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I'm A Good Person
25 Plays3 months ago
The "Pieces" discuss what it means to be a good person. Matt wonders if he's a good person because people tell him he's a "Good guy." Lance wonders if he's a good person because he's known for "Telling it like it is" or "Saying what needs to be said."
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Transcript
The Cyclist's Good Deed
00:00:00
Speaker
A few days ago I was riding my bike and I noticed a delivery truck driver hobbling down the street after his paperwork. The strong winds that were pissing me off on my bike ride must have ripped his paperwork out of his hands.
00:00:12
Speaker
Now his paperwork was running away from him like an unfair game of tag between an older kid and his toddler brother. I decided to help the guy and I raced ahead on my bike to catch the papers. I was juked by the dancing papers a couple times, but eventually I caught them against my front wheel.
00:00:27
Speaker
I handed him the papers and I said, I saw you limping and I figured I should help. The delivery guy said he was injured and he was very appreciative. I wrote off feeling like a good person.
What Makes a Good Person?
00:00:38
Speaker
The rest of the day I spent doing self-interested pursuits, but at least I could relish in the memory of my earlier good deed.
00:00:45
Speaker
The following day I started to reflect on my good deed and being who I am, I began to wonder what being a good person was all about. Why should I get the satisfaction of feeling like a good person after helping a guy out for 45 seconds?
00:00:58
Speaker
Should I feel the same after holding a door for someone for 5 seconds? How about when an old lady drops her keys in the grocery store? Should I get the humanitarian service medal if I bend over and pick up her keys for her?
00:01:10
Speaker
Or do I need to think bigger? Should I protest for human rights? Should I travel to towns devastated by tornadoes and help build houses? Should I go to war-torn countries and deliver supplies and aid?
00:01:22
Speaker
What deeds will make me a good person? Why do I even care? I've noticed the concept of being a good person is often defined for us by others.
Acts of Service: Small and Large
00:01:32
Speaker
The self-help industry is really good about giving us rules of thumb for societal contribution.
00:01:38
Speaker
Strive to give a minimum of 10% of your salary to those in need. Give the gift of time to one charity for one hour per week. If you serve pecan brownies at a homeless shelter, you're good for a week.
00:01:51
Speaker
If you walk shelter dogs at the animal rescue center, you're good for a week. Seems easy enough. What about when people bother other people to achieve their good person status?
00:02:03
Speaker
The Christian faith encourages followers to spread the gospel. They want to open my heart to Jesus so I can be saved. But have you ever talked to someone evangelizing? They've lost all self-awareness.
00:02:15
Speaker
They truly don't care if you hate what they're doing to you. Are they being a good person by spreading the gospel so aggressively? Or are you being a good person by listening to them without saying, fuck off?
00:02:27
Speaker
Who knows? I'm starting to think being a good person is a psychological construct we build around our own personalities and our own personal preferences. I tend to think I'm being good when I choose to use less energy or recycle.
00:02:42
Speaker
Other people think they're good because they always start a new batch of coffee in the office. And others need to be in Africa caring for malaria patients. but I'm not sure anyone can define what it means to be a good person for you.
00:02:56
Speaker
So in my world, I'm probably a good person for at least another year after helping that delivery guy chase his papers in the wind. I'm also a piece of shit.
Nice or Productive?
00:03:19
Speaker
de thea know who i am Yeah, that was a banger, dude. So are you good person? I thought you were going to pop it for us. to get you You just went internal on that?
00:03:31
Speaker
i would like our audience to I didn't get the lead-in music to get myself jacked. did you Did you play it for yourself? I just had to remember what it was, and then I actually like it.
00:03:43
Speaker
Little R&B. Do you know who I am? Dude, you always send that to me for some reason when I'm in the car with my kids. It's like a Russian roulette game. I'm like, do I play this or is it going to be some crazy shit about dicks?
00:03:57
Speaker
and Which they all get. They like giggle about it now they're old enough. but it's good So now I just text you kid friendly. It wasn't too bad. They like the, yeah, they they definitely like the non-kid friendlies better than your serious, serious bullshit.
00:04:13
Speaker
But this one was walk the line. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so back to the question, are you a good person? What makes a good person? Well, that's that's for you to figure out Are you a good person?
00:04:25
Speaker
ah Let me ask you, dude. What do you think? You think I'm a good person? Um... It depends on the depth. What you fucking thinking about, dude? Just kidding.
00:04:37
Speaker
ah What do you think? Exactly. but do you Do you... Okay, you don't have to you know speak for yourself, but you think people would generally be like, oh, Matt's a good guy. Or they're like, he's a self-absorbed prick.
00:04:48
Speaker
Oh, yeah. No, you're a good guy. And it's just a what level are we talking about? Am I, though? Am I? there is ah As a good guy, a nice guy, a productive guy, you
True Selflessness
00:05:01
Speaker
know? Like...
00:05:02
Speaker
Am I a nice guy? I'd say yes. Pretty nice. Yeah. Am my productive? No. Am I, what it was the other one I said? ah good guy. Yeah, I think so. But maybe not.
00:05:16
Speaker
I mean, there's there's definitely things I'm not doing that other people are. I'm not volunteering all the time. Okay. I lean towards sort of self, if you they just think about how I'm always talking about and trying to surf, that is kind of a self-fulfilling thing.
00:05:33
Speaker
Don't you think volunteering is self-fulfilling as well? Yeah. This is why I wrestle with this all the time because almost anything you can do is like even religion, you know, being like devout Christian or something is sort of like trying to get to the promised land yourself, right?
