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Episode 24: Why High-Achieving Women Struggle with Love | Dating Advice for Single Moms w/ Rebecca Norton
40 Plays9 months ago
Are you a successful woman wondering why love feels harder than business?
In this empowering episode of Mommas Who Lead, host Laura Caroffino sits down with Rebecca Norton, Director of Matchmaking at LUMA – Luxury Matchmaking, to explore why high-achieving women often struggle in dating, how to avoid burnout in the search for love, and what it really takes to attract a high-quality partner.
Whether you're a single mom juggling work and bedtime stories or a powerhouse woman ready to call in your forever person—this conversation will give you real tools, heartfelt advice, and mindset shifts to lead in love the way you lead in life.
💥 What You’ll Learn in This Episode
✔️ Why dating apps aren’t working (and what to do instead)
✔️ The mindset shift that changes everything in modern dating
✔️ How to soften your masculine energy without dimming your power
✔️ The biggest green AND red flags to watch for
✔️ How to date as a successful single mom without burning out
🔗 Connect with Rebecca Norton
🌐 Website: https://www.lumasearch.com
📥 Book a Consultation: https://www.lumasearch.com
👑 About Mommas Who Lead
Mommas Who Lead is a podcast for women building legacies while raising little humans, leading with purpose, and living with impact. Hosted by entrepreneur and business mentor Laura Caroffino, this show brings you honest conversations, growth strategies, and heart-driven leadership.
🎙️ Don’t forget to subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with another powerful momma who leads.
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to Mamas Who Lead Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
All right, and welcome back to Mamas Who Lead, the podcast for women who are building legacies while raising little humans, launching big dreams, and still trying to figure out what's for dinner.
Challenges of Dating as a Single Mother
00:00:13
Speaker
Today's episode is for my single mamas out there. And you're bold, you're resilient, you've got more tabs open in your brain than your laptop. And while you've mastered all these schedules, school drop-offs, and scaling your business,
00:00:27
Speaker
Dating, that still kind of feels like the wild, wild west. And maybe you've been told you're too busy for love. Maybe you've convinced yourself it's just not your season. Or maybe just maybe you're ready for something real, but have no idea where to start.
Meet Rebecca Norton: Matchmaking Expert
00:00:43
Speaker
That's why I'm so excited to introduce today's guest, Rebecca Norton. She is the director of matchmaking at Luma Luxury Matchmaking. She leads a national team helping high achieving professionals, including some single mamas, find meaningful lasting relationships through personalized human centered matchmaking.
00:01:03
Speaker
With more than a decade in the industry, Rebecca is the real deal. She knows She knows for turning dating burnout into an aligned partnership and helping women shift from settling to selective.
00:01:16
Speaker
So if you're wondering how to lead in love the same way you lead in life, you're in the right place. Let's get into it. Okay, Rebecca, welcome. I'm so grateful that you were here today. This conversation. I'm so excited for it.
00:01:29
Speaker
How are you doing? Good. How are you? I'm so excited too, as well. Good. So, um, okay, this is so exciting.
From Property Management to Matchmaking
00:01:37
Speaker
Okay. I wanted to start with this. What drew you to matchmaking and what makes you so passionate about helping women find love?
00:01:45
Speaker
Yeah. So this is a huge part of someone's life, obviously. So it's really about just helping people, you know, in that huge part of their life. So that's why it's such a big passion for me.
00:01:56
Speaker
um obviously I could do something, you know, that maybe isn't going to go, um, um to be able to help somebody in their life. You know what I mean? This is a huge part. So that's why I find caution. Oh, I love that.
00:02:11
Speaker
So how, what, how did you start out in this? About 11 years ago, i was doing a a job search because that I was in property management before and the company that I was working for was going out of business.
00:02:26
Speaker
And I saw it on Indeed and I'm like, is this a thing? i didn't even know it was a thing. right you know But obviously I got into it and I love it. And I honestly couldn't imagine doing anything else.
00:02:40
Speaker
It has to be, it's a very meaningful job. Like you're really helping people in this area because you get, I don't know, back whenever i was like first dating, like I tried like, um or not first dating, but like early when dating apps started, it wasn't really, it they weren't apps. It was, um oh my gosh, what was it?
