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Comparison is the Thief of Joy
140 Plays10 days ago
Ep 1 - Comparison is the Thief of Joy
How many times this week have you scrolled social media and wished that you could look like a certain influencer or were jealous that your BFF is taking ANOTHER vacation?
Social media is just one way that we compare ourselves to others and in this inaugural episode of Exhausted Sparrows Unite, we discuss why comparison robs us of our own happiness and how to remember that what we see on social media is just one quick snapshot of someone's life and not the whole album.
Join host Krista Jones every week in this safe space for people who are striving to do it all but often feel "less than" when we seem to fall short of living that perfect version of life.
Learn more about Krista's mission and the charity she has spent the last 12 years building in the Hudson Valley, NY.
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Transcript
Introduction and Purpose of the Podcast
00:00:02
Speaker
Hey there and welcome to Exhausted Sparrows Unite. I'm Krista Jones and this is the place where we're going to get real about life's challenges without any judgment, without any pressure to be perfect. Together we're going to explore ways that we can let go of the things that exhaust us and embrace the things that fill us up. You don't have to have it all figured out. You just have to take it one day at a time. So along with my co-host this morning, my assistant, Chantel Shafer, let's jump in and get started. Let's jump right in. It's podcast number one. It's our very first podcast, the debut podcast. We're a little bit nervous, but we're excited and and we're ready to go, right?
00:00:49
Speaker
Just a little nervous. Just a little nervous. But I kind of wanted to tell you the premise behind this entire thing. It's been on my heart for over a year now to to start this podcast. And I kept saying to myself, God, like, what in the world are you trying to use me to show?
Introduction to Sparrow's Nest Charity
00:01:06
Speaker
You know, we have this charity called Sparrow's Nest. If you're not familiar with it, you can find it at SparrowsNestCharity.org. I love how Chantel is like the ah the reporter of the two of us.
00:01:19
Speaker
And so you can go to our website. we we We feed cancer patients and their families and individuals. We just built this huge, amazing 7,000 square foot facility so that we can do even more good. And in all of this, we've got like this this really big platform. We have about 14,000 followers on Facebook.
00:01:42
Speaker
Yeah, it's been, it's been ah cranking up the past couple of days. Only a few thousand followers on Instagram because, you know, I love that Chantel's about to hit her forties and I am in my fifties. So Chantel's more on that young and where she's like, let's do some tick tocks. Let's, let's do a Snapchat. Let's do Instagram and I'm not there yet. So with Chantel with me, I think Instagram is going to go from, I don't even know, three, 4,000 followers to hopefully 14, 15,000 as well.
00:02:12
Speaker
I don't know, does that change once I hit 40? Do I become less inclined to Instagram? Well, you will always be younger than me. So I feel that you're going to get these Instagrammers in. And so we have this amazing platform and I'm like, what do you need us to
Social Media's Impact on Authenticity and Mental Health
00:02:28
Speaker
do with this? And there's something that is just... It's really on my heart. And it's been on my heart for way more than a year, but I'm like, maybe this is the podcast. And it's really talking about what we see compared to what there really is, right? Living authentically, authentically not only you know just in our day-to-day, but what we're putting out there on platforms that everybody else is seeing. Because those things don't necessarily jive.
00:02:59
Speaker
And I feel that's where it gets dangerous. Very dangerous. There are some influencers, some local influencers that I'd seen recently that said, listen, for $599, you can join my conference this weekend and we're going to you're gonna learn how to balance it all in life and do it all great. And I am here to tell you that if that is what you truly believe this podcast is not going to be for you, because that is not at all what we believe. We believe that, sure, if you've gotta juggle it all, you're gonna juggle it all because there are seasons in life where you have 50 things on your plate and you've gotta get them all done, but you're not gonna do them all well.
00:03:47
Speaker
So what we're going to tell you here is you're not going to do it all well, sister, but we're going to give you some grace. Like have a little grace that this is going to be an area of your life for a three month span or a three week span or a one year span that you're going to say, all right.
00:04:02
Speaker
I have to get my children out the door.
Balancing Personal and Professional Life with Grace
00:04:05
Speaker
I've got to get this 50 hour a week job done and do it well. I have a partner that I've got to make sure is taken care of because there's a lot of stresses going on in his own life. You know, I have a dog that is sick. You know, I just have all of these things and I'm going to give what I can give and then I'm going to let it go.
