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Episode 59 - The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly #6
42 Plays4 months ago
Recorded mid october, Paul and Martin (co-mayors of ADHDville) catch up on their ADHD lives. They both seem to be struggling, but is that light up ahead or a pigeon with a flash light?
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Put quill to paper and send us an email at: ADHDville@gmail.com
ADHD/Focus music from Martin (AKA Thinking Fish)
Theme music was written by Freddie Philips and played by Martin West. All other music by Martin West.
Please remember: This is an entertainment podcast about ADHD and does not substitute for individualized advice from qualified health professionals.
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Transcript
Tuna Pasta Recipe Tips
00:00:01
Speaker
back in the room here we are here we are martin in the and i've got i've got an update martin okay update me yeah updated we talked about a couple of podcasts ago we talked about our tuna pasta oh yes um yes uh recipes right and i said so we were comparing recipes right yeah yeah i put anchovies in mine no i don't no i don't i don't i put uh capers martin capers okay it's a big big big difference capers smash them about seven or eight of them all right smash them a little bit and put them in your tuna right tuna pasta
00:00:45
Speaker
Because actually i I do that as well. Do you? OK, yeah. And it makes a big difference. You just get this little or a twang on the edge of your tuna.
00:00:56
Speaker
Yeah. you so Where do you go Marty? You don't need that. Where can you go? You go nowhere. You can't find any other ADHD podcasts where you get cooking advice. It is a regular Martha Stewart, ah ah Gordon Ramsey, ADHD podcasts all rolled into into into one where you get
Superfoods for ADHD: Eggs & Peanut Butter
00:01:20
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Well, we on the subject of food. Yes. There was a lady who's a she's a she's ADHD. Okay. She was on another she was on another podcast. But she's also a nutrition expert. And she was saying, so she was also so food wise,
00:01:40
Speaker
What would be like a super food for ADHDs? She had two things. One. Okay. Yes. Eggs. Eggs? Okay, so like, okay. Two. Okay, protein. All right. Yeah. Peanut butter. Protein again. I kid you not. Peanut butter. She had just like eat as much as peanut butter as you want ADHDs. Wait, what? Okay. All right. I was shocked.
00:02:09
Speaker
I am as well because I would have thought a whole different answer would have come out of her mouth. Yeah. Which is, I mean, she's written books. She's not like lightweight. Right. The other interesting thing she said okay is is that because ADHD is particularly active brains, ADHD is bone calories with just their mental fatigue.
00:02:34
Speaker
Yep. That's the same with aut autistic people as well. And, um, it isn't just us. It's just like, yeah, it's, um, yeah, yeah. Uh, yeah. Our brains think more, so it burns more. So it, right. It's, it's working harder and not lazy. To me, burn, burn, burn like a ring of fire.
00:02:57
Speaker
Yeah. Like a ring of fire. Um, yeah, because honestly in my head, I go, well, the, the, the gut biome is really important because actually that's all almost like your second, second brain down there.
Gut Health & Food Choices
00:03:18
Speaker
Right and you have to look after that and you have to nurture that so probiotics and loads of fibrous food um is really important know and and as much natural ah And as least processed food is as you can possibly muster so yeah in it we do have peanut butter in our house, but it's it's it's it's the the least processed peanut butter that you can get because if you there's I think that's the point isn't it there's no point if it's got like palm oil in it just leave it let let it go right because all of the popular brands are just full of crap so that's not going to be helpful and I bet that the the good peanut butter is like twice the price
00:04:10
Speaker
Probably. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, Jesus, it costs so much to be healthy. It's unbelievable. Unbelievable. And with that tasty controversy, welcome to ADHDville.
Meet the Hosts: Paul & Marty
00:04:48
Speaker
Hello, I'm Paul Thompson. I was diagnosed with the combined ADH and the D a year ago. and I'm Marty Weston. I was diagnosed with the combined ADHD poo poo plaster in 2013.
00:05:02
Speaker
ah So we're here as kind of two mates who, by coincidence or not, after 39 years of friendship, discovered they were co-ADHDs, hurrah. It's really important, I'm really, really important to say, that this is an entertainment podcast. Don't confuse it. Slightly be entertaining. Slightly, a mildly, um almost entertaining podcast about adult ADHD. That's accurate. We're both adults. Thank you. We both have ADHD. Let's be accurate.
