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148 . Sendoff; Reimagining Funerals-with Julie Gilmer
61 Plays2 years ago
Julie Gilmer, Event Curator with Sendoff, works alongside Kelly Roberts, Sendoff founder with over 15 years experience in the funeral industry.
More about Julie Gilmer in her own words:
“I have experienced grief in several ways. Both of my grandparents, whom I was very close to, passed away. Both my stepfather & my former boss/dear friend husband passed unexpectedly from heart attacks with whom were very special to me. I mention these deaths, because all four of them I was a part of planning their funerals, and not one of them was done traditionally in funeral homes. That just didn't speak to who they were. So, we choose themes...baseball and Superman for example, venues, food and unique touches that felt like them. That helped so much with the grieving process and brought comfort to us all. They were colorful celebrations, and not dark and sad services. When I stumbled on this new company, Sendoff that is reimagining funerals, I felt a strong calling to reach out and see how I could be of service. As an experienced event coordinator, I knew there wasn't a funeral service provider that can plan celebration memorials other than at a funeral home. If you want something other than that, you have to figure it out on your own. After learning about Sendoff, I knew it was something innovative, creative and inspiring that will help people have whatever kind of memorial they want. Not taking away from tradition at all. It's simply about having options. Greif is going to be there, there is no doubt, but if we can take time to laugh, and embrace the good moments in life, comfort is found.”
https://www.sendoff.co/
https://www.facebook.com/sendoffmn/
https://www.instagram.com/sendoffmn/
https://twitter.com/Sendoffmn
https://www.linkedin.com/company/sendoffmn/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxqNWRacpoStECnSv0AKbzg
Contact Kendra Rinaldi to be a guest or for coaching: https://www.griefgratitudeandthegrayinbetween.com/
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to Grief and Event Planning
00:00:01
Speaker
But what's not happening is actually having a company, a profession, experts to be there to help you through it. You have to rely on somebody who knows how to plan. I mean, I come from a background of event planning and I was always called on by my family members because I was the go-to because just like you would have a day of wedding coordinator,
00:00:25
Speaker
that would handle all of those things because you're not, you can't. The mother of the bride and the bride and groom should not be doing anything on their wedding day. And that's exactly like what a send off should be. The grieving, the ones that are the most struck with the grief need to be in somebody's hands that can keep everything going and give them peace and relieve the stress and just simplify the process so they can focus on what's important.
Creating the Grief, Gratitude, and Gray in Between Podcast
00:00:57
Speaker
Hello and welcome to Grief, Gratitude, and the Gray in Between podcast. This podcast is about exploring the grief that occurs at different times in our lives in which we have had major changes and transitions that literally shake us to the core and make us experience grief.
00:01:21
Speaker
I created this podcast for people to feel a little less hopeless and alone in their own grief process as they hear the stories of others who have had similar journeys. I'm Kendra Rinaldi, your host. Now, let's dive right in to today's episode. On today's podcast, I am chatting with Julie Gilmer. Julie is the Events Curator for Send Off.
00:01:51
Speaker
funerals reimagined. And I just want you to, again, listen to that funerals reimagined because it is so important to think that
00:02:05
Speaker
We can have a funeral that's outside the box, outside the conventional, outside what's expected. And that is what Julie and her team do. And I'm excited to find out more about you, Julie, as well as Sendoff. So welcome, Julie.
Reimagining Funerals as Celebrations
00:02:22
Speaker
Well, thank you, Kendra. And hello to your listeners. Really appreciate you having me on today to talk about how we're dusting off the funeral industry.
00:02:31
Speaker
Yeah, it's a, it's a pretty amazing concept. And let me think, what, what are you talking about? And, you know, it's an industry that just has not changed and evolved really at all. And, um, it's send off, it has been reimagining funerals here and the concept has taken place, the founder, Kelly Roberts, and, um, in Forest Lake.
00:02:57
Speaker
Minnesota, which we'll talk about that. I'm sure. Why am I talking about Minnesota has a very successful funeral home. And for years he's been hearing Kelly, I don't want a funeral. I want a party. I want a party. This, this just doesn't speak to me. And that just manifested in him and evolved into this innovative idea where it's starting to change the dialogue and the rhetoric, what we have around grief and death and what the possibilities are for memorializing someone.
