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Episode 67 - The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly #7
55 Plays3 months ago
Paul and Martin (co-mayors of ADHDville) catch up on their ADHD lives!
See our beautiful faces on YouTube
Put quill to paper and send us an email at: ADHDville@gmail.com
ADHD/Focus music from Martin (AKA Thinking Fish)
Theme music was written by Freddie Philips and played by Martin West. All other music by Martin West.
Please remember: This is an entertainment podcast about ADHD and does not substitute for individualized advice from qualified health professionals.
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Transcript
Introduction and Podcast Premise
00:00:00
Speaker
Oh, we're in. we're Straight in. Straight in. Back in the room. The room. In the room. Yes. um All right. So, i yeah, this is going to be a good, bad and the ugly episode where Paul and I talk about our ADHD lives and we have a bit of a catch up and we do that yeah kind of once a month.
00:00:22
Speaker
so which
Welcome to ADHDville
00:00:23
Speaker
is always good it is so let's go to the place where the distractions are landmarks and detours are the main roads welcome to adhdville
00:00:47
Speaker
I'm getting myself ready to talk a lot.
00:00:57
Speaker
key And
Inclusivity and Intentions
00:00:59
Speaker
I'm definitely pink today. Pick your perky. Anyway, hello, I'm Paul Thompson. I was diagnosed with the combined ADHD and the D just over a year ago. I'm Martin Western. I was diagnosed with the combined ADHD pubu platter in 2013. And we are just two mates who by coincidence or not.
00:01:25
Speaker
after 39 or 40 years of friendship discover that we're code ADHD is now it's really important to say this is an entertainment podcast about adult ADHD and does not substitute for individualized advice for qualified health professional smarties don't take any advice from him or me or me or him or them. We're just here
Exploration of ADHD Aspects
00:01:50
Speaker
as a kind of all-inclusive ADHD benchmarking with room for everyone including yeah dogandas your your alter egos, your buddy doubles, your chaperones and even your best buds. Still here! Congratulations, you've already got a loyalty badge. I'm just gonna pin it on you. ah so Stand still because otherwise you could get paid for.
00:02:13
Speaker
Anyway, grab yours so grab your jet packs, your petalos, space hoppers and any other transportation methods, and let us take you to HHDville, an imaginary town that we've created in our minds. When we like to explore different parts of the A, the D, H and the D again. Exactly. You know what? I just, I was just thinking in that little, in your little speech, which, which you you know, which you're not only nailing now, but you'll be also having a bit of fun with it.
00:02:43
Speaker
um yeah I did can it playful we think ah thought we could do a two Ronnies thing where it says, so don't take any advice from us. You should say, don't take any advice from him. And then like i then I should say, or him. Yeah.
00:03:03
Speaker
You know what I mean? So it's like I just i just interject in there. that this but You see this intro, it says a lot about my ADs because there's one thing I've always lacked as an ADHD that I've always, and you know, it's like, okay, I like, I wouldn't give up my ADHD. I like her ah like who I am.
00:03:25
Speaker
you know, and, you know, good or bad or whatever, you know, weighing all up these things. I
Communication Tips and Techniques
00:03:31
Speaker
do sometimes really like the idea one day be having composure.
00:03:38
Speaker
Mm hmm. For me, composure is like the one word that really kind of like is like the at the heart of my ADHD is like, I would like to have composure. I'd like to do that. I say that because when I do the intro,
00:03:59
Speaker
I'm trying, I'm trying to train myself to do it with composure and less in, and in, um, I was going to say the Italian apnea when you're like, yeah, go through that intro. I just do it and you know, oh, like more swimmingly and visually and oh, you know, yeah, like also trying on a new pair of socks or something, you know, easy.
00:04:28
Speaker
ah You need to kind of go down to American speed, which is very slow. ah yeah This is something that I've... i have Have we talked about about this? I don't know. I don't think so. I talk about this to my students. Oh, OK. You know, I teach conversation English and I say, when they get in front of the class, they stand up and, we you know, we're conversing and they present on themes and I give them themes depending on their levels and year of, you know, their age groups and everything. I slow them right down like half.
00:05:04
Speaker
Right. so Okay. Whatever speech you think you should present at, it should actually be half that. Right. All
ADHDville Adventures
00:05:11
Speaker
the best speakers, Barack Obama, all the best speakers, they're really slow presenters. Especially Americans. We, uh, yeah, the Americans speak in a very Yeah, in a very slow way. And as as you say, you know if you if you if you do have to have if you do have to speak in front of people, one of the tricks is to speak a lot slower and it may even feel weird to you. It'll feel weird and odd to you, but actually
00:05:46
Speaker
Um, yeah, half speed is, ah is, he is, is a good speed. Like, if people like, if we go back to the first sentence of the intro, so we're just two mates who by coincidence or not, after 39 years of friendship, discovered that we are co-ADHDs and it's like,
00:06:12
Speaker
Come on, get to the end! Get to the end? I know. we would We would have to halve it. It's like it so people were standing on the sidelines, aching you on. Come on, you can do it, Paul, get to the end! Get to the end, for Christ's sake, before the end of the bloody podcast.
00:06:31
Speaker
It feels like a sloth. Right. s Speaking of getting on with it, we should say that we start off as always here in the town hall in the Mayor's Office, where we the joint mayors of ADHD will take care of business.
00:06:47
Speaker
And on the meeting agenda, we're going to talk about us and our journeys. We're going to catch up on our lives. We've got some few fun. And once again, I have no idea what Paul's going to talk about. It's always don't exchange notes. No, it's not on the fly. Always on the fly. I don't think we've ever I think at most, we the only thing we compare notes is say, oh, oh, I'm going to approach whatever the theme is. I'm going to approach it from this angle, just in case, you know, we make make sure we approach it from more or less the same angle, especially if it's like a quite a technical thing. Anyway. Anyway, so where should we go today?