00:04:26
Speaker
And I think that there is this big disconnect when it comes to social media, what we're seeing and what really is. I'm just going to call it out. It's the Cliff Notes. It's definitely the Cliff Notes. It is, it is, you know, I say this to my kids all the time. We're going to be talking about children and social media and mental health too, but I say this to my children all the time. I'm like, guys, that picture was taken 35 times. There's a filter on it. It is the best of the best pictures that that person could put up. They're really not in the Bahamas. They've got a palm tree behind them and they're really in hopeful junction. Like,
00:05:08
Speaker
let's step back. You know, and I think this podcast, we are calling comparison is the stealer of joy. And that's where we really dive in. You kind of got a background of why we feel we need to do this. And this is, this is your safe space. This is the place that we want you to be able to go to and say, these ladies don't have it all together because I'm just going to, you know, I'm going to be vulnerable and I'm going to dive into the stories of my life because a lot of you look at me And that's sad for me. And you're like, well, you do have it all together. And you did start this charity and you do raise $1.2 million dollars a year and you do. And let me tell you this, it's it's not Krista Jones. I have an amazing support system behind me that builds me up and allows me to do it. And I spent a lot of time behind the scenes crying behind closed doors. And I spent a lot of time with praying friends that I'm saying, I don't have this. And they're like, but he does. And so, you know, we all have our own story.
00:06:05
Speaker
to tell so comparing ourselves to others i mean really i feel makes no sense because how can somebody show you all the things that you need to have to make your life successful or to make your life Joyful. Absolutely. Right. So when you see other people that, you know, have this, this dream job and they have these great relationships and they have these amazing friends, one, that's not necessarily the true authentic story. And two,
00:06:43
Speaker
You can't compare your walk to their walk because your life is extremely different. We all believe like that somehow there's this magic solution out there that's going to make us better and stronger and funnier and more hireable. And by feeling that way, here's here's the key.
00:07:04
Speaker
you are telling yourself that you are not enough where you are in that exact moment. Krista Jones is pointing at me. I feel called out and you are not called out at all. It's the Italian in me, but you know, that's where it then gets dangerous, right? Because you are feeling that you are not enough in the area that you're in, what you have is not enough, then you get into this this dangerous mind game that, well, if I looked more like this person, or if my work ethics were more like this person, i I'd have more money, and and then I would be so much happier, and that is not how we're made. So like there was a truth that that was told to me,
00:07:49
Speaker
a couple of weeks ago um by a woman in a grocery store, you know, we were just kind of chit chatting and I don't remember exactly what she said. But at the end of the day, what she did tell me is this, you know, when you're constantly looking at someone else's life, you are missing out on the beauty of your own. And here's the thing, what is for you is not going to pass you up unless you're not paying
The Illusion of Perfection on Social Media
00:08:16
Speaker
attention to it. Yeah, what's that saying? Life is what happens when you're busy making plans? It's true. It's true, right? Like we make all our plans and God's like, it's it that's cute, but I've already got them made to you. So when you're looking so much and investing yours so yourself into somebody else's life, you are completely missing what's for you because what is for Chantal Shafer is not for Christa Jones. And what is at the end going to bring you joy is really not going to bring me joy. So me trying to compare myself to you means that then I'm trying to be as good as you in areas that may not even be my wheelhouse and may not even be how I'm uniquely made. I'm not made to do what Chantal Shafer does. I'm going to be honest with you guys. She's an organized bird. My little Chantel Shaper, she's like, oh, you need to get the software so that we can do a podcast. We don't need anybody to edit this. <unk> do dude And then she just set up a whole sound system. And she organizes me and she makes because Krista Jones on her own demise, you can say it.
00:09:22
Speaker
Hot Mess Express. Organized chaos. Yes. But I also couldn't do what you do. I couldn't raise $1.2 million dollars and run a charity. I'm a behind the scenes type of girl. She is. And that's the thing, like we have to embrace ah the beauty of ourselves. And here's here's the funny part, right? I'm saying this to all of you and inside Chantel and are kind of laughing because we're both like, you know, we don't even do this. and i'm Like we don't, but we are now going to start doing this because we're telling others and how can we not do it when when we want to do this for others. And really the crux of the problem is this, we don't love ourselves or trust ourselves enough.
00:10:02
Speaker
to know that we're enough just the way we are. That's the problem. And so when we start believing the images that we see and we start buying into all these conferences that we really need to attend, I'm talking about the paid ones. Just come here. This is all free. You can go to the free ones.
00:10:20
Speaker
You know, what what we're saying subconsciously is that we're not enough as we are. So we're stealing joy that's right in front of us because we're now comparing ourselves to someone that we're not even supposed to be. Right? Yeah.