00:03:28
Speaker
And that is so important again because the re-opening this conversation and conversation and conversation about grief is important, but like you said, it's added to the component of how our funerals are done, are part of that. So this whole reason that I have this podcast is to open up the conversation about death, grief, all the things around that and
00:03:57
Speaker
added to that is how do we do our funerals? So let's go ahead and talk about that and then we'll navigate. So tell me more about Sendoff. So he founded it 15 years ago, or 15 years ago is when he started his funeral home. Correct. The funeral home in their town up in an area in Minnesota and very successful. And that is
00:04:24
Speaker
not to take away, you know, send off is not to take away from anything traditional, anything that is already established and, you know, people are comfortable with, but it's, it's literally pun intended stepping outside of the box. It's send off is pretty much a funeral. The funeral is actually something you wanted to go to. And the essence of our brand is to curate highly personalized memorials. And we're looking at it being within our twin cities, but also beyond.
00:04:53
Speaker
So it can, it can look like anything you want it to be. Um, we had this really great segment that took place on one of our local channels, care 11 recently. And one of the speakers, Jeff Johnson, who is the epic epitome of what a sendoff would be. He has this whole like five page manifest of having his friends do this canoe ride and special goodie bags and meeting for dinner and.
00:05:21
Speaker
going on a canoe, just the elements there and it's just thinking like, what? It's not the typical, I'm gonna call the funeral home and we're gonna have it in their conference or their room and we're gonna have our picture boards up and our slideshow's going and that's it. We've all been to those. As we've seen the wedding industry change where 10, 15 years ago everybody got married in a church and that's what you did and maybe had your
00:05:48
Speaker
party afterwards, somewhere else, your reception. Now we're looking at it as where can I get married? Where can I not get married? I mean, it's a real question. And it's really seeing the funeral industry evolving in that direction just so there's another choice. To be of service so it can speak to the person who they were, what their interests were,
The Role of Cremation in Funeral Planning
00:06:15
Speaker
their hobbies, activities, let's incorporate that and really bring that to light and showcase that because we feel that that's going to be such a huge part of the grieving process. You know, we can have some fun with it and we can have some puns with it, but
00:06:32
Speaker
It comes down to us still being tender and still having that human side of it. Grief is going to be there, right? I mean, there's no way around that. You have to go through the grieving process. And with Sendoff, not only do we want to look at it from start to finish, being a fully licensed funeral service, we can be that first call. But seeing it all the way through to curating the event to after support, where
00:06:56
Speaker
You know, sometimes you're just left, you know, the funeral homes did their job, they're good, great, great people, great services could have happened, but then thump, what do I do? And we just kind of want to have that all evolving because that's so necessary. You're just, you're left now.
The Importance of Pre-Planning Funerals
00:07:11
Speaker
The party's over, the guests have left, there I am. So with send off, we're thinking, you know, it'll be a higher rate with cremations and what cremation does, it affords you some time.
00:07:24
Speaker
some time to actually sit for a moment. You don't have that two week window where we have to get the burial done. We have to do that, although that can take place. It may look to six to eight weeks, a couple of months. What do we want to do to be able to actually celebrate someone? And sometimes that takes a little bit of time.
00:07:44
Speaker
You said about this, I remember on Instagram, I don't know if you're the one that does the Instagram, you posted a question and interviewing people of how do you want to, you know, celebrate or, you know, what was the question? It was kind of like a party or funeral.
00:08:04
Speaker
Oh, yes. Party on Funeral. I was watching this show called Dear Edward, which is based on a book, which I haven't read. But on that show, one of the funerals is this traditional Ghana
00:08:22
Speaker
They're from Ghana, and so there's this party after the regular memorial. They're dancing, traditional dancing, and I turn to my husband. I'm like, that's what I want. I want dancing in mine. It's so cathartic for me. Music and movement is so cathartic for me. I know it probably won't be for necessarily everybody that's there in my funeral, right? I'm already dead, you know, in that aspect.
00:08:49
Speaker
Talk about those aspects of when, you know, do people help plan their event sometimes before they dive, what it is they wish, like you were mentioning right before somebody that, you know, and have you had any issues of the family carrying through their wishes? Because it may not be the way that they want to? That's a great question. Because pre-planning and end of life pre-planning is
00:09:18
Speaker
absolutely can take place. People, you hear about different societies that you can go ahead and get everything taken care of. We send off, you absolutely can do that same. And it's a really great structured way of being able to take care of things. So it's not left for your loved ones to take care of. With the pre-planning, you absolutely can have a voice in it. I can imagine that the majority of people, and statistically this is people just
00:09:48
Speaker
don't feel comfortable talking about death. You know, people leave the room. They don't want to talk about it. They haven't even asked their parents, what do you want to happen to you? Or you have not talked to your siblings about what happens to them. I mean, even when it's us, you may be in a younger age where we're not thinking about that. We're not actually thinking we could touch death to be able to have a voice in that beforehand. And it'd be, it's part of that change in that dialogue. It'd be okay to talk about, you know, talk and say,
00:10:16
Speaker
you're looking at an episode and you're saying, that's it, that's speaking to me. You know, your husband might not be the one wanting to dance in the street and having a New Orleans, you know, send off or whatever. I think as you said, he said, me too. That's what he said. Actually, he's like, me too. Well, that's a, that's a good partner you have there, but often, you know, our opposites attract, but so it's honestly, it's, you're gone. You don't know what's going to happen.
