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Why Your Friend Group is Shrinking: The Burnout and Relationship Connection
12 Plays11 days ago
This is the burnout reality check that explains why your relationships are suffering. The moment when you stop wondering why you can't show up for friends and start understanding how exhaustion actually works. In this episode, I break down the real connection between burnout and relationship breakdown - plus three practical ways to maintain connections when you're running on empty.
We're getting real about:
- Why burnout isn't just work stress (it's parenting, activism, economic hardship, and political chaos too)
- The signs you're burned out: exhaustion, irritability, apathy, and hopelessness
- How we're one system - you can't leave work stress at work
- Why your friend group keeps shrinking (hint: it might be burnout)
- The "three business months" response time we all joke about but actually experience
- How relationships provide the support, joy, and levity you desperately need right now
- And my three effective strategies for maintaining connections when you barely have energy to survive
I share my own burnout story from last year - how a minor podcast issue had me in tears because I was so maxed out, and share practical ways relationships actually support recovery - from emotional support to community financial help.
This isn't about forcing yourself to be social when you're depleted. This is about strategic connection that actually helps your recovery instead of draining you further.
Connection is the antidote to burnout.
Subscribe. Share. Show up for your people even when you don't feel like it. They need you and you need them.
Small steps, big healing. Keep growing! ✨
Join the conversation! How has burnout affected your relationships? DM me your experiences on Instagram @YourCoachMari.
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Send in questions: contact+podcast@marisolmoran.com
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Transcript
Introduction to Growing with Soul Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello, beautiful souls, and welcome back to another installment of the Growing with Soul podcast. My name is Marisol Moran, and I am a certified life coach specializing in self-esteem and confidence.
Exploring Burnout's Impact on Relationships
00:00:12
Speaker
The Growing with Soul podcast focuses on continual growth and healing, especially in the small steps we take every single day. If you are looking to heal, to grow, and to connect with your true self,
00:00:24
Speaker
this podcast is definitely for you. I am also currently accepting clients. So if you are looking keep for support in reaching any goals in pertaining to what the topic is today as well, then definitely click the link in the show notes to schedule your very own discovery call.
Defining and Understanding Burnout
00:00:41
Speaker
So as you can see from the title of this episode, we are going to be focusing on burnout and its relation to your relationships in life, whether that be your friendships, your romantic partner or your family.
00:00:54
Speaker
Essentially, when we are experiencing burnout, that's, I would say we could probably agree, the first thing to go, the first thing that is impacted other than yourself is your relationship. So we're gonna dig into what we can do to build to those relationships and maintain those relationships when we are essentially recovering from burnout.
Causes and Personal Experiences of Burnout
00:01:15
Speaker
But before we begin, we always have to define our terms. So i went to define burnout, As defined by psychology today, burnout is a state of emotional, mental, and often physical exhaustion brought on by prolonged or repeated stress.
00:01:32
Speaker
Though it's most often caused by problems at work, it can also appear in other areas of life, such as parenting, caretaking, and romantic relationships. Heavy on the romantic relationships. I feel like we've all been there.
00:01:46
Speaker
But... I feel like often when we talk about burnout, we do focus on work and how work burns us out, which American work culture, yes, so that is very, very true.
00:01:59
Speaker
We like to overwork ourselves and we don't like taking vacations. But burnout can come from other areas of life, the way this definition does highlight. And some other the areas that I do want to talk about as well in terms of environmental factors would also include being consistently stressed in relationships,
00:02:18
Speaker
prolonged economic hardship, and also prolonged political strife and activism.
Signs and Symptoms of Burnout
00:02:24
Speaker
I think that one is especially important right now because we are currently experiencing here in the U.S. and would say other countries do, I'm sure.
00:02:33
Speaker
um i feel like I get news of crazy things happening in all sorts of places. But here in United States is my context. um where We are experiencing some crazy fucking shit.
00:02:45
Speaker
So... Burnout can definitely happen due to that, due to all of that. And honestly, like having been in activist spaces just over the years, i i yeah there's a lot of burnout in those spaces.
