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45. Each Experience Prepared Me A Little More For The Next- with Saundra Heimark
75 Plays4 years ago
Saundra Heimark started 2020 with incredible news that she had been hired to work for Kobe Bryant’s production company! Just the day before she was going to go in for her first day of work, was the day Kobe Bryant died tragically.
Saundra shares how she navigated her journey of finding work again, and then losing it once the lockdowns started due to Covid 19. During this waiting period she decided to study Facial Reflexology, and also stumbled upon a health and wellness product that resonated with her at soul level and started an online business with this company. She started to market organically using her phone and social media and then she got hacked, bank account withdraws, purchases made, and then she could no longer get into her social media accounts either because her phone number had been compromised.
Then in July, she faced yet the hardest grief! Her mom was given a few days to live from ovarian cancer she had been already battling for over 3 years. Saundra was able to fly across country to spend every single day with her mom. She could see the blessing of not having a job to report to during this time, in order to give her the freedom to give her mom all the care she needed, and to be by her side when she passed away.
Amidst all these experiences, she maintains a grateful attitude, not much different than the attitude her mom had about life. Her mom’s legacy continues to live on.
Contact Saundra Heimark: https://www.instagram.com/saundyspice/
Contact Kendra to be a guest or for a complimentary coaching session: http://www.griefgratitudeandthegrayinbetween.com
IG http://www.instagram.com/griefgratitudepodcast
Music: http://www.oneplanetmusic.com and http://www.rinaldisound.com
Logo Design: http://www.pamelawinningham.com
Production: Carlos Andres Londono
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Transcript
Resilience of a Family
00:00:01
Speaker
And my sister said, mom said, mom like hit my dad and said, we are not going to do that. We are going to enjoy our lives and we are not going to cry. We're not going to be sad because this is what this is my battle to fight. This is what I was given. And we're going to just go with it.
Exploring Grief and Gratitude
00:00:23
Speaker
Hello and welcome to grief, gratitude and the Gray in Between podcast.
00:00:30
Speaker
This podcast is about exploring the grief that occurs at different times in our lives in which we have had major changes and transitions that literally shake us to the core and make us experience grief.
Introduction by Kendra Rinaldi
00:00:47
Speaker
I created this podcast for people to feel a little less hopeless and alone in their own grief process as they hear the stories of others who have had similar journeys. I'm Kendra Rinaldi, your host.
Sandra Heimark's Story
00:01:01
Speaker
Now, let's dive right in to today's episode.
00:01:09
Speaker
Hello, hello. Welcome to today's episode. Today, I am so happy to have my new friend, Sandra, on our podcast today. Sandra, hi, Mark. Did I say that right? Yeah. Because I just practiced your last name. Okay. Hi, Mark.
00:01:27
Speaker
I've only called you by your first name. So Sandra Heimark and we met through social media, through Instagram. You reached out to me, was it not? You reached out to me. Yes, you reached out to me and then she said, listen, I've gone through some stuff this year. It may be something you'd want to
00:01:49
Speaker
you have on your podcast. And I was like, absolutely. So you've been through a lot. So just so you guys know as listeners, we're going to span a few different types of loss because this year has been a year of a lot of changes in your life.
Beyond Death: Understanding Grief
00:02:07
Speaker
And a lot of these changes, too, for you listeners, you're going to relate to a lot of these things, too, because we're not just going to be talking
00:02:17
Speaker
about grief in terms of death. We're going to talk about different types of grief that occur in changes. Welcome, my dear. Thank you. I'm so excited to be here. Thank you for having me on. I'm so glad you are. Thank you for being a listener too because that's really how you approached me. You first listened and then you reached out. Yes. I wanted to feel the vibe and see
00:02:43
Speaker
um, what types of guests you had on and it really fit with, you know, my, my experiences and everyone's experience is different, but it really hit the nose on the head with what I'd been going through this year and gratitude being a theme. So, absolutely. Yeah. Even, even with all the hardship, kind of maintaining
Quest for New Beginnings
00:03:08
Speaker
your gratitude, even in those hardships and changes that were happening. So let's just go quickly, say a little bit about yourself, where are you from, where you live, and what you do right now, and then we'll do the whole...
00:03:25
Speaker
the whole one eight, whatever, I don't know, one eighty, three, six, whatever. We'll do the whole route here around the world around the world to hear your story. Sure. So I am from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, born and raised. And then I moved to California in 2014. So I've been in the L.A. area for about six. Wow. Has it been six years already? Six years and
Career Journey in California
00:03:54
Speaker
Did you move there for work? I did not. I actually, I came out here without a job. I just had some savings and banked on getting a job. And yeah, it kind of all fell into place. I think I, I had kind of this vision of when I was visiting my sister who, my older sister lives out here and she has lived out here for many, many years. She's 11 years older than me.
00:04:24
Speaker
I had visited her every summer when I was in even like middle school, high school. And I always told myself after college, I'm going to move out there too. I'm going to make the move. I'm going to do it. Whether I have a job or not, I'm just going to do it. So that's what I did.
00:04:44
Speaker
saved up some money and I just I felt too I don't know I don't know how to say this but too big for the Philadelphia area, you know, everything was the same everyone was settling down and Philly and I just felt like I want a completely different experience I want to experience new things I.
00:05:01
Speaker
want to get out of this bubble. What you just said reminded me of a quote I posted today of Maya Angel on Instagram. Let me see. I posted this one. It says, if you're always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be.
00:05:26
Speaker
It was kind of, it felt like that, like what you just mentioned. It's kind of like you, if you would stay there and kind of just did what everybody else was doing, kind of just stay in your little bubble, you would be normal. Right. Far from normal, that's for sure.
00:05:45
Speaker
Yeah, and so you just wanted to kind of spread your wings and kind of find yourself and California was the place.
Opportunity with Kobe Bryant
00:05:51
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, I was wondering like with the job because a lot of times people move to California because they're actors. I mean, I lived in California for many years and that's why. But because I was in, you know, studying theater and stuff. But so yeah, so it's always good to know the why. So what did you study? So I went to college back in Pennsylvania about an hour and a half
00:06:13
Speaker
from my parents' home. I studied communication and business management. So I majored in communication studies, minored in business management, and it was the type of communication studies that's interpersonal. So nonverbal communication, organizational communication, gender communication, all the types of psychological communication, basically, which
00:06:43
Speaker
is kind of a general, I mean, it was a Bachelor of Science. It's a general degree that I felt like is useful in any job. So- And so what kind of job did you end up finding when you first moved to LA? So I was in corporate until very recently. So I've had a corporate job pretty much since I started working in college, in summers in college.
00:07:13
Speaker
had moved up from receptionist to administrative assistant to executive assistant. And I've worked through all types of companies, small companies, large companies, nonprofits.
Coping with Unexpected Loss
00:07:24
Speaker
So I was aiming for corporate when I first moved out here. And I got a job within four weeks and it was in downtown LA. It was
00:07:35
Speaker
I mean, it was on the 40th floor of a building. I was looking at the Hollywood sign across the distance and I could see Santa Monica over on the other side. Like it was pretty much picture perfect. Yeah, exactly. Like it was like, this is it, but it did not. I mean, that was my first taste of LA and it just, it wasn't really, you know, that downtown part was not for me, the city. I don't care for the city much. Um, it's not my.
00:08:04
Speaker
Not my scene, but I've learned a lot. So, I mean, from there I moved on to another small stint job. It was kind of temporary jobs until I could find my place. And so I would take anything kind of that felt like it would be a fit. So I took someone who was out on maternity leave. I took their spot for an architecture company.
00:08:33
Speaker
Then I got to Taco Bell corporate and I worked in the legal department there for three years. I ended up staying there for three years and they had hired me full time. And, um, so it was that part was great. I had such a fun time working at Taco Bell corporate. Um, and because that was in Orange County, I decided to move closer to, to that and get out of LA. I was in Redondo beach, but.
00:09:02
Speaker
I ended up moving to Huntington Beach. So yeah, I've lived in LA and then I lived in Orange County. And now I'm back in LA County, but I'm more towards the beach. So that's where I think is my little spot.
00:09:21
Speaker
Wow, so yeah, so you've definitely lived in a lot of places, moved in a lot of places, kind of moved your way into different types of jobs and there. And now take us a little bit then into what happened then at the end of last year, you then decided to, while you were in that temp job then,
00:09:40
Speaker
you ended up getting a job interview that was a pretty surreal type of job interview. So take us into that chapter.
Job Search and Resilience
00:09:50
Speaker
Yes. So I got the opportunity to interview with Kobe Bryant and he still has a small production company called Granite Studios right in Orange County.
00:10:09
Speaker
my agency said, I think he would be a really great fit for this opportunity. And I didn't really believe her at first that it was Kobe. And it's like, wait, are you serious? Like what? Yeah. Or a double. What do you call it? A double? Yeah. Like another person with the same name, another person with the same name or something like that. Yeah. Um, so,
00:10:37
Speaker
Um, it was December, by the way, cause this will come out probably, this is December, 2019. Correct. That you had that. Okay. Yes. Actually a year from.
