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Kids and a New Sibling {Episode 5}
152 Plays6 years ago
New baby on the way? In this episode we discuss so many ways to get your other child or children ready for the new baby. We cover preparing the former baby for the new baby, preparing older children for the new baby, preparing kids for when you are away giving birth, and preparing kids to attend a birth. This is a topic we're excited to share our knowledge and tips with you!
Show notes:
Audrey recommends the Welcome with Love book
Audrey recommends the Birth Into Being waterbirth video and the Gentle Birth Choices documentary
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Podcast Overview
00:00:11
Speaker
Hello and welcome to Outnumber the Podcast. I'm Bonnie. And I'm Audrey. And we're moms to a combined total of 16 kids with two more on the way. Yes, we know that sounds insane, and it usually is. But we're here to share the tips that help us keep our sanity and to share inspiring thoughts that help us get through each crazy day. Uninterrupted conversation is foreign to us, but we'll try. And we invite you to join us on our journey as we find joy in the chaos of motherhood.
00:00:47
Speaker
Welcome back to episode five of Outnumbered the Podcast.
How to Prepare Children for a New Baby
00:00:50
Speaker
We're super excited to talk to you about today's topic. Today, Bonnie and I are going to discuss a topic we both have quite a bit of experience with because we get asked questions about it all the time. That's right. The question is, how do you help your current kids get ready for a new baby that's coming into the family? We could also probably record quite a few things not to say and do, right?
00:01:13
Speaker
Is there something that people always tend to say to your kids that just makes you great? Well, I just can't stand it when they make it seem like the current baby is going to get misplaced or displaced, I guess is the word. And yeah, that kind of happens, but like don't freak them out about it. Oh, you're not going to be the baby anymore. I'm like, shush up. She doesn't need to know that.
00:01:33
Speaker
Yeah, that's the exact thing that they say, that you're not going to be the baby anymore. And I'm just like, yeah, but they get to be big sisters. Yeah, yeah, let's be the positive here. So we'll dive into this topic after this week's kids quotes. It was raining one day this week and my
00:01:52
Speaker
seven-year-old was headed outside. He's the one who gathers the eggs. So I asked him to head outside and gather the eggs. It was raining and he said, but mom, it's raining. And I said, well, go put on your raincoat. I spent a long time making him a raincoat earlier in the year and I worked with fabric that
00:02:12
Speaker
It was really hard to work with. It gave me a headache. It had this horrible smell. And so anyway, I spent all this time making him and his brother matching raincoats. They're camo and they love these raincoats. So, you know, not a big deal. Go put on your favorite raincoat. And he says, well, can I take an umbrella too? And I said, no, just you have a raincoat on. Put the hood up, go get the eggs. So he's grumbling some more. And I said, sweetie, please go get the eggs. And he says, you call me sweetie and you don't even love me.
00:02:43
Speaker
Faker As he's wearing this raincoat that you made with your blood sweat and tears Only you knew kid only you know, that's
Preparing Kids for a New Sibling: Strategies and Tips
00:02:53
Speaker
great. Yeah
00:02:55
Speaker
All right, so we've split this episode on preparing kids for a new baby into four main parts. Number one, preparing the former baby of the family for the new baby. Yep, and number two is preparing the rest of the older kids for the new baby. Number three, preparing kids for when you're away giving birth and they're not there. Right?
00:03:12
Speaker
And then number four, preparing to have kids attend your birth if you're interested in that. Or crazy enough. That's right. So let's start with what we do to help the former baby get ready before the new baby arrives. One thing we always are very careful to do is to always talk in positive terms. So frame it in what they're going to be able to do, things they can do, yeses rather than don'ts, can'ts, and nos. And we just really slow down and think about it
00:03:40
Speaker
and use positive talk around the arrival of the new baby. Yeah, I like that a lot. I think that there's so much for them to learn in handling a baby and how to treat it and how life is going to change that framing everything very positively can really go a long way in making your kid excited instead of dreading this new thing that's coming, right? Right. It's like setting the stage. Right. Exactly.
00:04:02
Speaker
Yeah, so another thing is, so many of us, you know, have kids close together. And so the older kids aren't really surprised when a new baby comes, right? So I remember when we had the twins, my oldest was, let's see, six. And he had good memory of having a younger sibling come into the house. And he also had cousins who had new babies in their houses. So it wasn't a big surprise for him. But not every family is like that sometimes. There's a big gap between kids. Sometimes there's no family nearby or no other families that have babies by you, you know?
