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Loneliness in Motherhood: Prevention, Solutions and Helping Others {Episode 24}
100 Plays6 years ago
If you're a mom, you're probably no stranger to loneliness. Whether it's after quitting your full-time job, having a new baby, moving to a new city or just the daily stress of caring for multiple small children, being a mom is often a lonely job.
Join us as we talk about why moms so often encounter loneliness, how to prevent and overcome the isolation of staying home with children and how to reach out to other moms around us who might be struggling.
Bonnie's recommendation: Qeepsake Digital Journaling
Audrey's recommendation: Gretchen Rubin's color therapy technique
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Backgrounds
00:00:06
Speaker
Hello and welcome to Outnumber the Podcast. I'm Bonnie. And I'm Audrey. And we're homeschooling moms to a combined total of 18 children. We know firsthand that motherhood is full of crazy chaos and overwhelming obligations, but it should also be full of love and laughter. Regardless of where you are on your journey, come join us as we work together to find joy in the chaos of motherhood.
Exploration of Loneliness in Motherhood
00:00:31
Speaker
Hey guys, welcome back. This is episode number 24.
00:00:34
Speaker
Today we are tackling a little bit of a heavier topic and that topic is loneliness in motherhood, specifically those times in our mothering career where we feel really alone, like no one understands what we're going through, like no one's ever done this before. And even though we know that's not true, it can be a really tricky thing. So before we get started and jump into this topic, I'm going to have Audrey start us off with a humor segment and a really awesome review. Go ahead, Audrey.
00:01:00
Speaker
Okay, so we got this really sweet review and reviews, just to remind you guys, help us on iTunes because they help other people find the podcasts. So it puts us higher on the search function in iTunes. So we really appreciate all your reviews. This one is from Ashley Schubert and it says, fun and helpful. I enjoy listening to this podcast. It's lighthearted and fun, yet filled with wisdom. The stories are entertaining and it's nice to hear from moms who have been there, done that. Oh boy, have we ever been there, done that.
00:01:31
Speaker
That's so nice. Thanks so much, Ashley. Yeah.
00:01:35
Speaker
Okay, so I have a humor segment too. Of course, right now I have a baby and we're dealing with colic and he gets a little bit, he spits up a lot if I get some sort of food that he doesn't agree with his little tummy or whatever. And so the kids, my five year old and seven year old boys, five year old and eight year old boys, they think it's super funny when he barfs on somebody on one of their sisters, especially.
00:02:05
Speaker
The baby threw up and the five-year-old and this eight-year-old over here at this conversation, they say, the five-year-old says, the baby barfed and it looked like a mustache on his face. And the eight-year-old goes, no, silly. It's not a mustache. It's on his chin. It's a beard, a barf beard.
Personal Stories of Loneliness
00:02:29
Speaker
That's awesome. Well, we've had quite a few barf beards over here too, poor children.
00:02:34
Speaker
All right, so today's topic on loneliness in motherhood. Um, even when you're surrounded by children, you wouldn't think that would be a lonely time. Like sometimes we joke about how we're getting touched out and we don't want even to be touched anymore by one more person for five minutes, but it's loneliness and it's a real thing. And even as moms of nine kids, we experience it and we're talking about it today.
00:03:00
Speaker
Yeah, it does seem to surprise people who have never been in that instance thinking, oh my gosh, you never have a moment's peace. How can you possibly be lonely? But I think we need to realize that our emotional needs go above and beyond just being surrounded by people. Like, have you ever been in a crowd and felt really lonely?
00:03:16
Speaker
You can be literally touching five people at the same time, but emotionally, your emotional needs for connection are not being met. So that's what we're talking about. And moms especially struggle with this, especially stay-at-home moms, because you can literally go days without seeing another adult human being, except maybe your husband, unless he's gone too on business or something. So I just wanted to share some of my first experiences with loneliness as a mom. Obviously, it started when I was first a new mom.
00:03:44
Speaker
with my baby. So I went from working full time with a bunch of adults to staying home full time with a baby who can converse with me and all these feelings and all these emotions
00:03:55
Speaker
all these scary things I was going through for the first time and not really anyone to talk about it. So right around this time, I remember meeting someone at church who was new to the area and she was also in my same scenario. She had a new baby and our babies were just a few weeks or a few months apart and she invited me over to her apartment to watch a show and she had been binge watching Alias. I don't know if you ever saw that show with Jennifer Garner in it.
