the baby. So lots of new stuff. Hey, you know one thing. Here's another thing I've learned through my pregnancies about Braxton Hicks contractions. The more that I exercise, the fewer Braxton Hicks contractions I have. Have you noticed that?
00:10:26
Speaker
No, I haven't. I honestly don't hardly get them at all. I don't have any practice contractions. Pretty much I have a contraction and that's the day I give birth.
00:10:34
Speaker
That's not true the last couple of pregnancies I've got a couple but usually only the last week or so So it hasn't ever really been something I've been concerned about but that's really interesting Yeah, that's something I've noticed for the last Like two or three pregnancies for me when I've exercised pretty pretty faithfully that I don't have hardly any Braxton Hicks contractions like I asked a personal trainer about it and he said well Yeah, he said if you are exercising and getting your muscles ready, then your body doesn't wouldn't have to
00:11:04
Speaker
Get your, get ready for the incident. I don't know. Maybe it's just me. Peak physical condition. Good for you. That's interesting. All right. Another, another vote for exercising. Woo hoo.
Anxiety and Mental Preparation for Birth
00:11:16
Speaker
All right. Then mentally, um, you might have some anxiety about giving birth and this is actually, um, my midwife told me more common, um, the more births you have, uh, you forget about it. It happens to me too.
00:11:28
Speaker
Yeah, you forget about it when you're not pregnant anymore. But the closer you get to the event, the more anxiety you get about it. And I actually was interviewed on the maternity sewing podcast. We can link to that in the show notes. A whole episode about perinatal anxiety. So anxiety before you give birth. Yeah, that's great. It's definitely something to make sure that you're aware of because
00:11:53
Speaker
It hits everyone, and if you're not expecting it, it can be scary, like, oh no, it's intuition, something's gonna go wrong, or I can't do this, or totally normal. It's a big, life-changing event. And not only the actual birth itself, but just the fact that that means your baby's gonna be here, both exciting and also really nerve-wracking sometimes.
00:12:12
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. One thought that always helps me is that to think of all the women through history that have given birth. Yeah, yeah.
Emotional and Body Image Changes
00:12:20
Speaker
I can do a deck and do one more. Emotionally, there's going to be a lot of changes that third trimester, like we said, getting ready for the baby, super exciting, also anxious.
00:12:34
Speaker
And then there could be some effects from the sleeplessness, you know, so some of us have it better than others, but regardless, you're not going to be getting as much sleep that third trimester. And I always think that that's like my practice for having a newborn, right?
00:12:48
Speaker
Having a newborn is sometimes not half as bad as making it through a night of nine months pregnant body. But that can mess with your mind a little bit. If you're not getting enough sleep, it can make you overly anxious and stressed out. So be aware of that. Try to sneak in naps where you can and make up for that loss of sleep.
00:13:05
Speaker
Yeah, one thing that I did, I had it so bad, my last pregnancy toward the end, one thing I did was to finally get up at either one time when I would wake up like, oh, say four or five in the morning, I would get up and I would fix myself a little bit of food and take a few vitamins and then about an hour later, go back and take another nap.
00:13:26
Speaker
Oh, that's smart. Yeah. Try to catch up on a little more sleep that way. Right. And stop fighting it in bed. Just get up and do something and then maybe you can get yourself tired again. Yeah. Yeah. Like that. Okay. Here's one topic that I've never done, but I'm very intrigued by it. Have you ever had any pregnancy photography done?
00:13:46
Speaker
You know, not really, not like specifically for pregnancy. I've done, you know, some pregnancy just blog related while I'm not pregnant. Some photography blog related while I'm pregnant. But I do like the idea of doing a photo shoot just simply to highlight this amazing belly you're growing. I think it's pretty cool.
00:14:06
Speaker
Yeah, I remember asking my husband on one of our first pregnancies saying, just tell me the truth. Do you find my body really, really gross? Because I'm like, I do. I'm so grossed out by my body.