00:10:35
Speaker
So the issue when we compare ourselves to others is that we are never going to arrive. There's always somebody that's prettier than us. There's always somebody, especially in the charity world, Chantel's gonna laugh at this, that makes way more money than us, that has fame, that has better looks. But you know if you dive into a lot of these people, you know because you see these interviews out there, you know the Justin Bieber's of the world. Let's take Justin Bieber for instance. I mean, this is off the cuff, but let's take it a guy that has it all, right? He's got all this money and he's got all this fame and he is broken. And we're starting to learn more of his true story. And it is a sad, broken story that all of this stuff, you know, he is still, he's lost.
00:11:21
Speaker
And you would not think that if you look at the outer Justin Bieber, you know, we see this young kid that has come to the top and P. Diddy and all of these, you know, you're learning all these stories about these people that let's just say, probably we're doing some not so above board things. And now you're you're thinking to yourself, oh, my gosh, what what did this fame and this fortune and what we think is joy? What did this cost him?
00:11:49
Speaker
It's destroying his life. It is and you know he had this breakdown years ago where he was going to church and I was like he is trying to find peace. He is trying to figure out what his peace is you know because now he's this big celebrity so he has to compare himself to other big celebrities that have it all and so you know we get in this rut where it will never be enough and then you know I hope that if that is you that is always striving to compare yourself to others and get better, I hope that you you can look at stories like this and think, we thought Justin Bieber had it all and and he doesn't. and you know And then if you're the person on the other side of the coin that has to make everything perfect,
00:12:34
Speaker
and your hair has to be perfect and everything you say when you put your post out have to be perfect. Maybe you can back off of that a little bit because you are setting a dangerous precedent for people that don't have it all together that are trying to strive to be what you are. Like we would like to see from some of you just the messy side of you so that not every post is perfect. And I do have some friends on Facebook that I'm like,
00:13:00
Speaker
You've got a filter on right now. Every hair on your head cannot always be good. And you took a shower right before you took this picture. And I don't want to see that all the time. No, it's not real. You know, I had Christian like two weeks ago. I did a live on Facebook right before the gala we had done.
00:13:15
Speaker
I don't know, like a, I don't even know an 18 hour day and we were trying to save some money. And so we were setting up the tables ourselves and we didn't set the tent up, but we were like setting everything up ourselves. We were like, this is going to save us money. I'm like, this is going to cost us our piece. And I got on live and like, I don't even know, I had a side ponytail and I get home and Christian goes, what?
00:13:38
Speaker
in the heck were you doing? And I said, you know what? I was trying to show people I'm at the end of this 18 hour day because I want all the money to go back to the charity and we're trying to save money to get it all done. And I want people to see the real me. And that's kind of what we're striving for. And we're asking you in this podcast of comparison is the stealer of joy. Show us the real you. You know, Facebook can be a great place.
00:14:07
Speaker
but it can be a dangerous place if we're using it with all of these filters, right? Like, show the authentic you. Maybe you don't want to show it all the time, but for us to get a glimpse into your real life will also let the rest of us show the real us. And then, you know, I think comparison won't be quite as important for so many people to feel that they need to strive to be better and better and better.
00:14:34
Speaker
yeah Does that make sense? It makes a lot of sense. Sean Tell's just here to make to make me feel better today. And you know, I think the thing is, we're never going to arrive wherever we need to be. And we're always looking at what we don't have. So what does that mean? If you're always looking at what you don't have. You don't appreciate what you do have. Amen. And that's the thing. What do we have? You know, we feed cancer patients every single day.
00:15:00
Speaker
We have our health. Let's start there. There are many that are listening to that to this podcast, right? when when When your health changes, whatever it is in your health, when something happens with with your back,
00:15:13
Speaker
when something happens and you get a cancer diagnosis, when something happens and and you have COVID, right? when When something happens and it makes you sick, you are vulnerable.
Gratitude and Health Awareness
00:15:24
Speaker
And all of a sudden, like everything changes because you're like, oh my gosh, if my back felt better or or God, if you can just help me to beat this cancer, if you can just, you know,
00:15:36
Speaker
That stuff then no longer matters because you're looking at people that are whole and that are healthy. And and now you're thinking, I just want to get back to there. And so you know we we've we've got all of that going on. And in the middle of everything, you know I think I'm starting to get up to a point where I don't compare myself. For me, the reason is because we feed cancer patients. We feed about 450 people each week.