00:03:01
Speaker
Matt, I think match.com back, yeah. Like when it first launched, I tried that a couple of times, but I always felt like I wasn't like connecting with the people they were, you know, I was matching with. And so I think you guys, you guys bring more of a human centered touch,
How Professional Matchmaking Works
00:03:19
Speaker
right? So um what would you, like, what is the whole process when you go into this?
00:03:26
Speaker
Yeah. So match working with a professional matchmaker is definitely a fairly lot different than using the apps. right um The apps, you don't know what you're going to get. You know what I mean? A lot of times I find that people are just talking back and forth and they're never getting anywhere to get out and actually meet in person or they are. And then when they meet in person, it's not what they expected. You know, the pictures are different. You know what they said that they're what they'd like to do or what they do for a living or anything like that, like could be like off, you know what I mean? And you don't know, it's not really safe either. you know what I mean?
00:04:01
Speaker
So I'm working with professional matchmaker that was more like getting matched by a friend or a family member, you know what I mean? So, you know, we're doing, we're meeting with all of your matches before, you know, you even hear about them.
00:04:16
Speaker
um So. Really close hearing them. What was that? I'm sorry. I said you're really filtering them out. and Yeah. Oh yeah, definitely. Yeah. So we're meeting with them faceto face to face and really just getting a deeper sense of, you know, what they're looking for, if it aligns with what you're looking for.
00:04:34
Speaker
um And we're seeing them face to face before you are, you know I mean? So it's not like you're going to be surprised when you get out there and meet them. You know, um, do you ever run across where, um, and I've heard so many women and I dealt with this also when, um, I was in the dating pool is I would, sometimes men would be like, you know, you, you're, you're a little too much for me or too accomplished. They feel intimidated.
00:04:59
Speaker
um what's
Balancing Success and Love for Women
00:05:00
Speaker
your take on that? Like, how do you help women break through that and find that right person is not going to be intimidated by someone so successful. and Yeah. um Well, again, that's where, you know, meeting with them ahead of time to get a sense of how they feel, you know, before introducing them to our clients. So if we have like a highly successful, which we are, we work with everyone we work with is very highly successful. So if we meet with someone and we feel like they're going to be intimidated, we typically wouldn't match them together. You know what i mean? um But at the same time, you know, women who are highly successful, I find that, you know, sometimes maybe they bring more of that masculine energy. And I think at the end of the day, they kind of got to like soften it up just little a little bit and not, I wouldn't say, obviously they're still highly successful and accomplished, but you still want to have that, um,
00:05:55
Speaker
just tone it down a little bit with the dating. It would take it from work to to dating because it is a lot different. Oh yes. Yes. um Do you know ah what about, do you think that what's the most, what's something that most people get wrong about modern dating, especially those juggling maybe um obviously the professional side and then also parenting.
00:06:22
Speaker
um Well, there's okay. So obviously when you're a busy mom and you're working, you got all these things you're juggling. It's sometimes that it's hard to like, take a step back and, you know, focus on yourself because you're focusing on, you know, your kids and you're, you're always, you know, putting them first but before yourself, but really you've got to take the, you have to find the time to like, take a step back and focus on yourself as well.
00:06:46
Speaker
um To focus as much on the dating. So you want to kind of try to find that balance between the two. you know, do you have any, um, any successful, um I'm sure you have, well, you obviously have lots of successful stories, but any one particular that really stands out to you that, uh, you're, you would love to share like their, the process, obviously keeping their identities, um, protected, but, um, any good memories of helping, um, individuals find love in this, in this process?
00:07:20
Speaker
Lots. So it just depends. If we're talking about single moms, I definitely had one recently where, you know, she's very successful CEO, she's, you know, raising her kids, she's, you know, running a business, know she has a lot going on for her.
00:07:37
Speaker
And And I mentioned earlier when you got to kind of like kind of tone it down a little bit because she's used to having like that masculine energy, like at work because she's running, you know, her business and she's dealing with, you know, high successful clients of her own as well as her children. So she's always like, go, go, go, go.
00:07:55
Speaker
And, you know, I, I had a coach assessor with her actually i told her, you know, just try to, you know, take a step back and you're just tone it down a little bit and, you know, focus on your day and, and rather than like an interview, like when you get out on that date and then you're, you turn it into more of an interview than, you know, getting to know someone and have fun.