00:05:48
Speaker
Like what is the most, what is like the most, I don't know, what's like the best thing you can do or the least like self-absorbed thing you can do? And that's probably the base of being a good person.
Societal Values vs. Charitable Acts
00:06:02
Speaker
Yeah, but that does that work? I mean, can you live a life where you are, yeah essentially you are invisible to you?
00:06:13
Speaker
Selfless, right? Yeah. All you do is go help other people. um I don't know that that's sort of the mission of human life either. is Is it simple as being a good listener? Is it good? is Is the base of it?
00:06:28
Speaker
It could be. I mean, like if you... And when I ask you that... No, just kidding. See? It's a joke. Get it? I'm interrupting you as I'm... You get it? I don't. No, I didn't get Now I have to edit that bullshit, though.
00:06:41
Speaker
Fuck, it makes me laugh, dude. right, go ahead. Well, I forgot the question I was yelling at. Is being a good listener the base of being a good person? Because that's that's like a so that should be like a selfless act. But even when I'm listening to someone, i'm just my my own ideas are raging. I'm just waiting for them to finish it.
00:06:59
Speaker
I don't think so. I don't think that in of itself, but I'd say it's a great skill to have and it and um definitely make you more likable person and somebody more interesting and fun to be around. Fun is probably not the right word, but more useful to other people.
00:07:14
Speaker
mean, it's hard to be around someone who doesn't listen. Like it almost seems like they have a mental illness or something. When you know they're really not like engaging, they they got their own thing going on.
00:07:26
Speaker
That's bizarre. Who we talking about? I mean, I could even shit. I have friends like that. I have friends that will be like, have you seen this? like They got their phone out all the time and you could be in the middle of a conversation about anything and they'll be like, check this out, dude.
00:07:40
Speaker
Check this out. It could be i mean could be something that we relate on. Like, oh, look at this guy pulled into a barrel at Pipeline or it might be like Nutshot, some stupid Yeah.
00:07:51
Speaker
gif But that's, you're like, are you you're not you're not here right now, dude. You're not here. Yeah, that that person is, they're they're almost useless.
00:08:03
Speaker
Right, but there but there is a mental illness like attention deficit disorder or other stuff related to that where you're like, their mind's racing. I mean, I live with a few people like that and their mind's racing. So they come off as very selfish, but that's not necessarily what they're trying to do.
Philanthropy and Self-Perception
00:08:19
Speaker
right right right but they're like you're like damn dude you're not engaged yeah you're hard to be around yeah so if they could do that they'd be a good person i mean listening is helpful but but no that in itself i don't think makes you a good person but that's just it's all opinion so it's my opinion it's all peace it's all piece the puzzle right you think it does though Well, there's, there's like, I think my, what I, what I consider is a good, my contribution of a good person is like, I think people enjoy being around me.
00:08:51
Speaker
So that's part of it's like listening part of it might be being entertaining part of it be my looks like there' there's all that. But then it's like, where am I failing? Am I like making society better? Like, is is that what a good person does? And I would say I'm not right now.
00:09:07
Speaker
I don't know. i mean, I go back and forth this because I'm making society better by not being someone who's not nice to be around. Like if if I'm like, i'm I'm just making the world a better place because people like to be around me. That's all I need to give.
00:09:19
Speaker
I can justify my life that way. But every time I do something like I'm going to go have fun my kids. Kids are a great excuse to be selfish because you can be like, let's go all surfing. Let's go have fun. I got to fly to Arizona to Hoops tournament instead of being down at the VA hospital thanking some guy for his service.
00:09:40
Speaker
So i don't I don't really have that sort of like service thing. Well, but i think I think all of the reasons are real and all of them are are fake too.
00:09:52
Speaker
It just depends on your own preference. But like the fact that you are nice to be around and you know people like to hang with you, that's just reasonable to say that that you're a good person, that that you want to spend time with your kids. Oh, it's reasonable to say, okay.
00:10:05
Speaker
That's a good guy devoted to the right things because there's a contrast to that. And the contrast to that is the deadbeat dad or the alcoholic friend or, you know, some really down and out people.
Religion and Morality
00:10:16
Speaker
However, if your measuring stick is a little bit longer and you want to raise it up a bit, the fact that you're not devoting your life to easing the suffering of other people in the world means you're you may be problematic, you may not be a good person.
00:10:33
Speaker
So like it just depends on what what you wanna lean on. What's funny and why this conversation is interesting is that everybody leans on this in such a different dynamic way.
00:10:44
Speaker
And that's what's the basis of my intro is like, it felt good to help a dude go catch his papers in the wind. And it made me think about- your cape on that day, huh? Yeah. It may be thinking, oh, wow.
00:10:55
Speaker
But then I'll go through and go, like is volunteering my time to coach kids in basketball? Does that make me a good person? Well, then I'll break that down. Well, all these kids are pretty damn rich. Their families are very privileged. Is that really?
00:11:07
Speaker
they need it? really Yeah. ah There's no end to so criticizing the views on this. It's just, what do you settle on? i don't know. like you This is where people who are religious might have it easier. They might be able to define this more clearly. Yeah.
00:11:23
Speaker
Yeah, but is, yeah, that's even great like, okay, is the old lady goes to church every day and prays for an hour, does nothing else. They're like, okay, is she a good person because of that? we we would Society would like, yeah, look at that cute old lady praying, great person. She does nothing though, no action, independent of herself.
