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Episode 93 - ADHD Chat With Guest: Tina - UR ADHD Bestie
38 Plays1 month ago
Welcome back to ADHDville! In this special guest episode, Paul and Martin are joined by the incredible Tina - UR ADHD Bestie. Buckle up as they dive into late diagnoses, unmasking, and the power of community in overcoming shame. From messy houses to hyper-empathy in marketing, Tina shares her journey of self-discovery and why she’s on a mission to create safe spaces for neurodivergent women. Plus, find out why American clams are documented as the happiest in the world (trust Martin on this one). Whether you’re here for the laughs, the real talk, or the rollercoaster of ADHD insights, this episode’s got it all. Let’s get into it!
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ADHD/Focus music from Martin (AKA Thinking Fish)
Theme music was written by Freddie Philips and played by Martin West. All other music by Martin West.
Please remember: This is an entertainment podcast about ADHD and does not substitute for individualized advice from qualified health professionals.
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Transcript
00:00:00
Speaker
This is bunch better. Back in the room. Yes. We're in the room. um Awesome. Okay. All right. Awesome.
Welcome to ADHDville
00:00:08
Speaker
So it's a guest episode, so let's get straight into it. let's lets So let's go to the place where the distractions are landmarks and the detours are on the main roads. Welcome to ADHDville.
00:00:19
Speaker
Hoorah. Hoorah. It's a guest, guest episode. Guest in the, guest in the room.
00:00:38
Speaker
Guest episode, yes it is, ha ha ha. That is a nice addition. Having the voiceover singing is just, it's extra special. show Special.
00:00:50
Speaker
Come on, Paul. Yes.
Meet the Hosts and Tina
00:00:52
Speaker
Hello, I'm Paul Thompson. I was diagnosed with the combined ADH and the D, coring towards a bunch of years ago. And I'm Martin West, and I was diagnosed with the combined poo-poo platter in 2013.
00:01:06
Speaker
And we have our guest, Tina, your ADHD bestie.
00:01:14
Speaker
Welcome. Welcome. Thank you. Thank you. So what we're going to do before we kick off is I think we're all going to get in
A Cozy Start at the King's Agitated Head
00:01:24
Speaker
the... I don't know whether you know, but we start...
00:01:29
Speaker
the episode as always here in the King's Agitated Head pub in ADHDville, where we sit at the back and have a drink. And I'm um um i'm having a mango smoothie currently.
00:01:41
Speaker
um And we are going to jump into the tractor and we are going to go to, where are we going to go? We're going to go to ah No, we're not. We are not going to go anywhere. We're going to stay here in the pub. Okay, we'll stay in the pub. Let's stay in the pub. You know what? That sounds like a plan.
00:01:56
Speaker
That sounds like a plan. I have a really big iced coffee, so I'm i'm all set. I got my caffeine and iced coffee. I'm i'm good to go. happy Happy as a clam. Yeah. Then maybe we start off.
00:02:09
Speaker
How happy are clams?
Reflecting on Happy Clams
00:02:13
Speaker
American clams very Well, you know what? They get to live at the beach. They get to live at the beach. So, I mean, oh'm sure they're happy until somebody digs them up, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah. ah American clams are the happiest in the world. It is it is a well-known fact. It is documented in research.
00:02:30
Speaker
It's documented. Everyone knows it. Thank you, Martin. I'm having my back. I appreciate that. Thank you. am American. look Look up clams on Wikipedia and they're just like smiling back. and you know and and so why yeah It's amazing where these things come from. like where Who thought of that one first? you know Happy as a clam.
00:02:51
Speaker
I know. All right. Well, maybe we start off by ah
Tina's ADHD Journey
00:02:55
Speaker
introducing yourself. Tell us a little bit about you. and so Yeah. So I feel like I need to do the sort of diagnosed, although I won't be as creative as you guys. I love the poo-poo platter, Martin. I was diagnosed with poo-poo platter.
00:03:08
Speaker
I was diagnosed with ADHD with a side of anxious depression. um About three years ago. So I'm relatively new to the official diagnosis of ADHD.
00:03:23
Speaker
But my brother actually was diagnosed with ADHD. He's 19 months older than I am. And I've been around for a while. I'm 51. So he was diagnosed back in the eighty s with ADHD and he had combination hyperactivity, probably more predominant.