00:07:34
Speaker
paul I think we usually go for let's go for coffee. Let's go for coffee. Keep it easy. All right. Well, let's jump in the mayor's car. I have had it upholstered because I did use it. I did use it for the ah for the for the ADHDville Mayor's Christmas party.
00:07:59
Speaker
and I may have vomned in it. I may have drunk um too much creme de month.
00:08:12
Speaker
It's like the Pope, the Pope drinks. You know that joke about Crem de Monthe? No, no. Tell me. Tell me, tell me. Scottish guy goes, it's a short one. Scottish guy goes to Rome. He thinks, well, you know, when in Rome do what the Romans do? And he goes into bodies. is ah I don't know what to drink, you know, there was no Guinness on tap or any on drafter. He's looking up. So tell me, what does the Pope drink? Actually, the Pope, it's quite particularly, he he drinks creme de month. And this this guy goes, give us two pints to that then, Laddie.
00:08:54
Speaker
Excellent, Jesus. Ah, Jesus, imagine that whole pint of that. A pint of creme de menthe. All right. Well, let's bring it around and let's get a pint of creme de menthe at the cafes. Oh, frothy.
00:09:18
Speaker
It's a bit quieter today.
00:09:22
Speaker
It is a bit quiet, yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, what's that one energy? Can I can I get you a drink? I think a what you call it is that thing that I always forget. It's called van Brule in a in a in Italian creme van Brule. It's the hot wine and clover thing. Oh, yeah.
00:09:48
Speaker
Yeah, that one. Mold wine. Mold wine. Love that. I'll have a glass of that. All right. I'm going to stick with a green tea. um audio um i am I am getting well into tea. Well into tea. Even more into tea than I'm normally into tea.
00:10:10
Speaker
Do you follow tea, like you're talking about like fruit teas and stuff like that? Oh God, yeah. Like a herbal tea. Do you go, do you, are you the kind of person that's like, cause some of them are like labeled up, oh, this one's good for sleeping. This one's good. No, I don't either.
00:10:27
Speaker
I just, I just
Concert Experiences
00:10:28
Speaker
worry about caffeine, right? Is it the no caffeine, low caffeine, medium, high caffeine? So I just have to like, because if you take, yeah you know, if you've got ADHD meds, caffeine and that kind of has this kind of like interaction. So I have to kind of be careful. Like Whoa.
00:10:50
Speaker
Whoa, what a ride! Pee you off the ceiling. Nice. Yeah, so I've been drinking a lot of very interesting and fun teas over the last couple of weeks. So that would be a good thing.
00:11:09
Speaker
and so um So we're going to do good, bad and ugly. So it starts in the good in the is ah good and then we get to bad and then we get to ugly at the end. You've got the nice trend transition bell. All right. So who wants to go first on the good?
00:11:27
Speaker
oh good I can go, I can go. I struggle for this one, a good the good one. It's kind of a really difficult time. I went to the tiniest concert that I've ever been to on Saturday night. The tiniest. Literally there were two groups on and the space was about 12 square meters.
00:11:52
Speaker
okay 12 square meters okay which could be okay all right if it was like a light it was it was like an unplugged kind of like acoustic thing no no it was thrash metal and yeah in 12 square meters Yeah. It was made until first group was called, uh, barking bitches from Switzerland. Okay. All right. Hello, by the way. Lovely, lovely ladies. but pages right Okay.
00:12:26
Speaker
Lovely, theyre really lovely people. And then after that was ah an Italian bag called Grey. Okay. Grey. Give you an idea of the thing. One had this brilliant tattoo, like tattooed big on one arm with the word, with the words retox.
00:12:46
Speaker
really posted detox re-talks. Wow. That's funny. That's funny. It was brilliant. Bear in mind, that keep in mind, bear in mind the space is 12 square meters with a three piece band. Wasn't a big band. You know, um, there was, there was stage diving.
00:13:07
Speaker
Oh, wow. Yeah, they're going mental. Wow. That is always a risky thing. I have never stage dived in my life. No, I haven't. I've beaten the mosh pit.
00:13:22
Speaker
i i I was but i once in a mosh pit at at a icky pop in the Stooges gig. Oh, all right. All right. Fantastic. That was amazing. All right. I'm usually I will be slightly on the edge of a mosh pit. Right. You get the spit, but with not the elbows.
00:13:42
Speaker
I get the the the occasional sort of bump without being right in the middle of it. You know what I mean? So I get a little of the action. Right. Yeah. But I will walk out with, you know, with both my eyes. but I once tried, it was literally last year that I had the idols concert in Milan and they were going mental at the front. And I thought, oh, I'm going to get in the middle of this slot with my camera and take some shots. Oh, right. So what did I do? I lost my lens cap.
00:14:18
Speaker
Oh, okay. Dropped it three times. Found it twice. No, found it three times. Oh, right. Everyone was really nice. You know, there's a, there's, there's a certain kind of unwritten law in the mosh pit. You know, and it seems like pretty main mental and it is, but they're really nice to each other. You know, it's like respectful, you know? All right. That's fine. If you, if they break your skull, you know, they' they'll call the A and E.
00:14:48
Speaker
Right, but if you have a if you have a nice camera, they'll they'll kind of like they'll kind of go in front of an elbow, see the camera, go, oh, that's a nice camera. Oh, is that the Nikon XJ5000 or whatever? Yeah. And then they just pull, pull, pull back.
00:15:07
Speaker
out of out how was respect a five thousand um so yeah and it oh it's such a It was such a great night. Anyway, they and they had there was no enries entrance fee. the food they made the All the food was homemade. and like It was all like ah yeah one euro for a beer.
