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3. Part 2 The Gift of Music- with Daniel Rinaldi
82 Plays5 years ago
My brother continues sharing his journey of grief, after our mom passes away. He also shares the beautiful gift she gave him before she passed away... a gift that has also been a gift for others in their own lives.
Links: Background music created by www.rinaldisound.net
Daniel Rinaldi on IG @oneplanetmusic.fm or www.oneplanetmusic.com
Song mentioned: Vuelo Al Reino https://youtu.be/EqsSj4L_rLY
Quotes mentioned in the interview come from the Baha'i writings. For more information about the Baha'i Faith www.bahai.org
Do you have a story you'd like to share? Get in touch with me www.griefgratitudeandthegrayinbetween.com
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Transcript
Introduction to Part Two: Grief After Mother's Passing
00:00:05
Speaker
Welcome to part two of the conversation I had with my brother. Part one of the interview he spoke and shared about his experience with grief after the passing of our sister.
Podcast's Aim: Exploring Grief and Sharing Stories
00:00:19
Speaker
And in this part of the conversation, he shares his experience with grief after the passing of our mom.
00:00:31
Speaker
Hello and welcome to Grief, Gratitude, and the Gray in Between podcast. This podcast is about exploring the grief that occurs at different times in our lives in which we have had major changes and transitions that literally shake us to the core and make us experience grief.
00:00:55
Speaker
I created this podcast for people to feel a little less hopeless and alone in their own grief process as they hear the stories of others who have had similar journeys.
Main Discussion: Grief Process After Mother's Illness
00:01:06
Speaker
I'm Kendra Rinaldi, your host. Now let's dive right in to today's episode. So now share a little bit more about the most recent
00:01:23
Speaker
experience you had with grief and death and that process. So maybe let's talk about a little bit about our mom and that process of grief.
00:01:36
Speaker
Yeah, sure. I mean, there's like, obviously so much I could share, but I'll just start sharing and then you please, you know, prompt me. So yes. Actually, if I can just prompt you even now at the VMIs just a little bit. Okay, so I know, because it's so easy. Yeah, it's so easy to go into all the details of even just how it happened and so forth. So if we want to like, sum it up, our sister's path saying was a sudden death. Our mom's passing was one due to an illness.
00:02:05
Speaker
So, there was that kind of difference, but more the, maybe the experience of the grief component as you could talk a little bit about the death itself and maybe what led up to it.
00:02:22
Speaker
the things that maybe bonded you with her through that process. I'm kind of maybe telling you a little bit too much to what to say, but I don't know if that's a good prompt there on your end. Would that be a good place to start? Okay. Yeah, definitely. It's interesting because
00:02:41
Speaker
Definitely the biggest, there's so many differences between my sister's passing and my mom's passing, just like you mentioned. My sister's passing was an accident. My mom's, so therefore it was sudden. My mom's passing was gradual over 10 months. Well, I guess longer, but I guess we're already like in the process of dying since we're born. Every day. Yeah, exactly. At least since the diagnosis to death was February to November, yeah.
00:03:08
Speaker
Exactly. And so it was very different. And therefore, I was very connected with it from the very beginning.
Family's Reaction and Support During Mother's Illness
00:03:20
Speaker
I remember the moment we found out that she was diagnosed, we were all on a call, on a conference call, since we were all living in different parts of the world. And my mom shared. And
00:03:38
Speaker
You know, it's so interesting. I often hesitate to share this with people. And I don't know if I've even shared it with you, Ken. I'm curious now. I've only shared it with really close people. Oh, thanks. Thanks. You just said I'm not close. Yeah, that came out wrong. OK. Let's just hang up now. No, no. I'll take that back.
00:04:08
Speaker
No, I just think it can be misinterpreted very easily. Um, but you know, I think for the sake of this pot, for the sake of your podcast candidate, I'll go ahead and share it. Yeah. And basically like right after the phone call, um, um, I, and it will end during the phone call. I felt a tremendous sense of, this sounds so wrong, of joy. Um,
00:04:39
Speaker
And where this comes from, and again, this is not something I could have prompted. It's not something I was prepared for. It's not something that I like, I wasn't conditioned to, it was a reaction.