00:03:40
Speaker
So I have many years of experience with ADHD. But in terms of like knowing my own ADHD, I only have a few years of like really understanding that. And I've been spending a lot of time the last three years really going back and discovering who I am because ok I, when I was growing up was the normal one.
00:04:02
Speaker
There was like my brother who was the problem and I was the normal one. And i had to always be not a problem for anybody and
Breaking Societal Expectations
00:04:13
Speaker
accomplishing things. And that I got put in that box early and I stayed in that box my whole life.
00:04:18
Speaker
And then I realized I didn't know who I was because I just was a box called it everything's perfect, everything's fine. And I'm going to make everybody happy around me. So the last two years, I've really gone on a journey to say, who am I?
00:04:32
Speaker
ae And I'm a badass. That's what I am. come on right ah Come on! USA! you i love that, though. I'm a badass with ADHD who wants to be a bestie and a safe place for everybody because there's a shit ton of people like me. Oh, I should have asked if it's okay I curse on this website. Fuck yeah.
00:04:52
Speaker
Oh, good. yeah yeah I can't. I have trouble not cursing. But, Martin, I think you know that from my TikToks. But I am... I really wanted to create a safe space because there's so many people like myself who have felt shame and alone for so long.
00:05:07
Speaker
um and it felt like it was them. They were the problem. They were stupid. They were, you know, not trying hard enough, all those things.
Community Support for ADHD
00:05:15
Speaker
And now that I've had this epiphany and I understand more about how my brain is wired, I want to create that safe community and space for those people.
00:05:23
Speaker
to be able to come and feel loved and supported and not judged. um I also feel pretty strongly now about girls getting diagnosed early. so like, I have two daughters, and I made sure that they got evaluated.
00:05:37
Speaker
My son got evaluated in second grade, by the way, because he was hyperactive. Nobody clocked my girls. Yeah. Shocker. Because they were the ADD. That's a classic. It was, like, distracted by the the one that is shouting the loudest, literally, maybe. Yeah.
00:05:52
Speaker
Well, yeah, and disrupting all the attention. And then the girls, you know, that show it a different way. kind of Yeah, they they worked their way through it. And everybody's like, oh, they don't have trouble in school. Like, yeah i don't think they need anything. And I'm like, no, actually, they do need.
00:06:07
Speaker
saying And here's the kinds of things that they need. So there's two things I feel really passionately about. And one of them is like helping more girls get diagnosed early and sort of save them the the pain in the life that I had and and give them a better life. But then also for the people who are in the life stage I'm in, how do I give them a safe space and and support? Because they feel very alone, a lot of them. That's great. That's great. Because ah you've you you popped up on TikTok.
00:06:36
Speaker
um Actually, how long have have you have you been on ti TikTok? it It seems like you just kind of arrived and exploded. yes Well, I started playing around with TikTok back in March, so not that long.
00:06:53
Speaker
I started playing around with it back in March. And honestly, that for me was me playing around with, I call it, journey to joy.
Connecting Through TikTok & ChatGPT
00:07:00
Speaker
Because part of this whole thing for me has been like understanding who I am and what brings me joy and what makes me tick.
00:07:06
Speaker
I know how everybody else ticks. I didn't know how I ticked anything about myself. And so Journey to Joy was where I started. and then I was like, you know what? There's this really cool thing. ChatGPT can revolutionize my life, everybody's life with ADHD and executive function issues.
00:07:23
Speaker
I want to bring that to the ADHD community. So I started talking about ChatGPT. And then honestly, I just started sharing my shame. like okay i i actually did. I still remember the TikTok I did. i had cleaned out my refrigerator and I had an entire garbage bag full of food.
00:07:44
Speaker
And I walked it out to the garbage can and I sat down on my porch and I was just beating the crap out of myself and just sitting there like, yeah why do you keep doing this? Like, this is so embarrassing. And then I was like, I need to tell someone. And then I was like, I'm go to tell my friends.
00:07:59
Speaker
You know, and then all these people were like, me too, and and the this. So now we've got We Do Not Care Club Neurodivergent Edition.
Releasing ADHD-Related Shame
00:08:07
Speaker
So that's kind of the latest one that has been really getting some traction, which is very interesting.