00:11:42
Speaker
what about the Pope? Not the one that just died. We can talk about him, but the Pope that oh sort of oversaw the cover-up of the sexual abuse scandal. Good person? I mean, i hate to say it, but this last pope probably did the same.
00:11:58
Speaker
Okay. Are they good people? A lot of people would say the last pope is what's crazy is is he he's perceived that he was perceived as a good person because he he was sort of progressive in the church.
00:12:10
Speaker
So maybe if you're like, I don't know, gay or whatever, you have sort of a different, some some part of your life doesn't align with the with the like the more traditional teachings of the church. You're like, this guy's a great person.
00:12:21
Speaker
But there's a lot of probably hardcore Catholics that are like, what the fuck? You know, like you're you're pushing this in ah and a direction that that's not what the church wants to be. So, again, conflict of is that a good was he a good person or not? But, ah yeah, I think I mean, the guy i would the guy who oversaw millions of sexual abuse cases and let it go and may and and protected the people doing it.
Historical Contexts of Goodness
00:12:44
Speaker
Debatable. Right. Debatable if that was a good action or not. ah Just like you could you could say like, you know, a lot of the the wonderful highway system in Germany was was developed under Nazi rule.
00:12:59
Speaker
and And you go, okay, so they did some bad things, but they have the Autobahn and the manufacturing facilities that build BMWs and Mercedes are... you know A side note here related to that.
00:13:11
Speaker
What is with the fucking right-wingers who are now, it's a fun thing to go out and say that Winston Churchill was the warmonger and and actually Hitler wasn't that bad. He's gotten a bad rap.
00:13:23
Speaker
Where are you getting this from, dude? It's been going around. Rogan had a guy on that. talking that shit. And then Tucker Carlson, I think, had the same guy. Shut the fuck up. I haven't heard that.
00:13:34
Speaker
Anyway, go back to what you're saying. Well, my point about that is like, it was a joke. Fell flat. Thanks for not laughing. But the there's so there's such an inner like there's so much with good and bad. Like bad things that had to happen for good things to happen.
00:13:52
Speaker
Yeah. if it like From all all things I've heard, like what's the Apple guy, Steve Jobs? Yeah. Was just kind of an asshole. Total freak, yeah.
00:14:02
Speaker
And then I i look at the inventions or whatever, some of the developments that they've done, I feel like they're like ruining society, like phones and shit like that. But the guy without that guy, our world would be a lot different. And I'm sure you if you just get the base level entrepreneurs talk about wealth creation and job creation and stuff like he's probably one of the the greatest men in history. If you look at it from that perspective.
00:14:24
Speaker
right Right. It's really your lens. And like and that he was hard to be around. And like. So I don't know. it's It's really hard to say what's good and bad. Same with Lance Armstrong, who actually was now, it turns out, was kind of a real dick, like attacking people, like ruining their lives, or attacking them about PEDs and stuff.
00:14:43
Speaker
But I've heard other cyclists say that were on his team, the U.S. s Postal Team, like their greatest days as an athlete were with him, but the the guy was like just a tyrannical mess.
Personal Satisfaction vs. Societal Contribution
00:14:55
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, everybody's complex. so it's just And and like if we go look at a murderer who who made one mistake, assuming they that he just made one mistake in some sort of passion crime, is that a bad person?
00:15:08
Speaker
You don't even want to start that path because like look at, I don't know, Bill Cosby, Michael Jackson, Bill Clinton. like You're like, God, these guys have some are the most fucked up people and so in some ways in the history of the world.
00:15:22
Speaker
and yet have created all this great stuff potentially. like I know. yeah so there's that So we can put that piece to bed. like There's no way to really define it. Thomas Jefferson.
00:15:32
Speaker
yeah Yeah, there you He fathered kids with a slave, and then didn't he didn't he didn't free his kids. But they were still slaves.
00:15:43
Speaker
They didn't want to be free. I'm kidding. I don't know. They didn't know how to pull themselves up by their bootstraps because they were liberals. Yes, they were liberals.
00:15:55
Speaker
So we can admit that it's sort of a struggle to determine who's a good person. Do you sit there personally and think about, oh, man, i got to start doing some other things to validate my life and the meaning of my life?
00:16:10
Speaker
I do. I go back, I'm like, what am I fucking worried about? Like, I don't know. It's like, I really enjoy the singular focus of the surf world. Like it's, but, but I, I can't, it's like, I don't, it's very self-serving seems like.
00:16:24
Speaker
and then you get people that are like, oh, they're like taking kids from the ghetto out surfing. mean, it's like, it's like to justify their own selfishness, shit like that. But, but, uh, yeah.
00:16:35
Speaker
Like I, I'm like, I'm sharing this joy with my daughter and I'm like, but I'm also, Yeah, I don't know, man. like there's there's so many there's so many Everything we do is almost a selfish act. like Even if you're just like, I like watching basketball. I was watching the Nuggets last night.
00:16:49
Speaker
Fucking ridiculous loss. But there's no nothing positive coming out of that. I was just sitting there watching someone else do something. But it's enjoyable. It's entertaining. and like I don't know. there's there's really no There's almost nothing you can do that's not a selfish eating eating healthy, you know?
00:17:09
Speaker
ah Sure, sure. what But if I said, do you like i work on, put together a plan to like feel like you're a better person or be a better person, what kinds of things would you do?
00:17:21
Speaker
Well, I think one, I'm trying and we'll see where it goes. I'm trying, like for example, i'm trying we're trying we're launching this company and one of the initiatives is to is to give back a little bit to the environment that we're taking from.
