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4. You Are Whole! The Fallacy of "My Better Half" - with Giselle Taminez
81 Plays5 years ago
Giselle shares with us her candid journey of the grief she experienced after the end of a marriage in which she had lost her identity and her Bliss. She shares the long road to rediscover herself, through personal growth and development books, workshops and conferences, and how that led her to now being a Wellness and Mindset Coach.
Music: www.rinaldisound.net
Connect with Giselle: IG @thevisionproject @giselletaminez
A Tribe Called Bliss Book: https://www.loriharder.com/tribe-called-bliss/
Do You have an inspiring story to share? Contact me! www.griefgratitudeandthegrayinbetween.com
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Transcript
The Universe Intervenes in Unhealthy Situations
00:00:00
Speaker
I'm a really big believer that when things are not good for you and you are not willing to end them or end a relationship or get away from a situation that is not for you, the universe will do it for you. So it was painful, but it had to happen.
00:00:25
Speaker
You know, that relationship didn't make sense. Absolutely. You know, it did not make sense.
Introduction to 'Grief, Gratitude, and the Gray in Between'
00:00:34
Speaker
Hello and welcome to Grief, Gratitude and the Gray in Between podcast.
00:00:42
Speaker
This podcast is about exploring the grief that occurs at different times in our lives in which we have had major changes and transitions that literally shake us to the core and make us experience grief.
00:00:58
Speaker
I created this podcast for people to feel a little less hopeless and alone in their own grief process as they hear the stories of others who have had similar journeys. I'm Kendra Rinaldi, your host. Now, let's dive right in to today's episode.
00:01:21
Speaker
All right. Well, welcome to today's episode.
Introducing Giselle Taminis and the Vision Project
00:01:25
Speaker
I have my dear friend Giselle online and Giselle and I have been friends for a long time, but our friendship just got kind of reconnected a few years ago again. It's just been an interesting journey of our friendship, but that's not what today's episode is about, but it's really more about
00:01:48
Speaker
your life, Giselle. But if you want to introduce yourself a little bit, just tell me who you are. Tell our listeners who you are. Hello. And I'm so excited to be here. So my name is Giselle Taminis, and I am a health and wellness coach. And I also have a project called the Vision Project, where I help women manifest their best life.
00:02:18
Speaker
And yes, Kendra and I have had a very interesting, very interesting relationship, I think.
00:02:24
Speaker
We were just meant to meet. We were. We were meant to meet, for sure. Our lives were meant to intertwine in some ways or another, very interestingly, for sure. And then, so the reason I wanted to have you on the podcast was because, as you may know, since you actually have been part of this process of even me creating this podcast, because you're part of my bliss tribe.
00:02:51
Speaker
The purpose of our bliss tribe is to be able to support each other in our endeavors. And this podcast would probably not be happening had it not been for the support of my bliss tribe as well. So thank you, Giselle, for being part of this process as well. Thank you for getting us together, for sure. Because I'm the one that hasn't met the other two in person. But Kendra was the
00:03:17
Speaker
um the one that pressured us into oh pressured okay i see huh uh-huh uh-huh i pressured i bribed you all you didn't but um but yeah i definitely think you were the the maker the creator it just happened to know you all and it's been a huge um huge blessing um to be part of
00:03:38
Speaker
Yeah, thank you.
Exploring Non-Death-Related Grief
00:03:39
Speaker
And in that process then of being able to explore this topic of grief, and because I've known you for some time, I wanted today our interview to kind of lead a little bit into the topic of grief when it's not tied into a death. And I mentioned in my intro as how
00:04:01
Speaker
Grief can happen when there's any major change that occurs in our life, major life transition, sometimes loss of dreams, loss of identity, loss of where we've lived, loss of relationships.
00:04:22
Speaker
That's the topic that I think we're going to be able to share a little bit with our listeners today.
Giselle's Divorce as a Grief Experience
00:04:28
Speaker
So in your life, what would you say has been one of those pivotal moments that has brought grief into your life?
00:04:44
Speaker
I think that definitely my biggest moment of grief, which I think it's interesting to point out that I only realized recently and through conversations with you that I had gone through grief because we tend to identify grief with death.
00:05:05
Speaker
And again, like what you're saying, there's so many other situations where we go through grief. So I never saw it as grief, but I think definitely for me was, and what's definitely been the most pivotal moment in my life was I got a divorce, I went through a divorce 15 years ago. And it was a long separation process. And I definitely
00:05:33
Speaker
think that the moment that it occurred, it felt like a death. I distinctly remember thinking, you know, like, you know, part of me is dying. So yeah, I think that's definitely that's been my
00:05:50
Speaker
Wow. That is very powerful because to some extent part of you was dying because it's the identity of you as this wife was dying. So this was again 15 years ago you said? It was 15 years ago. How long had you been in that relationship?
00:06:15
Speaker
We'd I'd been in that relationship for about seven years Seven years and you had a child in that relationship. Yeah, so I had a three-year-old. I had a three-year-old and then We went through a long separation process because You know Different situations, you know, but I think mostly I think he fell out of love I also feel like it was a very codependent relationship. So it wasn't
Loss of Identity in Marriage and Motherhood
00:06:45
Speaker
It wasn't an ideal relationship for them to get go. But we also we tend to get very attached, right? And then we, and because it was very codependent, I had attached my whole identity to that relationship. And that person was very controlling as well. So I had given up complete control over to him.
00:07:06
Speaker
And then I also had lost a lot of my identity. I felt like I had lost a lot of my identity after I had a child. I think a lot of people have kids in their early 20s. I had just turned 26 when I had my daughter and I felt like I was a teenage mom. It was a really hard adjustment for me. That is very interesting that you bring that up because
00:07:34
Speaker
That is something that sometimes people don't realize as well of how much grief can be experienced even in a happy moment that occurs. So even though you became a mom and that's a happy experience, there was part of you that
00:07:50
Speaker
someone died in that process of becoming a mom, part of your identity also shifted in that process. So it's like a whole bunch of layers as well. So you had had your child at 26, part of your identity was kind of dissolved in that moment. Right.
00:08:07
Speaker
Okay, and then three years later, and then three years we start going through a divorce. So, I mean, you know, the divorce was like most, you know, a big part of it was an affair. But, you know, I think when things I am a really big believer that when things are not good for you, and you are not willing to
00:08:27
Speaker
to end them or end a relationship or get away from a situation that is not for you, the universe will do it for you. So
00:08:42
Speaker
It was painful, but it had to happen. I mean, it just, you know, that relationship, it didn't make sense. Absolutely. You know, it did not make sense. I remember after we separated, like, you know, and people found out about it, like people that knew or like a lot of women close to me, they're like, you know, they were like, I don't know how you were with that person for so long, you know, or I never liked that person or, you know,
00:09:10
Speaker
All sorts of things. They would say this after the fact. Of course, they wouldn't say it while you were married. Some people were brave enough to say it before, but I didn't take it. I didn't take it well. That relationship had affected all sorts of relationships.
00:09:25
Speaker
What kind of relationships do you think that were probably the ones the more strained in that process of you kind of losing yourself within that marriage? Like which other relationships do you feel that were the most strained?
00:09:45
Speaker
I didn't have any close female relationships during that time. I had episodes of a lot of conflict with my parents. I think back then it was very lonely. It was the ghost of me. I wasn't myself during that relationship at all.
