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85. I Masked My Grief- with Corchele Smith
77 Plays4 years ago
Corchele Smith is the founder of a non profit, called Because of Breklyn. It’s mission is to help families who have experienced or will experience pregnancy, infant and child loss by giving them an unstuffed bear.
In May 2016 her daughter, Breklyn, unexpectedly passed away 10hrs after birth. During that very difficult time they were given and un-stuffed Bear. Their Brek-Bear has helped to bring comfort and healing through the log grief journey. Since then they have been providing Bears to families.
During our conversation, Corchele shares about her grief journey, and how she would hide her grief by pretending to be ok on the outside.. That led to a deep depression which she also hid and eventually turned to a point in my life where I was suicidal. Once she hit rock bottom and finally reached out for help is when she started truly experiencing, processing and coping with her grief and all the emotions that come with that. She did this by journaling, finding gratitude everyday, meditating, doing random acts of kindness but most importantly allowing herself to feel the deep dark feelings and also the highest and brightest feelings as well. Her own experience, has led her to now want to help others their grief journey as well.
Links to get in touch with Corchele Smith and to find out more about Because of Brecklyn:
https://becauseofbreklyn.com/
https://www.facebook.com/becauseofbreklyn/
https://www.instagram.com/because_of_breklyn/
To Contact Kendra Rinaldi for coaching or to be a guest on the podcast https://www.griefgratitudeandthegrayinbetween.com/
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Transcript
Understanding Grief and Societal Pressure
00:00:01
Speaker
I had this idea in my head that grief had a timeline, and so I needed to get over it pretty quickly, that if I kept talking about it, nobody would understand, or just the stigma that's around grief. So I actually was living a double life. To the outside world, I was grieving,
00:00:31
Speaker
And I was moving through the motions. However, I was not grieving at all. I didn't feel like I could grieve because I needed to make sure that my spouse was okay. I wanted to make sure that I could be his support. And I had a daughter that, you know, I needed to make sure that she was okay. And so I pushed my feelings completely down.
Podcast Introduction
00:00:59
Speaker
Hello and welcome to Grief, Gratitude, and the Gray in Between podcast. This podcast is about exploring the grief that occurs at different times in our lives in which we have had major changes and transitions that literally shake us to the core and make us experience grief.
00:01:22
Speaker
I created this podcast for people to feel a little less hopeless and alone in their own grief process as they hear the stories of others who have had similar journeys. I'm Kendra Rinaldi, your host. Now, let's dive right in to today's episode.
Introducing Korshel Smith
00:01:43
Speaker
I'm excited to have on the podcast today, Korshel Smith. Korshel is a mom of three, one of them being Brecklin. And the reason we are actually chatting today, she created a nonprofit organization called Because of Brecklin in honor of her daughter. And we'll be talking more about her. She's also a life coach. Her specialty is grief from pregnancy loss.
00:02:09
Speaker
And I cannot wait to hear her story as you all listen to it as well. So welcome. Thank you. Thank you for having me.
00:02:19
Speaker
I am glad you reached out and want to share your story this way. I think podcasts are just one of the ways that people either share their stories with grief or also how people use, one of the tools people use in their grief journey. So thank you for reaching out. Yes, of course. So tell me then, you live in Utah. Where in Utah do you live?
00:02:47
Speaker
Um, I'm in Northern Utah, more specifically the Ogden area. Okay. So let me see. I've been to Utah. My parents used to live in Salt Lake, uh, city. They lived there, I think for like four years or so, maybe. So how far from Salt Lake? That's my point. Salt Lake or Park City, Utah is like my point of reference. Okay. So from Salt Lake, it's about 25 ish minutes North.
00:03:16
Speaker
Okay. Okay. North of that. Oh, that's super close then. It's not. Yeah. That's it. Okay. Oh, sorry. The baby. It's totally okay. I know we were just talking. We just talked about that. Yeah. I know. It's like she has a sign on the door that says podcasting. Do not disturb. What is it? What does it say? Yeah. Podcasting. Do not come in.
