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Every Story Ever Special: January 2025
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After we get some ugly but necessary business out of the way, we're back to ranking stories again on this month's special!
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Transcript
Introduction and Zencastr Promotion
00:00:00
Speaker
This show is recorded using Zencaster. If you are a podcaster, or you want to be a podcaster, and you want to be able to record remotely, you can do so using Zencaster. They also have hosting options. And you can let them know that we sent you. Follow the link in our show notes, or in the episode description, and sign up for an account on Zencaster now to start recording your own podcast.
Episode Setup and Dragon Ball Humor
00:00:28
Speaker
i havela
00:00:43
Speaker
we're doing is we're taking placing those stories on the list from best to worst comic book stories of all time. Hello everybody and welcome to the War Rocket Ajax. Every story ever special. For January 2025,
00:01:09
Speaker
New Year, New Us. My name is Matt Wilson. Chris Simms is here with me to rank comic book stories on a big old list from best to worst. I'm pretty much the same. Matt? I'm pretty much the same too. Look, here's how much the same I am. I was watching Dragon Ball Super. Tonight I was rewatching the Tournament of Power Arc.
00:01:35
Speaker
I got to that shit where Goku goes ah autonomous ultra instinct. Shit's good.
Ethical Decisions in Comic Rankings
00:01:44
Speaker
Unfortunately, we need to start this every story ever special by talking about something that's not good for a minute. Oh, right. I forgot. So bear with us for a moment while we talk about this guy for the last time ever.
00:02:00
Speaker
We went over the idea of what we were going to do about Neil Gaiman's contributions to the Every Story Ever list. And we thought about it. We read the terrible, I mean, the article was good, but we read the article about the terrible things he did.
00:02:26
Speaker
ah written by Written by Lily Shapiro, um a harrowing piece of journalism ah that had had had to had some bad stuff in it. That was in in Vulture where that was written. As a result of that article and the allegations, ah it details Dark Horse Comics has cut ties with the guy. ah The Anansi Boys adaptation is Dunzo.
00:03:04
Speaker
I don't know if Netflix is going to cancel the second season of Sandman, but they should. I mean, it's already done. And I know a lot of people that weren't him worked on it, but you know, at some point you got to cut bait. I I'm sure there won't be a third season.
00:03:24
Speaker
Uh, a lot of people are taking action based on what was in this article and, and allegations that have been around for a ah while now. about Neil Gaiman. To this point, to my knowledge, there's only ever been one other person that we have just been like, we will not rank their work on the Every Story I Realist. That person is Gerard Jones, you can go look up what he did. It's gross, and we're not going to talk about it. yeah You could also not look it up and just take from the fact that we
00:04:03
Speaker
don't ever talk about him as a sign. Yeah. What Neil Gaiman has done is bad enough for him to also go in that category.
00:04:20
Speaker
Chris, I think you were the first one to broach the idea of just taking him off the Every Story, Ever list. Yeah. Because look, we are I think we both have a lot of experience and a lot of of facility with separating art from artists.
Art vs. Artist Dilemma
00:04:40
Speaker
yeah i you know i and very but I have very often said, I cannot judge anyone else's separation of art and artists because I am a guy whose favorite song is by Phil Spector, a monstrous person.
00:04:59
Speaker
a murderer, a full murderer. Yeah. And like a monstrous person beyond that, even. Right. ah Like there's a whole book that you can read tearing down the wall of sound. The thing is, we are At the end of the day, trying to have a nice time on the show, even when we're talking about bad comics, we're still trying to at least make it fun and make the criticism enjoyable and accessible. Even when we talk about comics where bad stuff happens, even when we talk about comics that are motivated by by bad
00:05:44
Speaker
People! like like with With bad intentions, yeah. Our ill-intentioned comics, like ah like Holy Terror. We try to make those discussions fun. We try to make those discussions accessible. Any discussion of Neil Gaiman right now is not going to be fun. And I cannot foresee that changing. No. And I'll address a couple of things that came up. I brought up this idea of removing all of Neil Gaiman's work from the list on the Discord, and it spurred some discussion.
00:06:20
Speaker
Some people thought that it was worthwhile to preserve the entries we had for sort of, I don't know, historical value, let's say.
00:06:34
Speaker
Number one, this is a stupid list for a podcast. i mean There's no historical value. It is it is a a goof-em-up list for a podcast. It is also something that you and I have been working on for like 10 years, so i get I get the desire to preserve it as it happened.
00:06:58
Speaker
Yes, I think- It's also a theme where we frequently ranked things multiple times by accident and had a and moved maximum in carnage around. Yes, I think there there are people who take this list way more seriously than we do, and way more seriously than it probably should be taken. it is it's i We're getting into a very different discussion now, but I yeah get that. It is something that we work on.
00:07:28
Speaker
It is something we work on. It is something people have listened to hours and hours of audio about. I get it. But it is not like an officially sanctioned thing made by scholars. It is it is something two guys who read a... That's right. It is something two guys who've read a lot of comics did for fun and... I do award-winning comic book critics, Matt. Like, ah yeah again, I... ah Seriously, it it it is a project that I am proud of. i I get it. I don't mean to belittle it, but, you know, it's also our list that we could do what we want to with it. Yeah. At the end of the day, it's our list and we can do what we want. And if your if your question is, well, why is stuff by this guy on here and why is stuff by this guy still on here?
00:08:25
Speaker
That's the only answer I can give you. yeah i was This feels right. I was going to get there. But the the thing is, this is a living document. And it's not just that the work that of his that was on here would just be where it was and we would never have to think about it.
00:08:49
Speaker
we judge new submissions by what's on the list all the time and so we would be seeing it and having to talk about it all the time constantly yeah it's it's by its nature a comparison project and so we would definitely run across a sandman story or 1602 or whatever and have to think about it and then think about him and they'd be like, uh And some people suggest it's putting all his stories at the bottom that don't work because we talk about the bottom of the list constantly Yeah, um, and again like we've already run into that with other creators Right ah and that the for now are so are staying on the list. But again, this is what feels right
00:09:44
Speaker
and And the thing about other creators who have done bad things, to name a couple, Warren Ellis, Frank Miller, like to to justify Frank Miller, we talk about him being lost forever in the Bermuda Triangle in 1993. That's our little joke about how we don't want to think about what that guy is like now. Same goes for like John Byrne, right?
00:10:13
Speaker
and And like, you know, Warren Ellis, a creator we once respected, known to do some some terrible things. The only way I can describe it, and this is the way I described it on the Discord, is knowing everything that Warren Ellis did and acknowledging it, there's still Warren Ellis comics I can read.
00:10:43
Speaker
I will never, I will be absolutely fine never reading a Neil Gaiman comic for the rest of my life. I, I do think it is to our benefit or at least like to our, to the ease of this decision that you and I, unlike a lot of people and a lot of comics readers aren't particularly attached to Neil Gaiman.
00:11:13
Speaker
That helps, yeah. It is not a huge deal for us. ah In the way that, I mean, in in the way that it would be a lot harder for you to never talk about Transmet again and for me to never talk about NextWave again, that's one where I have to make the the separation of art and artist call, I think. um This one's a lot easier for me.
00:11:42
Speaker
Because you know like I have enjoyed gaming comics in the past what I would consider to be a perfectly normal amount, but it's it's no it is no hardship for me to never think about that guy again. And I know it is a lot harder for a lot of people. yes And if we were two different people making this list, it maybe would have been a different discussion.
00:12:12
Speaker
i I acknowledge that, and I think that's true. oh I will say, um real quick before we move on, ah one of the other things that made this, I think, a special case is that Gaiman's prominence in the medium makes him unavoidable in a lot of ways.
Challenges in Omitting Neil Gaiman's Works
00:12:40
Speaker
ah We are two dudes who do not have a strong connection to a lot of his work. We've still talked about him a ton because he was one of the most prominent comics writers, but I mean, arguably for 30 years, and certainly throughout the the late 80s and into the 90s, which is the time where we were you know coming of age as comics readers.
00:13:06
Speaker
oh it is
00:13:12
Speaker
We made a t-shirt. We sure did. Of a joke about Neil Gaiman. He is a person that, if he is present at all, is difficult to ignore. And it was a joke about we how we find him kind of annoying. Yeah. But now I regret sending that t-shirt to several people.
00:13:40
Speaker
Yeah. you A couple dozen people. It won't hurt our feelings if you throw that t-shirt away. Yeah, i i'm i I'm not going to keep mine, I don't think. ah And, you know, if we'd only known then what we know now. The other thing that I wanted to say is I saw somebody on Blue Sky say something to the effect of like, oh man, the you know, the War Rocket Ajax boys, they were ahead of the curve on this one. No, we weren't.
00:14:11
Speaker
Because we definitely, we were judging the comics as the comics, right which is what we always try to do. But that doesn't mean that we knew any better than anybody else about about any any other reasons to not like those comics beyond the comics. We didn't. No, I wish that I could say that I knew all along.
00:14:39
Speaker
Right? I wish that I could say, well, I read the comics and they seem fishy and he seemed disingenuous and blah, blah, blah. But I didn't know. I like, I just knew that the comics seemed kind of pretentious and I didn't like that. Yeah, we just didn't love the comics. And that's, that's the only thing that we knew. And
00:15:08
Speaker
I don't know. I just felt a little uncomfortable with somebody being like, oh, you guys were ahead of the curve because we really weren't. Uh, like, go you don't, if, if I had known and had just been like, huh, his comics are bad, that would have been shitty. Yeah. Like I definitely sort of should have said something more than I did. Um, if, if you had known, if I had known, right. Um, but nonetheless,
00:15:35
Speaker
the sum of all of this is that the list is now 16 stories shorter. And hopefully, this is the only time that will have to happen. Yeah. And again, I i just want to tell everybody else out there, you don't have to decide. You you don't have to follow our example. And you everyone can make the decision for themselves.
00:16:04
Speaker
But this is the decision we have made. Yes. Like if it is too important of a part of your life to give up the stories, even though you know that the the the person who wrote them almost assuredly did some incredibly horrible things that victimized people, I'm not going to blame you for that. Yeah.
00:16:34
Speaker
Um, cause I, I make similar compromises all the time. Yeah. Again, ah I could live my life never listening to he's a rebel again, but I'm not going to. Yeah. I mean, you know, ah look, there are, there are artists whose work I'm totally fine. Never touching like.
00:17:00
Speaker
i never I was never a big Diddy fan to begin with, so never having to listen to Diddy, that's fine. Easy peasy. I don't feel bad never watching another Woody Allen movie. Sucked anyway. But there are plenty of people who I know have done terrible things whose art you know is important to me.