00:04:58
Speaker
And like, I remember sitting on the sofa, I guess, you know, comparing it now to lying down on the sofa at seven years old, face down, crying, hearing of my sister's passing, mimicking my younger sister or, you know, the youngest of the sisters, Catherine. This time I was sitting on the sofa and I was just like with my hands on my head and then like standing up and pacing, but like in an excitement as if I had just heard amazing news.
00:05:26
Speaker
And literally what was going through my heart and my mind at that point was I can't believe that she's so lucky to very soon be able to be again with her daughter, with her mom, with her sisters that have passed,
00:05:48
Speaker
with her father, all these relatives and friends that had passed. And just based on my beliefs about life after death, I sincerely felt that. And also something that we're told in the Baha'i writings is like when we pass away, we discover all the mysteries
00:06:18
Speaker
Um, of, of the world, like we're, we're sort of, you know, we're in the know now of like all these things that were, that before to us were, were unknown. And so it's like, oh, she's so lucky. She's going to get to like, like know about all these like mysterious things that I currently don't understand.
00:06:36
Speaker
Um, and so definitely I can say my, my, my relationship with her, with her passing was very different. And so the reason Ken, I didn't share it with you directly or with, you know, with our other sister Catherine or with my dad was just because it can be easily misinterpreted. Um, and we each had a different process, you know?
00:06:57
Speaker
absolutely of grieving and I know how stating that can be totally like taken as like, you know, self righteous or, you know, whatever you want to call it. But I, you know, I share with all sincerity and and so basically I remember then not too long after her diagnosis, I went to visit my mom.
00:07:22
Speaker
in Atlanta and I spent 10 days with her. And I was by myself, you know, I wasn't with my wife or with my kids, so I like really got to spend time with her.
00:07:31
Speaker
And I remember she asked me, you know, one day we went to Stone Mountain Park in Atlanta and we just sat by this lake and we were praying and meditating and talking. And most of the time we just spent in silence, just like looking at nature, which is one of her favorite things to do and one of my favorite things. And she asked me, you know, you know, like Danny, like, how are you feeling about this?
00:07:56
Speaker
And I shared with her like, can I be honest with you? She was like, yeah, please. And I shared that with her. I shared these feelings. And she was so happy.
00:08:07
Speaker
well to hear that and she was like and and she was like nani i feel exactly the same way well you know it just kind of wraps around to thinking of you again as that seven-year-old of saying yeah we're all together in spirit and that your heart and spirit of yours still showing up showing up you know at that age at that time you were how old um when
00:08:32
Speaker
Mommy passed away. 27? 27, I guess? Yeah, 27. Something like that. But it's, you know, the difference. Yeah, actually, exactly. Because mom died 20 years after our sister.
00:08:49
Speaker
So yeah, you were 27. So the difference of that, you know, not the difference, sorry, that how similar you were still in 20 years later that you're able to still maintain that, that purity of heart in that process that so many of us sometimes lose through the year so that right now I got very moved as you were saying all those
00:09:13
Speaker
your reflection in that moment of when you found out that she was close to passing. Okay, so you're here, it's around April, I think it was around April, I think that you were visiting. So just a couple of months after mom's diagnosis, you're having this moment, you shared with her that she felt the same way. And now what else happened in that?
Mother's Song and Its Role in Grieving
00:09:37
Speaker
because there's something very important that happened in that visit that you had with her, what she shared with you, that you also kept a secret for a while. So go ahead. I forgot that I kept it a secret. Until she passed away. Yeah, that day I got probably one of the most precious gifts I've ever received.
00:10:05
Speaker
She said, you know, Dani, after your sister's passing 19 years ago, or 18 years ago, I composed a song about life after death in the rhythm of Kumbia, the Colombian rhythm of Kumbia, which is a very danceable and very lively rhythm.
00:10:27
Speaker
which is ironic in a sense talking about life after death, but she said she composed it with the hopes of it being used as a tool for people to grieve and for people to not be so sad and to be able to feel more joy for the sake of the soul and the journey they're about to embark on, the spiritual journey.
00:10:54
Speaker
And so she said, you know, I wrote it and I have a simple melody. I haven't told anybody, so I'm just now sharing it with you. Um, you know, cause she wasn't a musician or a composer or anything along these lines. It was just something that came, it just sort of, you know, it, she was sparked with the creative spirit to, to write it. And, um, and she was like, I want you to finish it and I want you to produce in it. And I want my friend there, Nordeli, a Colombian, uh, singer to, to sing it.