00:04:19
Speaker
And she just rented them from the library. And we would just sit around and watch episode after episode of the show and eat a bunch of ice cream. And I'm sure it didn't do much for my waistline. And I'm sure it didn't do much for my child's social interaction. It was just watching TV with me. But it was so nice to have another person going through the exact same thing who could
00:04:42
Speaker
connect with me on a level that I didn't really realize I was missing. So even though we weren't really being very productive with our time, it was just a fun time for me to look back on because I really felt like someone understood me at a really lonely time.
00:04:55
Speaker
Right. I remember my first mothering hood experiences too and feeling super lonely. When I became a mother, we did not live near any family and so we're in a new area and making new friends takes time or maybe it just takes me time, but it was quite lonely. We lived in a pretty remote area and there wasn't very many people who lived there.
00:05:21
Speaker
When my husband picked up on this, one thing that he did was had me take, after each baby, he would have me take a class, go down to the community college and just take a class. And it wasn't like for credit or anything, it was just like, you know, mental health. And so he had me, let's see, one time I took a class on oil painting and one time I took a class on Russian, just
00:05:48
Speaker
something completely different that wasn't, you know, being a mom and raising kids. Um, and then when, after our first, we went and took a sign language class together. And so that was just, um, you know, some things I did just to be around other people and that were adults and, um, kind of, you know, for that, that combat that loneliness. And, um, another thing I did was, I'm not sure this was exactly a productive behavior, but I spent,
00:06:17
Speaker
A ton of time we had a tiny little library in that town and I probably read every book in that library. This was, you know, pre social media days. And I probably read every book in that library and there were some really stupid ones, but whatever. I just read and read and read and read.
00:06:35
Speaker
Yeah, well, I still think reading books in a library is more productive than watching seven seasons of a spy thriller. Let me assure you, there were some really mindless books I read. Well, I love that you did something to both improve yourself and also get you out among other people. That's awesome.
Understanding and Addressing Loneliness
00:06:54
Speaker
I also remember when I was pregnant, I think with my
00:06:57
Speaker
Second, I went and took a photography class, and I loved that, and I met some really interesting people. What's funny is now I remember that they thought I was ... They were all shocked to know that I was pregnant with my second child. I don't know if they thought it was strange that I had two kids or that they were so close. I mean, they were two years apart, but anyway, I just remember thinking, really? I plan on having a bunch more, but I better not tell you guys that because you're going to got to freak out.
00:07:24
Speaker
And the other experience I remember, loneliness in my first motherhood experience was I was quite young when my dad was killed in a car accident. I was 24 and I was expecting eight weeks pregnant with my second. And I remember, of course, grief took part in my feelings at that time, but I remember just feeling super, super lonely because there wasn't a lot of people that could relate to
00:07:50
Speaker
Losing a parent very young in life like that and then also all the loneliness that motherhood came with it So I really felt isolated at that time too because of I think the combination of both those experiences Yeah, yeah, and we're gonna talk a little bit more about why we get lonely as moms and a few other things so First of all
00:08:13
Speaker
We all know that it happens. We're going to talk about why. We're going to talk about how to prevent it before we start feeling really lonely. We're also going to talk about what to do once the loneliness has settled in, how to eradicate it. And then finally, we're going to talk about how to reach out to other people around us who might feel that way so that we can do our part in helping other moms that might be feeling a little lonely.
00:08:33
Speaker
Right. So we'll start with a why. And I was getting into this a little bit, but isolation is a big part of why we're lonely as mothers. It's part of that career change from, you know, the change from being in a career to staying at home. And really, there's not a lot of
00:08:54
Speaker
rewards or in being a mother, like I'm speaking of rewards as in promotions at work or praise from your coworkers or a raise, you know, monetary. There's not that kind of rewards in motherhood. Although just a side note, if each of us got rewards for each child that we bore, you and I would be pretty flush right now. You know, I'm just saying, it's not a terrible idea.
00:09:21
Speaker
Yeah, I should tell my husband I want to raise every time I have another kid, right? Good luck. Let me know how it goes. So then another part of the why we feel lonely is we're surrounded by small children with lots of needs.