00:10:42
Speaker
But the people that are left with it have a sense of what you would want, how you would want to have things go. And honestly, looking at that, that's a touch of you. That's you touching that moment after you're gone and they can see your favorite colors or your favorite flowers or, you know,
00:11:04
Speaker
Mom loved fireworks. Let's find a place where we can have fireworks. Or, you know, dad loved a good Irish pub. Let's have an Irish send off. And again, that mix of traditional or non-traditional, you know, there may be you want to have your services faith-based and in a church and somewhere else, or you might not have connection with
Planners' Role in Grieving Process
00:11:25
Speaker
that at all.
00:11:26
Speaker
why not have a place where that's okay? And you can have whatever you want. I think with you leaving your imprint and then being able to hear your voice afterwards would speak to your loved ones. And it comes down to, we've been to celebrations of life. I'm sure there's many of us out there that have now been a part of those kinds of celebrations and they're already happening. But what's not happening
00:11:56
Speaker
is actually having a company, a profession, experts to be there to help you through it. You have to rely on somebody who knows how to plan. I mean, I come from a background of event planning and I was always called on by my family members. Cause I was the go-to because just like you would have a day of wedding coordinator that would handle all of those things because you're not, you can't, the mother of the bride and the bride and groom should not be doing anything on their wedding day.
00:12:25
Speaker
And that's exactly like what a send off should be. The grieving, the ones that are the most struck with the grief need to be in somebody's hands that can keep everything going and give them peace and relieve the stress and just simplify the process so they can focus on what's important. And that's honoring the person being there with their loved ones that are still there and having
00:12:55
Speaker
an inspiring moment.
Setting the Tone for Remembrance
00:12:57
Speaker
Not only does the funeral like send off this celebration end up leaving this idea of what it is the person wanted then for their death, but also it sets the mood, right? It sets the tone as to how it is they'd like their life to be remembered. It's not about being controlling. You know, I'm going to control the situation and have these people do what I want them to do.
00:13:25
Speaker
It's about expression, expressing yourself in a manner that is going to bring comfort. I'm going to say for my setup, I do want people with teary-eyed. I went all of the feelings there and then I want them to get together and tell funny stories about me or how I was ridiculous about that moment or
00:13:46
Speaker
Oh, is this the party Julie would have planned? Because she was such the planner. I mean, I heard it enough at my bridal shower. Is this good enough? Is this okay? So I can only imagine after my death, but. Yeah. It'd be like a really big responsibility. Yeah.
00:14:01
Speaker
How are we going to send off Julie? The expectations are so high. But that can make you laugh. That's what I want happening. You can't tell somebody how they're going to grieve. You can't tell somebody. But in a moment where you can actually say, OK, this is it. This is the event. This is what we're going to do. And you would walk away leaving.
00:14:30
Speaker
feeling a different feeling than bawling your eyes out, grasping for air, clenching yourself to hold on tight because it just hurts so bad. Again, those feelings will, that's gonna happen. But if you can all get together and laugh and cry and hug and be there for each other and do it in a setting where you feel more connected to,
00:14:59
Speaker
It's gonna be different if, you know, uncle was an avid golfer and you're at a golf course and you set up a really fun, you know, nine hole stretch where you're doing fun activities through it all and then join in and have his favorite ice cream bar. You know, it's just as gonna, it's gonna be different. You can see how that's different than being in a basement buttered ham sandwiches. It's just different.
00:15:26
Speaker
Let's talk about that, the different settings. Share with us some of these different settings that you've had sendoffs. Oh, this is so exciting. Sendoff has been working really hard at curating different relationships, venue partnerships in the hospitality industry. We have really amazing partners throughout the Twin Cities. We have wineries and golf courses and breweries and
00:15:54
Speaker
venues that you would hold weddings at. That industry is also evolving to be able to cater to this type of event. And it just goes to show you can choose a place that's going to reflect who you are or who your loved one was. And, you know, I go to these venues and we're downtown Minneapolis or downtown St. Paul or we're out on a vineyard at a winery, one of the wineries. It's just
00:16:24
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, I think every single time I go to one of our 20 plus partners, I say, this is where mine's going to be. This is where mine's going to be. Oh my gosh. This is where mine's going to be. But it's, it's the truth. It's just, um, something that is, is it takes
Julie Gilmer's Journey into Funeral Planning
00:16:39
Speaker
it to the next level. And that's what our partners do working with their teams and with what send off is set up as is that we would meet with the family and have a really comprehensive meeting with them.