00:05:31
Speaker
and does not substitute for individualized advice, Martin, from qualified health professionals. So don't take any advice from us. We're just here as a kind of all-inclusive ADHD pub bench with room for everyone, including your double gangers, your alter egos, your buddy doubles,
00:05:48
Speaker
your chaperones and you even your bears buddies. Still here. Congratulations. Then grab your jet packs, pedalos, space hoppers or any other transportation methods and lets you take let us take you to ADHD, Bill. And imaginary talent is created in our minds. We like to explore different parts of the H. The D, the H and the D. The H and the D and the H and the D. Yeah, the A right the a and the D and the H and the D.
00:06:19
Speaker
Oh, well, well, well done. um And we start off as always here in the town hall in the mayor's office, where we, the joint mayors of ADHD take care of business.
ADHDville & Episode Theme
00:06:31
Speaker
Yup. And this is a good, yeah bad and downright ugly episode. So let's jump in to the mayor's car.
00:06:38
Speaker
and we'll head to the coffee shop, and I think, and we'll shoot the breeze and spill the tea on what is going on in our neurodivergent lives. Off the cap. I want to doff the cap. Let's bring the Let's bring it rent is being around. Good Lord. I tell you, like, I mean, you I've got this, you know, in case viewers don't know, i on my mayor's desk, I've got this button and I press it, and it just has the word car on it. It's this big red button in ah in ah in a wooden box. And then the car is supposed to come round when I press the button here, like, we have a chauffeur. but He's waiting there ready yeah for us.
00:07:23
Speaker
yeah um But, oh, here he is, Jesus Christ. Oh, slimy.
00:07:37
Speaker
It took his sweet time.
00:07:49
Speaker
Yeah, well, but better late than never. All right. So in the coffee shop. Yeah. Can I can I get you a drink, Mr. Co-mayor host? I can have a lemon and ginger fusion, I think. Oh, yeah. Very sexy. Love ginger. Ginger salmon. I make it myself, actually, homemade. All right. Oh, nice. Nice. I will stick to my usual green tea because I'm a stickler for sticking um All right, well who wants to go first and uh, you go first buddy.
Marty's Recovery & ADHD Challenges
00:08:27
Speaker
Um, my nothing is is is more on the bad and the ugly Than it is on on the on the good i'm scrabbling i'm scrabbling to find any of the goods well because
00:08:44
Speaker
Um, I think it's because my primary job at at the moment is just to, is just to recover from major surgery, right? So it's not like I ah can run around and chop trees down and do any work work. I have to kind of like, I can't lift anything out of 10 pounds. I have to kind of take it easy. Um, my job is just to kind of eat well and rest up and go for exercises and stuff like that. So I don't.
00:09:12
Speaker
So my ADHD is like, is yeah the kind of good and productive side of it is non-existent really. I can't really point to anything that kind of goes, that was ah and an ADHD success.
00:09:30
Speaker
okay Yeah. On the other hand, I've got i a probably the biggest mixture of the good, bad and the ugly that I've ever had.
Art, Self-Doubt & Public Reception
00:09:39
Speaker
Usually I struggle with the ugly. Usually it's just like bad, but not particularly ugly. I've got like clicking, clicking. I'm ticking all three boxes. Got the good. Yes. I finished my sculpture. Yay. And I delivered it yesterday to the museum.
00:09:59
Speaker
Yeah. How nuts is that? Set it up. Met the other three artists because it's three artists that are exhibiting. Yeah. Because we've got our um opening night is on Friday coming up. Wow. um one of One of the guys is a friend of mine, Stefano.
00:10:17
Speaker
And the other guy is Japanese from Osaka. Lovely, lovely chap. You know, of the guys, ah there was a young whippersnapper Italian and we, we met up yesterday. We had to, it was really cool. Cause we, it was like teed up. The exhibition was teed up about six months ago yeah and we've all been creating for the last six months and we were revived with our things. We hadn't seen any of our work. All right.
00:10:43
Speaker
None of us had seen anything. We didn't even... Well, not quite. Steph and I had seen the the like very early version of my sculpture when it was still just papier-mâché. So how did you feel... first up First up, how did you feel about when you put the sculpture up in the space and it was there, sitting there? How did you feel about it?
00:11:10
Speaker
I was like, Oh, is it shit? Is it great? You know, like, but that's what I've been doing for the last six months. Anyway, we created, you look at it, you get up one morning. I was like, it, I mean, it was like, I was doing eight hour days on it for weeks on end. And, uh, it was like a hard, hard work. but That was the conversation was always going through my head in all the way through. Is it shit?