00:08:12
Speaker
That's really liberating, isn't it? ki shop you know Getting rid of the shame is so liberating. It really, yeah, when you need it. Taking up energy in your head with like, oh, in my case, oh, Paul, why did you do that? Why did you do that? Why, why, why?
00:08:29
Speaker
And then just like letting that go is is amazing, isn't it? yeah Yeah, and I think you can focus on how to make it better for the future if you're not beating yourself up about the past as much.
00:08:43
Speaker
So that's what I've seen is is the shame would paralyze me, and I would be stuck in that you suck place, and that you suck place really sucks.
00:08:54
Speaker
yeah yeah And then it would just be a self-fulfilling prophecy of like, yeah, I do suck, and I'm going to stay in that place, and it's going to just be really bad versus— You Yeah. You know, the thing they say that by the time we're, you know, reached adolescence, we've heard 20,000 more messages of negativity, you know, um I think a lot of that is from ourselves to ourselves.
00:09:19
Speaker
You know, there's 20,000
Coping with Repeated Mistakes
00:09:21
Speaker
messages.
00:09:24
Speaker
I heard something this morning, I was listening to a podcast about um women with ADHD from understood.org. And this doctor was talking about shame, where shame comes from. And she said, one of the places shame comes from is when you beat yourself up because you do the same thing over and over again, even though you promised yourself you wouldn't do that again.
00:09:45
Speaker
So like you miss a friend's birthday and you've missed it multiple times. And you've always said to yourself, I'm never gonna miss this again. and you miss it again. and that missing it again part is where you're like, oh, I'm awful.
00:09:58
Speaker
Like I let myself down, I let them down. That just horrible feeling in your chest. yeah And all the overthinking. I don't know if maybe it's just me, but for years I was overthinking, why do I do that? Why, why, why, why, why? why why why why And I would think, is is it because of this? And is it because of that?
00:10:18
Speaker
And then you get to like, in my case, 56 and you're diagnosed with ADHD. It's like, oh, crap. You know, all of that, all of that thinking was completely useless, you know.
Coping Mechanisms and Medication
00:10:35
Speaker
Absolutely. I think for me, what's interesting is I had a hint that I had ADHD for years like i kind of because my brother had it. And then I just started thinking maybe I had it. But to me, what it was was simply the time management issue and the sloppiness.
00:10:50
Speaker
So in my head, I was like, it's time management and sloppiness, but I didn't understand why. and I would just be like, it doesn't matter. You have to hide it, especially as a woman. like You can't keep your house clean. like That's...
00:11:02
Speaker
That's pretty bad, you know? yeah um And so i i I thought about it, but I didn't understand it. And now it's like, oh, rejection sensitivity dysphoria. That's why everything feels like a literal personal attack.
00:11:19
Speaker
And I overthink. Like, Paul, what I do in overthinking is if somebody says something to me that's negative, yeah I will go... I will work that for like the next month.
00:11:30
Speaker
Like me too. Seriously. yeah Yeah. It's, it's, it's pathetic. Yeah. Right. or For me, it's like a disagreement or problems at work. I will overthink that shit until it's, you know, and God, that's annoying.
00:11:47
Speaker
Yeah. And it's bigger than me. You know, it's like you think, okay, you stop yourself. You go down a tunnel of, you know, like stupid thoughts, overthinking, and then you stop yourself at at some point.
00:12:01
Speaker
Okay. I recognize that I've gone down a tunnel that I don't want to go down. It's useless and it's wasting energy. And you stop yourself. And then 10 seconds later, you're doing it, going down that same tunnel again.
00:12:14
Speaker
you think, what the hell? I think that's fair. And I've actually gotten really good at compartmentalizing. So I think that's within masking. i i have two really strong coping mechanisms. One is compartmentalizing and the other is disassociating. And I didn't understand what disassociating was until literally like two years ago.
00:12:34
Speaker
But like I can compartmentalize and just put it – I like put it in a box, Paul, and I just i just lock it over there and i and I deliberately forget about it. Like it's almost like I leverage my mind to its advantage, but then I completely forget about it.
00:12:49
Speaker
Like, oh, I lost something really, really important and I need to go fix it. i will like put it in that lockbox over there yeah and put it in a corner. And I have this feeling in my stomach of like there's something really bad going on, but I don't know what it is.
