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How To Navigate Motherhood and Friendship: a Conversation with Mitzy Days
12 Plays5 days ago
This is the friendship reality check every woman needs to hear. The moment when you stop taking friendship changes personally and start understanding the beautiful evolution that happens when life shifts. In this conversation, Mitzy Diaz and I break down the truth about how motherhood transforms friendships – and why that's not always a bad thing.
We're covering all the good stuff:
- Why becoming a mom during COVID created the perfect storm for friendship challenges
- How postpartum depression complicated communication in ways no one talks about
- The difference between friendships with strong foundations and those built on convenience
- Why some friends will consistently invite you despite schedule changes (and others won't)
- How to navigate the guilt of not being the "available" friend anymore
- The wisdom in accepting that some friendships serve specific seasons of life
- And the beautiful examples of friends who love you through every life transition
This isn't about mourning lost friendships. This is about recognizing which relationships have the foundation to grow stronger, learning to communicate your needs without shame, and understanding that priorities shifting doesn't mean love decreasing.
Mitzy's vulnerability about struggling as an introvert new mom while dealing with friendship changes will validate every feeling you've had about this transition.
Meet Mitzy: Maritza Alarcon Diaz is a 35-year-old Latina living in Southern California. She is a mom, wife, traveler, and a professional in the tech industry. While her favorite role is being a mother, her journey to motherhood wasn't easy. To share her experiences, she launched her blog, MitzyDays.com, which focuses on lifestyle, travel, mental health, and motherhood.
Connect with Mitzy:
Website
Subscribe. Share. Choose friendships that choose you back. You deserve relationships that evolve with you.
Small steps, big healing. Keep growing! ✨
💬 LET'S CONNECT:
Send in questions: contact+podcast@marisolmoran.com
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🌱 LET’S GROW TOGETHER
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Transcript
Introduction and Podcast Focus
00:00:00
Speaker
from
00:00:03
Speaker
Hello, beautiful souls, and welcome back to another installment of Growing With Soul. My name is Marisol Moran, and I am a certified life coach specializing in self-esteem and confidence. The Growing With Soul podcast focuses on continual growth and healing, especially in the small steps we take every single day. If you are looking to heal, to grow, and to connect with your true self, this podcast is for you.
00:00:25
Speaker
Additionally, I am currently accepting new clients, so if you would like support in reaching your goals or building confidence, click the link in the show notes to schedule your very own discovery call.
Friendship Dynamics Amid Motherhood
00:00:36
Speaker
As a lot of you know, I've been talking about friendship on the podcast this month, and I wanted to round it out with talking about friendship and motherhood because... I feel like as women, we end up experiencing this in some capacity, whether we become a mom and it changes our friendship dynamics or our bestie becomes a mom and it changes our friendship dynamics.
00:00:58
Speaker
So I wanted to dig in a little bit more deeply about what that looks like and what we can do to continue to strengthen our friendships as we all grow and change as individuals.
Guest Introduction: Maritza Alarcón-Díaz
00:01:11
Speaker
So I do have a wonderful guest today. I have Maritza Alarcón-Díaz. As she is a 35-year-old Latina living in Southern California, she is a mom, wife, traveler, and a professional in the tech industry.
00:01:25
Speaker
While her favorite role is being a mother, her journey to motherhood was not easy. To share her experiences, she launched her very own blog, MitziDays.com, which focuses on lifestyle, travel, mental health, and motherhood.
00:01:38
Speaker
So a lot of wonderful things that definitely fit what we talk about here on the podcast. So thank you for joining me today, Marisa, especially with all the tech issues. Definitely appreciate you being here even more so.
00:01:49
Speaker
No, thank you for having me and thank you for reaching out, Marisa. Yes, wonderful to have you here. i know that you talk a lot about motherhood on your social media, your online presence, um and then also lifestyle. i feel like a huge part of life lifestyle is friendship or what I've been observing and somewhat experiencing as well in my own life, the lack of a friendship nowadays in American society and culture.
00:02:16
Speaker
And like we talked about a little bit before we, know, quickly record button, um motherhood can definitely change the dynamic of friendship on both sides, whether it's, you know, you as the mom or your friend who has been used to you being the bestie, you know, you're practically maybe your whole lives or forever, however many years.