00:16:02
Speaker
Once we expand this mission in Dutchess County in January, and then other counties to follow, you know, we're probably going to be at, I don't know, eight, nine hundred a thousand people at the end of the year. And you know, when you see every day that there are people that are just grasping for their health, I think, how can I compare myself to anything?
00:16:22
Speaker
let me embrace what I do have, the fact that I have good health, the fact that my children are all healthy right now. and any Any of that can can be taken from me because cancer doesn't discriminate and and and many other diseases. you know you You have to embrace what is right in front of you. And for those that have cancer, I watch them embrace everything else. They'll say, I do have a cancer diagnosis, but I am thankful that my children are healthy.
Preview of Future Topics: Mental Health and Perfectionism
00:16:47
Speaker
Like those are stories that are so powerful. And I'm like, oh my gosh. And in the middle of your own battle, you're saying, I'm thankful for all of this. And you can't be thankful for what you have if what you're doing is looking to have what everybody else does. Absolutely. Right? Yeah. And so the illusion of having it all together is kind of going to be.
00:17:07
Speaker
where you and I, Chantal, and and you know we're gonna bring in mental health advisors. We are going to bring in guidance counselors from the high school. We're gonna be bringing in other people in episodes to come to really talk about the illusion of having it all together and the cliff notes, right, which are,
00:17:26
Speaker
you know, the best of the best, the filters that we talked about a little earlier, it's it's giving us this skewed life of what somebody has and it's not real talk. So the whole crux for me behind this podcast, the whole reason that I believe God put something in my heart and spoke to me is because I believe that he is looking for the authentic us.
00:17:52
Speaker
the authentic you, you know, getting away from these filters. I cannot tell you how dangerous it is. I cannot tell you adults, you know this, when we do it, our kids see us do it and they do it. And, you know, when you're doing it, what it is saying, it's not saying I look beautiful and I look like I have it all together and I look pretty.
00:18:18
Speaker
You know, what it really is saying is, I feel inadequate. I feel unworthy. I feel unloved. I don't trust myself enough. I feel less than to show you the real me. That's good.
00:18:34
Speaker
Thank you. I mean, it's bad, but it sounds good, but it's, but it's true and it's true. And it's dangerous. It's all off the cuff. You and I speaking about this, but I think because Chantelle and I have conversations about this almost on a daily basis, just, you know, here and in our lives and in the charity and things that, you know, um something will happen and I will say, oh my gosh or Chantelle will say, oh my gosh. So something will go on and she will have to say to me or I will have to say to her, it's not real. It's not authentic. We just, we just had a major mess up guys last night.
00:19:11
Speaker
Would you like to tell us the the story, Chantal? All right, so here at Sparrow's Nest, we have a team of runners. We do. This year it's about 110 runners. They bring in um about $300,000 plus a year for the charity. They do. An amazing group of selfless individuals. And this team fundraises and then go on a destination run they yeah at the end of training. And last night we had our itinerary meeting. We're going to Ocean City, Maryland next week. We had, I don't know, almost 100 people in the room.
00:19:40
Speaker
And during that meeting, our ah ah runners got their shirts and they put out their shirts. They're beautiful. Colors are fantastic. new New font. And the shirts say Team Sparrow 2025.
00:19:54
Speaker
five 2025 not 2024 not 2024 we are living in the future we are and maybe we'll be running there twice in the future so like that that was a moment right it was interesting to watch the people in the room some of the people in the room were completely tripped up by that And most of the people in the room were like, big deal, doesn't really matter. And we in the room then went, I looked at that shirt, went right by me. Chantel's like, I shouldered the i folded the shirts, right went right by me. So we in the room then were showing them, right? We could have went, oh my gosh, guys, give us back the shirts. We're going to redo the shirts.
00:20:35
Speaker
And we didn't, because we are also trying to learn. like We're trying to teach each other in a group of supportive friends that like make the mistakes and laugh at yourself and go, yeah, I just made that. And guess what? Is it the end of your world that your shirt says you're running next year and not this year? No. Does it mean you have to come back next year? Yes. Yes, it does. It's kind of like the contract that you didn't really sign, but you wore the shirt, but page 27. So you know we feel inadequate when we look at Facebook. so I think it's great that we start showing our mistakes, right? And here's the other thing. I want you to look at these posts. You know, if you are listening to this podcast, truly, and you are going through a rough time and you are just depressed, right? I think too, when sometimes when we're at our lowest, it's when we feel the most unworthy
00:21:25
Speaker
you know, um and we're getting into a season where it's getting darker. Vitamin D is a real thing. Yes, it is. So when you have a lot of darkness in your life, a lot of people go into a darker hole. So, you know, I think this is a great time to start this podcast, which might also be like why it's not going off to now. But this is what I want you to really, really look at. I want you to ask these questions. I want you to look at somebody you're comparing yourself to on social media that, you know, you say has it all together and I want you to step back. And then I want you to say, get the emotions out of all of this. I want you to logically say.