00:13:02
Speaker
And I can't solve it because it's over in the corner. And if I open it up, I'm going to feel really awful. Sounds like my counts.
00:13:12
Speaker
It sounds like my accounting practicing, my parent my but my best practice for accounting is pretty much, you just described it perfectly. Throw away the key, about it. Put in the box the corner.
00:13:23
Speaker
the knot in my stomach is always there somehow. Yeah. You know, reminding The knot in my stomach is always there. Yes. yeah And I didn't realize I i had a permanent knot in my stomach for my entire life. And I like actually didn't realize that until i started taking I actually started taking anxiety medication a couple of years ago. um Maybe it was like a year ago um because it was one of the last things I did to tweak my medication. And I started taking it and I was like, holy shit, people feel normally like their chest isn't tight and they don't have a knot in their stomach 24-7.
00:13:54
Speaker
Yeah. This is how people this is how normal people live. Like, you no wonder you guys are getting shit done because you're not sitting here like in a panic fight or flight mode 24 seven.
00:14:05
Speaker
on So it's just been don't
The We Do Not Care Club
00:14:08
Speaker
know. It's been an interesting journey. I realize, Martin, that you asked me about myself and I obviously just went on a bit of a roller coaster. But hey, that's what we're doing. That's what you're here That's what I'm here for. Buckle up. Right. Buckle up. Buckle up.
00:14:23
Speaker
ah So what no i interested say it in I'm in, sorry, Martin, go on. Ah, excellent. There's a little silence I can wedge myself in. I knew you were trying to think. I was aware of it.
00:14:36
Speaker
was just playing with you. I was like, hang on. Paul is in a one-on-one world. paul is in a one on one interview here. no, no. Get your wedgie. We will be more mindful. Martin. Oh, no, no, no. You, as a guest, you can chat all you like.
00:14:57
Speaker
Yeah. That's your job. Okay. So, Martin, what's your question?
00:15:05
Speaker
Pretending to be interested. My question is... Is... Check your notes. um um uh you you have done a very good job on tiktok see the the the thing well just going back to the fucking tiktok thing is it you've a very good job of being community minded and you do the thing of like your comment on you know someone will comment on your post and then you'll go back and then you'll read comment and
00:15:41
Speaker
And you're very good at doing kind of pulling in people, um my notice, into a little thing. um And you you you mentioned briefly that you have a, ah well what was the club called or the group, your little TikTok? Well, I call it ADHD Besties.
00:16:03
Speaker
Right. And then you have meeting. And referred everybody as a bestie. Everybody's a bestie. And then I saw a TikTok where had like ah loads of papers, almost like like this. up Right. Meeting agenda.
00:16:15
Speaker
Oh, that one. Yeah. So. one. So are you guys familiar that with the We Do Not Care Club, the phenomenon that is the We Do Not Care Club? No. Have you heard of this? No. Okay.
00:16:27
Speaker
So there's a woman, just being Melanie, who founded this phenomenon called the We Do Not Care Club. And it's it's a club for menopausal and perimenopausal women who are going through that stage of their life and they are just sick of it.
00:16:45
Speaker
And so then, so she started and she, had she would always have a notebook and she would go and she had like four pairs of glasses on She had like ah a neck pillow, like her curlers were in her hair. Like she looked at a hot mess. And that was the purpose was just to be like, I don't care how I look.
00:17:00
Speaker
You got all can like, fuck yourselves. And that basically like her whole thing was doing that about this age and where we are. And it exploded, exploded across Tik TOK.
00:17:14
Speaker
So, As I was posting some of my sort of sharing my shame places, somebody said, sounds like you could use a visit from the We Do Not Care Club.
00:17:25
Speaker
So that's why part of what I do is I joke about we're the neurodivergent chapter of We Do Not Care Club, and we hold grace and space for our for our poor, over-performing people pleasers because it's really hard for us not to care. So we're working on that. It's almost like this is the you know the the chapter that is trying harder because it's harder for us not to care. But then i i started pulling the—she has like little sayings that she'll say, like, we do not care.
00:17:52
Speaker
Blah, blah, blah. So like an example that I did in the one I just did this week was I said, you know, we don't care what time the the party is supposed to be over when my social battery runs out.
