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Episode 92 - ADHD and Weddings
38 Plays14 days ago
Paul and Martin (ex-co mayors of ADHDville) get into weddings! I would write more but its late enough already! But hey - ADHD and being a weddings guest are stressful.
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Put quill to paper and send us an email at: ADHDville@gmail.com
ADHD/Focus music from Martin (AKA Thinking Fish)
Theme music was written by Freddie Philips and played by Martin West. All other music by Martin West.
Please remember: This is an entertainment podcast about ADHD and does not substitute for individualized advice from qualified health professionals.
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Transcript
Introduction to ADHD and Weddings
00:00:00
Speaker
Back in the room. We're in. We're in. Cool. All right. Well, let us crack straight in um and say that... What are we saying, Martin?
00:00:14
Speaker
Well, this is an an episode about ADHD and weddings. So let's go to a place where the distractions and landmarks and the detours are on the main roads. Welcome to ADHDville!
Meet the Hosts: Paul and Marty
00:00:24
Speaker
Welcome to ADHDville!
00:00:29
Speaker
Meet the gang, because the boys are here. Boys to entertain. Boys to entertain. Boys to entertain. Boys to entertain.
00:00:39
Speaker
Boys to entertain. Boys to entertain you, especially Martin.
Pubs and Wedding Traditions
00:00:46
Speaker
With ADHD. With ADHD. With ADHD. Things. Oozing.
00:00:50
Speaker
Oozing. um So this is my bit, isn't Hello, I'm yeah Paul Thompson. I was diagnosed with the combined... combined ad h and the d ADH and the D crawling towards a couple of years ago. And I'm Marty Weston. I was diagnosed with the combined poo-poo platter in 2013.
00:01:11
Speaker
Ring the bell. Yonks ago. Yonks ago. many so Many moons ago. And we start off as we do ah in the back of the King's Agitated Head pub in ADHDville where sup a pint and take care of business.
00:01:31
Speaker
Or actually rather, i'm i'm i'm ah I made a smoothie little bit earlier. I've got another where i've got bottle of like Fizzy water that's not fizzy anymore.
00:01:42
Speaker
It's the kind of my luxury today. we're going to talk about what? but Weddings. We're going to talk about weddings. Yes, we're talk about weddings.
00:01:53
Speaker
And rather than going into our tractor to kind of go somewhere, because we didn't really have a location that was suitable for talking about weddings, so we just thought we'd stay here
Wedding Culture: North vs South England
00:02:03
Speaker
in the pub. yeah Because pubs and weddings, yeah, bars and weddings do seem to have a bit of a, you know, they kind of... Well, especially in UK, yeah.
00:02:14
Speaker
I mean, like how how many films have you seen where the groom turns up drunk because because of a Oh, yeah.
00:02:23
Speaker
Oh, can't remember anything any specific. Do you have one but in in your head, in your mind? No, but I just know that there are. um yeah I seem to remember, ah this is it isn't there's a Sherlock Holmes in one of the Sherlock Holmes films.
00:02:41
Speaker
I think, ah yeah, his assistant.
00:02:48
Speaker
Turns up. Oh, right, yes. Completely hammered to his own wedding. We were talking about this just before we started recording, didn't we? like I think it's a northern thing, more of a southern thing in England.
00:03:03
Speaker
where the groom and his mates but might go to the pub before the wedding, before they go. So go directly from the pub to the church. I've never done that because I just, I prefer to live.
00:03:17
Speaker
and don't think my future wife would be impressed at all.
Global Wedding Anecdotes
00:03:23
Speaker
Oh, my Lord, no. ah ah if you if you actually have if you actually have got married and you did go to the pub before going to the actual ceremony, let us know how hammered you got.
00:03:37
Speaker
boy. I know being the only silly story that comes to mind, an anecdote, because it's not to do with weddings, but it's to do with like pub culture in the UK.
00:03:48
Speaker
And there's a film that we're about Gary Oldman and his dad. His dad was a bit of an alcoholic. And his mum got so fed up with his dad being in a pub. One day, he he was late. His dad was late for Sunday lunch. So she took the Sunday lunch down to the pub and put it on top of the bar in front of him and told him not to bother coming back home.
00:04:13
Speaker
Nice. like that. I like that behaviour. I think so, but I think, I mean, like, you know, we're talking about sort of weddings and northerners.
00:04:25
Speaker
so you know, as with everywhere, there are different, you know, true traditions about getting a married. And one of one of the favorite weddings I've been to, because I've been to quite, quite a lot, but It was a northern lad marrying a southern English girl.
00:04:50
Speaker
Right. Were you there? Anyway, um and you may have been there. um Right. I won't say the names, but the but the guy was from Hull.
Guest Expectations and Stress
00:05:04
Speaker
I um was there, yes. And it was one of the best weddings ever yeah because it because it really highlighted the very different um cultures.