00:11:23
Speaker
And so, you know, moments later, I recorded her singing it and explaining the lyrics. And basically, you know, throughout the months, she, Leonardo, and I would start working on the lyrics and doing some demos and
00:11:44
Speaker
We didn't get to record it before her passing, but just two months after we did the recording and then a few months after that we did a music video.
00:11:53
Speaker
Yeah, that I remember, which, by the way, if you still have the recording of you, of her sharing what the melody is, because we haven't heard that. So if I can just share a little bit of how you shared with us about that, it was the day, the day after our mom passed away, we were preparing for the memorial.
00:12:16
Speaker
And we're all in Florida in our sister's home and we can maybe go a little bit into the passing itself because music has been a huge part in this journey of our mom's passing that we'll share a little bit about the moment of her passing itself.
00:12:34
Speaker
And when you said, you guys told us, my sister, dad, and I, I have something to tell you guys. I want to add this to the memorial tomorrow. And you played the raw version of Leonor singing the song with the drums. And you said, you know, and you told us a story. You played it. I remember it being just this incredible moment
00:13:03
Speaker
because it was just like her letting us know that she's fine. And if you want to say just what the chorus is and also just of the song and how people can also listen to the whole song. Yeah, definitely. I have forgotten, again, that
00:13:28
Speaker
that it was a surprise for you guys. Yes, it was a surprise, a beautiful surprise. I mean, we were like, what? How could you keep this? But at the same time, it was so perfect because then it just kind of was, for us, this comforting feeling, too, of knowing that this was what her viewpoint was about life after death. And so it just made it even more
00:13:54
Speaker
joyful, even that moment. Again, like going back again to the moment of joy, how you felt about her, you know, when you found out of her having a terminal illness, that, that then to know that she was really embracing this new chapter in her right in the her spiritual journey. So yeah, so the main the chorus. Yeah, so well, I actually have here the
00:14:23
Speaker
Like obviously the song is in Spanish, but here I have a provisional translation so the lyrics go. When we are being reborn in the light of a new life, the little angels of heaven will greet us and welcome us in. Seraphims and cherubs with harps and the playing of the drums in a glorious and harmonious choir and with the thrilling of nightingales. Sorry, the trilling of nightingales.
00:14:53
Speaker
They sing and they dance in circles and the most brilliant of lights they become. The soul is most gorgeously elegant, dressed up in gala attire, and the precious little fireflies adorn and illumine the path all the while.
00:15:13
Speaker
It's just so beautiful. It still, it still moves me every time I hear it. And my son or your nephew Mateo always checks in to see like YouTube views. He's like, Oh, really? Yes. So to find it, we'll put the link. I'll have to put the link in the in the notes in the podcast notes. But the
00:15:38
Speaker
It is called... People can find it on... Yeah, but on YouTube, for example, they could even type in the English version. It's called Flight to the Kingdom. So if you put Flight to the Kingdom, Colombian Cumbia or Colombian, you know, something along those lines, you'll find it. And the Spanish title is Vuello al Reino, which translates to Flight to the Kingdom.
00:15:59
Speaker
Okay, so in that process, so because I let's actually talk a little bit about the moment of mom's death and I want to then again come back again to the process of you when you actually finished the production of the song itself because that was kind of part of your mourning process too and your process of grief as you develop this.
00:16:25
Speaker
But so maybe let's talk a little bit about the day of our days leading up to our mom's passing and, and the actual passing itself, which again, has music tied into it as well. Yeah. Well,
00:16:43
Speaker
Um, if that's where you want to talk about it. Yeah, definitely. That's fine. Yeah. Well, actually before we get into that, I did want to share just one more thing about like why this song is so significant for me. In the sense, this song was my way to grieve. Um, and, um,
00:17:08
Speaker
And again, it was just a different process for me. And I'm thankful for this song that she gave me because it gave me permission to accept her journey of death with joy. And because that's what she wanted as well, even though it sort of came naturally, it also, it gave me just even more
00:17:36
Speaker
like permission, if that makes any sense. And it allowed me to connect with her at a much deeper level than ever before. And it still has that effect, you know, every time I interact with the song or the music video. So I just wanted to share that. Well, actually, you know, let's just talk about that then, because then you had this raw version of it, of just, you know, Leonardo, my mom's friend, and then some drumming.