00:10:51
Speaker
three days from now. Right now that we're speaking in December, but this will be launched afterwards. So a year ago from today. Yeah, pretty much. So I had my first interview. I did not have my first interview with him. I had my first interview with his chief marketing officer, Molly. So that was great. I got to sit down with her and kind of
00:11:19
Speaker
get more on the background of what the company was and kind of hear more about Kobe from her perspective and what he's like, and if it would, you know, align with me. And I actually walked out of that interview not knowing if it really was going to be a fit, but I kept saying to myself, like, this is huge. Like, I think if they like me and they want to move forward with me, I think I'll give it a try if they choose to interview me further.
Pandemic Challenges at USC
00:11:47
Speaker
And I really didn't think anything of it. I just kind of was like, I don't know. I was feeling really on the fence about it, but a few days later, my agency called me back and said, Molly loved you and Kobe wants to meet you. And I was like, okay, well, I can't pass that up. I mean, like, I really felt like, okay, this, you know, just go along with it, right? Go with the flow.
00:12:18
Speaker
and meet with him. So I met with him and Molly and she kind of sat there and kind of directed the conversation a little bit, but he had my resume in front of him and was looking at all the stuff I'd done and was just saying how impressive of a resume I have and that, you know, he's from Philly too. So the fact that
00:12:45
Speaker
You know, we, we kind of bonded on the Philadelphia factor it was it was real and it felt very aligned and you know we come from the same place and. So yeah I mean that interview actually went better.
00:13:02
Speaker
And then I felt, okay, I feel like I can do this. I feel like, because I think I was having a little bit of imposter syndrome the first time, like, could this possibly be me working for him? Like, why would he choose me? All of this kind of going through my head. And then I got a little bit more confidence the second time, the second interview, which was the first time I met him. And, you know, I was a little bit starstruck for the first time. I was gonna ask you that.
00:13:30
Speaker
Yeah, I was gonna ask you that, like, how do you compose yourself, like being there, you know, with somebody that is, you know, known around the world? Like, I'm like, that's gotta be like, oh, and not only that, it's like, also his size, right? Yes. How tall are you? I'm five foot. Oh, you're delit, you're ash little, you're extraordinary.
00:13:56
Speaker
Yeah, I imagine that like that grandeur, not only of like the name, but just physically and stuff too. Wow. Yeah. But you were able did you feel like you were able to relate to him in that human level rather than the starstruck level? Yes. So that's what I was going to say when I met him immediately. I was like, wow, I'm a little bit nervous right now going in to shake his hand. And then I because he was so tall, like
00:14:23
Speaker
we were just saying I'm so sure and I even had little heels on but he was still so tall. And I got over it, I snapped myself out of it. I just said, you know what, he's a man with a business and that's what he is like, I would be working with him. He's
00:14:41
Speaker
He's just a man with a business, so just go with that. I want everybody to listen to this because this is something I actually am working on myself
Holistic Healing with Gua Sha
00:14:52
Speaker
right now. Sandra is not to be intimidated by people's titles or those kind of things. Even sometimes when I'm interviewing somebody, it could be intimidating.
00:15:05
Speaker
interviewing somebody that maybe has another podcast or has this or that. And in my other business, in my health and wellness business too, depending on who it is I approach, I'm like, oh my gosh, but that person's the CEO of something like, you know, in these titles that we get so caught up on, and then it ends up stopping us from really fully connecting to the other person in a personal level. And the fact that you were able to really do that, though, this is just a, it's a businessman, and I'm just going there in an interview and removing themselves, that's so admirable, by the way.
00:15:34
Speaker
That is. Thank you. And you're and you're and you're yeah, you're you're young, too. So to already kind of be in that place in your life to already have learned that that's pretty impressive in my in my viewpoint. Thank you. Yeah, I immediately snapped myself out of it and said, you know what, that's it. Let's move forward with this. And the interview went really smoothly. It was like having a conversation.
00:16:00
Speaker
Um, so I think that's one of the reasons why he picked me is because I wasn't going to be so impressed by him. I was going to treat him as my boss and treat him as any other boss, you know? Um, so I wasn't gonna, you know, that I think that's what they were looking for is someone who was not going to be star struck. Someone who was not going to be like, this is Kobe, especially being in California. I was never a Lakers fan.
00:16:29
Speaker
I didn't come from this area. Um, I didn't watch his games. I didn't, I really had nothing to do with what he did in sports. So for me, he was just another guy who I knew had played at my rival high school back in Philly. Um, you know, my brother had seen him play. So we went to rival high schools.
00:16:53
Speaker
And we talked about that. We talked about sports. I played ice hockey and rugby in high school. Oh, I cannot even pick you in those rough sports. I cannot. I still have my hockey equipment in the back of my car and
Pursuing Holistic Health
00:17:09
Speaker
my hockey bag with all my stuff, which is it's as big as me. It's so heavy.
00:17:14
Speaker
And he was actually really impressed that I played ice hockey. He was like, no way. He's like, I've done those skate machines and they are a killer on your legs. Like I cannot believe you played that. And, you know, just really bonding over the major points in life, sports, family, and goals. Like we talked about, he asked me what I want to do in life, like really what I want to do. And I didn't.
00:17:44
Speaker
I really didn't hold back on that. I said I wanted to be a nutrition and I didn't know. I know I knew about facial reflexology and Gua Sha at this point, but I didn't really know I wanted to make a career out of that yet. But I knew nutrition was part of it and health was part of it. So I said, you know, one day you didn't.
00:18:03
Speaker
Yeah. You didn't end up doing the, what he wanted to hear. Like you didn't say, Oh, I'd like to keep on growing my, you know, in a management position for you or, you know, you, or something like that. You didn't say what you want. You said your truth. You spoke your truth. Right.
Identity Theft and Setbacks
00:18:20
Speaker
And I did what I mentioned with him is that I would like to grow alongside and with him and learn how he owns a business and learn how he runs a business, but I surely didn't.
00:18:32
Speaker
tell him what he wanted to hear. And I wasn't sure how that was going to go. I just, again, went into this with being as real as possible because I knew this was going to be a huge opportunity. But at the same time, it had to be a fit. So. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Love that. I love that because you were just authentic and then that authenticity paid off. So then when did you get
00:19:01
Speaker
The call. When did you get the call? So let's see. I interviewed December 12th. I got the call. He wanted to interview again. So over Christmas time, he asked if I could come in, but I was actually over with my family in Philadelphia. So I said, oh, we could do a video interview if you want. And he said, no, he'd rather it be in person. So January, we met again, January 2nd. I flew back.
00:19:31
Speaker
Um, before new years, I flew back to California and we met on January 2nd and I got the call the next day. So that you had the job. Yes, that I got it. And, um, that, that sort of interview was awesome too. We talked even more about, um, just goals and life. And we really connected on a spiritual level. I think that was, that was it. That's where I was like, I want this. I want to work with him. He's.
00:20:01
Speaker
So I don't even know how to say it. He's just this man who has such a, he had such a, an amazing larger than life presence, but he was so humble that you can relate to him. It was incredible. So I knew I wanted it. And I was on cloud nine when they said I got it. And, um, I said, I had to give two weeks to my current job. I wanted to leave on a good note.
00:20:31
Speaker
Um, so my last day at my job was January 8th, 2020. And then my boyfriend and I went to Portugal. Um, a little bit of background. My boyfriend works for, um, an airline and we jumped to different countries for two or three days at a time, just because we can. And we've been doing that for like four or five years now. Um, and so we said, Oh, why don't we go celebrate?
00:21:01
Speaker
in between jobs, let's go to Portugal.
Family and Terminal Illness
00:21:05
Speaker
And so after I left my temp job, we went to Portugal for about two days and the plan was to come back literally the day before I started with Kobe. And I learned that I learned landing at LAX from that trip that he had died. And I was supposed to start less than 24 hours.
00:21:29
Speaker
the next day, yeah. Yeah, so take us into that, because you shared it with me in our pre-interview of how you're there basically in baggage claim in the airport or in that area, and you hear the news, and was it you that went up to somebody, and you're like, wait, is that true? Is it true? And the way that you were reacting, people were probably like, of course, everybody was in shock. This was something that affected
00:21:57
Speaker
the world, not just Lakers fans, right? This was a shock for a big part of the world for when he died, him and his daughter and the other people, passengers. But for you, it had a whole other layer of it. So tell us a little bit about that, of the finding out on that day and then your calls and stuff after that.
00:22:23
Speaker
Sure. So it actually started on the airplane. I was preparing a post for social media to say, I'm starting with Kobe tomorrow. This is a new adventure, a new chapter for me. I'm so excited. And the girl next to me was coming out to California to she was coming out for work and she had asked me.
00:22:45
Speaker
what I do and I was telling her about Kobe and we were like she bought me some wine on the plane like she was like I'm so excited for you like this is crazy and you know you're gonna be working for Kobe and like all you know it was and she had never been to California before so I was giving her you know recommendations on stuff to do and what to see and I remember landing and she was like
00:23:09
Speaker
This isn't the sunny California that I've been told about because it was so it was so cloudy and gloomy. And it just felt like she almost was like
00:23:21
Speaker
She almost foresaw that something weird was going on, you know? It's what it's what in what is it called for? It's not foreshadowing. I forget if that's called foreshadowing in DC. I should know this with my theater background. But when the when in plays or in movies that the environment reflects on what's happening, the mood sets the mood of what's happening. And so that's what was happening kind of in in the in L.A. the day you
00:23:50
Speaker
arrived? Yes, like it was almost this like, unspoken spiritual event that was happening that we didn't know what it was. But it was we knew that something was weird. And I was like, Oh, yeah, that is weird. The clouds should clear up. But yeah, it's weird. So anyway, I, my boyfriend was like, Oh, I'm gonna go get the car since he works there.