00:15:27
Speaker
one euro for uh for uh mulled wine one euro for like um it's like um in it called in in america in america they're called grits it's like this like manus thing yeah in in uh italian it's something else i can't remember what it's called anyway um i'd already eaten but it was just so cool no interest for them it was just the pleasure of like having this like you know the community of of thrash metal fans and just having a good laugh yeah it was brilliant yeah it was really refreshing and really nice people that's nice it was really cool that's nice afterwards the the the two
00:16:12
Speaker
the two cods of the two groups are finished playing and everyone went back into like this the even tiny room ah to one side where they were giving out the food and the beer and stuff and they auditioned out tiramisu. Oh okay all right very nice. to shout to term soon yeah There you go a nice dessert after your thrashed metal. Tiramisu literally means in Italian ah pick me up Oh, because it's got alcohol in it, right? It's got some sort of... No, it's got eggs in it. Oh, is it eggs? I always thought it had... It was invented by prostitutes in... Hang on a second. This is a story. It was invented by prostitutes.
00:16:58
Speaker
because there are issues in the Venice, the Veneto region of Italy, right? ah huh um And they were worried that their clients would go back home and they'd be all kind of like deflated and you know lacking energy. And if the wives might suspect something. So they gave them tiramisu with lots of egg yolk in it to pick them up, pick up their ener energy so that the wives wouldn't suspect them from you know frequenting the ladies yeah okay well that's that's that's what it's called well pick me up tell me soon you see this is not just about ADHD this is just you just learn life on this podcast you just learn puddings and desserts
00:17:44
Speaker
like it I remember being like um you were saying about that you went to the smallest club. yeah like For years when I when i worked at an ad a agency, i would I would periodically try and pitch the world's smallest club And it was literally like one meter by by one and you could only hold one person and you would go in and there'd be like a sort of disco ball overhead and it'd be like loud music and and lights. And it was just,
Artistic Ventures and Anxiety
00:18:20
Speaker
it was literally just ah a one person club. um nice It never happened, but I always liked that idea.
00:18:31
Speaker
Um, I was, how was your, have you got a good in my, in my good, in my good list? Um, I, yeah, so I, as, as, as, as you know, I went to a life drawing class. Yes. Yes. On Thursday. So a life drawing class, if you don't know what a life drawing class, it's that classic and thing. and And you would have seen the end like on TV and films or whatever, where you have ah a, a.
00:19:01
Speaker
nude model in the middle of the room, and then you've got a bunch of people with their easels, then you draw that person. And often the models became the artist's muse as well, like Picasso. He had constantly same door, I can't remember his name, his door or something. And she was not only his constant model throughout the years, but also his muse.
00:19:31
Speaker
which i always which um I always took to understand that the word muse just meant sort of a mistress. that yeah someone you were sort of infatuated with. Yes. And it probably meant that you were sexualizing something, you know. Yeah. yeah um So this is this is me ah doing an evening class, which is, you know, if you're doing anything that's outside of your comfort zone,
00:20:05
Speaker
That's always a weird thing. So I spent the week before and I think I talked to you about this last week. So um yeah I would, that's that's all I was thinking about was like, oh God, it's a room full of people. Yeah.
00:20:22
Speaker
You're just gonna have to walk in, you're gonna have to say hello, you're gonna have to small talk your ass off. You're gonna have to put up a piece of paper, a blank piece of paper, and then you have to start making marks and start drawing. And that was like the scariest game. But I'm really surprised, you know, knowing you for nearly 40 years, as I do, as I do. As you do. it's it I'm really surprised that that made you anxious.
00:20:52
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, because it's like- I'm really surprised. Look at my face, surprise face. It's your surprised face. um
00:21:03
Speaker
well pick ah Yeah, that was a lot of anxiety. And then you helped me out a huge bunch. ah right by going, hey, don't forget, ah look at Tracey Emin's work. She's a yeah British artist, um um reasonably famous, I would say. um And then I looked at her life drawing work and it was, and ah as you said, she would say that she is not technically good at all. At all. Not yet, it's a nice way of putting it, I think. Right.
00:21:40
Speaker
But it was just more about the kind of energy and the feeling that she was putting on very right of it and and how she felt about it. And so but once I'd seen her kind of very messy, energetic pieces of work, I was like, OK, all right, if she can do that, I can yeah I can I can at least do that. And there were no rules, right? There's no rules.
00:22:08
Speaker
No, no. and And then the other thing was, I was just worried because you've got a bunch of other artists, right? And they're all going to look at you and I didn't know whether they would all know each other. They're like, oh, hi who who's the new bloke?
00:22:23
Speaker
and you put up your facebook but And you start drawing and then they'll judge you, right? They'll go, Oh, is he good? Is he bad? Is he? It's it's like for a bloke going into, into a gymnasium, into the, into the, the weights section of a gym. Right. I'll take your word for it. way The most toxic male environment, often these guys trying to, you know, lifting 600 kilos, you know, of dumbbells. And you walk in there and you're like, go, is your who?
00:22:52
Speaker
but Right. If you like, can't. Boarding middle aged man wanders in. Looking like a back of us. Yeah. Blimey. Yeah, so I rocked up there. ah That was on third Thursday night. So it's the first session of four. um So I turned up and it was like, um it was a fairly small room. I would say it was no bigger than like, um
00:23:22
Speaker
maybe... 12 square meters, say it. 12 square meters. I was tempted, but it was actually smaller than that. And it's small, another small row, bit of a theme. Yeah, it was it was more like eight square meters. Oh, tiny. Tiny, tiny room. And then there's a and it it just turns out it was just it was just the person who runs it, who kind of runs the whole thing, her, her.
00:23:56
Speaker
assistant right and me and that was it. oh sotima So I was the class. and the model. So there was a pallet and there was a guy standing there in in a ward in his And he was like a guy, I think it was maybe 40, slim build. right um And then, yeah, I mean, I had this terrible easel. It was like really shitty. It was like, on
00:24:37
Speaker
I tried to have it up, so I was yeah standing up, but the legs were so flimsy that it couldn't, so I ended up sitting down and and doing it. Was it one of those easels made more for like easily fold it down, and maybe do landscapes in the middle of the Highlands or something? So it's like, okay. Yeah, it was like flimsy, real flimsy.
