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Episode 81 - The World Looks Different After ADHD. Right?
64 Plays3 months ago
Ever felt like your brain runs on a different operating system? You’re not alone. Join us Martin (diagnosed in 2013) and Paul (late-diagnosed ADHD) as we explore the weird, wonderful, and wildly relatable realities of life after an ADHD diagnosis (official or self-diagnosed) - where suddenly, everything makes sense (and also… doesn’t).
In this episode, we unpack:
- ADHD sensory quirks (why your favorite spoon matters)
- Hypervigilance & emotional intelligence (reading rooms like a pro)
- The loneliness of unmasking and why diagnosis can feel like "ADHD on steroids"
- Neurodivergent burnout vs. "laziness" – spoiler: it’s not what you think
- Rejecting "normal" – why traditional productivity hacks fail ADHD brains
Whether you’re newly diagnosed, self-identifying, or just ADHD-curious, this is your invitation to ADHDville: a place where distractions are landmarks, detours are the main roads, and your brain isn’t broken! No really!
See our beautiful faces on YouTube
Put quill to paper and send us an email at: ADHDville@gmail.com
ADHD/Focus music from Martin (AKA Thinking Fish)
Theme music was written by Freddie Philips and played by Martin West. All other music by Martin West.
Please remember: This is an entertainment podcast about ADHD and does not substitute for individualized advice from qualified health professionals.
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Transcript
Introduction and Scottish Adventures
00:00:00
Speaker
Back in the room. Back in the room. After we visited Scotland last week. Yeah. And lost our Scottish crowd because of our terrible Scottish accents.
00:00:13
Speaker
ah No, ah I had good reports from a bona fide Scott. Did you? Yes. Did you? Was he drunk? No, she was very complimentary.
Understanding ADHD: Diagnosis and Perception
00:00:25
Speaker
Really? Okay. Okay. um All right. So okay ah this episode is for anyone who's had the ADHD diagnosis or self-diagnosis, Paul. Yes, important. And the world seems different. They start noticing different things.
00:00:47
Speaker
things Yeah. It's not the same place that it was. it It's a bit like falling. Suddenly you're looking at the world through different eyes. Eyes. Exactly.
00:00:58
Speaker
So let's go to a place where the distractions, the landmarks and the detours are the main roads. Welcome to ADHDville. Meet the gang, because the boys are here.
00:01:12
Speaker
Boys to entertain you.
00:01:18
Speaker
boys to entertain boys to entertain boys to entertain you
00:01:27
Speaker
nice oh let the intro go three two one hello i'm paul thompson and i was tying toast with the combined ad h and the d crawling towards uh a couple of years ago And I'm Martin West, and I was diagnosed with combined poo-poo platter in
Personal History and ADHD
00:01:47
Speaker
2013. And we start off in the King's Agitated Head pub yes where we take care of business.
00:01:57
Speaker
And on the agenda today, we are talking about ah those things that ah that the world seems a little bit different. It's almost like c the Matrix. yeah you you you You take the blue pill or the bed pill and then suddenly yeah you're you're in a whole different place.
00:02:18
Speaker
Yeah. um and Especially at the beginning, right? It's almost much like a given. ah Obviously, we've done podcasts on this at the beginning inning where it's like, you know, rabbit in the headlights. It's like shock. It's like all sudden reframing you historical you know your history personal history.
00:02:37
Speaker
Okay. But then beyond that, it's like you start seeing like present things in different ways. Things are like under your nose in a different way, not necessarily looking back necessarily.
Humor in Everyday Challenges
00:02:51
Speaker
All right. So let's quickly jump into the tractor. Yes. And where are we? Put your butter onto that tractor seat. Yeah. Is it me or that tractor seat is getting narrower and narrower?
00:03:03
Speaker
Or it's just me? You know what? It's me and me as well. I should be cutting down on on me food. It's going straight to me thighs, Paul. Straight to me thighs, Paul.
00:03:15
Speaker
does It doesn't go to my thighs. goes to my, by my, my, my kind of, ah my fianco. Oh, my God, that's Italian. The sides. You love handles.
00:03:26
Speaker
Oh, right. Goes there from me. Lovely. Well, you're like a truly a very... a very love handle. You have a lot of love handle to, to, to give love handles. Yeah, exactly.
00:03:40
Speaker
Don't look at that. Where are we heading? up I've got, I'm just pull from the block. Where are we going? Where are we going? um Oh, um, park bench.
00:03:53
Speaker
Look, Paul, I don't have the park bench You don't have that teed up? What have you got up, Martin? Give me some options. and We do have a script here. Do we? If you look at it. Oh, okay.
00:04:05
Speaker
Oh, we're going to the library, Martin. there we go. We're going to the library. Right. Because we're going to vaguely learn something. course we And we haven't been there for for a while, so let's slide our slender buttocks on onto the tractor seat and make our way to the library.
Value of Continuous Learning
00:04:22
Speaker
Yes.
00:04:23
Speaker
Have you
00:04:29
Speaker
um
00:04:37
Speaker
remembered your library card? Well, I was just thinking, when was the last time you went to a library? About a month ago. Oh, really? And I got my library card renewed so that I could download audiobooks.
00:04:55
Speaker
Oh, look at you. So i've ah I've churned through about 20 books ah in the last... Yeah, like I am Audio books, though.
00:05:06
Speaker
Yeah. Audio. Yeah. Okay. I never did audiobooks. Oh, loving them. Loving them. I'm soaking them up like a sponge.
Sensory Sensitivity and Neurodivergence
00:05:15
Speaker
Okay. All righty.
00:05:17
Speaker
Okay.
