Transcript
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Speaker: Lightus, I'm bored. What plaything can you offer me today?
Speaker: got War Rocket Ajax to bring back his body. Terminate, exit, go!
Speaker: Hello everybody and welcome to War Rocket Ajax. This is the internet's most explosive comic book and pop culture podcast. We are your hosts. My name is Chris Sims.
Speaker: With me as always is Matt Wilson. Matt, if I were to join the Yakuza, which is unlikely, for several reasons. I can think of a couple, yeah.
Speaker: A couple big ones. yeah I don't know if they're looking for 42-year-olds.
Speaker: ah writers who do not speak Japanese.
Speaker: But if it happened and I was going to get a full back piece that, like the the back tattoos in the Yakuza games, do reflect your your spirit and personality, right I feel like I've got two possibilities.
Speaker: okay One, biscuit. hey Two, a bear. But like specifically, one of those big ol' fat bears sitting like a human.
Speaker: We don't always put out the call for fan art. But if anybody wanted to, this would be it. Mine would be a dragon. But instead of kind of looking fierce, it would be like looking down the barrel, giving a cutting.
Speaker: A cutting glance.
Speaker: Like, get a load of this guy. yeah So it would be like a it would be a dragon, but like also Jim from The Office.
Speaker: I hate that that's the point of reference, but yeah. I mean, like Bugs Bunny. Bugs Bunny. but yeah bugs bunny it's it's just No, okay, it is Bugs Bunny.
Speaker: but look at But in that Yakuza kind of art style. Okay, that's actually that sounds dope, actually.
Speaker: By the way, if you do this fan art, I do request that you draw me and Matt like ripped. ah Please. what Like Cosmo Curio. Yeah. We've got a great show for everybody this week.
Speaker: It's time for more ratings of swords. That's right, we're doing... Another set of 1 to 10 of swords. So get ready for that.
Speaker: Will there be submissions that make us mad? i hope not. I hope nobody tries to pull some bullshit again. Keep listening, and you will find out.
Speaker: But before we get to that, Chris, we do have business to take care of here at the top of the show. The first piece of business is thanking our newest supporters over on Patreon. That's right, Matt.
Speaker: These are the people who are not only helping out the show, they're helping to save Gimmick Street. They are. they're They're putting in their time and money to revitalize Gimmick Street. It's the Gimmick Street Revitalization Project, and they are helping us build back better on Gimmick Street.
Speaker: ahhu That's exactly how I would put it, yes. At 721 Gimmick Street, as purchased in naming rights by David Wynn, is Manzy's Pie and Mash Shop.
Speaker: Manzy's Pie and Mash Shop. Now, I know David's original plan was to put a Gregg's there. David wanted to put a Gregg's there, but then realized we had already put a Gregg's there.
Speaker: And was like, let me put something else that's extremely British on Gimmick Street. So David suggested, that didn't suggest, purchase a spot for Manzi's Pie and Mast Shop. All right, I'm looking at this website. I'm looking at manzi.co.uk. It literally says, M. Manzi, the noted eel and pie houses.
Speaker: Yeah, that ah he says it's specifically one that does jellied eels. i Matt, can I sidebar with you real quick? Let's just talk to myself. Do we have to... I mean, I know we we look we took his money, but do we... i I don't know if I can let this on Gimmick Street. It's going to be there.
Speaker: it's It's going to be there. It is there. It's there. it's Matt, Gimmick Street, I don't want to be a nimby about it.
Speaker: A nimgs. I guess.
Speaker: That would be not on my gimmick street. Yeah. But boy, jellied eel pie? Look, ah you know, we got room for all cultures and tastes. We don't have to go there and eat the pie. pie and mash is then served with a variant of parsley sauce called liquor.
Speaker: That's not what liquor is.
Speaker: David has purchased the the location, and that's what's there. All right. So it is. Hey, everybody. Yeah, that's ah that's thanks to David Wynn. Great guy. Great listener.
Speaker: Great friend end of the show. Great artist. great Great artist. ah Drew and more than one of our ah t-shirts over the years. Yeah. but the Truly fantastic stuff.
Speaker: This is honestly the first thing David Wynn has done that I do not support.
Speaker: Chris, here are newest supporters on Patreon, ah some of whom i don't I don't know that any of these are going to buy ah location on Gimmick Street, but they are helping us out.
Speaker: and They do help us out, Matt. they help us They help us do the show. They help us do all the spinoff shows. They help us keep going. They help us pay for hosting costs and get equipment if we need it. And most importantly, they help us pay those gimmicks they keep sending in the mail called Bills.
Speaker: That's right. First off, we have Jason Spurl. Thank you, Jason. Gregory P. Silver. Oh, thank you, Gregory. Greg And Harry Merrill.
Speaker: Thank you, Harry. If you would like to be like those lovely people and help us out over on Patreon, you can, as Chris said, by going to patreon.com slash warrocketajax.
Speaker: and The people who absolutely helped us get a little bit baked. Yeah, I'm going to talk about that in just a second. You can go to patreon.com slash warrocketajax and kick in as little as a dollar a month to help us out and help us keep, as Chris said, ah making the show, making this show weekly, making Every Story Ever specials monthly, making Comics Catch-Up monthly, and making Movie Fighters and Snack Situation.
Speaker: All of those shows are made possible by your support on Patreon. As Chris mentioned, we did our BOCO that we promised for reaching 420 paid patrons.
Speaker: We are currently at 430, which is great. That's awesome. That's so good. I have made it such that, one time only, if you do not back us...
Speaker: monthly at the $5 level on Patreon, you can buy that Boko for $5.
Speaker: Just one time, $5, buy that Boko. Because you can do that on Patreon now. So if you if you can't back us monthly on Patreon, but you want to listen to that, and it's like an hour and 20 minutes of us talking on some edibles, and And it goes places.
Speaker: You can pay $5 and just get that but that bonus content. However, is well worth it to make a monthly pledge and get all the bonus content on Patreon. Because we've got a lot of it over there, including stuff we record, especially for the Patreon, stuff I cut out of the show and put on Patreon as outtakes, and and other stuff, including writing that we've both done,
Speaker: and There's so much on the Patreon that's accumulated over the last few years. So ah go over there and and get that if if you can at the $5 level.
Speaker: um At the $10 level, you get line-stepping privileges for our segments, which currently include Every Story Ever and One to Ten of Sorts. At the $15 level, you can name a location on Gimmick Street.
Speaker: You get naming rights for a Gimmick Street location, like David did this episode. And at $20, t-shirts. So if any of that sounds good to you, go go to Patreon and help us out.
Speaker: Someone Chris has suggested, couple of people have suggested on our Patreon, and of regular-ish places.
Speaker: 420 episodes if we stay over that number on Patreon. Which I am not totally against.
Speaker: I mean, that one was fun. it was fun. It was it was an enjoyable hour and 20 minutes yeah of talking about the Bayou Tapestry and Wizard Magazine and multiple definitions of the word wizard.
Speaker: Wizard Magazine being, of course, the Bayou Tapestry of of the ninety s Yes, and what would happen if you gave medieval peasant a Cheeto? Yeah. It got wild.
Speaker: The funniest thing about it was that i after we recorded, i was talking to AC and I was like, you know, oh, i said I said a joke that I maybe want to cut out. I don't think Matt's going to do a lot of editing, but maybe I can get him to to cut this one out. I'm not sure how I feel about it.
Speaker: And I told to her and she was like, no, that's fine. And I was like, okay. And I was like, no but I'll sleep on I'll see how I feel when I'm sober. um And then I woke up to like reactions to the episode.
Speaker: Yeah, I put it up almost immediately. Yeah, yeah. You sure did. I sure did. ah Because I wanted to get it up as close to the date as as I could. Look, that's fair. It would have been against the spirit of it if anything had been cut out.
Speaker: I agree. um But you could go buy that Boco for $5 on its own, or you can join for $5 and get all the Boco we've ever done, and potential future Boco where we do the same thing. So, I don't know.
Speaker: to think about.
Speaker: If you cannot help us monetarily, we do understand that that might be something you can't do right now. You can help us out in other ways. You can leave us a five-star review on the podcasting app that you use, or you can let your friends and family know about the show.
Speaker: Tell them that It's a fun podcast that you like. It's about comics and pop culture and that they should listen to it. And then maybe they can back us on the Patreon.
Speaker: Maybe you can talk them out of some dollars to get us to do more edible bokeh in the future.
Speaker: With that, Chris, it's time for some checks and recs. What do you say? Let's do it.
Speaker: Chris, what would you like to check in with this week? Matt, I've got a – you might want to call me the the TSA.
Speaker: Because I've got a pre-check. Pre-check. Love it. Yeah, because this has not happened ah for me yet, but by the time you hear this, it will have happened. And that is that I am looking forward to the experience of tomorrow night as we record this.