00:18:05
Speaker
with it and then after her passing was when you decided to go ahead and do a full you know more developed version of the song and um so share a little bit then about that journey because so because that's part of your grief or your mourning process because it's something you chose to kind of use as that tool um
00:18:27
Speaker
similar to some extent, like I've even just how kind of it happened even with watching Serana's videos, right? You know, that then you had those moments of then being able to process your grief 24 years later. But how was it then for you that process of creating this music video now just for our listeners to know my brother,
00:18:50
Speaker
you we haven't even stated what you do but you are a musician you are a producer um so this is what you this is one of you this is your gift and this is what you do for a living as well correct so um so share a little bit about that part please yeah i mean it it was such a gift not only because of of like the sentiment of it
00:19:19
Speaker
But then it later, it converted into a gift in many other ways I didn't expect.
Mother's Final Moments: A Peaceful Passing
00:19:25
Speaker
Basically, because of the song, I went and raised funds from family and friends in order to produce the song and do the music video and hire amazing musicians, like top-notch talent in Colombia. We were able to record in the best recording studio in Bogota.
00:19:48
Speaker
And basically that experience with the musicians and all the people who helped on set, like at the music video and all the camera operators and so on, it was just a beautiful experience. And the way we connected was just like way beyond the music.
00:20:09
Speaker
even though many of them I was meeting for the first time and from then it cemented this working and friendship relationship with all these musicians and engineers and so on and we've done other projects since then you know and every time like something results from that I thank my mom you know I'm like thank you mom for this song because like because of
00:20:34
Speaker
What you gave me, I was able to meet such and such a person. I was able to meet such and such a person. It's just amazing. I hear that part of the gratitude, the grief gratitude part of this podcast is all these things that you end up being grateful for in this process and then you don't sometimes even see it till later. Exactly. And just one brief little thing that I love to share is like,
00:20:59
Speaker
the day of the recording session, which was the song was recorded one day in like blocks, like all recording live. And I asked the musicians beforehand to bring pictures of their loved ones who had passed. And I took some like string and some clips and like printed pictures. And so we hung the pictures kind of like a, you know, like clothing rack style. And
00:21:27
Speaker
So that we could have them present during the recording session and before recording we all you know huddled in a circle and said a prayer and thinking about not just my mom but our loved ones to make sure that they were present with us.
00:21:42
Speaker
while we recorded and it had such a powerful effect even though the musicians there we all you know had different you know belief backgrounds and and so on like this was one thing we were able to connect with like we all had lost loved ones
00:21:58
Speaker
And we knew that we could trust and have faith, that we could call upon their souls to guide us in our creative endeavor of making this song. And that really shaped the spirit of the song and the way we approached it. You know, it wasn't just like, hey, let's make a hit or, you know, it wasn't anything along those lines. So anyways, I just, I really wanted to, I guess, you know, share that.
00:22:28
Speaker
thank you how beautiful it was thank you know that is beautiful so music then has been like this huge kind of little string tying uh you know from the moment she gave you then the uh the words to that song and the melody to that song and you then being able to
00:22:46
Speaker
have the song playing at the day of her funeral, then to then developing the song, mastering the song, to creating a music video, creating these bonds of friendship with all these people and musicians and all these beautiful things that tied in. So that was the journey with that particular song. But then there was also music in the actual moment of our mom's passing.
00:23:14
Speaker
So if you want to share a little bit about how that came about. And again, we all lived in different, all live in different places. My brother lives outside of the country and each one of us siblings lives in a different state and our parents lived in Georgia. So kind of going into, into all that and how we all happen to be there.
00:23:38
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, obviously there's just so many details I could share, but I mean, I think just to share a little bit of the context before the night of her passing, like you said, we were all in different places.
00:23:50
Speaker
And so in a sense, we were always expecting, I remember like always calling or checking in, basically to see like, hey, when should I go to be next to you? Because I want to be with you for your passing. Not only that, that was one of our mom's biggest
00:24:11
Speaker
wishes was that she did not want to die alone basically and she would wanted a love us to be there that was one of the things she definitely had clear so we wanted to make sure we fulfilled her wish
00:24:28
Speaker
Yeah, definitely. And, and so it was just so challenging, especially being an international that I couldn't just like hop over so quickly, you know, or every weekend, like just in case, you know, anything along those lines. So there was always just a lot of back and forth. And I remember when finally,
00:24:50
Speaker
I got a call from, um, from Catherine or a message, uh, basically stating, okay, like it's a good time now. And, and that mom has said that it's a good time for you guys to come. And so I arrived and literally we arrived just to like, like my wife, kids and I, we arrived just like two, two days before, before she passed or the date, sorry, the day before, uh, before she passed. And, um,
00:25:20
Speaker
And this happened to be, sorry that I interrupt you, but just so that we know like what, so our mom had gone to visit,
00:25:28
Speaker
my sister with my dad, they had gone to visit and even though she was already pretty ill, but it was our niece's birthday and she wanted to be there. And so she went, but then her symptoms just got really, really bad while she was there. So that's how it ended up being that our mom was at our sister's home in that moment that Danny's now recalling.