00:02:38
Speaker
And I was just curious about your perspective on that, but also, you Is that something that you also
Motherhood During COVID: A Unique Experience
00:02:45
Speaker
experienced? and And if so, what was that shift like for your own life?
00:02:49
Speaker
So I did experience that. I felt that my situation was a bit unique when I became a mom. I became a mom right in the midst of COVID. and So I had my baby May of 2020.
00:03:02
Speaker
And I felt like that even hurt even more trying to build friendships or just continue the friendships that I already had. um So I feel like I've had some issues in the friendship area with certain friends. And then with other friends, they just kind of ah been open to understanding my life now.
00:03:25
Speaker
and then also then becoming moms has also helped out as well. So I feel like I have a mixture of different friend groups that... We're not moms. And then now they're moms. Or they're still not moms. And we still have a good um communication and base.
00:03:40
Speaker
But then there's some friendships where it just kind of like dwindle down. Mm-hmm. I think it's wonderful that you have sort of that mix of experience. And one of the key words that you said that immediately stood out to me was communication.
Impact of Motherhood on Friendships
00:03:53
Speaker
And I feel like... I feel like for maybe somebody like myself who's in this space, maybe even yourself as well, talking about mental health, a lot of... functioning dynamics and interpersonal dynamics boils down to communication, but it seems to be like this perennially difficult thing for just us as people to do.
00:04:13
Speaker
And this might be maybe just one of those experiences, and by this I mean like motherhood, where it complicates things for people, especially when we might already have a hard time communicating, being vulnerable, and maybe we're feeling a little bit like,
00:04:34
Speaker
some Some negative emotions, not to put a name on them, but maybe for some of us feeling some quote unquote negative emotions around this change, because it's a big change, definitely. Yes. um And even having to like, again, from my side, where you see someone become a mom.
00:04:51
Speaker
Yeah.
00:04:54
Speaker
ah You don't expect it to change something, but it kind of does. Like, I remember when my nephew was born and you know, I traveled down to Los Angeles because I was living in Northern California at the time. And, you know, i got to see my brother-in-law, my sister, my little baby nephew.
00:05:11
Speaker
and like, I was excited to see my sister, like, obviously, you know, as well. and it was just, like, weird because I was just like, dude, you're a mom.
00:05:24
Speaker
Like after all these years, like, oh my God. Like, obviously I knew, but then just like seeing her like as a mom now too was just like, there's this new dimension to who you are now.
00:05:36
Speaker
So I think also that can apply two friends as well. Cause then you have this, other person who's also there as well in the friendship too, which again, maybe not everybody sees it that way, but it sounds like you were still able to foster and maintain some really good communication with certain friends as well.
00:05:55
Speaker
Yes, I was. And I feel like what really kind of, um, helped out was that during that time, I felt like communication was very, very important. So I felt like they were messaging me, but also I wasn't open as much as a communicator.
00:06:14
Speaker
just like a little background, when I had my baby, of course it was COVID, but then I had postpartum depression. I'm already an introvert as it is. um and i And I keep my friends really, really close to me. And it's just that...
00:06:31
Speaker
It's hard for me to make friends sometimes because I'm just such an introvert when they first meet me and i'm and I just don't say much until later on. They're like, Walmart, so this is not how you were in the beginning. So I understand that it's hard for me to make new friends because of my introvert side.
00:06:45
Speaker
um Having children has completely changed that because my daughter is an extrovert. ah But in the beginning, it was hard for me to express the help that I needed um because they wouldn't understand. Or the friend who was always strong now is not strong.
00:07:02
Speaker
always go to Maritza to get some assistance. And now, like, I need to help Maritza. So just kind of felt like I stayed quiet for quite some time, but even, like, within my family. So it wasn't anything but, like, specific friends.
00:07:15
Speaker
But I feel that... um Communication is very, very important. And also to understand that life has changed now as a mom, even though as much as you don't want it to change it It changes because now your priorities shift.
00:07:33
Speaker
It's no longer i'm going to be able to do whatever I want to do. and now it's like I have another child. I have a child to take care of. and And maybe i'm not able to communicate with you as fast as you want. Or I might forget to text back.