00:05:14
Speaker
So when we turned up at the ceremony, All the people from the South, we were all wearing like sharp suits. We were looking like cock on, like right lovely, stylish looking people in our in ah best.
00:05:34
Speaker
And the Northers turned up in their tracksuits. Yes. They kind of turned up in their in their very, like, very looking, very casual. And we were like, oh that's interesting. And then we had the ceremony.
00:05:48
Speaker
And then when we went to the kind of party part of the evening, the southern people, us lot, we were just kind of wrapped up there, right?
00:05:58
Speaker
And then... and And then in our suits and whatnot. And we may have loosened our ties a bit. you know what mean? Like, oh, it's a party. We're going to loosen our tie. um Yeah.
00:06:10
Speaker
And the northern lot went back to the hotel. They got dressed in their best, sharpest gear. And they returned looking super sharp. So just just as we were, like, dressing down, they dressed up.
00:06:28
Speaker
I'm not saying one is better than the other. I'm just saying it was ah it was an interesting contrast. The same as could be said for um Sicilians. Sicilians, they're very, very informal.
00:06:41
Speaker
um When they do a wedding, oh, my God, they turn it up a lot. It's very chintzy, very kitsch, very shiny. Yeah.
00:06:54
Speaker
And they spend a lot of money. And it's just a big show. a really big show. Yeah. But normally they're quite well known in the South for walking around in tracksuit bottoms and and ah and a kind of a tailored shirt.
00:07:14
Speaker
Oh, I see. ah like this i like i like this angle. yeah it Half and half. Like yeah your your your top half looks super sharp and the the bottom half just just couldn't give a shit.
00:07:29
Speaker
It's right. Exactly. A bit like ah beat like the way I'm dressed for the podcast. ah um Americans, I found the biggest difference between American weddings and British weddings is that is ah is that American weddings are quite short.
00:07:47
Speaker
They're very short weddings. Oh, nice. like that. um So it is a bit of a get in, get out quick affair. Oh, that's great. Especially, well, if you don't have a full Catholic service, then it's yeah if those can go on a bit.
00:08:05
Speaker
But generally... when you When you get to the party bit, it's like in, you get the cake, you do the first dance, and then you're out.
00:08:16
Speaker
It seems like by that part of the evening, the actual celebration part, is like in, out, gone. Right. It's quick. Me, when i I'm really conscious of how long weddings can drag on for, pretty much as soon as the the priest has said, please repeat after me to the bride and the groom, I'm already looking at my watch.
00:08:41
Speaker
You want to get out. And then then thinking, oh, is it going to be one of those weddings where no one can leave until the bride and groom drive off? Oh, right.
00:08:53
Speaker
And you have to wait for them to go. And it's rude. And you're trapped. You slip out. Trapped, Paul. Oh, God. Trapped. That's... Palermo is... The average time for a wedding Palermo is 12 hours.
Navigating Wedding Anxiety
00:09:11
Speaker
Wow. But some, if they're really traditional, they can go for two days. Ooh. Yeah, yeah. Nice. ah When I was in India, so I worked in India for a while, and the creative director of the agency that I was helping, um he said, oh, I've got my next-door neighbour's getting married.
00:09:37
Speaker
Do you want to go? mean, oh, absolutely. Indian weddings are supposed to be great. Right. So I jumped in a cab, and we arrived at this...
00:09:50
Speaker
It's a big field, right? so a big-ass field. And just as I ah arrived, there's ah you know the the groom comes, and he's on a big white horse, and there's lots of noise.
00:10:03
Speaker
um and And I know to to traditionally that there guns being fired in the air at this point and all that kind of case crazy thing.
00:10:14
Speaker
And then we walked out into the field and it was the most amazing sight you could possibly imagine.
00:10:24
Speaker
So there are hundreds of people, women in saris, like looking incredible. Right? Yeah. Like, they that they all they look amazing.
00:10:38
Speaker
And the food, all down one side of this field were food carts. You know, like food carts that you'd pass when you would when you'd walk around city, right?
00:10:52
Speaker
You know, like just serving little snack things on the side of the road. Yeah. Yeah. yeah The whole side of the field was just rows of them. selling Indian snacks.
00:11:04
Speaker
so this And then the food tent was huge. it was yeah It was like every food you could possibly imagine was under this gigantic tent.
00:11:16
Speaker
I mean, even just the bread selection alone was a mountain. And I was just wandering around going, this is insane. This is insane.
00:11:29
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And their weddings go on for a while. Yeah. The same in Nigeria and other African countries. They're massive things.
00:11:41
Speaker
And they often change dress. The women will change their their dress three or four times during the day. They won't just have one or two dresses. They'll have several. Hang on, mate. I've got to take a call.
00:11:57
Speaker
Sorry, mate. Okay.