00:04:32
Speaker
And so being able to expose a sibling to a newborn or someone else's baby before having your own baby is really helpful because they can understand exactly what that baby looks like, what they can do, what they can't do, how careful they'll have to be holding it. They really wrap their head around this concept of a new baby is coming.
00:04:53
Speaker
Yeah, and then they kind of have this inborn awe about tiny things, so that helps to get those juices going too. Right, I'm excited about it. Have you ever noticed that most books about the arrival of a new baby are pretty negative? Yeah, I have. That's really true actually.
00:05:11
Speaker
Like the Bernstein Bears, you know, it's all about jealousy and how, you know, I just, one of my top tips is just to stay away from sibling jealousy books. Just like, don't even introduce that thought. Right. And if anybody brings that up, you can just say, oh, that would never happen. We are so excited for our new baby. Don't ever let the thought into their mind, right?
00:05:29
Speaker
Exactly. Good. Something that's been really beneficial to us, it seems kind of really basic to an adult, but it's to talk to your kids about what babies can and can't do when they come out of mom's tummy, right? So like for a lot of kids, when you say baby, they think a crawling baby or a toddler or someone who's littler than them and can't do a lot of things but is still very mobile and can talk and that sort of thing.
00:05:53
Speaker
to introduce a newborn to kids is sometimes kind of terrifying. You know, I've had kids say, I can't wait for the baby to come out of your tummy. We can watch TV together and we can all share my yogurt with her. And I'm like, Oh, okay, we gotta go back to this is what a newborn can do. Nothing.
00:06:10
Speaker
They cry a lot, they poop a lot, and they throw up on you, and it's gonna take up a lot of mom's time. So this baby will grow in to be a wonderful friend to you, but we're gonna have to be patient, and you have to be really considerate of this teeny tiny little human that we're gonna have to take care of. Right, and it also helps that one who's not gonna be the baby anymore to talk about, oh, you can already eat with a fork, and this baby won't even know how to do that. You know, like empower them with the thought of being
00:06:39
Speaker
being bigger and smarter and more able. Yeah. One thing we like to do is tell them how much the new baby already will love them. So we start this in utero. The poor new baby has no say in the matter. So we just say, you're going to love these kids, dang it.
00:06:57
Speaker
So we say, this baby loves you so much. And if they have their hand and they're feeling it bump, they say, oh, the baby's saying, I love you. I love you. See, it's reaching out to touch you and say, I love you. And it doesn't hurt on that. And then they sort of start to form this attachment before. Yeah.
00:07:13
Speaker
I like that a lot. I like that a lot. And just to make them realize, hey, this baby is part of our family. It's not like an intruder that's coming in. This is your little sister who's been waiting to come stay with us. They'll say visit. They'll think they're going back. But I like that a lot. I like that a lot.
00:07:31
Speaker
And then there are plenty of things we can do after the baby comes to help the former baby of the family adapt and that can be a tricky thing. Right, but this can also be a special time for the former baby too if you prepare. Yeah, that's true. I especially like what you said about teaching them that they're going to be the big sister or the big brother because all they've had is bigger kids bossing them around, you know, and to be like, oh, you get to be in charge. You get to teach them. You get to show them the way, you know, that's pretty exciting.
00:07:58
Speaker
My now four-year-old, before he had a younger sibling, he would talk about, you know, so dad's the boss of the family, and when dad's not here, mom's the boss, and you know, and then he'd go all down the line, you know, and so and so is the boss, and he'd get down to himself and he'd say, and I'm the boss of the dog. I love that.
00:08:16
Speaker
So new babies come and you got somebody to boss around. It's going to be great.
Helping Kids Adjust Post-Birth
00:08:21
Speaker
Yeah. You know, when friends and family come, everybody wants to bring usually a treat for mom and like something cute for the baby, right? But it's really a great idea to ask them to be considerate of the displaced baby, right? So, okay. If you happen to bring anything, would you mind, you know, making sure that you have something for the toddler, you know? So here's a little treat for mom and here's a treat for the new big brother. We're so excited for you. You know, that could be really awesome.
00:08:45
Speaker
Right. Yeah. And sometimes I keep on hand new toys or clothes just for that, you know, if somebody comes and they didn't bring something or they weren't a close enough friend or family that you could suggest that to just a new toy or a new something to bring out that the former baby can have. That's a great idea. Then they're going to keep asking you to have babies because they get a new toy every time you get one. Can you bring another one of those home from the hospital? I need a superhero.