00:03:01
Speaker
The amount of people I've seen like crash and burn from putting in too much, not too much effort, that's an odd way to put it, but like the amount of people in activist spaces who do burn out Like it it's not sustainable in order to truly assist and obtain the goals that you're working towards. So I feel like it's very timely to talk about right
Consequences of Burnout on Health and Productivity
00:03:24
Speaker
now.
00:03:24
Speaker
right now But how do you know that you are experiencing burnout? Some key signs to look out for, an obvious one, exhaustion. We're all tired, right?
00:03:36
Speaker
But like, it's not burnout are you just not sleeping? Like, but it might be burnout. So burnout, anger, And the thing is, if you're angry while you're burned out, like it's probably because you're irritable.
00:03:50
Speaker
And that's another key sign to look out for irritability. And if you're irritable, that means get angry more quickly. Therefore, the exhaustion, the irritability, the the anger, huge sign that it's burnt out.
00:04:03
Speaker
With that being said, if you're angry and irritable, you're probably also frustrated. But another thing to look out for that maybe you wouldn't necessarily think is apathy. But it makes sense because you're burnt out because you are putting so much time and energy and care and focus into something else that after a while, you just can't care anymore. You're so burnt out from caring that you can't.
00:04:31
Speaker
So you just shut it off and you have the apathy. Another thing to look out for as well is hopelessness. Like if you are also experiencing hopelessness, That could be a sign of burnout, especially if you are experiencing that along with everything else I've just mentioned.
00:04:50
Speaker
So what are the consequences of burnout?
Burnout vs Depression and Anxiety
00:04:54
Speaker
Obviously, the main focus of today's episode is the impact it has on relationships and what we can do to combat that. However, there are other things that are happening as well.
00:05:04
Speaker
One of the key signs that came up in a lot of the articles that I read for this episode was increased sick days at work. I think that it's mostly in terms of like, you're so burnt out that perhaps now you're getting sick or taking a lot more mental health days.
00:05:21
Speaker
Because one of the things that I did want to really highlight in this episode is like what to do. And that's mainly because a lot of the articles that I found online when it came to talking about burnout was like how to avoid it. And it's like, girl, if we are researching burnout, it's not because you're trying to avoid it, it's because we're experiencing it.
00:05:37
Speaker
So so um I feel like we can often take sick days as a way to avoid burnout.
Impact of Burnout on Personal Relationships
00:05:46
Speaker
But that's not what we're talking about here. um So if you're taking more sick days and you're feeling all the things I mentioned before, is it because your mental health is now so affected by it that you need to take the sick day as a mental health day?
00:05:58
Speaker
And or are you getting ill more often? Another symptom essentially of burnout that you might experience at work specifically is the loss of productivity. Another is how I mentioned overall strain on your mental health. One thing that I do want to touch on and not so much dwell on in this episode specifically is that so often in everything that I read for this episode was a connection or similarity between burnout and depression.
00:06:29
Speaker
And even some of the things that I mentioned earlier as signs of burnout, very similar to what someone might experience in depression, but also there are links between burnout and anxiety. So that is something to keep in mind, especially if you're thinking you like, am I experiencing burnout? Maybe it's depression. Maybe it's both. Like, let's be real here. Like two things can happen at the same time, but keep that in mind as you are sort of assessing your own mental and emotional state.
00:06:58
Speaker
Like I mentioned before, another thing that can be is a impact on physical health, hence the sick days. And then like I have been highlighting, it does affect our
Social Isolation and Loss of Friendships
00:07:09
Speaker
relationships. They do suffer.
00:07:11
Speaker
Now, one of the things that I think is incredibly important for all of us to really just like remember is that we are one system.
00:07:23
Speaker
So often when we experience burnout, it's because work stress and work-related stuff. But if we are one system, one person, one body, we do not leave our work stress at work.
00:07:38
Speaker
That is a skill, okay? Like it's possible and I do think that is something that we as people can do, but it's a skill to be developed. And not all of us have that skill.