00:22:02
Speaker
Can this be real all the time? Can this person all the time look like this? Can this person all the time speak like this? You know, we have AI
Accepting Unique Worth and Daily Challenges
00:22:12
Speaker
now. This person could be put in their post through AI, which I just learned about yesterday. And whoa, that's an interesting you know thought process that comes out. Is what you're seeing really authentic?
00:22:25
Speaker
Right? Take the emotion out of it. Stop saying to yourself. Negative self-stalk. I'm a mess. I don't know how to write posts. My pictures aren't pretty. I'm not pretty. yeah Take all of that out of that. If you're going to compare yourself online, look at it logically.
00:22:41
Speaker
No one can possibly have it together all the time. If you take nothing out from this today, none of us have it together all the time. Some people are not living authentically on the platforms that you see them on all the time. And you need to know that wherever you are in your life right now, you are worthy You are loved. You have been uniquely made. There is nothing about you that God would ever change. The little tiny hairs in your head. Maybe there's hairs around your face like me that you're like, where did my little guinea hair come from? It happens. Every single thing about you has been thought out. And there is nothing for you to compare. Nothing for you to compare against anybody else. And let's think about that.
00:23:34
Speaker
How sad would you be and how sad are you if you have children and your children come home and say so and so is popular and they're prettier than me and they're smarter than me. Think about the conversation. Chantel is younger children and she's about to go through what I've already gone through with my girls because.
00:23:53
Speaker
I'm sorry that I'm blanketing this statement, but kids can be cruel. You know, girls and boys, kids can be cruel. And my kids have gone through some awful, ugly, ugly times. How would you feel? um If your child was saying that to you, Chantel, if your daughters come up to you and they feel unworthy and unloved and they are comparing themselves to somebody else, what would you say as a mom? I mean, it's already started. My 10-year-old has been talking about her forehead. My forehead is so big. I'm like, your forehead is perfect. What are you talking about? And I said, who said that to you? Where are you getting that from? Well, you know, Taylor Swift's forehead doesn't look like mine. And I said, you're not Taylor Swift. You are Nora.
00:24:38
Speaker
and you are beautiful, your forehead is perfect. I made your forehead. I designed that in me. It's perfect. And that's the problem, right? So if we will talk that kindly.
00:24:50
Speaker
to our own children, right, who we fiercely love more than anything in our life. And not only children, to our grandmas and our grandpas and to our moms and our dads. If we would never let them feel unworthy, how do we get ourselves in that position? And that's really kind of where we are. So the moment that you stop comparing yourselves to other people is a moment that you are going to set yourself free. Listen to that.
00:25:17
Speaker
If you're feeling weighted down, you have to stop comparing yourselves to other people. So how do you do that? You have to learn to love yourself. That's tough. That is tough. I don't love myself on some days.
00:25:32
Speaker
most days. It's true. I'm very hard on myself. I'm a worst critic. We all are. I don't let you see when I'm sad or when I'm lonely. I don't let you see the vulnerable of me. So how do you learn to love yourself? Because you cannot stop comparing yourselves to somebody else until you love yourself.
00:25:53
Speaker
That is the crux of it. You do not love yourself. If you are comparing yourself, you may think you love yourself, but if you are comparing yourself to somebody else and then wanting what they have, you don't love yourself enough to know that you are exactly where you need to be. You are so beautiful exactly as you are.
00:26:17
Speaker
Oh, I can't even say that enough. It makes me so sad because I know that I feel that way. Chantel, I know that you feel that way. And I am saying this because this podcast, I am going to learn this with you, right? Because if we loved ourselves, we would not envy what anybody else has. If we loved our life,
00:26:38
Speaker
which we are walking through exactly as we need to walk through it, we would not be envious and jealous of somebody else's life. We can't eliminate comparing ourselves to others if we don't believe in ourselves. So that's the problem. We don't believe in ourselves. So what can you do for that, right? So for me,
00:27:00
Speaker
I have ADD. It's a funny thing, but it's a real thing. It is the reason that I'm able to do so many things in this charity. God gave me a great gift, right? I'm not looking at ADD like ah the gift of, or you know a lot of people look at that and say, my child has ADD and I'm putting on medicine. I'm doing all this stuff and I don't want to say don't, but what I will say is I've never been on medicine. I'm self-diagnosing myself here.