00:11:39
Speaker
You know, is it art or is it just like a decorative, is it just like something that's quite nice decorative element, you know? That your dad would stick in his garden next to the concrete mermaid or something. But no, it's got a really good reception. It looks good. It does look good. I'm happy with it. Because also I've been working in daylight, because I've been working in the courtyard.
00:12:06
Speaker
And all of a sudden, it was under spotlights yesterday. Oh, wow. You know, um amongst all the other museum exhibits, right? It's like, it's like mixed in with a few of the exhibits that, you know, people will come in, it's only open at the weekend, the museum, and people come in and they'll get some points to see my sculpture in the middle of the other normal things that would be at the museum.
00:12:32
Speaker
And it it stands up. and nature it can It can hold its own in amongst other things. It holds its own. Okay. Well, that's cool. And then how did you feel about the other artists work which which you hadn't hadn't seen were you like yeah i had no idea but i it's all really cool really really good and actually the last thing i said to the guys we took a group photograph later and which looks great i really love it
00:13:05
Speaker
Hang on a second, my my my dog walker has just turned turned turned up. say so you got So you have to vamp so like okay for like seconds. yeah Vamping, um big vamping, vamping, vamping, vamping. Little ladies having a little little cameo.
00:13:28
Speaker
I can't remember if it's his death. I know he's blind. There we go. So Eddie's blind, but is he deaf as well? He's oh he's blind and mostly deaf. Yeah. OK, so I was calling him and he didn't react. ah No, he wouldn't. He wouldn't. So all right. um So, yeah, we under put everything up and then we said to the guys, you know, because if we didn't you don't know to put it out. So the guys actually.
00:14:00
Speaker
There's a really good it's a really good collection of work that's just works somehow All right in the space that we've been given. Yeah, and then we took a group photograph, which is a reason really cool photograph and Yeah, Stanley outside the museum cool all good. All right, that is very very interesting because it's like yeah, cuz I I think of well my
00:14:29
Speaker
think I think this is really it. So modern than art. the point is the reaction that you have to it, right? And that's the point of it, if it evokes i some sort of wrisrip risk response. So yeah if I was ever going to kind of go, is this good? Is this bad? Yes, on the one point, there's like, as ah as an artist, how satisfied do you feel about it?
00:15:00
Speaker
how right yeah has it has it Is it, is it doing the things for you that you kind of wanted it to? Yeah. And, and then the other thing is like, is like, well, what's other people's reactions to it? Cause if you wanted other people to have a reaction to it and then no one had a reaction to it and they were just like, meh blah. And just like bad, no reaction to And we talked about our podcast, we'd rather people hated it than we're a different Yeah. It was rather, a lot of people loved our podcasts, but yeah if they hated it, that's okay too. Indifferent, like, Oh God, that hurts. Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. So what you're trying to do, look for is like, I just don't want anyone to be bored.
00:15:48
Speaker
like it it like it it it it produces nothing in you at all. Why is this look at it and kind of just delays over and just go look at something else. yeah um But then I was thinking like there's this ah thiss a thing about I think most of the greatest work whether it's in music or in in the art world or whatever most of the best work is created by crippling self-doubt you know that is right to be an artist or musician that's the best work usually comes out of that kind of state of mind yeah yeah it's just not always a bad thing at the end of the day you kind of put stuff out there and you kind of go right well do people like it or not and then you end up with like
00:16:32
Speaker
some people will say something and you kind of go, well, are are they being nice about it or are they, yeah is that what they generally think? um And then you generally don't really hear much reaction from people and you anyway. so yes So you end up relying on just you kind of going, yeah, you know what, I this was ah yeah i i believe in this piece that I did and that's enough.
00:17:00
Speaker
yeah Exactly, but you notice like a lot of the major artists actually and musicians, one of the things they usually kind of nail down is this sense of like a type of character percentage, like they don't give a fuck about whatever, whatever, what people think at all. It's usually not true. They do care. But that's what they like to put out there because it works for them somehow.