00:25:04
Speaker
um so that was So that was the first thing. um I had bought a big block of newsprint paper. So it's quite thin, but there's like a block of hundreds. So you just like literally get them out and just wi whip through it. Had me charcoal pencils. I like the I like the cut of your jib. Right. And then it was like... We throw your pencils.
00:25:30
Speaker
i I had to have about four charcoal pencils of various, going from soft to hard, um and I had a couple of white charcoals.
00:25:42
Speaker
um yeah And so it was like, right, let's do a couple of, I think it was like one minute proposes.
00:25:56
Speaker
So it was like literally like, so it was just like paper up one minute. yeah yeah Lines, lines, lines, lines, lines. yeah You know, new pose, throw it away. Lines, lines, lines. like So it was it was a lot of that. I think it only got up to about, I think there were some three minute poses and some, there was a couple of five minutes. So it was really quick and yeah two hours. So I think I must've done about 30 drawings the easily. Can you just like.
00:26:26
Speaker
It was just, it was just trying to get lines down, you know, trying to kind of like just throw shapes at the page, but it was, it was, it was kind of, yeah. I want to say it was fun, but it was, ah ah but I wasn't relaxed enough to have fun. It was more about like but what the pressure. Yeah, the first one it's all, it's like trying to cook in someone else's kitchen, isn't it?
00:26:57
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I don't know where the spoons are or the, you know, or the tea strainer. Right. So I wasn't expecting anything great to come out of it. I was just like, let's just, let's just, but I bet it did do stuff. Uh, I don't know. Cause, cause, uh, I went outside and I, um, yeah, uh, it all ended up in the, in the trash.
00:27:22
Speaker
Really?
Creative Discoveries and Personal Challenges
00:27:23
Speaker
Yeah, but that's fine. Pukwa? It's just... Why? Why? Well, what the hell am I going to do with 30 bits of newsprint that kind of... Well, that's controversial. It'll it'll just hang around. I mean, there wasn't anything in there that was like, oh, I quite like that. yeah but You know what I mean? It was like okay wasn't anything in there that was like, oh, yeah, there's some nice lines here.
00:27:51
Speaker
Are you like me though? Are you like overly critical? And to a point like it ridiculously? I'm not sure I'm ridiculously but uh but yeah yeah so anyway that was that and I've got the next one on Thursday and I'm hoping that um uh I'll be a little bit more chill and I think kind of oh On that subject, because I was thinking of you, Martin, yesterday, I was listening to an amazing podcast, an interview with Anthony Gormley, the um sculptor, British sculptor. Amazing, amazing, amazing. He's a massive drawer, he draws up a lot, right? ah One day, he's obsessed with ink, Martin, as I am. I've got like an assortment of inks.
00:28:43
Speaker
okay um
00:28:47
Speaker
He's the same. hey One day he was out the back of his studio and he noticed that a mushroom that is normally there had ah was ah disheveled and was starting to ah deteriorate. deteriorate and turned into a black goo. And he looked at it and thought, well, that's interesting. It looks like black ink. Lo and behold, he went back and found out that that mushroom is actually called the ink cap mushroom and you can make freaking ink from it. And it's quite a common mushroom.
00:29:27
Speaker
Oh. You can find it in Italy. you Definitely find it in England. The ink cap mushroom. um Literally speak. Do you get them in the States? can you ah they there Are they there? You can shop in travel though. Them those mushroom spores.
00:29:49
Speaker
on the wind. Well I don't know. I will investigate later. So now I want to get some ink cap. I need to find some ink cap mushrooms. I want to see what it is. It's quite viscous. All right. But worth a Free ink. There's some inky cap mushrooms. How to eat? You can also eat inky cap mushrooms as well.
00:30:18
Speaker
But yeah. All right. Well, there we go. I might have to grow some because I did grow some mushrooms a couple of months ago. i ah I was growing, growing some oyster mushroom and mushrooms. um Yeah. kind fun All right. like shall i sir like Shall I ring the bell? Yeah. Ring the bell for the bad section.
00:30:43
Speaker
ah year um Oh, and oh, hang on. Can we pretend I didn't sound the bell? Yeah. I've actually got an object. I've got one last good things, completely separate thing. Yesterday I went to a vintage ah fair, vintage market and I bought an antique cheese grater Martin. Oh, and and I saw it and it was like instant love. All right.
00:31:11
Speaker
instant attraction. And um ahll can show it I'll show it to you. put it here they Show it to me. So if you're watching on you on you on YouTube, you can obviously see it. like okay men tool so It's So how would you just describe that? It's like a plate ah place of of iron.
00:31:34
Speaker
that's been punctured really um crudely through the that at the front the metal comes up and splinters up and creates like a series of of pointy things for creating. It's really, really basic. but i said I love it so much. That was cool. 15 euros.
00:32:01
Speaker
All right. That's not bad. And it was just, it just, I mean, it just, I can't, it's hard to explain, but I'll saw it and think, Oh, I have to have that thing. It wasn't like, Oh, that's nice. You know, be nice. Kind of. No, I had to have it.
00:32:20
Speaker
Right. And luckily, my girlfriend is better than me at haggling. Actually, I can't haggle. So, you know, so he said, I said, What do you want for it, mate? And he said 20. And I said, Okay, and my girlfriend gave me an elbow. He said, What about if we offer you 15?