Wedding Reception Dynamics
00:12:02
Speaker
All right. Well, Paul is taking a call. um I am going to run down um some things that I think are not worth it I'm just going to shut up.
00:12:34
Speaker
All right. So um yeah I thought I'd just kind of kick off this with with some like things that from an ADHD perspective kind of cause issues. Issues. As a guest, right? i think As a guest.
00:12:49
Speaker
Totally. I think we'll just have to stick to guest. Because the whole being a bride and groom thing is a whole Nightmare-o thing by itself. Yeah. yeah we'll just stick with guests for this one so you know first off you know you get an invite right and you do you respond are you supposed to be riskp rsv vp this this thing you know and you're already thinking have you got a get out if you want to leave early
00:13:20
Speaker
I know, right? That's what I'm thinking. What if I'm making up if I can make I need to go. You're making judgments on you straight away. Do I have to go? is it going to look bad if I don't go?
00:13:33
Speaker
Right. Yeah, I know. And then if you, and then if it's, if it's like one of those plus one things and you don't have a plus one and you think, you know, you know, do I have to bring someone? That's, that's, that's, that's a whole other nightmare.
00:13:49
Speaker
Then you've got like pick your out outfit. which for some people, you know, because you have to dress smart, right? Usually. So you're wearing clothes that you don't normally wear. We haven't worn for like a year or two. Yeah. Or you have to decide that you that you need a whole new outfit.
00:14:12
Speaker
Yeah. and you have to go shopping. Yeah. Run run the gauntlet of that whole nightmare. Yeah. I always, what I learned from the past after to going to a few weddings and, you know, making mistakes with clothes, I bought a really good, simple suit, a good one Nothing particular, a nice, clean Italian kind of tailored suit, you know, nothing fancy.
00:14:37
Speaker
And it's good for everything. Nice. Yeah. is That is good. You know, the the the the thing that always bugs me the most about it is the shoes. Yeah. Because yeah i have to wear dress shoes, nice shoes. And it's often that I've not worn them for a long time.
00:14:57
Speaker
and yeah And my feet are not but not yeah you is used to them. but In Italy now, it's become really fashionable to you wear up um trainers with a suit.
00:15:09
Speaker
Right. and Get away with it. Yeah. These days.
00:15:14
Speaker
Nice. um But yeah yeah. So, you know, if you are ADHD, I think, you know, if you if you can get away with picking comfort over style, then go for it. Probably not Crocs, but yeah.
00:15:30
Speaker
Not Crocs. Not Crocs. Right. Unless you can get a little bride and groom thing on your on your Crocs. You know, like they have those little things on the Crocs.
00:15:42
Speaker
Or maybe tie tin cans to the back of the crocs. Yeah. See, make them wedding themed and then I think you'll get away with it. Right. A bit of effort. Or covered in confetti.
00:15:57
Speaker
Right. um Oh, yeah you know what? Getting there as a guest, like getting to the place is great.
00:16:08
Speaker
ah Getting there on time, I think, is the main issue, right? With my wife's family, they are all habitual late arrivers.
00:16:21
Speaker
All of them. All of them. Right. They all are. they They all go in separate cars. And then it's just it's just like how late are they all going going to be?
00:16:33
Speaker
And yeah I don't like being late. Like, ah yeah I know you you don't like being late, right? This is one of your things. Yeah. um And I was fine with with being late. And then at some point, I don't know, maybe it was my early thirties, I kind of went, you know what? The stress of being late is too much that I can bear.
ADHD Experience at Weddings: Dopamine vs Burnout
00:16:57
Speaker
so So I'm now like, I like being early, but.
00:17:02
Speaker
like I, yeah, then I, I'm already thinking right the beginning of a wedding. I'm already got like, I'm already sensitive to how, what a charade the whole thing is.
00:17:18
Speaker
I'm not the most romantic person in the world. And, you know, I'm already looking around thinking, oh, my God, all this ridiculous amount of money that's spent.
00:17:31
Speaker
The money that is spent is unbelievable. And that's... Oh, I just don't. It just drives me insane. You know, like you have a yeah have a cake and you spend £500 on a cake for a wedding.
00:17:45
Speaker
And if it was and any other cake, you know, if you pretend to the cake maker that it's not for a wedding, you'll pay half already. Oh, absolutely. Oh, yeah. As soon as they hear it, it's for a is a wedding. Oh, it's a cake for me. Yeah, at least like triple the cost.
00:18:00
Speaker
But it's like for everything as well. Shit food, generally. ah Except at mine. Come on. my cow You weren't there, but holy crap, it was good.
00:18:13
Speaker
i I went to town on my um for my wedding. ah Good food. Excellent food. But generally the buffet. Okay.
00:18:23
Speaker
So in England, there's the buffet. Okay. Oh, by the way, I had a check. I checked up. Italy is by far the most, the country that spends the most on food on average in the States.