00:10:06
Speaker
Ghost of you that's such a powerful imagery right there the ghost of you like just like a Just the part I just kind of like that like who chills with that imagery because that is just like just a Resemblance of a part of you was just there like not your whole self was
Reclaiming Power and Facing Fear
00:10:23
Speaker
present It wasn't my no, it wasn't my whole self at all. I was I had given away all my power I had gotten you know after we separated I
00:10:32
Speaker
And we're separated for a while. And then we, we, we tried again for a short time. But remember, clearly, I went to get shoes after we separated. And this person had a lot of control over me, like even what like I wore. Okay. And I went to buy shoes. And I remember having a panic attack in the middle of the store. And like running back to my car, because I like I just
00:11:01
Speaker
I didn't even know how to buy shoes for myself. In terms of choosing the shoes and paying in terms of knowing whether the value was something that was okay.
00:11:20
Speaker
In different situations, even if it's not a situation that it's good for you, you get used to that that is the way things are. In the past 15 years, and I've worked so much on personal development and spiritual growth, I see it in every situation in our lives.
00:11:40
Speaker
We feel like crap. We feel really bad, but we're so used to feeling bad or disempowered or sick that that becomes a reality. So I think for me at that point was I was claiming my power, but I think there was a lot of fear in claiming my in reclaiming my power.
00:12:02
Speaker
Right, because you didn't know, because again, it was only the ghost of you that was functioning at that moment. It was only a part of you that didn't even know how to deal with it, because the other part of you had kind of gone into the unknown, they know for a while. For a while, right. So you had to kind of reclaim all those parts of you that you had kind of put in the, what do you call that? Backburn, or our Spanglish, I wish we could say, say it again.
00:12:30
Speaker
Back burner. Back burner. I think that would be correct. Yeah, the back burner. Yeah, definitely. I think for sure. I mean, the only way I was operating on how to make this person happy, basically, and walking on eggshells. It wasn't good and it was toxic, but I also didn't recognize it at the time either. I was just used to that. That's how it was.
00:12:54
Speaker
Um, I don't recall feeling happy. So I think the, I think the main thing I was able to recognize because, so to give you some context, I was, I spent the two previous years very, very sick. Um, and it was, you know, it was just my body breaking down from all the negative situation that was going on.
00:13:17
Speaker
uh and you know so i was suffering physically because i was sick and i was also suffering emotionally because just the relationship was so toxic you know and i you know i was belittled and you know it was really bad um but at some point i recognized that i wanted to be happy so that was my main that was my
00:13:43
Speaker
I think that was the carrot that I dangled for myself to make tough situations and to push myself through the pain and through work through the pain to get better. So my main thing I decided I wanted to be happy. I was 28, 29 years old and I remember thinking I cannot do this. I am dying.
00:14:10
Speaker
I'm alive, but I'm not and I want I want to be happy. So I think a lot of guts that takes a lot of guts to suddenly like realize that.
00:14:23
Speaker
And, you know, when you're in the thick of it, you know, like to be able to make that realization and that a glimpse of your whole identity kind of came in to kind of let you know and tap you on your shoulder or your soul or whatever we want to call it. The two of us do like those, the concept of our soul, the whispers. Yes. So for you to be able to recognize that whisper and actually take action, that's huge.
00:14:51
Speaker
Yes, I've recognized that later on having conversations with other people. I didn't, you know, I didn't see it at the time. And again, this was all in my own, you know, I didn't go to therapy. I didn't have a support group. I didn't have, you know, this was not, you know, I didn't even have, you know, like for now we have the bliss tribe, you know, and I know like we share with each other, you know, when we have challenging times that we give ourselves feedback. I had no feedback at that time.
00:15:16
Speaker
And, um, and yeah, I, I recall just feeling, you know, I, I was so sick of suffering, like so tired of suffering. I'm like, I cannot do this anymore. I want to be happy. And then I think as, as I surrendered to that choice that I was making, that I was choosing to be happy, then, um, you know, then things started happening for me. Um, you know, which was, um, I,
00:15:45
Speaker
though the reason I chose to actually leave my ex-husband was because He was turning 30 years old and he decided I he told me I wasn't invited to his birthday celebration. Oh and And and he said, you know that we're like all like all this other stuff but I'm clear I remember that night I'm like
00:16:11
Speaker
I had the realization I am suffering so much for a person that does not consider me worthy to be part of his birthday celebration.
00:16:25
Speaker
Like, wow, this is the first time I'm hearing this. Yeah, this is the first time. It's interesting because even though because during that time, well, this is a while ago when this is not when we were had really reconnected that much. I think we were Facebook friends at that point and.
00:16:43
Speaker
But that's probably the extent of our friendship at that moment. So I didn't know all this that you are sharing at this moment. Do you think that part of it, aside from you choosing your own happiness in that moment, that the fact of having this daughter, a daughter, have a huge impact of you making that choice of really shifting and leaving the relationship?
00:17:08
Speaker
No, I think she was. No, she was one of the reasons I was holding on some type one for sure. I
00:17:19
Speaker
Well, there's two things. One, I didn't know that the reason I was sick was because my body was rejecting like all this that was going on. So I didn't recognize it at the time. So my mother had health issues when she was, you know, since she was young. So I remember thinking, oh, man, there's genetics, you know, I'm going to be as sick as my mom is, you know, because my mother has never had chronic diseases, but there's always been things like going
Grieving for Her Daughter's Lost Family Ideal
00:17:45
Speaker
on.
00:17:45
Speaker
So I was like, oh, you know, like the reason I have like my back, I can't move, you know, it's because I ain't here, you know, like, I thought it was all genetics at that time. So I didn't think it was because of everything that was going on. The biggest, you know, I think the biggest situation that cost me grief was the fact that my daughter would not grow up with her mom and dad together. And that broke me to pieces.
00:18:13
Speaker
It, it, it broke me to pieces. And I, you know, I would have conversations with him, like, I'm like, are you okay with this? Like it does not cause you any pain to think that you will not grow. Like you will not raise your daughter. Like this, you know, like this doesn't break your soul that you will not raise your daughter, daughter. Um, and.
00:18:36
Speaker
You know, and I think I pressured the whole situation for us to be together because I didn't want, you know, my parents are still together. They're going to have their 50 year anniversary this year. I had this attachment, a big attachment to my daughter having her mom and dad together, you know, and having a family. So now I now obviously,
00:19:01
Speaker
like setting an example for her, you know, and standing up for myself and, you know, being having an empowered mom. I can see it more now, like how that's a valley there. But at that time when she was so young, I really just wanted her to have, you know, her mom, you know, her mom and dad. But I also had to recognize that he didn't really care, you know, he was just like, but there's tons of people that are divorced out there, you know, and they, you know, they raise kids and the kids grow up fine, like,
00:19:27
Speaker
What's the big deal? So I had to let go of trying to make things work for someone that wasn't really interested in making things work. So I think the biggest grief
00:19:45
Speaker
We have these expectations that we have, and sometimes we just have to let go of those expectations. I think that was the first one that I just had to let go of. Let go of the idea that your daughter was going to grow up with both parents, and that you were going to have a support system in that process.
00:20:05
Speaker
of raising your daughter, that you had to let go of that. And so that was one of those grieving moments that again, probably things that you realized later, Oh, yeah, I did. I did experience grief in that process yet in that moment. You're so you're also on survival mode. You're suddenly here raising a child on your own.
00:20:25
Speaker
A lot of times it doesn't even allow sometimes even space for your own emotions to process because you are more focused about whether your child is adjusting okay with the change and things like that. So take us a little bit into that in the moment in which you are suddenly now here on your own raising your child. I was blessed with a ... So I was blessed or I was given
00:20:53
Speaker
I was given a daughter that was built for this situation. Extremely resilient child. Ever since she was born, I felt that she needed to create strong relationships with all of my extended family.
00:21:13
Speaker
and she needed to and the more loved she received even from outside the circle of just her mom and dad, the better she would be. So my mother took care of her for about a year and a half, helped babysitter and then and I sent her to Columbia with my mom for a month when she was six months old.