00:09:14
Speaker
Yeah. And then with that new or with that former baby of the family, we really have to watch for milestone regression. You know, oftentimes they'll be excellent in the potty training realm or, you know, a great talker and then the baby comes and all of a sudden, oh, they need to use a diaper too. Or they goo goo gaga and they talk like a baby now. And to really be understanding to that toddler and realize, okay, they're just trying to find their place in the world now that they've been bumped up a little bit, you know?
00:09:40
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. And so watch for that kind of thing. And just like you said, be understanding because it's the biggest change they've ever had in their life. Yeah, for sure. One thing we like to do is just take extra time. Like you're off your feet for quite a bit because you just had a baby. So take special time to just snuggle like only that former baby. Because they used to have those special snuggles all to themselves. And then special snuggles with both of them.
00:10:07
Speaker
I like that a lot. I haven't thought about that a lot because I usually, I'm such a baby person. I think, okay, well, I got to take time with the toddler. But to do it with both of them, I think is really empowering to say, look, I love this baby and I still love my other baby just as much. And aren't they so sweet? And you know, help each other out.
00:10:23
Speaker
Right. One thing my husband always does, and like it's a genius now looking back on it, but when anybody comes to visit the new baby, he always says, oh, look, this is, and then he'll say the former baby's name, this is Andy's baby. Did you, did you come to me and you know, so you sit, love that.
00:10:45
Speaker
Yeah. And this reminds me of when I had my second baby, honest to goodness, my hardest transition was having that second baby. And I think it's because, you know, you go from being mom to one to mom to multiple, you know, and it's totally uncharted territory. After that, you've had more than one child, so it's not as big a deal.
00:11:02
Speaker
I had a really hard time with my toddler when I had Toby my second because Liam was just two and he was not a particularly nice two-year-old. He was really naughty and he really just needed my attention. But in my, you know, short-sightedness, I just thought he was causing trouble. And I love babies so much that I would spend all my time cuddling my new baby and my toddler was feeling neglected and he just acted out. And now looking back, I think, oh, that poor child.
00:11:31
Speaker
At the time, I didn't know what to do with him. My mother-in-law once told me, and she was very sweet about it, but I think she could tell what was happening. She just said, remember? The baby will never remember.
00:11:44
Speaker
how much he was put down. You know, if his needs are met, he doesn't need to be held all day long. But the toddler might remember being neglected to hold a baby who's perfectly happy. I mean, if your baby's crying, obviously you got to take care of him. But if at all possible, make sure that that toddler is being snuggled just as much as he needs, you know? Yeah. And then there are things that we do to help the children who are a little older and who have, you know, maybe had a new baby before.
00:12:10
Speaker
prepare to get ready for the new baby too, both before and after. Yeah, for sure. Before birth, we can talk to kids about how the baby's already part of a family. We kind of mentioned that. This isn't this new person we're going to have to get used to, even though it kind of is. You just say, oh, aren't you so excited that little brother's finally coming? He already existed, and he's meant to be here, and we're just welcoming him in instead of, well, I hope you're ready for this, because this stranger's about to blow your world up.
00:12:41
Speaker
Yeah, it's important to talk about like physical safety things too, like soft spots, you know, on their head and the proper or safe way to hold a newborn and support their head like, you know, before a baby arrives. Just go over that stuff. Always a good refresher. Every time I have a baby, in fact, I think, oh, I forgot how small you are. How do I even hold this baby? And what do I do? You know, everything is, it doesn't take very long to forget how fragile they are and how much extra care they need. And so it definitely helps to remind the kids, that's for sure.
00:13:09
Speaker
And then to talk to them about the extra help you're going to need, you know, usually you have some offer of food being prepared for you or house being cleaned maybe by neighbors or family or friends, but the kids can certainly be involved in that too to say, hey guys, you know, let's maybe you guys can help me make some lasagnas to stick in the freezer before the baby comes or do you think you can help the kids
00:13:31
Speaker
get lunch while I'm nursing a baby, that would be so helpful. We like to make, you know, a double batch of bread and put one loaf away in the freezer and smacking the stuff to get ready for. And the kids are always like doing that kind of thing because they think it helps them think about that time after. Yeah. And it makes it exciting for them. Like, oh my gosh, just think when next time we pull this bread out, it'll mean the baby's here because it's time to eat our extra food. Yeah, that's great.