00:14:22
Speaker
And he was so sweet and he was like, no, he said, your body, that's my baby in there and your body is so beautiful to me. One thing I like to do is, I think pregnancy photography, I've never had it done either, but it's really cute and I like to look at it and like, oh,
00:14:45
Speaker
I, I think a good thing to look at maybe, you know, Google is like some celebrity and that, you know, they're pregnant and look at that because they're always insane. She does weird things.
00:14:56
Speaker
Yeah. And you know, it's interesting about body image in pregnancy. It's so hard for us sometimes to wrap our minds around, around the fact that, uh, you know, this is still our body and that it's beautiful because it's changing so much and there's so many weird things happening. But one thing that's interesting that I remember with my first pregnancy was that I felt like I was stared at a lot and not in a negative way, like in a positive way. In fact, I felt like more men looked at me and my body and it was a little awkward. I remember, you know, like crossing the street.
00:15:26
Speaker
and feeling like ogled all the time and thinking, this is weird. And my husband was like, well, you know, biologically, you, you're fertile. So I guess that's attractive. That's weird. That's really weird. Like, it really is a miracle. And it's so it really is beautiful to pretty much everyone but you a lot of the times because you're the one suffering through the bad part of it. But to remind yourself that yeah, it is a beautiful thing.
00:15:53
Speaker
Yes, definitely. One thing I notice that I get more during pregnancy is like men will hold open doors for me more often. Just kind of like a nod of respect toward you carrying a baby in your body. Yeah, take advantage of that. I'm kind of a really fiercely independent person and I'm the kind of person that will never ask for help at Home Depot because I feel like every time they ask me for help it's just because I'm a woman.
00:16:18
Speaker
I'm sorry like that. But when I'm pregnant, I really relish that. I really appreciate when people do me the favor of holding open a door or asking me if they can help me carry a box or something. I just think it's neat. See, chivalry isn't dead, at least if you're pregnant.
00:16:37
Speaker
So I like to bring it up, this idea of pregnancy photography connected with positive body image because it is so easy, so common to think of your body as just something wrong because it's not like it used to be.
00:16:52
Speaker
And it won't ever be like it used to be again after pregnancy. But the other day I was thinking about it and I thought, well, what better cause would I be willing to ruin my body for? And that is a sad thing to me that I
00:17:10
Speaker
feel like it's really common nowadays for society and women at large to think, oh, I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to give up my body. I'm not going to, you know, like you say, ruin it. But I think that that's just something that happens as people allow themselves to get a little bit too fixated on the things that don't really matter. Because let's be honest, how long is your body going to last in its peak physical condition? 10 years, maybe? Exactly. Like, you might not want to ruin it in your 20s, but guess what? In 20 years, it's going to be ruined anyway.
00:17:40
Speaker
You might as well have a baby. And I've thought about that before too, because I've been pregnant a lot from my mid-20s to almost 40 and thinking, oh, I probably could have been in really great shape in those years. But instead I'm making life. I can't really diss that. I mean, what a great use of a healthy body, right? There's really no greater one.
00:18:04
Speaker
My oldest daughter said something really sweet to me the other day when I was kind of discussing this topic with her. She said, mom, she said, I don't see it that way at all. She said, I see it as you taking your power and multiplying it across all these kids that you have.
00:18:19
Speaker
Oh, that's cool. Oh, you're doing something good with that one. That's really cool. That's really cool. And like we talked about in the last episode, the way we project our attitude about our own bodies and the work we're doing as procreating mothers is the way other people will see us, especially our own children and our friends and family around us. Like we were saying in announcing pregnancies, there have been times when I haven't wanted to be like, Rah, Rah, because I feel sick. But to put on
00:18:49
Speaker
to put across this face as, it's a miracle. We're so excited. And I'm so happy that my body can do this. Helps our own attitudes with it as well.
00:18:59
Speaker
Right. Exactly. And one thing I wanted to say about that is sometimes people will mention to the child after they're born how their parents felt about them during pregnancy. Like if you were to, I've heard other parents say, Oh, did you know that your parents didn't want you? I mean, what a horrible thing to say to a kid. I know. I know. That's why I will not, I will neither confirm nor deny whether all of my pregnancies were planned, but I'm telling that kid, you know, we're excited for everyone because that's a horrible thing to think.