00:05:20
Speaker
Before we get onto this subject, spoons. Oh. Spoons. Yes, yes. Do you have a favorite spoon? So when you kind of go and and you need a spoon and you go to the spoon drawer, do you like go, oh I know the exact spoon that I want.
00:05:40
Speaker
Totally. I made this ma exact choice this morning when i was when I was looking for the correct spoon for eating the g granola and yogurt kind of mix.
00:05:57
Speaker
Right. So I've got the granola, muesli-ish kind of thing. Then Greek yogurt on the top. And I went to the cuddly drawer and I purposely,
00:06:14
Speaker
arrowed my, I pointed my aim at a certain type of spoon, not a big spoon. I don't like eating muesli with a big spoon. I like a little spoon. And it's a particularly nice spoon, a nice shape.
00:06:28
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. What about what you? might Well, see, i've I've been obsessed on TikTok. I don't know whether you know, but there's this current trend where, where,
00:06:41
Speaker
People get the the autistic or the neurodivergent community to rate their spoons. So they take a picture of their spoon.
00:06:54
Speaker
Oh, okay. And then they put it up online, like a top view and a side view, so you can kind of see the curves. And then everyone piles in and then rates that spoon. Okay. Okay.
00:07:07
Speaker
I literally bought what two years ago in Palermo, I bought a really good cutlery set.
00:07:15
Speaker
All right. um Yeah, it's really nice. And it makes the kind of eat for me, the eating experience more pleasurable, Martin. Right. You know what? It does because, you know, ADHD, autism, it's a very sensory focused thing.
00:07:29
Speaker
And it's surprising to me how the entire neurodivergent community will, like there are certain spoons that come up where most people will be like, yes, yes,
00:07:44
Speaker
that is a good spoon. And they'll rate it 10 out of 10. Well, one way of establishing the quality of the of of the spoon would talk about what you don't like. So for me, the plastic spoon drives me insane.
00:08:01
Speaker
Right, yeah. Or the type of spoon or fork that just bends too easily. You think, oh no you know, you stick, you think, ah, you know, ah like it to be a certain substance.
00:08:14
Speaker
A certain heft. Heft? Yeah. so Restaurants do this. you know restaurants do this? Because we're kind of human beings. We're kind of like this. The whole podcast is about neurodiversity, but we're kind of pretty stupid in a lot of ways.
00:08:32
Speaker
Apparently, we associate good food with heavy cutlery. So you often get if a suit if ah a top quality, like a Michelin-style restaurant wants to the sensory perception of their food, therefore the quality, um take it up a notch or two. They'll buy slightly heavier cutlery.
00:08:54
Speaker
In our minds, Martin, we think, oh, heavy cutlery. yeah Good quality. We do that. We make that weird association.
00:09:05
Speaker
Bizarre, I think. Yeah. All right. So I think this is a good segue because like like i love it i never noticed myself that I had a particular favorite spoon or type of spoon.
00:09:21
Speaker
Yes. And then when i got diagnosed or whatever, Yeah. Suddenly things like that. oh eight it It usually takes someone else to point it out. And then I go, oh yeah, I do. do have I do have a preference to the spoons.
00:09:40
Speaker
And iss exactly that you go it exactly that kind tone of You go, oh, yeah. I know. Right. And it definitely has that um um that feeling the that you kind of get, which is like, I thought I was the only one.
Recognizing ADHD Traits
00:09:59
Speaker
who you know have these kind of like little weird into uh little weird um idioses and then you find out your adhd or autistic adhd or whatever and then you start talking to people eccentricities almost like eccentricities yeah Yeah, and then you realize everyone, like so many other people, are exactly the same. You're like, I'm not unique anymore.
00:10:27
Speaker
I'm just, I'm one of you. What comes to mind is like those stupid microfiber kind of shower, ah you know, you know, microfiber. It's like, oh, it just shouldn't exist. Oh, yes.
00:10:43
Speaker
And then all the the whole all the problems I had with a kid with the texture of certain foods, And just oh a lot of um anxiety, a hell of a lot of anxiety, like almost daily.
00:11:01
Speaker
You know, the the like embarrassment, shame, you know, went to eat at my mate's house and his mother would always say, oh, was I'm a fussy eater. Oh, God, the shame. And it's like, oh, God, it's like crap.
00:11:16
Speaker
All of that crap. And you start thinking, oh, hang on a second. Oh, that's why ah wasn't like a fussy eater, as it were. i yeah This is a sensory thing that I have.
00:11:28
Speaker
oh okay you know and just dealt with different cards to everyone else yeah and i feel like it takes away at least some of the shame of it you know or yeah ah completely yeah yeah yeah Yeah.
00:11:51
Speaker
And um ah but it just, there's just so many things that I know it's almost, ah wouldn't say it's daily, but but almost daily. There's those kind of feelings and or those kind of um revelations happen.
Acceptance and Management of ADHD
00:12:10
Speaker
Almost daily. Yeah, I mean, even for me. Right, because you you've been diagnosed, what, about just shy of two years or something, right?
00:12:21
Speaker
Yeah. I've been diagnosed for a lot longer. and And even now, even now, yeah, like this stuff just comes up quite regularly still.
00:12:34
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. You know, of, oh, that was my ADHD or that was my autism or whatever. Yeah. um and I mean, but also not necessarily all negative stuff as well, because it's so it's easy to talk about the negative stuff.
00:12:50
Speaker
ah ah You know, there's tons. Like, you know, I um i i work in, I'm currently working in like the wasp nest of neurotypical kind of world that is school. Yeah.
00:13:04
Speaker
as a, you know, as a supply teacher. And I, I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb. I really stick out. Right. Um, and probably cause I do, you know what mean?
00:13:20
Speaker
Yeah. You know, it's not, not just my kind of, there's an element of me thinking, you know, I'm bit over sensitive to it, but I think I do stick out.