00:08:14
Speaker
So you really just, once you get out on that date, you just want to relax and, you know, have fun, get to know the person and um, She did. She took my advice and, you know, actually she's at a really successful relationship right now and on hold. So um I think that's really good advice to give single moms because I think they, you know, have a hard time, you know, breaking the two apart, you know what I mean?
00:08:37
Speaker
Like fighting that balance. Yes. Yes. And, you know, they, the, I think that would be, you you know, them trying to struggle about trying to set some boundaries and also stay open to the possibilities of love too.
00:08:53
Speaker
um What is your opinion on the idea of manifesting love?
Mindset and Expectations in Dating
00:09:00
Speaker
Oh, I think that's absolutely, that can absolutely happen. I mean, I think that you have to have a good mindset and you have to always stay positive and, um,
00:09:10
Speaker
really think about what you want in a relationship. But also you have to remember that nobody's gonna be perfect, right? So I think that people tend to come into to dating and they have like these boxes and they they want, you know, they have a checklist of things that they want.
00:09:26
Speaker
And they're always looking for every check box to be marked. Do you know what I mean? So you always have to remember that not everyone, no one's ever gonna be perfect. So you always have to, at the end of the day,
00:09:38
Speaker
you know, what can you live with? what What are some things that are really important to you? You know, think about some deal breakers and then kind of, you know, fine tune it from there.
00:09:49
Speaker
you ever teach your clients um any red flags to look for, like ah for them to spot early when they're in this dating process? Yeah, well, there's a lot of different. It just depends on the person again.
00:10:05
Speaker
um But I think maybe someone who maybe look out for it, like if someone's not, you know, putting a lot of attention into the dating process, you know, there's just like maybe every once in a while they reach out to you.
00:10:20
Speaker
I would say that maybe that they're not as interested in in them and maybe they're trying to see if they could find someone better, but then like keeping them there too just in case you know what i mean so maybe that's a red flag to look out for at the same time maybe someone who's love bombing like really fast you know what i mean they're talking about you know wanting to get married on the first date you know what i mean those are i think that's a little too much so um i've had that a couple of times yeah i think everybody has i think everybody has but i think that's a red flag maybe a little bit too eager um so it just depends um we do actually
00:10:59
Speaker
When clients first sign up with us, we do a personality test. ah So there's like different things that they could look out for that maybe red flags, maybe to tell you if they're not a healthy or an unhealthy relationship. So we do do that with our clients before they even start day-date, just things to look out for.
00:11:21
Speaker
what ah What does make Luma's approach different from other matchmaking services?
Luma's White-Glove Matchmaking Service
00:11:27
Speaker
Yeah, well, we definitely have, we try to give the white glove service. So we're focusing on high caliber matches and all of our matchmakers are, you know, we put as much effort into our matchmaking team as we do our clients, because at the end of the day, you know, if our matchmakers are happy, you know, obviously they're going to do a better job than if they have a chip on their shoulder. You know what I mean?
00:11:53
Speaker
So I think we have a really good team and we really focus on that white glove service for our clients. Now, what about, you know, let's say that, you know, somebody is listening and they're considering this, but they're afraid to reach out and afraid to really take that step forward.
00:12:11
Speaker
What would you say to her that is listening? Yeah, I think that, you know, at the if you, you always have to take that step forward, you know what I mean? Because if you're afraid and you don't, then you're not gonna get anywhere. You know what I mean?
00:12:27
Speaker
So I think stepping is, cause dating is scary, right? I mean, it's a scary process, but you have to take that step outside of your, you know, your comfort zone to get to where you want to be. Right.
00:12:39
Speaker
So. well um um Why do you think like most, um you think, I guess a lot of high achievers often struggle more with love than their careers?
High Achievers and Their Love Lives
00:12:50
Speaker
Yeah, because I, um I think that they're,
00:12:54
Speaker
putting more effort into their careers, then take it a step back at the in reminding themselves that, you know, there has to be a balance before both. So if they're like, um especially single moms, you know what I mean? Because, you know, theyre They're thinking of their kids and then their job and they're putting all this time and effort into that but then not putting effort into themselves as well on the love part of it so.