00:19:29
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
Birth Decisions and Care Provider Alignment
00:19:32
Speaker
So the third trimester is also the time to make birth decisions. And it's actually like the latest bit of time you can make those decisions. You could probably be thinking about that earlier, but it's an important time to really wrap our head around this big event that is coming. And to be aware of the options that are out there.
00:19:49
Speaker
And especially I've found out it's important to be aware of the birthing trends in your local medical community. So what I mean by that is take a little bit of time, do a little bit of research on how many C-sections happen at your local hospital or wherever you're going, how many doctors are more likely to induce you than not. Just to be aware of the interventions that are common and put into practice, ask some questions. One thing I found out that
00:20:19
Speaker
if you see an OB who delivers at a hospital, that your OB might have specific ways of doing things, but your hospital might have different policies. So for example, I had an OB who was like, oh yes, I'm totally willing to let you go as long as possible without inducing you and let you try for a vaginal birth after a C-section, et cetera.
00:20:39
Speaker
and then come to find out that the hospital had different, more conservative policies. And that was kind of disappointing to think, wait, I thought these were my options. So to just be aware of what's happening, my first pregnancy I had all sorts of expectations and then things just didn't turn out that way. And they often don't, but you can save yourself a lot of heartache by just being aware of what is common and what you're likely to encounter during birth.
00:21:05
Speaker
Right, exactly. And I think it's okay and a good idea to interview your main care provider and see if your personality works with them. And if it doesn't, it's okay to move on to somebody else. Or if partway through the care, your instincts are telling you this just is not going to work out, it's okay to switch.
00:21:26
Speaker
Yeah. And you can actually switch care providers very late in pregnancy. I highly recommend switching even if it's late rather than going through a birth with someone that you just don't really trust or you don't really feel super comfortable with. Birth is probably the most vulnerable moment in your life. And if you don't feel comfortable with the person who's administering your care, that's not good. You want to be really, really 100% ready for it. Definitely.
00:21:55
Speaker
Yeah. And then like if you choose to go a natural route with a home birth, it's really important to find out the laws on home birth and midwifery in your state. Like for example, we lived in Oregon for several of our first pregnancies and the midwives are completely legal, home birth is legal, et cetera. And so you open the phone book to the yellow pages and you just start interviewing midwives. It's very open.
00:22:23
Speaker
But then when we moved back to the Midwest, the laws here are all different. And so the current state that we live in, it was legal to have your baby at home when we first moved back, but there was no provision for a midwife to be legal.
00:22:42
Speaker
And so you had to find a, they were illegal. They were neither legal nor illegal. And so you, it was legal to have home birth and it was legal to have a licensed professional with you at your birth, but there was no way for midwives to get licensed. So there was no procedure for them. Interesting. Okay. Yeah. So you had to find your midwife if you chose to do that route by word of mouth and find somebody else who'd had a home birth. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I really like how you talk about, um,
00:23:09
Speaker
interviewing different providers with my first birth. I didn't really think about that. It wasn't really on my radar. I just thought all obese were basically kind of created equal and I just found a big practice that a couple of people had recommended and I went that way. You can save yourself a lot of anxiety by just going out there and talking to people and not discounting one type of birth over another before you've had a chance to look into it.
Baby Preparation and Baby Showers
00:23:31
Speaker
Okay, so moving on to preparing for having your baby. There are a bunch of different ways you can do this. So some people decide to go out and buy all brand new things and make this
00:23:43
Speaker
great, gorgeous little nursery. Some people are more minimalistic and decide they just want a new packet of onesies and a little crib. There's really no wrong way to prepare for your baby. One thing that I've heard of, so I obviously love baby showers. If someone wants to throw your baby shower, I think it's a great idea. Fun way to celebrate mom. But if you've already had one baby or you feel like
00:24:08
Speaker
Like materially you're prepared for a baby, you know, you don't need a lot of things. One idea I thought I heard of recently was to have a service oriented baby shower. So, yeah, it was really cool. A friend of mine did this for someone she knew that mom didn't really need a lot of things. I think it was like her third baby.