00:25:57
Speaker
And I remember, so she was basically in hospice care at my sister's home, you know, she had the, like the hospital bed and there was a nurse always there. And I just remember like feeling such a sense of peace
00:26:28
Speaker
in the home because we were all together. And even her two best childhood friends from Colombia flew in and they got to join us. I remember the night that she passed, that same night we had a little family powwow
00:26:53
Speaker
Like without my mom and we were just already talking you know the logistics like the details of the funeral and the program and this and that and It was getting pretty late. It was like 10 p.m. Or something like that and My mom's friends were about to Head out to to the apartment where they were where they were staying and They said what about like before we go? Why don't we all say prayers together?
00:27:26
Speaker
And we started, so we were like, yeah, that's a good idea. So we joined them and we just started saying prayers. Around our mom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sitting around our mom, yeah. So she's there basically in my sister's master bedroom, which is, it's a big room, so we could all fit. My mom has her own hospital bed there.
00:27:51
Speaker
And we're all just like circled around, like some sitting on the bed, some on a sofa, some standing up. And we just started, like we said a few prayers, but very quickly they became like all like in like song, you know, like in harmony and melody and rhythm.
00:28:12
Speaker
And we just started singing and singing and singing and the kids are there as well. Yeah, there was one. Yeah, because they had gone to bed with exception of the oldest grandson, which is Mateo, my son. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. And in the middle of that, she had this
00:28:41
Speaker
Um, kind of like made this noise, like of, um, like taking in air or, or no, no, sorry. Yeah. She, she, like basically to give some context, like she wasn't talking at all and she had her eyes closed pretty much the whole time, like for the past, you know, a few days. And then all of a sudden she like made this noise and we were, we all kind of looked at each other like, what, what was that?
00:29:11
Speaker
And then the nurse said like something along the lines of like, like, I mean, he, he checked her really quick. And then he was like, no, don't, don't worry guys. Uh, I think she was trying to sing with you. Do you remember that Kendra? Um, and, uh, and then we just continued and basically like.
00:29:37
Speaker
It's like all it's like so vivid but yet like fuzzy at the same time. I'll help you fill in the blanks of whatever. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, please. Anyways, I remember there was just a lot of laughter like we were even just like telling jokes and telling stories. I remember one time we were all like really like huddled close around her bed.
00:30:05
Speaker
And since there was so much song going on and most of the songs, like we all knew. And so we would all kind of chime in. And then like one of her friends, she like started singing this song and kind of like off pitch, you know, off tune and like nobody was joining in. Like she was held by herself and she sort of stopped like after starting a few lines and she was like, how come you guys aren't joining in? And we're like, we don't know the song. We all just started cracking up. You know, it was just such a,
00:30:34
Speaker
a beautiful, like dynamic, you know, environment. Yeah. And mixed emotions, obviously. And, you know, a lot of people say that laughter is sometimes used as a way to cope with crying or with, yeah, exactly. You know, so I'm sure there was a lot of that going on as well. But I think sincerely there was just like humor and laughter, you know, it wasn't just, just coping with it.
00:31:02
Speaker
And then I remember there were probably a few more things I could share, but for me, one of the most vivid moments was I had a Native American flute with me.
00:31:18
Speaker
And that she loved hearing me play that only I mean, just a few months, like, like five months before I had gotten it and I had started practicing and I would play with her in the garden in her in her home and she would just love hearing me play it. And I got it to play and I was about to play. And it was in that moment that she took her last breath.
00:31:45
Speaker
Right. And that's the moment that before you started playing the flute, we're like, we need to get everybody down here because, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Parisa, your wife had gone to sleep and then the kid and all the kids, the younger ones, except Mateo, then we ran quickly, got them all and all came down like within like two minutes basically or so. We're all there for that.