00:13:31
Speaker
Right. I think, you know, like when you were saying, oh, you know, that there's a plus side to it. Yeah. It did make me think that I end up trusting my intuition more now. Exactly.
00:13:47
Speaker
That I know that there's almost like a sort of a, that there is something credible behind it. It's not, it isn't just a kind of a gut thing.
00:13:58
Speaker
reaction to things it's like oh okay my brain is literally looking for patterns looking for for you know this or that or the other looking for things that connect and that's what it's good at and if it's good at it and it says oh exactly martin you should do a b and c or whatever then i'll trust it more because i trust my brain more because i know i have adhd yeah I think if you, what what came to mind as you were saying that it's like, it's so easy to get into this idea, which is, um, it's not something to fix.
ADHD and Societal Narratives
00:14:38
Speaker
Right. You know, which is, which is really the current political climate in America with this report that's supposed to be coming out in September. yeah um Jesus, that in their minds, it's something that's fixed and it's a disease.
00:14:53
Speaker
Yeah. But it's still relevant, but it's still, it's something we live with. If we're honest, we feel like I felt like I, there was something I needed to fix. There's something wrong with me. Okay. Okay.
00:15:03
Speaker
Then you get to a point where you get the diagnosis and, you know, hopefully you've gone through the hoops and you've, you know, jumped over those kind of mental obstacles. You realize actually, yeah, I mean, let's be honest. There are things that you that we need to fix, but not with a, you know, with a little F coming from a caring place.
00:15:24
Speaker
Manage better, you know, um recognize and give it name, whatever. Jerry, Harry, Jenny whatever name you want to give to it from the block but also potentially celebrate it you know at least give it the give have give it that but potential the space in your mind to think oh is it something to be fixed or as you think the polar opposite something you could actually celebrate you know
00:15:56
Speaker
Yeah, I think there are definitely some um upsides. So, you know, so so for me, it's about kind of like using the upsides the best I can and then try and yeah manage the downsides. And then hopefully I'll kind like, you know, will my day will we'll go okay. Yeah.
00:16:17
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, cause there are, I mean, there are obstacles along the way. What's come to mind is, you know, people, you know, someone came up to me and said, Oh, you don't look like you've, you've got ADHD or you don't look like you have autism.
00:16:32
Speaker
well I mean, that's, you know, reality check, you know, when you get those kind of comments or people just look at you sideways, like you in the swimming pool with the guy that used to meet fairly regularly and, you know, suddenly crossing the other side of the swimming pool to avoid conversation.
00:16:53
Speaker
It is in in interesting because people say, oh, you know, you don't look like you have ADHD, but then, I don't really know what someone looks like when they have ADHD.
00:17:05
Speaker
Autism, I can get more. I think because they get it confused they get it confused with um Down syndrome. Oh, really? I think so.
00:17:17
Speaker
They think, oh, you maybe you have different eyes or something. Or slightly longer earlobes. Something, a sign, a freaking sign.
00:17:28
Speaker
Right. Yeah. I'm not entirely sure what what people's images are, but yeah. It's like they want it to be, so it'd make it easier.
00:17:39
Speaker
Then that way, psychologically, they don't have to think about themselves. It's like, oh, haven't got strange years, so I can't have it. strange years so i can't have it Yeah. Anyway.
Genetics and Family Stories
00:17:52
Speaker
All right. So when you've had that diagnosis or your self, the self diagnosis, you kind of go, Oh, you know what? I think I'm ADHD.
00:18:01
Speaker
Do you, do you kind of do that thing where, you start looking, I mean, like, so for example, I'll be watching a TV show and there's a bunch of people, like real people on there.
00:18:15
Speaker
So it's like a sort of you know, a reality show they or a documentary and you'll go, oh, that person. Yeah, yeah. That person's got ADHD. Yeah, for sure.
00:18:28
Speaker
Like you can start to spot them. Oh, yeah. And you get if more and more efficient at it, like within a nanosecond, a little detail, and then they'll say something else. You think, oh, yeah.
00:18:42
Speaker
And then they say something else. Oh, come on. Yes. Come on. Ticking the boxes. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I know. i know. i like i like that.
00:18:53
Speaker
that That's, yeah, that's one of the things. I was listening to a great, I've got to plug another podcast. It's great. And I think this, I think it's one that you listen to, to, to, it's called weirdos.
00:19:08
Speaker
And they celebrate anything that's weird. It is great. It's a great podcast. And this morning they were they they had to an English comedian called Nick Helm.
00:19:20
Speaker
Fabulous. Fuck. Off the charts, funny ah comedian, Nick Helm. And he was talking. And it's like, and I wasn't even looking out for it, but he was like talking and talking and talking. like Tick, tick.
00:19:33
Speaker
I mean, so obviously ADHD. They didn't talk about ADHD. But it was really obvious. Mm-hmm. Stand-up comedians is is like, I think, seven in ten stand-ups in England, at least.
00:19:48
Speaker
or ah and They joke, they're actually in the in the stand-up comedy community. It's kind of an open joke at the moment that, you know, they're like virtually all ADHD. Yeah.
00:20:00
Speaker
Yeah, I i think we we have discussed this in in in in the past where we've kind of go yeah but we've said, does ADHD make you funnier? Yeah.
00:20:11
Speaker
And i think it ended up as... um Hell yes. that it was it was ah Yeah, I think it does. Having ADHD does make you funnier. Yeah.
00:20:24
Speaker
Yeah, I think, i i don't know. ah Is it possible to have a, if you're ADHD and not be funny? course it is. But it's quite rare, actually. I find most ADHDs hilarious.