00:21:38
Speaker
Oh, so she had already been, this is when you were married, when you were still married, you had sent her already to Columbia when she was six months old. This is because you were returning to work? No, I wanted my dad to meet her. My mother was going to Columbia for some time, so I sent her with her.
00:22:03
Speaker
Simone, you know, she was about two, she was, when we separated, she had just turned three. In that time period, she had been, she would about twice a year go to Columbia with my family. Oh, so it's like her extended. Yeah. So you had a village that had already, she had a village. Yeah. She had a village and she was attached to that village. Okay.
00:22:27
Speaker
She, you know, there was like after Christmas when she was two, my gosh, maybe she was one and a half. Maybe two, one and a half. No, I think she was two. She, you know, there were times where she would go to Columbia, like somebody would come visit us, and they'd be like, Oh, can you send Simone? And I would be like, Sure. And someone be like, I want to go to Columbia, because she would like speak all sentences that she was like, I'm a year old. And, and we would
00:22:55
Speaker
You know, she would go with like my cousin and not even turn around and cry. And she was like two and a half. You know, my kids now would never do that. So she was strong and resilient. So I definitely think the universe gave me this daughter because if I thought she was fragile and like so attached, it would have broken me. It would have been really, really hard. But she was resilient. She was fine. Like she. She loved her extended family. She didn't.
00:23:26
Speaker
The other thing was that her dad wasn't a great dad either. He wasn't like, oh, my husband now is very hands-on with our little daughters, plays with them, all this sorts of stuff. He wasn't. So thankfully, it worked out because she didn't feel this huge void when we separated.
00:23:45
Speaker
So you touched on something right now that it's kind of turning then this table you mentioned now, your husband. So here it is, you had a relationship at which did not end up working out after 15 years ago and you were married for, remind, you said seven, yeah?
Desire for Family Post-Divorce
00:24:02
Speaker
You were in that relationship for seven. We were in a relationship for seven years. Seven years. Then you're here a single mom, a daughter. Did it occur to you in that moment that you would ever be able to trust again, be in a relationship again? Did you ever think that in that moment of that separation, do you remember your emotions in that moment?
00:24:33
Speaker
I don't remember, I remember knowing I wanted to have more kids and I wanted to have a family.
Self-Care and Identity Reclamation in Columbia
00:24:43
Speaker
I knew that from the beginning that I wanted more children and I wanted to have a family. But I wanted to go back just for a second because during that whole period where I said that I was like broken before we separated,
00:24:59
Speaker
And after the birthday party, I didn't get invited to. Yes. Oh my gosh. That still kind of got me like, what? That's your wife. What do you mean? Was it a guy's only party? Like, I'm like. So that's what he said. But then I started getting calls from other wives that were at the party. They're like, why are you not here? Like, oh, that's a very good question. I just don't have the answer to. But that night I decided we were separating.
00:25:30
Speaker
actually. And so when he got home, I was like, this is pointless. He said, I actually had to go to I was scheduled to go to Columbia for a wedding. It was part of a wedding party at the end of August. And this was during the summer, this was probably like the weeks before that I said, you know what, I'm going to quit my job. And I'm gonna go to Columbia for the wedding, but I'm just not coming back. I'm I need to I need to leave.
00:25:53
Speaker
Because at that point, I figured I wasn't at a job. I was not at a job that I loved. I felt so broken. I felt I could not function. I knew I wanted to be happy. And I was like, I need to go. I can't. I can't function. So I actually left for Columbia for nine months. I moved in with my parents.
00:26:14
Speaker
signed up, put Simone in preschool. And then because I figured if I stay here, I'm going to get child support, I'm going to still going to have to work. But if I go to Columbia, I won't have to work. And whatever I get in child support, I can pay for preschool. Rindemas. Rindemas. Like we say in Spanish, rindemas. So much. So I moved back with my parents and painted and signed myself in painting classes and worked out and just took care of myself for nine months.
00:26:42
Speaker
So that right there, that was the self-care process that you did in that grieving process to be able to kind of go through that, of okay, this chapter's over, now it's time to reconnect with me, find me, find the whole parts of me that have been sitting in the back. And that was the time you took to be able to do that. Wow. Yeah.
00:27:07
Speaker
And you know, it wasn't, you know, it wasn't final. I mean, the separation wasn't final. He was it was a codependent relationship. So as much as I depended on him, he depended on me as well. So we tried again, like nine months later, and then we were together for like three weeks. And then after that point, it was, it was final. But
00:27:30
Speaker
But I had the strength at that point. I needed to leave. I needed to leave. And I remember friends of mine saying, oh my god, you're leaving. You're leaving your house. You're leaving. I'm like, I don't care. I'm like, this is all material things. I do not care about any of this.
00:27:46
Speaker
I said, I care about myself. I need to take care of myself. And I just, I can't, I can't, I can't do this the way I am. I, you know, I felt so, I was so broken emotionally. I just, I knew I wouldn't be able to function unless I reclaimed myself. I did things that I enjoyed doing. I got away from him and that, you know, the toxicity of the relationship.
00:28:10
Speaker
So I think that was a big gift that I gave to myself. And I also realize now that I had a lot of bravery at making that decision.
00:28:24
Speaker
And I think ultimately the choice that I had made a few months earlier that I wanted to be happy was what gave me the strength.
Choosing Happiness Over Judgment
00:28:31
Speaker
I also realize now I never fear judgment. And there's so many men and women going through toxic relationships, marriages, and they stay on because how people are going to judge them or perceive them or what are people going to think?
00:28:50
Speaker
Um, and I'm so happy. It never crossed my mind. I, you know, and I look back now, I'm like, I was the only one getting a divorce. You know, no one around me was getting a divorce. Because some of them were probably just starting to get married. By the time I was a divorce thing, it was the time I was just getting married.
00:29:12
Speaker
I, you know, for me, I was, you know, I never, it's just what other people would think never crossed my mind at all. And I'm so happy because we can get so trapped on, on people's opinions and people's perception of our lives and how they're gonna judge us. And I'm very, you know, I
00:29:30
Speaker
I'm very happy that it wasn't the case for me in that situation. Yeah, especially because things like that sometimes culturally too and that when there's certain ideas that you have of what a marriage should have looked like and it should last forever. Like you were just saying, the example you had of marriage was your parents had that been married for so long.
00:29:49
Speaker
that you're like, what? Am I failing because I didn't accomplish this right now? And so sometimes people hold on to these ideas because they do not want to disappoint sometimes even their own idea that they have in their mind of what it was supposed to be. And they hold on to these things either for themselves or like what you were saying, the judgment of others that at least you didn't have that part.
00:30:17
Speaker
because you didn't care about the judgment of others in that process. So that was one of the things that kind of set you free to make that decision to really leap into finding your true happiness, which happened to be away from him. Now, in that process, too, of doing that, like, what are some of the things, like, because you had to regain, of course, aspects of yourself that you had probably kind of left again in the back,
00:30:45
Speaker
Now, what are things that you feel in your personality that kind of shifted and transformed because of that process of going through that hardship? What are attributes that you, like right now you already said you were brave to step into that. Did you even know you had that strength in you? No.
00:31:14
Speaker
I can definitely, it was a process. I think the first step was deciding I wanted to be happy. The second, you know, I was saying the gift that I wasn't thinking, it never occurred to me what other people would think. The third one is I never, although my identity was very attached to the marriage, the failing, I never felt I was a failure because the marriage had failed.