00:07:48
Speaker
That could have some issues there if you're not a good communicator. Yeah, I can i could definitely see that because your priorities shift. yeah you know You now have this this human being that you need to take care of and make sure that they're happy and healthy and that they're doing okay, which, again, I'm not a mom, but as anybody who is close to me really knows, I'm already high anxiety.
00:08:14
Speaker
and And I'm high anxiety about my dog that I did not even give birth to. And I'm constantly worried about his health. I can't imagine how I will be if I ever have a child.
00:08:29
Speaker
So I could only imagine for other all the moms out there how they're also now feeling with that priority shift of like this this human being, this little baby that you created.
00:08:40
Speaker
you know and now they're just walking around the world. And the world is crazy. So I can definitely see how priorities are going to be shifting. Your focus is going to be elsewhere
Maintaining Friendships as Life Changes
00:08:51
Speaker
as a mom. And again, you're not going to be getting back to friends or even family quickly. Mm-hmm.
00:08:59
Speaker
I can't even like, especially like afterwards, like after giving birth, like your body's still healing. I'm sure you're exhausted. You mentioned you had postpartum depression. and That's a whole other like can of worms, essentially, that you're also dealing with now on top of everything else.
00:09:16
Speaker
That must have been incredibly difficult. Yes, it was very difficult. And especially when right before I got pregnant, we were with um but new friends and, you know, we're going camping, we're doing this, we're doing that. And then all of a sudden it's just like, well, I have a child. And I'm the first one from like that friend group that has a child.
00:09:37
Speaker
And then it's just like, Where's communication? and So it was kind of hard to balance out. And I know I did get very, very emotional. Of course, I'm already, know, just postpartum, you're emotional as it is. And then me dealing with postpartum depression.
00:09:54
Speaker
ah really hit hard when it came to the lack of communication or no communication from certain friends or like invites after like the whole COVID period where it's like, hey, like I'm a mom, but I still would like to go out.
00:10:10
Speaker
um And I think that is also where I feel like i'd probably done that in the past too, where it's just like, oh, my My friend is a mom. She might not want to go out because so-and-so without even asking. you know And I think that's where the communication starts. Like, oh, well, I thought that you don't want to go out because you have a kid and your your your child. it's like, wait, you could ask me, hey are you available X day? And if I can't, I can. But what if I am able to? what um What if I'm able to have my mom take care of my daughter or my husband take care of the daughter?
00:10:43
Speaker
and So feel like understanding that yes, mothers still want to go out, even without their child, believe it or not. Because I feel like that's always like, no, you want to bring your child? Like, no, sometimes I just want to be by myself and go out with my friends. And I do that very often.
00:11:01
Speaker
But I feel that um having that communication, that just that open invite, like, hey, Here's an invite. If you can make it, I would love to have you there. And that's it.
00:11:12
Speaker
So I feel that communication on both ends is extremely important and understanding
00:11:21
Speaker
that it might not be the same as before, but it could be better. and but still have like that strong foundation, because if there's no strong foundation, I think as a friendship, it's not going to work out. Right.
00:11:34
Speaker
That's very true. i You touched on a couple of things that I think are really important. One, definitely being that strong foundation. And also, you mentioned that, you know, it is, things are going to change.
00:11:48
Speaker
And part of that is accepting that it's going to look different. And accepting that even though the friendship is going to look different, it doesn't change necessarily the the emotional connection between the two of you.
00:12:05
Speaker
So, and I think that that might be difficult for a lot of people. For a variety of reasons, you know, but I definitely think that for a lot of individuals, when we see something that we're so used to change in terms of like the actions and maybe like the amount of communication or the type of things that you do, um we might think that the dynamic is now different and maybe you're not that close anymore or whatever it might be when that's not actually true. Like you very much still want to be friends and still want to have that closeness.
00:12:40
Speaker
There's just different parameters now that you're operating within a different context that you're operating within. And I think for a lot of people, it is difficult to accept that things have shifted.
00:12:51
Speaker
And that even though, and it's difficult to recognize that even though the friendship might look different, that you're still
Resilience and Acceptance in Friendships
00:13:00
Speaker
friends. Yeah. And I think that part can be very hard for a lot of people. Is that something that you also saw within your own friend groups or was it a little bit more seamless?