Speaker: Going to see the movie Demolition Man in a theater with Kyle Starks.
Speaker: So is is Kyle coming to the Minneapolis metro area? ah Kyle is ah currently in Minneapolis. Beautiful Minneapolis, Minnesota. minnesota ah For a... at People keep asking me, like, oh, why is Kyle in town? I'm like, i don't know. It's something wasn't invited to.
Speaker: I'm not the franchise. Yeah.
Speaker: i'm not I'm not TikTok star Kyle Starks. That's right. ah But yeah, like he's in town. We're going to hang out a little bit. And ah another friend of mine was like, hey, though the but local movie theater, the Trilon, that does like ah you know themes and and festivals and stuff, they're doing a Wesley Snipes theme.
Speaker: They are showing Demolition Man tomorrow. Now, I missed out on Blade. I unfortunately had ah prior engagement when they showed Blade. Which was a bummer.
Speaker: That's too bad, yeah. Yeah. But you know, like i don't I don't need Blade to remind me, in this day and age, that there's always some motherfucker trying to ice skate uphill. oh I know. You get reminded every day. I get reminded every single day.
Speaker: Yeah. But, ah Demolition Man is a a definite worth my time. ah Wesley Snipes offering. So I'm very excited about that. the Probably the second dumbest action hero name ever.
Speaker: ah John Spartan. Played by Sylvester Stallone.
Speaker: And maybe the dumbest villain name ever, Simon Phoenix. Wesley Snipes. i ah Honestly, though, I think Demolition Man might be... Well, I was going to say it might be the best Stallone movie.
Speaker: That's not true. Yeah, there is. like I can think of at least one, Matt. But it's it's like very fun it's a very fun movie. it's like it's It's one of the best examples of a like that kind of action movie that's also very self-aware, yeah but not in a way that detracts from it being that kind of movie. Yeah.
Speaker: It feels like a Paul Verhoeven movie, but it's not. It feels like a Paul Verhoeven movie if Paul Verhoeven got kicked in the head by a horse. A little bit. It's yeah it's a slightly dubber Paul Verhoeven movie.
Speaker: Yeah. Slightly is doing a lot of heavy lifting in that sentence, Matt. but But yes, I'm very excited about that, but it hasn't happened yet. So it is something currently that I am looking forward to. i will update you on The Demolition Man status.
Speaker: Matt, what have you been up to this week, or what will you be up to in the future past? Well, Chris, I'm sort of in a ah middle space right now between two of events, one that has happened and one that has not yet happened.
Speaker: You just described all of time. That's true. ah But I promised to spend a lot of money, and then by next week I will have spent a lot of money.
Speaker: patreon.com slash warrocketajax. Because people may remember that back in late September, early October of last year, um we had a hurricane.
Speaker: You sure did. That hit ah my area. And I was very lucky to not have any ah property damage or major damage. ah trees falling or anything like that. We had one small tree fall in the backyard that I was able to to take apart, chainsaw down, and and get rid of.
Speaker: But it got us thinking about the need ah for some tree work in the the yard out there. And let me tell you what ain't cheap, bud.
Speaker: Tree work. Yeah. I had some guys come And give me an estimate. And asked them to do two things.
Speaker: There's a tree right on one side of my house with some branches that kind of hang over the house. And I was like, can you take down please take down the branches that hang over the house? Trim them up.
Speaker: Get them away from hanging over the house. And then in our backyard, right on the edge of our property line, there is a very large...
Speaker: old dying tree that in places it's so rotten that you can see right through it.
Speaker: See right straight through the trunk in holes. Like you can see daylight coming through it. And I've known for a long time that that tree needed to go because if it falls, somebody's going to be very unhappy.
Speaker: It may not be me, but it's going to be somebody, and I'm going to be responsible for it. Correct. So I was like, i this big dead tree, I need you guys to take that down.
Speaker: Just those two things will cost me $4,000. That's lot. Yeah, man. Yeah, man. Trees. Yeah. that's all that's a lot yeah man yeah man trees Trees.
Speaker: Can't live with them. Can't live without them. Right? You know what? I'm going to say it. You won't hear this from the woke left.
Speaker: But I'll say it here on Warrock and Ajax where people use their common sense. Saruman had it right.
Speaker: Wow. I'm just kidding. Saruman did not have her. I love that one and that gets his headset on fire. And then you see him run and dunk his head. yeah And it's like, it' it's such a it's such a Doc says Duke's gonna be okay moment. It's like, like don't worry.
Speaker: that took That tree ant got put out. I love what ah the persistent question of what happened to all the women ints. Yeah, they lost them. But then you hear them talk and you're like, oh, I see what happened.
Speaker: Yeah. I do want to see, like... i If they could make Shelob a spider into a sexy lady in the ah Shadows of ah War game, then give us the Entwives and have them just be normal.
Speaker: Like, kind just be like, hey, what's up? We're trees. ah Just be like, they bored us to death. Yeah, it's like, they wouldn't stop talking about crypto.
Speaker: Anyway, I have to spend thousands of dollars on two pieces of tree work. So patreon.com slash warrocketajax. Thank you very much. Time for some recommendations, Chris. What do you have to recommend?
Speaker: I feel like you and i are maybe at odds on this. um But it is something that I know we've both experienced at least the majority of. And it's something that we've, ah it's the latest installment of something that we've talked about on the show.
Speaker: And that is ah Tim Rogers' action button, the latest review, ah which is of L.A. Noire, and which is 10 hours long. Yeah.
Speaker: And is a big deviation from the established formula. A big deviation, yes. Because it's not, it's not a review.
Speaker: It's a recap. it's so it's It's Tim Rogers basically doing ah L.A. Noir as an audiobook with occasional commentary. Yeah. and And I find the deviation from the formula to be kind of fascinating.
Speaker: We got all of Action Button Season 1, and we got the Boku no Natsume review, all of which are of a piece. And I know that he has said before that like he does want to do different stuff.
Speaker: And I'm kind of fascinated by the idea of a guy who has the freedom to make a 10-hour, like extremely produced video with like location shoots and costumes. yeah He went to Los Angeles.
Speaker: Yeah. oh that is just to him recapping his playthrough of L.A. Noire. ah He did not do what I was hoping ah he would do, which is that ah in one of the first season Action Button reviews, he mentions that ah he like he's like, L.A. Noire is one of the best games of all time.
Speaker: And I couldn't tell if he's being sarcastic, because you and I roundly disagree with that. Yes, I deeply disagree with it, because Noire I found to be extraordinarily frustrating. I think L.A. Noire is... I mean, we talked about this a little bit on the BOCO. I'm just now remembering.
Speaker: I think L.A. Noire one of the worst games of all time. i ah It should be a game I love, right? Because it's it's like a noir detective game.
Speaker: but It's incredibly frustrating because it's a game that tells you, like, oh, all those crime crimes you solved, you didn't actually solve them and you were wrong. And, like, if there's a way to – if you want to piss me off, ah boy, you that's how you do it.
Speaker: ah make Make you have to be wrong? Make me have to be wrong. Correct. Here's the thing about the Tim Rogers video. It's really well made. There are parts of it that are very funny.
Speaker: Yeah. I mean, there's ah there's a lot of... When I say it's a recap, there are a lot of jokes in it. ah There's one bit where, I guess, a glitch happened in his playthrough, and this one NPC keeps saying the same thing over and over about a hamburger.
Speaker: Yeah. And it plays and play it goes on and on and on and on in the video. It's an example of one of our mutual favorite kinds of jokes, which is, the thing that's not funny, but you do it enough.
Speaker: Right, yes. Humor through repetition. And ah I thought that was one of the best things in a Tim Rogers video.
Speaker: Because the NPC would just not stop saying it, so Tim Rogers just left his Cole Phelps standing there with her saying it over and over and over again.
Speaker: But the thing about the video is... I think Tim Rogers convinced me that underneath some annoying gameplay and video game stuff, L.A. Noire ultimately has a good story.
Speaker: like the actual Like the story of Cole Phelps and his war history and the horrible, murderous mistakes he made in war and how it turned him into the guy he is.
Speaker: That's an interesting story. What he did not convince me of is that it's a good video game. Yeah, man. like that's ah That's literally what I was about to say. It turns out L.A. Noire is a pretty good audiobook.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But, you know, The House of Leaves ain't a great video game. Right. i plugged it I can't even plug it into the TV.
Speaker: Disappointing. Yeah. But it it is it is interesting, and I think... um He mentioned in the the Patreon post that went up with it ah that he has had people talk about how they you know sometimes like to just listen to the videos as opposed to watching them, but they listen to them while they're doing other stuff.
Speaker: And he was like, yeah, you know, I work really really hard on the visuals and and do a lot of stuff, but It's cool that people like to do that, so this is the one. And the other thing that he said was that ah he... Not entirely clear on what this means, or if it is ah Tim Rogers lying, which he is ah occasionally does.