00:24:19
Speaker
he got to park there. So he's like, I'm going to go get the car. You just wait here and I'll come around and get you. I was like, okay, great. So I'm waiting there. And then he calls me like 10 minutes later, he calls me. I'm like, why is he calling me? And he's like, Oh my God, did you hear the news? I'm like, new. I'm standing right here. Like, what are you talking about? And he's like, Kobe Bryant just died in a helicopter crash. And I, I didn't even,
00:24:50
Speaker
comprehend those words. I just didn't even know what to say. I didn't say anything. And I was like, what? I was like, let's just talk about this when you come get me. Like, I'll see you in a few minutes. So I hang up the phone and then this guy, I'm, I start getting texts from my friends saying, is this true? Is this true?
00:25:13
Speaker
Is this, is this news real? And I couldn't even answer them. Cause they're thinking you knew that in, right. Cause they probably knew, thought you already had that information since you were going to work for him. Right. And, um, I was like, I don't even know. I don't even know how to approach this situation. So some guy was dropping off this woman. I think he was an Uber driver and he's like, yeah, I overheard him. He's like, yeah, Kobe Bryant just.
00:25:41
Speaker
Kobe Ryan just died. And I was I ran to him and I was like, is this like, are you sure that this is true? And he's like, Yeah, I also work for TMZ. He's like, it's true, honey. And I was like, Oh, no, like, this isn't even like, I, I didn't even know what to think. I my legs were shaking severely. And I started like, panicking a little bit. Because I, I mean,
00:26:10
Speaker
I was sad for his death. I didn't understand how that could happen, but also I was so sure that my future was set that now, um, now it wasn't. And now it was this. Like huge unknown. And so my sister called me when we were in the car and she's just like, I'm so sorry. And I'm like, yeah, well now I don't know what to do. And so.
Navigating Grief and Gratitude
00:26:39
Speaker
You know, I contacted my agency and I just said, Hey, can you find out whether I should go to in tomorrow because I don't want to show up if, you know, I'm not needed or this is going to be chaos. I don't want to intrude on something that has nothing to do with me right now. Um, I don't know how I can be of help, but I'm willing to help in any way if they need me to. And so this, the CMO called me and said to hang back and to.
00:27:08
Speaker
not go in, which was understandable. I figured it was going to be a no. And to just wait until they decide if they need me or not. So they were going to have all these news crews come in and there was going to be a lot of chaos at the office. And the office is very small. It was only about five or six people and it's all sea levels. So they were going to be the ones dealing with everything.
00:27:34
Speaker
Um, because it, it's a publishing company and production company, everything is kind of outsourced. So everyone comes into the office versus everyone being there. Um, so it's going to be just me as the assistant, Kobe and the sea levels. And that was it. So I figured they wouldn't need me. Um, and they had to kind of deal with everything and figure everything out because I'm sure they were in utter shock and didn't even know where to, how to,
00:28:04
Speaker
you know, how to navigate this. So I waited about a week and a half for them to tell me that they were not going to bring me on. And I, yeah, that was, I think I cried every day and slept till like noon. Every day I was so emotionally exhausted. And just wrapping my head around how sad it was, just losing
00:28:30
Speaker
him and losing and his daughter and just how they died. It was just such a violent way to die. So it's yeah, because then you're, you're, you're empathetic over what they've been through the sadness about that. And then also at the same time dealing with your own grief about what your life
00:28:52
Speaker
would have been, too, had you gone that route of working alongside him. You had already given your two weeks notice at your job, so you had already lost that. So you're kind of in this limbo at that moment. Yeah, that is a lot.
00:29:16
Speaker
From there, then how long did it take you then to get the other, the other job that you got right around what was it, February or March, February. Yeah, February. So how long did it take you then for them to get find you another job.
00:29:37
Speaker
So, not too long, I wanted to be very picky, because I had this opportunity and that I was not going to find something like this, that I told them, you know I really want something that's going to be big like this it's not I know I understand
00:29:56
Speaker
You know, I understand. Yeah. Like how do you top that, right? It's like, how do you top that? Yeah. It's like this was your, is this your temp agency still, or this is your, uh, staffing agency. Yeah. Same one. And so then it's kind of like, they're like, man, how do we find herself? Yes. I mean, they were, they were, choose to fill our shoes to fill. Yeah, exactly. And I, and I knew that and I knew it wasn't going to be the same. And I.
00:30:24
Speaker
They were so sympathetic towards me and they said you know you're one of our biggest and best clients and we are going to find something amazing for you. I yeah I basically made made sure that they.
00:30:42
Speaker
or they knew that I needed something just not out of the ordinary or, you know, not ordinary. I needed something out of the ordinary. Because you're not normal. Like we just said in Maya Angelou's quote here. Yes.
00:30:58
Speaker
Not the thing of my own horn, but just from the, you know, what I had. standards. Absolutely. No, it's, that's a great thing. It's a great thing to be just not to settle. It's a, I think that's awesome. So many of us just settle in different times in our life and you don't have to, you don't have to just settle. Right. So, I spent so long saying yes to every opportunity that came along my way. And I was in so many different fields that I was not interested in.
00:31:28
Speaker
so many unfulfilling spots like finance and like, I'm not interested in that at all. And real estate, like, none of that interests me. So I spent years taking on any opportunity I could to learn more, to get, you know, get more exposure to just learn and become a better, you know, better at
00:31:56
Speaker
different jobs. And this time, you know, after that, I was like, I'm not going to settle. So and they definitely delivered. So they called me with an opportunity at University of Southern California. And they said it would be supporting a an executive, but they didn't tell me who they just said,
00:32:24
Speaker
you know, this position would be supporting an executive. Are you interested? And I said, oh, a school like that's pretty different. Like I want to go for that. You know, I want to be surrounded by energy of college students and like the fun, young energy of a school which is so different than a corporate environment that I've always been in. So I went in and interviewed and
00:32:52
Speaker
I interviewed a couple HR people and they still didn't tell me the position that it was. And they said, can you wait a couple hours? The executive would like to interview you. And I said, okay, sure. So, um, I waited a couple hours and then they said, okay, the executive is ready for you. And I'm like, can you at least just tell me, you know, prepare me a little bit for what I'm going into, like who this executive is.
00:33:20
Speaker
And it ended up being the president of University of Southern California. So the highest position possible was available. The highest position of support was available for this person. And it ended up being a woman, which I felt like was so in line with what I was looking forward to. I just felt, oh, great. I can follow and learn from this person, especially as a woman.
00:33:50
Speaker
Um, and her chief of staff was also a woman and I met with her. So that was really cool. Um, it felt like such a great fit. I felt so good leaving that interview and I ended up getting it getting the position. And so I started on, uh, February 18th. So.
00:34:15
Speaker
Kobe Bryant died on January 26th. I was supposed to start January 27th and then I started a new job February 18th at University of Southern California.
00:34:28
Speaker
And so just a complete other, a little bit different, of course, than what you had, but still something that resonated and was in alignment with you. That's so awesome. Now, that is pretty impressive. So in general, if I'm hearing you correctly in your life, you moved to California four weeks later is when you got your job. And it's almost been like that, like it's less than four weeks even just here. Yeah. But then you started.
00:34:58
Speaker
So that period kind of like of that waiting or changed, it doesn't end up happening longer than that in some of these other periods of your life. So now this is a university setting, February, then comes March 2020 and things shift again. So take us as to what happened when, um,
00:35:24
Speaker
When COVID hit and how everything kind of shifted, even just the education system, right? Kids were sent home, online schooling, all that. So what happened for you and your job? So we didn't know how big this really was. I mean, I know that it was kind of happening since December, but not on a university level. And we knew that there were some cases in February
00:35:53
Speaker
But we didn't know how big this really was until we had to send our study abroad students home, like our international students had to be sent home. And we were like, okay, this might be a little bit bigger than we realize. And parents were calling the president's office to get their money back for room and board from their students. I mean, there was a lot going on
00:36:22
Speaker
um and I was kind of part of those meetings with you know the senior leadership team meetings that I had to prepare documents for and you know so they could have these meetings that were all of a sudden all COVID related um and then I slowly started doing a little bit less and then they said we're going to start working from home March 13th
00:36:46
Speaker
We were probably the last building, the last corporate building to go home. All the other administration buildings had gone home. All the students had been home. It was just the president's office who had been there until March 13th. And then my chief of staff, who I reported to, she said, bring your laptop home. You know, if this blows over in a month,
00:37:12
Speaker
That's great, but if it doesn't, then we might not be able to keep you on board. So, um, you know, this position was a two month temporary trial period, and then they would hire me after two months. So it was going along that way that I would have been hired. I mean, the chief of staff was so sad to tell me that, and she didn't want to tell me that. And I remember just sitting in my office crying.