00:03:39
Speaker
Hi, buddy. So we were just talking before we started recording, she was sharing the names of her kids. And so tell us then, because I just love how you when you just said about your youngest. So it's Cambria is your nine year old, then Brecklin, who would be five. And then your little one, what is his name? The one his his name is Buddy.
00:04:05
Speaker
But his birth name is Elijah, but he has no idea. I love it. Does he write buddy? I know he's just he's little so but does is he starting to write like his name and stuff? Does he write buddy? Like, yeah, he'll tell you his name is buddy. My name is buddy. Yeah.
00:04:25
Speaker
Cutey. I love it. I'm hoping it lasts for a while. It's adorable.
Brecklin's Birth and Passing
00:04:30
Speaker
Yeah, those little things are so cute, like when they do that. So tell us then about your grief journey.
00:04:40
Speaker
Well, how about this? Let's start with your motherhood journey. You have Cambria, so let's start with that. You and Mark, your husband have your three kids, and you do have three just two that are with you right now. So just tell us about your journey as a mom, becoming a mom of Cambria, and then your pregnancy with Brecklin, and we'll go from there. Okay. Cambria was a surprise.
00:05:09
Speaker
I had always wanted to be a mom. Um, and she was just, it was her time to make her parents on earth. And I got pregnant with her in 2011, early 2011, because she was born in December of 2011. And it was joyful. I loved it. I loved tran, transitioning from being like just in charge of myself and
00:05:39
Speaker
alone. I mean, not really alone, but you know how you kind of cross that threshold into motherhood. And I loved it. I thought it was the most beautiful thing. And, um, then I'm trying to think exactly, they're four years apart, Cambria and Brecklin. And so, um, got pregnant with Brecklin four years later and everything was, was perfect with really both pregnancies.
00:06:09
Speaker
And Brecklin was born in May 2016 and passed the same day that she was born. And you mentioned it was unexpected. So there was no sign when she was in utero that there was any distress or anything like that when you were pregnant with her? No, nothing. I had the most perfect pregnancy. She was very, very healthy. All of her tests came back normal.
00:06:40
Speaker
Just it, we were completely, completely blindsided. We really didn't know that something was wrong until probably two minutes before we went in, we went back to the OR for an emergency C-section. Oh, okay. So in that moment, when you went into that emergency C-section, then you knew that there was some distress. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't until then.
00:07:06
Speaker
Okay. So then when she was born, um, then she passed away 10 hours later. I can't imagine you as a, you know, the, of course the illusion, everything that all the emotions and everything that come up, uh, were you there with family or just you and Mark? How was, what was the dynamic in the hospital? Um, when she was born, I, I personally wanted it very differently with Cambria. We had,
00:07:35
Speaker
a party, literally a party, like everybody and their dog was at the hospital. Like they were all present when Cambry was born. And so I wanted a more intimate birth and I just wanted it to be Mark and I and Brecklin. And so nobody was, I did have a doula, but nobody was there other than Mark and my doula.
00:08:06
Speaker
I'm like, my tongue got twisted because my mom actually did get her license also to be a doula. My mom has passed away, but she did have certification for doula, but my sister is a doula. She actually just delivered a baby this week as we're recording this May. Oh, I love that.
00:08:24
Speaker
Yeah, she loves it. Now, how was your doula's role then in that delivery since you ended up having a C-section? Was she by your side? Was she mainly helping Mark? What was that dynamic? I love that you're sharing this about doulas because sometimes people don't know that they could have this additional help in their birth. Yeah. Well, my poor doula, she was still going through school getting her certificate.