00:16:54
Speaker
reflecting if it's not already pre-planned, what it could look like. Sit down with them and just have a conversation like you and I are having. Tell me about dad. Tell me about mom. Tell me about brother. And then I can already have in my hands, okay, these four venues are speaking to me. Let's talk about these ones. And then what I would do is I would actually, on behalf of the family, connect with the event center, handle all of it, be their client, take care of everything,
00:17:24
Speaker
so that it's simplified for the venue, it's simplified for the client to easily get things handled. And I would be the one that would curate it all and connect us and be an extension of the venue's team as they are an extension of Sendoff's team.
00:17:43
Speaker
That's a lot of work and it takes a certain type of personality to be able to deliver this type of event. And especially the difference between this and a wedding is again that there is an element of, not an element, a big element of difference of sorrow and grief, which is different than that of a wedding. So for you as an event coordinator for these events or curator,
00:18:14
Speaker
How do you see this shift of what you used to do? And I want to talk more about how you ended up transitioning into this space. When you would plan a wedding, then how you would plan a send off. And how do you, as an empathetic individual, sit there and be able to hold space for the people as they're grieving and planning this event?
00:18:42
Speaker
all true, all something that I had to think of before entering in this platform, this space here. And when I started, I asked, I actually had a really good conversation with the funeral director that we work with. And I said, how do you not get calloused? Or how do you not get such thick skin where when something happens to you personally, you're not affected. You're not desensitized to it. And his reply back to me was, we're human.
00:19:12
Speaker
You're going to have feelings, you're going to have emotions come up, and that's okay. We're human, and I would want to work with someone who was human and not a cold robot, who was just going to input my information in and deliver it. That gave me a breath.
00:19:36
Speaker
adjust myself, adjust my skills and adjust my personality to the family that I'm working with, because they're all going to be different. There's going to be all different levels of dysfunction, function, personalities, all of these things that are taking place when you're getting a group of people right together to make decisions. But in that, I think it's a beautiful thing because the skill set that has to take place is you have to be able to be decisive.
00:20:05
Speaker
and know how to make decisions, know that there's deadlines that need to be met, but mix it in with a sense of tenderness and compassion and empathy and grace and just allow people to be people and not be such a type A or such a control freak where it's like, I gotta get this answer, I gotta know now. You can't come across that way to a person, so it's just making it human.
00:20:31
Speaker
We're human. And we're all going through this. And if I can step back and look at this family and say, this family needs this right now. This is not about me. This is not about me feeling bad that they lost their family member or their friend. This is about them. And how can we serve them and honor them and
00:20:53
Speaker
give them what they want. And you got to hold that back. I think of entertainers, you know, even at any kind of celebration, like how did they not cry when they sing that song? How did they not? And it's just this mask you put on of this is the role you're playing. This is the character you're taking on because this person needs it. I'm sure that there's many moments after you've taken off that mask and kind of left that space that you probably go in the car and just
00:21:25
Speaker
have those moments for yourself of grieving, because seeing someone else grieving sometimes brings up a lot in us. Can you share about your own personal experience with grief and how that plays a part in you being able to help navigate this journey now as event curator?
00:21:47
Speaker
Yeah, I have had some close people pass away that I've actually had a hand in planning the funerals on a personal level, so my people. And what I can say for that is I was called to action because I know how to plan parties and I'm the go-to and I know how to make the calls and book the things and, you know, I'm that family member that gets called on. And it's,
00:22:15
Speaker
It's stepping away from yourself in that moment because you can't, even in that moment, you can't make it about you. I can tell you in the course of a year, my mom's husband passed away, who was her soulmate, loved him dearly. All of us just adored him. In the course of that same year, my boss, who is now a family member as well, my former boss, dear, dear friends,
00:22:41
Speaker
lost her husband and both of them had passed away from sudden heart attacks. And so these two women that are huge in my life were going through the hardest, saddest, shocking situation of losing their soulmates because they were, they loved their partners. This happening and here I am standing in the midst of this being called on to say, I need you, Julie, I need
00:23:08
Speaker
I can't make these decisions right now. I need your help with this. I need your guidance. I need your opinion. I need your, what do I even do? And these are women that are strong women who are professional and decision makers and people I look up to. And when that took place, it immediately became about honoring those amazing husbands and loving them
00:23:36
Speaker
And when I did step away, I shut myself into the bathroom and balled my eyes out and took deep breaths and, you know, washed my face off and went out and just was okay. Like, so you have to. That's what I'm saying. Grief is still going to be there. It's just, how are we going to do this? And both of those happened to be amazing funerals. One was a Superman theme.