00:13:56
Speaker
Another thing my kids love to do is get out the baby clothes. Of course, we have lots of hand-me-downs, but get together baby clothes and supplies, get it all together. They love that. We do that about a month before and they ooh and aah over the baby and it helps them relate to the size it's going to be and get the baby stuff out. Yeah. It blows your mind when you get those little onesies out and you're like, no.
00:14:18
Speaker
Oh my gosh, I can't believe it. And the kids get a kick out of it. Look at these teeny tiny shoes. So fun. Yeah. And also related to them. Do you remember when you wore this? Yeah. Yeah. And then in addition to preparing for what the baby needs after the baby arrives, but to talk about what mom's going to need, listen.
00:14:37
Speaker
Having a baby is hard work for a mom. This is what mom's going to need. She's going to need to be in bed or on the couch for several days. She might not be able to lift the toddlers. She might not be able to, well, she will not make dinner. Do not make dinner right after you have a baby. Even if you feel great. But just to prepare them for that, because sometimes kids are not very particularly sensitive. You're sitting there bleeding and they're like, I want a sandwich.
00:15:05
Speaker
For them to at least prepare. Okay, you're going to need to be a little bit more patient because mom is slower and we're going to have people come over and help. And whoever the big kid is, even if they're only four or five, you're going to have to be mom's extra big helper. Do you think you can help the toddler get some cereal out to make them be a little bit more responsible? And then, so what age do you let your kids carry the baby unsupervised? Oh, that's a good question.
00:15:29
Speaker
I don't think there's a real good cut and dry answer for that either. I think it totally depends on the kid. Some of my kids have been so careful, so cautious and maybe even a little too much so that they're kind of freaked out to hold the baby and other ones are like, I'll hold that baby. They're going up and downstairs at three years old.
00:15:47
Speaker
I would say probably seven or eight to stand up and hold a baby and be responsible enough to cradle the head correctly or whatever. I don't let any of my kids walk around until probably nine. And then sitting there, I mean, even a two or three year old can sit and hold a new sibling as long as your hands are right there.
00:16:02
Speaker
Because when they're done, they're done. They'll just choke that baby in the bale. Yes. And then you get to my stage in life and I've got teenagers and you're like, can I have a baby please?
00:16:18
Speaker
Yep, that is kind of nice. Although I then you just realize how quickly they move out of the baby stage and it makes you so sad. Give me that baby back. I haven't had enough time. Yeah. Another thing that the bigger kids can help you with is to help with that former baby too.
00:16:37
Speaker
Right now, they're the baby and they receive all the love and care and attention and affection and everybody's in tune with their needs. But then all that is going to be shifted onto the new baby. So just a gentle reminder that this former baby is going to have some trouble and you have to still give it love and snuggles and it's going to have a big adapt.
00:16:58
Speaker
for that poor former baby to kind of feel like the used toy, you know? Well, everyone loved me and wanted to cuddle and rock and sing to me and now they just want this new baby and just say, hey, there's lots of babies to go around. Now you hold that one while I hold this one and we'll swap it a little bit.
Managing Household and Family Dynamics After Birth
00:17:15
Speaker
And then, you know, oftentimes this is a problem, like we were saying before with my oldest, the kids who tend to act out when a new baby comes, lots of times this is a problem with a former baby, you know, who just got ousted. But sometimes even older kids can really act extra naughty, maybe even try to hit the baby or other siblings and to just be really aware
00:17:37
Speaker
of any outbursts that that probably has to do with the big transition you just went through and to not just be extra patient with that kind of stuff. And it's hard, you know, when my oldest was mad, he would come up and hit the baby in the face. And I'm like, no, that is not acceptable. You know, and I'd freak out and then he'd freak out and everybody'd be crying and yeah, including me. And now with with retrospect, you know, in retrospect, I'm like, oh, I was just a little bit too hard on him. I should have said, oh, that's not how we touch babies because
00:18:05
Speaker
The baby's going to cry. He's going to get hurt. Lasting damage? No. My second son is full. In fact, he's got a real solid skull now. Yeah. They seem after the first one, the first one is always real fragile. And after that, they just... Yeah, they do. Or at least in your mind, right?