00:08:54
Speaker
And so I was her first client that poor thing. Oh, my heart still goes out to her. We actually still keep in contact because obviously now we have this like crazy bond, but she went from helping me and they only allowed one person back in the OR. So naturally Mark came back in the OR with me and she waited in our room, but, um,
00:09:24
Speaker
She went from helping me to more of helping Mark get in his PPE so that he could go back with me. She gave me a kiss on the forehead before I went back and said, everything's going to work out. Everything will be just fine. Just remember to stay calm and I'll see you when you're done. And then Mark is actually the one who ended up going
00:09:52
Speaker
back into the room and saying, things aren't good. Brecklin is very sick and is probably not going to make it. And she then became comfort and support for Mark while I was still trying to wake up from the ketamine. And then as Mark made phone calls to family and as they came up, I remember her kissing me goodbye and saying,
00:10:22
Speaker
I will be back, but right now it's time for me to step away. Your mom and your sister here and other family is on the way. Mark is also still here. If you need anything before I come back, please call. And so she left and let us be. And she did return later that evening and then even the next day.
00:10:46
Speaker
She let you be with your family in that moment of of grieving. Yeah. So take us then into this journey. Then here you are. Leave, you know, you leave the hospital. You don't have your daughter with you. Or did that. Were you able to plan any type of memorial? What were the circumstances then after her passing?
00:11:14
Speaker
She passed around noon and we kept her with us the rest of that evening. And then I wasn't ready to be discharged. You know, that day I had just had a C-section. So I had to stay an extra day. And so I decided to send her to the hospital's cold room overnight. And then in the morning they brought her, her body back up to me.
00:11:44
Speaker
And then the mortuary came to get her, it was about 24 hours after she had passed because they came about noon the next day. And then, um, I was discharged and we did, you know, the, the planning of the memorial service and the funeral and stuff after I was discharged. The only thing we really had to discuss in the hospital is which mortuary was going to come to the hospital and, um, care for her body.
00:12:13
Speaker
Okay, that's good that it wasn't too many decisions because like, you know, imagine in those moments, like you're still like, you know, you're still in shock and having to make so many decisions around, you know, your daughter's, you know, process of what it is that's going to happen, it just must be so overwhelming.
00:12:32
Speaker
Now, was Cambria with you? Did she come with any of the family members to the hospital? Did you guys wait to tell her when you went home? What was it? She was only four. So how was it for you then telling your four-year-old daughter that her little sister had passed away?
Explaining Loss to a Child
00:12:51
Speaker
Yeah, because of some abandonment issues that she was already dealing with as a young child, we decided
00:13:01
Speaker
Not to have her come up to the hospital until Brecklin's body was completely removed from the hospital. It was, it was the hardest decision that we've ever made. And I think Mark and I both still wonder if that was the right decision, but in the moment it was. And we, we didn't want to give her something and then take it away. And so we, we waited.
00:13:28
Speaker
until Brecklin was gone and then we allowed her to come up. She didn't know anything. We asked family not to tell her anything and she came up and I gave her her big sister gift and she went and changed into her dress. And then, um, I told her, I was like, come sit, come sit with me. Um, by that time I was out of bed. And so I went and sat in the rocking chair and I just put her on my lap and I, you know, I explained to her,
00:13:55
Speaker
our religious beliefs and what we believe in that she was only here. She only needed to be here for a short amount of time and that, um, that mommy did have Brecklin. She's not in my belly anymore, but unfortunately she's not coming home with us. Just, you know, on a four year old level is as best a four year old can grasp something like that. And I,
00:14:22
Speaker
To be honest, I don't think she really understood the full concept of it until we did let Cambria see Brecklin after we had put her in her casket and kind of, we call it tucking her into bed after we had, we had tucked her in forever. We did let Cambria kind of peek in and see her, but that, that's the extent of it.