00:37:41
Speaker
I just like shut my door and I'm like, oh my gosh, no, I cannot lose this job. And like, I love this job. I really loved it. So I said, okay, I'm just going to do my best to go home, work from home. I tried to create work for myself once I got here back home and started working on stuff. There wasn't much to do because again, everything was COVID related. So I canceled all her speaking events, all the events were,
00:38:11
Speaker
done, you know, canceled on her travel, I had to cancel because I booked travel back in February for her and I booked, you know, a lot of stuff for her to go to. And I had to cancel all of that, her car services, everything. So that was my life for like a week of just canceling and then and then nothing, not like maybe a couple of emails a day. So April came around and they
00:38:40
Speaker
had to lay me off for lack of work and their budget. Um, since I was the newest, um, addition to the president's office, I was the first one to be cut and the only one I believe because I was also temporary and not full time with them. So, um, yeah, that, that was April 17th. That was my last day with USC. So.
00:39:09
Speaker
Oh, so that's like two major changes, Justin. Well, technically three, because then you could think of, okay, you had to, you finished one job, you were going to start then another one.
00:39:24
Speaker
And you know you start in January, and then you started this one, then in February, and then you again are without a job just within that four month period of one year of the first you know of this year of 2020 now.
00:39:42
Speaker
How did you, since this is also the aspect of the tools that we've used during our grief process, what were some of the things that kept you afloat basically within all these changes? What are the things that worked for you in that grief process of your job transitions and losing jobs and such?
00:40:07
Speaker
Well, at this point I had Gua Sha. I'm really into holistic medicine and holistic weight. Share a little bit what it, yeah, share what Gua Sha, because I've been learning, by the way, I did a little quick video the other day, like one of those like fast ones, like doing it and I was going to send it to you just so you could see that I was, I started with my neck, like you said. I'm like. Good, good.
00:40:33
Speaker
Yeah, Gua Sha is pretty much an ancient holistic massage ritual. It dates back to probably like 4,000 years ago, and it heals your body from the inside out. So it moves lymph from your lymphatic system. It drains toxins through your lymphatic system, which is your body's drainage process.
00:40:59
Speaker
And it also protects your immune system. And because our bodies hold toxins, we can clear these out by moving the muscles directly under the skin. So it just uses a type of stone, like a jade stone or beyond stone. But I've used Gua Sha since 2013, which was for CrossFit. So I also did CrossFit for about five years. Oh, we have that in common too.
00:41:28
Speaker
Yes, I loved it. Shoulder? Where did you use shoulder? Because that would have been helpful for me to know about that when my shoulder. Yes, it was neck and back of arms. Oh my gosh, that was the worst spot. Back of the arms because we did so many pull ups and so much of those butterfly
00:41:51
Speaker
you know, pull-ups. Oh, yeah. I still do assist it. I still would do with the band. My body was never really... I don't think my body was designed yet to really be able to do a strict pull-up yet. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. I think we all are distributed differently, right? It's like everybody has different strengths. That's something my body was... It took... I still yet have done... yet. I'll just say yet. Let me put it that way. Yet to be able to...
00:42:18
Speaker
plenty of time. And I definitely struggled with a lot of things I couldn't do some things that others could do and vice versa. So but all you know, no matter what, it was hard for everyone. It was like this constant muscle tightness, you know, because we're just working our muscles so hard. So we had a member of the CrossFit gym who I believe she got certified in Gua Sha and
00:42:47
Speaker
came to the gym Saturdays, and would just do great freak wash off on those who wanted to, and I was always like me me me me me because I'm so tight and it was really for mobility purposes, I never.
00:43:02
Speaker
really knew about the, you know, how it drains toxins out or how it helps with mood and improves all this other stuff. Like I'm assuming it also, then it's kind of like the fascia fascia. Am I saying it right? Fascia fascia, fascia muscles, right. So that layer, then it also helps with that too, right? Right. Right. That was like the purpose of it. It was like loosening the fascia.
00:43:29
Speaker
in our underneath the surface so that we could be more mobile and less sore because we were competing. I mean, I was doing competitions. That gym went to mid-Atlantic regionals. I mean, it was a tough gym that I was part of and I really pushed myself a lot that
00:43:48
Speaker
I was always so tight. So it was really just for mobility purposes. So back then you discovered it for mobility. And then afterwards, of course, with your research and growth, then you've kind of shifted. And so during this time, then that was something that you used. Now what areas would you use the Gua Sha on so that it could help you
00:44:11
Speaker
for the tension and the stress and so forth of your grief during this time. What parts of your body were the ones that you were holding the most? So neck, face, and the chest area, the lungs, kind of that area. So is that emotion, is that also like, if you were thinking of like, is it at all related, can it be even related with chakras or things like that with the energies component too in our bodies?
00:44:40
Speaker
Yes, totally. And also earth elements. So we all have certain earth elements within us. There's actually wood, metal, water, fire, and earth. We have all those elements within us and different lines on our faces and different markings on our faces. The way our faces are even shaped, our noses, our cheekbones, all of that is related to elements that we have within our body.
00:45:07
Speaker
So it goes along with chakras, it goes along with elements, with our organs. It's all connected. So we don't just have lines on our faces and spots and skin tags and all of that for no reason. Our body processes things from the inside out. So if something is going on within us, it's going to come outward.
00:45:37
Speaker
I've learned about, you know, different emotions that our organs hold and you know, our nervous system holds our emotions. Emotions are not either not created nor destroyed. They're just moved. So you either keep them inside or you move them out, but they're never
00:45:57
Speaker
like E and motion. It's energy. Back again to energy. Energy cannot be created in order. Right. It's energy. So it's all energy. So you just have to figure out how to be able to move it through so that it's not stuck in places in which it could create damage and harm and illness. Correct. Correct? Yeah. Yeah. So I really, within the type of grief that I was going through, just loss of job,
00:46:23
Speaker
you know, loss of I felt like almost loss of who I am, like, what am I supposed to be doing? You know, so I really took to that every day, and just felt like it helped me, you know, to a point that was one of my healing modalities at that point. But I didn't really do
00:46:45
Speaker
reflexology as much yet until maybe like June, July. Yeah. And we're going to go into that part because then
00:46:55
Speaker
which is interesting too because then something that helped you with your grief process then ends up being now what you're focusing on now. And as you said, you weren't gonna settle for just any job after you lost the opportunity to work with COBE based on what happened. And then you had USC and then that, you know, then COVID happened and then you lost. So I'm assuming that mentality of again, one, right now it's also harder, right, to find
00:47:25
Speaker
a certain type of job, and back in California, too, a lot of things are also back to being shut down at this particular point in time, too. So you then refocused to then studying more of this art, science, technique, because at everything, would it be reflexology and art as well as the science?
00:47:49
Speaker
Yeah, it's kind of all tied into one. It's all of it. Yeah. There's an artistic side of everything. Yeah. So, so June, July, we're going to talk now about let's talk about June. So in that period of time of waiting and during COVID, your family then was in
00:48:09
Speaker
in Philadelphia, you're in California. And this is where I was telling, um, you, the listeners that things were kind of going to shift and that a lot of different things, uh, happened during these four first four months of 2020 and Sandra's life. And then something else shifted again. So your family is in Philadelphia, you and LA.
00:48:35
Speaker
You get a call around. Before that I got hacked and then I found a new job opportunity as well that I started doing. Oh, okay. Okay. So you did. Okay. So do you want to talk about that part? Yeah. So. Okay. Yeah.
00:48:52
Speaker
June, I kind of started. See, I'm telling you, this was a lot. You see, even for me to keep track of all the stuff that happened, I'm like, wait, wait. I'm like, and I wrote if I look through my notes, it will sound like the rattling of if I look through my notes. I'm just going by my mental remembrance of our first conversation. So I'm sorry if I forgot this part of your of your story. Go ahead. Go ahead. So actually, we'll go to May. So it's like every month there is something that happened.
00:49:23
Speaker
May, I stumbled upon a health and wellness product that really resonated with me on a soul level. And I started to research that. And it is a in-home water ionizer that creates seven different pH levels of water. I didn't really, I didn't really know about water before, you know, I just assumed that the water bottles we have in the stores are
00:49:52
Speaker
9.5 you know and it's that's what they say they are but there's so much more to water that we're missing and that is not being talked about that I saw this this opportunity as like just really something to jump on because I feel like water is going to be talked about in the health space in the coming years and not many people are but there's this one specific community that of entrepreneurs that
00:50:21
Speaker
have this water ionizer and also do direct sales with it. So I signed up for the marketing classes and signed up for the informational videos and just to see if this was something I wanted to commit to. And I had a friend who, back from Pennsylvania actually, I used to go to her massage studio. So this all kind of ties together oddly enough. She has a massage studio and I used to get
00:50:50
Speaker
also while doing CrossFit, I used to get massages weekly from her time massages where she would like basically walk on my back and, you know, use her feet to massage my body. So I always loved the idea of holistic ways of healing and using Gua Sha and massage that I felt like, okay, she's doing this opportunity, this water business. I want to talk to her more about this and
00:51:19
Speaker
So I did this health and sustainability five-day challenge and it went over law of attraction and abundance versus scarcity mindset. And it went over money mindset. It talked about health in the aspect of water.