00:24:01
Speaker
And it was not traditional at all. It was- Was this your mom's husband? Yeah, my mom's husband. It was Superman. We called him Superman. Buzz. He was just larger than life with his heart. And then the other one was a baseball theme who Mike, my former boss's husband. And that was, it's a weird thing to say, but fun to do. It was fun to think about, you know, the baseball cards acting as memorabilia and the Superman,
00:24:31
Speaker
big huge logos and all these things that we came up with and the colors and all of our kids dressed in Superman stuff. As I was actually before I came into this world, in Sendoff's world, having that experience, little did I know it was gonna prepare me to give me those skills to actually now have this as a profession as well. So this was prior to Sendoff?
00:25:00
Speaker
Many years, in fact, to go in a little bit about me, I was born and raised in Southern California. I lived all of my life in Southern California and so on the Central Coast. Beautiful. My husband and I, when we got married and became a family and I had two ready-made kids, I call them ready-made, my stepchildren who are now young adults, and we had a son together living in the high desert.
00:25:27
Speaker
of California, so kind of getting all beach, mountains, and desert, which you can do in California. That's where I had my event career, my life, my family's there, and that was life. I was about the age of 39, and my husband and I and our young son, because the
00:25:49
Speaker
two older ones were now graduated high school, we thought we want something different.
Conversations on Death and Taboo Topics
00:25:54
Speaker
And we made a huge leap of faith and moved to Minnesota. So you can't get any different from the desert of California to Minnesota, which it's mid-March right now and I still have three feet of snow. Why Minnesota? Why did you choose Minnesota?
00:26:13
Speaker
we do have family here. So when we were looking at different states with our son being younger, we wanted to still have that family connection. And, and that leads, that leads to all of this, like the importance of who you are, who you're surrounded by, and who are going to be your people to see you through all of those times that are going to be brought to us. And so it just all doors were
00:26:38
Speaker
opened and we didn't have jobs or careers we left for. We left big careers, big jobs. I was a city event coordinator for well over 10 years. It was almost 13 years. And I came to Minnesota thinking, I probably will never be in events again. It's such a unique, unique space. I dabbled in some things here and there was in a moment of just
00:27:02
Speaker
okay, I need to keep searching. This is still, things are still not fitting just quite right. And I was literally on good old indeed, looking through things. And it said event planner send off planning unique funerals and reimagining funerals. And I was like, what? So I had actually joked before at a funeral saying, you know what, there should be a business out there that do themed funerals. Wouldn't that be so easy and so fun just to have a theme in mind?
00:27:31
Speaker
And here we are, send off his ad, and it's to be on the ground floor. We launched in November. So we're pretty new with the credibility of having such great experience with the Roberts family being the funeral home. And it just evolving from that. It's just, wow, how did that happen?
00:27:56
Speaker
How did that happen? But you called it, you were doing it. The fact that you had already, that's why I just, oh, I just assumed that maybe they had made you plan it, not only because you were events coordinator, but because you already had experience with send off, but this is prior to doing that in you. States later, 10 years later, you know, it was, yeah, close to 10 years later, that this all came into fruition. And so from
00:28:24
Speaker
going to planning, it was kind of joking, like funny, planning the weddings, kind of in the season of where lots of friends were getting married and weddings. And I would be planning city events, but also as a hobby, ha ha, planning weddings, like that's insane. It's a special kind of crazy to plan events, I feel. And it's a hobby and a passion and a love. And from there, kind of being in the stage in life to now being older and dealing with aunts and uncles who have
00:28:51
Speaker
are passing away, grandparents who have passed away, that next phase now to be in that lane of funerals now. I've talked more to my family than I have before about mom and dad passing away. What's going on? Let's have this conversation. And it's honestly hard for some siblings to talk about. We're all different in our comfort levels.
00:29:20
Speaker
now that conversation is starting to take place and it's okay. They're feeling more comfortable about it. I posted something around the holidays kind of funny about you know all getting together as a family and it's a funny scene at a table where you know turkey legs are flying and people are arguing and someone's having a cocktail and you know this funny kind of chaotic scene and instead of you know picking on
00:29:43
Speaker
Susie, you know, who she's dating lately say, Hey dad, what do you want to have happen when you die? It's like, Oh, and pass the butter. You know, it's just, it's just an interesting dialogue and conversation to have. And let's face it, you know, death is a hundred percent. Yeah. It's happening. And it's the hardest thing for us to.