00:14:50
Speaker
It definitely, it's like you said something so key, which is that was the best decision you could make at that time. It was the best you knew what to do at that time. And that is so important for anybody that is going through things. Whatever decision you make, it's the right decision. In hindsight, you might think like, well, we could have that. But in that moment, like when you're kind of grasping at whatever strings are around in your own
00:15:19
Speaker
journey, like anything you decide in that moment, it's what is the best in that moment. And that I think allows as a grieving person, and I'm sure you know this too, going, you know, helping other grieving parents after pregnancy loss, is that that gives them a little sense of less guilt or so forth in that journey. Would you agree with that? I agree. Yeah, I do.
00:15:48
Speaker
It hasn't been until just recently that Cambry really has asked those tough questions being nine years old, mom, why, why don't I have any pictures with her? And, you know, so, and it, and it's a good, if they're good questions to open up conversation of sometimes we have to make hard decisions in life and whatever is feels right in the moment is the right decision.
Personal Grief Experience and Societal Stigma
00:16:15
Speaker
Agreed, agreed. So here you are now then starting your grief journey. Had you grieved before, like had you had any major losses in your life prior to Brecklin's death that kind of became stepping stones for your grief journey or was this like, here you go, lesson university degree here with this bang,
00:16:40
Speaker
Is that kind of what it was? Yep. It was totally like out of left field. Had no idea about grief at all. Had never experienced it. Never needed to cope with it. Like nothing. And then it was just like, here I am and I'm coming at you full force.
00:17:00
Speaker
So how did you navigate your grief journey? What were the tools you used? Did you have anything? You mentioned faith before as to what you were kind of sharing with Cambria when you were explaining a little bit about what had happened to her sister. Was faith one of the things you held onto, family, friends, journaling? Tell us, tell us, tell us. In the beginning, faith was the biggest thing.
00:17:30
Speaker
but I had this idea in my head that grief had a timeline. And so I needed to like get over it pretty quickly that if I kept talking about it, nobody would understand or, you know, just the stigma that's around grief. Um, so I actually was living a double life. I, to the outside world,
00:17:59
Speaker
I was grieving and I was moving through the motions. However, I was not grieving at all. I didn't feel like I could grieve because I needed to make sure that my spouse was okay. I wanted to make sure that I could be his support. And I mean, and I had a daughter that, you know, I needed to make sure that she was okay. And so I pushed my feelings completely down, like all the way down. I didn't deal with the grief at all. And then.
00:18:29
Speaker
we decided that we wanted to try for another baby. So I wanted to make sure that my body was healthy for that. And so heaven forbid, I let grief back into my life and deal with it while I'm trying to have a baby because who knows if that will cause a miscarriage or anything. And so we, we get pregnant and I wanted to be healthy for that. And then between not dealing with grief, I think was,
00:18:58
Speaker
the root cause of the problem. And then after I had my, my son, I had really bad postpartum depression, which I think stemmed from not grieving. And it, it was not until October of 2019 that I really, really grieved that I actually, for the first time in my life, let myself grieve my daughter. And, you know, by that time it was,
00:19:27
Speaker
three and a half years ago. And yeah, so I masked it. I didn't deal with it in the beginning. And like I said, it wasn't until 2019 when I finally started to grieve. And the first thing I did was I actually hired a coach and then she gave me the
00:19:56
Speaker
tools to grieve. And so I've, I've done journaling, I've done dance therapy, um, just, and, and finding kind of just that tribe of people who are further into their lost journey and still grieve every day because you will, you will forever grieve.
Acceptance in Grieving
00:20:22
Speaker
There's no timeline. It doesn't ever end.
00:20:26
Speaker
And thank you for sharing that you had mastered at the beginning, too, because that is important to know. I feel it has to come out somehow, right? Like somewhere. And sometimes it comes out, like you said, in this case, three years later. Other times, grief comes out as anger. Grief can come out masked as other things, right?