00:09:37
Speaker
just everybody needing something from us at one time and not physically being able to change two diapers at once or feed a kid and wipe a kid and whatever else we've got going on. That has lots of needs there. Feeling overwhelmed, which we've talked a lot about in previous episodes. I think we discussed that one in our when you want to quit, pretty good. Feeling overwhelmed.
00:10:02
Speaker
And then a busy husband or one who travels a lot can also make you feel pretty lonely and isolated because I think as new moms and figuring it out, we do depend on our spouses a lot to help us through that time. Yeah, agreed. That was some of the hardest times for me as a mom was when I was still
00:10:19
Speaker
still had mostly young children. And then my husband would leave for a week or 10 days at a time. And I just remember thinking, I cannot do this. I feel so isolated, so alone, so much on my plate. Nobody understands. And my dang husband left me again. They can be really, really frustrating periods. So totally agree. Also, like you mentioned with your dad passing away, we can get really lonely after big life changes. So we talked in episode 20 about survival times and how when big life
00:10:49
Speaker
circumstances are altered, all of a sudden it just kind of throws us into this topsy turvy time. And loneliness can crop up there as well, specifically like for the reason that you mentioned that you feel like nobody understands what you're going through. And while we all go through grief at times or feelings are overwhelmed, it's very rare that people will go through your exact same situation at the exact same time.
00:11:12
Speaker
Yeah, that's a really good example of why we might feel lonely. Having a new baby can do that, starting a new job, moving, that's huge, especially because you usually move to an area where you don't know anybody, so then more isolation. A radical change in your schedule, so like your husband starts working nights or something like that.
00:11:32
Speaker
If you choose to homeschool, that was a big one for me as well because all of a sudden my friends, I didn't have a lot in common with my public schooling friends. They all put their kids in school and went out to lunch and I was still stuck at home teaching my kids, which I love doing, but at the same time I missed the social interaction that I was hoping for.
00:11:49
Speaker
Oh yeah, exactly. I agree with that because even when you find other families that homeschool, no two families homeschool in the same way. You don't have a homeschooling twin family somewhere, so that does add to the loneliness.
00:12:08
Speaker
It's important to realize that every mother feels loneliness at one point or another. Even if you're surrounded, you've got a great group and support system and you're surrounded all day, maybe it's in the evenings when you go home and you're struggling to get dinner with a crying baby strapped to you. Maybe that's when the loneliness sets in. It can be extra hard to combat if we're home with kids all day.
Preventive Measures and Immediate Actions
00:12:32
Speaker
One thing that causes us to feel loneliness is if we're doing
00:12:37
Speaker
something different from what our peers and family and friends are doing.
00:12:41
Speaker
I experienced this a lot because the way that we chose to raise our family was a lot different than I had been raised and I was kind of the oldest like pioneering in the things that we were doing on my side of the family. And then we lived at first in our early marriage, we lived a long ways away from my husband's family who was raising their family in more similar ways as far as homeschooling and natural medicine and all that. So I didn't have anybody really close.
00:13:09
Speaker
You know, those differences can cause you to feel the loneliness too. Yeah, you bring up a good point. We talk about this a little bit in episode 12, mothering with intention, where we talk about having the courage to do things that you know are right for your family, even if they're totally different from everyone around you. But that can cause some loneliness because all of a sudden you're questioning your decision. Is this really the right decision? You're getting backlash maybe from friends and family who disagree with your decision. And that can definitely, definitely feel lonely.
00:13:37
Speaker
So, I just want to mention here that it's important to realize that there's nothing wrong with you, right? Just because you're feeling lonely or isolated, like literally every mother in the history of ever has felt this way. In fact, probably most fathers too. It's just a natural phase of life. And for moms, I think we go through it a little bit more than others because we're like supposed to be the rock of the home, you know? Meanwhile, everybody depends on us, everybody needs us and you just feel like you need someone, right? Instead of just being needed all the time.
00:14:07
Speaker
Yeah. And this can be extra hard to combat if we're home with kids all day, like I mentioned. I just say that so that we can expect it, and hopefully we can give you some tried and true hacks for feeling better, and we'll get into those in just a sec. Right. And before we get into those, we do want to say that, just like we talked about when we were interviewing Kim in our episode on postpartum depression, that if you can't shake the loneliness and the depression, please seek help.