Speaker: But he does say there will not be another one like this.
Speaker: So, it it's an interesting interesting bit of media criticism and recontextualization that I think is is definitely worth watching if you're a fan of those videos or a fan of of video games or of and internet comedy, I guess.
Speaker: i Look, I didn't dislike it. i found it a little hard to get through because so much of it was just telling me the story beats of a video game I've already played. But...
Speaker: but i do I appreciate it. It's not necessarily what I go to a Tim Rogers video for, yeah if that makes sense.
Speaker: I do it's my least favorite of the action button reviews, yeah but I still like it. I like a lot of the other action button reviews. My favorite one is the Boko no Natsu Yasumi video.
Speaker: Because it's not just a video about a video game. It's a video game it's a video about Tim Rogers' life. Yeah. That one I thought was really interesting.
Speaker: That one is so good. In a lot of ways, the cyberpunk one is also. Yeah. But like this is essentially the opposite of that.
Speaker: It is he never breaks character. He is ah detected a private eye working in 1948 or whatever. and And L.A. Noire is never talked about as a video game.
Speaker: It is talked about as a book. And I feel like that's very telling. you know like yeah It's a story, not a video game. One thing I will say about this video, though, is that it does...
Speaker: preserve and use to great effect the best thing about l L.A. Noire, which is its absolute banger of a soundtrack. Yeah, yeah, it does have a soundtrack. Even though I didn't like the game, I had that soundtrack, and like it was like my writing music for a long time, just because it's like lo-fi beats to investigate crimes to.
Speaker: Matt, what would you like to recommend to the people? Well, Chris, i'm going to I've only seen one episode of it because only one episode has been released, but I can recommend it, and I will recommend it right now. The second season of the rehearsal started on HBO, the Nathan Fielder show, all about how how he can recreate spaces in giant studios for people to ah rehearse ah life events.
Speaker: The first season got buckwild. The second season is already more buckwild from the get-go, because the second season is about Nathan Fielder meeting a former board member of the NTSB,
Speaker: who also worked closely with the FAA, and and talking about talking to him about how he has noticed one key element that seems to be true in a lot of different plane crashes, which is that the pilot and the co-pilot don't communicate as equals.
Speaker: There's always a sense of the pilot having authority over the co-pilot, like There's a hierarchical relationship, and in so many plane crashes, the co-pilot noticed something was wrong that the pilot didn't, but felt afraid to speak up about it.
Speaker: That's all just real. There's no comedic element to any of it at all. And the whole first episode is about Nathan Fielder struggling with the notion of investigating and thinking about this topic on a comedy show.
Speaker: And interviewing this guy from the NTSB. and like oh And also building an entire airport in like a studio. ah Like an entire replica of an airport in Houston.
Speaker: And hiring actors to be like the pilots and people in this airport. And he finds a real co-pilot to try to like send hit like to put him in the environment he's normally in to see how he interacts with a captain.
Speaker: And then there's a whole thing with this guy and his girlfriend that I won't get into. That's when it like is just kind of funny. It's wild, dude. There's nothing on TV like the stuff Nathan Fielder does.
Speaker: And it's kind of like... You know, excruciating to watch, but also joyous at the same time. I can't i can't get enough of it. ah So ah if you haven't seen the first season of the rehearsal, watch it, and then start watching the rehearsal season two.
Speaker: With that, Chris, it's time to talk about some comics. What do you say? Let's do it.
Speaker: The texture choice for this week... because Benito texted us about it first, and then we each texted back after we read it, is metamorpho number five.
Speaker: Matt, I'm not a child. Mm-hmm. I follow creators, you know?
Speaker: Sure. I like Batman. I love Batman, but I don't read every Batman comic, because I know some of them are going to be good. Remember that I said that in like ten minutes. I follow creators, not not characters, not the IP, you know?
Speaker: But here's what I'll say, Matt. There's some characters that if they show up, I'm reading that book.
Speaker: but Sure. The list is short, but it's but when it happens, buddy, you know who gets hype?
Speaker: Ya boy. And I know who you're talking about. Yes. ah do Do we want to – you read it, right? I read it, yes. Okay. Do we want to spoil it? Here's your warning that we're going to spoil the end of Metamorpho No. 5 by Ewing and Steve Lieber. Because we can't not say it.
Speaker: We can't not say it. We've got to spoil it, folks.
Speaker: The issue ends with the appearance of, here's your spoiler warning, this is your last chance. Last chance, baby. Solaris the Tyrant Son. Solaris the Tyrant Son.
Speaker: From DC 1 million. Yeah.
Speaker: It's the arrival of Solaris the Tyrant Son. Buddy, I was hype. like i i like i got up I got up out of the chair and like did a little dance.
Speaker: It got me really like falling down a rabbit hole of considering what the next level up from a snake eating its tail is. Okay,
Speaker: interesting. Because what this is, is... is A comic in 2025 with the sensibility and style of a Bob Haney comic from the Silver Age.
Speaker: Uh-huh. From specifically 1966. Yes. Ewing is absolutely doing Bob Haney kind absolutely doing like a bob haney kind of voice. i have I have seen him say that he's not trying to do an impression, but that he is like, that is that's how this book needs to be written.
Speaker: It's how it reads. Yeah. i mean like He's definitely like channeling Bob Haney. Yeah, and Lieber is doing like a Silver Age visual style, too. He's so good, man. He's so fucking good. God.
Speaker: But like this is not like Lieber's – this is different from how Lieber drew like the Jimmy Olsen book, right? Yeah, a little bit. It's different. it's It's definitely got more of a throwback look and feel to it, I think.
Speaker: So it's that.
Speaker: With Grant Morrison's story elements in it. Uh-huh. And Grant Morrison was influenced by Bob Haney. So, like, but heavily. And he will talk about that, right?
Speaker: Yeah, so what you know Grant Morrison loves Bob Haney and Carrie Bates. Yeah, yeah. So it's like it's like a snake eating its tail over and over again into a spiral.
Speaker: Like, it's it it's kind of fucking with my head. Yeah, and especially when you consider that this is a story about the Thunderer. Yeah. And the reason I know... what year this is evoking the aesthetic of is because the Thunderer and Neutrog the Forerunner were Bob Haney doing a parody of Galactus.
Speaker: The Thunderer is Galactus. It's why he's a little guy. But, like, the Thunderer in this is like the Silver Surfer, because he's like herald. Neutrog the Forerunner was the Silver Surfer of the Thunderer.
Speaker: right And then this Thunderer is the Silver Silver of the Tyrant's Son. Of Solaris, yeah.
Speaker: Boy, it's great. Man. Exciting stuff. i'm also i'm Also, I mean, you didn't have to put Solaris the Tyrant's Son in this, because there's also a good dog in it.
Speaker: Yes. Yes. There's Element Dog. The... the the gimmick of this issue is that there's a whole team of metamorphos, including Mudamorfo, the Element Hound.
Speaker: i miss that I miss that his name is Mudamorfo. That's so good. Mudamorfo, yeah. um There's Element Woman, the Element Gal, the Element King, so it's like a team of five different Element people. yeah All of whom, by the way, are like mentioned as having like past run-ins with Rex Mason.
Speaker: And I've read a lot of Metamorpho comics, and I don't think... I think this is the first appearance of Emily Sung, Metamorpho, and Algon the Element King.
Speaker: If it's not, i I will freely admit that I'm wrong, but this is the first time I've seen them. I don't know. It's... That's worth investigating. ah What a great comic. God, this comic's so good.
Speaker: Next up, we're going to talk about a comic that's not extremely fun that sucks, but I guess we're having fun about how much it sucks. Oh, wait, we we don't want to save that one for last? Matt? Let's do a sandwich. Let's sandwich it.
Speaker: Batman number 159. Hatoosh. Hush 2, part 2. Which... hush to part two which
Speaker: It sucks. It sucks. its I love it. I love that I read this, and I'm like, ah great. This sucks in a way that like i is completely divorced from reality.
Speaker: yeah this I can be mad at this, and it's fun. here's Okay. this is ah This is kind of mean and petty, and I'm admitting from Jump Street that it's kind of mean and petty, but I'm still going to say it.
Speaker: This is a comic that's like... This is the book that DC Comics is like, this is our flagship. We want everybody buying this comic. This is going to be the number one comic every month for the duration of it coming out. right
Speaker: And yet, on page two, there's a proofreading mistake that somebody should have fucking caught.
Speaker: Because it's, you know, obviously there's a flashback to to Thomas and Martha Wayne getting killed in Crime Alley. Oh, you love to see it. Love it every time.
Speaker: Every single time I'm like, fuck yeah. Get There's a bit about how Bruce goes back to Crime Alley to mark the anniversary of his parents' murder with a rose every year.
Speaker: And they have parent singular apostrophe S. Yeah. so To mark his parents' death. So, just your mom? He only cares about one of them.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: He's like, you know what? Thomas deserved it.