00:18:23
Speaker
Yeah, I also try to keep some new toys or books, games, activities, things that take up more time. So that just because they're changing routine and like we were talking about before, you just have to sit down and rest sometimes. And so something for them to do. I remember after I had baby number four, my sister-in-law came and
00:18:44
Speaker
took all picked up the other three kids and took them to the circus for the day. And that was so fun for them. They came back and they had something to talk about and they'd had this little adventure. And yeah, that was, that was really nice. Yeah, that's awesome. You know, and I feel like
00:18:59
Speaker
It's so easy for us moms to get caught up in our schedule and our just order of doing things, the logistics of our household, that when we have a new baby and it gets thrown off, it's really hard to just let go sometimes. I realize that if I take three days off of laundry, it's going to be the pits coming back.
00:19:16
Speaker
And if I have no help, which sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. Sometimes family helps out a lot and friends come over and sometimes not as much. And so it's okay. You will eventually make it through the laundry again. It might take you a couple of weeks, but that's okay. And it took me a lot of kids to be able to just sit down and say, let it go. Sit down, rock your baby, rock your toddler. And when the baby's asleep, don't get up and immediately try to catch up on all the housework. Then take some time with your other kids.
00:19:43
Speaker
And with my eighth, it was probably the best postpartum period ever and not necessarily because it was a great baby. She had a tongue tie and wasn't getting enough food and she was super cranky and I was sore. So it wasn't necessarily good because of that, but it was good because in my mentality, I was like, this is when we rest and we're going to rest for a month. Don't they call that time period the baby moon? Maybe, but I like it.
00:20:05
Speaker
We really should. Yeah. Like honeymoon. Yeah, I like that. Well, and I think that there's almost in society, there's almost this like badge of honor, like, oh, I came back to work, you know, so quicker. I went back to church and it's like, whoa, just this is the one time when no one is going to give you a hard time for sitting on your butt and doing nothing and staring at a brand new baby. So take advantage of it, you know?
00:20:30
Speaker
And I'm the same way, you know. I actually don't like skipping a lot of church because then it gets harder for me to go back. It's hard to take a bunch of kids to church. But I have to tell myself, you can stay home for two weeks. It's okay. You know, even three. No one's gonna give you a hard time. You're not gonna be a bad person. Just sit there and cuddle your baby and relax. You know, and it's best for everybody.
00:20:52
Speaker
Yeah. It is probably best for the baby too, not to be exposed. Yeah. Yeah. Let's go sit in a big room with the doors closed and have everybody cough around you. And to come up. Yes. Yes. Oh, that we need to do a whole podcast on baby wearing too. Keep that baby away from six strangers. That's the best.
00:21:14
Speaker
So now let's talk about, we've talked about what we do to get our kids ready for the baby, but let's talk about what we do to get kids ready for the actual birth time. So go ahead. Well, so we have never had any of our other kids at a baby's birth and I'm not opposed to it. It just hasn't really worked out. We've had some hospital births, some home births, and usually they're in the middle of the night or they're already having a good time at grandma's. So it just hasn't worked out to have them there.
00:21:38
Speaker
But there are definitely some things we do to prepare the kids for that period of time, right? So they're going to have maybe a day or two where they're either at home with a sitter or at a family member's house, a neighbor's house, a friend's house. And sometimes that can be kind of scary, especially when they can already sense that there's big change coming.
00:21:57
Speaker
So, some of the things we do to prepare them for that is to just get really excited about it, right? So, you guys want to know what's super exciting about when this baby comes? You get to go stay with grandma or if you don't have family, you get to go play with at Johnny's house all afternoon. Could you believe that? Yeah, they're even going to give you dinner or breakfast or depending on what time it is and to just kind of hype up the anticipation, the excitement. Now, we don't know when it's going to be, but mom will know. And when it's time, you guys get to get your sleepover bags.
00:22:26
Speaker
Go stay at this fun friends house it's also helpful to maybe book up on a few things that you might send with kids to go on a little trip you know like extra coloring books or a new pair of pajamas or anything to make the time just a little bit more special so in their mind they're just gonna go have this rock and good sleepover.
00:22:45
Speaker
And then you can deal with the transition with the baby just a little bit later, but it can be a scary thing. They know that mom's doing something different and is going to come home with this new person and they're not going to sleep in their own beds, but it can be a really exciting time. And then secondly, if your kids aren't at your birth, then the next thing you have to focus on is when they can come visit you.