00:20:38
Speaker
I know, you right? Yeah. Exactly. So we, you know, like one of those things that we notice is other people and, especially not just the people on TV and films, um but your friends and family, right?
00:20:57
Speaker
Especially your family, right? Because that's, I mean, we've talked about this several times where you get a diagnosis and then you start to look up and down the chain, right? You start looking up at your parents or your grandparents. And yet if you've got kids You start going, oh, hang on a second.
00:21:19
Speaker
Yeah. Hang on a minute. Yeah. And and it's, well, apparently it's that you you have you've got your your ADHD or autism from one of your parents. 70%. It's pretty high.
00:21:37
Speaker
Some say it's higher even higher. I got it from my mum, which obviously then, you know, um and and then I go, so, but both my mum and dad were on the, had mental health stuff going on.
00:21:53
Speaker
And then i then I look at my mum's grandparents, you know, and you start going back and you start to look for clues. that your grandparents and may have been on the spectrum. And we've talked about this before where my my granddad had a cheese and pickle sandwich every day by of his entire working life and then had an apple exactly apple pie when he came home.
00:22:16
Speaker
And that was rules. That's mental. You kind of go, you know, there we go. yeah Yeah. i I see you, granddad. Did you get a role with it? You've got to roll with it. it Yeah, that love that that's the old.
00:22:32
Speaker
like question is My only question is like, ah because in my family, thank God, alopecia skipped a generation. there's some traits that skip generations.
00:22:45
Speaker
And unfortunately, my nephew, um so my son's cousin, And Daniel got the alopecia.
Burnout and Mental Health
00:22:54
Speaker
So my dad has it, had it, has it.
00:22:58
Speaker
I went through most of my adolescence having weekly nightmares thinking my hair was going to drop out. and he I know you did. i mean, like even when I met you, like, what was 30?
00:23:10
Speaker
40 years ago or whatever it was. 40 ago. Yeah. You were like, that that was one of your early things was like, I'm going to go bald, mate. I'm going go bald. Yeah, totally. Totally. It didn't happen. It skipped a generation. So can can autism skip generations too?
00:23:28
Speaker
Good question. though I don't know. Yeah. I know. Well, that's something for us to research. But if you know anyone in there who's listening out there who knows, get in the comments and tell us.
00:23:40
Speaker
Let us know. Tell us. um By the way, that that if you want to check out the ADHD and funny kind of, you know, are all ADHD is funny episodes, episode number 60, check it out. Because By now, we're actually, today's episode is 81. 81, mate.
00:24:03
Speaker
eighty one so So, yeah. So if you want to go back through ah the archive, it's a particularly good episode, I thought. Yeah. um Okay.
00:24:15
Speaker
i One of the things I noticed, which is ah it's actually been a one of really positive things so post-diagnosis, is so energy in general. Like I used to give myself a really hard time the thinking I was convinced that i was lazy.
00:24:32
Speaker
Right. And now I realize like it's, there's a, it's, a freaking logic there. It's such an obvious logic, you know, just sheer mental exhaustion of having, you know, racy minds. Yeah. And, um, my, the way it shows up for me is like the morning in the morning, I struggle to like get myself going. It's like, Oh God, here we go again.
00:24:57
Speaker
Right. but Yeah, that's a big one. yeah because Yeah, because you catch yourself with this internal ableism talk that you used to have, right? So it's like, oh, I you i used to be, you know, I'm lazy or you know yeah or or you're flaky or you're broken in in some way and then yeah once you kind of know that you have ADHD you kind of go oh hang on a second I've labelled that all wrong I should just take off the label
00:25:30
Speaker
And that's just got to go, oh, it's just ADHD. It's not my fault. My brain's wired in ah in its little crazy way. Yeah. But ah in ah in a smaller scale way, also, um if I come out from a – just come away from a social activity, like a meeting with lots of people,
00:25:55
Speaker
Or like I do, like I did today, for example, I, I teach conversation English in, I go to it's ah Italian companies and a group of four of their employees today teaching them English.
00:26:09
Speaker
And I, and that's only an hour I come out and I'm really glad that I've got like a 30 minute drive afterwards just to like, let it go. I just, I find it exhausting, totally exhausting. Yeah. Yeah.
00:26:24
Speaker
Yeah. I can't just like jump from one thing to another and, you know. Right. Because that's the expectation. if you If you think that you're normal, a normal person would then just kind of go from that meeting, could then just swivel yeah and do this other thing.
00:26:39
Speaker
Yeah. And then you start realizing, no, actually, actually you you know what? Yeah. burnout I need time to like recuperate and, and just, I need time for my brain to just a process um that was all about.
00:26:55
Speaker
Yeah.
00:26:57
Speaker
So your world then looks different because because you're kind of now thinking about rather going one thing to the next, you have to anticipate, okay, well, if I'm going to do this big thing now, I'm going to be burnt out afterwards, so I so i shouldn't.
00:27:14
Speaker
I shouldn't book anything yeah after an intense period. I should just allow myself to feel normal. Yeah. Whereas before, because I was thinking about this about three weeks ago, i once...
00:27:28
Speaker
Many years ago, it was about 24 years ago, ah went through, I was working in London and went through like a three-month period and at an agency, working really, really hard, like like getting home at 2 o'clock in the morning, getting up at 6.30, pretty much every day, other than weekends, obviously, but ah for three months.
00:27:52
Speaker
And I got to the end of it and I was kicking off, i was I was all over the place. And I didn't know. I didn't have a ah didn't have a name for it.
00:28:03
Speaker
Right. i didn't have a I didn't have, you know, ah just, and I think in reality, I was resisting against it. And it came just came out as like,
00:28:15
Speaker
I just got like a, I became a loose cannon and in the end I left, I left that position because I just, I was convinced to myself it was many other things other than just burnt out.