00:17:35
Speaker
I'm like, maybe that provides a little balance. If I start making some money, what should I do with it? Or if I start making some money that provides me some time flexibility. It's funny because I have, we all have, we have this idea like you have to have money to be a good person.
Defining Goodness Amidst Expectations
00:17:51
Speaker
Like right now i have more, I don't know. I'm kind of busy now, but let's say I have free time because don't have to go to the office. I could just be volunteering all the time, but like I'm like, I can't do that because I don't have a job and I need to be careful with everything.
00:18:04
Speaker
kind of weird, right? It's like, we feel like we have to be, we have to get to some level that we can just start being a, it's not about just giving time or volunteer. It's about being a, fan of what's the word? Philanthropist.
00:18:16
Speaker
We have to be a philanthropist. Philanthropic. phil and Philanthropic. Yeah. ahha That's when you can be a good person. Yeah. I don't think so. Well, like youre youre you, you do that. You've said,
00:18:28
Speaker
I mean, you're not the level of the Gates Foundation, but you you guys, you appropriated a portion of your money to some some sort of nonprofit organizations, right? I would donate, but I haven't like consistently.
00:18:41
Speaker
It's not like a weekly budget item anymore. At one point it was. But I don't know how to solve this. It comes up for me as well. Solve it. Well, because it's ah it's a pain in all of our hearts as human beings, is trying to live a good life.
00:18:57
Speaker
And some people, they'll attach to whatever, justify whatever, there's no questioning. I mean, I create jobs, I had a big business, didn't matter if his the business was like a coal plant that polluted the entire city, but they had- They created jobs, whatever. that that There's different ways to justify whatever you're doing.
00:19:14
Speaker
um Even the people that started the opioid epidemic or the painkiller epidemic, they you know they were originally trying to help people with pain who are end of life.
00:19:25
Speaker
Right. so Or just pain. Yeah, very complex thing. And so for me, as I think about it, I'm trying to just resist it altogether and really guess ask myself, do I want to do this?
00:19:37
Speaker
So we're going to go pick up trash along the river on Saturday as part of Earth Day. And... You righteous motherfuckers. No, but the reason I want to do it is because it's satisfying to me.
00:19:49
Speaker
It's satisfying to me to to ride my bike down a pathway where there's no trash. So I'll contribute. But it's not this it's just like not this righteous thing. Like you said, it's not something i'm like, oh, look at me.
00:20:02
Speaker
Like my wife, her job, she gets paid, but she's hearing terrible things all the time, supporting people every single day. she a good person because she does that? Well, she gets paid.
00:20:14
Speaker
It's like a weird thing to think about. Yeah. I think if you wanted to surf and that's all you wanted to do, go for it. But if it if it tormented you, it probably would be a bad, bad choice.
00:20:28
Speaker
Yeah, no, I've kind of gotten away from it. And I guess i'm in a way, I've kind of gotten away from religion, too. I don't know if that has anything to do with with the other, or it's like an age thing. But like, I don't know, like, I'm starting to feel like a lot of what we, and then maybe as Catholics or something, because you what is what you do is you're like, your fear is is what's driving you.
Entertainment and Goodness
00:20:49
Speaker
Fear of of a higher power, like not accepting you. or fear of of being judged. And so you're like, I'm going to do something good because rapture or something like that, you know, or like, like, yeah, I don't have any of that, but I hear you.
00:21:04
Speaker
And so I think that drives people, but I'd like to just be a good person just for the sake of like doing it. But you don't know what it means. It's like one of those things where you can't explain, but you know when it happens.
00:21:17
Speaker
You know, like when you go to some man, that's a good person. But I don't think, you know, you know, when we're we it's like how we talk about dogs. That's a good dog or that's it's like an obedient dog. It's like that's a smart dog because it's obedient.
00:21:30
Speaker
When we when we define that's a good person, it's usually because they it's like they agree with us or get along with us. It's like, you know. Yes. and And like everything you do though, you could make a justification, like it just pursuing comedy. If you were to selfishly pursue comedy and give the gift of laughter to people across That's comedians justify it.
00:21:54
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. So do movie stars and entertainers of all, like I did the same thing. I thought music was the most meaningful thing I ever did for a while there. Yeah. I think at the end of the day is whatever you're doing, engaging you in a way that you are there for other people in a more impactful way.
00:22:17
Speaker
I don't know. Is that a good person? So you see, you like the contrast would be just somebody that's a hundred percent into their goal. And we know some people, it's like all they talk about is this one thing that they're into.
00:22:30
Speaker
And do they create jobs? Yes, exactly. Do they. So that's the one thing they're into, and that's a selfish endeavor.
Daily Actions and Self-Perception
00:22:41
Speaker
Maybe that's a line. i don't really know. Well, I think um a lot of people in the U.S., around the world, they justify everything with, well, I gave my family a good life.
00:22:54
Speaker
You know, i did it for my family. like people justify of that behavior that way. I have a family, and I've got to, like, take care of them and this is the only way to do it.
00:23:05
Speaker
So I'm focused on this, but the the reality is I'm gonna give my family a good life. I don't know, don't wanna shy away from it, but but I think you know when it happens. Like like you like your example where you you help that person, it probably really probably actually felt great with the picking up the paper for the guy whatever.