00:14:36
Speaker
Yes, definitely. There is no shame in that. You want to be healthy and happy for your babies. Okay, so we're going to move on to number two. So we first talked about why we feel lonely. Number two is how to prevent it. So we've talked about
00:14:50
Speaker
when to expect loneliness, like major life change or a move or that sort of thing, start to pay attention to the triggers that cause loneliness. So sometimes it'll be a big life change, like moving, and sometimes it'll be something small or smaller, like your husband leaving town, or sometimes it'll be something like finding out that some of your old friends got together without you.
00:15:09
Speaker
That sort of thing. Nowadays, I've learned that I get lonely when my husband leaves town. We already mentioned that. When my big kids are gone, so having big kids that can have normal conversations with you is really helpful in the loneliness aspect. I wasn't expecting that, but when my oldest got to be about eight or nine, I thought, oh my gosh, I don't feel as isolated anymore. I feel like I have this funny kid I can talk to. I mean, not that I'm going to tell him all my hopes and dreams, but
00:15:33
Speaker
It was nice to have another person that could talk something other than toddler baby talk. So I noticed when my big kids are gone for some reason, I can feel a little lonely. Or for me personally, when I'm struggling with blogging or business issues that most of my other friends don't understand. So I don't have a lot of personal friends close to me physically that are bloggers or business owners. And so I'll struggle with things and I'll just want to talk to somebody about it. And I won't have anyone to talk to. So yeah, those are a few things that trigger my loneliness.
00:16:04
Speaker
Yeah, I can totally relate to having big kids. And I think it's kind of helped shape my relationship with my older teenagers is because I just need them to be my friends, seriously. And when there's that tension, that relationship tension, and if you don't get along with your teenagers and all that, or whatever might cause hardship with teenagers.
00:16:26
Speaker
It's like I'm losing my friend, my person to talk to. So in a kind of selfish for me way, I want to be friends with my teenagers to help me out with some of that loneliness. So yeah, I totally get you there. Some of my other triggers for loneliness are I'm feeling like I'm the only one who can deal with the baby's needs. And granted when you're breastfeeding, and we did a great episode recently on breastfeeding, but when you're the only one who can meet the baby's needs when it's crying,
00:16:54
Speaker
Um, that, that kind of triggers loneliness in me. Like, you know, dad can bounce him or older sister teenagers, they can help out and bounce him. But there comes a point when I'm the only one that can make the crying stop. Yes. Yes. I totally get that too. Um, it's funny that you say that because that just happened the other day. I was just so done with everything. I just needed a break and my husband kept bringing the baby to me because he couldn't get her, get him to calm down. And I just kept thinking, ah, why do you need me?
00:17:23
Speaker
Don't get me wrong, I love cuddling with my newborn and I love having baby bonding time, but it is tricky to be needed all the time. That can be a really frustrating and lonely feeling. Yeah, I find that happens especially in the evenings.
00:17:36
Speaker
Okay, so other triggers of loneliness for me are seeing other moms or blogger meetups like on social media. Everybody's getting together and having fun and I'm stuck at home with all these kids needing me. And then in the downtime after having a baby, that's kind of a lonely time for me because personally, I take a little bit longer to recover and so I have to force myself to take time
00:18:01
Speaker
and just not do things. I get lonely just spending time in bed for a while, just me. In fact, I was going through one of those moments I think when I texted you after maybe a week or so after I'd given birth and I sent you that text about, I forgot how much baby boys like to pee when they have the diaper off. I was like, I just need somebody to relate to me for five minutes.
00:18:33
Speaker
Yeah, that's a time for me too. In fact, I think we talked about this in maybe our pregnancy podcast about the four days after birth or something, that that's when the hormones start to plummet. And that's when I found myself getting into kind of a funk too. All of a sudden, I'm like, oh, the guests have left. The visitors have stopped. And it's just me and this baby. And I just want to get up and do stuff. And I'm bored.
00:19:00
Speaker
So just recognizing these triggers that can cause loneliness will help us prevent from feeling too badly. So for example, I like to plan things to do for when my husband was out of town, like this crazy road trip we just did. My husband left for a week and I was like, sweet, see you later.
00:19:16
Speaker
Or when my big kids are gone, sometimes I'll try to plan something fun just for the little kids. I've also made a few good blogger friends who understand those business unique challenges. So I'll reach out to them and say, hey, I'm struggling with this or this. Instead of expecting my next door neighbor to understand what I'm going through, I just reach out to somebody who will and helps me feel not so alone about it.