00:27:24
Speaker
but I definitely have it. ah And because I'm not stifled in any of those areas, I'm able to do you know some great things. But for me, i I don't remember every day to say a kind thing about myself or two. So what I started doing is I started just putting a few positive statements on my mirror.
00:27:45
Speaker
And you can get them from the Bible, of course, but you can get them from the Lauren Diego song. You know, I am who you say I am, right? So you can just go to that song. And you know, she says, I am enough. I am loved. I am worthy. I am whatever you need those positive affirmations to be. You can start that small, but it should be something that you have typed up really big and you put it somewhere. It could be in your car on the way to work. It could be on your mirror in the bathroom when you're getting ready. But you know, that for me over the last month, because when I decided I want to do this podcast, I thought, all right, well, I'm telling you not to compare yourself, but how am I helping you? And then I thought,
00:28:30
Speaker
Really, I can't help you until you love yourself. And how do I help you love yourself when I struggle with loving my own self? So you know I think that's a great way to start. um We have positive affirmations like all over here. like When I look out, there is a saying that says, trust your wings. And I purposely have it across from me because on an everyday basis,
00:28:52
Speaker
um I have to be able to look at that when I pick up the phone, when a cancer patient says, Christa, the cancer is back and I'm sick. When I know that I got to get the rest of this building finished and it's going to cost me about $300,000 and I can have some adversity to do that.
00:29:08
Speaker
I have something directly across from me. So in every conversation, I'm able to do this. So I recenter myself. When I get nervous, I go trust your wings, trust your wings. You're good enough. You're smart enough. You got here. Trust your wings. So I would say one of the first things to do is if you're an ADD or like me, then listen. maybe you need to do something else, but positive self-talk never hurts you. And if you're not saying about yourself, at least read it about yourself. So you start getting that in your center, in your core, in your soul. And then I feel, you know, the only compare you should be comparing. But the only person you should be comparing yourself to is yourself from yesterday. Am I better today than I was yesterday?
00:29:56
Speaker
Am I stronger today? Am I smarter today? Am I... Making sure that yesterday, if I was short with my kids or my staff members or you know ah people just in the grocery store, am I today going to work on that and be kinder? Can I say three compliments to strangers? Can I take a five second breath before I answer ah because I don't like the way you spoke to me?
00:30:28
Speaker
Can I rephrase something that I did yesterday to make myself a better person today, right? So comparison is the stealer of joy when it's against other people. Of course we can compare o ourselves to the person we were yesterday because we want to improve, which really,
00:30:46
Speaker
isn't stealing her to it all it's only adding to our joy because now you're working on just making yourself the best person that that you can be right yeah because it's hard it's really hard to figure it all out i mean there's there's a there and some days guys listen just give yourself grace You are going to yell at your kids and you're going to yell at your partner and you're going to yell at your mom. And, um, you know, you need to go back and you need to think about that. And of course you're going to apologize at some point, but there are days that you're at your breaking point, right? for Sure. Because you can't put it all down. There are people out there and it, you know, I look at these, these, these conferences and I'm like, I can never go to that because, you know, they're showing you how to,
00:31:29
Speaker
Eliminate things in your life to also, you know, kind of eliminate some of the stress and to kind of throw some things off of you. But there's some of you that can't do that. You're single moms. You're parenting parentless, right? Your parents aren't here to give you some answers. your your um You have a lot going on. You've got a deadline at work. you know Nothing that you're doing and nothing that you're... You got to get this stuff done, right?
00:31:54
Speaker
So do it with grace. Give yourself grace. Journaling is really amazing too. You know, um, I've noticed if I start writing things down and my feelings and stuff, I started a few months ago when I could not for the life of me press record on this podcast. Um, you know, uh, for those of you that don't know, I was in the radio station business for about 20 years and I was a news director and then I did a morning show and then I did my own show and I did all this great things and I loved it. She also DJ'd weddings. And I DJed Chantel Schaeffer's wedding. It was one of the last weddings I DJed before I decided to throw it all in the air and be here. Epic party. Epic music. 80s music. Some 80s. Some 80s. Some really good stuff. Definitely paradise by the dashboard. Absolutely. And I remember you and Jeremiah singing the songs. No, not Jeremiah. He doesn't know the words. It was his uncle's. I thought you were about to tell me that you didn't marry Jeremiah and that I had the wrong name, and I was like, did I not say Jeremiah? Definitely right husband. Marry Jeremiah, right husband, but wrong people singing. Wrong people singing. Your uncles were a lot of fun. They were. They were. yeah But you know, I was at the station. I was doing my own thing. and um
00:33:02
Speaker
Yeah, it's it's just crazy. I should be able to do a podcast. like That's kind of where I was. I was like, I can edit this. I can speak. like I can talk to the public. And I realized you know I can raise money for a building, but it's such a personal thing because I have to be vulnerable for all of you.