00:17:26
Speaker
Well I think it ends up being self preservation right because you put your heart and soul into something so it's not just like a sculpture it could be anything like you do a painting or a some needlework or whatever it is, and you create something that you put something of yourself in. And if someone turns around and kind of goes, ah, well, that's a bunch of shit, isn't it? Then that's quite a solid story. I did get to a point where I was sick of looking at it. I couldn't wait. It's like, oh, God. It was just like every day I was looking at it, you know, really with
00:18:03
Speaker
bleeding eyes. Yeah, yeah. I think, I think that there is a sort of, a ah it certainly applies to songs like so I, I write, I write the music. And one of the common things that you have is um from a musician is like, how do you know when a track is finished? Because you can just keep noodling it, changing it, altering it, yada, yada, yada. How do you know when you when it's done. yeah and and And it's often it's
00:18:39
Speaker
um I'm just bored of it. I like ah just don't want to do any more on it. yeah've I've just had enough of it. so that So I've stopped and that's it. That's where the track is. I'm just going to put it out there because I've had it. was But it was finishing it. That was the thing. I've got so many things that have been unfinished. right So that was a big obstacle. So how did you know when it was finished?
00:19:09
Speaker
Well, I don't think it's finished yet. When I get it back, I want to do some things to it. So, yeah. Right. That's that's what I but what um but but what i mean, right? is that is Is that you can noodle it and noodle it and noodle it. Totally. And it just changes a little and a little and a little. I saw something. I looked at it two days ago. I was looking at my sculpture. I thought, oh, God, it would be so much better if I did this. It's a small detail, but it's something I want to change.
00:19:47
Speaker
All right, and it will it will improve it definitely Okay, so I'm gonna do that because the exhibitions only on for three weeks So when I get it back in middle of November, I'm gonna okay I'm gonna remodel a little detail on it and and and then what happens
Post-Surgery Adjustments & Conflicts
00:20:09
Speaker
to it It's a life after they've seen the garage for the next years. I don't know. I want to sell it to someone and I want someone to offer me ridiculous amounts of cash for it. Oh, yeah. That would that would be would be nice. That would be nice. Pay for the next one. Oh, yeah. There we go. There we go. All right. um ah at At this point, we would normally have ah ah you would have like a cow bell or something that you would ring that would that that that transitions us from the good, the bad, and the ugly. Oh, there we go.
00:20:44
Speaker
Thank you. All right, so now we go to the bad, um the bad. So we my but my my bad is, well, I guess um on the on the good side, um I've almost got all the taxes. I'm almost up to date with all of that, but i'm and I'm definitely on on top of that, so that's good. I should have said that in the in in the good section, but there's still,
00:21:15
Speaker
loads of stuff that I didn't quite get done before my operation so that, you know, because I can't do much. um and It means that my wife is having to do a lot more and that's become quite did quite quite hard because now all the rules change, right? right um So for example, it's now a lot easier if I If, um, rather than putting, so what would normally happen is, is that I would put stuff in the sink, right? I would use a cup or a plate and I'd take it and I'd put it in the sink and then the sink would pile up and then I'd empty the dishwasher and then I'd wash and put all the stuff from the, from the sink into the, into the dish. And that was my method. Um, but as I'm not doing that now, and my wife is currently doing that.
00:22:09
Speaker
She wants the method to be, no you know, you wash that plate and you mug and you put it into the dishwasher so that the sink is always empty. Right. And I'm like, OK, all right. so so that But my my ADHD but brain has become quite used to working in the way that I i did i so that I'll forget stuff. right I'll just put it in the sink like like I normally do.
00:22:34
Speaker
And there's, and it's just not that there's like laundry things and all kinds of things where she's asking me to work in a different way to help her, which makes total sense. Um, and then I just forget, I forget.
00:22:48
Speaker
Yeah. Because I've spent so long, years, years doing it my way. Yeah, totally. and I'm doing it her way and I find that quite difficult. We don't have a dishwasher, but she, ah my girlfriend, she washes up in a different way. And I know that her logic is that it uses up less water, hot water.
00:23:13
Speaker
um bla blah blah blah but I can't do it the way she wants me to do it and she's to be fair she just lets me do it that way even if it uses I don't think it uses that much water just habit it you know but I don't like my habits being changed and they even it seems like insignificant but to ADHD is just not it's like when it's something menial like that you don't want to have to think about it right Mm-hmm, right cuz I think the problem is is that ADHD is don't like normally don't like a
00:23:50
Speaker
structure and routine and find that there's no debt that there's no dopamine in in doing things like washing up yeah plates and stuff. Right. So no wiggle room. Right. So you end up relying on on on on a habit. Right. So that you you can keep your ADHD brain entertained by you know thinking of fun things or having a podcast on or talking to someone or whatever while your body Like by habit just does things like does the washing up your way, right? yeah So that the task ends up being done. Yeah.