00:20:48
Speaker
And people don't really realize it, that that's what it is. And again, this doesn't mean that, again, nobody grieves the same way. So it doesn't mean that everybody to grieve has to cry necessarily or do the journaling or things like that in their morning process. But somehow or another, acknowledging that something hard happened
00:21:13
Speaker
And acknowledging those emotions is the first real step and acceptance of that reality, of that reality, I think is the biggest step for, you know, starting your grief journey. Yeah, I agree. Definitely acceptance. Even just if you can't verbalize it, at least just writing it. Something about just being able to let your body release those words at least starts
00:21:43
Speaker
the process of it. And acceptance that it happens, it doesn't mean that you're happy that it happened. It's the fact that this is the new reality. This is the reality. This happened. Now what do I do? Yeah, it's huge. Now tell us then, so here you are when you became a mom then to buddy.
00:22:06
Speaker
That's really when then you addressed really your your grief was in that midst of your postpartum Depression and your and your grief then was able to kind of come to the surface You had your coach to help you guide you through this and Navigate this journey and it is a journey with sometimes no destination With sometimes no destination
Grief as a Journey
00:22:38
Speaker
You know how they say in yoga that yoga is a practice? I don't know if you've ever done yoga. They say yoga is a practice. Like you're literally just practicing. And that's how I feel with grief. It's a journey because it's just a journey. You just keep on kind of going and going and going. And it does change the changes.
00:22:59
Speaker
So when this you you seek to help now, how was marks because you marks? Grief journey a little bit because you said you were taking care of him was but did he have then his period of being able to express his emotions He grieved like you mentioned earlier some people think that like you just need to cry and cry and cry and because I had never experienced it before that's what I expected was him to just kind of
00:23:27
Speaker
go into a hole and not want to get out of bed and just cry and cry and cry. And so when he didn't grieve like that, I was like, okay, what's wrong with you? Do you even care? Do you even miss her? And then it started to affect me as well. But I, I later found out that everybody grieves differently and
00:23:52
Speaker
He has since then we've communicated that he didn't dare grieve in front of me because he wanted to be my support. And so when he would have to drive to the office or, or, you know, drive from the office back home, he would grieve alone in the car. Um, and so he really, he just grieved on, on his own, in his own time.
00:24:22
Speaker
And we, you know, we have yet to really talk about how he grieved. To me, it doesn't matter. We all grieve differently. I just want to make sure, you know, even five years later that, Hey, are you doing okay? Especially around the holidays or when it's Brecklin's birthday? I just, we do a quick check-in. Are you doing okay? How are you feeling? Do you need some time to grieve? How would you like to grieve this time? Sometimes there's been many years where
00:24:50
Speaker
on Brecklin's birthday, Mark just wants to be with us. He doesn't want anybody to come over. He doesn't want to do anything, but he doesn't want us to leave either. He just wants to be in the house together. That's the way that he, you know, sometimes that he grieves best is with just us being around him. And so it's just having that open communication is really, really good, at least for him and I, because
00:25:18
Speaker
He grieves so privately and I grieve out loud. Like if I'm in the grocery store and something triggers me, I'm just going to cry. I'll just do it right there in the grocery store, whereas he'll wait until he gets to the car. So we grieve very differently.
00:25:35
Speaker
But it's interesting because it was three years that you held it in. And it was then after that, then now you grieve out loud, right? So it's like, yeah, so interesting. I like that. Grieve out loud. We should make it just like I make this t-shirt. Maybe we should make a t-shirt with that logo. You could make one. Sign me up. I want to wear one.
00:26:33
Speaker
So thank you again for sharing that and for sharing also a little bit of Mark's journey. But like you said, everybody grieves so differently. And the fact that it's his story also to tell, right? But I just kind of wanted to just get an idea since you were mentioning that you had basically held your grief for three years in. And so I just was wondering how he had expressed his grief. So thanks for sharing that.
00:27:01
Speaker
Now, let's go into then how then you transitioned to becoming now a life coach and specializing in grief, and then how because of Brecklin was developed and the mission behind that. So which one came first, the chicken or the egg in this case? Was it the website first, or nonprofit, and then your grief coaching or grief coaching first? What was first?