00:24:27
Speaker
But instead, everyone who came donated some active service. So it was, I'll bring you two meals after your baby or I will come for two hours and hold your baby while you take a shower or I woke up. All these great ideas for helping mom out after she had the baby.
00:24:44
Speaker
That's awesome. And then there's, if you start Googling it, you'll find hundreds of lists of what you need to have before you have a baby as far as clothing and toys and different containers and how to get ready and all this. And a lot of those lists I find to be pretty impractical.
00:24:59
Speaker
They inevitably have some item on them that you never use. So I mean, before you have your first baby, you don't really know what list is going to work for you or not, but through more pregnancies and babies, you figure out what you need. So tell me, do you have any item that you bought or received or something that you never used? Oh yeah. I have about 10 of those.
00:25:23
Speaker
In fact, I was just going to suggest that, you know, really, really, as we've gotten through more and more babies, I've realized what do we really, truly need? Okay. We need a pack of onesies, a blanket, and a car seat. That's it.
00:25:38
Speaker
You know, my baby can sleep in bed with me. You know what I mean? Like all these other things that are unnecessary. So we've really whittled our list down. But I remember with my first, I bought all the things. And one of them was, I was really anxiety ridden back then. I've chilled out a little bit, but I was just really, really, really paranoid about SIDS or my baby stopping breathing or whatever. So I bought this. Nowadays they have a ton of these different devices that can alert you if your baby's in distress.
00:26:06
Speaker
Back then it was like this little plastic pad that went under the mattress and like sounded an alarm if your baby stopped breathing. And my brother bought this thing with like $150, like way more than we had to spend back then. And I used it for like maybe a week. And then I just woke up one morning and I was like, this is ridiculous. I am just living in fear that my kids, he had no medical problems, no reason at all why he would just stop breathing. And so I just took it back to the store. I was like, oh, that was kind of silly. I just was kind of buying into my fears, you
Choosing Baby Gear and Clothes
00:26:36
Speaker
know?
00:26:36
Speaker
Yeah. One thing that I've learned to dispense with through the years is baby toys. The only ones that play with them is my toddler, and that's fine. I mean, you know, bring something to keep my toddler entertained, but as far as baby toys, like the babies can't do anything, so they really don't need toys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So has there been one thing that you didn't think that you needed that you ended up using? Oh, that's a good question. Let me see.
00:27:00
Speaker
But one item of clothing that I really, really love, and it's like the only thing I put my baby in at first is, and I didn't know this before, those little baby gowns that are open at the bottom and with elastic, you know, they just elastic around the bottom and then they're like a gown.
00:27:17
Speaker
Cause then you can almost change the baby's diaper without it even waking up. Yeah, I love those too. Those are great. Um, with my first, I didn't register for or ask for this thing, but somebody just brought it to me and it was like my favorite thing ever. It was a little tiny bouncy chair. It was just kind of like a little, you know,
00:27:35
Speaker
sling type chair, super affordable, cheap one. And I used it all the time when I was in the shower because I thought, if he's awake, I don't want to just lay him down and he'll probably start to cry. So I could put him in this little chair and stick him outside the shower because he was a really callicky one. So if he didn't see me or hear me, he was crying. But that kind of saved my life. I'm like, or I could put him in it and finish chopping vegetables for dinner or something.
00:28:01
Speaker
Yeah, you just never know what's going to save your life. And you'll learn those things as you go. But I have a list. I did a blog post. I kept a list last time with my last baby of the actual items that she actually used in her wardrobe. And so we can link to that in the show notes. Yeah. Another tip, one last tip about this is it doesn't hurt to borrow the things that you think you might need, but you're not sure of.
00:28:26
Speaker
So besides some basic clothes and blankets, you can borrow a swing or a bouncy chair or a baby wrap. I had a couple of kids that loved being worn and would never want me to put them down and other ones that hated it.