00:18:37
Speaker
The average between and per guest average in the state so In England, yeah the average is so ah pounds it in pounds, forty to between 40 and 90 per guest.
00:18:51
Speaker
In Italy, ah between 100 and 180 euros per guest. So way, like double what the British spend.
00:19:03
Speaker
which I don't mind Italian weddings, actually. I'm all right with an Italian wedding. Yeah, because the food's good. Yeah. yeah is Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:19:15
Speaker
But with buff the English buffet, I'm kind of always the British buffet wedding. I'm already on... I'm like thinking, oh, God, it's going the usual stuff, you know? All right.
00:19:29
Speaker
Well, as as you started off on the kind of whole general concept of them, which it's funny, i I used to not like them, and then I've come to like them.
00:19:46
Speaker
So i over the years, I've... my my my opinion of them has changed. And that's because there's a couple of reasons why. One of them is is that when you put on a, you know, when you actually do a well wedding, it's usually a neurotypical people, usually.
00:20:07
Speaker
And there's this kind of vision that the bride or and bridegroom wants. It's almost like putting on a whole theater show, right?
00:20:18
Speaker
It's a whole production. yeah And I sit there in it and kind of go, it's It's like turning up to well to watch a play, so and and I think of it in that way, right? Right. It's performative. see how they're all how they're putting it together, what their ideas were, what things matter, and and I'm sitting there kind of and i sit there and enjoy the production.
00:20:43
Speaker
Right. It is performative, isn't it? and i but But I like that because having kind of gone through it, I appreciate how much shitting fucking work it is and how much money it is to get something like that.
Audience Interaction and Feedback
00:20:59
Speaker
So I kind of sit there and I won't sit there and kind of like just poop it. I'll be like...
00:21:03
Speaker
Okay. All right. Well, let's see. what yeah well What were you thinking? what were Come on then. yeah Give me a show. right Give me a show because that's what it is.
00:21:15
Speaker
You get the kind of like default buffet, don't you? So the the usual, you know, the usual players in the buffet. Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:21:26
Speaker
You get a prawn cocktail, you get the volovans, you get the mini sausage rolls, the scotch eggs, pork pies, crab sticks. Well, see, this is a very English.
00:21:39
Speaker
This is a very English. This is very English, yeah. I mean, in the States, is there like a typical buffet? Well, I mean, he' saying you you you said that we don't spend much, right, on the on the food.
00:21:57
Speaker
no you still con but No, you do, but it's just Italy is much more. Right. So comparatively, we don't power yeah it isn't like we're spending shed loads. is And it's because, as I said, that party side, that post-wedding part of the yeah wedding is in out.
00:22:19
Speaker
So yeah it's not like you're spending six hours there partying. You are in and out in an hour and a half kind of thing. Yeah. In Italy, the food is the most important thing by far.
00:22:33
Speaker
Because actually, strangely, in um America, it's the highest cost, average cost in the world for a wedding. Yeah. Oh, yeah, no. i i spent spent a lot of money and ah don't regret a single cent.
00:22:49
Speaker
um Yeah. and it's, yeah, it it is a shame, but a lot of sort sort of weirdly a lot of sort of business goes on weddings as well.
00:23:07
Speaker
Like, like my son got a job at my wedding. Um, ah for example so I mean, uh, so the other owners of the ad agency that I was an own owner of part owner, um, and and the other partners were there.
00:23:30
Speaker
And then my son, who was who was looking for a job, and went up to the partners and said, I want a job. And he went, okay, then. ah hi Nice. Actually, see what you and your son worked in the same place.
00:23:44
Speaker
yeah we Yeah, so there are two generations of us worked at at the at the ad agency agency that i used to be a partner partner of. I know.
00:23:54
Speaker
Crazy, isn't it? But going back to the ah buffets, because I know that you're going to ask me what my favourite buffet food is. Yeah. Well, can I just say I've always been... i've Of all the kind of classic things you have in a British buffet, I kind of like it.
00:24:12
Speaker
ah kind of i If I went back to the UK now, because I've been away for 20 years, I could probably appreciate the buffet. It would be almost like... what's the word?
00:24:24
Speaker
Nostalgic? It would be quite emotional in a word. Nostalgic, thank you. Yeah. But there's one thing that I cannot accept and
Comedic and Poignant Wedding Stories
00:24:32
Speaker
I've always been so um
00:24:37
Speaker
wary of this element of a buffet that I never actually tasted it. It just seemed like a complete fraud in the buffet world.
00:24:48
Speaker
Crab sticks. Crab sticks? Oh, they're all right. I've never tasted them. Haven't you? Never. kind of i've just I just treat them with disdain. i mean, they're just, I don't know what, ah they they are their own thing. They're not crab, clearly. Yeah. Before we came on, I checked i checked up, but what is a crab stick? There's no crab in them.