Foundation of 'Because of Brecklin'
00:27:30
Speaker
It was the nonprofit first. Okay, so tell us about your nonprofit. So I am the founder of Because of Brecklin. We are a nonprofit whose mission it is to get a bear into the hands of those who experience pregnancy, infant and child loss. And this all
00:28:00
Speaker
came to be because I can't even remember the timeline but shortly after Bracklin had died a family member gave me an unstuffed bear that I could take to any build a bear and have it stuffed and she told me um that she would hope that this bear would
00:28:29
Speaker
be a memory of Brecklin. And to be honest, I was like, this is, this is the stupidest thing. And I, I probably let it sit for a couple weeks. And then it was summer was coming. She Brecklin passed in May. And so it was like mid June or July when I was like, you know what, I'll just go stuff this bear and she can come with us on all the adventures that we were going to do.
00:29:00
Speaker
at least of a representation of Brecklin would have been here with us. And the first place that she went was to Seattle with us. We went and visited Seattle and it was so fun. I just put her in my little backpack as we rode our bikes along the water or, you know, as we were going on adventures and it was fun to see
00:29:27
Speaker
that, you know, although she was gone, there was still this item that memorialized her. And I, I loved it. I loved that she was kind of just Brecklin's feeling and over time, um, she brought, she started to bring healing and she started to bring comfort. And now we call her Breck and Breck is part of our family. And so,
00:29:55
Speaker
When Brecklin's Angelversary, first Angelversary was coming around, I asked myself, what can I do to remember her on her special day? And I decided to do the same and give unstuffed bears to the hospitals that they can hand out. And it was small. We just asked family, since you can't buy Brecklin,
00:30:23
Speaker
a birthday present, would you mind giving us some money so that we can buy all these bears? Well, it snowballed from there and we just, we have loved it so much. And then the community loved it and people who have received the bears love it. And it just, as it grew, we've just organically let it grow. Like if,
00:30:52
Speaker
If we only did it one time, that would have been fine with us. But now the hospitals call every year, do you have more bears? Can I get more bears? And now we're just known that if you need a bear, you come to us and we will get you a bear. And they're always unstuffed. Unless for some reason you are not within, you know, the vicinity of a build a bear, then I will go stuff it at my local build a bear for you and give you a stuffed bear.
00:31:22
Speaker
And we've had to do that a couple of times, but most of the time the bears come unstuffed so that these families who receive them can, some people put a pair of socks in there. Some people put a hat, some people put a binky, some people put their baby's heartbeat in there. So it's whatever, whatever you want to put in with the stuffing and also
00:31:48
Speaker
We call it birthing your bear. You get to birth your bear and bring it to life. And so that has a little bit more meaning. And we just hope that these bears bring as much comfort as my bear brought to me.
00:32:05
Speaker
That is so beautiful. That is so beautiful. When I went onto your website, I was like seeing that and I'm like, that is just so thoughtful. And it just, like you said, everybody can kind of make it be what they want it to be and represent for them. And from what I see on your Instagram posts too, like you have them the bear and the family pictures and things like that too, kind of holding space, right, for
00:32:35
Speaker
for Brecklin as well. How do you then talk with now that Cambria is nine and then buddy, does he understand that he has an angel sister? I don't think he fully understands. He will see pictures of her and know that that's baby sister or that's baby Brecklin. I don't think he fully grasps, you know, that she
00:33:05
Speaker
will never be here or that she was once here and not anymore. I also don't think he realizes that he is the baby, that she is actually older. But even for me, like when I remember her, I think of her as a 10 pound baby. I don't think of her as a five year old running around. And so in my mind, she will always be the baby even though I have one after her.
00:33:36
Speaker
Yeah, she will for that. You remember the song like forever young for it. I don't know if you're, you're not as old as I am, but you know what I'm talking about. I do remember that song though. Yeah. So she'll be forever young. That's how I felt. My sister passed away. She was 18 when she passed away. So I'm like, I always think I'm like, well, she'll be forever young, you know?