00:23:25
Speaker
Like it probably actually felt like amazing. it It didn't feel like amazing, it just felt like the right thing. I think going through the day doing the right thing. And what's the right thing? Gosh, I guess it's looking outside of yourself to to see who else might need some help here and there.
00:23:41
Speaker
Doesn't have to be complex. Can we talk about this maybe like years ago on early? Did we? Seniors, or last year, I guess. we' been doing this for two, like, no, but. how you handle like panhandlers and is giving them money, like, is that a ah good person gesture? Or there's other people like, you're just encouraging their sorriness.
00:24:02
Speaker
Like, do you feel good when you give somebody money money or is it like resentful? You're like, hey motherfucker. Depends on the day, but i we gave five bucks. I gave five bucks to a dude down in Denver when we were down there on Saturday because he just, he looked like he had so many physical ailments, like scoliosis, hunched over, just really struggling.
00:24:23
Speaker
Is that a good is that a good a good person move there? I don't know. I really don't. This is probably one of the more confusing philosophical questions.
Perceptions of Likability and Goodness
00:24:34
Speaker
I, you know, people tell me I'm a good,
00:24:37
Speaker
This is going to sound very arrogant, but now that I'm, this is something that people say to me all the time. You're a good dude, man. You're a good guy. But I don't think it's because of my, I think it's just, I don't know. Maybe it's just, I'm agreeable.
00:24:49
Speaker
I'm not a, I'm not a conflictive guy. So there's never any tension. Yeah. People tell me all the time in English and in Spanish, but it's not like I'm fucking mother Teresa, you know? or anything. It's just, I think it's like likability, but, but even that, it sounds ridiculous. I think it's more like, ah, I've never, I'm never like challenging people on what they say or what they think or, or their actions. So, so I'm just easy to be around.
00:25:14
Speaker
I think. Yeah. Maybe that's your definition, but maybe. Well, just think it's not like I'm doing anything that great to get that, but I, but I hear it. Unchowalo. Good guy.
00:25:25
Speaker
Yeah, I don't get that. I get more of like, dude, you're you' are very present principled. No, principled. Direct. But you don't care. like you i don't The thing is, i don't care either. I'm not hot not setting out for people to tell me I'm a good guy.
00:25:40
Speaker
But I don't have any reason not to be. I'm not just walking around like, motherfucker. Maybe it's because I don't have principles. That's what it is. now Defending.
00:25:52
Speaker
Maybe. Well, you are you are pretty lukewarm on picking a side on anything. Yeah, that kind kind that comes off as being a good guy. Noncommittal. but Well, I don't know if I'd say that.
00:26:04
Speaker
I mean, I could make the argument for what you're saying, but I don't know if I would.
00:26:13
Speaker
Dude, this is it. You're like a good guy. Someone's nice to be around, but that that's up saying that's a good guy. But what's moving society forward as as being a good guy is is a different ballgame.
00:26:25
Speaker
I don't know if anyone would be like, Michael Jordan is a good guy, but he's an idol and an icon. yeah But he does he seems like a troubled person in a lot of ways.
00:26:36
Speaker
I mean, he did whatever what he felt like he needed to do at the highest level possible. And he inspired a generation of kids to follow in his footsteps and he expanded the game across the world.
00:26:48
Speaker
So I think every comp every person is complex in their impact. And so I would say, like, as I think about what does it mean to be principled? It does mean you create more conflict, but it also means like people know you're you're not gonna back, you're not gonna cower, you're gonna be courageous in the moment, ah regardless of what happened. I know in the workplace, that's how people like, they they would come to, when there was chaos, they'd come to me, so they'd get the real story or to go talk to the the leader. And when those people be like, he's a good guy, or more just, he's he's ah not a coward.
00:27:24
Speaker
I don't know. I don't think that anybody would say, oh, he's, that guy's super calm and he's super mellow. That, yeah, that's what I'm getting at. Like that seems to be how we define a good guy. That super calm, mellow guy always is a good, he's always like, that's how we, oh, that's a good guy.
Stress, Demeanor, and Character
00:27:42
Speaker
Good guy to be around, but is he good person? Is he doing anything for anyone else other than just like, well, yeah, well, that could be enough. That's why this kind this conversation's tough. Yeah. Yeah.
00:27:55
Speaker
But I think that's how a lot of times on on like ah um that's the level where people are saying that's a good person or not. Is that that that sort of... non-conflictive, agreeable person. Like, that's a good a good person. Everybody else is like, ah, it's a hassle being around that person, whether they're too into their own shit or too into like, or too stressed.
00:28:15
Speaker
Like even someone who's like a mom who's overly stressed, you know, like over, like it could be a helicopter mom, could be a tiger mom, could be just a stress, and someone with a high level of anxiety.
00:28:27
Speaker
You don't really define that person as a good person. You know, like he you might you might empathize with her or something, but you're like, what a what a mess. At least I don't. But then the the calm person, whether they might be smoking pot while they're breastfeeding their kid. You're like, oh, it's a good person.
00:28:45
Speaker
Right. But the stories are always way more complex. I got two stories on that front. So we had a friend who was just what you said, super stressed out mom, total psycho. I mean, really, came across as so fucking crazy.
00:28:59
Speaker
And what we didn't know, her partner was a useless pile of shit. And I'm not going to elaborate into that because I don't to out anybody. But like that was the problem. That was the core of the problem. So you got young kids running around and you're like stressed out of your mind because...
00:29:15
Speaker
Your partner does literally nothing. Deadbeat. Completely nothing. On the other flip side, I think I mentioned this before, like there's this guy that was super amenable, always like showed up friendly, smile, and we come to find out he's medicated the entire time.