Spiritual and Social Strategies
00:19:38
Speaker
Right. Some things that I have developed or learned in how to prevent loneliness headed off before it starts is, first of all, I try to make sure I have a very rich spiritual life and stay in contact with
00:19:54
Speaker
people who can help me spiritually, but also like stay in contact with the spiritual realm through prayer and so on to just help me feel like there's someone else out there who cares about me. That's a selfish way to put it, but sometimes that does help me.
00:20:12
Speaker
Then developing friendships outside of family is one that, like I mentioned, for me friendships take time to develop. And so working on developing those friendships before I need to rely on a friend, does that make sense?
00:20:29
Speaker
Yeah. Instead of, I'm so lonely, who wants to be my friend? Yeah. And then getting a project started that takes mental time, like not necessarily physical time, but if I get really excited about a project and it's going to take me a lot of time to think about it or research it or explore it or just, you know, maybe physically I can't dedicate any more time to anything. But if my mind while I'm, you know, changing a diaper or
00:20:57
Speaker
drawing a picture with my kid or coloring, whatever. If my mind can be working on something a little more grown up, that helps take my mind off the loneliness. And then like I mentioned earlier, if I know a lonely time is coming up because of having a child or moving or something, if I'm scheduling a class, just forcing myself to get out
00:21:21
Speaker
and get with other people and interact. Because for me personally, it's easy just to stay home and do nothing. Sometimes I have to be forced. Yeah. I love what you said about having a project that takes up your mental space because in all honesty, most of motherhood is not very mentally challenging, right? It's like laundry, cleaning,
00:21:43
Speaker
changing poopy pants, even when you're doing one on one things with your kids, you're really just kind of there. There's not a lot that takes, it's not like you're doing calculus with your kid, maybe you are with your 18 year old, but I'm not doing calculus. So it can be, I think that's part of the isolation feeling, part of the
00:22:03
Speaker
Frustration of motherhood sometimes full-time motherhood is that there's nothing that really stretches your imagination And so I've found myself doing the same thing So one example for me is when I'm up in the middle of the night with the baby. I don't want to read a book I'm too tired. I don't want to turn on the TV or wake up the baby. I just I'm lying there awake and thinking you know I
00:22:21
Speaker
What if I did this with my business? What if I sewed this shirt? Or, you know, I just like to start exploring fun things that I could do in my future or imagining possibilities. And I think that that, you know, just kind of a little mental escape. I really like that. I do that a lot too.
00:22:38
Speaker
Yeah. Okay, so now we're going to talk about some solutions for when you are feeling lonely. Maybe you didn't get the preventative measures in place or maybe just are feeling lonely some days. Been there. So create a group of friends who also struggle with this and send out a text saying you need to get together. That would be a local thing. Or organize or plan other, even solo activities that elevate your mood. Sewing always does it for me.
00:23:07
Speaker
watching or reading a comedy, organizing, doing something kid related, but with fun music on. Exercising always helps me out too, just to kind of shake myself loose of that. So going back to reading comedy or reading a book.
00:23:26
Speaker
I've been spending a lot of time laying down nursing my baby because we talked about, in our episode on breastfeeding, we talked about, I mentioned I have oversupply, and what's funny is you recommended Lelece League, and so when I was going to put a link in the show notes to that, I started digging around on the Lelece League website for information about oversupply, and sure enough, it's a thing that other women have, and it helped me out just from a...
00:23:53
Speaker
I guess the loneliness perspective to just think about, oh, there's other women who have too much milk too. Yeah. You're not the only one that struggles with that. Yeah.
00:24:01
Speaker
Yeah. And then too, um, so I was reading about it and one recommendation was just to lay down when you're nursing. So it doesn't come out so fast. So I've been spending a lot of time laying down nursing, but I can't just like lay there and think if I have something to distract me. So I told my teenage girls, I need some books to read. So get me a stack of books and put them here on my bedside table. And then whenever I'm nursing, I can, um, read and they brought me a whole variety. Um, everything from Kim by Rudyard Kipling to, um,
00:24:30
Speaker
Agatha Christie, they brought me a book on social styles and how to communicate. They just brought me all these books. It did help with like, okay, so I'm up here on my bed again in the middle of the day, nursing a baby, and it just helped my mind take off of it. So I guess that's a recent loneliness experience. Yeah. So a couple of examples that I've used as solutions to loneliness is Marco Polo groups. Are you on Marco Polo, Audrey?