Speaker: Never loved that guy. I learned some bad stuff about Thomas Wayne. i watched I watched all of Pennyworth, yeah and that guy sucks. I watched The Batman.
Speaker: What if that was like the new continuity that came out of Hush 2, was Bruce Wayne being like, actually, my dad sucked. I'm still going to be Batman, I'm still like mad about my mom and everything, but yeesh.
Speaker: y So what actually happens in this issue is... let me Let me say this first. I do want to quote our good friend Benjamin Birdie, who put it the best on a Blue Sky post when he said, this is the first comic I've ever read that could have been an email.
Speaker: True.
Speaker: ah Benjamin, you nailed it. He got it. He got it. I love that this issue's question is, Batman going to let the Joker die?
Speaker: and the answer, of course, is no. yeah but you know Batman will do? Jason Todd in the head with a gun. Yeah. But only a little bit. only He's only going to shoot his son in the head with a gun a little bit as a treat.
Speaker: He says, just crease him. Yeah.
Speaker: Fully shoots him with a gun. In the head. don't know how that gets through. i mean, I know how that gets through. And it's because it's Jazzy Jeff and Jammin' Jim. And, you know, Jim Lee's the publisher of DC Comics.
Speaker: Yeah. But how does that get past anybody? How does nobody go, then I don't know about Batman picking up a gun. and shooting his son in the head.
Speaker: Like, maybe eight pages after talking about how his parent was murdered in Crime Alley. I got to thinking about how this fits into like current DC continuity.
Speaker: And I think my ultimate decision was, not at all. Like, people are wearing their current costumes. Like, the Riddler shows up at the end of this issue.
Speaker: And he looks... He looks...
Speaker: He looks like current continuity Riddler with the sideburns and everything, right? I mean... No, he doesn't. But he looks... I mean, he looks kind of like Riddler for more in War of Jokes and Riddler, War of Jokes and Riddles, like, um more so than he did in Hush 1.
Speaker: I mean, if that guy, first of all, got on the gas. He's definitely on the gas. He looks like fucking 2025 Randy Orton is what he looks like. Yeah.
Speaker: that That outfit is – I don't know how to describe that outfit. He looks like Riddler 2099 is what he looks like. he looked Matt, that's the perfect way to describe it. He looks like Riddler 2099.
Speaker: He's got knuckle spikes. Yeah. And like – I mean, it's that's Punisher 2099's jacket. Pretty close.
Speaker: But he – The reason I say he looks like current Riddler is because he's got the sideburns. Right. Which is like a thing that Riddler has now for reasons I don't get all. but Because that's how Greg Capullo drew him.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. But like there's no reason to think that this Riddler isn't just the Riddler from Hush 1. Yeah. No matter what he looks like.
Speaker: There's a scene right before that with Batgirl and Nightwing. Barbara Gordon and Dick Grayson, that happens in the clock tower, and it even says that it's Oracle's workspace, which I know that Barbara is like Oracle and Batgirl now.
Speaker: But it makes me feel like this was written when Barbara was just Oracle. And everything has been retrofitted. i don't think it's that.
Speaker: i mean, I think this was written recently. yeah But I think that, quite simply, and I don't even mean this in ah in a negative way, nobody cares about the continuity.
Speaker: Because if they did, this Riddler who shows up at the end of of this issue looks a lot like Punisher 2099. You know who it doesn't look like? Is the Riddler that Batman fought two issues ago.
Speaker: 157. Yeah. Which has the Riddler in yeah which has the ridler in it Because he was the villain of that story. Yeah. Two issues ago, Matt.
Speaker: Not last year. Like, two months ago. March. That last page, he's standing in front of a bunch of Batgirls costumes. Uh-huh.
Speaker: And I feel like that is a mean trick. Of like, yeah, yeah, yeah, we know all the continuity. But like, this is also an issue where Batman's like, Jason Todd, I thought we made up.
Speaker: And Jason Todd's like, we didn't. That's it. Nobody fucking cares. Because it's Hush 2, and if you're reading this, the odds that you were reading literally any other Batman comic other than Hush 1 is Right?
Speaker: zero Yeah. Like, it's it's not for us. it's it It is NFHO. It is definitely not for us, yeah. Yeah. It's just like, I feel like Riddler showing up and looking completely different, like, in body.
Speaker: Not just his costume, which is hilariously bad. Because i was I was reading this, and I literally, over the course of reading this issue, I had the thought, Well, you know, like Batman's in his real clothes, so that's kind of cool.
Speaker: Like, I'm glad Jim Lee didn't redesign anyone in this one like he did with Huntress, because that's like such a bad costume. the The costume that Huntress got and in the original Hush. um At least, you know, like this is a new costume for for Red Hood, but, you know, who cares?
Speaker: And then I got to that Riddler and I was like, damn it, Jim, you got me. Jim, you got me. Yeah, Riddler in 157 is about a third of this Riddler.
Speaker: Yeah, man. Apparently in the um two months real time since that issue, which is like 30 seconds comic book time, Riddler fully got on Venom, I guess.
Speaker: yeah Signature Pharmacy is back, baby. Gotham City.
Speaker: Oh, man. It sucks. I love it. I'm going to read every issue. The Jason Todd of it all. like The Jason Todd in this is just straight out of the pages of Hush One.
Speaker: Yeah, there's like... That wasn't even really Jason Todd. Correct. But this one's like, am... That wasn't Jason Todd!
Speaker: But this one is like, I am Jason Todd, and I hate you, and I'm going to kill you, Batman. man. Man, it's... Yeah, this comic assumes that nothing has happened in the past literal 20 years of Batman comics.
Speaker: Yeah. This could be... What was Hush? Batman 608 is when it started? So this could be Batman 625. five Yeah. Basically. like maybe like They did ah Under the Red Hood in like two issues in the middle there.
Speaker: Right, yeah. Oh, it sucks. It's just bad. The only bit of continuity that matters is that Jason Todd actually came back. yeah Because everybody loved Hush so much and the tease of Jason Todd coming back that they had to do it.
Speaker: Well, I mean, yeah, man. yeah And now they're doing it in this. Yeah. it's What's funny about that is that Under the Red Hood is not a story that I like.
Speaker: But it is a story... that literally involves Jason Todd holding the Joker at gunpoint and asking Batman why he didn't kill him.
Speaker: This has been addressed.
Speaker: Right. And I might not like that story, but Detective Comics Comics certainly does. And a lot of people have read it because they were like, hey, this is and a capital letter important story and we're going to make an animated movie about it with fucking Jensen Ackles.
Speaker: Like, they pushed that story hard. So in the way that Hush 1, I think, is a perfectly acceptable Batman story if you've never read Batman comics, Hush 2 is failing even at that.
Speaker: Alright. We spent a lot of time on that, so let's very quickly talk about Absolute Wonder Woman number 7. Wonder Woman goes Super Saiyan. Pretty dope.
Speaker: This comic rules.
Speaker: Pretty dope. This comic's got some dope Hades and Persephone stuff. Wonder Woman's extremely dope in it. Wonder Woman goes Super Saiyan. So if you want to read a comic that is Wonder Woman, Dragon Ball, and Berserk at the same time, Detective Comics Comics got covered.
Speaker: And some really, really great art by Mattia de Ulias, which is different from the kind of established art style of the book, but gorgeous.
Speaker: Yes. ah Look, you take the good, you take the bad. And Absolute Wonder Woman is good as hell. Also, Absolute Martian Manhunter, good as hell this week. Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, good stuff. Also, Persephone appears in this, and she looks... I was going to say she looks like Guinevere from Dark Souls. She doesn't look like Guinevere from Dark Souls in that way that you're thinking. I know the way you're thinking, you perv.
Speaker: Okay, hang on. I don't mean that, but I'm saying she's just like a big comforting lady. Like Guinevere from Dark Souls? It's the first thing that it made me think of. A big, comforting lady. Oh.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: That is right chris certainly a way to describe that, Matt.
Speaker: Chris, it is time to write some swords. Let's get into it. Let's do it. but when i swing my sos that ya chopo Matt, before you get started with the list, huh it was suggested to me That if we run across a sword that we're not as familiar with as others, that it wouldn't but that we could just rank it based on vibes.
Speaker: We could rate it just on what we see and whether we think it's cool. That's true. I don't know. I feel like we would have to add an asterisk to all that, and so it might not be... It might be just essentially like having a second list.
Speaker: i I would say, here's what I would say. Okay. I would say, let's make the call in the moment. you think If we think that we can rate it based on vibes, and we think it looks cool or like shit, and we're like, I can rate that and I don't need to know the context.
Speaker: Then let's do that. If we're like, I need to know the context to be able to rate this. Like the sword from Utena. Mm-hmm.
Speaker: Which I have informed is lesbians.