00:29:32
Speaker
He's super calm, super calm. Is that a good person like that is completely medicated? Maybe. Well, medicated like, don't know if you want to elaborate, medicated like he's always tough and tough. and tough Yeah. Oh yeah, okay.
00:29:45
Speaker
Weed, self-medicating. Yeah. every so Every minute, dude. I mean, not every minute, but every five minutes. But was he engaging? was he Was he there? Was he like- Yeah.
00:29:59
Speaker
Yeah. So you just don't know. And then then it depends on what you wanna focus in on. What lens are you examining this person through? i remember when I had a conversation with somebody, might be someone we both know, when I left Colorado and I was somewhere else and i was and we had worked we worked with some Colorado people and i was kind of I was basically saying that I think in general, Colorado people are are very selfish.
00:30:27
Speaker
like there's that cool colorado vibe everyone's just like yeah what's up man
Balancing Personal and Societal Needs
00:30:31
Speaker
we're going to the concert they we're going biking and get some pale ales and i and i was saying that like it's all like self-serving it's this chill relaxed vibe and and everyone's gone how about cycling and doing all their bullshit and skiing but like i was like at the time i was like they're not even like good employees because they're always like trying to get to the next like fucking mountain to climb literally not figuratively or and i and i was saying like yeah they're not they're like they're not good people but i've kind changed my mind a little bit because no i'm kind of that way and uh yeah there's that balance of like self-serving because you could you could also drown yourself and i don't know drown yourself in like the problems of the world so to speak which is what i tend to do
00:31:20
Speaker
Yeah, but you also like hike and shit. Like you can be like, there's no time for that. There's no time for hiking or surfing because there's somebody getting fucked somewhere right now. Like somebody's yeah struggling and needs your help.
00:31:32
Speaker
Well, no, i don't I don't take it to the level where I help. I just sit there and spin on it mentally. and That's the crux there. That probably unequivocally makes me a bad person.
00:31:44
Speaker
But I hear you're saying. Yeah, like so Columbus, Ohio, are they good people because they play softball together after the workday? No, they put in 14 hours. They grind 14 hours. They grind 14 hours.
00:31:57
Speaker
Well, I'm not saying I was right. I just remember thinking about, it's hard to get a meeting in with somebody in Colorado because they're always like, they're out on a bike ride or they're always like, you know. Yeah. So where do you get answers on this? The church?
00:32:11
Speaker
If you go to church, are you good person? I think you said it earlier. You're like, if you do whatever you're doing, if you don't, you don't feel guilty or bad about it, it's probably okay for yourself. and you're and And you're not harming someone else?
00:32:25
Speaker
yeah That's where it gets tricky. you're not harm But yeah, it's like, are you harming someone else by not doing anything for them? Like if I'm going to, the next four days, going to go surf. And but when I cross San Jose, I'm going to drive, I'll probably pass three families begging for money.
00:32:41
Speaker
I could stop and not surf and do something for them. If you go out in public, where you're going to drive to do something for yourself. it could be just work out. And you're going to pass people that need help.
00:32:54
Speaker
all the time and you rarely like you're not going to do anything about it. so You could get wrapped up or you're like, I should just stop any selfish act and go help those people. You could. Or give them shelter. started biting people into my house and be like, you know what?
00:33:09
Speaker
I don't care. Your family is six Venezuelans. You want to sleep inside tonight? Come here. You could do all that, yeah. It's really hard to know what
Stories of Helping Others
00:33:18
Speaker
the answer is. Nobody does it.
00:33:20
Speaker
No, nobody does it because there's risks in that as well. I think to some extent, if you're living a life that allows you to be in a good frame of mind, a healthy frame of mind, and you feel healthy, you're more likely to contribute to the best of your ability.
00:33:37
Speaker
Some of us have issues though. Some of us have hangups, deep hangups. and other things that prevent us from acting like sort of the optimal way, being the super likable guy. Everything down to somebody struggles with impulse issues or sleep or whatever that makes them harder to be around.
00:33:56
Speaker
right So to the extent that you can get yourself right to the best of your ability and contribute to others, Maybe that's the answer to the best of your ability.
00:34:07
Speaker
Some people can be Mother Teresa. Some people can like start the biggest nonprofit in the world and can like some people can hang out and take care of like diseases at their own risk.
00:34:18
Speaker
Like when the first people were taking care of HIV and didn't understand it, like they didn't know if they're going to get it. Like that's not me. I'd be like, no, what? that Yeah. How about, how about like service?
00:34:30
Speaker
If you had to go to war, would you just be like, I'm going to Canada. Fuck it. Or would you be like, nope. It just depends on what we're fighting for, I think. But but yeah, I don't i mean, there's there's just no easy answer to this stuff.
00:34:43
Speaker
Yeah. Well, I think we could probably all do a little more. Like maybe maybe it's not. I mean, I know that i know when youre do it when I'm doing stuff, it feels good. Like if there was a a little while. Here I am, a martyr again.
00:34:55
Speaker
But when I was making ah make pizzas, we have some pizza left over on like a Friday night. night it was driving around delivering it to like homeless people. and But I was looking for them.
00:35:07
Speaker
People are kind of like, dude, that's probably not the the safest thing. Right. But, uh, but it felt good. i don't even know. Yeah. it could be like you want to do anything good for them, giving them some fucking pizza, but, but, uh, I don't know what, like, it feels good, but then it's like, should that, Oh, maybe I should just make a soup kitchen.