00:51:43
Speaker
which I had no idea that, you know, we're not really paying attention to our water and it is something that we need to start with. And what percentage, what percentage are we of water, human beings? That's like a huge percentage of our body is water. Yes, around 70%, I believe. Yeah. So. And then the rest is proteins, probably. Yeah, exactly. You know, you know.
00:52:09
Speaker
Yeah, I just felt like, whoa, why are we not talking about this? And why are why are people not talking about this? This is such a sleepy category in health. So I was like, I'm going to pursue this. So I did lots of mindset work. I went into a 21 day manifestation challenge that this community offered and
00:52:30
Speaker
I got the water machine and I signed up with an, you know, I hooked up with an accountability partner. We kept each other accountable. We talked about what we would post on our social media. And we did all, you know, I felt like things were starting to connect for me and it was starting to, um, you know, starting to reveal itself what I'm supposed to be doing in this world. And then,
00:53:00
Speaker
Um, so I would say May through June was like full speed working on my mindset, watching these videos, learning about this water, trying to organically market on my phone, you know, on my Instagram and also do, um, paid advertisements as well, which is a really great thing that this community offers. Um, so I really started diving into this.
00:53:29
Speaker
my purpose. I really felt like this is my purpose and I feel like it still is but it kind of got interrupted when I got hacked in very early July. There was a T-Mobile data breach and basically this guy pretending to be T-Mobile called me was impersonating a T-Mobile rep and he had confirmed all my info. He
00:53:58
Speaker
basically said, is this Sondra Highmark? Am I speaking with Sondra? I basically confirmed the information for him. So I'd say, yes, this is Sondra. Yes, that's my address. That's my yes. Yes. And he basically said, I noticed that you purchased an iPad. Is that is that true? Is that correct? Did you make this purchase? And I said, no, I didn't. But we were my boyfriend and I were at the T-Mobile store just a couple of days earlier getting new phones.
00:54:28
Speaker
we upgraded our iPhones. So it was kind of relevant that a T-Mobile rep would call and just make sure we did not purchase anything else out of that visit. So I was like, that's weird. No, we did not purchase that. And so he said, OK, I'm going to go ahead and do a cancellation. Here's the case number. He told me his name. He gave me the case number, the cancellation number. And then about four hours later, I noticed
00:54:58
Speaker
did not have service on my cell phone. And I was out at the store and I was like, okay, that's weird. Maybe a tower nearby is down, like no big deal. And then a couple, like a couple hours go by and I said, okay, this is not normal that I still don't have service. And I got back into my apartment from being out. And the only reason I
00:55:23
Speaker
got a text or could text was because I had my wifi on. So I texted my boyfriend who was at the gym and I said, Hey, can you please call T-Mobile to see why I don't have service? Like this is very strange. I don't know if you're experiencing the same thing. And he's like, yeah, no problem. I'll call. And he was like, yeah, I have service. And I was like, okay, that's weird. Cause we're literally like in the same area. So, um,
00:55:49
Speaker
He called them and he said, it looks like my number is not a part of their, like, it's not a part of the account anymore. It's not a part of my account. And I said, what, what does that even mean? My phone number is not part of my account anymore. And he's like, I think that person who called stole your phone number. And I was like, what in the world? So he's like, check your bank accounts right now. Like he's like, check everything. So he.
00:56:19
Speaker
This guy had taken out thousands of dollars for my savings. Um, he spent thousands of dollars at target, different targets. Um, and all with just having your having stolen your phone. I think he had, he had my, I bet he had my social security because that's on the T-Mobile account and my address and my email, all of it. So, wow. Um,
00:56:46
Speaker
I was like, shoot, like cursing, like, Oh my God, like calling, you know, this was at like five in the afternoon on, I don't know, like a Thursday. And I was calling my banks like, can, this is not approved. Please do not put that through. Someone has like information. And then, um, yeah, so I had to go in and change my ad email address for everything.
00:57:16
Speaker
all my accounts I had to change my oh and meanwhile T-Mobile was working on a temporary phone number for me so they assigned me a phone number and then I had to text my family and say do not text my old number because this is not me this is someone who stole my number and it just sounded so strange right like a weird message coming out of nowhere like don't text that number um
00:57:42
Speaker
is so bizarre. I did, I think I stayed up all night that night, like pretty much trying to change everything so this person wouldn't get into like any other accounts. That is just so crazy, so crazy. So then it's like, this is literal, literal loss of identity. So before it was like, you know, loss of identity because your job is tough, but here it's like all of a sudden you actually,
00:58:11
Speaker
come lost your identity theft here, using your stuff to steal your, oh my gosh, that's crazy. Crazy. So he had stolen, he had gone into my Instagram as well and changed my password. So I couldn't get into my Instagram. They wouldn't let me in. I had to email them and say, this is me. I had to write a code and put a picture of myself
00:58:41
Speaker
to Instagram saying, this is me. Can you please get my account back? Because it kept saying error, like error. And then my boyfriend was like, yeah, when I search you, you don't show up. Like you're not showing up. And I said, well, I exist still somehow. So I asked them to get my account back and they didn't respond. So I said, you know what? I'll give them the weekend. I'm not going to worry about this now.
00:59:10
Speaker
Even though I was pretty upset because I had started creating my social media to have an online business, to have this direct sales business, to promote this product, to talk about my opportunities, all of that was gone. I'd had that Instagram since 2013 and everything that I had, everything was gone.
00:59:33
Speaker
So yeah, that is just so much. What a good learning opportunity for all of us to listening because so many times we get these calls or emails I get all the time, like even from, you know, my universities I've studied or things like that. And they're like, you know, pretending that to be from that, you know, and I don't know, it's just they're constantly ways of people trying to
01:00:03
Speaker
hack you. So thank you for sharing that because that's something that a lot of people could relate to those telemarketing calls and things like that and that you think that they're real. You know what? I was waiting for a call from my bank, my credit card bank, actually, because they were going to basically they were going to call me so I could approve the amount of money going out of my account to purchase the water ionizer.
01:00:31
Speaker
They said they needed to call me for that permission. And so I was like, oh, it must be my bank. And then when I answered, I was like, oh, it's T-Mobile. OK, whatever. So I wouldn't normally answer those calls. That's just an 833 number, whatever it was. But I was waiting for a call, and I figured it was my bank. And that was so far from the truth. So it was ridiculous. I could not believe that happened.
01:01:01
Speaker
So yeah, that was a loss of identity, truly a loss of real setback in my business that I had started. Um, I had to change all my bank info. I couldn't get my water ionizer yet. So I felt at a very, at a standstill at a very stopping, you know, a very large stopping point in my life, like, okay, I've got to wait to hear from Instagram to continue my business. I've got to.
01:01:30
Speaker
fix all this other stuff that, you know, so.
01:01:37
Speaker
Okay, now, Sandra, now that's just a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot that you just went through and that you shared with us. And so now tell us then what happens. So this is early July that then you got hacked. You then go, is this when you went and then visited your parents or what happened then? Take us into what happened during this period of time.
01:02:05
Speaker
Fourth of July weekend goes by and then I received a call from my dad on July 7. It was that Tuesday. And that day my mom had a virtual radiologist appointments and background. My mom had battled ovarian cancer for three and a half years. She was diagnosed in February of 2017.
01:02:35
Speaker
my dad had called and basically it was like those calls that you just don't want to receive. And it's like in a movie, it's a call out of a movie where he was like, your mom has only a couple of weeks to live. And I had texted my mom and dad earlier that day saying, um, you know, I hope your radiologist appointment goes well. And you know, I had been,
01:03:05
Speaker
video chatting with my mom weekly, same with my sister, my older sister and my older brother as well. But we video chatted through quarantine because I didn't want a chance going to visit her, her having cancer, weak immune system, all of that. I didn't visit her. So this was kind of shocking, I guess, because I hadn't visited her, I hadn't really seen her
01:03:33
Speaker
since February, the last time I saw her in person was February between Kobe Bryant and USC. I did go back and visit my parents for about four days in between those jobs. And she seemed okay then, she seemed pretty fine. But yeah, I guess through quarantine, she had been going slowly downhill, probably since, I would say since December.
01:04:01
Speaker
Uh, very slowly though, not noticeable where it was basically like, Oh, this could be the chemo that's making you feel really tired and making you feel really sick, making you feel kind of out of balance. Like we all just thought it was the chemo. Um, you know, throughout quarantine, because she had chemo pills because she didn't go to the doctor as often through COVID. Um, and.
01:04:28
Speaker
We just said, okay, maybe it's like, I just always wanted to be optimistic. Like this is just, this is just the chemo. Um, maybe you need another chemo. Maybe you need to get off chemo. Who knows? So I, you know, I, I kind of, it was a shock when my dad called and I said, what, like, how long has this been going on for? Like, I just didn't even.