00:07:51
Speaker
And but depending on the type of work you do, depending on how stressed or brutal out you're feeling, it's not always easy to just leave work at work. So you take it with you in all the other areas of your life.
00:08:06
Speaker
With all the other people in your life, they see it. They see the stress, they see the burnout. You can't hide it, okay? They can tell. um But if you are also if experiencing burnout from multiple areas of life,
00:08:20
Speaker
That's rough, okay? That is even harder to contend with. So what happens in that situation with your relationships? You don't show up at all for your relationships. You are no longer putting effort into your relationships.
00:08:32
Speaker
Maybe you're even isolating because it's all too much. So now you're isolating maybe to conserve energy, maybe to try to recoup, but you're never actually recouping. Maybe all of that is a reason why can't contribute or essentially main reason why, or maybe it's contributing to your lack of friendship.
00:08:53
Speaker
How many of us have been complaining that we don't have friends? How many of us have been noticing that our friend groups have been dwindling over the years?
The Role of Relationships in Coping with Burnout
00:09:04
Speaker
Like, there's this meme that I've seen multiple times on my Instagram, and I think it's because it's like Shibas, but there's this meme where it's like, you know, my friends in my, as when I was a teenager, and it's like a whole group of people.
00:09:18
Speaker
My friends in my 20s, a smaller group of people. And then it's like, my friends in my 30s, and it's like Shiba. So I feel like a lot of us are experiencing that and maybe burnout is contributing to that phenomenon.
00:09:31
Speaker
And also how many of us always talk about how like, I always like, I either respond to my friends immediately or I respond to my friends in like three business months. Like maybe our burnout is contributing to that phenomenon as well.
00:09:44
Speaker
Essentially you are not showing up in your friendships, in your relationships. But let's take a moment to highlight why relationships are so important when we are experiencing burnout and we are when we are recovering from
Family Support During Burnout
00:10:03
Speaker
burnout.
00:10:03
Speaker
And first and foremost is it because relationships provide support. That support can be emotional support and having someone to talk to, to sort of be a sounding board, to sort of take some of that emotional burden in off of you. Because it helps when we talk to someone about what we're going through in our stress. It does alleviate some of that like emotional pressure.
00:10:27
Speaker
Additionally, the people in your life who are closest to you, your friends, your family, your partner, they they love you. They want to help you. So if you are talking to them about what's going they're going to offer to help.
00:10:44
Speaker
Crazy, crazy, I know, to ask for help. But the people that love you want to help you. And a key example of this is actually something that happened in my life.
00:10:55
Speaker
I was extremely burnt out by, ah towards the end of last year. I was super burnt out, super stressed. I was so stressed. to the point that something like something went wrong with actually the podcast last year.
00:11:10
Speaker
And like instead of being like, oh, let me like research this issue, i was in tears. like It was like the straw that both the candles black. I was so stressed that one little minor roadblock, I was in tears. I couldn't take it anymore.
00:11:27
Speaker
But... In that that context, in that process, I had a trip to Italy coming up. um And I was going to go and like meet up with friends just travel finally and like take some really needed time off.
00:11:45
Speaker
But between planning the trip and the trip taking place, my parents had some health setbacks. So my mom had like an injury to her back. My dad had knee replacement surgery right before the trip, and I was the one really helping out with everything around the house.
00:12:01
Speaker
And I was leaving, and I was like, how am I supposed to do this? And like how am I supposed to leave my dog in their care when they need to focus on healing? Thankfully, my brother was able to take time off work, fly out here, and essentially do all of that. And you know, take Mochi on blocks and really take care of Mochi when my parents couldn't do that during that time.
00:12:26
Speaker
So not only did my brother coming out and like doing all that really help me so that I can like go would take time off and like be on vacation, but that trip also helped me foster a long time friendship.
00:12:39
Speaker
And it also helped me fulfill an aspect of what I enjoy doing that I never really get to do, which is travel. i love traveling. i love experiencing new culture, new foods and what have you. And it's not something I get to do often because it is very expensive.