00:32:42
Speaker
hope All right, then as you as you're such an attractive couple he said ah we ah you can have a 15 Right anyho anyway anyho on onto my bad. I'll i'll do a bad do a bad. Um, I'll do a bad with and with an upside so One thing that I ah that i i really struggle with with ADHD is having a shower having a shower and regularly. I have managed to solve brushing my teeth every every day. So that's like that's like an ADHD win. i've I've managed to
00:33:26
Speaker
con my brain into managing to do it. And I was talking to someone on TikTok and they were kind of going, oh, I haven't had a shower for a for for a week. you know and i was like and and and And I was like trying to kind of brainstorm how it might work for me.
00:33:44
Speaker
and And I was kind of going, well, how about um the only way that I've made it work is that if I ah apply a rule to something that seemed arbitrary. so So for brushing my teeth, it was like every time um I'm in that upstairs bathroom, I have to brush my i have to brush my teeth. And that's the rule. Right.
00:34:10
Speaker
and And that works like 90% of the time. I brushed my teeth at least once once a day. said So I thought, right, okay, how about, and she said, oh, i i I do brush my teeth every day. I said, okay, well, how about you attach a habit onto a habit? So how about all you have to do is turn on the the shower tap, right? And then brush your teeth. You can, after you finish brushing your teeth, just turn that tap off, right? that That is your only mission, is just to turn it on.
00:34:50
Speaker
You have to taste and then turn it, turn it off. Um, and I thought, Oh, hang on a second. Is this, is this how it could work for me? So this week, uh, starting, starting to today, when I go into the bathroom in the morning, I'm going to turn on the tap.
00:35:07
Speaker
Right. And then I'm going to go and brush my teeth as I would normally. And then what I'm hoping is, is that my but brain kind of goes, well, it's all rerunning. I might as well just jump in the shower. Right. Okay. You know what I mean? It's like you to take that one little step. Cause it's always hard for me to start, but if I just. Yeah. Detach.
00:35:32
Speaker
the whole idea of having a shower and just just boil it down to just the first thing. and me no go The trick I do for that is I have to have a really good shower, as in actually a quality shower unit and a quality shower head.
00:35:53
Speaker
good pressure, you know, so thats so there's ah there's a tree, you know, it's like dangling the carrot. And one of those really good shower heads that, oh, you could change the, the like, the settings. Right. So it's like fire hose firehose setting yeah or or a nice Amazon rainforest setting, or it could just, like, just drizzle.
00:36:17
Speaker
or just sort of laser, laser blast you. Yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, yeah. it yes Yeah. And then the other thing is so, and then the other carrot is having a really good quality bathrobe that you're going to climb into. Insert
Navigating Bureaucracy and Cultural Differences
00:36:36
Speaker
yourself in within climbing to at the end, like a good one.
00:36:42
Speaker
not not not one of those like you know you know fiber things microfiber nonsense no i do have a bathrobe that is like i'm i'm sure weighs about 20 pounds it's like right it's super heavy it's great yeah microfiber it's like it just shouldn't exist it's just stupid the only good thing about microfiber is the only place where the good is if you're going on holiday and you need it, you want to pack a towel. Oh, yeah. the ceo I'll accept that. I'll accept that. Yeah. Anyway, so that's my ad, but I but I but I do have a good a good solution. So next week we shall see whether that worked or not. OK. Hmm. Tune in.
00:37:36
Speaker
Okay. Do you have a bad? I've got a bad. I've had an absolute mayor this week with Italian bureau bureaucracy. I've been off. I only got my my voice back ah two days ago.
00:37:54
Speaker
I was off work for five or six days and I couldn't talk. Literally it was just or and even to swallow it was just the most painful thing just to swallow and it was just a nightmare so sleeping really badly blah blah blah so well what's So what's the point? The point being is that the school, where I only work there two mornings a week, they kept calling me up, insisting that I sent to them urgently a certificate from a ah medic.
00:38:31
Speaker
to prove that um because it's a state school, they have to abide really strictly by Italian law. And if you don't send it to them, I found out because by the time I got to Saturday, I got a call from the the ah headmaster of the school saying I'm really sorry, but ah well, they weren't that nice about it. I got I really didn't appreciate her tone. In fact, I told her
00:39:01
Speaker
somewhat dangerously. um She said if I didn't bring the, if I didn't send them the certificate by Monday, they would have to cancel my contract of work. Oh, wow. So it's like,
00:39:15
Speaker
What in the freaking hell? I mean, there's madness. And I was trying to explain it to her, the situation, because I'm changing residency from one region of Italy from another, and I couldn't get a doctor in time, right? And to get a doctor, I would have to go to this office. It's like a 40-minute drive.
00:39:41
Speaker
Q up, maybe potentially for a couple of hours, feeling like shit, just to get this dumb certificate. I said, I could do it, but I can't do it now because I'm just not well enough. I said, oh, but you need to go to, if you haven't got a daughter, you just go to accident emergency. You go there and get your certificate.
00:39:59
Speaker
they didn't care how I got it. right So this was just really rubbing me up the wrong way. In fact, I told the the lady, headmaster, headmistress, headmaster. Okay, the first thing is, I really don't appreciate your tone. I don't like the way you're talking to me about it. The second thing is,
00:40:23
Speaker
you know, um you't because she wouldn't let me explain the situation. She just wouldn't let me get the end of a sentence, explain the situation. She did not care. All she cared about was like ticking up her bureaucratic box.
00:40:40
Speaker
And that was it. So I got in, I was in, a I got so angry about it. And, you know, this, this is all in Italian, by the way. So I was ill. um I was on the phone speaking Italian, so it's even more difficult.
00:41:00
Speaker
um With a woman that was didn't but i thought was lacking respect for me, and I think in my mind anyway, I think she really was lacking respect. And um just beating my head against a brick wall, just basic common sense, right?
00:41:21
Speaker
And um yeah, I had a really bad week in that in that respect, really bad. Literally this morning I went to this office and got my my a certificate.