00:17:30
Speaker
And I have to reconcile that. um So i we're not saying you're wrong if you don't make the decision we make. I think that is important to say, but this is the decision we made. Okay, let's never talk about him again. Sounds good, Matt. What should we talk about?
Ranking Mark Waid's Stories
00:17:52
Speaker
We should talk about our first list, which comes to us from Steve Lee.
00:17:59
Speaker
ah And this is a list of Mark Wade Justice League comics. All right. First up is Justice League of Midsommar's Nightmare. Written by Mark Wade and Fabian DiCieza, penciled by Derek Robertson and Jeff Johnson. It is a priest freaking baby mark and fabian back in action ah prequel to Grant Morrison's JLA run. ah The future JLA find themselves in a world where they're normal and everyone else has superpowers.
00:18:29
Speaker
It's been a hot minute since I read this. Yeah. It's been like, I definitely, I definitely didn't read it when it came out. Cause I, I started in on justice league with JLA, like a couple, like a couple issues in, um, I'm, it might've been like even like a year or so. And Uh, cause I was, I got into the DC stuff through flash. Uh, but I did go back and read this at a certain point and it is always wild to me that the prologue of the Morrison run on JLA is a Fabian DCA as a joint. Yes. Fabian and Mark Wade, but, but yes. And Mark Wade, you know, that famous writing team.
00:19:24
Speaker
ah which nothing against Fabian. I like Fabian. I sat next to Fabian at a con one time because just ah me and Chad Bowers had done a Deadpool book and Fabian's got that big creator Deadpool sign.
00:19:41
Speaker
Uh, this is in front of, and he was, he was a delight to us the entire time. He was super nice. Uh, had a, had a great time. Uh, no disrespect to Fabiany Siesa. You just don't think about it.
00:19:58
Speaker
You don't think about that, that duo. That's true. Yeah. You you don't, well, you most people I would say don't think about, uh, to JLA Midsummer's Nightmare. Uh, But you and I do, Matt. Yes. Chris and Matt, remember? It is, as I recall, it is in every way the exact, like,
00:20:29
Speaker
alternate universe where everything's the opposite kind of story.
00:20:37
Speaker
Like for for everything you imagine that type of story to be, that's what it is. It's not, it is. It's not everything's the opposite. It is like the JLA is not the JLA and here's some other guys that are the that are the superheroes. Right, yeah. And I mean, this is where ah ah Triumph comes from, I believe. Triumph may have been around already, but he's in this.
00:21:07
Speaker
Uh, and he's going to come back in, in the Morrison run later, uh, in, I, well, actually in a Wade fill-in in the Morrison run, if memory serves, or maybe it, is fuck it's comics in the nineties complicated. That's the theme of this issue. this up DC comics, DC comics in particular. Yeah. DC comics. Tough to get around. Uh,
00:21:34
Speaker
It's in crisis times five, I think, is when he shows up, which is a Morrison story. Yeah, like I do kinda wanna reread this. i do I do think I can, i I'm comfortable ranking it. I would kinda like to reread it. Cause it's, you know, the Morrison run on JLA is something that I go back to all the time and think about all the time.
00:22:04
Speaker
And I never go back to this. And I think that does say something, but... Well, it's it's not it's not technically part of the run. Yeah, but it is like the prelude. Like, God, this is this is the nerdiest shit in the world. Because as you know, Matt, post-crisis, in post-crisis DC universe continuity,
00:22:32
Speaker
The Justice League had never been these guys. Superman had never been in the Justice League before. Right. it's so It had been JLI and yeah just Justice League Europe and so on and so forth. yeah Yeah, the Justice League had been different. It hadn't been the big seven as we know them. oh And so it is kind of like it I like that in New World Order, like the Justice League is already a thing. And we're kind of like seeing the remnants of the previous Justice League all with Metamorpho and fucking Guy Gardner in there. But it is nice to see, like, you know, there is a story that kind of brings them all together that again, I never go back to.
00:23:28
Speaker
It does have an old, alive Thomas and Martha Wayne in it. Yes, yes. but yeah Yeah, I guess it's not that things are different. It's just like, or not that they're opposite, they're just different. Yeah. um And it's all the machinations of no man. You remember no man? That's with a K, right? With a K, yeah. Yeah, ah no man with a K.
00:23:54
Speaker
Yeah, he used he used the knowledge of the controllers to to remove the knowledge of the members of the Justice League that they were superheroes and give their heroes to other people. But you gotta watch out for the knowledge of the controllers. You got it. Well, that's why he was no man. That's what he knew. He knew the knowledge of the controllers. Yeah, obviously. Yeah.
00:24:24
Speaker
Yeah. Like I said, I never go back to this. I, I, but I kind of want to. And I think that's where's the section of the list for stuff that we've never gone back to, but no, I'd read it again. I, that it passes the going out the door test. My sense would be that that would be like 700s ish. Uh, let's, we didn't do a rundown of the list.
00:24:50
Speaker
ah Oh, we didn't. it There are now 1,578 stories on the list. Number 700 is Doom Patrol crawling from the wreckage. That's better than this. Yeah, that's why I'm saying probably in the 700s somewhere. 800 is the Wade-Somni ah Matt Murdock in San Francisco Daredevil. I think that's better than this. Okay, so maybe in the 800s somewhere. um Let's see. 900, Tony Hawk is ah Hellboy Heads.
00:25:20
Speaker
Yeah. That might be better than this. All right. Number 1000, G.I. Joe, the origin of Snake Eyes.
00:25:32
Speaker
Kind of on par. They were like, look, Larry, one of the best to ever do it, but that's the origin. That's not, don't confuse that with the Snake Eyes trilogy. This is the origin from G.I. Joe number 26 and 27, where you find out the Snake Eyes origin is, he was in a car accident.
00:25:51
Speaker
Uh, the giant turtle man from Jimmy Olson 53 is at 974. This is probably better than that. I've always been a little bit disappointed that that story is not as good as you want it to be. Yeah, I would agree. Uh, Oh, here's, here's a good point of comparison. Underworld Unleashed at 970 by Mark Waidon Howard Porter. I think is better than this. Okay.
00:26:20
Speaker
The Darker Night, the Azrael story from Batman the Adventures Continue.
00:26:29
Speaker
Riddler vs. Clue Master. It's better than Riddler vs. Clue Master. I think it goes at 973. Below the Batman the Adventures Continues story. Yeah. Alright, so the new number 973 is Justice League. This was before it was called JLA.
00:26:50
Speaker
That's right, it doesn't say JLA on the cover, it just says Justice League. Justice League, A Midsummer's Nightmare. It does have that kick-ass triptych joined cover that,
00:27:05
Speaker
man, who who did that one? Is that like a Carlos Pacheco color, your cover? I think, oh, maybe it is Carlos Pacheco or somebody. It's not Carlos Pacheco, but it's pretty good.
00:27:19
Speaker
I think it's Derek Robertson. Derek Robertson had a very different style in this book than he had he came to have in the the subsequent years. But I don't know i don't know who who did the the art for that. it's Hey, if you haven't read it, it's worth reading.
00:27:44
Speaker
All right.
Mark Waid's JLA Christmas Special
00:27:46
Speaker
Next on Steve's list is Underworld Unleashed, which we have ranked. We have ranked. Yes. It is at 970,
00:27:57
Speaker
970 right now. Isn't it interesting that around the same time both DC and Marvel decided that their big superhero teams that hadn't had the big names in them for a while suddenly needed to have the big names in them again?
00:28:17
Speaker
Well, I mean, like, i are you talking about, like, the Heroes' Return Avengers? I'm talking about the Heroes Reborn Avengers, um but then yeah then eventually the Heroes' Return Avengers, yeah. I mean, those guys were kind of always the Avengers, though. Not in the early to mid-90s. Eh, I guess, I guess. The Avengers were led by, like, but Black Widow and had, like, Black Knight and people in them.
00:28:46
Speaker
Uh, for, for a good little bit. I mean, I, who are the Avengers who show up, uh, in Mark Wade's first issue of Captain America after Mark Grinwald leaves? Cause that's like Hercules black widow. But like, is cap not on that team? Well, cap was in and out of the Avengers at that time, I think. But, but the idea of like captain America, Iron Man, and Thor all being in the Avengers at the same time.
00:29:17
Speaker
I don't think that had happened in a while. Maybe not. Before, certainly before Heroes Reborn and then in Heroes Return. Yeah. Anyway. I think that I always think about is how, like, it's, I want to say it is maybe Secret Invasion is the first Marvel crossover where everybody is who you think they are.
00:29:48
Speaker
In that like Tony Stark is Iron Man, but Thor Odin's son is Thor. Except they're all Skrulls. Everybody's a Skrull. Except some of them are Skrulls. Yeah. But like, you know, like Infinity Gauntlet, ah ah Eric Masterson is Thor, and in Secret Wars, Rhodey is Iron Man. It's, it's, you know, which is, it's fine. I like, I like both those characters just fine. But it's yeah it's weird that like, the main dudes are never around together.
00:30:17
Speaker
in one of those. The third story on Steve's List is JLA issue 60. Merry Christmas, Justice League. Now die. Uh, Matt, would it surprise you to learn that I have a lot of feelings about this issue? I can imagine, yeah. Yeah. Uh, my feeling is it kicks ass.
00:30:41
Speaker
It is the last issue of Wade's JLA run. It's the last good issue of JLA.
00:30:51
Speaker
because i was it Was it Joe Kelly that came on after? Yeah. yeah i but I think maybe the obsidian age starts the ah the the week after or the month after. ah But yeah, this one's great, man. like it's it's i
00:31:12
Speaker
One of the first comics ever wrote, a comic that ah that my friend Jim Shelley actually got me to write, RIP to Jim, ah was essentially this issue in that it was a superhero telling a story about superheroes teaming up with Santa Claus to a kid. And right I think that's very, very fun.
00:31:40
Speaker
It's got, like, like it's got an ear on in it. It's got Woozy Winx and Woozy Winx's kid who I think we'd never see again.
00:31:51
Speaker
ah it's it is the it It's one of those kind of perfect oh Christmas issues in that it's fully self-contained. But if you kind of know who everybody is, you got it.
00:32:08
Speaker
like it's it's yeah Most of it is imaginary, but then the real Santa shows up at the end, but actually he's not the real Santa, but then the real Santa shows up at the end. It's great. it's a right Honestly, like i it's one of those comics that I would read every year at Christmas time.
00:32:27
Speaker
it's also like you know you You definitely would expect to do a story where the superheroes save Santa. But this is a story where Santa saves the superheroes. Well, the superheroes save Santa and then he saves the superheroes. Right, because all the superheroes get turned into coal and put in a stocking. Yes. Santa, who's been turned into an action figure, has to blast his way out of his action figure package and and defeat Nero and get the the heroes back.