00:24:28
Speaker
And that's cool. Or that you can concentrate on other things where you know you're going to get a dopamine from. It's like for me in lunchtime, I'll often cook a tuna pasta because I know I don't have to think about it. It's mechanical. So I can think about if I'm eating between I'm working on a project and I kind of like go from my study downstairs to the kitchen and I'm eating something.
00:24:55
Speaker
that process of making something to me isn't going to interrupt my my thinking pattern. yeah yep yep yep yep yep Yeah. I think if you've got underlying a autism is is as well, which I ah suspect I have.
00:25:10
Speaker
i think god awesome I so so ah suspect that we that we that
ADHD & Autism: Understanding Overlaps
00:25:15
Speaker
we both do. yeah that that that There's part of us that that relies on ah on a bit of a rule-based world in order to kind of make our ADHD Yeah. um But then the bastard of that, the ruling, the rule and the habits thing, is that I also hate them. I hate the habit and the routine. Yeah. That's the bastard. Yep.
00:25:37
Speaker
That is the bastard. That is, and I know. Cause I think if I was either just straight autistic, you know, level one high masking, low needs, um, that would be one thing. you Or if I was just ADHD, that would be something else. yeah but But when you've got them come combined, they, they do fight somewhat. Yeah.
00:26:05
Speaker
And I've been, I've looked at various podcasts or YouTube channels where they they speak or their headline is, you know, what's the difference between ADHD and ah autism and how how do how can I spot the difference? I'm none the wiser. None the wiser.
00:26:28
Speaker
none the wiser. Right. um Yeah, I don't know. I think I have. Well, because as as we said in in the last podcast, which only seemed like an hour ago, um but was last last week yeah we in in podcast world was a Oh, Jesus. Now that I've so said it, I've completely forgot the point I was going to make. the spotting Oh, none the wiser, ADHD and autism. Yeah, but because the ADHD mask can, because it's louder, if you like, it's more prominent. It masks the kind of more quieter, the more
00:27:12
Speaker
Yeah, gentle autism so so and even when I when I listen to people talk about, you know, like who are um who who do have both autism and ADHD, and someone says, oh, can you talk to me about the ADHD part? And they'll go, yeah, well, I am actually autistic. I do have both, but try and I'll try and talk about just the ADHD side. This is like almost the kind of unsaid thing about the problem with this podcast is that we're both, I think we're both ADHD and my
00:27:52
Speaker
And some of that autism has creeps in and into our ADHD world. Yeah. ah think we should I think Martin, this sets us up for i i an episode dedicated to it. ah not um How do you get diagnosed? I haven't even looked into it. ah yeah in In Italy, I have no a idea, but and I know that certainly in the States, it's very expensive. like ah it will cost me It would cost me about
00:28:35
Speaker
You know, I would say $5,000 to to get an ada ah to get an out as autism, so an autism autism assessment which I was starting to go down the road of, but then I got cancer and then the money that I was going to use there, I've got to put towards the medical expenses and stuff. so um So I probably will not and and also I don't need I'm not looking for accommodations. Right. So. um So I feel like I don't necessarily need one. yeah um I know that in the UK, again, you it is the the same deal. It will be a long waiting list.
00:29:26
Speaker
Yeah. For it. I don't know about Italy, though. I have no idea. I'm going to look into it. OK. All righty. But I have taken all of the tests. Right. There's quite a lot of, you know, like the.
00:29:42
Speaker
Decent tests.
00:29:46
Speaker
um that that that people recommend and I've taken all of them and they all go, yeah, mate, you are autistic. Up to the eyeballs. um Oozing. Oozing. I know. So I do apparently ah fit the the DSM criteria it would appear. But. I've even looked into that. um I haven't even got that haven't even got that far.
00:30:17
Speaker
All right. It's a journey. Whatever. It's a journey. It's a journey. All right. Yeah, that's me. So it's your bad. Yeah, that's my bad. My bad. Oh, my bad is well, my bad is the first time in 35 years I'm without work. And I mean for like three or four months now without work and the pennies are drying up.
00:30:46
Speaker
like shriveling and that's just the bad it's not the ugly that's not even the ugly no well that's the thing marty thanks for that segue it's almost like rehearsed it. If I hadn't had the diagnosis a year ago, this moment for me would be absolute shit show. Right. Right. But because I've had a year of like diagnosis and stuff, I'm quite philosophical about it. A year ago, I would have been like a mess. sort like, oh, **** it up. Oh my god. Where's the where where's the money? Oh god, of course, no money left. No, I'm right. I mean, I'm I'm sleeping. I could sleep. Um but it's tight. I mean, it's bad. It's way bad than it should have been because I've like overspent. Um of course, I have over the last ah few months
00:31:48
Speaker
yes and i shouldn't be like where I am with money, anywhere near it. And that's bad. And it's shaming involved.