00:18:04
Speaker
I do, too. And if you want to come, great. Otherwise, I'm going to be in the car. Right. And that's like an example of something we don't care about or like I've got something in the middle of my sink. And if you move it, I'm going to lose it. Like, I don't care.
00:18:18
Speaker
um So people really love that. Yeah, yeah, No, I've, you're, yeah, you're, by the way, Paul, Tina's, Tina's, I'm going to say this to the site, Tina's followers,
00:18:35
Speaker
She's getting way more faster than we are. and I'm just saying, Paul. Right. I see her following count going really high. Martin's tracking my follower count. Static. Hers is going a lot quicker. Static. Anyway, back to the interview. Yes.
00:18:53
Speaker
yeah Well, that's... That segues into into a question I have. it's like nine of and It's like 95% of the people that
Women and ADHD Podcasts
00:19:04
Speaker
listen or watch podcasts, ADHD podcasts in the UK, are women.
00:19:12
Speaker
So have you any insights like, what the hell is going on? where you know Yeah, I think we've all we've all hit the I do not give a fuck part of our lives.
00:19:25
Speaker
And that and at the same time being diagnosed with ADHD or some, like a lot of people are being diagnosed with ADHD, autism, like a variety of different neurodivergencies.
00:19:37
Speaker
We're all like we're hitting the point in our lives where we are confident enough to say, i deserve better. Right. And we're learning things about ourselves that are sort of a means to an end to a degree of like, Jesus, a we're all like.
00:19:55
Speaker
angry or angry normally. So like the hormones are causing this to be just angry normally. But then when you discover that, you know, people have known about women and ADHD since the nineties and they didn't do anything about it.
00:20:10
Speaker
And now all of a sudden people are doing stuff about it because of stuff like Tik TOK. I think women, It's like it brings something up in them because we all feel such shame, such shame for how we have been our whole lives.
00:20:24
Speaker
And that deep, deep shame when we find other people who are like us, who aren't alone, like the idea of not being alone. That's the videos that have done the best for me are the ones that will that we do not care club is its own sort of phenomenon. And Martin, if I was to actually be honest, like that's really why my follower counts going up. But like, bless, we do not care club. Thank you.
00:20:46
Speaker
um but the But the idea of what people are responding to is you're not alone. you know, it's not something that's wrong with you. um We're here to support you. Like that idea, i think there's really something interesting there and I want to do more with it.
00:21:03
Speaker
yeah So word some from that, I guess you're saying that that massive um imbalance between female and male people watching YouTube and, you know, these kind of, ah sorry, listening Washington podcasts, is that explosion of I'm fucking here too from a women's part, you know, the unseen, you know, reversing the trend. Yeah.
00:21:27
Speaker
Well, and I think the other piece they talk about really interesting about women with ADHD is executive functioning is obviously like a big thing with ADHD. And it is the sort of the cornerstone of what you expect from women in culture.
00:21:43
Speaker
You expect women to be the project managers. You expect women to be on top of the logistics. You expect women to be able to manage your whole entire household and work. And do X, Y, z How can she do it? You know, that's like a neurotypical person. How the fuck can she do it? We're over here going, oh, my God. You know, like, yeah yeah it's it's not just hard. It's impossible. And then we all hit this point of like depression of like, i literally can't fucking do this.
00:22:11
Speaker
So I do things like not invite people over to my house. Because my house is really messy and I'm really embarrassed to show what my house looks like to other people. So I think women, they have a unique aspect of shame to it.
00:22:24
Speaker
that and And being at this age, it's sort of like that combination of deep shame plus this age. yeah that is causing the explosion in women and they're finding each other. god That's the other thing that I think is really interesting. when you When you bring a bunch of neurodivergent anybody, by the way, together, it's like a great time. But like if you get women who've been misdiagnosed their whole lives into a room together, like I'm dying to do a gathering and just bring some of these women together in a room because I think it would be ah like a hoot um and really awesome.
00:22:58
Speaker
Can I come too? Yes, absolutely. You guys can absolutely come. We don't care. we don't care about your gender. Okay, that's good. What gender you have, what gender you identify, if you have one or not, we do not care.