00:32:10
Speaker
to be able to be present in her last her last breath basically almost and then and then go ahead and then that's when you yeah like she took her last breath and i remember people like looking at each other like
00:32:29
Speaker
Like, is that it? Like, you know, like basically kind of confirming or like looking at the nurse. And my instinct was just to put the flute to my mouth and start playing. And.
00:32:43
Speaker
And I just, I wanted to serenade her on her journey. As she was welcomed with those angels and you were part of those, yeah, serenading her on her way out as the angels, as in her song says, were greeting her with music too. She, so beautiful. And so, yeah, it was just such, you know, to me that night,
00:33:12
Speaker
felt identical to seeing the birth of my two children in terms of like, there's a lot of joy, but yet pain, you know, and it's like, and you're tired, like physically tired and emotionally too. There's just so much going on. It's so intense. It felt exactly the same.
00:33:33
Speaker
Yeah, I remember for me it felt, because I was also like smiling and laughing and I remember my kids were a little confused a little about that. And so, and I've had conversations with them since they're mine are the old, some of the oldest, pretty much of the grandkids but
00:33:52
Speaker
Was that I was just so happy that it happened how she wanted it was like And this is what I've told them before. I'm like, it's not that I'm happy that my mom died. I'm happy that it happened exactly like she wanted like
00:34:08
Speaker
Who would have thought that we would all be able to be in the same space at the moment of her death? Who would have thought that it could have happened? And to be able to do it that way and the spirituality and the atmosphere that was there, the music, the prayers, the joy, the love, all combined, it felt for me like being on pilgrimage in the Holy Land.
00:34:38
Speaker
like this really closeness to it was as you could touch heaven with your fingertips it it like in another different level of spirituality that was felt in that room right because of all of us being united for the same
00:34:57
Speaker
purpose so I can understand what you mean in that moment of that joy and sadness, joy all mixed into one and how beautiful and spiritual it was.
00:35:14
Speaker
Well, thank you. And then music has, again, as we've seen, has been that process. Do you ever pick up the flute as a way of even any time that you're feeling a certain way, the Native American flute, do you ever pick it up? Or have you picked it up in your process of grieving, like as a tool? Yeah, for sure.
00:35:43
Speaker
What are some of the other things? At memorial services that we've had since then, I pick it up to connect with her, or I play the melody of the song that she composed of Flight to the Kingdom, Guadalreno. Yeah, it's totally a tool for me to connect.
00:36:05
Speaker
So what other things are some of those tools that you have found? So music has been a tool for your grieving process. What other things have you found have been tools for your grief journey in these years? Definitely prayer and different kinds of prayer. What I mean by that is like,
00:36:25
Speaker
One, talking to her directly and talking to my sister as well or other souls that have passed depending on what I'm wanting to pray about.
00:36:39
Speaker
and like asking for advice or asking for help or just for accompaniment. And so like that kind of prayer, like to them, but then also prayer asking God to assist them in their spiritual journey, which they're still on and it's eternal.
00:36:57
Speaker
song and music and and also just being very open about the the process just like I am here with you right now you know just being very open and not not
00:37:14
Speaker
treating the topic as taboo, as like, oh, we don't talk about those things. Not at all. Normalizing the experience. Well, normalizing it, but also obviously being careful because, I mean, I have to use tact.
00:37:34
Speaker
Um, in that, you know, I'm, I'm totally aware that the topic of death is very sensitive for a lot of people and they don't want to talk about it. So when I sense that, obviously I'm not going to be like pushy or whatever, or mention my, my experience just out of the blue. Um, uh, just because I'm aware it's, it's the majority of people do not have the experience, um, that, that, that I had, so to speak, you know, and,
00:38:01
Speaker
So I have to be careful. And so sometimes I feel like sharing my experience can be a source of inspiration. Well, sometimes it can actually be.