00:41:32
Speaker
Right. So yeah, nightmare though. And this is the big job. Yeah. And it gets a theme for me is like you can take the boy other than ADHD, but also this cultural difference. I don't know if you have this, do you sometimes ah really notice a really stark cultural difference?
00:41:54
Speaker
Oh, absolutely. Like, yeah people think, because they watch American films, American TV, that they understand what American yeah being America or living here, what it's like, but it's actually not like that. It's, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah you could yes so you you kind of arrive going, yeah, I know what America and Americans are all right and they're like oh crap no i I've completely misjudged this whole thing. actually I mean point being for me is that if because it's quite popular now there's a lot of people live in the UK a lot of people changing countries because they're just like fed up with where they are and they're looking for something new grass is green on this other side of the of the of the fence the hedge or whatever
00:42:41
Speaker
um But if you're ADHD and you're moving to potentially move into a new country and it's not, you don't speak that language particularly well, it's not your mother tongue, it can be really hard work. It's hard work anyway, but if you're ADHD and you have to like, i would you know, just bear in mind,
00:43:05
Speaker
Yeah, it even 20 years in Italy and I I you know, I can't I Beating my head against a wall so often Yeah, I can imagine Yeah, yeah, ah think I think I get the slightly different which is ah I I think I know how something should work, right? I
Ageism and Job Market Challenges
00:43:30
Speaker
think I know how it should be Yeah And it might even be called the same thing. and It's the same language and and it's the same thing. And so you assume that it's the same thing, but it turns out to be something completely different, right? It works in a very different way. Even though it's something is has the same words, the same language, the same, and you just kind of get, oh yeah, it's, you know, I know that in English, therefore it's a bit like um you go to a restaurant and it would have like toad in the hole.
00:44:03
Speaker
And you get, Oh, well I know what that is. That's a sausage in, in, in like, in a, ba in a batter. Right. And then you say you order that and then it comes out and it's completely different. It's something completely different, but that sort of shit happens all that kind of.
00:44:22
Speaker
That happens all the time, but not just on food, but on any, anything. You just think yeah how it's going to, how something is because you think that yeah it's English and it's so isn't. It ends up being something else. Yeah.
00:44:39
Speaker
And just it Italy, is just there's so much of it Italian culture is based on essentially mistrust. Whereas, you know, there's, and it's really, a really great. So in England, at least, know there's there's an element of ah common sense and trust between, at a vast majority, I never had a problem with trust in England, with um working in England, or with bureaucracy.
00:45:05
Speaker
on Whereas in Italy, everything is based on mistrust. They don't trust people to um to be off work and not to have a good reason for it. So you're obliged to live by their rules and uh just accept the end which I struggle with that you just have to play by their rule book and just makes no there's no logic to it at all yeah it's really annoying anyhow all right so how about your your bad mr west
00:45:41
Speaker
I've already done my bad. um ah That was the um I'm I'm um I'm bad at the down. Yeah. Yes, lately having having showers. so um Okay. So so husley it's ugly. Yeah. I'm going to ring a goal that the That's the bell. Bell of ugliness of ugliness. I don't it it's actually been a fairly ugly free week to be honest.
00:46:08
Speaker
um There hasn't really, I mean, it's been mostly good, positive stuff. which is which is helpful. helpful um ah Yeah, I mean, as I said, I mean, but a tax season is is coming up. and So I've got to get myself back into like, I've just finished getting up to date and now I have to like press that button and start doing this year's taxes.
00:46:41
Speaker
um but i don't have but But I don't feel that the amount of shame spiraling that I that i have done so I feel that should be fairly straightforward. That's good. that's good yeah Yeah, I mean the the the hardest thing is is actually is is money, is trying to get like, I need money, I need more work.
00:47:05
Speaker
Um, I need to kind of get out there and start freelancing my butt off. And that's, that's hard. I find that difficult. So yeah and that's the ugliest part of of my week is me trying to like, come on mine, get onto the private jobs and stuff, find work.
00:47:25
Speaker
The worst, the worst thing, going through LinkedIn, you know, I know i'll find that really depressing. Because is because i oh ah as as as you know um you know, what some people might not know, but we work in the same business sector, you know, communication, advertising, you know, agency work.
00:47:49
Speaker
And our sector has changed so much over recent years. It's so much. um But it's probably different where you are in the States, I'd imagine. But in in Italy, virtually all the jobs, they're like 100% digital and You know, the list is madness. The list of things that the people are expected, you know, graphic graphic designers of all expert of all levels of experience, the list of software that you're supposed to be a freaking expert of just mind blowing. Right. Yeah. No, no, no. It's, it's, it's like, it's.
00:48:30
Speaker
Now, like if you have ADHD being, you can't, it's very difficult to force yourself into learning something that you're not fundamentally interested in. But there aren't, the problem what so what's the problem the problem is for me, there's not many jobs for people like me.
00:48:47
Speaker
you know, you you kind of, the that you know, that um where the, at least in Italy, vast the the weightiest part of the job is actually knowledge of software. And everything else, you know,
00:49:05
Speaker
concepts, design, you know, uh, communication is like way down the list. It's like, yeah, it's kind of an optional extra, you know, yeah, it's getting more and more like that. Very process orientated.
00:49:21
Speaker
Mm hmm. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, so if do you have another and and and ah ugly? Well, do. Yeah, I do. It's kind of linked to the the last one really, just generally because of all of this stuff going on at the moment, trying to find more work, you know, blah bla problems with bureaucracy. I just feel ah just one of those moments where I just feel like not only do I come from another planet, it's like, okay, they let me onto the planet reluctantly and they only gave me a tourist visa. You know, it's like, it's it's way more than just being from another planet. At the moment, I just feel like it's really kind of like swimming in treacle all the time.