00:28:38
Speaker
And once I bought a really expensive carrier and my kid could not stand being on me, he just wanted to be on his own. And I thought, well, great, Greg, glad I spent 80 bucks on that. But to borrow them and then if they end up being a great asset, you can give it back and buy your own. Yeah, exactly. My neighbor, my very sweet neighbor loaned us. We kind of shared one of those baby strollers with the great big wheels, not the little ones that you would just use.
00:29:04
Speaker
Yeah, jogging. Yeah, jogging stroller. And that was like, we're going to the zoo or something. She's like, oh, you've got to take my jogging stroller. And I was like, okay, now I need one of those. Doesn't always take up space in your garage if you don't end up using it a lot, right? Yes. Yeah. Okay. So once we're prepared for the baby and the baby comes out, which we'll talk about in another episode,
00:29:24
Speaker
We've got that special postpartum time.
Feeding Decisions and Postpartum Adjustments
00:29:27
Speaker
So there's a couple decisions we need to make ahead of time for that. And one of them is breastfeeding versus bottle feeding. And there's so many different things to say about that. So we will be doing a full episode on those two options in the future. But that's something to do out and definitely do a little research on beforehand.
00:29:44
Speaker
Yeah, you want to know and be prepared for both, actually either one. Yeah, or a combination. Internally, your body after you give birth is going to change. Your uterus shrinks and you don't have this after your first birth, but every birth after that you have after pains, which was something I wasn't prepared for. Yes, I was also not prepared for how they increase in pain and severity with each child.
00:30:12
Speaker
The last couple of days I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm in labor again. This hurts. Like your body, like you said, your uterus gets a little lazy, so it needs to work harder or something. Yeah. And there's no baby coming because of it. I always see those after pains as such a waste because they're not helping get a baby out. Yeah. I already got my baby out and it still hurts. What the heck? They're not really a waste. They're helping your uterus shrink back down to size, but there's no baby reward when you're done. Right.
00:30:40
Speaker
Yeah, and just an FYI, if this is your first baby and you're listening, they basically just kind of feel like contractions. So like some cramping and oftentimes extra bleeding when that cramping happens, but it's just shrinking that uterus back down to size. And that's a really important thing so that you don't continue to bleed and put yourself at risk, but just FYI. Right.
00:30:57
Speaker
Yeah. And sometimes they can make you, the severity of the pain can make you physically nauseous. So be prepared with a bit. Yeah. And they, you know, oftentimes your provider will offer you some sort of pain after birth or pain relief after birth. And that's usually why just, you know, a little bit of time and all or something to take the edge off can be helpful so you can enjoy your baby. Yep.
00:31:19
Speaker
And then externally, your body has some changes as well. If you think your breasts grow during pregnancy, wait until your baby comes out. My first was the worst for that. And I remember thinking, who am I? Dolly Parton, just take over my body. What is this?
00:31:38
Speaker
Am I going to be like this the rest of my life? Yes, you won't. And if you are breastfeeding, then oftentimes they can become really engorged. Well, and even if you're not, that will probably happen for a couple of days until your milk dries up. So that means they get hard and really uncomfortable. It can be really tough to sleep for a while. You think, oh, I can sleep on my back now. And then that might be it for a while because the playing on your stomach isn't very comfortable.
00:32:02
Speaker
Right. It's sometimes helpful to have a breast pump on hand just to relieve some of that engorgement. Absolutely. And then be aware that your stomach is going to look really weird for a while and you're going to feel really unattractive for a while. So my first was a C-section and they wanted me to get up and get in the shower fairly quickly after the birth and I was so sore and miserable. I couldn't even really wash myself. And my husband was in there helping me and I just remember being
00:32:30
Speaker
so embarrassed and thinking I look so ugly. This is so awful. And that is totally normal. Your body just grew a human inside of it. And now coming back from it, it's going to look really weird for a while. And that's okay. And to just be super patient and loving with your body and try to embrace every step and just say, Oh, look, this is the this is the stage where my stomach looks like a totally stretched out balloon.