00:38:12
Speaker
provide guilt or other types of feelings. True. No, that aspect, actually, that point of comparison, what you just said right now is very, very valid because a lot of times people think, whoa, well, how come if they're, because I've heard these exact words of what I'm going to say in the process of, for example, when our sister died, how come if they're the family and they are
00:38:37
Speaker
doing in quotations so well with the process and I'm not like how you know and they in this kind of comparison thing like what is wrong then let's say with me if I'm exactly dealing with it in the same way as they are and it's just so different because
00:38:55
Speaker
I posted one time on Facebook this this comparison of a roller coaster and everybody being on a roller coaster because I actually put a picture of an amusement park we had gone to and every you know Carlos you know my husband sitting in one way you know reacting in one way with those pictures that they take when you're coming down the roller coaster and
00:39:15
Speaker
And each one of us had a completely different reaction, and everybody else, of course, that was on the ride as well. And then made me think that that is basically that journey of grief, that we all are sometimes on the same roller coaster, yet experience it very differently. And it comes with either whatever our backgrounds are, whatever our experiences have been,
00:39:38
Speaker
And there's different things that have led us to be ready for that moment for some people that sometimes you don't know. Like, you know, for us, you know, dealing with our mom's passing 20 years after the passing of our sister, there was a lot of growth in that process, right? So how we reacted and how we dealt with our grief with our mom,
00:40:07
Speaker
you know, had a lot to do with the growing and, and experience that we had with going through our sister's passing, right? So you're right. Like it is, it is, it is, it's, it's good to know that we have to be sensitive to other people's emotions, but then also people need to know that you can't compare
00:40:29
Speaker
how you feel and how you deal with grief with what you're even hearing now because your experience is going to be completely different. So thank you for bringing that up because that's a very, very, very valid topic. And part of the reason I have this podcast so that people can can see that now just just to kind of wrap it up, I want to ask you a couple of one thing. What do you think?
00:40:58
Speaker
has shaped you through the grief and through these losses that you've had in your life. Losses, and I'm kind of doing the air quotes here as I'm talking because these transitions, these big major changes in our life. Don't worry. I feel like I can see your air quotes. My little finger quotes. I can feel them.
00:41:15
Speaker
You can feel it. So in these huge transitions that we've had in our life and that you've had in your life, what do you think has helped and how has it shaped who you are now?
00:41:31
Speaker
Do you think there's been any specific relation that you can kind of recall, oh yes, I am like this because I've experienced this, or do you think it's been like more of a gradual process? What are your thoughts on that? Yeah, you mean how these experiences have shaped me, huh? Shaped you. Yeah, I mean, it's like,
00:42:02
Speaker
I feel like these experiences of, and I'll use the air quotes, again, in losing loved ones, has just totally like, I feel in a sense like that particular night of seeing my mom's passing,
00:42:31
Speaker
I'm so grateful to have been there because it confirmed a lot of the beliefs that I had and it materialized them. You know, they went from being theoretical or conceptual to, wait a minute, like right now I feel like all these things that I believe, like they're true in the sense of like,
00:42:57
Speaker
Um, obviously it's not like a scientific fact. It's not like I could say that, but it, in terms of like that intuitive feeling that like, wait, like messenger was like, can be a messenger of joy, like is a messenger of joy. Like it is a birth into a new life because that's what it feels like right now. Um,
00:43:23
Speaker
I don't feel like I've lost my mom. My relationship with her is now different. I can't fly to Atlanta to go visit her or I can't expect every June or July for her to come visit me and the kids. Um, so obviously the relationship has changed, but it's still there. And if not even deeper, just we're operating at different dimensions. And, um, so I guess all I'm trying to say is like,
00:43:52
Speaker
It's just totally just cemented much more this belief and in our spiritual nature as human beings and it's impacted. Actually, can I tell you one thing, how it's actually impacted my everyday life as well?
Impact of Mother's Death on Emotional Expression
00:44:08
Speaker
Is she, you know, before she passed, you know, I asked her mom, like, how do you think you got, um,
00:44:17
Speaker
pancreatic cancer, you know, how did this all come about? And she gave me two reasons. She she said, like, she gave me the medical reason, like, in terms of, you know, diabetes and, you know, like previous things and surgeries she had had and so on. But then she gave me like a more like spiritual reason. And, and she said, like,
00:44:39
Speaker
It's from holding in also emotions or sometimes emotions of anger because like she was a person that totally did not want to make other people feel sad. And so she would hold in a lot of her emotions, like not bring other people down or to not create a negative environment. And so basically she said ultimately that affected her health.
00:45:04
Speaker
And so since then, because I tend to have that personality as well, I've actually, since then I started shifting, consciously trying to shift my behavior, my personality.