00:23:13
Speaker
Okay. All are welcome. i I personally i identify as the gender Bob Ross. ah that is a good that is That is a very aspirational and wonderful gender to aspire to i i I can't aspire because I just know that's not me.
00:23:33
Speaker
I just can't. I can't do it. i can't I can't actually hold that up and say because that would be like defiling Bob Ross's. Is that the beard? Is it because of the beard? Legacy for me. I'm more of a spicy meatball type. I can't. I just sound down. You need the ball. I'm exactly.
00:23:48
Speaker
I love it. Yes. You know what? there's this ah Because you work in marketing, right? Yes, I technically work in, it's called marketing research, right? So there's the marketing brand management and then there's the marketing research. And marketing research is technically like understanding what makes people tick and understanding what makes businesses tick. So like pattern recognition and looking for those kinds of things and finding those really interesting like ah-has.
00:24:17
Speaker
has been phenomenal. The other thing is I'm a hyper empath.
Empathy in Marketing for Women
00:24:21
Speaker
And so being a hyper empath and being a consumer insights person and being able to like speak the voice of the consumer, like I think I've never realized that that was my ADHD. Like I can always put myself into the shoes of the consumer and, and look at things and speak from the voice of a consumer in a way that's just natural for me.
00:24:41
Speaker
And everybody around me is like, wow, that was so good. And I'm like, That so easy. You know, I can't hit your timeline and I can't do a project plan very well. But that's where I get my organized best friend to like work with me to figure out how we get shit done. But like there's things that I've been that I have found that I'm fascinated by in corporate America. And it's this like what makes people tick.
00:25:04
Speaker
yeah so exhaust I was going to get on to like, yeah both Paul and I are are creative di directors. So obviously creative department, they are all neurodivergent, right? that You need that creativity. Yes. Every single person in that agency were in that creative department is on the spectrum or ADHD or whatever. In some way. Yes. In some way.
00:25:27
Speaker
And then you go to the marketing department and they are all, not say all women, but but women really, really own that whole thing. Yeah, yeah. And there is something really interesting when you're talking about how you understand your consumer. You kind of like, you can, you know, you can...
00:25:52
Speaker
empathize you can kind of get into their head yeah and that's in in interesting from from a paul and i from from our creative point of view is because we have to do the same yeah have to do the same thing we have to almost if if if we make something yeah built on your insights for example yeah then you have to forget that you're that you are a creative person and come at it cold and go well what is this yeah if i was a person person how would that strike right How do I go from this thing to that thing? How do I guide them along the path or tell the story that that I want to tell?
00:26:30
Speaker
So it's like I'm always interested as to actually I will ask the same question that Paul asked. Why is it that women run the marketing world?
00:26:43
Speaker
I mean, is it is it is it that? I mean, is it is it is it that there are also... You know, don't know that I... I mean, I can make a hypothesis. I think my hypothesis would be that I think women generally are more empathetic by nature and are more interested in that kind of thing.
00:27:03
Speaker
Like, that that would be the the thing I would say. Whereas men, just in general, tend to be a little more whatever the opposite brain is. You know, like... it's It's the way that our culture has sort of stereotyped us and put us into the right buckets. Like girls can be creative.
00:27:18
Speaker
Absolutely. Boys, you should be more STEM. You know, like that's like they should be and not should they're trying to change that. But like historically be like boys do math.
00:27:29
Speaker
Girls do coloring, you know. and And so like marketing is sort of like an extension of color. creativity because you have to be creative and analytical to really do marketing.
00:27:43
Speaker
And so I think because of that, that's why you have a lot of people doing it, especially now because they were creative. Like for me, i am a very creative person, but I'm not creative enough to be an art director, but I love working with advertising agencies.
00:27:58
Speaker
Love it Probably because they're my people, you know, they're my besties. That's my favorite thing about my job is when I get to work with advertising agencies because it's like I just feel really at home there.
00:28:09
Speaker
um but i i wonder sometimes if if our ability, our our sensitivity, you know, in a positive way to m in doing those kind of professional roles is is in a big in a large part because of ah us having to be hypervigilant.
00:28:27
Speaker
You know? Yeah. Like you're just good at reading people, good at reading room because you had to be, because you were looking out for signs of danger. like um i'll get Like on a simple level, am I going to fit into this situation?