00:50:08
Speaker
Right. You know what it sounds like? It sounds like you when you're kind of like um yeah when you sort of grow up and you're a kid, you you kind of feel but like an alien. And then the the more you know yourself and and the world, you kind of feel a little bit less alien. But then as you get older and the world almost kind of right, just moves on without you. You know what I mean? It's just it gets more and more yeah weird and and then in in your way to like yeah digital and software and AI and it's and then then you feel more alien. You used to used to yeah right start to feel that you're becoming more of an alien. Nice. Fundamental things that were the basis of my living in the past, especially you know my job, you know at least that I could rely on.
00:50:57
Speaker
No, not any anymore. It's all right. Taking a proverbial rug from under your feet. And it's just like, you'd feel like a rabbit in the headlights.
00:51:08
Speaker
yeah
00:51:12
Speaker
That's really, really hard. Nice nice insight. yeah Like alien, less alien. you know they as Then as you, as you kind of get older, you just, you just get more, you just feel more alien again.
00:51:26
Speaker
Yeah. And and in and then kids the age there's ageism, there's rampant ageism. It's horrific. and know I think I'm as fresh, but you know, design wise as I was 20 years ago, but no one can accept the idea that a 57 year old can be, you know, you know, a finger on the pulse in terms of design. and yeah i I know I can, but people just don't, you know, just a ah massive barrier. Well, it's also because someone who is like 18 or 20 is just cheaper, right? ah Totally. um
00:52:07
Speaker
and Also, there's the other thing of whoever's hiring you, if they're younger than you, they they they don't want that dynamic of someone who's more experienced, right? Because they just feel like
Entrepreneurial Aspirations
00:52:28
Speaker
they they can't use their managerial bullshit on you because you'll just go, yes that's bullshit. You see like you see through the bullshit. You just you see it right through it. The shit. And they don't like that because because you you take away all of their all of their managerial tools, if you like. Exactly. Exactly.
00:52:53
Speaker
Yeah. And um he went I'd won a race of about a year and a half ago. um I went for an interview for a job. And i ah kind of at the end of the interview, they said, Paul, you're just unbelievable. You're basically like a one man agency. know You do everything. And for them, I think they got jittery because they thought, well, basically, you're not potential potentially you're not a freelancer your competition you know it's not new york where i you know it's not like london or new york or paris or berlin or whatever or boston i'm talking about you know provincial italy for them they just saw me as like potential competition you know that was kind of like all singing or dancing you know
00:53:44
Speaker
write the sea theme tune, seek the theme the soon tune. It's like blimey, and they're like a bit of like, ah okay, a bit scared, scared off. No, I i definitely fall in into that, like, I can do anything, yeah, mostly anything. Um, yeah. Well, I can on the, on this kind of strategy side and communication side, you know, like take all the freaking boxes, you know, um, production stuff is, it's when it gets technical, I'm not, you know, when it gets like video editing and, uh, 3d and all that kind of stuff. Not, it's not my, it's not my, my, my float to boat, my boat to float.
00:54:31
Speaker
Right. You know what, I i i should should have said this way back in the in the good section, but it's just reminding me when you were saying that you were out in provincial.
00:54:44
Speaker
I can remember like when we were talking last week, I think off mic, about ah I was going to do this art class, right? Yeah. and And you were like, oh, you know, I would like to do that. And I was like, yeah, well, you can always start start up your own life class. And then I went away and I was like, hang on a second. So this class I'm joining, there's 10 people, maximum of 10, because it's a small room, right?
00:55:13
Speaker
yeah And they're all paying like 75 bucks, right? Blimey, expensive, okay. Blimey. That's 750, right? So if you get a full room, that's $750 a week, right? So it's going, okay, right, well, if if you were to rent out a space, how much would that be? Okay, let's take that out. How much would you pay a model this much?
00:55:39
Speaker
you know, perhaps you would have to buy some materials, but then you could sell met him materials as well um on the on the side. um And I was like, yeah, that's like ah like as easily like, you know, 500 a week very the that I could make just for setting up a class, I could make 500 a week maximum. and And I just ran an art class.
00:56:07
Speaker
Yeah. Once a week. Well, in Italy, you could live on that money. Right. Definitely. I mean, you would have to scale your, your prices up, up and down. Yeah, you'd scale down. That opportunity is coming up, actually. I'll keep you up to date, but there could be something happening on that front.
00:56:24
Speaker
I was like, I was like, yeah, that's a little money making thing. And my wife was like, that's a money making thing. I was like, yeah, OK, well, you know what? I'm going to put it slightly on the back but burner for now, but maybe next year. Nice. Yes. If or when I fully retire, as it as it were, no I don't have to make 100 grand a year when I get to that point, I can go, right, I'm going to start an art class.
00:56:54
Speaker
I'm going to find some models and a room and then advertise it and get people to turn up and I can, you know, and then, and then they pay money and I can do some art there while I'm on there. I could make that that could be like a fairly decent income that I control. So, um, I want to do that, but in the same kind of space, so it'd be like quite a flexible space.
00:57:24
Speaker
We could do different activities. I want to do storytelling as well. You know you what's like, storytelling so for children. um So there's a lot, I get a lot of people, parents say,
00:57:39
Speaker
Oh, Paul, could you, um I've got like a three, four, five year old, we want them to like learn English right from the get go. You know, what can you do? And say, well, if it's like one to one, it's just not worth it. Just don't make enough money. But I've already acquired at the local library and they said I could have a space. oh um And I could do storytelling for kids.
00:58:05
Speaker
There you go. And I'd love to do that, you know. Yeah. You just kind of like get the word out through the, through the library and any ah of yeah ah the other contacts and just say, right, well, it's going to be like, whatever it is, 10 euros or whatever you want to charge. They already said they're up for it.