00:12:53
Speaker
So I never get to do it. Not me, it's rare, it's rare. But my brother coming out and helping me allowed me to do all those things. So reach out to the people that love you so they can support you in that way.
Financial and Community Support Networks
00:13:08
Speaker
Additionally, like I mentioned before, financial stress can also contribute to burnout. So the people in your life who love you can also support you financially. I know that when we talk about money, money can be a little funny, okay? And when it comes to lending money giving money, people get kind of squirrely and they get uncomfortable. They don't want to talk about it.
00:13:32
Speaker
And I get it because sometimes when we include money into relationships, people get burned. And I've seen it, okay? I've seen that happen before my eyes.
00:13:46
Speaker
And I would say in every single instance that I've seen that happen, it is because those people, those relationships are toxic, okay? And that those are relationships and people where money should have been involved to begin with.
00:14:03
Speaker
With that being said, if you have healthy friendships, healthy relationships, Sometimes financial help can be there as well. One example is actually something that my parents told me about that they used to do with like a group of like colleagues.
00:14:18
Speaker
I forget the word for it, okay? And like my mom's gonna listen to this and she's gonna know the word and she's gonna tell me and I'm gonna be like, oh, how did I forget? The word is in Spanish, okay?
00:14:28
Speaker
And I just, i can't I can't remember what the word is, but it's a word and Spanish and it's something that my parents to do. But essentially you get a group of people Okay? And three people come together and you decide however much money you want to contribute every month.
00:14:44
Speaker
So for example, my parents used to have a group of like 10 or 12 people or whatever. um And they all would contribute $100 every month.
00:14:55
Speaker
And then every month, one person in the group gets the sum of money. And they're able to use it for whatever they need, whatever they want. So if it's like 10 people, that's $1,000 that you could then use, that one person gets every month.
00:15:10
Speaker
So not only do you have like your regular paycheck, but then because you're in this group, there's a one month of the year, for example, where you're gonna get like an extra $1,000 because everybody's contributing to this bot. So my parents would do that for a while while I was growing up. i was little kid.
00:15:25
Speaker
And they would often choose December as their month, and that way they would have money to buy presents for everybody. So that's one way of community financial support um that, you know, is is there that is possible.
Importance of Joy and Fun from Relationships
00:15:38
Speaker
Another thing that I want to highlight when it comes to friendships and relationships and even like family and all of that, but when we have people in our life, Not only do they bring that support, that emotional support, maybe that really tactile support, helping you do things, or that financial support, but other people bring joy. They bring levity, maybe even a little bit of frivolity.
00:16:06
Speaker
and we need that. I don't think i can ever in my life highlight enough how important fun is for your mental health. Like it is something that the more i think about it, the more I talk about it, feel like more passionate get.
00:16:23
Speaker
Because like we spend so much time talking about healing, talking about our pain, talking about our trauma, talking about like breathing exercises and meditation and like, you know, our physical health and our physical fitness. And it's like, girl, when was the last time you laughed?
00:16:41
Speaker
Like, you know, like when was the last time you had fun? I see you doing your sound baths and your meditation and your weightlifting. like all that. I see it. I love it. But when did you last like belly laugh?
00:16:57
Speaker
You know? So having other people in your life can bring that. And that is incredibly important as well. So if we want all of those things, what are some things we can do in order to maintain our
Effective Communication with Friends and Family
00:17:11
Speaker
relationships? And luckily I have three effective ways.
00:17:14
Speaker
The first one might seem a little bit cliche, a little bit over talked about, but that's because it's effective. And you know what it is? It's the word we all don't want to hear. Communication.
00:17:27
Speaker
It is communication. And the thing about it is that if we can communicate effectively, Then other people know how to support us. And they also know that maybe you're not going to be showing up like maybe they need or they would like.
00:17:44
Speaker
And then everything is going to be okay. So the thing about communication that makes it difficult when we're experiencing burnout is because when we're burnt out, when we're recovering from it as well, we're in a vulnerable place.
00:17:57
Speaker
And often when we're vulnerable or in a vulnerable place, it's not easy to talk about it. It takes a lot of bravery, a lot of energy that we don't have in order to talk to somebody about it.