00:31:44
Speaker
Okay, great. Okay, you separated that part of your identity not because of the marriage failing did you fail? Exactly. I never saw it as a failure of me As a failure. Yeah, I never saw it as a failure of me. I just you know, I saw it as Again, my focus was so much on being happy and not wanting to suffer anymore that I think that's what what didn't allow me to focus on these other
00:32:13
Speaker
you know, these other things. Negative self talk. Yeah, negative self talk that could have happened. Negative self talk. Yeah. And, you know, then after, you know, deciding I wanted to be happy, then I chose to do things that brought me joy. My job wasn't bringing me joy. So I left my job.
00:32:31
Speaker
Going to Columbia and spending time with family brought me joy. So I chose that deciding to You know to start taking care of myself and you know, I I still have like pregnancy weight I had not lost so, you know losing weight taking care of myself, you know with something that made me happy So I did that signing up for painting and decorating classes brought me joy So I signed up for that and then I also
00:32:59
Speaker
I have a good, a lot of a big connection. Like my, my family has a lot of girl women. I have a lot of female cousins and we're really close. And so connecting with them.
00:33:10
Speaker
was a big part and then traveling within Columbia. So I gave myself nine months of joy. Before you tried those three weeks of... Before I tried those three weeks, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And then shortly after... And you kind of just needed to get back. It was more like a test of, let me just make sure.
Refusing Loveless Relationships
00:33:29
Speaker
You know, I knew
00:33:32
Speaker
I was able to recognize during that time, a way that he didn't love me. So I think I was able to set, not expectations, but, you know, what was non-negotiable. And I knew at that point, when we tried those three weeks, I was like, being in a relationship with there is no love is a non-negotiable for me. I'm not going to be in a loveless marriage. So my daughter can have a mom and a dad.
00:34:01
Speaker
And I think at that point, because I had already grieved the idea that my daughter would grow up with her mom and dad, had already, you know, that was settled, and I think I was okay with that situation. Also, the fact that she'd already been away nine months and she'd been okay made me think that she would be okay regardless, you know, whether we stayed together or not.
00:34:28
Speaker
And then, but shortly after we got in, you know, we were together again for three weeks, I think within a week, I knew that it was not going to work out. Yeah, that it was. How was it? How was it for Simone to having been away from, you know, like having you guys be I mean, she was young, right? So did she know recognize when you guys went back to trying it for those three weeks? Did she
00:34:53
Speaker
Like how was it again, then the separation after for her? Like again, you've mentioned how resilient she is as a child. Like how was it? Did she even notice that, you know, cause some of those things again, we kind of don't do things. Like even the fact that even sometimes, you know, say for ourselves, even sometimes we don't even change where the house where we're at just because we don't want to have to change the school district for our children, you know, things like that, that we're constantly trying to protect them from change sometimes. So like,
00:35:22
Speaker
in that moment yet, like how was her way of reacting with those, in that process, if you remember? She, again, I was blessed with a very resilient child. She went to four or five different preschools in that year. And she was absolutely fine with it. Like it was never, never had a problem with it. She was fine with the change. She was fine with the moving.
00:35:52
Speaker
She was excited to see her dad that time. We actually moved to, so we lived in Maryland before we separated. And then when we reconnected, we had moved to Florida, to Miami. So we met again in Miami. We set up a new home for us. We signed her up in a new preschool. We were ready to go. And I mentioned there was infidelity. So the three weeks was because it took me three weeks to confirm that there was, in fact, had a girlfriend.
00:36:21
Speaker
And then from the moment that I found out he had a girlfriend Which I will say it was the darkest like scariest day of my life because I was able to see parts of me that I just never Want to see or like we never want to acknowledge that we can have that level of darkness within us From that to me leaving definitely was less than 24 hours and
00:36:48
Speaker
The darkness, did it come from the thoughts that came to your mind, from the way you behaved, from the anger, the disappointment, what kind of emotions did you say that were attached to that part that you think are like the dark side, if you want to share? So there was a lot of pain because I knew this was going on and I had
00:37:15
Speaker
I had asked them many times as a friend, as a wife, as a wife that is mad, as a wife that is trying to be understanding like in all sorts of ways. And even during my time away. And there was always a lie or an excuse.
00:37:35
Speaker
And I chose to believe him rather than believe myself. And ultimately I was right about every single situation where I had been like, oh, this is weird. I think this person is your girlfriend, you know? And he'd give me an excuse and I was like, oh, okay. Because there's many times in our lives, I think that we have a wound, something that really hurts. And we keep putting a bandaid on it and a bandaid on it and bandaid on it rather than just like get the stitches, you know, get something, like really deal with it.
00:38:03
Speaker
And then ultimately I think we need to be ready to face it, right? So when I found out I had a lot of anger, I remember
00:38:16
Speaker
there has been a situation where this lady in Texas had run over her husband after she found an affair. And I remember thinking like, Oh, I think that was in the, yeah, that was like in the driveway or something. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I really remember. I'm laughing, but I'm not laughing. It shouldn't be funny. I'm sorry. It shouldn't be funny. It shouldn't be funny. I laugh too because I remember in that moment I remember thinking,
00:38:40
Speaker
Oh my God, I can totally see how that can happen. Like I had so much anger in me, I could have killed them. I swear that if I didn't listen, and I, you know, maybe some people don't believe in God, but
00:38:56
Speaker
At this case, in this case, it's all about your perspective in your own process. So it doesn't matter what the listeners believe. It's what about you believe? I was like, God, I am so happy I have you in my life and in my heart because had I not had God in my heart,
00:39:11
Speaker
and felt like God was with there, I would have killed him. I had so much anger. And I was able to even recognize that anger. Like in that moment I was like, Oh my God, is this like the devil? Like what the hell is this? Like it was so scary. The level of like,
00:39:28
Speaker
Oh, gosh, like, ah, and it's that's the only time in my life that had a glimpse of that. I mean, of that side of it was yeah, it was it was it was dark. It was painful. I remember I called my brother when I found out because listen, you know, I had like a major, like major breakdown. It was bad. And I remember I called my brother who I guess my oldest brother has been
00:39:59
Speaker
I've been my go to person many, you know, in a lot of hard times. And, you know, we shared, you know, like, we talk like girlfriends and, you know, um, but at that moment I called him, um, and I, you know, I told him what was going on. And he's like, Giselle, remember that we only received the truth when we're ready for it. He's like, if you know, if you found, you know, you've got confirmation today is because you're ready to deal with this confirmation now.
00:40:29
Speaker
That's wise. That's wise. Yes. Because as you said, you had not received it nine months earlier. You had just decided to leave at that moment because he didn't invite you to his birthday party, and other things had just kind of been failing already, that recognition. And then nine months of separation, then three weeks together, and this happens. And that's really wise, what he said, because had that happened nine months earlier, that you would have recognized like that. I didn't have the strength.
00:41:00
Speaker
So those nine months really gave you that strength to be able to not run over him, not do the driveway. And then, you know, that time I remember like he went into the other bedroom with, you know, with Simone to take care of her, you know, and to allow me space to not kill him, you know, and to grieve, really. I mean, you know, it was
00:41:27
Speaker
just a lot, you know, a lot of grief, you know, it's like a death. Absolutely. And after I spoke to my brother, I remember, you know, having praying and saying, okay, God, I am done with suffering. I do not want to suffer anymore. And if there's anything, but I'm willing
00:41:53
Speaker
to face any pain I need to face now. Like I can do this. Just send it all. I'll take over the pain. But I'm dealing with this now and I'm going to be happy. Like I just want to get this over with. And that is the decision I made in that moment. And that's what helped me through everything after that. My choice that I was willing to go through pain
00:42:16
Speaker
in order, you know, and deal with the pain and face it and, you know, process it. You know, and then now I say pain, I think now price they like go a lot, you know, go through the grieving process that I would need to go through to be happy again, but I that was a decision I made in that in that time, you know, in that moment.