00:24:56
Speaker
No, tell me more about Marco Polo. Okay, so it's this awesome app that is a video chat app. So you can invite anyone and then it's basically like a little recorded snippet and then you just talk back and forth. So I'll record a snippet of me talking saying, hey, how's it going? This has happened today. Do you believe I had to fish a kid's underwear out of the toilet? Blah, blah, blah.
00:25:15
Speaker
Then my friend responds back. I started a group on Marco Polo with a handful of college roommates that we've known each other for 20 years and are just great friends. We still get together sometimes. It has been one of the best things. When I'm overwhelmed or I'm lonely or frustrated, I get on there and I just say, this is what happened today. How are you guys' days going? They come back one-on-one and just
00:25:36
Speaker
tell me how their days are going or what they're struggling with or what they're succeeding with. And it is so nice. It's almost like having my old friends right next door with me. So I love, love, love Marco Polo chats with friends. Okay. That sounds really cool. I'm going to have to look into that one. Yeah. You need to go download it. It's awesome. We can chat.
00:25:53
Speaker
Okay.
Creative Engagement and Community Building
00:25:54
Speaker
Social media can help, but here's the caveat. Keep social media authentic and don't follow people who make you feel badly. So I do this every now and again. I'll scroll through my feet and if I come across a picture that makes me think, oh, I wish I had that. I wish I looked like that. I wish, I wish, I wish.
00:26:12
Speaker
unfollow and it's not that person's issue, it's my issue. So some people I can follow and just be inspired by and they make me laugh or they make me smile and other people dredge up some negative feelings in me. Don't let that negativity into your life. So only let social media into your life if it's going to uplift you and help you make real connections with people, which it totally can.
00:26:32
Speaker
And then any sort of creating, so I really feel like women in general are just natural born creators. I mean, we literally create the human race, right? So any sort of craft or decorating or
00:26:48
Speaker
playing an instrument, anything that can create something of beauty will make you feel better. Sometimes we just do dance parties in my living room. We'll turn on Alexa really loud and just dance around. That always makes you feel better. Getting some sunshine, getting out of the house for whatever reason, even if it's just to run to the grocery store. So those are some of my tips.
00:27:04
Speaker
Okay, love those. So now we're going to move on to number four, which is how to help others who might be struggling with loneliness. So now that we've talked about how difficult it can be, I really think we should make it a priority to reach out to others who may be lonely. So we know that literally every mother on the planet has probably experienced this at some point or another. I haven't met one who hasn't yet, so let's just say that.
00:27:26
Speaker
But there are multiple ways that we can reach out to other people, even when we're feeling fine. In fact, that's probably the best time to, right? When you're feeling great, you reach out and see if you can find someone else who's feeling lonely. One thought I had was to create a lonely mom's book club. So maybe you can agree ahead of time that you only choose books that are funny or uplifting or really inspiring, and you guys get together once a month, even if it's virtually, even if you just do a FaceTime call and say, hey, how did you like the book, et cetera.
00:27:55
Speaker
And then finding or even creating a Facebook group on about and for moms So there are a couple of really great ones that I like I have one that's for moms of big families that I really enjoy because if I have a Challenge unique to having a million children. I'll get on there and say is anyone else struggled with this? and then a couple other groups I belong to are like a crunchy moms group for people who are a little more and
00:28:17
Speaker
naturally minded, anyway, that sort of thing. So you can really create as many communities as you want or find just the community you're looking for, but the trick is to try to reach out to people who are struggling with the same thing. Yeah, that's something I am really not very good at, is reaching out to others who might be struggling. And I think the key of what you said is to reach out when you're feeling good.
00:28:44
Speaker
And when you're not feeling good, when you're in one of those lonely times, get a loneliness accountability buddy and a friend who you can just really talk to and spill it out and reach out to each other whenever one of you is feeling down. Share positive thoughts randomly with friends or acquaintances like on social media. Another thing that I've heard people talk a lot about, and I keep intending to do this,
00:29:14
Speaker
gratitude journal for yourself, but how about starting one with a friend? And you can, you know, there's virtual apps where you can both do it together and have a gratitude journal together. And I really liked what you said in our episode on survival mode about letting others help you is allowing them to gain
00:29:35
Speaker
merit or gain reward through serving. So I'd like to keep that in mind on, you know, making an accountability buddy like you, they will help you, but you can help them too. You can maybe serve each other.