01:04:51
Speaker
realized that and he said really since Friday and so it was since like basically around the time I got hacked that he noticed my mom had gone cross-eyed and when I She was having a lot of trouble walking She had fallen a couple times that weekend And I was like beside myself like just curled into a ball just crying like how could this how could this happen? How could this be true? so
01:05:20
Speaker
My sister and I got on a plane the very next day, July 8th, and we flew out to Philadelphia. We didn't even have time to get COVID tests. There was just no time. We just got on a plane and went there. We had been quarantining anyway, so we knew we were safe. And we got there. My mom had a walker, and she was cross-eyed in one eye, so she had a little
01:05:51
Speaker
She was so cute. She had like a pirate eye patch over her one eye. Because the cancer had gone all over her body and pretty much to her brain behind her eye. So it kind of messed with the fluid in her eye. And so it caused her to be cross eyed. And so that was shocking. I had said hi to my parents when I got there. And
01:06:18
Speaker
I went to the other room and started crying and my sister was like, you cannot cry in front of her. You need to do not show, do not show this in front of her. She's on her last days and she just wants to see us happy and she wants to see us joyful and she wants to remember us that way. So like, just absolutely do it on your own time or cry to me, cry to
01:06:41
Speaker
you know, dad, whatever, but, you know, this can't happen. And I was like, okay, like, how am I going to do this? I really had never lost anyone in my life and had never experienced illness or sickness like this. My grandparents, yes, they were sick, but I was about 12 when they died. And so, you know, that was huge for my dad, you know, my dad's parents. But
01:07:07
Speaker
For me as a 12 year old, I didn't really understand the grief. Like it wasn't that close to me. So this was really the first time seeing something and really witnessing like this is a serious illness, taking a person I love. So I was like, wow, how am I going to do this?
01:07:29
Speaker
I didn't even know how I was going to go through these days, but, um, I was like, okay, not going to shed a tear in front of her. So, you know, um, basically my mom wanted to be at home. And so we had an hospice nurse come in and meet with all of us and we took notes on what we could expect and, you know,
01:07:55
Speaker
just learning from her what, what the routine was going to be. She, the nurse would only come like a couple of times a week. Um, and then we kind of handled it the rest of the time, you know, they gave us morphine and they gave us a couple of painkillers for my mom. And, um, they gave suggestions like if she was, you know, having trouble eating or having trouble breathing or having trouble doing certain things we could, you know,
01:08:21
Speaker
help her in certain ways. So I learned a lot in that meeting with the nurse and she, my mom was there too, laying on the couch and just had been, the nurse said, you know, do you have any questions for me? And my mom was like, no, you know, just kind of sitting there. She was very coherent. My mom was very there, even though she like couldn't really see, she couldn't really walk, but she was very sharp. She still wanted to,
01:08:51
Speaker
you know, eat dinner with us at the table and all of that. So we really- The hospice nurse, was the hospice nurse somebody that would come every day for a certain amount of hours then during that time? Not every day. Or was it just for you guys to kind of educate you guys of what to do or? Just pretty much to educate us of what to do. We had a health aide come in
01:09:19
Speaker
They, she came in every day, but we didn't really need her every day. Cause my mom, as my mom got bed bound a little bit more, we did need her. But in the beginning, my dad was bathing her. My dad was like, this is for better or for worse. You know, this is for worse right now. So I'm here for her. I'm not abandoning her. I'm going to help her get changed to her bed, brush her teeth, all of that, go to the bathroom, all of it. My dad was there for they.
01:09:48
Speaker
been married 44 years at this point. I've had, I've pretty much had a very good family and childhood and everything that this was for sure the worst thing that's ever happened in my family's life, in my immediate family's life. So, you know, we have such a good family that this was like, oh my God, the matriarch of our family is like,
01:10:15
Speaker
believing this is the worst possible scenario. But, but throughout those days, we said, you know what, this is not the worst case scenario, because look at all this time we have with her. And we, you know, we really reminded each other when we felt down, like, it could be worse. This could be our, you know, a child versus the natural order of life, being, you know, my mom is 69. So
01:10:43
Speaker
you know, that's the natural order of life is just, you know, when you become older, you know, you pass on. So it wasn't, it would be worse if it was my niece or, you know, you know, a child in the family. And I don't want to say it's not bad, but this is to be expected, I guess, this is kind of just the natural order of life. So we said, you know what, things could always be worse. She could have died suddenly, like, you know, and the fact that
01:11:11
Speaker
I didn't even have social media during this time. I was just going to say, yeah, you didn't have that distraction too. You could really focus. Yeah. I was the most present I've ever been in my entire life. What a gift. What a gift. Yeah. To be able to really, truly be present in those
01:11:30
Speaker
in that time that you got to spend with your mom and really value those moments and cherish those moments. And what you were saying, too, in the comparison of the different things, that sometimes one of the methods, I guess, of mourning or dealing with our grief, too, is in that aspect of gratitude and putting things into perspective that also kind of help us be able to move through our grief.
01:11:55
Speaker
Now, back to what you were even talking about before. I'm going to make this comparison to what you were talking about before regarding the energy and the things that happened in our body, and you can only move through. The only way of doing it is moving through it, right? So even here with grief,
01:12:17
Speaker
You know, you just kind of have to move move it through through you through it somehow. So, right. It's like you have. Yeah, you just can't let it just settle. So what are some of those things? So now what? So here it is how you went there then the weekend after July 4th. And then you had about how many weeks that you had with your mom.
01:12:47
Speaker
So we lived it day by day. My dad wanted to assume that it was, you know, a couple months from now that she would be living. Like, I think he wanted to hold onto that because the radiologist did say two weeks to two months, but that was very gracious of her to give us even two months. I mean, I knew it was going to be quick. We only had 10 days after of being there.
01:13:15
Speaker
Um, she, we got there. My sister got there. My sister and I got there July 8th and she died on July 18th. So, um, we had your brother lives in that area. Yes. So my brother and sister in law came over every day, brought my nieces over.
01:13:36
Speaker
And my nieces jumped in to help. They made her drawings. They wore the shirts that she had given them for, you know, birthdays or Christmas or whatever it is, or just because, and my mom would notice and just be like, Oh, look, you have this dress on, or you have this shirt on, or, you know, just thoughtful things like that, that my nieces would do. I mean, they were so involved in it and so not afraid of it. And they laid in bed with her. I mean, we all had our chance to.
01:14:06
Speaker
lay in bed with her and just be there while she slept and because when we got there she had a walker and then a couple days later she had a wheelchair hospice was so amazing they
01:14:19
Speaker
brought every equipment that we needed within like an hour of our request. It's amazing. I mean, I interviewed the lady that was my mom's hospice nurse, and it's amazing the service that there is, right, and how amazing hospice is. It's just like for somebody that may be reluctant to reach out to somebody like in hospice or palliative care because
01:14:49
Speaker
of the title that it means and that fear of having else. Honestly, from here, two daughters of moms who passed away and we had those services, we can totally vouch that it's probably the best help you can have during that time. Absolutely. We were so thankful and so impressed. We didn't know how we would do it otherwise. And my dad, like you said, the whole
01:15:17
Speaker
name and the whole, you know, the whole aspect of it being called hospice. And like, yeah, he didn't. It makes it real. It does. It makes it real. There was no turning back. And the fact that the truck would stop in our driveway and it would say hospice and toilet, you know, commodes and toilet, you know, toilet stuff and diapers and all of that. Like my dad was like, oh, no, like the neighbors are going to see this and all. I'm like, stop worrying about that. We cannot worry about
01:15:47
Speaker
right now. Like, I understand that it's, it does, it's just this like doom and gloom, like hospice, it really is. And he didn't, you know, I understand why he didn't want the neighbor scene. And he didn't, you know, because it sparks questions like, Oh, no, you know, but, but we were so, so incredibly thankful, like, that we had that we thank them so much. And
01:16:14
Speaker
You know, we had a 24 seven hotline. We could call if we had questions or wanted to request anything. They were so incredible. Like we could not have done that without their help and in getting things so quickly. And, you know, the commode for the toilet and her diapers and her eating like a little wheelie thing that she could eat in bed. Like that was, those were so helpful.
01:16:39
Speaker
So I mean, it was. Yeah, because it brings it it brings it a little bit easier than for the family who's taking care. So either you have the hospice, you know, provide with these things or you have somebody a hospice nurse be there to help you. Like if you can't carry the person that is ill, you know, you can have somebody else be there to help you with those things, you know, the bathing and all those things if you physically can't do it. Right. And my dad did that up until the point pretty much that
01:17:09
Speaker
She was bedridden. My dad wanted to be there for her till the very end, until she died. And he was just putting her in the wheelchair, taking her to the bathroom every night. She had fallen. He would get her up, change her into her pajamas. My mom was so stubborn, she still put her contacts into her eyes. My dad would help her with that. This was so ridiculous. I helped her at one point too, but I was like,
01:17:38
Speaker
mom. But my dad was like, this is her world now. She's gonna do what she wants to do. And she's still that stubborn Latina woman. So she, you know, it was just I was like, Mom, your side, how are you doing this, you know, and she had card contacts. So she'd have to like stick a little suction on her eye. And to take a little contact out. So
01:18:03
Speaker
This was just, we wanted to be as helpful as we could. And my dad basically called us at the point that he was like, I can't do this by myself anymore. Like that's when he called my sister and me and was like, I can't do this alone. He was like, I've done it to this point. Did your brother, was your brother more aware than what was happening? Or because of COVID, then he also had not visited us frequently. You know, what's funny is,
01:18:31
Speaker
We talked about that and because the last time my brother and sister-in-law had seen my parents was on Father's Day. So that was about mid June. So they saw them probably monthly, but they would make sure like they were safe and before seeing them. But my sister and or my brother and sister-in-law had my parents over for Father's Day in June. And he recalls that she was having a lot of trouble balancing.