00:30:12
Speaker
wrap our minds around at times and we can prepare knowing that our pets aren't going to live as long as we are and get through that grief and know what's going to happen but but so are we you know and that's not easy there's no doubt about that but it's let's change the dialogue a little bit so it can be more positive and it can be
Creating Lasting Memories through Personalized Services
00:30:36
Speaker
a comfort to talk about before it happens and say, I want to remember this when you pass away. I say that to my husband sometimes like, I want to have this memory. I don't want this one to go away if something should happen to you. And yeah, it's great to be able to honor someone that way. It's interesting because you're right. Talking about death
00:31:01
Speaker
our death, someone else's death, there's something cultural or something that makes us feel as if we talk about it as if it's going to bring it into being, which we already know it's going to be. We just don't know the when, right?
00:31:16
Speaker
So again, how do we normalize this? What do you want to do for your funeral? Pass me the butter type of conversation in families. I think it comes down to this, starting with seeing it more
00:31:32
Speaker
in the shows we watch, like I was saying, the music we hear, the news, the podcasts we listen to, it starts bringing it into the light that it's okay to have these conversations. We sometimes kind of need that green light to be like, oh, I'm not being, how do you call it when you're not being prudent, when you're being too straightforward,
00:32:03
Speaker
aggressive or harsh. Yeah. If I'm bringing this up with my mom or my dad or my siblings, my mom already died. But I mean, like, you know, that kind of conversation, like, how do I bring it up and not be like, Oh, they're already thinking about when I'm going to die. Yeah. I can't believe you're talking. Because it's so true. If, if we talk about it when we're healthy,
00:32:32
Speaker
there's a different component of it. I can say from personal experience when my mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and we were already having to make decisions about her death and one of the visits I lived in Texas, I live in Texas and I still did at that time and she lived in Georgia.
00:32:53
Speaker
me going back and forth. And one of the trips I was going to, I had to go start looking at cemeteries. And I was like, do I let her know I'm starting to look at cemeteries? Do I include her in the conversation? So I did. I said, mom, part of the reason that I'm here, this visit is I have to start looking at places.
00:33:15
Speaker
do you want to, I did ask, do you want to be part of the process of deciding? She's like, yes. And so we would go in the car and we checked out a few spaces. And she did like, oh, I love this one. It's got so many trees. It just feels so nice. It's just a lot of green. But it was definitely harder because she's in the midst of dying, right? And already we're talking about it. It did feel different than if we would have had that conversation
00:33:45
Speaker
when she was healthy, right? So if this is an invitation for all of us to start being more open about these conversations for sure. Absolutely. And thank you for sharing that about your mom. And that's so heartbreaking to hear that you've had to deal with that at such a young age you are too. And I can see that you have probably a young family and you can see a picture behind you as we can see each other listeners. But
00:34:13
Speaker
That's exactly it. Just because we're talking about it doesn't mean we're manifesting it to happen. We're not inviting it to happen. We're not saying, okay, this is probably going to happen next year, so let's get all of our ducks in a row. No, what it is, it's let's talk about this right now while you do feel good and you are happy. How do you see it? What do you want us to do? Do you want us to celebrate you?
00:34:40
Speaker
because it goes back to when you're the one that's left, let's feel them. Let's have that touch of them in that moment when they're not here anymore and we need them, we want them, we want to smell them and taste the foods that they loved and we want just that comfort surrounding. Let's talk about that before it really gets
00:35:02
Speaker
to the point where you don't recognize them anymore. They may not remember you for whatever they're dealing with. It might be sudden and you can't even, you know, let's not have the last image of the person we love, be the saddest one. Let it be the one that we are going to feel inspired and it's going to give us hope and it's going to give all of the ones that are still being brought up, you know, the little eyes that are up looking at you as you're going through the loss of
00:35:30
Speaker
a parent, a grandparent, and have them remember that moment of grandpa love Superman, you know, baseball. I will always remember that Mike was a Red Sox fan because of that. I will always remember, anytime I see a baseball game, I will remember that, I will feel that, and I will have a smile, and I will think, I hope they win this game. You know, it's just, that I feel is so helpful. And with send off,
00:36:01
Speaker
That possibility of someone being able there to help you through that, to take your hand and say, I've got you. We're here for you.
00:36:15
Speaker
That would have been amazing for me as I was the one, the family member planning, and I was the one that had to hold it together. You know, grief doesn't pause for life. And I had to get the stuff taken care of and planned. And I had to put it on pause to get through it. I would have loved to have been like, Oh, there's, there's, there's even a curator out there. Here you go. This is what we want. This is what we're feeling. Please get creative with it and help us just make it happen.