00:13:11
Speaker
um I think it just depends. and like I have a really, really close friendship. on And they're my sorority sisters. and Okay. Three of my other sorority sisters. i call them my line sisters.
00:13:24
Speaker
And we have a really great foundation since like 2009 when we were in college. And I was the first one of the group to have a baby. and But we already had that strong foundation that...
00:13:39
Speaker
We were, after college, it was hard to see each other all the time. You know, we started to get jobs and after college and going to get our master's degree and so on, which, you know, the different places we all went to.
00:13:54
Speaker
But we still managed to at least meet once a year. Like every year in January, we pick a date and we're going to meet each other. We have a group chat. Hey, I need...
00:14:06
Speaker
help or I'm feeling this way. And we all support each other, even though we don't see each other that often. And sometimes that's where some friendships are like, well, I haven't seen you in a few months. Like you might not want to see me anymore. It's like, it's not that.
00:14:21
Speaker
It's just like trying to deal with, not deal with, but like try to maintain a friendship of ah four women. One just became a mom and then the rest are just, you know, they're dealing with their daily lives and and work and stuff.
00:14:34
Speaker
So
00:14:37
Speaker
But knowing that I have that support with them, that I'm able to just text them like, hey, I need help. I'm not feeling good. And them messaging me bad. But I already have that foundation with them.
00:14:49
Speaker
While other friendships is just like, you know, I was the single Maritza or the now the Mary Maritza, but with no children and you're able to go out and, hey, do you want to come to dinner today at 4 p.m.? Oh, it's only two hours away.
00:15:04
Speaker
Yeah, we'll do it. Like we have nothing else to do. And then that's when things might have shift because there's no good foundation. And then think it's such a rocky start the first time you're a mom and like the first few weeks because you're tired.
00:15:20
Speaker
You... Maybe not want to communicate, especially for me, where I'm like, how am I going to tell my friends that I'm dealing with this? Like, i I've never dealt with this before. um Or how are they going to understand?
00:15:33
Speaker
But most of my friends were very understanding. But I do see that there are some shifts now where maybe the ones that... We're in my, my bridesmaids before. And then now it's just like, we don't communicate that much as before.
00:15:49
Speaker
And I do see like some friendships dwindling down and I'm like, okay, well, maybe it's just not the time. But I think also learning to not let that get to you. Cause that really got in the beginning I'm like, but I didn't miss that friendship.
00:16:04
Speaker
Yeah. But maybe it was just that friendship for the period of time that I needed, but that we needed each other. um And that was really hard to understand.
00:16:15
Speaker
Because when I keep my friends, I keep my friends so close because I love them so much. And I and i create a that strong bond when we might have seen each other in college every day. And then after graduation, you know, I graduated or that person stayed back in college. And and that was just...
00:16:33
Speaker
friendships grow, right? meet friends at work, you meet, continue meeting friends in college. So um
00:16:40
Speaker
it's such like a, it's such a sticky situation with friendships sometimes that it's like, sometimes you want it to last forever and sometimes they do. And then there's probably times where you you come back.
00:16:56
Speaker
And that's beautiful. And I'm open to that because it's it's happened to me before. but don't speak with somebody for many years, but then something happens regardless of the issue it might be, but that brings you together.
00:17:08
Speaker
So I feel like being open to that and not being like, well, you didn't talk to me for so many years. Things happen, you know, and and if there shouldn't be unless something really crazy happened, right? It's just like, you know, times change, you change.
00:17:25
Speaker
But somehow things come back, like I'm open to that. And sometimes people are not. Right. I think that there's a certain level of ah wisdom that.
00:17:35
Speaker
And it's a hard to really... determine when the situation calls for that. Because i've I've had similar situations as well, where, like, I had a friend from high school, and he and I were not, like, super, super close, I would say, in high school and even throughout college, but close enough. Like, we went to two different, well, we went to two different high schools, because he went to an all-boys school, guy i went to an all-girls school.
00:18:01
Speaker
But... But like, you know, we were in the same area in high school. And then stayed in Southern California. He went up to Northern California for college. But I would go visit him and I would like take my friends to go visit him up there, too.
00:18:14
Speaker
so it was just fun all around. But then we lost touch after college, I think for about like. seven or so years? We just didn't talk.