00:33:55
Speaker
So. Yeah. Yeah. So that that feeling. So so then when he sees the Breckland bear, Breck bear, what does what does he think of the bear coming along to all the adventures of the family? That's or what does Cambria say about? Oh, he knows. He knows that that is Breck bear.
00:34:21
Speaker
Um, and that's the other thing I don't think he realizes that it represents his sister, but we'll get there one day and Cambria just adores her Cambria adores Brett. It's always making sure that. Yeah.
00:34:46
Speaker
Go ahead. There's a, there was an echo. So that's what you heard. Go ahead. Continue. Oh, sorry. Cambria always make sure that Breck is with us. Um, we, Breck even has her own little wardrobe. And so Cambria likes to go choose clothes for Breck. And it's just like her little, her little buddy. Um, there are some families who there's one little family there bear, um,
00:35:15
Speaker
literally the daughter takes her everywhere like she plays in the sand with her she goes in you know down the slides and in the play gyms and stuff and I have I am so protective of my bear that I don't let Cambria take her out very often in rough house with her and get her dirty and stuff but I you know I do allow Cambria to
00:35:41
Speaker
to change her clothes or she likes to dance with her or she likes to tuck her in the bed, which is just putting her on the couch for the night. She likes to do all of those things.
00:35:56
Speaker
Oh, it's so sweet because it just, again, the relationship continues even though there's this inanimate object, right? But it has that representation of what that means, of that bond continuing, you know, even after loss.
00:36:12
Speaker
I'm a volunteer in a nonprofit organization that helps grieving families. And actually, when the kids, it's always with children, and when they join the program, they always give them a bear, a stuffed bear, when they join the program of this nonprofit. So I can relate to what you...
00:36:34
Speaker
what you're doing, but I love the idea of this unstuffed bear and that process that the family can go through and that you can add this little added meaningful things if you wanted inside the heartbeat. That's beautiful, like the little recording that they do at Build-A-Bear and stuff. That's what a beautiful sentiment behind that. Now tell us then now your journey also now as a life coach and helping people in their grief journey as well.
00:37:09
Speaker
This journey is fairly newer.
Transition to Grief Coaching
00:37:16
Speaker
Um, like I mentioned earlier, I hired a coach and then I hired another coach and another coach. And eventually I was almost like the universe was just like, this is what you need to do. And I had been, you know, asked before,
00:37:39
Speaker
do you help people through this? And I was like, no way. I, I do not. And then the more that people started asked, the more I felt this tug, especially for grief. I don't feel like there's enough coaches for grief out there because it's hard. I mean, you know, it's, it's not fun and it's hard, but it's rewarding as well. And so I just, I asked my coach one day, like,
00:38:09
Speaker
How do I do this? And she asked me, well, do you give advice to anybody who has already lost a child? And I was like, well, yeah, like my best friend actually lost a baby as well two years after after Brecklin. And so I've helped her through her journey. And I was like, yeah, I do this already. And she's like, then why not make a career out of it? Why not continue to do it? And I was like, oh,
00:38:39
Speaker
You're, you're right. And it kind of fell in the, I like to call it divine timing because, um, at the time, my job also made some, some shifts and they wanted me to, uh, start working more hours. And I wasn't willing to, because I have such a young family and my first priority is to be a mother to them. That, that is my personal, um, priority.
00:39:08
Speaker
And I wasn't willing to take more time away from them. And so it was all just divine timing. Work was pulling me one way and I was pushing against it. And, and this was just tugging at my heart. And so I, you know, I said, okay, well, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be and quit my job and got, you know, I, I had been through the training. I had started the training anyway.
00:39:39
Speaker
and just kind of put it out there to see if anything was going to fall into my lap. And boy, did it fall into my lap. It's definitely kind of like the nonprofit. It is just growing on its own organically. And I love it. And I will continue to do it as long as there continues to be grief in the world. Now that I'm in this space, there's no place else I would rather be.