00:25:14
Speaker
No, no, that it's like some sort of reconstituted fish sort of stuff. Yeah, usually Alaskan pollock, strangely. Yeah. I don't know.
00:25:26
Speaker
Right. Fish sticks. It's got flavorings to mimic the taste of crab, often includes ah crowd this crab extract in artificial flavor. Yeah, I was like, what?
00:25:38
Speaker
This doesn't even look like a crab.
00:25:42
Speaker
I remember them coming onto the market, which, I don't know, maybe it the early or something. like like So what's your go-to? Well, on on the ADHD theme, I've always hated, you know, when there's like this like the rush, the first rush for the buffet.
00:26:03
Speaker
I'm always out of it. I wait
00:26:08
Speaker
unless i unless i see a particular food that i really really want i will stay at the back and wait for them i don't want to be involved in the rush don't know mean like if if there's a i think uh if there's a buffet i get i get and anxiety because i'm because they'll call you up by table right you're sitting there's head we're going come on come on come on when's it my fucking turn i'm hungry i eat something so so So I get anxious just this just waiting to get called for a stop.
00:26:41
Speaker
But honestly, Americans tend to go for the sit-down you know they meal so it gets brought to you. So they tend to more do the, you know, you have to make that choice.
00:26:57
Speaker
Before you go, do you want the beef or the fish or the mushroom burger? Right. And then you just sit there it just turns up.
00:27:08
Speaker
Yeah. That tends to be my experience. It's just generally terrible food, though. i mean, because as it should be, because, you know, if you're, I mean, the poor chefs, ah how do you, it's like everyone turning up, 100 people turning up at the same time at a restaurant.
00:27:27
Speaker
You know, it's a nightmare. So inevitably, the food is not going to be particularly, you you you might be lucky, but generally not very well cooked. Ours was fantastic. I want to say that. Everyone went, Jesus Christ, that was good.
00:27:42
Speaker
That's because we spent a lot of money on the on the food, and it was it was top tier. top ten your place It was up there. It was like the tier was up here somewhere.
00:27:55
Speaker
Nice. because Yeah, I mean, obviously there are exceptions, but i mean you've got to really pay for that, you know? it' Again, it's like the wedding dress or the cake. All of a sudden you're paying ridiculous amounts of money for it.
00:28:09
Speaker
Right. Absolutely. It's like New Year, you know, just because it's New Year. All of a sudden it's doubled the cost, you know? how do you how do you How do you feel about sitting there this ceremony?
00:28:25
Speaker
ah you can't you have to You can't fidget. You can't have to like sit there really still. You can't make noises. Well, generally, mean, usually the if it's – do you mean in the church or the register office?
00:28:39
Speaker
In the – well, either.
Celebrity Encounters at Weddings
00:28:41
Speaker
so Yeah. Yeah. I'm usually, kind of quite like new environments. So I'm stimulated, you know. All right, we're just looking around at everyone's hats.
00:28:51
Speaker
I'm always curious about churches, no matter whether it's a modern one or a traditional one or, you know, antique one. I'm always curious about churches. I find them fascinating. So all right.
00:29:03
Speaker
All right. So you're happy to sit there yeah in silence for 40 minutes. I don't sing. don't think. I can't remember the last time sang a song, a hymn.
00:29:17
Speaker
And then the sudden stress of a baby starts kicking off. Yeah, right. And you're looking at how looking around at how people have decided to dress, the choices that have been made.
00:29:32
Speaker
Right? Right, yeah. And and it will you it's also the first chance you've got to like, because weddings, you know, maybe the first chance you you haven't seen family members or friends for maybe 10 years.
00:29:45
Speaker
And that's the first chance you get to maybe see them. you know is this Right. there there are There are two sections. I don't know. There's the cocktail reception, which is the bit that happens...
00:30:01
Speaker
straight after the yeah the actual wedding ceremony and then you go to the place where you're going to kind of spend the evening and then they have like a cocktail session and then you that's where all the small talk happens that's yeah that's where you run into people they haven't seen for ages yeah which is Always a bit of a minefield. fall into two categories. If they're family members that you haven't seen for a while, cousins, aunties, uncles, then, you know, can be loaded, the conversation. And a bit like, right oh, God, you know.
00:30:41
Speaker
oh yeah. But depends. But there also, i remember they i had an aunt. Unfortunately, she died about a year and a half ago. Often if there was a wedding, it was the only time I got to see her, like once every 20 years.
00:30:54
Speaker
Right. Auntie Anne. and She was kick-ass. She was brilliant. And she was a baller, an absolute, ah of just amazing to spend some time with.
00:31:07
Speaker
Always look forward to it. She smoked cigars and swore a lot. Awesome. I like her already. She was great. So I ah used to hate that part of the evening because it was small talk central.