00:42:38
Speaker
And you were saying that any characteristic attributes that came out from that, I definitely believe that that was a pivotal moment for me. And that has led me and given me the power to make many difficult decisions in my life since then. I am not afraid of pain. I will take the pain because I know pain doesn't kill me.
00:43:03
Speaker
He doesn't kill me, you know, I realized, you know, a few months after I separated, I was with my with one of my aunts. And she was like, Honey, you have to understand that things don't happen to you. They happen for you.
00:43:18
Speaker
That's not the first time I hear that that saying I heard it first from a friend that I'll also be interviewing her exactly that same, that same phrase. So powerful. It's so powerful. And when you're in the midst of grieving, when you're in the midst of pain, oh my, you know, it just, you know, I
Finding Purpose in Pain
00:43:38
Speaker
You know, I really decided I, you know, I was willing to go through the pain, but then now I felt like, okay, this pain has a purpose, you know, this pain has a purpose. What is the purpose? Why do I need to learn? And I, I get impatient because, um, because I don't, you know, I don't hold onto the pain. I even had a conversation with my husband last night about, you know, a difficult situation that we went through.
00:44:02
Speaker
about five years ago. And he was asking me why, like, why did I do that? Like, do I push me? And I'm like, and I told him, I said, I have chosen in my life that I don't suffer. I choose that I don't suffer. I will face, you know, difficult and painful situations. I will go through them. But I'm willing to make the difficult decisions to make sure that I am happy. You know, I'm not going to linger on in suffering just because, you know, I, I, I,
00:44:31
Speaker
I think that's maybe been the biggest one of the biggest gifts from that divorce and that whole situation was reclaiming my power in situations of grief and situations of pain, and being able to work the really hard situations and make really difficult decisions.
00:44:49
Speaker
and not attach myself to the outcome. I had no expectations at that time. Listen, that day that I left, I said, I talked to one of my brothers, I talked to one of my other brothers, and I told them what was going on. I had no money. I didn't have a job at that time.
00:45:08
Speaker
And my brother's like, okay, I'm buying you a ticket. I'm buying you a ticket for today because I called this brother the next day. He, um, he said, I'm buying you a ticket today and you're getting out of that place today. He's like, he's like, that man manipulates you. And if you stay one night, you will not leave him. And from the moment I talked to him, he called me every half hour. Are your backs packed? Are you ready?
00:45:38
Speaker
you're leaving. He's like, you need to leave, you need to leave, you need to leave. He pushed me the whole day, which was horrendous. That's amazing. That's amazing because that's the support system that you need in order sometimes to be able to get out of those kinds of situations and acknowledging that you needed it. If you had not called
00:45:59
Speaker
them, you know, one brother to kind of give you that comfort and then the other one as well, then you, who knows whether, you know, how long you would have stayed there. And if you would have basically, but it's that if you walk on molasses, you get stuck, like you'd be stuck in like the molasses. Your feet would be stuck there, right? Absolutely.
00:46:22
Speaker
So wow, that is amazing that you had that support. So you left and then the ticket, did he get it for you to go live with? Back to Maryland. Back to where your other family that was in the States was. Yeah, so I moved back to Maryland. I left that afternoon.
00:46:43
Speaker
you know, difficult things. You asked me about how it affected Simone. So Simone had no idea. Um, she, you know, he took her to preschool that morning. He went to get her from preschool and the flight was right around preschool and, uh, right after preschool. So I remember we like sat down in the diet, in like our living room and over of our place in Miami. And we like all the three of us hugged and cried. Um, you know, you know, we're crying and then, um, and then he took us, you know, he took us to the airport.
00:47:15
Speaker
And Simone was like, where are we going? I'm like, I don't recall exactly. I said something like, yeah, we're going back to Maryland. She's like, what about daddy? And I was like, I don't know. She's like, are we coming back? And I was like,
00:47:34
Speaker
I don't exactly remember what I said. I said something that terms that it's not up to me, basically. I think at that point, he still had some hope that he would fight for us in some way. I have no idea. But I do remember when I got to Maryland, I was like,
00:47:50
Speaker
I'm like, okay, so I think I'm not through a grieving process through the nine months, but when I got to Maryland, I was like, okay, my wedding ring is off. I'm ready to have fun. You're ready. Now, let's turn into that chapter. Here you are now, again, now for sure, starting anew with your daughter. How long was the process for you to then meet your now husband? How many?
00:48:16
Speaker
How long did it take for you to open your heart again? Because again, you already knew you did want a family. You did want more children. So how long was that process before you met your husband? I met my husband a month after I got back to Maryland. I met him a month and a half, I think, a month and a half after I got back to Maryland.
00:48:44
Speaker
we started dating a month after that, and we've been together almost 15 years. So it was very fast. And it's two daughters later as well. So I have three daughters. So these are the kind of things I get chills anytime like this, because these are the kind of things in your life that would have not happened had you not
00:49:07
Speaker
taken those steps forward to searching for your joy and to reclaiming who you are. And now with that learning of that first experience, how different did you come into this relationship in terms of your identity?
00:49:29
Speaker
So I think it's important, you know, we, so when we met, we both were coming from, we were both still married, basically, we were both separated at that time. He had separated maybe six months earlier than I had. So we were, you know, we still had exes that we're dealing with and, you know, and difficult to dealing with a divorce and all that kind of stuff. Yeah, he did not have, he didn't have kids with his, with his wife. He didn't have kids with his ex wife.
00:49:56
Speaker
But so I think there was a big understanding. I think we were both really, really broken. We both came from relationships that were had been very disempowered. And I think the biggest thing we, we supported each other in our healing. And I think our love helped us heal, but we never pressured things, you know, continue through my grieving process, even though I was
00:50:23
Speaker
exploring this new, you know, exploring this new relationship. Yes. Yes. Okay. Okay. Right there, what you just said is so key because a lot of times people think it has to end completely.
Healing in a New Relationship
00:50:35
Speaker
Like even when it comes to death, right? Like they just think grieving ends. Like, okay, if I lost a spouse, if somebody's died, let's say, and like it's suddenly as if it's going, I'm going to wait till I'm done grieving before
00:50:47
Speaker
I even open up my heart again into another relationship, but sometimes you actually do it in the process of investigating this new love and this relationship. And because you both came from the same similar background in terms that you had just both had relationships that did not work, you were very compassionate towards each other's process in that, correct?
00:51:12
Speaker
Yes, absolutely. You know, I think for, you know, you know, my, my husband now he's the sweetest man, like he would leave me, you know, I get come from this relationship where I felt like I was fat, I was not good enough, I wasn't smart enough, like, oh, it was bad. And then I had this guy who was like, leaving me poems and texting me poems every morning. So like, oh my god, you know, like, what is this, you know, and like, so, so, so
00:51:40
Speaker
good, you know, but I think I also I, I took ownership of my healing as well. I think, I think another big lesson and I'm finding I'm realizing what the lessons were that I'm talking to you actually.
00:51:55
Speaker
And I think another lesson was that I had been so disempowered in my previous relationship that I was not willing to give away my power in this relationship. So I took ownership of my healing. So as I was doing this, right after I got back from Florida, I did landmark education, which is like
00:52:16
Speaker
like a self-development course, which to me at that moment was if I had taken my emotional, all the emotional aspects of my life through like washing machine. A ringer for three days. It was very good. It really helped me detach myself from the outcome. Because during that time, I had to declare that I wanted my family.
00:52:44
Speaker
And I remember the coach saying, you know, and I was, and I was really willing to heal. So, you know, like, you know, when these conferences, like, there's always that person that always goes up to the microphone and talks.