00:33:07
Speaker
I like that when Plas is telling this story to Woozie Winks' kid that we never see again. He's like, yeah, all the the Justice League got turned into coal. And the kid goes, even Batman? And he goes, especially Batman.
00:33:24
Speaker
ah There's also a bit where Santa gives Neron a present, and it's like socks and underwear, and he that's what defeats him. Yes.
00:33:35
Speaker
of Which is is very funny because that is like a parody of how Mark Wade himself ended the story of Neeran taking oh ah Flash and ah and Linda Park's love. He ends up getting poisoned by it because their love is is so pure.
00:34:05
Speaker
And in this it's, it's the socks and underwear and also like the fact that Santa is like giving him a gift, even though he's bad out of the Yuletide spirit. So it's, it's Mark Wade doing a weird Mark Wade parody, which is very funny to me. Yeah. It's, it's a great, like silly story that I think some fans would probably call unimportant, but It's just fun to read, and that's what I want from comics. Listen, man, very few of these things are important. That's true. ah All right, give me a neighborhood. it it's it's very It's a very fun and very enjoyable story. Yeah, like I mean, we talked to Kibble Smith, not too long ago, on the show, ah last month, actually, last year, about like how you sit down and write
00:34:58
Speaker
a holiday special and there is, there is an arc to it, you know? And this is one of those that I do think is kind of like a, it's like kind of a perfect Christmas story. Yeah. Uh, it's not my, not my favorite comic, but it's, it's good. Uh, again, I would read this one, you know, I, I've read this one maybe more than I've read any other, certainly more than I've read any other issue of Mark Wade's run on JLA.
00:35:28
Speaker
oh But yeah, it's good. I think it's better than Scroll Kill Crew. Okay, fair enough. Fair enough. ah
00:35:39
Speaker
Is it better than Legends of the Dark Knight Prey that has that nasty free Hugo Strange in it? I would say yes. Is it better than Felipe in the case of the mystery story? Now that's tough. I don't know.
00:35:58
Speaker
Is it better than the recent Exterminator series that we read? No, I think that one's better. But I think it's probably about as good as that Tomb of Dracula issue. Let's put it at the new number 645.
00:36:12
Speaker
All right. Bailey number 60. And that story is called Merry Christmas Justice League Now Die.
'Heaven's Ladder' and Art Style Debate
00:36:31
Speaker
Okay. An alternate from Steve since we've already ranked Underworld Unleashed is JLA Heaven's Latter by Mark Wade, Brian Hitch, Paul Neary, and Laura Martin. Aliens steal a bunch of planets including Earth so they can create an afterlife. It was an oversized prestige comic meant to serve as the introduction to Wade's JLA run. Wasn't this one Was this one in the big, like, tabloid-sized format that the Alex Ross books were in? I remember it being big. I think so. I think it was, like, a big prestige book. Now, boy, people were, people were apeshit for Brian Hitch. At that time? I mean, this was pre-Ultimate, so it wasn't,
00:37:29
Speaker
when people were the most apeshit for Brian Hitch, but yeah. It was after he'd done something big, though. It was pre-ultimate, it might have been post-authority. Yeah, it might have been post-authority, yeah. ah But man, like... Look, Brian Hitch is good. Obviously.
00:37:53
Speaker
but
00:37:55
Speaker
But... Brian Hitch is another one of those guys who, like, draws a lot. more than he draws well, I think. i that's That's a mean way of me putting it.
00:38:09
Speaker
But when I think about Brian Hitch, I don't think like, oh, he's really good. I think, oh, he draws a lot. Like he, you know, there's a i but real early on in this, there's like this city-sized spaceship thing that gets like four pages, or not even city-sized, it's like 20 times bigger than the planet Earth. it's And it's like, yeah, a lot of page space is devoted to very, very detailed renderings of this thing. Yeah. This space station. And I look at it, and it's like, okay, that's pretty cool.
00:38:51
Speaker
But it's like it's not as good as like not as good as like any Bruce Timm drawing. You know? I mean, I guess it depends on what you're looking for. If you're looking for lines, then yes. If you love lines, you're going to you're going to love that. If you're sitting there at your desk like J. Jonah Jameson going, I want lines, then by God, this is going to do it.
00:39:20
Speaker
But you could also read like a Jeff Darrow comic. That's got lots of lines in it. And and more personality. Yeah. I mean, there's, again, there's good, there's good art in here. Brian Hitch is good. But he's a kind of artist that does that does very little for me. I find Hitch's character art generally to be a little bit bland.
00:39:49
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, same. If that makes sense.
00:39:54
Speaker
it's It's... I liked it most on Ultimates, but in hindsight, it was just a lot of like, yeah, like, wow, he drew he drew a cathedral and it was really detailed. And he drew Nick Fury and he looks just like Samuel Jackson.
00:40:14
Speaker
and like, okay, cool. Wow. It's weird to hear him called Samuel Jackson. Samuel Jackson. It's my beer. I'll never forget that for the rest of my life. Here's my thing with Brian Hitch. And I think, I think you hit the, uh, the old nail on the head, but all his people look like people.
00:40:38
Speaker
You know, that's fine. Yeah.
00:40:45
Speaker
But they look like people. They look like people wearing costumes. I mean, that's also a complaint about Alex Ross, but I think Alex Ross has got better about it over the years. Alex Ross has gone up and down for me. I think Alex Ross over the last few years, pretty much starting with his immortal hulk covers, has ah He's so much better than he used to be for me. Yeah, it's because he's gotten all weird with it. Yeah. And I like that. I like it too. Superheroes comics should be weird. They should. Yeah, they should look like things you can't see anywhere else. Yeah. And, you know, I mean, I can't see a giant
00:41:32
Speaker
a spaceship made of lines that's 40 times bigger than the planet Earth anywhere else, so I'll give Brian Hitch that. I don't know why this is turning into me shitting on Brian Hitch, an artist who I think is fine. Well, the the last page of this comic is, like, really detailed renderings of buildings.
00:41:52
Speaker
in a in a fictional city that is essentially New York, but I think it's meant to be is privately supposed to be New York. That's got the building. I thought it meant it was supposed to be like Metropolis. but ah But yeah, like kind of like the hitch art, though.
00:42:19
Speaker
I sort of kind of think this story is a little bit bland too. Yeah. i I would tend to agree. Like, there are Wade stories I like a lot more than this. And like, by the end of it, it's just like ah a bad guy who's a big red alien dude trying to smash the Justice League.
00:42:45
Speaker
Yeah, it's, I mean, it's, it's, it's Wade and Hitch. So it's certainly, uh, you know, certainly ah bare minimum competent, you know, it's good. Yeah. The worst this comic is going to be is like a B, you know? Sure. But like, it even, even the line, this does have the line, uh, where Superman says,
00:43:07
Speaker
Uh, you know, when they fight the big red guy who is as claimed that he has the the power of God or whatever, Superman goes, Kyle Ray helped the mechanics rebuild will handle God. That is a good turn of the century comics. Oh, it's very authority.
00:43:26
Speaker
Uh, but, but like cool, but a cool line. Yeah. And, and how does it end? Wonder Woman and Martian Manhunter. punch the red guy into a like a big ah beam of light that destroys him. Yeah, it's weird that this is a... Maybe it was a hardcover? It's 72 pages. Yeah, it's weird that this story is 72 pages.
00:43:58
Speaker
Like, there's nothing wrong with it.
00:44:03
Speaker
Listen to Chris and Matt as we crabapple our way through our discussion with JLA, Heaven's Ladder. There's nothing wrong with it, but it's not like, it's not interesting in the way like Tower of Babel is, you know? Yeah. Because Tower of Babel's all about character dynamics. Yeah. Tower of Babel couldn't be anybody else but the Justice League.
00:44:28
Speaker
Yeah. This is just super powered good guys against super powered bad guys. The super powered bad guys could not be more cookie cutter. It's basically Seth from Street Fighter 4. You know, like Seth, the most boring fighting game boss in the history of fighting game bosses. Who's the red and blue guy? Is that Seth? No, Seth is just blue. Okay.
00:44:57
Speaker
ah I'll find out who the red and blue guy is But you know what I mean like it's just like Oh, you know, I was thinking of Seth because I was thinking of his belly and his little weird belly Yeah, a little weird tummy that he has He's got a little weird tummy with like a yin and yang in it. Yeah ah The red and blue guy is gill Gil Gil it's a bad name his name is Gil. Man, I had fucking Brian Hitch and Capcom to list the people I've been shitting on in this episode.
00:45:35
Speaker
ah
00:45:39
Speaker
Yeah, it's like, again, this is one that I definitely read when it came out, and I definitely read it multiple times around the time of its release. And I have not ever gone back to it and kind of forgot it existed. I think it's ultimately like,
00:45:57
Speaker
On a craft level, on a talent level, on a competence level, you can't knock it. It is and and a a completely competent comic made by talented creators.
00:46:19
Speaker
It's also like eating mayonnaise on a cracker. It's just...
00:46:28
Speaker
sustenance but like I'd rather a comic be a little bit messy and have some like character drama and something to drive it then be what this is which again out it's it's just it's just it's just kind of bland well it's weird because it's really you say messy ah because like I was looking at this And the thought I kept having is, you know, I really prefer Howard Porter to Brian Hitch on Justice League. That's a bold stance. Yeah. Look, we've talked a lot about Howard Porter. Again, I don't I don't think he's the guy I would have put on Justice League in 1998.
00:47:16
Speaker
oh like Yeah, but but who who would you have put on Justice League in 1998? Carlos Pacheco. I mean, yeah, that would have been pretty fucking good. I mean, that book would have never come out, but that it would have been fucking beautiful.
00:47:30
Speaker
Like, well, Carlos Pacheco was doing fucking Fantastic Four with Chris Claremont at the time. That's right. Shit. They could, they could have got him. That book would have been Chris Sprouse, Carlos Pacheco with Chris Sprouse villains.
00:47:47
Speaker
That that's that's who I would have put on at the time that is that is a heck of an art fucking steward imminent He was he was working on Sierra he was in the office man imminent would have been a Top-shelf choice for sure it certainly would have looked different than it did but like I i feel like Porter is on that book because I There is a, there's a certain type of book where you have to prioritize speed. And I bet Porter is one of those guys who could turn around a deadline real quick. Yeah. I mean, he was, he was young at the time too. Like, like Bagley Bagley isn't the best artist ever, but that you my he can hit a deadline. Yeah. Yeah. Like ah again, I think.
00:48:47
Speaker
I think Howard Porter is perfectly fine. i I think it is unusual that he was the guy on what was essentially the flagship book of Detective comic Comics. That said, he's got some energy to him that I don't really see in a lot of Hitch's work.