00:28:32
Speaker
Right. You know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I know what you're talking about. Paul loose cannon, loose cannon Thompson. Yeah.
00:28:42
Speaker
So, and even to the point, i was I was trying to shrug it off, you know, deflect it so much. I even pretended that I liked that the the name being a loose cannon, a little bit of pride in it.
00:28:53
Speaker
It was just nonsense. ah just I was just exhausted. Right. And, um yeah.
Daily Life Adaptations for ADHD
00:29:00
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. No, I know. Another thing is... Actually, I do like a little bit loose cannon as a name, must admit.
00:29:07
Speaker
It's all right. Rebel, rebel. Rebel. Yes. um Yes, I know you you like to be a little bit of ah rebellious little chipmunk. chipmunk, yes.
00:29:22
Speaker
i You were saying? No, I was just ah that's just kind of going on to other things that that you kind of end up doing or noticing or is like ah certain things work for you and certain things don't.
00:29:38
Speaker
Like you start to go, um hang on a second. I noticed that if I have a protein, so for me, if I have like a protein in the morning, like egg or even a protein shake,
00:29:53
Speaker
ah will be, my my my day goes a lot smoother. Like my energy is more level rather than up and down. So you start to notice that things help you or hinder you.
00:30:08
Speaker
like coffee or Haribo's, Mr. Thompson. yeah I know you have a history of Haribo. I like a Haribo, but it pays havoc with my ADHD.
00:30:20
Speaker
also self-medicate because I don't medicate because I haven't haven't found anything that works for me. But I self-medicated with coffee, but actually it's not good for me at all.
00:30:32
Speaker
It makes my mind even racier. hu It's not good. It's not good. Caffeine is not good. So, yeah. But eggs, you ah there was an ADHD nutritionalist who said eggs are great for ADHDers.
00:30:51
Speaker
Really good food for us. Yeah. Yeah. yeah no Protein is is ah is definitely helps me. So, you know, you know't like also things that I can now just happily throw away, which is like sort of any but Any planner that I think should work that doesn't work, I go, no, no, don't need you.
00:31:17
Speaker
Any book on the shelf, if I go into a bookstore, it says 10 winning ways to become you your best self. or Your better self. Yeah. yeah if If it's not a specifically ADHD, it won't work.
00:31:33
Speaker
Don't bother. yeah Right. Yes. if i If I buy it, it's to be a waste of time. Yeah. Well, psychologists too. There's a lot of psychologists are just not good for us.
00:31:46
Speaker
There was a lady i was listening to the other other day. She's a specialist ADHD psychologist. And there's a lot of stuff that just doesn't work for ADHD people, you know, that would work with um neurotypical people as psychologists that just don't work for us.
00:32:05
Speaker
Right. At all. So that's, I mean, that's, you know, we've we've said it many a times the past. part I think a big part of taking care of ourselves, um changing our inner dialogue is also making good choices. and And that one of those being.
00:32:22
Speaker
Be careful who you choose to, if you do choose to, you know, um go on a journey with ah a psychologist. Be really careful about who you choose.
00:32:33
Speaker
i've I've had two psychologists that should have diagnosed me as being autistic, and they didn't. Never came up. No, I know. Exactly the same here. But, yeah, like it means that, as you say, it's important to kind of pick – where the help comes from right you you now go okay has to be adhd or autistic stroke adhd or whatever flavor you are has to mis suit you and also it means that i can throw away any advice from friends or well-meaning people that i know
00:33:11
Speaker
Don't get it. Like, all don't come from that place. So it doesn't matter what advice they give. I can just not worry about it. Because go, yeah, you know what? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:33:22
Speaker
And it's the same when you hear, you know, psychologists on YouTube or something, and they're talking, you can tell when they're talking to neurotypicals. And because you like listen to it, they, oh my God, it's just so not on my radar. It's just so irrelevant in my world.
00:33:39
Speaker
You know, you can see, you can see like 90%, if not more, psychologists are good for neurotypicals. Right, because, yeah, so for example, there's cognitive behavioral therapy, which is one of the therapy techniques, areas, um that um that a lot of therapists use, um and that is...
00:34:06
Speaker
um It assumes that your brain is normal, right? And then it applies therapy to that. It's what they call like a top-down therapy, i.e.
00:34:19
Speaker
the brain's normal and then they kind of like work work your way down it. But actually, it doesn't work so well for ADHD or autistic people because our brains are not wired like that. We need bottom-up therapy.
00:34:33
Speaker
therapy where we start with how is your brain actually wired? What yes makes it... yeah way what but What is bad for it? And then you build from there. So it's more of bottom-up therapy rather than a top-down one. Yeah. with it what comes to mind you took and what came to What comes to mind with that is um in India, they teach maths completely differently to students than any other place in the world.
00:35:05
Speaker
They come at mass from a completely different angle and it's not 42 degrees. It's a complete, it's another angle together. And, and um it's just really interesting. And it's not by by, coincidence that most of the best mathematicians in the world come from India.
00:35:23
Speaker
It's just approaching a different, completely, completely different way. ah So for me, that you know, the, the, you know, can make it quite an easy kind of um comparison to, you know, neurodiverse people.
00:35:39
Speaker
There's nothing to be fixed. There's nothing wrong. It's just, needs it just needs to be compensated for and actually, you know, compensated in the right way. It could be, um you know, make, especially scholastic, you know, school environments, university,
00:35:56
Speaker
make life actually easier for both parents, students and teachers.
Increased Self-Awareness Post-Diagnosis
00:36:02
Speaker
But for the moment, I think teachers still see it as a complication that they don't want to have to deal with, which is totally wrong.