00:52:57
Speaker
Mm hmm. Is that you person? Yes, I was like, I am here for this thing. Like, I'm gonna feel, you know, like I was literally I was so done over suffering. I'm like, what do I need to do? Like, what book do I need to read? What, you know, what ritual do I need to do? Like, I, you know, during my time in Columbia, I had even gone to meet with shamans to help me on my, you know, with my, you know, with my relationship. And then this, I did landmark and I was up there and I remember saying like, I want, you know, like, I want my family.
00:53:27
Speaker
And, um, and the coach was like, Giselle, I'm so happy you're declaring it. You do understand he may not want it. And I was like, Oh, I'm like, okay. You know, and I was, um,
00:53:42
Speaker
I'm like, okay, I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. But then afterwards I was like, do I know like, um, you know, but the fact that he said it just really made me detach myself, you know, from what he, you know, from what he wanted. And there were a lot of breathing problems. There were breakdowns, you know, I had, you know, a few days that I couldn't get back from bed, you know, and literally was just like in bed for like 48 hours, like crying, not being able to function. I, when I moved back to Florida, I moved in with my brother and his family, you know, and they helped me take care of, um, of Simone.
00:54:12
Speaker
while I was going through this process. And I was not dating my husband at that time. That was probably shortly after. But I think with my husband, we gave each other the space to heal as well on our own. And we've been together for 15 years. But for five years, we dated. Simone was my number one priority. He met her very early on.
00:54:43
Speaker
And she immediately attached himself herself to him as a father figure. From the first moment, we were even having we were talking about this last night, about this with him, you know, that she, you know, she
00:54:59
Speaker
She even never rejected the fact that her mom was dating somebody else to her just seemed very natural. And I think when I met him, there was a big sense that I was coming home, you know, that that was the person that I, you know, that I needed. And that's actually, that's probably what Simone also saw. And that's why she recognized that.
00:55:17
Speaker
in that relationship that she already felt like he was her dad figure. So her being recognized that as well, that that was home. So not only did you, but she did as well. And that's beautiful because he is her dad really brought her up the last 15 years.
00:55:39
Speaker
So wow, now you touched a little bit about Landmark and then you've done quite a few things since then in terms of that personal development and growth and then now what you do as well now. So let's go into that journey of personal growth and development and now how you yourself provide that as a service for other women as well.
00:56:08
Speaker
So at that time I did Landmark and I also, and I just did, you know, I read The Power of Now with Eckhart Tolle. I did, you know, I would do like audio books in my car that had long commutes. So I would just listen to all these personal development books. I'd read a ton of Deepak Chopra at that time. I really wanted,
00:56:36
Speaker
I really wanted to heal and I really wanted to be happy and I was willing to do the work, whatever entailed. I started meditating and then slowly put my life back together and then started experiencing a level of joy I had not experienced before.
00:57:01
Speaker
started to have a lot of fun which I had actually stopped having when I got in our relationship with this person. So I think that I think that pushed me forward. I didn't see the value in I didn't see that I didn't really recognize the value of what I had gone through until many years later. I mean it
00:57:26
Speaker
That whole situation obviously pushed me to loving personal development and detaching myself from suffering and changing my perspective in that any situation that happens happens for me and not to me.
00:57:44
Speaker
And I had changed my approach in any, in every situation I've encountered since then, you know, when anything happens in my life at that moment, especially like, okay, God, what is the lesson for me in this? Help me see it? Why do I have to learn from this? You know, what it you know, what is the purpose? So I ever since then, I really put myself surrender to the lesson. I also recognize, you know, that I said,
00:58:13
Speaker
But I had that I was a big cause of the situations in my marriage. There's no true freedom until you find forgiveness in the in the divorce. In any situation, especially divorce, specialness, you know, what I went through, we tend to get into the victim attitude. And then when we are facing any situation, you know, in a perspective that we are the victim, then we completely give away your power.
00:58:44
Speaker
in the situation. So I started doing, around that time, I started doing vision boards, which is part of what I do in the vision project with women now, I started doing vision
Forgiveness and Freedom
00:58:59
Speaker
boards. And then it's around the time I think the secret came out. And I heard Oprah say,
00:59:09
Speaker
Yeah, then Oprah shows she she was interviewing some of the authors from The Secret and then he they said how true forgiveness was being able to thank a person for the experience. So I decided to thank Mike's husband for the experience. Did you call him? I did. Or did you just think you did call him? Okay.
00:59:30
Speaker
I didn't call him Ben. It was like that personal like really for you letting go, like a true letting go was actually forgiving him for the experience that you guys had gotten. And thanking him for the experience, because here I was experiencing, but I was happy. I was experiencing a lot of joy. I was in a new relationship. I was finding my power.
00:59:57
Speaker
But at that time, around that time, he told me he was going to marry the his girlfriend, the girl he'd been dating while we were married. And that was painful. That was painful. But I, I knew at that time that I didn't love him. So I'm like, So what's going on? Like, I don't love him. But I'm feeling grief over this. So I was like, Oh, well, this is ego. And then that's when I heard like,
01:00:22
Speaker
Oprah talk about forgiveness, you know thanking the person so I decided to start thanking his girlfriend and him for the experience Like it was just like a prayer stuff like at night. I was like, thank you You know, I would just think of them in my you know, like in my mind's eye and be like, thank you Thank you for the experience Thank you for the experience and these these thoughts and these words did not come out easily the first few times I wanted to throw up I was like I was nauseous it was like I wanted to gag and
01:00:49
Speaker
It just oh god, it felt so like so unnatural and so Awful forced. Yeah, like, you know forth, you know, but I did it for a few months. I Did it for a few months and then one day I I had a breakthrough in where I saw I saw our relationship and I saw
01:01:18
Speaker
you know, what I had done in the relationship that had caused, you know, that I took ownership of actions I did during the relationship that might have caused the breakdown of the relationship, basically. So it was like- Not blaming yourself necessarily, but taking ownership. No, no, no, not blaming. Yeah, just taking ownership, yeah. Exactly, yeah. And you know, and taking owner, you know, and a lot of times people,
01:01:47
Speaker
a mistake, forgiveness for taking away someone's responsibility for something they did. And forgiving is a gift you give yourself. You're not doing it for the other person. I really forgave him for me. I wasn't expecting anything from him.
01:02:05
Speaker
I wasn't again, my mindset was still being happy. So okay, this is causing suffering, like I'm feeling not good, because he said he's going to marry this person. I'm not in a relationship with him. I don't love him. You know, I don't love him. Why is this causing me this? I need to work through these feelings, you know, and the wife bigger the way to work through these feelings was, you know, creating this ritual of gratitude towards them. And then after I went through that, and I sent him that email,
01:02:35
Speaker
I realized the fact that I was so disempowered during my marriage had caused problems in our relationship because he was stronger, quote unquote, he was stronger like his temperament. So I held onto his strength for him to pull me up, right?
01:02:55
Speaker
I think career wise and in my life, I haven't had that clear vision of what I wanted to do, whereas he's been very focused forever. He always knew what he wanted to do. So I hung on to his dreams to make up for me not knowing exactly, not having clarity over what I wanted. The focus went on him.
01:03:17
Speaker
focus went on him. So I just wrote him an email like, you know, like, you know, I'm sorry, I, you know, I recognize now that these, you know, I did these things during our, you know, our relationship. I, I said, I also didn't give our relation, our family of three, the, the importance that it needs. I, it was, I didn't let go of my extended family. It worked out in this relationship because that extended family was such a support during that transition and such an emotional support for my daughter.
01:03:48
Speaker
which she needed, but it was also detrimental to my marriage as well. So I, you know, I wrote him this email, you know,
01:04:00
Speaker
saying, I'm sorry, you know, like, I see what I did, you know, and I'm taking ownership of it. And he apologized. He wrote back a very beautiful email saying, I am so sorry, you know, you, you know, you've been the best you could, you know, and I should have done better. Please forgive me. I didn't, you know, I didn't do the thing, you know, I didn't do things the way I should have done them. And then after that, we were able to be friends, actually.