Speaker: That's great to know. Then we can set those aside. But I think it's going to just have to be on a case-by-case basis. All right. yeah That's right. We're going to decide it in the moment.
Speaker: Because when you're talking about swords, you've got to live on the edge. Yeah, we'll call it in the ring. ah All right. here's if you're worried, just grab a hold. Here's our first submission from Matthew Schultz.
Speaker: It is another sword from Bloodborne. Okay, so this is ah this ah this's a Matt Wilson sword. It is the Reiter Palash, which is a rapier with a built-in pistol.
Speaker: Please spell that for me. It is
Speaker: Reiter Palash, okay. Reiter Palash. Alright, let's look at this bad boy. Here's what I will say about that sword. It's fine. So, now, if it's fine, does ah is that ah is that a five?
Speaker: i It's a little better than fine. It's a solid sword. But I'll tell you this. My first character in Bloodborne ah was a de ah dexterity build, which in Bloodborne is called Skill.
Speaker: And...
Speaker: That meant that I could have used the Rider Palash as my weapon, because it it ah scales to that stat. But I didn't, because there are better dexterity swords.
Speaker: It's a perfectly fine, perfectly solid weapon. It's cool in that you can have... Because a lot of times in Bloodborne, your build is going to have to have a sword in your right hand and a gun in your left hand.
Speaker: Because guns are how you stun enemies, so you can do stun attacks. The Rider-Polage does both, so you can actually dual-wield swords, because you're that sword is also a gun.
Speaker: That's cool, but it's it's just... As a sword, it's not quite as good as some of the other skill-based swords in the game.
Speaker: So... I'm gonna say it's like a six. Okay, now, for context... We don't have any... We do have one six on the list right now.
Speaker: Yeah. And that is Narsil. Mm-hmm. The red and white flan. Correct.
Speaker: So you're saying that the Rider Palash is exactly as cool as the sword that cut the One Ring from Sauron's hand. You know what? i would You suggested a five. I think a five is probably... I'm okay with a five. Alright.
Speaker: Here's the thing that I'll say, and this might seem counterintuitive. this might say You might hear this and go, Chris, that doesn't sound like something you'd say.
Speaker: Swords that are also guns?
Speaker: are not that cool.
Speaker: Now, I will say, exceptions do exist. I actually extremely think the swords from Final Fantasy VIII that are also guns are cool as hell.
Speaker: And they also have keychains, for some reason. That kind of whips. But generally speaking, like, real life, like sword pistols and and dagger pistols, they're never as cool as you want them to be.
Speaker: Now, a gun that shoots swords is very cool.
Speaker: Hmm. Yes. Yes.
Speaker: But ah ah a sword that's also a gun? um don't know, man. um don't know. Not my speed.
Speaker: And even on the page of concept art that I'm looking at, It's kind of the least cool gun or sword on the page.
Speaker: Yeah, I mean, it's it's it's cool. It's conceptually cool. I do think that there are better...
Speaker: Definitely better weapons for skill builds in the game. Like Simon's Bowblade, which is a sword that's also a bow and arrow. That sounds pretty cool. ah There's...
Speaker: ah Ludwig's Holy Blade ah is good for skill builds. You have to have pretty high strength for it, but um pretty good. And the Chikage, which is a fucking katana.
Speaker: Hell yeah. ah The Blade of Mercy is also pretty good. like They're a lot of good... ah ah The Rakuyo is another good skill build weapon.
Speaker: Yeah, it's a 5. Let's call it a 5. Alright, we are calling that one 5. The Rider Palash.
Speaker: entering the list here. Our next submission is from Patrick Gertner, who says, for my sword, I'm going to have to go with a game and somehow play. I'm somehow playing for the first time right now.
Speaker: Chris, I believe this is a game you've never played. That game is Chrono Trigger. And the sword is the Masamune, wielded by Frog. That sword whips and rules.
Speaker: ah Interesting thing. I actually started playing Chrono Trigger fairly recently. It's such a good game. One of my favorites of all time. it's ah i do I was talking to Shannon Maynard and her husband David about this.
Speaker: ah Because I have played it up to the point where Chrono gets put in prison. huh And I was like, look, I don't mean this in a bad way.
Speaker: Because I am really you know i'm enjoying this game. is there more to it that I haven't seen? Because even at that point, which is relatively early in the game, I'm like, oh, I get it.
Speaker: This is obviously groundbreaking, like particularly for its time. But I didn't know if there was going to be additional stuff that I would also think was groundbreaking.
Speaker: Okay. Like, When you go and, like, the when you're on trial and the stuff you did at the fair comes back. Yeah.
Speaker: Like, that's really that's a really smart bit. There's like more. That tell is, like, super influential. There's more of that in the game. Okay. All right. Yeah.
Speaker: Like, it's it's absolutely, I can see the direct line from that to... modern RPGs that I really like, like Persona. Or even like Fallout, honestly. you know like it It's very clear.
Speaker: ah And also like the way that people move around in battles, and the that it exists in 3D space. Also extremely cool. That you do... ah like heavy Have you gotten to the part where you're doing like tech attacks?
Speaker: Yeah, like like team-ups? Yeah, team-up attacks, yeah. Oh, by the way, apparently um the reason you Glimmer Techs... in Vampire Survivors is that ah it's a tie-in to the Saga series.
Speaker: that I've also been told this, yeah. yeah So, here's what's great about Masamune in Chrono Trigger, which you have not gotten to yet. I have not gotten to.
Speaker: That is a sword that is entirely optional that you have to go on an optional side quest to get and fight two optional bosses for.
Speaker: You have to find the two pieces of it and take it to a blacksmith for him to repair it. The original creator of it.
Speaker: And then you have to go get another item, the dream stone, to bring it back to its former glory. If you do all those things, you are rewarded with a sword that is so fucking good.
Speaker: So like okay so like there's there's the Masamune that you can get from going on the side quest. Its attack is 75.
Speaker: If you get it upgraded by bringing the ah the Dreamstone to Melchior, the blacksmith who made it, its attack is 200. Dope.
Speaker: so
Speaker: It's so fucking good, dude. And like, Frog is my favorite character in Chrono Trigger. He is – much like Ludwig in Bloodborne, he's an incredibly noble knight who's been cursed with beasthood.
Speaker: So again, you can see the direct line from Chrono Trigger Bloodborne. Yeah. Yeah. he He was a noble and well-regarded knight in this kingdom, and like but essentially in the Middle Ages, who ah gets cursed to be a frog. His real name is Glenn. and andd But he's still got all his nobility, even though he's been turned into a frog.
Speaker: And him getting his like legendary sword that he used to fight... a great evil in the past, Magus, him getting that back is like one of the great like little side stories of the game.
Speaker: ah So I love Masamune. i would I would give it like a nine. Wow. that's That's strong.
Speaker: Yeah. Now, no this Masamune... is different from the Masamune that Sephiroth has. Very different, yeah.
Speaker: Yeah. Different sword, same name. um I'll say this. I love that it's very plain. I love that too. Yeah. I love that it's just a sword. And weirdly enough, looks like the Z-Sword.
Speaker: And maybe, did Toriyama design like The props for Chrono Trigger? I know he eat did the characters. I mean, I bet he drew... i mean, he drew Frog with Masamune, so I would guess that he designed it, yeah.
Speaker: Yeah. That's very funny. that That's just... i Because, it again, it kind of looks like Trunks' sword, too. That's just why that dude draws a sword. That's the way he draws sword. ask Kiritori, going to draw a sword. He's like, there it is.
Speaker: That's what a sword looks like. You know what? He was right. Yeah. You look at that thing, that's a sword all day long, baby. I would encourage you to watch some of the Toriyama... Are you playing the version with the Toriyama cutscenes? I'm playing the Steam version, so... Does it have like the little animated cutscenes? Yeah.
Speaker: That were added, I think, in the PlayStation version? with The cutscenes when Frog gets Masamune are... They make that sword that Akira Toriyama drew looks so fucking cool.
Speaker: ah It's great. Yeah. that A nine puts it at the same rank as the Moonlight Graysword. i I hold them in the same regard. Okay. Yeah.
Speaker: And a step below the Master Sword and the Crisagrum. I think that's exactly right. Yeah. All right.
Speaker: ah Okay. Okay. This submission is from Margo. Hey, fellas. Magic is probably my favorite sword wielder in Marvel Comics.
Speaker: I prefer her 80s sword, but I think the one that objectively got over is the anime-style big version. So I think we're going to go with Magic's big sword. ah Yeah.
Speaker: That sword kind of owns
Speaker: it's It's good. It's a good sword. Do you not like it? No, it's good. Yeah. Okay. I love it. It's huge. It's got like a cool thing. it looks... it That is a sword made of graphic design.
Speaker: It really is, because it's white. That is the Jonathan Hickman-ass sword. It's the rare sword that's like... Yeah, it's so design-y.