00:36:12
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. as I mean, we've discussed that. Yeah. It's different country by country and even yeah school by school. Because I know that because totally we discussed that that here in the States,
00:36:24
Speaker
um Not everywhere, but certainly and and the in the better areas, we we we are good at at looking for and accommodating for neurodivergent people better places.
00:36:42
Speaker
then um ah other places Yeah. Well, there was some amazing experiments experiments in, I think it was in New York.
00:36:53
Speaker
think it was in Brooklyn or Hollywood. Come on, New York. Anyway, in the 1970s even, did some amazing experiments and where they realised, they recognised that people, students were being um left um by the wayside and abandoned and they were thinking, you know, we need to do something about it. And they came up with a new experiment a new type of school for them.
00:37:17
Speaker
And now, and since then it's been rolled out across America, but still people are taking it up. And they there was like proven um um strategies for people that, you know, for students that don't work ah well with conventional ah school environments.
00:37:37
Speaker
It's all out there. It's all out there, but it's not been taken up on a, you know, at a national level within any country. One of the things this school did, it' it's it's in ah one of the Malcolm Gladwell books. He talks about it. It's very cool.
00:37:54
Speaker
What they did was the first hour every day of this new type of school that they set up, the first hour was learning how to learn. That was the lesson. all right Learning how to learn.
00:38:06
Speaker
Every day they would learn how to learn. Brilliant. No, that makes sense. right because now we we process information in a different way so yeah you know we uh you know we have to know how our brains work in order to kind of get it to do exactly stuff you know yeah yeah i mean that's ah so that's the thing is that is that when you get your diagnosis or yourself diagnosed you um you realize that you're never going to be normal right you um
00:38:40
Speaker
and And you can't be normal and you have to approach the world in a different way, right? You have it yeah you have to approach life you know in a way that works for you. It might not work for other people, but but you know but you have to work with your your but brain, not against it.
00:39:04
Speaker
yeah Yeah. Basically. Yeah. Yeah. you know Yeah, because you you you go through, you know, you go you certainly I did go through but most part of my life trying to resist it you know, is just like or ignore it, you know, repress it.
00:39:25
Speaker
Yeah. It's just like, come on, fit in. You know, it's like having a jigsaw and just like trying to get pieces in, like banging, banging the pieces in, you know, like get, get the scissors out, you know, it's like cut it.
00:39:39
Speaker
There must be some way of, you know, fitting that piece in. Right. Have you noticed? Cause I have ah since I was diagnosed,
00:39:52
Speaker
um things are I noticed things that I masked, that I suppressed before. So, for example, you know, like you know like the d d the feeling of texture. So we talked about, like, microfiber earlier, right?
00:40:10
Speaker
So before, I might have just... in some way felt like I was feeling something and it was wrong, but I would just kind of push those feelings down. Right. I'll just ignore it. Or if the lights were wrong, I would just, I would just push it all away.
00:40:29
Speaker
um But then when you, But when I have been diagnosed, my my my world has shifted to, oh I pay attention to that more. and I now pay attention to the texture of things more or whether the light is right or whether the sounds are good or not.
00:40:47
Speaker
So it almost becomes like a different place, like even texturally, like yes things ah things are more textured or they smell more or the colors are more intense.
00:41:00
Speaker
Yes. Oh, totally. i think it's because we've we've spoken about this in other episodes. like Unmasking, there's an element of unmasking because it not only uncovers, it also accentuates.
00:41:16
Speaker
You know, you take you're taking the lid off and you're not trying to mask it anymore. We do, inevitably, because we, you know, it's reality. Right. In reality, we do.
00:41:26
Speaker
But... I think in that unmasking, there's ah there's a huge element of like all of a sudden youre your ADHD or your autism or both is on steroids.
00:41:38
Speaker
Right. Yeah. It just seems to get worse, right? Yes. Your neurodivergence goes from like yeah two or three to like seven and eight. It's like, whoa. Yeah.
00:41:50
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. This is nuts. Yeah. We've got an episode coming up. but don't There's no spoiler. Don't worry. But got an episode coming That's going to really interesting.
00:42:01
Speaker
It's about autism and ADHD and, you know, that part of our brain,
Critique of Intelligence Measures
00:42:09
Speaker
our tiny little minds. Aren't we? Isn't the episode where we take a bunch of autism tests and then we share the result?
00:42:17
Speaker
Exactly. Exactly. yeah So that's coming up yeah because i did mess coming up i I did mine earlier to today. I won't spoil it. so yeah I did mine yesterday.
00:42:30
Speaker
All right. So I think next week we should do that. I think next week's episode will be. yeah Let's share what's going on. just Because but it's not a spoil, but what i will say is,
00:42:44
Speaker
And now look at myself and think, how could I have not known? It's so obvious. It's like, you know.
00:42:57
Speaker
But then it's like thought I thought, I didn't know what ADHD was until 13 years ago, right? It was just like, oh, you've got ADHD. It was like, I have no idea what that is.
00:43:11
Speaker
yeah So, yeah, I mean, I just, you know, just like so many people, you just kind of end up going, oh, it's just me. I'm um i'm i'm weird. So I'll just push yeah all that down.
00:43:25
Speaker
and yeah And it's exhausting, quite frankly. There's one thing I've noticed a hell of a lot more of since I got diagnosis is loneliness.
00:43:38
Speaker
It does a bit like, you know, the as I said before, you know, it's like you're feeling like your symptoms are on steroids. loneliness can it can feel more lonely at times even though i've never felt before my diagnosis i never felt ever part of any kind of tribe whatsoever i felt all alone my little you know and my own little planet you know beside But there can be now, but well because especially because in Italy, um autism and ADHD is not on the radar.