01:04:28
Speaker
That's good. You would have never imagined that that would have even happened. But then at the same time, it took all that process to get to that point. Yeah, this was over. That's the gray in between. That's the gray in between. That's the gray in between. And then the gratitude component, there had to be gratitude. Even just the fact that you were saying how you
01:04:53
Speaker
I would thank them and these prayers that you would have to yourself, you know, basically of just really giving gratitude for the experience, being grateful for the experience that you had had, even as it had been hard because you wouldn't be in your present had you not gone through that. Absolutely. And that was the way of you kind of, like, brainwashing yourself. I used to do that term.
01:05:19
Speaker
you know, I used to do that term, like now that you said I use that term so much, you know, and I even do it in my workshops with women, how we how we have to brainwash ourselves. So I did a lot of affirmations. And then I started going attending a church is called Unity Church. And it's a it's a non sectarian
01:05:40
Speaker
Yeah, it's, it's, um, Oh my God, denominational. It's not denominational, but it's, um, so my mom actually found that church for me. She, somebody invited her and she went and then she went to the bookstores and then the bookstore is full of like the books that we read. So she's like, Oh my God, Giselle, I think I found your church. So if anything, I found your bookstore or I found your bookstore. Exactly. So, you know, so it's, it's, it's Christian based.
01:06:07
Speaker
but it's very satiric and it's very oh god it's i can't think of the term but anyway um wait we i have i have the i missed not mystical um oh
01:06:25
Speaker
No, the word would come to our minds probably as you're talking. I know what you're saying because I attended your niece's baptism. But I'm trying to think when you incorporate the other... I can't find that word right now. Go ahead, continue the story. So she found that church for you because... She found that church for me.
01:06:51
Speaker
So, you know, so that that church was actually a big, you know, was also like a big support for me during that time. I, you know, and I think I, you know, your listeners, I definitely want them to understand this was like a lot of spiritual work, you know, I did, I did ton of affirmations, I would repeat and write affirmations 100 times per day, any thought that I know that I needed to work on. I mean,
01:07:17
Speaker
It wasn't like, oh, I casually would do like a little meditation. No, I worked my butt off to heal. I started listening to podcasts around that time. And I think most people don't even know that there were podcasts back then.
01:07:31
Speaker
Wow. But I started listening to podcasts. I would download sermons from other unity ministers from around the country and download them. I would listen to them repeatedly. I took on my healing as if it was my main job. It was work.
01:07:54
Speaker
But that's a really good point that you're saying because a lot of times people just see the after and don't realize all the journey somebody's been to to get to that point, right? So for you, it's just kind of like being a bodybuilder. A bodybuilder doesn't suddenly decide, oh, I'm going to compete today. No, they've gone through a whole bunch of training. Right. It's not like, oh, I worked up for two weeks and I don't have the muscles to go to work up. I'm ready. Yeah. No, no.
01:08:19
Speaker
That doesn't happen that way. You go through hardships and growth and work with yourself to become who you are. And I brainwash myself. I brainwash myself. It's retraining your brain. Yeah, retraining my brain. I do it occasionally now because I haven't gone through a situation to that level now.
01:08:45
Speaker
you know that time in a way was life or death you know and and i wanted to build i wanted a family i wanted to be happy i wanted my daughter to be family you know to be happy and you know i was willing i was willing to do i was willing to do the work so it did require a lot of work for you know from a lot of resources you know and
01:09:05
Speaker
and being self-driven. Being self-driven, again, I think the fact that I was not thinking of myself as a victim empowered me to do and take action to feel good and to feel better. I also didn't take my identity from one relationship and moved it to the other relationship. My healing was independent of my new relationship. My husband at some point was saying like, oh, I helped you heal.
01:09:33
Speaker
oh no no buddy you did not i mean like i'm like now i think now i'm even being able to give him a little more credit um because obviously his love was very healing in many aspects but i was like uh-uh i worked my butt off for this like this i earned these like these
01:09:50
Speaker
This is not, it didn't come free. These are my medals. These are my gold medals. These are my medals. You know, and I've seen this quote a couple of times and I had a conversation with another woman close to me in my life who's very strong. And we mentioned it quickly because I'm
01:10:07
Speaker
People perceive me as being very strong and I know I am very strong. When difficult situations come after that divorce, I immediately go into solution mode. I don't stay in victim mode. You don't dwell on it. I don't dwell on it for a second immediately. It's like, okay, what is this for? What is the lesson? What do I need to do? And then I declare.
01:10:31
Speaker
Okay, whatever this is as dark as this moment may look like this situation is gonna be for our blessing For my blessing and like the outcome of this is gonna be positive and when we get to the other side We're going to be better for it. Mm-hmm. I you know and I
01:10:51
Speaker
there, you know, when hard things come, that's just the way I operate. And that's just the way I go to and, you know, I go into action mode and, and I just move forward. And so people from outside and even people close to me, you know, people that know like situations that I've gone through, as even my parents, my dad, you know, surprised that I'm quickly going to solution mode, find a solution, start acting for it as a start acting on it. And then, and
01:11:21
Speaker
you know, my capacity to not dwell. But from the outside, people assume that it's easy, right? Because it looks like, oh, this happened and Giselle easily, you know, navigated through it, but I still don't see all the 15 years of the process. Yeah, you know, I'm the type of person that, you know, if I'm going through a difficult situation, I will
01:11:43
Speaker
Find on youtube an affirmation video of like for eight hours for what you know like you know And then I'll wear a sleep with headphones on listen to affirmations all night. I also use I also use Binaural what are they called binaural beats?
01:12:03
Speaker
And they transform the connections in your brain. And I do that as well. And I don't do this every day. But if I'm going through a certain situation where I feel like I need to brainwash myself against some and up level my energy or transform my energy or point of view towards a certain situation, I do all this work. I do the affirmations. I do the journaling.
01:12:30
Speaker
I work hard at it, but people don't see that. So a lot of people assume that because they don't see it, they think it's easy. And because it looks easy, it doesn't mean that it's easy to carry, right? I just choose not to suffer. So the way I know how to get over the suffering is to work through these things and find a solution and operate and just move forward.
01:12:56
Speaker
I also feel that the fact that I went through being a single mom, leaving a husband when I had no job, I had no home, I had a daughter, and knowing that I got through it has taken a lot of fear away from facing certain situations.
01:13:17
Speaker
because you've already been through something that was so hard already, that some of the other ones just make it a little bit easier to manage because you've already been through one that's tough.
01:13:27
Speaker
Right, right. Exactly. Well, now you've talked a few times about your vision project, the vision project. And now tell us a little bit about this and how our listeners can find you because now suddenly all this work that you've done yourself, a personal growth and development, landmark, reading, Tony, you've gone to Tony Robbins, which you didn't mention here, but I know you have because I'm your friend.
01:13:56
Speaker
Yeah, Tony Robbins, Gabby Bernstein. A lot of the Cartole I de-picked separately. All these. And you've gone to personally or listened or read all these different things. And then you've also hired life coaches before as well. And then you yourself are now helping other people. So all this journey. Now tell us about the journey of how now suddenly
01:14:22
Speaker
All that leads to now helping others. So I think it was about eight or nine years ago, I signed up for this online gift exchange. And I don't think there was even Facebook back then. I think it was just I mean, there was Facebook, there was no Instagram then. So I signed up for this gift exchange and then I got I got connected with a girl from
01:14:48
Speaker
from Argentina. And it was still a dear friend of mine, although we've never physically met. So we get contacted. Like your bliss tribe. Like your bliss tribe. Yes. You need to make that happen. You guys need to meet in person. I know. Yeah, we should. So after, so we get connected and then she
01:15:11
Speaker
And a few weeks, you know, we had to send the gifts in, but then I got injured. I had to have ankle surgery. And then she, so we couldn't send our gifts on time, you know, per the terms of like the exchange. And then she sends me an email, she's like, hey Giselle, you know, I'm so sorry. Like I'm, you know, my husband, you know, just came up to me like last week and said he was done. Like he didn't love me anymore that we were separating. And then I started coaching her.