00:28:40
Speaker
ah hundred ah hundred percent. and And I have to study every situation. Yeah. it To me, like what masking is, is it's a combination of like empathy and acting because you have to really understand immediately everybody in the room and you have to constantly, to your point, be watching everybody.
00:28:58
Speaker
so So i I take my fascination with people and I absolutely apply it to every one of my stakeholders that I work with. Yeah. And that's what makes me a great partner also, because I know what makes them tick.
00:29:12
Speaker
I know how to, and I feel like sometimes it's a little manipulative and I'm like, I'm not trying to be manipulative. I'm just trying to give you what you want. I know what you want. You're a data person. You're a visual person. You need shit to be really simple. Like what is it that you need?
00:29:28
Speaker
but So that's how I influence my stakeholders. They shouldn't feel bad. You just got big fucking advantage. Just live with that. Well, and that's my advantage, right? My advantage is that. My disadvantage is I i forget to send the email.
00:29:42
Speaker
Right. So i know I know what I should be saying in the email, but I fucking forget to send the email. And then, like, I've lost, you know, so that's the – that's what I think could be fascinating, guys. in this I've had a couple conversations with people recently about this is if we could figure out how to – Take the creative brain of someone, like me like I'm very creative, and if you could have somebody who's an amazing executor be like my partner in crime the whole way through my career, and I'm not saying the whole way through my career, but like as you look at how you pull teams together, I've done my best work when I've had that organized best friend.
00:30:21
Speaker
And when I've had that organized best friend, we have done phenomenal shit together. yeah And that's where I don't think we as a we as a society, culture, business orientation think about the combination of people. They try to make the person be – you have to be both creative and productive and efficient. And so you're going to land on efficient if you don't do – because you can you can track – you You can track and measure if you miss deadlines a whole lot easier than your shit's not creative.
00:30:52
Speaker
you know So you end up with like a lot of people who are shit for creative project managers who come up with really shit ideas for whatever it is that they're working on. Yeah.
00:31:03
Speaker
Yeah. The trouble is ah the problem is my company is fantastic. Let's just leave that. Yeah. and hey but I found the problem is is finding the right person, you know a huge element of luck, fortune, finding the right person to partner with.
00:31:21
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, ad agencies are always split it into two lumps, right? you You get the creative side and then you get yeah the account side.
00:31:33
Speaker
And they're the ones that, you know what? It's like the the the creative people are all completely neurodivergent. And then the account side, they are...
00:31:45
Speaker
They are somehow either neurodivergent that have learned how to be really organized. You know, like how how you can have someone who has ADHD that has somehow gone, you know what, I'm just going to, I have to be all. Hunker down and get it done.
00:32:01
Speaker
Right. yeah So then you get those people over there. And that's how ad agencies work. mean You get chaos on one side and the organization. interesting, Martin, I think,
00:32:12
Speaker
I would say what I found the most fascinating as I worked with different agencies is the strategy group. If you have a strategic planner, they to me are the magic sauce because they can speak.
00:32:26
Speaker
They are little gods in that agency. They can speak creative, but then they can also speak account. They're special.
00:32:36
Speaker
and like Everyone wants want to be that person.
00:32:42
Speaker
That's what I want. if I was like, if I go to an ad agency, that's that's what I want to do. i want like I want to speak those languages and because I feel like I could speak those languages and empathize with both groups. So someday maybe that'll be my next and next thing. You guys can help me do that. There we go.
00:32:59
Speaker
There we go. and You know, like you're talking about, you brushed over it briefly. mean, I don't want to talk about guys because Paul and I are guys and we're just, so that's that's why you're here to kind of like enlighten us.
Understanding Perimenopause and ADHD
00:33:17
Speaker
Yes. So um women, late diagnosed, they hit that harry ah perimenopause. You've got it.
00:33:28
Speaker
um Firstly, I want to say, I have all my life I'd never heard perimenopause. My wife had never heard of perimenopause either.
00:33:42
Speaker
And then she hits this kind of weird brain foggy, like half my brain has gone missing. um Don't know what's going on. And then she finds out and then she has to tell me. And I'm like, this is such a big thing.