00:49:10
Speaker
Yeah, the the worst thing about Hitch's work generally is that it always feels, even when he's portraying action, it often feels weirdly static. He can draw the best covers. Oh yeah. But I think his i think his sequential stuff kind of, you know, loses a little bit of of the spirit.
00:49:34
Speaker
So there you go. there's there's
00:49:39
Speaker
Brian Hage is fine. Brian Hage is fine. All right. but we've we've I think we've made more than abundantly clear that that we we think this comic is fine. It's fine. So where is that? it's a It's a perfectly acceptable car that I just sold to a stranger. Does that mean it's worse than Midsummer's Nightmare? I think it does.
00:50:06
Speaker
Uh, yeah. I have no desire to go back and reread Heaven's Letter after looking at it, and I do kind of want to go back and reread. Mark, Wayne, Fabian, and E.C.A.'s is just as linked in Summer's Nightmare. I don't think it's that far below it, though.
00:50:26
Speaker
No, not that far, but I think, you know... In the 1000s, probably. Is it? Okay. Is it better or worse than a comic that is kind of its complete opposite? Jack Kirby's Silver Star? What number do we have that at? 1020. Well, I was looking a few spots below that at Dick Tracy Big City Blues. A comic that we had some problems with, but i as I was just saying, I would rather something be messy and have some drama and weirdness to it.
00:51:03
Speaker
And that book is full of weirdness and drama. It sure is. And utterly fascinating Kyle Baker art that I think it's better. Look, I'll say this. I'll say this and I'll mention it. Like Kyle Baker more no like Brian Lynch. I do too. I do too. Blood is the harvest. Is it 10 29?
00:51:28
Speaker
You could probably say it's better than blood is the harvest. All right. Is it better than the first six issues of Ultimate X-Men? Uh, yeah.
00:51:43
Speaker
yeah
00:51:46
Speaker
Is it better than Captain Victory? No. No, it's not better than Captain Victory. All right. So that means the only comic left is Last of the Independence. I think I i would rather read Last of the Independence again.
00:52:02
Speaker
All right, so this becomes the new number 1027. A lot of the independence is printed sideways. It's interesting, and Kieran Dwyer is an interesting artist. Yeah. That Matt Fraction guy, though, is great. yeah He is great. He tried to give us a job one time. All right, JLA Heavens Ladder is at the new number 1027.
Marvel Comics Future Rankings
00:52:26
Speaker
Steve, a lot of good discussion out of that list.
00:52:30
Speaker
but Unless you're Brian Hitch, in which case I'm sorry. That's true. That's true. ah Our next list comes from Mark Bennett. These are some Marvel Comics odds and ends. First on Mark's list is Silver Surfer, the 2014 series by Dan Slott and Mike Allred. We've recently discussed on Thursday Night Raw that that is a catch-up candidate that we will almost certainly do. Yeah, that is that's ah that's a as close to a shoe in as you're likely to get for comics catch-up. So stay tuned for that as part of a comics catch-up soon. Second on Mark's list is Thor God of Thunder 6-11 from 2013, The God Bomb by Jason Aaron and Isad Ribic.
00:53:30
Speaker
Uh, yeah, that, um, that's good. It's pretty good. It's got the God Bomb in it. It's got the God Bomb in it. Uh, here's what I like about Jason Aaron on Thor. Is he realized you could put the word God in front of anything and it would sound like the most kick-ass thing ever. Yeah. Now we've already ranked Thor the God Butcher.
00:53:59
Speaker
This, I think, this is certainly part of the God Butcher saga. Do we consider this to be part of that? Yeah, I mean, like, this is, like, this is is in the midst of the God Butcher stuff. So we're gonna say- Did we put issue numbers on that? We did not. Let me check my expanded data.
00:54:26
Speaker
Oh yeah, let's see what the expanded data says, because there's nothing thing on my version of the list. We did not put issue numbers on that. So I think this is included in that. BMM. It's got the God bomb in it. As much as I would love to to honor this with a ranking, I do think
00:54:53
Speaker
I don't think there's any getting around that this is part of the broader God Butcher story. and man this is to This is definitely included in what we previously ranked because this is this is you should have brought more Thors.
00:55:08
Speaker
ahha I remember talking about that when we ranked the God Butcher. Right? Didn't we? ah Yeah, I'm pretty sure we did.
00:55:21
Speaker
yeah Yeah, the but for the record, just so everybody out there knows, it kicks ass. It does extremely kick ass. It owns super hard. And it's beautiful. I love ah Isad Rubik's art and it's like, God almighty, it looks good. like Yeah. Isad Rubik is ah is an artist who I can go a little hot and cold on. But In this Thor run, he's perfect. Yeah. I, I am going to, uh, I'm a real quick, c send you a little, uh, send you a little, uh, screenshot here, Matt, if you could just go a look at that. All right. Here we go. Let's see. Let's see it. Yeah, man. That rips. Yeah. What I just said, Matt was a double page spread of Thor fucking up Gore, the God butcher with two hammers, but you with two hammers, two hammers.
00:56:21
Speaker
He's double hammering them. Yeah. I would say the God butcher story is the four one through 11. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So Mark, we've already ranked that, but good on you for reminding us. I'm always happy to discuss it. Finally.
00:56:52
Speaker
Uh, the third entry on Mark's list is Daredevil number 30, uh, volume three, number 30 help wanted by Mark Wade and Chris Somney in which Silver Surfer needs help finding an alien that has a cosmic lie in New York. So Daredevil serves as his cosmic lie detector. Listen, that sounds great.
00:57:20
Speaker
I have no memory of reading it. Didn't we catch up on the whole Wade run on Daredevil? I feel like we did. I feel like I definitely read a bunch of it. Let's see. What number is it? It's number 30. It's volume three, number 30.
00:57:46
Speaker
Okay, we've got... volume three, number 24 to 28 on the list. And we've got eight to 10. No, that's the following, Ron. Oh, but that was Daredevil versus Bullseye. Yeah. Which I definitely read as it was coming out. Let's see. Let's see here. I would like to remind myself of what that is.
00:58:19
Speaker
That was, okay, that's the 2011 Daredevil series.
00:58:31
Speaker
Huh. Did we just do volume four for that catch-up? I think we might have, because I don't remember reading this. It sounds good. I mean, it looks beautiful. Yeah, I'll bet it is. I bet there was so some terrible comic that I hated coming out.
00:58:50
Speaker
that we were reading instead. That I wanted to read, you know? Yeah. Yeah, I gotta go back and read this one.
00:59:01
Speaker
It's worth it. We only read good comics, man. What if that's how we we greeted the new year? Greeted 2025, only reading good comics. but You'd have to stop reading Jenny Sparks, your favorite comic. I do really enjoy the act of reading it. I wish I didn't.
00:59:20
Speaker
But unfortunately I do. There is a part of me. That wants to read the parts. No. Um, there's a part of me that remembers reading this as it was coming out. Cause I remember how this issue ends, but I don't think I've read it since 2011.
00:59:45
Speaker
And
00:59:48
Speaker
I don't know that I feel comfortable ranking it. Yeah. That one might be another ah good candidate for catch up. I really do think I read this, uh, cause I think I read that whole first volume of Wade Somney Daredevil. I believe you, man. But my memory of this is not clear enough to really rank it. So 0 for 3. Sorry, Mark. Uh,
01:00:19
Speaker
Mark does have some backups for us.
01:00:23
Speaker
ah
01:00:26
Speaker
There is She-Hulk 8, 9, and 10 from the Charles Soule run. didn i didn't I didn't read the Charles Soule run on She-Hulk, sorry. I think I read the first couple, it was this fine. Wolverine number 90 from 1995, The Dying Game by Larry Hama and Adam Kubert.
01:00:48
Speaker
That is the fight where Wolverine kills Sabretooth for the first time? Sounds good. Pretty sure I might have read it in 1996. I would have gotten into the back issue. Yeah. And then finally, all of Wolverine and the X-Men. Do we think Wolverine and the X-Men was one story? Have we not ranked those?
01:01:18
Speaker
and I don't think that's all one story. You think it's it's more distinct? Because it it is 42 issues. Yeah, i think there's I think there's arcs in there that we would have to break out. OK. Because we would have to talk about the the the Hellfire teens. All right. Well, we're up to. Mark, I'm sorry that we we couldn't quite Get it get all any of those ranks, but ri but i think my passionate defense of this list as a as a ah Work that we have labored on ah We will Assuredly read the The dance slot my call red run on silver surfer if nothing else absolutely ah So
01:02:14
Speaker
Uh, Mark made a, a, a passionate call for Silver Surfer as a catch-up candidate. and And I would agree. All right. Very well.
Squirrel Girl's Evolution and Impact
01:02:27
Speaker
All right, Chris. Our next list comes from Robert Headley. First on Robert's list is One Piece Chapter One, Romance Dawn. We ranked it, baby. Yeah.
01:02:41
Speaker
Did we? We did. Is it number 486? Yeah. Man, i've been I've been reading one piece lately, like I said, I was going to. ah And it's... Matt, it's so dumb. And I can't tell if it's the good kind of dumb or not. Because it's real dumb. I mean, you'll you'll know... I mean,
01:03:11
Speaker
are Do you feel comfortable continuing to read it? Matt, I said on a recording that I was gonna read a thousand chapters of it. And so you must. And I'm like a hundred and eighty-an. So you got a ways to go. I got a ways to go. Yeah. All right, we've already ranked that. ah Next up on Robert's list is Green Lantern Black Stars number two.
01:03:39
Speaker
Is that when Green Lantern teamed up with Most F?
01:03:45
Speaker
If only. If only. Uh, I think that is- Intellectually, sorry, I could not remember who the other half of Blackstar was. Uh, I think that is a Grant Green Lantern thing, but it was after I had stopped reading it. Can't do it, man. Also,
01:04:06
Speaker
Green Lantern Black Stars is a three issue miniseries. We're not going to break one issue. I don't know. Maybe it's maybe it's thematic. Perhaps. ah But I i read so I read a good chunk of the first bit of Morrison, Liam Sharp, Green Lantern, but I did not make it. I did not make it a black stars.
01:04:36
Speaker
Third on Robert's list is... Marvel Super Heroes Number 8. The first appearance of Squirrel Girl. Well, that's one story in Marvel Super Heroes Number 8. Yes, so I guess we mean the that one story in Marvel Super Heroes Number 8. I would say Steve Ditko's Greatest Creation.
01:04:58
Speaker
Sure. Sure. Wow. Wow. I was expecting at least a little bit of pushback on that map. Well, I mean, you know... ah Am I going to sincerely be like, no to a joke?