00:32:00
Speaker
Yeah. It's not good. It's not a good look. It's not a good look. It's not a good feeling. Yeah. So it's bad, but as I say, if I hadn't had this diagnosis, it would have been way worse.
Self-Kindness & Personal Advice
00:32:15
Speaker
I'm kind of like, you know, the thing that you end every episode on, Martin, you know, be fucking kind to yourself. I'm trying to do that. Yeah. Yeah, you have to in the end.
00:32:28
Speaker
which after 53 episodes of our podcast, the best of advice we got is actually the one thing that you say every episode right at the end. Be fucking kind to yourself. I know, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My, my, my, my, my dog Walker has, his has, has, has bought me up. That's cool. Cheers. All right. He did all the business. Apparently.
00:32:55
Speaker
Yeah, that's good. Lovely. He's back. He's back. Okay. So we got ugly. You might even see him walk behind the camera. Oh, there he goes. I can just see him. They just popping around here. There he goes. If you look on, on you, you be just came in and out of the frame.
00:33:17
Speaker
All right. Let's move on to ugly. Yeah. Ugly. Ugly. Okay. Ugly. This is, this this is where, right. So um I'm, I have got all kinds. So I'm in a similar place. I need money. I mean, Tricia can support. So that's a good thing. um But I have not had any work, I had a little but bit of work has popped up, but but but really I need to like focus on that. yeah i mean yeah I need to kind of pull my my finger out. So that's one thing. um But also I think that the whole
00:34:04
Speaker
You know, the ugly part is that my my my relationship with with my wife is really strained currently. um And that's because she she needs me to take more responsibility for my ADHD. So rather than... with a brimi There's a broom of helicopter going over her head. I don't know if you can hear that.
00:34:34
Speaker
ah yeah yeah Just let that thing go.
00:34:42
Speaker
it's an it's ah It's an army one. Sounds like a Huey.
00:34:47
Speaker
There's something spying on me. and Where's my aluminium hat? um
00:34:57
Speaker
Yeah, so she's requiring me to kind of like take more ownership of my of my ADHD and instead of and instead of of of ah of a of ah dopamine you're chasing. So yeah so doing doing things that I want to do rather than things that I have to do. um yeah um Especially now as I'm recuperating and and like I can do less, but in never she's asking, you know she's kind of quite tired now of all my lack of ah
00:35:39
Speaker
My work on my ADHD so you know like I should have more I should have more ways of getting past the time blindness of the rejection sensitivity, you know, like so so she's Yeah, yeah so she's not happy I'm not in a good place on that on that front. That's fairly ugly. Yeah. I mean, it's, I don't know where you are with it because, you know, we're similar age, like two years difference, less than two years difference, year and a half difference, I think between us. I i mean, I, for the first time in my life, I'm having to like reinvent myself.
00:36:24
Speaker
as a 57 year old man, you know, that's not easy. No, you know, you'd like 5035 years, and I never had to look for work. I've never had a day of unemployment. And all of a sudden you get to 57. Like you got so many things to do with you like um You got ageism, right? You've got basic things like you don't have the energy you used to have. You'd certainly, if you're like me, I do not have the will or the, I do not want to go and have to work into, in another office. I don't want it. Don't want that.
00:37:08
Speaker
can't be dealing with it. I haven't got a patience for it. I'm dealing with office politics. Just don't want to do it. I've done enough of it. I think I've done enough of it. So it's it's just, it's of like a really difficult moment.
00:37:20
Speaker
um um at Our ratio also goes through, you know, andra-paws, you know, so you've got like physiological changes going on, you know, hormones are like, ah you know, like dipping a lot. It's not easy.
00:37:37
Speaker
It's not easy.
Reinventing in Older Age
00:37:40
Speaker
No, yeah it's it's it is not I'm having to think about, you know, like trying to kind of come up with a whole bunch of different money, money thing. So yeah, I can yeah I can do the whole graphic design thing. I can, you know, I'm a creative director, so there's quite a lot there that I can do. But, um you know, like, I can't rely on one on one that bonds on one source. So, you know, my my wife is saying, well, you can take take dogs for a walk.