00:31:22
Speaker
Yeah. um yeah but as But as I've got older, again, i like I've somehow learned to really like talking to everyone and asking them loads of questions.
ADHD Impact: A Personal Rating
00:31:36
Speaker
Like, what are you doing now? Oh, you work for the CIA? Yeah.
00:31:41
Speaker
well yeah what What can you tell me? yeah like my Since my ADHD diagnosis, I'm getting along better with neurotypicals.
00:31:56
Speaker
Definitely. My relationship with neurotypicals has improved since my diagnosis. Very nice. I like that. Yeah. There's a real positive so side of it, definitely. Because now it's like I don't have to pretend anymore.
00:32:08
Speaker
And I could just like sit back and, you know, just like. don't have to make comparisons anymore or trying to fit in just be, right you know, so I can appreciate them better. You know, it's like going to the zoo, you know, throwing bananas to the monkeys. Yeah.
00:32:30
Speaker
Or peanuts to the elephants. Yeah. I love that. It's weird things. Throw peanuts up. I'm joking. of call I know. joking.
00:32:41
Speaker
I know. Obviously. ah But yes, small talk. That's, I love it. You know, it's, it's, I, because there was always this thing at the end of it where I'm driving home and and my wife and I'll say, right.
00:33:00
Speaker
What have we learned, right? And we ah we go back over the conversations that we've had. You go, oh, I was talking to so-and-so and they said this, that, and the other. Oh, well, I was talking to so-and-so. Yeah.
00:33:13
Speaker
you know What I do is I do that before. If if there's something I'm dreading or just not looking forward to, I will say to the person I'm going with, I'll say, let's make an event out of it.
00:33:26
Speaker
Mm-hmm. You know, you make a constant decision of of playing a game with the whole thing. It's gamifying it, I suppose. All right. Nice. Nice. Which is cool. Yeah, keeping interesting.
00:33:40
Speaker
Yeah. The one problem with gamifying, okay, all okay. The problem I have is if I'm in the middle of a conversation with someone and I can tell that the conversation is about to fizzle out, you know. no.
00:33:56
Speaker
And I'm really bad at making excuses. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah, that part of it. I can't break away. I'm bad at the breakaway. Mm-hmm.
00:34:10
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. And really, cultures feeling and seeming really awkward and clunky when at that moment. Some people, I've seen them, they're good at it.
00:34:23
Speaker
And I think, damn, how did they do that? Right. Well, yes, because obviously... if someone else comes in and joins the conversation, then you can slip away, all right? So that's one.
00:34:39
Speaker
yeah one But I find if I go, ah I've taken up too much of your time, I'll catch you later. Or I say, oh, I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll catch you later. Or I'm going to get something from the bar, I'm going to catch you later. Yeah. like I'm going to grab that last crab stick that's bike. Oh, of that crab stick's calling my name, mate.
00:35:04
Speaker
and Hello. Exactly. and then and then And then they'll go, oh, I'll have a crab stick too. And then you both go up to the crab sticks and then you're picking up the crab stick and you're going, I don't want to eat you. You're crying as you're eating the crab stick.
00:35:20
Speaker
I was once at a wedding and I was having a conversation with someone and they were famous. um he was actually the He actually played for England at the World Cup in 1966 when they won it.
00:35:33
Speaker
Holy crap. And i was having I found myself in a conversation with him trying to seem like cool and, you know, composed. And I had to be standing next to the buffet and i picked up what I thought was a lump of cheese. Yes.
00:35:54
Speaker
It was a lump of butter. Yes.
00:35:58
Speaker
And I tried to, rather than say, holy fuck, it's butter. i thought it was cheese. Because it was him. thought, I've got to keep up this appearance of being cool and composed.
00:36:13
Speaker
A great big chunk of butter.
00:36:18
Speaker
Oh, that's brilliant. Oh, wow. But why do so Why put butter on a stick? That's cruel.
00:36:31
Speaker
That's just like ah a Mr. Bean scene. Yes. Right there. That is exactly what that is.
00:36:39
Speaker
not That is funny. Oh, boy. so yeah um I've not met anyone famous at a wedding that I can think of.
00:36:51
Speaker
Sadly. Yeah, ah that was the only time. Well, I have been, i have met a famous person at a, at a, uh, it was a, it was actually ah a golf tournament and there was a sit down meal at lunchtime and I met Bruce Forsyth, but that's another story.
00:37:08
Speaker
but Another story for now another story for another time? A quick one. All right a really quick one. i was i have I got VIP tickets for a golf tournament, and it involved lunch, a very luxurious lunch at lunchtime, weirdly enough.
00:37:27
Speaker
And my my father was really happy because I i got these tickets like last minute, and I said, Dad, do you want to go to this golf tournament? Very high-level kind thing. I said, amazing. You managed to get tickets. Yeah, yeah, come Okay.