Speaker: Yeah, in a way that I do genuinely really love. And like I said, it's white. Like, the color is white and black. Yeah. Of that sort. That's cool as hell.
Speaker: I remember ah reading ah Greg and Tim Hildebrandt. You remember them? Oh, yeah. they They drew a lot of trading cards. They drew a lot of trading cards. And I remember... Shit, this might have been in Wizard Magazine.
Speaker: But I remember... I believe it was them. They had like an interview about it, and they were like, oh, if you want something to look like it's glowing in in comics or in a painting or whatever, it has to be the lightest color on the page.
Speaker: Which is a very obvious thing. you know it once you Once you hear it, you're like, yeah, duh.
Speaker: And so I love it when there's just like no outline, just a white blade. With this Jonathan Hickman-ass fucking filigree on it.
Speaker: That sword is specifically called the Soul Sword, by the way. Yes. Yes. I believe her earlier 80s sword is not the same is not meant to be the same sword.
Speaker: am Am I wrong about that? I don't think so. I mean, ah i magic... No, it's it's... Okay, it's all the Soul Sword. I guess... Magic Sword is always a soul sword.
Speaker: But we're talking about the one more recently seen and like
Speaker: Tim Townsend art and stuff like that. We're talking about the one that that looks like the Dragon Slayer. We're talking about the big one. It's big, yeah. it's like I don't know who designed it, that version of it. But like it's very visually...
Speaker: recognizable. Yeah. I think it's very, very cool. Yeah. yeah it's great. I guess the one from the 80s was also called the Soul Sword. so i was Yeah, I think the Soul Sword is just like, because it's like it's like a manifestation of her power, right? Yeah.
Speaker: Yes. it is It is constructed from her life force and was forged in limbo.
Speaker: i mean, all of these are pretty cool things. Yeah. ah I mean, it rules pretty hard. and I am not a a noted fan of the character Magic.
Speaker: oh Okay, it first appeared in Uncanny X-Men Volume 3, Number 1, and was almost definitely designed by Chris Pachalo. I mean, it looks like it.
Speaker: Yeah. I didn't want to say that's a Chris Bichella looking sword, but it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It fully we looks like that.
Speaker: I love it. It's cool. It's so cool.
Speaker: Yeah, it's great. I mean, i was I would, I mean, purely based on, based on aesthetics and also based on the fact that it is like formed of Eldritch energy in hell.
Speaker: Or Limbo, the Limbo Dimension rule by Belasco, you know. You know. like You know.
Speaker: It's, like, that's pretty rad. Yes. Like, I would say that it's at least an eight. I would give it an eight. It's, i like, it's a cool-looking sword.
Speaker: Yeah, man. And it's big. and And as much as we love it when a Guts has a big sword, or or, you know, a Cloud Strife has a big sword, although Cloud is pretty... Cloud's are not... Cloud's not, like, jacked.
Speaker: He's not big. He's not big like Guts, yeah. He's not big like Guts. But, like... Ileana Rasputin is a smaller person with a very big sword, and that's a great look.
Speaker: That is a great ah dichotomy. Visual dichotomy. Give me a smaller-sized person with one of them fucking Monster Hunter swords.
Speaker: yeah Love it. Eight's good. i i'm i'm I'm happy with eight.
Speaker: ah for for the soul sword. Alright, that brings it, ah that is ah the same ranking that we have previously given to the six-fingered sword of Domingo Montoya.
Speaker: I like that that's, those are two very visually distinct swords. And we are, I think we're giving a lot of, uh,
Speaker: feeling and sensibility to like, we like a sword that looks unassuming, but rules or a sword with a very, very distinct look.
Speaker: You know what I mean? Yeah. Like those might seem contradictory, but I think that they are complimentary. I think so as well. I that's correct.
Speaker: Next up is a submission from David Wynn.
Speaker: Better not be gross. It's not gross. It's cool. David's submission is the Atlantean sword of Conan the Barbarian. in isn' These are the swords from the movies.
Speaker: Yeah, dog. I know it. um Now, David does point out that there are two very similar versions of the sword. There's the one from Conan the Barbarian and there's the one from Conan the Destroyer.
Speaker: And he says that if he has to choose one, it he'll he'll choose the original from Conan the Barbarian. and That sort of rules. It's great. It's it's is got like cool design to it, but not in a way that makes it harder to use, or like where where it's it's it's design over function, or or you know to too much of a...
Speaker: a piece of art, not a weapon. You know what i mean? isn ah it's You know what's also cool about that sword? Like, we talked about the the the the whole magic thing of, like, she's a small person with a big sword.
Speaker: You kind of made me think Conan's sword would be bigger. Yeah, it's a very... It's a sword-sized sword with a very large man. Yeah. Yeah. Here's a fun fact.
Speaker: I don't know if he still has it. But at one point in time, I don't know why he wouldn't still have it. He's almost definitely still got it, yeah. Yeah. ah Rob Liefeld owned one of the swords from the movie. but obviously they're not That's not what I thought you were going to say.
Speaker: Oh, no. ah raw Rob definitely owned... Like one of the actual props from the movie. Because yeah obviously they make like multiple props of everything, but yeah Rob had one. um This sword, it is very, design-wise, very similar to the Master Sword in some ways. like Because it has that cool thing where the the blade is like set into the guard. like The guard comes up around the blade, which I have always thought is super cool.
Speaker: ah Well, i what I thought you were going to say is that Arnold still has the sword because he he he has one of them because he has made videos recently with it.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, man. so like So, like,
Speaker: I don't know how common it is for actors to keep props from their movies, but he did. I mean, Shindy, wouldn't you?
Speaker: If it were that sword, I would. Yeah, man.
Speaker: That sword's cool as hell. Yeah. Like, oh it's kind of got two hilts. Which is, i mean, you know, that lower part of the blade is part of the blade, but it's like blunted, right? It's like...
Speaker: it's I don't know how else to say it other than it's kind of got two hilts. it's the Well, it's the part where the crossguard comes up around it. yeah yeah Which is actually, ah many swords ah were made with that function, because then you can... like it's This sword is very clearly a one-handed longsword.
Speaker: However... ah it like If you need additional leverage, you can grab onto that part and use both hands on it. um And a lot of swords were designed like that. That's why you you'll see like the big swords that were used by like door guards that have the kind of additional cross guard spikes.
Speaker: Because below that, they're not sharpened. And so they can be they can be held by the ah it yeah the grip or by the bottom of the blade.
Speaker: Just, you know, some shit I know about swords. Because I like swords.
Speaker: It's good to know. I will say this. ah This sword, Atlantean, but not, I do i do not believe magical. I do not believe so. Conan doesn't really fuck with that.
Speaker: No. It's just a sword. Yeah. It's just a sword. It's made of Atlantean steel. Pretty strong.
Speaker: i just i just I just learned that you can buy a replica of this sword from the company that made it. Oh, yeah?
Speaker: Windlass Armory.
Speaker: ah If you go to the page for it, there is not a listed price. It just says, contact us. Mm-hmm.
Speaker: It says, hand forged from 1085 high carbon so or ten eighty five hark highcar steel and tempered to 52 HRC for strength.
Speaker: This sword has been expertly reproduced in the master craft by the master craftsmen at Windless Steelcrafts as an exact replica of the sword used on screen. From the intricate details on the guard and pommel,
Speaker: to their deep runes on the powerful blade. This is a truly masterful reproduction. Comes with a certificate of authenticity. Can be sharpened for an additional fee. And then there's just a box that you click that says, Contact Us.
Speaker: So you're go they're going to tell you the price when you contact them. I mean, shit, man. Should we do it? I mean... New Patreon goal.
Speaker: Don't hurt to ask. No, I will say, Albion Swords Limited has a as a version of this sword that was created under the direction of the late Jody Sampson from the original studio, Moultz. Oh, interesting.
Speaker: Instead of being made of 440 stainless steel like the prop swords, they're made of durable high-carbon steel and heat-treated. And that costs $3,800. You know, that's about what I would have suspected was the price range.
Speaker: I mean, that's that's more expensive than my sword, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. This is Conan's sword, though. Yeah, that's Conan's sword. I didn't tread any jeweled thrones beneath my sandaled feet.
Speaker: um They do also have the Conan the Destroyer ah sword, which is also $3,800. Yeah, that makes sense. ah what do what what do we get what what ah What are we giving this as a rating?
Speaker: I mean, it's pretty cool, man. It's a cool sword. Yeah, it's good. here's Here's the problem. There's a lot of swords that are pretty fucking cool. is it like Is it like a 7?
Speaker: what Do we have anything? We've got a couple 8s. We've got a couple think it's 7.
Speaker: I think it's a 7. Yeah. i think it's a seven yeah Like, very solid,
Speaker: just a good sword, you know? Yeah, man. Like, a significantly better than average sword. Yeah. For sure. But, you know, no matter how much health you got, it ain't gonna shoot out laser beams.