01:05:14
Speaker
Uh, I guess, I guess you got me there, Matt. I guess I was thinking of you as a little bit of a, of a tiny child. No. They could easily bait into being upset with me. Right. Uh, it's a fun story.
01:05:34
Speaker
What I did not realize was that Ditko plotted it. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's a Ditko story through and through. I always think of this as being one of those kind of like, you know, mid nineties work for hire Ditko books, but no, this is, this is Ditko being like, I'm gonna make up a new character and here she is and it's Squirrel Girl and she's great. And, and,
01:06:01
Speaker
Look, I know there are people who were like, Oh, squirrel girl, she was weird and not very good. And, uh, uh, more of the month before, you know, she got re revitalized, uh, by Ryan North and Erica Henderson. And, and look, they made squirrel girl very popular, but squirrel girl is great from jump street. No squirrel, like squirrel girls, a goofball.
01:06:31
Speaker
but they But like Ditko is aware that she's a goofball. Yeah, he's doing this on purpose. He's making her like fun and quirky. And she like jumps on Iron Man from the beginning to be like, Hey Iron Man. Yeah. I mean, it's me. You gave Ryan North and your friend, Eric Henderson a credit. I'm just kidding. Eric is both of our friends. We love Eric. Yeah.
01:06:59
Speaker
yeah But it's really kind of Dan Slott who does it ah with like her back in Great Lakes Avengers and kind of building on the idea that in her first appearance, she beats Dr. Doom. That's like, yes, in this story, first appearance, first story, she beats Dr. Doom. Yeah. And I love that that The response to that is not to say that it didn't happen or that was a Doombot or to otherwise like retcon that out of existence, but to be like, Oh yeah, that's her deal. Because that's not, she's not the unbeatable squirrel girl at this point in her first appearance. That's just what she becomes because this is her first appearance.
01:07:49
Speaker
Right. I love that. but oh Wait, okay. Was she not in... Wasn't she a member of the original Great Lakes Avengers? She is not a member of the original Great Lakes Avengers. She's a member of it when they get like the the miniseries and the dance slot does. Okay. I thought she was in some team book between this and dance slot.
01:08:18
Speaker
But I could be wrong. Well, there there were a couple of different, there's the, I think there's a one shot, a miniseries and there's ah GLX, which is when you find out that they're all mutants. GLX, I remember GLX. Yeah. So there's ah there's a couple of Dan Slott, Squirrel Girl stories. Dan Slott is to Squirrel Girl what Joe Kelly is to Deadpool.
01:08:47
Speaker
Except that Squirrel Girl was kind of that character from the start anyway. Right. Like, I mean, look, it's all presented in here as a gag because she she definitively defeats Dr. Doom using squirrels in this story. And then she's like, so, so Iron Man, can I be your new partner? And he's like, absolutely not.
01:09:13
Speaker
Uh, yeah, it's not, she doesn't show up again until Great Lakes Avengers. Yeah, 2005. Yeah. 2005. It was 14 years. Yeah, look, she was ignored for a long time. But when she came back, yeah it was part of her character. it's I love score girl. Look, there's an element of comics fandom, especially in the like 90s into the early 2000s, where I feel like, predicated by Wizard magazine, things that are fun, things that were fun, were considered silly and stupid.
01:10:08
Speaker
And I think that is what how Squirrel Girl was thought of for a long time. Oh yeah, definitely. But this story is fun and Squirrel Girl was from fun from the jump. Agreed. Hard agree. Like yeah a lot of people, and I will admit that that I certainly have fallen into this trap myself over the years. A lot of people have a hard time telling when something's when the creators are in on it.
01:10:38
Speaker
Boy, do they. Boy, do they. Like, I was amazed when I went back and read US-1 and realized that Al Milgram knew it was dumb. Sometimes it's hard to tell. Sometimes it is hard to tell. Superman through Ultraman snorting Kryptonite. I still don't know with typeface. Right? You know? Right. But with this, like,
01:11:07
Speaker
This is Ditko trying his best to have a good time. Did he succeed? Well... I don't know. I think it's a fun story. Like, she says her name's Squirrel Girl, and she's like, neat name, huh? And Iron Man goes, well, it does rhyme.
01:11:32
Speaker
That's funny. but it's great That's really good. Yeah.
01:11:38
Speaker
I love it that English people don't think Squirrel Girl rhymes. Squirrel Girl? Yeah. I like that Dr. Doom reacts to fucking Monkey Joe and Tippy Toe showing up like he's Hitler being burned to death by the human torch. Oh, he can't take it. And then they rip off his cloak and he's like, my cloak. I like that he jumps underwater and he goes, goes,
01:12:07
Speaker
I will not be vanquished in such an ignominious manner. Doom will never be defeated, not like this. As he runs away? Yeah, as he dumps the trapdoor to leave and the squirrels take his cloak off. it's It's good. It's good comics. I like it. I like Squirrel Girl. It's it's honest to God. It's my second favorite Steve Ditko book.
01:12:38
Speaker
Okay, I do not think it is as good as any- I mean, it's not like my second favorite Steve Ditko single issue. No. It's not like Amazing Spider-Man 33, then Marvel Super Heroes number eight, then like Amazing Spider-Man annual number one. You know what I mean. We currently have three Squirrel Girl stories on the list, and it's not even close to any of those. I don't think so. It's good though. It's good though.
01:13:07
Speaker
I think it could go in like the 500s, 600s. Yeah. I mean, you know, it's been a while since we've had the legacy conversation, but I mean, like this is kind of an innocuous humble beginning that then does become the basis of an entire character who's been on TV. Yes. And is now everybody's thirsting after her and Marvel rivals, which is weird.
01:13:35
Speaker
it's it did they Did they make a sexy squirrel girl? They made a sexy squirrel girl in Marvel Rivals, and now a lot of people cosplay as her. And... Let's see. That is what's happening now. I mean, she just looks normal. I guess you can you can see her tummy.
01:13:58
Speaker
ah Uh... Well... You know how people are. yeah i mean like look there's going to be a lot of like I know how the um how the certain a certain section of the cosplay industrial complex works, of which I am generally in favor. Sure. But but you know. you know i don't I don't know what it is about Marvel Rivals, but that game everybody decided to be horny about.
01:14:34
Speaker
I mean, Matt, you've read Marvel Comics. But people aren't horny about Marvel Comics the way that they're horny about Marvel Rivals. Buddy, people are pretty horny about Marvel Comics, he said, X-Men writerly. I'm not saying that they're not. I'm just saying there's an outsized amount of additional horny for Marvel Rivals.
01:14:58
Speaker
Have you played Marvel Rivals? No, I haven't. should Should I play Marvel Rivals? Should we get into it? Maybe. i don't um i Battle Royale games are not a thing I'm into at all. I mean, me either, but I've never played well. I know Fortnite has Goku and John Cena in it. I don't think I can get them now.
01:15:23
Speaker
I'll tell you who they really did sex up for Marvel Rivals. I i believe I heard that there's a malice costume for Sue Storm. Sue and Reed are both sexed up considerably. Oh, okay, I gotta see sexy Reed. Hang on.
01:15:43
Speaker
It's auto-completing to Mr. Fantastic and Marvel Rivals. ah Damn, that is a sexy Reed Richards. Yeah.
01:15:57
Speaker
that is That is a daddy Reed Richards. I mean, Sue and Reed both are like, I know exactly what you're doing. You know, I don't dislike this costume except for all the like, you know,
01:16:15
Speaker
video gaming us. Like I, I like it when the four is in the middle. I don't like it when the four is over the side teams that can really get away with having like a, like an off-center thing. It's, I don't hate it, but like to me, I, I always prefer the four to be in the middle of the chest. Um, or like real big on in the middle of the chest.
01:16:43
Speaker
ah Anyway, enough about Marvel Rivals. ah Let's rank the Squirrel Girls story. Hang on, I just want to see what they if they gave Spider-Man a different costume. Why would you do that? i don't does he Oh, is it is it Ben Riley's Spider-Man? It's like Ben Riley's costume mixed with the movie costume.
01:17:07
Speaker
It mixed with the PS4 costume, but it's not white, it's black. It's like if the PS4 costume had the right colors. Which would be- That is kind of what it looks like, yeah. But like, stop fucking with Spider-Man's costume. He's got the best costume. Please stop fucking with Spider-Man's costume. Like- Video game people, leave it alone. Like, I know that we i know that we all need a bunch of Spider-Man to unlock in the video game, and that's fine and great, but he has the best costume. He's got the best superhero costume anyone has ever designed ever.
01:17:53
Speaker
Yeah. Dude, that's all, that's all. Anyway, what were we ranking? I have no idea what we were talking about. Oh, it's a squirrel. Oh, a squirrel.
01:18:08
Speaker
And then you started to talk about people being horny. I, look.
01:18:15
Speaker
See, that's what I knew I could get you. I'm just relating what I know from recent Squirrel Girl news involving Marvel Rivals. Okay. Uh, let's see. At 650, we have Avengers the King Dynasty.
01:18:39
Speaker
How is that so high? It's a pretty good story. Am I thinking of something, oh yeah, I was thinking of something else. That's ah that's a Kurt Busick adventure story. Yeah, that that story's fine. It's Kurt Busick and our boy Kieran Dwyer. I'll say this, that's ranked too high.
01:19:06
Speaker
I disagree. ah It's ranked 12 spots above the Daredevil The Man Without Fear. Listen. sort the The list is what it is. List is what it is. um Okay.
01:19:27
Speaker
Let's see. ah Is it better than the first appearance of Alicia Masters, which we have at 675? I don't know. Probably not.
01:19:38
Speaker
Probably not. I like Alicia Masters, but I like Squirt Girl too. This is, this is an area of the list with a lot of kind of like historically important comics. Yeah. Like I, I like this more than I like the Wednesday comics flash story by Carl Kirschl and Brendan Fletcher.
01:20:03
Speaker
I, okay. We got a lot of Fantastic Four, in the 680s. I would, is this better than Fantastic Four number one?
01:20:18
Speaker
Is it a better comic book? Yes. Comic story. Comic story, yes. It's not the whole comic book, yeah. Is it, does its legacy come close? No, I mean, no. Is the legacy of Squirrel Girl's first appearance 1% as important as the legacy of Fantastic Four number one. No. I think we gotta give FF1 the edge on that. Yeah, I'm looking, okay, I'm going down a little further.
01:20:54
Speaker
so i seven i like it more I like the Authority one to twelve. Okay. but Below JLA the nail, another nail.
01:21:05
Speaker
I like it more than I like that one too.
01:21:09
Speaker
ah But I don't think it's because I like Batman Universe, very underrated book. Okay, Wrath of Spectre from Adventure Comics is at number 692. I think it's better than that. Alright, so this is the new number 692. So Marvel Super Heroes number eight. Or I'll say... The coming of Squirrel Girl.