00:33:20
Speaker
that I was like, oh, gosh, how am I going to get this done? So you're going to see the real me here. And I hope that through all this, we could see the real you. But when I was journaling, as I said a few months ago, it's interesting how my journaling then was, oh, you know, I'm going to read it to you. I'm going to bring it in next week. Some of the, oh, about vulnerable, some of the negative self talk. So I went back to it three, four weeks ago because I watched as myself talk.
00:33:48
Speaker
got a little bit kinder. And so I'm like, all right, that's the victory. I'm comparing myself now to what I was writing a month ago. I'm getting a little kinder to myself. I saw that there were some areas where I wrote something and then I scratched it out. So I'm like, maybe I wasn't kind, but then I turned around and realized it wasn't kind. So I scratched it all out, you know, and then I think What helped me to get to a better place about realizing I am not a competition to others is realizing that I start i needed to start cheering for others, oh right? So I'm no longer comparing myself to you. I'm cheering for your victories. Now listen, we still know that there are people that are not authentically living and those victories really aren't victories and they may not, but it doesn't matter. It's not for me to figure out.
00:34:42
Speaker
It really isn't. At the end of the day, you can't have a lot of inner peace if you're not showing us your authentic self. So you have to work on that yourself.
Building a Supportive Community and Personal Happiness
00:34:50
Speaker
But here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to be your biggest cheerleader. I am going to cheer for you if you got a promotion at work and I'm going to cheer for you when you lose five pounds. And I'm going to cheer for you when your children get in a college they tried hard for. And I am even going to cheer for you through your failures.
00:35:08
Speaker
Right? yeah Because it's only a failure if you don't get back up. Right? So I am going to cheer for you and say, figure out the lesson learned in that.
00:35:21
Speaker
Let's get right back up and let's get going again because when you stop looking at people as competitors and you replace that with encouragement to others, wow, like you're living positively and you're surrounding yourself around other positive people, right? I want to know that when I leave a room,
00:35:47
Speaker
that you are cheering for me. I wanna know that when I walk out of a room that you have my back. I wanna know that I can walk out of a room and you're not going to negatively talk about me. You're not going to try to compare yourself to me. I just wanna know that I can cheer for you and be happy for you with not a shred of jealousy.
00:36:08
Speaker
I got your back. No, you really do. I do. That's the reason um that I hired you. If we're going to be completely honest, above all else, you know, this is the podcast to do it, right? um I met Chantal over 10 years ago. I deejitted her wedding and there was something about her, you, that I just, I loved. I loved her energy. I loved everything. And you decided to run and you were afraid to run.
00:36:33
Speaker
Oh, i I wasn't afraid of the run. I was afraid of the fundraising. That's true. And Chantelle then, because she was so afraid, raised all this money in a couple of weeks. Uh, she was like the first one to hit her goal cause she was petrified. So she like, my birthday's coming, give me money. And like she had $3,000, I think at three weeks and God just kind of put this thing on my heart with you. And it was 10 years ago and I had no idea what it was. I was just starting the charity. I had no idea. And then you started running like five, six years later. And I was like,
00:37:03
Speaker
What is it? What is it? I just don't know what it is. And um and then I felt, you need help. So then I kind of started organically saying to Chantal, so are you happy where you are? You know, what are you doing? And what what kind of money do you make?
00:37:21
Speaker
And you can't work for $20,000 in macaroni and cheese. he's Okay. So I feel like I was having, you didn't know, but I was having these conversations with you probably, would you say like two years before I brought you in? Yeah. Yeah, it started. And, and I think you knew how unhappy I was. And I mean, it was pretty obvious.
00:37:43
Speaker
Well, and you know, wherever you go, you got to have joy. That's also a podcast. And sometimes you can't find it in work and that's okay. Then let's find joy for you to volunteer in other places. Cause you can't always have your dream job. I mean, now you do. i But you know what? It wasn't until I accepted that I was going to be where I was and I needed to be happy with it because it was, it was paying the bills and those taking care of my children. Um,
00:38:06
Speaker
That's when it changed is when I finally accepted that this is where I am. This is what I have and I need to be happy there. And, and that's when I landed my dream job. Right. So you stopped comparing what other people had yeah so excited and happy at their jobs. You said, this is what I have and I'm going to be happy with it. Yep.