Speaker: I went on YouTube and i I just went Arnold Schwarzenegger Conan Sword to see to find the video where like he had it in his office and he was talking about it because I remember it.
Speaker: And of course I got some shitty AI fucking Conan the Barbarian 3 teaser. why Why? I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what.
Speaker: AI better not fuck with swords.
Speaker: don't Don't you mess with my swords, AI. I'm
Speaker: sick of it. yeah I'm sick of you. If AI goes up against swords... Boy, sword's going win every time.
Speaker: Swords. Every time.
Speaker: Our next submission is from Scott Hazelwood.
Speaker: Who submits Searcher's Twilight Sword Sword of Doom. It has two names, I believe. I think at minimum, it's goingnna um that's going to succeed.
Speaker: Well, I was going to say it's it's definitely going to be biggest sword. Maybe not. But it's big. i mean, Matt, it was was tempered in the heat of an exploding galaxy. Yeah, it's a big sword. I didn't want to say it's definitely going to be our biggest sword, because there might be a bigger one.
Speaker: I mean, there there there may in fact be a bigger one. But it's the biggest one on the list so far. The Dragon Slayer may lay down its burden.
Speaker: Yeah. It's big. Big sword. Man, do you remember how fucking Walt Simonson's run on Conan the Barbarian opens?
Speaker: Uh, yeah. Yeah. That shit rocks.
Speaker: Man. Like, first thing that happens... Well, first thing that happens, Beta Ray Bill smashes the logo. We're going to get a new logo. Old logo? Get out of here.
Speaker: Second thing that happens, because that's the cover. Second thing that happens, you open the page, a galaxy explodes. You said Conan the Barbarian. You meant Thor. I meant Thor. Sorry. I'm still thinking about it.
Speaker: First thing that happens, a galaxy explodes. a galaxy explodes.
Speaker: And then, the ingot of pure star stuff is forged by Surtur into the Sword of Twilight.
Speaker: And that shit owns.
Speaker: ah This, the Twilight Sword, ah Scott said he believes it has two names. That sword's got
Speaker: Seven names. Seven names. Okay. Twilight Sword. Elder Stall. Searcher's Twilight. Searcher's Sword.
Speaker: Sword of Doom. Sword of Searcher. Twilight and Twilight of Gods. That's eight names, actually. ah That sword's got eight names.
Speaker: Hey, man. A worthy effort, Thunder. One that does credit to such a little godling. But I wield the unsheathed sword, Twilight, forged in the heart of the burning galaxy. And no mere hammer, however enchanted, can dull its edge or break through its guard.
Speaker: A pity you do not carry such a sword.
Speaker: Pity. Rules. Rules hard.
Speaker: I do have to note this.
Speaker: It does break. I mean, yeah, Matt.
Speaker: Yeah. Because fucking two years worth of comics happens. It's not Narsil. It ain't Narsil. Yeah. And look, all due respect to Narsil, as we mentioned, it and the sword Narsil was forged in the in the first age, and it breaks at the end of the second age. So that I'm sure it did a lot in between. We don't see that.
Speaker: And I'm not reading the Silmarillion. I'm not reading the Silmarillion. Look, I just thought it was worth noting that it does break.
Speaker: It actually breaks multiple times, ah but um in the Matt Fraction run on Thor, it definitely breaks.
Speaker: Matt, it's the sheathless sword. It's true. It's the sword that shall raise all that is when the end of time is nigh. Yeah, but Ragnarok. And it looks cool as hell.
Speaker: It does look cool as hell. it it It has looked a bunch of different ways in comic books. Yeah. But it has always looked cool, no matter what.
Speaker: I mean, I i feel like that like that original Simonson design, which again is like, not... Swords can be over-designed.
Speaker: It's very easy for a sword to be over-designed. That's the whole point of the Dragon Slayer. I honestly think that
Speaker: over time, it has become more over-designed. Yes. Look, like I love Daniel Warren Johnson. I love a lot of his work.
Speaker: But like his version of the Twilight Sword from the Beta Ray Bill series, like it's very
Speaker: metal album cover looking. It's... I mean, to me, as an outsider, you can correct me on this, Matt. But to me, it it looks very Dark Souls.
Speaker: I would not say that that's what swords and Dark Souls look like. I feel like it's exactly what the swords look like, but you've played the game, so I haven't. so it's it's I can see how you could think it was in that that it has that vibe, because it does kind of have that vibe.
Speaker: I will give it that.
Speaker: it's It's more designed than other versions of the Twilight Sword that I think I prefer. Yeah, I think that first one with the gold... like It's got just to really like just enough filigree to really make it work.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's a good sword.
Speaker: It's a good sword. I like it. Also, it's huge. It's... yes. I guess it can kind of change side sizes. Well, you know, Matt, it's mythological. so it Because Morgan Le Fay had it that one time.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, yeah. In Avengers. Yeah. um But, you know, that's cool. like I don't mind that it changes size. Not at all.
Speaker: I don't mind changes size. But I think, you know, I think we're talking about when When Surtur had it and was fighting Thor in whole Simonson run.
Speaker: Chris, would you like to guess how many times Surtur's sword appeared prior to the Simonson run? I know that a a different version of it appears as early as like the Kirby stuff.
Speaker: It first appears in Journey into Mystery number 97. yeah
Speaker: but But do you want to guess how many times it appears before Simonson?
Speaker: Hit me, Matt. i couldn't I wouldn't know where to begin to guess. Three. Damn, that's how you know it's cool.
Speaker: Gotta hold back on it. That's once in the 60s, once in the 70s, once in the 80s. I think it was twice in the 60s and once in the late 70s. And then it didn't appear again until...
Speaker: Thor 343. So... and then it's And then it's all over. Yeah, man. Then it's all over. I... I'm thinking... I'm thinking it's an 8.
Speaker: But you could maybe talk me down to a 7.
Speaker: 8 seems good to me. No matter what it does...
Speaker: later,
Speaker: it is a it was forged in the heart of the burning galaxy. You know? like a galaxy exploded, and then a sword happened. It broke, but i it it earned a lot to get to that place where it broke.
Speaker: Yeah, man. Well, we're not ranking hammers, Matt.
Speaker: You want to rank hammers, there's a clear winner. Yeah.
Speaker: I don't, I, boy, I don't know. Are there any other named hammers? i'm I'm sure there are. i mean they We could probably, Amy Rose's hammer. um don't know if it has a name, but you know, Amy Rose got a hammer.
Speaker: she did She got a hammer, yeah. Harley Quinn had a hammer.
Speaker: Harley Quinn should never stop using a hammer. She had that baseball bat for a while. Bad choice. Should have kept that hammer. That was because of the movie. Yeah. Should have had a hammer in that.
Speaker: She should have had a hammer in the movie, yeah. I think she did have a hammer in The Suicide Squad. Steel? Steel had a hammer? Steel did have a hammer.
Speaker: yeah that's pretty That's pretty dope. But we're not talking about hammers. We're talking about Suicide Squad. Oldboy? Put Oldboy on that list? Fuck. That's not a named hammer, but damn. 2027, stop hammer time. It's happening.
Speaker: All right. This is interesting.
Speaker: Because we talked about judging a sword based on vibes. And not judging a sword based on like backstory or ah context.
Speaker: This is one that doesn't have a ton of story. ah it A lot of it has been provided by the submitter. Oh, we runy wait. Are we saying eight or seven for Twilight?
Speaker: i think we said I think we said eight. All right. right That puts it tied with the soul sword. I think that's good. Two good Marvel Comics swords. Two very good Marvel Comics swords. Okay. All right. i am I'm forwarding you this entire email from Sam Hudson. Okay.
Speaker: Because it's got a lot to to work with here. So Sam submitted this. um It is the Norwegian Sword of State.
Speaker: Okay, interesting. i' this is I'm loving what I'm hearing already. This is a real sword. Love it. That exists. And here's what Sam says about it.
Speaker: It was the blade of Marshal Jean-Baptiste Bernadotte. Born poor, the youngest of five siblings, Bernadotte joined the French army as a lowly private and slowly rose through the ranks.
Speaker: During the revolution, his valor made him a general and then one of the first group marshals of the empire by Napoleon. During the wars, he captured a group of Swedish soldiers, and his honor and charity and kindness were such that Sweden soon found themselves without a monarch, and they and invited Bernadotte to become Charles XIV, Johan, king of Sweden.
Speaker: The whole world expected him to be nothing but a French stooge. Instead, he took the oath to Sweden seriously, his oath to Sweden seriously. He gave up everything French and devoted himself to his new nation, the nation that had trusted him to lead them.
Speaker: Sweden declared war on his old leader Napoleon's France, and wearing the sword, he took the field at Leipzig, the largest battle of the Napoleonic Wars, and dealt Napoleon a blow he'd never recovered from.