01:21:34
Speaker
is Is that the title of the issue? That is the title of the issue. Oh, title of the story. ah Yes, The Coming of Squirrel Girl. So I'll put The Coming of Squirrel Girl, not a title you would give to anything now because people are online and play Marvel Rivals. Hey, Matt? and i'll put ah You do me a favor. Yeah. Did you get your mind out of the fucking gutter?
01:22:06
Speaker
I put Marvel Super Heroes number eight in parentheses. That's at the new number 692.
01:22:13
Speaker
ah All right, we'll do one backup from Robert.
Captain America and the Ice Worm
01:22:19
Speaker
or We have two, and we had to skip two, so we'll do both. Captain America number 384, layer of the ice worm. i I don't know this one off the top of the off the dome. What number?
01:22:35
Speaker
384. Oh, so it's a Gruny. So it's a Gruny, yeah. So we it's got to be one we've read. When does he fight the ice worm? Oh, you know what? You know what I think? Okay, I'm going to find it and- What number did you say? 384. 384, okay.
01:23:06
Speaker
Yeah, I remember this. Yeah, ah it's a more groomed old Ron Lim joint.
01:23:12
Speaker
It is the story where D-Man is stuck in ice. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And Cap and- Well, they should put this ice worm in Marvel Rivals. They should. Agreed. Give him a big ass.
01:23:30
Speaker
i I'm saying, I'm saying it it looks like a, looks like a big old ding dang. Oh, it's also a story where Cap, uh, it's like learning that he's losing his super soldier serum. Like his super soldier serum is deteriorating in his blood. Yeah. It's got Jack Frost in it. And so he learns about that. Then he, and, uh,
01:24:01
Speaker
ah John Jameson go to ah the North Pole. Right? They go to the North Pole? Yeah, they go to the North Pole ah because he thinks DMN is frozen in the ice. or the thing of like They go like to somewhere in the Arctic, not actually the North Pole. He wears a jacket in it. It's weird that you and I definitely read this comic not that long ago and discussed it at length and it made no impact on us. It's a pretty forgettable story see a lot of all the Groonies.
01:24:40
Speaker
You know? Yeah. Yeah. ah Because he goes to he goes to the Arctic to to save D-Man. They get attacked by a giant ice worm. Thor shows up for some reason and to help make the ice worm go away.
01:25:02
Speaker
Because it ends up being like some kind of Norse creature, right? Yes.
01:25:12
Speaker
Well, no, because... Captain America's like, hey, what the fuck? Is this thing Asgardian? And Thor's just like, no, I was in the neighborhood. Well, he says what you've described sounds like it could be the progeny of a frost giant and the Midgard serpent. Yeah, so Thor shows up and says, yeah, I don't know, sounds like a guy fucked a big snake. Yeah. And then Captain America's like, well, why don't you look into that? Captain America's like, man, take that to Marvel Rivals.
01:25:43
Speaker
And then they don't save D-Man. No, because they think that this was the ah the source of the rumor, and so they miss that there is D-Man floating in the ice. D-Man is still trapped in the ice. Man. Poor Dennis Dunphy. He really has a hard time in this. He kind of gets done dirty. He gets done a little bit dirty in the Groonies. He kind of sucks. He's kind of a Mort of the Month.
01:26:15
Speaker
But he does get done dirty. Sadly, yes, but that's not... but we've talked We've talked enough about demand. We've talked enough about, I would say probably this issue. This is two issues before the superior stratagem starts. you know i i remember probably I remember the superior stratagem so much better than this.
01:26:40
Speaker
yeah Yeah, I would i would say would say there's a reason for that. yeah I don't know, this it's fine. ah Ron Lim does a good job. like I think Ron Lim is a good hand of the era. It's nothing. It's a nothing-happening story.
01:27:05
Speaker
Yeah. It's, it's, let's fill a month. It is, it is a standard unit of comic book. Yeah. Like, is the a superior stratagem good? No. Do I remember it? Yes. Does that make it better than this issue? I think so. Also, Captain America does not beat this thing. Jack Frost from the Golden Age tricks the snake into eating its own tail, and then it dies. And Captain America's like, damn, I'm happy for you, or sorry that happened. Yeah, and and Thor shows up and he goes, what's up, guys? I was around. i ah You fighting a big, you fighting a big ice serpent? Man, fight big snakes sometimes. Not this one, though.
01:28:04
Speaker
No, Captain America called him there to ask him if these are Asgardian. Cap, that could have been an email.
01:28:17
Speaker
Oh, cap. Cap, cap, cap, cap, cap. I know you're 85 years old and usually you don't act like it, but sometimes you do.
01:28:29
Speaker
Hey, man, here's my question for you. Um, yeah, not for not for any, like, upsetting or unusual reasons. But like, do we have to rank this one? I i think we do. Or can we just not? I think we should. break this one Because, you know, because I kind of want it was submitted. So I think we should. All right. ah Let's see.
Ross Andru's Spider-Man Art Appreciation
01:29:00
Speaker
Cat Wolf is at 9.35 and ain't that good. It's sure ain't that good. Haunting of Skull House is at 9.60. It ain't that good. It's a superior stratagem. Is it 12.26? It ain't that good. It is not as good as the superior stratagem. That is correct. But I think it's not that far below because we got some stories that are like much worse, not far below that.
01:29:29
Speaker
Uh, like X 23 volume one, is it 1232? It's better than that. I think it's better than that. Yeah. When JSA stealing thunder at 1233. That's a bad comic. Is it better than when do 52 and post crisis Superman merged? Matt. Yes.
01:29:57
Speaker
Cause you know what? You know what? We didn't remember this and it's fine. Yeah. But nobody remembers that that happened either. and they accept us and Except Except for us and they keep messing up. I don't think it's as good as typeface.
01:30:21
Speaker
I think it's better than that JMS Amazing Spider-Man story we have at 1228. All right, then we will put it at the new 1228. ah Captain America number 384, Layer of the Ice Worm. I gotta know why you sent this in. Because because ah cause Robert Dewey read it.
01:30:54
Speaker
Eventually we'll have to rank every Grunty. Well, every Grunty, sorry.
01:31:00
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Finally from Robert is Amazing Spider-Man volume one, number 130.
01:31:09
Speaker
So let's see, let's see what issue that is. using spiderman one thirty Amazing Amazing Spider-Man 130. So that's a Mary Jerry Conway issue. That is from the early 70s, I would suspect.
01:31:31
Speaker
Uh, let's see. Let's see. Let's see. Let's see. Amazing. Spider-Man number one 30 that is hammerhead baby and the spider mobile. Talk about something that people didn't know they knew was dumb. Yeah. Interesting that we get this in the same episode that we get a squirrel girl because Jerry Conway absolutely 100% knew that the spider mobile was, was funny and a joke.
01:32:01
Speaker
But lots of people don't still don't know that. They're like, huh, remember that time Spider-Man tried to have a car? Yeah, it is textually dumb. It's literally Spider-Man doesn't know how to drive. He sees it for the first time and goes, no, that's what I call a fiasco. Yeah.
01:32:24
Speaker
like Why did everybody think that this was meant to be cool and not a thing? Like in the story, Peter is like, yeah, this thing sucks. And also he's talking about how he can't drive. Yeah. Like Peter never learned how to drive. I'll tell you what though, uh, this issue kicks ass because you know what happens at the end of this issue?
01:32:54
Speaker
Uh, Well, Spider-Man fights Hammerhead. Spider-Man fights Hammerhead. Slams his head into a building. Also that nasty pervert freak, Miles Warren, the Jackal is in it. The Jackal is in it, yeah. Oh, it's it's when Spider-Man finds out that Aunt May and Doc Ock are getting married. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Man, to be Jerry Conway in 1970, whatever.
01:33:23
Speaker
So it's the lead in to my uncle, my enemy, which is good, which is better than this, which we branked. ah that because That's good because I don't think it prominently features that nasty creepo pervert freak. Miles Warren the jack warren the Jackal. He looks extra like a pervo freako. He's sitting like a real nasty boy.
01:33:53
Speaker
Got those like weird black circle, like outlines around his eyes. I don't like it. He's wearing his jackal mask and then the jackal mask also has a domino mask on. That's kind of what it looks like, yeah. He looks like he's going to a sex party. And not like a cool one. This issue is drawn by Ross Andrew, a deeply underappreciated Spider-Man artist. Yeah, co-creator of The Punisher.
01:34:22
Speaker
Ross Andrew was really good. Like not as influential as, as Ditko or John Romita senior, but like somehow the perfect midpoint between them. Yeah. Like good as hell.
01:34:51
Speaker
and like Good at drawing like really jam-packed pages that aren't overwhelming. Yeah. like There's a lot of like dense pages in here, but his very selective use of when to put a background in is is really well done,
Depictions of Aunt May
01:35:11
Speaker
I think. like Andrew's Peter looks is like a dead ringer for for John Romitas Peter. His Aunt May is exactly Steve Ditko's Aunt May. Yeah, she is she is. She died five minutes ago. She is decrepit.
01:35:36
Speaker
It's weird to think about Aunt May being like 45. Uh-huh. How much older than Peter is she supposed to be? I think it is entirely dependent on who is drawing her. is she if If it's Ditko drawing her, she is 50 years older than Peter. Is she 20 years older than Mary? She would have to be a much, much older sister. Yeah.
01:36:15
Speaker
Why is Doc Ock wearing his Doc Ock arms when he's marrying Aunt May? That's how you know it's Doc Ock. I guess, could he take could he not take him off at the time? ah That might be true. that might It might be one of those times when Doc Ock had the arms on all the time. Yeah.
Spidermobile's Origin Clarified
01:36:38
Speaker
but I like this issue. This is a good issue with Spider-Man. I love how on model... like I know I'm just going on and on about Ross Andrew, but he was so fucking good. I can't think of a better artist to draw the Spidermobile issue, where every character, except for that weird freak, the Jackal, looks exactly like the drawing that would be on the toy package of that character. They ain't gonna make toys with that nasty boy.
01:37:14
Speaker
But like, Hammerhead, Hammerhead looks exactly like the model sheet. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like, he looks so good. Yeah, no, ross andrew like, particularly this era, real good stuff. I have said before, like, it's it's hard to do better than the first 200 issues of Amazing Spider-Man. It's true.
01:37:38
Speaker
Yeah. And like, again, people love to like joke about this issue and be like, ha ha ha, the spidermobile would have, would have bad idea.
01:37:50
Speaker
but Showing that they never read the issue. Exactly. Yes. I love how you and me are still at fucking wizard magazine. Yeah. Where it's like, it wasn't even Peter's idea. Johnny got it for him.