00:13:19
Speaker
Yeah, the mindset is a big thing I think to, um you know, and obviously the kid factor, you know, usually um would definitely come up but how do you coach them through this? and Like someone who's experienced, you know, repeated heartbreak, you know, they're afraid to move forward.
00:13:38
Speaker
They'd rather just focus on their career, but they are also missing that, that piece, that love that could just enhance their lives more. Yeah. Well, do they they have to remember, first of all, that not everybody's the same. So they, they may have had heartbreak in the past, but that doesn't mean that you know, everybody out there is going to be the same, you know what I mean? And working with a professional matchmaker, I think that you have a better chance at finding more of what you're looking for that if you're like, again, on the apps and then, you know, you're just scrolling and scrolling and talking, you're not getting anywhere. And then you're meeting people on the apps that make you feel like, you know,
00:14:20
Speaker
everybody's out there is the same. You know what I mean? Right. Yes. Oh my gosh. So, uh, but working with a professional matchmaker, you know, I think you really get a different experience. We're really focusing on what you're looking for, what's going to be healthy for you in the long run. So a lot of times do people think that,
00:14:39
Speaker
maybe they're looking for this certain specific type of person, but they're always dating the same type of people. And I think working with a matchmaker, it gives you a different perspective on, you know, maybe what's going to work for you long term.
00:14:52
Speaker
So somebody you would have picked out on your own, maybe would be completely opposite of what we would pick out for you. But then that ends up being what works. You know what I mean? Because you're always dating the same types and you're not getting anywhere. Right. So sometimes it just needs a little bit of a change.
00:15:08
Speaker
Yeah. There's something not working with your, with your choices. Let's help you a little bit. Right. Let's try something a little little different. um And who knows, it might actually work.
00:15:19
Speaker
It does. What would you say what makes that relationship last? And no, it's not just a spark. Yeah. Well, I think at the end of the day, like it's, it's a lot, you can't have it like one-sided. It has to be like a team.
00:15:34
Speaker
You know what I mean? You know, there are, outcomes in life and what their goals and their aspirations and everything you have to align with yours. And I think at the end of the day, like working as a team, rather than it being one sided, you know, like I mentioned earlier, you're meeting these guys who maybe well every which of the wild, they're like reaching out to you and like, Oh, let's go out on the date, but you're not gonna get anywhere, right?
00:15:58
Speaker
So you want to meet people don't you could work together as a team, because I think that team aspect of it is, is going to get you further than just, you know, trying to keep in it one sided, you know, maybe one side is more interested in the other, or, you know, your goals in life are completely off from each other.
00:16:19
Speaker
So again, working with a matchmaker, we're going find out, you know, exactly, you know, what you're looking for, long-term. So I think that's why it works out better.
00:16:31
Speaker
Yeah. It sounds like, gosh, I wish they, I wish you, I wish I knew of something like this back when I was in dating because it helped so much. Um, you know, wow gosh, let's see. What do you think in your experience? Well, you know, we're talking about, you know, how knowing you're ready for love and whatnot, but what helps that love stick, especially in blended families or second chance relationships?
Building Successful Blended Families
00:16:58
Speaker
ah hu Well, especially with b blended families, I think that you have to, like when there's children involved, um you know, maybe that takeover as like the mom or the dad role, but you want to be there as, you know, to be supportive and treat them as you would your own.
00:17:15
Speaker
You know what I mean? um i think that is it definitely a big thing. And again, just working together as a team and um better than, you know, it being one-sided.
00:17:28
Speaker
How do you support the woman who feels exhausted by dating? i mean, they trying to do a yeah she's running her successful business, but also still trying to date and you know still longing for that partner, but she's just exhausted. What is exhausting at the end of the day, but when you're looking for love, you have to be able to put in that effort.
00:17:50
Speaker
And at the end, it it's is exhausting because you're meeting a lot of people. know what I mean? It is not working out. It's like, a it's you're continuing to date. You know mean? So that's why it's so tiring because you're not meeting that, you know, one person on the first date. So, know, it's a constant fine tuning. You know what i mean? But then at the end of the day, when you do meet your person, um and all kind of, you know, falls into place and makes sense. And you just have to be able to put in that effort and the time to get there.