00:40:10
Speaker
It's so true what you say. The same for me when I was tugged in that direction of helping in the grief world as well. I didn't know, first of all, that there was even grief coaching. You knew because you had received a grief coach yourself, but I didn't even know that. I didn't even know that there were grief coaches until I started feeling that need to help others because I realized I'm like,
00:40:35
Speaker
I've been helping people in grief journeys and different types, not necessarily of death, pretty much all my life. Any time a relationship would end from a friend, I'd be the person they'd call for advice or things like that, just the listening ear throughout my lifetime. So sometimes we've already been doing that role and it just kind of then
00:41:00
Speaker
kind of like you said, just flourishes or we give it a name of something we've already been doing. So that's beautiful that you do this. That's beautiful. Now, to work with you then, to work with you, do they also go in the Because of Brecklin website or how do they find you to work alongside you? Yes, so you can find the Because of Brecklin website and just we have a contact us for
00:41:31
Speaker
Put your information there and put that you're interested in grief coaching, or you can message our, directly message our Instagram or Facebook as well. Perfect. Thank you. Now, Kaushal, are there any other words you'd like to share with the listeners or any other stories or things you want to say that I have not asked before we close off?
00:42:02
Speaker
I think the biggest thing, um, like the one last thing that I want to leave people with is you, after you go through grief and you're, you're really hit with it, you can still honor them and miss them and be happy at the same time. And I didn't know that you could do that simultaneously. So for anybody who is listening that doesn't know that you can be happy again and still
00:42:32
Speaker
honor your loved one that has passed. It's so true. Sometimes people don't understand that those two motions can coexist, right? That joy and sadness can coexist at the same time.
00:42:50
Speaker
And isn't it weird that they can coexist? Like what an oxymoron that is? It is. It is, but it's like, because it's also instances, right? Like we forget that in life, we have so many different moments. I think of like, for example, our kids or even just ourselves.
00:43:08
Speaker
Let's say we get back from work and like, how was your day? Oh my gosh, that was horrible. And we completely talk about our whole day, our whole, whatever, eight hours at work or kids with eight hours at school. They sum it up into one.
00:43:24
Speaker
single experience in one moment makes it be for whatever the whole day was. I'm like, wait, was the whole day that way? Or was it like a 30-minute span of that incident? And that's the thing. In our day, we can have all these different emotions. We can have sadness. We can laugh. We can be angry. We can be all these different things. We can be frustrated.
00:43:51
Speaker
but yet we sum them up by just one. Oh, so true. I definitely agree with that. That is very, very true.
00:44:08
Speaker
So, yeah, so then that's kind of how grief is. There can be all those diverse emotions in it, and it doesn't all have to be of sadness. There could be joy when we remember our loved ones, too. So, hold on to that. So, thank you for those words and for sharing that. And
00:44:29
Speaker
And for this, again, organization that you have of helping other grieving families with your nonprofit, as well as you being a coach and helping grieving mainly moms or do you also help dads? Is it mainly grieving mothers? Moms and dads, the mothers, they seem to, at least from what I have found in my community, they seem to
00:44:59
Speaker
go to like the local lost chapter, their meetings and stuff. I work a great deal with men. That is the majority of my clients, but men and women. That's wonderful. Thank you, thank you once again. Thank you.
00:45:27
Speaker
Thank you again so much for choosing to listen today. I hope that you can take away a few nuggets from today's episode that can bring you comfort in your times of grief. If so, it would mean so much to me if you would rate and comment on this episode. And if you feel inspired in some way to share it with someone who may need to hear this, please do so.
00:45:56
Speaker
Also, if you or someone you know has a story of grief and gratitude that should be shared so that others can be inspired as well, please reach out to me. And thanks once again for tuning into Grief Gratitude and the Gray in Between podcast. Have a beautiful day.