00:36:42
Speaker
Yeah, I feel like that would be such a huge gift to not only give yourself as you're grieving, but honoring the person who wants to be remembered in the way that they were, not the way that they ended up may have becoming because of illness or whatever the case may be. Just because you talk about it doesn't mean it's going to happen.
00:37:05
Speaker
It doesn't. No, it is going to. The thing is that it is going to, that's the thing. It is going to happen. It's just not making it be that it's tomorrow after tomorrow. It's going to happen. It's guaranteed. Unless you've come up with some magical potion to make you have this body forever, then that's different.
00:37:28
Speaker
Now, how do you notice in the months that you guys have been having the service with Sendoff, how have you noticed that people's religious beliefs or spiritual beliefs about death and what happens after death have impacted the way that they celebrate? Have you noticed a difference in any way or no? Is it more about who they were in this life?
00:37:57
Speaker
So from us just launching recently, and we're starting to have send offs now, so that's the pretty beginning stages of send off. I can speak on when I've gone out and kind of ask people and talk to people, interview them, and whether it would just be for content or whatever it be.
Incorporating Beliefs into Funeral Planning
00:38:15
Speaker
It's interesting because there's a mix of people when you ask them, would you like a funeral or a party? And it takes people. What are they even asking me right now?
00:38:25
Speaker
Some people said funeral, I want funeral. Then I asked further, you know, okay, funeral, what do you see that looking like? And they are saying, you know, they have their faith base, they want it in their church, they see their pastor putting it on. And absolutely, I hear you, I hear you saying that. And then also saying as they're talking, but it'd be really fun to have, you know, this and that, you know, those elements, it'd be really fun to have
00:38:56
Speaker
being, you know, cornhole and horseshoes and, you know, maybe a barbecue going on and it taking place at the lake. Yeah, that'd be really fun to me. All of us go out on our boats, you know, as they're talking about it, thinking like, it's okay. It should be part of it if you're, you know, a believer, if you're whatever your religion is to have that part of it. And then it's, it's giving yourself the permission to then say,
00:39:21
Speaker
that not that you have to follow this cookie cutter, you know, how it's always been, and you're gonna be naughty because you didn't do it that way. That's not the case. So it's just hard for change to happen when you feel like that's the way it's always been done. Well, I saw that happen at Grandma's funeral, and that's what Uncle Joe did, and that's just what you do.
00:39:48
Speaker
Not necessarily. And then to ask the question, what did you get from that experience? And I went, and it's done now. OK. But thinking it through, what if you could walk away and never look at a Red Sox baseball game again the same? What if you, any time you go to make a Sunday, because you had an ice cream buffet, so it's just,
00:40:16
Speaker
If you can see where I'm going, it's just, yes, religion, don't take that out. That's not what this is about at all. Let's bring more of it into it if you need, if that's what you want. You know, do you want a rosary themed funeral? Okay. But it's just having someone to actually there to execute it, to make it happen. Love it. Love the answers. Love that. It doesn't have to be one thing or the other. It could just be an add-on to already even your traditional
00:40:45
Speaker
situation as well. You could go to the burial site, go if you want in the funeral home, and then do something else afterwards. If you want whatever is right for you and your family, that is what you can do. Now, let's talk about how people can get a hold of you and send off, especially if they live in the area, but also be on the lookout because it's
00:41:11
Speaker
even if you don't live in that area, it still gives you some ideas of things you can do.
Engaging with Send Off Services
00:41:16
Speaker
Be on the lookout, because you guys might end up being able to do some, how do you call it? Yeah, or even just consultation with someone too, you know, about it. It doesn't even if you're not in the space that they're at. So tell us more about how people can get a hold of you guys and
00:41:37
Speaker
Well, that's a great little spin too of what the possibilities with send off are. I mean, yeah, if you just, if you need that assistance somehow reach out to us and destination send offs. Absolutely. There's why not? Why not? So with send off is we are on all the social media platforms. The tag is at send off M N like Minnesota. So we're send off M N.
00:42:05
Speaker
And we are based in Minnesota currently. We're licensed in Minnesota. So if that first phone call needs to take place where you need assistance right away when a death occurs, we can be that phone call and help you immediately. And then from there, deal with cremations or burials with the event curating and then onto the send off taking place. We are also, our website is sendoff.co. So that's sendoff.co.