00:18:20
Speaker
Yeah, that's, that's a big thing. Like, do you really want You've got to put it. You do. you get to What's the big thing? um What do you think the biggest mindset shift you've seen someone change?
00:18:34
Speaker
You've seen that changes someone's dating life.
00:18:39
Speaker
And remember that it's it's not all about you, I think you know to be it's it's both it goes both ways, so um you know you have like this idea in your head, I need this this is this, but at the end of the day, you know your partner needs things too, so you have to be able to.
00:18:56
Speaker
remember that and put effort into your partner as well. That's a good one. but Like there's two people, it's not just you.
Self-Improvement for Better Relationships
00:19:04
Speaker
yeah um And that's hard when there's a lot of masculine energy, you know, you're pairing successful people together and there's some real masculine energies going on. Right. um What do you think is the number one trait you see in women who attract high quality partners?
00:19:25
Speaker
Well, they have to be high quality themselves. Do you know what i mean? If you want a high quality partner, if you need to be high quality yourself. eyes Yes, that is so good.
00:19:36
Speaker
um Okay. um Is there any small daily practice like single moms can do to prepare for love that you can recommend?
00:19:48
Speaker
Let go of the past, first of all, because if you're going into dating and you're holding onto that baggage from a previous relationship, you're never going to be successful. You know what you mean? It's always going to be in the back of your mind.
00:20:00
Speaker
So you need to heal yourself before you actually go out and, and try to, you know, work on something new. You know what I mean? Otherwise, if you're going in, you know, with all that baggage, it's just going to constantly keep coming up.
00:20:12
Speaker
You know what I mean? So you want to kind of start fresh. That is so true. What would you tell your younger self about love and partnership?
00:20:24
Speaker
It takes time and effort. um You gotta, because I think that people are in a rush to find something. And if it doesn't work out right away, then they tend to just let it go. you know what I mean?
00:20:37
Speaker
But at the end of the day, any successful relationship is going to take, you know, time and effort to put into it. So you can't, um be so quick to think that there's something else better out there. That's good.
00:20:51
Speaker
um What do you think is the most underrated green flag in modern dating? Green flag? Green flag. um Somebody putting effort into you, maybe. A lot of times we've been tend to think, oh, this, maybe he's too good to be true.
00:21:09
Speaker
You know what I mean? So they kind of let things go because they're scared and they think, you know, things are so good. i think it's too good at that they kind of take it as a red flag when actually it was a green flag. You know what mean?
00:21:22
Speaker
Absolutely. I know. i remember thinking in the dating and process, like... they were being so nice. And I'm like, wait a minute, this is a little off here. What do you want? what yeah But it's, but it is, it's a green flag.
00:21:40
Speaker
um I mean, obviously there could be other things too, but um I mean, we should be a little bit open to people being kind.
Setting Boundaries and Expectations
00:21:49
Speaker
hu and How do you help your clients set some standards without building walls?
00:21:56
Speaker
Yeah, I think that you need to make a list again of like, you know, what you absolutely need in in a relationship. What are your deal breakers? And then base it you know, you have to base it on each person. But at the end of the day, you have to remember that um nobody's going to be perfect. So you can't like be expecting, you know, perfection because nobody is perfect at the end of the day. So you really need to just sit down and make a list of things that, you know,
00:22:26
Speaker
A couple of things, not like a whole list, you know what I mean? Like just a couple deer breakers that you absolutely can't live with. You know what I mean? And some things that, you know, you really get do want.
00:22:36
Speaker
So. That makes sense. And so whenever you're working with someone, you go through a whole ah coaching with them as well, kind of like. And so how do you coach them to avoid these repeating patterns, especially if they've always been like the fixer or the giver in the relationships, if you will?
00:22:55
Speaker
um Yeah. Well, again, you know, it's, I don't think it's, it's a bad thing to be a fixer or giver in a relationship, but they have to be able to give it back to you as well. So it can't be one-sided at the end of the day.
00:23:08
Speaker
Like, you know, you're putting in a lot of effort, but they're not, if, if you're putting in a lot of effort and they're putting in just as much as effort as you are, i mean, that's a good thing, but you have to, have to kind of be careful with that. So if they're If you're the one who is constantly doing and giving and they're not, then that's a big red flag. And I would say maybe move on.