00:58:27
Speaker
right you know and then the mum's dad's gonna drop off their kids you know pick them up an hour later you know read them all right roll down read them roll down books you know yeah yeah you might if if if the parents aren't going to be there you you probably would need someone else Mm hmm. Yeah, yeah, kids. Yeah. And it's what I used to do with my son. I still have with
Conclusion and Future Plans
00:58:57
Speaker
my son Tom who is my favorite part of the day was telling him a story every night. Right. You know, and it's a real art to storytelling with children. It's a real art. It's a total, real, a total joy to do.
00:59:11
Speaker
Right. because it Because it feels like you're kind of halfway there because you're already teaching. So it feels like rather than relying on other people and they're teaching gigs, you can create your own teaching gigs, you know, whether it's storytelling or maybe, it's ah I mean, I mean, even if you just did that,
00:59:31
Speaker
ah I mean, I always liked doing, you know, like um I would even join a group that was just people doing their own thing, but all in one room. So I was just doing my normal art thing so that it wasn't really like a one lesson thing. It was literally you just go there and you can do your own thing and you can teach people stuff or or or give them inspiration or give them projects if they want to do it. But everyone can be doing something different, right? And you can just be going around and go, yeah, this is good. Do try this, try that.
01:00:01
Speaker
you can so we did that once being you we remember we did the pottery ceramics painting thing right we did that once a lot of fun right that was cool yeah it's almost like if you can find a space where there's like g library you can do that maybe there's another space or some other thing um like i've already got two spaces that i've already said that i can use two different spaces Yeah. just I could do different things. Right. You can do kinds of things that are in your umbrella. ADHD coaching. I want to do that as well. Right. but That's a kind of of a ah you one-on-one thing. Yeah. No, that's a one-on-one. Yeah. But the coaching, i need I need about eight grand to do to do to get trained. Yeah. Yeah. It's not cheap.
01:00:56
Speaker
ah like I like that idea of a group thing that you set. law on um i I am going to do it, but not not this year. And the fundamental thing is going back to what we were talking about before. I can't ah can't go back to not being my own boss anymore. I can't do it. You know, just the the whole idea makes me kind of like you know makes me feel kind of like I want to puke.
01:01:25
Speaker
Right, but I mean, but even now you're slightly trapped by you having to work within other people's systems right you've got these teaching jobs so you're almost like yes so so you're having to kind of like working in the state school system it's a freaking mind right right so you're even even though you're your own boss you're still having to work in other people's systems whereas you could actually as as you say just start your own
01:01:59
Speaker
pool, educate classes and get groups together and they pay you money and then you just pay for the space. I need anything. I don't mind if I've, you know, screw up my might job or my income or, you know, my general welfare. I i i can't stand and ah and I've always had struggled with it throughout my whole life. i've all But I'm getting more like this.
01:02:27
Speaker
I can't stand the the um unpredictability, ah the potential for someone outside of my control screwing up my day or my week or whatever. And I need to avoid it as much as possible. you know yeah And if i if that means I have to like be really done out being an energetic, find the energy, and do things like this, lots of, maybe six different activities, but I'm my own boss. Fine. Totally fine with it. I think, I think that could, could, could be the, you know, like, yeah if you need and man money, that's, that would be it. Yeah. That seems like going, I'm thinking about six or seven jobs effectively, you know, wearing six or seven hats. Yeah.
01:03:19
Speaker
depending on the day or the, whether it's in the afternoons and, you know, potentially two different hats on the same day. Right. Yeah. That's it. You know, and then if something doesn't work out, just, just, just, just to drop it. Cause you've got five other things and find something else, you know, like emphasis has been on, on no cost, right? You know, outlays like minimal, even zero, you know? Yeah.
01:03:48
Speaker
that thing. It doesn't cost anything to set this stuff up. That sounds like an absolute winner, right? You've got a space that that you can access. All you have to do is to use a little bit of ADHD hyper focus enthusiasm to get it set up and get people to know about it and get some sort of whatever you need. yeah Exactly. Sort it out. And then when we record a hundredth episode, which would be about August, maybe mid August, because I've checked it out today. but ah we we we We're going to meet up Martin and we're going to like you do some, I don't know, we do something particular maybe. Oh, right.
01:04:28
Speaker
maybe a live podcast together. That sounds scary. just does Yeah. alrighty Okay. Well, that's, I think that's, that's, uh, pretty much it. Uh, we just, um, I have to say, uh, we're just going to jump it, jump in the car cause then makes a nice segue and we'll, we'll head to the post office. and Yes. have we got jump host
01:05:02
Speaker
do we have post um well kind of we do and we don't i mean um so if you um yeah so there's you know uh there is post out there i just haven't i've read it i just haven't okay i've gathered it up i haven't really gathered and ending up other than like wo i think because what's happening now is um
01:05:28
Speaker
As we record this, TikTok is going away in the States. Yeah, when's that happening? Is it imminent? Yeah, it's in li I think it's and ah it's it's less than a week.
01:05:44
Speaker
Oh, Christ. Okay. ah Apparently the servers are going to go dark, which means that it will literally like just in America. Right. Yeah. From what I understand that I mean that even though I'll have the app on my phone, I won't be able to use it. There's there's a lot of confusion around.
01:06:05
Speaker
what actually is going to happen. But I think TikTok has said that it's it's going to go dark. All right. Cool beans. So that just leaves me to say that ADHD Ville is delivered fresh every Tuesday to all purveyors of fine podcasts. Please subscribe to the pod and rate us most magnificent and feel free to correspond at will in the comments. But wait, there's more. If you wish to see our beautiful beautiful faces then Sally 4 to the YouTubes to the YouTubes and ah we're kind of there on TikTok for now um and you can also pick up a quill and email us at adhdwill at gmail dot.com but in the meantime be fucking kind to yourself
01:06:53
Speaker
And I beseech you, fellow ADHDers, know sons of the helms, come hither and get the flesh. Yes, to it. There, says the mare. That's that. That's that.