01:19:01
Speaker
And that she kind of had to sit down to go down the little steps on their porch, like on their outside patio porch. And we were, we just thought it was the chemo. Like at that point, like my brother was like, oh, it must be the chemo. Maybe like it's just because she's having different chemos, it's reacting strangely in her body. Because at that point she was going off of the pills and going back to the doctor, back to the hospital to
01:19:31
Speaker
get physical chemo. So we're like, oh, it must be the change from the pills to that the liquid chemo. And yeah, he was like, she was having some trouble balancing and she wasn't, she just looked very tired and she felt very tired, but didn't really have any thought of it other than it must be the chemo because she's gone through
01:19:56
Speaker
many different chemos in the three and a half years. She had surgery on her brain. She had surgery on her spine. She had radiation in her brain. I mean, she was tired like that through certain points during the three and a half years. And other times she was full of energy. So it felt like, oh, another pattern. It was just part of the pattern.
01:20:21
Speaker
Yeah. And it's hard to see with chemo sometimes what, like you said, what is the illness and what are, and which of those things that they're feeling is an effect of the, a side effect of the chemo itself. Right. None of us knew. So it's hard to see. Yeah. Yeah. And we knew that she had her appointment on July 7th. My dad had mentioned, okay, she has a virtual appointment. We'll find out what's going on in her scans. And that was where they were like, we cannot do anything for you. I can't do anything more for you.
01:20:51
Speaker
So it had been, yeah, I think June, they kind of noticed something was weird. And now that we can look in retrospect, we wish we would have known, but there was, it was such a short time from June to July that there was nothing that probably could have been done anyway.
01:21:10
Speaker
And then the blessing, too, that you were able to just go and just pick up and go because you didn't have, let's say, a nine to five type of job at that moment. And so you could just go and be there for that time. And then after, you know, she passed and be there with your dad. It's like those again, even though. And by the way, I want to thank you. And I know that when we spoke before, I was like, are you ready to talk about this part? Because I know I knew that the other parts with your jobs and all that change.
01:21:40
Speaker
that that was something that you could probably share. But I wasn't sure if time-wise being that is so recent, had been so recent of your mom's passing, because we had tried to schedule this interview even earlier, whether that would be the right timing since you were still in that, you know, the newness of it. But again, because you had that time to really be
01:22:06
Speaker
present with her and you also had, you know, because you didn't have the job and you've also then had that time even now to really even sit with your grief and your emotions and so forth. So take us a little bit into what helped and can you also share, I remember you said that this little anecdote and I'm sure you probably want to share something that you guys would be sitting, watching your, one of your nieces favorite that they were watching frozen and she made a, and your mom made a comment.
01:22:34
Speaker
Can you share the comment that your mom made while watching Frozen, and then I want you to take us into what's helped your grieving process? Sure. So the day after my sister and I got there, it was my mom, me, and my three nieces who are my brother and sister-in-law's kids. I don't know. I think my sister was with my dad and my brother chatting probably upstairs.
01:23:01
Speaker
My mom was like, Oh, do you guys want to watch a movie? She had a lot of energy that first day that we were there. Um, that first full day we were there. I think she was like, wow, like your guys are here. Yeah. Even though she didn't want, she, even though she didn't want my dad to tell, to tell us for another two weeks. And my dad was like, I'm not telling them when you're dead. Like that's not how this is going to go.
01:23:27
Speaker
So my dad made that decision to call us, and my mom didn't even want to bother us or want us to know. But she actually was very thankful, I think, that we were there in the end. Truly being like, thank you for accompanying me during this time. We would still sit down and have family dinners. We still do have family dinners. I mean, we kept it as normal as our family would, like the normal things that we always do. And one of those things was watching movies, too.
01:23:57
Speaker
especially with my nieces. And my mom was like, pick whatever movie you want. So my nieces were like, oh, how about Frozen 2? So we started watching Frozen 2 and I was just laying, we kind of were all just laying on the couch together. I was just laying my head on my mom's shoulder and her head was on my head. So it was just kind of leaning into each other. And then my nieces, we were all kind of gathered up as well. And my mom, when we finished the movie,
01:24:25
Speaker
I had never seen it. I think my nieces had seen it and I don't know, I don't think my mom had seen it. My mom was like, wow, that movie's about death and legacy. It really is a beautiful portrayal of it. And I was like, whoa, I didn't even really realize that that's what Frozen 2 is about, but it is, it's about
01:24:52
Speaker
death.
Legacy and Acceptance of Death
01:24:54
Speaker
And the legacy that your parents leave behind, or your mom or dad leaves behind. So it was very fitting and just so like, wow, it just tied it all together. And she just felt she she was just at peace with it to just like, wow, like that's death, you know, and, and just her comment was so raw that
01:25:22
Speaker
It was like, wow, death is okay. It's okay. Because you were hearing it from her, so therefore you could know a little bit of what she thought about death by her comment and how she felt about that aspect of life. Now, what would you say is your mom's legacy? What do you think is the biggest thing she left for you all?
01:25:52
Speaker
Um, to just go after what you want. And she had her own business and interior design. She actually designed pretty much our house, the house I grew up in, that the house that I was pretty much born in, it's still my parents' house. And she redid the kitchen, master suite, like the bed she died in was her legacy. I mean, it's like,
01:26:22
Speaker
She creates spaces and she did that because she went after what she wanted and she did that late in life. I mean, really in a couple, only like 20 years ago, she went back to school to be an interior designer. So her taking that chance with, she had three kids at that time and was doing, going through school to be an interior designer and knew she could do it. She just went after what she wanted and
01:26:50
Speaker
She also
Culinary Heritage and Inspiration
01:26:51
Speaker
left behind such amazing, an amazing gift of, I guess, food. She has cooked all her life, all my life. She'd always cooked. She was cooking up until the day she couldn't cook. And she left behind a bunch of recipes from her and from her mom. So we come from Mexican, Lebanese,
01:27:19
Speaker
and just Spanish all around. So there's a lot of great Mediterranean and Mexican and Spain, all of that, all of those cultures mixed in with her recipes. And she published the cookbook for me, my sister and my brother. So we have all her recipes and we have a part of her and in the, there's a,
01:27:44
Speaker
whole page in the front of the cookbook that she just says my kids have always I've always won I've always loved to cook and my kids have inspired me to cook especially because there were a lot of allergies in our family so like my brother in law he's allergic to soy and dairy and at one point my sister in law couldn't have eggs or
01:28:07
Speaker
So she'd have to improvise. So she kind of shifts things. Yeah. So for every holiday, like, what do I make? What do I make? You know, what can satisfy everyone? And then my other niece is allergic to water and cardboard paper. I know. Water with a side of ice. Yeah. She always asked me, like, what should I make? Oh, my gosh, what should I make this Christmas? Like, everyone's coming and like, I don't know.
01:28:34
Speaker
So she, you know, for years, I mean, this has been for 15 years now that, you know, my niece has had different allergies. My one niece is allergic to peanuts. I just said that my other niece is allergic to a sesame. And there's like so much that my mom pulled it off perfectly every time. And it's like in no
Resilience through Illness
01:28:54
Speaker
time, like no effort at all. And so I just feel like we got that taste for food. She never really, we have a recipes, but she never really measured. And it's kind of that.
01:29:04
Speaker
that do it to taste you always told me that do it to taste yeah yeah al gusto i told you that the other day and then i posted something and you said oh and i said well i didn't really measure and i said and you said yeah that's kind of how i cook and then we're saying how our moms cook that way and that i said yeah and aloho aloho that's how we say algo i say aloho you do it aloho like whatever
01:29:26
Speaker
Yeah, you kind of measure like your eye kind of knows what it's supposed to be. So with that, like the aspect of it looked like it seems that your mom was somebody that would roll with the punches, was good with improvising in life with that aspect of the cookbook too, right? Like kind of like molding to situations very easily.
01:29:48
Speaker
Um, like you said, without skipping a beat, she's like, okay, well, I'll just have to make something that is soy, soy, gluten, dairy, peanuts, sesame, and nothing free. You know, to be free of all these things and gluten free. Yeah. And just go with it. Yeah. In life. And that also shows in life then probably also how she was, not just, so sometimes our, how we do things, you know, let's say in the kitchen and cooking.
01:30:18
Speaker
could be a mirror to what we might be in our life, how we may be in our life. Do you think that that resembled a little bit of her? I think so. Kendra, I've never thought of that. And you're so right, because she did just roll with the punches. I mean, it just thinking back to when she was, like, even diagnosed. I mean, my dad had cried for
01:30:45
Speaker
had was crying after that and my and I remember my sister telling me this story because my dad had told my sister I guess my sister said mom said mom like hit my dad and said we are not going to do that we are going to enjoy our lives and we are not going to cry and we're not going to be sad because this is what this is my battle to fight this is what I was given and we're going to just go with it on you know and it's
01:31:14
Speaker
crazy to even think that she had cancer because she was so healthy. She was the first person that had that I ever knew about what I'm eating affects like, basically skin issues come from my gut, like my mom was the first one to make me realize that.