00:23:04
Speaker
As soon as the baby comes out, they are super anxious to get back, right? So an example is when I had my sixth baby, he was at home and he came lightning fast. So I called my mother-in-law to come get the big kids. And by the time she showed up to pick them up, I was already stripped down and getting in the tub like I was done.
00:23:21
Speaker
get these kids out of here. I gotta focus and I can't focus with her. Anyway, so they got home and got all settled and turned a movie on and then grandma's like, oh look, the baby's here. And so they all looked at the text and the picture and got so excited and they're like, okay, well let's get back in the car and go see the baby. And grandma's like, well, no, now we're gonna let mom rest a little bit. So just so that they know you might see pictures or hear that the baby's born, but
00:23:44
Speaker
Give mom a little time to recover and that's totally up to each family. Usually most moms are good with siblings coming pretty quick after birth to meet the baby, but maybe you just had a horrible labor and you really need to rest and that's okay. Say, well, we're going to go with mom in six hours. Everybody watch a couple of movies. Yeah. Mom worked hard and she's taking a nap and she'll be glad to see you soon. Yeah, exactly. And then they can come have this great fun visit and hopefully go back and give mom a little bit more rest.
Involving Kids in the Birth Process
00:24:13
Speaker
So how about you? Have you had kids at any of your births? Yes. Actually, at all my births except for the first one. We found this to be a super positive experience for us and for our kids involved, but it does take quite a bit of preparation to get a child ready to attend a birth because it's an intense experience.
00:24:35
Speaker
So the first thing I do is I've got to be able to have ease in my mind that my kid is not going to need me at that time. So for every kid approximately under the age of 10 or so, it depends on the kid, I get them a special dedicated helper and then prepare them. You know, if you need anything during this time,
00:24:55
Speaker
you know, Aunt Fessy is going to help you or, you know, whatever. And I say Aunt Fessy, that's what my kids call my sister. And she was with my kids at the first couple of birds. She was there. And so like, her attention was like, she was completely there for the kids. And she got to see the baby board too, you know, which was, she loved it as a bonus. So anyway, that's the first thing is to get in place that my kids aren't going to be a distraction to me because I can't be distracted, obviously.
00:25:24
Speaker
So then to get them ready for that time, you know, it can extend out a long time. And so we get special toys and activities for during the labor because, you know, they come in and they touch base with mom, check in, see how's it going? Yep, the baby's going to be here soon. And then they go back out and they do something else for a while. And just to have a new toy or something that helps them stay out or stay away or just not get bored. Like aren't you going to do this yet already, mom? Come on.
00:25:58
Speaker
Okay, so we've got the stuff ready for the birth and then we start slowly introducing the idea of birth to them because it's I mean like they've
00:26:08
Speaker
maybe not ever seen mom in this condition before. So we, first of all, we read books about birth because that's just like, you know, a flat surface and not super intense. Right. One of our favorite. Right. Yeah. So we read books about, about birth and about kids being at birth. Um, we have one that we really super love. It's called, um, welcome with love. And we can link that in the show notes, but it's about
00:26:33
Speaker
a little kid who attended their sibling's birth. It was a home birth and just from the little kid's experience, but it's a really positive book. And so we start by reading books about the birth and then we tell them the story about their own birth and what that was like and, oh, they love to hear that story. And then- Oh, yeah. And so do your older siblings pitch in to talk about that too? Do they remember and say, oh, I remember when you came out, it was so fun.
00:27:00
Speaker
that's cool yeah they do and but then you know by the time you have several kids then they hear the story of different births and you know so then they they're like they're hearing these stories and the other kids it's good to have them talk about you know what the birth was like and what mom did and what mom sounded like yeah yeah point of view
00:27:21
Speaker
Yeah. And that's a good time to talk about what it'll be like for mom. You know, again, so-and-so is going to be here to help you because mom's going to have to really concentrate on this hard work that she's doing. So I have a question about that for you because my one concern about having other kids at my birth, and I've had some kids be interested, but like I said, it hasn't worked out, is have you ever found it difficult to focus on laboring because you're concerned about
00:27:46
Speaker
what your noises or your face or pain or whatever is distressing your other kids like that. I'm wondering if I could just ignore them without thinking, what are they thinking? What are they thinking? You know what I mean? Does that make sense?
00:28:00
Speaker
Yeah, right. Well, a couple of caveats here. I have a pretty high pain tolerance, and so I don't actually vocalize with the contractions or with any of the labor until I'm pushing the baby out. And so it's not like I'm not screaming in my hand or anything.