01:38:08
Speaker
You know, yeah, Johnny was the one who was like, Oh, you got to have a car. Cause cause fantastic for, we got cars and, and, uh, you know, this, this is the way you're going to brand yourself and I'll teach you how to drive.
Spider-Man Issues Ranked and Debated
01:38:29
Speaker
And later Peter's like, never let a friend teach you how to drive. You know, cause it's like, it's a gag. It's a funny gag.
01:38:39
Speaker
Matt, where do you want to take this one? You're very passionate. I'm very passionate about this. And I admire that about you. Yeah. Uh, it's a good issue. It's not as high as my uncle, my enemy. No. Which we have at... 770. 770. So it's not going to go up there, but I think it's, it's maybe in, in the neighborhood.
01:39:06
Speaker
Is it better than the time that Spider-Man showed everybody James's dick? I mean, that's pretty good. That's pretty good. Uh, the first appearance of Venom is at $7.97. That's a good comic, Matt. I think this is as good as that. You're wrong. I'm sorry. You're wrong. All right, fine.
01:39:35
Speaker
We have the the first appearance of Ultimate Venom at 800. It's better than that. I don't think it's as good as new ways to die, so this is the new number 800.
01:39:49
Speaker
And that's um Amazing Spider-Man number 130. Betrayed! I'll put betrayed parentheses Spider-Mobile. See, that's why I have a notes column.
01:40:07
Speaker
Cause it is a little bit difficult sometimes when we're going through the list and we see something, we were like, what was in that one? What happened in that one? That's why, that's why I made the spreadsheet, man. So I would always know. Yeah, that's, that was smart. Um, okay. Our next list is from Rocket with a K Doc Ock, D okay.
01:40:35
Speaker
No, OCK. Well, how do you think it should be spelled? OC!
01:40:49
Speaker
There's no K in octopus. No, but I think it's just phonetic. It would still be phonetic if it was OC, Matt. I guess.
01:41:05
Speaker
I mean, look, you're right, but I've seen it spelled OCK too many times to not think that that's correct. I mean, look, I know. I know how it is. It's one of those things with like vulnerable to fire and sonics that we've both read so many times that those words have meaning. It was typed meaning to those words that they would not otherwise have. Correct.
Karl Barks' Work Evaluated
01:41:33
Speaker
All right, our next list comes from Rocket Witzel, ah who says, at the moment, the Every Story Ever list does not present a fair representation of Karl Barks' work. There are plenty of Barks stories with uncomfortable and quite frankly, unacceptable content. Two of them are already on the list right near the bottom. However, he did create some truly great comics. So this list is called The Best of Barks.
01:42:00
Speaker
ah First on the list. I thought this was going to go in a different direction. First on the list. I'm going to fucking take down Karl Barks. No, no, no. This is, let's, let's give Barks his flowers. Okay. The magic hourglass from four color number 291.
01:42:21
Speaker
People need to tell us what volume of the complete Karl Barks Disney library it's in.
01:42:31
Speaker
well
01:42:36
Speaker
Well... Uh... Yes. I think I can f- I will- I will dig it up here. Anyway. what What is the name of the story? It is called The Magic Hourglass.
01:42:49
Speaker
i I... I believe I have read that one. It is, um... A full-out Donald story. It is not a Scrooge story, per se. Although, Scrooge is in it.
01:43:06
Speaker
ah
01:43:09
Speaker
Uh... Well, I guess it's as much a Scrooge story as a Donald story. Yeah, but it's, you know, it's probably in... probably branded as a Donald Duck story. Yeah. Uh... Scrooge... Well, first...
01:43:27
Speaker
ah Donald and the boys are out in the city taking in the views. And as that's happening, Scrooge is in the kitchen making eggs. And so he gets out his hourglass and he says, that's why I always use this wonderful old hourglass to time my hen fruit. That's what he calls eggs.
01:43:56
Speaker
He sure is Matt.
01:44:00
Speaker
He says, not not once has it failed to tell the time exactly since I bought it in Morocco. And so he cooks his eggs. He says, oh, they should be done to perfection. He, he cracks it open and says, they're too soft. They haven't been cooked enough. What's wrong with this old hourglass? What the fuck? Yeah. Uh,
01:44:25
Speaker
and, uh, then he said, he sees that, uh, He starts looking at his bookkeeper's report. There's something wrong with one of his fishing boats. And so Scrooge then gives the boat, the junk two, to Donald, and he gives the hourglass to the nephews. Look, I love Scrooge. You know I love Scrooge.
01:44:55
Speaker
Uh-huh. That's a rough move to be like, this thing's fucking broken here. Yeah, ah I have a broken boat and a broken hourglass. I'll give it to you. Broken hourglass? That's whatever. That's just trash. A broken boat is a health hazard. Well, Donald goes and tries to find the boat. And as soon as he does, um he is told he owes $100 in dock rent. And so he has to pay that.
01:45:25
Speaker
And then the boys tried to sell the hourglass to a junk dealer who ah says like, no, I don't try to sell me something that claims to be magic. Just like, this is, this is some kind of trick. Cause there's ancient Arabic written on top that says, as long as this glass keeps perfect time, it's under will grow richer hour by hour. What nonsense.
01:45:50
Speaker
ah And then he tells them that it has to be special filled with special sand from the oasis of Isa in the Sahara Desert. So the boys have Donald take them on the boat to the Sahara Desert. Famously accessible by boat.
01:46:13
Speaker
ah hu i meanla I know kind of is.
01:46:20
Speaker
Yeah. Uh, they are accosted by two guys who try to steal the hourglass. They tickled Donald's feet to try to get, to get it. Matt, could you, could you calm down for five minutes?
01:46:38
Speaker
Oh, also, uh, Scrooge is realizing that he's like losing money now. He's losing a billion dollars a minute.
01:46:49
Speaker
He says, well, he has a fantastic trillionaire. So, and, uh, it's all because of the hourglass. So he goes and meets Donald and the boys to try to get this hourglass back to, uh, which leads to, you know, a desert adventure on camelback to try to find the sand for this hourglass. Uh, they end up finding the Oasis of Esa.
01:47:20
Speaker
They swim down to the bottom of a ah pond and find a passageway ah and and eventually locate where this red sand is. There's a guy taking a bath in it. He says he's taking a bath in it. And they they think that they're spies. They're going to seize them. But then Donald shows this guy the hourglass.
01:47:48
Speaker
and says ah he ends up taking the hourglass because it's it is good fortune. And there's like a gunfight here. These guys are going to take the hourglass. Donald gets it back by using a lasso and ah they find some gold dust in a bag.
01:48:20
Speaker
they find a lake, they try to jump in it. It is not a lake, it is a big pool of diamonds because now they are getting the riches that the hourglass promised.
01:48:33
Speaker
ah And finally, ah Donald says he can that Scrooge can have the hourglass back, but he's got to take bolt back the fishing boat. And so and so Scrooge does.
01:48:48
Speaker
and loses the $100 docking fee. That's right. ah And also I didn't mention it, but at one point Donald gets like attacked by sharks and the way that they propel the boat throughout the story is they tie the sharks to the sides.
01:49:08
Speaker
It's a pretty good story. I mean, it sounds like it. Yeah. The one thing, about it that is somewhat objectionable is the portrayal of the inhabitants of the area around the Oasis. But it's not it's not anywhere near as bad as in some of the other stories we've discussed in the past.
01:49:38
Speaker
um Yeah, all in all a fun story about all of Scrooge's riches secretly coming from owning this hourglass that he has. Uh, I finally found it. ah Finally, finally found it. Uh, and I'm looking at it now and yeah, like the weirdest thing is that like, like there's humans in this. Yeah, there's human beings for sure. I do not like that.
01:50:08
Speaker
We have discussed this before. I do not like it when the ducks interact with with human beings. Yeah, these are not like dogs. These are people. Yeah. No, thank you.
01:50:24
Speaker
he
01:50:26
Speaker
he dut i've I'm trying to find the panel where he calls them hen fruit. It's right at the beginning. It's right at the beginning.
Scrooge's Magic Hourglass
01:50:34
Speaker
Use this wonderful old hourglass to time my hen fruit. This is an early Scrooge story, I think. This one, like, maybe... I think this predates, like, the money bin existing, even. Yeah, like, Scrooge's house is, like, interestingly humble. Kind of. I mean, he's got dollar signs on everything, but, uh... Well, yeah. But, like...
01:50:59
Speaker
It's not as opulent as his mansion would be later. He does have dollar signs on everything, including he has terrifying patterns on his curtains and a framed picture of money.
01:51:12
Speaker
but yes That's funny. I think a framed picture of coins is funny. ah His chair has a dollar sign on it. His coffee mug has a dollar sign on it.
01:51:26
Speaker
ah Yeah, the way he tricks Donald and the boys into accepting his junk. like it's like scrooge is not I think in this story, Scrooge is not fully characterized as Scrooge just yet, you know? Yeah, i it's it's a fairly early Scrooge story. um And you know Don Rosa would have some things to say about about magic being the source of Scrooge's fortune.
01:51:55
Speaker
This is what you would show to Don Rosa if you wanted him to short circuit like ah fucking Landrieu, the computer from of Star Trek. ah hu You'd be like, m you know, I love that DuckTales story where you find out that Scrooge got his fortune because of a magic hourglass. And he'd be like, that's not that's not how it works. He'd be like, it's actually a car park story. And he would just smoke from the ears. There is a funny bit at the end where Donald and the boys find that lake full of diamonds. And what they really wanted was water because they were thirsty. And so Scrooge shows up and he's got a water bag and he's like, Hey, I'll give you this water bag. Just give me that old hourglass. And Donald, the boys are like, yeah, sure. Here you go. Just give us that water. And then Scrooge gets thirsty real quick.
01:52:54
Speaker
And he's like, Hey, um, can I have some of that water? And Donald, the boys are like, no. And he goes, uh, I'll give you a billion dollars. I'll give you this hourglass. And that's how Donald convinces him to take his boat back. Yeah. Uh,
01:53:15
Speaker
ah Pretty pretty cool. Hey, it's wild that there's like a full-ass gunfight where like Huey the little duck is Shooting a rifle at someone. Yeah. Yeah, everybody's shooting for a while like Near the end of this story. It's weird to remember that there was a time when like Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck and fucking goofy and probably we're just like shooting people with guns in comics and Yeah. Uh, making and mouth stories. He will pack heat. Scrooge. Scrooge gets a bullet through the hat, uh, here. Yeah, man. It's fun. It's a fun story.
01:54:00
Speaker
It is fun. you Give me a spot. You have been through the whole thing, Matt. I am only just now, uh, uh, looking it over. Uh, all right.
01:54:13
Speaker
It ain't as good as life and times. It ain't as good as letter from home. It ain't as good as Christmas on Bear Mountain.