00:34:01
Speaker
Why don't we all know it? Why don't we all know that this event is going to hit a couple in the traditional sense? so it's It's fascinating to me. Well, there's two things that are fascinating. And I do have to watch the time, guys, because I am going to have to go do a meeting at 1.
00:34:19
Speaker
So I probably have like five more minutes. And then I'm going to um have to kick myself out. um So do you want me to answer that question? Because I can. No. Okay. I think we need to... but like I could talk for 45 minutes about that one, Martin. And the relationship, by the way, of hormones and ADHD and like how women hit menopause and they're more likely to have ADHD.
00:34:42
Speaker
We could do a part two. yeah well you You will have to come back. I would be happy to come back anytime. Awesome. All right. well we'll we'll we'll We'll get that booked in because that wasn't long enough for us.
Future Plans & Live Events
00:34:55
Speaker
the way, thanks lot for coming on, Tina. We will put your TikTok by the way i would tell the thanks a lot part two coming on tina um we we we will put um we will put your um your tiktok ah account in the show notes.
00:35:12
Speaker
um Awesome. ah Your ADHD bestie. That's me. Exactly. exactly cool but yeah it sounds like we definitely need to do a part two let's do that let's that that'd be great let's let's do part two all right let's do a part two and actually guys let me ask you a question yes um i literally had this idea as i was driving into work this morning i started doing lives i was scared shitless to do lives and i did one this weekend like body doubling where i I was yeah writing an email and people were paying bills and doing laundry and stuff, and it was great.
00:35:46
Speaker
But I thought, what if I did a live where I had guests come on like you guys or other people who are kind of in this community? How would you guys feel about doing a live with me at some point?
00:35:57
Speaker
I could do live. love We'd love to. Because, by the way, I'm not I love the idea of doing a podcast, but I don't have the executive food to do that in addition to my job, in addition to my tick tock.
00:36:08
Speaker
But I was like, OK, I could do a live and that's I don't have to do any of the other stuff. I can just go on and like and and you can invite people into your live. So it's multiple people. So I just thought about that one this morning.
00:36:20
Speaker
And if you guys ever want to do a live and you want to invite me like that's cool, too. I can do that. We're definitely up for that. All right. Yeah. Yeah. All right, gentlemen. It was all right absolutely my pleasure. Thank you so much.
00:36:31
Speaker
Thank you so much. And look forward to coming back to ADHDville. Maybe next time we go to an ice cream shop. Absolutely. Okay. All right. Bye.
00:36:43
Speaker
Bye. Bye. All right. It's just us two now. Just us two. Just us chickens. Okay, cool. without that was That was nice, wasn't it?
00:36:55
Speaker
That was great. Fabulous. What a lovely lady. What a lovely, lovely lady. Part two, definitely, though. but Part deux is definitely on.
00:37:06
Speaker
We should do that. Okay. All right, well, do you want to... um All right, so where are we? 35, 37 minutes? Okay, so this is probably about the that ah point um where we should tell people what we're going to use be doing...
00:37:24
Speaker
Next week. Our next what ah episode is ADHD and hospitals. That's right. Hospitals. Hospitals. Hospitals.
00:37:35
Speaker
Fun. Yeah. Interesting spaces. Interesting spaces. Yeah. We just said before we came came on recording, the cut of it it wrote itself.
00:37:46
Speaker
it was It's an easy one. Really interesting. So, yeah. Mm-hmm. So if you've thoughts on hospitals, get in the comments and write it all out. ah As this was a guest episode, we couldn't get to um to alex Alexandra's pub. Postbag.
00:38:04
Speaker
Still being built. um But we will get back to it next week. Yes. All right. So I'm going to hit that little outro button and say that ADHD is delivered fresh every Tuesday to all be fine podcasts. Please subscribe to the pod and rate us most magnificent. And feel free to correspond at will in the comments. But wait, there's more if you wish to see our beautiful.
00:38:26
Speaker
Beautiful faces then. Sally forth to the YouTubes and the TikToks. And you can also pick up a quill and email us at ADHDville at gmail.com. But in the meantime, be fucking kind to yourself.
00:38:38
Speaker
And I beseech you, fellow ADHDers, fare thee well with gladness of heart. Aye. There, says the mayor.
00:38:48
Speaker
That's that.
00:38:51
Speaker
There.