00:44:12
Speaker
They're like at least 10 years behind the UK and the US. um And it can be, if I'm honest, it can be, it feels very lonely at times. It really does. So lonely.
00:44:24
Speaker
so And I felt lonely before, but even more so now. It's like now you know, you give it a name and, you know, you see its boundaries. Yeah. indeed Interesting because I feel less alone now, now that I know that there's loads of people who are exactly like me.
00:44:41
Speaker
It's like, oh, oh, yeah. Oh, I'm now actually, I'm actually part of those people. don't know about you, though, but I know there are people. I just want to meet more of them.
00:44:54
Speaker
Right. You know, you're in the wrong country for that. Yes, I totally am.
00:45:01
Speaker
Although, are you? Because with your special ADHD slash autism radar. Yes. um you can You can pick them out. Oh, they're everywhere.
00:45:13
Speaker
But there's so much, so many of them denial. of they not even They're denying their denial even. They're so far off even thinking about it. even thinking about it I know.
00:45:25
Speaker
So it makes it even worse. You know, oh, God, you know. Right. Well, you know, I guess you can talk around the edges, right? So it's like, oh, I like rocks. Do you like rocks? Oh, yeah, I really like rocks. Aren't rocks great? So let's talk about rocks without kind of going, you're ADHD or you're autistic.
00:45:47
Speaker
I use a football analogy. It feels like um im enough ah I've i've like come out for a football match. The whole stadium's ready. I'm ready to like perform.
00:45:58
Speaker
And everyone else is still in the changing rooms. you know They haven't even put their socks on. Oh, Jesus. They probably left their socks at home. Half of them left their socks at home.
00:46:09
Speaker
You're out there on the pitch doing you doing your stretches. They didn't even know they were on the team sheet. they're not even They didn't even know they were supposed to be playing that day. yeah There I am to like you know doing stretches and yeah in the halfway, you know in the you know, on the pitch, doing stretching. Touchline.
00:46:28
Speaker
um touched line yeah doing squats right and um yeah and star and star but so all all alone yeah it does it does feel like that you know and know we do this podcast is great but wait freedom we we haven't met physically when's the last time we met Oh, I don't know.
00:46:53
Speaker
Basically. Decades. Decades? Years? Long time, mate. Decades, no. I'd say about 10 years. but Was it my dad's funeral?
00:47:06
Speaker
Was it someone's funeral? No. No. No? No. right. not A while. ah wow I think it's 10 years, maybe more. twelve 12.
00:47:19
Speaker
Yeah. Way too long. Yeah. Anyhow. Anyhow. What about you, Motta? Have you got any if any other stuff that you've noticed? no. i vote kids have no I've now exhausted all my golden words of wisdom.
00:47:36
Speaker
personally, if you've got anything to add? Yeah, last yet last thing is just how um intelligence is measured. you know i Before my diagnosis, I was like aware and really passionate about how IQ and intelligence was actually measured.
00:47:55
Speaker
And having now, you know, being diagnosed and doing a lot of research, you know, over the last 80 episodes, realized like the, the standard way of, of, you I felt, I feel, um, what's the word?
00:48:11
Speaker
ah Vindicated? at my Vindicated, thank you. Of all the thoughts, this injustice I felt, frustration for years. Like, Jesus, it's such a limited and narrow way to actually judge um intelligence or to measure intelligence.
00:48:27
Speaker
Because I've actually got something here. Standard ways of measuring intelligence does not measure intelligence. emotional intelligence. It doesn't measure creative thinking.
00:48:39
Speaker
It doesn't measure sensory perception. It doesn't measure measure pattern recognition in nonverbal context. It doesn't measure interpersonal or intrapersonal intelligence.
00:48:54
Speaker
Right. And it doesn't measure low tons of other things, embodied cognition, which is in brackets how the body contributes to the thinking of problem solving. So, you know you know, reading body language.
00:49:08
Speaker
Yeah, it doesn't even measure how good you are as a podcast host. No.
00:49:16
Speaker
None of you in there. Yeah. It doesn't miss. There's so much stuff, social intelligence, you know, how, how you, how people respond in a social environment.
00:49:26
Speaker
I mean, if that's not a human, what is. Right. So, so, right. So you get your, your, so you realize that you're different and you go, Oh, that's why the standardized tests, uh,
00:49:39
Speaker
did not work for me. That doesn't mean that I'm stupid. It just means that I work in a different way. Oh, and when you take all this other stuff into account, like, you know emotional intelligence and creative intelligence and all that, you can go, actually, you know what?
00:49:54
Speaker
I'm
Community Engagement and Closing Remarks
00:49:55
Speaker
pretty good. yeah Yeah. I can read a room. Like it's quite scary how I can read a room. Right. And um I know, you know, there's of people in the ADHD community who say, yeah, you know, let's not exaggerate on on this. It's not like all ADHD is a great out-of-the-box thing because it's not that all ADHD is, you know, you this and that, you know, superheroes or whatever.
00:50:20
Speaker
That's true. But I think there is a higher percentage of people that who do have ADHD and autism that are particularly sensitive in certain situations, I think. Yeah.
00:50:35
Speaker
Especially, right. It's not i like ah one doesn't exclude the other. I think that's probably the best way, couldn't it? Yeah, because I think what happens is if you realise that you're not good at social stuff or you're not good at social cues, then it almost becomes a like a little bit of a hyper focus for you. so you So you kind of like really pay attention.
00:50:54
Speaker
Yes. yeah and And also, you know, because there are are various various traumas that come out of ADHD and autism, that that that that a trauma response is that you want to read the room for your own yeah safety, right?
00:51:09
Speaker
you You want to um massively see whether it's like a safe place or not a safe place. Yeah. hypervigilation ah Hypervigilant. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. I'm I, my high, my ability for sure.