00:32:53
Speaker
Yeah, and sometimes there's changes in the color of the pigment of your skin too. Yeah. So that was kind of weird to me, like you get like a dark stripe or something and you're like, what? This is weird. Yeah, lots of strange things. But thankfully your body is producing hormones to help you go through all these changes and it'll take care of itself naturally. Promise, eventually it will. Yes, it will. It will. Your stomach won't look like a California raisin forever.
00:33:21
Speaker
Exactly. Exactly. Best advice is to remember that it takes your body nine months to grow this human. It's going to take nine months or longer to look like some semblance of normal again, and that's okay. Sometimes it takes longer and sometimes it takes less time, but to just be patient and enjoy your unique journey. Yes, exactly. That is a good thing to remember. It's not going to go away overnight unless you're some celebrity and you have a tummy tuck or something. Right.
00:33:45
Speaker
Right. And please do not get on social media and look at other women that have just had babies because there are a lot out there with some really great genes and you do not want to make yourself feel bad. Just embrace your own journey. One thing I always say to a woman who's had a baby with a young baby, like in the first month or two, I always say, I can't believe you just gave birth like two weeks, three weeks, whatever. I go, you look amazing. Yes. Always say that to a new mom. You have to. Yes. Because it makes us all feel amazing.
00:34:14
Speaker
And then physically, for you, motherhood has begun. And like we were talking earlier, it's changed your body forever. You won't ever have your pre-pregnancy body again. And that's okay. I'd never trade my pre-pregnancy body for a life without kids. No, no way. No way. I didn't even know enough to appreciate it back then anyway. Yeah, exactly. I know. I think of that too. You know, here I am.
00:34:40
Speaker
Let's see, what am I, 42 I think? And I'm having all these pregnancies and I'm like, man, I sure did not appreciate my body when I was 22. What's that line that goes, I wish I was as fat as I was when I thought I was fat.
00:34:55
Speaker
You're like, I just can't stand my body. You're like, oh, you have no idea, honey. Sometimes I look at my kids, my little, especially my little girls and I like, you know, toddler and I'd be like, man, her body is so beautiful and so perfect. But I think it would be important to see my body also as beautiful and perfect because it's done what it was designed to do. Yes. Yes. Yeah.
00:35:21
Speaker
Well, and I think it's like the difference between a home. So let's say you buy a brand new home, right? And you walk in and it's gorgeous. Everything is pristine. There's not a mark on any floor or baseboard. It's just immaculate. And you think, oh my gosh, this is beautiful. And then you live there 10 years with your kids and your husband and your family. And it looks a little bit beat up, right? Now there's scuff everywhere and dents everywhere and the paint's chipped off. And it can be tempting to look at that and go, ew, I hate this. This is so ugly now.
00:35:50
Speaker
But instead to embrace it and say, oh my gosh, that scuff, that's where, you know, little Johnny kicked off his shoes for the 47th time after coming in from playing basketball. Or that chip on the wall is where my kids love to, in my old house, my kids would like to drag each other around with ropes. I mean, they didn't tie each other up, but they would tie up a towel or something and put the kid on the towel. And so there were always like rope burns in the corners of my wall because they drag each other around.
00:36:16
Speaker
And when I left, honestly, that made me tear up because I'm remembering all the different ways that they played and enjoyed each other. So I think that's kind of how we have to look at our bodies. Like, sure, we can be tempted to think, ugh, those varicose veins, ugh, those stretch marks, gross. Or we can say, that's what grew my sweet little girl. And that's what helped me. That little stinker of a boy who, you know, always bit me. I love that analogy. That's great.
Motherhood Emotional Growth and Podcast Purpose
00:36:41
Speaker
And then emotionally, there's going to be some changes after birth as well, which is no surprise for this very hormonal time of life. Right after you have a baby, there's this hormone that goes through you that is like the ecstasy hormone, right? You feel amazing. You can leap a building in a single bound. You are superwoman. You can do anything, and you're so happy to have this baby. It's thrilling.