00:18:27
Speaker
And then he moved back to Los Angeles and he just randomly called me he was like, hey, this is what's going on. I'm moving back. Like, let's hang out.
00:18:38
Speaker
And I was just like, oh, okay, cool. And then like that just brought us back together again. And now, It's like, I don't even like count that. it's like, we've been friends since we were like 15.
00:18:49
Speaker
Like, it doesn't matter that we didn't talk for like five, whatever, how many years, like we've been friends. Then I have another situation where I had a very close friend in college, like my best friend.
00:19:01
Speaker
And even though I moved away and she stayed here in Los Angeles, we were still very close. But for whatever reason, after a while, that friendship just dissipated even when I moved back to Los Angeles.
00:19:14
Speaker
And it's like, One of those things where I don't know 100% why that happened, but it did. And even though we kind of like would touch base afterwards, it didn't have that same feeling of closeness anymore.
00:19:28
Speaker
and it was just one of things where it's like, okay, well, maybe this is where we're letting it be. And if in the future we were to be friends again and have that closeness again, great.
00:19:41
Speaker
And being open to that, but also being able to recognize that maybe the current moment just isn't that moment. Yeah. Yeah. And it's hard to decipher, but there's... It's very hard because I've been in those situations where I'm like, they didn't let me know about x y and Z. And it's just like, I've always let you know. oh i've And then that's when you're like, am I putting too much into this relationship? Right? Because friendships are relationships. And I think that's... its And it's a very fine line where it's like, okay,
00:20:14
Speaker
am i be Am I putting too much into the relationship and I'm not getting anything in return? or is it just like, we're just both busy, I know going to see her and in like two months. Because that it's happened to me with my friends where like, life happens. And we're like, oh my gosh, we haven't seen each other in six months. That's crazy.
00:20:31
Speaker
But we can't see each other until like September. But I already have it on my calendar. We're going to try to meet in September. So, but I feel like if has to be mutual. Mm-hmm.
00:20:44
Speaker
And also be if that other person is just like not happy or not communicating. is just like, hey, is everything okay? Because maybe they might think something's wrong with me or like I've been acting a specific way. And then if there's no communication about that, then I feel like that's where friendships could also separate.
00:21:04
Speaker
um Yeah. But I know being a mom. has made me feel that friendship is very important um because sometimes I just wanna let things out and maybe I don't wanna say it to my husband and maybe I say my friend. ah But also having that support system that, okay, maybe might they, like my village, not that they're gonna taking care of my children all the time or anything like that, but it's just like, hey, I need help.
00:21:37
Speaker
for X, Y, and Z, or my my mom is going through this, or my illness in the family, just being there for for each other. But feel like that comes with time and wisdom.
00:21:50
Speaker
Because if it was that my 21-year-old self, heck no, I would be like, this person's not talking to me. i can't believe that. But now as a 35-year-old, it's like, maybe something's going on, but let me reach out as well.
00:22:04
Speaker
Because ah it has to be a two-way street, not just one way. Right? So, yeah um because there could be times where I'm like, oh, that person is not messaging me. But when was the last time I messaged them?
00:22:17
Speaker
I really want to see them. And I do. And it's not like, oh, I wonder if they're going to think it's so down that haven't messaged them in a year or how many months it's been. But if I'm wanting to do that, like do it.
00:22:33
Speaker
Because maybe you could talk things out or maybe was just nothing. is just It you forgot to text back. Yeah. That's the other thing as well. Like maybe it was nothing. Maybe it was just lack of communication and being busy.
00:22:47
Speaker
That's the other thing as well. Maybe it wasn't that deep. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe it wasn't. Maybe it's just, you know, because there's been times where i had a friend, she messaged me and my daughter now, who's five years old, she likes to go on my phone.
00:23:02
Speaker
She likes to open my text. She likes to send photos. So if you see like a random photo, like why is Maritza sending a photo? Probably like my daughter. So i've I've noticed that there's times where i now my daughter might open up a message and I don't see it until later on. I'm like, oh, my friend hasn't messaged me. me see how she's doing. like, oh, she's messaged me two weeks ago.
00:23:22
Speaker
She's probably thinking like, what is up with Maritza? She's posting on Instagram and she doesn't message me back. So um and then that's where the two-way street comes in. Like, hey, I didn't your message because...