00:42:35
Speaker
And in on our website, we actually have inspiring things that you can see as well. Um, the avid golfer, the pontoon tie up the, you know, casino, the highway to heaven on, you know, motorcycle lovers. There's, there's lots of inspiring ideas that are there, but you know, simply are, we can be reached through our website, through our social media platforms, we would love
00:43:02
Speaker
You just to join in on the community of send off because there's witty things that are posted on Twitter. We're also on Twitter, you know, some lightheartedness to it. But behind all of the lighthearted heart, you know, being lighthearted, there's tenderness there too. There's little snippets of what is this pre-planning about? We have speaking engagements that take place.
00:43:26
Speaker
and different activities that you can be a part of and educate yourself so you can maybe feel comfortable having that conversation with your loved ones about how you would want your send off to be.
00:43:40
Speaker
the startup conversation could be showing or re-sharing that a little snippet, you know, that you guys have shared on Instagram. Hey, oh my gosh, look, this person posted this question, funeral, funeral or party, which one would you like? It could start a conversation.
00:43:57
Speaker
even by resharing something you've seen on Sendoff with your loved ones. Just so many people reshare the TikTok videos or things like that, right? So this could be that opening to that conversation. Absolutely. Blame us. What is this crazy company that's out there? What do you think about it, Mom? Blame us. Blame us through spreading the word and
00:44:25
Speaker
having real conversations that are gonna matter, because it's gonna happen. I wish I could have my magic wand and have all of us not go through sorrow and pain and loss. But if I can wave my magic wand in another way and say, let us help you and it not be so overwhelming, then let me do that. Let us do that at send off. Julie, is there anything I have not asked you that you wanna make sure that you leave with the audience?
00:44:55
Speaker
or that you wanna add to the conversation? You know, I just, the last impression that would just be nice to walk away with this is that giving yourself permission to think outside of the box and it's okay to say what you, how you wanna be remembered, how you want the feelings to be, and then just let it go. Be ready for knowing that when you exit this,
00:45:25
Speaker
planet of ours that the people that you leave behind are going to still feel your love. So beautiful. Thank you, Julie. Thank you. Again, this was Julie Gilmer. You can find send off. Julie. I got teared up on that one. I'm like, as I'm trying to, I'm like seeing your face. What was it about, what was it about that that made you
00:45:56
Speaker
did you feel it because of the fact that you know how it feels for others? What was it that kind of got you? I think, again, being human again, we're not robots here. It's just when people are hurting, when it comes down to who your planner is going to be, who your funeral director is going to be, who the people are going to put these in line,
00:46:24
Speaker
so many feelings that are part of it. And it is, it's real. And it's not talking about selling merchandise. It's not talking about come to my restaurant. You know, it's not, that's not the business we're in. We're in the business of people and it's, it could be one of the worst times of their lives. And to be in that moment and share that space and be honored enough to be in
00:46:54
Speaker
in with them during that process. I feel like that's a privilege because that's so special. So that's where Mushy Julie comes in. I love Mushy Julie because Julie, that is such an important trait to have as someone that is helping navigate
00:47:16
Speaker
this journey with someone that's going through so much is to have that tenderness and that empathy. Because so many times someone goes to a funeral home or is planning and you can feel probably that you're just one other number like that when they're selling you a casket is to just add more to their final
00:47:42
Speaker
sale that when they're adding this, this and that, and this is more like, how can we make more money out of this situation without it really having the heart of what someone's going through? It does speak a lot of who you are and who your company is and what you guys stand for. So thank you for showing. Thank you. And the team that's part of Sendoff, Kelly and Colby and Shelly and myself,
00:48:11
Speaker
The heart is there and it's a business, but it's more than that. It's being an act of service. And I know all of us take that to heart at Sendoff. Thank you once again, Julie. Again, this was Julie Gilmer with Sendoff.
00:48:29
Speaker
Make sure to check out their Instagram account and their website. And please, if you live in the Minnesota area, you know how to contact them. If you have friends that live in that area, please send them this episode so they can learn more about the possibilities that are there for them.
Conclusion and Listener Engagement
00:48:45
Speaker
And if you don't live anywhere near the area, again, follow it because it would still give you inspiration and ideas for your own send off. Thank you once again, Julie. Thank you, Kendra.
00:49:03
Speaker
Thank you again so much for choosing to listen today. I hope that you can take away a few nuggets from today's episode that can bring you comfort in your times of grief. If so, it would mean so much to me if you would rate and comment on this episode. And if you feel inspired in some way to share it with someone who may need to hear this, please do so.
00:49:32
Speaker
Also, if you or someone you know has a story of grief and gratitude that should be shared so that others can be inspired as well, please reach out to me. And thanks once again for tuning into Grief Gratitude and the Gray in Between podcast. Have a beautiful day.