00:37:41
Speaker
So we sat down for lunch. And the other side of this massive space... there must've been like at least a hundred people in there. The other
Closing and Community Engagement
00:37:52
Speaker
side um came through the, came through the doors in the corner.
00:37:56
Speaker
So he must've been about 20 meters away. Bruce Forsyth. Right. So if you're, if you're not English, he's like, I don't know, how would you compare him to someone?
00:38:09
Speaker
I would say, no, I would say he, he is a, he is a TV game show host. Yes, exactly. is is Is how I would say it. The most famous, light numb like, yes top top five of, like, that kind of thing, you know. yeah And he clocked me, which in English basically means clocked me, means he he's looked at me in the eye from 20 metres away and started waving at me.
00:38:38
Speaker
LAUGHTER Like really, really animatedly. Right. Me. Yeah. And at this point, my dad's going, is he looking at you? And I look behind me and I look back and I thought I'll go along with this.
00:38:54
Speaker
um would wave back and he came over. Came over with his wife. Oh, wow. Came over with his wife, who happens to be ex-Miss Wilder.
00:39:04
Speaker
All right Beautiful woman. How are you, Paul? No, he didn't say my name. How are you? It's a long time since I've seen you. How lovely to see you. What are you doing these days?
00:39:17
Speaker
And I played along with it. Oh, well, fine, thanks, Bruce. Absolutely fine, actually. How are you? Oh, you know. i was kind to like Okay, anyway, nice to meet you, he said, and off he went. That's amazing.
00:39:29
Speaker
Turned around to my father said, what the hell is going on there? I didn't know you knew Bruce Forsyth. just But then decided to keep playing with it.
00:39:42
Speaker
I played, I kept the role. I didn't say, I have no idea what happened. I said, yeah, well, Bruce Forsythe, what do you want to know? Mm-hmm. Yeah.
00:39:53
Speaker
Wow. that is ah That is a, you know what? It's... i I've heard that story before, but it's been so long since I've heard it that it's like hearing it for the first time.
00:40:06
Speaker
Right. You know what I mean? The important detail i happened to be halfway through lamb cutlets at the time. Well, that's a very important detail. It is. I remember the lamb cutlets. I love lamb cutlets. mid It was in your mouth as you were waving.
00:40:22
Speaker
Oh, boy. ah I think that we we need to get on to the rating. Yes, let's rate it. Yeah. Oh, it's a difficult one to rate, actually. Here we go west Here we go. Here's the rating jingle.
00:40:37
Speaker
a dopamine hit or is it a dopamine hit?
00:40:43
Speaker
Is it a dopamine hit or is it a burnout thing? um We're going to rate this out of 10 as far as our ADHD goes. So let's start with the, the a um is being a wedding guest a a dopamine to hit?
00:40:59
Speaker
Paul. it's it's It's a three. I'll give it a three out of ten because it's just not. It's very rarely. I've been to one good wedding, bit like you. It was a mix of friends ah ah ah for English friends marrying a French lass, a mixture of French and English. It was ah it was just it was brilliant. and But generally, it's it's I treat them with disdain.
00:41:23
Speaker
Disdain. Disdain. and And I will give ah it... ah it's it It is now risen in stock. I would now say it's like six and a 6.5 out of 10, I think. Okay. So generally ah okay an approval.
00:41:44
Speaker
All right, so what about the burnout score? So out of 10, the kind of cost, the emotional and and dysregulation and all of that, the cost of ah being a wedding guest.
00:41:58
Speaker
but I'm going to give it an eight and a half. So it's pretty high. Yeah, I was pretty high i would agree. I think eight, eight and a half. So generally, given those scorings, we would say that from ADHD perspective, there is way more burnout than there is dopamine.
00:42:20
Speaker
then there is a dopamine Yeah, on this absolutely. This is much more draining than it is. Yeah. Yeah. yeah And it's like a hundred hundred other things I would rather be doing.
00:42:36
Speaker
Right. ah You would rather be eating eating a crab stick. Yes. um in ah In a shopping center. o On a crowded Saturday afternoon.
00:42:48
Speaker
and and And it's warm. Yes, exactly. All right. you know So this this takes us to where we'd normally go to to the post office, but we're going to switch things up on this show.
00:43:05
Speaker
um So if you've been listening to this podcast for a long time, you'll know that that ah that a Alexandra, the official ADHD town mayor, um has...
00:43:18
Speaker
always has cracking comments. um so And we always end up ah reading her stuff out. So I thought it rather nice if we actually gave her i a
00:43:36
Speaker
What's the word I'm looking for? not a a a new job title. um What's the corporate word that is struggling?
00:43:47
Speaker
A promotion. A promotion. A promotion. So um this is what happens. if If you get involved in this show and start commenting, you can there are so many jobs and titles that you can have at ADHDville, and we will give them to you if you just comment and stuff. Yeah.