00:23:35
Speaker
my daughter opened up the message and I'm sorry. And then that's also where it's like, it could be hard for like, oh yeah, Marit said, really her daughter opened the message? Like, yeah, she does. Like, um yeah trust me, trust me.
00:23:49
Speaker
and But I think just having that open communication and just trying to realize nothing is against you.
00:24:03
Speaker
okay Yeah, it's kind of like not taking it too personally. Yeah. Yeah, because I felt like there's been times that I've felt like, oh is it just me? It's like so personal.
00:24:15
Speaker
maybe has. Maybe it just depends on the situation. yeah But sometimes it does feel like, wait, am I not wanted? then ah But I just realized, I'm like, hey, you know, like you can't be friends with everybody.
00:24:33
Speaker
um And also trying to make new friends. How I said before, it's really hard for me since I'm an introvert.
Challenges of Making New Friends Post-COVID
00:24:43
Speaker
So trying to just go out of my normal self to
00:24:49
Speaker
To put that step forward and be, and like open up. And now, you know, my daughter is going to kindergarten and they're like, oh, here's phone numbers for the parents to contact each other during the summer to meet up. I'm like, oh my God, this is going to be so hard. How am I going to meet up? Because it's not hot like, I'm such an introvert that it's really hard for me to even create those new friendships now.
00:25:14
Speaker
So I think it's just... Learning to let go the wisdom and understanding each other.
00:25:26
Speaker
Have you found yourself in an opportunity or in a situation where you're able to make new friends as an introvert, as a mom, and it's still, like, still be able to make a new friend? Or are you not at that point yet?
00:25:39
Speaker
I feel like I have. um i think it just made me... Because i feel like moms, we just start talking about our children. Like, if you like it or not, one thing is going to come up. I'm like, oh, yeah, well, my child did that or I did this for my child. And then that's where at times you kind of.
00:25:57
Speaker
go towards somebody who's already a mom and create those friendships. and So I feel that i have been able to, especially in my content creator life and in meeting new creators and, and having those friendships that um maybe are not in my, you know, my,
00:26:21
Speaker
like my sorority sisters that have like a really, really deep connection and closeness of many, many years. But it's starting to build that way where it's like I've supported them. They've supported me many times.
00:26:32
Speaker
um But I feel like I am a different person from it was a few years ago um because I understand that I also have to put
00:26:46
Speaker
something into this new relationship and how much I want to give that's on me. But I feel like I have to push myself a little bit more than how I used to be. So I do want to myself pushing myself to just go out there and rip and like, Hey, I'm Maritza.
00:27:03
Speaker
What do you do? And then just kind of go right there and are you mom? And just kind of build that relationship and creating that as a friendship. but I feel like it has been harder after COVID. um Yeah. Yeah.
00:27:20
Speaker
Because I feel like, well, life is just different. Life is just different afterwards. um i like I feel like I can't point it out right now of what it is, but um it was just different afterwards. one hundred percent 100%. And i feel like, mean, it's slightly off topic, but definitely, i think, important given what we're talking about.
00:27:42
Speaker
Life after COVID and like human interaction after COVID is so different. I feel like as individuals, we're much more closed off than before.
00:27:57
Speaker
And this is coming from an introvert, okay? Like, I was born closed off. but But I feel like I i don't, like, I'm not 100%. Again, I can't, like, pinpoint my finger on it, but it definitely feels like...
00:28:15
Speaker
even the extroverts and don't want to talk to you anymore. i think yeah Like people don't want to meet new people as much anymore. And I think that lends itself for it being difficult to make new friends and makes it even more difficult once we have other things going on that are pulling our attention, like it being moms.
00:28:30
Speaker
And then I talked about community and dating a couple of months ago on the podcast. So like people being closed off makes it even more difficult for like people who are single looking to date, like, Whatever happened, whatever shifted because of COVID is making community building in general more difficult.
00:28:49
Speaker
So you're 100% right on that. Yeah. so i i I do see it, that it is a little bit difficult. um And also my and my cousin, shes she's not from California, but she's like, why do people from California say, oh, yeah, we like we'll meet up. And then like we never meet up. I'm like, really? Is that a California thing? I don't know. But after that, after what she said, if I say to you, and if I tell you, you know what, we should meet up That means it's because I really felt a connection with you.