00:38:18
Speaker
Yeah, but you'll have to get and insurance for it. But so, yeah, no, you know, I could I could take it. I'm looking at jobs in Amazon warehouses a couple of weeks. All right. Oh, God. Yeah. That's how they are appalling jobs. But yes. Yeah. But but you do get to a point where it's like I have to I have to kind of I have to find something I have to survive.
00:38:47
Speaker
Um, um, I didn't need to do for a job last week. Oh, well, that that leads into my ugly. All right. Um, well, I mean, it's the same as yours really, Martin, a lot of it. I've got here bad moment in my life, holding it together. Jesus fucking cross.
00:39:08
Speaker
I lost my two teaching jobs. oh yeah you yeah oh You're telling me. and i like I put my heart and soul into that, into my kids, my students. Like I've never put my heart and soul into anything. I gave it everything.
00:39:25
Speaker
And because of the bad state system bureaucracy, they stopped schools from choosing their own teachers, supply teachers, and the the basically the region ah decided for them. And so I said, oh, sorry, Paul.
00:39:44
Speaker
You can't have you back. And I was pissed off. I really pissed off. ah But moreover, on a practical level, I need to get some money. and And so looking at other jobs, waiting to hear from a preschool, private preschool job, teaching 36 year olds. I should hear at the end of this week.
00:40:13
Speaker
I wish it would be a joy. That's going to be a joy. It was a lot of fun, actually. They are a handful. They are a handful. Oh, yeah. But it was great. I don't know. I've got a bad feeling about it, but I shouldn't. I've got a bad feeling. I think ah think I'll just go through like a really bad moment. And I haven't seen the end of it, I think. ah like It feels like I'm like in there for like the ride. It's like just go go with it. Yeah, this this is some. Yeah, because part one of the things that motivates you, if you have ADHD, one of them is is like fear, right? Survival mode. And yeah. And when you get yeah that can.
00:41:04
Speaker
When that kicks in, then you hyper-focus on doing whatever it takes to win the day. Get yourself out of a crisis. It is survival mode. That's exactly the right expression.
ADHD, Fear & Survival Mode
00:41:20
Speaker
yeah um Because you like you see guys that are our age, and he said like you know they trying to change jobs at our age is not easy.
00:41:33
Speaker
you know but like careers you mean yeah careers and jobs is sorry and jobs it's not easy um You get to a point where it's like, I don't know, you'd like a bit of limbo. It's like, you feel like you've worked hard enough in a way. I know it's bullshit. and You know, we don't have a right to be a person. I think I have any right at all to feel like I should be comfortable. No way. Right. The amount of money that I've splurged on bullshit over the years. so Right.
00:42:11
Speaker
Yeah, yeah but yeah. Well, now i'm and I'm in this uncomfortable place where I'm i'm i'm i am a kept man. Right. which Yeah, me too at the moment. Which, you know, there have been periods where I've been the person with the full-time job and my my wife hasn't had a job and You know, so there's been kind of pip, um, uh, so there's been periods where it's been the other way around, but, but, ah but, and it isn't necessarily like, I feel like I'm a failure because I don't have a job. It's just that yeah it's just, it's just, it's just that when you've kind of spent almost your entire life working and then you don't, and then the other person is a one paying for stuff.
00:43:04
Speaker
Yeah. even Even though it has been around the the other way around before, it's not great. It's not great. I told my girlfriend, I think it was yesterday or day before, I know that I'm China's my best. And I could say that I'm trying my best to like, I'm not, but I'm not going to, I'm not going to go working in an Amazon warehouse. You know, that'd be so destroyed. And it just, the thought of it is so destroyed that I have to even think about it. It's like, Oh, God, you know, as that's a bastard. But um all I know is I'll do my best. I'm being feeling so good about it. And then that's good enough. I think it's good enough.
00:43:53
Speaker
Yeah, I'm just, i I am going to allow myself to get into a bit of a ah survival mode mentality because otherwise I won't fucking do anything. Yeah. I and i won't do anything. Yeah.
00:44:06
Speaker
So I'm going to have to allow myself to slip into that place to kind of to kind of try and hunt for streams of income that can um that can support me yeah and my and my impulsive purchases.
00:44:24
Speaker
Right. I've got, I've got to point out on my LinkedIn profile, I've gone from a year ago, I was just a creative director. Now on my LinkedIn profile description has got, um, I've got, um, creative director, photographer, artist, um, teacher and podcaster. Oh, blimey. Which I kind of, I like that. It's really, I like the way it sounds. Ah.