01:54:28
Speaker
Is it better than that story where Scrooge ruins a moneyless culture with bottle caps? I mean, that's not, that's not a bad story. I think it might be like a little bit below that, but I think it's better than the land beneath the ground.
01:54:49
Speaker
Okay. Which is at 828. How is how was Kang Dynasty that high and land beneath the ground? It's good! Kang Dynasty is good. Okay, sure. Uh, let's see. Did it did it invent the Raiders of the Lost Ark giant boulder gag, Matt?
01:55:12
Speaker
Is it that good? Just land beneath the ground, dude. How about we put this above Fable's homelands, but below Chester 5000 at the new number 818? That sounds good. Okay. ah Let's see. This is called the magic hourglass.
01:55:39
Speaker
And it's from four color comics.
01:55:43
Speaker
number 291.
01:55:49
Speaker
It's so difficult for me in this spreadsheet to not write Uncle Scrooge with a dollar sign. It's I mean, you you can and you should. Well, because I won't be able to find it later when I am searching. That's true. That's true. You got to keep it searchable. Yeah, that's that's the problem.
01:56:11
Speaker
Uh, next on Rocket's list is the golden helmet from 4 color number 408. I know I've read the golden helmet. I know I've read that one. Uh, let's see. Donald Duck in the golden helmet.
01:56:35
Speaker
And it is, it is a Viking helmet. Cause that story starts with Donald ah being a guard at the Duckburg History Museum and standing right next to an old Viking ship. Yeah, this one is like the, um the, the Fanta graphics printing of this one does it like, uh, like half pages.
01:57:10
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. Which is it's is interesting. Well, it's it's like perfect grids on every page, so you can do that. Yeah.
01:57:25
Speaker
but like Okay, so Donald is this assistant guard at the Dunkburg Museum. There's this Viking ship in there. He decides to go ah ah like climb onto the Viking ship after he gets yelled ah yelled at by his boss a little bit. um Or no, he just gets asked by people where things are. And he gets he gets bored and he goes up on on this ship and he's like, I'm going to pretend to be a tough guy for a little bit. And while he's on the this old ship, he finds this guy snooping around.
01:58:06
Speaker
ah And He's like this guy's always nosing around this old Viking ship. Why is he here? So Donald starts looking around in the ship and he finds a hole in one of the Wood slats and in there he finds a map And he takes it to the ah Head of the museum And the head the head of the museum says, Donald, you've made one of the great discoveries of history. This deerskin map is the log of that old Viking ship. It tells the tale of its voyages. It was commanded by a Viking named Olaf the Blue. He sailed to the ship to Iceland in 900 AD, years before Erik the Red. And then he tells him some more about the history and discovers ah who discovered America.
01:59:06
Speaker
And the the head of the museum is like, you're going to be famous.
01:59:11
Speaker
Go ahead. So the premise of this is that if you find this golden helmet that looks like Thor's helmet, oh then you will be the rightful owner of America.
01:59:24
Speaker
ah And so it is, and it is accepted by everyone in the story that everyone's just going to be like, be like, yep. Unfortunately,
Race for 'The Golden Helmet'
01:59:36
Speaker
it's like, it's like in pro wrestling when you've got an iron clad contract. Yeah. Well, there's nothing the governments of the world can do. There's a law, a code of discovery that was passed that's never been repealed.
01:59:55
Speaker
ah And the guy who was sneaking around the ship, Azure Blue, is ah saying that he has a claim to it. And so Donald and the museum head are like, we got to find this helmet before Azure Blue does. Because Azure Blue comes rolling in with his lawyer and he's like, this is rightfully mine.
02:00:21
Speaker
So Donald and the boys have to jump on a plane on Crow airlines to go and try to find this helmet before Azure blue can get it. ah And they they go on a ah dangerous boat ride with with heaving, smashing waves on the rocks and are racing Azure blue to try to find this thing.
02:00:50
Speaker
They, they go into like, they go through a storm and then they're in the fog and as your blue, once again, more guns, as your blue climbs onto their boat with a gun, makes them leave their boat and get into like a lifeboat or like a raft, uh, and, uh, and row.
02:01:13
Speaker
And then, uh, they continue to look for the the, the helmet. They're still out on the sea.
02:01:22
Speaker
Uh, Donald gets some eggs dropped on his head. i I don't like, by the way, how much of these birds eat eggs. There's a like lot of on this where where the nephews are like, Hey, we, we cooked up some puffin eggs for breakfast. And I'm like, y'all are ducks.
02:01:46
Speaker
It's, it's, it's a little bit messed up. Uh, ah
02:01:54
Speaker
But in the process, Donald and the boys find the correct headland. So as right after Donald gets eggs on his head, he finds the golden helmet. And Azure Blue sees him doing that and then takes the helmet away from him. And ah he says,
02:02:21
Speaker
ah From now on the people of America are my slaves. They'll work for me every day of their lives with no Sundays off Their homes belong to me their autos their dishes and pots and pans I own everything and I'll take everything and Donald's like you're not taking my TV is in order And then a rock falls on his head Because the museum head through it, carry him on the head, the curator. Yeah. And then the curator has the, uh, has the, the helmet and as yours lawyers, like, okay, now you are in charge of America and I'll be your lawyer. Um, just give me Canada. Pretty, pretty good gag. Uh, at one point
02:03:12
Speaker
Donald gets the helmet and there's a great panel of him imagining himself as as King of North America sitting on a throne with a little crown on. It's great. Yeah. Well, he he takes the he takes the the helmet from the curator who is so tired that he just falls asleep on the deck of the boat.
02:03:36
Speaker
And yeah, that's that's got Donald thinking about being King of America. Yeah, and ah he says, like he's like, yeah, don't worry, I'm not gonna take anything away from anybody. that They'll have all all the land, all the oil wells, whatever. And they're like, oh, well then what are you gonna own? And he's like, I'm gonna own the air and I'm gonna charge him for the air. Yeah. And the nephews are like, that's fucked up, dude. Uncle Donald is fucked up. Finally, ah Donald also loses the helmet.
02:04:10
Speaker
Uh, what do we do in Louie? Try to leave on, uh, Olaf the blue on his ghost ship that shows up. Uh, and so the lawyer takes the helmet and he's like, I'm going to rule America. And so the boys throw fish at him until he drops the helmet and it falls in the water. As you do. As you do.
02:04:38
Speaker
And Donald ends up right back where he started, uh, answering people's questions at the museum.
02:04:48
Speaker
donald Donald would not be a, a benevolent ruler. He would not. That guy's got a temper. That guy has got a, a massive, he he will fly off the handle. He's a hothead. He really is.
02:05:06
Speaker
Uh, this one's pretty good. i like yeah I think this one is like, I, I, the reason I think they printed it, uh, on half pages, like it's a, like it it's kind of like the dimensions of like a Garfield collection, you know, is cause this is one of those stories where you could pretty much just give it to a kid. There's, you know, nothing wrong, nothing wrong with it. Nothing bad.
02:05:34
Speaker
everybody in it is is is an animal person of some kind and the nephews are like actually ruling America ah for a profit would be bad. Yeah. Which is a thing that I think is a resonant message. Dodds beamed the nephews in it though. Like at one point they're sailing and he's like, Oh, we just passed the ah like 53 degrees north and there ah Dewey's like, I know it's ah it's Louis.
02:06:05
Speaker
goes, uh, how do you know, Uncle Donald? And Donald goes, I cited the sum of the sextant numbskull. And it's like, all right, that's your nephew. He's a child, Donald. Be nice. I like this story. I don't like it as much as the magic hourglass.
02:06:29
Speaker
because you like it, yeah you you're more comfortable imagining them eating chickens than eating ah ah puffins. That's certainly one element. Also, I just, I don't quite think it's as good, but it is, it's fun. There's there's a lot of just on a boat. There's a lot of sailing and talking about sailing and end it being fun to sail around. Yeah. For sure. Once it gets to the part where they they actually find the helmet and all the different characters have possession of the helmet for a short period of time, that's very fun. Yes. But it takes a while to get there. Yeah, but it's kind of like, you know, it's kind of classic adventure story fun, I think. Yeah. I don't think it's as good as the Magic Hourglass, but it's very good.
02:07:28
Speaker
i I like it a little bit better than Magic Hourglass, but I get it.
02:07:36
Speaker
ah Well, let's let's find a spot for it. it's Magic Hourglass and Tintin, the blue lotus, are really close together on the list, which I think is is ah appropriate. Yeah. oh I noticed that as well. I would kind of put it like right dead center between those two, like where X of Swords is right now.
02:07:59
Speaker
Maybe, maybe I also, I would put this above X of swords. So the new number eight Oh nine. Yeah. All right. Which puts it right below sin city. The hard goodbye.
02:08:16
Speaker
Right. But that's like, right. after he got lost in the Bermuda Triangle? I don't know. Since any starts earlier than you think. So it's it's right around the time that he got lost in the Bermuda Triangle. Yeah. All right. This story is called ah The Golden Helmet. And it's in four color 408.
02:08:54
Speaker
Okay. And we have one more story here on Rocket's List to rank, but we are out of time. So we will get to it next time. All right. Don't let me forget next time to finish Rocket's Carl Barks List. Thanks for listening, everybody.
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02:09:14
Speaker
If you would like to send us an every story of our list, you can do it at our email address, which is warrocketpodcast.gmail dot.com.
02:09:21
Speaker
you can contribute to these specials and our show and everything that we do by going to patreon dot.com slash slash slash war rocket ajax uh and kicking in as little as a dollar a month if you become a paying patron over there we have promised that if we reach the funny weed number of 420 supporters paying supporters on patreon we will take an editable and do some bonus content. Doesn't that sound like a delight and something you'd like to hear? We currently have 399 paying Patreon subscribers. So 22 more, 21 more would get us there. You can be one of those and we would, we would appreciate it if you were.
02:10:22
Speaker
Our website is warrockandajax.com. It has every episode of the show we've ever done. warrockandwiki.com is the fan run repository of all the information you can eat about warrockandajax. It has the every story ever list on it. So you can go see it there. If you want to find me and my stuff, go to mattdwilson.net to find links to my comics, my books, my other podcasts, and my social medias.
02:10:50
Speaker
Chris, where can people find you? Everybody can find me by going to the-isp.com. That is my website. It has links to all the stuff that I do, as well as some things that you can read now, ah including a relatively recent ah essay about Star Trek.
02:11:08
Speaker
Bye, everybody. We'll be back in February with more ranking. Do we have a sign-off line for this? We've been doing this for, like,
02:11:20
Speaker
It's like 10 years with no sign off line. I with i think i think we usually just say bye. Alright, well then, bye!