00:35:29
Speaker
You know, that's the only way i can be a good person is to expand on that. Right. I had a similar feeling when I was jerking off to a homeless chick's OnlyFans page. She used it to make a little money. You should it three times a day.
00:35:43
Speaker
I mean. Too bad we're old. Fucking three times a day. Come on, dude. Yeah. Well, ah that's a whole other ballgame, dude.
00:35:57
Speaker
Do you know anybody that that would actually use a prostitute? I'm not sure. i mean, I can tell you without a doubt, I wouldn't. I know. I don't think you would, but I don't think you like strip clubs.
Complexities of Societal Contributions
00:36:11
Speaker
I don't know who those people are. and Well, my first reaction is that's a scumball asshole. and then And then there's also like, no, that's somebody who's in need of about something who can't get it. And that's like and then there's also like,
00:36:27
Speaker
well, the girl might need money, that you know, or whatever. You might be helping her. He's doing a good deed. Yeah. In way. I don't know. Really?
00:36:38
Speaker
Okay. Well, you did OnlyFans. But OnlyFans, people are making money off of that. There doesn't seem to be that much harm in it, but there probably is. Probably a bunch of mental trauma.
00:36:49
Speaker
But like, all right, you're giving somebody... I mean, there's ways like we give people money. Maybe these are too extreme, but like... Like there's a difference between charity. There is something that'd be said for creating a job as opposed to just giving someone charity, right?
00:37:03
Speaker
Like, cause that gives them also like some value and some self-worth and maybe a prostitute or stripper or OnlyFans is an extreme example for me here to sell this.
00:37:14
Speaker
I mean, i I get what you're saying. you You could, I think there's maybe a different line and and that would be one. So that the act of, Doing a transaction with somebody, um sort of a win-win type of transaction, to me doesn't help you become a good person.
00:37:32
Speaker
Like any dipshit can do that. But what if it's create a job, that person has a job, and you use that person to for advance your whatever, to make to make money, and then and then that money is being shared to your employees and stuff like that? Well, sure, I can find good and and i mean i can find good in every human interaction or most human interactions.
00:37:52
Speaker
I just think and that's just a basis of our economic system. it doesn't really So the fact that I went to McDonald's and bought an Egg McMuffin this morning, that created jobs and that gave the corporation- You're welcome the right to the checkout? yeah No, no, not at all, which is why I don't- Where's my fucking thank you, bitch?
00:38:14
Speaker
which is why I always make fun of the entrepreneur that's all amped up about creating jobs and creating wealth or whatever. um I think there's something be said though in all this, whether it's like giving, doing charity or like, cause there's too much, there's so much sort of like bragging about it now. And like, you and doing it for a show and doing it for a post or doing, it's like, what do you do when you're not, when you don't, when you're not worried that,
00:38:42
Speaker
This is you're being judged, you know, where you're not doing it for your image. And that's like where you could start. What do you? Yeah. When no one's watching, that's a good definition of are you a good person?
Social Interactions and Character
00:38:52
Speaker
What do you do when no one's watching? Or you have nothing to game for it. Yeah. Like i' i I'm a great dude when it's. You know, somebody I could sleep with or someone i someone who might advance my career or someone I could, who's going to take me to a sweet surf break or going to introduce my kid to Nikolai Jokic. I'm the fucking most, I'm a great dude, right? I'm just like, what's up, bro? Cool. But it's like, how about the idiot, snaggletooth dumbass who's, it's like, are you nice to that guy?
00:39:24
Speaker
Like, I feel like that's one thing i'd like ah I Like, maybe I'll say hi to a janitor. Hey, what's up, man? Stuff like that. I feel like that stuff counts. Yeah, no, no, it does. I think I'm i'm i'm similar in the sense that you're going to get basically the same.
00:39:39
Speaker
I'm not going to like, I'm not going to like pretend I'm somebody else just because you're whoever. You're going to get me. I think that that may not be what you want. But like, I also think that's ah one definition of a decent person who's principled.
00:39:55
Speaker
Just because you're rich, like you're not getting additional respect from me. ah yeah you know you know you just just And because you're poor doesn't mean you're getting less respect. Yeah, that's point. And I may be in a mood and not wanna deal with either of you.
00:40:08
Speaker
It has nothing to do with you. You're all gonna get the same, so take that. Fucking pussies. Yeah, so I think we can try to be we can try to grow and maybe that will help us be better people.
00:40:23
Speaker
But do you have a, do you have an image of a, yeah whether in your life, your family or like a celebrity or someone in the public eye you're like, that is truly a good person.
00:40:33
Speaker
Do you have anybody like that as a reference? ah Maybe we can end on this too. Like, I don't really, I don't really know because I know the stories are so much more complex.
00:40:45
Speaker
I think I have a vision of a ah human being that is up for things, you know, has the energy to support other people whatever that means, whether it's family or kids is growth oriented and is courageous when there's something that might risk their own wellbeing. If it's the right thing, they're courageous.
00:41:07
Speaker
Yeah, there's like those extreme images of someone like, don't know, carrying a Down syndrome person across the like the last mile of the marathon. Like, yeah, 10 shit like that. But then it's just like, oh, that's, that's nice guy.