00:44:50
Speaker
Yeah, no, my my my my linked LinkedIn is very much definitely just. creative direct diet director because because if there's any work that was going to come my way, if there's any like freelance agencies or whatever, I want them just to kind of like, I just want LinkedIn to be that world. You know what I mean? yeah yeah i just I just want it to be the the creative graphic design ad agency world. I don't want to pull in anything else.
00:45:25
Speaker
um because i that because my thing is that is is I'll think that ah that a recruitment agency or someone who's got like a short term gig or something, yeah um who are looking for a a creative director, if my job description doesn't just say creative director, it has other stuff in it.
Agility in the Modern Workplace
00:45:48
Speaker
Personally, I kind of feel like they they won't pick me because I'm not,
00:45:53
Speaker
They're looking for one thing and I'm just going to offer them one thing and then it's like a match. Yeah. Yeah. ya Otherwise I end up yeah looking like I don't know. Yeah. I've been trying to offer one thing for a long time, but yeah.
00:46:08
Speaker
I just think you've like, I think the key to it is agility. So if, from my personal point of view, if my LinkedIn profile shows so shows that agility, that's cool with me. Yeah. I think because it's like we have to be. I think that's what modern modern working world, professional world is like demands of us really is, you know, we have to be agile. Can't be a one trip pony.
00:46:34
Speaker
You can't be a one trick pony. No, no. Five trick pony. It is, it is weird now that we've got to our point in our life and like having to, as you say, reinvent who you are is not easy. No. When you've had like habits and you know, like, because we have ADHD is hard enough to get through this world, right? So you find ways to make it work that don't kill you.
00:47:03
Speaker
And then you're very loathe to give that up because because you you end up having to work out ava another whole existence and a whole set of things, rules. If I had to go work in a supermarket, in no disrespect to anyone who works in a supermarket at all, I just couldn't do it. yeah I've worked in a supermarket. Let's watch Paul slowly die in a supermarket.
00:47:34
Speaker
I quite liked working in a and the supermarket when I was a student at art college. yeah it was It was the kind of job thats ah no that was steve whitmore ah right that is it is a kind of job I could literally yeah the i could my brain could be elsewhere thinking about stuff and i just literally just like stacked shelves there's a it was very rude routine it it didn't require any i mean i can see you can someone can get really really bored really really quickly i don't want to turn into michael douglas what the actor
00:48:16
Speaker
Yeah. The film actor? Yeah. you know The film, when he went he went mad, he he just shot everyone up with a machine gun. Oh, yeah. What was it called? Yeah, and I don't know. He just lost it. Yeah. i It's actually quite a good film.
00:48:37
Speaker
you Yeah, there's there's a lot of that service industry kind of um and and retail that feels I would struggle in it. Or maybe I wouldn't. Maybe it wouldn't he I would be quite happy. you liked you but You liked working in the mental institution. Oh yeah, that yeah that was a that was a that was a bunch of crazy people.
00:49:06
Speaker
Honestly, where am I I can smell a rabbit cooking because I bought a rabbit yesterday. Of course I did. All right. And it's okay. Smell it. i All right. A roast chicken. A roast, sorry, roast rabbit. I think that that sounds awesome.
00:49:29
Speaker
and So I think therefore, um we should jump into the mayor's car and get to the post office. yes and and we will let And we will exit our way out. So let's just kind of, hopefully the show chauffeur hasn't fallen asleep. So let's just get that around. Thank you.
00:50:00
Speaker
Alright, bloody post office, look at it, good god. um You have a line. Hit it. I do. her So your feedback is vital to us. It it really it says here, we read all of your comments. Actually, we do. And we might read yours out on a future podcast, Martin. Right. So like and so subscribe subscribe it um ah as well. You know, don't, you know, be a part of ADHD though. So with that said,
00:50:31
Speaker
and ADHDville is delivered fresh every Tuesday to all purveyors of theres a fine podcasts be subscribed to the pod and rate us most magnificent and feel free to correspond at will in the comments but wait there's more if you wish to see our beautiful beautiful faces and then sally forth to the youtubes and the tiktoks you can also pick up a quill and email us at ADHD
00:51:01
Speaker
I flew too close to the sun. Let's start again. You can also pick up a call and email us. on the altra as ADHDville at gmail dot.com. But in the meantime, be fucking kind to yourself. And I beseech you fellow ADHDers, know thyself, sons of the house, come hither and get the flesh.
00:51:25
Speaker
It's there. It's there. I know that you can't hear it, but it's definitely there. ah okay ah I don't know why you can't hear it, but it's there.