00:29:19
Speaker
And it's not just like Maritza just saying that just to say it's like, no, if I'm telling you we should meet up, that means
00:29:27
Speaker
this this doesn't happen often. And then when it does, like, let's really try to meet up. um And I feel like you have to... Keep your word when it comes to that. And like, if we're going to meet up, let's meet up.
00:29:43
Speaker
Let's try to like pick a day. And of course and it does tend to get hard. um Kids could get sick. Things change very quickly as a parent that um I might not be able to make it at the end of the day, yeah.
00:30:01
Speaker
If you're going to say, hey, let's meet up. Okay, let's meet up. What day are you available right now? Yeah. And I know how how we like try to make podcast. Like, when are you available? I'm like, let me see. I was going be like two weeks from now. Can you do it? like and And some people are like, oh, but that doesn't seem so...
00:30:19
Speaker
Like with the flow. And I like, well, things change now. It's not like, hey, what are you doing right now? Let's go. And at times it could be like that for me. It's happened. But now it's like, it's not trying to be forced.
00:30:33
Speaker
It's just that's what life is. I'm not trying to be like, oh, you're my business partner. oh let's meet up in a month. Like, no, like literally. Like that's what it has to be sometimes. It has to be sometimes, yeah. And it challenging because not only is it, okay, I have a kid now.
00:30:48
Speaker
have all these responsibilities. I'm trying to also make time for myself and like self-care. And, you know, for those of us who might have partners, it's like I need to spend time with my hu my partner, my husband as well.
00:30:58
Speaker
It's a lot that's going on. So it makes sense that we would need to plan it out. ah yeah Find time on the calendar in order to schedule that in and make sure that we can spend time with our friends and people that are important to us.
00:31:14
Speaker
And I definitely understand like, oh, it's not like spontaneous. It's not like going with the flow. Like it feels too much like a business transaction for certain people.
Communication and Community Post-COVID
00:31:23
Speaker
And I totally get it because yeah a lot of the time,
00:31:26
Speaker
Okay.
00:31:34
Speaker
it's like okay like you're roasting me here but like kind of true like it's not it's not often where somebody i mean it's not often somebody's invited me to something last minute anyway because that's just the people i spend time with hey But it's happened a few times where it's like, what are you doing? You want to go get tacos? And I'm just like, sure, let's do like But that doesn't happen often. That's not possible often. And then I'm in a situation right now where basically one of my best friends lives in another country.
00:32:03
Speaker
So all we have are like WhatsApp, like sending each other countless TikToks and then like, oh, let me save up money so I can go see you or when are you going to be back in Los Angeles?
00:32:14
Speaker
And that's like maybe once a year. and the only reason I've seen her... I've seen her like twice in six months, but one was a last minute thing. And I was just very fortunate to, well, fortunate to have the money, but also i took money out of a different savings account to make it happen, to see her the second time.
00:32:36
Speaker
So it still wasn't like a,
00:32:40
Speaker
fiscally responsible decision, but I did it anyway. You did it, yeah. and Yeah, so it, you know, and these are like exceptions and challenges. um So yeah, it definitely it's, it can be difficult to have community. It can be extremely difficult to maintain friendships, even with motherhood. But like we've been mentioning, like it takes a lot of communication.
00:33:02
Speaker
i would say a lot of acceptance. And also vulnerability. Because a lot of what you were talking about was having to be brave in being vulnerable.
00:33:14
Speaker
And maybe letting people know that, like, in your situation, you were experiencing postpartum depression. Like, that's that's challenging. And... I've experienced depression on its own.
00:33:27
Speaker
And from my experience, the last thing I wanted to do was to tell it. last thing I wanted to do was anything. Yeah. ah Let alone tell somebody like, oh, I'm not functioning properly as a person right now. like Because when you are in depression, it's difficult to communicate what it is and what you're experiencing anyway.
00:33:50
Speaker
And then when you add on like every other challenge as well, like it's it's hard to have that communication and there are things that do come up. So being brave in the vulnerability can be an important part of maintaining friendships over time.
00:34:07
Speaker
Yes, and and it is. and a And there are some friendships that um I remember during COVID, it was hard because they you, let's just say you text your friend and they don't text you back, but you see them the next day. and then you're like like, you seem kind of off. Are you okay? You seem very sad.