00:41:21
Speaker
yeah But it's like people you see that don't, whether it's like great successes or great failures that are like, don't really change, I think is kind of what you're saying. Yeah. They don't change. i mean, I've mentioned, mean, I saw something cool yesterday. I've been watching. i Well, I will say first of I've always said it, but I feel like,
00:41:41
Speaker
Nikola Jokic is a good guy. Because I think it's not just how they treat, how you treat someone who needs help. It's also like, how do you you how do you win? How do you succeed without like showering yourself with, you know?
00:41:55
Speaker
And so I like that. but But he could be a wife abuser behind closed doors. Like, I don't know him. So like you said, there's it's complicated.
Kind Gestures in Competitive Environments
00:42:02
Speaker
But yeah I do like i like, I like the way that guy wins.
00:42:06
Speaker
But I was watching the surf, the the Bells Beach. surf tournament yesterday and they they they compete in heats and a guy was coming out of the water. was like three surfers were coming out of the water.
00:42:19
Speaker
Their heat was about to end and one guy like fucked up his knee and the other two guys that were competing against him went over there and like carried him out of the water and were like clearly worried about the guy. Yeah.
00:42:32
Speaker
Competitively, they're probably like, sweet, one last one less guy to win this tournament, you know? But I thought that was cool. You know? Yeah. I thought that was cool. How in the last two or two years have you ever stopped like in public? and I think I've done this once or maybe twice where I stopped. I saw some something. Could have been an accident, flat tire.
00:42:54
Speaker
In this case, there was an old man out in the street. i was walking down street my friend and there was an old man like in the street and two old ladies were trying to pick him up. And he was like, but he looked like a belligerent drunk.
00:43:05
Speaker
yeah we I was like, dude, there's something going on there. We should stop. I don't know why. Cause I'm not that, I usually, I'm not that guy, but we stopped and turned out he like had, didn't take his diabetic medication or something like that. we helped him get back to his house.
00:43:16
Speaker
We felt great. Have you, have you done anything like that? Where you're like, oh, that's my, that's the best version of myself. I mean, I don't even, I'm not like yeah patting myself on the back. just feels like the right thing to do. So like there was a guy whose wheelchair, he's paraplegic and he uses his mouth to move his wheelchair and he was stopped in the middle of the road and we like had to help him. He doesn't speak. So he had to use his, his little, ah I don't know. He bangs on it to, to speak through the machine.
00:43:45
Speaker
don't what you call that. This is true. Sounds like you're making it up. Yeah, no, but I think what he his shoe had fallen off or something, so he was trying to get back to that. Stephen Hawking.
00:43:57
Speaker
Essentially, yes. yeah So we we helped him. um Finish his book on the theory of Get the shoe back on and then get his backpack out and all this stuff. but it It just was a person that needed help. Also just helped this one kid who walks through the neighborhood who's got a disability.
00:44:16
Speaker
We just stop and talk to him. Sometimes he'll hang you up for like six, seven minutes and you're just like, oh my God, sometimes you'll want to avoid him. But like we do those types of things. And that's just, I don't consider that like, oh, wow.
00:44:29
Speaker
That's just like you're ah another human being interacting with another human being. Well, well I'm asking too, because i'm I, I think I would, I might help the guy in the wheelchair, but there'll be a lot of days where I'd be like, what the fuck is going on up there? Like it's like a traffic jam and this guy's trying to get, and I'm just like trying to get around him.
00:44:47
Speaker
Like, I
Judgment and Self-Perception
00:44:48
Speaker
don't, I don't know if there's a car, it's a car like on the side of the road someone's changing a tire. there There's a family. It looks like something's fucked up. Maybe 90% of the time I'm not stopping. I'm just like, gotta get by this as fast as possible.
00:45:01
Speaker
Cause I mean, how do you devote your life to that? Yeah, but maybe maybe you should. Maybe it's that easy. Maybe. goes, all right. Get rid of this slabs thing and just start fucking driving around.
00:45:13
Speaker
I just, everybody, I always have like a ah slab in my trunk. That's my solution for everything. It's like, I'm not sure how to change your tire. Want a table?
00:45:24
Speaker
Here's an end table. And that guy's like, that were right we're talking through his tube in his wheelchair. And I'm like... Look at this, a turquoise epoxy end table that you could put next to your chair and you could hold your drink on it.
00:45:37
Speaker
might make your life a little better.
00:45:41
Speaker
God. All right. Well, another piece of shit. what How do we redeem it? Yeah, i'm a pet I think I'm a piece of shit on this one because i i'm but I'm just going, yeah just everybody likes me, so I must be a good guy.
00:45:55
Speaker
I think you're a piece of shit, I'm a piece of shit, everyone is because they don't really know. They don't really know. Like, oh, you know, people that all they do that would be categorized as good as they like raise their kids.
00:46:07
Speaker
And it's like, okay. Yeah, you're like, that's actually, if everyone did that, then there'd be no reason for anybody else. I'm a good dad. It's good enough for me. I'm just saying it's also silly.
00:46:19
Speaker
So they're really just, nobody knows. Let's just leave it at that. yeah But the reality is we all probably could do a little better. yeah It's like if we didn't think about it, you just act on like kind of like what' what feels right, you probably you probably end up being a good guy without trying to be a good guy.
00:46:38
Speaker
A good person. I think a good guy sounds ridiculous. A good person. He's a good guy, huh? Yeah. Say a good person's better. So this one, I think this one actually will be, will both come off as not not good people for the listeners.
00:46:54
Speaker
I think they're going listen to this and be like, what what did I just do for an hour? That's okay. That's okay. We're not saints. but yes Cue my dope track. That'll get them going. Cue my dope track right here.