Speaker: After the war, he had it decorated with the symbols of Sweden and Norway. His descendants sit on the Swedish throne today. It is the sort of a king who rose from nothing, adopted a new nation as his own, and then served it honorably.
Speaker: That's pretty dope. That is pretty fucking cool. Yeah. I dig that. Also, it's a pretty cool looking sword.
Speaker: Yeah, man. ah Did you know that South Carolina has a state sword? I did not know that, no. Well, ah the Sword of State of South Carolina um was adopted after the American Revolution, ah but was stolen in 1941 by a dude who just walked into the statehouse and took it.
Speaker: And they were like, yeah, I'll bring it back. And then it Never came back. Was it just out? Yeah, man.
Speaker: They didn't put it like under a thing? Uh, nope.
Speaker: It's a, it's a, it is a sword that was possibly crafted in Charleston. It has a silver hilt. And there's also a a mace ah that is used in like the the South Carolina Statehouse.
Speaker: But yeah, man, um it is it is fully just gone because a dude took it. That's bananas.
Speaker: Yeah. I can't believe that they didn't. They've kept an eye on. Keep it in a locked case.
Speaker: so So this is the sort of state of Norway. It is the sort of state of Norway because Sweden and Norway are tied by royal family. like Like, their royal families are...
Speaker: ah intertwined. It's European royal families, man. We all know. We got it. Okay, but he was king of Sweden, but this is the sort of state of Norway. Okay.
Speaker: I don't know. That's pretty cool, that's cool man. It's a very cool story, and even setting that aside, this is a cool sword.
Speaker: It is a very cool sword. It's got like kind of like... gold filigree in the blade, which I think probably make it less functional, but are cool to look at.
Speaker: um And it has a very like cool hilt that's gold and silver. And then an interestingly designed scabbard.
Speaker: ah this'm I'm looking at a portrait oh ah Of Charles the fourteenth Johan. This is the most 1843 European ass-looking motherfucker I've ever seen.
Speaker: oh yeah. Oh, yeah. Like, and that is not a value judgment. But boy, is he. But in his portrait, he does have the sword. Mm-hmm. He's got like a sash, like the mayor of Townsville.
Speaker: And the sword is on the sash, which is pretty cool. As as you would always suspect.
Speaker: Of course.
Speaker: In fact, ah well there's another portrait of him where he has a different sword. He has a cavalry saber. Interesting. I don't know if that's... i mean Maybe that's from when he was in thering and the French army.
Speaker: Maybe.
Speaker: I bet if you could show this to you, Goku...
Speaker: why He'd be like, that's good. Hell yeah.
Speaker: ah I mean, I like this sword, Matt. I'm going to say it. I like this sword. Yeah, I like it. Is it maybe maybe a little fancier than I would prefer a sword to be?
Speaker: i think i think yeah. Yeah. I could perhaps have been able to agree to become Napoleon's ally. But when he attacked the country that had placed its fate in my hands, he could find in me no other than an opponent.
Speaker: You know what the wildest thing about that story is? That they've just they're like, hey, do you want to be king? no no no, He captured some Swedish soldiers and made them prisoners of war.
Speaker: And then they were like, hey, do you want to be our king? i mean, that's like, he must have been a pretty chill guy. must have been a pretty chill guy, yeah.
Speaker: until you Until you fucked with Sweden. And then that was your ass? That was your ass, Napoleon. You got got.
Speaker: Yeah, man. Seems pretty cool.
Speaker: I...
Speaker: It's a cool-looking sword. It's got a good story. The story makes it. It's a cool-looking sword, but the story makes it. I do think on a functional level, it's not getting above a seven.
Speaker: I don't know, man. He came up from nothing and became king. Yeah, if we're rating kings, guy's got ten. kings this guy's guy tim Among other kings.
Speaker: Yeah, but like, well, help how much how much of Conan do we consider when we rank the Atlantean Longsword? ah I think the Atlantean Longsword is cool without Conan.
Speaker: I mean, that's true. Like, I would definitely rank Worf higher than the Batleth. Yes. I would rank...
Speaker: ah Charles Johan higher than this sort.
Speaker: i do are okay Matt, can you quick sidebar with me real quick? Yeah, let's yeah. yeah We're not going to get like angry Norwegian emails, are we?
Speaker: Matt, I'm in Minneapolis. There's a lot of those dudes here. but because we Because we don't break the sword high, because we we're not rating the sword high? Yeah, if we give it 7... I think 7 is good.
Speaker: 7 is good. A 7 is good. There's a lot of Norwegians here, dog! Listen.
Speaker: I think you'll be fine as long as you're like... It's a beautiful sword. But I don't... I don't know that I would want to get into a sword fight using it.
Speaker: I mean, I think you would probably have an easier... to if If we're talking about you Matt Wilson, Matt D. Wilson, yeah you getting into a sword fight. Yeah.
Speaker: Well, Matt, the Dragon Slayer is a hard one on that list. I know, yeah. i That's true. But what I'm saying is it's an ornamental sword. It's purely ornamental, and they would agree.
Speaker: i I doubt that Charles XIV Johan used it in many sword fights. He was... What are you talking about? He was like a... He was a soldier.
Speaker: took Leipzig. He wasn't using the sword, did he was using that He was using that cavalry saber. I mean, he probably was using the cavalry saber. Yeah. yeah
Speaker: I think Seven is more than fair. Do you think he, like... Okay, this is my question. We're going to give this seven. If you can tell me that he took his French cavalry saber and stabbed it into the ground and then drew his Swedish sword and cut it in half, then it's a nine?
Speaker: This sword has gold inlaid in the blade, which means it's parts of that blade are soft. Yeah, it that's inlay, Matt. Come on.
Speaker: You can have gold filigree. I'm just saying. It makes the blade softer. Alright. Blacksmith Godot. Too fancy, huh? Alright.
Speaker: Too fancy.
Speaker: ah You're going to find that i don't I do not abide fanciness all that much.
Speaker: I'd rather a sword cut good
Speaker: That's true. You would rather a sword cut good.
Speaker: I think we've got to be done. ah So if you want to send us a sword, ah do that at our email address, which is warrocketpodcast at gmail.com.
Speaker: I clarified a bit about backups on our Discord. Here's what I'll say about backups. Because last time I said no backups at all, I'm backtracking on that a little bit.
Speaker: If it's your fault that we don't rank a sword, no backup. If it's our fault that we don't rank a sword, rate a sword, then i'll maybe then we'll do a backup.
Speaker: Yeah. Okay? If you send something that is clearly ah hammer,
Speaker: or not a sword, or and that's on you. Yeah. But if it's our fault that we haven't read a thing, or just aren't familiar with it, Then we'll do a backup.
Speaker: Or if you've already ranked rated your first choice. Send those to warrocketpodcasts at gmail.com. You can also ah send every story ever lists there, or let us know if you want to sponsor the show there, or get in touch with us about any other old thing that you want to send us an email about.
Speaker: You can also follow us on Blue Sky. We're at warrocketajax.com there. ah You can send us questions on Tumblr. We're at warrocketpodcast.tumblr.com.
Speaker: You can also join our Discord if you want to be part of that community of War Rocket Ajax fans. it is it's ah It's a cool, chill place. And very fun to get into chit-chat there.
Speaker: ah You can't have to be invited to be on our Discord, but if you ask us nicely for an invitation, ah we will i get you one. So, ah just ask, and we'll send you an invitation.
Speaker: Our website is warrocketajax.com, and has every so those every episode of the show that we've ever done. warrocketwiki.com is the fan-run repository of information about this show, ah War Rocket Ajax.
Speaker: Go there to find out stuff if you don't know things. you want to find me and my stuff, go to mattdwilson.net. That's fine where you'll find links to my comics, my books, my other podcasts, and my social medias. Chris, where can people find you?
Speaker: Everybody can find me by going to the-isb.com. That is my website. It has links to all the stuff that I do around the internet and things that you can read right now and enjoy.
Speaker: Hey, everybody, i have a sword that doesn't have a name. I haven't decided what I want to name this sword yet. If you've got an idea of what I should name my sword, let me know. Well, you should you should put a picture of it somewhere.
Speaker: I will. I will take a picture.
Speaker: we'll We'll take a picture of it, put it on Blue Sky, and we'll retweet it on the Ajax Blue Sky count. It's a pretty cool sword. It's probably like ah like a 7. Nice. yeah Solid. of...
Speaker: just like the just like the just like the norwegian sword they
Speaker: If he cut in half any French swords, it's a nine. And that's real. i think that's more that's very fair. That's a very fair standard.
Speaker: All right. Join us next week. We'll be back with some more ah fun times to have on the show. Until then, do not forget Black Lives Matter. Trans rights are human rights. As are abortion rights.
Speaker: Drag is not a crime. Diversity is not the problem. And cops aren't your friends. But we love you. We love you. Trans rights. Yeah!