00:34:25
Speaker
um But there was, we couldn't see each other. And I didn't want to FaceTime at the time. had lack of sleep. I just had a baby. I had a C-section. Like, I don't want to be on FaceTime with anybody.
00:34:38
Speaker
I'll text you when I text you. yeah so that's also where it's like, you really have to know how your friend is. And then that's where like the whole foundation where it's like, hey,
00:34:49
Speaker
are you okay? There's something wrong, even with the like through a text. So that's like, that's a very deep, deep friendship. So I i have to had to understand like, okay, like they didn't see it. They couldn't see me. So how are they going to be able to provide any feedback if I'm not providing any e as well? Yeah.
00:35:09
Speaker
And I do have like ah a friend who who doesn't have a child, um but she has just always been so supportive. Like if I if i don't send anything to her she's always inviting me.
00:35:23
Speaker
And i feel like that's like such a great friend. And I feel like, um because there's other people that
00:35:35
Speaker
they don't have that communication with you and they might feel some type of way. And I felt like it could, it could go both ways. um But with this specific friend, she never makes me feel like left out.
00:35:50
Speaker
That's great. And I think, and she doesn't have any kids, but for my birthday, she's like, what do you want to do for your birthday? I want to take you out. And I'm like, can you do this then? Or I'm like, I can't do this. in it back do this thing And then it might, we just, i wasn't able to happen, but I feel that She's always been such a great friend that she doesn't care that I'm a mom.
00:36:12
Speaker
And think that's also like something that not everybody is able to have. hear or and it And you have to be a very strong person to understand ah life of a mom if you're not a mom, especially with like a friendship group.
00:36:32
Speaker
But she has never made me feel
00:36:37
Speaker
that ah was not important to her because she always makes me feel included, even as a mom. And I wish other people were like that, but they're not, you know, you you just can't change people.
00:36:52
Speaker
um But I always feel so appreciative towards that, where it's like, you make me feel included, even though I said to to you like no two times in a row, but you still manage to just say like, hey, Maritza, if you're available,
00:37:10
Speaker
Here's the date. I would love to see you. And I'm like, oh, that's really nice because as a parent, things are just thrown like curveballs at you. We're just like, oh, I can't.
00:37:23
Speaker
I can't do this anymore. i Hopefully my friends don't don't hate me over it. And for it for her to not, maybe she might get frustrated, but she's been so understanding in the way that she just continues to invite me regardless of the situations that I've been And I think that's also helpful point and probably wasn't even part of the topic, but that just reminded me of how I was talking where I'm like, oh, you know what? Like for her, when I think of like a ah really great friend who is not a mom, like that's my friend.
00:37:56
Speaker
that, and I don't want to say her name. um yeah because But um yeah, she's always, always been like there for me.
00:38:08
Speaker
And when I do meet up with her, I'm just like, she's, what's going on? You seem very anxiety or you seem sad. What's going on? And she's there with like listening.
00:38:21
Speaker
Like she's not married, but she has ah her partner and But she it's not like a it's it's it's just like a sounding voice. and i've oh And I just think now, I'm like, wow, I'm very fortunate to have that friend who might not fully understand where I'm at at the moment, but she's always there to listen to me.
00:38:49
Speaker
And I feel like I'm very fortunate for that. Yeah, I think that's absolutely beautiful. And honestly, that wraps it up beautifully. That's a beautiful example. So thank you for sharing.
Conclusion and Contact Information
00:39:02
Speaker
um Before we go, if people are interested in learning more about you and what you share on social media, where can they find you? Yes. So on Instagram, you can find me at Mitzi Days, M-I-T-Z-Y-D-A-Y-S,
00:39:16
Speaker
on TikTok, YouTube, and then on my blog, MitziDays.com. Wonderful. And everything will be linked in the show notes as well. So you can go ahead and follow Maritza on all those platforms.
00:39:28
Speaker
Thank you all of you for tuning in to Growing With Soul. If today's episode resonated with you, subscribe, leave a review. it helps. Additionally, you can follow me on Instagram at yourcoachmari for some more insights.
00:39:41
Speaker
And if you're looking for support, definitely click the link in the show note to schedule your own discovery call. Until next time, keep growing.