00:38:28
Speaker
And then something better came along. Krista Jones shook it up. Krista Jones was shaking it up. Yep. Doo-doo-doo. 80 style. and I don't even know what the doo-doo-doo is. I don't either, but that sound happens a lot. It really does. And you're going to hear it here in this podcast quite a bit. And um yeah. And then I brought Chantel in. And so, ah and that's, yeah.
00:38:47
Speaker
I started, you know, just showing her like, I'm here to cheer everybody on. She's here to cheer me on. And it makes a difference. It makes a difference when you have people cheering you on and they don't look at you as competition and they cheer on all of your victories. So I think this is going to be your homework for today. It's a lot of homework, really. So I'm only going to give you a couple of things. One, I need you to start working on positive self-talk, which will lead you to start loving yourself a little bit better every single day.
00:39:15
Speaker
some positive self-talk, maybe journaling if that's something for you and maybe you're not there yet. And two, I want you to start cheering on the victories for others. So if you see things on social media, you're on there and you're a commenter, start writing way to go. Like, you know, a lot of times I want to just take the like button, like it and move on.
00:39:34
Speaker
But I'm trying and I have a lot of um followers on Facebook. This is not like a braggy thing, but this is just because of the charity. So it really is hard for me to see it all with the algorithm and write everybody. But what I'm trying to do now is go, that's amazing. I'm so proud of you for posting five days in a row. i Your shirt looks amazing. Oh my gosh, I love your hair. Like whatever it is, start cheering people on and not feeling like they're competing against you. And I'm telling you, when we get back here next week, your load is going to be a bit a little bit lighter because you're going to love yourself just a little bit more and you're going to love others a little bit more. And there's, there's no room for jealousy or envy or comparison when you're in the middle of your own joy.
00:40:19
Speaker
Yeah, I like that. Thank you. I like that a lot. Thank you. i'm going to ah I'm going to start cheering more people on. You cheer a lot of people on. I try. You're a very good cheerleader. yeah Well, you never know what somebody's going through. You never know what your kind word is going to do to somebody's day. Amen to that. You know you hear stories. I just heard a story in one of my small groups at church and there was a woman and she kept feeling that she had to go in this ah this convenience store and she kept feeling it and feeling it. and and And so she went in the convenience store and then like she just kept feeling.
00:40:52
Speaker
you know ah you got to go to the back section and then you got to hop on one foot like she was like this is the most ridiculous thing but she like had this sense like she had to be in there and she had to do all these things in there and you know and then this kid came in and and and and and she had this feeling that she had to talk to him and and he was like you know I don't even know how you're here and why you're here and you're in exactly what I need at this exact moment because I honestly was feeling like this is the end for me. And I was going home and I was contemplating like this is the end. My life is unworthy. There's nothing left for me. And I just said to myself, if there is somebody that can brighten my day, that can he said, and then I saw you and I don't know, you're hopping on one foot and you look like a total maniac in the middle of this grocery store. And he said, and I considered that my sign.
00:41:35
Speaker
Wow. And so that's what we should do. We should be kind. We don't know the walk that other people are going through and like be kind in your in your Facebook pose. If you are vulnerable that day, maybe put that. Share your messy. Yes.
00:41:51
Speaker
You don't have to make it up and let us all think that you're in a good place. Because when you share your messy, you're touching the life as somebody that needs to hear that that day. Absolutely. You know, somebody that cannot get themselves out of bed, that are in a rut, that, you know, we lost their job, whatever the case may be, that is it. Chantel, that is a great point. Share your messy because you just don't know what other people are feeling. and I'm telling you right now, 99,
00:42:16
Speaker
All right, let's go with 100%. 100% of us are feeling it at some time in our life. We are not perfect. All the time. So stop trying to pretend that you are. Let it go. Give yourself grace. Yeah. You'll find happiness there. You will. And if you don't, you're going to find happiness here. So here's the thing. I hope you walk away knowing that you are worthy, that you are enough.
00:42:40
Speaker
Perfection, honestly, it's overrated. We need to embrace the imperfections because you are only human. Let that soak in. You are not perfect. So until next time, I want you to take it easy on yourself. I want you to spread love where you can. I want you to always make space for joy, even on the hardest days. Thank you for tuning in. And remember, you've got this.