00:28:19
Speaker
or I haven't been yet. So I think, again, maybe this is just a positive mental thing I do for myself, but I think that I handle birth pretty well. And so maybe me having that positive thought and feeling about helps project that to them.
00:28:37
Speaker
Yeah. And then we watch videos of previous births. So several of our first births weren't, we didn't record because we didn't have that technology. Dang. I know, right?
00:28:57
Speaker
But then, but we do have several on video and so we watch those and so they can see actually mom giving birth and get ready for mom, you know, see what mom does and what mom says and what noises mom makes.
00:29:12
Speaker
And then we also watch other women's birth videos. We can link one of these in the show notes that I really like. And it depends maybe on how comfortable your kids are with nudity. There's some of that in birth, yeah.
00:29:30
Speaker
Yeah, but we do water birth and so like I always wear bathing suits on top and you know, there's... Yeah, water birth kind of buffers things a little bit. It's not quite as graphic and in your face. It's just, oh, look at this pretty baby. They just slipped out of the water.
00:29:45
Speaker
Yeah. Right. And so, you know, what's interesting about that is just a little side note here is I have teenage boys, two of them. And before the last baby was born, I said, I talked to my teenage son and I said, you know, he was 16. I said, I understand, you know, if you don't want to be around when mom's giving birth, you're male, you're teenage male, and I totally get it and accept if you don't want to be there. And he was like shocked. He said, mom,
00:30:13
Speaker
I would not miss this for the world. Oh, that's so sweet. That's so sweet. It is so sweet. Yeah, but he'd been at several births already. So maybe growing up with it was getting into it. Yeah. Well, and also, you know, I feel so strongly about how the fact that we're so removed from birth and breastfeeding, I think makes it really hard on our generation of women. You know, like I never saw birth growing up. I never saw a video until I had my own kids. And probably if my mom had ever caught me watching a video, she probably would have gotten mad.
00:30:43
Speaker
It's like, buddy, what kind of smut are you watching? That's just kind of how I was racing. And I have the same thought, just about breastfeeding when my oldest turned.
00:30:52
Speaker
11 or 12, just for a second, I thought, should I cover up? Should I? And I just thought, well, why? Do I want him to only ever associate breasts with the ones he sees on a billboard at the mall? Or do I want him to realize that this is what breasts are for? And you're going to see him if there's a baby around. And if you want to see a baby come out, which is a miraculous, wonderful, life altering thing, there's going to be some hoo-ha there too.
00:31:18
Speaker
Yes, exactly. I think that my sons are going to be amazing husbands. I got some girls. Can we match them up already?
00:31:28
Speaker
It might be a little young folks. Yeah. So then we talk about birth in terms of the kids and what they'll be doing. So we acknowledge that mom's going to be in pain, mom's going to be working hard, but we don't really focus on that. And we talk with them, especially the little ones, about what they'll be doing. Yeah, I like that.
00:31:51
Speaker
I like that. For example, we give each of our kids a job after the birth. So we say so and so gets to check and see if it's a boy or a girl. And then the next one, they get to help daddy cut the cord. And the next one helps to get it dressed and stuff like that.
00:32:06
Speaker
So anyway, um, that's what having kids at a birth has been like for us personally. And it's been, like I said before, it's been a super positive experience. And if like, if anybody's thinking about having your kids at your birth, like I would really encourage it. It's, it's just something really special that, um, yeah, if you, if you can do it, if you're open to it and if you're not, I get it too. But
00:32:33
Speaker
Yeah, but it's just like don't close yourself completely to it and it might be it might change it's pretty cool Thanks for sharing Audrey. So I don't know about you, but I'm not completely prepared for this upcoming birth. So yeah same here Great talking to you about birth and preparing kids today Audrey All right. Talk to you later. Bye. Okay. Bye
00:32:55
Speaker
Thanks so much for listening to Outnumbered the Podcast. You can contact us at outnumberedthepodcastatgmail.com and find us on Instagram at outnumberedthepodcast. We're so grateful for our listeners and would love it if you take the time to leave us an honest review on iTunes, Stitcher, or any other podcast platform. And don't forget to share the podcast with your mom friends. Can't wait to talk next time. Bye.
00:33:25
Speaker
Okay, Bonnie, hang on a second. I have a knocker on the door. Hang on. Sorry, he needed underwear. That's important. I usually have my toddler at the door with no panties on. I'm like, oh, someone help her.