00:44:08
Speaker
And then we'll go, you know what? We're going to give you an official ADHD job title. so um um So I'm to officially. ah um she So she's gone from being the ADHD town crier to the postmaster general.
00:44:26
Speaker
Exactly. ah Definitely a promotion. Up there. so Postmaster general. Postmaster general. general Yeah. Right.
00:44:38
Speaker
It is a – so well done to you And also, not only that, but um with it comes a raise, and she's actually decided to build a pub in ADHDville that we can go and visit.
00:44:55
Speaker
Nice. It's still in can it's still in can kind construction, um and last time I checked, she didn't have a name for it yet. okay So I think she's still working on that.
00:45:07
Speaker
um But let's jump in in the tra tractor and we'll just ah go on a pub crawl and we'll go over and visit the new pub. All right, let's jump in.
00:45:28
Speaker
And off we go. we go.
00:45:39
Speaker
new uh a new tune martin yeah yeah she yes all and alexandra gets her own little tune um and she's uh oh she's she's left a note i can see uh on the pub thing and it says uh oh oh firstly she says happy birthday paul oh thank you very much alexandra thank you um And then, um ah you know, last week we were talking about you you you you had some math, which was basically, if I remember rightly, your math was something like,
00:46:20
Speaker
um You know, the the Earth spins around the sun and the sun yes spins you know, and the sun travels. The Earth orbits the sun, and blah blah, blah, yeah.
00:46:34
Speaker
And it's traveling at a certain speed. Right, and the sun is part of the of the... bar alarm of the yeah Milky Way and that's moving as well.
00:46:45
Speaker
And in a 24-hour period, yes yes how long would it take for you to get i walk back two yes to um to... And he said oh this me she said, and because I know that she's good at math, you see.
00:47:03
Speaker
She likes math. She says, the theoretically, yes, it would take you 59 years to walk back. to where you started But I guess yeah you had to mind mars an hour ah yes you would have to move faster than five kilometers per hour to travel in in time so but So I thought, oh, that sounds like she's she's being quite nice. so so So I went and did some math
00:47:35
Speaker
nice and and checking. um And I came out with, rather than it taking 59 years to walk back to where you were, it would take 1,662 years to walk to where you started It sounds your... That sounds more logical. Well, it sounds more probable, what you're saying.
00:48:03
Speaker
and when i when i um When I did it, like 56 years. Surely it's more than that. Yeah. but Well, that's what I thought. I think ah we're going to update on this next week. we're going to give it i' going to give it another go.
00:48:19
Speaker
all right. So, Yeah. um if if If you were to walk back in 59 years, you would have to be walking at 213 kilometers an hour, which is like the speed of a jet. It's not going to happen, especially after the pub.
00:48:39
Speaker
Right. um Okay. she's And she she she she also has a point of view on on weddings as well. So she says, i truly don't like don't like a don't like a ah don't like web web can't say don't like wear weddings. i have bin only to one ah had actually some fun ah she so she's only been to one but and but she actually had fun right She doesn't like them.
00:49:11
Speaker
And even then, the most exciting part was when they brought a big bowl of meatballs at the table at 3 a.m. m after we had drunk a lot.
00:49:24
Speaker
I found it a brilliant idea. Nice. See, there go. see I feel like a Greek wedding, my big fat Greek wedding. bra I feel like food is an important part and the partying goes on longer. Like there is never, there would never be 3am party in, in a normal, traditional um American wedding.
00:49:49
Speaker
Yeah. It's quite common in like, i um, in Albania. I know that they go, they go on for hours and there's a lot of dancing and like right hours. Yeah.
00:50:01
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. um She says she goes on to say that the idea of me being a bride gives me chills. It has nothing to do with the concept of of of marriage, though.
00:50:12
Speaker
It's just can you imagine me being in a place where everyone is looking at me and I have to socialize, hug and do small talk with so many people pretending to have fun? What a nightmare.
00:50:26
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. There you She's actually summarized it really well. Mm-hmm. Yeah, this is like a pastiche. It's like a a bit too much, ah don't know, performative...
00:50:39
Speaker
for me. Okay. Alrighty. Alright. Cool beans. So that, I think, just leaves me to say ADHDville is delivered fresh every Tuesday to all providers of fine podcasts. Please subscribe to the pod and rate us most amazing. That'll do.
00:51:02
Speaker
um And feel free to correspond at will in the comments. But wait, there's more if you wish to see our beautiful beautiful faces then sally forth to the YouTubes and the TikToks and you can also pick up a quill and email us at ADHDville at gmail dot com did I say it all right? ADHDville at gmail dot com but in the meantime be fucking kind to yourself and I beseech you fellow ADHDers fare thee well with gladness of heart there says the mayor that's that that's that
00:51:38
Speaker
Bye.