00:29:50
Speaker
Yeah, I love that. I love that really we all need each other and we will all feel better when we're reaching out So don't don't keep your loneliness to yourself share it with somebody else and I bet they'll make you feel better and they'll feel better themselves too and Above all to remember that you are not alone Everyone has struggled with this and by reaching out to another person You can help them cure their loneliness and they can help you cure your own. So we all need each other This time will pass and and you'll look back on it with with fondness. I think we all do right
00:30:20
Speaker
So one resource I wanted to share, and I just had this thought when you talked about creating a gratitude journal, is there's a service called Keepsake. It's spelled with a Q-Q-E-E-P-S-A-K-E, and we'll include a link in the show notes. But it's like a virtual journal or even like a baby book. So you can set up alerts to text you
00:30:45
Speaker
random questions. So like right now I have it set up so that they text me and ask me questions about each kid, right? And so I just respond with a quick little burbs blurb. So it might be a question like, uh, what fun things have you done with Kira lately? And I'll respond. And that automatically goes into Kira's file and it saves it as a little journal for her. But I had the thought that what if you
00:31:05
Speaker
Just had it ask you questions for yourself, right? So what are you grateful for today? Or what is something some way someone has shown you love lately or that sort of thing? I just think that could be a really good way to get out of the funk, you know once a day you're writing down something positive just get a little text alert and respond Oh, I forgot someone had done something nice to me and I was kind of wallowing self-pity, but Thanks for the reminder. Anyway, that was just a thought I had
00:31:30
Speaker
I had, this is not like anything, a resource that I can recommend, but it's like a little game you can play with yourself. And I don't, I heard about this on a podcast, but I'm sorry, I cannot remember which podcast I heard it from. So apologies. But if you choose a color and say that's your anti-loneliness color. So let's say hot pink. Okay. Just for an example.
00:31:58
Speaker
Yeah. And then whenever you go through your day, whenever you see hot pink, have that trigger, just be a trigger for an anti-loneliness thought. Like, okay, so you see hot pink. So every time you see hot pink, you have to think an anti-loneliness thought. Oh, I love that.
00:32:15
Speaker
And it's a, but you can pick different colors to be different things. Um, I might be called color therapy or something. I don't even remember, but it's kind of a fun little game you can play. And again, it's kind of an adult adulting thing to do, you know,
00:32:29
Speaker
Every time you see hot pink, somebody's thinking about you or somebody's with you or just whatever. It's kind of a fun thing. Try it for a day and see if it makes you feel less lonely. Yeah, I definitely will. Although I think I'll pick a color, a more boring color that I see a lot here, like brown. We have a lot of brown in Arizona. Every time I pass somebody's tan house, I'll think, oh, don't be lonely. Be happy. Everybody loves you. I love that.
00:32:57
Speaker
Well, that's all we have for you guys today. I really hope you enjoyed this. And if you're struggling with loneliness, we would love to hear from you. Feel free to reach out to us on social media or via email and do your best to try to help others out of loneliness. And I promise it'll help you as well. So thanks so much for listening.
00:33:15
Speaker
Thanks so much for tuning in. If you've enjoyed this episode, we'd be so grateful if you'd leave us a written review on iTunes. If you have any questions or ideas for future episodes, you can reach us at OutnumberThePodcast at gmail.com and find us on Instagram at OutnumberThePodcast. See you next week.
00:33:44
Speaker
Baby is still not in bed. Where is my phone? Hold on one second. No, go back to the house or I'm going to get in. You're going to be in trouble. Okay. Hold on one second. They're threatening to leave the yard. I'll be right back. Bonnie. I'll just tell you this since you can't hear me and you'll find it later editing.
00:34:11
Speaker
I think you're really amazing for committing to doing this podcast with so many small kids and not big teenager helpers like I have. I think you're awesome and I wish I could send one of my kids to help you, but anyway, thanks for doing what you're doing. I appreciate it. Okay, I need you to go out and shut the door, please. Hey, shut the door, please. Oh, you're so much nicer than me.
00:34:39
Speaker
go away and there's got to be consequences. That was only my first interruption.