00:37:07
Speaker
But definitely like you're like you're super woman because you just came. Yeah, you are exactly. It's a wonderful, wonderful feeling. And then later on, usually a day to three or four days after some postpartum blues can start to set in.
00:37:24
Speaker
And an interesting thing about this is that this was one thing that surprised me and was really hard to deal with for probably my first three or four pregnancies because I do not like feeling in a funk. There's a lot of depression in my family and it always makes me nervous like, oh, is this going to settle in and stay?
00:37:41
Speaker
And then after that, I came to accept it and just expect it as a natural form of those postpartum days. And it doesn't bother me anymore. And I've been really grateful to be able to wrap my mind around that. So it's no longer this, oh, I'm so overwhelmed. Look at my body. Look at this. I can't take care of this baby. All these negative feelings start piling up. And when they start that now, I just kind of embrace it and say, yeah,
00:38:07
Speaker
I'm kind of chubby right now. That's all right. It'll go away. And just kind of settle into this phase and just be okay with it. But FYI, if that doesn't go away, if you're going on week two, three, four, and you still feel awful, then that could be postpartum depression. And to really be aware of that and be willing to go
00:38:27
Speaker
get help if you think something is not right or let your husband know, please help me out. Definitely. If I look like I'm having a hard time, sometimes it's hard to ask for help yourself. And then, you know, like I said, there's that overwhelm dealing with a new human being is really scary. Sometimes you think I'm not ready for this. I'm not prepared for this, but that goes away. You get used to it. You're all your baby needs. So settle in. Exactly.
00:38:52
Speaker
Mentally, this motherhood journey changes you a lot. It's like you will never be the same person again mentally, just like you're never going to be the same person again physically. Really, that's a good thing. I think that's one of the main reasons Bonnie and I had decided to start Outnumbered, the podcast, is because we both have had such phenomenal experiences in our lives changing for the better, right, Bonnie? Yeah, for sure.
00:39:18
Speaker
Like you said, you'd never go back to the body you had before and give up those kids. I would never go back to who I was emotionally and mentally because I have learned and grown so much. And there's been failures in the way, but so much success and so much love and joy through it all. So that's what we want. What we're here for is we want to reach out to you who might be feeling alone.
00:39:37
Speaker
and let you know that you're not and you're doing a great job. Absolutely. So stay tuned, right Bonnie? That's right. We got lots more to come. We're loving doing this podcast and so we hope we are loving listening to it as well. That's right. And we're going to wrap up today's episode with a couple of recommendations that will help you out in your pregnancy and your postpartum days and through birth as well. My recommendation is the book called The Gift of Giving Life and we'll link to that. It is a book, it is a huge book.
00:40:06
Speaker
full of essays and articles and wonderful stories of women who have embraced pregnancy and birth, specifically from a spiritual perspective. So I love that because I think that becoming a mother really is a spiritual thing and everything I've read in that book has just really helped me prepare a little bit better for becoming a mother.
00:40:24
Speaker
That sounds like an amazing book and the book I'd like to recommend is called The Vital Touch. I recommend that every woman read it during pregnancy. The subtitle is how intimate contact with your baby leads to happier, healthier development. So it's about skin to skin contact and it's
00:40:41
Speaker
one of the most revolutionary books that I read during my first pregnancy and has kind of shaped the way that we raise our kids. So anyway, that's our recommendation and my recommendation, and we'll link to that one in the show notes too. Yeah, that sounds awesome. Thanks so much for listening, you guys, and we will see you again next time on the Outnumbered Podcast. Bye.
00:41:03
Speaker
Thanks so much for listening to Outnumbered the Podcast. You can contact us at outnumberedthepodcastatgmail.com and find us on Instagram at outnumberedthepodcast. We're so grateful for our listeners and would love it if you take the time to leave us an honest review on iTunes, Stitcher, or any other podcast platform. And don't forget to share the podcast with your mom friends. Can't wait to talk next time. Bye.