01:15:42
Speaker
I coached her through the whole process. In fact, her husband and her are still together.
01:15:49
Speaker
That's amazing. That was the first time that you really were put in that capacity of coaching somebody else, was that? Yeah. I coached her through it. I sent her articles. I sent her books. I sent her, oh my gosh, I sell all sorts of information. It was all through email, too.
01:16:13
Speaker
Cause I don't, I don't, I don't think there was even like what's up or anything at that time. Um, but I coached her through it and she followed through. Um, you know, she followed through and then, um, you know, we sent our gifts, whatever. And I think it was like a year and a half later, you know, she emailed me and she's like, Oh my God, Giselle, thank you so much. She's like, your coaching saved my marriage.
01:16:34
Speaker
Wow. How did that feel? How did that feel for you to get that confirmation from the universe? I enjoyed coaching her so much. I enjoyed coaching her so, so, so much. But then the fact was that I was able to help her.
01:16:52
Speaker
I'm like I was like, oh my gosh, this is what I want to do. Like I want to I want to help women, you know I want to help women, you know in situations like this to gain their power because with women in marriage so many of us give away our power completely, you know, we get lost and It's so painful. Um, and for me and we think that we have to become one and
01:17:15
Speaker
in that relationship sometimes and forget our individuality. I love the Khalil Gibran. Have you read the Khalil Gibran book, The Prophet? Years ago. Years ago, yeah. The one about marriage, it's like he talks about the pillars of a temple stand apart and the Cyprus and the willow grow not in each other's shadow.
01:17:41
Speaker
And my husband and I, we read that at our wedding and I just, that's always stuck in my mind of that, how that individuality still has to exist in order for that marriage to have the proper support, you know, the foundation to be strong. It's that individuality in that marriage. That is beautiful. You know, that's why it irks me whenever people say things like,
01:18:05
Speaker
Oh, my better half. Or I'm like, uh-uh, no, no, no, no, no. Like I'm, or in Spanish, I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. I am whole myself. Like I just, you know, and I told my husband, um, because we lived together many years before we got married, but when we're going to move together, um, I told him, and he was so heartbroken over this because I, um, and he, yeah, we had conversations about it like four years later because I was like, no, no, no, no, no. I don't need you. Like.
01:18:35
Speaker
I love you and I want you, but I don't need you. I think men get so attached to the fact that they're needed, that they have to be superheirs, that he did not understand that concept. He was so, it broke him, the fact that I did need him. But the reality is that I don't. I know and I love my husband and I love my family. Of course, if something happened, it would be so painful.
01:19:02
Speaker
I know for a fact that I am strong alone, you know, like I'm okay. I can be on my own. Like maybe the other part of like marriage, like sometimes you get really hard after you go through, you know, you get very non, you don't, I don't know how to say it.
01:19:22
Speaker
you don't play around with hard facts. And I think part of the vision, you know, what you were saying about like the vision project is starting to support women after that situation, you know, after that opportunity to help her and coach her. I started I didn't really know how to get started or how to, you know, how to work with women, really. Because all this time, I was also having babies. And then, you know, you know, I
01:19:47
Speaker
It sounds like you're like having babies like as if you had like a whole bunch of daughters. But they, well, it was because they were so close in age, you know, within a three year period, you had two daughters. Right, right, right. And then I was also the other thing, you know, and then I had like a high school daughter and, you know, other babies. And then I was used to being a mom of a single child. To me, it's like a whole new thing, having two kids at the same time. I've never done that before.
01:20:17
Speaker
That's a whole other podcast girl talking about parenting. But that's for sure. Yeah, that makes it a whole different. But then so okay, so in that then creating the vision project then so I created I can now Yeah, how long how long has it been around and the vision project has been around about a couple about two years close to two years and it's you know, and I also felt called to I so I felt called to support like us more of the Spanish speaking
01:20:42
Speaker
community because I felt that there was not as much content there. So I created a community where we just support women in healing and creating a better or a higher version of their lives and empowering them. I think my biggest thing was being reminding women of their self-worth.
01:21:02
Speaker
and helping women find the courage to face hard situations and make difficult choices to find their happiness.
Celebrating Women's Survival Stories
01:21:12
Speaker
We tend to victimize ourselves, we tend to give away our power to spouses, to jobs, to our children, and we lose our identity in the process.
01:21:26
Speaker
So after I created the visual, you know, I created the vision project and, you know, and creating that online community on Facebook, I started hosting women's circles. And so I hope I host like small workshops. And I think it's been it's been a beautiful journey learning
01:21:50
Speaker
how as women we can learn from each other's stories and how every woman has a story of survival at some point in their lives. But we tend not to recognize it either.
01:22:08
Speaker
We're strong women. We raise kids. And we give so much that we forget to give ourselves. And then we don't even give our self-recognition for the times that we have come across difficult situations and survived. And survived it. And that is a key point right here. And I'd actually like to end our interview with that because that is one thing that we all should remember is the fact of how
01:22:36
Speaker
uh in the middle of it when you're in the thick in the thick of the storm in the middle of it you do not even think that you'll ever be able to get out and see happiness again or you know or or anything in that matter and um
01:22:53
Speaker
And then once you overcome those hardships in your life, sometimes you even forget that you've even lived through them, like you're saying some of your women that have even forgot. Yes, absolutely. So it's good to remember and go back to those moments in which you've already overcome so that when other challenges like that occur, and I think that that's the beauty of the groups that you create and empowering these women of seeing
01:23:17
Speaker
of seeing themselves as these strong beings that they are and resilient women that they are so that in case other circumstances arise later in their future in which they're confronted with difficult decisions or grieving or anything in their life that they know that they have already the tools to be able to overcome that because they've already done it before.
01:23:39
Speaker
Absolutely. Absolutely. Like you did. My friend, we could probably talk forever here. And there would be so many nuggets of wisdom that could come from this conversation. And thank you so much for sharing your journey of grief, of gratitude, and all the gray in between. I love you. Thank you again. Oh, and before we go, how can people find you? If you want to just share a little bit. So can you guys find me on Instagram at Giselle Temenez?
01:24:08
Speaker
and on Facebook, The Vision Project, a Facebook group and also on Instagram, The Vision Project.
01:24:16
Speaker
The Vision Project on Instagram as well as Facebook and then her personal Giselle Tommy-ness. And for a lot of inspiring posts and also if you live in an area in which Giselle holds one of her beautiful workshops, then you can attend in person or you can also attend her virtual workshops that she sometimes holds as well.
01:24:41
Speaker
So thank you again, my friend. I love you and thank you again for sharing your heart.
01:24:53
Speaker
Thank you again so much for choosing to listen today. I hope that you can take away a few nuggets from today's episode that can bring you comfort in your times of grief. If so, it would mean so much to me if you would rate and comment on this episode. And if you feel inspired in some way to share it with someone who may need to hear this, please do so.
01:25:21
Speaker
Also, if you or someone you know has a story of grief and gratitude that should be shared so that others can be inspired as well, please reach out to me. And thanks once again for tuning into Grief Gratitude and the Gray in Between podcast. Have a beautiful day.