00:51:23
Speaker
My, um, my, uh, sensibility in terms of reading a room comes from my, uh, hyper vigilance. Definitely.
00:51:34
Speaker
I reading a room for danger effectively. And that transforms into other, you know, advantages. Right. Thanks dad. Thanks dad. Or in my case, thanks mom.
00:51:47
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. and All right. Let's just let's debt get in the tractor. and We'll drive get get back to the king's agitated head. and um Yes. Let's go to the post post office. What am I talking about?
00:52:04
Speaker
Let's go to the post office. From the library to the post office. Yes. if we yeah Just so we know, ah think all of our listeners want to know, have we did we remember to to take the plough off the back of the tractor?
00:52:20
Speaker
God damn it. Is it still there? it's it's Sorry, it's still there. And I'm not entirely sure how you actually lift it up either. Well, it hasn't been greased for about 20 years. It's probably rusted on.
00:52:32
Speaker
and i So we'll we'll we'll just have to carve our trademark furrow to to the to the to the post office.
00:52:43
Speaker
Right. You know what? This sort of ADHD town is looking like all the furrows just lead to the post office. Yes. It goes from the coffee shop to the... Right.
00:52:57
Speaker
Anyway. We could never
00:53:05
Speaker
um the tractor No, we should not rob a bank with with this tractor. Let's just remember that. Let's not rob a bank with the tractor with the plough on the back. It's like, oh, where's Paul and Martin, these robbers?
00:53:19
Speaker
Oh, let's follow this far-oed road. Let me just grab a post-it note. No, let's put it up there. Don't, okay. Don't rob a bank.
00:53:30
Speaker
Don't rob bank with the tractor. Right. Yes. There we go. um All right. why So this is the part where you say... This a bit where I say, I say, your feedback is really vital to us.
00:53:45
Speaker
We read all of your comments. We might read yours out on a future podcast like this one, Martin. Right. So one from Shelley. um yeah About but last week's podcast where we did talk about Schrodinger's monkey.
00:54:02
Speaker
She says, at last, someone besides me has heard of Schrodinger's monkey. Yes. Yes.
00:54:09
Speaker
And then also we we have ah another comment um from the ADHDville town crier, and and the Alexandra.
00:54:21
Speaker
um she said on the ah on YouTube. So last week you told a story about a donkey that your friend went to sell and then he sold it and then he bought a new donkey, came back with it and it turned out to be exactly the same donkey, right? And well this donkey had no name.
00:54:41
Speaker
It was a friend's grandfather. Right. Friend's grandfather. Slightly inebriated. and he And this donkey had no name. and And Alexandra says it's a crime not naming the donkey.
00:54:58
Speaker
as you know It was clear that the donkey didn't want to leave his home. He must have felt very, what very wanted. I can imagine him thinking...
00:55:10
Speaker
They all want me today. i must be the best donkey ever. You know, be Dory. dory Dory the donkey. Dory the donkey.
00:55:22
Speaker
Well, I never did find out whether it was a male or female. I think a male donkey. It's a male donkey. They didn't even know the sex of it, probably. Right, and and she offers up a useless fact of the day that there's a theory that ah the donkey from Shrek, donkey,
00:55:42
Speaker
um from Shrek is actually Lampowick from Pinocchio, who's actually whose actual name was ro was Romeo.
00:55:56
Speaker
If your student is Italian, he might like the backstory. Backstory. Yeah, he's Albanian, but yeah. Yeah, donkey.
00:56:07
Speaker
So if you've got any comments about this show, as so as Paul go says, just just kiss just get in the comments. Like us. chuck to Subscribe. Hit the like button.
00:56:18
Speaker
Write something. Even if it's just a thumbs up, it all helps with our algorithm. Subscribe. Right. Subscribe. Give us a thumbs up.
00:56:31
Speaker
It's all good for us. It actually helps. ah we We all hate being, well, us especially, we hate being, you know you know, slaves to the algorithm, but it really makes a big difference. So that would be appreciated if you can do that for us.
00:56:44
Speaker
Right. Actually, you know what? um I will go back to one of the other comments. I'm just um umm now like now trawling on. Oh, no, no.
00:56:59
Speaker
Is there any other comments? No. All right. that That's it for now. I know I i wouldy mentioned i already mentioned that our Scottish friend,
00:57:13
Speaker
Oh, yes. ah Debbie said that. They were admiring your Scottish accent. Well, no, not not not so much that. Oh, okay. But she did say um on the TikToks that that she had the she was blaring out our podcast and she was she was using our podcast to help clean her house.
00:57:35
Speaker
So there we go. You see, was not we're entertaining and we're hopefully bit educational, and we also help you with, you know, with your... Greasing the cogs, if you like.
00:57:47
Speaker
With your dusting and your feathering. Yeah. Nice. Nice. All right. Well, that being said, um let us, or let me say, that ADHD Will is delivered fresh every Tuesday to all purveyors of fine podcasts. Please subscribe to the pod and rate us most amazing.
00:58:08
Speaker
and feel free to correspond with us um in the comments. But wait, there's more if you want to see our beautiful, beautiful faces. Hello. You can sally forth over to the TikToks the and the YouTubes, and you can also find us on Substack.
00:58:27
Speaker
And you can pick up a quill and email us at adhdville at gmail.com. But in the meantime, be fucking kind to yourself. Yeah, do that. But also, beseech i beseech you, fellow ADHDers, know thyselves, sons of the hounds.
00:58:45
Speaker
Come hither and get the flesh. It sounds like something Brian Blessed should say. should have him on as a guest. Brian Blessed. There, says the mayor.
00:58:55
Speaker
Love that, That's that. Oh.