00:18:07
Speaker
So it makes communication difficult. But if we don't communicate what we're going through and what we're experiencing, then the people who love us aren't going to know how to help us. Also, the people who love us and want to hear from us, want to hear from us, aren't going to know that you're going to be MIA for a little bit and that's okay.
00:18:26
Speaker
Like one of my friends who's like in the group chat, she, like her work kind of ebbs and flows. So every once in a while, she'll text the group chat like, hey, I'm going to be MIA. Like work is really crazy this month. We have like all this stuff going on.
00:18:37
Speaker
going be working label a lot or whatever. She's like, so going to be MIA, but I'll be back. Cool. And then she disappears. And then like month will go by. She paused back up in the group chat and everything is fine.
00:18:49
Speaker
But we knew what was going on. Simple is simple. It's difficult, but it is a simple thing.
Maintaining Connections Through Low-Effort Hangouts
00:18:56
Speaker
The second thing that can be done is low effort hangouts. I know, I know, it it's hanging out with people. it's It's not that easy, but it can be.
00:19:06
Speaker
The low effort hangout is not going to take a lot of energy. and And one of the things that it can literally be, especially if you're a little busy bee, is just bringing your friend and lot your friend along on like going to buy groceries.
00:19:21
Speaker
Like if you are just going to run errands, bring your friend to run errands with you. And honestly, it's one of the best things. Like one of my things before, before my friend moved to another country,
00:19:34
Speaker
Was literally just like, hey, I'm going to go run some errands, come with me, like literally like go get groceries and like get boba, go get groceries together and then like, boom, hang out. Easy hang out, okay? it So it can be something as simple as that for your, maybe your partner, romantic relationships.
00:19:50
Speaker
Go on a walk together. effort. Go on a walk together. Keep your phones in your pockets. Have a lovely conversation. And I'm sure if you take the time to think about it, you'll come up with so many other low effort hangouts.
Encouragement to Socialize Despite Reluctance
00:20:05
Speaker
Now the third thing is a little bit of a curveball. The third thing might not be what you're expecting. However, I think it is maybe at this point one of the more important things.
00:20:16
Speaker
And that is to hang out with your friends, with your loved ones, when you don't feel like it.
00:20:23
Speaker
Bear with me now. If you are burnt out and you are tired and you have that feeling where you're just like, ugh, don't wanna do anything. And it's not like, oh, I just really need to be alone right now. Like I'm maxed out, like I'm overstimulated. I'm not talking about that.
00:20:37
Speaker
I'm talking about that feeling when like you're feeling burnt out and you're feeling tired, just like, ugh, like I just can't be bothered. Like, ugh, like that feeling, that's when you need to go hang out with your that How often does that feeling stop you from spending time with people?
00:20:54
Speaker
And then you're complaining that you're alone, you're lonely, you don't have any friends. Like, okay, so that feeling that you have, when you're feeling that way, still make the time to go hang out with your friends.
00:21:09
Speaker
And more often than not, I have noticed that when I even have that feeling and I still go hang out with friends, that hanging out with the friends is actually what I really needed. And that staying home, as much as i love being home,
00:21:23
Speaker
As much as I love hanging out with Moch, what I really needed was to hang out with my friends. So do that when you have that feeling.
Conclusion and Call to Action
00:21:35
Speaker
Thank you for tuning in to the Grown With Soul epi podcast. If this episode resonates with you, subscribe, leave a review. It helps it, you know, get the podcast to get to more people.
00:21:48
Speaker
If you want more insights from me about all of these things, so i talk about all this on all of my social media as well. Go ahead and follow me at yourcoachmari. I am on Instagram, TikTok, and Threads.
00:21:59
Speaker
And if you are looking for support in building your relationships, your friendships, if you are recovering from burnout and you want support, you want something that's going to be more tailored to you and your exact experience, then definitely hit me up.
00:22:12
Speaker
You can schedule your very own discovery call in the show notes. And until next time, keep growing.