00:45:19
Speaker
to be more expressive of my emotions in a sense to combat, you know, since I know in a sense what kind of effect it can have on our bodies. So I don't know. There's lots of studies. There's so many things. There's lots of studies. Yeah, I mean, there's lots of studies that show how emotions have an impact on our health. But again, we saw it firsthand. And when you've lived it, then you're like, whoa, OK.
00:45:47
Speaker
what little changes can I make in my life that I'm able to kind of cleanse myself from that and not hold it on in my body somewhere, whether it's sadness, whether it's anger, whether it's resentment, whatever those emotions that we sometimes don't express because of what you just mentioned of not wanting to hurt those around us, but at the same time, they end up hurting
00:46:14
Speaker
us by holding them and eventually end up hurting those around us because then they have to deal with the consequences of what they have to feel with when we if we if we get ill so um so no that's a very valid now in that too in that journey your um your kid your kids were much younger
00:46:33
Speaker
your youngest, Bayon was only one when our mom passed and Soraya was, was she three at that moment? Yeah, she was three. Yeah. So with that, how have you been able to maintain? And they've never met our sister. None of our kids have met our, you know, none of our kids met our sister. So can just share a little bit about how you keep,
00:47:01
Speaker
their memory alive in their lives and Yeah, how do you do that? Yeah, I mean different ways and Through through pictures and like definitely pictures and video like really help For them to connect with with these souls You know with their grandma and their aunt Through stories
00:47:31
Speaker
Also, um, through prayer, you know, when we say prayers, many times we'll say like, Hey, why don't we say a prayer for your aunt or for your, you know, your Dias Oris or, or Lita, your, your grandma. Um, so those are definitely some of the, the go-to ways that we've used for them to connect and, and, you know, for their memory to live on.
00:47:54
Speaker
Thank you. Now, what are you grateful for? What are you grateful for in this whole process? So much, honestly, and I mean, I've already shared a few things, but I'm just, I'm grateful to be able to experience
00:48:19
Speaker
Like in a sense, even though I haven't experienced death myself or had like a near-death experience or anything along those lines, to be a witness of the beauty of life and death and to really see it as a journey, as a path, as just a transition to another dimension,
00:48:49
Speaker
I'm just grateful to have a wider perspective about these things even though it's not like I Understand it fully. It's still extremely mysterious But I feel like I just feel closer closer to it And and that is one thing that I'm extremely grateful for because I feel like it shapes my everyday life like what is my purpose on this world and
00:49:13
Speaker
What am I here to do? How am I going to take advantage of each moment? Should I be watching this 10 minute YouTube video from e-entertainment or should I be doing something else?
00:49:31
Speaker
you know, those kinds of thoughts come into my mind like, wait a minute, like, am I just wasting my time here? Or like, can I be doing something more significant? So thank you. Thank you so much, Armando, for being part of this. And now, before we wrap up, I want to just say how can people find you if they want to hear a little bit more of all your
00:49:52
Speaker
music and everything that you've done as well because that again, that has been something that's even birthed even more in this process of your grieving journey.
Brother's Creative Work: Music and Podcast
00:50:01
Speaker
So if they want to listen, you have your you have a podcast you have so if you want to just share your hashtag this whatever your taglines if people want to find you.
00:50:13
Speaker
Sure. Yeah, I think to not give too many links, I'll just mention my most recent project and you guys can follow that project at One Planet Music. So at the website oneplanetmusic.com, which is my, that's my podcast where I talk about music and its role in society and on Instagram at oneplanetmusic.fm. Thank you so much.
00:50:39
Speaker
Thank you, and I am grateful to have been able to experience the grieving process with the most incredible human beings, which I'm gonna cry, happen to be my siblings, that I learned so much of every single day of my life. So thank you, I love you. I love you, Romano. And thank you for being my first interview.
00:51:05
Speaker
I love you. You're welcome. Thank you. It's such an honor. Thank you. Bye. Bye.
00:51:14
Speaker
Thank you again so much for choosing to listen today. I hope that you can take away a few nuggets from today's episode that can bring you comfort in your times of grief. If so, it would mean so much to me if you would rate and comment on this episode. And if you feel inspired in some way to share it with someone who may need to hear this, please do so.
00:51:43
Speaker
Also, if you or someone you know has a story of grief and gratitude that should be shared so that others can be inspired as well, please reach out to me. And thanks once again for tuning into Grief Gratitude and the Gray in Between podcast. Have a beautiful day.