01:31:32
Speaker
My mom was the first one to- She was your first educator in the health and wellness. Yes, in the health and wellness. She gave you the taste of what health and wellness and what it is you are right now so passionate about and studying. Yeah. Like she used, always used- That's my mom, Tim. Yeah. Always used unscented laundry detergent. Like she always, and I just was always like, whoa, like picking up these things throughout my life. Like she always used olive oil, like never any other oil. Like it was just-
01:32:01
Speaker
I mean, she has recipes and stuff that have other oils in it. Cause that's the way her mom made it and all of that stuff. But we grew up learning really good cooking and learning the basics of ingredients and what goes into like how just the health aspect of it. It just, to me, I've gathered so much from her, um, just living her life. And then for her to get cancer, it was like so strange that this could happen. But at the same time, it's like,
01:32:30
Speaker
Okay. She's still rolling with it because this was what God gave. This is what God had given like, not that God gave this to her. I'm not saying that, but this is the hand she was dealt. And this is what was supposed to happen for perhaps, you know, me finding my purpose or perhaps for my dad to, you know, now start doing the things.
01:32:58
Speaker
He really wants to do because he was taking care of my mom for three and a half years took her to every appointment. There was one time in point in time that he had to take her downtown for every single day for radiation for 20 days. I mean, he,
Finding Growth in Grief
01:33:12
Speaker
they did not have a break from this. So maybe this is now my dad's time to start, you know, not having to worry about my mom and.
01:33:23
Speaker
And, you know, he'd been there three and a half years for her every single day, every single minute, and maybe for me to find my purpose. And there's so much that she leaves behind because she has had this. And I wish it wasn't so, but maybe this had to happen because of that.
01:33:46
Speaker
It is, it is. It's interesting yes because it is not like we again and going back to the title even of this podcast again when we talk about the gratitude component in this aspect of grief, we are not saying that, oh I'm so glad this happened to me it's not.
01:34:04
Speaker
that kind of thing, oh, I'm so glad I lost my job, or I'm so glad I, it's not that aspect, but it's the seeing that there is some wisdom that comes from that and the growth that comes from that. And again, like you're seeing all these pieces that kind of come together that you're like, all these things would have not happened had this not taken place. Just even the fact that you went through so much at the beginning of the year,
01:34:33
Speaker
prepared you to even be able to navigate the grief of your mom's death as well because you went through so much of your job changes and so forth and identity and all that and then all of a sudden this major shift.
01:34:52
Speaker
One of the words that comes to mind in my eye that best describes you is resilience. And I can see that you're just somebody that's so resilient. And I think in general, I think that's a quality that a lot of us human beings have. We just don't end up seeing it sometimes because we don't end up being tested sometimes so much. But this year has been one of those that has for sure tested you. And you've just shown that that quality in you is there.
01:35:23
Speaker
I've heard something about having a rubber butt is an example. I've heard about having like resilience, you know, something happens, you fall, you have a rubber butt, you get back up, you know, and that is, that's again, probably how your mom was in terms of rolling with the punches. She was resilient herself. And that is something also that you're showing as well with all this and the character,
01:35:50
Speaker
development in you because of what you've gone through. At least this is my perspective of the things that I could already see just by your story of what has happened in growth in you and what other things would you say that you are grateful for in your change and your shift and then what tips would you have for the
01:36:12
Speaker
listeners and then we'll wrap it up because we hopes people, I know people still listening, but this is one that they needed to stay. But it's so necessary because that is really what it is. It's like all these pieces of your puzzle are necessary for what you are going through. So we had to share the whole journey. So thank you for taking the time to share. Thank you.
01:36:42
Speaker
I'm sorry, and what did you ask you what you wanted? I know after I just went through all that. That's me. That's me. I just go with that. So what I was asking is what are the things that you feel that you are grateful for in this process of growth? You kind of mentioned a little bit that you said of where you are right now. But also then maybe even just the things that have helped you in your grief in terms of moving your grief
01:37:13
Speaker
Sure. I am grateful for my mindset and the fact that I got to learn about a lot of attraction and having a positive mindset and having an abundance, you know, an abundant mindset has really helped me through this time and to just be positive and that I've always known that things happen for a reason. I always know that and I know that
01:37:44
Speaker
might sound insulting to some people who go through grief. But to me, it really, it's the truth. It just that's my truth. It may not be everyone's truth, but people don't like to hear the truth. And things do happen for a reason. And she is in a better place. She's not suffering anymore. And those things actually have helped me because I don't want to see my mom suffer, even if she did go off the chemo and
01:38:10
Speaker
you know, lived a life without chemo or still was on chemo, she still isn't living her quality of life. It's about quality of life. So I'm just thankful for the way that, you know, I could have that mindset of, you know what, things happen for a reason, and I'm going to start attracting things I want in my life and not worry about the things I don't want. I'm going to, you know, start
01:38:39
Speaker
you know, living in my power and using that and just being happy for things that happen. I'm grateful for the lead up to the struggles that I had leading up to my mom's death because I never really experienced grief before. So I really am in a way thankful that I had a little bit of taste of that with Kobe and understanding that this is death and that it's okay to talk about.
01:39:09
Speaker
learned that, you know, we need to talk about it because death is inevitable and it will happen to all of us at one point or another. It's just, it's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when. Yeah. So I think it's, I think, I don't know, I'm grateful for the opportunity to live this now and understand this now at 32 years old and
01:39:35
Speaker
you
Healing Practices and Gratitude
01:39:36
Speaker
know, kind of gain the wisdom of what grief brings. And my boyfriend always says adversity builds character. I mean, he said that when I was going through struggles, you know, even before this year, like a couple of years ago with my mom, you know, being diagnosed, adversity builds character. And it's so true. It's so true. And I'm thankful for these challenges because that's what launches us into greatness, truly.
01:40:05
Speaker
So yeah, I'm just thankful. So gratitude, being really great, gratitude has been your real pivot, like your, not pivot, the anchor that has been able to help you through this grief, has living, being in a state of gratitude and watching your mindset has been really what's helped you. Yes. And obviously the health aspects as well with
01:40:37
Speaker
facial reflexology and gua sha it's all, you know, they're all pieces of the healing puzzle, right it's all pieces of that. And, yes, gratitude.
01:40:50
Speaker
We had it from the start before my mom died. I'm so grateful I could even grieve her before she died. I mean, that's like such a gift. Who gets to sit and lay with their mom who's dying? Like I just feel like with no worries, no social media, no job to tune into with nothing. Like I had nothing at that point, but my mom and that present moment. I mean, I'm so grateful for that. That's, I just, it's sucks that this had to happen. Like I,
01:41:21
Speaker
miss my mom every day and I hate the emotions sometimes that I go through of anger and frustration and like resentment almost sometimes you know I get resentful towards people who have their moms still but but I'm in the end the foundation of it is is gratitude it really is you just have to go back to gratitude
01:41:42
Speaker
So wise and so young and so wise. And you've just said so many beautiful things. Thank you so much, Sandra, for sharing with us your journey and all these struggles, but also all this beautiful growth. And then do you want to say quickly your Instagram handle, and I'll make sure to put that in the notes.
01:42:05
Speaker
Oh, sure. So that people can follow you. Because by the way, she gives honestly amazing health and wellness tips. So you will learn about the water ionizer that she mentioned. You'll learn about gua sha. Am I saying it right again? Yes, you are. You'll learn about reflexology. You'll learn about healthy recipes, all about looking into labels too when you're looking.
01:42:31
Speaker
For sure. Follow her Instagram. And I don't know if you have any other page or anything else. Nope. Sondi Spice. You can find me there. I do have a website explaining a little bit more about water and stuff. But yeah, you can mostly, it's just my Instagram. Instagram.
01:42:51
Speaker
And Sandi is as a U N D Y and then spice because she's spicy. Exactly. You know, my old Instagram was shorty Sandi, but because that technically still exists, they wouldn't let Instagram wouldn't let me use that name because it still exists somewhere in the interwebs.
01:43:16
Speaker
Um, so I had to come up with a different name. I like, I like spice, spice, spice. Plus, because you also talk sometimes, you know, regarding food and stuff. So it's good with the spice too, you know, cinnamon spice and nutmeg and all the spices that come too. That should be, that should be people's medicine cabinet is spices. So it totally ties together. Ginger, go to ginger, cinnamon, food as medicine. That's what I'm about. There we go.
01:43:45
Speaker
That's perfect.
Closing and Call to Action
01:43:46
Speaker
Well, thank you so much again, my dear. Thank you so much, Kendra. For everything that you've shared. And I look forward to continuing our friendship that started through Instagram. And I'm sure, again, you'll have a lot of people reach out to you, I am sure, regarding all the different tips that you shared too about health and wellness. So thanks again. Thank you so much, Kendra. This was great. Thank you.
01:44:14
Speaker
Thank you again so much for choosing to listen today. I hope that you can take away a few nuggets from today's episode that can bring you comfort in your times of grief. If so, it would mean so much to me if you would rate and comment on this episode. And if you feel inspired in some way to share it with someone who may need to hear this, please do so.
01:44:43
Speaker
Also, if you or someone you know has a story of grief and gratitude that should be shared so that others can be inspired as well, please reach out to me. And thanks once again for tuning into Grief Gratitude and the Gray in Between podcast. Have a beautiful day.