00:23:32
Speaker
Yes, yes, I think so too. Rebecca, this has been so awesome. on This conversation has been more than just dating tips.
00:23:43
Speaker
Honestly, it's kind of like a little mini masterclass. And it's a masterclass in reclaiming what you want, owning your power and partnership and choosing love without losing yourself. Um, before we wrap up, I would love to hear like, how would somebody, if they want to work with you, they've been listening, like, okay, this sounds really intriguing.
00:24:03
Speaker
How do I get involved? How do I hire my own matchmaker to get me that final, help me find that perfect match?
Client Matching Process at Luma
00:24:10
Speaker
Yeah, I would go to lumasearch.com and set up a time to talk with one of our, um, our matchmakers.
00:24:19
Speaker
Awesome. And how does that process, like if you set up a time, what's that, what how long, what's the timeline for this process usually? It's different with everybody.
00:24:29
Speaker
um You know, we have to make sure that you're going be a good fit for us too and that we have matches, um obviously, that we can match you with. So there's, ah it's a big process. So in the beginning, we're going to do like an interview just to make sure again, that we can take you on as a client.
00:24:46
Speaker
And then after that, you're going to meet with your um match, your specific matchmaker. And going to go over a lot of things. Like I said, the personality testing, we do something called a mini life bio where we really get to know you on a deeper level. So we, um you know, obviously before we're going in to match you, we know you, you know, on a really deep level.
00:25:05
Speaker
And that starts, we start at your childhood and kind of up to where you are now and how you got it there. um So that's, that's about an hour zoom meeting we have before we even start matching you so it's a pretty it's a detailed process but obviously you know things that we need to know so that way we're matching you properly.
00:25:28
Speaker
And you're nationwide. We are. Okay, are you global yet. Not yet. Okay. Okay. We have some global listeners though. So maybe you guys can think about that too.
00:25:42
Speaker
yeah absolutely. Um, but, uh, yeah, that's exciting. Okay. So if you're listening and you want to reach out to them, um, reach out to, uh, lumasearch.com and you could connect with her Rebecca and her team.
00:25:57
Speaker
And Rebecca, just thank you so much for bringing your worth, your, your, um, warmth, your wisdom and deep experience to Mamas Who Lead. And if there's anything else you'd love to share with our listeners before we go,
00:26:11
Speaker
Nope. Just wishing everybody happiness and love. and And if anyone wants to work with us, just definitely reach out and let us know. Awesome. To our listeners, if this episode spoke to something in you, maybe it's time to stop swiping and start aligning. Whether you're single and curious or ready for your forever person, remember you're not too much, too successful, too busy, or too anything. You're just waiting for the right person to match your energy.
Connect with Luma's Services
00:26:40
Speaker
You can connect with Rebecca and learn more about Luma Luxury Matchmaking at lumasearch.com. If you love this conversation, take a screenshot, tag us, at Lori Carafino and at Mamas Who Lead and tell us your biggest takeaway. Until next time, keep leading, keep growing, and keep believing in what's possible.
00:27:04
Speaker
You've been listening to Mamas Who Lead with Laura Carafino. Thank you for joining us on this journey today. Each episode, each story, and every piece of advice we share is a step towards building a community of empowered, resilient, and inspiring families.
00:27:20
Speaker
Mama leaders, just like you. Remember, leadership isn't just about the title or the workplace. It's about how we navigate our lives, uplift those around us, and pave the way for future generations.
00:27:33
Speaker
As we close today's episode, I encourage you to carry forward the insights and inspiration you've gained. Apply them to your life, share them with your tribe, and continue to lead with heart and purpose.
00:27:44
Speaker
For more empowering stories, strategies, and support, make sure you subscribe to Mamas Who Lead on your favorite podcast platform. And don't forget to follow us on social media for behind the scenes content, community discussions, and much more.
00:27:59
Speaker
Until we meet again, keep embracing your unique journey of leadership and motherhood. You are capable, you are powerful, and you are exactly where you're meant to be.
00:28:10
Speaker
Lead on Mamas.